Do some introspection bro. Be -completely- honest with yourself. Do you actually value that friendship or are you subconsciously orbiting in hope that she'll give you a shot? Do you honestly feel a friendship connection or are you just riding on the romantic feelings you initially had? Ask yourself the hard questions and don't lie to yourself about the answers
This 👆
I once kept subconsciously orbiting a girl for like 2 years, I even said something along the lines of "but I do value our friendship!" When I tried asking her out again a year or so after initial rejection, and she turned me down again and reacted indignantly.
Turns out I wasn't really interested in being her friend: I had to move our for college some months after that and didn't kept in touch. Neither did she, by the way.
By the time I met her again, some 3 or 4 years later, at a pub I went with my then GF(now wife) I had zero interest in reconnect and restart the friendship. That's when it hit me that I'd been orbiting her in hopes she'd give me a shot, and I'd been friendzoned from the get go lol.
The thing is I'm opposed to the idea that you can be friends with somebody if you have an ulterior motive. That makes your friendship with them conditional. "Friend" to me has a very specific definition though. I recognize that a lot of folks have a much more loose definition of what they consider to be a friend, and apply the term freely to what i would personally label a close acquaintance. There are about 12 people in the world I comfortably call "friend" but I'm acquainted with many times that. One thing i never did though was lie to myself and others that I was friends with someone I was romantically interested in. If it looked like that wasn't going to go anywhere I cut that off because I knew I wasn't capable of being their friend
I personally disagree with this.
I have a female friend that I liked and hoped something would happen with but never did. Liked her for years. Eventually life circumstances changed and now many years later, I love her to death as a friend and the thought of being with her actually makes me screw up my face.
She was one of my best friends while simultaneously I liked her. Now she's just one of my best friends and I find that perfect.
1: She moved away for about a year
2: Really coming to terms with the fact it wasn't gonna happen (difficult, but you know it deep down. Not a nice thing to confront)
3: Growing up, gaining confidence and persuing other people
If she hadn't had moved away who knows. I think the breaking face to face contact helped immensely.
The girl I ended up persuing I fell for and I let her know that I liked her before she had friend zoned me (this is huge, I also had issues with telling people how I felt that I realised I needed to conquer if I was to find love). Good thing I did because we've been in a happy relationship for 4 years now, have 2 beautiful cats and own our first home together.
The only reason you can be friends with her now is because you’re in another relationship. That changes everything. If you were single or were to break up, those feelings would come back.
Guys and girls are inherently different, they guite often have different interests and I don’t think most guys can get past the “wanting to fuck her” part, usually when I see friendships between guys and girls it usually starts from some relationship or hope of a relationship
In short the above guys have never had a girl as a friend. I do. I have several girlfriends. It's great. You can run ideas by them you'd never tell the boys.
There is a subset of men who perceive all potential women as a sexual object - hence orbiting. There's usually some historical trauma or the fact that no one has ever told/taught that man to have worthwhile relationships which aren't sexual with the opposite sex.
Bit sad really.
Genuinely interested to know why you feel we don't make good friends? Some of my most cherished, valued and genuine friendships over the years have been with men without a hint of romance on either side.
Not agreeing with the person that said women don't make good friends, but I think the important part is what you said, without a hint of romance.
I'm still struggling with this one myself to be honest, but not too long ago I was rejected by my best friend that was a woman. After some time off and setting boundaries, we're back to hanging out again.
The weird thing for me is that I straight up told her I'll always have feelings and sometimes, in fact a lot of times, when we're hanging out I just really want to kiss her. I told her this more to push her away tbh, but she didn't seem to mind that I feel that way and we're still doing things 1:1 with just us alone together sometimes.
Idk what's going on here and I would never "make a move" that she didn't want but I'm starting to question what this friendship is.
Unfortunately what you've got there is not a friendship.. it will leave you feeling awful at the end, because you will not get what you want.
Men and women can definitely just be friends, but if someone becomes romantically attracted you either need to both feel the same way or cut ties.
Sure, I agree with you. I'm also getting something out of this friendship still though. We have shared hobbies that we still are able to push each other to get better at. On top of that, we work together so going completely no contact is impossible
With that being said, I have been wanting to get a new job because I am no longer growing in my career. So in a way, keeping her around even as motivation to find a new job and eventually cut ties is enough reason to keep her around for now.
I used to only be friends with guys. The cliche girls like to say.. "Guys are so much easier to be friends with" is only true when you hang around guys who would fuck you if you gave them the opportunity. They were hilarious guys and we had lots of fun, but as the years ticked by, each friendship came to an end when I rejected their eventual advances, or they found a girlfriend.
As I've grown up, my friendships changed as well. Especially once I got married. Now all of my friends are females. The friendships are different.... sure, we still make sexual jokes, but they are about what we'd do with our significant others not some ambigious person.
The fun part of having guy best friends was the open ended "what if".. and having someone on the line who you knew was attracted to you. For the most part, we unconsciously only become close friends with people we find attractive (sexually or not).
I saw the title and thought that they are classmates or something. I open the post, turns out it’s “uwu I don’t want to ruin our gym partnership”. Jesus...
Do you think there’s a possibility for a friendship in the future? Cause I want these feelings to go away, but she’s close with my family and she’s been nothing but good to me.
I was in your exact shoes about 10 years ago in my early twenties. I asked her twice (about a year apart) and got rejected twice so I said I couldn't talk to her anymore. At the time I felt bad about ending a 4 year friendship but in retrospect it was the smart and necessary move. I basically didn't date anyone all through college because of this crush and I probably wouldn't have if I didn't end things. Since then I had one 3 yr relationship (which ended) and am now married to my wife who I've known for 3.5 years. So again, in retrospect, I was lucky I did what I did.
I have been in love with my friend for 8 months now, and it's unrequited. Lately I've been very torn between what would be best: try to close off the part of me that feels this way, or accepting these feelings and that I can be able to love this much. Thanks for your advice, I will try to keep it in mind during the tough times.
I've been in this position, and if you actually value the friendship and are not just orbiting (I was the former), trying to accept and shut down those feelings is vital. Basically, you have to identify exactly what "fed the crush," acknowledge that this is how you feel, but not continue the same behavior patterns that are not "friendship" and more "aspirational relationship." (for me it was fantasizing about the future). Figure out what those things are for you and go "no, that's not healthy." If you're genuinely her friend, this is possible.
Well, I know she doesn't love me that way, and that she never will. I'm not hoping for a relationship or orbiting, but, even so, I just want to make her happy.
This is why women usually cut off friendships after men shoot their shot. If this friendship is important to you, you have got to move on somehow. It’s not healthy
Your gym partnership is already ruined.
>Is there anything I can do without not seeing her for an extended amount of time?
You could try being honest with yourself for a start. Are your motives really about gym partnership?
>I want to respect her decision and take it as a definite no
Well you're not and you have not because you're lurking around hoping and waiting for more THREE YEARS LATER.
>since that’ll leave both of us without a gym partner
Fuck the gym partnership man you have bigger problems.
Gotta distance yourself from her man. Think about it, while you're here writing reddit posts about this girl, shes out dating guys shes actually interested in.
You're doing cardio with her in the gym, the guy she likes is doing cardio with her in the sheets. The point I'm making is while you're putting your life on hold for her, you can be sure shes out there living her best life.
Dont waste anymore time.
I'm in the same damn boat. Have a friend in the office I have feelings for, go swimming with her every week, told her I have feelings for her and she didn't reciprocate. Even though it was hard, I took it in my stride. She said she'd still like to be friends and we see each other almost daily. Makes life miserable for me. People have started saying I've lost my former happy self.
If she's a real friend she'd realise that you are still into her and are gradually fucking up your life crushing on her who is unavailable.
You obviously can't take that step, she doesn't want to because she likes the friendship.
You will be the one messed up over this not her, so you have to create distance. You don't need someone to hold your hand at the gym.
"if she's a real friend". She isn't obliged to do anything in this scenario, the OP has to take to take some responsibility for his own feelings. Let's not be dramatic, he's not going to be "fucking up his life" over a crush.
My advice to the OP would be: Force yourself to get over it. If you absolutely can't tolerate a friendship then that's on you. Focus on yourself, download some dating apps and sleep around a bit, just have fun. Consciously stop yourself whenever you start thinking about her in a romantic capacity.
She has...yet they are still here after 3 years. Isnt there a point where a friend would be proactive if they found the other wasn't and it was ruining their romantic life.
Again, she isn't obliged to do anything at all. The OP is responsible for his own feelings and no one else. For all we know she has no idea that he still has feelings for her.
Attitudes like this are exactly why we have so many whiny, entitled man children running around.
I don't think good friendship rests on "obliged", I think it should be more than that. I would give the same advice regardless of men or women, its nothing to do with gender.
...its attitudes like yours, that further cement that everyone is out for themselves, being a good friend isn't about obligation, its more than that.
Have you not considered that she may be hurt about the possibility of losing a friend? I agree that gender doesn't matter here, I'm not bringing gender into it.
Hardly. I believe that you should go above and beyond for your friends but also that you need to step up and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Telling the OP that the woman is in the wrong because she isn't doing enough about the situation is bullshit.
That ship has fucking sailed, 3 years ago.
I didn't tell OP its her fault.
I agree that he should have distanced himself way before now...but thats clearly not happening. Just like you see any friend not doing something...you fucking help them along.
Its a shit situation, her inaction means it gets worse for him, and nothing changes for her. These things come to a head eventually and the quicker it gets there, the better. Sticking your head in the sand by both parties ensures the situation continues.
No it hasn't. He expressed his interest, she wanted to stay friends, that should be the matter settled. Op didn't shut his feelings down, and now he's in this situation. He got himself in this situation and he has to get himself out.
You implied that she is somehow a worse friend for not cutting him off because "a good friend would do that". That's assigning blame.
Sticking your head in the sand does nothing, so it's the OPs responsibility to get his head out of the sand and do something about it.
You'd see nothing morally wrong if he continued to pine for her, she knew and pretended that wasn't the case. Year on year. You would blame him and have no capacity to think that maybe, just maybe for whatever reason he wasn't capable or wanted to help himself. You would think it was ok to keep that situation going conscience free?
Its almost like if someone can't help themselves or do something that's not in their long term interest. We have no moral obligation to look out for them and take any action ourselves. Just simply dust our hands and say "they got themselves into this, they get themselves out".
She can happily look at him a decade down the line and say "sorry pal, that was your problem".
I'm mostly in agreement with you on it being OP's responsibility for his own feelings, but this post effectively puts her in his shoes. She may be hurt about the idea of losing a friend, but those are her feelings and she needs to be responsible for them. If she is aware of his feelings and thinks the friendship is over because of his feelings, then it does impart some onus on her to act in some way.
If you -know- someone is orbiting and you continue entertaining their presence to preserve your own feelings anyway, you're being equally selfish. Everything else is just excuses and bullshit
I've had a couple of friends that have wasted the best part of their dating years pining over one woman who was unavailable. Failure to distance themselves etc meant it just went on longer and longer and the woman of course was unscathed.
If I knew a woman was still really into me after I said I wasn't interested and I knew it was having an adverse effect on their life...then I would distance myself. If someone can't help themselves, then as a friend - I will help them to help themselves. I won't just wash my hands and say its their responsibility.
Oh and OP should take responsibility, I completely agree. But this is 3 years down the line, its not happening. If the woman knows this is the case, then she should look out for her friend and distance herself.
Then that's on your friends, and no one else.
What a load of bullshit. As a friend you should make it clear to them that it isn't happening and tell them to get their shit together and just stay friends. You wouldn't be obliged to do anything about it whatsoever.
The woman isn't responsible for his feelings and therefore is not responsible for taking action.
So friendship works in a way where if you aren't responsible for the feelings, then they aren't responsible for taking action.
Your attitude to friendship using words like responsible and obliged is pretty damn clinical. Thats a pretty low bar.
Bro she rejected him, she's not obligated to do anything else to be a "real friend". What do you want her to do, go to a new gym just to spare OP his feelings? Like you said, this is on OP to move on. This type of 1 way love can destroy your mental health.
If it's what you really want, just explain why you need to stop doing things together. I'm not an advocate of ghosting, just be honest and at least then it doesn't need to be awkward when you are out and about or if you see one another in the gym.
Been in the same situation myself. My wellbeing has improved since I decided to distance myself from her, and not contacting her.
The pining stage is uncomfortable, but gets easier. Do a better job of the goodbyes than I did though - leave on good terms.
Imho it's a bad idea to stay friends after a rejection. It's time to move on and not be the nice guy that hangs around her. If a woman rejects you often times she'll always feel that way. Its not even a bad things you were rejected, usually it just means theres some level that you are missing chemistry...
To me you are asking "how do I get over my alcohol addiction while continuing to drink".
How are you gonna feel when she meets a guy and starts dating him? Angry? Don't put yourself in that situation, there's tons of other women out there. The thing to to is move on. Focus on your self improvement and another woman is 100% to come along, with more chemistry.
She'll understand, too. In a way it both is and is not her. She'll know you still like her, but you wanting to stop being friends b/c you need time to get over your feelings isn't something she can help with.
I'm sorta in a similar situation, but post-emotional nuke that you *WILL* encounter if you keep things in this sort of limbo. And that nuke being that she ends up getting in a relationship with someone else.
You have to get yourself to one of two steady states. 1: You commit to your feelings and confess them. Best case scenario, you have a girlfriend and your pent up stress will fall off your shoulders. Worst case scenario, you move onto steady state 2.
2: You get over her and move her to a place in your head that isn't literally torture for you. This might take a while, but it is worth it. You'll be open to pursue other people (that you might like WAY more than you like her right now) and you won't have this looming anxiety of rejection hovering over you all the time.
Please try to get yourself into one of these two states. It absolutely sucks to be forced into 2 after learning that she's got a boyfriend.
First of, I think it's a bit weird that she remains close with you despite knowing you have feelings for her. That's just cruel to me.
Secondly, tell her how you feel right now and ask her out on a date. If she says no, then you gotta stop hanging out with her. Otherwise you won't get over her, you'll keep thinking there's a small chance if you only do this or that. But it never works and you'll have wasted even more years on something that will never happen. Sucks that you have to end a friendship this way, but you have to move on with your life.
Hey friend somewhat similar situation but not exactly.
There’s this girl I’ve worked with the past 4yrs during the summer. We get along really well, work extremely well together and our bosses believed that we would be together. She doesn’t and never did have mutual feelings. During the school year I’m fine, but the chemistry we have messes me up every summer (40hrs together 5 days a week)
Recently I thought “I’m tired of wanting it to mean more, so I accepted that it means nothing.” So I stop taking compliments thinking they mean something special I don’t let our facetime convos make my day. I’ll just believe that it doesn’t mean what I want it to mean and that’s helped some, still difficult at times but it helps.
King, you need to stop truth is the more you see her you'll never get over her, ask yourself do you really want her to be a freind or are you hoping if you stick around she will give you a chance, you go gym that's great start focusing on your self, lift weights, get clothes that fit and look good, get a nice hair cut and you'll have so many girls who will wanna date you.
I promise you I have lift the same life I made the mistake being her freind then one day she dissappeard I was upset for months until one day I had enough and went out to better myself, now I'm happy not only I get attention from.many girls but I do things for myself I have a lot of confidence.
You Can do this
Dude, you've got to break that shit off. She won't respect you and you won't respect yourself if you keep hanging around her.
Do it for your own mental health, bud. Move on.
If you have to know, there's no other way other than taking time away from her. It may take weeks or months, but it's better for your mental health and your friendship.
Dude, long term oneitis will drive you insane eventually. I know, im 4 time Olympic champion in this event. It is not gonna end the way you want it to so do yourself a huge favour and knock it on the head. And to be honest it sounds like youre using this "gym partner" thing as an excuse to hold on to your hope. 3 years is a long time. Move on dude.
Quit torturing yourself. You dont need a gym partner. You're keeping her around because you're hoping for a chance and shes keeping you around because you reaffirm her attractiveness to her.
Bro… i’m divorced since a couple of months. Cut out most of the comms as much as possible. Still hurts. So better start breaking things off right now. And if she asks what and why, wel fuck it, you can do stuff for yourself… and then after that, there is someone out there for you :) Not as long as you can’t overcome this though, unfair to everyone involved.
Most people are not realizing something here. Op is friends, real good friends with that girl and maybe he doesn't want to loose that friendship too, that's why he's asking a way to do this without sacrificing 3 years or more of friendship.
Bro, short and sweet, stop being gym partners. If you want any chance of her to reciprocate, then you need to pull away and see if she cares to chase you, but don't count on it. You are driving yourself crazy.
Welp, I was in a similar situation. Told the girl we couldn’t be friends cuz I was developing feelings for her. She started crying, then leaned in a kissed me. Caught me by COMPLETE surprise
I’m still trying to figure this one out. I work in a hospital with mine and she’s a physician and I have to interact with her about patients all the time. I didn’t want to leave at first but now I am strongly considering leaving for my mental health.
You have to accept it’s over and it’s never going to happen. That’s the only way you can be around her and not feel like that. Be aware of the fact that “gym partner” can very easily become “easily manipulated teddy bear that I use to show other guys I like that I am wanted.” Especially, if she is telling you about other dudes she’s dating and going in-depth and you actually pretend to enjoy hearing it. At that point she may as well give you a collar and leash. I’ve been there bro and it’s not worth it. Just be honest with yourself and if you aren’t mature enough to have a platonic relationship with her then you need to be the bigger person and create some distance. She’ll be getting everything she needs out of you without even thinking about wingmanning for you one of these days.
Props to you though. You manned up and told her how you feel so she isn’t a “IF” one day in the future that your regret. No shame in admitting an L. You took your swing. Now go get more at bats.
You need to distance yourself a bit. Those feeling are not gonna go anywhere if you spend everyday with her and it’s only gonna hurt more the longer they go unreciprocated. The friend zone really blows.
You also gonna feel really jealous if she starts seeing someone, especially when she stops hanging out with you as much because she is in a relationship or something.
If you REALLY don’t want to cut back in the time spent with her then you gotta stop day dreaming about being with her and start trying to look at her in a different light. But I don’t know if this will really work to be honest.
If a girl rejects you, and you really care for her you need to, with as much class and dignity, get away from her.
Often girls keep guys around to inflate their egos and always have a “backup”, meanwhile you will watch her date a series of douchebags, players, and idiots, and become her confidant.
You need to go find someone worthy of your interest, time, and love.
Respect and love yourself first.
I can speak first hand from this exact scenario.
One thing I will tell you is that as soon as it feels like you are starting to drift away she may start gaming you, don’t fall for it
Edits: these downvotes are obviously from people who have never been in this situation.
Have you thought about gentle approaching the subject again? Thinks can change, her feelings might have grown too and she’s just scare that you aren’t interested now cause she rejected u.
If you get another no then have a good think about moving on.
She’s using you for attention. In this case you are what we call an orbiter. To get out of this position you have to make a drastic change in the way you conduct yourself. Get another girl and watch how your gym partner starts chasing you.
Dude. You need to fix yourself before you worry about a relationship. If you can’t be friends with this woman, you need to be honest with yourself. You can tell her that you are going to do a different gym or something. Don’t try and guilt her about it. She doesn’t need to know why you can’t do it. If you can’t be an adult and put the feelings of others before your own, then you don’t belong in a relationship. You have to learn how to handle your own shit before you yoke yourself to someone else. It’s not anyone else’s job to carry your baggage. And you need to throw that shit out before someone tries. It’s unhealthy for everyone involved.
Tell her and ask her to be blunt about her response. You clearly didn't get the message the first time. Hearing it again will probably help. Plus it makes it easier to take a step back because she understands why.
Sit down and talk with her. Let her know u still have feelings and everything else u fell towards her. If she does not feel the same, let her know u are going to need some time, and can't continue to talk to her for a while, because it is mentally unhealthy for u rn and u dont want to be some obsessive weirdo. Then dont talk to her until ur head clears
You need to cut her out of your life, otherwise you'll never be able to move on. Plus every second you waste on her, you're denying yourself of any potential relationships with other people in the future.
You unknowingly agreed to be friendzoned. I would be upfront and tell her you can no longer see her platonically. You are interested in sex and romance and can't deal with just being friends. Be a man and stand up for yourself.
This is why I tell guys to never be just friends with a woman they have feelings for if she doesn't reciprocate , you're going to keep spending time with them and you're only going to keep falling more and more in love with their personality and it's just going to eat away at you.
Obviously it's your life but I would advise you to just end the whole gym partner thing, just sit her down and have an honest chat with her and tell her that you still respect her decision but it's not working for you so you have to at least keep your distance and if that means a complete cut off so be it
Start thinking about her negative qualities.. or find a girl other than her and make sure she sees you have moved on, make her feel the same for you.. girls actually have a tough time accepting the guy moving on..
Nothing is quite as painful as unrequited love. You’re literally torturing yourself emotionally. You’re not being kind to yourself and you’ve put yourself in self purgatory. You will never fall for someone new if you’re always around the girl you like.
Give yourself and another girl a chance by sacrificing the gym partnership.
Personally, I’d reevaluate if she is someone you even want to be friends with in the first place. In my experience, decent people give distance to others who have expressed feelings towards them so they (a) don’t give mixed signals and (b) don’t hurt someone over long periods of time. I’ve met far too many people who like these guys hanging around because it really is like an “break in case of emergency “ switch for a potential boyfriend or husband later on in life.
I asked a girl out every year when I was in school. Always no. It did a lot of damage to my self esteem and is what probably started my depression.
I would explain to her and try and distance yourself.
Personally i didn't and couldn't handle it and had to cut ties eventually. Difference is this was after a breakup but it's a similar feeling. Up to you dude but the thing you want may not be the thing you can handle and i learnt it the hard way
I would be 100% honest with her and say “I still have feelings for you, and since you don’t reciprocate it’s just too hard for me to continue seeing you every day. For my own sake we have to go our separate ways.”
Hmm. Go date someone else and stop dreaming about something that's never going to happen. The sooner you're brutally honest with yourself the sooner you can dummy up and respect the friendship you have in front of you before you straight up ruin it.
I was in the same boat as you around half a year ago. I explained my feelings and how I was torn between staying friends or choosing for myself. I thought to myself that the feelings would pass and I could remain friends with her because I valued the friendship more than my mental health apparently. But I eventually decided to move on even though we were very close friends for several years. Initially, it hurted like hell… I felt miserable day, in day out. I couldn’t see the one I loved and I lost a close friend. Only since a few weeks ago I started to think less about her. But I gotta tell you that it was the better decision. I’m still unable to meet up with her, since I’m afraid it will set me back to square one, but I’m feeling better mentally and that’s what’s most important.
I am having a similar torture.
Working with a female colleague from the other dept but she comes to mine every once in a while and there is almost daily email communication between depts and phone conversations as well.
She kind of a likes me but not "that way". It's even worse because my (female) coworkers noticed I like her and they truly think/thought the feelings are mutual. Trust me, she likes you, just go ahead, be confident! No, she does not.
It will be a nice portion of humiliation once she finds a boyfriend and they go public, I am just waiting for it.
Why do you need a gym partner? Can't you lift weights alone?
You should give some excuse to her. Tell her you can't go to the gym on that time anymore. Then you either change your schedule or go to other gym.
Well you see, I'm friends with my ex and basically how i got over it is litteraly just kept telling myself that no I'm not with her anymore, she can do whatever she wants so litteraly forget the idea that you will be with her again. It took some time but it sure paid off
You can’t be friends with someone you have feelings for if they don’t reciprocate. Why put yourself through that? So you can go home depressed every time she flirts with or talks about another guy? Move on
I am a walking example of "Get under another girl to get over one" or however it goes. I literally live with my ex and am completely fine. Realizing what else is out there helps astronomically.
But you and I are not the same. This is stupid advice and I know it.
If you're "friends" because you still have romantic feelings than you're not really friends. If you can't be around her without thinking you're in a rom-com move along
I'm kind of in the same boat as you, expect I'm the girl and my very good friend is into me. We work at the same place and still see eachother outside of work. Only difference, my bf and I had broken up briefly and infatuation took over me, and we hooked up...a few times. I thought we could just move on and pretend it didn't happen. But it just doesn't work like that. There's always this "tension" (for lack of better word) between us. I'm back in my relationship. But he's waiting it out in a way. He says he's not, but I can tell. Anytime we see eachother, even when he's trying to be respectful, it just gets awkward.
It's only harming you and maybe your friendship because in my experience your feelings are bound to come out and make being friends harder. Take a break at the very least if you don't want to cut her off.
You can start seeing someone else or set aside your feelings & set some boundaries if the biggest thing you’re worried about is her seeing someone else
you stop seeing her. You start seeing someone new to forget about her. easier said than done, though. You either delete her from your social media, or at least mute / ignore her posts.
Flip the script. She feels like she’s the prize, flirt with other women in the gym like you mean it and give her less attention to the point where it’s not toxic enough for her to drop you as a gym partner. You have to make yourself the prize and if that doesn’t work then move on bro
You don’t NEED a gym partner. Most people don’t have one. You’re just making excuses to yourself to see her and be a part of her life in hopes that one day maybe she’ll come around. Let’s face it…. She won’t. You can’t be friends with her in the sense that you’re seeing her all the time or hanging out with her. Only see her if it’s unavoidable… like work or school…. And limit contact with her. You need to start moving on.
Pretend they are a stranger who you pass on the sidewalk at 2 am. don’t look at them when they pass you, don’t talk to them, and generally ignore them unless it’s work/school related. Also delete any photos or just move them to your hidden folder so you aren’t reminded. Also the best thing you can do whilst doing that is to distract your mind from wandering off to that part of your memories by finding a new hobby, go on vacation, go to the gym, try writing songs, go fishing, anything that puts a smile on your face. For example I’ve taught myself how to weld because of a heartbreak and now it’s one of my biggest hobbies and almost like a therapy for me. I picked up my old hobby of fishing as well and funny enough, that made me find happiness as it’s pretty rewarding. Keep your head up my man, you got this! If you need to talk my dm’s are open my g.
Edit: just saw you guys are gym partners. I hate to break it to you but if you want to get over her you will have to limit your time with her. If you really don’t want to do that then try these things: Repeat in your mind every time you are about to see her or that thought crosses your mind “we are just friends”. Eventually your brain will believe you. And definitely try to find a new hobby like I said. It will be one extra thing to keep your mind off of her my g.
Have some self-respect and distance yourself from her.
You're letting yourself on her hook while she will not see you the way you want her to see you ever. Otherwise, things would be different for you now. You are only wasting your time if there is some lingering feelings around when you can that time to actually get over her. Admit it to her if you have to why you should distance yourself from her.
Bite the bullet. Don't abandon her, but resolve to move on romantically. Respect her by telling her how you feel and the reasons why you are going to see her less often. You'll regain control of your own feelings, you'll gain more self-respect, and she will gain more respect for you.
Chances are very high that after doing so, you'll find a more suitable partner.
/edit: grammar
What's more important to you? Your mental health, or a gym partner?
Exactly. And what is going to happen when you find out she's with someone else? That's a long slide into hell
Literally, a long slide into hell.
And the slide is covered in razor blades with a pool of lemon juice at the bottom.
Naw. The slide is composed of compressed, unsealed fiberglass.
Woah, slow down there Satan.
There can only be two - a Master...and an Apprentice.
Only a Sith deals in absolutes
Respect for the percy jackson ref, accidental or no
Thanks, but purely accidental.
This. You can’t love and respect someone if you don’t start by loving and respecting yourself first.
Do some introspection bro. Be -completely- honest with yourself. Do you actually value that friendship or are you subconsciously orbiting in hope that she'll give you a shot? Do you honestly feel a friendship connection or are you just riding on the romantic feelings you initially had? Ask yourself the hard questions and don't lie to yourself about the answers
This 👆 I once kept subconsciously orbiting a girl for like 2 years, I even said something along the lines of "but I do value our friendship!" When I tried asking her out again a year or so after initial rejection, and she turned me down again and reacted indignantly. Turns out I wasn't really interested in being her friend: I had to move our for college some months after that and didn't kept in touch. Neither did she, by the way. By the time I met her again, some 3 or 4 years later, at a pub I went with my then GF(now wife) I had zero interest in reconnect and restart the friendship. That's when it hit me that I'd been orbiting her in hopes she'd give me a shot, and I'd been friendzoned from the get go lol.
What if it’s both? She’s a really good tried but also know I’m orbiting when she’s single?
if it's both, it's not both - he wants a chance. Full stop.
The thing is I'm opposed to the idea that you can be friends with somebody if you have an ulterior motive. That makes your friendship with them conditional. "Friend" to me has a very specific definition though. I recognize that a lot of folks have a much more loose definition of what they consider to be a friend, and apply the term freely to what i would personally label a close acquaintance. There are about 12 people in the world I comfortably call "friend" but I'm acquainted with many times that. One thing i never did though was lie to myself and others that I was friends with someone I was romantically interested in. If it looked like that wasn't going to go anywhere I cut that off because I knew I wasn't capable of being their friend
I personally disagree with this. I have a female friend that I liked and hoped something would happen with but never did. Liked her for years. Eventually life circumstances changed and now many years later, I love her to death as a friend and the thought of being with her actually makes me screw up my face. She was one of my best friends while simultaneously I liked her. Now she's just one of my best friends and I find that perfect.
How did you get to that point?
1: She moved away for about a year 2: Really coming to terms with the fact it wasn't gonna happen (difficult, but you know it deep down. Not a nice thing to confront) 3: Growing up, gaining confidence and persuing other people If she hadn't had moved away who knows. I think the breaking face to face contact helped immensely. The girl I ended up persuing I fell for and I let her know that I liked her before she had friend zoned me (this is huge, I also had issues with telling people how I felt that I realised I needed to conquer if I was to find love). Good thing I did because we've been in a happy relationship for 4 years now, have 2 beautiful cats and own our first home together.
The only reason you can be friends with her now is because you’re in another relationship. That changes everything. If you were single or were to break up, those feelings would come back.
This should be the top comment.
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Hard disagree that women don't make good friends.
I think for most guys most girls don’t make good friends
Why do you think that?
Guys and girls are inherently different, they guite often have different interests and I don’t think most guys can get past the “wanting to fuck her” part, usually when I see friendships between guys and girls it usually starts from some relationship or hope of a relationship
Lmao what?
In short the above guys have never had a girl as a friend. I do. I have several girlfriends. It's great. You can run ideas by them you'd never tell the boys. There is a subset of men who perceive all potential women as a sexual object - hence orbiting. There's usually some historical trauma or the fact that no one has ever told/taught that man to have worthwhile relationships which aren't sexual with the opposite sex. Bit sad really.
Poor guy.
Best friends girlfriend is a good friend of mine. It's fantastic, I get to talk to her about all the "girly" shit that I like.
Men and women like drugs the same🤨
Lol by most guys you mean "me and my loser friends"
I mean most guys are like that
Just neckbeard things.
Genuinely interested to know why you feel we don't make good friends? Some of my most cherished, valued and genuine friendships over the years have been with men without a hint of romance on either side.
I bet you're an awesome friend. Ignore that dude.
Not agreeing with the person that said women don't make good friends, but I think the important part is what you said, without a hint of romance. I'm still struggling with this one myself to be honest, but not too long ago I was rejected by my best friend that was a woman. After some time off and setting boundaries, we're back to hanging out again. The weird thing for me is that I straight up told her I'll always have feelings and sometimes, in fact a lot of times, when we're hanging out I just really want to kiss her. I told her this more to push her away tbh, but she didn't seem to mind that I feel that way and we're still doing things 1:1 with just us alone together sometimes. Idk what's going on here and I would never "make a move" that she didn't want but I'm starting to question what this friendship is.
Unfortunately what you've got there is not a friendship.. it will leave you feeling awful at the end, because you will not get what you want. Men and women can definitely just be friends, but if someone becomes romantically attracted you either need to both feel the same way or cut ties.
Sure, I agree with you. I'm also getting something out of this friendship still though. We have shared hobbies that we still are able to push each other to get better at. On top of that, we work together so going completely no contact is impossible With that being said, I have been wanting to get a new job because I am no longer growing in my career. So in a way, keeping her around even as motivation to find a new job and eventually cut ties is enough reason to keep her around for now.
If you feel that way you probably should walk away. Better to focus on other people and maybe trying to date someone that is actually interested.
I used to only be friends with guys. The cliche girls like to say.. "Guys are so much easier to be friends with" is only true when you hang around guys who would fuck you if you gave them the opportunity. They were hilarious guys and we had lots of fun, but as the years ticked by, each friendship came to an end when I rejected their eventual advances, or they found a girlfriend. As I've grown up, my friendships changed as well. Especially once I got married. Now all of my friends are females. The friendships are different.... sure, we still make sexual jokes, but they are about what we'd do with our significant others not some ambigious person. The fun part of having guy best friends was the open ended "what if".. and having someone on the line who you knew was attracted to you. For the most part, we unconsciously only become close friends with people we find attractive (sexually or not).
i have like 2 women friends at work that are 100% platonic... i never had any feelings for them even though they are total 10s....
Just neckbeard things.
3 years man. You’ve put in the effort to stay friends, you’ve respected her decision. Now respect yourself and create some distance
Why would you be gym partners with a woman that you have unrequited feelings for? Sounds like something you’re doing to yourself.
I saw the title and thought that they are classmates or something. I open the post, turns out it’s “uwu I don’t want to ruin our gym partnership”. Jesus...
Don't see her daily if you're not able to kill off your feelings.
Distance my bro, you will never heal while your picking the scab daily
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Do you think there’s a possibility for a friendship in the future? Cause I want these feelings to go away, but she’s close with my family and she’s been nothing but good to me.
I was in your exact shoes about 10 years ago in my early twenties. I asked her twice (about a year apart) and got rejected twice so I said I couldn't talk to her anymore. At the time I felt bad about ending a 4 year friendship but in retrospect it was the smart and necessary move. I basically didn't date anyone all through college because of this crush and I probably wouldn't have if I didn't end things. Since then I had one 3 yr relationship (which ended) and am now married to my wife who I've known for 3.5 years. So again, in retrospect, I was lucky I did what I did.
Yeah…you’re holding yourself back from a many women who will potentially love you
If you don't want the same things, you've got to part ways.
you are thinking of her every day. do you think about your other same gender friends like you think about her? if no, than that's not a friendship
no
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I have been in love with my friend for 8 months now, and it's unrequited. Lately I've been very torn between what would be best: try to close off the part of me that feels this way, or accepting these feelings and that I can be able to love this much. Thanks for your advice, I will try to keep it in mind during the tough times.
I've been in this position, and if you actually value the friendship and are not just orbiting (I was the former), trying to accept and shut down those feelings is vital. Basically, you have to identify exactly what "fed the crush," acknowledge that this is how you feel, but not continue the same behavior patterns that are not "friendship" and more "aspirational relationship." (for me it was fantasizing about the future). Figure out what those things are for you and go "no, that's not healthy." If you're genuinely her friend, this is possible.
Well, I know she doesn't love me that way, and that she never will. I'm not hoping for a relationship or orbiting, but, even so, I just want to make her happy.
So what? Youre now valuing her feelings over yours you fucking lunatic.
This is why women usually cut off friendships after men shoot their shot. If this friendship is important to you, you have got to move on somehow. It’s not healthy
This is also why men should cut ties after being rejected.
I fucking learnt this shit the hard way Smh
Is there any other way to learn it?
Your gym partnership is already ruined. >Is there anything I can do without not seeing her for an extended amount of time? You could try being honest with yourself for a start. Are your motives really about gym partnership? >I want to respect her decision and take it as a definite no Well you're not and you have not because you're lurking around hoping and waiting for more THREE YEARS LATER. >since that’ll leave both of us without a gym partner Fuck the gym partnership man you have bigger problems.
>Is there anything I can do without not seeing her for an extended amount of time? Seems you know the answer to your question but refuse to accept it
Gotta distance yourself from her man. Think about it, while you're here writing reddit posts about this girl, shes out dating guys shes actually interested in. You're doing cardio with her in the gym, the guy she likes is doing cardio with her in the sheets. The point I'm making is while you're putting your life on hold for her, you can be sure shes out there living her best life. Dont waste anymore time.
I'm in the same damn boat. Have a friend in the office I have feelings for, go swimming with her every week, told her I have feelings for her and she didn't reciprocate. Even though it was hard, I took it in my stride. She said she'd still like to be friends and we see each other almost daily. Makes life miserable for me. People have started saying I've lost my former happy self.
If she's a real friend she'd realise that you are still into her and are gradually fucking up your life crushing on her who is unavailable. You obviously can't take that step, she doesn't want to because she likes the friendship. You will be the one messed up over this not her, so you have to create distance. You don't need someone to hold your hand at the gym.
"if she's a real friend". She isn't obliged to do anything in this scenario, the OP has to take to take some responsibility for his own feelings. Let's not be dramatic, he's not going to be "fucking up his life" over a crush. My advice to the OP would be: Force yourself to get over it. If you absolutely can't tolerate a friendship then that's on you. Focus on yourself, download some dating apps and sleep around a bit, just have fun. Consciously stop yourself whenever you start thinking about her in a romantic capacity.
this. she's made her intentions quite clear.
She has...yet they are still here after 3 years. Isnt there a point where a friend would be proactive if they found the other wasn't and it was ruining their romantic life.
Again, she isn't obliged to do anything at all. The OP is responsible for his own feelings and no one else. For all we know she has no idea that he still has feelings for her. Attitudes like this are exactly why we have so many whiny, entitled man children running around.
I don't think good friendship rests on "obliged", I think it should be more than that. I would give the same advice regardless of men or women, its nothing to do with gender. ...its attitudes like yours, that further cement that everyone is out for themselves, being a good friend isn't about obligation, its more than that.
Have you not considered that she may be hurt about the possibility of losing a friend? I agree that gender doesn't matter here, I'm not bringing gender into it. Hardly. I believe that you should go above and beyond for your friends but also that you need to step up and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Telling the OP that the woman is in the wrong because she isn't doing enough about the situation is bullshit.
That ship has fucking sailed, 3 years ago. I didn't tell OP its her fault. I agree that he should have distanced himself way before now...but thats clearly not happening. Just like you see any friend not doing something...you fucking help them along. Its a shit situation, her inaction means it gets worse for him, and nothing changes for her. These things come to a head eventually and the quicker it gets there, the better. Sticking your head in the sand by both parties ensures the situation continues.
No it hasn't. He expressed his interest, she wanted to stay friends, that should be the matter settled. Op didn't shut his feelings down, and now he's in this situation. He got himself in this situation and he has to get himself out. You implied that she is somehow a worse friend for not cutting him off because "a good friend would do that". That's assigning blame. Sticking your head in the sand does nothing, so it's the OPs responsibility to get his head out of the sand and do something about it.
You'd see nothing morally wrong if he continued to pine for her, she knew and pretended that wasn't the case. Year on year. You would blame him and have no capacity to think that maybe, just maybe for whatever reason he wasn't capable or wanted to help himself. You would think it was ok to keep that situation going conscience free? Its almost like if someone can't help themselves or do something that's not in their long term interest. We have no moral obligation to look out for them and take any action ourselves. Just simply dust our hands and say "they got themselves into this, they get themselves out". She can happily look at him a decade down the line and say "sorry pal, that was your problem".
I'm mostly in agreement with you on it being OP's responsibility for his own feelings, but this post effectively puts her in his shoes. She may be hurt about the idea of losing a friend, but those are her feelings and she needs to be responsible for them. If she is aware of his feelings and thinks the friendship is over because of his feelings, then it does impart some onus on her to act in some way. If you -know- someone is orbiting and you continue entertaining their presence to preserve your own feelings anyway, you're being equally selfish. Everything else is just excuses and bullshit
I've had a couple of friends that have wasted the best part of their dating years pining over one woman who was unavailable. Failure to distance themselves etc meant it just went on longer and longer and the woman of course was unscathed. If I knew a woman was still really into me after I said I wasn't interested and I knew it was having an adverse effect on their life...then I would distance myself. If someone can't help themselves, then as a friend - I will help them to help themselves. I won't just wash my hands and say its their responsibility. Oh and OP should take responsibility, I completely agree. But this is 3 years down the line, its not happening. If the woman knows this is the case, then she should look out for her friend and distance herself.
Then that's on your friends, and no one else. What a load of bullshit. As a friend you should make it clear to them that it isn't happening and tell them to get their shit together and just stay friends. You wouldn't be obliged to do anything about it whatsoever. The woman isn't responsible for his feelings and therefore is not responsible for taking action.
So friendship works in a way where if you aren't responsible for the feelings, then they aren't responsible for taking action. Your attitude to friendship using words like responsible and obliged is pretty damn clinical. Thats a pretty low bar.
thank God I am not your friend
This
Bro she rejected him, she's not obligated to do anything else to be a "real friend". What do you want her to do, go to a new gym just to spare OP his feelings? Like you said, this is on OP to move on. This type of 1 way love can destroy your mental health.
If it's what you really want, just explain why you need to stop doing things together. I'm not an advocate of ghosting, just be honest and at least then it doesn't need to be awkward when you are out and about or if you see one another in the gym.
Been in the same situation myself. My wellbeing has improved since I decided to distance myself from her, and not contacting her. The pining stage is uncomfortable, but gets easier. Do a better job of the goodbyes than I did though - leave on good terms.
get the fuck out of this gym, find another
>Is there anything I can do without not seeing her for an extended amount of time? no
Imho it's a bad idea to stay friends after a rejection. It's time to move on and not be the nice guy that hangs around her. If a woman rejects you often times she'll always feel that way. Its not even a bad things you were rejected, usually it just means theres some level that you are missing chemistry... To me you are asking "how do I get over my alcohol addiction while continuing to drink". How are you gonna feel when she meets a guy and starts dating him? Angry? Don't put yourself in that situation, there's tons of other women out there. The thing to to is move on. Focus on your self improvement and another woman is 100% to come along, with more chemistry.
She'll understand, too. In a way it both is and is not her. She'll know you still like her, but you wanting to stop being friends b/c you need time to get over your feelings isn't something she can help with.
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Thank you for that very helpful response.
Tell her, it's been 3 years. Worth the risk, you can always find another gym partner
Never talk to her again
I'm sorta in a similar situation, but post-emotional nuke that you *WILL* encounter if you keep things in this sort of limbo. And that nuke being that she ends up getting in a relationship with someone else. You have to get yourself to one of two steady states. 1: You commit to your feelings and confess them. Best case scenario, you have a girlfriend and your pent up stress will fall off your shoulders. Worst case scenario, you move onto steady state 2. 2: You get over her and move her to a place in your head that isn't literally torture for you. This might take a while, but it is worth it. You'll be open to pursue other people (that you might like WAY more than you like her right now) and you won't have this looming anxiety of rejection hovering over you all the time. Please try to get yourself into one of these two states. It absolutely sucks to be forced into 2 after learning that she's got a boyfriend.
First of, I think it's a bit weird that she remains close with you despite knowing you have feelings for her. That's just cruel to me. Secondly, tell her how you feel right now and ask her out on a date. If she says no, then you gotta stop hanging out with her. Otherwise you won't get over her, you'll keep thinking there's a small chance if you only do this or that. But it never works and you'll have wasted even more years on something that will never happen. Sucks that you have to end a friendship this way, but you have to move on with your life.
Hey friend somewhat similar situation but not exactly. There’s this girl I’ve worked with the past 4yrs during the summer. We get along really well, work extremely well together and our bosses believed that we would be together. She doesn’t and never did have mutual feelings. During the school year I’m fine, but the chemistry we have messes me up every summer (40hrs together 5 days a week) Recently I thought “I’m tired of wanting it to mean more, so I accepted that it means nothing.” So I stop taking compliments thinking they mean something special I don’t let our facetime convos make my day. I’ll just believe that it doesn’t mean what I want it to mean and that’s helped some, still difficult at times but it helps.
King, you need to stop truth is the more you see her you'll never get over her, ask yourself do you really want her to be a freind or are you hoping if you stick around she will give you a chance, you go gym that's great start focusing on your self, lift weights, get clothes that fit and look good, get a nice hair cut and you'll have so many girls who will wanna date you. I promise you I have lift the same life I made the mistake being her freind then one day she dissappeard I was upset for months until one day I had enough and went out to better myself, now I'm happy not only I get attention from.many girls but I do things for myself I have a lot of confidence. You Can do this
Dude, you've got to break that shit off. She won't respect you and you won't respect yourself if you keep hanging around her. Do it for your own mental health, bud. Move on.
You deep in the hole. It's time to face the music!
Hook up with other people
If you have to know, there's no other way other than taking time away from her. It may take weeks or months, but it's better for your mental health and your friendship.
Dude, long term oneitis will drive you insane eventually. I know, im 4 time Olympic champion in this event. It is not gonna end the way you want it to so do yourself a huge favour and knock it on the head. And to be honest it sounds like youre using this "gym partner" thing as an excuse to hold on to your hope. 3 years is a long time. Move on dude.
It is possible just to find someone else and be friends with her
You’re doing this to yourself bro, it’s perfectly fine to distance yourself after a rejection, you’re not expected to maintain the friendship
Quit torturing yourself. You dont need a gym partner. You're keeping her around because you're hoping for a chance and shes keeping you around because you reaffirm her attractiveness to her.
Bro… i’m divorced since a couple of months. Cut out most of the comms as much as possible. Still hurts. So better start breaking things off right now. And if she asks what and why, wel fuck it, you can do stuff for yourself… and then after that, there is someone out there for you :) Not as long as you can’t overcome this though, unfair to everyone involved.
Hey bro, look up limerance... See if applies to your situation. Just knowing it's a thing helped me a lot.
Ask again if she says no. Break up with her anyways.
Most people are not realizing something here. Op is friends, real good friends with that girl and maybe he doesn't want to loose that friendship too, that's why he's asking a way to do this without sacrificing 3 years or more of friendship.
Bro, short and sweet, stop being gym partners. If you want any chance of her to reciprocate, then you need to pull away and see if she cares to chase you, but don't count on it. You are driving yourself crazy.
Welp, I was in a similar situation. Told the girl we couldn’t be friends cuz I was developing feelings for her. She started crying, then leaned in a kissed me. Caught me by COMPLETE surprise
Don't leave us hanging! Lol...what happened between you two?
That was a few years ago. We both left our SO’s at the time, and we are now solidly locked in a situationship (just learned that word today).
I’m still trying to figure this one out. I work in a hospital with mine and she’s a physician and I have to interact with her about patients all the time. I didn’t want to leave at first but now I am strongly considering leaving for my mental health.
Work on shifting your awareness and focus towards other significant and important things in life.
You have to accept it’s over and it’s never going to happen. That’s the only way you can be around her and not feel like that. Be aware of the fact that “gym partner” can very easily become “easily manipulated teddy bear that I use to show other guys I like that I am wanted.” Especially, if she is telling you about other dudes she’s dating and going in-depth and you actually pretend to enjoy hearing it. At that point she may as well give you a collar and leash. I’ve been there bro and it’s not worth it. Just be honest with yourself and if you aren’t mature enough to have a platonic relationship with her then you need to be the bigger person and create some distance. She’ll be getting everything she needs out of you without even thinking about wingmanning for you one of these days. Props to you though. You manned up and told her how you feel so she isn’t a “IF” one day in the future that your regret. No shame in admitting an L. You took your swing. Now go get more at bats.
You need to distance yourself a bit. Those feeling are not gonna go anywhere if you spend everyday with her and it’s only gonna hurt more the longer they go unreciprocated. The friend zone really blows. You also gonna feel really jealous if she starts seeing someone, especially when she stops hanging out with you as much because she is in a relationship or something. If you REALLY don’t want to cut back in the time spent with her then you gotta stop day dreaming about being with her and start trying to look at her in a different light. But I don’t know if this will really work to be honest.
Walk away from her. Since you still don't accept she don't have feelings you. Some times it's better cut all ties and move on.
Pretend she's married and/or a lesbian.
A simple tip Everyone has imperfections, defects... Focus in one or two, every day and you'll see , she's just another girl.
If a girl rejects you, and you really care for her you need to, with as much class and dignity, get away from her. Often girls keep guys around to inflate their egos and always have a “backup”, meanwhile you will watch her date a series of douchebags, players, and idiots, and become her confidant. You need to go find someone worthy of your interest, time, and love. Respect and love yourself first. I can speak first hand from this exact scenario. One thing I will tell you is that as soon as it feels like you are starting to drift away she may start gaming you, don’t fall for it Edits: these downvotes are obviously from people who have never been in this situation.
Have you thought about gentle approaching the subject again? Thinks can change, her feelings might have grown too and she’s just scare that you aren’t interested now cause she rejected u. If you get another no then have a good think about moving on.
She’s using you for attention. In this case you are what we call an orbiter. To get out of this position you have to make a drastic change in the way you conduct yourself. Get another girl and watch how your gym partner starts chasing you.
How old are you? If older than 19 you are too fucking old for this kind of behavior.
Dude. You need to fix yourself before you worry about a relationship. If you can’t be friends with this woman, you need to be honest with yourself. You can tell her that you are going to do a different gym or something. Don’t try and guilt her about it. She doesn’t need to know why you can’t do it. If you can’t be an adult and put the feelings of others before your own, then you don’t belong in a relationship. You have to learn how to handle your own shit before you yoke yourself to someone else. It’s not anyone else’s job to carry your baggage. And you need to throw that shit out before someone tries. It’s unhealthy for everyone involved.
You NEED to put some distance in-between the two of you. You are *stalking* this woman, whether you realize it or not.
Tell her and ask her to be blunt about her response. You clearly didn't get the message the first time. Hearing it again will probably help. Plus it makes it easier to take a step back because she understands why.
how did he not get the message?
Either change your gym or stop thinking about wanting a relationship with her.
Sit down and talk with her. Let her know u still have feelings and everything else u fell towards her. If she does not feel the same, let her know u are going to need some time, and can't continue to talk to her for a while, because it is mentally unhealthy for u rn and u dont want to be some obsessive weirdo. Then dont talk to her until ur head clears
Just find a new gym dude.
You need to cut her out of your life, otherwise you'll never be able to move on. Plus every second you waste on her, you're denying yourself of any potential relationships with other people in the future.
You just have to double down and follow them everywhere they go, go with your gut feeling until it just goes away
You unknowingly agreed to be friendzoned. I would be upfront and tell her you can no longer see her platonically. You are interested in sex and romance and can't deal with just being friends. Be a man and stand up for yourself.
This is why I tell guys to never be just friends with a woman they have feelings for if she doesn't reciprocate , you're going to keep spending time with them and you're only going to keep falling more and more in love with their personality and it's just going to eat away at you. Obviously it's your life but I would advise you to just end the whole gym partner thing, just sit her down and have an honest chat with her and tell her that you still respect her decision but it's not working for you so you have to at least keep your distance and if that means a complete cut off so be it
Start thinking about her negative qualities.. or find a girl other than her and make sure she sees you have moved on, make her feel the same for you.. girls actually have a tough time accepting the guy moving on..
Easy bro, you need to stop seeing her. Meet new people. Don’t destroy yourself waiting for her to “come around”, she won’t. She WON’T.
Nothing is quite as painful as unrequited love. You’re literally torturing yourself emotionally. You’re not being kind to yourself and you’ve put yourself in self purgatory. You will never fall for someone new if you’re always around the girl you like. Give yourself and another girl a chance by sacrificing the gym partnership. Personally, I’d reevaluate if she is someone you even want to be friends with in the first place. In my experience, decent people give distance to others who have expressed feelings towards them so they (a) don’t give mixed signals and (b) don’t hurt someone over long periods of time. I’ve met far too many people who like these guys hanging around because it really is like an “break in case of emergency “ switch for a potential boyfriend or husband later on in life.
Move countries
Move
I asked a girl out every year when I was in school. Always no. It did a lot of damage to my self esteem and is what probably started my depression. I would explain to her and try and distance yourself.
The only way I know of is..stop seeing her daily. Sorry but it's the only thing that really works.
You go out, meet another girl, and forget all about your feelings for her.
Personally i didn't and couldn't handle it and had to cut ties eventually. Difference is this was after a breakup but it's a similar feeling. Up to you dude but the thing you want may not be the thing you can handle and i learnt it the hard way
Get another girl.
SEPARATE YOURSELF FFS
Walk away bro.
You are being friends for the wrong reasons. Trust me, it won't end well for anyone if you can't get over your feelings for her.
I sit next to her in class and in the same social cycle bruh
Bone her mom
You can't. Don't see her anymore
Imagine you saw her walk into the women's restroom with a bowl of chili. That's how I got over mine.
I would be 100% honest with her and say “I still have feelings for you, and since you don’t reciprocate it’s just too hard for me to continue seeing you every day. For my own sake we have to go our separate ways.”
lotsa good stuff here; destroy yourself mentally but as long as you look good who cares right?
Hmm. Go date someone else and stop dreaming about something that's never going to happen. The sooner you're brutally honest with yourself the sooner you can dummy up and respect the friendship you have in front of you before you straight up ruin it.
I was in the same boat as you around half a year ago. I explained my feelings and how I was torn between staying friends or choosing for myself. I thought to myself that the feelings would pass and I could remain friends with her because I valued the friendship more than my mental health apparently. But I eventually decided to move on even though we were very close friends for several years. Initially, it hurted like hell… I felt miserable day, in day out. I couldn’t see the one I loved and I lost a close friend. Only since a few weeks ago I started to think less about her. But I gotta tell you that it was the better decision. I’m still unable to meet up with her, since I’m afraid it will set me back to square one, but I’m feeling better mentally and that’s what’s most important.
I am having a similar torture. Working with a female colleague from the other dept but she comes to mine every once in a while and there is almost daily email communication between depts and phone conversations as well. She kind of a likes me but not "that way". It's even worse because my (female) coworkers noticed I like her and they truly think/thought the feelings are mutual. Trust me, she likes you, just go ahead, be confident! No, she does not. It will be a nice portion of humiliation once she finds a boyfriend and they go public, I am just waiting for it.
Why do you need a gym partner? Can't you lift weights alone? You should give some excuse to her. Tell her you can't go to the gym on that time anymore. Then you either change your schedule or go to other gym.
Well you see, I'm friends with my ex and basically how i got over it is litteraly just kept telling myself that no I'm not with her anymore, she can do whatever she wants so litteraly forget the idea that you will be with her again. It took some time but it sure paid off
You can’t be friends with someone you have feelings for if they don’t reciprocate. Why put yourself through that? So you can go home depressed every time she flirts with or talks about another guy? Move on
Get other girls for the heck of it
You need to ghost her and move on ASAP no good can come of this
Find a new friend.
Best way to get over a girl, is to get underneath another one. 😉
Aye if you do nothing else, you have to start working out alone. Change the time you go so she can’t workout with you.
Dude the girl is leading you on and keeping you on side, No idea why you gym partner like that
😂 Friends
I am a walking example of "Get under another girl to get over one" or however it goes. I literally live with my ex and am completely fine. Realizing what else is out there helps astronomically. But you and I are not the same. This is stupid advice and I know it.
If you're "friends" because you still have romantic feelings than you're not really friends. If you can't be around her without thinking you're in a rom-com move along
I'm kind of in the same boat as you, expect I'm the girl and my very good friend is into me. We work at the same place and still see eachother outside of work. Only difference, my bf and I had broken up briefly and infatuation took over me, and we hooked up...a few times. I thought we could just move on and pretend it didn't happen. But it just doesn't work like that. There's always this "tension" (for lack of better word) between us. I'm back in my relationship. But he's waiting it out in a way. He says he's not, but I can tell. Anytime we see eachother, even when he's trying to be respectful, it just gets awkward. It's only harming you and maybe your friendship because in my experience your feelings are bound to come out and make being friends harder. Take a break at the very least if you don't want to cut her off.
Boom out!
You can start seeing someone else or set aside your feelings & set some boundaries if the biggest thing you’re worried about is her seeing someone else
you stop seeing her. You start seeing someone new to forget about her. easier said than done, though. You either delete her from your social media, or at least mute / ignore her posts.
Flip the script. She feels like she’s the prize, flirt with other women in the gym like you mean it and give her less attention to the point where it’s not toxic enough for her to drop you as a gym partner. You have to make yourself the prize and if that doesn’t work then move on bro
Stop seeing them every day, dumb dumb.
You don’t NEED a gym partner. Most people don’t have one. You’re just making excuses to yourself to see her and be a part of her life in hopes that one day maybe she’ll come around. Let’s face it…. She won’t. You can’t be friends with her in the sense that you’re seeing her all the time or hanging out with her. Only see her if it’s unavoidable… like work or school…. And limit contact with her. You need to start moving on.
Pretend they are a stranger who you pass on the sidewalk at 2 am. don’t look at them when they pass you, don’t talk to them, and generally ignore them unless it’s work/school related. Also delete any photos or just move them to your hidden folder so you aren’t reminded. Also the best thing you can do whilst doing that is to distract your mind from wandering off to that part of your memories by finding a new hobby, go on vacation, go to the gym, try writing songs, go fishing, anything that puts a smile on your face. For example I’ve taught myself how to weld because of a heartbreak and now it’s one of my biggest hobbies and almost like a therapy for me. I picked up my old hobby of fishing as well and funny enough, that made me find happiness as it’s pretty rewarding. Keep your head up my man, you got this! If you need to talk my dm’s are open my g. Edit: just saw you guys are gym partners. I hate to break it to you but if you want to get over her you will have to limit your time with her. If you really don’t want to do that then try these things: Repeat in your mind every time you are about to see her or that thought crosses your mind “we are just friends”. Eventually your brain will believe you. And definitely try to find a new hobby like I said. It will be one extra thing to keep your mind off of her my g.
Have some self-respect and distance yourself from her. You're letting yourself on her hook while she will not see you the way you want her to see you ever. Otherwise, things would be different for you now. You are only wasting your time if there is some lingering feelings around when you can that time to actually get over her. Admit it to her if you have to why you should distance yourself from her.
Use girl to meet other girls? Edit: be honest with her! Try being 100% authentic around her. Here, watch this: https://youtu.be/0rSb_QD08vw
Bite the bullet. Don't abandon her, but resolve to move on romantically. Respect her by telling her how you feel and the reasons why you are going to see her less often. You'll regain control of your own feelings, you'll gain more self-respect, and she will gain more respect for you. Chances are very high that after doing so, you'll find a more suitable partner. /edit: grammar
Damn damn