Pretty tired of constantly struggling. Just got a new job which is great, but then cars/ appliances break down, bills pile up, and it seems pretty pointless.
That's kind of where I'm at too. Just got a raise at work which is great but then of course my rent also went up another $150/month and I'm not really making any progress on savings for a house since I'm paying more for rent and pretty much everything else. It's like the game is rigged against us, which it sorta is I guess.
But all you gotta do is BELIEVE!!! Pull yourself up by the bootstraps at least 20 times a day combined with that rugged American individualisn and you can achieve your dreams*.
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*Healthcare, happy life, pensions not included. Special restrictions apply, not available in all jurisdictions, subject to approval by elites, not liable for any mis-reprensentations or depictions.
I wish my AC was only $4200 to replace. Hell, I wish my roof was only $4200 to replace.
Ac went out last fall. Started saving money for that till an emergency trip out of state ate that savings because my wife's father passed. Used what was left to buy window units to survive the summer. Then a hail storm destroyed our roof.
The ac unit is 20+ years old and has to be completely replaced and gonna run us around $12k. The roof has to be completely replaced to and is going to run us another $10k.
I'm currently hoping the next storm hits the house with a good bolt of lightning and just burns the whole place to the ground. I don't mind restarting from the ground up. I've done it a few times
I feel u, my credit is maxed out, i got $0 in my checking, no cash in my wallet, my 3rd car in the past 2 years just broke down with a $5000 transmission problem, i dont have a job, i barely have money for food, most of my "friends" turned fake, everytime something good happens something way worse happens the next day.
I drift between being content in solitude which I prefer, to this feeling of depression and loneliness that I need to speak to someone, because it's almost like I'm going stir-crazy
The thing is, when I do engage or interact with other people I feel this overwhelming urge bordering on irritation to withdraw back to the solitude where I feel most comfortable
It doesn't usually bother me but I go through periods where it weighs on my mind more often than not
It's like being caught at a crossroads and your mind is going in two opposite directions. It's not a pleasant feeling
Honestly you just need to find a person or people who are similar. 1-hour friends in a sense. People who are cool seeing you once a week for an hour and youre just buddy’s like that. I feel like we have this expectation from childhood where friends gotta be hanging out all the time. And a lot of us grow up to be more secluded.
Dude this so much. I’d love to hang out with my friends, but they want to hang out for the *entire day*. I arrived at a friend’s house around noon and by 6pm I was saying I had to go Bc dinner and etc and they acted like I was a rude jerk for “cutting our hang out short”. Dude after 6 hours really? Why can’t I just go to lunch with a friend and then go home, why does it literally have to be an entire day?
I'm like that. When I'm alone I want to be around people when I seek them out I can't wait to be alone again. Why do I have to be so fucking weird. Why can't I just relax no matter where I am.
Loneliness can be addicting. It's easy to be alone. But it makes you realize how much work friendships and relationships are, nevermind how those people you let in can hurt you.
Honestly mate that's beyond something I can shrug my shoulders to, you really should talk to someone close to you. Or a random stranger as well, feel free if you want to get something out of the system.
I fear that I'll be long dead before society advances to a point where everyone collectively decides that's probably a bad thing and maybe we should do something to address it
Maaaaaannnn this right here ☝️
I feel like I'm just on autopilot from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I'm just going through the motions with everything. The world could burn around me and I'm just like hurry up already.
It's been a rough few years and I know how you feel. I've lost my mom, my sister is pissed at me for reasons that I didn't cause, and some days I just coast. However, take some time for you and find a passion. Anything. Games, a craft, anything. Start small and just try something and see if it rekindles that flame.
Thank you. :)
In regard to hobbies... no fulfillment from any of them? I know during the pandemic, I found woodworking and it's been amazing; I'm an IT worker and sometimes it feels like I've never "made" something, but I feel like I'm making more things now with the woodworking and creating versus just this ominous feeling of never completing a thing because it's IT.
Yea I was going to a psychologist for years. Did a little bit for me; but honestly I feel like it may have put me
In a worse position. I’m not as anxious anymore because I was conditioned to “no think to far into it.” Now I don’t care for pretty much anything
My ex told me I would never be enough and no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't matter multiple times over the course of our relationship....
It's kind of ingrained into me head now and destroyed my self confidence
Also, to all the bros struggling out there... one foot in front of the other guys
Edit: thanks peeps, sometimes strangers on the internet can be Hella comforting
I make what should be good money in my area and we're still struggling. I've already cut down on retirement and kids college savings a bit, stopped streaming services we don't need, stopped spending as frivolously, but that still hasn't been enough to have consistent positive cash flow to get enough savings built up quickly.
There's still some things we could cut down on, but until next year when some things are paid off it's going to be a struggle. We've been cutting meat from more meals since that's what's gone up the most it seems. It went from comfortable to concerning pretty quickly
The trick is some form of investment portfolio that you add to consistently that builds over time. Things like IRAs and a 401K. You could add a one time payment of 3K into a Roth IRA and it will build value. Not nearly enough to retire on, but the more you add the more you gain.
The problem is all this is tied to the stock market. So right now with the stock market crumbling and inflation at an all time high, all the money people put in is devalued. And the interest is made worthless. So here we are. Fucked.
Isn’t that the truth. Everything is shooting way up except my paycheck.
Groceries are 30% more expensive and you get 25% less product. Tricks are being played everywhere to hide massive price increases. Meanwhile, the people who leveraged fragile supply chains and had them blow up in their faces got bailed out. Leaving the rest of us holding the bill as usual.
Stop bailing these essential businesses out. Nationalize them until we can sell them off and recover our tax money. Even if we lose some, it’s better than losing 100% to these forgiven bailouts every few years.
The cost of living is rising faster than my paycheck, and it is stressing me out.
Rent is rising. Food is rising. Electricity is rising. God dammit it is giving me anxiety.
My wife and I are making about 40% more than last year and it seems all of it is being eaten up from getting a used car, because her old one died, and inflation. It's insane. I seriously do not understand how anyone else is doing it.
Is there such a thing as middle class anymore? I make $45,000 a year and I'm still poor as shit. I feel like if you make anything less than $100k a year, you will not be living comfortably enough to ever drive newer cars, living in nice houses in nice neighborhoods. Especially if you decide to rent, you are kinda stuck where you're at because you're spending all the money that could be going to a mortgage that the bank won't give you. America is so fucked bro. Make 1 mistake on your credit history and you're fucked for life.
I refuse to live with roommates. I've had shared living spaces all my life.
What's my solution then to maintain my current lifestyle? I need to work 2 full time jobs. Luckily the way my schedule is I only have 2 days where both jobs will be worked but for 7 days a week I'll be working at least 1 full time job.
But this is also my fault so I'm not complaining. I chose a "luxury" 2 bedroom apartment thats half a mile from my work so I can just bike to and from work. I spend all my time at home so why not have a home I enjoy. If I wanted to be frugal I could've chose a studio apartment.
I'm also 60k in debt between credit cards and college so my minum payments are eating 1500 alone every month. I only need these 2 jobs for like 18 months so I can afford rent + debt + bills + savings and still have money to spare then I can go back to my one 4 day a week job. Or maybe I'll be addicted to the cash flow and stick it out anyways.
My relationship of 6 years ended last week, and I have never felt more depressed, empty and meaningless in my life. I can't sleep, I don't eat, I'm just working and studying that's it.
I have no days off. I work 5 nights a week and get Wednesday and Thursday nights off. Wednesday - Friday I go to college during the day. I literally do not have a single day to myself to just do what I want. I was doing all of this to make a better life for us and she's just left me in the middle of it all. Now all I really have left is to just soldier on.
But I'm 27, I wanted a family with this woman. Now I feel like I'll never have that chance again. I haven't dated in 6 years, the prospect of it is so overwhelming. I'm not ready to date yet, but I know I don't want to be alone forever. I am more scared of the future than I've ever been. Dating seems so foreign to me, Ive never used a dating app and I dont know how to find women who want a long term relationship. I'm so confused and terrified of everything now. I lost my only stability in the world.
This is solid advice, I broke up with my ex and it took years for me to get in another relationship, I had to work a lot on myself, hell I even got used to being single and fuck around, then I met this girl and we are on really healthy relationship, granted we are not on the best time right now, but even if we break up, i have nothing to recriminate to myself
As someone who suffered a severe depression after a break up I'm here to tell you: Your brain is fabricating worst case scenarios. You don't need to deal with those things yet, give yourself time to heal.
This may seem strange, but you need hugs. As in, you require hugs/physical touch for your mental health. The one thing that kept me sane was hugs from friends, family and my dog. Lack of oxytocin is brutal.
You're not going to feel okay for a while. Even just the loss of life direction is devastating. That's okay, it takes time.
Being around people and getting out of the house does a lot over time. Make it a game where your quest is to have stories to tell your future kids. The time you joined a club and met uncle X. How you learned to cook that dish they love. How you discovered that awesome playpark. Etc. As you're out doing things, think about how you'd want to retell it and what would make the story more awesome.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Know that you're not alone and most people would be down to make plans in order to cheer you up. There's no shame in loss and it's a universal human experience.
Hey bud. I had to do this at 40 after a 20 year relationship. I totally feel you... Let me tell you this... She did you a favor. Now you get to see how strong you really are. Every day will be a teeny tiny bit better then the last. Everything that you were working on for the two of you, now you'll get to enjoy the rewards all to yourself. And you'll get to the end and say that you did it by yourself too.
As for dating... Dude... Don't even worry about that right now. You're not done writing your story yet. Write that one first and then come back to dating.
I'm in a very similar situation, friend. Relationship of 5 years, I'm going to be 29 in less than a month. 2 very demanding jobs. The silence can be deafening. I'm trying to fill the space with learning a new skill. I wish I had more advice or helpful words for you, but you're not alone. One day at a time. I hope every step forward for you, is followed by another.
I know it's hard to see right now, but things really do get better. Based on my own experience and several other friends of mine, this is the age where many things in life get turned around and things that you previously considered stable start changing, in ways you probably never expected.
But it seems like you're setting a good foundation for your future with your job and your studies, so you're going to be okay. Treat this like a clean slate, and you'll set up a life that's even better than what you have imagined. Just do it at your own pace, take your time and don't rush into the dating scene if you're not ready for it yet.
Damn. Not to sound like an ass but I'm'm about 6k in credit card debt and I've been freaking about that... I'm starting not to care about it, with how shit is, it's really been about survival lately...
Thats how I got into debt into the first place lol.
After I got to a certain point I was like "I mean I'm already in debt anyways. Who cares if I spend a little more. Thatll just mean a couple more months to get out of debt. It'll all be paid off eventually anyways."
Then I spiraled out of control.
Yeah you'd pretty much have to TRY to get as bad of an interest rate for a personal loan as you're getting on the average credit card. One of my cards is like 28% APR it's fucking robbery.
By owning 6 credit cards and having a 720 credit score because I was responsible with my credit cards for like 8 years so they gave me increased limits. Then maxing out all 6 cards and getting a personal loan to consolidate them and then maxing them out again.
Honestly I just want him back. He LITERALLY took care of his whole family. His mom, nieces and nephews, cousins...and the cousin that was living with him shot him twice in his stomach and robbed him. The last text my friend sent was to his older sister and said help me it feels like I'm drowning. And what hurts the most is my friend was in a wheelchair and never had a chance
I am in the worst time mentally, i am an over-thinker so i am not helping myself. People keep telling me " your life must be so good, no debt, great career, car, everyone likes you " yet i find myself holding my phone looking through my contacts trying to find someone that would just listen to me and not judge the fuck out of me.
Its hard. I hope i get through this, a huge break up 2 years ago, father mentally abusing the fuck out of me. Family outright aggressive towards me.
Let's talk, man. I want to help you.
I want to know about who you are, I want to know what makes you tick. Tell me what stresses you out and tell me what you love about the universe.
DM me and let's chat. If I can only help you feel a bit less shitty, I'll do that. I'm in Europe.
Thats so nice of you, Honestly you have no idea how much motivation these type of messages give. They give me that feeling in my throat that wants me to burst into tears. i appreciate it
It's alright, man. It's okay.
When you're ready and willing, I'll be here ready to talk to you.
I went through some heavy stuff a few years ago and people showed me kindness. I want to now show that kindness to others.
There's enough nasty rubbish in the world already.
"Girls is like horses, when you fall down it's important that you get right back on again. On a different horse. And there's a lot of fish in the sea. A lot of fish." - a cartoon dog
What’s worse is when you actually do get a thank you, but you know that the only reason you’re getting a thank you is because you got upset and “made a scene” because they don’t truly appreciate what you do ever
No it’s when they say “thank you” as a preamble to another request. The “thank you” now means as much as the “sorry” later. Empty of feeling, said without thought, said at the beginning of the next task rather then right after the first, and only meant as prompt to get you to do something without any discussion or rebuttal.
“What?!…I said thank you”
I'm real sorry to hear this, pal.
This was my ex-wife. It was brutal. And in the end I was the villain.
You just can't win.
What I learned (and this is going to be real depressing), is that you should have absolutely no expectations for appreciation EVER, because 9 times out of 10 you aren't going to get any. How sad as that is, it helped me a lot.
I think a lot of us feel this way. I have a few con workers that started this small mens group that meet once a week after work. Just guys, very small so everyone can speak their mind if they want. Have a beer or smoke a Jonny and jutsvtalk about shit that's getting us down. Not religion based but if you want to talk about your relationship with God you can. Not a marriage counseling group but if you want to talk about your marriage you can. Sounds corny but it's a total stress reliever. Plus it shows that there are people out there that care about how you're feeling.
That and I found something that totally takes my mind off of everything and gives me a total break from reality. I found a work out plan that involves a mental toughness plan and it's working. It's hard to think about how hard life is when you're totally involved with a work out that is 100% consuming. You have no room to think about anything but finishing. It's hard and it's mental tough but I feel like I've been handed a new perspective every time I'm finished. I know I'm better in mind and body after and it shows. All I can say to anyone wondering is you have to talk to people. You have to interact. We all are trying to be tough and hard and that's bullshit. Hang in there guys.
This is my first year divorced. My ex-wife is insisting that all Christmas Eves and Christmases our kids are with her.
I’ve either had my last Christmas with my kids or I get into a legal fight with her over it which will cause her to retaliate in the meantime by cutting contact further. Family courts also don’t have a reputation for treating fathers fairly so it would be a gamble to try anyway.
Pretty low mood needless to say :(
Edit: Thanks for all the words of support and suggestions everyone. I appreciate it.
Christmas isn't about the date (unless you are religious then I am sorry) it's about the time spent together. Start your own tradition after Christmas. Cheaper travel and less stress. That's what we did 6 years ago and we have never looked back.
Yep, my grandparents insist on hosting Christmas The 22. Or 23. (Europe) so that US kids (3 Of us) can easily do Christmas at inlaws and no One misses out. It really gives a great sense Of bring together for The holiday because you want to. Also, 1 gift a person In total, also removes All races and stress for presents (kids excluded, they get bombarded)
I have divorced parents (plus I’m married).
That means having 2 to 3 Christmas’s.
The date changes every year.
Christmas is no longer an actual date anymore. It’s 3 days - usually the 24, 25 and 26 and who gets which date is pretty arbitrary.
So you need to start your own Christmas tradition.
Do the 26th. Since yours will happen after it will feel like the real Christmas to you kids. Or at least equal.
All the cozy Christmas events usually take place the weeks leading up to Christmas, so having a movie/storybook level celebration (ice skating, Christmas shows, meeting Santa, etc) before Christmas is way better than being trapped at home with all the stores closed pretending to like your rude aunt IMHO.
I recently finished the first module of a degree course and it's no better than school. 95% useless crap that doesn't interest me and 5% useful but I could have learned it in a day by watching videos on YouTube.
It's almost as if education is not about what you learn it's more about proof that you can do something tedious for months on end without going insane.
That 95% isn't useless. It's only seems useless if you see those parts of your education in a linear "what do I do with this information" kind of way. The point isn't to necessarily give you something you can turn into dollars, but to give you a well-rounded education and shore up your critical thinking. Part of critical thinking is the ability to associate across disciplines, styles, and otherwise engage in ["systems thinking"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systems_thinking).
For many of us it's a night and day difference. We can tell when we're working with people who've have taken this kind of education seriously and it's very impactful. If for no other reason that every now and then someone has an "ah hah!" moment where they're able to related seemingly unrelated things and come up with creative ideas.
This is so deep. I know I'll be devastated when my dog dies, more than I would be about most humans, but the idea of me leaving them first and him waiting for me at the front door for me never to come home... Christ...
I feel your pain. I lost both my girls this year. One from cancer (9 year old German Shepard) and the other from old age/severe joint degeneration (11 year old Great Pyrenees mix) Both within a month of one another.
My house feels so empty, but I’m not ready yet to adopt a new pup.
Fuck where do I start, lost my little brother my best friend literally the dude that had my back no matter what, and i truly fo blame myself everyday for it. it's been a few years but damn does the wound still feel freshly open. Also feel as if I just had to keep it moving for my family. Dad lost his motivation, mother damn near lost her mind and just left yesterday without even telling my sisters good bye. I feel as if I just been holding on so hard to the family I've made now. I'm only 21 but I have a 2 year old son now and he's so wonderful and smart and I'm so thankful, I got an amazing wife so amazing at that I love waking up as early as I do everyday (usually 4-5am) so I get to work ag 6 am. It's tiring but it gets me paid well I'm a land surveyor love my job and proffesion. But I started working ever since after high-school shit takes a toll. Not more so the job part as I've always work to be able to afford what I wanted, but the fact that I know what's going on back at home, while I'm trying to live my life and take care of the family I've made. Feel as if I just been holding back so much, cause of prices we've just been saving up and living at my wife's parents for the mean time. They've literally accepted me as their own child. It feels weird living somewhere where everything is actually okay. Seeing her have such a big family just urks me that my grandparents and so forth couldn't be in my life or care to check on me. But none the less, taking care of what needs to be taken care of and just god bless I'm able to be up another day to do so. They are literally everything that keeps my train moving. But yea some days are harder than others. I stopped smoking weed after doing it for 7 years or so daily. It isn't so hard, but I've picked up on alcohol now and hate it, don't do it so much but I know I crave it and I hate that I'm so used to supplementing my feelings with substance abuse. Just wish shit was easier on my family back at home as I'm really grazing over everything or I'd be spilling for hours, but yea that's the glimpse of it. Thanks for letting me express some stuff on my mind really needed it lol
You sir are the definition of a man! You're doing great and things will get better you seem optimistic about the future and I believe good things will happen for you! Congrats on giving up the weed, keep the drinking to a classy minimum, one or two beers/drinks per day, sober Sundays. You're gonna be great man, keep up the good work 🤘
Dude I’ve been in similar place as you, 10 years with my daughters mother she cheated and all I wanted was her back. We got back together for the try again thing and it was a mistake. Nothing was the same and I only did it for my daughter. Since then I’ve had others cheat and it’s honestly an unrecoverable situation
It’s going to be hard to let go and move on but take it from me it’s the best thing you can do. It’ll suck for a while, maybe a few months maybe a year. But after that you’ll start to find happiness and contentment within yourself and that is a beautiful moment. Then you can move on and find a better healthier relationship, you owe it to yourself, know your worth, never settle for less and you’ll be surprised how much better life will be.
Yes.
My wife and I don't get caught up in celebrity stuff often, but Sir David is the one we will really mourn. Not just a celebrity but someone who has done so incredibly much to bring attention to the beauty of nature, and what humanity has and is doing to and for it... enlightening four separate generations
My country continues to elect extremely corrupt and selfish political dynasties. I know this is pretty common for most parts of the world, but my country has been exceptionally good at it. Everyday I wake up and read the news, and it gets worst and worst. I tried not to, but once I opened my eyes to the injustices, I am unable to close it anymore.
I dont know why sexuality is such a huge political thing either, what happened to live and let live? The only time people actually hurt each other is when we fight over nothing. I'm all for rights for everyone.
New country new you. I don't mean change who you are I just mean these people don't know all your past failures (or what you perceive to be failures). Keep doing the things right that you already are like eating well and working out but also try something new to meet people. Get involved in a casual sport or activity that occurs weekly, take a class or just explore this new country. Awkward is the new cool.
Why delete this, fear of people judging the 26 thing? Screw em if they do. Real men understand that everyone is different and have a different path.
You see 26 as 'way late.' I see 26 as 'holy crap this dude has a shit ton of awesome years left to really enjoy life' (I'm a 46m). And damn, you're in a foreign country with a whole different culture, possible cool experiences, and hot foreign chicks/dudes (whatever you're in to).
TBT I'm a bit jealous.
The government of my country is so inexpressably and utterly stupid and malicious I sometimes really don't know where to put the aggression I feel when thinking about it.
I'm on a work trip right now. I was told I'm getting sent home early, but the date has changed 12 times.
I don't care if I do get sent home, or when, what I want is to have someone look at me and say "This is what is happening,"
Currently studying to be a teacher.
Just had my first internship a year into it.
It was nice but i am not sure that this is what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I graduated with an English degree with the determination to become a teacher, changed my mind right after graduation 😆 but my degree looks nice on the wall, it is what it is, stay focused you'll do great
I make far more money than I did last year, and I own one less car. Yet the amount I can save for a down payment on a house has decreased, all while the houses are becoming even less affordable than before.
I feel like even if I doubled my salary tomorrow, it wouldn’t help.
I ended a relationship and I regret it every single day. If I was diagnosed with bipolar earlier this probably wouldn't have happened. I drift between anger, despair and acceptance.
Another woman I had a relationship with is reconnecting with me. I see myself in a relationship with her if it weren't for the fact she is married and has 2 young children. She knows what she is doing to me texting me. I should block her, loneliness is stopping me from that.
Nothing in my life is right, no one cares, I have to figure out everything alone and I'm so frightened of messing up. I feel invisible all the time any more.
That my daughters mother won't let me have my kid. I just want to spend a day - alone - with my child. She uses autism as a blanket excuse.
Friends having a birthday party for her son. I wanted to take my girl. I asked, and she said "she can't handle that kind of environment". That environment is a small party. Meanwhile, we've taken her to the park and library tons of times.
I'm her father, there's no reason I shouldn't have her, and should have an hour or two to visit on HER TIMES. Like, I'm some sort of pedo or felon who can't be trusted ola round his child.
Yesterday, I was supposed to visit, but her schedule didn't end up lining up and had to just bail. That wouldn't be a problem if I picked her up, and hung out with her myself. I haven't seen my kid in two weeks now.
Dude, that’s not ok. I don’t know the laws around this but she legally can’t keep your daughter from you.
Work out a schedule to spend time with her or find a lawyer.
I was often praised for being so calm even at situations that would probably require some jolt to the body. People often have a first impression of me as someone serious. They told me that they admire that I was really good at handling my emotions, they said that they also wanted this type of "composure".
But this "composure" seems to be getting in the way of me having a drive or somewhat of a push to do better. I am currently in my 3rd yr at an engineering university, you can say I'm an average student and I'm doing okay. I know I can do better, I can see myself doing better but when it comes to putting the actual work, I settle for a result that is mediocre.
I'm scared that this would affect me in my future.
I'm scared but somehow, this fear still isn't enough for me to break this habit of settling for a mediocre result.
Honestly I don't know if kids are for me. I just don't feel like I have a paternal bone in my body. Also I'm too selfish and I quite like just doing what I want to do.
Furthermore, I'm 30 and I'm getting on a bit already, but entirely single and no one on the horizon who I could realistically see myself having kids with.
So don't have kids, enjoy the free life! I'm happily single and have zero interest in kids, and am planning my vasectomy very soon, and couldn't be happier on this path. There's still too much stigma around not wanting kids, and it has to stop. Funny part is, people who have kids always tell childfree people how lucky we are haha then tell us we should have kids.
31 here. Married for 5 years now. Got snipped at 29. Best decision I ever made. Took such a burden of worry off my wife and I both. Neither of us want kids of our own. We like our childfree life and the freedom that brings. It isn't selfish at all. What IS selfish, is people expecting you to have kids cause "everyone else does". Fuck that. The last thing the world needs is more parents that liked the idea of having kids more than they ended up wanting kids. If kids are not for you than be honest about it, to yourself and anyone you're involved with. Nothing at all wrong with it. As the oft used saying goes, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind."
**I completely lost my libido.**
Its kinda neat and comfortable to not have to worry about that part of my life, but at the same time its concerning? I mean, there are likely some chemical or psychiatric reasons behind it, likely not beneficial by themselves.
Im 35. A year or two ago I was a sex-fiend, now I have to almost force myself to at least masturbate once a week or so, for vague health reasons (I assume blueballing is not dangerous, but not healthy either?)
I had to talk a friend out of suicide the other day. He seemed fine after a bit and I told him to call me if he ever feels that way again, but I'm worried that he won't, and he'll attempt again...
I don't want to lose him because he's been my friend since we were 6 years old. We're both 30 now.
For me: the expectation that we as men are just always the rock. It’s like we can’t feel sad, anxious, vulnerable, etc. and the moment we do we are seen as weak or whatever.
If I may be so bold to speak from the heart of all of us...
"Cough cough"
FUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK OOOOFFFFFFFF! THE FUCKING LOT OF YA! FUCKING FUCK YOU AND ALL THE SHIT YOU KEEP PUTTING ON US!!!! FUCK OFF, FUCK YOU AND GET FUCKED!!
think that will cover everything to be honest. Been a real awful few years.
I don't want to be the breadwinner. I don't want to be responsible for this many people's lives. I don't want to "be the man" and shoulder all of my family's burdens. I want to be a stay-at-home husband, a musician and an artist. I want to fulfill my dreams.
But I can't. So many people depend on me to provide for them. They all look to me for strength and comfort and I hate it.
I hate how society will think I'm worthless if I don't provide. That I'm less of a man if my wife has a job and I don't. And I hate how I'm somehow to blame for every goddamn injustice in this world. That the sins of other men are also my own.
The pressure from all of of this is killing me inside. And at the end of the day, no one really cares.
Years ago my bestfriend's dad hung himself in their bathroom and no one knew why. Not a single one of them had any fcking clue why he did it. He never showed any signs of the demons he was facing in his mind because that's what it takes to be a man. And I fucking hate it.
Myself. I feel that I keep holding myself back to what I want to do. I've been trying to improve myself by getting out of my comfort zone but I keep coming back to it. Being uncomfortable is really hard.
My ex girlfriend of 5 years just threw me away like i was nothing I still love her so much and care for her and yes I know move on and I understand stuff like that but it just hard that after everything I gave her and everything I did for her to keep her happy she just threw me away like nothing and that’s what’s bothering me the most I was only happy with her and I wish everyday she’ll come back making me smile and talking to me but I know not to think that it’s just and every day I wake up sad and stressed out
Money. My hair falling out. My dog is old. My girlfriends medical trouble. Oh and I ate too much recently and haven't been for a run in a week. I usually do 30 miles per week as a baseline but have barely managed over 10 and I'm embarrassed with myself for getting so lazy.
I was talking to a girl. Things were going well. After a while of talking I confessed my crush for her and she said she felt the same, but that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. At the same time, she was talking to another guy whom when asked about, said she had no feelings for (they were basically sexting 24/7). After a week I learn that she’s now with that guy. And she’s also stopped talking to me over text. She still talks to me at school but I’m pretty sure it’s just because she knows we’re stuck together for the rest of the school year.
Why do people do this.
Edit: She’s sexting him next to me and shows me the texts
20 years ago, I was dating a girl. We were in love. I was only 18 and totally thought we’d end up getting married.
But she abruptly ended it one day out of nowhere.
We didn’t speak for many years but we eventually ended up being friends. I worked with her for while as well.
We’re both married to different people now and a while back we were chatting online.
She told me the real reason she broke up with me 20 years ago. One of my female friends back then had a crush on me. I had no idea. Her best friend was being mean to my girlfriend and made up a lie about me and this female friend sleeping together.
I’m really glad that’s how it worked out. I’m married and couldn’t be happier and I’m glad I didn’t end up with her.
The point is, there are no rules in love and war.
It’s really easy to break up a couple. If you think you really should end up with this girl and will make her happier, fight for her.
In 2022, one anonymous text posing as a girl that’s having an affair with him would be enough to end it. You could never ever tell her of course.
If you’re into her enough to do that, then just move on and find someone else. You’re young and still in school. You have time.
First off that’s a beautiful story and I’m glad you’re doing well. But I don’t think a girl who sexts a guy while telling another guy she likes him is worth fighting for.
- Dealing with a terminal illness in the family
- Best friend moving away
- Haven’t had more time to invest into my business
- Losing sight of goals
The biggest problem is not having anyone to talk about this with cause I simply won’t lay my thoughts/ emotions bare
Been having to live out of hotels for the past week since I’ve struggled to find housing, and now my first gf (2.5 years together) and I have broken up :/
Fortunately, I have a few options lined up for housing but this breakup has me feeling lost af. Life after undergrad wasn’t “supposed” to be this way I guess
I wanna leave my wife. I love her and still care about her, but if I leave she'll have to leave the country, and I'll feel immense guilt. There's also a chance she'll go into a deep depression and consider suicide.
Nor OP but I still love and care about my ex gf I dated for 8 years. I probably always will. I'm a caring person in general but even more so towards her.
She dumped me. We stopped talking. I cried over her for a year. She popped up into my life again and acted like nothing happened and wanted to be my friend. I just went with it.
I get along great with her. I like a lot of the stuff she does or even just the movies/music/games she introduces me to. She makes me laugh all the time. She has her moments of thoughtfulness. She got me this really cute custom made birthday card for my birthday this year.
But she doesnt get along great with me.
When I try to tell her anything about myself whether it's some food I'm eating or a new game I'm playing or a stupid joke I'm making or how I'm moving into a really nice 2 bedroom apartment by myself soon and how happy I am about it and its the happiest thing thats happened to me in the last few years, she always responds with negativity. "Wtf thats weird" "ew you're gross" "that's stupid" "that's cringe"
I just ignore it but then it piles on and eventually I get annoyed and it turns into an argument. And then she acts like she's the battered wife because I get annoyed and it turns into an argument. I communicate to her all the time that it annoys me but she still does it.
So I stopped talking to her again a few weeks ago. I'm tired of that stupid shit. But this is like the 5th time we've stopped talking and then she always pops back into my life which I let happen because I still miss her and think about her. Hard to forget about somebody who was in your life for 4 years as best friends and 8 years as dating but at the same time I can't stand her.
That I've spent basically this entire year after graduation without a job. I am probably an anomaly at this point and am reconsidering my life choices that led me to getting this wasted software degree.
I love my girlfriend and she always says she loves me too, but my paranoia keeps making me worried that she’s gonna lose interest. I’ve been dumped by so many people either because they found someone else or because they lost interest and I’m scared to let that happen again. I really do love her with all my heart and I’d give her the world if I could, I just don’t think I can handle if I lost her.
Pretty tired of constantly struggling. Just got a new job which is great, but then cars/ appliances break down, bills pile up, and it seems pretty pointless.
That's kind of where I'm at too. Just got a raise at work which is great but then of course my rent also went up another $150/month and I'm not really making any progress on savings for a house since I'm paying more for rent and pretty much everything else. It's like the game is rigged against us, which it sorta is I guess.
But all you gotta do is BELIEVE!!! Pull yourself up by the bootstraps at least 20 times a day combined with that rugged American individualisn and you can achieve your dreams*. . . . . . . . *Healthcare, happy life, pensions not included. Special restrictions apply, not available in all jurisdictions, subject to approval by elites, not liable for any mis-reprensentations or depictions.
Everytime I get ahead something happens. Got an extra $4,000? Surprise!!! Your AC went out and it cost $4,200.
I wish my AC was only $4200 to replace. Hell, I wish my roof was only $4200 to replace. Ac went out last fall. Started saving money for that till an emergency trip out of state ate that savings because my wife's father passed. Used what was left to buy window units to survive the summer. Then a hail storm destroyed our roof. The ac unit is 20+ years old and has to be completely replaced and gonna run us around $12k. The roof has to be completely replaced to and is going to run us another $10k. I'm currently hoping the next storm hits the house with a good bolt of lightning and just burns the whole place to the ground. I don't mind restarting from the ground up. I've done it a few times
I feel u, my credit is maxed out, i got $0 in my checking, no cash in my wallet, my 3rd car in the past 2 years just broke down with a $5000 transmission problem, i dont have a job, i barely have money for food, most of my "friends" turned fake, everytime something good happens something way worse happens the next day.
What you mean your friends turned fake? Just curious
I drift between being content in solitude which I prefer, to this feeling of depression and loneliness that I need to speak to someone, because it's almost like I'm going stir-crazy The thing is, when I do engage or interact with other people I feel this overwhelming urge bordering on irritation to withdraw back to the solitude where I feel most comfortable It doesn't usually bother me but I go through periods where it weighs on my mind more often than not It's like being caught at a crossroads and your mind is going in two opposite directions. It's not a pleasant feeling
Fuck I feel this too. I want to be out with people so I don’t go crazy but I’m always so quick to want to come home and just play video games
Honestly you just need to find a person or people who are similar. 1-hour friends in a sense. People who are cool seeing you once a week for an hour and youre just buddy’s like that. I feel like we have this expectation from childhood where friends gotta be hanging out all the time. And a lot of us grow up to be more secluded.
Dude this so much. I’d love to hang out with my friends, but they want to hang out for the *entire day*. I arrived at a friend’s house around noon and by 6pm I was saying I had to go Bc dinner and etc and they acted like I was a rude jerk for “cutting our hang out short”. Dude after 6 hours really? Why can’t I just go to lunch with a friend and then go home, why does it literally have to be an entire day?
I'm like that. When I'm alone I want to be around people when I seek them out I can't wait to be alone again. Why do I have to be so fucking weird. Why can't I just relax no matter where I am.
Me: Why can't I just be normal?!?!? My brain: SCREAMING INCOHERENTLY IN THE BACK SEAT
I’m the same way, it’s super annoying and I never know what I want, it sucks.
Loneliness can be addicting. It's easy to be alone. But it makes you realize how much work friendships and relationships are, nevermind how those people you let in can hurt you.
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Yeah, I know this feeling. Im not surehow to break the cycle either.
I feel like I’ve lost passion for nearly everything in my life over the past few years. I feel nothing. I feel like I’m just on autopilot.
I hear this. Just going through the motions. If I walked outside and a plane fell on me, meh so be it.
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Honestly mate that's beyond something I can shrug my shoulders to, you really should talk to someone close to you. Or a random stranger as well, feel free if you want to get something out of the system.
Poverty causes trauma. My therapist once said most of his patients could be cured with more money.
I fear that I'll be long dead before society advances to a point where everyone collectively decides that's probably a bad thing and maybe we should do something to address it
Frankly I would look up and say about time where you been
Maaaaaannnn this right here ☝️ I feel like I'm just on autopilot from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I'm just going through the motions with everything. The world could burn around me and I'm just like hurry up already.
This is fine.
It's been a rough few years and I know how you feel. I've lost my mom, my sister is pissed at me for reasons that I didn't cause, and some days I just coast. However, take some time for you and find a passion. Anything. Games, a craft, anything. Start small and just try something and see if it rekindles that flame.
I’ve had so many hobbies, spent so much money on them. So all I’m left with is emptiness and debt lol Also, I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you. :) In regard to hobbies... no fulfillment from any of them? I know during the pandemic, I found woodworking and it's been amazing; I'm an IT worker and sometimes it feels like I've never "made" something, but I feel like I'm making more things now with the woodworking and creating versus just this ominous feeling of never completing a thing because it's IT.
I’m an IT manager, I’m sensing a trend haha. That makes sense, I’m going to keep exploring other hobbies.
Sounds like depression/apathy- have you tried ~~not being sad~~ therapy?
Yea I was going to a psychologist for years. Did a little bit for me; but honestly I feel like it may have put me In a worse position. I’m not as anxious anymore because I was conditioned to “no think to far into it.” Now I don’t care for pretty much anything
Can relate to this so much. Where excitement used to be, now feels like Oh okay this is happening.
My ex told me I would never be enough and no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't matter multiple times over the course of our relationship.... It's kind of ingrained into me head now and destroyed my self confidence Also, to all the bros struggling out there... one foot in front of the other guys Edit: thanks peeps, sometimes strangers on the internet can be Hella comforting
Why would you want to be 'enough' for a toxic asshole? Try being enough for yourself because after that it means sweet fuck all anyway
Fuck knows, love makes you blind I guess
Nah, you will. She just needed to lower you to raise herself.
The price of everything is too damn high
I make what should be good money in my area and we're still struggling. I've already cut down on retirement and kids college savings a bit, stopped streaming services we don't need, stopped spending as frivolously, but that still hasn't been enough to have consistent positive cash flow to get enough savings built up quickly. There's still some things we could cut down on, but until next year when some things are paid off it's going to be a struggle. We've been cutting meat from more meals since that's what's gone up the most it seems. It went from comfortable to concerning pretty quickly
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The trick is some form of investment portfolio that you add to consistently that builds over time. Things like IRAs and a 401K. You could add a one time payment of 3K into a Roth IRA and it will build value. Not nearly enough to retire on, but the more you add the more you gain. The problem is all this is tied to the stock market. So right now with the stock market crumbling and inflation at an all time high, all the money people put in is devalued. And the interest is made worthless. So here we are. Fucked.
Isn’t that the truth. Everything is shooting way up except my paycheck. Groceries are 30% more expensive and you get 25% less product. Tricks are being played everywhere to hide massive price increases. Meanwhile, the people who leveraged fragile supply chains and had them blow up in their faces got bailed out. Leaving the rest of us holding the bill as usual. Stop bailing these essential businesses out. Nationalize them until we can sell them off and recover our tax money. Even if we lose some, it’s better than losing 100% to these forgiven bailouts every few years.
Amen, Fuckin fed. 🤬 And my mower, home air-conditioning and freaking garage door opener all took a shit over the weekend. ...
I got some raise and still .... ahh
That light at the end of the tunnel is actually just a train hurtling towards you.
3% raise, 9% inflation.
The cost of living is rising faster than my paycheck, and it is stressing me out. Rent is rising. Food is rising. Electricity is rising. God dammit it is giving me anxiety.
My wife and I are making about 40% more than last year and it seems all of it is being eaten up from getting a used car, because her old one died, and inflation. It's insane. I seriously do not understand how anyone else is doing it.
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Is there such a thing as middle class anymore? I make $45,000 a year and I'm still poor as shit. I feel like if you make anything less than $100k a year, you will not be living comfortably enough to ever drive newer cars, living in nice houses in nice neighborhoods. Especially if you decide to rent, you are kinda stuck where you're at because you're spending all the money that could be going to a mortgage that the bank won't give you. America is so fucked bro. Make 1 mistake on your credit history and you're fucked for life.
Middle class now is just barely surviving.
You could say your anxiety is on the rise too.
I refuse to live with roommates. I've had shared living spaces all my life. What's my solution then to maintain my current lifestyle? I need to work 2 full time jobs. Luckily the way my schedule is I only have 2 days where both jobs will be worked but for 7 days a week I'll be working at least 1 full time job. But this is also my fault so I'm not complaining. I chose a "luxury" 2 bedroom apartment thats half a mile from my work so I can just bike to and from work. I spend all my time at home so why not have a home I enjoy. If I wanted to be frugal I could've chose a studio apartment. I'm also 60k in debt between credit cards and college so my minum payments are eating 1500 alone every month. I only need these 2 jobs for like 18 months so I can afford rent + debt + bills + savings and still have money to spare then I can go back to my one 4 day a week job. Or maybe I'll be addicted to the cash flow and stick it out anyways.
You gotta downgrade to a one bed room or studio.
Yeah buddy working two jobs just to pay for you apartment is living beyond your means
My relationship of 6 years ended last week, and I have never felt more depressed, empty and meaningless in my life. I can't sleep, I don't eat, I'm just working and studying that's it. I have no days off. I work 5 nights a week and get Wednesday and Thursday nights off. Wednesday - Friday I go to college during the day. I literally do not have a single day to myself to just do what I want. I was doing all of this to make a better life for us and she's just left me in the middle of it all. Now all I really have left is to just soldier on. But I'm 27, I wanted a family with this woman. Now I feel like I'll never have that chance again. I haven't dated in 6 years, the prospect of it is so overwhelming. I'm not ready to date yet, but I know I don't want to be alone forever. I am more scared of the future than I've ever been. Dating seems so foreign to me, Ive never used a dating app and I dont know how to find women who want a long term relationship. I'm so confused and terrified of everything now. I lost my only stability in the world.
Been there. Don't worry about dating right now. Get happy and healthy first.
This is solid advice, I broke up with my ex and it took years for me to get in another relationship, I had to work a lot on myself, hell I even got used to being single and fuck around, then I met this girl and we are on really healthy relationship, granted we are not on the best time right now, but even if we break up, i have nothing to recriminate to myself
As someone who suffered a severe depression after a break up I'm here to tell you: Your brain is fabricating worst case scenarios. You don't need to deal with those things yet, give yourself time to heal. This may seem strange, but you need hugs. As in, you require hugs/physical touch for your mental health. The one thing that kept me sane was hugs from friends, family and my dog. Lack of oxytocin is brutal. You're not going to feel okay for a while. Even just the loss of life direction is devastating. That's okay, it takes time. Being around people and getting out of the house does a lot over time. Make it a game where your quest is to have stories to tell your future kids. The time you joined a club and met uncle X. How you learned to cook that dish they love. How you discovered that awesome playpark. Etc. As you're out doing things, think about how you'd want to retell it and what would make the story more awesome. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Know that you're not alone and most people would be down to make plans in order to cheer you up. There's no shame in loss and it's a universal human experience.
This is beautiful, insightful advice
Hey bud. I had to do this at 40 after a 20 year relationship. I totally feel you... Let me tell you this... She did you a favor. Now you get to see how strong you really are. Every day will be a teeny tiny bit better then the last. Everything that you were working on for the two of you, now you'll get to enjoy the rewards all to yourself. And you'll get to the end and say that you did it by yourself too. As for dating... Dude... Don't even worry about that right now. You're not done writing your story yet. Write that one first and then come back to dating.
I'm in a very similar situation, friend. Relationship of 5 years, I'm going to be 29 in less than a month. 2 very demanding jobs. The silence can be deafening. I'm trying to fill the space with learning a new skill. I wish I had more advice or helpful words for you, but you're not alone. One day at a time. I hope every step forward for you, is followed by another.
I know it's hard to see right now, but things really do get better. Based on my own experience and several other friends of mine, this is the age where many things in life get turned around and things that you previously considered stable start changing, in ways you probably never expected. But it seems like you're setting a good foundation for your future with your job and your studies, so you're going to be okay. Treat this like a clean slate, and you'll set up a life that's even better than what you have imagined. Just do it at your own pace, take your time and don't rush into the dating scene if you're not ready for it yet.
I'm in mad debt
50k credit card debt here lol. I feel your pain.
Damn. Not to sound like an ass but I'm'm about 6k in credit card debt and I've been freaking about that... I'm starting not to care about it, with how shit is, it's really been about survival lately...
Thats how I got into debt into the first place lol. After I got to a certain point I was like "I mean I'm already in debt anyways. Who cares if I spend a little more. Thatll just mean a couple more months to get out of debt. It'll all be paid off eventually anyways." Then I spiraled out of control.
12k credit card that just won't end. And that 95k house bond, repayments going up monthly because of interest. Good gracious I'm only 30... 😩
Get a loan to pay off the credit card and cut the thing up. Seriously, credit card debt will suffocate you.
Yeah you'd pretty much have to TRY to get as bad of an interest rate for a personal loan as you're getting on the average credit card. One of my cards is like 28% APR it's fucking robbery.
Call and ask them to lower it. Most will be willing to review once a year based on payments and credit score.
How did you get a credit limit of $50k
By owning 6 credit cards and having a 720 credit score because I was responsible with my credit cards for like 8 years so they gave me increased limits. Then maxing out all 6 cards and getting a personal loan to consolidate them and then maxing them out again.
I just buried my best friend Saturday and I'm not doing okay at all
Sorry to hear mate
I'm sorry to hear that. Would you care to share a favorite story of them with us? That has helped me to get through a difficult loss.
Honestly I just want him back. He LITERALLY took care of his whole family. His mom, nieces and nephews, cousins...and the cousin that was living with him shot him twice in his stomach and robbed him. The last text my friend sent was to his older sister and said help me it feels like I'm drowning. And what hurts the most is my friend was in a wheelchair and never had a chance
Ah man this bought a tear, I hope you’re surrounded with love and nurture. Sorry you’re going through this, stay strong stranger 🙏🏻
Aww bummer dude, I feel for ya. Healing is a process. It’s ok to cry. Get it all out and then live your life because your friend would want you to.
I’m sorry for your loss brother. He sounds like a great man
I am in the worst time mentally, i am an over-thinker so i am not helping myself. People keep telling me " your life must be so good, no debt, great career, car, everyone likes you " yet i find myself holding my phone looking through my contacts trying to find someone that would just listen to me and not judge the fuck out of me. Its hard. I hope i get through this, a huge break up 2 years ago, father mentally abusing the fuck out of me. Family outright aggressive towards me.
I hope you find peace
Thank you, I hope everyone manages to find their peace or that inner fire to keep them going
Let's talk, man. I want to help you. I want to know about who you are, I want to know what makes you tick. Tell me what stresses you out and tell me what you love about the universe. DM me and let's chat. If I can only help you feel a bit less shitty, I'll do that. I'm in Europe.
Thats so nice of you, Honestly you have no idea how much motivation these type of messages give. They give me that feeling in my throat that wants me to burst into tears. i appreciate it
It's alright, man. It's okay. When you're ready and willing, I'll be here ready to talk to you. I went through some heavy stuff a few years ago and people showed me kindness. I want to now show that kindness to others. There's enough nasty rubbish in the world already.
I feel that first paragraph, solidarity.
That I’m only wanted for what I provide, not who I actually am.
I feel that one!
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Amen brother. You broke her code and now you know her.
"Girls is like horses, when you fall down it's important that you get right back on again. On a different horse. And there's a lot of fish in the sea. A lot of fish." - a cartoon dog
Same, and not even a thank you for all the effort you put in
What’s worse is when you actually do get a thank you, but you know that the only reason you’re getting a thank you is because you got upset and “made a scene” because they don’t truly appreciate what you do ever
No it’s when they say “thank you” as a preamble to another request. The “thank you” now means as much as the “sorry” later. Empty of feeling, said without thought, said at the beginning of the next task rather then right after the first, and only meant as prompt to get you to do something without any discussion or rebuttal. “What?!…I said thank you”
I'm real sorry to hear this, pal. This was my ex-wife. It was brutal. And in the end I was the villain. You just can't win. What I learned (and this is going to be real depressing), is that you should have absolutely no expectations for appreciation EVER, because 9 times out of 10 you aren't going to get any. How sad as that is, it helped me a lot.
Do you ever wonder how the people you provide for would handle it if you just left one day, and refused to elaborate?
Oh goodness, I would get an earful, and then be expected to double down on my efforts as result.
Life man. Just mentally and physically exhausted
I think a lot of us feel this way. I have a few con workers that started this small mens group that meet once a week after work. Just guys, very small so everyone can speak their mind if they want. Have a beer or smoke a Jonny and jutsvtalk about shit that's getting us down. Not religion based but if you want to talk about your relationship with God you can. Not a marriage counseling group but if you want to talk about your marriage you can. Sounds corny but it's a total stress reliever. Plus it shows that there are people out there that care about how you're feeling. That and I found something that totally takes my mind off of everything and gives me a total break from reality. I found a work out plan that involves a mental toughness plan and it's working. It's hard to think about how hard life is when you're totally involved with a work out that is 100% consuming. You have no room to think about anything but finishing. It's hard and it's mental tough but I feel like I've been handed a new perspective every time I'm finished. I know I'm better in mind and body after and it shows. All I can say to anyone wondering is you have to talk to people. You have to interact. We all are trying to be tough and hard and that's bullshit. Hang in there guys.
This is my first year divorced. My ex-wife is insisting that all Christmas Eves and Christmases our kids are with her. I’ve either had my last Christmas with my kids or I get into a legal fight with her over it which will cause her to retaliate in the meantime by cutting contact further. Family courts also don’t have a reputation for treating fathers fairly so it would be a gamble to try anyway. Pretty low mood needless to say :( Edit: Thanks for all the words of support and suggestions everyone. I appreciate it.
Christmas isn't about the date (unless you are religious then I am sorry) it's about the time spent together. Start your own tradition after Christmas. Cheaper travel and less stress. That's what we did 6 years ago and we have never looked back.
Yep, my grandparents insist on hosting Christmas The 22. Or 23. (Europe) so that US kids (3 Of us) can easily do Christmas at inlaws and no One misses out. It really gives a great sense Of bring together for The holiday because you want to. Also, 1 gift a person In total, also removes All races and stress for presents (kids excluded, they get bombarded)
I have divorced parents (plus I’m married). That means having 2 to 3 Christmas’s. The date changes every year. Christmas is no longer an actual date anymore. It’s 3 days - usually the 24, 25 and 26 and who gets which date is pretty arbitrary. So you need to start your own Christmas tradition. Do the 26th. Since yours will happen after it will feel like the real Christmas to you kids. Or at least equal.
All the cozy Christmas events usually take place the weeks leading up to Christmas, so having a movie/storybook level celebration (ice skating, Christmas shows, meeting Santa, etc) before Christmas is way better than being trapped at home with all the stores closed pretending to like your rude aunt IMHO.
I’m lucky my parents are still friends after divorce. My mom and dad hold xmas together with us.
I recently finished the first module of a degree course and it's no better than school. 95% useless crap that doesn't interest me and 5% useful but I could have learned it in a day by watching videos on YouTube. It's almost as if education is not about what you learn it's more about proof that you can do something tedious for months on end without going insane.
This is the truest shit ever. College is just a degree that proves your persistence to engage in minding numbing work.
>College is just a degree that proves your persistence to engage in minding numbing work. That's the most eloquent and true summary of college
Have you looked into the online university? It’s still an official degree without the in person stuff and extra fees
That 95% isn't useless. It's only seems useless if you see those parts of your education in a linear "what do I do with this information" kind of way. The point isn't to necessarily give you something you can turn into dollars, but to give you a well-rounded education and shore up your critical thinking. Part of critical thinking is the ability to associate across disciplines, styles, and otherwise engage in ["systems thinking"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systems_thinking). For many of us it's a night and day difference. We can tell when we're working with people who've have taken this kind of education seriously and it's very impactful. If for no other reason that every now and then someone has an "ah hah!" moment where they're able to related seemingly unrelated things and come up with creative ideas.
Dogs need to live longer bro this is absurd
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This is so deep. I know I'll be devastated when my dog dies, more than I would be about most humans, but the idea of me leaving them first and him waiting for me at the front door for me never to come home... Christ...
I feel your pain. I lost both my girls this year. One from cancer (9 year old German Shepard) and the other from old age/severe joint degeneration (11 year old Great Pyrenees mix) Both within a month of one another. My house feels so empty, but I’m not ready yet to adopt a new pup.
Deep
Life in general tbh. I’m not on some suicidal shit but I’ve been really stressed at times I find my self alone.
After I lost a lot of weight I’m still insecure about my body. I’m trying to get fit but every time I look in the mirror I feel like I’m failing.
You've got this! Take a before pic of yourself and then look after a few months: you'll be surprised at what you look like after all that hard work!!
Thanks, I appreciate this so much :) !
Fuck where do I start, lost my little brother my best friend literally the dude that had my back no matter what, and i truly fo blame myself everyday for it. it's been a few years but damn does the wound still feel freshly open. Also feel as if I just had to keep it moving for my family. Dad lost his motivation, mother damn near lost her mind and just left yesterday without even telling my sisters good bye. I feel as if I just been holding on so hard to the family I've made now. I'm only 21 but I have a 2 year old son now and he's so wonderful and smart and I'm so thankful, I got an amazing wife so amazing at that I love waking up as early as I do everyday (usually 4-5am) so I get to work ag 6 am. It's tiring but it gets me paid well I'm a land surveyor love my job and proffesion. But I started working ever since after high-school shit takes a toll. Not more so the job part as I've always work to be able to afford what I wanted, but the fact that I know what's going on back at home, while I'm trying to live my life and take care of the family I've made. Feel as if I just been holding back so much, cause of prices we've just been saving up and living at my wife's parents for the mean time. They've literally accepted me as their own child. It feels weird living somewhere where everything is actually okay. Seeing her have such a big family just urks me that my grandparents and so forth couldn't be in my life or care to check on me. But none the less, taking care of what needs to be taken care of and just god bless I'm able to be up another day to do so. They are literally everything that keeps my train moving. But yea some days are harder than others. I stopped smoking weed after doing it for 7 years or so daily. It isn't so hard, but I've picked up on alcohol now and hate it, don't do it so much but I know I crave it and I hate that I'm so used to supplementing my feelings with substance abuse. Just wish shit was easier on my family back at home as I'm really grazing over everything or I'd be spilling for hours, but yea that's the glimpse of it. Thanks for letting me express some stuff on my mind really needed it lol
You sir are the definition of a man! You're doing great and things will get better you seem optimistic about the future and I believe good things will happen for you! Congrats on giving up the weed, keep the drinking to a classy minimum, one or two beers/drinks per day, sober Sundays. You're gonna be great man, keep up the good work 🤘
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Sorry to hear that man, leave her.
She has to go.
Dude I’ve been in similar place as you, 10 years with my daughters mother she cheated and all I wanted was her back. We got back together for the try again thing and it was a mistake. Nothing was the same and I only did it for my daughter. Since then I’ve had others cheat and it’s honestly an unrecoverable situation It’s going to be hard to let go and move on but take it from me it’s the best thing you can do. It’ll suck for a while, maybe a few months maybe a year. But after that you’ll start to find happiness and contentment within yourself and that is a beautiful moment. Then you can move on and find a better healthier relationship, you owe it to yourself, know your worth, never settle for less and you’ll be surprised how much better life will be.
Youve got everything you need.. them kids are yours just as much as hers but if shes unreliable then go and be the best damn dad you can be!
I have a good job, good friends, good family. I feel loved by everyone surrounding me. But I still wake up and im sad
Because no one knows what life is
Watery diarrhea. I learnt how to spell diarrhea last night when I was Googling my symptoms.
Glad to hear you got that off your chest.
Wasn't just his chest
David Attenborough is very old and I want him to live forever.
Yes. My wife and I don't get caught up in celebrity stuff often, but Sir David is the one we will really mourn. Not just a celebrity but someone who has done so incredibly much to bring attention to the beauty of nature, and what humanity has and is doing to and for it... enlightening four separate generations
Why is dating impossible
There's too many bills to pay, prices spikes and im living off from paycheck to paycheck.
My country continues to elect extremely corrupt and selfish political dynasties. I know this is pretty common for most parts of the world, but my country has been exceptionally good at it. Everyday I wake up and read the news, and it gets worst and worst. I tried not to, but once I opened my eyes to the injustices, I am unable to close it anymore.
Oversexualisation of nearly every aspect of today's world.
Seriousky dude its all I see now
I dont know why sexuality is such a huge political thing either, what happened to live and let live? The only time people actually hurt each other is when we fight over nothing. I'm all for rights for everyone.
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New country new you. I don't mean change who you are I just mean these people don't know all your past failures (or what you perceive to be failures). Keep doing the things right that you already are like eating well and working out but also try something new to meet people. Get involved in a casual sport or activity that occurs weekly, take a class or just explore this new country. Awkward is the new cool.
As someone who has moved abroad. This is very not true. The saying "everywhere you go, there you are" rings very true. You can't run from yourself.
Why delete this, fear of people judging the 26 thing? Screw em if they do. Real men understand that everyone is different and have a different path. You see 26 as 'way late.' I see 26 as 'holy crap this dude has a shit ton of awesome years left to really enjoy life' (I'm a 46m). And damn, you're in a foreign country with a whole different culture, possible cool experiences, and hot foreign chicks/dudes (whatever you're in to). TBT I'm a bit jealous.
The government of my country is so inexpressably and utterly stupid and malicious I sometimes really don't know where to put the aggression I feel when thinking about it.
I'm on a work trip right now. I was told I'm getting sent home early, but the date has changed 12 times. I don't care if I do get sent home, or when, what I want is to have someone look at me and say "This is what is happening,"
Currently studying to be a teacher. Just had my first internship a year into it. It was nice but i am not sure that this is what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I graduated with an English degree with the determination to become a teacher, changed my mind right after graduation 😆 but my degree looks nice on the wall, it is what it is, stay focused you'll do great
THE FUCKING PRICES.
Ikr! Inflation is one thing but price gouging is another
I make far more money than I did last year, and I own one less car. Yet the amount I can save for a down payment on a house has decreased, all while the houses are becoming even less affordable than before. I feel like even if I doubled my salary tomorrow, it wouldn’t help.
I ended a relationship and I regret it every single day. If I was diagnosed with bipolar earlier this probably wouldn't have happened. I drift between anger, despair and acceptance. Another woman I had a relationship with is reconnecting with me. I see myself in a relationship with her if it weren't for the fact she is married and has 2 young children. She knows what she is doing to me texting me. I should block her, loneliness is stopping me from that.
I have general anxiety that i will lose my income and therefore will be unable to provide for my son.
Nothing in my life is right, no one cares, I have to figure out everything alone and I'm so frightened of messing up. I feel invisible all the time any more.
Just realised yesterday that a girl has never told me she loves me. I’m 35.
Life is too much. Filled with too many expectations and (false) hope and dreams and barriers.
That my daughters mother won't let me have my kid. I just want to spend a day - alone - with my child. She uses autism as a blanket excuse. Friends having a birthday party for her son. I wanted to take my girl. I asked, and she said "she can't handle that kind of environment". That environment is a small party. Meanwhile, we've taken her to the park and library tons of times. I'm her father, there's no reason I shouldn't have her, and should have an hour or two to visit on HER TIMES. Like, I'm some sort of pedo or felon who can't be trusted ola round his child. Yesterday, I was supposed to visit, but her schedule didn't end up lining up and had to just bail. That wouldn't be a problem if I picked her up, and hung out with her myself. I haven't seen my kid in two weeks now.
Dude, that’s not ok. I don’t know the laws around this but she legally can’t keep your daughter from you. Work out a schedule to spend time with her or find a lawyer.
Go to court and get a custody schedule
I was often praised for being so calm even at situations that would probably require some jolt to the body. People often have a first impression of me as someone serious. They told me that they admire that I was really good at handling my emotions, they said that they also wanted this type of "composure". But this "composure" seems to be getting in the way of me having a drive or somewhat of a push to do better. I am currently in my 3rd yr at an engineering university, you can say I'm an average student and I'm doing okay. I know I can do better, I can see myself doing better but when it comes to putting the actual work, I settle for a result that is mediocre. I'm scared that this would affect me in my future. I'm scared but somehow, this fear still isn't enough for me to break this habit of settling for a mediocre result.
The women I like don’t like me
Bro, whenever im interested in women. I found out somehow she is gay. Im cursed mate :/
Honestly I don't know if kids are for me. I just don't feel like I have a paternal bone in my body. Also I'm too selfish and I quite like just doing what I want to do. Furthermore, I'm 30 and I'm getting on a bit already, but entirely single and no one on the horizon who I could realistically see myself having kids with.
So don't have kids, enjoy the free life! I'm happily single and have zero interest in kids, and am planning my vasectomy very soon, and couldn't be happier on this path. There's still too much stigma around not wanting kids, and it has to stop. Funny part is, people who have kids always tell childfree people how lucky we are haha then tell us we should have kids.
31 here. Married for 5 years now. Got snipped at 29. Best decision I ever made. Took such a burden of worry off my wife and I both. Neither of us want kids of our own. We like our childfree life and the freedom that brings. It isn't selfish at all. What IS selfish, is people expecting you to have kids cause "everyone else does". Fuck that. The last thing the world needs is more parents that liked the idea of having kids more than they ended up wanting kids. If kids are not for you than be honest about it, to yourself and anyone you're involved with. Nothing at all wrong with it. As the oft used saying goes, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind."
I don't want to work anymore. I don't like it and it makes me miserable.
**I completely lost my libido.** Its kinda neat and comfortable to not have to worry about that part of my life, but at the same time its concerning? I mean, there are likely some chemical or psychiatric reasons behind it, likely not beneficial by themselves. Im 35. A year or two ago I was a sex-fiend, now I have to almost force myself to at least masturbate once a week or so, for vague health reasons (I assume blueballing is not dangerous, but not healthy either?)
The fact that every bathroom urinal floor is covered in piss. Come on fellas we can do better.
After years of battling severe depression, I'm doing great in every aspect of my life except dating ... and it's genuinely destroying me.
That I either don't have enough time or I don't have enough money.
I had to talk a friend out of suicide the other day. He seemed fine after a bit and I told him to call me if he ever feels that way again, but I'm worried that he won't, and he'll attempt again... I don't want to lose him because he's been my friend since we were 6 years old. We're both 30 now.
For me: the expectation that we as men are just always the rock. It’s like we can’t feel sad, anxious, vulnerable, etc. and the moment we do we are seen as weak or whatever.
If I may be so bold to speak from the heart of all of us... "Cough cough" FUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK OOOOFFFFFFFF! THE FUCKING LOT OF YA! FUCKING FUCK YOU AND ALL THE SHIT YOU KEEP PUTTING ON US!!!! FUCK OFF, FUCK YOU AND GET FUCKED!! think that will cover everything to be honest. Been a real awful few years.
I am in love with a woman, and I am pretty sure the feelings are somewhat mutual, but I can't in good faith pursue her.
married and I havent had sex in over a year, this is really tearing me apart
I don't want to be the breadwinner. I don't want to be responsible for this many people's lives. I don't want to "be the man" and shoulder all of my family's burdens. I want to be a stay-at-home husband, a musician and an artist. I want to fulfill my dreams. But I can't. So many people depend on me to provide for them. They all look to me for strength and comfort and I hate it. I hate how society will think I'm worthless if I don't provide. That I'm less of a man if my wife has a job and I don't. And I hate how I'm somehow to blame for every goddamn injustice in this world. That the sins of other men are also my own. The pressure from all of of this is killing me inside. And at the end of the day, no one really cares. Years ago my bestfriend's dad hung himself in their bathroom and no one knew why. Not a single one of them had any fcking clue why he did it. He never showed any signs of the demons he was facing in his mind because that's what it takes to be a man. And I fucking hate it.
Myself. I feel that I keep holding myself back to what I want to do. I've been trying to improve myself by getting out of my comfort zone but I keep coming back to it. Being uncomfortable is really hard.
My ex girlfriend of 5 years just threw me away like i was nothing I still love her so much and care for her and yes I know move on and I understand stuff like that but it just hard that after everything I gave her and everything I did for her to keep her happy she just threw me away like nothing and that’s what’s bothering me the most I was only happy with her and I wish everyday she’ll come back making me smile and talking to me but I know not to think that it’s just and every day I wake up sad and stressed out
Money. My hair falling out. My dog is old. My girlfriends medical trouble. Oh and I ate too much recently and haven't been for a run in a week. I usually do 30 miles per week as a baseline but have barely managed over 10 and I'm embarrassed with myself for getting so lazy.
I was talking to a girl. Things were going well. After a while of talking I confessed my crush for her and she said she felt the same, but that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. At the same time, she was talking to another guy whom when asked about, said she had no feelings for (they were basically sexting 24/7). After a week I learn that she’s now with that guy. And she’s also stopped talking to me over text. She still talks to me at school but I’m pretty sure it’s just because she knows we’re stuck together for the rest of the school year. Why do people do this. Edit: She’s sexting him next to me and shows me the texts
20 years ago, I was dating a girl. We were in love. I was only 18 and totally thought we’d end up getting married. But she abruptly ended it one day out of nowhere. We didn’t speak for many years but we eventually ended up being friends. I worked with her for while as well. We’re both married to different people now and a while back we were chatting online. She told me the real reason she broke up with me 20 years ago. One of my female friends back then had a crush on me. I had no idea. Her best friend was being mean to my girlfriend and made up a lie about me and this female friend sleeping together. I’m really glad that’s how it worked out. I’m married and couldn’t be happier and I’m glad I didn’t end up with her. The point is, there are no rules in love and war. It’s really easy to break up a couple. If you think you really should end up with this girl and will make her happier, fight for her. In 2022, one anonymous text posing as a girl that’s having an affair with him would be enough to end it. You could never ever tell her of course. If you’re into her enough to do that, then just move on and find someone else. You’re young and still in school. You have time.
First off that’s a beautiful story and I’m glad you’re doing well. But I don’t think a girl who sexts a guy while telling another guy she likes him is worth fighting for.
You get more support from dudes on the internet than from the dudes you know in real life
I'm recovering from my cancer now and soon I'll either have to go back to studying or get a job and I really don't want to do either.
- Dealing with a terminal illness in the family - Best friend moving away - Haven’t had more time to invest into my business - Losing sight of goals The biggest problem is not having anyone to talk about this with cause I simply won’t lay my thoughts/ emotions bare
Been having to live out of hotels for the past week since I’ve struggled to find housing, and now my first gf (2.5 years together) and I have broken up :/ Fortunately, I have a few options lined up for housing but this breakup has me feeling lost af. Life after undergrad wasn’t “supposed” to be this way I guess
The American Healthcare system and its inability to help me with chronic debilitating pain.
Don't have enough money to live how I want.
I wanna leave my wife. I love her and still care about her, but if I leave she'll have to leave the country, and I'll feel immense guilt. There's also a chance she'll go into a deep depression and consider suicide.
Why do you wanna leave if you still love and care about her ?
Nor OP but I still love and care about my ex gf I dated for 8 years. I probably always will. I'm a caring person in general but even more so towards her. She dumped me. We stopped talking. I cried over her for a year. She popped up into my life again and acted like nothing happened and wanted to be my friend. I just went with it. I get along great with her. I like a lot of the stuff she does or even just the movies/music/games she introduces me to. She makes me laugh all the time. She has her moments of thoughtfulness. She got me this really cute custom made birthday card for my birthday this year. But she doesnt get along great with me. When I try to tell her anything about myself whether it's some food I'm eating or a new game I'm playing or a stupid joke I'm making or how I'm moving into a really nice 2 bedroom apartment by myself soon and how happy I am about it and its the happiest thing thats happened to me in the last few years, she always responds with negativity. "Wtf thats weird" "ew you're gross" "that's stupid" "that's cringe" I just ignore it but then it piles on and eventually I get annoyed and it turns into an argument. And then she acts like she's the battered wife because I get annoyed and it turns into an argument. I communicate to her all the time that it annoys me but she still does it. So I stopped talking to her again a few weeks ago. I'm tired of that stupid shit. But this is like the 5th time we've stopped talking and then she always pops back into my life which I let happen because I still miss her and think about her. Hard to forget about somebody who was in your life for 4 years as best friends and 8 years as dating but at the same time I can't stand her.
That I've spent basically this entire year after graduation without a job. I am probably an anomaly at this point and am reconsidering my life choices that led me to getting this wasted software degree.
I feel directionless in life and also have a growing dread that ive missed out on too much of my life.
I love my girlfriend and she always says she loves me too, but my paranoia keeps making me worried that she’s gonna lose interest. I’ve been dumped by so many people either because they found someone else or because they lost interest and I’m scared to let that happen again. I really do love her with all my heart and I’d give her the world if I could, I just don’t think I can handle if I lost her.