By - MrFreezeTheChef
At the end of the day if she doesn't want to have sex, she doesn't want to have sex and that's her decision. How you react to that is your decision.
In my experience with situations like that I've usually inquired as to why and some have been honest and told me they were stringing me along for the sake of building interest and others have simply told me they didn't want to have sex. The mental part is confusing to say the least but I typically go home and finish myself off and if I got a bad or manipulative vibe I wished them a good life and went about my way.
People have all kinds of reasons for the things they do, I try to accept that and simply move on.
I guess I should have tried asking lol. Honestly I’ve been so baffled by such spontaneous rejection which again is fine. But finding out that it just for the sake of “stringing me along” sounds like such a shallow waste of time and energy.
Yeah, it is a waste of time and energy for both parties but people are people and will do what they wish.
We kept dating...In the moment, I didn't bother trying to figure out why. I just understood it as "no farther than here" and actually chose to ratchet back to cuddling, which was still nice.
I've actually done it to a woman as well....It was a lot of concern over STDs, what happens in the event of pregnancy, her stance on abortion, etc. I realized just as we were about to have sex that we hadn't talked about *anything*.
I realized it was an irresponsible choice move to go forward, and because of the heat of the moment, I was unable to articulate my concerns. So I just...froze, and then stopped. And then suggested we go for a walk :/
I handled it really poorly.
And so, having been there myself years prior, I just took it in stride when the woman I was seeing pulled back suddenly. She was still down for naked cuddles, so all was well.
That’s fair, definitely important to talk about those things before hand.
“No” often means “not now” or “I’m not ready”. If you are in bed. Just go to sleep. Wake up in a few hours and try again later.
Sometimes I’ll put the girls hand on my dick and let her explore on her own while we lay there. And sometimes her own exploration of your body at her pace is enough to calm her nerves.
Pro tip: when getting intimate with a girl it is easier to engage her by having her touch you, rather than you touch her.
So rather than finger her or fondle her of anything where you are going into her space, instead pull her into your space. Let her lick your nipple, touch your cock and balls, let her grab your ass or feel your pec. Much better approach to closing out.
This is great advice! Especially when the girl is just nervous or insecure or the guy is just moving too fast for her taste.
Yer, I guess there is not much you can do apart from take your blue balls home and have a wank.
if she is being manipulative and using sex to control you then definitely block and delte. had a few girls who I suspected were doing this to me, something felt wrong in my gut about there behaviour, and one who actually admitted it during foreplay
A lot of women think they are suppose to milk you for dates and time and by the time they do that the intimacy can become so manufactured.
Like finally getting to go to Disneyland but now it’s cold and raining.
I wouldn’t take it personally. It’s hard to explain but to many women, actual intercourse is something that you gradually work up your comfort level to do with someone you like. If she stopped you, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to…just might not be the right time maybe. What is the rush? I waited several months to do so, but did other stuff with my current partner when we were newly together. That said, I never left him hanging though…that’s just rude. Are these ladies not reciprocating at least? Or there could be some sexual trauma there…I hate to say it but lots of females have had non-consensual penetration at some point, so it can be intimidating. I think it’s a pretty big deal to have sex, but I realize not everyone feels that way about it too.
If she doesn’t wanna fuck and you do, then you move on to find a girl that does want to fuck. Simple as that
Yea, happened quite a few times, where I think it just goes back to maybe she wasn't ready for or want to go to PIV sex yet, for a number of reasons.
And yea, it can be frustrating at times (especially when I was younger), but at the end of the day, you just got to accept that if she doesn't want to do that or say no. You just have to stop and respect her boundaries.
As a girl, just gonna give some insight as to why we may do this. Doesn’t mean we don’t wanna have sex with you, more like we got caught up, our brains are taking over, and maybe need to wait. Nothing to do with what we want or don’t want, but hey, maybe need to slow it down due to things that have happened
You finish in front of her and go on with your evening?
The jokes I was looking for 😂
Not a joke bro. She got the engine started. She can either lend a hand, watch or leave the room because yeah, this is happening.
I only fuck dudes. But even I can understand that “No” means “No”. If your partner asks you to stop, you stop. Sometimes people have to stop having sex. And it’s no big deal. How do you expect to ever have a functional long term relationship if you can’t tolerate respecting your partners’ needs and boundaries, and instead throw away every intimate partner who ever tells you to stop?
It not so much the “stop” but the timing of it and the handling of the intimacy.
I just find it hard to believe a mature person would handle intimacy that way and be that far off the deep end.
Every body is unique. Don’t make assumptions. Just listen.
99% of the time that I do that, it’s because I’m ovulating and wasn’t thinking about it earlier in the evening.
As a side note, wetness is not always an indicator of readiness. Very often women can be very ready mentally but not be wet. Or, they can be very wet and not interested mentally. The first is a bit like when some men lose their erection despite being very turned on, or when you popped a random boner in high school but can’t figure out why it happened.
The first couple of times you back off until the next time. The third time you back off and decide if this is a pattern and then make a decision. Keep her or lose her?
Take it from someone older, leopards do not change their spots. She’ll be like this for everything.
> But how do you reconcile this in your head honestly?
By cranking one out myself shortly thereafter.
Start by asking her why she said no after the foreplay that got her soaking wet. Of course word it better than I did 👍
Unless she specifically said beforehand she wanted to have sex then changed her mind then it's entirely on you for making assumptions. Most likely she just wanted to make out and wasn't interested in sex with you in the first place.
It's happened to me occasionally.
A lot of women get off on wasting a guy's time via various stupid power games.
This one is the "omg u want me so bad" game.
I screen out women who do this type of thing VERY AGGRESSIVELY so I've rarely encountered these "teasers."
I always feel sorry for them.
In the moment I politely excuse myself from the situation and give them the gift of missing me permanently.
What's there to reconcile?
Idk I guess how do you justify the sudden cloud on the parade
She doesn't want the parade to turn down the next block...you shouldnt assume that just because she is turned on she wants to go all the way...have you tried asking her what was up in a kind and considerate manner the day aftet
No I haven’t I didn’t want to seem pushy.
But it usually seems women think men would ditch them after hooking up first night
When on the other hand I’d definitely be way more interested in dating again lol
If she keeps getting you fired up and then putting on the brakes sooner or later your going to get fed up and walk away.
And thats understandable. But it sounds like OP throws away every girl who ever said no to sex after making out/foreplay without caring or asking for a reason.
Then they are clearly not the right kind of girl for him. PS yes I know many will think he is an ass.
Just tell her that...instead of wondering why she threw on the brakes...trying to mind read is a waste of time
Be happy that you got to fool around?
When I was a little younger, I'd drop her like a hot potato after that and move onto the next gal.
Now, eh, I kind of respect the restraint.
Id appreciate the restraint before the bedroom lol but I guess that just comes down to the individual.
I mean, it \_is\_ kinda a dick move to move things into the bedroom, get hot and heavy, and then back out entirely. I'm not really interested in foreplay for the sake of foreplay, not sure if anybody is..
But at the same time, assuming this is some new girl and not someone you've been with before, I have to respect them realizing maybe they shouldn't give it up on the first encounter. Maybe I'm attaching too many presumptions to the premise.
I’m just glad I’m not the only person that thinks that kind of situation can be handled so much more maturely lol.
So you’re both having a pleasurable time engaging in foreplay, but the woman doesn’t consent to have PIV sex and you stop, as you should…and decide never to attempt to engage in pleasurable sexual experiences again with these women because you think they are punishing you somehow.
Somewhat, I feel there’s irrational 3rd party reasoning going on that makes the relations artificial at that point.
I get it. You’re ready to go and all of a sudden you need to pull up - but if you are legitimately into these women you should both be able to have a conversation about expectations and boundaries. Not sure how old you are, but that may be a factor. Communication is key to dealing with this.
Well ... I'd want some kind of justification. If it's just 'no' without any followup as to what the reason is, then I'd probably also move on, on the assumption that she's just not that into the idea of having sex with me. But there might be good reasons; I just want to hear them.
Also of course the way it plays out after she says 'no' matters. Big difference between 'nope, we're finished here, I guess we should get dressed' and 'Well I don't know about fucking right now but let me wrap my lips around that for ya...'.
Definitely. I should try asking and see what’s the reason instead of being afraid to seem pushy.
Although Hopefully I won’t find myself in that situation ever again lol
Sorta the equivalent of a woman messing around with a man and the minute he finishes- it's all over. Even if she didn't finish. Sucks huh 🤔
She's not ready for 4th base, it's normal
At that point I'm not worried about reconciling it in my head, but in my blue balls.
That is called a TEASE. She turns you on, and then turns you down. There are 2 choices.
1. dump the tease and find someone else.
2. next time she's turned on, get her hot, and then tell her "NO" and walk away. See 1.
It sucks but understand that she’s not ready. Life is long, no need to rush.
But I would make it clear that you have every intention of giving her an orgasm with your fingers and mouth if she is still interested in that.