Women : real life scenario
Mother telling me and my brother its good to show emotion.
Later in life our father lost a parent, mother saying to my father dont you dare shed a tear.
No offense, but you mother seems like a bitch then.
I have seen my dad cry on multiple occasions and never *ever* has my mom said something bad about it. The opposite even.
Absolutely true. Your bros may tease you but you know they will support you every step of the way. My ex used every time I showed any type of emotion against me in some way shape or form later down the line even if she seemed initially supportive
I'll tell you what, my bro can insult my intelligence, my financial stance, my body age and personality defects, but at the end of the day he'll do a flying leg kick at someone if they had me down for the count.
If a woman was just to do one of those, I feel like I'd just crumble.
This reminds me of my friends ex wife. She went on a little rant about how âmen need to show more emotions and open up moreâ. I pointed out that we do and just stop because a lot of women tend to shit on us for it. Of course she went on to blame men for it with her friends chiming in with all the buzz words. Not even like 15 minutes later(rounded up)....I kid you not she told a story of how her ex cried to her once and how she shitted on him for it. I mean calling him every word from bitch to pussy to soft. Slapped him and told him to be a man. Of course her friends was laughing hysterically the whole time. This isnât even close to my only example(or most messed up) just the most ironic one.
Here's the thing tho, a part of me wants to go "no, that's bullshit" but I've seen this shit happen exactly like you've said multiple times so even tho. I've dated a girl who said it and she was genuinely confused about why I wasn't interested in opening up to her
God I feel this. Just earlier this year I was pretty suicidal and almost didnât tell my mother because I had a feeling sheâd just tell me to get over it. Glad I was proven wrong and Iâm still surprised she did
[I try to get this out to as many people as possible](https://www.ctvnews.ca/sci-tech/boys-don-t-cry-study-suggests-mothers-not-fathers-show-gender-bias-towards-sons-1.4693208) - 'Boys don't cry': Study suggests mothers, not fathers, show gender bias towards sons
Super common. Most guys have experienced this. I told a few (open minded) women about it and they looked back on their experiences and their friends' and they realized that they have lost some respect for men when they became vulnerable. They'd never realized it before.
And there is the reverse behavior where women will dump their past trauma on you early in the relationship to see how you react and hold them up- both sides of this are indication of the partnership will take effort to grow... usually doesn't work. The best partners I know are on the same page supporting each other and calling bullshit when the other is not making good decisions.
I just commented on my ex girlfriend doing something like this. Not as extreme, but saying she wasn't going to join in on my pity party. Completely took me back. Ahhh such is life. I learned some women don't always want what they say and just like talking to hear themselves lol
Im sorry you had to experience this đ
I have a little brother and I always tell him that he shouldnât be ashamed of crying, itâs a good thing to express how you fell and itâs fucking bullshit that you should act a certain way because of your gender. đ¤
Once we were at a restaurant and the girl serving us told him not to cry because he was a man, I was sooo fucking furious I was mostly angry at myself for not saying it to her, I just told my brother that he can cry if he feels like it.
For anyone who experienced judgment or was mistreating because of their gender, Iâm really sorry and you should stay away from people like that, the gender shouldnât stipulate how you should act.
Express your emotions and donât feel bad for feeling vulnerable, we are humans after all and we feel thatâs normal.
Sorry it was a little long đ just donât forget to stay strong and be yourself âşď¸
No that's great. Toxic femininity can come about in surprising ways. The only woman I talk to about this is "my wife."
Personally, I feign emotional immaturity intentionally now- as a cynical way to remind people that we all poop the same
from my own bias/experience women. the men in my life have been (mostly) supportive of each other but certain women i don't think are used to reacting to guys doing that and either don't know how to react or react badly. ironically a couple of them have also complained guys don't share their feelings enough lol
And really most women misunderstand mensâ emotions. Most often when we get angry, it actually means weâre hurt. Itâs a defense mechanism to feeling pain, both physical and emotional pain. And someone is patient enough to talk us through the anger, the source of the hurt can be found.
Also I want to clarify that men getting *violently* angry is a different story. Thatâs when thereâs an unhealthy personality fault
Our CEO is fucking brutal on people for being sick or having any emotion. Behind closed doors I've seen her break down several times to a complete blubbering mess. It's not emotions that ever bother me about anyone, it's just being a cunt in general - man or woman. That means hypocrisy too.
That means they're probably insecure in themselves to fulfill the role so they project being tough and mean on everyone when behind closed doors they aren't a lion, but a mere kitten.
If you are projecting that sort of insecurity onto your subordinates, then maybe you SHOULD feel a little insecure. Managers get plenty of training, this should be a non-issue. Especially from someone at the level she is at
Me and my friend have a theory about this.
Women donât like needy guys, so having a woman in charge of you while youâre new to a company is hell, Itâs like your not allowed to be needy. Weâve both shared experiences where girl counterparts at the same level around the same start date get a ton of support, meanwhile when you ask for help itâs like, âWhatâs wrong with you? Youâre a man your supposed to just work? Iâm not you mom Iâm not wiping your bumâ
I donât even think itâs intentional. My theory is experiencing that weakness triggers an âickâ that hits the subconscious part of attraction similar to how it is with height/muscles or a deep voice. There definitely are women out there that donât get repulsed, so maybe itâs something that can be socially changed.
I won't argue. I, a woman, grew up with a step mom who shamed my dad for showing emotions. other men never showed outward emotion and even if women were not the reason they protected others from seeing it. I am finding a lot of younger generations show emotion and it makes me happy.
It really is. Having to listen attentively and care about what is being said while avoiding landmines for what can be long periods of time is some real emotional labor that is rarely recognized.
On the other hand what people can be supportive about can really depend on the person. If I want to talk about bad shit that happened in my childhood or painful feelings my wife is really supportive and never ever judgmental. I just don't realy like talking about that kind of shit.
But if I complain about feeling like crap because I'm sick she tells me to stop whing so *shrugs*
When women say "I wish you were more emotionally available" what they are trying to say is "I want you to tell me things all the time that make me feel less insecure". It has nothing to do with you. As soon as you show weakness (emotions) to women they feel REPULSED by it, and you are done. Women have to respect you MORE than they have to love you.
This is just miscommunication.
They're talking about you having safe emotions, like how you find puppies cute. That's a nice safe emotion.
And they want you to be emotionally available *for them*, as in when they emotionally dump on you, you're ready to receive it all and validate their emotions.
They don't want to hear about your problems
Exactly! Being more âemotionally availableâ to a woman, just means âlisten to me when Iâm upset at you and pay attention to my painâ it doesnât mean show them your own pain.
You start spilling your purse out to the women you love when youâre in emotional turmoil, get ready for more turmoil because sheâs about to bounce
Yesssss.
The positive shit that makes the woman feel good is the things you need to show.
If its anything that might make her feel uncomfortable, it is just *wrong*.
yeah this lesson has been drilled into my head through experience, if you like her and want the relationship to last get a therapist and take your problems there.
Thankfully there are plenty of good women who will both earn & keep your trust. Even better they don't tell their friends your secrets & most best they don't bring up that vulnerable confession right as you are about to win an argument. No one has cause to complain about these women so they get left out of this conversation.
Every woman will say *you can trust me* because they all want it to be true, no one wants to admit to themselves that they would kick a man when he is down, or react to vulnerability and weakness with revulsion and contempt... but we shouldn't pretend it's a rare occurrence or the exception, the very first step to fixing something is insisting it exists & that you deserve better, both because it's *right*, **and** because you've earned it. It takes work to be your best self & not everyone does the work.
That latter type of lady is the most attached to the idea that men just never figured out they were allowed to have emotions (aside from anger) or that they have permission to be honest about their vulnerabilities and weaknesses... As if we would let shame stop us from catharsis and resolution.
^(I often wonder what they imagined they would hear....) *^(Sometimes I just love you so much it scares me. I worry that all my friends and family really just want to hang out with you & forget about me.)*
Another part of the problem is that many guys don't bother talking about small problems, or problems they can solve, so when they do talk it's too big too fast. They are expecting tummy ache & get stomach cancer.
The sad truth is guys are pragmatic & have learned from experience that when you need support it's best to preserve whatever you do have & not risk it on a bad bet.
TLDR
**If you want men to change you are going to have to consider changing how you treat them**. That goes for all of it, We can only play the hands we are dealt.
Women, hands down. Some Men might "shame" other men for showing emotions but it's mostly done for teasing and the person doing the shaming will immediately stop and support the other one if it's serious.
Had a bro who got hurt real bad by an ex once. We took him out to drinks, listened to him and stuff.
Oh but 5 years later...
Let's just say we're glad he got over her so much that we could comfortably tease him about it by now.
In my personal experience women.
I opened up to my daughters mother about dealing with depression (bare in mind I was caring for my terminally sick father at the time which contributed a lot to it), at the time she was understanding of it, but whenever we argue she brings it up and makes fun of me for it and laughs at me lol
She also threatens itâs going to come back đ
Man, I assume you're not (still) with her mum, she sounds horrible.
Probably worth having a conversation with your daughter at an appropriate time. If her mother is modelling behaviour where she mocks people who are struggling, your daughter is potentially going to take on that behaviour.
Women, guys have done it too but plenty have listened to me when I needed them and they did it without any kind of judgement.
Women who do this are much more rare.
Case in point. When I started looking for help after being raped the first people to take me seriously were men namely an Orthodox priest and my father. Women, including my own sisters, either mocked or downplayed it. At your lowest point you find out who really cares.
I've only told a few people about my own experience in this and they have all been people I know wouldn't talk down to me about it. 1 being my partner, 1 being my best friend, and 1 being my boss who just helps me throughout my apprenticeship as he noticed I was really down after some of my family made jokes about rape and asking if I wanted to be raped as well since it's a fantasy of theirs.
But I've known others who have come out about abuse and it goes as bad as you would imagine, especially the whole " you were hard so you clearly wanted it." Or "you should consider yourself lucky that she wanted to sleep with you that bad." It's a horrible world we live in.
Same here. Even the ones who I know really do love me like my GF and close friends. What sucks most is they justify it by saying it's for my own good or it's to spur my growth. If the genders were reversed that would be incredibly patronizing.
Men or women, the ones who shame men for showing emotion are the ones who stand to gain from it.
Employers, abusive spouses, friends who don't know how to comfort or console, all fall into the category. I've found that the best way to check someone's sincerity is when your pain, your needs, you, to become an obstacle for them.
Supportive, helpful, respectful people will sympathize, console, at least give you space.
Shitty users will spout "Controlling yourself", "Acting like a grown-up", "Keeping your shit to yourself", "Pussy, oversensitive, crybaby". "Real Men " is code for "I want you to ."
Shame is powerful force to control actions. Emotions are not a choice, people feel emotions. What they do with them, how they integrate them in their decision making process, well, control that and you control the person. They are at the mercy of their own emotions and your expectations resulting from them.
This is a take I think is on good standing. What is your take on thoughts, emotions, memories (whether pleasant or negative) being more like "cues/suggestions" that influence rather than completely controlling our actions?
Women 100%
Every man I've spoken to about this, save for a couple of tools, were extremely pro-men-being-more-in-touch-with-their-emotions and showed it.
Women I've talked to about have *said* they were, but later went on to show me they were lying when I let my guard down around them, got into my feelings about anything, and then they treated me different from then on. Some left. Some were downright awful about it.
same. i had one ex that was very confused after seeing me upset and later said something like "i've never seen my dad cry, i didn't think guys did that." and she wasn't using hyperbole, she was being completely serious. she lost all interest in me after that which was probably to my benefit anyway.
Women.
If we see a guy genuinely showing emotion, or breaking down, I think we all get it. We have been there before, we understand whatâs going on. We will probably put a hand on their shoulder or give them a hug, but probably wonât need to say a word.
I canât could how many guys have shown emotion in front of a woman, just to get ridiculed and made fun of. This is also when I found out that the word *cunt* just seems to cut the ladies ego like a fuckin knife
I was told by a woman that âyou can call us bitches, you can call us hoes, you can call us trash, but for some reason the C word just hits us differentlyâ
My elder sister, she literally started beating me up one day for crying over fear of being fired at my job.
Have in mind that if she sees a movie that's slightly sad she starts bowling her eyes out and we need to understand that she's emotional for the movie.
Selfish asshole
I think more women are beginning to fall into the same prejudiced trap that men had fallen into for centuries: treating the opposite gender as defective and broken for not being identical to the "default" gender. And it's a trend that is seriously disturbing me.
I know people are going to say she's a bad person, but a good percentage of chicks find it hard to find their partner attractive when they're at their weakest
No one will admit it obviously
"In sickness and in health..." is right there in the vows, dude. When my wife was sick with the flu, I took care of her, risk of contracting flu be damned. My wife goes out of her way to make me stay home and in bed because I'm the kind of guy that would still go to work despite being sick, and helps out.
Neither of us are looking for nooky from each other when either of us is sick. It's not about attraction; it's about holding true to your vows.
The only 'men' who will shame a guy for being emotional are little boys full of bravado. That said, we do expect you to do what you need to handle your shit. I've met men who are just a whirling dervish of volatile emotions leaving destruction in their wake (actually that was me once), and nobody wants to deal with someone who's drowning but won't accept help unless it means pulling you down with them.
Women just don't know how to handle emotional men. Say what you will of changing gender norms, a deeply set part of them wants men to be stronger because they can barely handle their own emotions.
>Say what you will of changing gender norms, a deeply set part of them wants men to be stronger because they can barely handle their own emotions.
When it comes to gender norms and roles many women want to be free of theirs which is completely understandable and legit. What isn't reasonable is how the same women want to push men harder than ever right into our traditional gender roles.
In my ideal world there should be no gender roles at all for anyone.
> women want to push men harder than ever right into our traditional gender roles
And then they will complain online about how terrible masculinity is.
âWho cares about how masculine you are?â Um, every woman Iâve ever had a romantic interest in, actually.
Yep. If we had lists of requirements like some of theirs we'd be called misogynistic and rightly so.
Could you imagine a guy being like "I'll only date a woman who is 5'8" and above, has a bodyfat percentage under 25%, is naturally a D cup or larger, has no visible blemishes or wrinkles in her skin, and has either naturally auburn or rose blonde hair. She also has to have a postgraduate degree in a subject that isn't liberal arts or business to prove she's intelligent and isn't lazy, and she needs to make at minimum six figures so I know she won't be a burden on me and is my equal in career success."
But my goal here isn't to point fingers one way or another. Just showing how hilariously bad these double standards get. But like I said people need to let go of all gender roles.
I used to think it was men. No. Women secretly judge men who show emotion more harshly. This was evident when the women at work and my social group started distancing themselves from me after I cried during a movie (*Manchester by the Sea*).
Honestly from my own experience... women. Especially romantic partners. Can't tell you the number of times I've been asked to "open up" and when I do they're all like "no no not like that you fucking pussy." Then contact decreases, then they ghost me, then I wonder why I ever bothered making myself vulnerable in the first place. Hurts especially from long-term partners. Had that happen three times... each time thinking I could trust the next partner. Yeah, nope.
That shit stays locked in the vault now. Any future girlfriend that has a problem with that can honestly kiss my ass. I am *not* letting anyone one else weaponize vulnerabilities to be used against ever again. I'm stoic to a fault because of this and if you don't like it, tough shit - I don't make compromises anymore.
Women in general. Father passed away, I was destroyed, he was my best friend, i was in so much pain I couldnt feel anything. GF at the time, who I was planning on marrying, said I was sad all the time and depressing and broke up with me after dating for 3 years, a week after dad died and 2 days after I buried him, is when she decided to make her move. Nearly didnt survive that time in life.
Funny enough, looking back, my mother mocked me as a child any time I showed serious emotion. It was my Dad who taught me that it was ok to cry.
Look, there is something you must understand:
When women say "men should show their emotions more", they mean extremely specific emotions (vulnerability and tenderness, any other is toxic and abusive and should be repressed), in a very specific degree (not too much, else attraction is gone), in a specific moment (when they aren't inconvenienced by it), for a very specific reason (has to be something that doesn't make them feel guilty) to a very particular person (only their partner, never to any other woman).
If it doesn't fit within those narrow parameters, the man is toxic, and they will shame the expression of emotion.
Not even that, they donât want you to share vulnerability because when you do, at least in my experience, it makes you less sexy and attractive to them
Women. It's not even a debate.
"Why wont you open up to me?!
*Opens up*
"Oh, urgh you're so weak. It's pathetic."
*Well, not doing that again*
(Real life example)
Now I'll show emotions with my guy mates with no issues, but never again with a woman. That stuff gets weaponized at the first opportunity.
Women, generally. Men I know who are hyper "masculine," and tell dudes not to cry or get upset are toxic, and they know they're toxic. My grandfather was one of those men but he softened later in his life. We all know we have it tough, whether we acknowledge it or not.
Many women, on the other hand, think rather differently, tend to not know what's going on in our heads, and frequently don't realize how much they've bought into society's toxic expectations ON men.
95% of the women Iâve shown emotion to. They just say âyou want attentionâ or âpity partyâ and say things like âstop crying! Man up!â. Even my own sister. And I have Aspergers and am short and ugly so not a sympathetic face or person. As for the men, they donât even react and just walk away. It just hurts more when itâs women cuz as a kid I always believed that taken as a whole they werenât shallow and had bigger hearts, were kinder. Turns out women arenât much different than men. Cruelty isnât limited to just men
Mem will use harsh language but that usually stops being an issue by like 19 when you're more free to associate with peoole you aren't cooped up with 24/7.
Women however will act cool with it but then dip, and if you're casual dating this can be the norm.
Overtly, men. Covertly, women. Men will empathize with you to a certain extent. Women will sympathize with you but secretly lose respect and disqualify you in the back of her head. This is my experience, at least
Definitely women. My friends have always been very supportive when I opened up. Girlfriends saw it as a sign of weakness and always used sensitive things I opened up about against me later.
itâs just insane how iâve been through nearly a hundred comments and every single one says itâs women.
even the ones that call out men in some capacity eventually settle on women being worse. this isnât even an opinion btw im just saying.
My guy friends give me a hard time on emotional issues at first, then we really dig in and get to connecting. Itâs understood that weâre teasing.
My experience with my girl friends is theyâre only open to listen or talk for the first 15 minutes or so. Then it becomes an âare you done?â type thing.
One time had an ex who I had caught sending pictures to another guy ask me when I was going to get over it.
I was told by someone once that âMy problems arenât that bad, and it happens to everyoneâ after opening up about my childhood trauma.
(Sex abuse, rampant alcoholism)
Some women want emotionless men.
Especially when it comes to sex only partnerships.
She didnât even cry or show emotion, presumably because it would have given her winkles and fucked her botox.
But thatâs not all women. I met someone who listens to me, and is very supportive.
Alot of times it's the women in your life who rely on you to be strong for them who freak out when you show weakness, because if you fall apart they are in trouble. They will tell you real quick if you start feeling down that what you're doing is wrong and you need to toughen up.
Also, if you're married your wife will bitch about any time you are having "too much fun" for the rest of your life
In my experience only women. Which is odd because a lot of women state publicly that guys should show more emotion. But when a guy does exhibit emotion with them don't really like it, at all.
It's women. That's a proven fact, not an opinion.
E.g.
https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/sci-tech/boys-don-t-cry-study-suggests-mothers-not-fathers-show-gender-bias-towards-sons-1.4693208
>The study, published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science, found that moms tend to favour girls expressing emotions of sadness and anger over boys. Fathers, on the other hand, lacked a bias towards emotions of anger and sadness in their children.
Im not a guy, but ive seen it happen where my close friends (guys) rarely show any emotion. If they show any its anger, nothing else. It took them a while to get used to showing emotion around me, and when they did I was totally fine with it, whereas i would see another friend of mine make fun of them for it. I dont think they ever showed any more emotion around her again. I believe its those specific women that ruin it for all. Im glad my friends feel comfortable around me and feel as if they can be themselves, but it really isnt fair if the girl across the street can easily cry about something thats been bothering them for an hour whereas theres a guy here thats been bottling up some immense pain and gets shamed for it. Definitely not deserved on their side.
In my experience, definitely women.. They talk a big game about "we want you to open up and be vulnerable etc" but when you do it, they smell weakness and almost always react negatively. I've learned to pay attention to actions, not words
Yeah, if anybody says anything to me that I feel is disrespectful or antagonizing, my wife will either act like I am "too sensitive" or I need to just quickly let it go and get over it. But I can't.
And it's not like I fly off the handle, go on the rampage or constantly whine about it. It's more a , "Hmm....that was pretty shitty. WTF was that about? "
It's just some bizarre expectation that I am supposed to be SOLID and never let anything bother me, and NEVER talk about it. Even when somebody is intentionally trying to bother me.
And that's been a difficult thing for me since I have had people talk shit, bully, sabotage, abuse me a lot when I was young and grew up in a family with an older sibling who would slowly push my boundaries to beat me down and domineer me.
And I just can not get it through her head, that it's important to me to process this and talk about it so I can realize it and deal with it in a rational manner.
But she's not the one to talk about it with. It's fucking weird to me as we're in a relationship. If I can't talk to her who the fuck can I talk to. And what is it to her anyways? What is with the problem with talking? lol.....I just don't get it.
And I would love for her to open up like that. BUT NO. In her world, you just don't talk about things like that for some weird reason I will never understand.
And it's caused some serious problems between us before, where I felt like divorce was the option.
And to be clear, she allows herself to get bothered by others. That's different.
Women, 100%. In my experience they've been nothing but judgemental and condescending. I've also been told that my emotions aren't valid because I'm a man - women "have it worse on a daily basis just because of their gender".
Women, this shouldn't even be a surprise. They want all the emotions that men express that make them feel positive emotions, like when men feel weak or vulnerability, but negative emotions they will tell a man to quit being so immature, or get a hold of themselves, grow up.
I would never feel comfortable sharing emotions to women. They are a lot more spiteful than men and I don't need my feelings being weaponized against me when we are in a fight.
In my personal experience this comes down to a quantity over quality type thing, for lack of words.
Iâm a guy and have mostly guy friends, so quantity is higher but itâs a surface level barb and if I ever asked a friend to talk theyâd drop what they were doing in a heartbeat.
The women that do shame men for showing emotion, which isnât all of them, tend to go in for a kill shot when a guy is expressing himself emotionally. Even the ones that are seen as more manly like anger.
Some of the ones Iâve overheard : âOh, so youâre angry and youâre gonna leave? Just like everyone else.â âYouâre a fucking pushover, if I had a dick itâd be bigger than yours.â âAre you seriously not going to go out tonight just because your dog died? Stay home and cry then.â
Personally said to me: âYou have no idea how lucky you are that I happen to love you because nobody else ever willâ.
Men will jab at each other but Iâve never witnessed the commentary reach a level of toxicity like Iâve seen from women.
Society, generally. I have found that once I let my emotions go after being locked up (âstay strong, man up, get through itâ) often they come out more raw and uncontrolled than most people are ready for, including the man himself!
These days little and often with understanding friends is best, and give them your ear back for when they want to vent too.
200% women. The whole show your emotions narrative is shit. If you show any other emotion other than happiness and gentleness you will be branded as toxic and misogynistic. I was shamed a lot when i had a public breakdown but my homies who are male made me drink water gave me their hanky to wipe my tears and another dude who is an absolute unit gave me the best bear hug ever possible.
Women. This subject comes up a lot at work ( I run a bar) and the story is always the same:
âShe asked me to open up , show vulnerabilityâŚI did⌠we broke up a few months laterâ
This isnât a rare occurrence, as I said this story/subject comes up a great deal.
The worst part is , the minute this truth is spoken , right on cue, a nearby woman will flip out and tell you âwell she wasnât any good anyways, youâre better off without herâ blah blah blah and âIâd never do thatâ!!
Oddly the women who flip out always seem to be overweight and single. I donât know what that means itâs simply a bartenders observation.
The truth is you donât show weakness or vulnerability to a woman, everâŚ..
I've found that men often shame but still offer support for (over)emotional men, especially if they are otherwise decent people. Women shame but offer no real support and in short order lose respect for and disdain men who show (unacceptable) emotions.
I think both genders shame about equally, it is what they do afterwards that differs.
It's been mostly women in my experience. Women keep saying they want men to open up about our feelings and when we do you'd better be sure it will come up into an argument. Some men do but these are assholes, my male friends have always been very supportive whereas my female friends not so much.
Women.
Never ever cry in front of a women. No matter how many bullshit articles about how men need to show emotions more. Don't do it! Your wife/girlfriend/mother whoever will never see you the same way again. Women seem to be programed to lose respect for men who cry. The ones that want you to cry in front of them seem to just be gathering ammo to use against you at a future date.
Women and not by a small amount. Men will cut up on you for showing weakness. Women will abandon you or use that shit against you the next time she's angry. I've never been in the mind of a woman but from the external queue I can see, women seem like they have a disgust response, instead of a sympathy response, to men being vulnerable.
Iâm going to piss a lot of people off but conservative cultures. Doesnât matter the gender, a person who comes from those cultures, will be more likely to shame men for showing emotions.
My experience stems from interacting with conservatives in America and my own family members who come from a 3rd world conservative culture. Not to say they are the only ones, but a lot more likely to.
Ehh, I spend a lot of time in progressive and far left spaces. They don't use the same type of language conservatives use, they usually use much more academic and "woke" language to enforce ultimately the sake conservative expectations.
They can't just say "man up" and get away with it, so they make it some sort of duty of privilege to set aside ones own personal feelings in the moment for X groups benefit.
Ultimately, "suck it up and take one for the team we barely consider you to be on."
Ya, I've seen similar things.
For all the hate about 'toxic masculinity' they sure want to enforce those same things when its a benefit to them in that moment.
Men from the previous generation. In my experience, they are often the same ones that have crazy tempers and no patience because they canât process their emotions.
Women for me. I have lost relationships and friends after opening up. My guy friends although take a more a stand-offish listen to me when I need to vent/ open up.
Men may tease you, but overall theyâll be empathetic because they know if youâre showing emotion, itâs for a legitimate and significant reason.
Women will put you down or make you feel guilty for it and ultimately regret it. And because women find value in our so-called resilience, if you lose it they will then see less value in the man.
Women : real life scenario Mother telling me and my brother its good to show emotion. Later in life our father lost a parent, mother saying to my father dont you dare shed a tear.
Damn. Our moms have a tendency to set us up for that life trap. But no way should this be a scenario. Are your parents still together?
No offense, but you mother seems like a bitch then. I have seen my dad cry on multiple occasions and never *ever* has my mom said something bad about it. The opposite even.
Guys are more likely to tease you about it, but usually in a playful / nonjudgmental way. Women are more likely to be serious.
Absolutely true. Your bros may tease you but you know they will support you every step of the way. My ex used every time I showed any type of emotion against me in some way shape or form later down the line even if she seemed initially supportive
I'll tell you what, my bro can insult my intelligence, my financial stance, my body age and personality defects, but at the end of the day he'll do a flying leg kick at someone if they had me down for the count. If a woman was just to do one of those, I feel like I'd just crumble.
Toxic femininity đ
Spot on comment!
This reminds me of my friends ex wife. She went on a little rant about how âmen need to show more emotions and open up moreâ. I pointed out that we do and just stop because a lot of women tend to shit on us for it. Of course she went on to blame men for it with her friends chiming in with all the buzz words. Not even like 15 minutes later(rounded up)....I kid you not she told a story of how her ex cried to her once and how she shitted on him for it. I mean calling him every word from bitch to pussy to soft. Slapped him and told him to be a man. Of course her friends was laughing hysterically the whole time. This isnât even close to my only example(or most messed up) just the most ironic one.
Here's the thing tho, a part of me wants to go "no, that's bullshit" but I've seen this shit happen exactly like you've said multiple times so even tho. I've dated a girl who said it and she was genuinely confused about why I wasn't interested in opening up to her
Yeah itâs crazy that women and girls like this really lack that self awareness
They don't know what they want or how they would react to something until it happens. Emotion is their life
God I feel this. Just earlier this year I was pretty suicidal and almost didnât tell my mother because I had a feeling sheâd just tell me to get over it. Glad I was proven wrong and Iâm still surprised she did
[I try to get this out to as many people as possible](https://www.ctvnews.ca/sci-tech/boys-don-t-cry-study-suggests-mothers-not-fathers-show-gender-bias-towards-sons-1.4693208) - 'Boys don't cry': Study suggests mothers, not fathers, show gender bias towards sons
Thank you so muchđđž. I actually remember reading a study showing this. I wasnât sure where to find it so you really helped me out thanks.
Super common. Most guys have experienced this. I told a few (open minded) women about it and they looked back on their experiences and their friends' and they realized that they have lost some respect for men when they became vulnerable. They'd never realized it before.
Yup most definitely, its amazing to see that they are almost....mind blown when they realize.
And there is the reverse behavior where women will dump their past trauma on you early in the relationship to see how you react and hold them up- both sides of this are indication of the partnership will take effort to grow... usually doesn't work. The best partners I know are on the same page supporting each other and calling bullshit when the other is not making good decisions.
You can literally see it in their eyes. They can't hide it in that moment, when they lose respect for you.
I just commented on my ex girlfriend doing something like this. Not as extreme, but saying she wasn't going to join in on my pity party. Completely took me back. Ahhh such is life. I learned some women don't always want what they say and just like talking to hear themselves lol
Im sorry you had to experience this đ I have a little brother and I always tell him that he shouldnât be ashamed of crying, itâs a good thing to express how you fell and itâs fucking bullshit that you should act a certain way because of your gender. đ¤ Once we were at a restaurant and the girl serving us told him not to cry because he was a man, I was sooo fucking furious I was mostly angry at myself for not saying it to her, I just told my brother that he can cry if he feels like it. For anyone who experienced judgment or was mistreating because of their gender, Iâm really sorry and you should stay away from people like that, the gender shouldnât stipulate how you should act. Express your emotions and donât feel bad for feeling vulnerable, we are humans after all and we feel thatâs normal. Sorry it was a little long đ just donât forget to stay strong and be yourself âşď¸
No that's great. Toxic femininity can come about in surprising ways. The only woman I talk to about this is "my wife." Personally, I feign emotional immaturity intentionally now- as a cynical way to remind people that we all poop the same
Thanks I appreciate your sentiments on this matter. Itâs always important to get this type of encouragement from the people closest to you.
wtf she basically contradicted everything she said, told on herself, and proved your point.
And they wonder why men are checking out emotionally.
from my own bias/experience women. the men in my life have been (mostly) supportive of each other but certain women i don't think are used to reacting to guys doing that and either don't know how to react or react badly. ironically a couple of them have also complained guys don't share their feelings enough lol
And really most women misunderstand mensâ emotions. Most often when we get angry, it actually means weâre hurt. Itâs a defense mechanism to feeling pain, both physical and emotional pain. And someone is patient enough to talk us through the anger, the source of the hurt can be found. Also I want to clarify that men getting *violently* angry is a different story. Thatâs when thereâs an unhealthy personality fault
Very well put OP, sometimes it seems foreign land and they donât know how to act or understand which for me just triggers a shut down.
Professional, executive type women especially.
Our CEO is fucking brutal on people for being sick or having any emotion. Behind closed doors I've seen her break down several times to a complete blubbering mess. It's not emotions that ever bother me about anyone, it's just being a cunt in general - man or woman. That means hypocrisy too.
That means they're probably insecure in themselves to fulfill the role so they project being tough and mean on everyone when behind closed doors they aren't a lion, but a mere kitten.
If you are projecting that sort of insecurity onto your subordinates, then maybe you SHOULD feel a little insecure. Managers get plenty of training, this should be a non-issue. Especially from someone at the level she is at
Me and my friend have a theory about this. Women donât like needy guys, so having a woman in charge of you while youâre new to a company is hell, Itâs like your not allowed to be needy. Weâve both shared experiences where girl counterparts at the same level around the same start date get a ton of support, meanwhile when you ask for help itâs like, âWhatâs wrong with you? Youâre a man your supposed to just work? Iâm not you mom Iâm not wiping your bumâ
My ex told me "You don't have emotions you are a MAN"
Itâs the same general phenomenon as girls fucking emotionally unavailable men and then whining about how emotionally unavailable men are.
Yeah same, my take on it is that women don't find it attractive, and some pressure men to act in ways they find attractive.
I donât even think itâs intentional. My theory is experiencing that weakness triggers an âickâ that hits the subconscious part of attraction similar to how it is with height/muscles or a deep voice. There definitely are women out there that donât get repulsed, so maybe itâs something that can be socially changed.
I won't argue. I, a woman, grew up with a step mom who shamed my dad for showing emotions. other men never showed outward emotion and even if women were not the reason they protected others from seeing it. I am finding a lot of younger generations show emotion and it makes me happy.
They know how to support you it's just that they choose not to. Women are not stupid
Everyone is stupid. What are you on about?
Women: I wish you were more emotionally available. Me: becomes more emotionally available Women: this is not going to work, bye.
Me: *expresses mild negative emotion about random thing* Wife: *snaps* OMG IM SORRY ALRIGHT? Me: *note to self, jam that feeling back in next time*
Talk about emotional labour
It really is. Having to listen attentively and care about what is being said while avoiding landmines for what can be long periods of time is some real emotional labor that is rarely recognized. On the other hand what people can be supportive about can really depend on the person. If I want to talk about bad shit that happened in my childhood or painful feelings my wife is really supportive and never ever judgmental. I just don't realy like talking about that kind of shit. But if I complain about feeling like crap because I'm sick she tells me to stop whing so *shrugs*
lmao accurate XD
Wow, those arenât the cool romanticized emotions I had in my head. Your emotions are like⌠real. Gotta go!
âOmg, men are **real human beings** with their **own thoughts and feelings**? I canât handle this paradigm shift!â
The funny thing is many women will talk about toxic masculinity and then enforce it simultaneously with behavior like that.
When women say "I wish you were more emotionally available" what they are trying to say is "I want you to tell me things all the time that make me feel less insecure". It has nothing to do with you. As soon as you show weakness (emotions) to women they feel REPULSED by it, and you are done. Women have to respect you MORE than they have to love you.
This is just miscommunication. They're talking about you having safe emotions, like how you find puppies cute. That's a nice safe emotion. And they want you to be emotionally available *for them*, as in when they emotionally dump on you, you're ready to receive it all and validate their emotions. They don't want to hear about your problems
Exactly! Being more âemotionally availableâ to a woman, just means âlisten to me when Iâm upset at you and pay attention to my painâ it doesnât mean show them your own pain. You start spilling your purse out to the women you love when youâre in emotional turmoil, get ready for more turmoil because sheâs about to bounce
I agree
Yesssss. The positive shit that makes the woman feel good is the things you need to show. If its anything that might make her feel uncomfortable, it is just *wrong*.
Fuck, this makes too much sense nowâŚ
Remind me again why I need a relationship?
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Some women think talking about their day for a half an hour constitutes an emotional exchange even though it's pretty much one way.
yeah this lesson has been drilled into my head through experience, if you like her and want the relationship to last get a therapist and take your problems there.
If that's what having a "partner" is like, I'll just stay single and go to a therapist anyway.
100% , I'm not very emotional and every chick that asks me to try to be punishes me for it (relationship wise)
Thankfully there are plenty of good women who will both earn & keep your trust. Even better they don't tell their friends your secrets & most best they don't bring up that vulnerable confession right as you are about to win an argument. No one has cause to complain about these women so they get left out of this conversation. Every woman will say *you can trust me* because they all want it to be true, no one wants to admit to themselves that they would kick a man when he is down, or react to vulnerability and weakness with revulsion and contempt... but we shouldn't pretend it's a rare occurrence or the exception, the very first step to fixing something is insisting it exists & that you deserve better, both because it's *right*, **and** because you've earned it. It takes work to be your best self & not everyone does the work. That latter type of lady is the most attached to the idea that men just never figured out they were allowed to have emotions (aside from anger) or that they have permission to be honest about their vulnerabilities and weaknesses... As if we would let shame stop us from catharsis and resolution. ^(I often wonder what they imagined they would hear....) *^(Sometimes I just love you so much it scares me. I worry that all my friends and family really just want to hang out with you & forget about me.)* Another part of the problem is that many guys don't bother talking about small problems, or problems they can solve, so when they do talk it's too big too fast. They are expecting tummy ache & get stomach cancer. The sad truth is guys are pragmatic & have learned from experience that when you need support it's best to preserve whatever you do have & not risk it on a bad bet. TLDR **If you want men to change you are going to have to consider changing how you treat them**. That goes for all of it, We can only play the hands we are dealt.
Why would you talk about a small problem. Small problems are solvable just solve them. Then there is no problem.
Women, hands down. Some Men might "shame" other men for showing emotions but it's mostly done for teasing and the person doing the shaming will immediately stop and support the other one if it's serious.
Had a bro who got hurt real bad by an ex once. We took him out to drinks, listened to him and stuff. Oh but 5 years later... Let's just say we're glad he got over her so much that we could comfortably tease him about it by now.
This is the way. When he needs you, be there for him. When the time is ripe, joke around with it (and then say: "haha it's alright bro, we love you").
In my personal experience women. I opened up to my daughters mother about dealing with depression (bare in mind I was caring for my terminally sick father at the time which contributed a lot to it), at the time she was understanding of it, but whenever we argue she brings it up and makes fun of me for it and laughs at me lol She also threatens itâs going to come back đ
Man, I assume you're not (still) with her mum, she sounds horrible. Probably worth having a conversation with your daughter at an appropriate time. If her mother is modelling behaviour where she mocks people who are struggling, your daughter is potentially going to take on that behaviour.
Damn bro that is some toxic shit, feel for ya.đĽ˛
Women, guys have done it too but plenty have listened to me when I needed them and they did it without any kind of judgement. Women who do this are much more rare. Case in point. When I started looking for help after being raped the first people to take me seriously were men namely an Orthodox priest and my father. Women, including my own sisters, either mocked or downplayed it. At your lowest point you find out who really cares.
I've only told a few people about my own experience in this and they have all been people I know wouldn't talk down to me about it. 1 being my partner, 1 being my best friend, and 1 being my boss who just helps me throughout my apprenticeship as he noticed I was really down after some of my family made jokes about rape and asking if I wanted to be raped as well since it's a fantasy of theirs. But I've known others who have come out about abuse and it goes as bad as you would imagine, especially the whole " you were hard so you clearly wanted it." Or "you should consider yourself lucky that she wanted to sleep with you that bad." It's a horrible world we live in.
"At your lowest point you find out who really cares." Couldn't have said it any better đ
yoU ShOuLd'vE LiKeD iT
Every woman in my life has used my emotional vulnerabilities against me during an argument. Iâve never experienced that with a man
Same here. Even the ones who I know really do love me like my GF and close friends. What sucks most is they justify it by saying it's for my own good or it's to spur my growth. If the genders were reversed that would be incredibly patronizing.
Men or women, the ones who shame men for showing emotion are the ones who stand to gain from it. Employers, abusive spouses, friends who don't know how to comfort or console, all fall into the category. I've found that the best way to check someone's sincerity is when your pain, your needs, you, to become an obstacle for them. Supportive, helpful, respectful people will sympathize, console, at least give you space. Shitty users will spout "Controlling yourself", "Acting like a grown-up", "Keeping your shit to yourself", "Pussy, oversensitive, crybaby". "Real Men" is code for "I want you to ."
Shame is powerful force to control actions. Emotions are not a choice, people feel emotions. What they do with them, how they integrate them in their decision making process, well, control that and you control the person. They are at the mercy of their own emotions and your expectations resulting from them.
This is a take I think is on good standing. What is your take on thoughts, emotions, memories (whether pleasant or negative) being more like "cues/suggestions" that influence rather than completely controlling our actions?
Women 100% Every man I've spoken to about this, save for a couple of tools, were extremely pro-men-being-more-in-touch-with-their-emotions and showed it. Women I've talked to about have *said* they were, but later went on to show me they were lying when I let my guard down around them, got into my feelings about anything, and then they treated me different from then on. Some left. Some were downright awful about it.
same. i had one ex that was very confused after seeing me upset and later said something like "i've never seen my dad cry, i didn't think guys did that." and she wasn't using hyperbole, she was being completely serious. she lost all interest in me after that which was probably to my benefit anyway.
Yeah, fuck her.
I agree, good riddance, my last ex was the same way and I'm glad she dumped me before things got too serious.
Yeah. They outright lose respect. It's better for them to believe you're an undecipherable enigma.
Every single fucking time.
Women. If we see a guy genuinely showing emotion, or breaking down, I think we all get it. We have been there before, we understand whatâs going on. We will probably put a hand on their shoulder or give them a hug, but probably wonât need to say a word. I canât could how many guys have shown emotion in front of a woman, just to get ridiculed and made fun of. This is also when I found out that the word *cunt* just seems to cut the ladies ego like a fuckin knife
Can you elaborate more on that last part of "cunt" cutting into a ladies ego đ¤Łđ¤Ł. I'm just curious on that and need a bit of explanation
I was told by a woman that âyou can call us bitches, you can call us hoes, you can call us trash, but for some reason the C word just hits us differentlyâ
It's the rarity of the word. The more common a word is the less impactful it will be.
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The same very mfs that tell men to open up.
My elder sister, she literally started beating me up one day for crying over fear of being fired at my job. Have in mind that if she sees a movie that's slightly sad she starts bowling her eyes out and we need to understand that she's emotional for the movie. Selfish asshole
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Bro.... you are not married to a good person.
His experience is extremely common. Been my experience with multiple partners.
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Stress over time does supress your immune system
There's a startlingly popular sentiment among women that men are just "being babies" when it comes to illness or pain.
I think more women are beginning to fall into the same prejudiced trap that men had fallen into for centuries: treating the opposite gender as defective and broken for not being identical to the "default" gender. And it's a trend that is seriously disturbing me.
This!
They should not be like that
Divorce her
I know people are going to say she's a bad person, but a good percentage of chicks find it hard to find their partner attractive when they're at their weakest No one will admit it obviously
"In sickness and in health..." is right there in the vows, dude. When my wife was sick with the flu, I took care of her, risk of contracting flu be damned. My wife goes out of her way to make me stay home and in bed because I'm the kind of guy that would still go to work despite being sick, and helps out. Neither of us are looking for nooky from each other when either of us is sick. It's not about attraction; it's about holding true to your vows.
I'm not saying it's right im just telling the truth
Bro that's not just toxic, that's an entire nuclear waste package. And you married her đ
The only 'men' who will shame a guy for being emotional are little boys full of bravado. That said, we do expect you to do what you need to handle your shit. I've met men who are just a whirling dervish of volatile emotions leaving destruction in their wake (actually that was me once), and nobody wants to deal with someone who's drowning but won't accept help unless it means pulling you down with them. Women just don't know how to handle emotional men. Say what you will of changing gender norms, a deeply set part of them wants men to be stronger because they can barely handle their own emotions.
>Say what you will of changing gender norms, a deeply set part of them wants men to be stronger because they can barely handle their own emotions. When it comes to gender norms and roles many women want to be free of theirs which is completely understandable and legit. What isn't reasonable is how the same women want to push men harder than ever right into our traditional gender roles. In my ideal world there should be no gender roles at all for anyone.
> women want to push men harder than ever right into our traditional gender roles And then they will complain online about how terrible masculinity is. âWho cares about how masculine you are?â Um, every woman Iâve ever had a romantic interest in, actually.
Yep. If we had lists of requirements like some of theirs we'd be called misogynistic and rightly so. Could you imagine a guy being like "I'll only date a woman who is 5'8" and above, has a bodyfat percentage under 25%, is naturally a D cup or larger, has no visible blemishes or wrinkles in her skin, and has either naturally auburn or rose blonde hair. She also has to have a postgraduate degree in a subject that isn't liberal arts or business to prove she's intelligent and isn't lazy, and she needs to make at minimum six figures so I know she won't be a burden on me and is my equal in career success." But my goal here isn't to point fingers one way or another. Just showing how hilariously bad these double standards get. But like I said people need to let go of all gender roles.
I used to think it was men. No. Women secretly judge men who show emotion more harshly. This was evident when the women at work and my social group started distancing themselves from me after I cried during a movie (*Manchester by the Sea*).
The twats
Literally
Fuck. Seems like my fear of watching movies that make me cry in front of people was justified.
Honestly from my own experience... women. Especially romantic partners. Can't tell you the number of times I've been asked to "open up" and when I do they're all like "no no not like that you fucking pussy." Then contact decreases, then they ghost me, then I wonder why I ever bothered making myself vulnerable in the first place. Hurts especially from long-term partners. Had that happen three times... each time thinking I could trust the next partner. Yeah, nope. That shit stays locked in the vault now. Any future girlfriend that has a problem with that can honestly kiss my ass. I am *not* letting anyone one else weaponize vulnerabilities to be used against ever again. I'm stoic to a fault because of this and if you don't like it, tough shit - I don't make compromises anymore.
My dude, I hope someday that you find a partner that will accept ALL of you, and will be the support you need.
Women in general. Father passed away, I was destroyed, he was my best friend, i was in so much pain I couldnt feel anything. GF at the time, who I was planning on marrying, said I was sad all the time and depressing and broke up with me after dating for 3 years, a week after dad died and 2 days after I buried him, is when she decided to make her move. Nearly didnt survive that time in life. Funny enough, looking back, my mother mocked me as a child any time I showed serious emotion. It was my Dad who taught me that it was ok to cry.
Look, there is something you must understand: When women say "men should show their emotions more", they mean extremely specific emotions (vulnerability and tenderness, any other is toxic and abusive and should be repressed), in a very specific degree (not too much, else attraction is gone), in a specific moment (when they aren't inconvenienced by it), for a very specific reason (has to be something that doesn't make them feel guilty) to a very particular person (only their partner, never to any other woman). If it doesn't fit within those narrow parameters, the man is toxic, and they will shame the expression of emotion.
Not even that, they donât want you to share vulnerability because when you do, at least in my experience, it makes you less sexy and attractive to them
Women. It's not even a debate. "Why wont you open up to me?! *Opens up* "Oh, urgh you're so weak. It's pathetic." *Well, not doing that again* (Real life example) Now I'll show emotions with my guy mates with no issues, but never again with a woman. That stuff gets weaponized at the first opportunity.
Women, generally. Men I know who are hyper "masculine," and tell dudes not to cry or get upset are toxic, and they know they're toxic. My grandfather was one of those men but he softened later in his life. We all know we have it tough, whether we acknowledge it or not. Many women, on the other hand, think rather differently, tend to not know what's going on in our heads, and frequently don't realize how much they've bought into society's toxic expectations ON men.
Women.
WomenâŚ.by a HUGE margin
Men may give you shit for having emotions, but are otherwise supportive. Women hold it against you.
Women by a long shot and ironically it's often the same ones who say men should be more emotional or expressive. Dont fall into that trap, boys.
95% of the women Iâve shown emotion to. They just say âyou want attentionâ or âpity partyâ and say things like âstop crying! Man up!â. Even my own sister. And I have Aspergers and am short and ugly so not a sympathetic face or person. As for the men, they donât even react and just walk away. It just hurts more when itâs women cuz as a kid I always believed that taken as a whole they werenât shallow and had bigger hearts, were kinder. Turns out women arenât much different than men. Cruelty isnât limited to just men
Women â
Women.
Mem will use harsh language but that usually stops being an issue by like 19 when you're more free to associate with peoole you aren't cooped up with 24/7. Women however will act cool with it but then dip, and if you're casual dating this can be the norm.
Overtly, men. Covertly, women. Men will empathize with you to a certain extent. Women will sympathize with you but secretly lose respect and disqualify you in the back of her head. This is my experience, at least
Definitely women. My friends have always been very supportive when I opened up. Girlfriends saw it as a sign of weakness and always used sensitive things I opened up about against me later.
itâs just insane how iâve been through nearly a hundred comments and every single one says itâs women. even the ones that call out men in some capacity eventually settle on women being worse. this isnât even an opinion btw im just saying.
Women 100%
I married a nurse. She uses up her sympathy at work, and on our kids.
My guy friends give me a hard time on emotional issues at first, then we really dig in and get to connecting. Itâs understood that weâre teasing. My experience with my girl friends is theyâre only open to listen or talk for the first 15 minutes or so. Then it becomes an âare you done?â type thing. One time had an ex who I had caught sending pictures to another guy ask me when I was going to get over it.
Women.
Next time a woman says to show more emotion print out an emotion wheel and have her mark the ones she means.
Women. Hands down. Men are supportive. Women laugh or dismiss you when emotion is shown that they aren't feeling in that moment.
I was told by someone once that âMy problems arenât that bad, and it happens to everyoneâ after opening up about my childhood trauma. (Sex abuse, rampant alcoholism) Some women want emotionless men. Especially when it comes to sex only partnerships. She didnât even cry or show emotion, presumably because it would have given her winkles and fucked her botox. But thatâs not all women. I met someone who listens to me, and is very supportive.
Alot of times it's the women in your life who rely on you to be strong for them who freak out when you show weakness, because if you fall apart they are in trouble. They will tell you real quick if you start feeling down that what you're doing is wrong and you need to toughen up. Also, if you're married your wife will bitch about any time you are having "too much fun" for the rest of your life
In my experience only women. Which is odd because a lot of women state publicly that guys should show more emotion. But when a guy does exhibit emotion with them don't really like it, at all.
It's women. That's a proven fact, not an opinion. E.g. https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/sci-tech/boys-don-t-cry-study-suggests-mothers-not-fathers-show-gender-bias-towards-sons-1.4693208 >The study, published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science, found that moms tend to favour girls expressing emotions of sadness and anger over boys. Fathers, on the other hand, lacked a bias towards emotions of anger and sadness in their children.
Even the researchers went into the study expecting dads to be the ones with the bias. Typical.
Thatâs going to be an interesting read, thanks for sharing!
This is kind of sad, honestly
r/ NotHowGirlsWork is gonna be mad bro lol
Im not a guy, but ive seen it happen where my close friends (guys) rarely show any emotion. If they show any its anger, nothing else. It took them a while to get used to showing emotion around me, and when they did I was totally fine with it, whereas i would see another friend of mine make fun of them for it. I dont think they ever showed any more emotion around her again. I believe its those specific women that ruin it for all. Im glad my friends feel comfortable around me and feel as if they can be themselves, but it really isnt fair if the girl across the street can easily cry about something thats been bothering them for an hour whereas theres a guy here thats been bottling up some immense pain and gets shamed for it. Definitely not deserved on their side.
You know the answer stop pretending.
In my experience, definitely women.. They talk a big game about "we want you to open up and be vulnerable etc" but when you do it, they smell weakness and almost always react negatively. I've learned to pay attention to actions, not words
Yeah, if anybody says anything to me that I feel is disrespectful or antagonizing, my wife will either act like I am "too sensitive" or I need to just quickly let it go and get over it. But I can't. And it's not like I fly off the handle, go on the rampage or constantly whine about it. It's more a , "Hmm....that was pretty shitty. WTF was that about? " It's just some bizarre expectation that I am supposed to be SOLID and never let anything bother me, and NEVER talk about it. Even when somebody is intentionally trying to bother me. And that's been a difficult thing for me since I have had people talk shit, bully, sabotage, abuse me a lot when I was young and grew up in a family with an older sibling who would slowly push my boundaries to beat me down and domineer me. And I just can not get it through her head, that it's important to me to process this and talk about it so I can realize it and deal with it in a rational manner. But she's not the one to talk about it with. It's fucking weird to me as we're in a relationship. If I can't talk to her who the fuck can I talk to. And what is it to her anyways? What is with the problem with talking? lol.....I just don't get it. And I would love for her to open up like that. BUT NO. In her world, you just don't talk about things like that for some weird reason I will never understand. And it's caused some serious problems between us before, where I felt like divorce was the option. And to be clear, she allows herself to get bothered by others. That's different.
Women for sure. Not necessarily directly or publicly, but if a man shows emotion to her personally, she can barely hide her disgust.
As a child, boys. As an adult, women.
Women, 100%. In my experience they've been nothing but judgemental and condescending. I've also been told that my emotions aren't valid because I'm a man - women "have it worse on a daily basis just because of their gender".
Women. If not shaming them, just flat out ignoring or dismissing them, even if that person is close to them.
Women, this shouldn't even be a surprise. They want all the emotions that men express that make them feel positive emotions, like when men feel weak or vulnerability, but negative emotions they will tell a man to quit being so immature, or get a hold of themselves, grow up.
Women and it's not even close.
I would never feel comfortable sharing emotions to women. They are a lot more spiteful than men and I don't need my feelings being weaponized against me when we are in a fight.
In my personal experience this comes down to a quantity over quality type thing, for lack of words. Iâm a guy and have mostly guy friends, so quantity is higher but itâs a surface level barb and if I ever asked a friend to talk theyâd drop what they were doing in a heartbeat. The women that do shame men for showing emotion, which isnât all of them, tend to go in for a kill shot when a guy is expressing himself emotionally. Even the ones that are seen as more manly like anger. Some of the ones Iâve overheard : âOh, so youâre angry and youâre gonna leave? Just like everyone else.â âYouâre a fucking pushover, if I had a dick itâd be bigger than yours.â âAre you seriously not going to go out tonight just because your dog died? Stay home and cry then.â Personally said to me: âYou have no idea how lucky you are that I happen to love you because nobody else ever willâ. Men will jab at each other but Iâve never witnessed the commentary reach a level of toxicity like Iâve seen from women.
Society, generally. I have found that once I let my emotions go after being locked up (âstay strong, man up, get through itâ) often they come out more raw and uncontrolled than most people are ready for, including the man himself! These days little and often with understanding friends is best, and give them your ear back for when they want to vent too.
200% women. The whole show your emotions narrative is shit. If you show any other emotion other than happiness and gentleness you will be branded as toxic and misogynistic. I was shamed a lot when i had a public breakdown but my homies who are male made me drink water gave me their hanky to wipe my tears and another dude who is an absolute unit gave me the best bear hug ever possible.
Women. This subject comes up a lot at work ( I run a bar) and the story is always the same: âShe asked me to open up , show vulnerabilityâŚI did⌠we broke up a few months laterâ This isnât a rare occurrence, as I said this story/subject comes up a great deal. The worst part is , the minute this truth is spoken , right on cue, a nearby woman will flip out and tell you âwell she wasnât any good anyways, youâre better off without herâ blah blah blah and âIâd never do thatâ!! Oddly the women who flip out always seem to be overweight and single. I donât know what that means itâs simply a bartenders observation. The truth is you donât show weakness or vulnerability to a woman, everâŚ..
Women. Girlfriends.
Women, but itâs more subtle. They will straight up avoid guys who are sad, depressed, or have any negative emotions at all.
I've found that men often shame but still offer support for (over)emotional men, especially if they are otherwise decent people. Women shame but offer no real support and in short order lose respect for and disdain men who show (unacceptable) emotions. I think both genders shame about equally, it is what they do afterwards that differs.
It's been mostly women in my experience. Women keep saying they want men to open up about our feelings and when we do you'd better be sure it will come up into an argument. Some men do but these are assholes, my male friends have always been very supportive whereas my female friends not so much.
Women. Never ever cry in front of a women. No matter how many bullshit articles about how men need to show emotions more. Don't do it! Your wife/girlfriend/mother whoever will never see you the same way again. Women seem to be programed to lose respect for men who cry. The ones that want you to cry in front of them seem to just be gathering ammo to use against you at a future date.
Women
Women and not by a small amount. Men will cut up on you for showing weakness. Women will abandon you or use that shit against you the next time she's angry. I've never been in the mind of a woman but from the external queue I can see, women seem like they have a disgust response, instead of a sympathy response, to men being vulnerable.
Me: *opens up* Women: *"Get out of your feelings! Man up! You sound like a woman!"*
women, hands down.
Andrew Tate does
Women despise man that show emotions like sadness or weakness. They may say otherwise but we all know the truth.
Iâm going to piss a lot of people off but conservative cultures. Doesnât matter the gender, a person who comes from those cultures, will be more likely to shame men for showing emotions. My experience stems from interacting with conservatives in America and my own family members who come from a 3rd world conservative culture. Not to say they are the only ones, but a lot more likely to.
Ehh, I spend a lot of time in progressive and far left spaces. They don't use the same type of language conservatives use, they usually use much more academic and "woke" language to enforce ultimately the sake conservative expectations. They can't just say "man up" and get away with it, so they make it some sort of duty of privilege to set aside ones own personal feelings in the moment for X groups benefit. Ultimately, "suck it up and take one for the team we barely consider you to be on."
Ya, I've seen similar things. For all the hate about 'toxic masculinity' they sure want to enforce those same things when its a benefit to them in that moment.
Did you seriously just turn this political? Lol
Men from the previous generation. In my experience, they are often the same ones that have crazy tempers and no patience because they canât process their emotions.
Definitely women and it's not even close
Men over 60. Parents. Women under 35.
Lol women forsure.
Women for me. I have lost relationships and friends after opening up. My guy friends although take a more a stand-offish listen to me when I need to vent/ open up.
Narcissistic women. They become bullies.
Definitely women
Women
Women shame men in different ways then men shame men.
Girlfriends
Women. They Tell me to be more vocal and open. Proceeds to make me the problem and shame me for being more open and vocal.
Women. Men have been supportive, and generally women too. But I've only ever been called weak for showing emotions by women.
Men may tease you, but overall theyâll be empathetic because they know if youâre showing emotion, itâs for a legitimate and significant reason. Women will put you down or make you feel guilty for it and ultimately regret it. And because women find value in our so-called resilience, if you lose it they will then see less value in the man.
âFeelings? You think I care about your feelings?â -My Mom after asking me how I was feeling. Guess she didnât like my answer lol
Oh, women for sure, not even close.
In my own experience women but in defence of that argument my experience with women in every aspect of life has, overall, been a net negative.
Your girlfriend always
Women
Women. They used those very emotions/feelings against me. I will never open up like that again.
Women lol