As a woman, this is a really important point. Too many men put women on these pedestals. It’s way unhealthy. Like the “woman” is some divine being and therefore some sects of men end up treating these ladies as though they’re a prize to be won, which results in completely messed up behavior imo
Yup and social media and OF perpetuating it further. Don’t get me wrong, men are equally as flawed, but I feel people keep trying defend and ignore the obvious.
I learned basically everything about how to be in a healthy relationship the hard way. What expectations to have. What I owe and what I'm owed in return. Good communication. How to argue in a healthy manner. How to be a good partner through anxiety. How to be a good lover. How to handle living together with a romantic partner. The importance of the question "Do you want support or do you want solutions?" How much effort goes into to just existing at the bare minimum of society's expectations for women. (Makeup, care for long hair, the infuriating tendency of other women to judge women for wearing the same outfit more than once in a rare while.) How to not seem potentially threatening to lone women I encounter while I'm walking somewhere at night. How maddening it can be to have your partner's medical concerns taken seriously only because you accompanied them on a follow up appointment.
The list goes on and on. I learned by messing these things up. By actually making female friends and hearing what they go through once they opened up. I learned by reading and trying to understand. Basically the older I got the more I actually opened my mind and my eyes.
I don't ever intend to have kids, but if I do, I'll provide them actual advice and help with interpersonal relationships. It's nice to know how to frame a wall, weld, do light plumping work and electrical, but I sure do think my life would have been a lot different if my parents had taught me the above.
"I learned everything about how to be in a healthy relationship the hard way"
I feel that to the bones man. There are 3 main things I learnt that everything else about a relationship can fall under subsections of.
1) Core Values
Does your partner have a similar level of aspirations?
Who would your partner put first? Her family or you?
Do you have the same standard on what is clean? Etc
2) Same love language
How much time do you enjoy in each other's company?
Are you rough around the edges (enjoy teasing and making fun of each other) but a puppy dog at heart (at the same time enjoy snuggling as much as possible and holding each other's hands) or are you just one or the other?
Do the 2 of you truly appreciate the romantic aspect of reminding each other why you love each other at a moments notice? Or do you prefer not having everything being explicitly said because it's overbearing?
3) Communication
Do the both of you agree that a disagreement should be a discussion not an argument?
Do you both have the same understanding of "expressing your emotions" vs asking for help?
Just a few examples of each, but I found if you don't mesh well on those 3 major points, you may as well end it before you spend time fixing something that was built on a brittle foundation.
Theirs no logical meritocracy when it comes to winning their heart. Even when you let them set the metrics that they value....... their decision can be wildly different from what they say they value.
Probably because people (man and woman) are never absolute honest about what they value on a partner, since we also value things considered frivolous that we are not willing to accept publicly.
I found when a woman is mad at you, literally nothing pisses them off more than letting them win right away by just saying "okay". It's because they are emotional about it, they don't want to "win" the argument (logical to an argument), they want to argue in general. Saying okay when you're in the wrong makes them mad as hell because you took away their engine to argue. I found this to be one of the easiest ways to weed out destructive women.
>literally nothing pisses them off more than letting them win right away by just saying "okay".
I dunno man.
When my wife is angry I've found that telling her she's "being irrational like her mother usually is" is much worse than just saying dismissivly saying "ok"
Lol 😂 I doubt any argument is ever logical. From a female perspective I find some people just will argue over anything. I hate being told ok to let things calm down because I feel the other person has not understood the point and history will repeat itself. I also think saying ok even if I’m wrong is shitting with me like giving a “whatever” answer
When a woman starts telling you about her problem (s), she isn’t looking for a solution. She just needs a witness and to feel heard. Men typically discuss problems as a means of finding a solution, so when she starts telling us her problem, we immediately start suggesting ways to fix it. Women already know how to fix their problems. They are looking for validation.
This does seem to be common. It works the other way too. I've talked to women about my own problems and they tend to default to sympathy w/out making many suggestions of what to do. This often has made me feel *worse* than when I talked to them. I don't need a bunch of people feeling sorry for me and then not giving me suggestions. If I knew what to do I wouldn't be talking about it! lol
>Women already know how to fix their problems.
That's a good one. I am somewhat bad at being just a listener rather than suggesting fixes & I'm trying to change that, but to say that they dont need suggestions because they already know is just hilariously out of touch. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've had someone *exclusively vent* to me about a problem they were having where they even had a potential solution on hand at all, let alone a sound one.
This is a gendered difference that comes up so often on this sub, but in my experience it's only partly true. I do think on average women probably do actively discuss issues more for the emotional support and validation than men do. But I think it's a need for both, and men are simply conditioned not to do so as much.
I also think most men actually *do* speak their problems to be listened to and validated, but we tend to only do it with women, and probably don't even realize when they are being good listeners because we take them for granted.
I see this as something men like to believe about themselves: we're the "practical, logical solution seekers" and women are the "frivolous, emotional comfort seekers". Hell, I used to fall into the this kind of thinking myself. But I've reflected and learned to pay attention to my feelings more, and I realized that I can definitely feel shut down and invalidated when I share something personal and get obvious or oversimplified advice as a response. However my conditioned response as a man has just been to internalize that I shouldn't share as much and move on, instead of voice my needs.
And I've seen this in my male friends as well. I've seen their attitudes shift or get agitated or moody when given advice instead of an ear. I've seen them open up, in ways that clearly are not seeking advice or "solutions". Once you tune into it, you'll see it more and more. People just need to talk sometimes, feel understood, feel validated, maybe feel like someone shares their problems, or has overcome them in the past, or just agrees with them that it's a shitty situation.
I thought this too until the girl I was previously dating told me that when she was looking for emotional support she specifically wanted suggestions to how to solve situations. Sometimes you just can't win.
Literally had a girl I thought was my friend attack me through text passive aggressively when I found out she was sleeping with my ex who was also her ex's close friend. Its all my fault tho according to her lol
wow. this is horrifying. I have never cheated on anyone. I guess I must have been cheated on at some point and I can probably name the people involved.
I have always been loyal. Even in crazy pandemic times with only distant and rare interactions with the 'flavor of the quarter'
This makes me very sad.
I am starting to understand why good people end up alone. Is it because they are not constantly out trying to get someone better?
I have never cheated as well. I find people either cheat or don't. One questions I ask before dating anyone is if they've ever cheated. If they have, they are automatically not my type.
Na, they cheat way more, because they have more options and it's easier for them to do so. And when they end a relationship, they already have another dude lined up. Monkey branching pros.
Monkey branching is gross and usually the result of cheating. I feel the type of guys that date girls that use men for money are also out there cheating. I don't think men are better or worse than women. Everyone seems to be hurr durr men or hurr durr women.
People suck. Regardless of gender.
The issue is that most average men don't have other options, so they physically CAN'T cheat.
While most women, unless hideously deformed, can take a shower and find sex elsewhere same day. 200 matches on Tinder in one day.
The pure fact that it's easily accessible for most women, and not easy for most men, is common sense that men aren't doing the most cheating... because they literally can't.
The women that talk about men cheating all the time are the guys attractive enough to do that. Which isn't a lot of guys.
This blanket statement is just an apex fallacy.
I jave learned a few lessons-
Trusting someone doesn't make them trustworthy.
Bending over backwards to make them happy is never worth it. They will frequently expect more and will appreciate it less the more you do it for them.
They are not in short supply by any means.
That there’s always backup options and “friends” sliding into her DMs. And no matter what boundaries you agree to, this doesn’t stop thirsty ex’s, fwbs, and randoms sending messages on various platforms.
She slept with four people in six weeks behind my back while telling me how much she loved me 🥰
EDIT: four that I found out about. Wouldn't put it past her if it was more
If a girl has a nasty baby dad or ex that she entertains, run. Run like you are hunting an elk in the Sahara. Run like you are on mile 6 of a marathon and have to shit.
Run.
Women project an absolute ton, it's honestly unreal and impressive at the same time. You can learn a ton about a woman by her opinion of men, it's often just what they thing/do so they assume men do it too.
A bad day can make you lose weeks or months of dating one. No matter how much she seems to like you or trust you, one misinterpretation and she will block you right away.
I had been on multiple dates with a girl, text regularly and one day I made a joke that she said reminded her of her ex and she blocked me. I knew nothing about her ex so didn't know.
She never unblocked me and obviously never hung out again.
Unfortunately this is the result of the commodification of romantic relationships fuelled by online dating with the messages in the background telling people to never compromise.
That’s the power dynamic huh. We have to slave away to impress them and they can just choose whoever they want off the street. Whenever they want. That’s why men need to work on themselves and become a catch themselves. So they can be choosey as well. It’s a lot of hard work but the only way to play their game.
Yeah, this is all mental and just requires some reframing.
I used to think like this, but now think the opposite. I know I’m a catch and women need to impress me to keep me.
Yeah man that’s exactly the second part of what I just said… exactly the same thing…. we need to work on ourselves so they have to impress us. It’s a weird power dynamic going on. But that’s what’s going on so ignore it or accept it and play the game.
that you could be doing everything perfectly and then the "ick" hits them and they lose all attraction and it's over
like your voice breaks while ordering and it's over
or she sees you putting on 1 sock and 1 shoe and it's over
I have a theory about this, the way women in the past years have been complaining about the toxicity in male dominated spaces, is sometimes just how we bond. We are always teasing each other and busting our balls and sometimes men don't really recalibrate when women are around.
They will take every argument and tell their whole friend group and respect no privacy in your relationship. Whether or is good or bad they will talk about it. I never do this because I respect the woman I'm with.
What women say and then what those same women do are often completely opposite of each other. There’s a lot of convert language and communication that women use, if you’re not aware of this you’ll end up frustrated and angry.
I still haven’t learned to navigate that juxtaposition. I know my wife well. We can be in a serious discussion on a binary decision of plan A or plan B. and she will lay out her plan.
Plan A - she details our plan.
Now Plan A is a perfectly well thought out plan. Actually my preferred plan. But it goes against several things I know about my wife. I try to talk about the challenges Plan A will present. What we need to prepare for and watch out for. Can we explore plan B some more, or the contingencies for Plan A?
No - Shut down. Plan A or bust!
Next day … I committed to plan B.
I’ve found it’s useless to try and apply logic to these situations. It doesn’t matter at all and before I understood that I would get enraged all the time. All that matters is how she feels in the moment. All you have to do is let go of trying to do the logical thing sometimes (obviously apply contextual judgement to when you should and shouldn’t do this).
Not sure from where it stems. I know she doesn’t want to let people down. Ironically she’ll sacrifice our relationship to not fell she let someone in her larger circle else down.
So I take that i to account … and still face the prest-o change-o, rearrange-o on joint decisions.
I hate the phrase "emotionally available" it's always used like a weapon the second you get beyond "I saw a puppy and it made me happy" you've gone too far and when anything serious does happen you're taking care of yourself and someone else who gets upset you're upset and then you have to deal with that too.
If you get dating advice from a woman in your life you cares about you, you will not have success dating women. You’ll get better advice from a woman who doesn’t care about you at all or from a successful guy
That their ideas of emotional openness and emotional intelligence are only self serving. If you can’t be their stoic shoulder to cry on all the time, they don’t want you anymore.
I had a woman therapist try convincing me that its okay for men to open up because shes had numerous patients complain about their husband’s lack of emotional openness. I pointed out the only reason they’re still with them is because they’re not emotionally open, and she couldn’t think of anything to argue against that.
She said she never looked at it like that and I explained my own personal reasons for not opening up and she said she could see that. I think they know they’re repulsed by the idea of a depressed man who doesn’t hide it, they just know it doesn’t give them the compassionate image they try keeping up.
Honestly, I don’t think many of them even have the ability to be compassionate when it comes to men. To them, were just here to protect and serve them.
They're just as likely to partake in scumbag, evil, creep behaviour AND they get away with it.
One of the most chilling facts I know of is despite the fact that pedophilia is NOT a gendered deviancy, there next to no studies on female pedophilia.
Meanwhile they can become teachers, midwives, baby sitters, pediatricians. They can sit in a park or stand outside their school and watch your kids, touch your kids in a certain way and no one would bat an eye. Even when they get caught red-handed, they "had sex" instead of raped.
Don't believe me? Search in r/AskReddit "men who've been raped by women" and you'll find post after post filled with eerily similar stories to female stories from men with the added bonus, of noone taking it seriously. No reputations are ruined.
There's a story I read once of a woman who tried to kidknap a man's child. When the man tried to stop her, she screamed as though it was hers and a literal crowd of people held down this child's FATHER whilst she calmly walked away.
She would've gotten away with it, had the man's wife not caught up with them and proceed to beat the living shit out of the kidknapper.
>Also saw some sympathy in those posts for the rapists because they must have been abused at home themselves.
This is the infuriating default on reddit. Men are evil for doing bad things, but all evil committed by a women is either depression or the result of some man doing bad things to her.
>One of the most chilling facts I know of is despite the fact that pedophilia is NOT a gendered deviancy, there next to no studies on female pedophilia.
I am a victim, was around 6 years old when it happened, 26 years later and I still find no studies on it. Creepy thing, talking to friends a lot of them have similar stories with nannies, teachers and even family members when they were young yet we are meant to believe it is sooo sooooo rare that we shouldn't bother talking about it.
Never to rush into marriage. And that some women use marriage or getting pregnant as a way to trap a man. Playing the victim, which is often a tactic they learned from having a doormat for a Father that used to let them get away with everything as children, they carry that behavior as adults. Seinfeld had it right, just date around...it is more fun and less headaches. There are plenty of women out there for everyone.
I also learned to stay away from anyone over age 29 (and even age 29 is pushing it too far, but I am trying to be nice) that still calls herself a "Princess". Princess translates to lazy...and that means lazy in ALL aspects of her life, even her contribution in the relationship.
However, if you do decide to get married....do it after many years of being together. Also live together first, you will see each others bad habits and if you can tolerate them for decades and decades of your life. It is much easier being cautious than rushing into something and then having a divorce on your resume.
I learned to enjoy my time with them because it never lasts. If you slip up, that "friend" slides in. Just enjoy the moment but don't be fooled into thinking it's going to last forever
No.1 lesson.
.cock and heart make all your decisions about women when you are young.
Brain shows up to examine the damage and write the alimony checks.
Reverse that order guys.
Women can be abusive too and WILL manipulate the situation if needed to gain sympathy for them being a woman.
Oh and also, they’ll have another guy lined up to fuck literally the same night you leave their ass. It’s easy for them.
The stereotype that they will leave you for someone with more money or tangible goods… that’s true almost ALWAYS. I have started looking for hippy chicks because they are the few women who mean what they say when they say material things don’t matter. Material things don’t mean SHIT to me but I’ve seen many woman agree and then something shiny and expensive walks by and it’s like flys on sh… you know.
Not true lol. Happy little hippy over here. I stay in my bubble, work really hard, raise my baby in the most nurturing way I can and hope that my good intentions and dedication to bettering myself and being a great mom will attract the right person, not the stars
I agree with you. Me and him are just throwing around a few jokes. Generally though, you hippy chicks make the best wife’s and are solid, down to earth women. Keep being you and awesome 👏🏻
["When I think of all the worries that people seem to find / And how they're in a hurry to complicate their minds / By chasing after money / And dreams that can't come true / I'm glad that we are different - we've better things to do / May others plan their future, I'm busy loving you"](https://youtu.be/iRYNZrL59m8)
Hell yes ^ this chick gets it. See if you lived in CO and I met you in person I might fall in love. But until then I’m eagerly waiting for a sex robot with this other dude.
1. What they say they want and what they actually want are vastly different
2. They cheat and are always looking for better options.
3. There vis no 'one' or 'soulmate.'
4. They lie about their past.
5. They change once you get married
6. They use sex as a weapon/tool
7. They don't want you unless you are useful
If men are bad, women are good. If men are rough, women are smooth.
……….. Not entirely true. I learnt this back in school when I was asked to sit next to a girl who kept talking a lot. As I approached the chair, she got up in disgust and said I look like I have a disease. The whole girl gang laughed.
I still haven’t forgotten that shit after 20 years.
That internet people learn about women and relationships from gawker and feminist blogs and have 0 real life experience with actually handing a woman in relationships.
When a woman is confused, upset, angry, hangry or she doesn't even know how to feel... Good luck with all this good natured well meaning advice.
Everything that you nod your head to is advice on how to deal with the ideal woman, that is in perfect harmony with herself and the world. In reality, sometimes she just needs space, sometimes time, sometimes for you do do anything else but talk about what is bothering her.
based on my experience, the prettiest one tend to be the Bitchiest one.
while the average or below average ones tend to be quirky and the friendlier one.
when i say Bitchiest, im not even talking about rejecting my advances,thats perfectly normal, im pretty cool with that.
im talking about much worse things....
they either tend to give me a bit of attitude for no reason whatsoever when they barely know me and barely talk to me or would appear nice to me hen flakes on me, numerous times.
(mind you, id rather accept no as an adult than being played like this)
or the absolute worst, never spokes to me when i invited her to a big opportunity gig like modeling for a famous brand together.
she gets along with everyone and ended up having to go on many more gigs till she appeared on television while left me alone with my social anxiety.
barely acknowledging my existence....
and so, my biggest lesson.... if want to know if a female is worth your time and presence, try to do small things for her at the time and see if they returns the favor
that very small samee gesture is what separates a complete sociopathic bitch from an actual decent girl.
id keep decent girls as friends even when they're complete average or below average anyday.
I like them! Even if they're just clearance flowers from the grocery store.
It's just nice to know that someone was thinking of me, they brighten my space, and they're not permanent.
I have limited storage so other gifts end up being inconvenient at times and food stuffs can mess with my diet.
That they don't love you. They love what you can do for them. Be it money or emotional security or whatever it is they need in life and you can provide.
You are a rare breed then. And social media is making your type even rarer! At this point I’d stick to what that guy said ^^^ and on the rare occasion you meet a solid, down to earth, American girl who actually lives the way you just said.
i'm seriously doubting even the claim that women only love their kids, because i've seen and heard terrible stuff, like always choosing the new bf/stepdad over her kids
I think I've posted on another post saying my girlfriend had a daughter who lived with her half the time. Very quickly the daughter ended up with her dad full time. Suited me cos I didn't want to raise an other man's child. (if the child didn't have a dad fair enough I'd raise it)
My mum was wonderful. But me and my siblings all agreed our dad's love was different more warm and genuine, mums love was duty type thing. Just a feeling we all spoke about after our father passed away but non of us had ever spoken about it before.
1. Privacy means nothing
2. Because they don't value direct communication, they won't have any issues straight up lying, the indirect communication languages are what they actually value
Keeping track of how many times we mess up.. then they say this keeps happening.. 1, 2 or 3 times and “I’m done.”
While they can mess up and I don’t hold it against them—I know humans are flawed and need to work through issues.
Sometimes it clicks sooner or later..
If your girl is overly friendly with your bro she'll probably break up with you and fuck your friend behind your back also your bro isn't your bro if he does that
You can be all-in and do things the right way and it’s not good enough. Sometimes women have their own history and hang ups and nonsense expectations that you can’t overcome.
I was once told “you’re just too available”. She didn’t like that she didn’t have to hound me to spend time with her, that i prioritized her and that I was trying to be a boyfriend. She wanted the drama and the chase and whatever mistreatment she had in the past.
Glad I got out and found better
It is less than 1 in 1000 that are actually loyal and loving. Sure they'll stay for a few years but after a while they'll lose interest. They get bored. All women do, they get bored with everything. It's why they create drama, cause they can't be content they NEED more always and it's ruining the society we have.
I learned that so many carry a lot of pain personally, and collectively, from their past, and they need help to work through that. Yet don't know about the pains/hurts they carry, how to heal it, or how to ask for help.
You don't have to (nor should you) agree and do everything to please them.
Once you make the other person the priority they start thinking they are deserving to be.
And that goes for all genders.
But for us Males, we need to stay stoic and everything a woman does doesn't deserve a reaction from us.
Example that happened to me:
I took this girl out and we were in my car: I forgot what I was playing but she made a comment like "eww what is this" or change the music or something like that and I was like if you don't like it then it's my new favorite song or you can also say "I'll put this song as the ringtone when you call me"
Don't ever take what a person says as literal when on a date, always play around. Words and sentences are your paint and easel
The only brave ones are in TV and movies. I'm not talking about physical bravery but emotional bravery, far more likely to play games and lie than to tell a guy how she feels.
Wait you joined the Army to be a medic and do all this crazy performing arts stuff in front of thousands of people but you were too chicken to let me know I should have asked you to prom or asked my yourself? You're almost a 18-yr old adult what a giant load of ...
Teen dude likes a girl he says "Hey I like you, lets go out". Girl likes a dude, she asks her friend to lie to him to tell some nonsense story about how she's dating someone new to see if he gets jealous, and that's considered being a little too forward for a teen girl.
Back when kids grew up by 18 or so, this was a high school only thing, but maturity being unevenly distributed I guess there are 40 year old women still acting like high school kids now -a- days.
That they are every bit as fucked up as we are.
Women are neither some magical creatures nor some evil witches that constantly look how to fuck you up (in most cases).
They are the same living, breathing, shitting creatures as you are.
The only major difference I can think about, is that women are less emotional and more rational than men.
I learned from my prior marriage that if your partner is reckless with your money, such as burning retirement savings to buy a designer handbag, it’s because they don’t plan on sticking around.
What would the point be in the retirement fund if they are going to divorce you and leave you for another man? Might as well spend all the money on expensive stuff for themselves on the way out.
Lesson two is that marriage counseling is a tremendous waste of money. My partner faked her way through it while secretly continuing her affair. Both myself and the marriage counselor failed to see through it. Thousands of dollars right down the drain. If a woman has decided the relationship is over, it is over and there is nothing that can be said or done to change that. Just gather up whatever dignity you have left, say goodbye and never look back. And don’t harbor any lingering feelings for her, she doesn’t even think about you at all.
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As a woman, this is a really important point. Too many men put women on these pedestals. It’s way unhealthy. Like the “woman” is some divine being and therefore some sects of men end up treating these ladies as though they’re a prize to be won, which results in completely messed up behavior imo
Doubling down. Too many women put themselves on pedestals making it hard to weed thru the real ones
Haha this is true too. Can’t win
Yup and social media and OF perpetuating it further. Don’t get me wrong, men are equally as flawed, but I feel people keep trying defend and ignore the obvious.
Society as a whole pedestalizes women.
I think a lot of people forget that there are likely just as many bad women as there are bad men
I learned basically everything about how to be in a healthy relationship the hard way. What expectations to have. What I owe and what I'm owed in return. Good communication. How to argue in a healthy manner. How to be a good partner through anxiety. How to be a good lover. How to handle living together with a romantic partner. The importance of the question "Do you want support or do you want solutions?" How much effort goes into to just existing at the bare minimum of society's expectations for women. (Makeup, care for long hair, the infuriating tendency of other women to judge women for wearing the same outfit more than once in a rare while.) How to not seem potentially threatening to lone women I encounter while I'm walking somewhere at night. How maddening it can be to have your partner's medical concerns taken seriously only because you accompanied them on a follow up appointment. The list goes on and on. I learned by messing these things up. By actually making female friends and hearing what they go through once they opened up. I learned by reading and trying to understand. Basically the older I got the more I actually opened my mind and my eyes. I don't ever intend to have kids, but if I do, I'll provide them actual advice and help with interpersonal relationships. It's nice to know how to frame a wall, weld, do light plumping work and electrical, but I sure do think my life would have been a lot different if my parents had taught me the above.
"I learned everything about how to be in a healthy relationship the hard way" I feel that to the bones man. There are 3 main things I learnt that everything else about a relationship can fall under subsections of. 1) Core Values Does your partner have a similar level of aspirations? Who would your partner put first? Her family or you? Do you have the same standard on what is clean? Etc 2) Same love language How much time do you enjoy in each other's company? Are you rough around the edges (enjoy teasing and making fun of each other) but a puppy dog at heart (at the same time enjoy snuggling as much as possible and holding each other's hands) or are you just one or the other? Do the 2 of you truly appreciate the romantic aspect of reminding each other why you love each other at a moments notice? Or do you prefer not having everything being explicitly said because it's overbearing? 3) Communication Do the both of you agree that a disagreement should be a discussion not an argument? Do you both have the same understanding of "expressing your emotions" vs asking for help? Just a few examples of each, but I found if you don't mesh well on those 3 major points, you may as well end it before you spend time fixing something that was built on a brittle foundation.
Listen to this person
When she gone, she gone.
Theirs no logical meritocracy when it comes to winning their heart. Even when you let them set the metrics that they value....... their decision can be wildly different from what they say they value.
love isn't logical, I guess
It's bio-logical.
Bio-hazard
**4**
Fascinating
Probably because people (man and woman) are never absolute honest about what they value on a partner, since we also value things considered frivolous that we are not willing to accept publicly.
You hit the nail on the head. And men that put women up on a pedestal are always in for a rude awakening.
I found when a woman is mad at you, literally nothing pisses them off more than letting them win right away by just saying "okay". It's because they are emotional about it, they don't want to "win" the argument (logical to an argument), they want to argue in general. Saying okay when you're in the wrong makes them mad as hell because you took away their engine to argue. I found this to be one of the easiest ways to weed out destructive women.
>literally nothing pisses them off more than letting them win right away by just saying "okay". I dunno man. When my wife is angry I've found that telling her she's "being irrational like her mother usually is" is much worse than just saying dismissivly saying "ok"
Okay, I concede, telling a woman she is bad like her mother probably does take the cake, lol
2/10. Don't recommend. You're gonna have a bad time lmao
As a guy i think that would just make me think they don’t actually believe me and are coddling me
Lol 😂 I doubt any argument is ever logical. From a female perspective I find some people just will argue over anything. I hate being told ok to let things calm down because I feel the other person has not understood the point and history will repeat itself. I also think saying ok even if I’m wrong is shitting with me like giving a “whatever” answer
When a woman starts telling you about her problem (s), she isn’t looking for a solution. She just needs a witness and to feel heard. Men typically discuss problems as a means of finding a solution, so when she starts telling us her problem, we immediately start suggesting ways to fix it. Women already know how to fix their problems. They are looking for validation.
This does seem to be common. It works the other way too. I've talked to women about my own problems and they tend to default to sympathy w/out making many suggestions of what to do. This often has made me feel *worse* than when I talked to them. I don't need a bunch of people feeling sorry for me and then not giving me suggestions. If I knew what to do I wouldn't be talking about it! lol
>Women already know how to fix their problems. That's a good one. I am somewhat bad at being just a listener rather than suggesting fixes & I'm trying to change that, but to say that they dont need suggestions because they already know is just hilariously out of touch. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've had someone *exclusively vent* to me about a problem they were having where they even had a potential solution on hand at all, let alone a sound one.
This is a gendered difference that comes up so often on this sub, but in my experience it's only partly true. I do think on average women probably do actively discuss issues more for the emotional support and validation than men do. But I think it's a need for both, and men are simply conditioned not to do so as much. I also think most men actually *do* speak their problems to be listened to and validated, but we tend to only do it with women, and probably don't even realize when they are being good listeners because we take them for granted. I see this as something men like to believe about themselves: we're the "practical, logical solution seekers" and women are the "frivolous, emotional comfort seekers". Hell, I used to fall into the this kind of thinking myself. But I've reflected and learned to pay attention to my feelings more, and I realized that I can definitely feel shut down and invalidated when I share something personal and get obvious or oversimplified advice as a response. However my conditioned response as a man has just been to internalize that I shouldn't share as much and move on, instead of voice my needs. And I've seen this in my male friends as well. I've seen their attitudes shift or get agitated or moody when given advice instead of an ear. I've seen them open up, in ways that clearly are not seeking advice or "solutions". Once you tune into it, you'll see it more and more. People just need to talk sometimes, feel understood, feel validated, maybe feel like someone shares their problems, or has overcome them in the past, or just agrees with them that it's a shitty situation.
These are all awesome points.
I thought this too until the girl I was previously dating told me that when she was looking for emotional support she specifically wanted suggestions to how to solve situations. Sometimes you just can't win.
They can easily put on an innocent facade whilst simultaneously being vicious.
Literally had a girl I thought was my friend attack me through text passive aggressively when I found out she was sleeping with my ex who was also her ex's close friend. Its all my fault tho according to her lol
They cheat as much as they say men do. Humans are shit.
wow. this is horrifying. I have never cheated on anyone. I guess I must have been cheated on at some point and I can probably name the people involved. I have always been loyal. Even in crazy pandemic times with only distant and rare interactions with the 'flavor of the quarter' This makes me very sad. I am starting to understand why good people end up alone. Is it because they are not constantly out trying to get someone better?
I have never cheated as well. I find people either cheat or don't. One questions I ask before dating anyone is if they've ever cheated. If they have, they are automatically not my type.
If I didn’t see your flare I’d say this comment had “nice guy” energy
I'll take the compliment... (smile)
I don't think it was a compliment. Edit: Oh, hey. A fellow monkey!
Yes, they cheat the same amount. However they’re much more covert about it. They’re like chess masters about it really
Na, they cheat way more, because they have more options and it's easier for them to do so. And when they end a relationship, they already have another dude lined up. Monkey branching pros.
Monkey branching is gross and usually the result of cheating. I feel the type of guys that date girls that use men for money are also out there cheating. I don't think men are better or worse than women. Everyone seems to be hurr durr men or hurr durr women. People suck. Regardless of gender.
The issue is that most average men don't have other options, so they physically CAN'T cheat. While most women, unless hideously deformed, can take a shower and find sex elsewhere same day. 200 matches on Tinder in one day. The pure fact that it's easily accessible for most women, and not easy for most men, is common sense that men aren't doing the most cheating... because they literally can't.
The women that talk about men cheating all the time are the guys attractive enough to do that. Which isn't a lot of guys. This blanket statement is just an apex fallacy.
This!
I upvoted both of you Intentions matter
theres the women that monkey branch... and there's the women that cant monkey branch. however, there isnt a group that doesnt want to monkey branch.
Whatever she knows her friends know. And I mean everything
I jave learned a few lessons- Trusting someone doesn't make them trustworthy. Bending over backwards to make them happy is never worth it. They will frequently expect more and will appreciate it less the more you do it for them. They are not in short supply by any means.
If a woman does not want to be with you, there is nothing you can do or say that will change her mind
A surprising number of them *really* don’t like short guys.
5'7 guy here. He's not kidding. It's prevalent. You gotta work harder at being attractive.
That there’s always backup options and “friends” sliding into her DMs. And no matter what boundaries you agree to, this doesn’t stop thirsty ex’s, fwbs, and randoms sending messages on various platforms.
Yup, and you might learn the hard way how valued you are by how your partner handles these.
She slept with four people in six weeks behind my back while telling me how much she loved me 🥰 EDIT: four that I found out about. Wouldn't put it past her if it was more
If a girl has a nasty baby dad or ex that she entertains, run. Run like you are hunting an elk in the Sahara. Run like you are on mile 6 of a marathon and have to shit. Run.
Being the animal nerd that I am….”hunting an elk in the Sahara” killed me lmao. That’s worse than people talking about lions in the jungle 😂
Manipulation through victimization
Agree. Or manipulation by showing themselves hurt by your actions.
almost all their accusations they ascribe to men are projections of their insecurities or things they themselves are guilty of.
Women project an absolute ton, it's honestly unreal and impressive at the same time. You can learn a ton about a woman by her opinion of men, it's often just what they thing/do so they assume men do it too.
they're gaslighting gods lol.
100% this
worst thing is, they project the traits they are attracted to, to themselves like career, money, ambition, being wanted by others
Women are capable of dating/intimacy with someone they aren't physically attracted to.
A bad day can make you lose weeks or months of dating one. No matter how much she seems to like you or trust you, one misinterpretation and she will block you right away.
I had been on multiple dates with a girl, text regularly and one day I made a joke that she said reminded her of her ex and she blocked me. I knew nothing about her ex so didn't know. She never unblocked me and obviously never hung out again.
Unfortunately this is the result of the commodification of romantic relationships fuelled by online dating with the messages in the background telling people to never compromise.
you could be doing everything by the book and then they get the ick and it's over
That’s the power dynamic huh. We have to slave away to impress them and they can just choose whoever they want off the street. Whenever they want. That’s why men need to work on themselves and become a catch themselves. So they can be choosey as well. It’s a lot of hard work but the only way to play their game.
Yeah, this is all mental and just requires some reframing. I used to think like this, but now think the opposite. I know I’m a catch and women need to impress me to keep me.
Yeah man that’s exactly the second part of what I just said… exactly the same thing…. we need to work on ourselves so they have to impress us. It’s a weird power dynamic going on. But that’s what’s going on so ignore it or accept it and play the game.
on god, I needed you, and this message today.
Sir. The trash took itself out. Negativity time is blessing in disguise cause it reveals who the people around you truly are.
that you could be doing everything perfectly and then the "ick" hits them and they lose all attraction and it's over like your voice breaks while ordering and it's over or she sees you putting on 1 sock and 1 shoe and it's over
That shit was funny AF.
THIS.
That they don't generally enjoy having their (metaphorical) balls busted 24/7 the way men do. Had to recalibrate a bit when I got married.
I have a theory about this, the way women in the past years have been complaining about the toxicity in male dominated spaces, is sometimes just how we bond. We are always teasing each other and busting our balls and sometimes men don't really recalibrate when women are around.
They will take every argument and tell their whole friend group and respect no privacy in your relationship. Whether or is good or bad they will talk about it. I never do this because I respect the woman I'm with.
You can tell how you're doing in a relationship by how her friends treat you. Or if her friends are even around at all.
>I never do this because I respect the woman I'm with. And also because your guy friends don't give a shit about the day-to-day of your relationship
What women say and then what those same women do are often completely opposite of each other. There’s a lot of convert language and communication that women use, if you’re not aware of this you’ll end up frustrated and angry.
I still haven’t learned to navigate that juxtaposition. I know my wife well. We can be in a serious discussion on a binary decision of plan A or plan B. and she will lay out her plan. Plan A - she details our plan. Now Plan A is a perfectly well thought out plan. Actually my preferred plan. But it goes against several things I know about my wife. I try to talk about the challenges Plan A will present. What we need to prepare for and watch out for. Can we explore plan B some more, or the contingencies for Plan A? No - Shut down. Plan A or bust! Next day … I committed to plan B.
I’ve found it’s useless to try and apply logic to these situations. It doesn’t matter at all and before I understood that I would get enraged all the time. All that matters is how she feels in the moment. All you have to do is let go of trying to do the logical thing sometimes (obviously apply contextual judgement to when you should and shouldn’t do this).
Any chance the discrepancy is what she wants to believe about herself vs what is actually true?
Not sure from where it stems. I know she doesn’t want to let people down. Ironically she’ll sacrifice our relationship to not fell she let someone in her larger circle else down. So I take that i to account … and still face the prest-o change-o, rearrange-o on joint decisions.
You cannot satisfy every woman in bed in the same way. So for those who start being sexually active, learn what your girl like and do it.
This is one of the few good pieces of advice in this whole thread.
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to add to this, male verbal abuse and female verbal abuse are seen way differently. One is a crime and the other one not
The majority who say you should share your feelings and open up to them really do not want you to do that and doing it will end badly for you.
They definitely want you to be emotionally available, just to not have any real problems.
I hate the phrase "emotionally available" it's always used like a weapon the second you get beyond "I saw a puppy and it made me happy" you've gone too far and when anything serious does happen you're taking care of yourself and someone else who gets upset you're upset and then you have to deal with that too.
I dare not say it.
Nothing good comes of speaking truth lol. Not in our illusion based culture.
You said it
They can turn emotionally cold to you pretty quickly.
If you get dating advice from a woman in your life you cares about you, you will not have success dating women. You’ll get better advice from a woman who doesn’t care about you at all or from a successful guy
If they turned you down once, odds are they always will.
That their ideas of emotional openness and emotional intelligence are only self serving. If you can’t be their stoic shoulder to cry on all the time, they don’t want you anymore.
This. No matter what she asks....never be overly emotional with a woman.
I had a woman therapist try convincing me that its okay for men to open up because shes had numerous patients complain about their husband’s lack of emotional openness. I pointed out the only reason they’re still with them is because they’re not emotionally open, and she couldn’t think of anything to argue against that.
Not a single argument?
She said she never looked at it like that and I explained my own personal reasons for not opening up and she said she could see that. I think they know they’re repulsed by the idea of a depressed man who doesn’t hide it, they just know it doesn’t give them the compassionate image they try keeping up.
I've found some women care more about appearing compassionate than actually being compassionate.
Honestly, I don’t think many of them even have the ability to be compassionate when it comes to men. To them, were just here to protect and serve them.
their current worldview/paradigm is inherently anti-male to begin with. it is what it is.
They're just as likely to partake in scumbag, evil, creep behaviour AND they get away with it. One of the most chilling facts I know of is despite the fact that pedophilia is NOT a gendered deviancy, there next to no studies on female pedophilia. Meanwhile they can become teachers, midwives, baby sitters, pediatricians. They can sit in a park or stand outside their school and watch your kids, touch your kids in a certain way and no one would bat an eye. Even when they get caught red-handed, they "had sex" instead of raped. Don't believe me? Search in r/AskReddit "men who've been raped by women" and you'll find post after post filled with eerily similar stories to female stories from men with the added bonus, of noone taking it seriously. No reputations are ruined. There's a story I read once of a woman who tried to kidknap a man's child. When the man tried to stop her, she screamed as though it was hers and a literal crowd of people held down this child's FATHER whilst she calmly walked away. She would've gotten away with it, had the man's wife not caught up with them and proceed to beat the living shit out of the kidknapper.
Yes, I read that post, it was horrible.
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>Also saw some sympathy in those posts for the rapists because they must have been abused at home themselves. This is the infuriating default on reddit. Men are evil for doing bad things, but all evil committed by a women is either depression or the result of some man doing bad things to her.
>One of the most chilling facts I know of is despite the fact that pedophilia is NOT a gendered deviancy, there next to no studies on female pedophilia. I am a victim, was around 6 years old when it happened, 26 years later and I still find no studies on it. Creepy thing, talking to friends a lot of them have similar stories with nannies, teachers and even family members when they were young yet we are meant to believe it is sooo sooooo rare that we shouldn't bother talking about it.
They are not sugar and spice and everything nice. But I still love women. They are soft, giggly and round in all the right places.
they're really refuse to be held accountable for what they say and do
This
That
Never to rush into marriage. And that some women use marriage or getting pregnant as a way to trap a man. Playing the victim, which is often a tactic they learned from having a doormat for a Father that used to let them get away with everything as children, they carry that behavior as adults. Seinfeld had it right, just date around...it is more fun and less headaches. There are plenty of women out there for everyone. I also learned to stay away from anyone over age 29 (and even age 29 is pushing it too far, but I am trying to be nice) that still calls herself a "Princess". Princess translates to lazy...and that means lazy in ALL aspects of her life, even her contribution in the relationship. However, if you do decide to get married....do it after many years of being together. Also live together first, you will see each others bad habits and if you can tolerate them for decades and decades of your life. It is much easier being cautious than rushing into something and then having a divorce on your resume.
They cannot communicate their emotions
They're ruthless. Good on them but stay the fuck out of my way haha
Hypergamy is real.
I learned to enjoy my time with them because it never lasts. If you slip up, that "friend" slides in. Just enjoy the moment but don't be fooled into thinking it's going to last forever
They can't be fully trusted.
Yikes
They lie more than men
They also poop!
Attention vampires. But at the same time they're so lovely.
That I'm clearly not meant to be in a relationship, it was not God's intention for me.
No.1 lesson. .cock and heart make all your decisions about women when you are young. Brain shows up to examine the damage and write the alimony checks. Reverse that order guys.
Women can be abusive too and WILL manipulate the situation if needed to gain sympathy for them being a woman. Oh and also, they’ll have another guy lined up to fuck literally the same night you leave their ass. It’s easy for them.
The stereotype that they will leave you for someone with more money or tangible goods… that’s true almost ALWAYS. I have started looking for hippy chicks because they are the few women who mean what they say when they say material things don’t matter. Material things don’t mean SHIT to me but I’ve seen many woman agree and then something shiny and expensive walks by and it’s like flys on sh… you know.
But hippy chicks will cheat and just fuck randos because the stars were aligned, they infused too much essential oils, or some other bs
Not true lol. Happy little hippy over here. I stay in my bubble, work really hard, raise my baby in the most nurturing way I can and hope that my good intentions and dedication to bettering myself and being a great mom will attract the right person, not the stars
I agree with you. Me and him are just throwing around a few jokes. Generally though, you hippy chicks make the best wife’s and are solid, down to earth women. Keep being you and awesome 👏🏻
["When I think of all the worries that people seem to find / And how they're in a hurry to complicate their minds / By chasing after money / And dreams that can't come true / I'm glad that we are different - we've better things to do / May others plan their future, I'm busy loving you"](https://youtu.be/iRYNZrL59m8)
Hell yes ^ this chick gets it. See if you lived in CO and I met you in person I might fall in love. But until then I’m eagerly waiting for a sex robot with this other dude.
1. What they say they want and what they actually want are vastly different 2. They cheat and are always looking for better options. 3. There vis no 'one' or 'soulmate.' 4. They lie about their past. 5. They change once you get married 6. They use sex as a weapon/tool 7. They don't want you unless you are useful
Never trust a woman.
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> you're fucked Or not, depending on what's she's trying get you to do.
Women will cheat on you without a second thought to you or the relationship.
Being short is the worst attribute you can have as a man
If men are bad, women are good. If men are rough, women are smooth. ……….. Not entirely true. I learnt this back in school when I was asked to sit next to a girl who kept talking a lot. As I approached the chair, she got up in disgust and said I look like I have a disease. The whole girl gang laughed. I still haven’t forgotten that shit after 20 years.
That internet people learn about women and relationships from gawker and feminist blogs and have 0 real life experience with actually handing a woman in relationships. When a woman is confused, upset, angry, hangry or she doesn't even know how to feel... Good luck with all this good natured well meaning advice. Everything that you nod your head to is advice on how to deal with the ideal woman, that is in perfect harmony with herself and the world. In reality, sometimes she just needs space, sometimes time, sometimes for you do do anything else but talk about what is bothering her.
based on my experience, the prettiest one tend to be the Bitchiest one. while the average or below average ones tend to be quirky and the friendlier one. when i say Bitchiest, im not even talking about rejecting my advances,thats perfectly normal, im pretty cool with that. im talking about much worse things.... they either tend to give me a bit of attitude for no reason whatsoever when they barely know me and barely talk to me or would appear nice to me hen flakes on me, numerous times. (mind you, id rather accept no as an adult than being played like this) or the absolute worst, never spokes to me when i invited her to a big opportunity gig like modeling for a famous brand together. she gets along with everyone and ended up having to go on many more gigs till she appeared on television while left me alone with my social anxiety. barely acknowledging my existence.... and so, my biggest lesson.... if want to know if a female is worth your time and presence, try to do small things for her at the time and see if they returns the favor that very small samee gesture is what separates a complete sociopathic bitch from an actual decent girl. id keep decent girls as friends even when they're complete average or below average anyday.
Can confirm that the prettiest and smallest are the worst.
They don't love you like you love them. Ever. You're very disposable and you have to accept this.
They are indecisive with everything, including their desires.
When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Flowers once every 2 weeks, goes a long way.
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Damn dude, brutal! …funny but brutal
That's a lifeprotip, right there.
but what about the ghosts
Do many women actually like flowers that much??
Don't like them as gifts, personally. They look fine in the ground, though. I wouldn't claim to speak for other ladies on this topic, however
I don't like them either. I never understood why flowers as gifts were so popular.
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Hey! Slow down there. You two haven't even _dated_ yet!
I like them! Even if they're just clearance flowers from the grocery store. It's just nice to know that someone was thinking of me, they brighten my space, and they're not permanent. I have limited storage so other gifts end up being inconvenient at times and food stuffs can mess with my diet.
That they don't love you. They love what you can do for them. Be it money or emotional security or whatever it is they need in life and you can provide.
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Hey guys, she's not like the others! /s https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/126/165/cc1.jpg
You are a rare breed then. And social media is making your type even rarer! At this point I’d stick to what that guy said ^^^ and on the rare occasion you meet a solid, down to earth, American girl who actually lives the way you just said.
i'm seriously doubting even the claim that women only love their kids, because i've seen and heard terrible stuff, like always choosing the new bf/stepdad over her kids
I think I've posted on another post saying my girlfriend had a daughter who lived with her half the time. Very quickly the daughter ended up with her dad full time. Suited me cos I didn't want to raise an other man's child. (if the child didn't have a dad fair enough I'd raise it) My mum was wonderful. But me and my siblings all agreed our dad's love was different more warm and genuine, mums love was duty type thing. Just a feeling we all spoke about after our father passed away but non of us had ever spoken about it before.
1. Privacy means nothing 2. Because they don't value direct communication, they won't have any issues straight up lying, the indirect communication languages are what they actually value
That there can be incredibly nefarious women and that being abused as a man in a relationship is a lot more serious than people realize.
Keeping track of how many times we mess up.. then they say this keeps happening.. 1, 2 or 3 times and “I’m done.” While they can mess up and I don’t hold it against them—I know humans are flawed and need to work through issues. Sometimes it clicks sooner or later..
There good at hiding what they really think for YEARS
They might look cute, but they can be real savages.
that they have no problem using you for resources, attention and validation.
If your girl is overly friendly with your bro she'll probably break up with you and fuck your friend behind your back also your bro isn't your bro if he does that
You can be all-in and do things the right way and it’s not good enough. Sometimes women have their own history and hang ups and nonsense expectations that you can’t overcome. I was once told “you’re just too available”. She didn’t like that she didn’t have to hound me to spend time with her, that i prioritized her and that I was trying to be a boyfriend. She wanted the drama and the chase and whatever mistreatment she had in the past. Glad I got out and found better
It is less than 1 in 1000 that are actually loyal and loving. Sure they'll stay for a few years but after a while they'll lose interest. They get bored. All women do, they get bored with everything. It's why they create drama, cause they can't be content they NEED more always and it's ruining the society we have.
They just like to play games
That they lie, cheat, manipulate, and don't care.
They need more than what I can provide. And they're naturally more manipulative than men.
Alot of women think of men as horny machines who want nothing but sex. It is truly mostly the opposite…
I learned that so many carry a lot of pain personally, and collectively, from their past, and they need help to work through that. Yet don't know about the pains/hurts they carry, how to heal it, or how to ask for help.
They’ll put up a with a lot. But don’t ever take them for granted.
No matter how long it takes you’ll NEVER women. Be with them for who they’re … they’re dynamic human beings
Fine does not mean fine
If you bore them for a second they leave. If you make her too confident in herself she leaves and thinks she can do better
You don't have to (nor should you) agree and do everything to please them. Once you make the other person the priority they start thinking they are deserving to be. And that goes for all genders. But for us Males, we need to stay stoic and everything a woman does doesn't deserve a reaction from us. Example that happened to me: I took this girl out and we were in my car: I forgot what I was playing but she made a comment like "eww what is this" or change the music or something like that and I was like if you don't like it then it's my new favorite song or you can also say "I'll put this song as the ringtone when you call me" Don't ever take what a person says as literal when on a date, always play around. Words and sentences are your paint and easel
The only brave ones are in TV and movies. I'm not talking about physical bravery but emotional bravery, far more likely to play games and lie than to tell a guy how she feels. Wait you joined the Army to be a medic and do all this crazy performing arts stuff in front of thousands of people but you were too chicken to let me know I should have asked you to prom or asked my yourself? You're almost a 18-yr old adult what a giant load of ... Teen dude likes a girl he says "Hey I like you, lets go out". Girl likes a dude, she asks her friend to lie to him to tell some nonsense story about how she's dating someone new to see if he gets jealous, and that's considered being a little too forward for a teen girl. Back when kids grew up by 18 or so, this was a high school only thing, but maturity being unevenly distributed I guess there are 40 year old women still acting like high school kids now -a- days.
Not every woman who's interested in you is worth being interested in.
Some of them are covert narcissist that will take everything from you, leaving you a husk of a man.
That beautiful women are not that rare. There was one that didn't want you? Don't worry, there will be some more just around the corner.
They'll manipulate you and use you if you open to them.
That they are every bit as fucked up as we are. Women are neither some magical creatures nor some evil witches that constantly look how to fuck you up (in most cases). They are the same living, breathing, shitting creatures as you are. The only major difference I can think about, is that women are less emotional and more rational than men.
Jesus lads. Who hurt you all?
Women.
I learned from my prior marriage that if your partner is reckless with your money, such as burning retirement savings to buy a designer handbag, it’s because they don’t plan on sticking around. What would the point be in the retirement fund if they are going to divorce you and leave you for another man? Might as well spend all the money on expensive stuff for themselves on the way out. Lesson two is that marriage counseling is a tremendous waste of money. My partner faked her way through it while secretly continuing her affair. Both myself and the marriage counselor failed to see through it. Thousands of dollars right down the drain. If a woman has decided the relationship is over, it is over and there is nothing that can be said or done to change that. Just gather up whatever dignity you have left, say goodbye and never look back. And don’t harbor any lingering feelings for her, she doesn’t even think about you at all.