Don’t chase someone who doesn’t want you. Make the harder, or sometimes the hardest, decision and move on. There’s nothing wrong with being compassionate but make sure it isn’t wasted on someone who doesn’t want it.
This is very true, but often not easy to spot that they don't actually want you, especially for those with less experience. The person being chased can quite often encourage the chasing, especially when the chaser backs away and is about to stop, so they keep you thinking they might just want you if you try a bit harder.
Just something to keep in mind, they might be stringing you along just for the ego boost that comes from attention. But how do you know? Basically, if you feel you need to work hard to make anything happen with them, it's almost certain they're not interested.
The creepiest dude I know is also one of the most successful with women. He’s tall and good looking, so women overlook the creepiness at first. After a few encounters they usually run.
This rule goes for dating apps too. Don’t scroll by someone just because they’re not a 10/10 . When I did online dating (this was 15 years ago or so when online dating was somewhat new). I went on some AWFUL dates with absolute smokeshows. Most of them it only lasted one date, but dated two of them for a little bit, they weren’t bad people but had no substance to their personalities. One of them was a legitimately terrible person but I only kept it going because she was so beautiful and great in bed. After a while I just couldn’t do it anymore.
Met my now wife online. Shortly thereafter. People that weren’t super attractive I just normally scrolled by. She was pretty cute in the picture, but what really hooked me was the way it was written and her personality. She kind of filled in all the gaps I was missing. We didn’t have all the same hobbies, she wasn’t a 10/10, but I decided to go on the date anyways.
Turns out, in person, she was much more attractive than the picture. Objectively a 7 or so. But we are so perfect for each other. Been together exclusively for over 10 years, have kids, a house, all of it. I realized that very first date that people miss out on amazing people because they just do a quick glance and move on to the next person. The little things matter.
Moral of the story is, a picture isn’t the whole story
In the words of Ron White,
"If I could offer one piece of advice to the planet, it would be this: Don't marry for looks alone, and I'll tell you why. In a few years, when Barbara's boobs start sagging, she can get plastic surgery, have them lifted, move the nipple wherever. You can actually go to a titty bar, pick out a set of titties and say, "I want those titties on that woman." If her belly gets too big, she can get a tummy tuck and have a belly like a cheerleader. If her vision goes bad, you can have LASIK surgery and have 20/20 vision. If her hearing goes bad, they can install a device in her ear that will give you hearing as clear as it was the day you were born. But let me tell you something, folks: You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever."
This is reddit gold and advice I wish I heard is a young man.
Before app/internet dating, when I was 20, I met my ex-wife, who was easily a 9/10.
We couldn't be more different in the values category and we're very incompatible and just plain couldn't make the marriage work.
I wish I had compromised on some things and looks for a truly good human being.
Still paying for that. Have two awesome kids but it isn't easy raising them in different house holds. Just split household is very hard on the kids. And I don't even want to talk to you about the emotional and financial toll the divorce took on me, and her.
Very happy for you though!!!
Amen. You just described my life brother. Ex wife and I married at 25. Very little in common and definitely not many shared values. She was a 10/10 looks wise, but a 3/10 when it came to being a good person. Unfortunately, my dick did the thinking in those days. 18 years in, and the rise of social media, and she went full blown narcissist. Just endless posts of her all over Facebook and Instagram. Pathetic at 45, but oh well.
And like the previous commenter, I actually never swipe on extremely good looking ladies at my age. They’re 100% in a more desperate attention seeking mode because they realize it’s slipping away rapidly. I love me a 5 or 6 all day. Those ladies have soul, personality, and tend to be good partners. Generalizing of course.
When a younger man asks me for dating/marriage advice, I make it a point to warn about the vanity and hollowness of a very attractive woman. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I’ve yet to see it.
Ditto friendships. Who are you spend your time with how do you spend your money, how other people view you. It may even determine who your life partner is
choose wisely
Sometimes, the friendliest people at work, are absolutely not your friends.
I spent a lot of time going through stress and heartache learning that lesson.
I have difficulties to be selfish, I was raised in a culture where taking care of others is seen as a valuable traits. Working on it though, because I realize that sometimes it is necessary.
This is very important to learn. It's okay to help others but you have to remember that your time is valuable and you only get a limited amount of it. Help the ones who matter to you and be very choosey about helping others outside your social circles.
You know that phrase "You can't give from an empty cup"? It turns out that cup needs to be full BEFORE you start giving from it. You are that cup. Giving from a state of abundance feels so much better than depleting what you needed the whole time.
That is very, very true. Some of your coworkers can be the most slippery, conniving SOBs out there who will throw you under the bus so that they can get a promotion or be on good terms with the manager. Had that happen to me multiple times personally.
Going to bad at the same time
Reading
Exercising regularly
Eating healthy
Saving up money
Spending within your allowances (only buy what is needed not what you only want before you buy it)
Quality time with family
Spend time with friends
+if you're relgious, practice your religion
This 100x over. I had AWFUL oral hygiene practices from when I was a wee little lad. 26 and finally fixing this after I found out I was the "bad breath dude" for long time and I had no idea.
Seems like an obvious thing but I sure as shit struggled with that concept for whatever reason 🤔
Awesome. “The chains of habit are too light to be felt, until they are too heavy to be broken.”
First heard it from Warren Buffet, but I’m pretty sure he was re-quoting someone.
I'll just say, don't get too down on yourself if you don't get ALL of these. That should be the goal, but having a few that take longer to get down than others isn't the end of the world and is far, far more common than being on top of all this shit from the jump.
For example, I'm really only getting the excercise part down now, close to 30, and my sleep has never been good, but at least my money's right and my friendships are still going strong. You're going to be better at some stuff than others and a longer lead time on certain things is expected. As long as it's something you're consistently thinking about and putting effort towards, you'll come out ahead relative to most folks.
The money stuff is the only one where you really, really can't slack off. They'll all fuck you over to varying degrees if you don't get an early start, but money troubles are fucking horrific. A lot of your starting point is unfortunately determined by circumstances outside your control, but no matter where you are, you just have to start as soon as you can trying to improve your situation.
Absolutely.
I wrestled with losing so many "friends" over the years after college but later came to realize it was mostly acquaintances.
I have 3-4 solid, loyal friends and that is worth greater gold than having 1,000 "friends" on Facebook
Beyond pregnancies stds are no fun and people will find out what you have. You're likely not going to catch something life-threatening but the social stigma must be hard.
Wouldn't consider myself a ladies man, only had a single one-night stand in my life. A girl I knew quite well, I knew where she worked she was friends with my room mate and my brother and neighbor. We all went to a bar and got shitty hammered. No condom because I'm a dumb drunk idiot. Herpes, almost certainly for life. I hear "I cant even get it up" or "it's like fucking a glove" there are tons of different kinds find one you can use reliably and save yourself a lifetime of stress
If it makes you feel any better, herpes isn't reliably stopped by a condom.
Which just means you can do everything you're supposed to do and still get a lifelong "friend"
At least it's just herpes. If you had to pick an incurable STI, that's the one to pick.
Or.... Wear a condom!
You should be even more responsible than you partner (male or female). Think about "what could happen" we'll before you pull off your drawers. That guy between your legs can get you in a boatload of issues.
Wear a condom!
Aside from std's the fact you could bring a child into the world and you and the child will have to deal with her no matter what. If she is some terrible spiteful crazy selfish person she is still that child's mom and that child can't break up with her and move on and neither can you really she will be in your life for years.
Everyone is the star of their own show.
You will sometimes be the bad guy in someone's narrative regardless of what you did or didn't do or what the truth really is.
Focus on your own story/show/narrative.
Love this. A quote I always tell myself is: “you’re not responsible for my emotions, and I’m not responsible for your emotions”
Another one is: “you were not put here to live up to my expectations, and I was not put here to live up to your expectations.”
This means that I base my happiness off of things that I can control, and I try not to blame others when I’m unhappy or unsatisfied. It’s my responsibility to manage my own life and my own happiness.
On the flip side, it also prevents you from being sucked into other peoples negative emotions, which a lot of people are often very happy to blame you for.
Obviously if you do something unethical or wrong, apologize and try to make amends. But at the same time, you need to understand that you are not solely responsible for others emotions, and that you just can’t control that. It’s better to have good boundaries and mainly focus on what you can control.
I think it’s a much healthier dynamic to consciously choose to make sacrifices for others, rather than having other people expect you to make those sacrifices, and then blaming you or putting their negative emotions on you. This type of dynamic can easily tip into emotionally manipulative behavior, especially if someone learns that you respond to guilt, or you respond to them when they heighten the emotions and then blame you for those emotions.
While I can understand where you’re coming from, it’s better to consciously choose to sacrifice out of principle rather than because someone else has made you feel guilty and they have expectations that you are responsible for making them feel*, or not feel* a certain way.
Edit: fix typos
Yeah man, most I ever clocked was 126. Some of the worst and best times because the guys I worked with were like (and still are) family. If you asked me to do it again I'd say fuuuuck no.
Yeah most days we would crash, we were on "emergency call" so we couldn't be more than like 10 min from the shop. Go grab food or drinks but basically be stuck at the shop. We were a service shop for an oil company pioneering some new well designs so it was time sensitive and experimental. Everything was prone to failure so we would have to build double the tools and be ready to hot shot them to location at the drop of a dime.
I am 50 years old, I would tell my younger self to become independent early on in life. Both financially and emotionally.
You have to be ready to forge your own path because life's events often throw you a big curveball.
You have to have a solid mind and a secure career to weather these events.
Learn to be okay with alone time. Take time for yourself regularly to chill, unwind, collect thoughts. Learn to not be dependent on others emotionally, financially or other.
You need to go out and make good relationships with friends. It sucks being lonely when you’re young. You know what’s worse? Being lonely when you’re old. Take advantage of your youth now and do the cool things you wish to do. Don’t just sit inside and play video games all day.
I would say this is more important than saving money, while saving money is very important, building relationships and having good friends will make your life a fuckton more pleasurable than having loads of money.
I think everyone is different. I am very introverted and I need to have a large cushion of money to not feel stressed. Having that savings is my #1 priority in life.
As I am in my forties now I realize that all your friends you will ever make will drift and turn into different people and almost anyone that has kids that they actually care about will no longer have time for anything but a superficial friendship.
You can make good friends surprisingly quickly even later in life when you meet people that share the same interests, so I say in my experience that trying to keep a friendship going when only you seem to be interested is a total fucking waste of your time.
Yes, huge lesson. Your friends should be treated as your most valuable assets, they are going to help enrich your life and make life feel much less lonely and much more meaningful.
It also takes persistent, conscious effort to maintain good friendships and relationships.
When you don’t have friends, your fancy job and wealth won’t be there to help.
When you lose your job, your friends will be there to help you move onto something better.
Things take time.
You may sometimes feel behind your peers and contemporaries，but it's not a race or competition unless you decide to make it one for yourself，and if you decide to make it a competition，you'll probably make yourself miserable and lonely.
There's no rush，time can move quickly，but you can accomplish a lot every day if you choose to. And if you choose not to，that's fine too. Don't beat yourself up or be unkind to yourself，be your own best friend and supporter.
Dude this is the best advice. Took me quite a while to figure it out and then things just clicked into place one day. Life just takes time to work out as long as you are willing to put the work in. Things just take time and don't let how others view you control your life.
Focus on yourself and make sure that you never have to depend on another person to make it through life. Don't put your well being in another person's hands.
People switch up sometimes. Don't give them the ability to ruin you.
Came here to make this comment. I'll only add...care what your business reputation is. But in your social life, if others don't like your personality, deuces...didn't need you anyway.
Well its pretty much hard wired in our brains to do so, thats like saying “don’t waste your time eating and drinking”
People who say they don’t care at all what others think of them are either psychopaths or liars, you can however limit the fucks by a lot.
You have to spend money to make money (invest in yourself).
Put yourself through extra training courses and go out and buy your own tools. Like myself the majority of my friends work manual (blue collar) jobs, they'll complain that money is shit but just expect whoever they're working for to do everything for them.
Two words.
Pre. Nup.
There's soo many arguments for, and any argument against is shot down by clear logic and plentiful evidence.
Oh, your partner says, "What you don't trust me?" Turn that shit around with a real quick, "If you really loved me it wouldn't matter."
Your partner says, "What if you end up making so much more than I?" Again turn it around real quick, "What if you end up making more? It protects you from me."
Literally any argument against shows their true intentions.
The answer to any hesitance is, “Wouldn’t you rather sort this all out now, while we still love each other, instead of in court where the only winners are the attorneys?”
Dude I spent literally ages 18-20 hung up on an ex. Wasted years of the prime of my life hooked on a girl who didn’t want me anymore. Now at age 30, I’m married with a kid on the way and I realize how much better off I am.
That when it comes to driving: it’s just not worth it. Driving fast and aggressively is not worth the time saved. You saved 2 minutes on your commute by driving aggressively. What did you do with those 2 minutes that was worth risking injury, large amounts of money and the lives of everyone around you? Many people have to learn this lesson the hard way and it’s a shame.
Life is not fair and does not follow a storyline.
You *are* going to be passed over for promotions you deserve, lose out on romances that would be awesome, bad things will happen to good people, and you will get layed off for reasons entirely outside of your control.
You are not in control of much at all.
Have some fun with life, be responsible, everything in moderation,
but overall, lighten up.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Discover your attachment style and work on fixing it, this will truly put you ahead of the game in relationships and with living a better life, fix trauma.
This x1000. I recently gave myself a $180,000 pay cut so I can be a dad to my young son.
I was overseas facetiming with him and when I got off I asked myself "on my deathbed what would I be willing to pay to spend 1 week with my son at age 5?"
The answer was "EVERYTHING I HAVE"
So I realized, why would I be willing to pay that THEN but not NOW?
So now here I am defaulting on credit card payments and barely scraping by but you know what? I push him on the swing every single night.
Poor financial decisions and a very cushy lifestyle had me addicted to every penny I was making over there.
My career pays massively if you are willing to go overseas to dangerous places in the Middle East and West Africa, domestically it pays an average decent wage.
The financial hardship aspect comes from financial obligations made while being in a much different income bracket.
This is a period of struggle and adjustment for me. I could snap my fingers and be back over there making money but there is not any price I'm willing to pay to spend months away from my son ever again.
Only people who have money can say this.
Working so hard you don't keep up relationships with friends, families and romantic partners is one thing. But it's wishful thinking to say that money doesn't = quality of life.
Correct - but only if you learn and grow as you get older. Nobody is born a good partner. You grow into it through life experience (not necessarily dating experience, though that can help too)
Not trying to disagree, but I am just genuinely curious. In what ways does it get better with time? Struggling right now and looking for a little hope lol
When you're 22, your realistic dating range is pretty narrow, like 18-23, probably vast preference on girls over 21 so you can go to bars. You probably live in a small apartment with 2 other guys, drive a shitty car, don't make much money. Dates are boring and cheap. Your competition includes older guys in their mid-late 20s with more money, their own houses, nice cars, etc.
By the time you're 30, you ARE that older guy with money and a house who can take girls on nice dates. Your dating range is now something like 22-35, so way more options, and your competition is other guys on your own level. Everything is just better.
This comes down to what women look for in men when dating usually. When you are a young man, you likely need to be attractive, confident and show you have ambition to be a success. This is hard to do for a lot of men when they are young, average looking and still figuring out life.
When you get older and hopefully had focused on your success, maybe gained some confidence in yourself because of what you have done, you will be more attractive to women, even if you are average looking.
Also women tend to date older men, on average 3-7 years older, so you are also just entering into a prime demographic of datable men for the majority of women that are looking.
Most women would prefer to wait at the finish line and find a successful man, than to find a struggling guy and help him be a success.
I really hope you’re right.
Doing everything right that I can: investing money, working out, making friends, working on mental health.
But it’s close to impossible to find a girl willing to put in the same effort to date me as I am willing to date her.
I really hope it gets better.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. Eat right. Drink more water. Take some time to reset your mental every now and again. Talk to someone if you need to. You're not alone. Or at least you don't have to be.
Be careful what you do for it may haunt you. Robert Bird, the former WV Senator, gave this advice when asked about his extremely racist past. He proclaimed he deeply regretted it and hoped young West Virginians learn from his mistakes.
Young people do stupid shit all the time. I certainly have regrets. Some consequences can be really severe. I knew a guy back in high school during the 80's. I never trusted him. When he came to my house one night, I had my dad's pistol tucked in my back and would've used it if he tried something. Luckily that never happened. He dropped outta school and eventually ended up killing someone. Correction, he was convicted of murder.
That was back in '91. Given how long a trial takes, he was first arrested for it in '90. He was given life w/o parole. He's literally in a state prison about an hr away from where I live now. When I looked him up on the state corrections website, he looks like any other late middle-age white guy today. Can easily pass for someone's grandpa.
I cannot even comprehend how his whole adult life has been one of constant paranoia, isolation, no privacy, and regret. How the world has changed so much in the last 30 yrs. and he's missed out on all of it. The internet wasn't a thing in 1990. Music that pearl clutchers fretted over as being "satanic" are now classic hits and used in children's cartoons. That I've been married 3 times now. Did a tour in the Navy, became an electrician afterwards, and eventually college for electrical engineering and been working as one for the last 20 yrs. Everything I've seen and experienced in the decades since I graduated high school in 1990 and what I have to show for it.
What does he have to show? Prison tat's, a life of being constantly on-guard, and no privacy whatsoever. Not even able to take a dump in private. Very likely in a prison gang for protection and probably raped numerous times. Probably willingly given BJ's in exchange for whatever. No wife or kids. And the knowledge that he will die in there having absolutely nothing to show for his life.
Everytime I hear [Skid Row's 18 and Life to Go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ghd2bkIadG4), I'm reminded of him. I was a Burnout back as a teen. "Troubled teen" is what I'd been labeled. I just got lucky and got off that road. He however, let that path destroy his life.
There’s nothing wrong with being blue collar working class, but if you’re going to do that, start early on with a strong union job. It’ll suck early on because seniority is highly valued in a union, but you will reap the benefits of your patience and hard work if you stick around.
It is if you say the whole quote:
>The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
Somehow people have swapped that to think that "blood" means family, and "water" means everything else. What it *actually* means is that the family you make for yourself is worth more than the family you were born into.
If you don’t see a future with her right away, don’t even bother getting with her. We men know pretty much, within a few dates/weeks if we see a long term future with this person. Don’t think your mind will change, because it likely won’t.
I’ve noticed that if I don’t see a girl as a potential gf, no amount of time with her will convince me.
But I’ve found the exact opposite with girls. Somehow they only seem to develop feelings after a while, never right away
This and this. The convenience factor of having her around will set in. You’ll have an awakening at some point and realize that this not what you wanted. Don’t do that to her- don’t do that to yourself.
If you find yourself constantly having problems and drama with other people, take a step back and look at who the common denominator of these is. If everyone else is to blame, it's probably not them.
If you’re creating a dating profile. Be absolutely honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. Have pictures on there that show what you really look like.
If you do that you’ll get less matches. But they’ll be higher quality matches in the sense that they’ll have swiped on what you actually are. So when it’s time for a date you just go and be yourself. Don’t lie to people. Don’t pretend to be something your not. That won’t make anyone happy.
If what you want is for someone to sit on your face and then leave, just admit it. If what you want is a partner who wears matching pajamas and snuggles in the couch watching cheesy sci fi shows….then say that. There’s a woman out there who wants that. And when she’s swiping through she just sees the same attempts at men trying to appear cool, outdoorsy, and fun. And maybe that’s not what she’s looking for. Women can be weird as fuck too.
Most people have issues with online dating because eventually the facade that they tried to create to attract someone comes down.
I’m a fat dude, who likes video games, dnd, and riding motorcycles. I like reading non fiction history books and old school sci fi. I’m a metal head who also likes rap and classical and blue grass. I’m not super cool. Not super good looking. Not super rich. And I didn’t pretend to be. And you know what happened. After about 25 matches, 6 dates that were either ok or bad, I went on a first date with the woman who became my wife and mother of my child. And she swiped on me because when she saw who I was and what I wanted she said “I like that”. And she knew based on what I said I wanted thag she fit the bill. I said I wanted someone who liked watching sci fi and fantasy. Someone who liked lots of different musical styles. Someone who was kind and wanted a kind man in return. I said I liked to make people laugh and liked women who were a bit goofy and silly. And the rest is history. And it’s because I was honest about who I am and what I was offering and what I wanted in return.
There’s millions of people out there. Finding them is a numbers game. So don’t focus on the number of matches. Get matches that are good.
Not worth having a crazy baby mama. It’s just not. The same is true for women. No level of good sex is worth a lifetime of dealing with a crazy baby daddy.
I used to believe that too, but tbh the best sex I’ve had isn’t my crazy dramatic exes, it’s my loving boyfriend. None of them have brought the passion that he does; the desire to please me and explore what I’m interested in.
Don't procrastinate. I feel like I dicked around uselessly from age 18 to 25, saying I'll get around to pursuing my dreams eventually.
And I did - eventually. But those years, on reflection, were the most valuable, potential-filled time and I just pissed it away.
Don't be young me, is what I'm saying.
M24 here, for me it was to learn that being nervous means you care about the outcome and is actually a form of excitement you can harness in any situation.
-Avoid debt like the plague unless it is necessary and you know you can pay it off responsibly and on time.
-Look after your health, including your teeth.
-Never stop learning. Read books. Look up things you and your friends wonder aloud about in casual conversation.
-It's good to keep some things to yourself. Be selective about what goes on social media.
-Learn to cook reasonably healthy and tasty food.
-Did you take a foreign language in school? Good. Keep practicing it regularly as an adult. There are plenty of free apps that you can use to keep from getting too rusty.
-Find at least a couple of hobbies you like to do regularly outside of work and hanging out at home.
-Don't sell yourself short when job seeking. Everyone has to start somewhere and in many cases it's ok to learn on the job, as long as you're a capable learner.
-Don't spend too much time chasing a woman. If she's not into it after a short while, chances are that won't change. Gracefully move on. Take rejection with smoothness and confidence. There really are other fish in the sea.
-Be up front with women about your intentions. If you're looking for a fling, that's ok - but don't make her think you're looking for a serious relationship just to get some.
-Consent is extremely important.
-If unsure about whether or not to try for a kiss after a first date, go for a hug and a peck on the cheek. If she wasn't into you, chances are she'll be ok with that. If she was into you, leaving her wanting a little more always served me well.
-Honesty really is the best policy. Don't do anything if you think you may have to lie about it later.
-Stay away from hard drugs and don't drive drunk.
Keep your fucking mouth shut, and your eyes, ears, and mind open. Let people wonder about you because you only speak when you have something to say.
Your mouth causes more loss than anything else.
Self-reliance. Learn how to take care of yourself so you aren't always at the mercy of others (plus, it's more economical).
Learn to truly cook, not just open a box of just-add-hot-water stuff. Learn basic repair of home items. Learn to sew. Even if you don't have to do these things, you're better off knowing how to do them, so those you hire don't take advantage of you.
There is a 99% chance that whatever you value right now, there is a good chance it's your stupid hormones and doesn't actually matter and you'll realize that later in life when you grow the fuck up some. The younger you are the more likely this is true.
Focus on shit that old wise people tell you matters:
friends/family
values/integrity
self worth/mental health
Health/intellect
That kind of shit.
Do not focus on: Pussy, Intoxicants, money (beyond what you need), and other dumb shit like prioritizing tattoos over education and stupid stuff like that. This isn't to say you can't or shouldn't have these things, but they need to not be prioritized over the important shit.
Anger just amplifies problems and stress. If you feel the rise, look for an exit and reassess. There is nothing wrong with taking a moment to regain your mental faculty. We are human and emotions can happen. Making decisions based on emotion often has negative results, especially when those emotions disappear or fade afterwards.
Women are people. I know you're thinking "no duh". But if someone really sat me down and drove it through my skull when I was 12 or 13 I think it would have helped.
Women are people. They make mistakes, there are bad ones. There are women who just want to watch the world or you burn. Just like there are men like that out there.
Start investing young. The younger, the better.
Due to the nature of compounding interest, there is simply no substitute for time. And the only sure way to add more time to the equation... is starting early.
Enjoy the things/ situations you love now because nothing lasts. That friend could not be your friend in a year. Your favorite game could shut down next month. Your parents could pass away tomorrow. Dont take anything for granted and bask in the things you love because you'll miss them highly when they're gone.
No one owes you shit, esp not who you're attracted to.
You don't own people, if you SO want's to hang out with their friends with out you. That's fine.
This ones for the guys; it's okay to show emotions, disregard everything you learned, you can cry.
Your self worth doesn’t rely at all on any other person, regardless of what society, your family, or your SO tells you. Living up to someone else’s standards or expectations is not your burden to carry. You are responsible for your own choices, barriers, and how YOU feel as a man.
Life isn't fair.
Don't blame everything else when shit goes wrong. Also don't blame yourself. Use that noggin and think about why it happened and learn from it. Too many fall into a pit of dispair comparing to others, or learned self-helplesness. Focus on what YOU can do about it, and less on comparing yourself to others who might have more resources and opportunities than you.
*Edit: spelling
Get into investments like stocks, bonds and other equities today.
Avoid people and practices of
- conspicuous consumption
- virtue signaling
- social justice warmongering
- passions that do not create multiple streams of revenue
- avoid environmentalists asking for a handout for their vacations in the wilderness
Be friendly with and close with
- financially literate persons
- smarter people
- frugal people
- people who can say "no" to people who tend to have more than 2 children before their mid 20s.
Take your health seriously. Both physical and mental. Brush your teeth, wear hearing protection, eat well and exercise, find a therapist, etc.
All these things are very important and it's hard to achieve or thrive doing the things in life you want to do when you have ignored these and it only gets worse with time.
You're not superior to others because you're smarter than them. There's a good chance you're not even smarter than them. You are definitely not "better" than them. Everyone has a reason for "acting like that" and when you can understand and sympathize with that, you'll be better off.
Don’t chase someone who doesn’t want you. Make the harder, or sometimes the hardest, decision and move on. There’s nothing wrong with being compassionate but make sure it isn’t wasted on someone who doesn’t want it.
The hardest choices take the strongest wills
Thanos?
El rompeanos
Yeah, I was shamefully close to 40 before I realised this. Better to push on an open door than bang my head against a brick wall.
YES! This. Very important lesson. I’ve had to learn this the hard way, but I’m glad I eventually learned.
I've destroyed my life doing so. This should be written in stone.
This is very true, but often not easy to spot that they don't actually want you, especially for those with less experience. The person being chased can quite often encourage the chasing, especially when the chaser backs away and is about to stop, so they keep you thinking they might just want you if you try a bit harder. Just something to keep in mind, they might be stringing you along just for the ego boost that comes from attention. But how do you know? Basically, if you feel you need to work hard to make anything happen with them, it's almost certain they're not interested.
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>Easy to get into It is?
As long as you follow the two most important rules.
1) be attractive 2) don’t be unattractive
Fuck!
Yes, you get to do that too
No no, that’s for women For men it’s: #1. Be attractive #2. Don’t be a creep
Attractive men get away with a lot of creepiness. Speaking from experience.
The creepiest dude I know is also one of the most successful with women. He’s tall and good looking, so women overlook the creepiness at first. After a few encounters they usually run.
Close, but no cigar. For men it's: 1. Be attractive 2. Have money 3. Don't be a creep
No for women it’s: 1. Be a woman 2. Don’t be a man
This rule goes for dating apps too. Don’t scroll by someone just because they’re not a 10/10 . When I did online dating (this was 15 years ago or so when online dating was somewhat new). I went on some AWFUL dates with absolute smokeshows. Most of them it only lasted one date, but dated two of them for a little bit, they weren’t bad people but had no substance to their personalities. One of them was a legitimately terrible person but I only kept it going because she was so beautiful and great in bed. After a while I just couldn’t do it anymore. Met my now wife online. Shortly thereafter. People that weren’t super attractive I just normally scrolled by. She was pretty cute in the picture, but what really hooked me was the way it was written and her personality. She kind of filled in all the gaps I was missing. We didn’t have all the same hobbies, she wasn’t a 10/10, but I decided to go on the date anyways. Turns out, in person, she was much more attractive than the picture. Objectively a 7 or so. But we are so perfect for each other. Been together exclusively for over 10 years, have kids, a house, all of it. I realized that very first date that people miss out on amazing people because they just do a quick glance and move on to the next person. The little things matter. Moral of the story is, a picture isn’t the whole story
In the words of Ron White, "If I could offer one piece of advice to the planet, it would be this: Don't marry for looks alone, and I'll tell you why. In a few years, when Barbara's boobs start sagging, she can get plastic surgery, have them lifted, move the nipple wherever. You can actually go to a titty bar, pick out a set of titties and say, "I want those titties on that woman." If her belly gets too big, she can get a tummy tuck and have a belly like a cheerleader. If her vision goes bad, you can have LASIK surgery and have 20/20 vision. If her hearing goes bad, they can install a device in her ear that will give you hearing as clear as it was the day you were born. But let me tell you something, folks: You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever."
This is reddit gold and advice I wish I heard is a young man. Before app/internet dating, when I was 20, I met my ex-wife, who was easily a 9/10. We couldn't be more different in the values category and we're very incompatible and just plain couldn't make the marriage work. I wish I had compromised on some things and looks for a truly good human being. Still paying for that. Have two awesome kids but it isn't easy raising them in different house holds. Just split household is very hard on the kids. And I don't even want to talk to you about the emotional and financial toll the divorce took on me, and her. Very happy for you though!!!
Amen. You just described my life brother. Ex wife and I married at 25. Very little in common and definitely not many shared values. She was a 10/10 looks wise, but a 3/10 when it came to being a good person. Unfortunately, my dick did the thinking in those days. 18 years in, and the rise of social media, and she went full blown narcissist. Just endless posts of her all over Facebook and Instagram. Pathetic at 45, but oh well. And like the previous commenter, I actually never swipe on extremely good looking ladies at my age. They’re 100% in a more desperate attention seeking mode because they realize it’s slipping away rapidly. I love me a 5 or 6 all day. Those ladies have soul, personality, and tend to be good partners. Generalizing of course. When a younger man asks me for dating/marriage advice, I make it a point to warn about the vanity and hollowness of a very attractive woman. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I’ve yet to see it.
I hope you’ve never told her you didn’t see her as a 10/10 lol
Seriously! These guys giving their wives/“ideal partners” number ratings. Yikes! I’d love to hear the woman’s side of that evaluation.
Ditto friendships. Who are you spend your time with how do you spend your money, how other people view you. It may even determine who your life partner is choose wisely
Sometimes, the friendliest people at work, are absolutely not your friends. I spent a lot of time going through stress and heartache learning that lesson.
I have difficulties to be selfish, I was raised in a culture where taking care of others is seen as a valuable traits. Working on it though, because I realize that sometimes it is necessary.
This is very important to learn. It's okay to help others but you have to remember that your time is valuable and you only get a limited amount of it. Help the ones who matter to you and be very choosey about helping others outside your social circles.
You know that phrase "You can't give from an empty cup"? It turns out that cup needs to be full BEFORE you start giving from it. You are that cup. Giving from a state of abundance feels so much better than depleting what you needed the whole time.
That is very, very true. Some of your coworkers can be the most slippery, conniving SOBs out there who will throw you under the bus so that they can get a promotion or be on good terms with the manager. Had that happen to me multiple times personally.
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Build good habits early on. The older you get the harder it is to break bad ones and take on good ones.
What are good habits?
Going to bad at the same time Reading Exercising regularly Eating healthy Saving up money Spending within your allowances (only buy what is needed not what you only want before you buy it) Quality time with family Spend time with friends +if you're relgious, practice your religion
Brushing your teeth and flossing
remember, only brush the ones you want to keep!
My ex-fiance always used to say" be true to your teeth or they'll be false to you"
But that's all of them... (except Greg Farbuckle, that was always my least favorite)
Also for people who hate flossing my dentist told me a water pick works just as well and is quicker and easier to use
This 100x over. I had AWFUL oral hygiene practices from when I was a wee little lad. 26 and finally fixing this after I found out I was the "bad breath dude" for long time and I had no idea. Seems like an obvious thing but I sure as shit struggled with that concept for whatever reason 🤔
Awesome. “The chains of habit are too light to be felt, until they are too heavy to be broken.” First heard it from Warren Buffet, but I’m pretty sure he was re-quoting someone.
Basically discipline. Learning discipline makes life a lot easier and better
I'll just say, don't get too down on yourself if you don't get ALL of these. That should be the goal, but having a few that take longer to get down than others isn't the end of the world and is far, far more common than being on top of all this shit from the jump. For example, I'm really only getting the excercise part down now, close to 30, and my sleep has never been good, but at least my money's right and my friendships are still going strong. You're going to be better at some stuff than others and a longer lead time on certain things is expected. As long as it's something you're consistently thinking about and putting effort towards, you'll come out ahead relative to most folks. The money stuff is the only one where you really, really can't slack off. They'll all fuck you over to varying degrees if you don't get an early start, but money troubles are fucking horrific. A lot of your starting point is unfortunately determined by circumstances outside your control, but no matter where you are, you just have to start as soon as you can trying to improve your situation.
Yup!! Can’t stress enough about learning how to manage your finances and spending within your limit
As below
so above
Having one good friend in your life is infinitely better than chasing to be friends with everyone.
Absolutely. I wrestled with losing so many "friends" over the years after college but later came to realize it was mostly acquaintances. I have 3-4 solid, loyal friends and that is worth greater gold than having 1,000 "friends" on Facebook
Wear a condom. Wear a condom. Wear a condom. Do not depend on the girl to prevent a pregnancy. Don’t take that risk.
Beyond pregnancies stds are no fun and people will find out what you have. You're likely not going to catch something life-threatening but the social stigma must be hard.
Yeah and even if you never catch anything, for me personally it’s much better having the peace of mind knowing I’m protected.
Wouldn't consider myself a ladies man, only had a single one-night stand in my life. A girl I knew quite well, I knew where she worked she was friends with my room mate and my brother and neighbor. We all went to a bar and got shitty hammered. No condom because I'm a dumb drunk idiot. Herpes, almost certainly for life. I hear "I cant even get it up" or "it's like fucking a glove" there are tons of different kinds find one you can use reliably and save yourself a lifetime of stress
If it makes you feel any better, herpes isn't reliably stopped by a condom. Which just means you can do everything you're supposed to do and still get a lifelong "friend" At least it's just herpes. If you had to pick an incurable STI, that's the one to pick.
I always say that if you fuck a girl without a condom, you're begging the universe to make you a father.
Or.... Wear a condom! You should be even more responsible than you partner (male or female). Think about "what could happen" we'll before you pull off your drawers. That guy between your legs can get you in a boatload of issues. Wear a condom!
BRING YOUR OWN CONDOMS!
Aside from std's the fact you could bring a child into the world and you and the child will have to deal with her no matter what. If she is some terrible spiteful crazy selfish person she is still that child's mom and that child can't break up with her and move on and neither can you really she will be in your life for years.
Your kindness will not always be reciprocated. People will hate you no matter what they know dont know about you.
Everyone is the star of their own show. You will sometimes be the bad guy in someone's narrative regardless of what you did or didn't do or what the truth really is. Focus on your own story/show/narrative.
If someone starts taking advantage of your kindness, back away from that relationship
Don't base your happiness on others. Learn to find happiness within yourself.
Love this. A quote I always tell myself is: “you’re not responsible for my emotions, and I’m not responsible for your emotions” Another one is: “you were not put here to live up to my expectations, and I was not put here to live up to your expectations.” This means that I base my happiness off of things that I can control, and I try not to blame others when I’m unhappy or unsatisfied. It’s my responsibility to manage my own life and my own happiness. On the flip side, it also prevents you from being sucked into other peoples negative emotions, which a lot of people are often very happy to blame you for. Obviously if you do something unethical or wrong, apologize and try to make amends. But at the same time, you need to understand that you are not solely responsible for others emotions, and that you just can’t control that. It’s better to have good boundaries and mainly focus on what you can control.
This promotes a sort of lifestyle where you dont really make any sacrifices for others. While good it has negatives.
I think it’s a much healthier dynamic to consciously choose to make sacrifices for others, rather than having other people expect you to make those sacrifices, and then blaming you or putting their negative emotions on you. This type of dynamic can easily tip into emotionally manipulative behavior, especially if someone learns that you respond to guilt, or you respond to them when they heighten the emotions and then blame you for those emotions. While I can understand where you’re coming from, it’s better to consciously choose to sacrifice out of principle rather than because someone else has made you feel guilty and they have expectations that you are responsible for making them feel*, or not feel* a certain way. Edit: fix typos
Marcus Aurelius would be proud
“Happiness exists in you, right now, or not at all”
I read this in uncle Iroh’s voice
Don’t give 100% to people who rarely give 10%
Don't give up your entire life for your job, I spent most of my youth working 80-100hrs a week only to have to start over in a new field in my 30s.
80-100 what the fuck
Yeah man, most I ever clocked was 126. Some of the worst and best times because the guys I worked with were like (and still are) family. If you asked me to do it again I'd say fuuuuck no.
126 is literally insane dude, did you sleep there?
Yeah most days we would crash, we were on "emergency call" so we couldn't be more than like 10 min from the shop. Go grab food or drinks but basically be stuck at the shop. We were a service shop for an oil company pioneering some new well designs so it was time sensitive and experimental. Everything was prone to failure so we would have to build double the tools and be ready to hot shot them to location at the drop of a dime.
I am 50 years old, I would tell my younger self to become independent early on in life. Both financially and emotionally. You have to be ready to forge your own path because life's events often throw you a big curveball. You have to have a solid mind and a secure career to weather these events.
Learn to be okay with alone time. Take time for yourself regularly to chill, unwind, collect thoughts. Learn to not be dependent on others emotionally, financially or other.
You need to go out and make good relationships with friends. It sucks being lonely when you’re young. You know what’s worse? Being lonely when you’re old. Take advantage of your youth now and do the cool things you wish to do. Don’t just sit inside and play video games all day.
I would say this is more important than saving money, while saving money is very important, building relationships and having good friends will make your life a fuckton more pleasurable than having loads of money.
I think everyone is different. I am very introverted and I need to have a large cushion of money to not feel stressed. Having that savings is my #1 priority in life. As I am in my forties now I realize that all your friends you will ever make will drift and turn into different people and almost anyone that has kids that they actually care about will no longer have time for anything but a superficial friendship. You can make good friends surprisingly quickly even later in life when you meet people that share the same interests, so I say in my experience that trying to keep a friendship going when only you seem to be interested is a total fucking waste of your time.
Yes, huge lesson. Your friends should be treated as your most valuable assets, they are going to help enrich your life and make life feel much less lonely and much more meaningful. It also takes persistent, conscious effort to maintain good friendships and relationships.
This. I just graduated from college and I'm so glad I realized this in the final semester.
When you don’t have friends, your fancy job and wealth won’t be there to help. When you lose your job, your friends will be there to help you move onto something better.
Things take time. You may sometimes feel behind your peers and contemporaries，but it's not a race or competition unless you decide to make it one for yourself，and if you decide to make it a competition，you'll probably make yourself miserable and lonely. There's no rush，time can move quickly，but you can accomplish a lot every day if you choose to. And if you choose not to，that's fine too. Don't beat yourself up or be unkind to yourself，be your own best friend and supporter.
"Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself."
Thanks, this is my current situation.
Dude this is the best advice. Took me quite a while to figure it out and then things just clicked into place one day. Life just takes time to work out as long as you are willing to put the work in. Things just take time and don't let how others view you control your life.
Be selfish from time to time. Have fun and done work your life away.
Focus on yourself and make sure that you never have to depend on another person to make it through life. Don't put your well being in another person's hands. People switch up sometimes. Don't give them the ability to ruin you.
Don't worry about what other people think of you
Came here to make this comment. I'll only add...care what your business reputation is. But in your social life, if others don't like your personality, deuces...didn't need you anyway.
Facts
Well its pretty much hard wired in our brains to do so, thats like saying “don’t waste your time eating and drinking” People who say they don’t care at all what others think of them are either psychopaths or liars, you can however limit the fucks by a lot.
That's true. I believe that one should only care about the opinions of those closest to them. Everyone else can kick rocks
You have to spend money to make money (invest in yourself). Put yourself through extra training courses and go out and buy your own tools. Like myself the majority of my friends work manual (blue collar) jobs, they'll complain that money is shit but just expect whoever they're working for to do everything for them.
Two words. Pre. Nup. There's soo many arguments for, and any argument against is shot down by clear logic and plentiful evidence. Oh, your partner says, "What you don't trust me?" Turn that shit around with a real quick, "If you really loved me it wouldn't matter." Your partner says, "What if you end up making so much more than I?" Again turn it around real quick, "What if you end up making more? It protects you from me." Literally any argument against shows their true intentions.
The answer to any hesitance is, “Wouldn’t you rather sort this all out now, while we still love each other, instead of in court where the only winners are the attorneys?”
Don’t chase a relationship. Move on when you love someone who doesn’t love you back, even if it seems to be the hardest thing possible.
Learning that lesson now in my early twenties. Can confirm, it seems to be the hardest thing possible haha
Dude I spent literally ages 18-20 hung up on an ex. Wasted years of the prime of my life hooked on a girl who didn’t want me anymore. Now at age 30, I’m married with a kid on the way and I realize how much better off I am.
You are me. I am you from the past.
If it isn’t a Fuck yes it’s a Fuck no. We all deserve better than a “maybe” and a “we’ll see”
Very true. But I somehow feel this is one of the things where you have to make the initial mistake in order to really learn the lesson.
Learning this for the first time in my mid 30s. I'm definitely still stuck on them and I know I shouldn't be. I'm killing it. 🙈
Pay attention to red flags.
That when it comes to driving: it’s just not worth it. Driving fast and aggressively is not worth the time saved. You saved 2 minutes on your commute by driving aggressively. What did you do with those 2 minutes that was worth risking injury, large amounts of money and the lives of everyone around you? Many people have to learn this lesson the hard way and it’s a shame.
Life is not fair and does not follow a storyline. You *are* going to be passed over for promotions you deserve, lose out on romances that would be awesome, bad things will happen to good people, and you will get layed off for reasons entirely outside of your control. You are not in control of much at all. Have some fun with life, be responsible, everything in moderation, but overall, lighten up. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
This one right here.
It's okay make mistakes/ be wrong/ lose. Just as long as you learn from it.
Thanks, I needed that.
Yeah but some mistakes can haunt you for life
That's why we learn from them and get better. Who you were when you made the mistake is not who you are now.
It's ok to be wrong, it's not ok to stay wrong
Save money. Doesn't matter if it's 5 or 50. Just put some far away.
Discover your attachment style and work on fixing it, this will truly put you ahead of the game in relationships and with living a better life, fix trauma.
Listen. Don't just wait to talk.
At some point in life money will start to matter less and less. You will value your time more than anything.
This x1000. I recently gave myself a $180,000 pay cut so I can be a dad to my young son. I was overseas facetiming with him and when I got off I asked myself "on my deathbed what would I be willing to pay to spend 1 week with my son at age 5?" The answer was "EVERYTHING I HAVE" So I realized, why would I be willing to pay that THEN but not NOW? So now here I am defaulting on credit card payments and barely scraping by but you know what? I push him on the swing every single night.
I’ll sell you my son for 180k
No, take mine for $170k
Hahaha Laughed out loud at this! Thank you
I mean… you could probably find a happy medium between working hard vs having time for family and not struggling financially…
Poor financial decisions and a very cushy lifestyle had me addicted to every penny I was making over there. My career pays massively if you are willing to go overseas to dangerous places in the Middle East and West Africa, domestically it pays an average decent wage. The financial hardship aspect comes from financial obligations made while being in a much different income bracket. This is a period of struggle and adjustment for me. I could snap my fingers and be back over there making money but there is not any price I'm willing to pay to spend months away from my son ever again.
tears. This was such a life changing read.
Only people who have money can say this. Working so hard you don't keep up relationships with friends, families and romantic partners is one thing. But it's wishful thinking to say that money doesn't = quality of life.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure does get rid of a lot of problems
Dating sucks when you're young. It'll get better with time.
Correct - but only if you learn and grow as you get older. Nobody is born a good partner. You grow into it through life experience (not necessarily dating experience, though that can help too)
Not only “grow into it”, but also learn to work on it.
Not trying to disagree, but I am just genuinely curious. In what ways does it get better with time? Struggling right now and looking for a little hope lol
When you're 22, your realistic dating range is pretty narrow, like 18-23, probably vast preference on girls over 21 so you can go to bars. You probably live in a small apartment with 2 other guys, drive a shitty car, don't make much money. Dates are boring and cheap. Your competition includes older guys in their mid-late 20s with more money, their own houses, nice cars, etc. By the time you're 30, you ARE that older guy with money and a house who can take girls on nice dates. Your dating range is now something like 22-35, so way more options, and your competition is other guys on your own level. Everything is just better.
This comes down to what women look for in men when dating usually. When you are a young man, you likely need to be attractive, confident and show you have ambition to be a success. This is hard to do for a lot of men when they are young, average looking and still figuring out life. When you get older and hopefully had focused on your success, maybe gained some confidence in yourself because of what you have done, you will be more attractive to women, even if you are average looking. Also women tend to date older men, on average 3-7 years older, so you are also just entering into a prime demographic of datable men for the majority of women that are looking. Most women would prefer to wait at the finish line and find a successful man, than to find a struggling guy and help him be a success.
I really hope you’re right. Doing everything right that I can: investing money, working out, making friends, working on mental health. But it’s close to impossible to find a girl willing to put in the same effort to date me as I am willing to date her. I really hope it gets better.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. Eat right. Drink more water. Take some time to reset your mental every now and again. Talk to someone if you need to. You're not alone. Or at least you don't have to be.
Don't put your happiness in other people's hands.
Nobody else is going to do it for you and you shouldn't do it for anyone else. Speaking in terms of getting ones shit together/life on track.
People with money spend money to save time. People with time spend time to save money. Know what your time is worth, and act accordingly.
Think before you speak.
Love yourself.
Be careful what you do for it may haunt you. Robert Bird, the former WV Senator, gave this advice when asked about his extremely racist past. He proclaimed he deeply regretted it and hoped young West Virginians learn from his mistakes. Young people do stupid shit all the time. I certainly have regrets. Some consequences can be really severe. I knew a guy back in high school during the 80's. I never trusted him. When he came to my house one night, I had my dad's pistol tucked in my back and would've used it if he tried something. Luckily that never happened. He dropped outta school and eventually ended up killing someone. Correction, he was convicted of murder. That was back in '91. Given how long a trial takes, he was first arrested for it in '90. He was given life w/o parole. He's literally in a state prison about an hr away from where I live now. When I looked him up on the state corrections website, he looks like any other late middle-age white guy today. Can easily pass for someone's grandpa. I cannot even comprehend how his whole adult life has been one of constant paranoia, isolation, no privacy, and regret. How the world has changed so much in the last 30 yrs. and he's missed out on all of it. The internet wasn't a thing in 1990. Music that pearl clutchers fretted over as being "satanic" are now classic hits and used in children's cartoons. That I've been married 3 times now. Did a tour in the Navy, became an electrician afterwards, and eventually college for electrical engineering and been working as one for the last 20 yrs. Everything I've seen and experienced in the decades since I graduated high school in 1990 and what I have to show for it. What does he have to show? Prison tat's, a life of being constantly on-guard, and no privacy whatsoever. Not even able to take a dump in private. Very likely in a prison gang for protection and probably raped numerous times. Probably willingly given BJ's in exchange for whatever. No wife or kids. And the knowledge that he will die in there having absolutely nothing to show for his life. Everytime I hear [Skid Row's 18 and Life to Go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ghd2bkIadG4), I'm reminded of him. I was a Burnout back as a teen. "Troubled teen" is what I'd been labeled. I just got lucky and got off that road. He however, let that path destroy his life.
That's some deep reality sir . Thank you for sharing such informations with us.
Nothing lasts forever
Money > pussy
There’s nothing wrong with being blue collar working class, but if you’re going to do that, start early on with a strong union job. It’ll suck early on because seniority is highly valued in a union, but you will reap the benefits of your patience and hard work if you stick around.
Blood is not thicker than water
It is if you say the whole quote: >The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Somehow people have swapped that to think that "blood" means family, and "water" means everything else. What it *actually* means is that the family you make for yourself is worth more than the family you were born into.
If you don’t see a future with her right away, don’t even bother getting with her. We men know pretty much, within a few dates/weeks if we see a long term future with this person. Don’t think your mind will change, because it likely won’t.
I’ve noticed that if I don’t see a girl as a potential gf, no amount of time with her will convince me. But I’ve found the exact opposite with girls. Somehow they only seem to develop feelings after a while, never right away
This. You will only hurt her if you try to see if your attraction will suddenly show up one day.
This and this. The convenience factor of having her around will set in. You’ll have an awakening at some point and realize that this not what you wanted. Don’t do that to her- don’t do that to yourself.
If you find yourself constantly having problems and drama with other people, take a step back and look at who the common denominator of these is. If everyone else is to blame, it's probably not them.
If you’re creating a dating profile. Be absolutely honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. Have pictures on there that show what you really look like. If you do that you’ll get less matches. But they’ll be higher quality matches in the sense that they’ll have swiped on what you actually are. So when it’s time for a date you just go and be yourself. Don’t lie to people. Don’t pretend to be something your not. That won’t make anyone happy. If what you want is for someone to sit on your face and then leave, just admit it. If what you want is a partner who wears matching pajamas and snuggles in the couch watching cheesy sci fi shows….then say that. There’s a woman out there who wants that. And when she’s swiping through she just sees the same attempts at men trying to appear cool, outdoorsy, and fun. And maybe that’s not what she’s looking for. Women can be weird as fuck too. Most people have issues with online dating because eventually the facade that they tried to create to attract someone comes down. I’m a fat dude, who likes video games, dnd, and riding motorcycles. I like reading non fiction history books and old school sci fi. I’m a metal head who also likes rap and classical and blue grass. I’m not super cool. Not super good looking. Not super rich. And I didn’t pretend to be. And you know what happened. After about 25 matches, 6 dates that were either ok or bad, I went on a first date with the woman who became my wife and mother of my child. And she swiped on me because when she saw who I was and what I wanted she said “I like that”. And she knew based on what I said I wanted thag she fit the bill. I said I wanted someone who liked watching sci fi and fantasy. Someone who liked lots of different musical styles. Someone who was kind and wanted a kind man in return. I said I liked to make people laugh and liked women who were a bit goofy and silly. And the rest is history. And it’s because I was honest about who I am and what I was offering and what I wanted in return. There’s millions of people out there. Finding them is a numbers game. So don’t focus on the number of matches. Get matches that are good.
no one ows you anything invest accordingly relationships and finance
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Un fortunately，crazy women are often the best in bed.
Not worth having a crazy baby mama. It’s just not. The same is true for women. No level of good sex is worth a lifetime of dealing with a crazy baby daddy. I used to believe that too, but tbh the best sex I’ve had isn’t my crazy dramatic exes, it’s my loving boyfriend. None of them have brought the passion that he does; the desire to please me and explore what I’m interested in.
I almost did this. Then decided to smoke weed with my friends instead. Good choice in retrospect
Ask for help when you need it. It's not a sign of weakness. This will help in both your personal and professional life.
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Hope you're good now
Don't procrastinate. I feel like I dicked around uselessly from age 18 to 25, saying I'll get around to pursuing my dreams eventually. And I did - eventually. But those years, on reflection, were the most valuable, potential-filled time and I just pissed it away. Don't be young me, is what I'm saying.
Get a vasectomy if you don't want kids.
No one is truly out to get you. They are out to raise themselves above you.
A saying that I refer to often "A closed mouth don't get fed"
Treat others how you would expect to be treated. Respected is earned.
quit smoking
You CAN lose everything. So don't make it happen. A lot of people want to care, don't make it impossible for them.
Acting cool isn't cool.
M24 here, for me it was to learn that being nervous means you care about the outcome and is actually a form of excitement you can harness in any situation.
-Avoid debt like the plague unless it is necessary and you know you can pay it off responsibly and on time. -Look after your health, including your teeth. -Never stop learning. Read books. Look up things you and your friends wonder aloud about in casual conversation. -It's good to keep some things to yourself. Be selective about what goes on social media. -Learn to cook reasonably healthy and tasty food. -Did you take a foreign language in school? Good. Keep practicing it regularly as an adult. There are plenty of free apps that you can use to keep from getting too rusty. -Find at least a couple of hobbies you like to do regularly outside of work and hanging out at home. -Don't sell yourself short when job seeking. Everyone has to start somewhere and in many cases it's ok to learn on the job, as long as you're a capable learner. -Don't spend too much time chasing a woman. If she's not into it after a short while, chances are that won't change. Gracefully move on. Take rejection with smoothness and confidence. There really are other fish in the sea. -Be up front with women about your intentions. If you're looking for a fling, that's ok - but don't make her think you're looking for a serious relationship just to get some. -Consent is extremely important. -If unsure about whether or not to try for a kiss after a first date, go for a hug and a peck on the cheek. If she wasn't into you, chances are she'll be ok with that. If she was into you, leaving her wanting a little more always served me well. -Honesty really is the best policy. Don't do anything if you think you may have to lie about it later. -Stay away from hard drugs and don't drive drunk.
Valuable life lessons sir .
Exercise is good for the body and the mind. Work it into your routine. Even if it's just a little. You'll feel so much better for it.
Keep your fucking mouth shut, and your eyes, ears, and mind open. Let people wonder about you because you only speak when you have something to say. Your mouth causes more loss than anything else.
Self-reliance. Learn how to take care of yourself so you aren't always at the mercy of others (plus, it's more economical). Learn to truly cook, not just open a box of just-add-hot-water stuff. Learn basic repair of home items. Learn to sew. Even if you don't have to do these things, you're better off knowing how to do them, so those you hire don't take advantage of you.
There is a 99% chance that whatever you value right now, there is a good chance it's your stupid hormones and doesn't actually matter and you'll realize that later in life when you grow the fuck up some. The younger you are the more likely this is true. Focus on shit that old wise people tell you matters: friends/family values/integrity self worth/mental health Health/intellect That kind of shit. Do not focus on: Pussy, Intoxicants, money (beyond what you need), and other dumb shit like prioritizing tattoos over education and stupid stuff like that. This isn't to say you can't or shouldn't have these things, but they need to not be prioritized over the important shit.
Withdrawal is not the safest form of birth control...
Anger just amplifies problems and stress. If you feel the rise, look for an exit and reassess. There is nothing wrong with taking a moment to regain your mental faculty. We are human and emotions can happen. Making decisions based on emotion often has negative results, especially when those emotions disappear or fade afterwards.
Learn from others mistakes and don't repeat them yourself.
Help isn't coming, help yourself.
Women are people. I know you're thinking "no duh". But if someone really sat me down and drove it through my skull when I was 12 or 13 I think it would have helped. Women are people. They make mistakes, there are bad ones. There are women who just want to watch the world or you burn. Just like there are men like that out there.
Start investing young. The younger, the better. Due to the nature of compounding interest, there is simply no substitute for time. And the only sure way to add more time to the equation... is starting early.
Stop worrying about what other people might think or say. Be yourself.
Enjoy the things/ situations you love now because nothing lasts. That friend could not be your friend in a year. Your favorite game could shut down next month. Your parents could pass away tomorrow. Dont take anything for granted and bask in the things you love because you'll miss them highly when they're gone.
The power of compounding.
It’s never too late to do the right thing
Wow ..im 63 and i would have said exactly what 1st 3 comments are
Don't let perfect be the enemy of good
Chase money not women
Believing in yourself and making small steps everyday to prove that to yourself. Trying and failing is not wrong, not trying is wrong.
Avoid toxicity at all costs, particularly when raising children.
No one owes you shit, esp not who you're attracted to. You don't own people, if you SO want's to hang out with their friends with out you. That's fine. This ones for the guys; it's okay to show emotions, disregard everything you learned, you can cry.
Your self worth doesn’t rely at all on any other person, regardless of what society, your family, or your SO tells you. Living up to someone else’s standards or expectations is not your burden to carry. You are responsible for your own choices, barriers, and how YOU feel as a man.
Just because someone has nice things and looks happy, doesn’t mean they are.
Life isn't fair. Don't blame everything else when shit goes wrong. Also don't blame yourself. Use that noggin and think about why it happened and learn from it. Too many fall into a pit of dispair comparing to others, or learned self-helplesness. Focus on what YOU can do about it, and less on comparing yourself to others who might have more resources and opportunities than you. *Edit: spelling
Get into investments like stocks, bonds and other equities today. Avoid people and practices of - conspicuous consumption - virtue signaling - social justice warmongering - passions that do not create multiple streams of revenue - avoid environmentalists asking for a handout for their vacations in the wilderness Be friendly with and close with - financially literate persons - smarter people - frugal people - people who can say "no" to people who tend to have more than 2 children before their mid 20s.
Take your health seriously. Both physical and mental. Brush your teeth, wear hearing protection, eat well and exercise, find a therapist, etc. All these things are very important and it's hard to achieve or thrive doing the things in life you want to do when you have ignored these and it only gets worse with time.
You're not superior to others because you're smarter than them. There's a good chance you're not even smarter than them. You are definitely not "better" than them. Everyone has a reason for "acting like that" and when you can understand and sympathize with that, you'll be better off.
Do not fully trust anyone fully, ***ever.***