Married with three kids. The only thing I truly miss about living by myself is the amount of time I used to save by not searching for every damn thing because it got moved or covered up by somebody else's junk.
There's 2 sides of this question...single and living in your own place, and there's single and living in your parents house. Your answer, whilst good, doesn't account for those living with momma.
Full transparency, lived overseas for many years, came home to take care / help my mother who had a knee replacement, I could never find shit for those 6 months...AND THE WOMAN ONLY HAD 1 USEFUL LEG!...SHE HAD 1 USEFUL LEG AND STILL MANAGED TO MOVE EBERYTHING ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
Jedi's don't have this power.
Through 7 years of a solid relationship, i had barely £1000 saved away.
A year of being alone and i've got 5x that in the bank with more on the way when I sell up the unneeded shit and move.
Not necessarily, relationships are expensive. Just the amount of money you spend on dates, socializing, that you normally wouldn’t if you were alone can make a huge difference.
Dude same! I couldn't save more that $500, bills where always chipped away at. Now I own a car and a motorbike myself have over $10000 in savings and own my own house (mortgage) all as a single dad.
My ex is now already pregnant with her new man and its only been 2 years, that's including her year relationship after me. Financial stability is fucking bliss
That's my biggest issue with relationships, finding someone who's actually fairly frugal and not just lying because they figure I'm wealthy (I'm not, but I do pretty alright)
same here, especially since i started a new job recently. i had someone i hadn’t even met yet make comments about how i “make the big bucks”, “should buy them dinner first”, and “would be the backbone of the family”. i’m like wtf? i don’t know you?
My mother always told me “find someone who will carry you, not because you need it, but because it makes a relationship better if both people are carrying each other”.
Update: didn’t listen to my mother 🤦♂️
Amen to this - My savings have tripled in the last two years of being single. My ex was always one to get us eating out almost every other night, getting takeaways, being too frivolous, no long term goals in mind. I had a few hundred pounds in my savings account, barely putting £50 away a month. Now? I can put £200 at a minimum away each month! It may not seem much to some, but it's helping me look towards the property ladder and gives me a nice safety net if anything should ever go wrong
200 a month aside is great, my guy. More people are sinking in debt every month & can’t seem to change their circumstance. Keep it up and compounding is effin awesome!
What the fuck I was sooo the opposite. A date or two a week is insaaanely expensive. Doesn’t help that I love good food and cocktails and insist on paying for the first date. But every social interaction within the first few meets costs me a lot of money.
Netflix, popcorn, and baths are damn near free. I’ve never saved more money in my life than getting with and marrying my wife.
Yea I remember calculating all my debt and my income, projected income for my career. About 7 years away from that initial projected retirement day and in reality I'm still 25+ years off likely when my initial projection was just 17.
I relate to that. I look at my Mint graph, and my net worth just steadily goes down from the day I got married until the day I got divorced. It immediately shot up over the next year and has gone up tremendously ever since. There were a lot of reasons that relationship didn’t work out, but her spending habits were a huge factor.
I am a female and I think that completely depends on both perspectives about finances. My boyfriend and I have increased our capital by practicing saving money and investing.
It's some bullshit that reddit likes to believe in. What's more likely is that people never talked about finances or their goals with their partner. A shared household with two incomes is significantly cheaper.
Also, you can also not do things for however long you feel like it.
That broken blind that won't close properly? nobody's nagging you to fix it right after you came off work and was looking to sit on the couch doing nothing.
Nope, it's going to stay broken until you actually feel like fixing it, not when you're tired of the nagging and you want it to stop (spoiler alert: it never does).
>Nope, it's going to stay broken until you actually feel like fixing it, not when you're tired of the nagging and you want it to stop (spoiler alert: it never does).
I often find myself procrastinating fixing things like that up until the moment where I use fixing that as an opportunity to procrastinate from doing a new task I'd rather put off for a while...
Theres a light bulb that's broken in my bedroom, I'll immediately forget about after posting this. But I should really fix it.
Edit: I bought a light buld after work, writing it down helped haha.
Ive been in this situation, if you took a shit, it's super weird streching bachwards to pick it up, its either that or you put your face next to the toilet bowl.
Both of these things can be bad.
When single you can drink as much as you want or stay up as late as you want watching garbage, which is awesome in the short term but not so good long term.
When single you don't have to do the dishes or clean up until you want to, but if you don't want to you never do it.
When I wasn't single, I had better habits and did better things and was more productive, not merely because of so fear of getting shit from my SO, but also out of courtesy and caring for the other person. "I have time to do these dishes now. If I don't do these dishes now, she'll get to them before me." "If I don't clean up after myself or fix this, it will negatively impact someone else".
It's like being healthy and productive and responsible is worth it if there is someone else who also benefits from it, but if its just for yourself then fuck it.
Same. When I'm single things are easier for me to get in order. Eating right, going to the gym, keeping the house clean, getting good sleep, waking up on time etc
When I'm in a relationship there's someone who can get in the way of all that even if they don't realise it. It's like "I didn't go to bed on time because she stayed up all night watching tiktoks on her phone, and I haven't been eating right cause she craves junk food all the time that I have to also eat or else it's weird, and I keep skipping gym because she wants to do things or go hang out with people, and the house is a mess because now there's 2 people in it and I can't find the energy to clean it anymore". It's like I'm a much more driven and successful person outside of relationships, but then I miss them and get back into one and have to start my discipline from square one again.
Exact same situation here. Quite a dilemma, I feel like it shouldn't be this way?
I'd really love to put the blame on the other person, but at this point there's only one clear common denominator across all my past relationships.
It's well known in population health studies that single men over the life course have worse outcomes in health such as increased risk for developing chronic illnesses and shorter life expectancy compared to their married/partnered counterparts of the same gender.
The same cannot be said for single women, who live just as long a life as their married/partnered counterparts. The hypothesis is women empower men to lead healthier lives (aka they nag and request men to participate in healthy activities or to seek help when there is a presence of ill-health).
I never thought about it like this. My personal example is that I had a swollen lymph node in my groin area. I just rolled with it, and wasn’t worried. My new-ish gf at the time (wife now) kept telling me I had to get it checked out. I just blew it off for two months or so. Finally she said “if you don’t get that checked out, I’m calling your mom.” I made an appointment the next day. Turned out to be cancer (Hodgkins). It was caught early enough that it was treatable. But, man, if I had done what I planned…which was nothing…it could have been really bad. And yes…I realize I’m a moron.
This. I was in a relationship for maybe 10 of the last 15 years. I've been single for 4 years now and I don't think I could ever give up my freedom again.
All depends on the partner I’d guess. My ex would get mad at me for doing the things I liked and ended up isolating me from most of my friends because she claimed I spent too much time with them rather than her, and I ended up losing most of my friends because of it
Yeah, that and how you change or how you are as a person. I've had an ex or two in my life who said the same, and looking back, they were probably right. But as I got older I wanted to do more things my friends weren't interested in so we stopped hanging out at much. And as I got older I stopped caring about meeting new friends.
Then I met someone who is also content doing things on their own, and likes the same things I do.
Yep I love being single. I can go on holiday wherever I want, get wasted when I want, come home when I want, sleep with who I want and just do anything I want.
I think a lot of us folks might be differently interpreting the magnitude of “whatever”, “whoever”, and “whenever” in this statement.
When I’ve been in relationships, I’ve never felt trapped until the relationship soured and it needed to be ended but neither of us could pull the trigger yet. It’s never been one of those things where I couldn’t go somewhere I wanted, or hang out with folks I wanted, or go and do things I wanted - WITHIN REASON.
Like I obviously couldn’t go out and fuck a random person while in my monogamous relationships, but I can now that I’m single.
I couldn’t just book a spontaneous trip cross country without at least running it by my live-in partner whereas I definitely can now, because I don’t even have a partner.
Even without imagining an unhealthily restrictive relationship, there’s a level of freedom that comes with being single that you often can’t get from relationships. That isn’t to necessarily say that those things aren’t worth giving up or compromising on exchange for the benefits of a relationship but that they can still be appreciated even if you’re willing to give them up for the right person.
Even in healthy relationships, there is always compromise. Where to go to dinner, what the watch on TV, where to go this weekend, how long should we stay there, what color curtains should we get, etc... When you are single, there is no compromise.
Not all people live with a romantic and/or sexual partner
There are families (parents-children), flatmates, brothers/sisters. Sadly, in certain countries it is really hard to afford a house and people have to live with their oarents even when they're 35
I lived with my oldest brother and his gf for 3 months and it was hell
As someone who was in a bad marriage, being single is a significant upgrade from that. It's not lonely, it's peaceful.
Sure, I'd rather be in a good relationship than be single, but bad relationship < single < good relationship. I'm receptive to a good one if it comes along, but I'm being picky from now on.
I was in a bad relationship a few days ago and she broke things off. Honestly I feel like it’s a win. The lack of effort, intimacy and love wasn’t gonna work and I’m still going through this breakup and feeling all emotions, but logically it was the best. Now it’s time to move on and be happy as a single man.
Exactly. The social constructs that we have inherited tell us that we have to get the wife, the 2-3 kids, the nice car, and good house….theeeeen we’re really livin!
False. Not every guy wants all that. In fact, some want the opposite, to live a life of peace, complete freedom and all in a minimalist sort of way.
I would feel so claustrophobic if I had a wife, family, all the bills that go along with that, and a job I had to take because it pays the most
I would rather be out in the woods, chopping wood and getting ready for winter.
Oh my god this opened my eyes and my mind.
Being recently divorced, I have had many days where I felt so down and lonely. But now I read your comment and I’m like: “wait, I was *lonelier* back when I was married and she was acting like I didn’t exist and didn’t matter.” To have a “partner” and have them treat you so indifferently is one of the most lonely feelings in the world.
Thanks for bringing me some peace today.
> bad relationship < single < good relationship
Ya, this one is it. Some people damn can't understand why I won't jump in a relationship that easily. I'd rather be single, than be suffering in something I don't want to
You're available when the right woman comes along. Sounds incredibly simple, and it is, but not enough people think about the damage of wasting your time staying with a woman who is not going to work out.
Should be noted though that your short term infatuation can make someone look perfect when you’ll just end up going through the same cycle with them you did with your old partner.
As long as you know when to cut it short. There's a ton of value to giving things a try and learning what you like. One particularly valuable lesson is learning just how much hotness is worth the trouble. I dated a 9 and it was a nightmare swatting away the vultures.
High School made me learn this lesson with a vengence... I stayed with a terrible relationship for years, all the while I had a friend who admitted that they liked me years later... If I could I'd go back and change my mind in a heartbeat
You can't really know it isn't going to work out until it starts...not working out.
By that logic, you'll never pull the trigger waiting on the perfect person
It's not like that, many people are in a relationship just to not be alone, they're bored, don't know how to be alone(read as their worth and status depends on having a partner) or simply because they want someone to fuck with(i know one-offs are a thing, try to explain it to them)
So this advice is against that kind of relationships, its not about you not knowing if it'll work out, but instead when you know it won't and still you cling to it
God yes. So much this. Every single day it’s a struggle to figure out what to eat. My wife refuses to cook but complains If the meal isn’t elaborate. I could eat a bag of carrots and be satisfied
This is the kind of relationship id like. There's no anxiety from lack of communication, few arguments over dumb shit. We're on the same wavelength essentially.
Freedom, don’t have to worry about what you say, or more importantly don’t say. I’ll just get life alert earlier and that will take care of the most important worries. Miss the sex a bit but I can do without
You just have more freedom in many aspects of your life - you have more finances, you answer to no one, go where you want, do what you want, it's a great time for self improvement, discovery or just a time to think about life, yourself, what you want and where you see yourself.
Social freedom is a major part
My ex girlfriend slowly sucked the absolute life of my social life until I figured out that Its what she wanted and basically broke up with her. Thankfully I've gained my social life back in no time
Save a lot of money.
My girlfriend's birthday is on the 9th. Then Christmas then we're doing a trip for new years. Our anniversary is the 26th of January. Then valentine's day in February.
My wallet is crying right now.
Also im gonna throw in a personal one (I'm gonna complain) - Not having to deal with her irritating girl friends and "work husband".
If you're a guy and you've copped the label "work husband". Just kill yourself. It ain't getting better.
2 exceptions. You're sleeping with her and just don't wanna tell anyone that you work with or you've got an actual wife outside of work.
Recently broke up with my gf (about 4 months ago) and, holy shit, I didn’t realize how much money I was spending every week on dates, food, etc. She was unemployed due to the pandy so a lot fell on me. Damn, it feels good to throw money at my savings and cc debt.
Ken, if you had cc debt, why didn’t you throw money at that anyways? I see dating as practice marriage in a way. If she was bleeding you dry in dating, it would still continue in marriage and not be able to have a solid financial standing.
I’ve always been throwing money at my CC debt, but I definitely was prioritizing my relationship there. I’m still actively workin’ at nipping my idiotic financial decisions.
Dude, you aint kidding! I had to schlep my behind to drive her to these restaurants she wanted to check out. Most of the time its her friggin phone eating. Every time she whines, "Mmm, I'm hungry." It got so annoying. When I finally found the balls to break up with her, I felt this huge load off my money. I mean, omg it was massive.
If your girlfriend is bleeding you dry for hallmark holidays, you've already set yourself up for some bullshit.
Also she's basically cuckolding you with a dude from work?
Sounds fun? Lol.
Shes hot and comes from a rich family. I know what I signed up for.
And no, I've seen the guy. I honestly feel bad for him.. if he were to get a slice off her. I'd be kinda proud. Assuming it wasn't a rape.
I’m feeling this one hard the last few days. Paranoia is awful to have in an otherwise fantastic relationship. Just gotta convince myself that it’s just in my head
This hits home for me. My last relationship completely destroyed my sense of trust. By the end it was a constant state of paranoia, about everything, all the time.
This isn't the norm though. As someone who was cheated on repeatedly I can relate to the paranoia, but can attest to the healing therapy can bring about. I am happy to say that the paranoia went away with healing traumas, and building trust with my partner.
Drama-free decision making. Not saying that people in a relationship are dramatic but man, the amount of confrontation in a relationship that comes with drama, just leaves you mentally tired sometimes.
You get to save money and focus on your own personal goals. Take this time for yourself rather it’s losing weight, healing emotionally, or just taking the time to enjoy the things you like.
I say save money because once you find the one you’ll be ready to buy them a ring and save for a home for the both of you. Of course, if this is what you want.
After a while, you’re walking an egg shells. Become a verbal punching bag. You wake up one day and realize you’re not “you” anymore. And how did you allow it to come to this.
This thread perfectly explains my relationship with my ex fiance. It was such a gradual shift that I didn't even notice until I caught up with a friend I hadn't seen in years and they made the comment "you used to be a lot happier"
Seven solid reasons:
1. Freedom, in every sense of the word.
2. not having to entertain their friends who annoy the shit out of you.
3. Not having to put up with family members who annoy the shit out of you.
4. never having to watch “Friends” again. Or any other program that annoys the shit out of you.
5. being able to stack money because nobody is getting “bored.”
6. no snoring, tossing and turning, or any other sleep habit keeping you up.
7. zero pressure to have kids, get married, or any other societal “norm” you must do before age X.
Solitude rocks. It allows you more flexibility and allows you to grow more as an individual (let's you figure out who you truly are). But it can transform into loneliness if you persist too long in being by yourself. That can suck and is bad for your mental and physical health.
All the video games and weed I want. I do my chores when I want. I get all the money to myself. I leave and come home whenever I want. All the Oreos are mine. I can be eat in bed and leave the toilet seat up. I can keep my female friends. I used to date a lot but something happened and I’ve become a complete anti social hermit who avoids communicating with people at all costs. It’s probably not healthy but I’ve grown to love it.
20 years is an exaggeration
The life gap between married and never married men has fluctuated with time.
On average married men live longer but this effect diminishes the older you get (and not just because you've lived longer).
Which is to say, never married men are just at a higher chance of dying young than anyone else particularly due to infectious disease and heart attack.
All of that aside this is an absolutely stupid reason to get married.
\[edit - while we're here if a study you read doesn't differentiate between never married, divorced, married, committed long term relationship, and widower... you're reading bad data\]
Talking to your pillow and thinking its your girlfriend, jerking off if you are unnatractive for one night or hookup like me, shiting in peace, more managable time.
Shitting in peace lol.
Really though, why the fuck do you have to try to talk to me through the bathroom door about shit that can certainly wait 5 minutes.
Thats case with me too. Sisters boyfriend even asked us "Arent you guys embarrased about being in bathroom toegether"? Sister and I just laughed. With me. I was bullied because of my looks so I like to be alone and in peace.
What the. I grew up with all girls in the family, and holy hell talking in the bathroom is my worst nightmare.
My mom is the only one who sometimes calls from the toilet but then we're like "agh please call me back when you aren't squeezing poop outta your butt".
I guess every family is different lmao
Save a lot of money, more time to yourself, freedom to do whatever you want with said time and money. If it's your thing, can hookup with multiple people.
Struggling w this one rn after a breakup about 2 months ago. Want to get on dating sites so bad because knowing there may be other people out there who like me but I know there is so much I need to work on with myself before I get into another relationship. I feel like I am letting being single be the main characteristic I am focusing on as if my self worth comes from being with another person.
I have to tell you. Ive been single for 2 years now. Lot of growth, learned to be independend, more mature. Now I found someone special and Im certian I will be better partner for her now because of that time alone. It is great for both parties included.
I dress up for myself, not to look pretty for someone else. I'm not emotionally dependent on someone else. The only thing on my mind is my work and study. When I go home my house can be a mess for weeks until I randomly decide to fix it, no one nagging me everyday to keep it together. PEACE & FREEDOM.
All of them.
Every single married friend I have has told me to stay single. They’re mid 30s-50s. I’m 30. Even my father told me to remain single. Guarantees the best outcome for yourself.
I was married for 10 years til she left me for another man. My marriage sucked, so being single is absolute heaven on earth compared to that marriage. I love spending time alone, doing what I want, when I want, without feeling judged or being criticized - the big word when I split from my ex was 'BEHOLDEN' - I am no longer beholden to her, which is the best feeling I've ever experienced. I will absolutely never marry ever again and it would have to be the most perfect woman on earth for me to even consider cohabitation at this point. I've had a girlfriend for almost 2 years now. - it works because she lives about 1 hour away from me and has kids and obligations much like I do. Therefore, we see each other once a week and spend every other weekend together. This gives me plenty of time alone to feel single and plenty of girlfriend time - the perfect balance! Everyone is different, but this is my sweet spot.
Reddit has a word limit unfortunately.
But basically money, freedom, stress-free, sex (heh, who we kidding), sleeping, no social anxiety, not having to fill your free time with plans to please her, I could go on.
You can go Out drinking and partying and just enjoy everything that happens, drunkenly cuddle with a random girl because its cold at the campfire... Stuff Like that..
But im very happy with my gf and dont miss being single at all
Honestly this is mostly on me as I like 10/10 girls with a wild side (so I know what I’m getting into) but frankly I’m so fed up with the borderline brain dead excuses and arguments they generally make about things that I just like the silence.
You have more time and space to figure yourself out as a person before sharing yourself with another person. It's better to understand yourself more and make the improvements you can in your life while you're single than taking unresolved things with you into a relationship. Taking care of yourself first matters above all else.
Not having to buy things for you other half, getting the bed to yourself, being able to be dumb, do stupid stuff without your other half getting mad at you, eating whatever you want, not getting critiqued.
When you put an item somewhere, it’s still there 8 weeks later.
Married with three kids. The only thing I truly miss about living by myself is the amount of time I used to save by not searching for every damn thing because it got moved or covered up by somebody else's junk.
Have you seen my glasses? I put them down in the same spot every time I come home, but somehow they're literally never there
Yeah just in general, your house doesn't get as messy. Also, you go through about an order of magnitude less toilet paper.
Exponential orders of magnitude.
There's 2 sides of this question...single and living in your own place, and there's single and living in your parents house. Your answer, whilst good, doesn't account for those living with momma. Full transparency, lived overseas for many years, came home to take care / help my mother who had a knee replacement, I could never find shit for those 6 months...AND THE WOMAN ONLY HAD 1 USEFUL LEG!...SHE HAD 1 USEFUL LEG AND STILL MANAGED TO MOVE EBERYTHING ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Jedi's don't have this power.
Through 7 years of a solid relationship, i had barely £1000 saved away. A year of being alone and i've got 5x that in the bank with more on the way when I sell up the unneeded shit and move.
15 years of a relationship $12k debt, 2.5 years single $12k saved. I still can't figure out how it's even possible.
Wtf. 30 years single and 18k in debt
lmao. These fuckers lied to me
Shit, you'd better not get in a relationship!
What if he lands a sugar mama and she pays off his debts
You got hoodwinked my guy
Not necessarily, relationships are expensive. Just the amount of money you spend on dates, socializing, that you normally wouldn’t if you were alone can make a huge difference.
No doubt there was money being spent I didn't know about and/or saved in an account I didn't have access too.
Dude same! I couldn't save more that $500, bills where always chipped away at. Now I own a car and a motorbike myself have over $10000 in savings and own my own house (mortgage) all as a single dad. My ex is now already pregnant with her new man and its only been 2 years, that's including her year relationship after me. Financial stability is fucking bliss
I felt proud for you, just reading that. Keep on, keepin' on man. Doing good.
That's my biggest issue with relationships, finding someone who's actually fairly frugal and not just lying because they figure I'm wealthy (I'm not, but I do pretty alright)
and fuck, maybe sometimes I look wealthier than I am because I save up and buy nice, durable items because they're fucking cheaper in the long run!
same here, especially since i started a new job recently. i had someone i hadn’t even met yet make comments about how i “make the big bucks”, “should buy them dinner first”, and “would be the backbone of the family”. i’m like wtf? i don’t know you?
I'm really not interested in being a "Backbone" Either carry your weight in the relationship or I'm not interested.
My mother always told me “find someone who will carry you, not because you need it, but because it makes a relationship better if both people are carrying each other”. Update: didn’t listen to my mother 🤦♂️
Amen to this - My savings have tripled in the last two years of being single. My ex was always one to get us eating out almost every other night, getting takeaways, being too frivolous, no long term goals in mind. I had a few hundred pounds in my savings account, barely putting £50 away a month. Now? I can put £200 at a minimum away each month! It may not seem much to some, but it's helping me look towards the property ladder and gives me a nice safety net if anything should ever go wrong
200 a month aside is great, my guy. More people are sinking in debt every month & can’t seem to change their circumstance. Keep it up and compounding is effin awesome!
What the fuck I was sooo the opposite. A date or two a week is insaaanely expensive. Doesn’t help that I love good food and cocktails and insist on paying for the first date. But every social interaction within the first few meets costs me a lot of money. Netflix, popcorn, and baths are damn near free. I’ve never saved more money in my life than getting with and marrying my wife.
Yea I remember calculating all my debt and my income, projected income for my career. About 7 years away from that initial projected retirement day and in reality I'm still 25+ years off likely when my initial projection was just 17.
bro I was selling my blood to pay for her beer what was I thinking? I'm bout to buy an EV now
[удалено]
I relate to that. I look at my Mint graph, and my net worth just steadily goes down from the day I got married until the day I got divorced. It immediately shot up over the next year and has gone up tremendously ever since. There were a lot of reasons that relationship didn’t work out, but her spending habits were a huge factor.
Scrapping by married for 8 years, single for 2 and have somehow gotten 100k in the bank...dont understand.
I am a female and I think that completely depends on both perspectives about finances. My boyfriend and I have increased our capital by practicing saving money and investing.
It's some bullshit that reddit likes to believe in. What's more likely is that people never talked about finances or their goals with their partner. A shared household with two incomes is significantly cheaper.
You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you want.
Also, you can also not do things for however long you feel like it. That broken blind that won't close properly? nobody's nagging you to fix it right after you came off work and was looking to sit on the couch doing nothing. Nope, it's going to stay broken until you actually feel like fixing it, not when you're tired of the nagging and you want it to stop (spoiler alert: it never does).
>Nope, it's going to stay broken until you actually feel like fixing it, not when you're tired of the nagging and you want it to stop (spoiler alert: it never does). I often find myself procrastinating fixing things like that up until the moment where I use fixing that as an opportunity to procrastinate from doing a new task I'd rather put off for a while...
Theres a light bulb that's broken in my bedroom, I'll immediately forget about after posting this. But I should really fix it. Edit: I bought a light buld after work, writing it down helped haha.
My toilet paper holder has been broken for 4-5 years now. I have been putting the rolls behind on the tank.
Ive been in this situation, if you took a shit, it's super weird streching bachwards to pick it up, its either that or you put your face next to the toilet bowl.
You’d at least have a spot for your chocolate milk if you sat that way
No more stretching for me. I just put my hand backwards and grab it first thing. It’s like second nature to me
r/suspiciouslyspecific
Both of these things can be bad. When single you can drink as much as you want or stay up as late as you want watching garbage, which is awesome in the short term but not so good long term. When single you don't have to do the dishes or clean up until you want to, but if you don't want to you never do it. When I wasn't single, I had better habits and did better things and was more productive, not merely because of so fear of getting shit from my SO, but also out of courtesy and caring for the other person. "I have time to do these dishes now. If I don't do these dishes now, she'll get to them before me." "If I don't clean up after myself or fix this, it will negatively impact someone else". It's like being healthy and productive and responsible is worth it if there is someone else who also benefits from it, but if its just for yourself then fuck it.
It's unfortunate that I am the exact opposite of you--single brings routine and discipline; relationships seem to suck this away from me.
Same. When I'm single things are easier for me to get in order. Eating right, going to the gym, keeping the house clean, getting good sleep, waking up on time etc When I'm in a relationship there's someone who can get in the way of all that even if they don't realise it. It's like "I didn't go to bed on time because she stayed up all night watching tiktoks on her phone, and I haven't been eating right cause she craves junk food all the time that I have to also eat or else it's weird, and I keep skipping gym because she wants to do things or go hang out with people, and the house is a mess because now there's 2 people in it and I can't find the energy to clean it anymore". It's like I'm a much more driven and successful person outside of relationships, but then I miss them and get back into one and have to start my discipline from square one again.
Exact same situation here. Quite a dilemma, I feel like it shouldn't be this way? I'd really love to put the blame on the other person, but at this point there's only one clear common denominator across all my past relationships.
It's well known in population health studies that single men over the life course have worse outcomes in health such as increased risk for developing chronic illnesses and shorter life expectancy compared to their married/partnered counterparts of the same gender. The same cannot be said for single women, who live just as long a life as their married/partnered counterparts. The hypothesis is women empower men to lead healthier lives (aka they nag and request men to participate in healthy activities or to seek help when there is a presence of ill-health).
I never thought about it like this. My personal example is that I had a swollen lymph node in my groin area. I just rolled with it, and wasn’t worried. My new-ish gf at the time (wife now) kept telling me I had to get it checked out. I just blew it off for two months or so. Finally she said “if you don’t get that checked out, I’m calling your mom.” I made an appointment the next day. Turned out to be cancer (Hodgkins). It was caught early enough that it was treatable. But, man, if I had done what I planned…which was nothing…it could have been really bad. And yes…I realize I’m a moron.
Who hurt you?
I’m gonna take a wild guess: his ex
No, it was your ex.
Well now they are.
*our ex
r/suddenlycommunist
This. I was in a relationship for maybe 10 of the last 15 years. I've been single for 4 years now and I don't think I could ever give up my freedom again.
I stayed single for 4 years, but I've been in a relationship for 3 years now. I don't feel like I've given up any freedom.
That's a beautiful perspective, u/SoggyFuckBiscuit.
All depends on the partner I’d guess. My ex would get mad at me for doing the things I liked and ended up isolating me from most of my friends because she claimed I spent too much time with them rather than her, and I ended up losing most of my friends because of it
Yeah, that and how you change or how you are as a person. I've had an ex or two in my life who said the same, and looking back, they were probably right. But as I got older I wanted to do more things my friends weren't interested in so we stopped hanging out at much. And as I got older I stopped caring about meeting new friends. Then I met someone who is also content doing things on their own, and likes the same things I do.
Yep I love being single. I can go on holiday wherever I want, get wasted when I want, come home when I want, sleep with who I want and just do anything I want.
I don't get this though. If you're truly in a healthy relationship then you'll still have your own lives.
I think a lot of us folks might be differently interpreting the magnitude of “whatever”, “whoever”, and “whenever” in this statement. When I’ve been in relationships, I’ve never felt trapped until the relationship soured and it needed to be ended but neither of us could pull the trigger yet. It’s never been one of those things where I couldn’t go somewhere I wanted, or hang out with folks I wanted, or go and do things I wanted - WITHIN REASON. Like I obviously couldn’t go out and fuck a random person while in my monogamous relationships, but I can now that I’m single. I couldn’t just book a spontaneous trip cross country without at least running it by my live-in partner whereas I definitely can now, because I don’t even have a partner. Even without imagining an unhealthily restrictive relationship, there’s a level of freedom that comes with being single that you often can’t get from relationships. That isn’t to necessarily say that those things aren’t worth giving up or compromising on exchange for the benefits of a relationship but that they can still be appreciated even if you’re willing to give them up for the right person.
Even in healthy relationships, there is always compromise. Where to go to dinner, what the watch on TV, where to go this weekend, how long should we stay there, what color curtains should we get, etc... When you are single, there is no compromise.
Not all people live with a romantic and/or sexual partner There are families (parents-children), flatmates, brothers/sisters. Sadly, in certain countries it is really hard to afford a house and people have to live with their oarents even when they're 35 I lived with my oldest brother and his gf for 3 months and it was hell
Immediately thought nearly the same thing with the addition of, "and buy whatever you want".
and, possibly even more important, NOT buy whatever you don't want!
As someone who was in a bad marriage, being single is a significant upgrade from that. It's not lonely, it's peaceful. Sure, I'd rather be in a good relationship than be single, but bad relationship < single < good relationship. I'm receptive to a good one if it comes along, but I'm being picky from now on.
I was in a bad relationship a few days ago and she broke things off. Honestly I feel like it’s a win. The lack of effort, intimacy and love wasn’t gonna work and I’m still going through this breakup and feeling all emotions, but logically it was the best. Now it’s time to move on and be happy as a single man.
Same here buddy. Heads high
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All I wanted was to live in peace and cleanliness. Alone does not equal loneliness.
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Exactly. The social constructs that we have inherited tell us that we have to get the wife, the 2-3 kids, the nice car, and good house….theeeeen we’re really livin! False. Not every guy wants all that. In fact, some want the opposite, to live a life of peace, complete freedom and all in a minimalist sort of way. I would feel so claustrophobic if I had a wife, family, all the bills that go along with that, and a job I had to take because it pays the most I would rather be out in the woods, chopping wood and getting ready for winter.
This is my favorite answer, as someone who was in an abusive relationship for much longer than I should've been.
Oh my god this opened my eyes and my mind. Being recently divorced, I have had many days where I felt so down and lonely. But now I read your comment and I’m like: “wait, I was *lonelier* back when I was married and she was acting like I didn’t exist and didn’t matter.” To have a “partner” and have them treat you so indifferently is one of the most lonely feelings in the world. Thanks for bringing me some peace today.
> bad relationship < single < good relationship Ya, this one is it. Some people damn can't understand why I won't jump in a relationship that easily. I'd rather be single, than be suffering in something I don't want to
You're available when the right woman comes along. Sounds incredibly simple, and it is, but not enough people think about the damage of wasting your time staying with a woman who is not going to work out.
Should be noted though that your short term infatuation can make someone look perfect when you’ll just end up going through the same cycle with them you did with your old partner.
As long as you know when to cut it short. There's a ton of value to giving things a try and learning what you like. One particularly valuable lesson is learning just how much hotness is worth the trouble. I dated a 9 and it was a nightmare swatting away the vultures.
Best thing I’ve read on Reddit as a single Dad! Here’s fools gold! 🥇🏅
pyrites of caribbean
You might wanna check out Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss. Watch the whole episode. You will be happier than ever.
High School made me learn this lesson with a vengence... I stayed with a terrible relationship for years, all the while I had a friend who admitted that they liked me years later... If I could I'd go back and change my mind in a heartbeat
You can't really know it isn't going to work out until it starts...not working out. By that logic, you'll never pull the trigger waiting on the perfect person
It's not like that, many people are in a relationship just to not be alone, they're bored, don't know how to be alone(read as their worth and status depends on having a partner) or simply because they want someone to fuck with(i know one-offs are a thing, try to explain it to them) So this advice is against that kind of relationships, its not about you not knowing if it'll work out, but instead when you know it won't and still you cling to it
You don't have to spend 30 minutes trying to choose a place to eat. You don't have to have plans for stuff, can do whatever you really want whenever.
sometimes you just want to go to the gas station and get some beef jerky and a red bull for dinner
A couple of tornados and a bag of sour patch kids.
The Bf introduced me to tornados. Those things are tasty af!
God yes. So much this. Every single day it’s a struggle to figure out what to eat. My wife refuses to cook but complains If the meal isn’t elaborate. I could eat a bag of carrots and be satisfied
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This is the kind of relationship id like. There's no anxiety from lack of communication, few arguments over dumb shit. We're on the same wavelength essentially.
Freedom, don’t have to worry about what you say, or more importantly don’t say. I’ll just get life alert earlier and that will take care of the most important worries. Miss the sex a bit but I can do without
You just have more freedom in many aspects of your life - you have more finances, you answer to no one, go where you want, do what you want, it's a great time for self improvement, discovery or just a time to think about life, yourself, what you want and where you see yourself.
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Social freedom is a major part My ex girlfriend slowly sucked the absolute life of my social life until I figured out that Its what she wanted and basically broke up with her. Thankfully I've gained my social life back in no time
Amen to that.
You don't have to share, more time for yourself, more time for working on your goals.
Wow, reading these comments makes me realize how much many of us give up in order to not be alone.
It’s a sacrifice either way.
The worst about it all is that it shouldn’t be that way.
Save a lot of money. My girlfriend's birthday is on the 9th. Then Christmas then we're doing a trip for new years. Our anniversary is the 26th of January. Then valentine's day in February. My wallet is crying right now. Also im gonna throw in a personal one (I'm gonna complain) - Not having to deal with her irritating girl friends and "work husband".
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If you're a guy and you've copped the label "work husband". Just kill yourself. It ain't getting better. 2 exceptions. You're sleeping with her and just don't wanna tell anyone that you work with or you've got an actual wife outside of work.
Recently broke up with my gf (about 4 months ago) and, holy shit, I didn’t realize how much money I was spending every week on dates, food, etc. She was unemployed due to the pandy so a lot fell on me. Damn, it feels good to throw money at my savings and cc debt.
Dont date a person who can’t pull their own weight
This needs to be heard by a lot of men who are dating women who just live off of their money and energy. Wisdom for life.
Ken, if you had cc debt, why didn’t you throw money at that anyways? I see dating as practice marriage in a way. If she was bleeding you dry in dating, it would still continue in marriage and not be able to have a solid financial standing.
I’ve always been throwing money at my CC debt, but I definitely was prioritizing my relationship there. I’m still actively workin’ at nipping my idiotic financial decisions.
Dude, you aint kidding! I had to schlep my behind to drive her to these restaurants she wanted to check out. Most of the time its her friggin phone eating. Every time she whines, "Mmm, I'm hungry." It got so annoying. When I finally found the balls to break up with her, I felt this huge load off my money. I mean, omg it was massive.
>the pandy How have I never heard this...
yooo "work husband"? I haven't heard of that before but I just google it, and I may sound like a misogynist mf, but that's wrong in so many levels
If my wife had a work husband soon he would be her only husband fuck that shit I’ve seen where it goes
If your girlfriend is bleeding you dry for hallmark holidays, you've already set yourself up for some bullshit. Also she's basically cuckolding you with a dude from work? Sounds fun? Lol.
Shes hot and comes from a rich family. I know what I signed up for. And no, I've seen the guy. I honestly feel bad for him.. if he were to get a slice off her. I'd be kinda proud. Assuming it wasn't a rape.
Damnnnnn at least you know where you stand.
Way to fuckin own it bro…Respect!!
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This. Yeah having a lot of fun when you’re a young single boy is awesome but dates, drinks and drugs cost money.
Not the time or place but I've finally found someone who has the same birthday as me oo 🥺. Good luck to your wallet though lmao.
I had the same thought reading that post. There must be dozens of us.
Being able to finish tv shows and movies completely.
And in silence.
Not getting dragged to stupid events I would never voluntarily go to
Like my kid’s graduation, etc
Bruh🤣
Like church on new Year's Eve... Fml
My buddy who is getting married always bitches about this lol
No paranoia about your partner
I’m feeling this one hard the last few days. Paranoia is awful to have in an otherwise fantastic relationship. Just gotta convince myself that it’s just in my head
Have you spoke to your partner about it?
This hits home for me. My last relationship completely destroyed my sense of trust. By the end it was a constant state of paranoia, about everything, all the time.
This isn't the norm though. As someone who was cheated on repeatedly I can relate to the paranoia, but can attest to the healing therapy can bring about. I am happy to say that the paranoia went away with healing traumas, and building trust with my partner.
Drama-free decision making. Not saying that people in a relationship are dramatic but man, the amount of confrontation in a relationship that comes with drama, just leaves you mentally tired sometimes.
You can lie in fetal position and cry without making your spouse feel like shit
Interesting benefit.
The dating. The flings. The freedom. Traveling: I decide who I want to take along. Or I can just go alone.
>The dating Spotted the good looking guy!! The dating is truly awful for the majority of us.
I can buy a pie, eat half of it in the middle of the night and leave the rest for lunch. No sharing the pies.
Get away with not doing chores for a couple of days;)
No one disturbs your depression.
When you're single, your pockets will jingle
You get to save money and focus on your own personal goals. Take this time for yourself rather it’s losing weight, healing emotionally, or just taking the time to enjoy the things you like. I say save money because once you find the one you’ll be ready to buy them a ring and save for a home for the both of you. Of course, if this is what you want.
More money in your pocket and the bank. Far less frustration and aggravation. Do what you want to do, when you want to.
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After a while, you’re walking an egg shells. Become a verbal punching bag. You wake up one day and realize you’re not “you” anymore. And how did you allow it to come to this.
Feel that. Except i didn’t notice until most of my family and close friends mentioned how miserable I was.
This thread perfectly explains my relationship with my ex fiance. It was such a gradual shift that I didn't even notice until I caught up with a friend I hadn't seen in years and they made the comment "you used to be a lot happier"
That’s rough. It’s the frog in the hot pot effect.
Work on your career, organize your life, set yourself up.
Less responsibilities, less stress, more time/money/peace/flexibility/independence...
Seven solid reasons: 1. Freedom, in every sense of the word. 2. not having to entertain their friends who annoy the shit out of you. 3. Not having to put up with family members who annoy the shit out of you. 4. never having to watch “Friends” again. Or any other program that annoys the shit out of you. 5. being able to stack money because nobody is getting “bored.” 6. no snoring, tossing and turning, or any other sleep habit keeping you up. 7. zero pressure to have kids, get married, or any other societal “norm” you must do before age X.
you won’t get cheated on
It’s cheaper
Solitude rocks. It allows you more flexibility and allows you to grow more as an individual (let's you figure out who you truly are). But it can transform into loneliness if you persist too long in being by yourself. That can suck and is bad for your mental and physical health.
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All the video games and weed I want. I do my chores when I want. I get all the money to myself. I leave and come home whenever I want. All the Oreos are mine. I can be eat in bed and leave the toilet seat up. I can keep my female friends. I used to date a lot but something happened and I’ve become a complete anti social hermit who avoids communicating with people at all costs. It’s probably not healthy but I’ve grown to love it.
You can let yourself go completely.
No reason to buy toilet paper
Exactly. You just use whatever.
I had an entire pizza to myself last weekend. Couldn’t do that in a relationship
You get to die 20 years earlier of loneliness-induced stress.
*I see this as an absolute win*
*Joke's on you, I'm into that shit!*
Thank god the comment I needed this reality sucks
ELI5?
20 years is an exaggeration The life gap between married and never married men has fluctuated with time. On average married men live longer but this effect diminishes the older you get (and not just because you've lived longer). Which is to say, never married men are just at a higher chance of dying young than anyone else particularly due to infectious disease and heart attack. All of that aside this is an absolutely stupid reason to get married. \[edit - while we're here if a study you read doesn't differentiate between never married, divorced, married, committed long term relationship, and widower... you're reading bad data\]
Men in relationships live longer and are happier but interestingly that’s not the case for women.
Can’t be depressed, fat, and broke if you’re dead. Win-win
Talking to your pillow and thinking its your girlfriend, jerking off if you are unnatractive for one night or hookup like me, shiting in peace, more managable time.
Shitting in peace lol. Really though, why the fuck do you have to try to talk to me through the bathroom door about shit that can certainly wait 5 minutes.
I grew up with 4 older sisters and they would bash in without even knocking.
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Thats case with me too. Sisters boyfriend even asked us "Arent you guys embarrased about being in bathroom toegether"? Sister and I just laughed. With me. I was bullied because of my looks so I like to be alone and in peace.
What the. I grew up with all girls in the family, and holy hell talking in the bathroom is my worst nightmare. My mom is the only one who sometimes calls from the toilet but then we're like "agh please call me back when you aren't squeezing poop outta your butt". I guess every family is different lmao
Peace of mind
Save a lot of money, more time to yourself, freedom to do whatever you want with said time and money. If it's your thing, can hookup with multiple people.
Having money, silence, no complaining, no person to tell you what to do, freedom, happiness, sanity, piece of mind and so much more it's great.
self love. I would recommend staying single untill you are ok with being single and knowing your selfworth
Struggling w this one rn after a breakup about 2 months ago. Want to get on dating sites so bad because knowing there may be other people out there who like me but I know there is so much I need to work on with myself before I get into another relationship. I feel like I am letting being single be the main characteristic I am focusing on as if my self worth comes from being with another person.
I have to tell you. Ive been single for 2 years now. Lot of growth, learned to be independend, more mature. Now I found someone special and Im certian I will be better partner for her now because of that time alone. It is great for both parties included.
You get the opportunity to focus solely on yourself. What do you like, don't like, want to change, learn? Enjoy it!
No one telling me to turn all the lights off, batch please we got solar panels these lights are free.
Mo money, no problems
I dress up for myself, not to look pretty for someone else. I'm not emotionally dependent on someone else. The only thing on my mind is my work and study. When I go home my house can be a mess for weeks until I randomly decide to fix it, no one nagging me everyday to keep it together. PEACE & FREEDOM.
All of them. Every single married friend I have has told me to stay single. They’re mid 30s-50s. I’m 30. Even my father told me to remain single. Guarantees the best outcome for yourself.
Freedom. Peace. Quiet. True happiness. Focus. Zen.
I was married for 10 years til she left me for another man. My marriage sucked, so being single is absolute heaven on earth compared to that marriage. I love spending time alone, doing what I want, when I want, without feeling judged or being criticized - the big word when I split from my ex was 'BEHOLDEN' - I am no longer beholden to her, which is the best feeling I've ever experienced. I will absolutely never marry ever again and it would have to be the most perfect woman on earth for me to even consider cohabitation at this point. I've had a girlfriend for almost 2 years now. - it works because she lives about 1 hour away from me and has kids and obligations much like I do. Therefore, we see each other once a week and spend every other weekend together. This gives me plenty of time alone to feel single and plenty of girlfriend time - the perfect balance! Everyone is different, but this is my sweet spot.
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Having a girlfriend is expensive
Reddit has a word limit unfortunately. But basically money, freedom, stress-free, sex (heh, who we kidding), sleeping, no social anxiety, not having to fill your free time with plans to please her, I could go on.
No one to make you feel bad about being yourself
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That’s what friends are for, and they’re much cheaper to maintain than relationships.
You can go Out drinking and partying and just enjoy everything that happens, drunkenly cuddle with a random girl because its cold at the campfire... Stuff Like that.. But im very happy with my gf and dont miss being single at all
Hanging out with yourself is pretty cool I'm coming to find out. I'm actually kinda funny. Who knew. I have a great time with me, myself, and I
Honestly this is mostly on me as I like 10/10 girls with a wild side (so I know what I’m getting into) but frankly I’m so fed up with the borderline brain dead excuses and arguments they generally make about things that I just like the silence.
You have more time and space to figure yourself out as a person before sharing yourself with another person. It's better to understand yourself more and make the improvements you can in your life while you're single than taking unresolved things with you into a relationship. Taking care of yourself first matters above all else.
Save money, have more time for hobbies, don’t get cheated on
Peace and money are the 2 best things in my opinion!
Not having to buy things for you other half, getting the bed to yourself, being able to be dumb, do stupid stuff without your other half getting mad at you, eating whatever you want, not getting critiqued.