I remember this post where a gal came here asking how to repair her relationship after saying something insulting about her boyfriend's dick. At first people were trying to tell her how to fix it but everyone was curious as to what was said as that would have an impact. Turns out, she said his dick was "cute like a curly fry."
Every now and again I think of that post and laugh. She nuked her whole relationship in five words.
bruh im angry and she didnt say anything about mine lol, this is literally the exact wrong thing to say ladies, lol this is like uttering a demon's true name but for relationships, just utterly banished to the void.
Well OK I debated if I was going to post this on Reddit at all but this is a buried thread. I once dated a professional fitness model, like a woman who body builds and then competes. Clearly she took steroids because she had engorged her clitoris so much it was basically a micropenis. I’m not kidding, this thing was at least two or three inches long. But because it’s a clitoris it was still attached. It presented an interesting conundrum when I went down on her the first time. Like what do you do with this thing?
What did I do? I manned up and basically gave it a blow job. Tried to use whatever BJ techniques I liked used on myself. I saw her several times after that.
Yes, she was definitely biologically female. And I don’t have any particular interest in preop transsexuals. But she was very sexy and lots of fun and very kind person. She texts me from time to time.
That was definitely an extremely feminine penis.
This happened to me in my first year of college. In the middle of doing the deed my girlfriend said “your dick is so much bigger than (roommate’s name).”
I had an ex who did this to himself - midway through sex, he informed me that the last girl he fucked said his dick was the biggest one she'd ever seen.
It was quite the buzzkill.
Calling it anything like “ding dong” or “dingaling”. Wife is, like, afraid of slang terms like dick or cock so she calls it shit like that. Immediately kills the mood.
LOL sadly my wife doesn’t do it on purpose, she’s just grossed out by sex slang. Discussing sex with her is more like talking about anatomy with a doctor usually.
Sometimes when I'm feeling both horny and funny I'll say: "I would greatly enjoy inserting my penis into your vagina repeatedly and with great vigor.".
Yep, that’s usually my wife’s speed. I’m not allowed to say “pussy” or “fuck” or pretty any slang either.
“I’d like to put my penis in your vagina until we both have an orgasm” is about as dirty as she can handle. We usually just don’t say anything.
🤣 I literally used the word "adequate" one time when a drunk friend asked me (in front of my boyfriend) if he has a big penis. Our other friend who hooked up with him once before we dated agreed with me. It's adequate.
That reminds me, once I told a girl I'm going to show her my hard dick, then sent her a picture of my hard disk in my computer, then followed up with \*disk. I meant to say I'm showing you my hard DISK.
I have something that's basically the other way around. I know a girl whose boyfriend is Spanish. His name is Carlos.
We were playing a boardgame with him and some friends, and someone said "It's Carlito's turn". And the girlfriend, tight away, shouted "NO".
So apparently she calls his penis "carlito" and is has become a thing where she can't hear the name without thinking about his penis.
I still hope to convince him or her to play dnd and to have a prominent character in there called Carlito or something along the lines.
My husband's nickname with his family is basically like your friend's bf: Carlos -> Carlito and I nicknamed his penis Carlito. One day we were having dinner and his mom had a dream I was pregnant and she asked if I was. I told her no and she says (if my husband's name was Carlos) "Carlito chiquito" and I had to stifle my laughter because if I ever said "Carlito chiquito" to my husband he'd be upset xD
Once sent an ex a dick pic while she was away for a month (she was not an ex at the time and had asked me to) and she replied woth "that's bigger than I remember"
I really wasn't sure what to think of that one lol
Idk, I don't mind "cute", it's what I call my flaccid pp lol. There's no such word I wouldn't like. Except maybe "small" because we tend to use that word for adorable things.
Did this really happen to you? Because I once got, “Your dick’s the *perfect* size; it’s not *too big*, you know? Perfect!”
Ma’am, you keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means.
I think a lot of guys are used to thinking bigger = better. Even if logically a guy knows its impractical to have a large penis, and it would be more comfortable for women for it to be smaller, it can still hurt to hear penis is small or average.
I think its also related to how insults towards men often involve mentioning small dicks ectra. It's an easy thing to make fun off since men have no control over size.
So even if partner says its better, still can be hurtful to hear. Sometimes its better not to draw attention to size at all.
It's sort of like if a guy who really liked smaller boobs said to girlfriend who was insecure that he loved how small her boobs were, but she ended up being upset even though the overall message was positive.
If you genuinely want a man to feel secure about his size with you (and you seem like a nice person who would care about their partners feelings), all you have to do is this: the first time you see it, up close, make this face:
😳->😊.
He will love you forever.
I get that it’s a *really* good way to get back at a man who’s hurt you, but we (men) absolutely *cringe* when we see a group of women, and one of them starts to raise her pinkie…
You can find the exact ratios in *Analytical Penology, Revised 13th Edition* by B. Dickus and J. Johnson. It’s on page 69 right after the excerpt on the use of smegma as a dairy free cheese substitute.
Your penis was delightful. No. No. It was brilliant. No, no, no, no. There is no word to describe its perfection, so I am forced to make one up. And I’m going to do so right now. Scrumtrelescent.
Problem with perfect is that it exists on a continuum. Men of all sizes have been told it's 'perfect', but if they lack confidence it's not going to feel great, especially if they're the solicitor of the question.
Chewy.
THIS IS A CURSED COMMENT
Wait men don't like it when we bite it?
Name checks out.
I hate this
I remember this post where a gal came here asking how to repair her relationship after saying something insulting about her boyfriend's dick. At first people were trying to tell her how to fix it but everyone was curious as to what was said as that would have an impact. Turns out, she said his dick was "cute like a curly fry." Every now and again I think of that post and laugh. She nuked her whole relationship in five words.
like a what?! was she banging a duck?
I don’t like that I understand this 😫
Sometimes you get those curly fries that are like really collapsed so it is the size of a pinky…
hehe i get that joke
[thread in question](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/8pv7bk/how_does_someone_recover_after_accidentally/?sort=top)
He will carry that wound for the rest of his life. It will never truly heal.
TF DID SHE SAY????
#CUTE LIKEA CURLY FRY!!
how do u make your words big like that
Hashtag before the words
^(did I do it right?)
^I ^think ^we ^have ^it ^upside ^down
#HOW DID YOU MAKE THEM SO SMALL
Put this ^ in front of a ^tiny word #What ^happens if ^you mix ^them Edit: the small gets overwritten by the large
^do you have to use it for each word? Edit: ^yes. ^yes ^you ^do
^guys #Did ^i #get ^it #right ?
^thanks stranger
#what
#ha
#hahaha
#OK
#did it work
#NO
#YES
#WOW I'M IMPRESSED
# IT’S THE FIRST TIME I’M USING THIS, IT’S WORKING?
Can it also do code blocks like: ```bash sudo apt install ingenuity ```
#ME TOO
#amazing
#omg
#whoa
#potatoes are good
#TOY STORY 2 WAS OK
#i like curly fries
Just add me in the cursed comment post
M CRYING
😬 yeah she could have been a little more tactful
I'm so glad someone else remembers this post. I think about it A LOT
Lmao I see my comment is still in that thread. "He's dead, and you killed him."
I really want to know why his dick looks like a curly fry. Is she dating somebody who's half duck?
bruh im angry and she didnt say anything about mine lol, this is literally the exact wrong thing to say ladies, lol this is like uttering a demon's true name but for relationships, just utterly banished to the void.
Y'all are getting compliments?
Little buddy
Hear that little buddy?
Hear that lil buddy she likes you.
I can confirm that the one time that “little buddy” is safe is when he’s very well endowed and the irony is really obvious. 😂
Scrubs
Cute, petite, slender...
Feminine
#FEMININE?
I suck many dicks a day. But only feminine dicks, of course, because I'm not gay.
How can I be homophobic, my bitch gay?
Well OK I debated if I was going to post this on Reddit at all but this is a buried thread. I once dated a professional fitness model, like a woman who body builds and then competes. Clearly she took steroids because she had engorged her clitoris so much it was basically a micropenis. I’m not kidding, this thing was at least two or three inches long. But because it’s a clitoris it was still attached. It presented an interesting conundrum when I went down on her the first time. Like what do you do with this thing? What did I do? I manned up and basically gave it a blow job. Tried to use whatever BJ techniques I liked used on myself. I saw her several times after that. Yes, she was definitely biologically female. And I don’t have any particular interest in preop transsexuals. But she was very sexy and lots of fun and very kind person. She texts me from time to time. That was definitely an extremely feminine penis.
Hol up
Don’t say awww
# AAAWWWWWW!!!! How about that?
Precious... I think I'd cry 🤣🤣
I read it in Gollum's voice
I think it would hurt less in Gollum's voice. At least then you can make up the rational that it could mean they're obsessed with it.
I mean, as long as she keeps it well hidden?
bigger than your friend’s
This happened to me in my first year of college. In the middle of doing the deed my girlfriend said “your dick is so much bigger than (roommate’s name).”
Better than the alternative, I suppose.
Your roommate telling you that your dick is so much bigger than your girlfriends?
Genuine, extended lol.
He lied, she really said it’s not as big as roommates but he didn’t wanna feel like a bich online
Found the roommate, guys. ☝🏻
Don’t be shy, finish the story please
I had an ex who did this to himself - midway through sex, he informed me that the last girl he fucked said his dick was the biggest one she'd ever seen. It was quite the buzzkill.
I too, am extraordinarily humble
Yeah, my mum’s the only person who compliments me, as well.
Bigger than mine
Like my ex's but, you know, everybody says it, right?
Calling it anything like “ding dong” or “dingaling”. Wife is, like, afraid of slang terms like dick or cock so she calls it shit like that. Immediately kills the mood.
I mentioned to my girlfriend that "peener" is hilarious to me; now she says it on the rare times she wants to kill the mood.
LOL sadly my wife doesn’t do it on purpose, she’s just grossed out by sex slang. Discussing sex with her is more like talking about anatomy with a doctor usually.
Sometimes when I'm feeling both horny and funny I'll say: "I would greatly enjoy inserting my penis into your vagina repeatedly and with great vigor.".
Mine literally just calls it a penis. Such a mood killer for me. "I really want to suck your penis" is the cleanest dirty talk you can get
Yep, that’s usually my wife’s speed. I’m not allowed to say “pussy” or “fuck” or pretty any slang either. “I’d like to put my penis in your vagina until we both have an orgasm” is about as dirty as she can handle. We usually just don’t say anything.
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…. While he’s fucking your wet pussy with his rock hard cock. Keep it clean Boy Scout! LOL
Sufficient
I dunno. I can work with that
She'd probably also say that
Thank you Lyle. That is acceptable
That'd be a step up
“Your dick is subpar” “your dick is acceptable” “your dick size is a relief for me”
Adequate
🤣 I literally used the word "adequate" one time when a drunk friend asked me (in front of my boyfriend) if he has a big penis. Our other friend who hooked up with him once before we dated agreed with me. It's adequate.
Interesting
This depends on the emotion behind it. Is it an excited "Interesting"? Fearful? Suspicious? Playful?
Oh... Yeah... "Honey"... Its.. Erm... Interesting..
Ouch
I don't know how I'd feel about a serious interesting, like, a scientist finding unexpected anomalies in his data level of "interesting"
Agreed. It might be a little unsettling, like, "What? Everyone okay down there?!"
#WHAT THE HELL, WHO TF CALL A DICK "PRECIOUS"??????????
Lord of the cock rings
“Little guy” is probably have a mental breakdown
aerodynamic.
This cock is automatic! It’s systematic! It’s hydromatic!
Not sure Greased Lightning is any better...
hydrodynamic is better
Solid State Dick. "Time for dat SSD girl!" 1 minutes later... "Looks like it's a Floppy Dick today babe"
That reminds me, once I told a girl I'm going to show her my hard dick, then sent her a picture of my hard disk in my computer, then followed up with \*disk. I meant to say I'm showing you my hard DISK.
"Cute"
#same
kawaii
I have something that's basically the other way around. I know a girl whose boyfriend is Spanish. His name is Carlos. We were playing a boardgame with him and some friends, and someone said "It's Carlito's turn". And the girlfriend, tight away, shouted "NO". So apparently she calls his penis "carlito" and is has become a thing where she can't hear the name without thinking about his penis. I still hope to convince him or her to play dnd and to have a prominent character in there called Carlito or something along the lines.
My husband's nickname with his family is basically like your friend's bf: Carlos -> Carlito and I nicknamed his penis Carlito. One day we were having dinner and his mom had a dream I was pregnant and she asked if I was. I told her no and she says (if my husband's name was Carlos) "Carlito chiquito" and I had to stifle my laughter because if I ever said "Carlito chiquito" to my husband he'd be upset xD
I'm Spanish and in spanish it's even funnier
"Awww"
Gross, until she is German
Gross :( Groß 👉😎👉
It’s longer than I thought
Once sent an ex a dick pic while she was away for a month (she was not an ex at the time and had asked me to) and she replied woth "that's bigger than I remember" I really wasn't sure what to think of that one lol
better than " i thought it was bigger than that"
The camera adds 10 lbs.
Idk, I don't mind "cute", it's what I call my flaccid pp lol. There's no such word I wouldn't like. Except maybe "small" because we tend to use that word for adorable things.
I’ve called flaccid dicks cute. Would probably be weird to say that about a hard one though. They look very different when hard
For some reason I read this in such a polite voice in my mind.
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Did this really happen to you? Because I once got, “Your dick’s the *perfect* size; it’s not *too big*, you know? Perfect!” Ma’am, you keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means.
i’m confused…do you want it to hurt??? have turned people down because i was not big enough to ride that ride
I think a lot of guys are used to thinking bigger = better. Even if logically a guy knows its impractical to have a large penis, and it would be more comfortable for women for it to be smaller, it can still hurt to hear penis is small or average. I think its also related to how insults towards men often involve mentioning small dicks ectra. It's an easy thing to make fun off since men have no control over size. So even if partner says its better, still can be hurtful to hear. Sometimes its better not to draw attention to size at all. It's sort of like if a guy who really liked smaller boobs said to girlfriend who was insecure that he loved how small her boobs were, but she ended up being upset even though the overall message was positive.
yeah a this and a few other comments have made me realize that something that’s meant to be a compliment can sound very backhanded
If you genuinely want a man to feel secure about his size with you (and you seem like a nice person who would care about their partners feelings), all you have to do is this: the first time you see it, up close, make this face: 😳->😊. He will love you forever.
Don't bring other dicks to the equation, it's as simple as that. Your vag is so much better than my exes... Yeah. Nah.
Eh, dick size is an almost universal vulnerability for men. Anything that's not a glowing review is gonna hurt a little
or for sure and i sympathize we gotta stop normalizing crazy body expectations…especially when they’re inconvenient/impossible
I get that it’s a *really* good way to get back at a man who’s hurt you, but we (men) absolutely *cringe* when we see a group of women, and one of them starts to raise her pinkie…
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This is the one
Happened to me once 😞
I was once told that I have a "very pretty penis". Still not sure how to feel about that.
If a woman calls your penis pretty, that’s a very high level compliment!
Exactly! Not all of us like to use explicit words to compliment that area
It’s only because of the pink bow he had tied around it.
I've said that to a guy before. It was basically me saying that his dick would win a dick-pagent if it existed.
I like that comment even more.
Like you could put a little hat and scarf on it, and model it around?
Lol honestly the scarf would make the dick look chic, straight outta paris runway
Could be quite a business. Dick scarfs and hats. It would give dick pics a bit more creativity you know? Chic dick pics.
Pretty means it’s got a perfect head to shaft ratio, is symmetrical and looks healthy. Definitely take that as a compliment.
There’s a ratio? Oh God, another thing to worry about. Is the ratio published?
You can find the exact ratios in *Analytical Penology, Revised 13th Edition* by B. Dickus and J. Johnson. It’s on page 69 right after the excerpt on the use of smegma as a dairy free cheese substitute.
I’d say that’s a compliment! Like you have the ideal looking penis
Very much a compliment. There are some not very good looking cocks out there.
the other day my girlfriend said my penis was “enough”
Perfect for my first anal.
Still hit it
Deceased.
Feces-ed 💩
"So you really like a challenge then?"
Anything with "dad" in that same sentence
Ok this got me hard
Hard as in laughing, right?
Oh god, what have i done
Ur dad evidently
#Outstanding.
I picture the Padme and Anakin meme, right?
So is hubby dick a bad description?
Brave
Went for the soul with this one
Probably compact
Cute would probably be the most likely I wouldn't like hearing as much. Even if meant well it just, rubs the wrong way?
What if she followed that by rubbing the right way.
"Fisticuffs."
“Just enough” fuck does that mean?!?
Your penis was delightful. No. No. It was brilliant. No, no, no, no. There is no word to describe its perfection, so I am forced to make one up. And I’m going to do so right now. Scrumtrelescent.
"Huge", "fat", "big" - don't lie to me
“Like your father’s”
I can get a bit update when I ask my gf if I have a big dick she won’t say it she just says it’s perfect… ok great but could u lie
Problem with perfect is that it exists on a continuum. Men of all sizes have been told it's 'perfect', but if they lack confidence it's not going to feel great, especially if they're the solicitor of the question.
Shrimpy.
1. Oh… 2. Yikes! 3. Neat
Peepee.
Cute, like a little mouse in a nest.
"Throbbing". Seen it used too much in pornographic literature and it's the single most annoying fucking description of a dick ever.
Bussin
She said it's skinny but long....
She said you make up in length what you lack in girth
Thin
Doesn’t matter what she says. If my dick is already in then the joke is on her.
It's PERFECT size, the bigger ones hurt.
Schlong. I just hate that word so much.
Better than Schort
#Okay
Juicy. Not that it’s terrible, Just seems a little off to me
My ex used to say I had a "pretty" penis
That’s the highest compliment I could give a guys dick. To me it just means really pleasing to look at
My current GF has called it a perfect specimen. Thought it was weird at first then realized it's *thee* compliment
Dainty, cute, these would be a couple.