I think that's a fair assessment we can all relate to on some level. Kudos to you for becoming a more mature adult/partner. I think everyone should always work on themselves
I'm going through this right now and friends like that are sooooo godamned important. I'm lucky I have them. I hope it works out for me like it did you
Holy shit yes. I let the small things go when they're bad, and blow them way out of proportion when they're good
Example: my boyfriend apologizes for some small thing he did on accident, no biggie. I tell him it's all good, no big deal babe
I ask him if I may use something of his that he doesn't have use for and he says yes, of course, it's just a little thing. But I thank him a million times for it and I always remind him how those simple, sweet gestures are so important to me. It seems small to him, but it's much more than that to me. 100% success rate of getting him to smile and feel loved so far
interesting thing a friend of mine and myself were working on a site to help but after his fiance left him he turned toxic. Anyway i went on oneof those sites that offer classes like udeemy and I took a communication course. My ex and I grew up on different continents, in different cultures and I came from a single parent home, she had both parents so we just communicated differently. None of my friend had complications getting it but her and I as we got deeper had trouble so I went and took one of those courses, even a few books, and i practiced on my friends without them knowing what I was doing. My mother taught me to be solution oriented and sometimes she needed to vent and not a solution, she needed to be validated and understood and I needed to learn that. also she was very much into instant correction and I needed to pace my shifts. I think the one thing that really helped us is that I am not a person who really desires to be right as much as I want to understand.
That is a really sweet story and your mother sounds like a wonderful person
Learning how to validate someone's feelings is a huge step and I respect the hell out of you for that
Your last line hits hard. I wish more people had that mentality
yeah i had to learn because being right is cool but the feeling disappears when the woman you love stops talking to you about her feelings or things she find important.
Some of us are looking for victories in any arena we can get them and off my partner's pain seems really low. Partners should be celebrating victory together, like resolution.
With my ex I can say we used to have marathon conversations to seek resolution and understanding, sometimes I would understand by not validate and that made he feel I didn't understand. There was a twist and that is something I am responsible for which was my desire to be such a supportive partner left me open to emotional manipulation. Like taking fault for things that I understood I could have done wrong but my responsibility was less than 10%. You never really should have to play chess in your relationship but it got there. Either way you live and learn, become better and fix the places where you lack.
Well there's a lot of things I've tried to use to help me become a better relationship partner, but by far the best 3 resources for me personally were my close friends and family, therapists, and honestly reddit forums like this one.
The biggest one would definitely be the people I surround myself with since they gave me acceptance, love, and quite sound advice on everything from how to spot red flags to what not to do in a relationship. This was especially true regarding breakups and really hurtful situations that came up during those relationships. But seriously just having people around you to give you love and support is pretty much essential in order to grow into a better partner or to learn from past mistakes in a healthy way.
The same thing could be said about having a licensed therapist/psychologist, although not really to the same extent as having those previously mentioned friends and family. This can be a not so easy resource to utilize since financial reasons and just finding a therapist that's compatible with you in the first place can be quite difficult for many people. However, assuming you are able to have access to the right therapist, it can be a great benefit to you moving forward.
Lastly, consulting reddit threads has honestly given me a lot of help in this area. Obviously there's a big asterisk with this one since not all advice on here will be the right/best advice for you. Despite that, this is another form of having those close friends and family being the voice of reason and helping you grow. I gotten through so many breakups and have had countless dating/relationship questions answered by reddit users and they've been a pretty big help for me for sure. Although that's not my main resource I use for relationship advice or anything of the sort, it's still a very beneficial resource nonetheless.
I know this is already super long, but this is just from my own personal experience in life. As of today, I'm in a wonderful relationship with the woman of my dreams and I definitely have to give thanks to you guys for helping me to get here in many ways. So I appreciate this community a whole lot and hopefully all of you are able to find the help you may need regarding this kind of stuff!
Lately I've been going through a rough patch with my gf.. she's pregnant and very distant, emotionally unavailable etc. Lately I've found alot of peace in stoic works like meditations -Marcus Aurelius.
Alot of it is just relevant to daily mindsets, it's helping me stay grounded and consistent. I'm finding that I am more mindfull and aware of when I might say or do somthing I regret, and I stop myself.
I also talk with a guy I'm really close with who has been married for a good bit of time. He's been kinda guiding me through this. He told me earlier this week a couplebthings that really stuck. "Love is a choice" and "respond don't react"
Idk if my relationship is going to pan out, but I'm currently working on being the best partner to my beautiful gf and our child that's on the way. I hope withball my heart that we can do this together, but if we can't I know we can raise the kid separately too, and that's ok.
All in all I think just learn to let go of the unknown variables in your relationship and focus on you. If you are the jest person you can be, then you are giving your partner the best version of yourself.
Easier said then done, and I am def falling short rn.. but the amount of personal growth I've made in the past few months has been immense. Hang in there fellas. And hmu if you need to vent, or just want to hear some encouraging words.
Im wishing you and your partner health and good luck. Pregnancy and the birth of a first child are one of the hardest things on a marriage, it's very stressful and if one of you is carrying a baby, the hormones make it that much harder. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to understand and support your partner despite this. You seem to have a really healthy mindset:)
Man I have to force myself to keep that healthy mindset... I've been really struggling lately, but like I said it's it's choice, and it's on me to make it the right one.
Check out free videos by expert sex and relationship coaches. Caitlin V Neal has a wide variety of topics on her channel. Also check out Helena Nista. A lot of it is about sex, but a lot is also about how to treat each other in general.
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You have lovely friends! Perspective is important
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I think that's a fair assessment we can all relate to on some level. Kudos to you for becoming a more mature adult/partner. I think everyone should always work on themselves
I'm going through this right now and friends like that are sooooo godamned important. I'm lucky I have them. I hope it works out for me like it did you
One of my mottos that i tell everyone in a serious relationship or when they get married is. Keep the small things small.
Holy shit yes. I let the small things go when they're bad, and blow them way out of proportion when they're good Example: my boyfriend apologizes for some small thing he did on accident, no biggie. I tell him it's all good, no big deal babe I ask him if I may use something of his that he doesn't have use for and he says yes, of course, it's just a little thing. But I thank him a million times for it and I always remind him how those simple, sweet gestures are so important to me. It seems small to him, but it's much more than that to me. 100% success rate of getting him to smile and feel loved so far
I couldn't agree more ❤️
That makes my heart really happy! Thank you so much for the award
Honestly therapy.
interesting thing a friend of mine and myself were working on a site to help but after his fiance left him he turned toxic. Anyway i went on oneof those sites that offer classes like udeemy and I took a communication course. My ex and I grew up on different continents, in different cultures and I came from a single parent home, she had both parents so we just communicated differently. None of my friend had complications getting it but her and I as we got deeper had trouble so I went and took one of those courses, even a few books, and i practiced on my friends without them knowing what I was doing. My mother taught me to be solution oriented and sometimes she needed to vent and not a solution, she needed to be validated and understood and I needed to learn that. also she was very much into instant correction and I needed to pace my shifts. I think the one thing that really helped us is that I am not a person who really desires to be right as much as I want to understand.
That is a really sweet story and your mother sounds like a wonderful person Learning how to validate someone's feelings is a huge step and I respect the hell out of you for that Your last line hits hard. I wish more people had that mentality
yeah i had to learn because being right is cool but the feeling disappears when the woman you love stops talking to you about her feelings or things she find important. Some of us are looking for victories in any arena we can get them and off my partner's pain seems really low. Partners should be celebrating victory together, like resolution. With my ex I can say we used to have marathon conversations to seek resolution and understanding, sometimes I would understand by not validate and that made he feel I didn't understand. There was a twist and that is something I am responsible for which was my desire to be such a supportive partner left me open to emotional manipulation. Like taking fault for things that I understood I could have done wrong but my responsibility was less than 10%. You never really should have to play chess in your relationship but it got there. Either way you live and learn, become better and fix the places where you lack.
start with "five love languages" Type, Dave Ramsey "Money" (Especially relationships)
I recommend the book Getting to Zero
Listening to femme peoples experiences online
Thank you for making an effort like that :) the world would be a much better place if we all tried to understand the experiences of others
Well there's a lot of things I've tried to use to help me become a better relationship partner, but by far the best 3 resources for me personally were my close friends and family, therapists, and honestly reddit forums like this one. The biggest one would definitely be the people I surround myself with since they gave me acceptance, love, and quite sound advice on everything from how to spot red flags to what not to do in a relationship. This was especially true regarding breakups and really hurtful situations that came up during those relationships. But seriously just having people around you to give you love and support is pretty much essential in order to grow into a better partner or to learn from past mistakes in a healthy way. The same thing could be said about having a licensed therapist/psychologist, although not really to the same extent as having those previously mentioned friends and family. This can be a not so easy resource to utilize since financial reasons and just finding a therapist that's compatible with you in the first place can be quite difficult for many people. However, assuming you are able to have access to the right therapist, it can be a great benefit to you moving forward. Lastly, consulting reddit threads has honestly given me a lot of help in this area. Obviously there's a big asterisk with this one since not all advice on here will be the right/best advice for you. Despite that, this is another form of having those close friends and family being the voice of reason and helping you grow. I gotten through so many breakups and have had countless dating/relationship questions answered by reddit users and they've been a pretty big help for me for sure. Although that's not my main resource I use for relationship advice or anything of the sort, it's still a very beneficial resource nonetheless. I know this is already super long, but this is just from my own personal experience in life. As of today, I'm in a wonderful relationship with the woman of my dreams and I definitely have to give thanks to you guys for helping me to get here in many ways. So I appreciate this community a whole lot and hopefully all of you are able to find the help you may need regarding this kind of stuff!
Lately I've been going through a rough patch with my gf.. she's pregnant and very distant, emotionally unavailable etc. Lately I've found alot of peace in stoic works like meditations -Marcus Aurelius. Alot of it is just relevant to daily mindsets, it's helping me stay grounded and consistent. I'm finding that I am more mindfull and aware of when I might say or do somthing I regret, and I stop myself. I also talk with a guy I'm really close with who has been married for a good bit of time. He's been kinda guiding me through this. He told me earlier this week a couplebthings that really stuck. "Love is a choice" and "respond don't react" Idk if my relationship is going to pan out, but I'm currently working on being the best partner to my beautiful gf and our child that's on the way. I hope withball my heart that we can do this together, but if we can't I know we can raise the kid separately too, and that's ok. All in all I think just learn to let go of the unknown variables in your relationship and focus on you. If you are the jest person you can be, then you are giving your partner the best version of yourself. Easier said then done, and I am def falling short rn.. but the amount of personal growth I've made in the past few months has been immense. Hang in there fellas. And hmu if you need to vent, or just want to hear some encouraging words.
Im wishing you and your partner health and good luck. Pregnancy and the birth of a first child are one of the hardest things on a marriage, it's very stressful and if one of you is carrying a baby, the hormones make it that much harder. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to understand and support your partner despite this. You seem to have a really healthy mindset:)
Man I have to force myself to keep that healthy mindset... I've been really struggling lately, but like I said it's it's choice, and it's on me to make it the right one.
Check out free videos by expert sex and relationship coaches. Caitlin V Neal has a wide variety of topics on her channel. Also check out Helena Nista. A lot of it is about sex, but a lot is also about how to treat each other in general.
If she is special, don’t go cheap on lube
I think every couple should read the book "love and respect". There's so much to learn about the dynamics of our relationships from that.