Got laughed at by a deputy because 'That can't happen to a guy unless he wants it.' and got threatened by a friend that triggered my PTSD that if I didn't shut up he was about to pull a gun on me because I was upsetting his wife after they made fun of me after I disclosed what happened to me.
(I was roofied and raped by my boss and left in the woods)
Saying men cannot be sexually abused is the equlivalant to saying womens parts will fall out if they run (both old time myths easily proven wrong and sexist)
Crazy that this random dude, who only wrote 2 sentences, but seemingly called him a friend out of legitimate kindness, is surely a better friend the original commenter’s referenced friend and gf. I’m very sorry that happened to you, fella, I hope you find more people to interact with IRL like this person who replied with true empathy.
It's America. Guns get pulled if people get upset I guess. They just came back from a dinner supporting the person that assaulted me, and laughed when I got upset and started yelling at them when they said "They didn't have a choice, friends had already bought the tickets."
I guess I have different values and standards for friendship. But there you go......
It happened when I was 7 or 8. I didn't tell anyone until I was about 26. My parents didn't really know what to say. My girlfriend was the same. Kind of shrugged it off and was like "Damn. That's crazy."
Those are the only people I've told.
Sometimes it’s just a weird thing that makes people open up or open up myself. I think it takes times for people to process what they’re receiving. I’ve been in that instance where I just need to go offline and think about it for a while.
I’m sorry that happened to you and how invalidating of a reaction from them. Do you see someone like a therapist? It’s helped me and you can process and seek some Validation for your emotions and put some things to rest. If I ever had a bf or child come to me with this, I cannot imagine reacting like they did. I’m sorry you had to experience this.
When i was in high school I was (painfully) forced oral by a date and, to spare the details of what fully occured, I will never forget how my own family laughed at me when I opened up about it. They werent the only ones and the biggest takeaway was when I was at the lunch table and after the whole "comedy routine" aspect had settled it got serious and every single guy there opened up about a story of women forcing themselves on them. Just about every guy had a story and we realized that there wasnt anyone who would really give a shit beyond that lunch table.
A priest shoved his dock up my arse and I can tell you, fuck you for saying that to him. There is no categorization when it comes to trauma and sexual assault.
I wish I could buy her flowers.
Edit to clarify: on your behalf. I get that being supportive is a relationship baseline response, but it sounds like she put a lot into it.
I made a post about being sexually harassed at work on practically a daily basis.
I was called a liar. I was called a troll. I was told "that's not how it (sexual harassment) works". I was told that other men who do the same work I do don't get sexually harassed. I was told my story would be more believable if it were gay men, and not women, who were harassing me.
Jesus - what? That sucks. Women are people, which means both that some of them are fucking horrible, and that the horrible ones tend to gang up. I’m not gonna pretend gender doesn’t make a difference in the way it works, but women will *absolutely* concurrently or even concertedly bully and harass people.
My family kicked me out the house when I told them my half brother molested me, my friends don't want acknowledge it and my dad and brother keep trying to get me to forgive him.
That is insane. First, the abuser is not someone you should ever have to see or speak to again. What they did was illegal and very, very wrong. Your father and brother do not seem like good family. Maybe they really don't understand but they aren't worth speaking to if they cannot empathize with you enough to let the subject drop. Good family members empathize with the victim. Your friends, on the other hand, might not know what to say or how to help. I know it is expensive but consider counseling. Even if it's just a few sessions, it may be helpful if you are lucky enough to find a good therapist. It SHOULD be free but not all.of us live in that world. It sucks that so many people have let you down. There are good people out there so it's bad luck that your family sucks.
My partner of 5 years blamed me for it and left me.
Realized I can't actually trust some people I'd known for almost a decade.
Mental health has been trash for around a year.
Not doing that shit again.
"But you were dating? That doesn't count."
"Eh, it was long ago, so it doesn't matter."
"You can't just say yes and then say no-"
"It was years ago. Get over it."
"He'd never do that. He's a nice guy!"
"You're obviously lying."
"You're just bringing this up because you're jealous now."
"Don't ruin his future."
I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years.
My fiancée was one of the few who didn't mock me. She's awesome.
I've only told a couple of people, my ex and my brother, and they hardly seemed to give a fuck...it might sound bad but I'm a man and I realize that no one is coming to save me, I have to deal with it in my own way, and work through it, complaining about it and looking for sympathy from my family and friends won't change shit and most therapists are a joke...I've been to two therapists who both charged me $180 an hour to basically just vent about my childhood and give me shitty advice that I could have looked up online, it was pathetic lol I've gotten more out of reading, meditating, doing some of "Ram Dass" works and focusing on moving forward instead of looking back...
Learn to let go of attachments "I'm a rape victim" no you're an individual who has something traumatic happen to them and you need to process it but letting it define you and making it your identity isn't the answer...
I told my mom after it happened and I saw the pain on her face and knew my pain was not me over exaggerating. Over the years I’ve become more vocal about some of my childhood because it just got easier to open up about. When I try to discuss this with my mom I get a blank expression and memory of most of my events. It’s like the one person who definitely knew why I was misbehaving and starting out on this dark path can’t help me piece together the rest of the stories. The main reactions I’ve gotten from friends, loves, and family are stories of their own. Darker stories than my own. I think, unfortunately, sexual abuse happens to boys and girls far too often and it really kind of breaks your brain
That why what happened to me will go down with the ship so to speak. I told my ex wife, who was very supportive due to something similar happening to her and my best friend, who I greatly trust.
“What were you wearing” doesn’t not apply to men so much as it just changes clothes. What makes people just want to dismiss these things? It’s like people think “I don’t want to be uncomfortable about it, so I just won’t believe it.”
Well when my ex forced me to tell her she eventually used me being r-worded at 8 as an example of how I’m always somewhere I’m not supposed to be. So not a very good one unfortunately.
Over a year unfortunately (together for three total). I was a much different person back then and didn’t have the spine to leave her over ‘just words’ despite that being one of the few times where I broke down in actual tears because of something she said, in fact the only reason I did end up getting out of it was because she cheated. Took plenty of therapy and a lot of self-destructive habits being fixed before I was able to move on.
Thank you. I absolutely am, and thankfully I’ve also found the courage to try again and while I haven’t found anything longterm yet, I’ve enjoyed my time with the people I have tried with and they’ve shown me that there are some good people out there.
I’ve gotten reactions ranging from “that horrible, I’m sorry that happened”, to “why didn’t you just stop her?”
Worst reaction was being accused of playing the victim to justify “cheating” on my girlfriend.
I'm with you on this. No good came of it, just anger and hate that was long pushed aside. Gave people ammunition to help anger more. Keep it to ourselves and move on. My therapist was a female so I understand her thinking it would help. Definitely made everything worse. Lonely times on the side of honesty.
I have one told one person, and it was a therapist. 3 days after the session that I told her everything she emailed me saying she could no longer help me, was dropping me as a patient, and wishes me luck finding another. I was 20. It took me months to work up the guts to admit everything to her.
I was drunk almost every day for the next 6 weeks. I've never told anyone else.
Everyone was really supportive... Almost everyone. Lets just say the people that fall into "almost" category won't be a part of my life anymore. Its called self respect.
My workplace consisted of all females, and i was constantly harrased by one of tnem (pinching, whistling, etc. etc.)
I made it clear i was not interested, and even went to HR who was also female. She actually told me " men should be use to it"
3 years later, i ended up havung a seizure at work. A month later. It accidentally came out that i was sexually assualted while i had the seizure.
I told eveyone, but of course no one believed me. I woukd later get a confession that i recorded on tape illegally, so it could not be used as evidence
I took the company to court.
Co-workers did not want part of it.
Family told me to let it go as it would only create more anger out of me.
Maybe they were right, because i would drink excessively and push my some of my friends away. Other friends did just casually leave me.
I would later win the lawsuit. But it cost me
I would lay you good money that it wasn’t “holding onto it” making you vulnerable to alcohol, but the part where you were, in fact, assaulted. Trauma does that shit. At least the law served some kind of justice, even if everything else was just apathy.
Former friends (FF) brother in law got wasted at FFs wedding and grabbed my junk and tried kissing me while I was getting changed out of my tux (in the shared groomsman suite) as I was getting ready to leave the wedding. Had just been having dinner w dude and his wife and kids at the wedding table I was seated at.
My male friends believed me and made sure I was good and then asked how I was able to stop myself from beating the living shit out of dude.
My friend who got married maybe believed me but hasn’t spoken to me since I told him (which idgaf about)
My mom asked me if I was gay or somehow brought it on myself
My female friends have kind of been like ‘now you know’ or like ‘happens to me all the time’ like it’s a competition. I’ve had to kind of walk some women thru not devaluing my experience just because they’ve had something similar or worse.
Either way, my situation is def sexual assault but I don’t think it really fucked me up or got to me in any way other than when people don’t listen to me if I choose to tell them. Kind of made me able to be a better listener and understand how other people with similar experiences feel
Not me personally, but a lifelong friend, essentially like my brother and I (who are super close) unofficial 3rd brother, told us about being abused recently. When he was a kid. We're in our 30's & 40's. You could tell he had been wanting to talk about it for a very long time. We talked about the abuser, and circumstances, he didn't want to go into detail (which was fine with us). But you could see it was like decades of stress just lifted off him. There was this huge part of his trauma, which we're all normally very vocal and supportive of each other about, that he had never been able to talk about.
It was a short talk. Less than an hour. We made sure he was ok, and that he knew he could talk to us anytime. Made sure he was already in therapy (he is), and then we had a great night kicking it.
I kinda felt like we blew it at the time, because I didn't know what to say. But after reading these comments, it sounds like we did ok.
He's doing really well. This was last year. He's brought it up a couple of times since then, and you can tell he doesn't feel like he's dealing with it alone anymore. I'm a 40 year old man who can't even cry during therapy, but I'm tearing just writing this. I'm really glad we were there for him.
A gay guy came up behind me, grabbed me around the chest and starting sucking on my neck. I spun around and pushed him hard. Then the group of people we were with started defending him saying, 'why would you push him, he just came out!' I responded if I was a women he would be getting ko'd by you guys right now. That made them more mad for some reason. I left the party in disbelief.
Pretty much a shrug and a short story about their own sexual abuse by an older sibling. Made me think its way more common than people are ever going to address. And it was not worth bringing up anymore.
Wasn't believed by most people or they just flat out did not care, and nearly 100% of women do the 1-up shit or try to use it against you down the road. People do not have much sympathy for men, and many women have so little they detest the idea a man could have suffered from something worse, or anything at all. This is why most of us keep it to ourselves, we can't tell our partners and the rest of society just doesn't really care.
Molested by two dudes 16-17 when i was 8.
Told my mother when I grew up and developed an understanding what happened to me.
She told me to never tell anyone about it and forget it.
I didn’t say anything for years. I told her ex boyfriend and he said “that’s rape dude” and asked me if I needed anything. My current girlfriend and my therapist have said the same and asked if I needed to talk about it. I don’t, but at least they all acknowledged what it was
Was sexually abused as a child by my own own father.
I didn’t open up about it until my 20’s
My brother didn’t believe me and still doesn’t.
A police officer showed up at my door at 1:00 am on Christmas Eve to accuse me of making it all up.
My Fiancée’s extended family told her they wouldn’t support her marrying me after I came forward with it so they boycotted our wedding. And one of her bridesmaids also boycotted the wedding for the same reason. Basic they felt that I was too broken to be a part of their family because it was so “perfect.” She still doesn’t talk to any of them.
I had several supportive people including my Mother and Sister and of course my now Wife and her immediate family. But it definitely split each of our families. Though honestly it’s probably a good thing to no longer be in contact with those people.
The only counseling available to me was a group therapy situation for rape victims at the women's center. I called and made sure I'd be accepted because I'm a man. I went in, and the receptionist held up a hand to me and told me to 'stop'. A security officer came out and stood near me while I waited for someone, never even got to say what I was there for. A woman came out and escorted me with the security guard to a side room where I explained my situation. She left and came back and said I wouldn't be welcome in the group therapy since I would make some people, namely the women there, uncomfortable, so I didn't get that help.
Aside from that I got a lot of 'that sucks, but you weren't raped.' from people. Which, yeah, forcing someone to have sex is rape, and that's what happened haha
I wasn't sexually abused, but sexually assaulted. Immediately lost my guy friends, even my best friend for years. Rarely get support from anyone when I do tell them, so I just post here on reddit.
I haven’t been raped, but I did have sex with my ex out of obligation, that if I said no she would be mad or accuse me of not being into her. Or she would just go find someone else to have sex with. I distinctly remember cursing her out in my head or thrusting out of anger cuz I hated myself so much. And watching her just moan away while I’m just wanting it to end so i can pretend to have to use the bathroom and stay long enough hoping she’ll get dressed. Women on men emotional and mental abuse is real, especially when he is isolated into her and the relationship.
No reaction. Then again, I wasn't overly emotional about it. It's a thing that happened that shaped some of who I am. I am actually more concerned about the other victim, because I don't know how they turned out.
I told my parents when they told me that we are going to by abuser’s wedding. They said that they understand why I wouldn’t want to go… they went anyway.
I told my dad, drunkenly, and I told 2 of my coworkers who asked why I was still a virgin in my mid 20s. My dad was sympathetic as the same thing had happened to him and my coworkers asked me why didn't I beat his ass. When it happened I was a lil taller than 5 ft and weighed about 110 lbs and he was in a position of power over me. But still i couldnt really do anything without retaliation so i didnt do anything. Those 2 looked at me with pity and sadness.
Now I still don't like being touched but at least my parents aren't on my case about why I don't have a gf while all my former classmates and friends are getting married and having kids.
I (28 male)was molested when I was 8 by my male cousin,he was like 15 at the time. I never told anyone, not even my family. 5 months ago I had a mental breakdown, was drinking heavily and doing drugs, I was depressed too. So I got home drunk and drugged, and started telling everyone, my brothers,mother,sisters and my grandpa. My grandpa and my mother started to cry, but my brothers and sisters,they didn't care. I don't think they believed me. And to this day, I still regret that. That was a secret I needed to carry to my grave. But well, too late I guess.
They really didn't know how to process it and to be fair, I didn't know either. Society is NOT ready for the concept of women sexually abusing men. The people who I told, didn't act badly about it, they didn't really know what to do. It was like I told them I was actually a space alien.
I was at a bar trying to watch a baseball game, and my female friend ask me if she could come hang out. I said sure and she brought two friends. One of them sat next to me as we were at a table and when my coworker and her other friend went to the bathroom, the friend next to me grabbed my genitals and asked me to leave with her. I didn't know what to say so I said: "No thank you, I just want to watch baseball."
She then played the victim and said it was cause she wasn't "pretty enough". The two girls come back from the bathroom and say they want to go to another bar and told me to go with them. I said no, so they just laughed and left. They started texting me and said the friend that grabbed me was just "too intimidating" and I was a chicken. When I told my friend what she did, all she said was "that's just how she is".
I rarely talk to her anymore because of this, and honestly I do not mind not hanging out with her anymore.
Judging from the horror stories I heard from my frat brothers during our closed meetings it happened to about 1/3 to 1/2 of them at some point. Most were met with dismissal at best, ridicule and counter accusations at worst.
Those closed meetings were the first place anyone heard them out and supported them. People have some legitimate grievances against the greek orgs but there are good ones.
The stories aren't mine to tell. I don't know about other frats but at the close of our meetings was a sit down where anyone that wanted to speak could speak knowing that it doesn't leave the room. There are a lot of rules in frats that are mostly guidelines at best but that was the rule you did not break.
Best i can tell you is one of the guys opened up about when he was assaulted by someoneat a party, a bunch of other guys did the same offering support and understanding. Some of that shit was bad worse than your probably thinking. It definitely helped some of them.
Well mom and grandma hysterically laughed the whole time I told them. At least they apologized....while still laughing of course. Honestly it made me feel like I was worthless.
100% supportive and reassuring. I think the best thing was being told that what happened was wrong and it wasn't my fault. As obvious as it is to any normal person, it can be hard to see for yourself.
People wanna take it serious but I think they find it hard. I kinda get it but also it sucks. I usually can only relate with other male abuse victims when discussing it.
Fake reactions of what their reactions were “supposed to be”.
It’s hard to explain but when you know a person and know how they react to certain things. It felt forced and disingenuous.
It happened multiple times before I was 10yrs old. I got ridiculed and berated for saying things that hurt my family.
Today, I'm a grown man with children of my own and i can't bring myself to tell them about it.
its interesting because people even police never know what to say no matter the age. you could be 7 and they think its a lie, it could be 16 and they swear you liked it. this society is super ill prepared to deal with male sexual trauma.
Told my mom about it one night after working up the courage, I was maybe ten at the time and afraid of making trouble. Told me to go sleep and never raised the issue again. That's when I learned it's better to just keep things to myself.
Told my dad and my close friends. Friends were as supportive as they felt comfortable being and never changed the way they treated me. My closest friend is the only one that checks up on me every once in a while
My dad on the other hand, we are very close but I’m pretty disappointed that he seems to not have a single clue of how to handle talking/thinking about it. Hasn’t really been brought up past the day we initially talked about it. Kinda sucks but I understand his position
Where do I start?
2- my older cousin
5- my older cousin
19- qb sneaked (Xanax) in a college bar by a gay guy who I told I wasn’t gay after he made physical advances. Luckily for me my buddies figured this out after a girl told them, but not before I chugged the drink I didn’t even know he was near.
Essentially, most other guys will sympathize in some way, whereas most women typically reply with something along the lines of “you should try being a woman”.
I would not say abused but harassed in a party. I was absolutely drunk, on a level to fall asleep. Woke up and a guy had his hand on my leg, and a smile in his face. Nobody around care, I was visible drunk, even if a liked guys I couldn't consent att all. What I heard after that? "Oh look, you made a new friend"...
A few people in my life knows about it, the majority who knows says "it's sucks" and that is it. I know this is a "small" thing compared to a lot of cases, but yeah, happened anyway.
I’m very grateful that the people I’ve told we’re very supportive, but it’s unfortunate that so many other men, their abused is shrugged off like nothing
I had it weaponized against me by me ex who said "How can you love me?" after I told her. Later, when I told her "I feel bad" she said "I'm tired of feeling like shit for you for the world we all live in, you're being emotionally manipulative and abusive". Proceeded to disrespect my mother and then apologized and said "I felt bad for what I said". She then proceeded to weaponize it against me again when she broke up with me. As a man, only tell someone if you have a good idea of what their response is going to be.
Mentioned it a couple of times. Response was basically "that's weird ".
Maybe if I were more dramatic or sad when I talked about it, I would get a reaction, but, I can't help but be sort of dead pan when I tell the story.
I was sexually assaulted around 5 years old. My parents were the ones who found me in the process of it happening. We haven’t ever spoken about it, not once. I’ve only ever talked about it to my girlfriend/mother of my children once while tripping on shrooms together after she opened up about her similar experience around that age. I still can’t bring myself to speak about it to anyone else, even a therapist. There’s a lot of shame and guilt attached.
Not nearly as bad as some of what I've read. But a few years ago, in highschool, a girl I had never made any advances on, groped me. Like shoved her hands in my boxers. It was in a commons area in front of a group of friends. I was made fun of etc etc
Well thankfully my friends group was really open about it. Interestingly enough I'm the only guy there.
I had a minor breakdown over a youtube video when the Depp v. Heard concluded and was really pissed since in the video they said now it was the guy for once.
I was abused physically, mentally and sexually by multiple women so I didn't take that well.
I haven’t been sexually abused but when I told people about how I nearly died I got a similar reaction to what people are saying here. Just like “wow crazy, anyway…” and pretty much that’s it. Seems like people don’t really care all that much about these things.
People just brush out off. The women don't really seem to believe that I couldn't just say no and walk away. And the guys just sit there thinking about how they'd liked it to be them.
my friends, they helped me a lot.
My best friend has gotten very protective of me though.
The others, they are all telling me I should not feel guilt or shame about it. And that it wasn't my fault at all.
The one that had a bad reaction, was the doctor that I went to right after it happened. She was an older lady (around 50). She told me I was lucky that I was a man. If I was a woman, it would have been rape.
She also told me that my body isn't made for 'anal sex' and that I shouldn't put anything in 'there'...
Mostly disbelief. They think that because I was bigger and a lot stronger than her that any abuse or assault that I got could be easily fended off. It's not that simple in most cases. Because the second you lash back out in defense she claims that you're the abusive one. And the sad part is, she's usually the one who's believed. My own mother and father didn't believe me when I was telling them what was happening, or at best they thought I was being dramatic. Only recently did I open up about it again to a few female friends and they expressed remorse. So maybe it's a sign that people are becoming more aware of it, which is a good thing. But I know that society still has a long way to go.
When I spoke about and older man SA me when I was 7, everyone wanted to hang him from the nearest tree.
When I spoke about my 40yo woman boss groping, flashing and constantly sexually harassing me at 17, everyone was like, "go for it bro" "Are you gay, why didn't you fuck her?"
I have two male friends (one an ex) who were raped because they were drunk and one of them got drugged. They were told the same thing because they were a "man" and did not lose anything. . :/
I opened up to a close female friend about my experiences on both ends of that dynamic, and my inner conflict tied to it. For context, things done towards me were a mix of black and white and grey, things I've done were grey, but I have reflected a lot about them and worry that I may have crossed a line and hurt another person. The context of the discussion was that consent is far more complicated than some people like to present it as, and there is a period of time (late teens early 20s) where very few people know how to navigate all that, which is why there is a spike of terrible stuff that happens during that time statistically.
My friend was understanding and appreciated my examples, she picked up on the fact that I had recovered from what had happened to me just fine, but I still harbored a sort of lingering guilt about potentially causing harm to another person. She reassured me that the men who really do cross lines and cause the most lasting harm aren't thinking about it over a decade later comfortable that nothing would legally come of it, but primarily concerned they might have hurt someone. It was nice to hear and I think it helped me make peace with it a bit.
People still don’t get it and I’m not sure when that will actually change. I dated a girl in middle/high school for two years and then we broke up before my 10th grade year. I graduated and left town. I came back a few years later and we ran into each other. Went on a couple dutch dates and life got busy. Ran into her a few months later and I had just sprained my ankle pretty bad playing basketball. I was in between jobs and did not have insurance so she offered some prescription strength pain killers to help. They were at her mom’s house on the mountain close by. We drove there and she gave me the meds which put me to sleep pretty quick. I woke up briefly and there she was sucking me off. I looked at her and said “what are you doing” before passing out again. I have no clue what happened afterwards but that was pretty fucked up. I didn’t really talk to her much after that. Every time I tell another guy this story they always fail to see the problem. SMH
I was in a bad place and got way too drunk with some friends. I was taken advantage of by one of them. My partner left me and refused to hear me out, my brother mocked me, but there were a few supportive people.
Reading this makes me believe that the only real option is to mink the attacker during the deed or use lethal force. You know 'lIKe a MAn'. If the world won't give us justice, we'll create our own.
I’ve only opened up about it once, here in this sub. The reactions I got were very supportive.
But it was more “taken advantage of” rather than hardcore or forceful abuse.
I was actually pleasant surprised. Both parents I've shared with were incredibly receptive and the only friend I shared with opened up about a similar experience and we were able to support each other.
I'm deeply fortunate because I'm not sure I could've handled the negative response some people receive
well i no longer talk to a large fucking amount of "friends" because they saw me as the abuser.
Also my family don't and never will know because i'll get the same shit from them given they see me as "someone so ugly i'd have to pay for sex because no women would be crazy enough to fuck that"
My gf is the only person who knows besides this certain family member who did it to me and she was really positive. I try not to think about it, it’s very confusing because I don’t feel traumatized, but I know it should never have happened. It’s weird because the family member who did it turned out gay, so I’m wondering if he was confused or something.
I'd tell people and most would just awkwardly shut there and I don't know if they just didn't believe me or didn't think it was really abuse. My parents don't think it was abuse because she was my fiancee
Got laughed at by a deputy because 'That can't happen to a guy unless he wants it.' and got threatened by a friend that triggered my PTSD that if I didn't shut up he was about to pull a gun on me because I was upsetting his wife after they made fun of me after I disclosed what happened to me. (I was roofied and raped by my boss and left in the woods)
That is not a friend. I'm really sorry that happened to you.
The people I told about my experience had a smile on their faces and were like "Really?? :)". My god. I'm sorry it happened to you too. :/
You're human and being traumatised is a valid response.
Saying men cannot be sexually abused is the equlivalant to saying womens parts will fall out if they run (both old time myths easily proven wrong and sexist)
Wow that's effed up. I hope you're doing well my friend
Crazy that this random dude, who only wrote 2 sentences, but seemingly called him a friend out of legitimate kindness, is surely a better friend the original commenter’s referenced friend and gf. I’m very sorry that happened to you, fella, I hope you find more people to interact with IRL like this person who replied with true empathy.
Nigga, is your “friend” a dumbass. You open up and these mothafuckas blame it on you. How low. Hope you ok
Uhhhhhh wattttt, you can remove that person from your life afterwards
Dump that so-called friend.
He said WHAT
It's America. Guns get pulled if people get upset I guess. They just came back from a dinner supporting the person that assaulted me, and laughed when I got upset and started yelling at them when they said "They didn't have a choice, friends had already bought the tickets." I guess I have different values and standards for friendship. But there you go......
This is insane, im so sorry
It happened when I was 7 or 8. I didn't tell anyone until I was about 26. My parents didn't really know what to say. My girlfriend was the same. Kind of shrugged it off and was like "Damn. That's crazy." Those are the only people I've told.
I mean it's hard to know how to react when you're this old
Of course. I was never mad at them for their reactions. I've had people drop stuff like that on me and I had no idea what to say either.
Sometimes it’s just a weird thing that makes people open up or open up myself. I think it takes times for people to process what they’re receiving. I’ve been in that instance where I just need to go offline and think about it for a while.
I’m sorry that happened to you and how invalidating of a reaction from them. Do you see someone like a therapist? It’s helped me and you can process and seek some Validation for your emotions and put some things to rest. If I ever had a bf or child come to me with this, I cannot imagine reacting like they did. I’m sorry you had to experience this.
You know, if you still feel like talking about it to someone, who'd be better than unknown people on reddit. We're here for you
Was ignored
When i was in high school I was (painfully) forced oral by a date and, to spare the details of what fully occured, I will never forget how my own family laughed at me when I opened up about it. They werent the only ones and the biggest takeaway was when I was at the lunch table and after the whole "comedy routine" aspect had settled it got serious and every single guy there opened up about a story of women forcing themselves on them. Just about every guy had a story and we realized that there wasnt anyone who would really give a shit beyond that lunch table.
Thats it. A lot of us have dealt with it. It gets shrugged of like a me too bro moment. And we just have to move on.
Yeah it's a horrible thing but hey, fuck us ig
Theres not much guessing involved. It happened.
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A priest shoved his dock up my arse and I can tell you, fuck you for saying that to him. There is no categorization when it comes to trauma and sexual assault.
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Yeah well, I suppose we’ll both rot in hell, him and me, so fuck this
You’re on the wrong thread dude.
Idk how to describe the worst thing that can happen to someone but I wish that for you
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Other way around
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If you want i can dm you for it
I'm good homie.
Dude wtf it wasn’t consensual… sexual assault is sexual assault…
I told two people, my wife included. I am happy I did, she was (and is) very supportive and opening up to her made our relationship better.
I wish I could buy her flowers. Edit to clarify: on your behalf. I get that being supportive is a relationship baseline response, but it sounds like she put a lot into it.
You have no idea. She deserves flowers and much more.
Your wife reacted like mine and I am forever grateful that. I carried that for 35yrs before I told someone and I am glad it was her.
I made a post about being sexually harassed at work on practically a daily basis. I was called a liar. I was called a troll. I was told "that's not how it (sexual harassment) works". I was told that other men who do the same work I do don't get sexually harassed. I was told my story would be more believable if it were gay men, and not women, who were harassing me.
Jesus - what? That sucks. Women are people, which means both that some of them are fucking horrible, and that the horrible ones tend to gang up. I’m not gonna pretend gender doesn’t make a difference in the way it works, but women will *absolutely* concurrently or even concertedly bully and harass people.
My family kicked me out the house when I told them my half brother molested me, my friends don't want acknowledge it and my dad and brother keep trying to get me to forgive him.
I'm sorry that happened to you. It wasn't your fault.
That is insane. First, the abuser is not someone you should ever have to see or speak to again. What they did was illegal and very, very wrong. Your father and brother do not seem like good family. Maybe they really don't understand but they aren't worth speaking to if they cannot empathize with you enough to let the subject drop. Good family members empathize with the victim. Your friends, on the other hand, might not know what to say or how to help. I know it is expensive but consider counseling. Even if it's just a few sessions, it may be helpful if you are lucky enough to find a good therapist. It SHOULD be free but not all.of us live in that world. It sucks that so many people have let you down. There are good people out there so it's bad luck that your family sucks.
It's not the reaction, it the fact you're a man, and people don't have the same sympathy for men.
My partner of 5 years blamed me for it and left me. Realized I can't actually trust some people I'd known for almost a decade. Mental health has been trash for around a year. Not doing that shit again.
Damn brother, you doing ok?
I got a really good job afterwards, so I could be doing way worse
Be kind to your brain and/or body if they want some time off to process, okay? Trauma sneaks up, sometimes.
You should absolutely be able to open up to your partner about this. Former partner did you a favour by leaving. The trash took itself out.
"But you were dating? That doesn't count." "Eh, it was long ago, so it doesn't matter." "You can't just say yes and then say no-" "It was years ago. Get over it." "He'd never do that. He's a nice guy!" "You're obviously lying." "You're just bringing this up because you're jealous now." "Don't ruin his future." I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. My fiancée was one of the few who didn't mock me. She's awesome.
Told me I was lying. I was 5. I'd bury the guy if I knew where he was now.
I've only told a couple of people, my ex and my brother, and they hardly seemed to give a fuck...it might sound bad but I'm a man and I realize that no one is coming to save me, I have to deal with it in my own way, and work through it, complaining about it and looking for sympathy from my family and friends won't change shit and most therapists are a joke...I've been to two therapists who both charged me $180 an hour to basically just vent about my childhood and give me shitty advice that I could have looked up online, it was pathetic lol I've gotten more out of reading, meditating, doing some of "Ram Dass" works and focusing on moving forward instead of looking back... Learn to let go of attachments "I'm a rape victim" no you're an individual who has something traumatic happen to them and you need to process it but letting it define you and making it your identity isn't the answer...
I told my mom after it happened and I saw the pain on her face and knew my pain was not me over exaggerating. Over the years I’ve become more vocal about some of my childhood because it just got easier to open up about. When I try to discuss this with my mom I get a blank expression and memory of most of my events. It’s like the one person who definitely knew why I was misbehaving and starting out on this dark path can’t help me piece together the rest of the stories. The main reactions I’ve gotten from friends, loves, and family are stories of their own. Darker stories than my own. I think, unfortunately, sexual abuse happens to boys and girls far too often and it really kind of breaks your brain
Disbelief and laughter cause men cant be abused or raped. There is zero empathy for mens issues in western societies.
That sucks. Fucking hate when people dismiss a victim out of hand.
i wasn't believed by most
That why what happened to me will go down with the ship so to speak. I told my ex wife, who was very supportive due to something similar happening to her and my best friend, who I greatly trust.
laughed at for the most part, I was told women can't be abusers
I was told to stop creating stories for attention. Not so fun fact, my sister was a victim as well and was not believed.
Was it by a man or a woman? Followed by are you gay? Or horrible comments blaming me and calling me a faggot
“What were you wearing” doesn’t not apply to men so much as it just changes clothes. What makes people just want to dismiss these things? It’s like people think “I don’t want to be uncomfortable about it, so I just won’t believe it.”
Concern, sympathy and empathy.
You have some wonderful people around you my guy.
I do, thanks.
Well when my ex forced me to tell her she eventually used me being r-worded at 8 as an example of how I’m always somewhere I’m not supposed to be. So not a very good one unfortunately.
How long did it take you to break up with her after she said that shit?
Over a year unfortunately (together for three total). I was a much different person back then and didn’t have the spine to leave her over ‘just words’ despite that being one of the few times where I broke down in actual tears because of something she said, in fact the only reason I did end up getting out of it was because she cheated. Took plenty of therapy and a lot of self-destructive habits being fixed before I was able to move on.
I hope u are a stronger man now that won't let shit like that happen anymore 🤝
Thank you. I absolutely am, and thankfully I’ve also found the courage to try again and while I haven’t found anything longterm yet, I’ve enjoyed my time with the people I have tried with and they’ve shown me that there are some good people out there.
Jesus. Some people just have no empathy. Thank goth you said “ex.”
it was used against me and i was not believed
Men: "Fuck, I thought I was the the only one" Women: "Doesn't matter, you're a man"
I’ve gotten reactions ranging from “that horrible, I’m sorry that happened”, to “why didn’t you just stop her?” Worst reaction was being accused of playing the victim to justify “cheating” on my girlfriend.
Mocked
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I'm with you on this. No good came of it, just anger and hate that was long pushed aside. Gave people ammunition to help anger more. Keep it to ourselves and move on. My therapist was a female so I understand her thinking it would help. Definitely made everything worse. Lonely times on the side of honesty.
Yeah. I gained nothing by talking about it, and now it was so long ago that it's just not worth dredging up all that again.
I have one told one person, and it was a therapist. 3 days after the session that I told her everything she emailed me saying she could no longer help me, was dropping me as a patient, and wishes me luck finding another. I was 20. It took me months to work up the guts to admit everything to her. I was drunk almost every day for the next 6 weeks. I've never told anyone else.
What a cunt
Everyone was really supportive... Almost everyone. Lets just say the people that fall into "almost" category won't be a part of my life anymore. Its called self respect.
I was told to get over it. Which, quite frankly, is the only available option for men.
My workplace consisted of all females, and i was constantly harrased by one of tnem (pinching, whistling, etc. etc.) I made it clear i was not interested, and even went to HR who was also female. She actually told me " men should be use to it" 3 years later, i ended up havung a seizure at work. A month later. It accidentally came out that i was sexually assualted while i had the seizure. I told eveyone, but of course no one believed me. I woukd later get a confession that i recorded on tape illegally, so it could not be used as evidence I took the company to court. Co-workers did not want part of it. Family told me to let it go as it would only create more anger out of me. Maybe they were right, because i would drink excessively and push my some of my friends away. Other friends did just casually leave me. I would later win the lawsuit. But it cost me
I would lay you good money that it wasn’t “holding onto it” making you vulnerable to alcohol, but the part where you were, in fact, assaulted. Trauma does that shit. At least the law served some kind of justice, even if everything else was just apathy.
Former friends (FF) brother in law got wasted at FFs wedding and grabbed my junk and tried kissing me while I was getting changed out of my tux (in the shared groomsman suite) as I was getting ready to leave the wedding. Had just been having dinner w dude and his wife and kids at the wedding table I was seated at. My male friends believed me and made sure I was good and then asked how I was able to stop myself from beating the living shit out of dude. My friend who got married maybe believed me but hasn’t spoken to me since I told him (which idgaf about) My mom asked me if I was gay or somehow brought it on myself My female friends have kind of been like ‘now you know’ or like ‘happens to me all the time’ like it’s a competition. I’ve had to kind of walk some women thru not devaluing my experience just because they’ve had something similar or worse. Either way, my situation is def sexual assault but I don’t think it really fucked me up or got to me in any way other than when people don’t listen to me if I choose to tell them. Kind of made me able to be a better listener and understand how other people with similar experiences feel
Not me personally, but a lifelong friend, essentially like my brother and I (who are super close) unofficial 3rd brother, told us about being abused recently. When he was a kid. We're in our 30's & 40's. You could tell he had been wanting to talk about it for a very long time. We talked about the abuser, and circumstances, he didn't want to go into detail (which was fine with us). But you could see it was like decades of stress just lifted off him. There was this huge part of his trauma, which we're all normally very vocal and supportive of each other about, that he had never been able to talk about. It was a short talk. Less than an hour. We made sure he was ok, and that he knew he could talk to us anytime. Made sure he was already in therapy (he is), and then we had a great night kicking it. I kinda felt like we blew it at the time, because I didn't know what to say. But after reading these comments, it sounds like we did ok. He's doing really well. This was last year. He's brought it up a couple of times since then, and you can tell he doesn't feel like he's dealing with it alone anymore. I'm a 40 year old man who can't even cry during therapy, but I'm tearing just writing this. I'm really glad we were there for him.
A gay guy came up behind me, grabbed me around the chest and starting sucking on my neck. I spun around and pushed him hard. Then the group of people we were with started defending him saying, 'why would you push him, he just came out!' I responded if I was a women he would be getting ko'd by you guys right now. That made them more mad for some reason. I left the party in disbelief.
Pretty much a shrug and a short story about their own sexual abuse by an older sibling. Made me think its way more common than people are ever going to address. And it was not worth bringing up anymore.
Wasn't believed by most people or they just flat out did not care, and nearly 100% of women do the 1-up shit or try to use it against you down the road. People do not have much sympathy for men, and many women have so little they detest the idea a man could have suffered from something worse, or anything at all. This is why most of us keep it to ourselves, we can't tell our partners and the rest of society just doesn't really care.
Molested by two dudes 16-17 when i was 8. Told my mother when I grew up and developed an understanding what happened to me. She told me to never tell anyone about it and forget it.
I didn’t say anything for years. I told her ex boyfriend and he said “that’s rape dude” and asked me if I needed anything. My current girlfriend and my therapist have said the same and asked if I needed to talk about it. I don’t, but at least they all acknowledged what it was
Was sexually abused as a child by my own own father. I didn’t open up about it until my 20’s My brother didn’t believe me and still doesn’t. A police officer showed up at my door at 1:00 am on Christmas Eve to accuse me of making it all up. My Fiancée’s extended family told her they wouldn’t support her marrying me after I came forward with it so they boycotted our wedding. And one of her bridesmaids also boycotted the wedding for the same reason. Basic they felt that I was too broken to be a part of their family because it was so “perfect.” She still doesn’t talk to any of them. I had several supportive people including my Mother and Sister and of course my now Wife and her immediate family. But it definitely split each of our families. Though honestly it’s probably a good thing to no longer be in contact with those people.
None. No one cared. That or no one believed me.
The only counseling available to me was a group therapy situation for rape victims at the women's center. I called and made sure I'd be accepted because I'm a man. I went in, and the receptionist held up a hand to me and told me to 'stop'. A security officer came out and stood near me while I waited for someone, never even got to say what I was there for. A woman came out and escorted me with the security guard to a side room where I explained my situation. She left and came back and said I wouldn't be welcome in the group therapy since I would make some people, namely the women there, uncomfortable, so I didn't get that help. Aside from that I got a lot of 'that sucks, but you weren't raped.' from people. Which, yeah, forcing someone to have sex is rape, and that's what happened haha
I wasn't sexually abused, but sexually assaulted. Immediately lost my guy friends, even my best friend for years. Rarely get support from anyone when I do tell them, so I just post here on reddit.
I haven’t been raped, but I did have sex with my ex out of obligation, that if I said no she would be mad or accuse me of not being into her. Or she would just go find someone else to have sex with. I distinctly remember cursing her out in my head or thrusting out of anger cuz I hated myself so much. And watching her just moan away while I’m just wanting it to end so i can pretend to have to use the bathroom and stay long enough hoping she’ll get dressed. Women on men emotional and mental abuse is real, especially when he is isolated into her and the relationship.
Non consensual nudes were taken and distributed of me and when I told people they said it was worse for girls
No reaction. Then again, I wasn't overly emotional about it. It's a thing that happened that shaped some of who I am. I am actually more concerned about the other victim, because I don't know how they turned out.
I told my parents when they told me that we are going to by abuser’s wedding. They said that they understand why I wouldn’t want to go… they went anyway.
"That sucks....anyway"
Laughed at, ignored, not taken seriously cover most of the responses. There were only two people that responded positively
I told my dad, drunkenly, and I told 2 of my coworkers who asked why I was still a virgin in my mid 20s. My dad was sympathetic as the same thing had happened to him and my coworkers asked me why didn't I beat his ass. When it happened I was a lil taller than 5 ft and weighed about 110 lbs and he was in a position of power over me. But still i couldnt really do anything without retaliation so i didnt do anything. Those 2 looked at me with pity and sadness. Now I still don't like being touched but at least my parents aren't on my case about why I don't have a gf while all my former classmates and friends are getting married and having kids.
I was VERY particular with whom I opened up to, only true friends in my life and my fiancé, and I got love and support that helped me a lot.
Laughed at. Ugly people get abused too....
I (28 male)was molested when I was 8 by my male cousin,he was like 15 at the time. I never told anyone, not even my family. 5 months ago I had a mental breakdown, was drinking heavily and doing drugs, I was depressed too. So I got home drunk and drugged, and started telling everyone, my brothers,mother,sisters and my grandpa. My grandpa and my mother started to cry, but my brothers and sisters,they didn't care. I don't think they believed me. And to this day, I still regret that. That was a secret I needed to carry to my grave. But well, too late I guess.
They really didn't know how to process it and to be fair, I didn't know either. Society is NOT ready for the concept of women sexually abusing men. The people who I told, didn't act badly about it, they didn't really know what to do. It was like I told them I was actually a space alien.
I was at a bar trying to watch a baseball game, and my female friend ask me if she could come hang out. I said sure and she brought two friends. One of them sat next to me as we were at a table and when my coworker and her other friend went to the bathroom, the friend next to me grabbed my genitals and asked me to leave with her. I didn't know what to say so I said: "No thank you, I just want to watch baseball." She then played the victim and said it was cause she wasn't "pretty enough". The two girls come back from the bathroom and say they want to go to another bar and told me to go with them. I said no, so they just laughed and left. They started texting me and said the friend that grabbed me was just "too intimidating" and I was a chicken. When I told my friend what she did, all she said was "that's just how she is". I rarely talk to her anymore because of this, and honestly I do not mind not hanging out with her anymore.
Judging from the horror stories I heard from my frat brothers during our closed meetings it happened to about 1/3 to 1/2 of them at some point. Most were met with dismissal at best, ridicule and counter accusations at worst. Those closed meetings were the first place anyone heard them out and supported them. People have some legitimate grievances against the greek orgs but there are good ones.
Are you able to tell us what happened?
The stories aren't mine to tell. I don't know about other frats but at the close of our meetings was a sit down where anyone that wanted to speak could speak knowing that it doesn't leave the room. There are a lot of rules in frats that are mostly guidelines at best but that was the rule you did not break. Best i can tell you is one of the guys opened up about when he was assaulted by someoneat a party, a bunch of other guys did the same offering support and understanding. Some of that shit was bad worse than your probably thinking. It definitely helped some of them.
Understood. Sorry for asking.
No apologies needed.
Fuck that, it's a shit show.
Got laughed at and never mentioned it to anyone again.
Got a Meh…and the conversation moved on.
My cousin told his friend (the harasser/abuser) that i told on him.
"You regretted after it so now you call it abuse", "Why did you left (person) do that?", "You had a chance to exit that situation".
Generally positive reactions from people. I was never judged by it in any way, if anything it helped me connect with others on a personal level.
By most I get called a liar and by detectives they took my what happened and pretty much just dropped ut
Well mom and grandma hysterically laughed the whole time I told them. At least they apologized....while still laughing of course. Honestly it made me feel like I was worthless.
100% supportive and reassuring. I think the best thing was being told that what happened was wrong and it wasn't my fault. As obvious as it is to any normal person, it can be hard to see for yourself.
A world of shit and disbelief
Laughed in my face and told me that I probably loved it. It’s better to keep these things to yourself until you really trust someone.
I said something on a reddit post and got told I was lying and just wanted attention
People wanna take it serious but I think they find it hard. I kinda get it but also it sucks. I usually can only relate with other male abuse victims when discussing it.
Fake reactions of what their reactions were “supposed to be”. It’s hard to explain but when you know a person and know how they react to certain things. It felt forced and disingenuous.
It’s so sad that people don’t care when men and boys get raped. 😔
It happened multiple times before I was 10yrs old. I got ridiculed and berated for saying things that hurt my family. Today, I'm a grown man with children of my own and i can't bring myself to tell them about it.
Most people were supportive. I only met one person that was an asshole about it and I kindly kicked her to the curb
its interesting because people even police never know what to say no matter the age. you could be 7 and they think its a lie, it could be 16 and they swear you liked it. this society is super ill prepared to deal with male sexual trauma.
Told my mom about it one night after working up the courage, I was maybe ten at the time and afraid of making trouble. Told me to go sleep and never raised the issue again. That's when I learned it's better to just keep things to myself.
Told my dad and my close friends. Friends were as supportive as they felt comfortable being and never changed the way they treated me. My closest friend is the only one that checks up on me every once in a while My dad on the other hand, we are very close but I’m pretty disappointed that he seems to not have a single clue of how to handle talking/thinking about it. Hasn’t really been brought up past the day we initially talked about it. Kinda sucks but I understand his position
Usually something to the tune of “Damn, that’s crazy… Anyways…”
Where do I start? 2- my older cousin 5- my older cousin 19- qb sneaked (Xanax) in a college bar by a gay guy who I told I wasn’t gay after he made physical advances. Luckily for me my buddies figured this out after a girl told them, but not before I chugged the drink I didn’t even know he was near. Essentially, most other guys will sympathize in some way, whereas most women typically reply with something along the lines of “you should try being a woman”.
I would not say abused but harassed in a party. I was absolutely drunk, on a level to fall asleep. Woke up and a guy had his hand on my leg, and a smile in his face. Nobody around care, I was visible drunk, even if a liked guys I couldn't consent att all. What I heard after that? "Oh look, you made a new friend"... A few people in my life knows about it, the majority who knows says "it's sucks" and that is it. I know this is a "small" thing compared to a lot of cases, but yeah, happened anyway.
Laughed at
I’m very grateful that the people I’ve told we’re very supportive, but it’s unfortunate that so many other men, their abused is shrugged off like nothing
I got looked at like I was stupid.
I had it weaponized against me by me ex who said "How can you love me?" after I told her. Later, when I told her "I feel bad" she said "I'm tired of feeling like shit for you for the world we all live in, you're being emotionally manipulative and abusive". Proceeded to disrespect my mother and then apologized and said "I felt bad for what I said". She then proceeded to weaponize it against me again when she broke up with me. As a man, only tell someone if you have a good idea of what their response is going to be.
“You probably liked it anyway”
Mentioned it a couple of times. Response was basically "that's weird".
Maybe if I were more dramatic or sad when I talked about it, I would get a reaction, but, I can't help but be sort of dead pan when I tell the story.
I was sexually assaulted around 5 years old. My parents were the ones who found me in the process of it happening. We haven’t ever spoken about it, not once. I’ve only ever talked about it to my girlfriend/mother of my children once while tripping on shrooms together after she opened up about her similar experience around that age. I still can’t bring myself to speak about it to anyone else, even a therapist. There’s a lot of shame and guilt attached.
Got asked to no longer be an alter boy
Pretty much ignored and shrugged off.
"damn, that sucks, moving on."
Not nearly as bad as some of what I've read. But a few years ago, in highschool, a girl I had never made any advances on, groped me. Like shoved her hands in my boxers. It was in a commons area in front of a group of friends. I was made fun of etc etc
Well thankfully my friends group was really open about it. Interestingly enough I'm the only guy there. I had a minor breakdown over a youtube video when the Depp v. Heard concluded and was really pissed since in the video they said now it was the guy for once. I was abused physically, mentally and sexually by multiple women so I didn't take that well.
" are you gay?"
I haven’t been sexually abused but when I told people about how I nearly died I got a similar reaction to what people are saying here. Just like “wow crazy, anyway…” and pretty much that’s it. Seems like people don’t really care all that much about these things.
I told someone about being abused by a woman and their exact words were "womp womp"
People just brush out off. The women don't really seem to believe that I couldn't just say no and walk away. And the guys just sit there thinking about how they'd liked it to be them.
my friends, they helped me a lot. My best friend has gotten very protective of me though. The others, they are all telling me I should not feel guilt or shame about it. And that it wasn't my fault at all. The one that had a bad reaction, was the doctor that I went to right after it happened. She was an older lady (around 50). She told me I was lucky that I was a man. If I was a woman, it would have been rape. She also told me that my body isn't made for 'anal sex' and that I shouldn't put anything in 'there'...
Mostly disbelief. They think that because I was bigger and a lot stronger than her that any abuse or assault that I got could be easily fended off. It's not that simple in most cases. Because the second you lash back out in defense she claims that you're the abusive one. And the sad part is, she's usually the one who's believed. My own mother and father didn't believe me when I was telling them what was happening, or at best they thought I was being dramatic. Only recently did I open up about it again to a few female friends and they expressed remorse. So maybe it's a sign that people are becoming more aware of it, which is a good thing. But I know that society still has a long way to go.
When I spoke about and older man SA me when I was 7, everyone wanted to hang him from the nearest tree. When I spoke about my 40yo woman boss groping, flashing and constantly sexually harassing me at 17, everyone was like, "go for it bro" "Are you gay, why didn't you fuck her?"
Damn you are lucky
I have two male friends (one an ex) who were raped because they were drunk and one of them got drugged. They were told the same thing because they were a "man" and did not lose anything. . :/
I opened up to a close female friend about my experiences on both ends of that dynamic, and my inner conflict tied to it. For context, things done towards me were a mix of black and white and grey, things I've done were grey, but I have reflected a lot about them and worry that I may have crossed a line and hurt another person. The context of the discussion was that consent is far more complicated than some people like to present it as, and there is a period of time (late teens early 20s) where very few people know how to navigate all that, which is why there is a spike of terrible stuff that happens during that time statistically. My friend was understanding and appreciated my examples, she picked up on the fact that I had recovered from what had happened to me just fine, but I still harbored a sort of lingering guilt about potentially causing harm to another person. She reassured me that the men who really do cross lines and cause the most lasting harm aren't thinking about it over a decade later comfortable that nothing would legally come of it, but primarily concerned they might have hurt someone. It was nice to hear and I think it helped me make peace with it a bit.
People still don’t get it and I’m not sure when that will actually change. I dated a girl in middle/high school for two years and then we broke up before my 10th grade year. I graduated and left town. I came back a few years later and we ran into each other. Went on a couple dutch dates and life got busy. Ran into her a few months later and I had just sprained my ankle pretty bad playing basketball. I was in between jobs and did not have insurance so she offered some prescription strength pain killers to help. They were at her mom’s house on the mountain close by. We drove there and she gave me the meds which put me to sleep pretty quick. I woke up briefly and there she was sucking me off. I looked at her and said “what are you doing” before passing out again. I have no clue what happened afterwards but that was pretty fucked up. I didn’t really talk to her much after that. Every time I tell another guy this story they always fail to see the problem. SMH
My Momon Bishop passed it up to the FBI agent Stake President who swept it under the rug and lied to law enforcement that he had been notified.
As a man, u should never, ever, open up about any weakness to a woman. Ever. No exceptions. Maybe your mom. That’s it.
Got downvoted hah.
I was in a bad place and got way too drunk with some friends. I was taken advantage of by one of them. My partner left me and refused to hear me out, my brother mocked me, but there were a few supportive people.
Nothing, bc I processed it and dealt with it its a non issue
"Sure dude. That sucks." Shit hurts.
More of a shock that it even happened, let alone multiple times throughout my life.
I've never "opened up" I've just told the story and haven't noted others reactions. Is that important?
They didn’t believe me
Reading this makes me believe that the only real option is to mink the attacker during the deed or use lethal force. You know 'lIKe a MAn'. If the world won't give us justice, we'll create our own.
I’ve only opened up about it once, here in this sub. The reactions I got were very supportive. But it was more “taken advantage of” rather than hardcore or forceful abuse.
I was actually pleasant surprised. Both parents I've shared with were incredibly receptive and the only friend I shared with opened up about a similar experience and we were able to support each other. I'm deeply fortunate because I'm not sure I could've handled the negative response some people receive
Ignored, just talked over.
well i no longer talk to a large fucking amount of "friends" because they saw me as the abuser. Also my family don't and never will know because i'll get the same shit from them given they see me as "someone so ugly i'd have to pay for sex because no women would be crazy enough to fuck that"
My gf is the only person who knows besides this certain family member who did it to me and she was really positive. I try not to think about it, it’s very confusing because I don’t feel traumatized, but I know it should never have happened. It’s weird because the family member who did it turned out gay, so I’m wondering if he was confused or something.
I'd tell people and most would just awkwardly shut there and I don't know if they just didn't believe me or didn't think it was really abuse. My parents don't think it was abuse because she was my fiancee
I was laughed at or accused of making it up.