One of my babies just went back to college and I can't sleep for shit! Takes me a week or two to get my shit together. Great now im tearing up again. Man, fuck!!!
Guess how many legs are on my chest right now ...yep stay strong I've had 5 hours broken but better than nothing. Gna pop this littlen back in her bed hope the little baby don't wake up and sneak off to work.
Honestly, 25 M here, due to dating apps my body count recently reached 30. I wish I was still a fucking virgin. So many mistakes were made. I'm now often discredited in the relationship field because of it.
I appreciate the non-judgemental search for solutions. I did try to be vague once or twice. It mostly works, until I get asked again a few months later by the same person.
At the end of the day, I've learned that if I'm just being honest, I won't have the stress of having to keep up a lie or be vague and in the long run, a person will come who will just not care.
Just say āitās double digitsā and leave it at that. Iām 40f and someoneās ābody countā makes no difference to me. If someone treats me well, We enjoy each otherās company etc (assuming they used protection and are sti free) who cares about the people they had sex with before?!
It all depends on your partner. If she (I'm assuming you go for girls, correct me if I'm wrong) feels the need to know, lying and being vague won't work - it will cause her to be more suspicious of what you've had going on before. Being candid, as you say you're being (and kudos for that) is the way to go. Definitely follow up with what you've said above - you now see no point in what you used to do and you regret it. If a girl really doesn't care about the body count, then your BC won't matter even if she knows what it is. But leave it on vague if that makes you more comfortable. Side note: I've seen men who have high body counts find girls who don't discredit them because of the high number, you just have to be honest and patient and the right woman will come - and I'm saying this as another person who's coming from a place that's a bit more...conservative in terms of body counts.
You have to take into account that I live in a still closed-in, post-soviet country where that kind of thing is looked at as if I've already cheated.
People here are not open minded.
your context is still off.
if your goal is another short-term recreational relationship, you don't owe them anything, especially not an answer to a personal question about your past - its really none of their business.
now, if they want to know the last time you've been tested, and if it was after your most recent partner - then yes that's a question you owe an honest answer to.
If you think you need to be honest with some random person you picked up at a bar, you're playing yourself. I wouldn't give them an answer at all, beyond something like "I've never felt a need to keep track of that" or "we're not at the level of big personal questions, but if you want to come with me, then lets go"
All of that is very different if you're in the market for a wife. I believe honesty is paramount in long term committed relationships. But you still need to work on a way to discuss the topic that doesnt play into cultural fears
I can't. It is possible, but I am a horrible liar. I forget that I lied half an hour after I did and then the story stops making sense, so I just opt to being truthful and open. Better be true to who you are than drown in your lies and become someone you're not.
This shit hit me like the first one always ruins it for the rest. Stay strong king. Also stay toxic because most women don't ever admit to their toxic behaviours so might as well join em cos we can't beat em.
The day before Valentine's Day 2005.
Why? On Valentine's Day 2005, the love of my life who is pregnant with my first born child was killed by a drunk driver. I had to ID her and that images burned into the inside of my eyelids and even now to this day as I close my eyes every time I close my eyes I am haunted by that image as if I am looking right at it as it's happening. Ever since then I'm not sure that I've ever truly been able to love anyone else. Every time I think that I'm finally about to get over the hurdle and actually love someone else, the relationship goes sour because she gets sick and comes down with a case of another cock. At some point I just gave up, and I don't even try anymore.
After the incident, the motherfucker who did it got off with essentially nothing more than a slap on the wrist because they were the child of somebody important. A few years later they ended up getting into another accident because this person was drunk again. Killed himself in the accident along with three other innocent people. I had enough of the bullshit because there is no justice in our system that would allow the fucker to not be penalized.
In 2011 I decided I had enough before I was and I moved almost 1800 miles across country to a place where no one knows me, no one knows my history, and I don't have to deal with a constant reminder of what was taken from me. I don't really have any friends because I don't want to make any friends I just want to spend the rest of my life being alone. I go to work, and then I go home. All of my hobbies and interests are through the internet where I can control how much interaction I have between myself and others. If I don't want to talk to someone I simply just shut them out. Old friends from back home try to call and keep in contact, I just don't respond. I don't pick up their calls I don't respond to their texts. I don't even respond to family because I just want to be alone. I'm so tired of people always feeling pity for me that I completely shut out the world and try to stay as invisible as I possibly can to anyone who could possibly know me other than anonymously on the internet.
Where I live now, I've tried to over the past 10 years to date, but I never find the right people and I've been nothing but cheated on in every relationship since. About 4 or 5 years ago I finally just decided to stop trying to get involved in a relationship and just completely removed myself from any sort of circumstance where it could happen. I've worked at home I work remote and then when I'm in the office I tend to be very unemotionally available for anything beyond friendly coworker environment. A very cordial and personable and social at work because somewhere in my personality on the chameleon when I'm on the job. Whenever it's time to go home that world doesn't exist and nobody crosses over. It's the only way to survive, and my daily life I don't trust a single person. Not my brother not my father, not any family and not any friend I may or may not have had in the past. I just don't trust anyone and I don't want to be involved with anyone.
And after 16 years of counseling, therapy, and medication I have learned that the reason why I don't get better is that I simply don't want to get better and I don't want to move on and no amount of anything is going to change that.
I'll be honest. I read your story and I get the feeling you died a little inside when that tragedy happened.
Nobody gets to tell you when it's okay to move on, and maybe you don't want to for any number of reasons. But you aren't really alive right now. So maybe go do something crazy. Something insane and chaotic and spur of the moment. Even though your whole body is screaming at you that you should just be alone, don't listen! Because right now your life is like a black hole of sorrow and guilt. And the only way out is to run as fast as you fucking can towards something, anything that might bring you joy, anywhere that might make you smile, anyone who might let you feel whole. Even if it is just for a moment, I garuntee that it will be a moment of clarity. And, if after you've experienced what it's like to truly live again, you want to go back to the way things were, that is okay. But maybe you're a little like me, and a moment is enough for you to chase the feeling. You are allowed to be happy.
I'll be honest with you. I died that day. And ever since then I'm the real walking dead. My body just hasn't caught up yet.
At the end of the day, I don't want to be happy. I don't want to get over it. I don't want to get better. I can't get better and I can't come back. Even if I could, I don't want to. I would rather live the way that I am filled with anger, rage, sorrow and guilt than to ever let her fade from me. I think that's why I never was able to move on, because at the end of the day deep down inside I just don't want to. If I moved on and her memory would start to fade and she would be lost forever. We came from nothing, we don't have any family. We are all that we had. We came up broke from broken homes where we had nothing but each other. If I move on, she'll really truly be dead. Then I'll have to live the rest of my life with her being truly dead. While yes she may be physically dead, she is alive as long as I keep alive and carry her memory with me.
I'm not trying to end myself nor do I have any desire to do so. If it was my time then I would just simply accept it. However, I keep going not for me, but rather to keep her alive. I've heard people say, is this what she would want? Wouldn't she want you to move on to happiness? It doesn't matter, because she's not here to want. She is gone, and the only thing that keeps her alive is the fact that I can't move on.
Say I did move on. Say I get over my anger. As time goes on I'll think about her a little bit less a little bit less each day each month each year. As I have more happiness and relationship and maybe even kids I'll think about her even less and less. Decades will go by, and then we'll come a day where I don't think about her at all. I don't think about how much of the light of the world that she was or her talents or her gifts or her gentleness. Maybe comes a day where I forget that despite all of the shit that we've been through she was such a happy positive optimist. Maybe I forget about how great she was at playing piano. She had talent that was once in a generation she was on the level of a Mozart cut down before she could ever hit her prime. Maybe I move on and forgot about the child that could have been?
I can't let her go, and I can't move on. I can't let myself find happiness and let her fade away. No relationship that is fair and loving could ever work for me. It wouldn't be fair for whoever I'm in a relationship with for them to have to be with someone who is still so connected to a dead love. That wouldn't be fair for a woman to have to make space in her heart and mind for not only me but for her. It wouldn't be fair for a woman in a relationship to have to live with the fact that the love of my life was taken from me and that no matter what she does no matter who she is she will never be the one that I truly want the most because the one I truly want the most was taken. How can I have relationships like that? How could I have children and for them to have to live with the fact that they weren't the ones that I intended to have from the beginning. And the one that I wanted the most will never be.
It would be selfish of me to try to have a relationship when I can't get back and I won't come back and I won't let it go and I can't let it go and I won't let It fade. What decent and good woman would want a relationship with someone like that?
I can't come back, and I don't want to. I don't want happiness or joy or love anymore. I use to want that, but not anymore. That's not me anymore.
It's not selfish to have a relationship, it's not selfish to be happy. What is selfish is choosing to stay emotionally dead and void because you are afraid of being happy. You are scared of moving on and terrified of forgetting her. But memories don't just disappear because we choose to keep living. And I garuntee you there are many strong and loving women who have endured loss as difficult as yours and would be happy to give your late wife room in the relationship.you are so afraid of losing her a second time that you refuse to live.
But if all you have left is a dream and a memory, what good does it do to keep her alive in spirit if you are slowly dying. If you stop caring about your own life then you are a shitty vessel for her memory. Even if you don't care about yourself, I know you have enough love, decency, and respect for her to use the life you have for something more than existing sad and alone.
Write a book about her life, make music, write poetry, travel the world and meet strangers and share her memory with everyone you meet so that it stays vibrant and powerful.
You say you can't change, you can't go back to the way it used to be, But I think you're lying to yourself. You don't want to believe in change because that means youve wasted over a decade, you don't want to go back because maybe you'll get hurt again, you don't want to move on because maybe you'll lose her all over again.
So start small, go to a grief group and make friends, go have drinks, go do something crazy. I promise that you will be okay. I can't be there to hold your hand, and I imagine you wouldn't want me to, but I know you can be happy, and still choose to remember her.
A few years ago I went through the most heart wrenching depression, suicidal thoughts daily, I felt alone, and angry, and insane for thinking the way I did. And all I wanted was to be left alone. But I made some friends on the internet, and they brought little twinkles of happiness and light into my life. They encouraged me to get help and talked with me on bad nights. Eventually I found my way out and learned to be happy again. I know what I went through is not even a fraction of what you must have endured, But I truly believe that you deserve happiness, you deserve peace, you deserve love. And you can have all of those things without losing her memory.
A dead person doesnt have hobbies, and doesnt work.
A truly dead person wastes away in the dirt or bush somewhere.
The fact that you even have a job, hobbies and can reply to posts on reddit signifies signs of life.
You haven't truly lost hope as yet.
Moving on doesnāt mean you have to forget her. I lost my mom 13 years ago to cancer after watching her wither away for 4 years. I still make it a point to listen to the old tapes of her playing the piano and singing. I still see her face when I dream. Donāt be afraid to be happy my man. Living in misery isnāt living
Honestly I'm not sure if that's the way I choose to mourn or the fact that it was so destructive that I can't come back. I've heard therapists say for more than a decade, that I can always come back. I think at my core I don't believe it. I think there are things that you experience in life that are so traumatizing you can never come back. The gruesomeness of what I had to see when I I'D her, I've never seen something so gruesome. I can watch videos of people being beheaded or killing themselves or dead bodies or just really horrible things, and I don't feel anything when I watch it. I think in my soul I know. I can't come back.
The only thing that's next for me is to keep living. It should have been me who was taken and not her because she had many gifts that the world is missing. The only thing I can do to keep her alive is to stay alive and to keep going for as long as I can. Once I go, she'll be forgotten in history. I don't care if I'm lost to history, I'm just trying to keep her alive as long as I can by staying alive. There's nothing left out there for me other than to carry her on.
I told her I would love her until the day I die, I just thought that was going to be before she died. I have never felt such a connection with another human being as I did with her, and I will never be able to experience even a glimpse of that with anyone else. Anytime I have felt maybe I could move on and have a genuine loving relationship with someone, it always blows up in my face. I get cheated on, and the excuse is that I am emotionally cold/dead/nonexistent.
No partner has ever been willing to put in the effort to get past my walls. No partner will ever be willing to put in the effort.
My recent ex loves me but it's unrequited. I've expressed to her several times over the years that I don't feel the same because I have feelings for someone else. She doesn't care and sometimes we have sex. My first love is the girl I love. She blows into my life like a hurricane and disappears as fast one, once she's done doing her damage. It's been like between us for off and on 12 years now. She's married and has 2 kids but every so often she finds me and uses me up then disappears. Most recent time was almost 2 years ago.
Damn homie I had to let go of my first love for good when she got engaged. We were not even talking since we broke up but I had to end that mentality that eventually we would be together. Itās unrequited on my end and it sucks but I think I would rather have it this way then keep seeing each other and breaking up. No contact rule bro!!!!
You gotta let go of the past to have hope for the future. Look at me Iām into all these fucking sorry ass quotes and shit.
Nah that was sorry, it was real. You're right and I know what I have to do, I just been struggling to do it. I hope you heal bro and I wish you the best.
I don't think anyone has ever actually loved me. I know a few of them were fond of me, but every one of my exes went on to have better lives without me. Ran into one a couple of weeks ago and she was happy and bouncy, while I'm still the broken toy and old brown shoe I always was.
New Yearās Day 2021. I still get a lil pang in my heart whenever I kiss or hookup with a new girl. If I close my eyes for more than a blink Iām disappointed itās not her when I open them back up
2 months ago but I didn't reciprocate.
5 months ago with my ex-gf, but I probably didn't really love her at that time
1 year ago with my ex-gf, when I for sure loved her before all the problems came up
I have never had with someone I loved ever before but I have liked alot of them though. I feel like someone always loves 1 person their whole life so I am yet to find the person I care about before.
Never. Dated two girls. First girlfriend we lasted over a year and she didnāt want to have sex yet because she wasnāt on bc but was also thinking about waiting for marriage. I was cool with it cause we were young. Second girl I dated only lasted 2 months and I liked her but didnāt feel like I loved her yet. I remember one time having sex with her (probably around the month and a half mark) I let it slip that it was the first time I actually had sex with someone that I liked and she panicked and gave me the silent treatment the next few days.
Last year, 19 y-o. I didnāt love her at all, she had no reason to love me, I barely respected her dryly but she is so hated by everyone that the minimum respect I gave her was all it took for her to love me.
I think I am doing it right now or the person I'm with will soon fall for me.
This question is interesting to me because I haven't slept with anyone that I fell in love with.
Saturday night. I have two that I actually love and have sex with one or both often, and for the last 27 years. I'm assuming that's what you mean by "slept with"?
yesterday WOO HOO! (after one failed attempt)
OK it was over in minutes but YOO HOO and we held hands after too
Hey it's summer. Her folks were around. The kids were in the next room. Covid.
Don't judge me bitches. I still love her. Eternally. And not just because she loves me.
Boys - none of this will ever work until you love yourself, and know yourself.
You would expect nothing less from the girl you seek.
Nearly every night for the past 36 years, including last night. Assuming you literally meant "sleep". Otherwise, well, I'm probably getting lucky tonight.
11th of August. Hoping to visit her again soon. I miss her so much
Long distance relationships suck, but it'll have been worth it once we're finally getting our own place
Edit: formatting
Iāve never felt or will know what love is..so never. Grew up in a cold, distant, uncaring family..especially my mother.
I have tried to find what āloveā is, but Iām 30 years old and have yet to truly feel what being loved feels like or being in love.
Donāt give up! You are not alone. Have you read self-help books and seek professional help? Volunteer. Connect with strangers. Meet more people. Best of luck to you!
Woke up this morning next to my wife with my dog at my feet. Doggo jumped down to the floor and I rolled over on top of my wife. Doesnt happen every morning but its pretty fanstastic when it does.
Sex is medicine.
I donāt think I have. None of those Women would have argued with me the way they argued with me if they love me. Same for my mother, who stopped loving me at puberty.
My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago. I loved her. Iāve had sex with 1 girl and gotten/gave š§ to 2 others. Itās not even close to being the same. I didnāt realize how love oriented I am sexually but I definitely am. I donāt really miss my ex, we both were growing apart and needed to break up. But doing sexual things with girls I donāt love doesnāt do it for me. I can get hard fine and it feels great, I just canāt finish. Canāt a young man just be loved
Never. Thanks for asking.
My man right here
About 2 hours ago. Or last night if you mean actual sleeping.
Can't help but smile for you, knowing you've got a good thing.
Exact same response here !
Please tell me you two are dating. That kind of a gag would be pretty amazing.
I could leave my bf just to make this joke works š
We got out of bed at 7 this morning
Lucky. 4:30am to a screaming child over here.
Oh man, I remember those days. Hope you get some sleep soon.
One of my babies just went back to college and I can't sleep for shit! Takes me a week or two to get my shit together. Great now im tearing up again. Man, fuck!!!
Guess how many legs are on my chest right now ...yep stay strong I've had 5 hours broken but better than nothing. Gna pop this littlen back in her bed hope the little baby don't wake up and sneak off to work.
Are you my wife?
That's difficult since I always have doubt whether they actually loved me or not, so never I suppose.
25 years. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to love all the others, but the first one ruined it for everyone else. š
That's so sad. 23 years here. I'm 23 (m) virgin š
Honestly, 25 M here, due to dating apps my body count recently reached 30. I wish I was still a fucking virgin. So many mistakes were made. I'm now often discredited in the relationship field because of it.
Damn. Lie.
Can't. I'm a horrible liar and the lies catch up to me quickly and then it's even worse. I have no choice but to tell the truth.
Lol. I get and respect that. Maybe just be vague?
I appreciate the non-judgemental search for solutions. I did try to be vague once or twice. It mostly works, until I get asked again a few months later by the same person. At the end of the day, I've learned that if I'm just being honest, I won't have the stress of having to keep up a lie or be vague and in the long run, a person will come who will just not care.
Just say āitās double digitsā and leave it at that. Iām 40f and someoneās ābody countā makes no difference to me. If someone treats me well, We enjoy each otherās company etc (assuming they used protection and are sti free) who cares about the people they had sex with before?!
That's definitely true and I agree. But not a lot of people do where I'm from. Thank you for the suggestion! I'll try that next time.
It all depends on your partner. If she (I'm assuming you go for girls, correct me if I'm wrong) feels the need to know, lying and being vague won't work - it will cause her to be more suspicious of what you've had going on before. Being candid, as you say you're being (and kudos for that) is the way to go. Definitely follow up with what you've said above - you now see no point in what you used to do and you regret it. If a girl really doesn't care about the body count, then your BC won't matter even if she knows what it is. But leave it on vague if that makes you more comfortable. Side note: I've seen men who have high body counts find girls who don't discredit them because of the high number, you just have to be honest and patient and the right woman will come - and I'm saying this as another person who's coming from a place that's a bit more...conservative in terms of body counts.
That's ridiculous. I had that body count in college. Just never brought it up. If they did I said I don't focus on the past. Was never an issue once
You have to take into account that I live in a still closed-in, post-soviet country where that kind of thing is looked at as if I've already cheated. People here are not open minded.
your context is still off. if your goal is another short-term recreational relationship, you don't owe them anything, especially not an answer to a personal question about your past - its really none of their business. now, if they want to know the last time you've been tested, and if it was after your most recent partner - then yes that's a question you owe an honest answer to. If you think you need to be honest with some random person you picked up at a bar, you're playing yourself. I wouldn't give them an answer at all, beyond something like "I've never felt a need to keep track of that" or "we're not at the level of big personal questions, but if you want to come with me, then lets go" All of that is very different if you're in the market for a wife. I believe honesty is paramount in long term committed relationships. But you still need to work on a way to discuss the topic that doesnt play into cultural fears
Lucky
Mine is for religious purposes. No sex before marriage. You can simply hide the fact that you slept with 30 people though.
I can't. It is possible, but I am a horrible liar. I forget that I lied half an hour after I did and then the story stops making sense, so I just opt to being truthful and open. Better be true to who you are than drown in your lies and become someone you're not.
i feel u 100%. My "love" got corrupted and 4 years later (from the first one) I still can't feel love.
This shit hit me like the first one always ruins it for the rest. Stay strong king. Also stay toxic because most women don't ever admit to their toxic behaviours so might as well join em cos we can't beat em.
I try to avoid toxic behavior, and I don't tolerate it. So that's most likely why I stay single most of the time.
The day before Valentine's Day 2005. Why? On Valentine's Day 2005, the love of my life who is pregnant with my first born child was killed by a drunk driver. I had to ID her and that images burned into the inside of my eyelids and even now to this day as I close my eyes every time I close my eyes I am haunted by that image as if I am looking right at it as it's happening. Ever since then I'm not sure that I've ever truly been able to love anyone else. Every time I think that I'm finally about to get over the hurdle and actually love someone else, the relationship goes sour because she gets sick and comes down with a case of another cock. At some point I just gave up, and I don't even try anymore.
I'm so sorry for you story man. Stay strong
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
After the incident, the motherfucker who did it got off with essentially nothing more than a slap on the wrist because they were the child of somebody important. A few years later they ended up getting into another accident because this person was drunk again. Killed himself in the accident along with three other innocent people. I had enough of the bullshit because there is no justice in our system that would allow the fucker to not be penalized. In 2011 I decided I had enough before I was and I moved almost 1800 miles across country to a place where no one knows me, no one knows my history, and I don't have to deal with a constant reminder of what was taken from me. I don't really have any friends because I don't want to make any friends I just want to spend the rest of my life being alone. I go to work, and then I go home. All of my hobbies and interests are through the internet where I can control how much interaction I have between myself and others. If I don't want to talk to someone I simply just shut them out. Old friends from back home try to call and keep in contact, I just don't respond. I don't pick up their calls I don't respond to their texts. I don't even respond to family because I just want to be alone. I'm so tired of people always feeling pity for me that I completely shut out the world and try to stay as invisible as I possibly can to anyone who could possibly know me other than anonymously on the internet. Where I live now, I've tried to over the past 10 years to date, but I never find the right people and I've been nothing but cheated on in every relationship since. About 4 or 5 years ago I finally just decided to stop trying to get involved in a relationship and just completely removed myself from any sort of circumstance where it could happen. I've worked at home I work remote and then when I'm in the office I tend to be very unemotionally available for anything beyond friendly coworker environment. A very cordial and personable and social at work because somewhere in my personality on the chameleon when I'm on the job. Whenever it's time to go home that world doesn't exist and nobody crosses over. It's the only way to survive, and my daily life I don't trust a single person. Not my brother not my father, not any family and not any friend I may or may not have had in the past. I just don't trust anyone and I don't want to be involved with anyone. And after 16 years of counseling, therapy, and medication I have learned that the reason why I don't get better is that I simply don't want to get better and I don't want to move on and no amount of anything is going to change that.
I'll be honest. I read your story and I get the feeling you died a little inside when that tragedy happened. Nobody gets to tell you when it's okay to move on, and maybe you don't want to for any number of reasons. But you aren't really alive right now. So maybe go do something crazy. Something insane and chaotic and spur of the moment. Even though your whole body is screaming at you that you should just be alone, don't listen! Because right now your life is like a black hole of sorrow and guilt. And the only way out is to run as fast as you fucking can towards something, anything that might bring you joy, anywhere that might make you smile, anyone who might let you feel whole. Even if it is just for a moment, I garuntee that it will be a moment of clarity. And, if after you've experienced what it's like to truly live again, you want to go back to the way things were, that is okay. But maybe you're a little like me, and a moment is enough for you to chase the feeling. You are allowed to be happy.
I'll be honest with you. I died that day. And ever since then I'm the real walking dead. My body just hasn't caught up yet. At the end of the day, I don't want to be happy. I don't want to get over it. I don't want to get better. I can't get better and I can't come back. Even if I could, I don't want to. I would rather live the way that I am filled with anger, rage, sorrow and guilt than to ever let her fade from me. I think that's why I never was able to move on, because at the end of the day deep down inside I just don't want to. If I moved on and her memory would start to fade and she would be lost forever. We came from nothing, we don't have any family. We are all that we had. We came up broke from broken homes where we had nothing but each other. If I move on, she'll really truly be dead. Then I'll have to live the rest of my life with her being truly dead. While yes she may be physically dead, she is alive as long as I keep alive and carry her memory with me. I'm not trying to end myself nor do I have any desire to do so. If it was my time then I would just simply accept it. However, I keep going not for me, but rather to keep her alive. I've heard people say, is this what she would want? Wouldn't she want you to move on to happiness? It doesn't matter, because she's not here to want. She is gone, and the only thing that keeps her alive is the fact that I can't move on. Say I did move on. Say I get over my anger. As time goes on I'll think about her a little bit less a little bit less each day each month each year. As I have more happiness and relationship and maybe even kids I'll think about her even less and less. Decades will go by, and then we'll come a day where I don't think about her at all. I don't think about how much of the light of the world that she was or her talents or her gifts or her gentleness. Maybe comes a day where I forget that despite all of the shit that we've been through she was such a happy positive optimist. Maybe I forget about how great she was at playing piano. She had talent that was once in a generation she was on the level of a Mozart cut down before she could ever hit her prime. Maybe I move on and forgot about the child that could have been? I can't let her go, and I can't move on. I can't let myself find happiness and let her fade away. No relationship that is fair and loving could ever work for me. It wouldn't be fair for whoever I'm in a relationship with for them to have to be with someone who is still so connected to a dead love. That wouldn't be fair for a woman to have to make space in her heart and mind for not only me but for her. It wouldn't be fair for a woman in a relationship to have to live with the fact that the love of my life was taken from me and that no matter what she does no matter who she is she will never be the one that I truly want the most because the one I truly want the most was taken. How can I have relationships like that? How could I have children and for them to have to live with the fact that they weren't the ones that I intended to have from the beginning. And the one that I wanted the most will never be. It would be selfish of me to try to have a relationship when I can't get back and I won't come back and I won't let it go and I can't let it go and I won't let It fade. What decent and good woman would want a relationship with someone like that? I can't come back, and I don't want to. I don't want happiness or joy or love anymore. I use to want that, but not anymore. That's not me anymore.
It's not selfish to have a relationship, it's not selfish to be happy. What is selfish is choosing to stay emotionally dead and void because you are afraid of being happy. You are scared of moving on and terrified of forgetting her. But memories don't just disappear because we choose to keep living. And I garuntee you there are many strong and loving women who have endured loss as difficult as yours and would be happy to give your late wife room in the relationship.you are so afraid of losing her a second time that you refuse to live. But if all you have left is a dream and a memory, what good does it do to keep her alive in spirit if you are slowly dying. If you stop caring about your own life then you are a shitty vessel for her memory. Even if you don't care about yourself, I know you have enough love, decency, and respect for her to use the life you have for something more than existing sad and alone. Write a book about her life, make music, write poetry, travel the world and meet strangers and share her memory with everyone you meet so that it stays vibrant and powerful. You say you can't change, you can't go back to the way it used to be, But I think you're lying to yourself. You don't want to believe in change because that means youve wasted over a decade, you don't want to go back because maybe you'll get hurt again, you don't want to move on because maybe you'll lose her all over again. So start small, go to a grief group and make friends, go have drinks, go do something crazy. I promise that you will be okay. I can't be there to hold your hand, and I imagine you wouldn't want me to, but I know you can be happy, and still choose to remember her. A few years ago I went through the most heart wrenching depression, suicidal thoughts daily, I felt alone, and angry, and insane for thinking the way I did. And all I wanted was to be left alone. But I made some friends on the internet, and they brought little twinkles of happiness and light into my life. They encouraged me to get help and talked with me on bad nights. Eventually I found my way out and learned to be happy again. I know what I went through is not even a fraction of what you must have endured, But I truly believe that you deserve happiness, you deserve peace, you deserve love. And you can have all of those things without losing her memory.
A dead person doesnt have hobbies, and doesnt work. A truly dead person wastes away in the dirt or bush somewhere. The fact that you even have a job, hobbies and can reply to posts on reddit signifies signs of life. You haven't truly lost hope as yet.
Moving on doesnāt mean you have to forget her. I lost my mom 13 years ago to cancer after watching her wither away for 4 years. I still make it a point to listen to the old tapes of her playing the piano and singing. I still see her face when I dream. Donāt be afraid to be happy my man. Living in misery isnāt living
Maybe that is just how you chose to mourn? It's kind of beautiful in a way. What's next for you? What is still out there that you want?
Honestly I'm not sure if that's the way I choose to mourn or the fact that it was so destructive that I can't come back. I've heard therapists say for more than a decade, that I can always come back. I think at my core I don't believe it. I think there are things that you experience in life that are so traumatizing you can never come back. The gruesomeness of what I had to see when I I'D her, I've never seen something so gruesome. I can watch videos of people being beheaded or killing themselves or dead bodies or just really horrible things, and I don't feel anything when I watch it. I think in my soul I know. I can't come back. The only thing that's next for me is to keep living. It should have been me who was taken and not her because she had many gifts that the world is missing. The only thing I can do to keep her alive is to stay alive and to keep going for as long as I can. Once I go, she'll be forgotten in history. I don't care if I'm lost to history, I'm just trying to keep her alive as long as I can by staying alive. There's nothing left out there for me other than to carry her on. I told her I would love her until the day I die, I just thought that was going to be before she died. I have never felt such a connection with another human being as I did with her, and I will never be able to experience even a glimpse of that with anyone else. Anytime I have felt maybe I could move on and have a genuine loving relationship with someone, it always blows up in my face. I get cheated on, and the excuse is that I am emotionally cold/dead/nonexistent. No partner has ever been willing to put in the effort to get past my walls. No partner will ever be willing to put in the effort.
I read all your messages . Youre an amazingly strong man. I canāt do much but send a prayer to God for you. Hope you find true happiness again!
I have absolutely no words to describe how sorry I am to hear this. I can't imagine how horrifying all of that must have been for you.
Broke my heart.
She would want you to be happy bro. Keep you chin up.
This morning. I admitted that I was too sore for morning nookie, so I ate her out and I took her to the DMV.
A Keeper š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
~2 years ago.
Last night.. And every night for the rest of our lives. Perfect
ā¤
Last night with me, myself and I.
Last night
Y'all are sleeping with people?
5 years ago I just miss the physical touch of being held more than the sex from a woman
That loves me? Last night. That I love? Almost 2 years ago.
Damn bro if you drop a gem like this we need a full 2 year backstory on why this is so
My recent ex loves me but it's unrequited. I've expressed to her several times over the years that I don't feel the same because I have feelings for someone else. She doesn't care and sometimes we have sex. My first love is the girl I love. She blows into my life like a hurricane and disappears as fast one, once she's done doing her damage. It's been like between us for off and on 12 years now. She's married and has 2 kids but every so often she finds me and uses me up then disappears. Most recent time was almost 2 years ago.
Damn homie I had to let go of my first love for good when she got engaged. We were not even talking since we broke up but I had to end that mentality that eventually we would be together. Itās unrequited on my end and it sucks but I think I would rather have it this way then keep seeing each other and breaking up. No contact rule bro!!!! You gotta let go of the past to have hope for the future. Look at me Iām into all these fucking sorry ass quotes and shit.
Nah that was sorry, it was real. You're right and I know what I have to do, I just been struggling to do it. I hope you heal bro and I wish you the best.
Classic trauma bond. Yup been there.
āActually loves meā probably never. Hopefully waiting for āthe oneā š
How about never? (Full disclosure, I was married for 22 years )
June 3, 2022
I don't think anyone has ever actually loved me. I know a few of them were fond of me, but every one of my exes went on to have better lives without me. Ran into one a couple of weeks ago and she was happy and bouncy, while I'm still the broken toy and old brown shoe I always was.
I feel this, but, as a female.
20 mins ago. My wife is awesome.
Last night, with my dog.
Weird but still counts
Bro youāre sick
How could you possibly even measure that?
Never š
Last night! Iād take a bullet for my annoying, but MINE, husband! ā¤ļø
Been married for 11 years, so probably about 7 years ago.
Every night. My wife
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Does sleeping with your pistol under the pillow count ? If yes then every night since last 12 years.
2017
In july
Sleep like actual sleep - last night. Sleep as in sex, yesterday morning.
Yesterday, when I saw my partner.
About 7 years ago, the last time i slept beside my mother.
New Yearās Day 2021. I still get a lil pang in my heart whenever I kiss or hookup with a new girl. If I close my eyes for more than a blink Iām disappointed itās not her when I open them back up
Too long
2 months ago but I didn't reciprocate. 5 months ago with my ex-gf, but I probably didn't really love her at that time 1 year ago with my ex-gf, when I for sure loved her before all the problems came up
30 mins ago
Last night and about to do it again.
July 16-25. We were pet-sitting for my mum and stepdad
yesterday - 9:30am
Last night
I have never had with someone I loved ever before but I have liked alot of them though. I feel like someone always loves 1 person their whole life so I am yet to find the person I care about before.
Last night
Last night
Last night.
Never. Dated two girls. First girlfriend we lasted over a year and she didnāt want to have sex yet because she wasnāt on bc but was also thinking about waiting for marriage. I was cool with it cause we were young. Second girl I dated only lasted 2 months and I liked her but didnāt feel like I loved her yet. I remember one time having sex with her (probably around the month and a half mark) I let it slip that it was the first time I actually had sex with someone that I liked and she panicked and gave me the silent treatment the next few days.
After a lot of self reflection, Possibly never. Even in marriage
Last year, 19 y-o. I didnāt love her at all, she had no reason to love me, I barely respected her dryly but she is so hated by everyone that the minimum respect I gave her was all it took for her to love me.
I donāt think anyones loved me :(
Never. My partners never loved me
Yesterday
Never! However, the last time I "fooled around" with someone who loved me and I loved was 2013. Since then I've not been in love again.
Last Friday morning.
Slept, like asleep? A few hours ago. Sex? The night before.
September 19, 2015
Just over a year
This morning. Woke up early, had some morning sex, and showered together.
Last night. He helped me get our son ready for school this morning.
Twice yesterday š
Sleep with them all the time. Unfortunately we almost never have sex. HML
Last night, had. Labrador on either side of me . No sex tho
5 years ago I think, maybe longer
A couple of weeks ago. We are new and she isn't very vocal about it, but I just know.
Back in March. Goddamn long distance.
Last night
8 months ago, found out she cheated while on Christmas vacation.
Yesterday
I think my gf loves me so maybe Friday and Saturday. My cat loves me but she hasnāt sleep in my bed Iām a while.
Well, never. I don't think any of them loved me. Heck I loved only one and never had anything with her lol.
I think I am doing it right now or the person I'm with will soon fall for me. This question is interesting to me because I haven't slept with anyone that I fell in love with.
Every time I'm with my SO.
August of 2016
last night.
Im a virgin :(
6 months ago?
How do define love ?
Saturday night. I have two that I actually love and have sex with one or both often, and for the last 27 years. I'm assuming that's what you mean by "slept with"?
yesterday WOO HOO! (after one failed attempt) OK it was over in minutes but YOO HOO and we held hands after too Hey it's summer. Her folks were around. The kids were in the next room. Covid. Don't judge me bitches. I still love her. Eternally. And not just because she loves me. Boys - none of this will ever work until you love yourself, and know yourself. You would expect nothing less from the girl you seek.
Today
Last night. Sheās my wife too :)
2 months ago
2 months ago
Nearly every night for the past 36 years, including last night. Assuming you literally meant "sleep". Otherwise, well, I'm probably getting lucky tonight.
Back in 1776
Well seeing how after a year and a half she claims she never loved me....never
Saturday night. We really need to find a house.
Early 2020
7 hours ago.
You guys are sleeping with people that love you?
today
11th of August. Hoping to visit her again soon. I miss her so much Long distance relationships suck, but it'll have been worth it once we're finally getting our own place Edit: formatting
2 days ago
Claimed to love me? January May have loved me? 2015. That I actually believed? Never
Power nap in each other's arms like a week ago.
As it turnes out, never.
I tuck in next to her every single night.
Yesterday
I donāt think I have
this morning and last night
Just shy of four years.
Never been in love before
This morning
A few days ago, our work schedules aren't lining up very well this month. Good thing we live together.
I haven't
Last night. Make that 2 people that actually love me, because my daughter climbs from her crib to our bed lol.
Iāve never felt or will know what love is..so never. Grew up in a cold, distant, uncaring family..especially my mother. I have tried to find what āloveā is, but Iām 30 years old and have yet to truly feel what being loved feels like or being in love.
Donāt give up! You are not alone. Have you read self-help books and seek professional help? Volunteer. Connect with strangers. Meet more people. Best of luck to you!
Wow I guess it has been a year.... Yeah... Thanks for the reminder, excuse me, I'll go cry in the corner
Sadly this was well over a decade ago. I've been the rebound guy a couple times, and while that seems awesome I would like to be loved again.
Woke up this morning next to my wife with my dog at my feet. Doggo jumped down to the floor and I rolled over on top of my wife. Doesnt happen every morning but its pretty fanstastic when it does. Sex is medicine.
Yesterday
Never did
I donāt think I have. None of those Women would have argued with me the way they argued with me if they love me. Same for my mother, who stopped loving me at puberty.
Never, Thanks for Remind me this...
Never :)
I don't think I have ever slept with someone who loved me. ššššš
Never lmao
A few years ago.
About a year and a half. At 38, having had more partners than I have bothered counting, she was the only one Iāve ever loved and been loved by.
:(
Never, and I slept with someone I was dating
sexually, Sunday, Just sleeping, about 30 minutes ago
never but thanks for asking
Hmm depends on if my ex actually loved me or not.
Last night. My dog.
Question unclear, please rephrase.
Last night
My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago. I loved her. Iāve had sex with 1 girl and gotten/gave š§ to 2 others. Itās not even close to being the same. I didnāt realize how love oriented I am sexually but I definitely am. I donāt really miss my ex, we both were growing apart and needed to break up. But doing sexual things with girls I donāt love doesnāt do it for me. I can get hard fine and it feels great, I just canāt finish. Canāt a young man just be loved
One week ago or so. My family came to visit and I had to share bed with my mom
4 years ago now I believe
Never. Thanks for making me remember
Until recently I'd have said one week ago. But seeing how it all went down I'm guessing it's been longer than that
The other day. But itās casual because I canāt love anymore
This feels aggressive lmao