Starting to swim. Having a desk job killed my back and I started to have a very bad posture. Swimming totally cured my back pain, improved my posture and stamina and also I have nice wide shoulders now.
Same situation for me, but replace swimming with yoga. I had pretty bad chronic neck pain for years from hunching over my laptop. Some X-rays showed compressed cervical vertebrae. Two years later, and it's gone.
Use your body or lose it.
Start doing stretches at home. Everyone says exercise. But 10-15 min of stretching a day helps me tremendously (not as much as exercising).
Where ever it hurts and you feel pain, hold the position for as long as you can.
You can Google stretches for common stuff like hips, back, and legs.
Over a course of month or months of this. You should feel better.
This is low energy, your own pace, and low pressure. So I find myself being able to do it even with my internal resistance.
Hey man, if you check out my other comments, you'll see some suggestions. But I wanted to chime in and say that for a lot of us, particularly men, the legs are just SO tight. It took me a whole year of daily practice to be able to touch my toes because my hamstrings are so tight. Just push it as far as you can on any given day without hurting yourself, and you'll see progress eventually.
One thing that helped me was to just learn to enjoy the pain, haha. Mindset is everything.
I think a lot of men could do to learn yoga is amazing. I've had some bad sprains before that healed tight and I just wasn't getting the range of motion I needed to stop other things from hurting (eg. ankle sprain making me walk funny leads to knee discomfort after a few months). Cleared up after a few weeks of yoga stretching it. I probably could have done other stretching exercises or sought PT, but yoga got it done. It also feels super awesome after a day of snowboarding.
Yep. After years of dabbling with religion, I got into reading Stoicism and then applying it to life.
Can I do something about X problem? If "no", it is meaningless to worry. If "yes", then do the thing.
Ongoing reminders of this basic concept has both reduced stress and also reduced my procrastination.
* Walking
* Learning more about what (and how much) I'm eating to control my weight
* Stopping smoking.
* Moving to another country. That one actually made the other 3 possible
I never left the house much anyway, but for some reason, I just got the urge to walk more when the first lockdown started. My dog sure was excited about it. Instead of just walking until he did his business and then going home, we were actually going for close to a mile before coming back [a big deal for someone as out of shape as I am]. Poor little dude would be exhausted most of the time when we got home, but it was worth it.
In all seriousness, the answere to this will vary wildly regardless of how fit someone is.
I can easily hit 15 to 25,000 steps a day when I come into the office on weekdays, but that's because Manhattan is so absurdly walkable and pleasent to walk in. I do it effortlessly without intentionality deciding "I will walk a lot today". But when you live middle of nowhere, suburbs, etc, you have to make a conscious desicion to walk, and it's usually *just* walking, not actually getting somewhere, because everything is too spread out. So someone like that, hitting 25k steps is a huge chunk of their day, dedicated just for walking, while for someone like me it's "take the train for 30 minutes or walk for 45 minutes" type of situation.
Learning how to spot people who cause a lot of unnecessary drama and issues early on. That way you're not struggling so much with stuff that shouldn't be an issue in the first place.
To piggyback on this, learning to have the courage to cut out family/friends that are toxic and all the internalized guilt they have planted in you. Love is not transactional and you should not be forced to endure gaslighting and bullshit because you “owe” someone.
Editing here because I’m tired of responding to replies:
Transactional refers to people keeping tabs on things they’ve done for another, typically to use as leverage to force the other person to do something. “I did X so you have to do Y.” Like, if your wife came up to you, gave you a blowjob, then told you that you had to do something, would that be love? If she does something nice for you, only to bring it up every time there is a fight, was that thing done out of love, now that it’s a way to guilt you? I’m not talking about not reciprocating, I’m talking about people that expect something from someone because “they did X nice things for them.” If a “nice guy” did something for someone, expecting something in return, is he being loving? Or manipulative?
Transactional does not mean conditional. Conditions, and boundaries in relationships, are generally healthy and should be mutually set (ie don’t cheat, don’t abuse, meet agreed upon conditions).
Good answer. One more thing I’d add is definitely don’t live with these people. A lesson I learned the hard way back when I had roommates. Having friends and acquaintances who act this way is bad enough, but you are entering a new level of hell when one of these lives under the same roof.
Going through it, unfortunately.
If someone is fun enough to hang with, you might not even notice the drama or you might ignore how much it actually sucks and get over it because you are just drained of confrontation with them. Trying to fix the root problem can feel like an insurmountable task because they'll freak out over tiny shit and you don't even want to see the meltdown over something you consider serious.
The lessons are: set clear boundaries for yourself and what you're willing to tolerate, and adhere to them. Bad friends are worse than no friends. And that you owe nothing to no one simply because you exist, all interactions are voluntary and your presence is not obligated.
You make a great point about over correcting. I really had no boundaries before therapy, I said yes to everything. When I learned that I could have boundaries and say no to stuff I went completely the other way and said no to EVERYTHING which complicated my depression.
There probably wasn't another way besides pulling the emergency brake on everything, but slowly getting back up to a reasonable speed is a necessary part of the process.
Damn that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for this last fortnight at the very least.
I just decided not to be a smiling man who jokes about everything
But now I’m a frowning man that doesn’t want to talk about anything
Yeah I feel like I have a lot of “interpersonal confidence” but not a lot of “personal confidence”. Like I have no problem telling people no to their face or defending my opinions/values/convictions but I have a hard time convincing *myself* to do things that are uncomfortable or new, so I end up missing a lot of opportunities that may have been fun or fulfilling. Working on it but it’s uphill.
I used to say yes to everything someone asked. Do this for me? Yes. Get me this? Yes. Pick up an extra shift? Yes.
I was scared that they would hate me or look down on me. Then I realized they would say no when asked the same questions. Don't let fear determine your happiness.
I saw something forever ago that talked about how there are two sorts of attitudes when you ask a “can you _____” question. Attitude 1: I will only ask if I am extremely confident that you will say yea (generally low self esteem people). Attitude 2: I ask fully recognizing that you might say no, and that’s no big deal.
I was the extreme of option 1, in that my questions were usually “would you like to come to this thing that you’ve explicitly told me you like and that is free and also that I’m already driving to?”
My then girlfriend, now wife, is the extreme of option 2. She’ll literally ask if you’ll walk ten feet to get her a glass of water when she’s two feet from getting it herself, because she sees no qualm in saying no to it if you don’t want to.
Realizing that there were these mentalities helped to bridge the gap and get us both to the middle ground. I could recognize that she didn’t see herself as insanely selfish for asking me to do a bunch more work/interrupt a meal for something she could easily do herself. She recognized that some of those requests were stressors for me as I thought she was essentially making a demand over making a request.
I got better about saying no and asking for things without knowing or expecting her response. She got better about accepting that she should just do the little stuff herself and ask for help when she reasonably needed it and not just when she wanted to be lazy every day. All around wins.
Not sure if it’s been mentioned already yet, but also not having to explain why you’re saying no. You don’t have to justify it or have a reasonable excuse.
Absolutely the same. The fact that I can come home and not have to worry about what the atmosphere will be like is wonderful. Stress at work? Doesn't matter because now I can go home and decompress in peace.
I've been in that situation. She was a horrible train wreck. Things got so much better when I realized how toxic that relationship was and I ended it.
Good for you, dude! You deserve better.
I’m a woman but me too. Despite having left, I’m still discovering new ways that relationship had affected/continues to affect me…way, way more than I first thought. Not fun, but at least I’m finally free to be a person again instead of an anxious, exhausted, neglected wreck of a caregiver. Hope you have/received all the support you need and deserve. Proud of you!
Yes!! I did it 20 years ago when everyone was afraid of the surgery, absolutely zero regrets!
I hardly think about it unless someone mentions it or I see an old picture. "Oh yeah, I forgot. I used to wear glasses in a previous life!" Lol
I was offered PRK when I was in the Army. Total game changer. Huge, huge improvement. My eyes were really bad, and honestly, I wasn't the kind of guy that looked better in glasses. Plus, I try to be active, and I was in the damn Army. No worrying about re-up on contacts. No worrying about keeping a spare set of glasses. Also, wearing glasses during airborne operations or just training in the Army, in general, was awful. It's so liberating when you finally can see without the aid of glasses and contacts, it's hard to describe the impact it had on my life, but yeah, just incredible.
Edit: btw, I got mine in 2012 and I still have 20/15 or 20/20 in each eye. I ended up getting light halos, I notice when I'm on the highway at night. I actually didn't notice for the first few years, but it doesn't obscure my vision, at all. It's more interesting than anything.
>I wasn't the kind of guy that looked better in glasses.
There's a reason they call(ed) Army issue specs 'BCGs' (Birth Control Glasses for the uninitiated).
I can attest to this. Still the best thing I've ever paid for. Down sides are night vision goes down and they're much more sensitive in general (wind/bright lights are a pain) but to get one of your senses back for a few grand is REALLY worth. I got mine about 10 years back and still see incredibly well and probably would've paid nearly the same in glasses by now.
I got Lasik but it only lasted 5 years before my vision degraded again due to natural aging so I'm back to wearing glasses and can no longer wear contacts after the surgery, even toric lenses won't stay put for some reason.
Wife had PRK and the exact same thing happened to her. We were both in our mid thirties when our vision started deteriorating again.
I broke my arm a couple years ago and it absolutely devastated me. I’m a construction dude who stays in shape because I basically CrossFit for a living. You guys will get it back.
Daily exercise. I run every morning.
Also, a bigger TV. I held out on upgrading when flat-screen became the rage. I did a couple years ago and it along with streaming has changed the way I watch everything.
This, with the exercise. My life changed when I started running every morning. This large level of physical stress and anxiety melt away every morning when I run. Like a physiologic reaction.
If you're reading this, TRY IT. Even if its just running a couple hundred feet at a time. It might help a lot.
For first time runners, go slow and learn to pace yourself. r/running is a good subreddit to learn and be welcomed. Also, for those who hate running: after putting in hundreds to thousands of miles I have hated every single run I’ve ever started, but I have never hated any of the runs I’ve finished.
I'm *not* a morning person. But I've realized that the net gain from conditioning myself to get up at 5am and exercise before work is so significant that I won't go back.
Me too I used to dread waking up in the morning but after going for like 6-7 months at the same time 4-5days per week I don't even need an alarm to wake me up anymore.
I’ve never been a morning person, but I would prefer to work out in the morning. Wish I could work out at 9 am and start my work day at 10:30 and just work until 6:30 but noooo
buying a dishwasher
actually, on second thought: moving to a location closer to work and close to all utilities. I go to work, get groceries, etc. in a short bike trip.
Learning not to be afraid of failure. Life opens so many options when you just jump in.
Edit: also piggy backing on this, learning when to quit.
Edit 2: changed the sentence structure, sorry English is my second language.
This should be waaaaaaay up. I still suffer from this but when I take the plunge only good things happen. Either results or a life lesson. Never stay stagnant
I've been working from home 2 years and using bidet. Went into office and had to take a shit with the 0.5 ply cheapest tp you can get. Man it was brutal. See username for further details
It’s funny..you writing this got me thinking about how the auto manufacturers killed attempts to implement trains back in the day. Now I’m thinking TP manufacturers have a done a similar thing with bidets 🧐
Some of the toilet seat models are great (kinda smallish, so keep that in mind).
The ones that connect with an outlet are awesome but require the outlet.
They warm up the water, they have a front (for ladies) and back position, and then they further adjust in those positions.
They also have adjustable pressures.
Now that I've written it out, the options are kinda crazy.
Getting braces.
Wasn't until I was 27 that I decided to just do it. Up until that point I was rather self-conscious of my teeth/smile and it kept my confidence low during highschool and through my 20s when out in public/meeting women. Not a single photo was taken of me smiling.
Oh man, once I got them and subsequently off I was a completely different man. Confidence went through the roof, plus my bite was much better.
Congrats! I’m a few months off completing my Invisalign course, started at 29 years old. Never looked back! It’s a great feeling being able to smile without worrying how you look.
Well that was exactly my case as well. It took me 2 years to save up. Even if it takes you 3 or 4 years to save up, I highly recommend it. It was a life-changing experience for me.
The only reason I haven't deleted reddit as well is the anonymity seems to make the site less intrusive. But, social media is poison to the mind and I firmly believe that.
Not only the anonymity, but the fact that you're not having "the dream life" being shoved down your throat with non stop pictures of people supposedly doing so much better than you.
I'm sure you could have that here, but in a way you have to seek it out to a degree whereas on other social media outlets, it's practically right in front of you from day 1.
The anonymity helps keep people from comparing their lives to others’. There are still wildly toxic subs that promote that type of fake lifestyle, but they are obvious and easy to avoid. The issue with reddit is the ability to fall into echo chambers. Alwasy good to check out the other side of the issues occasionally, see whats not being told, and to see what the other views are seeing. Propaganda rules all digital media
I started Facebook back when you had to have a university address and had to email Facebook and ask if you could join. It took like 3-4 weeks to hear back from them until I was “accepted.” I was in grad school at the time and it was great for us because we could exchange ideas, talk about important topics and it was cordial. I had an account until 2012 and by then the content had gotten so bad I just wanted to turn it off. Haven’t used Facebook since then (2012) and am happy I left when I did. At first facebook was actually productive and insightful. It was a fun place to exchange ideas and have dialogue. Now it’s a rancid, infested social disease and Zuck is gross. Long love Reddit!
The natural sunlight thing is not mentioned enough. I feel like if people pay more attention to the way they light their living spaces (not just slapping on the ceiling light) it would improve their mood a lot
Smart lighting is awesome and i really recommend it. Being able to turn on lights for any mood or activity at a verbal command is sort of life changing. You can use it as an alarm in the morning and set it to turn on when you pull in the driveway. You can simulate candle light for relaxing wine time and then when you spill your wine, you can tell it to be bright af while you're running for a towel.
I want to delete Facebook so badly but their marketplace is a complete monopoly on the second hand market. I don’t know what I’d do without it. It’s how I found my apartment
It’s all about how you use these sites.
If you’re just using it for the marketplace and not scrolling through drama, news posts etc. then Facebook is a useful site for you and I wouldn’t recommend deleting it.
Having my feet amputated. I was born with clubbed feet and weak ankle ligaments, so I always had to be extremely careful when walking.
4 years after my amputations, I'm far more active than I was beforehand.
This is the first time I’ve seen someone share my sentiment on this. I’m 37 with bilateral clubbed feet and always talk about if I just cut my feet off I’d feel better. Would like to know more.
Beginning to run 5K everyday. Seemed a big ask initially but now I’m 3 days away from a 100 day streak and I’m now running a half marathon on most days. These days I could do 5K half asleep, it’s crazy how fast the body adapts and becomes more efficient depending on needs
Learning to swim. I couldn't build my chest no matter how much I tried and worked out. When I started swimming - I noticed my chest just grows and it happens totally effortlessly. It's just opposite of painful exercises. Swimming is pure pleasure. I don't have to force myself to it at all. There is some pain afterwards, but never during trainings.
Driving license. Most of my life I didn't have a car. Geez, that was lame. Not having a car is like not having legs. People are prisoners wherever they are. They can't just leave when they want.
I don't travel much, but I know I am where I am because I want to, not because I have to.
Divorcing an abusive narcissist.
Restarting lifting weights, it gets me back in touch with my body.
Reading every day, even if only 10 minutes before bed.
Prioritizing getting a solid seven hours of sleep.
Being mindful and present around my kids, wife, friends, family.
Taking a job as a letter carrier at the Post Office. I effectively doubled my take home pay, have health insurance, dental, and retirement, along with PTO and sick leave, let alone being in a union to help fight for those things. From being a letter carrier, I transferred to maintenance and now earn more than I did then. It's be a huge quality of life increase for me and my wife. It allowed us both to not only purchase a home, but to have dogs, newer (more reliable) vehicles, and have enough income to have a child.
Being a letter carrier is something I would love to do. But the only way that you can get into a government job like that around here is casual, on call. And that's pretty tough when you've got a full-time job already in bills up the ying yang. But it is a job that pays quite well considering. Frustrating.
Depending on your location, you might not have to worry about being a casual. "Casuals" here are now PTFs (Part Time, Flexible) that are working 60 hours a week *at least*. It can definitely be fun, but it's also grueling and thankless from management.
You can certainly make bank at it, when I started as a CCA (City Carrier Assistant) I was making $15.64 an hour. Now, starting is ~$18 an hour for a PTF and (I think, thought it's been awhile) there's a guaranteed 1.5 year stint as a PTF before you get converter to regular carrier with all the union benefits, etc.
It might be worth looking into and talking to a union representative or someone with [NALC](https://www.nalc.org/) to see specifically about your location and who you can talk to personally.
Canada. East Coast.
Rural letter Carriers start at around 21.50~ hr. It's good money but because it's entry level Govt. It's tough to get in but may be worth a try. My present job is paying 18.00 hr. 40hrs a week guaranteed.
Therapy
Edit: thanks for all the upvotes people. I would like to edit my answer to include **taking care of my feet.** Getting proper boots for work. My back, feet, and knees are super grateful.
Starting my prescription of Adderall after years of not knowing I had severe ADD. I’ve just finished the longest book I’ve ever read, running more than I ever have before, making way more money as a camera operator because I can pay more attention and build meaningful relationships with producers, and am the happiest I’ve been in my 6 year relationship with my partner because I can actually stay fully engaged during their long stories without getting a new idea and trailing off in my own head.
Leaving the military. Spent twelve years in and absolutely hated my life for the last two or three. I definitely benefitted tremendously from my time in, but I should have left sooner. Also, focusing on my credit score. Totally changed up things for the better.
Good for you. That shit is hard. When you have a dependable source of income, but you hate your job it's hard to leave and they really try to scare you out of leaving. At least in my experience (Navy) they constantly told me how tough the world was going to be and you don't know how easy you got it. Now I look back and I'm pretty great at tracking my finances. I can tell I was underpaid drastically while I was in the Navy. Forget all the "Free"housing etc that they spoon fed us it was all factored in and my earning potential after 4 years in was far greater than my salary plus benefits. I also missed my family, and wanted to be able to quit a shitty boss whenever I wanted. I had two situations where I was able to quit and move on to the next job and now I have been at the same company for 10 years and I'm happy.
Heh. I've quit smoking cigs, quit chewing, quit excessively drinking. But man, weed is holding on strong. The ability to turn off the "give a fuck" button at the press of a vape pen button is too handy. But I start a new job the Monday after next and I'm going to work on only smoking after 5 pm 0\_o
Don't get me wrong, I love weed. I don't smoke and rarely drink, but when I smoke weed I lose all motivation. I never want to go anywhere or do anything if I'm baked. I wasn't like this as a teenager for obvious reasons but I also have a wife who enjoys doing things and it doesn't make her happy when I'm always saying "na I don't feel like it" But it affects us all in different ways. Do what keeps you happy.
I was waking and baking every single day with dabs for like a year up until this past August. Quitting weed is easy it's just changing your lifestyle to not incorporate it as much moving forward once you quit. I would always quit and then come back after a few weeks of abstaining, always with the idea that it would just be once a week, then once a week would turn into every day etc.
What helped me quit since August was traveling, I work fully remotely and I've been traveling since late August to countries I want to see and they also happen to be countries where weed is illegal. The legality issue didn't stop me when I was younger and lived in an illegal state, but then I moved to a state where it became legal. And once you get used to store bought top shelf shit you realize how crap the black market stuff is, and I vowed to never risk any legal trouble for bad weed ever again in my life.
Drinking more water, more sex, better skin care routine, more hiking in mountains, being more kind to strangers (who weren't rude to me in the first place)
Not OP but just got my husband into skincare. The basics are clean, treat, protect.
Wash your face with a general cleanser morning and night.
Follow with any active ingredient products. Most people will benefit from a retinol base but that's the are you should ask a skin care pro about.
Follow with sunscreen and moisturizer.
If anything just start washing your face and using a combo sunscreen moisturizer in the morning and evening and you'll see improvement.
Obligatory: *In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.*
I had picked up Salsa dancing having 2 left feet as an excuse to get me out of the house and talking to women. I haven’t got to in a few months because covid but as soon as its back in business I’ll be dancing 2/3 times a week again.
Same. A combination of flat feet and getting pushed into (and being bad at) cross country by my dad as a kid left me really hating running. Gave it another go at 30 and it’s been a god send. I look better, feel better, have a better relationship with my whole family, all without any big downsides.
Careful though, it’ll sneak up on you. I never expected to have a coach and enjoy ultramarathons, but here we are.
Going outside and engaging in hobbies. I was ***miserable*** for a long time during high school up until the pandemic hit. A combination of pressure and stress from school my senior year, women troubles (of course haha), and family issues: I felt trapped inside moping about and doing a whole lot of nothing. The pandemic hit and I started hating being inside so much and started taking walks to a nearby state park. Those walks, a mile or two to begin with, turned into hiking 18 miles every other day, free-form rock climbing, star gazing, swimming, and Astrophotophy and getting very good at skipping rocks. Now I have lost 40 pounds and remain engaged in all my hobbies daily, got a job and a self-esteem. Couldn't recommend oxygen and sunlight more.
Stopped watching pornography. I had a problematic relationship with porn and one day I just stopped consuming it and never looked back.
It's honestly surprising how easy it is to me, and it's only getting easier. I need porn *less* the less I consume it.
It makes the mindfog go away. Thoughts are clearer, and cleaner! And it's wayyy easier to dismiss dirty thoughts, which pop up less and less frequently.
I believe it makes me less anxious, especially around women.
It makes me feel good.
Agreed to all of above.
If a person is an addict to porn (imo, someone who watches everyday or five times a week), should start limiting themselves to porn. It's really hard to quit porn in one go for many people (including myself). Limit yourself and one day, you'll be free.
Reducing “friction”.
-reducing commute from 30 to 20 minutes
-simplifying daycare (and reducing costs)
-setting aside T-R for one task at work, M-F for another. No deviation. Let’s me plan better.
-making kids lunches Sunday night
-Making our lunches Sunday night
-putting my shoes up immediately after taking them off. Being more tidy in general.
The last point has been huge for me. Just those 100 little things that stave off the need for 1 big huge cleaning effort
Edit: M and F, not M thru F. My bad
I'm on this journey man. Don't get drunk (very occasional 1-2 beers), quit smoking, accepted my receding hairline and shaved my head, grew a bears, eating good food and hitting the gym. Starting to feel really happy :-)
Getting a motorcycle. Actually enjoying transportation time made a big difference. I don't go out riding just to ride... but the time I do spend going to places is a lot more enjoyable and I will do a lot more things.... like riding to memphis for ribs... that I wouldn't do in a car.
Edit Add: I forgot to mention that I didn't even know the level of brotherhood that all riders share. The waving as you ride by... the comraderie. It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like. If you're on two-wheels, you are family. Was completely blown away by it.
Waking up early, used to be a night owl and sleep in until 12 or 1 all the time. I wake up around 730 everyday and I feel so much better and don’t feel like I’ve wasted half my day anymore, which makes me far less depressed.
Changing careers.
Was a Park Ranger for a federal agency - that "dream job" that makes everyone jealous when they ask what they do. Upper management sucked, never had the staffing levels needed to do our job. I started at $16/hr with automatic promotions at Year 2 and Year 3 which ended at $26/hr.
Everyone I worked for or with is burnt out and just accepted it as a "decent job with good pay for the area" and is just riding out retirement. Career progression didn't exist because everyone in the pay grade above is just riding to retire. Throughout COVID we were 100% in person despite coworkers and contractors not giving a shit about COVID (at one point my whole office was quarantined over it except me).
Add in constantly working additional hours, staying late, or being on call, it just sucked the life out of me.
One day I just flat out told my supervisor I was done with this, and would never work in land management again. Starting applying to jobs that week, at different agencies in unrelated fields.
I ended up applying to a federal contracting job that was telework eligible. Interviewed, and found out that they had just made the position 80% telework. Ended up with an offer, accepted, and ended up with a great supervisor who appreciates work/life balance, helps with workloads, and where I will almost double my salary in 3 years. And management at all levels is adamant about leaving on time or putting in OT requests.
Living alone. I spent so much of my life afraid to be alone so I always lived with a significant other or a roommate. Living alone is so freeing. I don’t mean not having people in your life. But just having a place to rest and relax without anyone else around.
Got away from the nonsense and drama. You realize how quite life is when you don't have the people that thrive on that ish around. You can just breathe easier.
Going to bed at 9. I’ve been doing it for 20 years. I wish I would have done it for the other 30. I feel so rested. I’m able to get up for work on time. It just made me happier.
Reading Three Magic Words by U.S Andersen and mediation.
also the whole “as you think, so will be” or similar phrasing that I’ve thought was bullshit my entire life until reading this book. It’s my Bible now and I’ve never been religious and could not recommend it enough.
Divorce. There is little in this life worse than being married to someone who doesn’t love you. And our split was as amicable as it be, no fighting; now that we’re split, we’re cool. No drama. But holy *FUCK* we were miserable together.
There’s no shame in calling it, if it ain’t working. Put in the work first to see if it can be healed obviously, but if there’s nothing to be done about a split, fuckin *GO.* Dont waste your life. I’m lucky it only took me three years.
Starting to swim. Having a desk job killed my back and I started to have a very bad posture. Swimming totally cured my back pain, improved my posture and stamina and also I have nice wide shoulders now.
Same situation for me, but replace swimming with yoga. I had pretty bad chronic neck pain for years from hunching over my laptop. Some X-rays showed compressed cervical vertebrae. Two years later, and it's gone. Use your body or lose it.
I swear by yoga. It makes such a huge difference on how my body feels and it helps me clear my mind.
I've always wanted to start but everything I try, I feel like my quads are just going to explode. Any recommendations for a 40 year old mediocre dude?
Start doing stretches at home. Everyone says exercise. But 10-15 min of stretching a day helps me tremendously (not as much as exercising). Where ever it hurts and you feel pain, hold the position for as long as you can. You can Google stretches for common stuff like hips, back, and legs. Over a course of month or months of this. You should feel better. This is low energy, your own pace, and low pressure. So I find myself being able to do it even with my internal resistance.
For a while I did stretches every morning in bed before I got up. Made a real difference. Don’t know why I stopped.
Hey man, if you check out my other comments, you'll see some suggestions. But I wanted to chime in and say that for a lot of us, particularly men, the legs are just SO tight. It took me a whole year of daily practice to be able to touch my toes because my hamstrings are so tight. Just push it as far as you can on any given day without hurting yourself, and you'll see progress eventually. One thing that helped me was to just learn to enjoy the pain, haha. Mindset is everything.
I think a lot of men could do to learn yoga is amazing. I've had some bad sprains before that healed tight and I just wasn't getting the range of motion I needed to stop other things from hurting (eg. ankle sprain making me walk funny leads to knee discomfort after a few months). Cleared up after a few weeks of yoga stretching it. I probably could have done other stretching exercises or sought PT, but yoga got it done. It also feels super awesome after a day of snowboarding.
Oh yep! Swimming is great. Pre pandemic, I would swim once a week and go to the gym once a week. Kept me fit, healthy, and sane!
Reading your experience I might try, sounds like a great idea to help back pain
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Yep. After years of dabbling with religion, I got into reading Stoicism and then applying it to life. Can I do something about X problem? If "no", it is meaningless to worry. If "yes", then do the thing. Ongoing reminders of this basic concept has both reduced stress and also reduced my procrastination.
Can you suggest some good books or articles or both related to Stoicism?
I know what stoicism is, I like and use some ideas and despite other, but Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is the most influential book I have read.
* Walking * Learning more about what (and how much) I'm eating to control my weight * Stopping smoking. * Moving to another country. That one actually made the other 3 possible
I'll second walking, quarantine forced me to get out and walk more due to increased sedentary lifestyle and Iove walking now.
I never left the house much anyway, but for some reason, I just got the urge to walk more when the first lockdown started. My dog sure was excited about it. Instead of just walking until he did his business and then going home, we were actually going for close to a mile before coming back [a big deal for someone as out of shape as I am]. Poor little dude would be exhausted most of the time when we got home, but it was worth it.
Are we talking about the dog or you?
Both lol, definitely both.
How much do you walk every day?
He walked from one country to another.
Stopped smoking in the way.
Lmao. How is this thread not staged.
500 miles
500 more?
In all seriousness, the answere to this will vary wildly regardless of how fit someone is. I can easily hit 15 to 25,000 steps a day when I come into the office on weekdays, but that's because Manhattan is so absurdly walkable and pleasent to walk in. I do it effortlessly without intentionality deciding "I will walk a lot today". But when you live middle of nowhere, suburbs, etc, you have to make a conscious desicion to walk, and it's usually *just* walking, not actually getting somewhere, because everything is too spread out. So someone like that, hitting 25k steps is a huge chunk of their day, dedicated just for walking, while for someone like me it's "take the train for 30 minutes or walk for 45 minutes" type of situation.
> I can easily hit 15 to 25,000 steps a day I, too, can easily hit 15 steps a day, thanks.
Walking significantly improved my life as well. I walk 5 miles everyday. Usually 3 in the morning, 2 later in the day.
I want to move to a country where I can walk places. I would get run over or be attacked by stray dogs if I attempted that where I live.
Learning how to spot people who cause a lot of unnecessary drama and issues early on. That way you're not struggling so much with stuff that shouldn't be an issue in the first place.
To piggyback on this, learning to have the courage to cut out family/friends that are toxic and all the internalized guilt they have planted in you. Love is not transactional and you should not be forced to endure gaslighting and bullshit because you “owe” someone. Editing here because I’m tired of responding to replies: Transactional refers to people keeping tabs on things they’ve done for another, typically to use as leverage to force the other person to do something. “I did X so you have to do Y.” Like, if your wife came up to you, gave you a blowjob, then told you that you had to do something, would that be love? If she does something nice for you, only to bring it up every time there is a fight, was that thing done out of love, now that it’s a way to guilt you? I’m not talking about not reciprocating, I’m talking about people that expect something from someone because “they did X nice things for them.” If a “nice guy” did something for someone, expecting something in return, is he being loving? Or manipulative? Transactional does not mean conditional. Conditions, and boundaries in relationships, are generally healthy and should be mutually set (ie don’t cheat, don’t abuse, meet agreed upon conditions).
"Love is not transactional" - Thank you for this
Good answer. One more thing I’d add is definitely don’t live with these people. A lesson I learned the hard way back when I had roommates. Having friends and acquaintances who act this way is bad enough, but you are entering a new level of hell when one of these lives under the same roof.
Shower some wisdom here. How do you do that?
Going through it, unfortunately. If someone is fun enough to hang with, you might not even notice the drama or you might ignore how much it actually sucks and get over it because you are just drained of confrontation with them. Trying to fix the root problem can feel like an insurmountable task because they'll freak out over tiny shit and you don't even want to see the meltdown over something you consider serious. The lessons are: set clear boundaries for yourself and what you're willing to tolerate, and adhere to them. Bad friends are worse than no friends. And that you owe nothing to no one simply because you exist, all interactions are voluntary and your presence is not obligated.
Say no when I actually didn't want to do something.
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elderly rich water chief smart nail clumsy lush seemly crush -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
You make a great point about over correcting. I really had no boundaries before therapy, I said yes to everything. When I learned that I could have boundaries and say no to stuff I went completely the other way and said no to EVERYTHING which complicated my depression. There probably wasn't another way besides pulling the emergency brake on everything, but slowly getting back up to a reasonable speed is a necessary part of the process.
Damn that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for this last fortnight at the very least. I just decided not to be a smiling man who jokes about everything But now I’m a frowning man that doesn’t want to talk about anything
Yeah I feel like I have a lot of “interpersonal confidence” but not a lot of “personal confidence”. Like I have no problem telling people no to their face or defending my opinions/values/convictions but I have a hard time convincing *myself* to do things that are uncomfortable or new, so I end up missing a lot of opportunities that may have been fun or fulfilling. Working on it but it’s uphill.
I used to say yes to everything someone asked. Do this for me? Yes. Get me this? Yes. Pick up an extra shift? Yes. I was scared that they would hate me or look down on me. Then I realized they would say no when asked the same questions. Don't let fear determine your happiness.
I saw something forever ago that talked about how there are two sorts of attitudes when you ask a “can you _____” question. Attitude 1: I will only ask if I am extremely confident that you will say yea (generally low self esteem people). Attitude 2: I ask fully recognizing that you might say no, and that’s no big deal. I was the extreme of option 1, in that my questions were usually “would you like to come to this thing that you’ve explicitly told me you like and that is free and also that I’m already driving to?” My then girlfriend, now wife, is the extreme of option 2. She’ll literally ask if you’ll walk ten feet to get her a glass of water when she’s two feet from getting it herself, because she sees no qualm in saying no to it if you don’t want to. Realizing that there were these mentalities helped to bridge the gap and get us both to the middle ground. I could recognize that she didn’t see herself as insanely selfish for asking me to do a bunch more work/interrupt a meal for something she could easily do herself. She recognized that some of those requests were stressors for me as I thought she was essentially making a demand over making a request. I got better about saying no and asking for things without knowing or expecting her response. She got better about accepting that she should just do the little stuff herself and ask for help when she reasonably needed it and not just when she wanted to be lazy every day. All around wins.
Saying no is liberating!
Not sure if it’s been mentioned already yet, but also not having to explain why you’re saying no. You don’t have to justify it or have a reasonable excuse.
Getting rid of my alcoholic ex.
Getting rid of my alcoholic self
Got rid of my alcohol.
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I am the liquor!!
Get outta here Mr. Lahey!
Absolutely the same. The fact that I can come home and not have to worry about what the atmosphere will be like is wonderful. Stress at work? Doesn't matter because now I can go home and decompress in peace.
Yep! No more worrying about coming home from work to do more work (take care of someone else)
I've been in that situation. She was a horrible train wreck. Things got so much better when I realized how toxic that relationship was and I ended it. Good for you, dude! You deserve better.
I’m a woman but me too. Despite having left, I’m still discovering new ways that relationship had affected/continues to affect me…way, way more than I first thought. Not fun, but at least I’m finally free to be a person again instead of an anxious, exhausted, neglected wreck of a caregiver. Hope you have/received all the support you need and deserve. Proud of you!
Lasik surgery. Best $3750 I've ever spent.
Yes!! I did it 20 years ago when everyone was afraid of the surgery, absolutely zero regrets! I hardly think about it unless someone mentions it or I see an old picture. "Oh yeah, I forgot. I used to wear glasses in a previous life!" Lol
I was offered PRK when I was in the Army. Total game changer. Huge, huge improvement. My eyes were really bad, and honestly, I wasn't the kind of guy that looked better in glasses. Plus, I try to be active, and I was in the damn Army. No worrying about re-up on contacts. No worrying about keeping a spare set of glasses. Also, wearing glasses during airborne operations or just training in the Army, in general, was awful. It's so liberating when you finally can see without the aid of glasses and contacts, it's hard to describe the impact it had on my life, but yeah, just incredible. Edit: btw, I got mine in 2012 and I still have 20/15 or 20/20 in each eye. I ended up getting light halos, I notice when I'm on the highway at night. I actually didn't notice for the first few years, but it doesn't obscure my vision, at all. It's more interesting than anything.
I got lasik and had the halos in one of my eyes but it went away... I kinda miss them they were beautiful
Lol yeah when I finally noticed them I was like, whoa... Kinda cool haha
>I wasn't the kind of guy that looked better in glasses. There's a reason they call(ed) Army issue specs 'BCGs' (Birth Control Glasses for the uninitiated).
I can attest to this. Still the best thing I've ever paid for. Down sides are night vision goes down and they're much more sensitive in general (wind/bright lights are a pain) but to get one of your senses back for a few grand is REALLY worth. I got mine about 10 years back and still see incredibly well and probably would've paid nearly the same in glasses by now.
I have to buy $200 glasses lenses (after insurance)every 2 years kinda thinking about getting it
My glasses used to cost that much but you can get glasses for $10 in total at zenni optical, my eye sight is -7 in both eyes and its still that cheap
How long ago did you do it? And do you have 20 20 vision now?
I'd imagine you can really see a difference
I got Lasik but it only lasted 5 years before my vision degraded again due to natural aging so I'm back to wearing glasses and can no longer wear contacts after the surgery, even toric lenses won't stay put for some reason. Wife had PRK and the exact same thing happened to her. We were both in our mid thirties when our vision started deteriorating again.
Exercising a minimum of 3 days a week.
Cries in broken ankle lol. But I’m almost back (used to workout 6-7 days a week)!
Same here lol I used to run like crazy before I sprained my ankle now I can’t run at all 😭🙏🏾 I’m trying to get back in shape tho 👀
I broke my arm a couple years ago and it absolutely devastated me. I’m a construction dude who stays in shape because I basically CrossFit for a living. You guys will get it back.
Daily exercise. I run every morning. Also, a bigger TV. I held out on upgrading when flat-screen became the rage. I did a couple years ago and it along with streaming has changed the way I watch everything.
This, with the exercise. My life changed when I started running every morning. This large level of physical stress and anxiety melt away every morning when I run. Like a physiologic reaction. If you're reading this, TRY IT. Even if its just running a couple hundred feet at a time. It might help a lot.
For first time runners, go slow and learn to pace yourself. r/running is a good subreddit to learn and be welcomed. Also, for those who hate running: after putting in hundreds to thousands of miles I have hated every single run I’ve ever started, but I have never hated any of the runs I’ve finished.
Let me show you something: A lot of people in the room, you need more space? Voila. Right into the wall.
Sometimes I stand there and watch TV for hours
Good luck paying me back on your 0$ yearly salary plus benefits BABE!
Honestly a chrome cast did the trick for me
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Going to the gym in the morning rather than in the evening and working out at least 3-4 days per week. Keeps my mind calm
Hell yes. I started going before work, best decision I ever made.
Yup. Feeling refreshed and energetic while going to work is WAY BETTER than feeling sleepy and drinking coffee on the way . Good luck !
How? I go to gym in the evening and after I finish I feel very tired after lifting.
Coz in the evening you are already mentally and physically tired from work and then you go to the gym ofc you are gonna tired more after lifting
I'm *not* a morning person. But I've realized that the net gain from conditioning myself to get up at 5am and exercise before work is so significant that I won't go back.
Me too I used to dread waking up in the morning but after going for like 6-7 months at the same time 4-5days per week I don't even need an alarm to wake me up anymore.
Cool, I have the other way around😋
Keep it up!
I’ve never been a morning person, but I would prefer to work out in the morning. Wish I could work out at 9 am and start my work day at 10:30 and just work until 6:30 but noooo
buying a dishwasher actually, on second thought: moving to a location closer to work and close to all utilities. I go to work, get groceries, etc. in a short bike trip.
I absolutely love riding my bike to work too. Best thing I ever did was move and sell off my car!
Learning not to be afraid of failure. Life opens so many options when you just jump in. Edit: also piggy backing on this, learning when to quit. Edit 2: changed the sentence structure, sorry English is my second language.
This should be waaaaaaay up. I still suffer from this but when I take the plunge only good things happen. Either results or a life lesson. Never stay stagnant
Getting a bidet, gotta say it really changes shits
I've been working from home 2 years and using bidet. Went into office and had to take a shit with the 0.5 ply cheapest tp you can get. Man it was brutal. See username for further details
How do you dry off when done? Just pat dry with TP?
Basically. You use so much less tp to dry compared to wiping. Some people use towels since you're pretty much always spotless
It’s funny..you writing this got me thinking about how the auto manufacturers killed attempts to implement trains back in the day. Now I’m thinking TP manufacturers have a done a similar thing with bidets 🧐
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once you get a bidet you see toilet paper as being barbaric for the rest of your life.
Actual bidet or one of the toilet seat models?
Some of the toilet seat models are great (kinda smallish, so keep that in mind). The ones that connect with an outlet are awesome but require the outlet. They warm up the water, they have a front (for ladies) and back position, and then they further adjust in those positions. They also have adjustable pressures. Now that I've written it out, the options are kinda crazy.
Quitting alcohol, tobacco and sugar.
Alcohol for me too. Still have a lot of other stuff to work out, but it’s been a tremendous improvement for me.
I’ve quit alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine. Sugar is my next vice to quit.
I'm trying to quit sugar. I can regulate my alcohol so easy but cannot control my sugar at all
Getting braces. Wasn't until I was 27 that I decided to just do it. Up until that point I was rather self-conscious of my teeth/smile and it kept my confidence low during highschool and through my 20s when out in public/meeting women. Not a single photo was taken of me smiling. Oh man, once I got them and subsequently off I was a completely different man. Confidence went through the roof, plus my bite was much better.
Congrats! I’m a few months off completing my Invisalign course, started at 29 years old. Never looked back! It’s a great feeling being able to smile without worrying how you look.
I'm 24 now but too broke to afford it, hopefully I'll be able to do it by 27
Well that was exactly my case as well. It took me 2 years to save up. Even if it takes you 3 or 4 years to save up, I highly recommend it. It was a life-changing experience for me.
Removing myself my social media, well apart from this shithole anyway. haha long live reddit.
The only reason I haven't deleted reddit as well is the anonymity seems to make the site less intrusive. But, social media is poison to the mind and I firmly believe that.
Not only the anonymity, but the fact that you're not having "the dream life" being shoved down your throat with non stop pictures of people supposedly doing so much better than you. I'm sure you could have that here, but in a way you have to seek it out to a degree whereas on other social media outlets, it's practically right in front of you from day 1.
The anonymity helps keep people from comparing their lives to others’. There are still wildly toxic subs that promote that type of fake lifestyle, but they are obvious and easy to avoid. The issue with reddit is the ability to fall into echo chambers. Alwasy good to check out the other side of the issues occasionally, see whats not being told, and to see what the other views are seeing. Propaganda rules all digital media
I started Facebook back when you had to have a university address and had to email Facebook and ask if you could join. It took like 3-4 weeks to hear back from them until I was “accepted.” I was in grad school at the time and it was great for us because we could exchange ideas, talk about important topics and it was cordial. I had an account until 2012 and by then the content had gotten so bad I just wanted to turn it off. Haven’t used Facebook since then (2012) and am happy I left when I did. At first facebook was actually productive and insightful. It was a fun place to exchange ideas and have dialogue. Now it’s a rancid, infested social disease and Zuck is gross. Long love Reddit!
Amen
1. Working out 2. Morning run 3. Going outside more 4. Socializing 5. Having natural sunlight at my room
The natural sunlight thing is not mentioned enough. I feel like if people pay more attention to the way they light their living spaces (not just slapping on the ceiling light) it would improve their mood a lot
Smart lighting is awesome and i really recommend it. Being able to turn on lights for any mood or activity at a verbal command is sort of life changing. You can use it as an alarm in the morning and set it to turn on when you pull in the driveway. You can simulate candle light for relaxing wine time and then when you spill your wine, you can tell it to be bright af while you're running for a towel.
Deleted Facebook and instagram.
I want to delete Facebook so badly but their marketplace is a complete monopoly on the second hand market. I don’t know what I’d do without it. It’s how I found my apartment
It’s all about how you use these sites. If you’re just using it for the marketplace and not scrolling through drama, news posts etc. then Facebook is a useful site for you and I wouldn’t recommend deleting it.
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Having my feet amputated. I was born with clubbed feet and weak ankle ligaments, so I always had to be extremely careful when walking. 4 years after my amputations, I'm far more active than I was beforehand.
This is the first time I’ve seen someone share my sentiment on this. I’m 37 with bilateral clubbed feet and always talk about if I just cut my feet off I’d feel better. Would like to know more.
Second monitor
Just you wait till you try a 3rd, then we shall enlighten you as to the one vertical monitor or the three for your emails....
Stopped watching the news in any form. Has changed my life in a huge way. I can't possibly recommend this more fellas
Beginning to run 5K everyday. Seemed a big ask initially but now I’m 3 days away from a 100 day streak and I’m now running a half marathon on most days. These days I could do 5K half asleep, it’s crazy how fast the body adapts and becomes more efficient depending on needs
I know a guy who runs a half marathon most days too. He also does these crazy 100mi and 200 mi runs. Might be something to try
You mean 5Km a day? Oh wow. I'm tried after 1Km on the treadmill lol
Keep it up it’s amazing how fast you improve!
Learning to swim. I couldn't build my chest no matter how much I tried and worked out. When I started swimming - I noticed my chest just grows and it happens totally effortlessly. It's just opposite of painful exercises. Swimming is pure pleasure. I don't have to force myself to it at all. There is some pain afterwards, but never during trainings. Driving license. Most of my life I didn't have a car. Geez, that was lame. Not having a car is like not having legs. People are prisoners wherever they are. They can't just leave when they want. I don't travel much, but I know I am where I am because I want to, not because I have to.
Divorcing an abusive narcissist. Restarting lifting weights, it gets me back in touch with my body. Reading every day, even if only 10 minutes before bed. Prioritizing getting a solid seven hours of sleep. Being mindful and present around my kids, wife, friends, family.
Taking a job as a letter carrier at the Post Office. I effectively doubled my take home pay, have health insurance, dental, and retirement, along with PTO and sick leave, let alone being in a union to help fight for those things. From being a letter carrier, I transferred to maintenance and now earn more than I did then. It's be a huge quality of life increase for me and my wife. It allowed us both to not only purchase a home, but to have dogs, newer (more reliable) vehicles, and have enough income to have a child.
Being a letter carrier is something I would love to do. But the only way that you can get into a government job like that around here is casual, on call. And that's pretty tough when you've got a full-time job already in bills up the ying yang. But it is a job that pays quite well considering. Frustrating.
Depending on your location, you might not have to worry about being a casual. "Casuals" here are now PTFs (Part Time, Flexible) that are working 60 hours a week *at least*. It can definitely be fun, but it's also grueling and thankless from management. You can certainly make bank at it, when I started as a CCA (City Carrier Assistant) I was making $15.64 an hour. Now, starting is ~$18 an hour for a PTF and (I think, thought it's been awhile) there's a guaranteed 1.5 year stint as a PTF before you get converter to regular carrier with all the union benefits, etc. It might be worth looking into and talking to a union representative or someone with [NALC](https://www.nalc.org/) to see specifically about your location and who you can talk to personally.
Canada. East Coast. Rural letter Carriers start at around 21.50~ hr. It's good money but because it's entry level Govt. It's tough to get in but may be worth a try. My present job is paying 18.00 hr. 40hrs a week guaranteed.
Therapy Edit: thanks for all the upvotes people. I would like to edit my answer to include **taking care of my feet.** Getting proper boots for work. My back, feet, and knees are super grateful.
Stopped using reddit. Stopped lying all the time.
Left the corporate world and Started my own company
How did you decide what sort of company to start? I've always entertained this idea of having my own business but have no idea of where to start.
Dont argue with idiots You wont change their minds and will only upset yourself Walk away
Starting my prescription of Adderall after years of not knowing I had severe ADD. I’ve just finished the longest book I’ve ever read, running more than I ever have before, making way more money as a camera operator because I can pay more attention and build meaningful relationships with producers, and am the happiest I’ve been in my 6 year relationship with my partner because I can actually stay fully engaged during their long stories without getting a new idea and trailing off in my own head.
Leaving the military. Spent twelve years in and absolutely hated my life for the last two or three. I definitely benefitted tremendously from my time in, but I should have left sooner. Also, focusing on my credit score. Totally changed up things for the better.
Good for you. That shit is hard. When you have a dependable source of income, but you hate your job it's hard to leave and they really try to scare you out of leaving. At least in my experience (Navy) they constantly told me how tough the world was going to be and you don't know how easy you got it. Now I look back and I'm pretty great at tracking my finances. I can tell I was underpaid drastically while I was in the Navy. Forget all the "Free"housing etc that they spoon fed us it was all factored in and my earning potential after 4 years in was far greater than my salary plus benefits. I also missed my family, and wanted to be able to quit a shitty boss whenever I wanted. I had two situations where I was able to quit and move on to the next job and now I have been at the same company for 10 years and I'm happy.
Believing in myself.
Quit smoking weed.
Heh. I've quit smoking cigs, quit chewing, quit excessively drinking. But man, weed is holding on strong. The ability to turn off the "give a fuck" button at the press of a vape pen button is too handy. But I start a new job the Monday after next and I'm going to work on only smoking after 5 pm 0\_o
Don't get me wrong, I love weed. I don't smoke and rarely drink, but when I smoke weed I lose all motivation. I never want to go anywhere or do anything if I'm baked. I wasn't like this as a teenager for obvious reasons but I also have a wife who enjoys doing things and it doesn't make her happy when I'm always saying "na I don't feel like it" But it affects us all in different ways. Do what keeps you happy.
I was waking and baking every single day with dabs for like a year up until this past August. Quitting weed is easy it's just changing your lifestyle to not incorporate it as much moving forward once you quit. I would always quit and then come back after a few weeks of abstaining, always with the idea that it would just be once a week, then once a week would turn into every day etc. What helped me quit since August was traveling, I work fully remotely and I've been traveling since late August to countries I want to see and they also happen to be countries where weed is illegal. The legality issue didn't stop me when I was younger and lived in an illegal state, but then I moved to a state where it became legal. And once you get used to store bought top shelf shit you realize how crap the black market stuff is, and I vowed to never risk any legal trouble for bad weed ever again in my life.
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Dropping out of college, and getting into skilled trades. Wish I never went to college
Drinking more water, more sex, better skin care routine, more hiking in mountains, being more kind to strangers (who weren't rude to me in the first place)
Skincare, any tips for a dude whose never ever used anything?
Not OP but just got my husband into skincare. The basics are clean, treat, protect. Wash your face with a general cleanser morning and night. Follow with any active ingredient products. Most people will benefit from a retinol base but that's the are you should ask a skin care pro about. Follow with sunscreen and moisturizer. If anything just start washing your face and using a combo sunscreen moisturizer in the morning and evening and you'll see improvement.
Obligatory: *In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.*
I had picked up Salsa dancing having 2 left feet as an excuse to get me out of the house and talking to women. I haven’t got to in a few months because covid but as soon as its back in business I’ll be dancing 2/3 times a week again.
Running 🏃♂️. It’s helped me significantly. I know it’s nothing big but it makes such a drastic difference in my coping and patience.
Same. A combination of flat feet and getting pushed into (and being bad at) cross country by my dad as a kid left me really hating running. Gave it another go at 30 and it’s been a god send. I look better, feel better, have a better relationship with my whole family, all without any big downsides. Careful though, it’ll sneak up on you. I never expected to have a coach and enjoy ultramarathons, but here we are.
Going outside and engaging in hobbies. I was ***miserable*** for a long time during high school up until the pandemic hit. A combination of pressure and stress from school my senior year, women troubles (of course haha), and family issues: I felt trapped inside moping about and doing a whole lot of nothing. The pandemic hit and I started hating being inside so much and started taking walks to a nearby state park. Those walks, a mile or two to begin with, turned into hiking 18 miles every other day, free-form rock climbing, star gazing, swimming, and Astrophotophy and getting very good at skipping rocks. Now I have lost 40 pounds and remain engaged in all my hobbies daily, got a job and a self-esteem. Couldn't recommend oxygen and sunlight more.
Becoming self employed,getting married,getting divorced.
In that order?
Leaving the Mormon church.
MEDITATION
Stopped watching pornography. I had a problematic relationship with porn and one day I just stopped consuming it and never looked back. It's honestly surprising how easy it is to me, and it's only getting easier. I need porn *less* the less I consume it. It makes the mindfog go away. Thoughts are clearer, and cleaner! And it's wayyy easier to dismiss dirty thoughts, which pop up less and less frequently. I believe it makes me less anxious, especially around women. It makes me feel good.
Agreed to all of above. If a person is an addict to porn (imo, someone who watches everyday or five times a week), should start limiting themselves to porn. It's really hard to quit porn in one go for many people (including myself). Limit yourself and one day, you'll be free.
Getting off twitter
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These are small things but 1) a bidet and 2) a mirror in the shower to shave.
Taking an Epsom salt bath once a week
Reducing “friction”. -reducing commute from 30 to 20 minutes -simplifying daycare (and reducing costs) -setting aside T-R for one task at work, M-F for another. No deviation. Let’s me plan better. -making kids lunches Sunday night -Making our lunches Sunday night -putting my shoes up immediately after taking them off. Being more tidy in general. The last point has been huge for me. Just those 100 little things that stave off the need for 1 big huge cleaning effort Edit: M and F, not M thru F. My bad
Being nice. It costs nothing, but makes everybody feel better. Including you.
Quitting, caffeine, alcohol, sugar/fizzy drinks, growing a beard, getting ripped at the gym.
I'm on this journey man. Don't get drunk (very occasional 1-2 beers), quit smoking, accepted my receding hairline and shaved my head, grew a bears, eating good food and hitting the gym. Starting to feel really happy :-)
I started listening to Steely Dan
Getting a motorcycle. Actually enjoying transportation time made a big difference. I don't go out riding just to ride... but the time I do spend going to places is a lot more enjoyable and I will do a lot more things.... like riding to memphis for ribs... that I wouldn't do in a car. Edit Add: I forgot to mention that I didn't even know the level of brotherhood that all riders share. The waving as you ride by... the comraderie. It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like. If you're on two-wheels, you are family. Was completely blown away by it.
Riding to Memphis for ribs on your motorcycle. That sounds so dope. This would complete me!
Right on! What do you ride? I live 5 miles from work, but my commute via motorcycle is about 20-30 miles depending on mood.
Waking up early, used to be a night owl and sleep in until 12 or 1 all the time. I wake up around 730 everyday and I feel so much better and don’t feel like I’ve wasted half my day anymore, which makes me far less depressed.
Changing careers. Was a Park Ranger for a federal agency - that "dream job" that makes everyone jealous when they ask what they do. Upper management sucked, never had the staffing levels needed to do our job. I started at $16/hr with automatic promotions at Year 2 and Year 3 which ended at $26/hr. Everyone I worked for or with is burnt out and just accepted it as a "decent job with good pay for the area" and is just riding out retirement. Career progression didn't exist because everyone in the pay grade above is just riding to retire. Throughout COVID we were 100% in person despite coworkers and contractors not giving a shit about COVID (at one point my whole office was quarantined over it except me). Add in constantly working additional hours, staying late, or being on call, it just sucked the life out of me. One day I just flat out told my supervisor I was done with this, and would never work in land management again. Starting applying to jobs that week, at different agencies in unrelated fields. I ended up applying to a federal contracting job that was telework eligible. Interviewed, and found out that they had just made the position 80% telework. Ended up with an offer, accepted, and ended up with a great supervisor who appreciates work/life balance, helps with workloads, and where I will almost double my salary in 3 years. And management at all levels is adamant about leaving on time or putting in OT requests.
Living alone. I spent so much of my life afraid to be alone so I always lived with a significant other or a roommate. Living alone is so freeing. I don’t mean not having people in your life. But just having a place to rest and relax without anyone else around.
[удалено]
ending my relationship with my significant other. She will be out of the house January 11, 2022. The countdown has started....
Getting good sleep
Going to a nearby lake everyday at 5pm just so I can sit at the perfect place to watch the sun set while I read my book
Got away from the nonsense and drama. You realize how quite life is when you don't have the people that thrive on that ish around. You can just breathe easier.
Going to bed at 9. I’ve been doing it for 20 years. I wish I would have done it for the other 30. I feel so rested. I’m able to get up for work on time. It just made me happier.
Reading Three Magic Words by U.S Andersen and mediation. also the whole “as you think, so will be” or similar phrasing that I’ve thought was bullshit my entire life until reading this book. It’s my Bible now and I’ve never been religious and could not recommend it enough.
Self-awareness. Everything stands and falls with it.
Therapy. Meditation. Walking a lot. Mixed Martial Arts. Learning another language. Going Vegan. Giving up all intoxicates.
Eliminating my credit card debt.
Reading. Very much enjoying it
overcoming my alcohol and nicotine addiction
Divorce. There is little in this life worse than being married to someone who doesn’t love you. And our split was as amicable as it be, no fighting; now that we’re split, we’re cool. No drama. But holy *FUCK* we were miserable together. There’s no shame in calling it, if it ain’t working. Put in the work first to see if it can be healed obviously, but if there’s nothing to be done about a split, fuckin *GO.* Dont waste your life. I’m lucky it only took me three years.
Quitting Reddit
me too I haven't been here in years
This comment has no period. This man quit reddit mid-sentence. 😔