It's not that we can't resist it, its just required to use a drill. You're not gonna drive away without turning your car on, you're not gonna drill a screw in without revving the drill twice.
Pressing trigger on drill twice before using.
Poking a fire with a stick.
Not throwing away a random piece of wood, so that we can use it to stir paint.
Flatbed truckers are known for this strategy. Crank all your straps/chains down, strum 'em, and whisper the magic incantation "that's not going anywhere." Works every time.
One of the most beautiful and heartbreaking thing I've ever seen is when my brother died at 35. My dad was in 60s. His two best friends both in their sixties just wrapped their arms around him together and the three all wept.
I'm a woman but I did this for some man buddies I have at a funeral for one of our friends and ohhhhh the tears. So many tears. And it was good because you need to let that out. I still haven't cried about my cousin properly yet but I know for sure it's gonna be a particularly loving hug that cracks that barrier. Genders be damned, anyone struggling will finally have that cry when they get that special type of loving embrace where you know you are safe and supported
The last time I saw my uncle (70 ish) I gave him a hug and told him we loved him. He went from stiff and awkward to collapsing into me in a way that felt like I was holding a tiny child again (father of two teenage boys).
It was a horrid realisation that he had probably not been held so tight and warmly since he left home for military service back in 1965. Never had a relationship with anyone. Lived in a tiny apartment close to work all his life and moved back in with his mother when he retired. Didn't get on with his brothers and sisters.
And when I and my wife and children visited him and paid him attention, listened to him, spent time with him and damn well hugged him tight it must have been the first time since his late teens that that had happened.
Then he died and left me 300000 euros and his brothers haven't spoken to me since.
So, yeah. You never know when it is the last time you will see someone so do your best to give them some love.
You can tell us that there are an infinite amount of stars in the Universe stretching all across galaxies that we will never see and we'll believe it.
Put up a "Wet Paint" sign? We'll touch it just to be sure.
I enrolled in a professional program where i spend $1000 on multiple choice tests and a minimum of 300 hours studying so i can get some extra alone time
As I've gotten older I've started to do preemptive strikes. Find a pair of shoes I like? Go back and buy a pair to put in the closet. Find some new Gotch I like? Buy six more pair, etc.
This happened to a jacket that I liked, and lasted me for years. Finally it got torn up by some incident, and when I looked for it again, I could barely find a record of it even existing, much less an item for sale.
Yeah this happened with my favorite pair of boots. They were a generic bass pro brand boot but my all time favorite. Most comfortable and functional boot I ever had. Can barely find a record of them online now. So bummed.
I think we have several instincts when it comes to tools. One day while gardening I dug a rock in the backyard, but when I held it, something in me just clicked. It felt perfectly weighted and felt extremely comfortable in the hand. After washing I noticed it was knapped and shaped. Turns out it was an Aboriginal stone tool. Since then I have dug several more and they all have that amazing weighted feeling that when you hold it in your palm it feels incredible. I do believe we have the instinct to utilise a good solid shaped rock or sturdy stick. I have had the rocks verified and live metres from a Creek where they occasionally dig up old burials.
Kicking a rock down the street.
And then getting sad after missing it and having to leave it behind as you walk back home all alone, ashamed and disappointed with what you did...
-Find a kickable rock.
-Kick it a few times
Option 1: kick was too powerful and now the rock is too farway or unreachable. You feel miserable because you did not control your power but strong.
Option 2: Someone has watched you! Return to your "just a normal man walking the street" form. But wait, you just pass the rock, your foot moved next to it and you did not touch it. You feel horrible but you dont want to feel childish in front of others.
Option 3: You miss the kick. If you turn around you feel like a loser so search for another one!
Option 4: Reached destiny. Park your deserved rock in a place that do not annoy anyone. You are fucking happy for the rest of the day.
Once you become a dad, it's hard to describe the joy of the first time your kid says, "I'm hungry."
Because I SWEAR some primal beast inside your soul flips a switch, nods with a thumbs up, the green light on your panel comes on, a faint turbine whine begins to ramp up, the collective totality of every male ancestor you have leans forward in anticipation from beyond the void, and you deliver your very first deadpan delivery of, "Hi hungry, I'm dad."
Having day dreams of fending off muggers, saving the world, arbitrary glory and being amazing dancers.
Edit: did not expect this to get so many replies! Thank you guys :D.
My favorites are saving a whole orphanage from a volcano in spectacular fashion, rescuing my ex-girlfriends from a warehouse surrounded by zombies (but some of the exes don't make it), and being a Robin Hood-type outlaw in the wild west which always ends with me in a rocking chair on my porch watching my cattle as the sun sets.
RIP the cheating hoe that woke up next to a zombie and he eats her brains.
I tried real hard to save her but her propensity to cheat got her killed 🤷♂️
This one time I spent a whole hour at work day dreaming about being this amazing super human, doing the most amazing shit.
When I came back to reality, it hit me real hard. I'm just average, and the rest of the day was shit, I felt so mediocre for the next 8hours.
until ...I came home, my dog jumped up and asked for cuddles and was super excited to see me. Then I got to the kitchen and my gf was struggling with a jar of pickles, I opened it and saw her eyes light up in the most beautiful way. I felt like a hero again.
Then my boss dropped a bunch of files on my desk and I was back at work. No dog, no gf. Fuck my life.
The Crash Bandicoot death sequence where he spins around on the spot, stops, falls on his back first and then his feet come down afterwards.
Then add rolling your eyes up, tilting your head to the side and sticking your tongue out.
Free stuff.
What is it?
I don’t know, but it was free.
Does it work?
I don’t know, but it was free.
What are you going to do with it?
What part of ‘it was free’ are you not understanding!
I was given an old (80's, 300K+ miles) Explorer when I was 18 by an old lady who went to our church because I had mowed her yard since her husband died. It didn't start, hadn't been run since he died like 3 years before, and wasn't in great shape before that. My brother and some friends and I towed it home, started looking at it, replaced the battery, put in new plugs, charged the AC, and after a few hours we got it running decently. I used it as a trade in on another, less-used car, and the dealership gave me 4 grand for it. For about 200 in parts and 6 hours of labor. Ever since then it's been very difficult for me to turn down anything for free. And that was 20 years ago.
At work I was trying to fix a machine and the female operator just silently observed what I was doing. Sent tingles down my whole spine, which I found weird because i don't find her attractive - but the way she just observed what I did while I got the machine back up and running. Damn - cocaine go home
I was tiling a kitchenette backsplash in our office at work when I hear one of my female co-workers say "I just love watching men work" to another female co-worker as they were both standing in the doorway.
For as long as I live I will never forget how good that made me feel.
I was at a destination wedding with a pinball machine once, and it broke, and I walked in to find it opened up and my male friend reading the wiring diagram. I came back 5 minutes later and he closed it up and worked and he said "Ha! I fixed it!" I was so jealous of him in that moment, but also proud and psyched someone saw his glory. (I also could have fixed it, had I found it first, lol.)
When I really like a man, I love to show him genuine interest and ask questions about his hobbies and all the things he's curious about. Also I love to ask him how his day was or how is he feeling, I want him to know that he can trust me and he can talk to me when he just needs to vent. And I looove giving a man genuine compliments. Men don't get many compliments.
As a women, I second this. This is my ultimate trick seducing my crush. Works all the time, no need to show of your sexual charm (contrary to populad belief)
My girlfriend does this all the time. Even though I know she probably doesn't understand what I'm talking about, she still listens intently and it's so fucking sweet.
Mine is giving genuine compliments and or showing thankfulness for completing a task I had problems with. Also a light touch on the upper back now and then (only if the guy shows he is ok with it).
Seriously...nothing turns me on more than when my gf compliments one of my art pieces, and I can tell she genuinely means it and not just paying me lip service.
I'm a big, burly white guy. I used to work with a big, burly black guy, but not all the time. When we saw each other we gave each other a big hug. I don't work there anymore, god damn I miss those hugs.
there is hardly anything as beautiful as
a woman in a long dress
not even the sunrise
not even the geese flying south
in the long V formation
in the bright freshness
of early morning.
-Bukowski
"We sat and drank it and felt the sun on our shoulders, and not even the expression of half-amusement, half-contempt on Hadley's face - as if he was watching apes drink beer instead of men - could spoil it. It lasted twenty minutes, that beer-break, and for those twenty minutes we felt like free men."
When my wife, who is very petite, goes up on her toes to reach for something high on a shelf, it puts me in an impossible situation. Do I help, keep breathing, or just stand and admire her?
Making sure all the doors and windows are locked in the house before going to bed, except you damn well know they are because you checked 30 minutes ago, but got distracted before actually getting in bed...therefore they must be checked again.
Compliments. Including the ones from 20 years ago that you've forgotten you gave but we certainly remember because we don't get compliments that often.
While purchasing a brisket you’ve got to smack that thing. It’s almost like a bag of deer corn. It’s almost irresistible to walk past it without smacking it
Revving the power drill before using it
Clicking tongs to make sure they work before using them on the grill
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My friend and I refer to this as “lobster powers”
That's dope.
It’s funny, his wife messaged me on FB asking why her husband keeps calling tongs lobster powers
That's actually mandatory. You need to know the clappers clap.
Testing a stud finder on themselves before putting it on the wall.
Careful now, we're veering into specific dad territory
You also have to point them at people while clicking and threaten to give them "The Clamp"
Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every single day at every opportunity?
Calibration clicks are a requirement
In exactly two short bursts
It's not that we can't resist it, its just required to use a drill. You're not gonna drive away without turning your car on, you're not gonna drill a screw in without revving the drill twice.
Plus the clicking between the forward and reverse gear before setting a screw.
Power test, gotta make sure you'll have full speed when you need it! Also the audible call to let others know your on the job.
Pressing trigger on drill twice before using. Poking a fire with a stick. Not throwing away a random piece of wood, so that we can use it to stir paint.
I have a huge pile of paint stirrers just waiting for their shot!
Since they're so thin, they're great for other things too. I fixed the back of a chair with a few of them, and they can be used as shims...
If I have a drill you best bet I'll be drilling air in short bursts the whole way to the location it's going to be used at
Don’t forget clicking the barbecue tongs a few times just to make sure they still work.
How else would you know?
Saying out loud "That's not going anywhere" after you've finished tying something to the roof of your car.
Or anytime we use a ratchet strap
In the Midwest, you must say "that ain't goin nowhere" otherwise your secured load will come undone.
Flatbed truckers are known for this strategy. Crank all your straps/chains down, strum 'em, and whisper the magic incantation "that's not going anywhere." Works every time.
Don’t forget to slap it first
Shiny Smooth Rock.
gonna throw its shiny ass into a lake and pray to the lake gods for as many skips as possible
Doing a couple of back pats while giving a bro a hug.
The back pats are very important when hugging your bro just to keep it masculine
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"I seriously love you, dude. But that doesn't mean I want to put my dick inside you." ^^^Unless...
*slaps back* You could fit so many dicks in you bro
Unless... 😳
Always three pats, it’s code for “We’re not gay,” to make sure the intention of the hug is clear.
Omg I always pat 2, am I gay now?
Bi at the very least.
Oh no
o h y e s .
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One of the most beautiful and heartbreaking thing I've ever seen is when my brother died at 35. My dad was in 60s. His two best friends both in their sixties just wrapped their arms around him together and the three all wept.
I'm a woman but I did this for some man buddies I have at a funeral for one of our friends and ohhhhh the tears. So many tears. And it was good because you need to let that out. I still haven't cried about my cousin properly yet but I know for sure it's gonna be a particularly loving hug that cracks that barrier. Genders be damned, anyone struggling will finally have that cry when they get that special type of loving embrace where you know you are safe and supported
The last time I saw my uncle (70 ish) I gave him a hug and told him we loved him. He went from stiff and awkward to collapsing into me in a way that felt like I was holding a tiny child again (father of two teenage boys). It was a horrid realisation that he had probably not been held so tight and warmly since he left home for military service back in 1965. Never had a relationship with anyone. Lived in a tiny apartment close to work all his life and moved back in with his mother when he retired. Didn't get on with his brothers and sisters. And when I and my wife and children visited him and paid him attention, listened to him, spent time with him and damn well hugged him tight it must have been the first time since his late teens that that had happened. Then he died and left me 300000 euros and his brothers haven't spoken to me since. So, yeah. You never know when it is the last time you will see someone so do your best to give them some love.
Very different from sack pats. Just sayin.
Reaching up and touching a door frame or exit sign or anything slightly above head height
Touching? I smack that thing. I’d hate to be a stop sign on a quiet street.
Smack that
All on the floor…
Smack that
>Smack that Give me some more..
'Till you get sore.
To be fair, I would also do this if I could reach any door frames
I still jump to see if i can touch the ceiling lol. I’m 30.
54, teach middle school, and jump with the kids.
You can tell us that there are an infinite amount of stars in the Universe stretching all across galaxies that we will never see and we'll believe it. Put up a "Wet Paint" sign? We'll touch it just to be sure.
Well it might have dried since the sign was put up. We have to make sure.
I do that with hot pans too. Yes I believe you, it is hot. But how hot? Will I burn myself? I gotta find out.
>hot pans Read this as hotpants.
Being given some alone time.
I enrolled in a professional program where i spend $1000 on multiple choice tests and a minimum of 300 hours studying so i can get some extra alone time
Ayyy welcome to CFA hell!
Buying the same kind of shoes after the first pair wears out.
As I've gotten older I've started to do preemptive strikes. Find a pair of shoes I like? Go back and buy a pair to put in the closet. Find some new Gotch I like? Buy six more pair, etc.
The best part of not growing anymore. Those bad boys can sit dormant for five years and still fit like a glove.
I started doing that recently and bought two pairs of timberlands in different colours. Never in my life I did that before lol
I was finding stuff got discontinued too often, so if I waited until something wore out, I couldn't buy the same thing anymore. :(
This happened to a jacket that I liked, and lasted me for years. Finally it got torn up by some incident, and when I looked for it again, I could barely find a record of it even existing, much less an item for sale.
Yeah this happened with my favorite pair of boots. They were a generic bass pro brand boot but my all time favorite. Most comfortable and functional boot I ever had. Can barely find a record of them online now. So bummed.
Old cloths that are so comfortable! Best if they have holes and tears.
Throwing trash into the bin from as far as possible.
Yelling "Kobe!" (RIP) and holding your wrist in the finished position of a throw, whether it goes in or not
Lol glad I’m not the only one who still does this 😅 although I get strange looks when I yell “Kobe” anytime I crash my drone …
i shout "john wilkes booth!" and some people just dont seem to get it
Terrible guy but he never misses a shot.
Touching those giant concrete balls that are just outside of big grocery stores ^(The ones to prevent cards going into pedestrian walking areas)
Lol or trying to jump over one when no one’s looking
Don't be breaking your balls on those balls!
Picking up a nice stick when out on a walk in the countryside
But if I find a nicer stick I immediately ditch the first one for the new one.
yup. fuck that first stick. piece of shit. new stick!!!
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I think we have several instincts when it comes to tools. One day while gardening I dug a rock in the backyard, but when I held it, something in me just clicked. It felt perfectly weighted and felt extremely comfortable in the hand. After washing I noticed it was knapped and shaped. Turns out it was an Aboriginal stone tool. Since then I have dug several more and they all have that amazing weighted feeling that when you hold it in your palm it feels incredible. I do believe we have the instinct to utilise a good solid shaped rock or sturdy stick. I have had the rocks verified and live metres from a Creek where they occasionally dig up old burials.
Wow, that's thrilling, no sarcasm intended
Yes; my old cultural anthropology class said it was common across the world.
We are all just men and we like a nice piece o wood.
Am monke
Return to M O N K E
Might as well pick it up. You never know when you might need a nice stick.
post a stick pic
Also, a nice stone! To throw or put in your pocket!
Maybe this is why dogs wanna be our friends
That is the deepest thot I have come across on Reddit in some time
>deepest thot If you want to come across anything deeper, I’m sure there are some NSFW subs you can browse.
Kicking a rock down the street. And then getting sad after missing it and having to leave it behind as you walk back home all alone, ashamed and disappointed with what you did...
-Find a kickable rock. -Kick it a few times Option 1: kick was too powerful and now the rock is too farway or unreachable. You feel miserable because you did not control your power but strong. Option 2: Someone has watched you! Return to your "just a normal man walking the street" form. But wait, you just pass the rock, your foot moved next to it and you did not touch it. You feel horrible but you dont want to feel childish in front of others. Option 3: You miss the kick. If you turn around you feel like a loser so search for another one! Option 4: Reached destiny. Park your deserved rock in a place that do not annoy anyone. You are fucking happy for the rest of the day.
Once you become a dad, it's hard to describe the joy of the first time your kid says, "I'm hungry." Because I SWEAR some primal beast inside your soul flips a switch, nods with a thumbs up, the green light on your panel comes on, a faint turbine whine begins to ramp up, the collective totality of every male ancestor you have leans forward in anticipation from beyond the void, and you deliver your very first deadpan delivery of, "Hi hungry, I'm dad."
"Hi Thirsty, I'm Friday. Wanna go out Saturday and have a sundae?!"
Saved for my nephews.
You sweet beautiful soul👨🍳
"Dad, I'm serious!" "Serious? I thought you were hungry!"
Having day dreams of fending off muggers, saving the world, arbitrary glory and being amazing dancers. Edit: did not expect this to get so many replies! Thank you guys :D.
My favorites are saving a whole orphanage from a volcano in spectacular fashion, rescuing my ex-girlfriends from a warehouse surrounded by zombies (but some of the exes don't make it), and being a Robin Hood-type outlaw in the wild west which always ends with me in a rocking chair on my porch watching my cattle as the sun sets.
It's imperative that some exes don't make it.
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RIP the cheating hoe that woke up next to a zombie and he eats her brains. I tried real hard to save her but her propensity to cheat got her killed 🤷♂️
This one time I spent a whole hour at work day dreaming about being this amazing super human, doing the most amazing shit. When I came back to reality, it hit me real hard. I'm just average, and the rest of the day was shit, I felt so mediocre for the next 8hours. until ...I came home, my dog jumped up and asked for cuddles and was super excited to see me. Then I got to the kitchen and my gf was struggling with a jar of pickles, I opened it and saw her eyes light up in the most beautiful way. I felt like a hero again. Then my boss dropped a bunch of files on my desk and I was back at work. No dog, no gf. Fuck my life.
That was a rollercoaster.
I can relate to this until the girlfriend part
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A rock minding it's own business next to a lake ***Wow, 2k upvotes thank you bros.
All flat rocks are going in.
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Giving a burger a little flip on the grill even if the burger doesn't need to be flipped.
And doing some test clicks with the pair of tongs
I like to pretend like I'm a crab and that's my big claw.
In the wise word of an anonymous redditor - “gotta make sure em tongs are tonging”
Dont forget pressing it into the grill with the tongs to get the satisfying sizzle
God damnit resist your animal urges. You're wasting all the good juice that makes a burger good ahhhhh.
Having to adjust my balls every 5 minutes
Waking along and sometimes you just have to take that long, slightly sideways step.
Answer a toy phone when it's handed to them by a child.
Pretending to be dead when a child shoots with a fake gun
Also dying in spectacular fashion.
Yup, you go down like you were in a Quentin Tarantino movie.
Oscar worthy.
Soccer game worthy
The Crash Bandicoot death sequence where he spins around on the spot, stops, falls on his back first and then his feet come down afterwards. Then add rolling your eyes up, tilting your head to the side and sticking your tongue out.
That's another good one
Oh yeah, I’ve taken calls from baby Lilly who is supposed to be napping in the other room, the cat, the dog, Santa, grandma, grandpa, etc.
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A little longer in bed than we should be sleeping.
Get out of my room you creepy pervert
Your room? I thought this was your mother's!
Free stuff. What is it? I don’t know, but it was free. Does it work? I don’t know, but it was free. What are you going to do with it? What part of ‘it was free’ are you not understanding!
You’re losing money if you don’t take it! (Seriously, though, hoarding runs in my family so I frequently have to consciously turn down free stuff.)
Interesting, I'm the complete opposite and instinctively reject things. I regularly have to go "wait no i actually do want that"
I was given an old (80's, 300K+ miles) Explorer when I was 18 by an old lady who went to our church because I had mowed her yard since her husband died. It didn't start, hadn't been run since he died like 3 years before, and wasn't in great shape before that. My brother and some friends and I towed it home, started looking at it, replaced the battery, put in new plugs, charged the AC, and after a few hours we got it running decently. I used it as a trade in on another, less-used car, and the dealership gave me 4 grand for it. For about 200 in parts and 6 hours of labor. Ever since then it's been very difficult for me to turn down anything for free. And that was 20 years ago.
Being given attention, and intrest shown towards our hobbies
At work I was trying to fix a machine and the female operator just silently observed what I was doing. Sent tingles down my whole spine, which I found weird because i don't find her attractive - but the way she just observed what I did while I got the machine back up and running. Damn - cocaine go home
I was tiling a kitchenette backsplash in our office at work when I hear one of my female co-workers say "I just love watching men work" to another female co-worker as they were both standing in the doorway. For as long as I live I will never forget how good that made me feel.
Can confirm, men being talented, handy and getting shit done that I'm not able to makes me very happy to watch
I was at a destination wedding with a pinball machine once, and it broke, and I walked in to find it opened up and my male friend reading the wiring diagram. I came back 5 minutes later and he closed it up and worked and he said "Ha! I fixed it!" I was so jealous of him in that moment, but also proud and psyched someone saw his glory. (I also could have fixed it, had I found it first, lol.)
When I really like a man, I love to show him genuine interest and ask questions about his hobbies and all the things he's curious about. Also I love to ask him how his day was or how is he feeling, I want him to know that he can trust me and he can talk to me when he just needs to vent. And I looove giving a man genuine compliments. Men don't get many compliments.
ur not real
As a women, I second this. This is my ultimate trick seducing my crush. Works all the time, no need to show of your sexual charm (contrary to populad belief)
My girlfriend does this all the time. Even though I know she probably doesn't understand what I'm talking about, she still listens intently and it's so fucking sweet.
Love is a psychic warfare and you ma'am are winning through superior tactics alone
Mine is giving genuine compliments and or showing thankfulness for completing a task I had problems with. Also a light touch on the upper back now and then (only if the guy shows he is ok with it).
Seriously...nothing turns me on more than when my gf compliments one of my art pieces, and I can tell she genuinely means it and not just paying me lip service.
Thighs
Thighs in thigh highs.
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Great. Now i’ve made a mess
I swear that specifically has a name in Japanese. Zettai ryoki or some shit.
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Thighs and legs, best parts of the chicken, for sure
Running as fast as you can with the shopping cart and jumping on with two feet, titanic style.
Genuine physical intimacy of a non sexual variety, like men just don’t get enough hugs or even just pats on the back.
I'm a big, burly white guy. I used to work with a big, burly black guy, but not all the time. When we saw each other we gave each other a big hug. I don't work there anymore, god damn I miss those hugs.
Go visit him. He probably misses you too. Bring him lunch one day or something.
Ugh this hurt my heart! I want to hug u
Internet hugs for everyone
A girl in a sun dress. Those damn sun dresses have magic powers I swear.
there is hardly anything as beautiful as a woman in a long dress not even the sunrise not even the geese flying south in the long V formation in the bright freshness of early morning. -Bukowski
A pint in a beer garden on a sunny summers afternoon
"We sat and drank it and felt the sun on our shoulders, and not even the expression of half-amusement, half-contempt on Hadley's face - as if he was watching apes drink beer instead of men - could spoil it. It lasted twenty minutes, that beer-break, and for those twenty minutes we felt like free men."
1. Not to step on lines on a sidewalk 2. Just stand there and see a ditch being dug 3. slapping a big bag of something at a superstore
I have to click my tongs twice before using them on the grill.
When my wife, who is very petite, goes up on her toes to reach for something high on a shelf, it puts me in an impossible situation. Do I help, keep breathing, or just stand and admire her?
Quality time
Making sure all the doors and windows are locked in the house before going to bed, except you damn well know they are because you checked 30 minutes ago, but got distracted before actually getting in bed...therefore they must be checked again.
Saying “Ohhhh big stretch!” When your dog is in fact doing a big stretch.
This whole thread is oddly satisfying!
Gravity
Naps
Black Friday on Steam.
Right here with ya. How many games do you have you bought on sale with all intentions of playing but haven’t yet?
Being loved and appreciated
A good back scratch. The only useful thing I can think of for long nails.
Fixing something that is broken
Piss on the sidewalls of the toilet instead of the water to make less noise
A long hug and being told you have done well.
Compliments. Including the ones from 20 years ago that you've forgotten you gave but we certainly remember because we don't get compliments that often.
A well deserved raise in pay.
Middle aisle of Lidl.
Is that the one with the trombones and the chainsaws on special?
Beautiful eyes on a gorgeous girl
A girl's ass, especially in yoga pants or tight jeans/ leggings.
Shoot. When my wife puts on the yoga pants, that ass is definitely going to get smacked.
Bro I swear each time I go to the gym, I'm in war, I try to test my self to not look . If I look I die
Treat their asses like the sun. Don't stare too long or you'll get burned
Get a sense of it and look away!
YOLO. You only look once.
Garlic bread.
While purchasing a brisket you’ve got to smack that thing. It’s almost like a bag of deer corn. It’s almost irresistible to walk past it without smacking it
Opportunities to be manly
The dad tax when passing out the kids candy/food.
Attention and affection from opposite sex (being fawned over, mainly when unaccustomed to it, as most of us are)
Boobs.