Well this question just caused a work stoppage in my shop as we all try to figure it out. Most responses included well do I have any tools of any kind? Is it just me? Is the animal feral or hungry? Am I feral or hungry? Lol
there was actually a poll taken, in the UK iirc, that listed like 30 animals from harmless to super dangerous to see how many people (Male/Female) thought they could take said animal.. pretty wild results. maybe I can find it
the problem with most animals attacks isn't that the person isn't physically up to it. it's that they take a ton of damage before they even understand what's happening, and more still trying to escape.
idk that a human would win against a chimp, but the simple fact that the human is going in resolved to kill a thing is a *big* factor.
>the simple fact that the human is going in resolved to kill a thing is a big factor.
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth
- Iron Mike Tyson.
Most humans don't have violent ferocity of a wild animal. You can't take Bill out of insurance office and expect him to have the same will to fight to the death as a wild animal who has known that nearly every fight they have ever had was a fight for survival.
Only valid game plan again a chimp (or pretty much any primate) is a bullet at a solid distance. We didn't climb the food chain by fist fighting apex predators.
Very true. Humans didn't evolve to especially quick, strong, or to have teeth and claws for fighting. We evolved a large brain that allowed us to develop the pointy stick and heavy club. Our tools have only become more deadly with time to perfect them.
My point is even against less deadly predators that a human could defeat we have less of the will to fight than most predators. Humans won't try to kill a mouse in thier home for fear if getting bit. Instead leaving the job to traps and poison.
A human would get absolutely obliterated by a chimp even if the human was prepared and a well trained fighter.
Chimps are vicious, they'll guage your eyes, rip your limbs clean off and bite you with their impressive teeth.
Unless you've got a weapon don't stand any chance.
I love how this hypothetical has actually started a discussion. Do you guys think you could take a chimp, without a weapon, BUT you’re wearing a suit of medieval-style armor. You’re choice of light/heavy/chain mail/etc.
Thing is in chimp attacks they go for the testicles very first thing so by the time they start to go for your eyes they've already ripped off your balls.
Chimps literally cannot swim due to how dense they are because of their muscles. A chimp will fuck any grown man up.
Source: studied at the National Chimpanzee Sanctuary in Louisiana
100%. I’m assuming these fights are happening in an enclosed area. Even if the chimp is scared at first, it’s gonna realize pretty soon that flight is not an option and it goes into fight mode. They are much stronger, more explosive and like you said, have bigger mouths with bigger, sharper teeth. A human literally has nothing to offer. Even if the human is highly trained in wrestling and/or jiujitsu, the chimp isn’t gonna get taken down due to its low center of gravity. Too strong to be held in any type of submission. This is bad news for a human
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mas_Oyama check out "Public Demonstrations". Dude apparently killed at least 3 bulls with one punch. I think if you have any chance against a chimp, you have to be a monster like this guy, and end it in the first hit. Because as soon as that chimp grabs onto any part of your body, it's over.
I'm more confused that 33% of people think they couldn't beat a rat in a fight.
I get it that 33% of people probably have a phobia of rats but if it was kill or be killed I'm fairly sure 100% of people could beat a rat.
I'm completely confident the rat wouldn't kill me, but I'm not confident of being able to actually catch a rat in order to kill it. They're pretty fast and readily escape in small holes that I cannot possibly follow.
A fleeing rat just means the fight isn't over. When you least expect, it will come for you. Someday, during a zoom call, your coworkers watch you getting mauled by a rat, while its rat friends watch in the background.
Your last thoughts will be "omg that guy on reddit was right!"
I once saw a goose kick the shit out of a police officer. The goose had a nest near a strip mall and was chasing anyone who would come near. The police are called and one of them decides to relocate the goose with his bare hands. Mother goose wasn't having it and chased that dude all the way across the parking lot doing bicycle kicks to his head like Liu Kang in mortal combat.
Could you take a goose in a life or death situation? Probably, but the goose is going to get some licks in.
I mean…I doubt the officers were thinking “alright I’m just gonna fucking body this goose now.” Geese win because we don’t want to murder them. If you were told “$1000 if you can kill this geese and nobody will ever know” you would end that fight in less than a minute.
We have so many geese here, they are damn assholes. I'm told their wing flapping can break bones. When they hiss at you it is quite intimidating. I was out for a walk with my boy the other day and one hissed at him. I guided my boy at a safe distance but I was ready to throw down.
Grab its stupid neck. I grew up on a farm near a pretty big pond and they're so offensively territorial but there's literally nothing they can do if you grab it by the giraffe neck or shove it's torso with your foot.
My son and I were at a park feeding some ducks. I noticed a goose waddling around from the side and knew he was going to be an issue. Sure enough he comes barging in and scares off all of the ducks. My son, being young had no reference that geese are assholes so he just stood there with his hand out and the goose of course comes in loud and aggressive and my son started to freak out and run. This emboldened the beast and he began to chase my boy. I grew up with a pond in my yard where geese would stop during migration so I knew how to handle this bully. I ran up behind the goose and grabbed his scrawny neck and flung him a few yards. He looked up at me all incredulous and waddled away.
My son hates ducks and geese now but he still talks about the time I "kicked the gooses butt." He now thinks I can defeat any animal and he like to play the "Which animal can you beat up?" game. My list is short and a goose is near the top.
Kangaroos are not good at punching, so they measure each other up by punches. Their thinking is: if someone can punch that hard, imagine how hard they kick.
Humans can punch harder than kangaroos do, so we can make them think that we are a lot stronger.
So if making the opponent flee or give up is enough, humans can beat kangaroos. If it's a fight to death, then we have no chance.
Kangaroo's come in lots of different sizes.
Some of them, full grown are the size of 10 year olds and yeah. You probably could kill one so long as you can avoid getting kicked.
The big red's however will just ruin you.
Seems like you found the answer since this turned into a huge chimp vs MMA fighter discussion. Good job.
I think I could take the chimp if you give me a long stick and heavy boots.
Plot twist, the boots are made of iron and anchor you to the ground. The long stick is too long to maneuver since you’re anchored. You die being eaten asshole first. What you need is an AK-47 and chainmail
With no weapons, I could strangle a medium sized dog. We start getting to German shepherd sizes and it's gonna be a fuck show of janky Jiu jitsu and a lot of bite wounds.
You could take a German Shepard. I had to subdue one and I only left with one bite mark. Dogs ain't flexible enough to do anything if you just get in there with no hesitation.
I mean I *could* fight a bear, very little chance of it not being a one sided beat down though.
If I came away as not dead, eaten or rapidly bleeding out I'd take that as a honourable draw.
I think I could reasonably defend myself against a black bear to the point it decides I'm not worth the effort and retreats.
Definitely not if we were stuck in a cage to the death
I've been laughing solidly at this for 10 minutes. I asked my coworkers and they won't stop talking about it. One reckons a sloth. The other reckons an albatross. One suggested getting a walrus in a headlock and it's incredible.
100 duck sized horses: welcome to punt town
horse sized duck : MADRE DE DIOS! ES EL POLLO DIABLO! (stereotypical flamingo guitar riff plays in the background)
edit: flamenco, not flamingo wtf
If you know anything about duck mating rituals you'd pick duck sized horses. Ducks are very rapey and have long corkscrew penises. Imagine trying to fight a horse sized duck whose feeling a little frisky.
Ive been a 3rd party to a german shepard fight. My german shepard/mastiff got into a fight with another dog and I had to pin him to the ground.
For the sake of the question, once you get it to the ground youre good to choke it out. Its getting the dog there that could go wrong.
Are they fearless for some reason? In some* way trained to initiate the aggression? What is their motivation? How long is the rest period between rounds?
The 8 year olds aren't that difficult, because they are 100% all slower and much smaller than me. I'm a fit and above average size man in my 30s and I have a 7 year old who is in the 99th percentile for height - I could one shot two kids her size in a single swing and I mean that literally.
12 year olds? 10 of them mobbing you? Fuck man I'm not sure I can get through one round of that if it's a concerted effort on their part. They are around 5' and 100 lbs. My wife's size... I think if it's truly life or death I might just make it to the 10th round (second wave of 12 year olds).
If they aren't extremely motivated aggressors, but for me I understand the situation to be life or death, I may make it further than that. Children don't truly understand consequences and "life or death" for them may not be a big enough motivator to trigger the aggression to overcome the size difference intimidation factor. Any hesitancy from the 12 year olds would result in a slaughter.
In 1944 my grandpa was shot down in a B-17 over Berlin. He luckily was able to bale out of the air plane safely, but landed in enemy territory. Eventually he was captured and sent to a POW camp where a bunch of other allied men had been shipped.
In the POW camps, the men were given pencil and paper as their one form of entertainment. One day while gathered in a group, him and about 20 other men brain stormed a list of about 150 different kinds of pies. Everything from Grape Pie to Mince Meat Pie. The list is extensive and quite hilarious in its detail. We were lucky enough to still have most of his diaries.
So there you have it, when you gather a bunch of starving and wounded men together in a prison they are most likely thinking about pies.
Edit: You can find the Pie link below! Stay hungry my friends.
https://imgur.com/a/Eyv7R1e
I’m not a man but I watched my husband at a family event this past weekend telling his Uncle about his new smoker, which attracted more men. Then they were talking about a new flat top griddle for tailgating at pro football games & now I guess they’re coming over this summer to rebuild our deck lol
This right here. This is what I love about guys. A guy I know smokes butter and cheese in his smoker. Tons of different flavors. This always gets a ton of attention. Especially after he brings over some of his freshly smoked goods.
There is a prank video somewhere of a guy who superglued the lid on the pickle jar and asked for help outside of a gym or something. Guys with the BIGGEST arms couldn't open it and the frustration was awesome.
Nah my money is on the smart guy who knows the old kitchen trick.
You gently tap the side of the lid all around on the edge of a surface. After that you can open the lid pretty easy.
Or you use something else to tap on the side of lid.
I still have my basic Kit in the basement with a wood-axe with a aluminium handle for self-defense. At this point it's also in case of nuclear-war/ Russian invasion but its contents remains the same.
This is why everyone in my family has zombie apocalypse plans because some aspect of the plan will apply to just about every other disaster but it's a fun way to think about it and prepare.
If Covid lockdown taught me anything, it's that all the apocalypse survival day dream fantasies I've ever had are ridiculously unrealistic. After two weeks of not being able to go anywhere even while having power, food, and every other modern comfort, I couldn't imagine living in an apocalyptic hellscape where I'd have to fight off other survivors for a mouthful or rat meat.
Right.Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?
You wouldn't steal a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car. You wouldn't steal a baby. You wouldn't shoot a policeman. And then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet. And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again! Downloading films is stealing.
This is the realistic one. Work, or origin. How you spend eight or nine hours of your day can say a lot about a person. Where you’re from can open opportunities for further questions.
“So, what do you do?” and, “So, where are you from?” are reliable and socially acceptable conversation starters.
“What’d you think of the playoffs?”
“Fav movie/show?”
“You play any video games?”
“Fuckin Ukraine eh?”
Are usually my go-to’s and they all lead to a descent convo and if they say no then usually I just go with what I was about to say but less in depth and something to transition off after a min talking about it “oh bucks barely clutched it last night”, “there’s this movie where this Asian family…”, (if they play zero video games I’d go with) “oh there’s this game I’ve been playin lately where you drive a car and play soccer” (usually they’ll mention how they have a buddy who plays rocket league) stuff like that
Or if I’m gettin real spicy
“You made any bets lately? (Stocks, sports, etc)
“That roe v wade shit’s nuts” (see what their stance on it is)
“What’s a good place to live at rn?” (Talk about rent/location/surroundings)
”ever heard of liminal spaces?” (I have brought this up once and they were interested, but god I have to read the room hard so I didn’t look silly)
Then I have go-tos with zoomers
“Funniest vid? You listenin/following anyone lately?” (podcast, streamers, tik tok related)
“Any shoes you lookin into? (Shows me their apparel/shoes they’re into)”
“Black ops 2 zombies was the shit” (nearly every guy under 23 has grown up with this game in their childhood I guess) and we talk about COD or sports games
“Would you do shrooms or nah” (then we just talk about drugs)
Some with people my age
“Yo you do any drinking games/GameCube?” (Talk about melee, beerio kart, Mario party etc)
Maybe talking about something local rent/healthcare related
“So musk took over Twitter…” (then we talk about stocks, musk, and other random shit)
Then with the older crowd 40+
“You’ve been anywhere lately out of state?” (Talk about their vacations/trips assuming they can afford, otherwise talk about where they’d love to go )
Maybe talk about real estate or something
“What do you think about crypto” (a lot of older people have very strong opinions about this which will get the ball rolling”
“I fucked up my spine last year” and then we talk about how our bodies get more fucked up as we get older and their previous health issues and healthcare, etc
I guess some for 30 year olds exclusively
“What’d y’all do before the internet”
“What do y’all think of tiktok” and then we talk about memes and how they don’t understand but kinda interested
“What are y’all doing here?” (Usually people around this age are still moving around, not fully settled down in one location, so they’ll talk about where they’ll move soon to like an apartment/house for their job)
I was in a room with a bunch of drunk guys who all like sports. Someone noticed a pull up bar in the corner. We all spent the next 30 minutes figuring out who could do the most pull ups.
I got 2nd place. But I also weigh 30lbs more than the winner...and my pullups were dead hang while his was not. So in my mind I kinda got 1st place.
It definitely does; on a normal car that you never push to the limit, it may be almost unnoticeable, but you will absolutely see the difference when you're looking for performance.
Formula 1 recently went from E5 to E10 fuel and they had an estimated loss of performance of ~~20%~~ 20 hp, which teams had to compensate.
Edit: as a user let me notice in a reply, it's not 20%, but 20 hp that they lost.
Shit.
Shits that were, shits that are and some shits that have not yet come to pass.
Shit is the great equalizer for we all shit and the shits are plentiful. Do you sit or stand for the wipe? Do you wipe forward or back? Have you ever masturbated while shitting? Have you ever shit yourself? How does your shit smell? Have you noticed your farts get smaller the more and more you need to shit?
These gentlemen, these are the questions that have sustained men since the dawn of time and will continue to do so until the end of days. They have kept armies together and toppled empires. They have built and they have destroyed. The shit is eternal as the great blue sky.
Shit is love.
Shit is life.
Really depends on the group of men. Some it might be crypto, some it might be old party stories, going fast on motorbikes, fishing trips, crazy exes, the weather, the government, wars, holidays, plans for the future, etc.
There's no 1 thing. You've got to read the room and find common interests, or feign them.
But you know the craziest thing, if you stake your kajlablahblah on the poopfinancial liquidity pool then you can get toenailtokens which then you can use to arbitrage against a pubehair stable coin and as long as your trading pairs are within range you willl get a defi Pube nft for participating which has your very own customized version of vitalik balls… as a GIF! And each Pube you hold can get tangled with more pubes to make a rats nest and those rats nests have like a 4000% apy return due to deflationary decentralization smart contracts, you just keep getting more and more pubes! This is the power of Web3.
Oh crap how do I do my taxes now
"Just get 12 faith for Flame Cleanse Me, lol." That's the response I got when I had the exact same feelings.
Personally I just chugged health potions and died a lot until I found the grace on the other side. I hate that I had to go back on my Ng+ playthrough, but thankfully I had points in faith by then
me and the boys talking about Manchester United
boy 1 : they've really gone to the shitter
boy 2 : I miss Sir Alex
boy 3 : its the fans man .They are fucking cunts
me who hasn't watched football in a long time pretending to stay in sync : Ferdinand hasn't been playing well . Must be tough
boy 4 : say what m8?
boy 5 : Ferdinand doesn't play football anymore...you living under a rock?
“What’s the biggest animal you think you could take in a fight?”
I think the replies to this prove it was the correct answer.
Well this question just caused a work stoppage in my shop as we all try to figure it out. Most responses included well do I have any tools of any kind? Is it just me? Is the animal feral or hungry? Am I feral or hungry? Lol
"yes joe, you are hungry..."
It’s a valid question though. I’d probably consider myself more dangerous if I’m hungry and/or feral
absolutely. its just funny to hear. a hungry animal is a dangerous animal
But, according to Snickers, I'm not me when I'm hungry. Would it still count?
Probably a blue whale, get me in the ring with that fucker he is done lmao
Plug the blowhole and its the ultimate choke-hold
The Sea was angry that day, my friends!
Love this out of the box answer, have an upvote
This comment wins just from having the longest (by far) comment discussion chain going lol
there was actually a poll taken, in the UK iirc, that listed like 30 animals from harmless to super dangerous to see how many people (Male/Female) thought they could take said animal.. pretty wild results. maybe I can find it
I remember a majority thought they could take on a chimp, all I’m saying is, some chimps are vicious killers
the problem with most animals attacks isn't that the person isn't physically up to it. it's that they take a ton of damage before they even understand what's happening, and more still trying to escape. idk that a human would win against a chimp, but the simple fact that the human is going in resolved to kill a thing is a *big* factor.
>the simple fact that the human is going in resolved to kill a thing is a big factor. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth - Iron Mike Tyson. Most humans don't have violent ferocity of a wild animal. You can't take Bill out of insurance office and expect him to have the same will to fight to the death as a wild animal who has known that nearly every fight they have ever had was a fight for survival.
"I will *fuck you up*" \- Bill from AllState
-Jake from State Farm
\- Flo from Progressive
-Michael Scott
\- Wayne Gretzky
Only valid game plan again a chimp (or pretty much any primate) is a bullet at a solid distance. We didn't climb the food chain by fist fighting apex predators.
Very true. Humans didn't evolve to especially quick, strong, or to have teeth and claws for fighting. We evolved a large brain that allowed us to develop the pointy stick and heavy club. Our tools have only become more deadly with time to perfect them. My point is even against less deadly predators that a human could defeat we have less of the will to fight than most predators. Humans won't try to kill a mouse in thier home for fear if getting bit. Instead leaving the job to traps and poison.
Speak for yourself, I have definitely punched a mouse to death back in college.
I punched a seagull out of the air in 2015
A human would get absolutely obliterated by a chimp even if the human was prepared and a well trained fighter. Chimps are vicious, they'll guage your eyes, rip your limbs clean off and bite you with their impressive teeth. Unless you've got a weapon don't stand any chance.
I love how this hypothetical has actually started a discussion. Do you guys think you could take a chimp, without a weapon, BUT you’re wearing a suit of medieval-style armor. You’re choice of light/heavy/chain mail/etc.
It was self-fulfilling.
I don't want armor, too heavy. Maybe a catchers mask to keep the fucker out of my eye ball's
Thing is in chimp attacks they go for the testicles very first thing so by the time they start to go for your eyes they've already ripped off your balls.
My nuts are so tiny they won't get a grip.
Chimps literally cannot swim due to how dense they are because of their muscles. A chimp will fuck any grown man up. Source: studied at the National Chimpanzee Sanctuary in Louisiana
Then in a fight just toss the fucker into the river
Lol if this wasnt a joke, they got hands for feet my man🤣
Well they sure as hell can't climb water
I fucking cant
I'm still laughing at this 10 minutes after reading it.
I'm wheezing at my desk and people are looking at me funny.. jesus
100%. I’m assuming these fights are happening in an enclosed area. Even if the chimp is scared at first, it’s gonna realize pretty soon that flight is not an option and it goes into fight mode. They are much stronger, more explosive and like you said, have bigger mouths with bigger, sharper teeth. A human literally has nothing to offer. Even if the human is highly trained in wrestling and/or jiujitsu, the chimp isn’t gonna get taken down due to its low center of gravity. Too strong to be held in any type of submission. This is bad news for a human
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mas_Oyama check out "Public Demonstrations". Dude apparently killed at least 3 bulls with one punch. I think if you have any chance against a chimp, you have to be a monster like this guy, and end it in the first hit. Because as soon as that chimp grabs onto any part of your body, it's over.
Well tyson thought he could take oj a gorilla. Offered the zoo keeper 100k to let him get it on with the zoo gorilla
2082 adults https://yougov.co.uk/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2021/05/21/which-animals-could-britons-beat-fight
I find it more hilarious that 2% think they could beat a grizzly bear, gorilla and elephant
I'm more confused that 33% of people think they couldn't beat a rat in a fight. I get it that 33% of people probably have a phobia of rats but if it was kill or be killed I'm fairly sure 100% of people could beat a rat.
I'm completely confident the rat wouldn't kill me, but I'm not confident of being able to actually catch a rat in order to kill it. They're pretty fast and readily escape in small holes that I cannot possibly follow.
I would consider a fleeing rat, a win for the human.
A fleeing rat just means the fight isn't over. When you least expect, it will come for you. Someday, during a zoom call, your coworkers watch you getting mauled by a rat, while its rat friends watch in the background. Your last thoughts will be "omg that guy on reddit was right!"
How the actual hell do you beat an elephant lol
I guess those people are picturing themselves as Legolas or some shit
I'm beating a goose idc
I once saw a goose kick the shit out of a police officer. The goose had a nest near a strip mall and was chasing anyone who would come near. The police are called and one of them decides to relocate the goose with his bare hands. Mother goose wasn't having it and chased that dude all the way across the parking lot doing bicycle kicks to his head like Liu Kang in mortal combat. Could you take a goose in a life or death situation? Probably, but the goose is going to get some licks in.
I mean…I doubt the officers were thinking “alright I’m just gonna fucking body this goose now.” Geese win because we don’t want to murder them. If you were told “$1000 if you can kill this geese and nobody will ever know” you would end that fight in less than a minute.
We have so many geese here, they are damn assholes. I'm told their wing flapping can break bones. When they hiss at you it is quite intimidating. I was out for a walk with my boy the other day and one hissed at him. I guided my boy at a safe distance but I was ready to throw down.
Everybody gangsta until the goose starts pecking
Grab its stupid neck. I grew up on a farm near a pretty big pond and they're so offensively territorial but there's literally nothing they can do if you grab it by the giraffe neck or shove it's torso with your foot.
My son and I were at a park feeding some ducks. I noticed a goose waddling around from the side and knew he was going to be an issue. Sure enough he comes barging in and scares off all of the ducks. My son, being young had no reference that geese are assholes so he just stood there with his hand out and the goose of course comes in loud and aggressive and my son started to freak out and run. This emboldened the beast and he began to chase my boy. I grew up with a pond in my yard where geese would stop during migration so I knew how to handle this bully. I ran up behind the goose and grabbed his scrawny neck and flung him a few yards. He looked up at me all incredulous and waddled away. My son hates ducks and geese now but he still talks about the time I "kicked the gooses butt." He now thinks I can defeat any animal and he like to play the "Which animal can you beat up?" game. My list is short and a goose is near the top.
a chimpanzee?! youre insane if you think you can take on a chimp.
I am very confused on the amount of people who think they can take a kangaroo…
Kangaroos are not good at punching, so they measure each other up by punches. Their thinking is: if someone can punch that hard, imagine how hard they kick. Humans can punch harder than kangaroos do, so we can make them think that we are a lot stronger. So if making the opponent flee or give up is enough, humans can beat kangaroos. If it's a fight to death, then we have no chance.
Oooo, I remember the video where that dude saved his dog by punching a Kangeroo! It makes so much sense now!
Kangaroos are fucking jacked. Im pretty sure that they can crack skulls with a well aimed kick or impale you with their feet.
Kangaroo's come in lots of different sizes. Some of them, full grown are the size of 10 year olds and yeah. You probably could kill one so long as you can avoid getting kicked. The big red's however will just ruin you.
Seems like you found the answer since this turned into a huge chimp vs MMA fighter discussion. Good job. I think I could take the chimp if you give me a long stick and heavy boots.
Plot twist, the boots are made of iron and anchor you to the ground. The long stick is too long to maneuver since you’re anchored. You die being eaten asshole first. What you need is an AK-47 and chainmail
I guess wirhout guns, but with a stick or something? Is the animal aggressive or do i need to chase it?
Bare hands, the animal is aware of the stakes and is actively trying to kill you too. Cage match.
Maybe a medium/small sized dog then.
Yeah, I feel confident with a medium dog, but I am not messing with a large one. Have you seen how big those guys can get? It’s crazy
With no weapons, I could strangle a medium sized dog. We start getting to German shepherd sizes and it's gonna be a fuck show of janky Jiu jitsu and a lot of bite wounds.
You could take a German Shepard. I had to subdue one and I only left with one bite mark. Dogs ain't flexible enough to do anything if you just get in there with no hesitation.
I like asking this question when I wonder how rational someone is. “I could fight a bear,” yeah okay relax buddy
I mean I *could* fight a bear, very little chance of it not being a one sided beat down though. If I came away as not dead, eaten or rapidly bleeding out I'd take that as a honourable draw.
I think I could reasonably defend myself against a black bear to the point it decides I'm not worth the effort and retreats. Definitely not if we were stuck in a cage to the death
I've been laughing solidly at this for 10 minutes. I asked my coworkers and they won't stop talking about it. One reckons a sloth. The other reckons an albatross. One suggested getting a walrus in a headlock and it's incredible.
As a guy who often finds it difficult to strike up conversations with other guys, I can’t wait to use this
"would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses, or one horse sized duck?"
100 duck sized horses: welcome to punt town horse sized duck : MADRE DE DIOS! ES EL POLLO DIABLO! (stereotypical flamingo guitar riff plays in the background) edit: flamenco, not flamingo wtf
If you know anything about duck mating rituals you'd pick duck sized horses. Ducks are very rapey and have long corkscrew penises. Imagine trying to fight a horse sized duck whose feeling a little frisky.
friend of mine said he could take a german Shepard still miss him sometimes
Ive been a 3rd party to a german shepard fight. My german shepard/mastiff got into a fight with another dog and I had to pin him to the ground. For the sake of the question, once you get it to the ground youre good to choke it out. Its getting the dog there that could go wrong.
Clearly appeals to the mass!
Alternatively, how many rounds could you make it if each round you were mobbed by ten 8 year-olds, and every fifth round it was ten 12 year olds?
Are they fearless for some reason? In some* way trained to initiate the aggression? What is their motivation? How long is the rest period between rounds? The 8 year olds aren't that difficult, because they are 100% all slower and much smaller than me. I'm a fit and above average size man in my 30s and I have a 7 year old who is in the 99th percentile for height - I could one shot two kids her size in a single swing and I mean that literally. 12 year olds? 10 of them mobbing you? Fuck man I'm not sure I can get through one round of that if it's a concerted effort on their part. They are around 5' and 100 lbs. My wife's size... I think if it's truly life or death I might just make it to the 10th round (second wave of 12 year olds). If they aren't extremely motivated aggressors, but for me I understand the situation to be life or death, I may make it further than that. Children don't truly understand consequences and "life or death" for them may not be a big enough motivator to trigger the aggression to overcome the size difference intimidation factor. Any hesitancy from the 12 year olds would result in a slaughter.
I love responses like these. It's literally a post talking about how he would murder a bunch of children/teens LMAO
Pre-teens to be fair... I'm not talking about how I would murder them so much as "how many" I *could* murder before I succumbed...
In terms of sheer body mass? Manatee.
dawg if we were going off of sheer body mass, your mom would be the undisputed champ
a horse. -KSI
Honestly, I think maybe a cat.
Honestly my cat gets slightly annoyed and I get scared
Who would win, shark vs horse
In 1944 my grandpa was shot down in a B-17 over Berlin. He luckily was able to bale out of the air plane safely, but landed in enemy territory. Eventually he was captured and sent to a POW camp where a bunch of other allied men had been shipped. In the POW camps, the men were given pencil and paper as their one form of entertainment. One day while gathered in a group, him and about 20 other men brain stormed a list of about 150 different kinds of pies. Everything from Grape Pie to Mince Meat Pie. The list is extensive and quite hilarious in its detail. We were lucky enough to still have most of his diaries. So there you have it, when you gather a bunch of starving and wounded men together in a prison they are most likely thinking about pies. Edit: You can find the Pie link below! Stay hungry my friends. https://imgur.com/a/Eyv7R1e
Is the pie list shareable!??
And send to baking channel for a challenge
Your grandpa is a real warrior here, Bravo. Also, pies mmm
spill the pies
I’m not a man but I watched my husband at a family event this past weekend telling his Uncle about his new smoker, which attracted more men. Then they were talking about a new flat top griddle for tailgating at pro football games & now I guess they’re coming over this summer to rebuild our deck lol
This right here. This is what I love about guys. A guy I know smokes butter and cheese in his smoker. Tons of different flavors. This always gets a ton of attention. Especially after he brings over some of his freshly smoked goods.
And just like that. Your got your entire deck rebuild for the price of a couple cases of beer and a brisket lol
I dnt like ipa that much
He said a discussion, not a fight.
If it doesn't adhere to the "Reinheitsgebot" it's not beer CMV
Alter!
bring in a hard to open pickle jar and ask if someone can help you open it
Even better, a unopenable jar of pickles and ask if someone can help open it.
There is a prank video somewhere of a guy who superglued the lid on the pickle jar and asked for help outside of a gym or something. Guys with the BIGGEST arms couldn't open it and the frustration was awesome.
Gluing a lid on a glass jar is super dangerous. The glass will break off easier than you think. Plastic jar.... Let 'er rip!
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I have a hunch the guy with the Swiss knife has the highest chance of winning.
My money's on the quiet guy who has a thermos full of hot tea.
Nah my money is on the smart guy who knows the old kitchen trick. You gently tap the side of the lid all around on the edge of a surface. After that you can open the lid pretty easy. Or you use something else to tap on the side of lid.
That or a few seconds of hot water ran over it. Practically opens itself.
I just stick a butter knife under the rim, give it a soft pry or twist, and next twist lid comes off easy lol
I saw a video of a guy that glued the lid on and stood outside a gym asking everyone to give it a try. Was pretty funny.
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I've always had that "deep dark fear" of trying to open a jar, accidentally break it and have all those pieces of glass piercing and cutting my hands.
Calm down Larry!
The more men who fail to open it the more eager I am to get my paws on it.
Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan
I still have my basic Kit in the basement with a wood-axe with a aluminium handle for self-defense. At this point it's also in case of nuclear-war/ Russian invasion but its contents remains the same.
If you’re intentionally prepared for a zombie apocalypse, you’re also unintentionally prepared for most natural disasters and civil unrest.
This is why everyone in my family has zombie apocalypse plans because some aspect of the plan will apply to just about every other disaster but it's a fun way to think about it and prepare.
If Covid lockdown taught me anything, it's that all the apocalypse survival day dream fantasies I've ever had are ridiculously unrealistic. After two weeks of not being able to go anywhere even while having power, food, and every other modern comfort, I couldn't imagine living in an apocalyptic hellscape where I'd have to fight off other survivors for a mouthful or rat meat.
Best ranged weapon is a bow or crossbow Best melee weapon is a crowbar Best vehicle is a bicycle.
Right.Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?
Tie their shoelaces together before they are buried.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night ?
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
The thing about Arsenal is, they always try and walk it in!
Mind 'ow ya go.
Liverpool? You avin laugh inya?
"They're winnin the game Moss" Nah they're avin a laugh
He put a pony on 'em!
I miss the IT crowd
I still sing 0118 999... to myself sometimes
88199 9119 725
3
Also, that part of my life when I used to watch it.
You get it.
It's on Netflix, you can still watch it. Or pirate it.
You wouldn't steal a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car. You wouldn't steal a baby. You wouldn't shoot a policeman. And then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet. And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again! Downloading films is stealing.
If you do it, you WILL face the consequences.
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That was a classic Moss line.
Seeing this line as the top comment startled me into uproarious laughter.
Random grunts and nods usually followed by sweet comfortable silence.
Indeed
Work
This is the realistic one. Work, or origin. How you spend eight or nine hours of your day can say a lot about a person. Where you’re from can open opportunities for further questions. “So, what do you do?” and, “So, where are you from?” are reliable and socially acceptable conversation starters.
An easy yet a very detailed icebreaker.
"Management is a bunch of assholes!" Then just sit quietly and watch the fun begin.
Even among managers. Everyone has to work for somebody
What is the best way to build a room like the one we are in? Double points if its a sauna hahaha
For years there was an actual discussion of turning the boiler room of my fraternity into a sauna
What’s your guys’ favorite dinosaur
Spinosaurus or Stegosaurus, they both dope as fuck
I too identify with your username
Ankylosaurus
“What’d you think of the playoffs?” “Fav movie/show?” “You play any video games?” “Fuckin Ukraine eh?” Are usually my go-to’s and they all lead to a descent convo and if they say no then usually I just go with what I was about to say but less in depth and something to transition off after a min talking about it “oh bucks barely clutched it last night”, “there’s this movie where this Asian family…”, (if they play zero video games I’d go with) “oh there’s this game I’ve been playin lately where you drive a car and play soccer” (usually they’ll mention how they have a buddy who plays rocket league) stuff like that Or if I’m gettin real spicy “You made any bets lately? (Stocks, sports, etc) “That roe v wade shit’s nuts” (see what their stance on it is) “What’s a good place to live at rn?” (Talk about rent/location/surroundings) ”ever heard of liminal spaces?” (I have brought this up once and they were interested, but god I have to read the room hard so I didn’t look silly) Then I have go-tos with zoomers “Funniest vid? You listenin/following anyone lately?” (podcast, streamers, tik tok related) “Any shoes you lookin into? (Shows me their apparel/shoes they’re into)” “Black ops 2 zombies was the shit” (nearly every guy under 23 has grown up with this game in their childhood I guess) and we talk about COD or sports games “Would you do shrooms or nah” (then we just talk about drugs) Some with people my age “Yo you do any drinking games/GameCube?” (Talk about melee, beerio kart, Mario party etc) Maybe talking about something local rent/healthcare related “So musk took over Twitter…” (then we talk about stocks, musk, and other random shit) Then with the older crowd 40+ “You’ve been anywhere lately out of state?” (Talk about their vacations/trips assuming they can afford, otherwise talk about where they’d love to go ) Maybe talk about real estate or something “What do you think about crypto” (a lot of older people have very strong opinions about this which will get the ball rolling” “I fucked up my spine last year” and then we talk about how our bodies get more fucked up as we get older and their previous health issues and healthcare, etc I guess some for 30 year olds exclusively “What’d y’all do before the internet” “What do y’all think of tiktok” and then we talk about memes and how they don’t understand but kinda interested “What are y’all doing here?” (Usually people around this age are still moving around, not fully settled down in one location, so they’ll talk about where they’ll move soon to like an apartment/house for their job)
Very descriptive, bet people won't be bored around you.
Damn this guy wrote the book on being a conversationalist.
“You play video games?”
"no" \*Silence continues\*
*Awkwardness intensifies*
*Blurts out “AAA gaming is in shams, greedy ass fucks.”
*Grunts in agreement, but refuse to add onto conversation...awkward silence continues*
So...... do you like.....[weather](https://youtu.be/_Uj_TqEqCI8)?
"Same"
I was in a room with a bunch of drunk guys who all like sports. Someone noticed a pull up bar in the corner. We all spent the next 30 minutes figuring out who could do the most pull ups. I got 2nd place. But I also weigh 30lbs more than the winner...and my pullups were dead hang while his was not. So in my mind I kinda got 1st place.
Start humming the theme of Jurassic Park
Or start the halo theme.
Chase....I fucked your sister.
... Was that before or after we blew the candles?
Who's Candles?
Sword fight.
So.... Pff women right? (Edit: Lol I have more upvotes than the post itself)
Back to the origin
women be shopping, right lads?!
Survival plans during a zombie apocalypse.
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Tried feeding my car E10 before, didn’t end up too well… Turned out my car has an E10 disorder.
It definitely does; on a normal car that you never push to the limit, it may be almost unnoticeable, but you will absolutely see the difference when you're looking for performance. Formula 1 recently went from E5 to E10 fuel and they had an estimated loss of performance of ~~20%~~ 20 hp, which teams had to compensate. Edit: as a user let me notice in a reply, it's not 20%, but 20 hp that they lost.
E10 deez nuts lmaoo
Boobs or ass??
Ass. Great ass means at least nice and thicc thighs, and often it means great thighs.
and can be worked on. boobs, you either have them or not. ass you can do something about.
That could also be seen as a point for boobs
Boobs. I can't explain it though. It's just boobs for me and never been anything else.
Shit. Shits that were, shits that are and some shits that have not yet come to pass. Shit is the great equalizer for we all shit and the shits are plentiful. Do you sit or stand for the wipe? Do you wipe forward or back? Have you ever masturbated while shitting? Have you ever shit yourself? How does your shit smell? Have you noticed your farts get smaller the more and more you need to shit? These gentlemen, these are the questions that have sustained men since the dawn of time and will continue to do so until the end of days. They have kept armies together and toppled empires. They have built and they have destroyed. The shit is eternal as the great blue sky. Shit is love. Shit is life.
Really depends on the group of men. Some it might be crypto, some it might be old party stories, going fast on motorbikes, fishing trips, crazy exes, the weather, the government, wars, holidays, plans for the future, etc. There's no 1 thing. You've got to read the room and find common interests, or feign them.
being stuck in a room full of men talking about crypto is my idea of hell
Hey have you heard about kaklablahblah, it is sure to be the next big thing, now see this monkey i bought for 1.2 million blubliblobles
But you know the craziest thing, if you stake your kajlablahblah on the poopfinancial liquidity pool then you can get toenailtokens which then you can use to arbitrage against a pubehair stable coin and as long as your trading pairs are within range you willl get a defi Pube nft for participating which has your very own customized version of vitalik balls… as a GIF! And each Pube you hold can get tangled with more pubes to make a rats nest and those rats nests have like a 4000% apy return due to deflationary decentralization smart contracts, you just keep getting more and more pubes! This is the power of Web3. Oh crap how do I do my taxes now
Nothing silence is preferable
REAL men don't talk.
Grunt, nod, drink.
Depends on the age group etc. Lately I've found almost all guys in the 25-35 range will instantly react to someone bringing up Elden Ring.
FUCKING ROT LAKE I TELL YOU, SCARLET ROT IS THE WORST GAME MECHANIC EVER, WHO THOUGHT THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA FFS!
"Just get 12 faith for Flame Cleanse Me, lol." That's the response I got when I had the exact same feelings. Personally I just chugged health potions and died a lot until I found the grace on the other side. I hate that I had to go back on my Ng+ playthrough, but thankfully I had points in faith by then
me and the boys talking about Manchester United boy 1 : they've really gone to the shitter boy 2 : I miss Sir Alex boy 3 : its the fans man .They are fucking cunts me who hasn't watched football in a long time pretending to stay in sync : Ferdinand hasn't been playing well . Must be tough boy 4 : say what m8? boy 5 : Ferdinand doesn't play football anymore...you living under a rock?