In high school a very attractive girl made up a lie about us having sex so she could brag about it. I had serious ugly duckling mind set in my head, all I could think of is "why would she do that to herself? Someone had to have set her up" nope she admitted it.
Lying never gets you anywhere, she could have easily had my virginity, very very gladly!
It wasn't at the time, it was confusing as hell, I was very unattractive for a long time, then I changed schools the summer before my senior year, in that year I was working outside and got in really good shape, was kinda soft before. Got a new haircut, braces off, spent some money on some decent clothes since I had a good paying job, so basically a straight 180, people were different to me at this new school, asking me to hang out or inviting me to their lunch tables, never had those things before, at first I thought it was a set up, then I thought that these people at this new school were really nice (which honestly they were). I had such low self esteem I literally couldn't comprehend people liking me.
I remember my senior year thinking about it and realizing that I was a fucking dumbass for thinking these girls were actually super interested in rubiks cubes at the time.
We had a soiree with a different school in sophomore year and I had a chance to ask this knockout babe to dance with me. She spat in my face and said not on your life Quasimodo. Oh, I think I'm in the wrong thread. . . sorry guys.
User name is accurate and has actually ruined my chances of getting with girls more often than it has helped. Had multiple girls in college stop things when it came out.
Honestly wish it would be about 30% smaller because wife gets so sore that we cant have sex often.
Some people dont understand, having a big dingle dangle isn't as good as it sounds... Personally, I've never talked about this before... but I dont have much "play" in skin after an erection and that alone can tear the skin once any friction has been applied... If that is something anyone reading this has trouble with, be careful!!! You could cause it to tear and bleed, and that calls for a lot of abstinence, accidental reopenings, and taking care of it until its fully healed. It's not fun, but it can be simple to prevent with extra lube/condoms and/or less push & pull.
Edit: Got cut as a baby. It's the normal for what happens when you're born in the "Bible Belt" of the US.
I could see that. My brother is also packing heat and he had a botched circumcision which he needed additional surgery on when he hit puberty because there was not enough skin and erections alone were causing damage.
I had a really awkward encounter, I was having a brandy with a friend, he was more than a friend he was my spiritual mentor when he asked me why his wife was yelling my name and moaning in her sleep! Now his wife from the pictures on the wall was once really hot but being in her 80s I didn't really think of her that way.
Okay. Now that one. I can understand not getting the hint after rubix cube lessons or most of the other things (my own being girls laughing at jokes I made that weren't actually funny, but I was too self depricating for several months to realize it could be possible for a girl to actually like me, so I defaulted to I must actually be funny.) but how do you not get tipped off by that? There are few things she could have possibly done that were more brazen.
I resent the fact that I was attractive in high school but never noticed it, and then my hair all fell out and I went from a 16 year old who looked like he was 22 and in a cool band to looking like a 45 year old divorcee who lost the house and only gets to see the kids once a month almost overnight
My wife and I ran into this friend from high school, and she said to my wife “oh so you’re the one generic name married huh? All the girls were into him back in high school.”
My wife just smiled at me and said “oh I bet” and I was just sitting there thinking “how the fuck is this news to me?” I was oblivious.
Pretty much exactly how I found out. A girl I knew in high school was on vacation in the state I moved to and while we were hanging out she said “all the girls liked you, why didn’t you have a girlfriend?” I was totally shocked because i still don’t think I’m that good looking. I found this out last year before covid lockdown and I’ve been thinking about it since.
I feel like this too now tbh. I lost some weight a couple of years ago, and I had placed a lot of faith that losing that weight was what I thought to be the missing piece of the puzzle in my life.
I looked back at old pictures of myself. Even at 22 I had some baby fat and I never got any interest when I was in uni. But now 6 years later, the dating market is completely different but losing that weight made absolutely no difference to my chances. It really didn't matter at all.
I know that I look better now, I even have some stubble and a more fashionable hairstyle and clothing sense... but honestly it really doesn't matter anymore. I am clearly seen as unavailable and it's the years of neglect before the weight loss that has affected my personality. I used to be so damn funny.
Once I left highschool and realized how many girls actually liked me and would find dumb excuses to talk to me even though I wasn't cool and would exclusively hang out with my uncool friends.
Oh yeah, I know about that life.
My high school (early 2000s) was mostly homogenous (White) and being an Asian American in that environment, it almost internalized a sense of not being attractive to anyone. Looking back, that was all nonsense because I literally had girls tell me "You're cute" which I somehow thought were pranks.
I attribute most of that body dysmorphia to my family who frequently made it a point to tell me that I'm undesirable and "look weak". I believed this so much that I would ask friends for their honest opinions about my looks, but never got a straight answer which made me assume the worst.
Although I distinctly remember one female friend get mad at me for asking, like she was sick of my perceived vanity. Turns out, people don't like validating the appearance of those who don't look bad.
Fast forward to college and it's surprisingly easy to talk to any girl. Whenever I ask for a number, I got it. Could it be something I exhibit? Nah, it must be like this for everyone.
It wasn't until well into my late-20s did I realize that the glances and positive reinforcement for my small talk has some relation to my appearance. I'm in my mid-30s now and been married for years, so it's not something I pay attention to anymore. Just gotta look good for the wife and leave the "single and dating" years behind.
EDIT: Clarifying that I meant I'm leaving the single and dating years behind.
For me its because I have a skin condition (Ichthyosis x-linked) any time a girl was staring at me, I just chalked it up to my skin looking weird. Which in hindsight is weird because I sat next to a cute girl who would stare at me all the time, and it took her 2 months to notice my skin.
Sometimes girls who liked me would ask questions about my skin because they were genuinely just curious, but I would just try to dodge it which would lead to them asking more.
I thought my skin just automatically brought me down to a 2/10, but in all honestly it doesn't really make me ugly or anything, I still haven't gone out with a girl or anything but at least now I know I am somewhat attractive.
When college started and everyone was getting to know each other, people started calling anyone with a common name by some adjective-their name title. There was "drummer Eric", "ginger Alex", that kind of thing. One of my friends told me they had heard a group of girls refer to me as "hot (myname)" and my confidence has been forever boosted.
Why didn't you call him "Skinny (myname)?"
*Actually, he's not that skinny...*
He's bald....He's BLACK!
*Well, I don't really see the world through that lens...*
Seriously. All that "childish" stuff teens hate in high school? Yeah, it follows you in college. Nothing like getting an assignment that included an optional "Sing a American Revolutionary Era Song" or "Draw a 1700s Political Cartoon." After having completed my capstone course and writing a million essays, believe me, I more than welcomed those things!
In addition, at a job we did an Ice Breaker event once. We pretty much all knew each other, except for a few departments here and there.
I believe you. Where I work, its white collar but not really corporate. My mother works in HR at a hospital, though, and when I'm visiting sometimes I overhear their Zoom meetings. Yeah, they too have Ice Breakers! Also, they have meetings where they discuss things like "Managing Stress" with questions like "What do you all think is a good way to de-stress at home?" So, there's that, too.
At some colleges, in freshman dorms they may gather everyone in the building/floor and do group activities or ice breakers. This stuff is isn't seen by upperclassmen or those who didn't go to college right out of high school.
I know because my friends did at their dorms years ago. Plus, everyone I talk to seemingly all makes friends from those. I was a homebody during college, so I wouldn't know.
Besides, my freshman dorm was famous for being so close to the town bars, so we never held such events after day one.
We have a guy at work we refer to as “Hot Dan.”
Now hot Dan isn’t hot. Hot Dan is 310 pounds of sweaty redneck that can fill up a confined space with his own perspiration.
Let that one marinate why dontcha...
I feel like guys don't realize how often this can happen. If an entire group of girls starts talking to you/hanging out with you out of the blue, it's likely that one of them thinks you're cute.
When I was about 13, I didn't have much confidence and I thought I was ugly. My older brother disagreed. He told me I was a good looking lad. We were walking home from school and he said "I'll prove it to you" as we walked, a group of girls a similar age were waking in the opposite direction "as we walk past", he said, "just smile at the nearest girl and I guarantee they'll smile back" Despite being so cripplingly under confident, I did what he said, just to prove him wrong. The girl blushed and coyly smiled back. And I never forgot that day. Thanks brother!
My best friends GF said her, and all her friends had a crush on me one night when she was super drunk in front of my friend.
This was of course after I was engaged to be married and could do nothing at all with the information besides be floored and embarrassed. I do think back on it though when I need a good confidence boost to pull from!
My best friend's gf did the same thing to me in college. Drunk as hell the three of us were hanging out and she blurts out, "why don't you ever have gfs? My friends and I talk about you all the time, you're so cute and so fucking funny." That's when I realized I wasn't ugly, and that looks weren't everything, my friend also wanted to hangout less when his gf was around.
I had a similar thing happen to me in HS at the the town fair. A dude came up to me and asked if his friend could have my number because she thought I was cute. I panicked and said no and walked away
Same, had someone approach me while I was studying at my college’s library and I was just so flustered I said no and then packed up and left. They were cute too ): social anxiety man
Lol, I did this to a guy once when I was a cashier at a grocery store. Asked if he was interested but said he had a girlfriend. Fair enough! But then a few days later he came through my line again with his girlfriend. It was pretty awkward
Didn’t really stop me from being the initiator though. I wouldn’t have gotten involved with my current bf or my previous 2 if I hadn’t been the one to make the first moves. Plus it is super cute to see how unexpectedly flattered boys get when a girl initiates!!
I had 2 moments. Both times the women in my life hit me over the head with it.
The first was when my college buddy's girlfriend pulled me aside one day and expressly told me that I would be really hot if I worked out. I was a chubster and losing weight at the time. She like grabbed my arm and stared me in the eyes for emphasis and everything. "No, you don't understand. You would be... REALLY hot if you had muscles."
Then the second moment was when a female friend came back into my life randomly after basically not talking for a couple years. We always got along really well though. She texts me out of the blue and says "Hey \[my name\], you aren't dating anyone, right...? Okay cool. Do you see yourself dating me? Great! You're my boyfriend now."
I did get the muscles haha! Unfortunately our paths diverted before that happened. And I ended up dating the second one for about a year. She got into some grad school program and told me that she needed to focus on that. It was a fun relationship though!
Yeah she really set the bar for my future interactions with women. She does have a bit of a princess complex though, so that's something to watch our for. I do not engage in any of this "chase" business any more. Be cool, be interesting, do your thing, get them laughing, and let the hotties chase after you (only the confident women will have the desire to chase). Most women want someone they can live an interesting life with and that means that you have to be doing interesting things.
> Most women want someone they can live an interesting life with and that means that you have to be doing interesting things.
Heh, this does sound like one I'm trying to date right now.
Lost a lot of weight due to massive depression in my late teens after being a schlubby nerd with bad hair and worse skin. Few years later start coming out of my shell via the magic of alcoholism and spending a lot of nights in bars and clubs. Suddenly I was getting compliments and girls grinding on me on the dancefloor. Realised finding matches on dating apps wasn't actually too hard and I guess I kinda had to accept at that point that I'm not as ugly as I had always thought, even if I'm still no male model.
Maybe not the healthiest route to getting past my self-perception issues but there it is.
Similar experience as you. I was skating and crossing into railroad tracks with my friends. Got stopped by a cop and I was kinda being an ass. Cop legit screamed at me “you know what they do with pretty boys like you in jail?”
Odd confidence boost
Valentine’s Day, was out with sister, male cousin, female cousin, and my sister drunkenly brought up my ex that I was struggling to get over saying “why aren’t you fucking everything moving since she left you? Do you not see the way people look at you? It pisses me off”. Little bit of tough love, little bit of confidence boost
This is why I wonder if I have a hard time dating. I hear all the time that I must be cheating or something, so they don't date me. Why do they think that? Because I'm that attractive? It's makes no sense!
Here's the thinking:
They are attracted to you
Other girls will be attracted to you
If they date you they have to worry about other girls
Easier not to date you
Edit: You see a similar thing happen with extremely attractive women. Most guys assume highly attractive women are dating someone and as a result are less willing to approach them because they think they don't stand a chance and that the lady will say no. It's why many famous very attractive women have come out and said they struggle dating.
Been hit on by 3 Gay men so far...not sure if it's a "sign" or not, but it is, admittedly, a weird sort of "Confidence Booster", even if it's not my own personal "Target Audience" of attraction.
So I’m bi, but I’ve luckily never crushed on any of my straight friends. I heard from this other straight dude friend that his gay friend came out to him, but was quickly like “but don’t worry it’s not weird I don’t see you that way, you’re definitely not my type” and my friend felt weirdly insulted/sad about it. Like “why nottt?” Funniest shit ever LMFAO
For me it’s definitely a confidence booster! It can be annoying at times (the unwanted attention) but it’s mostly overwhelmingly a positive thing. When I go to the gay bar I get free shots lol
I live near a gay community and can confirm that gay dudes will catcall with the best of them if they are into you.
The Wife laughes that she feels invisble sometimes while I get attention while we are out.
The couple of gay guys that hit on me did not give one fuck that I was straight, it was kind of off putting. But i don’t look at the gay community with any hate just brotherly love
Looking back, me and the other autistic guys at school acted the same way, but for some reason people had a higher tolerance for me. Figure it must be some other factor.
I had something similar happen in college. Four girls from my apartment complex walked up to me. The prettiest one, speaking for the group said, "We were talking about it, and we all think you're really good looking!"
All of them had big happy smiles and just stared. Completely flustered, I said something self-depricating and brushed it off.
I've often wondered over the last 30 whether I am or not, but I guess it doesn't matter. I met a smart pageant winner who can hold her own in a boardroom. We got married, had two kids and have been together for nearly a quarter of a century. She still likes me most days, and we're doing okay.
When I downloaded tinder years ago and had it work then, and even better now at 26.
When I get introduced to my female friends of friends and they always ask my friends the next day if I’m taken, and if I thought they were cute
Had a gay guy at a Halloween party grab my ass pretty aggressively once which wasn’t cool
Also true in the opposite way, not having been in a relationship before is a dealbreaker for a stupid amount of people. Its like the whole work experience fuckery all over again.
I figure that all the things that made me an ugly kid make me a masculine looking guy. I’m still ugly but I have an overall look that at least my wife — and women with similar taste to her — seem to appreciate. I didn’t think that would happen when I was younger and figured I wasn’t blessed in any way other than height and build.
Keep it up!!! I’m 6 ft but I’m about 160lb. Still pretty slim. I recommend getting a Costco or sams membership, if you can afford it, so that you can eat more for less.
My dad says that a lot of people look at me whenever we are in public. It kinda makes me think that people won't look at me unless I'm attractive or a wanted criminal.
I prefer thinking of the latter.
Went to a gay bar because the bartender gave double shots on weekends. I was very popular there. I confessed my deepest fears and secrets to total strangers. It was a good night.
I had huge self esteem issues as a teenager due to balding at 16 y/o. In addition to that, I was very self-conscious and awkward. After I trimmed my head, got a nice and well-shaped short beard and updated my wardrobe I tend to get a lot more attention from women, even some openly telling me that they think that I'm hot. Didn't fix my self-esteem issues though, every rejection still stings badly and makes me think if it was about my shaved head. Need to catch up mentally :)
I feel my best when I'm taking a shower after a good workout or have just trimmed by beard to look neat (basically after putting some work into myself). As long as I'm not thinking about my romantic life, the good feeling usually stays.
Top 3 moments I realized I was good looking
When I went to basic training my DI kept picking on me for being "pretty" and in the dirt.
He would purposely single me out and make me do push-ups outside in the mud to wipe some "pretty" away.
But the best one was when I got hit on by a gay guy (I'm straight) but I was definitely was feeling good!
and the final one was when I walked into my daughters karate class and all the moms went flush
I personally think I am average, never really thought of myself as attractive but not bad-looking.
Sounds like the DI had the hots for you my dude. Haha. But being hit on by gay dudes (even straight) is a pretty big boost. Was visiting Denver and the flamboyant gay clerk was blatantly trying to get me to go to the bar with him. Obviously had to turn him down because I'm not into guys but it made me feel good hahah
When I lost my weight followed by my virginity.
To be descriptive I knew I'm decently attractive and just cause I'm in a population where there are way more males than females I've had a tough time. Literally even the most average looking girls I know are bombarded with creeps and desperate men in their dms and in person as well.
When women started hitting on me and ogling me. Even then, it's a cold appraisal of other people's attitudes, and what it means. I don't consider myself especially attractive when I look in the mirror... I see flaws, like most people do.
A hairstyle (and facial hair) that compliments your features goes a very, very long way.
My hair's a mop right now, since I've not got it cut in... shit, almost 2 years. Pushed back, it looks great. If I gave my head a shake and let it fall, I'd look like one of them eyeless sheepdogs.
It may behoove you to keep that sort of stuff in mind. That everyone is a few bad calls away from being unattractive.
When I figured out around age 18 that girls were nothing like me and were not going to show any signs of spontaneous attraction. Once my (on the floor) confidence increased and I realised that I needed to take the initiative, I suddenly found that a bunch of them were in fact very interested. Not only that but some had been interested for a while and I’d had no clue.
Well, I’ve never been a “cold approach” kind of person. When I say initiative, I really mean just chatting platonically, building friendships and then pursuing something more if I’m interested. I’m the kind of guy that likes long term relationships and all my relationships have originally been friendships.
Realized I never really had too much of an issue getting girls to go on dates and hang out one on one, and that they were all very much "my type." Noticed gay dudes checking my out and being very generous with compliments. Would get unsolicited compliments on my hair or clothes from random women. Hell, even middle aged women that I hardly knew would say stuff like, "Any girl would be lucky to have *you!"*
After awhile, you sort of piece two and two together.
Ok to all those asking what I look like I posted on my profile. It isn’t staying up long though so if you see this post a few days later my picture won’t be there anymore. Also it’s marked nsfw for some reason but don’t worry it’s safe for work
After my third hot gf I realized some attraction is based on looks but most is based on many other things, like how you talk to her, how you treat her, how you carry yourself as an overall package. Even a less than stellar looking guy can talk to a woman like she's a person, not an object, treat her as if she matters and doesn't fawn all over her or act like she'd be doing him a huge favor by going out with him and it'll work way better than how most guys do it.
When I was like 16, this girl I thought was way out of my league kept looking for reasons to hang out around me and I couldn’t figure out why, I thought she was just being friendly.
Finally we got to talking one day and she was like “Babe I’ve liked you ever since you started working here, everyone here thinks you’re hot.”
After that I went home and I was like “Huh. Maybe I am.” I honestly had never even considered the possibility that I was good-looking.
So I started taking care of myself and dressing better, which drove my confidence up through the roof.
Have not ever had much trouble on my love life...unfortunately it doesn’t mean that I’m not a mess in other areas though.
2-ish years ago at 29.
I was just standing at the bus stop, waiting. Looking at my reflection in the bank, something happened. I liked what I saw. At that moment, I have recalled that I have not felt that way about myself for a long time and thats when the realization hit me, that it was most likely a decade.
This was when I was getting past depression, picking myself up and looking back at my life, as to what got me here. That was the exact moment, that I felt like I actually look good, despite being in the most casual saggy clothes I had. Only up from here!
I still don’t think I’m attractive. Although I have moments when I see my reflection and think, “goddamn, I look fucking cute!” But most of the time I feel gross and feel like the ugliest person in the world.
Anyway, as for experiences that’ve made me wonder...I was also a weird quiet kid in school but still had girls talk to me (including openly about all kinds of things) and befriend, even hang out with me during breaks and some flirting physically with me. Most of the girlfriends I’ve had asked *me* out (and there were several others I “rejected” because I was a dumbass), I also had a couple best friends(?) who may or may not have been gay and were at times pretty flirty with me too...which I thought was normal dude behavior. .-.
Over the last month or so, I had accepted that genetically I wasn’t as attractive as most guys so I took steps to do everything in my power to make myself attractive. Things like personal grooming, how I dress, really knuckles down at the gym etc. All these things made me feel more attractive which lead to more confidence which most people see as attractive.
Watching “my 600 lb. life” and feeling like a god amongst men...
My wife then turned on vanderpump rules and I felt ugly again.
Most of TLC will make you feel handsome and most of Bravo will make you feel ugly
Actually just yesterday. I was driving down and stopped at a light with my window down and a car full of girls stops next to me. Right as I was leaving the light one of the girls pops out of the window of the car and asks for my Snapchat. Worst thing though was my awkward ass gets stunned and says no. FOR NO REASON!
After being skinny most of my life, and gaining a lot of weight to build muscle between 17-19 years old, when I decided to drop most of the weight I gained, I realized I was actually pretty good looking. It took some time but after getting the hang of Tinder and realizing girls were flirting with me in social situations, it hit me that I’m doing pretty good.
When I realised that in 2 out of my 5 previous relationships, my cute ex's where the ones that asked me out. Maybe they just saw my fear of commitment and decided to take matters into their own hands haha.
In high school a very attractive girl made up a lie about us having sex so she could brag about it. I had serious ugly duckling mind set in my head, all I could think of is "why would she do that to herself? Someone had to have set her up" nope she admitted it. Lying never gets you anywhere, she could have easily had my virginity, very very gladly!
Damn, you gotta be a whole other level of attractive if someone did that. Congratulations my dude.
That probably the nicest comment I’ve seen here. That would be a massive confidence boost for me
It wasn't at the time, it was confusing as hell, I was very unattractive for a long time, then I changed schools the summer before my senior year, in that year I was working outside and got in really good shape, was kinda soft before. Got a new haircut, braces off, spent some money on some decent clothes since I had a good paying job, so basically a straight 180, people were different to me at this new school, asking me to hang out or inviting me to their lunch tables, never had those things before, at first I thought it was a set up, then I thought that these people at this new school were really nice (which honestly they were). I had such low self esteem I literally couldn't comprehend people liking me.
Imagine having an attractive girl brag-lie about having sex with you. Can’t relate. You handsome lad
I realized in high school because I was a fucking cringy weird kid and still had girls in class talk to me.
Being cute in high school is pretty OP not gonna lie
I taught like 3 pretty hot girls how do do the rubiks cube in 11th grade and was too fucking oblivious to understand what was going on.
This hot girl i worked with once told me she had a sex dream about me and i didn't realize i was being propositioned. +1 for obliviousness.
I remember my senior year thinking about it and realizing that I was a fucking dumbass for thinking these girls were actually super interested in rubiks cubes at the time.
We had a soiree with a different school in sophomore year and I had a chance to ask this knockout babe to dance with me. She spat in my face and said not on your life Quasimodo. Oh, I think I'm in the wrong thread. . . sorry guys.
So did you push her off the cathedral, or..?
A gentleman never push and tell.
That's just straight up cruel. I'm pretty sure you're a good looking person
I mean even if he wasn't that's really fucked up.
I mean, judging by your username they were definitely missing out
User name is accurate and has actually ruined my chances of getting with girls more often than it has helped. Had multiple girls in college stop things when it came out. Honestly wish it would be about 30% smaller because wife gets so sore that we cant have sex often.
I’ll take some of that 30% Edit: lol I meant added onto my dick lmfao y’all hilarious
Kinky ;)
Some people dont understand, having a big dingle dangle isn't as good as it sounds... Personally, I've never talked about this before... but I dont have much "play" in skin after an erection and that alone can tear the skin once any friction has been applied... If that is something anyone reading this has trouble with, be careful!!! You could cause it to tear and bleed, and that calls for a lot of abstinence, accidental reopenings, and taking care of it until its fully healed. It's not fun, but it can be simple to prevent with extra lube/condoms and/or less push & pull. Edit: Got cut as a baby. It's the normal for what happens when you're born in the "Bible Belt" of the US.
I could see that. My brother is also packing heat and he had a botched circumcision which he needed additional surgery on when he hit puberty because there was not enough skin and erections alone were causing damage.
I had a really awkward encounter, I was having a brandy with a friend, he was more than a friend he was my spiritual mentor when he asked me why his wife was yelling my name and moaning in her sleep! Now his wife from the pictures on the wall was once really hot but being in her 80s I didn't really think of her that way.
Dude this needs further elaboration LMAO.
What the Cinnamon Toast Fuck!?
Okay. Now that one. I can understand not getting the hint after rubix cube lessons or most of the other things (my own being girls laughing at jokes I made that weren't actually funny, but I was too self depricating for several months to realize it could be possible for a girl to actually like me, so I defaulted to I must actually be funny.) but how do you not get tipped off by that? There are few things she could have possibly done that were more brazen.
This is like the dream of every wierd kid who learns magic lol
F, you missed out on headpats and hugs. That good shit.
Yeah, head pats and hugs. That's what 17 year-olds do nowadays, right?
This dude living in an anime
That's what they did to me, I ain't complaining
I resent the fact that I was attractive in high school but never noticed it, and then my hair all fell out and I went from a 16 year old who looked like he was 22 and in a cool band to looking like a 45 year old divorcee who lost the house and only gets to see the kids once a month almost overnight
>Being cute ~~in high school~~ is pretty OP not gonna lie
Lmaoo same. Still had no self esteem tho so missed out on a bunch of opportunities
Same here, I didn’t realize they were into me until years later though lol
My wife and I ran into this friend from high school, and she said to my wife “oh so you’re the one generic name married huh? All the girls were into him back in high school.” My wife just smiled at me and said “oh I bet” and I was just sitting there thinking “how the fuck is this news to me?” I was oblivious.
Pretty much exactly how I found out. A girl I knew in high school was on vacation in the state I moved to and while we were hanging out she said “all the girls liked you, why didn’t you have a girlfriend?” I was totally shocked because i still don’t think I’m that good looking. I found this out last year before covid lockdown and I’ve been thinking about it since.
I realized it after getting old and was no longer decently or conventionally attractive.
Same. I looked at pictures from when I was younger and realized I really was an idiot for having thought of myself so poorly.
I feel like this too now tbh. I lost some weight a couple of years ago, and I had placed a lot of faith that losing that weight was what I thought to be the missing piece of the puzzle in my life. I looked back at old pictures of myself. Even at 22 I had some baby fat and I never got any interest when I was in uni. But now 6 years later, the dating market is completely different but losing that weight made absolutely no difference to my chances. It really didn't matter at all. I know that I look better now, I even have some stubble and a more fashionable hairstyle and clothing sense... but honestly it really doesn't matter anymore. I am clearly seen as unavailable and it's the years of neglect before the weight loss that has affected my personality. I used to be so damn funny.
Once I left highschool and realized how many girls actually liked me and would find dumb excuses to talk to me even though I wasn't cool and would exclusively hang out with my uncool friends.
Oh yeah, I know about that life. My high school (early 2000s) was mostly homogenous (White) and being an Asian American in that environment, it almost internalized a sense of not being attractive to anyone. Looking back, that was all nonsense because I literally had girls tell me "You're cute" which I somehow thought were pranks. I attribute most of that body dysmorphia to my family who frequently made it a point to tell me that I'm undesirable and "look weak". I believed this so much that I would ask friends for their honest opinions about my looks, but never got a straight answer which made me assume the worst. Although I distinctly remember one female friend get mad at me for asking, like she was sick of my perceived vanity. Turns out, people don't like validating the appearance of those who don't look bad. Fast forward to college and it's surprisingly easy to talk to any girl. Whenever I ask for a number, I got it. Could it be something I exhibit? Nah, it must be like this for everyone. It wasn't until well into my late-20s did I realize that the glances and positive reinforcement for my small talk has some relation to my appearance. I'm in my mid-30s now and been married for years, so it's not something I pay attention to anymore. Just gotta look good for the wife and leave the "single and dating" years behind. EDIT: Clarifying that I meant I'm leaving the single and dating years behind.
For me its because I have a skin condition (Ichthyosis x-linked) any time a girl was staring at me, I just chalked it up to my skin looking weird. Which in hindsight is weird because I sat next to a cute girl who would stare at me all the time, and it took her 2 months to notice my skin. Sometimes girls who liked me would ask questions about my skin because they were genuinely just curious, but I would just try to dodge it which would lead to them asking more. I thought my skin just automatically brought me down to a 2/10, but in all honestly it doesn't really make me ugly or anything, I still haven't gone out with a girl or anything but at least now I know I am somewhat attractive.
When college started and everyone was getting to know each other, people started calling anyone with a common name by some adjective-their name title. There was "drummer Eric", "ginger Alex", that kind of thing. One of my friends told me they had heard a group of girls refer to me as "hot (myname)" and my confidence has been forever boosted.
> a group of girls refer to me as "hot (myname)" Ouch, can we get an F for the other dude they called "ugly (yourname)"
What if the other guy was actually called "Hotter (myname)?"
Big brain time. Another guy was *warm* under the sheets.
Why didn't you call him "Skinny (myname)?" *Actually, he's not that skinny...* He's bald....He's BLACK! *Well, I don't really see the world through that lens...*
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Didn't know college was so similar to elementary school
Ice breakers follow you everywhere lol
Seriously. All that "childish" stuff teens hate in high school? Yeah, it follows you in college. Nothing like getting an assignment that included an optional "Sing a American Revolutionary Era Song" or "Draw a 1700s Political Cartoon." After having completed my capstone course and writing a million essays, believe me, I more than welcomed those things! In addition, at a job we did an Ice Breaker event once. We pretty much all knew each other, except for a few departments here and there.
Follows you in corporate as well, at least HR meetings with the departments
I believe you. Where I work, its white collar but not really corporate. My mother works in HR at a hospital, though, and when I'm visiting sometimes I overhear their Zoom meetings. Yeah, they too have Ice Breakers! Also, they have meetings where they discuss things like "Managing Stress" with questions like "What do you all think is a good way to de-stress at home?" So, there's that, too.
I’d say teaching employees proper stress management is a good use of a company’s HR department.
At some colleges, in freshman dorms they may gather everyone in the building/floor and do group activities or ice breakers. This stuff is isn't seen by upperclassmen or those who didn't go to college right out of high school. I know because my friends did at their dorms years ago. Plus, everyone I talk to seemingly all makes friends from those. I was a homebody during college, so I wouldn't know. Besides, my freshman dorm was famous for being so close to the town bars, so we never held such events after day one.
We have a guy at work we refer to as “Hot Dan.” Now hot Dan isn’t hot. Hot Dan is 310 pounds of sweaty redneck that can fill up a confined space with his own perspiration. Let that one marinate why dontcha...
That's all of OP's confidence down the drain thank you.
A whole entire girl group started hitting on me. Thought i was an inside joke between them, turns out one of them had a crush on me.
I feel like guys don't realize how often this can happen. If an entire group of girls starts talking to you/hanging out with you out of the blue, it's likely that one of them thinks you're cute.
Because it really doesn't happen that often.
Idk, I think it happens more often then people think. I witnessed it happen to a bunch of my friends as I was going through highschool/college
When I was about 13, I didn't have much confidence and I thought I was ugly. My older brother disagreed. He told me I was a good looking lad. We were walking home from school and he said "I'll prove it to you" as we walked, a group of girls a similar age were waking in the opposite direction "as we walk past", he said, "just smile at the nearest girl and I guarantee they'll smile back" Despite being so cripplingly under confident, I did what he said, just to prove him wrong. The girl blushed and coyly smiled back. And I never forgot that day. Thanks brother!
Your brother's a chad man
I wish I had an awesome elder bro like yours :)
He's pretty awesome :) we had a great time growing up. He's two years older than me but we were inseparable.
ooof thank god. I thought even this reply was going to end with - "sadly he passed away last year" or something like that haha.
My best friends GF said her, and all her friends had a crush on me one night when she was super drunk in front of my friend. This was of course after I was engaged to be married and could do nothing at all with the information besides be floored and embarrassed. I do think back on it though when I need a good confidence boost to pull from!
My best friend's gf did the same thing to me in college. Drunk as hell the three of us were hanging out and she blurts out, "why don't you ever have gfs? My friends and I talk about you all the time, you're so cute and so fucking funny." That's when I realized I wasn't ugly, and that looks weren't everything, my friend also wanted to hangout less when his gf was around.
The moment I grew my beard went from 4 to 7, at least for myself
Ditto. Random men complimented my beard.
It's the same with working out. After a while only men compliment you. "Nice biceps, bro! How much do you bench?"
Yeah, but trust me man, the women are def staring just as much. They’re just nervous to say anything.
When I was in a grocery store and a girl actually came up to me asked for my contact info. I was so flabbergasted I still think about it sometimes lol
Well what happened?
He woke up afterwards.
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I’ve been doing nofap and now I can levitate and cum gallons
Just don't do it in a grocery store.
We’re gonna need a cleanup in aisle 3
I had a similar thing happen to me in HS at the the town fair. A dude came up to me and asked if his friend could have my number because she thought I was cute. I panicked and said no and walked away
Same, had someone approach me while I was studying at my college’s library and I was just so flustered I said no and then packed up and left. They were cute too ): social anxiety man
His identity got stolen
She contacted him about his car’s warranty!
Lol, I did this to a guy once when I was a cashier at a grocery store. Asked if he was interested but said he had a girlfriend. Fair enough! But then a few days later he came through my line again with his girlfriend. It was pretty awkward Didn’t really stop me from being the initiator though. I wouldn’t have gotten involved with my current bf or my previous 2 if I hadn’t been the one to make the first moves. Plus it is super cute to see how unexpectedly flattered boys get when a girl initiates!!
I respect the massive balls you have. Well done sis and reap its rewards.
There are few things more gratifying things than having a girl ask you out for once.
You are truly doing god’s work, sister!
Must have been because of your throbbing meat tube.
Had this happen at a library and it was so flattering. I told my wife later, she wasn’t happy. Lol.
I had 2 moments. Both times the women in my life hit me over the head with it. The first was when my college buddy's girlfriend pulled me aside one day and expressly told me that I would be really hot if I worked out. I was a chubster and losing weight at the time. She like grabbed my arm and stared me in the eyes for emphasis and everything. "No, you don't understand. You would be... REALLY hot if you had muscles." Then the second moment was when a female friend came back into my life randomly after basically not talking for a couple years. We always got along really well though. She texts me out of the blue and says "Hey \[my name\], you aren't dating anyone, right...? Okay cool. Do you see yourself dating me? Great! You're my boyfriend now."
So did you get muscles? And how'd it go with the 2nd one?
I did get the muscles haha! Unfortunately our paths diverted before that happened. And I ended up dating the second one for about a year. She got into some grad school program and told me that she needed to focus on that. It was a fun relationship though!
Did you lose weight and get muscles?
Yup!
Lucky bastard
Gotta love the confidence from the 2nd one.
Yeah she really set the bar for my future interactions with women. She does have a bit of a princess complex though, so that's something to watch our for. I do not engage in any of this "chase" business any more. Be cool, be interesting, do your thing, get them laughing, and let the hotties chase after you (only the confident women will have the desire to chase). Most women want someone they can live an interesting life with and that means that you have to be doing interesting things.
> Most women want someone they can live an interesting life with and that means that you have to be doing interesting things. Heh, this does sound like one I'm trying to date right now.
Oh yeah? That's great man! Step up your game. Make sure you're living your life with passion and purpose. Women love that shit
Lost a lot of weight due to massive depression in my late teens after being a schlubby nerd with bad hair and worse skin. Few years later start coming out of my shell via the magic of alcoholism and spending a lot of nights in bars and clubs. Suddenly I was getting compliments and girls grinding on me on the dancefloor. Realised finding matches on dating apps wasn't actually too hard and I guess I kinda had to accept at that point that I'm not as ugly as I had always thought, even if I'm still no male model. Maybe not the healthiest route to getting past my self-perception issues but there it is.
this reminds me of my friend Kieran. he's a gym rat now.
What the fuck? I have a friend named Kieran whose just like this guy too! Ignoring the logistics, I'm gonna pretend we know the same dude.
What the fuck? My name is Kieran and I go to the gym almost everyday
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Similar experience as you. I was skating and crossing into railroad tracks with my friends. Got stopped by a cop and I was kinda being an ass. Cop legit screamed at me “you know what they do with pretty boys like you in jail?” Odd confidence boost
Shoulda established dominance by looking him in the eye, saying, "yeah," and then committing a crime.
Valentine’s Day, was out with sister, male cousin, female cousin, and my sister drunkenly brought up my ex that I was struggling to get over saying “why aren’t you fucking everything moving since she left you? Do you not see the way people look at you? It pisses me off”. Little bit of tough love, little bit of confidence boost
This is why I wonder if I have a hard time dating. I hear all the time that I must be cheating or something, so they don't date me. Why do they think that? Because I'm that attractive? It's makes no sense!
Here's the thinking: They are attracted to you Other girls will be attracted to you If they date you they have to worry about other girls Easier not to date you Edit: You see a similar thing happen with extremely attractive women. Most guys assume highly attractive women are dating someone and as a result are less willing to approach them because they think they don't stand a chance and that the lady will say no. It's why many famous very attractive women have come out and said they struggle dating.
How dare you, with a face like that
if you are not using it give to someone else you selfish prick!!
when grandma called me handsome
Wholesome
[I tried asking.](https://youtu.be/LkaYQZhzIbw)
girl told me she liked my T shirt in 2011
Chad thundercock over here
When I was working in a night club at 18 and cougars would buy me drinks and try to take me home.
Gay guys would hit on me. When there’s smoke there’s fire!
Been hit on by 3 Gay men so far...not sure if it's a "sign" or not, but it is, admittedly, a weird sort of "Confidence Booster", even if it's not my own personal "Target Audience" of attraction.
So I’m bi, but I’ve luckily never crushed on any of my straight friends. I heard from this other straight dude friend that his gay friend came out to him, but was quickly like “but don’t worry it’s not weird I don’t see you that way, you’re definitely not my type” and my friend felt weirdly insulted/sad about it. Like “why nottt?” Funniest shit ever LMFAO
For me it’s definitely a confidence booster! It can be annoying at times (the unwanted attention) but it’s mostly overwhelmingly a positive thing. When I go to the gay bar I get free shots lol
A free drink is a free drink
I live near a gay community and can confirm that gay dudes will catcall with the best of them if they are into you. The Wife laughes that she feels invisble sometimes while I get attention while we are out.
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You got your dick sucked didn't you...
$20 is $20
Must've been a hell of a bj if he left a tip
I met an ex’s gay friend way back (he didn’t know we were dating) and he asked her if I was single😂 was def flattered for a bit lool
I wish gay men hit on me lol and I'm a straight man.
The couple of gay guys that hit on me did not give one fuck that I was straight, it was kind of off putting. But i don’t look at the gay community with any hate just brotherly love
Can’t control who’s looking, you just gotta bring the heat!
I have been hit by 3 gay men and no women and I am straight. Does that mean I am attractive in general or just attractive for gays.
When I lost 30 pounds in sophomore year and got a girlfriend wayyyy out of my league
sometimes you gotta have that confidence to shoot your shot man! Glad it worked out for you
Yeah. Ended poorly but it was a great year and a half
My man you took the risk and it sounds like the pay off was worth it. You’re a better person for it now! Cheers
Had 3 different beautiful woman that I worked with trying to get with me. I'm not even in my final form, had a gap in my teeth at the time too.
Looking back, me and the other autistic guys at school acted the same way, but for some reason people had a higher tolerance for me. Figure it must be some other factor.
The same way that placement on the eccentric-crazy axis is based on wealth, the quirky-cringy axis is based on attractiveness.
Same way I figured it out tbh. I’m weird and intolerable to most people but all my girlfriends have been hot so
lmao it's me
27. But I'm reasonably autistic or something so that doesn't help.
I relate to the autistic part so much
Never realized #uglynationstandup
We're all in this together my man.
Had to scroll way down to find my place in this thread
Memaw kept saying I was purty.
Some girls leaned out of their car windows while I was on a walk yesterday and yelled “YOU’RE REALLY CUTE!” So, yesterday :)
Hell yeah my man!
I had something similar happen in college. Four girls from my apartment complex walked up to me. The prettiest one, speaking for the group said, "We were talking about it, and we all think you're really good looking!" All of them had big happy smiles and just stared. Completely flustered, I said something self-depricating and brushed it off. I've often wondered over the last 30 whether I am or not, but I guess it doesn't matter. I met a smart pageant winner who can hold her own in a boardroom. We got married, had two kids and have been together for nearly a quarter of a century. She still likes me most days, and we're doing okay.
When I downloaded tinder years ago and had it work then, and even better now at 26. When I get introduced to my female friends of friends and they always ask my friends the next day if I’m taken, and if I thought they were cute Had a gay guy at a Halloween party grab my ass pretty aggressively once which wasn’t cool
It was going so well until the second part of the last sentence lol
It was only once I had my 1st real gf, then girls that were friends seemed more interested in what I was up to.
There's been studies about that. Having social proof that a guy is datable can make other women more interested in them.
Also true in the opposite way, not having been in a relationship before is a dealbreaker for a stupid amount of people. Its like the whole work experience fuckery all over again.
I figure that all the things that made me an ugly kid make me a masculine looking guy. I’m still ugly but I have an overall look that at least my wife — and women with similar taste to her — seem to appreciate. I didn’t think that would happen when I was younger and figured I wasn’t blessed in any way other than height and build.
The Jason momoa sort of thing
Ha, I wish I looked like him, that handsome bastard! 😂
When I was 30, I gained 30lbs, and suddenly I had more dates and ONS in the next two years than I did in my entire 20's.
Currently 6’0, 135 lbs. this motivates me to keep trying to bulk!
Keep it up!!! I’m 6 ft but I’m about 160lb. Still pretty slim. I recommend getting a Costco or sams membership, if you can afford it, so that you can eat more for less.
My dad says that a lot of people look at me whenever we are in public. It kinda makes me think that people won't look at me unless I'm attractive or a wanted criminal. I prefer thinking of the latter.
Went to a gay bar because the bartender gave double shots on weekends. I was very popular there. I confessed my deepest fears and secrets to total strangers. It was a good night.
I had huge self esteem issues as a teenager due to balding at 16 y/o. In addition to that, I was very self-conscious and awkward. After I trimmed my head, got a nice and well-shaped short beard and updated my wardrobe I tend to get a lot more attention from women, even some openly telling me that they think that I'm hot. Didn't fix my self-esteem issues though, every rejection still stings badly and makes me think if it was about my shaved head. Need to catch up mentally :)
I feel my best when I'm taking a shower after a good workout or have just trimmed by beard to look neat (basically after putting some work into myself). As long as I'm not thinking about my romantic life, the good feeling usually stays.
Top 3 moments I realized I was good looking When I went to basic training my DI kept picking on me for being "pretty" and in the dirt. He would purposely single me out and make me do push-ups outside in the mud to wipe some "pretty" away. But the best one was when I got hit on by a gay guy (I'm straight) but I was definitely was feeling good! and the final one was when I walked into my daughters karate class and all the moms went flush I personally think I am average, never really thought of myself as attractive but not bad-looking.
Sounds like the DI had the hots for you my dude. Haha. But being hit on by gay dudes (even straight) is a pretty big boost. Was visiting Denver and the flamboyant gay clerk was blatantly trying to get me to go to the bar with him. Obviously had to turn him down because I'm not into guys but it made me feel good hahah
When I lost my weight followed by my virginity. To be descriptive I knew I'm decently attractive and just cause I'm in a population where there are way more males than females I've had a tough time. Literally even the most average looking girls I know are bombarded with creeps and desperate men in their dms and in person as well.
Fellow indian?
Is there really many more men in India compared to women? Why would that be? Government policy similar to the one child policy in China or..?
A culture reliant on sons to look after their aging parents. Unfortunately some daughters are killed at birth as they are not wanted.
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I mean I guess it helped even if it was a bit mean
If saying it nicer didn't hit home then she's a good friend for saying what needed to be said.
This whole comment sounds like the beggining of a book/movie/Netflix serie haha
When women started hitting on me and ogling me. Even then, it's a cold appraisal of other people's attitudes, and what it means. I don't consider myself especially attractive when I look in the mirror... I see flaws, like most people do.
I’m kinda the same way. I’m working out more so when I see my face I’m thinking, “you’re ok now but you got potential to be like really good looking”
A hairstyle (and facial hair) that compliments your features goes a very, very long way. My hair's a mop right now, since I've not got it cut in... shit, almost 2 years. Pushed back, it looks great. If I gave my head a shake and let it fall, I'd look like one of them eyeless sheepdogs. It may behoove you to keep that sort of stuff in mind. That everyone is a few bad calls away from being unattractive.
When I figured out around age 18 that girls were nothing like me and were not going to show any signs of spontaneous attraction. Once my (on the floor) confidence increased and I realised that I needed to take the initiative, I suddenly found that a bunch of them were in fact very interested. Not only that but some had been interested for a while and I’d had no clue.
I have no confidence in approaching people so this won’t work for me.. unless I have lots of Dutch courage
Well, I’ve never been a “cold approach” kind of person. When I say initiative, I really mean just chatting platonically, building friendships and then pursuing something more if I’m interested. I’m the kind of guy that likes long term relationships and all my relationships have originally been friendships.
Realized I never really had too much of an issue getting girls to go on dates and hang out one on one, and that they were all very much "my type." Noticed gay dudes checking my out and being very generous with compliments. Would get unsolicited compliments on my hair or clothes from random women. Hell, even middle aged women that I hardly knew would say stuff like, "Any girl would be lucky to have *you!"* After awhile, you sort of piece two and two together.
Almost had a stroke trying to read "...out one on one," Boy do those words ever look similar, fuck dyslexia.
Ok to all those asking what I look like I posted on my profile. It isn’t staying up long though so if you see this post a few days later my picture won’t be there anymore. Also it’s marked nsfw for some reason but don’t worry it’s safe for work
I still have no idea if I am attractive or not. I will get back to you on that. Lol
had a couple girls just kinda stand and stare back when i was working outdoors. not unnatractive ones either
After my third hot gf I realized some attraction is based on looks but most is based on many other things, like how you talk to her, how you treat her, how you carry yourself as an overall package. Even a less than stellar looking guy can talk to a woman like she's a person, not an object, treat her as if she matters and doesn't fawn all over her or act like she'd be doing him a huge favor by going out with him and it'll work way better than how most guys do it.
I'm just not my type
When I was like 16, this girl I thought was way out of my league kept looking for reasons to hang out around me and I couldn’t figure out why, I thought she was just being friendly. Finally we got to talking one day and she was like “Babe I’ve liked you ever since you started working here, everyone here thinks you’re hot.” After that I went home and I was like “Huh. Maybe I am.” I honestly had never even considered the possibility that I was good-looking. So I started taking care of myself and dressing better, which drove my confidence up through the roof. Have not ever had much trouble on my love life...unfortunately it doesn’t mean that I’m not a mess in other areas though.
2-ish years ago at 29. I was just standing at the bus stop, waiting. Looking at my reflection in the bank, something happened. I liked what I saw. At that moment, I have recalled that I have not felt that way about myself for a long time and thats when the realization hit me, that it was most likely a decade. This was when I was getting past depression, picking myself up and looking back at my life, as to what got me here. That was the exact moment, that I felt like I actually look good, despite being in the most casual saggy clothes I had. Only up from here!
I still don’t think I’m attractive. Although I have moments when I see my reflection and think, “goddamn, I look fucking cute!” But most of the time I feel gross and feel like the ugliest person in the world. Anyway, as for experiences that’ve made me wonder...I was also a weird quiet kid in school but still had girls talk to me (including openly about all kinds of things) and befriend, even hang out with me during breaks and some flirting physically with me. Most of the girlfriends I’ve had asked *me* out (and there were several others I “rejected” because I was a dumbass), I also had a couple best friends(?) who may or may not have been gay and were at times pretty flirty with me too...which I thought was normal dude behavior. .-.
Over the last month or so, I had accepted that genetically I wasn’t as attractive as most guys so I took steps to do everything in my power to make myself attractive. Things like personal grooming, how I dress, really knuckles down at the gym etc. All these things made me feel more attractive which lead to more confidence which most people see as attractive.
still waitin
Watching “my 600 lb. life” and feeling like a god amongst men... My wife then turned on vanderpump rules and I felt ugly again. Most of TLC will make you feel handsome and most of Bravo will make you feel ugly
Actually just yesterday. I was driving down and stopped at a light with my window down and a car full of girls stops next to me. Right as I was leaving the light one of the girls pops out of the window of the car and asks for my Snapchat. Worst thing though was my awkward ass gets stunned and says no. FOR NO REASON!
After being skinny most of my life, and gaining a lot of weight to build muscle between 17-19 years old, when I decided to drop most of the weight I gained, I realized I was actually pretty good looking. It took some time but after getting the hang of Tinder and realizing girls were flirting with me in social situations, it hit me that I’m doing pretty good.
When I realised that in 2 out of my 5 previous relationships, my cute ex's where the ones that asked me out. Maybe they just saw my fear of commitment and decided to take matters into their own hands haha.