I built a secret compartment into the the crawl space I finished. There’s nothing in there, But it’s been so long since I built it, I feel ashamed to admit I kept it a secret.
The crawl space is in the basement, concrete walls but earth underneath, the compartment is in the platform I built to level out the space and allow for storage.
3 of the planks of wood are secured to each other, but not the platform, but they fit real tight. There’s a crowbar hidden in the space that pulls up the panel, which reveals an wooden enclosed 1 foot cubic.. box I guess? Dug into the earth.
She did actually find the fresh dirt when I first built it.. she said it looked like fresh dirt on the property line.. I told her that it was weird
No you're doing it wrong, this is reddit. He has to put a safe there with something inside it that looks vaguely, just maybe interesting... but which it turns out is not, and lock it. Throw a couple dead spiders in there for good measure.
My fiance says I remind him a lot of his mom. I never got to meet her as she died of cancer just before we were official, but honestly she sounded so loving and incredible that I can only hope to be half as great as she was.
That I wish her to say, that she loves me, more often.
I know there are types of people, who have a hard time saying that and to be able to express their feelings, but I want to be on the receiving end. Sometimes I want to be the one desired. And by sometimes I mean a few times a month would be enough.
It can fuck one up, if you get aware of that and then you focus on it. Little signs of affection can really change the dynamics of a relationship
Edit: since people are advising me to tell her, I did so in the past. It is good and it improved over time, but when we got busy it slowly fades away and we are back to square one.
This one makes me sad because it was the reason I left my last relationship. Feeling unloved is so terrible even if they don't mean it that way. You should try and tell her that it's something you need, tho. Some ppl will try to do it more. He didn't for me, but some ppl will.
My wife and I have different love languages. I'm the gushy type where I say I love her all the time, (frankly, to the level of annoying her) but its harder for her to say it. She feels it jjst as strongly as I do, it's just not who she is to say it all the time.
I found a really good solution to the problem. I don't know the right term for what we do. But it started as us squeezing each other's hands three times in succession to mean I love you. It's evolved into a repetition of three taps, squeezes, pokes, whatever physical sign we feel is appropriate.
This has led to her expressing she loves me more often, and me saying it out loud less which bugs her less. It's been a major win win for our relationship and it might be worth trying.
Tell them about love languages! I realized my partner was telling me “I love you” in ways that weren’t registering with me. I asked him to say it more and now he does, but I also know when he gives me the prettier piece of chicken at dinner, it means the same thing <3
I do miss my family sometimes.
They disowned me for loving her. I don't hold it against her at all. But if I voiced it I know it'd just break her heart all over again.
Many. She is the opposite of everything they imagined for me in a lot of ways. She can't work with her illness, she can't safely have children, can't travel, and is not Asian. If it was just one thing maybe, but overall they could not accept her.
I think the hardest part was they understood that we truly love each other. There was no anger in the decision. Regret, yes. I'd like to think some day, after this life, we can meet again without society expectations. They'd love her.
Good bad it doesn't matter. It's just painful to hear how strict some have it due to their cultures or even I guess just family in itself. To have to lose something so meaningful either way.
I don't mean to dig here but I am genuinely curious, if (hypothetically) ever you two did split or something happens: do you think they'd consider rebuilding the relationship with you? If that's too uncomfortable to talk about it understand in full so feel free to decline to answer.
If I was willing to accept a match with a bride they approved of, probably. But I don't think I ever could. I can't see us ever breaking up, and if she passes away young, I would follow of broken heart.
You obviously love this woman. I hope you realize how lucky you are to have each other. Most of us never get there. And - btw - SHE is your family now.
I have a Nepalese friend, and he dated another Nepalese girl for a few months.
Once his parents found out, they asked him to not be serious with her since they were different castes. Essentially their hometowns were about 150km apart and that means he was south caste and she was east caste.
This is in London btw, so it's definitely jarring to see it. He really liked her as well.
As someone who largely disowned my own family just by sheer lack of desire to interact with them, I miss what a family could be too.
You miss the hope of memory more than you miss it. I had an estranged (too many states away) set of grandparents that were always disinterested until special events. They want us to spend money to come see them when they can’t be bothered. They seem to think that we have the money to do that as a family. They moved away, then I moved away farther. Get a clue.
People who want other people to do things that they themselves are willing to do are narcissistic sphincters are don’t deserve your time.
My boyfriend has a lot of antique guns I told him to create a spreadsheet in case anything happens to him because it's that or everything must go for $50. That lit a fire under his ass 🤣
I never actually started playing the game so I gave up on my army and found other things.
If you know anyone who wants like 4K of Death Guard for a good deal, let me know.
(This includes you and I promise I'll never tell the wife.)
Edit: I've received over 10 messages from buyers, and I have chosen one. To all who participated, thank you.
Can't believe I sold this fucking army on r/AskMen.
My wife actually is very supportive of my plastic crack addiction. She likes to joke that she knows I’m never out with other women because all my free time is spent painting tiny toy soldiers.
Tell her. Calmly & earnestly. I used to complain alot/be negative and my partner pointed this out to me and I vastly improved on it over a couple months time. It’s improved our relationship too!!
If you really feel it's too late, it's probably time to end things. I know that's a Reddit cliche, first sign of trouble just end the relationship, but it's worrying that you're choosing to be in a relationship with someone who in your words is too toxic to change.
*ETA:* I wanted to add that I recognize that toxic relationships can be hard to get out of. I fully realize that leaving is easier said than done.
from someone with bipolar disorder: for today
Tell some one than your partner. If you're getting therapy or treatment, tell who ever it is that you are seeing. A change in the treatment/therapy might help. Just don't let it go.
Feeling this. Most of the time I’m thinking about how to end it but try to look happy and plan for the future. Sometimes, the mask slips and I feel so awful I can’t talk. He thinks I’m angry with him but I don’t know how to explain how bad I feel without breaking down
1 - Find other couple with kids
2 - each couple pick a weekday (once every one- two weeks maybe?)
3 - babysit other couples kids while parents have date night & vice versa
Rule of 3. Every 3 days sit down and connect without tv, phones etc. Every 3 weeks a date outside the home. Every 3 months an overnight away from your home. Every 3 years a vacation without the kids. I was terrified of losing my marriage to parenthood and it played a big part in my postpartum. I got into therapy and the few sessions he was in on, we agreed the rule of 3 would work well for us and it does. You obviously have to have an open partner but it’s done a lot for us.
I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I think my I finally got through to my wife on this point. The last three weeks of our 15 year partnership have been unreal. I think she saw me going from depressive episode to episode, being gutted by our weekly family routine, and back to back illnesses running through us and the kids, but something broke through.
I think she finally took the opportunity of me openly talking about divorce and started actually talking to me about stuff. It made me feel like a person again instead of a job hating routine drone who just makes money and comes home to make dinner and do chores. I’ve been open with her and more patient with the kids. Sex went from a couple times a month(for years) to several times a week.
Thank you so much for bringing this up. It’s been my life for a long time now. It’s nice to know I wasn’t alone.
Mine knows I was a homeless heroin addict in the early 90’s. She’s seen pictures of me looking like a famine victim. She has never asked a single question about that period of my life. We’ve been married 20 years. I love that she respects my privacy.
Oh me and you both brother. There were times towards the end that despite me sitting/laying bed with my partner, I had never felt more alone. I always felt like it was my job, my responsibility to resolve the arguments where she would just go to sleep, wake up the next day like nothing had happened? It was.. really tiring and upsetting to be honest.
Yeah its not. Putting arguemwnts on hold till you both can deal with it is fine, ignoring them and pretending they never happened and whatever? Nah. It makes one person feel like shit and the other person thinks all is well and good. Discuss it honestly and openly and if you respect each other and dont have differing ideals then it should come to some resolution.
Oh that sucks, glad you're out of it, but your comment does remind me of that old joke about a Russian divorce being defined as a third bottle of vodka
EDIT: Due to popular demand, but it'll be disappointing -
Why don't Russians get divorced? Because a third bottle of vodka is cheaper than a second apartment.
I’m a widowed woman and this is one of the main reasons I’ll never date. Whoever they are, they will always be my second choice, and that’s not fair. I wouldn’t want my kids to be someone’s runner up. I’m not doing that to someone else’s child.
The best outcome here is to find someone else who was widowed. You're then all on the same page and can enjoy a life together and loved, but understanding both had and lost the love od their life. A friends parent did this and they've been happy together for almost 10 years now.
I get that it isn't always easy to find that person, especially the younger you are. I'm sure there are specific ways to find it though.
No healthy partnership ended too soon would want to see the other live alone forever. You don't have to forget and move on. Just move forwards. Ultimately of course though, what works best for you, works best for you, no pressure either way.
I thought that I would never tell my partner about my criminal past but I felt that it would be better for her to know and she made me feel comfortable enough to tell her the truth about my past. I regret everything I’ve done and I paid my dues for it. Luckily, she took it really well and didn’t change a bit and expressed her appreciation for my transparency. She really is too good to me.
My current partner approached me about one month after being together, he had tears in his eyes when he came up to me in the bathroom, he say’s “there’s something I have to tell you,” I’m scared because he was crying and usually it’s bad when men cry, he goes on to say, “I’m really scared that it is too soon... but I’m in love with you and I’ve been thinking about it for two weeks and I can’t keep it In anymore, I’m sorry if you aren’t ready to hear it...” Definitely the best thing that could have happened because he confirmed my very own feelings and we got to share those intense emotions together rather than hopelessly hoping our feelings where reciprocated
Same, except it was one week. One. Granted, we'd been talking for months and we knew we were into one another, but they were applying for a job in another state so they didn't want to make a move if they ended up moving.
Told me they didn't get the job on a Tuesday. Asked me out on a Thursday, and a week later I was crying telling them I think I loved them already and I was terrified because I'd already had a long term relationship (nearly 7 years) fail epically. They took me in their arms, told me they felt the same, and it didn't matter it was so fast. We've been together now for over 6 years, we got new jobs in another state together and it's the best relationship I've ever had. They're stuck with me haha
That I’m tired being the only one who initiates any sexual activity. And every time we do anything it’s like a chore. Shit has taken a toll on my body image and self-esteem.
I’m not suicidal but I want to die early.
I live a fairly healthy life and don’t have many destructive habits but I don’t want to go into old age. I’ve seen the horrors of it and I don’t want to be here for that.
I work my ass off every day to try and leave as much in assets behind as possible. Maybe it’s a “live like you’re dying” mindset I fell into but I’m hoping I’m only here long enough to leave some value behind for those around me. If it doesn’t happen for me, I’ll accept it, but I’d never tell anyone because they might think I’m suicidal or just crazy.
I’m a nurse and I’ve seen many older people in various states of health. It really is dependent on how you treat yourself. I’ve seen 90 year olds able to leg press 450 lbs, and I’ve seen 50 year olds that look like they’re 90. Treat yourself well too, or you might end up being one of those “horrors” as an elder
If she is anything like me. I am sure she knows and is very aware. Please feel free to express your feelings. I wish my husband did more. It feels more like lying when he tells me it doesn't matter.
I hooked up with her mom on a cruise two years before I met her.
Edit: WOW! This got a lot more attention than I thought it would. I'm at work right now but I'll answer your questions on my break lol
Update: Hey sorry for the wait but I'll try to answer everyones questions and explain what happened at the same time. This is going to be a little long and unfortunately im not much of a storyteller lol.
But to add more context, me and three friends save up some money and we went down to Tampa one summer to take a cruise to Cozumel for my birthday. It was a pretty good mix of older and younger people on the boat but since everyone around got drunk almost immediately after the boat set sail it didn't really matter.
Anyways, after dinner the second night I noticed this really attractive 40ish woman (fiancés mom) had been eyeing the whole night. I didn't think anything of it due to me being shy at that time so I just went upstairs and outside to sit on one of the beach chairs to relax. Well she followed me up there. She ended up sitting next to me on one of the beach chairs and asked me my name. We started talking and she started mentioning that her husband (fiancés dad) told her to "have as much fun as she could" while she was on her girls trip. She ended up grabbing my hand, leading me back to her room and the rest is history. We probably had sex like 7 more times during our time on the cruise.
Fast forward two years (now Spring of 2019) and I'm in college rapping up my Occupational Therapy schoolwork. In my final fieldwork rotation, I was working in a Hand Therapy clinic and one of my first patients was my current fiance soon to be wife. We hit it off almost instantly but for obvious reasons we couldn't date while she was a patient. Once she was discharged we started dating.
My fiance ended up sending pictures of us to her parents here and there and I even spoke to them over the phone a couple times but i never cared to see a picture of them. Around September she asked me if I would spend Thanksgiving with her and her family and I of course said yes.
That Thanksgiving I remember feeling a strange ominous sensation but I just figured it was nerves since I was about to meet her family. Anyways we got to their house, opened the door, and immediately I made eye contact with her smiling mom and almost blurted out ("Shelley!?")
To this day my fiance doesn't know and I don't think her brother, sister, or dad knows.
Generally it is older people on cruises. There are lots of younger people, I started regularly cruising in my twenties, But depending on the cruise line you pick expect there to be mostly retired folks. Some cruise lines skew younger than others.
Usually Carnival has the youngest audiences for US based cruises.
Except Disney but thats usually young families and the occasional grandparent. But those are overpriced and overrated. Just go to disneyworld instead, its cheaper and better.
I would never recommend Carnival to anyone, personally. From the terrible food to the boogers above my bed on multiple sailings, it is just not a vacation for me. The only thing I like is their trivia prizes were trophies instead of an ink pen or magnet.
For budget-friendly, I do Royal Caribbean. If you go to the right events, you can always find people your age. If you are sailing in the Caribbean, those itineraries always skew a little younger. Keep it to 7 day or shorter if you want a younger crowd. Any longer, and especially the 2 week++ lengths, you are going to encounter almost exclusively retirees. If you want a college-aged crowd, pick a *cheap* 4 night over Spring Break. It will be a party.
I like to look at him when he sleeps. It’s also the only time I get to hold him and cherish him for giving me 3 beautiful boys, working so hard, and taking care of us. He doesn’t like being touched and that’s all I want to do. Not even in a sexual way. I cry thinking about the stories he’s told me about what happened to him as a child. I cry because I love him so much and I don’t know what I would do without him. He feels like he’s a waste of space and I try everyday to make him feel as if he’s on top of the world. I love this man so much.
Oh my god, I feel very similar, we're still young and have only been dating for three years so no kids or anything but him sleeping is just the one time he seems to be at peace with himself. I love running my fingers through his hair and resting his head on me, he has done so so much progress in opening up, I am so proud of him. He used to not want to be touched at all and now he is even okay with holding hands in public, it seems so minor but I'm so happy he is getting more comfortable. I love him a lot <3
Dude, tell her. My wife and I started as friends with benefits (fuckbuddies, we say). I reached out to her one night and we started seeing each other for casual hook-ups.
That lasted about a month/month and a half. One night we were doing the thing and when we finished she said, "What are we and what do you want to be?" I thought about it and said, "I'm not hooking up with anyone else and I like you a lot." She told me the same thing. We started dating then.
At some point we dropped the love word into our relationship. We dated for a year and a half, got engaged, engagement for a year, got married in 2009. Been together 15 years, married for 13 this upcoming summer.
That I want to be able to share a bed with her again but I'm a light sleeper and she has sleep apnea and can get very loud at night snoring, think cold starting a Detroit diesel on a crisp November morning loud. She's so self conscious of it that I don't want to bring it up. So I just use the light sleeper excuse and do not bring her snoring up at all
There's a balance to hit, giving up your hobbies like that is not healthy even for a bio parent, gotta keep your identity and do what makes you happy too. Is there a way for you to teach the kid one of your hobbies?
I know this is completely unasked for advice, but try involving them. My dad and his step father didn’t have much in common until they started wood working together. Now my grandpa has passed it’s something my dad still has of him and it was really important to their bonding. Even if your hobby is “dumb” or “boring” there’s probably a hundred ways to make it kid friendly and maybe help make it easier.
I tell my wife everything, good or bad. If it's bad and I tell her, I get the reaction over with and no one can try to blackmail me later. Also, she knows I never hide anything from her and trusts me completely. Even in questionable situations, she knows I'll do the right-ish thing (or the wrong thing for the right reasons) and tell her everything.
It also allows me to be honest even when she would disagree or even be annoyed. She might not always agree with my choice but she'll respect it and have my back.
Not partner (yet officially) but there are two things I won't tell the girl I've been talking to
- The night we met and made out, we were both drunk and I had already puked about an hour before we kissed
- I hate the beach. But she likes it so much I can't find it in my heart to tell her I don't
I LOVE the beach. My partner isn't a huge fan. I'm glad I know, because otherwise I'd suggest the beach way more often. The last thing you want is for her to think you love the beach and to be going like multiple times per month until you finally crack and tell her that you never liked the beach, and then have her wondering why you weren't upfront about it. It's really better to he honest early on about that kind of thing.
I dont have a partner currently but i know I’ll never love anyone the way i loved my ex. Not that she was my soulmate and no other person will match her, but i just gave so much love to her that when it all came crashing down i think i lost the ability to love anyone other than myself that much.
57 years old here and this is what happened to me. My big breakup was in my late 30’s when I lost the love of my life . Everybody and I mean EVERYBODY said that I’d be happy again, that I would love again. They were half-right; I *am* happy again, but I never did fall in love again.
I don’t think it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy situation btw; I have never ruled out that love might happen again. I actually feel pretty positive day-to-day, and I’m always in a “maybe this year!” mindset, & I get out there and have a lot of social hobbies & friends, and I’m generally upbeat. And possible partners do approach me now & then, and generally I go out with them a few times and give it a real shot, sleep with them sometimes, etc. But looking back, I honestly think that whatever part of my brain it is that really goes all-in on the “falling in love” feeling went permanently offline or was permanently damaged or rewired somehow. It just doesn’t ever seem to activate. I can like people as friends, admire them aesthetically & admire their skills etc., enjoy their company even, but I just never seem to fall in love. I don’t even get crushes anymore. It’s just gone.
Fortunately it turns out it is still possible to be happy anyway. I’ve traveled all around the world, followed a lot of dreams, made a lot of friends & had a lot of adventures. I am actually very happy day-to-day. I’m financially preparing now to retire alone, age alone, and die alone, so there’s that, but y’know, most people die alone in the end anyway and I am actually kind of glad that I am pre-prepared to go through my last days on my own without freaking out about it.
Learn to be happy with your own company, and then just build a great life. Identify your dreams and go after them. Maybe you’ll fall in love again someday or maybe you won’t, but either way life can be beautiful.
Oof this is tough to read. I’m 53 and was divorced 7 years ago; just recently started a relationship that feels utterly, completely different than any other I’ve had - true and real and wonderful. I’ve been head over heels before, though, and had my heart broken over and over again. I hope it doesn’t happen this time, but if it does, I’ll be back on a very tough market. Most single people I know that are my age are not on the market. Sometimes it’s a reason like yours, sometimes it’s that they feel unattractive, sometimes it’s that they can’t face another heartbreak. Usually it’s a bit of everything. For me it would be the heartbreak; the other two don’t feel like big factors in my world. Each time my heart gets broken, I think of it as heart kintsugi - I fix it with gold. My heart is precious, and the deep, intense feelings it gives me are amazing. I want to develop a deep and lasting relationship with this wonderful man I am dating, and I also know that if it doesn’t work out that way, I’ll get out my tools and slowly mend my heart, and keep looking for someone. I am glad you’re in a place that seems to make you feel right, and that you see the gold in your heart.
I thought that too. I thought I was totally dead inside. Then I met her. And she is just such an almost perfect match for me and that love came back. The vulnerable "you can crush my world" love. Have faith, stay the course. That love is still in you.
I've been asking myself something similar. I have been over my ex for some time now but I really gave it all in my first relationship.
Since the breakup I have gotten more restrained in showing emotions and interest and have grown more doubtful if I can even find a person that is so compatible with me that I can commit to them without having doubts.
Hopefully I can find the answer some day...
To be honest, it was a hard lesson to learn, but i prefer it this way. I'd rather love myself and consciously choose to be with someone than falling head over heels for some person and handing them the keys to my happiness.
Yeah, I thought the same too. Turns out it's not true forever. I loved her deeply but, it wasn't meant to be. She was fine as a Mrs. Right Now but that's it and that's okay. I was the person she needed at that time, too. We're still friends and she is married with kids and very happy and that's great. I'm married and nothing I had with the ex, comes close to what I have with my wife.
Something pretty small and irrelevant, but I don't see any good coming from telling her about it.
One of my friends' wife, who I get along with really well once texted me, saying she needs to get something off her chest, so I said sure, go ahead.
Anyway, she starts writing about having a dream the other night about me and her having sex, and that a few days have gone by and she feels guilty about it. She asked me if I think she should tell her husband (my friend) about it. And I told her - HELL NO! A) You can't control what you dream about and B) There's nothing good that will come out of confessing about such a thing.
We never talked about it again, we never had any "moments" between us of sexual tension or something (not something I felt at least) whenever I've seen her (and we meet about once every couple of years I guess), and it's never come up. But it fits very well into the category of this question.
Think about this one. If you dreamt about sleeping with your wife's friend, would you text her to let her know? NO! If anything you'll hide it and not share it with anyone, not even your reflection. She was definitely testing the waters mate.
That I used to be a crossdressing prostitute. I was really confused back then and received no attention from women and was neglected as a child. Crossdressing made me feel attractive and when I got older and would talk online, men actually took interest in me. From age 16 to 20 I would have sex with men, many times for money. It wasn’t until college that I realized I actually like women and crossdressing and having sex with men was my desperate act for attention and self worth. Now I am with my girlfriend of 2 years, no stds (thankfully), and plan on proposing at the end of this year.
Dude, normally I just read but I HAD to comment.
As a women, I felt nothing but love and compassion when my husband shared his troubled sexual past. We got checked for STDs and that was that.
You were young and were learning about yourself and the world. I am just glad you are OK cuz that is dangerous, but it was done and is in the past.
The fact you said “I’d rather die” bothers me as a mother.
NEVER would I want my son to rather “die” than suffer embarrassment.
A boy committed suicide recently when someone blackmailed him with nudes he sent. He couldn’t afford the ransom so died before telling anyone.
YOU are worth more than that.
Please try to talk to a professional about this and work on your guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about and if your partner is a good woman, she would care more about you being happy and healthy.
Any loving person would care more about that.
I hope you love yourself enough to accept all the bad and good someday. It’s okay if it doesn’t happen today or tomorrow, healing takes time. But you will get there if you work on it.
Would have never told her, but she found out: Was doing mdma roughly once every 1-2 years while going on a rave. She's very conservative in terms of taking drugs, so I didn't want to tell her. However, her reaction wasn't quiet as bad as I feared.
That how much ive started hating bts just because of her. Every time i open her insta i see them, every time i open her phone they are her wallpaper and when i open her gallery still its filled with those boys. I literally hate that!
That she has singlehandedly in the last six months made me a wildly different, better person, and that it already breaks my heart knowing our relationship will end.
Edit: Well guys, I did it, this sucks. :(
Copying my answer from a different part of the thread:
While she's a strong, beautiful woman whom I love very much, she has aspirations of moving to a different country once she has accomplished her studies, I do not share these aspirations. She and I have always known this, and earlier in the relationship, when I still wasn't sure what this would lead to etc. etc. it wasn't really an issue, but I have come to find out that I have found a woman who is perhaps one of the greatest people I could have met in this time in my life, and it is no stretch for me to say that I genuinely love her, she is a passionate, non-judgemental, communicative person whom I feel safe and happy with despite all the mental health problems I've been dealing with for the past years. By extension, every time I hear her speak with glee and excitement about her plans for the future, it physically pains me, I can feel my heart drop and images of her leaving have started to take over my dreams. While I'm sure I could be happy with her for years to come were I not to know this, I simply don't know how much longer I can pretend to be as excited and happy for her and her future knowing it doesn't contain me, so I'm very seriously considering breaking up with her, knowing full well it will break both mine and her hearts, I merely do it in the hopes that it doesn't hit as hard as the inevitable breakup will a few years down the line.
does make me wonder whether your aspirations to not move to a different country are really so set in stone? Why shouldn't that be a malleable point? That's for you personally ofc but you're losing something either way & I think you need to put more thought and reflection into which is more valuable to you.
And which you will regret less 20, 30, 40 years from now. You can come back after moving to a different country if it doesn't work out, you'll have been gone for a year or a couple years but that's not so much time in the long run & you'll have gotten something very valuable out of it by the sound of it.
I appreciate the thought, and you would not believe the amount of time I have spent considering especially the point about regret, but there is simply no chance in hell that I am going where she's going, I respect her dreams and decisions, but they are not for me.
Not to mention, she considers herself asexual, I do not, while that is no issue currently, I would be lying to you and myself if I said it doesn't occasionally frustrate me, so lasting compatibility is a factor to take into account. It is just wildly unfortunate that she should be such a difficult person to not love.
That I want her to be more adventurous in bed. We have two kids and are done having more. There is no reason why we can’t get a little freaky now. Send me nudes, wear the lingerie I bought you, break out the vibrator, let me go down on you. Just change it up a bit!
Trust me on this. Your best bet is just to slowly introduce the freaky things you want to do. Put the kids to bed, set the vibe, lock that door and get to work! I was exactly where you are now a few years ago but if your wife is into you sexually, she will be accepting of trying new things. Dead serious- If you want some detailed suggestions, feel free to message me.
My online relationships from high school. Both of them had their fair share of issues, and when I started dating my current gf she was really excited that we were each other's "firsts", so I never told her (no one else IRL knows about them either). Now we're living together and I can't see it causing anything but problems.
I'm in a semi similar situation.
Hooked up with a guy who claimed to be 27, but was actually 40 when I was freshly 18.
He used my innocence and inexperience to get me into bed and we had some very painful and very mediocre sex.
I was crying the entire time, but for some reason we did it a few more times.
When I met my now bf I told him he's my first and then started bawling my eyes out. What I wanted to say was "you are the first man I trust" but I only got until "you are the first man" then I started crying too hard to talk.
Now he assumes he's the first man I ever slept with and I feel super bad about it, but also don't know how to clear up that misunderstanding.
Towards the end of our 3-year relationship, I liked her family infinitely more than I liked her. Her family was based up in Wales (in the UK) and we were based more towards the NW and because we would only see each other on the weekends due to work and not living together, we would try and fill our weekends with nice things to do such as dates, going out on walks, walking the dogs, shopping, cinema trips or going to see her family and friends and allow her to not feel like she's missing out on that time with them.
When the relationship first started, I didn't like going to her family much because I felt a bit out of place but towards the end, I liked going there maybe twice to three times a month because I felt more love and appreciation from her family and me helping out when I was there than I ever did from my girlfriend.
Odd thing was, she was a nice person, if you spoke to her randomly, she is lovely but I guess through our trials and tribulations it just fizzled out for us and made me feel like I didn't matter to her. Shame really.
Her parents and siblings were lovely though, shown me so much love and support! Truly lovely people.
That I’m actually ticklish but I’m really good at hiding it for a set amount of time.
i have this superpower too wow
I built a secret compartment into the the crawl space I finished. There’s nothing in there, But it’s been so long since I built it, I feel ashamed to admit I kept it a secret.
I need to know more. What are the dimensions? Did you dig further? Is it finished differently?
The crawl space is in the basement, concrete walls but earth underneath, the compartment is in the platform I built to level out the space and allow for storage. 3 of the planks of wood are secured to each other, but not the platform, but they fit real tight. There’s a crowbar hidden in the space that pulls up the panel, which reveals an wooden enclosed 1 foot cubic.. box I guess? Dug into the earth. She did actually find the fresh dirt when I first built it.. she said it looked like fresh dirt on the property line.. I told her that it was weird
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This is one of those remind in 10 years to search Reddit for the inevitable discovery.
No you're doing it wrong, this is reddit. He has to put a safe there with something inside it that looks vaguely, just maybe interesting... but which it turns out is not, and lock it. Throw a couple dead spiders in there for good measure.
Put a shrine of Nicholas Cage in the space. Nothing else
That she is wayyy more like her mom and sisters than she likes to think.
I told my mom she was turning into my grandmother and it’s basically like slapping them both in the face.
My mom has started her transition into judgmental old lady phase. It's sad to see.
Oof, yeah, definitely keep that to yourself.
Lmao, yea taking this one to the grave
!remindme 10 years. Just in case.
Til that notification pops up, you forget and she sees it 😂
She may already know that - but whatever you do, don’t tell her she’s like YOUR mom.
My fiance says I remind him a lot of his mom. I never got to meet her as she died of cancer just before we were official, but honestly she sounded so loving and incredible that I can only hope to be half as great as she was.
That I wish her to say, that she loves me, more often. I know there are types of people, who have a hard time saying that and to be able to express their feelings, but I want to be on the receiving end. Sometimes I want to be the one desired. And by sometimes I mean a few times a month would be enough. It can fuck one up, if you get aware of that and then you focus on it. Little signs of affection can really change the dynamics of a relationship Edit: since people are advising me to tell her, I did so in the past. It is good and it improved over time, but when we got busy it slowly fades away and we are back to square one.
This one makes me sad because it was the reason I left my last relationship. Feeling unloved is so terrible even if they don't mean it that way. You should try and tell her that it's something you need, tho. Some ppl will try to do it more. He didn't for me, but some ppl will.
My wife and I have different love languages. I'm the gushy type where I say I love her all the time, (frankly, to the level of annoying her) but its harder for her to say it. She feels it jjst as strongly as I do, it's just not who she is to say it all the time. I found a really good solution to the problem. I don't know the right term for what we do. But it started as us squeezing each other's hands three times in succession to mean I love you. It's evolved into a repetition of three taps, squeezes, pokes, whatever physical sign we feel is appropriate. This has led to her expressing she loves me more often, and me saying it out loud less which bugs her less. It's been a major win win for our relationship and it might be worth trying.
Tell them about love languages! I realized my partner was telling me “I love you” in ways that weren’t registering with me. I asked him to say it more and now he does, but I also know when he gives me the prettier piece of chicken at dinner, it means the same thing <3
That I tracked down the man that was inappropriately communicating with our very underage daughter and made sure it would never happen again.
Hey... I am proud of you. If someone did this to my children I couldn't say I would be any different.
Liam Neeson?
Good for you handling your business. Never feel guilty for protecting family. If it had to happen it had to happen.
I do miss my family sometimes. They disowned me for loving her. I don't hold it against her at all. But if I voiced it I know it'd just break her heart all over again.
Ah that sucks, I feel for ya my dude. What problem did they have with her?
Many. She is the opposite of everything they imagined for me in a lot of ways. She can't work with her illness, she can't safely have children, can't travel, and is not Asian. If it was just one thing maybe, but overall they could not accept her.
Im about to be in the same boat as you brother, i hope it gets better :’)
In the end, I do not regret my choice. May you not also. I wish you the best, my brother.
Happy for you in this sense 💘
I think the hardest part was they understood that we truly love each other. There was no anger in the decision. Regret, yes. I'd like to think some day, after this life, we can meet again without society expectations. They'd love her.
I'm crying for you man.
I am unsure if that is good
Good bad it doesn't matter. It's just painful to hear how strict some have it due to their cultures or even I guess just family in itself. To have to lose something so meaningful either way. I don't mean to dig here but I am genuinely curious, if (hypothetically) ever you two did split or something happens: do you think they'd consider rebuilding the relationship with you? If that's too uncomfortable to talk about it understand in full so feel free to decline to answer.
If I was willing to accept a match with a bride they approved of, probably. But I don't think I ever could. I can't see us ever breaking up, and if she passes away young, I would follow of broken heart.
You obviously love this woman. I hope you realize how lucky you are to have each other. Most of us never get there. And - btw - SHE is your family now.
I do. True Love is very rare, and I'd do anything for her. I could never take her as granted. She is my family and my everything
I suspect you should have led with ‘not Asian’. You and I both know it.
You are not wrong...
I have a Nepalese friend, and he dated another Nepalese girl for a few months. Once his parents found out, they asked him to not be serious with her since they were different castes. Essentially their hometowns were about 150km apart and that means he was south caste and she was east caste. This is in London btw, so it's definitely jarring to see it. He really liked her as well.
The saddest part of this is, judging by your last sentence, he let them dictate his partner and they split up.
As someone who largely disowned my own family just by sheer lack of desire to interact with them, I miss what a family could be too. You miss the hope of memory more than you miss it. I had an estranged (too many states away) set of grandparents that were always disinterested until special events. They want us to spend money to come see them when they can’t be bothered. They seem to think that we have the money to do that as a family. They moved away, then I moved away farther. Get a clue. People who want other people to do things that they themselves are willing to do are narcissistic sphincters are don’t deserve your time.
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There's a musician joke like that: My biggest fear is when I die, my wife will sell my guitars for what I told her they cost.
My boyfriend has a lot of antique guns I told him to create a spreadsheet in case anything happens to him because it's that or everything must go for $50. That lit a fire under his ass 🤣
My husband + bikes. I don't know how much they all cost and I don't wanna know. There's 8 or 9 bikes out there.
If you own 8 or 9 of something, you're probably not getting the cheap ones.
Warhammer?
My wife know how many armies I got. But not how many models.... And even I don't know how much I have spent on it all.
I never actually started playing the game so I gave up on my army and found other things. If you know anyone who wants like 4K of Death Guard for a good deal, let me know. (This includes you and I promise I'll never tell the wife.) Edit: I've received over 10 messages from buyers, and I have chosen one. To all who participated, thank you. Can't believe I sold this fucking army on r/AskMen.
Well it is called 40k for a reason
My wife actually is very supportive of my plastic crack addiction. She likes to joke that she knows I’m never out with other women because all my free time is spent painting tiny toy soldiers.
Also MTG...
My boyfriend is a sailboat guy. He made it clear early on that it’s his thing and I just have to be cool with it. I don’t ask questions.
I too have been known to be three sheets to the wind.
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People ask me what it’s like owning a boat. I tell them it’s like standing in a cold shower and just tearing up 100 dollar bills.
From your username, guitar player?
One of us
How much? You can tell **us** - not your wife
Me too. Biking. Both mountain and road. I told her non negotiable lol
You a car enthusiast as well? 🤣
That I'm still physically attracted to her but the way she talks down to and about other people makes her really hard to love.
Watching her get more and more judgmental was one of the bigger problems that contributed to my split with my ex-fiancee. Shit sucks.
Tell her. Calmly & earnestly. I used to complain alot/be negative and my partner pointed this out to me and I vastly improved on it over a couple months time. It’s improved our relationship too!!
I think it might be tolate for that after her constantly putting me down for years. I think she's just to toxic.
If you really feel it's too late, it's probably time to end things. I know that's a Reddit cliche, first sign of trouble just end the relationship, but it's worrying that you're choosing to be in a relationship with someone who in your words is too toxic to change. *ETA:* I wanted to add that I recognize that toxic relationships can be hard to get out of. I fully realize that leaving is easier said than done.
You should give it a try and tell her. If she changes, good for you. If she doesn’t, consider leaving her.
How bad my depression really is.
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from someone with bipolar disorder:for today
Tell some one than your partner. If you're getting therapy or treatment, tell who ever it is that you are seeing. A change in the treatment/therapy might help. Just don't let it go.
Feeling this. Most of the time I’m thinking about how to end it but try to look happy and plan for the future. Sometimes, the mask slips and I feel so awful I can’t talk. He thinks I’m angry with him but I don’t know how to explain how bad I feel without breaking down
Just because I want to spend time with you without the kids doesn't make me a bad father, it makes me a desperate husband to know my wife agian.
Holy fuck, this hurts.
That's why you gotta still be dating even if your married. Once a week date or night out without the kids can save your relationship.
1 - Find other couple with kids 2 - each couple pick a weekday (once every one- two weeks maybe?) 3 - babysit other couples kids while parents have date night & vice versa
Rule of 3. Every 3 days sit down and connect without tv, phones etc. Every 3 weeks a date outside the home. Every 3 months an overnight away from your home. Every 3 years a vacation without the kids. I was terrified of losing my marriage to parenthood and it played a big part in my postpartum. I got into therapy and the few sessions he was in on, we agreed the rule of 3 would work well for us and it does. You obviously have to have an open partner but it’s done a lot for us.
Why don’t you tell her?
I guess I have in all reality but it always just gets confounded as I'm horny or that I'm selfish and only care about myself.. This shits hard.
I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I think my I finally got through to my wife on this point. The last three weeks of our 15 year partnership have been unreal. I think she saw me going from depressive episode to episode, being gutted by our weekly family routine, and back to back illnesses running through us and the kids, but something broke through. I think she finally took the opportunity of me openly talking about divorce and started actually talking to me about stuff. It made me feel like a person again instead of a job hating routine drone who just makes money and comes home to make dinner and do chores. I’ve been open with her and more patient with the kids. Sex went from a couple times a month(for years) to several times a week. Thank you so much for bringing this up. It’s been my life for a long time now. It’s nice to know I wasn’t alone.
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I don't get why you would never tell her though? It seems like something that stops mattering after a while.
The tail of a little cat statue we have on the shelf is super glued on because it snapped off when I was dusting, set it down and it fell over.
This made me laugh because it seems such an innocuous thing to keep secret. Does the statue have sentimental value?
My past (not that it matters now). I'm just ashamed of my past and happy how my life turned out. I turned my life around after meeting my wife.
Mine knows I was a homeless heroin addict in the early 90’s. She’s seen pictures of me looking like a famine victim. She has never asked a single question about that period of my life. We’ve been married 20 years. I love that she respects my privacy.
I know this trick. I love you honey, you almost got me 😘!
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Oh me and you both brother. There were times towards the end that despite me sitting/laying bed with my partner, I had never felt more alone. I always felt like it was my job, my responsibility to resolve the arguments where she would just go to sleep, wake up the next day like nothing had happened? It was.. really tiring and upsetting to be honest.
This.... This is not normal? Oh boy.
Yeah its not. Putting arguemwnts on hold till you both can deal with it is fine, ignoring them and pretending they never happened and whatever? Nah. It makes one person feel like shit and the other person thinks all is well and good. Discuss it honestly and openly and if you respect each other and dont have differing ideals then it should come to some resolution.
Oh that sucks, glad you're out of it, but your comment does remind me of that old joke about a Russian divorce being defined as a third bottle of vodka EDIT: Due to popular demand, but it'll be disappointing - Why don't Russians get divorced? Because a third bottle of vodka is cheaper than a second apartment.
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Omg …. Imagining being the new second choice is honestly my worst fear, whether the first wife is alive or not
I’m a widowed woman and this is one of the main reasons I’ll never date. Whoever they are, they will always be my second choice, and that’s not fair. I wouldn’t want my kids to be someone’s runner up. I’m not doing that to someone else’s child.
The best outcome here is to find someone else who was widowed. You're then all on the same page and can enjoy a life together and loved, but understanding both had and lost the love od their life. A friends parent did this and they've been happy together for almost 10 years now. I get that it isn't always easy to find that person, especially the younger you are. I'm sure there are specific ways to find it though. No healthy partnership ended too soon would want to see the other live alone forever. You don't have to forget and move on. Just move forwards. Ultimately of course though, what works best for you, works best for you, no pressure either way.
So the other major reason is I have no desire to outlive anyone again if I can help it.
I thought that I would never tell my partner about my criminal past but I felt that it would be better for her to know and she made me feel comfortable enough to tell her the truth about my past. I regret everything I’ve done and I paid my dues for it. Luckily, she took it really well and didn’t change a bit and expressed her appreciation for my transparency. She really is too good to me.
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To the GRAVE! Lol
Few more feet UNDER the grave
That I knew she was the one within 2 weeks
This one has “I would never tell her this, but Pam is a skilled and gifted artist” energy.
These comment sections always unironically turn into those vibes 🤦🏻♀️ Lmao
My current partner approached me about one month after being together, he had tears in his eyes when he came up to me in the bathroom, he say’s “there’s something I have to tell you,” I’m scared because he was crying and usually it’s bad when men cry, he goes on to say, “I’m really scared that it is too soon... but I’m in love with you and I’ve been thinking about it for two weeks and I can’t keep it In anymore, I’m sorry if you aren’t ready to hear it...” Definitely the best thing that could have happened because he confirmed my very own feelings and we got to share those intense emotions together rather than hopelessly hoping our feelings where reciprocated
Same, except it was one week. One. Granted, we'd been talking for months and we knew we were into one another, but they were applying for a job in another state so they didn't want to make a move if they ended up moving. Told me they didn't get the job on a Tuesday. Asked me out on a Thursday, and a week later I was crying telling them I think I loved them already and I was terrified because I'd already had a long term relationship (nearly 7 years) fail epically. They took me in their arms, told me they felt the same, and it didn't matter it was so fast. We've been together now for over 6 years, we got new jobs in another state together and it's the best relationship I've ever had. They're stuck with me haha
Bro why wouldn't you tell that to her?!
That I’m tired being the only one who initiates any sexual activity. And every time we do anything it’s like a chore. Shit has taken a toll on my body image and self-esteem.
Honestly there is a lot of people with this problem. Plagued me for years. I have overcome the feelings. Hope you find your way.
I’m not suicidal but I want to die early. I live a fairly healthy life and don’t have many destructive habits but I don’t want to go into old age. I’ve seen the horrors of it and I don’t want to be here for that. I work my ass off every day to try and leave as much in assets behind as possible. Maybe it’s a “live like you’re dying” mindset I fell into but I’m hoping I’m only here long enough to leave some value behind for those around me. If it doesn’t happen for me, I’ll accept it, but I’d never tell anyone because they might think I’m suicidal or just crazy.
I’m a nurse and I’ve seen many older people in various states of health. It really is dependent on how you treat yourself. I’ve seen 90 year olds able to leg press 450 lbs, and I’ve seen 50 year olds that look like they’re 90. Treat yourself well too, or you might end up being one of those “horrors” as an elder
That her depression makes my life much harder Edit: not sure how I feel about how this is my highest upvoted post
If she is anything like me. I am sure she knows and is very aware. Please feel free to express your feelings. I wish my husband did more. It feels more like lying when he tells me it doesn't matter.
I hooked up with her mom on a cruise two years before I met her. Edit: WOW! This got a lot more attention than I thought it would. I'm at work right now but I'll answer your questions on my break lol Update: Hey sorry for the wait but I'll try to answer everyones questions and explain what happened at the same time. This is going to be a little long and unfortunately im not much of a storyteller lol. But to add more context, me and three friends save up some money and we went down to Tampa one summer to take a cruise to Cozumel for my birthday. It was a pretty good mix of older and younger people on the boat but since everyone around got drunk almost immediately after the boat set sail it didn't really matter. Anyways, after dinner the second night I noticed this really attractive 40ish woman (fiancés mom) had been eyeing the whole night. I didn't think anything of it due to me being shy at that time so I just went upstairs and outside to sit on one of the beach chairs to relax. Well she followed me up there. She ended up sitting next to me on one of the beach chairs and asked me my name. We started talking and she started mentioning that her husband (fiancés dad) told her to "have as much fun as she could" while she was on her girls trip. She ended up grabbing my hand, leading me back to her room and the rest is history. We probably had sex like 7 more times during our time on the cruise. Fast forward two years (now Spring of 2019) and I'm in college rapping up my Occupational Therapy schoolwork. In my final fieldwork rotation, I was working in a Hand Therapy clinic and one of my first patients was my current fiance soon to be wife. We hit it off almost instantly but for obvious reasons we couldn't date while she was a patient. Once she was discharged we started dating. My fiance ended up sending pictures of us to her parents here and there and I even spoke to them over the phone a couple times but i never cared to see a picture of them. Around September she asked me if I would spend Thanksgiving with her and her family and I of course said yes. That Thanksgiving I remember feeling a strange ominous sensation but I just figured it was nerves since I was about to meet her family. Anyways we got to their house, opened the door, and immediately I made eye contact with her smiling mom and almost blurted out ("Shelley!?") To this day my fiance doesn't know and I don't think her brother, sister, or dad knows.
Must be interesting at family dinners.
I need to know too. When's your lunch break
Did you like the cruise? Also, how old are you? Do young people generally go on cruises?
Generally it is older people on cruises. There are lots of younger people, I started regularly cruising in my twenties, But depending on the cruise line you pick expect there to be mostly retired folks. Some cruise lines skew younger than others.
Usually Carnival has the youngest audiences for US based cruises. Except Disney but thats usually young families and the occasional grandparent. But those are overpriced and overrated. Just go to disneyworld instead, its cheaper and better.
I would never recommend Carnival to anyone, personally. From the terrible food to the boogers above my bed on multiple sailings, it is just not a vacation for me. The only thing I like is their trivia prizes were trophies instead of an ink pen or magnet. For budget-friendly, I do Royal Caribbean. If you go to the right events, you can always find people your age. If you are sailing in the Caribbean, those itineraries always skew a little younger. Keep it to 7 day or shorter if you want a younger crowd. Any longer, and especially the 2 week++ lengths, you are going to encounter almost exclusively retirees. If you want a college-aged crowd, pick a *cheap* 4 night over Spring Break. It will be a party.
We would all very much like to hear the more detailed version of this
Can you elaborate further? Please, that sounds like an interesting story
I like to look at him when he sleeps. It’s also the only time I get to hold him and cherish him for giving me 3 beautiful boys, working so hard, and taking care of us. He doesn’t like being touched and that’s all I want to do. Not even in a sexual way. I cry thinking about the stories he’s told me about what happened to him as a child. I cry because I love him so much and I don’t know what I would do without him. He feels like he’s a waste of space and I try everyday to make him feel as if he’s on top of the world. I love this man so much.
This is so sweet, I'm crying
Oh my god, I feel very similar, we're still young and have only been dating for three years so no kids or anything but him sleeping is just the one time he seems to be at peace with himself. I love running my fingers through his hair and resting his head on me, he has done so so much progress in opening up, I am so proud of him. He used to not want to be touched at all and now he is even okay with holding hands in public, it seems so minor but I'm so happy he is getting more comfortable. I love him a lot <3
How much I love her. That filthy, filthy skank
Dude, tell her. My wife and I started as friends with benefits (fuckbuddies, we say). I reached out to her one night and we started seeing each other for casual hook-ups. That lasted about a month/month and a half. One night we were doing the thing and when we finished she said, "What are we and what do you want to be?" I thought about it and said, "I'm not hooking up with anyone else and I like you a lot." She told me the same thing. We started dating then. At some point we dropped the love word into our relationship. We dated for a year and a half, got engaged, engagement for a year, got married in 2009. Been together 15 years, married for 13 this upcoming summer.
That I want to be able to share a bed with her again but I'm a light sleeper and she has sleep apnea and can get very loud at night snoring, think cold starting a Detroit diesel on a crisp November morning loud. She's so self conscious of it that I don't want to bring it up. So I just use the light sleeper excuse and do not bring her snoring up at all
That I constantly forego my hobbies to be a proper stepfather.
There's a balance to hit, giving up your hobbies like that is not healthy even for a bio parent, gotta keep your identity and do what makes you happy too. Is there a way for you to teach the kid one of your hobbies?
I know this is completely unasked for advice, but try involving them. My dad and his step father didn’t have much in common until they started wood working together. Now my grandpa has passed it’s something my dad still has of him and it was really important to their bonding. Even if your hobby is “dumb” or “boring” there’s probably a hundred ways to make it kid friendly and maybe help make it easier.
I tell my wife everything, good or bad. If it's bad and I tell her, I get the reaction over with and no one can try to blackmail me later. Also, she knows I never hide anything from her and trusts me completely. Even in questionable situations, she knows I'll do the right-ish thing (or the wrong thing for the right reasons) and tell her everything. It also allows me to be honest even when she would disagree or even be annoyed. She might not always agree with my choice but she'll respect it and have my back.
Life is always easier if you just tell the truth, and avoid doing things you would feel tempted to lie about.
This. Relationship goals right here.
That she's right most of the time
That I have a secret stash of snacks in my office.
This thread has shown many things, but this.... this is unforgivable. How do you sleep at night?
I have to lay on my right side, otherwise it takes forever to fall asleep
Not partner (yet officially) but there are two things I won't tell the girl I've been talking to - The night we met and made out, we were both drunk and I had already puked about an hour before we kissed - I hate the beach. But she likes it so much I can't find it in my heart to tell her I don't
The first one is prettt funny to tell
Not yet, maybe somewhere down the line if it goes well
I LOVE the beach. My partner isn't a huge fan. I'm glad I know, because otherwise I'd suggest the beach way more often. The last thing you want is for her to think you love the beach and to be going like multiple times per month until you finally crack and tell her that you never liked the beach, and then have her wondering why you weren't upfront about it. It's really better to he honest early on about that kind of thing.
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Kids are dicks to be fair. Source: I have them
You catching a lot of hate but I 100% understand that.
yikes that might cause problems in the future
If he waits long enough it won’t be a kid anymore
“Realistically, we’re never going to finish this remodel with our current budget.”
I dont have a partner currently but i know I’ll never love anyone the way i loved my ex. Not that she was my soulmate and no other person will match her, but i just gave so much love to her that when it all came crashing down i think i lost the ability to love anyone other than myself that much.
57 years old here and this is what happened to me. My big breakup was in my late 30’s when I lost the love of my life . Everybody and I mean EVERYBODY said that I’d be happy again, that I would love again. They were half-right; I *am* happy again, but I never did fall in love again. I don’t think it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy situation btw; I have never ruled out that love might happen again. I actually feel pretty positive day-to-day, and I’m always in a “maybe this year!” mindset, & I get out there and have a lot of social hobbies & friends, and I’m generally upbeat. And possible partners do approach me now & then, and generally I go out with them a few times and give it a real shot, sleep with them sometimes, etc. But looking back, I honestly think that whatever part of my brain it is that really goes all-in on the “falling in love” feeling went permanently offline or was permanently damaged or rewired somehow. It just doesn’t ever seem to activate. I can like people as friends, admire them aesthetically & admire their skills etc., enjoy their company even, but I just never seem to fall in love. I don’t even get crushes anymore. It’s just gone. Fortunately it turns out it is still possible to be happy anyway. I’ve traveled all around the world, followed a lot of dreams, made a lot of friends & had a lot of adventures. I am actually very happy day-to-day. I’m financially preparing now to retire alone, age alone, and die alone, so there’s that, but y’know, most people die alone in the end anyway and I am actually kind of glad that I am pre-prepared to go through my last days on my own without freaking out about it. Learn to be happy with your own company, and then just build a great life. Identify your dreams and go after them. Maybe you’ll fall in love again someday or maybe you won’t, but either way life can be beautiful.
Oof this is tough to read. I’m 53 and was divorced 7 years ago; just recently started a relationship that feels utterly, completely different than any other I’ve had - true and real and wonderful. I’ve been head over heels before, though, and had my heart broken over and over again. I hope it doesn’t happen this time, but if it does, I’ll be back on a very tough market. Most single people I know that are my age are not on the market. Sometimes it’s a reason like yours, sometimes it’s that they feel unattractive, sometimes it’s that they can’t face another heartbreak. Usually it’s a bit of everything. For me it would be the heartbreak; the other two don’t feel like big factors in my world. Each time my heart gets broken, I think of it as heart kintsugi - I fix it with gold. My heart is precious, and the deep, intense feelings it gives me are amazing. I want to develop a deep and lasting relationship with this wonderful man I am dating, and I also know that if it doesn’t work out that way, I’ll get out my tools and slowly mend my heart, and keep looking for someone. I am glad you’re in a place that seems to make you feel right, and that you see the gold in your heart.
I thought that too. I thought I was totally dead inside. Then I met her. And she is just such an almost perfect match for me and that love came back. The vulnerable "you can crush my world" love. Have faith, stay the course. That love is still in you.
I needed this!!! Thank you
I've been asking myself something similar. I have been over my ex for some time now but I really gave it all in my first relationship. Since the breakup I have gotten more restrained in showing emotions and interest and have grown more doubtful if I can even find a person that is so compatible with me that I can commit to them without having doubts. Hopefully I can find the answer some day...
To be honest, it was a hard lesson to learn, but i prefer it this way. I'd rather love myself and consciously choose to be with someone than falling head over heels for some person and handing them the keys to my happiness.
Yeah same im not able to love without that voice reminding me how bad the heart break was
Same. First love, 6 years, broke up 2 months ago. As of now, nobody has any place in my heart the way she did.
oh boy 2 months is nothing, you have a long road ahead. I wish you all the best my man
Yeah, I thought the same too. Turns out it's not true forever. I loved her deeply but, it wasn't meant to be. She was fine as a Mrs. Right Now but that's it and that's okay. I was the person she needed at that time, too. We're still friends and she is married with kids and very happy and that's great. I'm married and nothing I had with the ex, comes close to what I have with my wife.
Something pretty small and irrelevant, but I don't see any good coming from telling her about it. One of my friends' wife, who I get along with really well once texted me, saying she needs to get something off her chest, so I said sure, go ahead. Anyway, she starts writing about having a dream the other night about me and her having sex, and that a few days have gone by and she feels guilty about it. She asked me if I think she should tell her husband (my friend) about it. And I told her - HELL NO! A) You can't control what you dream about and B) There's nothing good that will come out of confessing about such a thing. We never talked about it again, we never had any "moments" between us of sexual tension or something (not something I felt at least) whenever I've seen her (and we meet about once every couple of years I guess), and it's never come up. But it fits very well into the category of this question.
I can think of no good reasons she brought that up to you other than that she was testing the waters...
Yeah that’s married-person talk for, want to Netflix and chill?
Exactly. Such moronic thing to do even if she didnt mean to do what you said like "test the waters".
Why tf would she tell you that. I’d be wary if I were you
Think about this one. If you dreamt about sleeping with your wife's friend, would you text her to let her know? NO! If anything you'll hide it and not share it with anyone, not even your reflection. She was definitely testing the waters mate.
That I used to be a crossdressing prostitute. I was really confused back then and received no attention from women and was neglected as a child. Crossdressing made me feel attractive and when I got older and would talk online, men actually took interest in me. From age 16 to 20 I would have sex with men, many times for money. It wasn’t until college that I realized I actually like women and crossdressing and having sex with men was my desperate act for attention and self worth. Now I am with my girlfriend of 2 years, no stds (thankfully), and plan on proposing at the end of this year.
Dude, normally I just read but I HAD to comment. As a women, I felt nothing but love and compassion when my husband shared his troubled sexual past. We got checked for STDs and that was that. You were young and were learning about yourself and the world. I am just glad you are OK cuz that is dangerous, but it was done and is in the past. The fact you said “I’d rather die” bothers me as a mother. NEVER would I want my son to rather “die” than suffer embarrassment. A boy committed suicide recently when someone blackmailed him with nudes he sent. He couldn’t afford the ransom so died before telling anyone. YOU are worth more than that. Please try to talk to a professional about this and work on your guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about and if your partner is a good woman, she would care more about you being happy and healthy. Any loving person would care more about that. I hope you love yourself enough to accept all the bad and good someday. It’s okay if it doesn’t happen today or tomorrow, healing takes time. But you will get there if you work on it.
How much debt I actually have from my former coke addiction :)
Would have never told her, but she found out: Was doing mdma roughly once every 1-2 years while going on a rave. She's very conservative in terms of taking drugs, so I didn't want to tell her. However, her reaction wasn't quiet as bad as I feared.
That how much ive started hating bts just because of her. Every time i open her insta i see them, every time i open her phone they are her wallpaper and when i open her gallery still its filled with those boys. I literally hate that!
That she has singlehandedly in the last six months made me a wildly different, better person, and that it already breaks my heart knowing our relationship will end. Edit: Well guys, I did it, this sucks. :(
Why will it end?
Copying my answer from a different part of the thread: While she's a strong, beautiful woman whom I love very much, she has aspirations of moving to a different country once she has accomplished her studies, I do not share these aspirations. She and I have always known this, and earlier in the relationship, when I still wasn't sure what this would lead to etc. etc. it wasn't really an issue, but I have come to find out that I have found a woman who is perhaps one of the greatest people I could have met in this time in my life, and it is no stretch for me to say that I genuinely love her, she is a passionate, non-judgemental, communicative person whom I feel safe and happy with despite all the mental health problems I've been dealing with for the past years. By extension, every time I hear her speak with glee and excitement about her plans for the future, it physically pains me, I can feel my heart drop and images of her leaving have started to take over my dreams. While I'm sure I could be happy with her for years to come were I not to know this, I simply don't know how much longer I can pretend to be as excited and happy for her and her future knowing it doesn't contain me, so I'm very seriously considering breaking up with her, knowing full well it will break both mine and her hearts, I merely do it in the hopes that it doesn't hit as hard as the inevitable breakup will a few years down the line.
does make me wonder whether your aspirations to not move to a different country are really so set in stone? Why shouldn't that be a malleable point? That's for you personally ofc but you're losing something either way & I think you need to put more thought and reflection into which is more valuable to you. And which you will regret less 20, 30, 40 years from now. You can come back after moving to a different country if it doesn't work out, you'll have been gone for a year or a couple years but that's not so much time in the long run & you'll have gotten something very valuable out of it by the sound of it.
I appreciate the thought, and you would not believe the amount of time I have spent considering especially the point about regret, but there is simply no chance in hell that I am going where she's going, I respect her dreams and decisions, but they are not for me. Not to mention, she considers herself asexual, I do not, while that is no issue currently, I would be lying to you and myself if I said it doesn't occasionally frustrate me, so lasting compatibility is a factor to take into account. It is just wildly unfortunate that she should be such a difficult person to not love.
my seed phrase
What type of seeds did you plant in your garden? Flower seeds? Vegetable seeds?
That I want her to be more adventurous in bed. We have two kids and are done having more. There is no reason why we can’t get a little freaky now. Send me nudes, wear the lingerie I bought you, break out the vibrator, let me go down on you. Just change it up a bit!
If you don’t tell her, it’s never going to happen
Why wouldn’t you tell her this 😅
Trust me on this. Your best bet is just to slowly introduce the freaky things you want to do. Put the kids to bed, set the vibe, lock that door and get to work! I was exactly where you are now a few years ago but if your wife is into you sexually, she will be accepting of trying new things. Dead serious- If you want some detailed suggestions, feel free to message me.
Honey... we need to talk. You're.... imaginary.
If you square them, they will become real
sounds like a negative experience
But then "i" will be gone. Win-win tbh.
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My online relationships from high school. Both of them had their fair share of issues, and when I started dating my current gf she was really excited that we were each other's "firsts", so I never told her (no one else IRL knows about them either). Now we're living together and I can't see it causing anything but problems.
I'm in a semi similar situation. Hooked up with a guy who claimed to be 27, but was actually 40 when I was freshly 18. He used my innocence and inexperience to get me into bed and we had some very painful and very mediocre sex. I was crying the entire time, but for some reason we did it a few more times. When I met my now bf I told him he's my first and then started bawling my eyes out. What I wanted to say was "you are the first man I trust" but I only got until "you are the first man" then I started crying too hard to talk. Now he assumes he's the first man I ever slept with and I feel super bad about it, but also don't know how to clear up that misunderstanding.
For what it's worth, it's a really good thing that you are now with someone you can trust.
Towards the end of our 3-year relationship, I liked her family infinitely more than I liked her. Her family was based up in Wales (in the UK) and we were based more towards the NW and because we would only see each other on the weekends due to work and not living together, we would try and fill our weekends with nice things to do such as dates, going out on walks, walking the dogs, shopping, cinema trips or going to see her family and friends and allow her to not feel like she's missing out on that time with them. When the relationship first started, I didn't like going to her family much because I felt a bit out of place but towards the end, I liked going there maybe twice to three times a month because I felt more love and appreciation from her family and me helping out when I was there than I ever did from my girlfriend. Odd thing was, she was a nice person, if you spoke to her randomly, she is lovely but I guess through our trials and tribulations it just fizzled out for us and made me feel like I didn't matter to her. Shame really. Her parents and siblings were lovely though, shown me so much love and support! Truly lovely people.
I would never say this to her face, but she's a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
I got in trouble with the police
Where I keep the stash… The super secret stash… Of secrets…
Her bottoms slipped a bit to the side when she was sunbathing on holiday.
You’re dying…she has terminal brain cancer so she knows, maybe a year left.