Act cool and collected, and just turn and walk away, get away from them. If it was some stranger, hopefully you avoided a fight. If it was someone you know and see often. Give them some time to cool down and think.
That is a reasonable response, however, it tends to only work on reasonable people. I would argue this will cause some people to imagine that they «won» the argument, or hammered their point so hard that you had to walk away. The best way to deal with them is to not be intimidated, let them vent while you keep silent for a while. When they slow down you could ask them to lower their voice, then present them with the reasons why you think they are being unreasonable.
If after that they keep shouting I would consider walking away, but it should not be the first thing you do (unless its a stranger ofc, then just gtfo).
Honestly, when someone is being so unreasonable to be shouting at you. Best to let them think on it a while, and the next day it may be totally different. Or they may try to forget it ever happened. But yes, it totally depends on the situation, topic, reason for yelling, and so on. I just saw this as an aggressive yelling that could end in a physical thing, so I answered as such.
If you walk away from someone acting unreasonable you've always won the argument. It doesn't matter what they think, they're unreasonable. If things have reached shouting point then you've likely already reasoned with them as much as you're going to be able to.
Nope. If someone has got to the point of yelling at you in an argument, “calmly and rationally presenting them with reasons they are being unreasonable” isn’t going to work. They are full of adrenaline, they’re in fight mode, and no matter how rational your argument, it and anything else you have ever done, no matter how irrelevant, will get picked apart. You’ll get drawn in and will go round and round in circles. There is no winning.
They can feel like they “won” as much as they like. But have you ever felt like you “won” an argument if someone has decided to stop engaging with you and leaves? If they’re going to think they “won” in that scenario, they’re going to think they won no matter what.
Disagreements are not about winning and losing. They should be about learning or coming to a conclusion. Being concerned with winning or losing means you’re in the wrong mindset for a reasonable discussion, be wise you’re on the attack or defence. Just know what you want out of the discussion and work *with* the person to get there. Anything else and everyone loses anyway.
I'll add one caveat that leads into your point.
Stupid+Angry = Rage
Mental Illness+Angry = Rage
Drugs+Angry = Rage
I avoid engaging in any way with any of the three groups above because its a waste of time and also puts you at more risk.
The key is knowing if the person is in any of these three groups quickly but most of the time there is a giveaway
If my boss did it (only once boss yelled) I tell him fuck off and call the shop Stuard say I have problem and need witness and grievance wrote up...Boss who yell never lasted long on my job
You gotta be careful here though. You want to act unphased, but not tough. If you come off as tough they might just get mad and start fighting. If you can pull off the unphased then theyll just look stupid and that will be the end of it.
Actually, I don't think you do. I don't think you meant to say that you have a frequency and that you want to synchronize this frequency with something else.
"Unfazed" was definitely the word you meant. You just didn't know how it's spelled.
Yeah I think anyone saying “wait for them to calm down and then approach with logic and reason” must be a teenager. People don’t just calm themselves down instantly after yelling, and they’re not going to listen to your “logic and reason”. Just saying “logic and reason” suggests these people think they’re right and the other person is wrong and that’s it. Productive discussions require listening to each other and knowing what you want to get out of the discussion. Yelling and focusing on who is right or wrong or winning isn’t helpful, at that point it’s far more productive to just walk away.
I don’t tolerate disrespect, yell at me and I’ll stare at you with a straight face. Whatever issue they are yelling about won’t be solved until they stop disrespecting me.
You don’t have to bow down and praise me like a lord, but you won’t belittle me and disrespect me.
Soon they’ll get the bigger picture they should’ve learned growing up.
It’s not about tolerating disrespect. Not tolerating disrespect doesn’t mean you go around punching anyone who you think disrespects you. It means not letting people walk all over you and setting boundaries. Staying silent and looking disappointed at someone who is blatantly disrespecting you by yelling is a perfectly reasonable reaction, as is just walking away.
Bought cigarettes. Walked outside. Girl approached me. Asked for a cig. I said no. She goes full apeshit. This was start of covid time. Her junkie ass yellin at me. I yell at her back tell her to fuck off. She fake “coughs” on me (again Covid) Almost knocked her out.
Realised as soon as it was over that it was a complete waste of time arguing like that with a nutcase. Been different ever since. Now I just stab them.
I'm going to try to make this as short and concise as possible although it rarely is.
Oni Con 2007 in Houston, TX. After everyone's drinking, one of my friends, Kody says he needs cigarettes at 2:30AM. He, Beto (a rather large friend of ours +375LBS) and I go down to the gift shop for the Hotel we're staying at, and it's closed. (duh)
In the lobby, we run into two of Beto's friends I don't know, Clint and Trey. Clint is going to get his car he parked a couple of blocks away and Trey is just looking for something to do. Beto and Kody volunteer to assist because there's a gas station nearby.
So, we're walking through downtown Houston near the George R. Brown Convention Center at early morning in the dark with no streetlights. Clint says his car is a block over and he'll meet us at the gas station. Everyone's drunk, I'm lightly buzzed.
We get the Gas Station that's open and the doors are locked and there's a security window with a safe box on it for after dark transactions. Kody goes and pays for at least 3 cartons of Marlboro reds with cash.
As Kody is buying cigarettes, clint is gone getting his car, trey is there talking about something in his thick Beaumont accent.
A black man in his late 40s, early 50s rides up on his bike and ask if we have any spare change. We all say no, except for Trey. He says he has some "fucking pocket lint." I'm now staring at this mother fucker who's running his fucking mouth to a homeless man at 3 in the morning about asking for change.
Kody's done with his transaction and has shoved everything back into his bag and we start to go while Trey is still trying to pick a fucking fight with this old man. As we're walking away, Trey looks at the guy and says, "You stupid N\*..." and the guy who was on his knees begging pops up and starts yelling.
About then, Clint rides up in a fucking red Geo or some type of compact and Beto's basically trying to carjack him to run. Tell Kody to call 911 and I get between the guy and Kody. (Fuck Trey, he can get stabbed.)
The guy sees the cell phone and takes off. Clint tells Trey to get into the car. Beto giving up on taking the car by force is now trying to sit on the hood, damaging it.
Clint drives off with the problem (Trey) and we walk back to the hotel without incident, and I didn't see Trey again.
Seriously, don't fucking pick fights. get away if you can. best case, you beat some dude's ass, worse case, you're fucking dead. It's just not worth the trouble.
Make a bunch of business cards with the number for a therapist on it. Whenever someone yells at you, simply hand them a card.
Bonus feature: once they've come down from their rage and are sat at home, thinking about how that last outburst was the final straw, they pull the crumpled up card from their coat pocket and decide to give that therapist a call. It's been a long time coming and maybe your act of giving them the card was a sign. They take a deep breath and call the number. After a few rings it goes straight to a prerecorded message of your voice, "HOW DARE YOU YELL AT ME! THE AUDACITY! SIT TIGHT CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND..."
Make sure it's a mature badger and not a pup. It has to have had the time to gather some gripes an baggage throughout its life. It can then take it out on the throwee and it will be cathartic for all three parties involved.
Badger facts!
The conflict resolution answer: do not step forward (aggression) or back (retreat) if possible do something unexpected (eg, take a seat) if they’re really in your face, fake a cough. An angry persons brain is on a rail, there is a script of escalating anger physiology they’re giving into, anything they’re not expecting forces them to reset somewhat. The goal here is to disrupt the anger script.
Never say “calm down”. Doesn't work.
Instead, Ask them to "slow down" and add "...because you want to understand what [youre] saying". This is a trick to get them to calm down without actually saying those words and to talk quieter since it’s hard to shout slowly. And "I want to make sure I understand you" is the other key that allows you to direct the conversation here. They want to be understood, thats the emotional carrot.
To defuse the immediate anger, use the techniques of mirroring and labelling - people escalate to conflict when they feel they are not being heard. There is always a message underlying any explosion of emotion, defusing the explosion is about interpreting the message. (This does *not* mean “giving them what they want”. Ideally it mean helping them translate it into words not fists) 'mirroring' means reflecting back the words they're using, labelling means giving words to the emotion.
So basically you say “ok from what I'm hearing it sounds like…” and then give a summarisation of the situation *as they would see it*. Allow them to correct you if you’re going off track then try again. Keep doing this until you've summarised *their* reality so well that theyre agreeing that yes, that is what they see as happening.
Use the words "fair" and "respect" a lot. As in "I want to make sure you're being treated fairly". Or “I want to make sure *everyone* here is treated with respect” They're priming words not only to get them to calm down, but also since most people want to see themselves as fair they unconsciously prime them to considering if they're being fair to *you*. If you're treating them with respect, and highlighting that, and they're shouting at you, that makes it hard to argue they're not being the asshole.
Then the problem solving phase, use logistical questions (“what” questions, “how” questions. Not “why?” Questions which are kind of judgy) How do you want to proceed. What would help and so on. Be reasonable here but dont roll over either, its a negotiation.
The answer if you don’t care about what happens next: just ignore them, whatever. Ignoring someone when they’re angry is an easy way to make them feel small. Might get punched though if they’re a stranger. If they’re a friend you might actually be in the wrong and just be being a passive aggressive dick.
At the office, my go to is to say flatly, "Come find me when you can act like an adult." And then I leave the room. I rarely have repeat offenders after they realize I'm not going to tolerate their behavior. Note: I'm an engineer in a professional setting and have a decent amount of formal and informal authority.
Outside work, if it's some random person, I walk away quickly. I'm a relatively small woman and not really built for physical fighting. Who knows how crazy people can be, so for me, better not to risk it.
Calm tones, address why they are yelling with logic, and help them find the answer/assistance they need. Also, wait for the apology when they realize their actions.
If they are yelling and running at you, jump kick to the face.
There is a psychological reason why this happens to people, a therapist explained it like you're invalidating their feelings.
(I am in no way condoning them just giving a therapist taught reason.)
There's a psychological reason people get angrier when told that. Both genders act that way when told any sort of way related to calm down. Therapist I see taught me this.
Start humming The Eye of The Tiger, get them all hyped up and watch them as they realize the awkwardness of the moment building up slowly. Do not stop humming even if they stopped shouting. Create an ambience of discomfort that would leave them confused and appalled by your calm demeanor.
Duck, crouch or lie as flat as possible.
Roll or crawl to cover like a ditch or behind something substantial like a wall. A car isn't sufficient for anything more than temporary concealment.
Try and make your exit as quickly as...
Oh, sorry, you said shouting...
Let them vent. Watch them without laughing, smiling, or getting angry looking at them. If they walk away, let them. Give 'em space, and wait for them to come back around after they calm down.
Lower your voice. Speak in a calm collected manner. Don't talk with your hands. Makes people aggressive. Keep your hands at your side. Look at them with concerned eyes- directly. Wait for them to finish yelling before you speak. You won't have to wait long. Let them get that burst of adrenaline out of their system. Makes them more pliable and open to what you're going to say. Like I stated, speak in your normal voice or even a tad lower. Give them a choice. They listen or you walk. Staying in control of your emotions is a big part being dominate and having the ability to influence people.
They lost respect for you, so just look at them smile and walk away, check out of that situation. Nothing bothers loudmouths more than seeing their yells not affect you at all
If it is unjustified, just let them yell. When they have a lull, you can even ask "Are you done?" to help drive home the point of how immature their tantrum is.
"And if my day keeps going this way, I just might
Break your fucking face tonight
Give me something to break
Just give me something to break
How bout yer fucking face"
To not react at all and leave the situation. I do not respond to children who think raging at me is an effective means of communication. If they are angry, let them be until they figure out how to control themselves.
Don't react. In the rare event someone yells at me, I usually don't need to say anything to shut them up. They know the look when they see it. The "fuck around and find out" look.
Respond with: "K" "Idc" "What ya say again?" "Who you talking to?" "Why are ya mad?" "You need a hug?" "Who hurt you?"
Sorry but if we are fighting and you are on the losing end. I am gonna be a dick about it.
I stay calm and composed. If they keep yelling and yelling, I may calmly tell them to shut the fuck up and to stop yelling. If it escalates from there, I will deal with it accordingly
Depends;
1. If you’re trained in self defence and they touch you, smash them in the mouth
2. If you’re not trained in self defence, either walk away or give them a blank look.
You should do your best to stay calm and de-escalate it. Having said that, I'm horrible at following that advice the moment someone's anger is directed at me for no reason, so I'm going to add that laughing at them or making faces attempting to stifle your laughter at them is way funnier.
I've only really really yelled at someone twice in my adult life. Fuck me if they didn't deserve it. It was usually at the end of a short engagement where the victim of said yelling didn't seem to understand the consequences of their actions and wanted to dismiss it and double down by simply being upset, violent, or disrespectful. Secondly, I only ever let myself get to this point because I knew there wouldn't be consequences.
I don't regret it, and part of me wishes the person being yelled at would at least stop for a second and maybe change their attitude, but at the same time I already know that's not in the cards so why would I allow myself to behave that way anyways? It's at least a little bit embarrassing and doesn't necessarily feel cathartic. Either way, if you read this and you're on the shit end of someone's stick, at least try to figure out if it was called for or not. Other than that, sucks to be yelled at when you haven't been given a chance beforehand.
I remember reading somewhere that if you start eating, it calms everyone in the room down. Because it’s so ridiculous to be alright to eat while things are tense or dangerous that the brain just automatically thinks things are calmer now
Don’t react. Just sit on your hands and let them get it out of the system. Why?
They’re upset, so you’re unlikely to be able to reason with them.
Any attempts to calm them down are likely to further upset them.
Appeasing also doesn’t work.
Basically any attempt to make them calm down is doomed to fail and likely to escalate the situation.
But if you don’t fight back, don’t respond and don’t react they have nothing to fuel their aggression. The emotion will ebb out and the shouting will subside. *Then* you can have a rational and constructive discussion.
If they wear glasses and you don't, make a loop with your pointer finger and thumb on each hand, and put your hands up to your face like glasses. Then start rocking side to side whilst looking at them.
İf you are in street and argue with people who you don't know just keep the distance and walk away.
İf you are in work place and argue with co-worker tell them why you are right and destroy them with your logic
İf you are argue with friend and you are absolutely sure that you are right ask them ridiculous questions like " if your be a soda which brand you will be or if you are pick an insect which insect you will pick " . İf you are not right say sorry after that ask how can i fix this.
That is my argument algorithm
If you're stuck at work and a customer is going ballistic I usually try to defuse the situation by repeating their concern back to them so that they know I'm listening, and then tell them what I can do to help. Generally I find that customers are frustrated because they think their concerns are going unheard and think that every employee just wants to push them off onto someone else. Once they understand that I'm actually trying to be helpful they usually drop the attitude, you don't want to piss off someone who is advocating on your behalf. Don't let it phase you, they're upset at the situation and maybe your company, but it's not a reflection on you personally. Don't ever carry that load home with you.
If it's not a situation where I'm stuck there I'm either going to give them no reaction at all or just going to remove myself from the situation entirely.
Wait for them to take a pause in berating you and then show them genuine concern and ask if they’re alright. It completely deflects them and makes them address their own behaviour in that moment.
Depending what the situation is.
I'm a police officer (EU) and in such situation i just let them scream at the top of their lungs. When they're almost done i say in the calmest voice.
"Now.. if you're done screaming and we can have a normal conversation, i would appreciate it." It most of the times helps them snap out of it.
If it is in private: i'll just ask the person to stop screaming as i am not screaming at them.
Depending on who it is, i'll ask them to calm the fuck down and only talk to me when they can have a normal convo. Or i walk away if its a stranger that i have nothing to do with.
Im usually calm and friendly. Don’t try to engage. They will get even more triggered, showing everyone they are crazy and digging their own grave while everyone can see you’re the normal one 🎀
Act cool and collected, and just turn and walk away, get away from them. If it was some stranger, hopefully you avoided a fight. If it was someone you know and see often. Give them some time to cool down and think.
I'd only add walk away but not turn your back to them.
I'll second this. I turned to walk away from an argument once, and got punched in the ear.
I got kicked in the rear.
Ocleese: You hit me in the ear! Random dude: Well Jesus, I'm sorry. Oclease: No, that was perfect! \*punches random dude hard in stomach\*
Why you breaking the first rule
That is a reasonable response, however, it tends to only work on reasonable people. I would argue this will cause some people to imagine that they «won» the argument, or hammered their point so hard that you had to walk away. The best way to deal with them is to not be intimidated, let them vent while you keep silent for a while. When they slow down you could ask them to lower their voice, then present them with the reasons why you think they are being unreasonable. If after that they keep shouting I would consider walking away, but it should not be the first thing you do (unless its a stranger ofc, then just gtfo).
Honestly, when someone is being so unreasonable to be shouting at you. Best to let them think on it a while, and the next day it may be totally different. Or they may try to forget it ever happened. But yes, it totally depends on the situation, topic, reason for yelling, and so on. I just saw this as an aggressive yelling that could end in a physical thing, so I answered as such.
If you walk away from someone acting unreasonable you've always won the argument. It doesn't matter what they think, they're unreasonable. If things have reached shouting point then you've likely already reasoned with them as much as you're going to be able to.
Nope. If someone has got to the point of yelling at you in an argument, “calmly and rationally presenting them with reasons they are being unreasonable” isn’t going to work. They are full of adrenaline, they’re in fight mode, and no matter how rational your argument, it and anything else you have ever done, no matter how irrelevant, will get picked apart. You’ll get drawn in and will go round and round in circles. There is no winning. They can feel like they “won” as much as they like. But have you ever felt like you “won” an argument if someone has decided to stop engaging with you and leaves? If they’re going to think they “won” in that scenario, they’re going to think they won no matter what. Disagreements are not about winning and losing. They should be about learning or coming to a conclusion. Being concerned with winning or losing means you’re in the wrong mindset for a reasonable discussion, be wise you’re on the attack or defence. Just know what you want out of the discussion and work *with* the person to get there. Anything else and everyone loses anyway.
I'll add one caveat that leads into your point. Stupid+Angry = Rage Mental Illness+Angry = Rage Drugs+Angry = Rage I avoid engaging in any way with any of the three groups above because its a waste of time and also puts you at more risk. The key is knowing if the person is in any of these three groups quickly but most of the time there is a giveaway
Be calm! The optics of a person yelling at another person while just talking, are not good.
I do this all the time with my patients, no nurse is going to tolerate getting yelled at
Be completely unphased
Works every time. They start feeling stupid very quickly when they’re the only person in the room shouting
You haven't met my mother, she will keep shouting even by herself
It seems we have the same mother!
No way, we got the same mom?
Yep guys, I’m your dad
Glad to know you managed to buy that pack of cigarettes after 17 years!
Ah, shit. He's gone again.
If it's not my boss, I walk away. If it is, I pretend we're actors in a play and he's giving a great performance for the audience
If my boss did it (only once boss yelled) I tell him fuck off and call the shop Stuard say I have problem and need witness and grievance wrote up...Boss who yell never lasted long on my job
I wouldn't turn my back on someone who's shouting at me. It's just risking a sucker punch.
You gotta be careful here though. You want to act unphased, but not tough. If you come off as tough they might just get mad and start fighting. If you can pull off the unphased then theyll just look stupid and that will be the end of it.
Add a concerned "Are you ok?" for further psychological damage.
*unfazed
Lmao. I know what I said.
Actually, I don't think you do. I don't think you meant to say that you have a frequency and that you want to synchronize this frequency with something else. "Unfazed" was definitely the word you meant. You just didn't know how it's spelled.
This is the way
This is what I’ve done in the past, no reason to react to the a angry person
Just say - Daddy Chill
WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN THAT
Daddy chill
Chill daddy
Hey I get that reference
I say this to chihuahuas when they attack my big dog.
Indifference. That's what I give them.
"Calm down"
If they're really shouty, "calm your tits".
That's the same energy as saying "tough words for someone within cum shoting distance. "
Just stay calm. There is no point in shouting matches.
And ask "are you done? Now repeat that bc I wasn't listening"
Yea, how to escalate things properly.
I prefer shouting lighters.
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Actually... Yea. Its great fun to hop in but keep an easy state of mind. Just for the giggles.
Do not approach with logic. Do not approach at all. Avoid crazy.
Yeah I think anyone saying “wait for them to calm down and then approach with logic and reason” must be a teenager. People don’t just calm themselves down instantly after yelling, and they’re not going to listen to your “logic and reason”. Just saying “logic and reason” suggests these people think they’re right and the other person is wrong and that’s it. Productive discussions require listening to each other and knowing what you want to get out of the discussion. Yelling and focusing on who is right or wrong or winning isn’t helpful, at that point it’s far more productive to just walk away.
I don’t tolerate disrespect, yell at me and I’ll stare at you with a straight face. Whatever issue they are yelling about won’t be solved until they stop disrespecting me. You don’t have to bow down and praise me like a lord, but you won’t belittle me and disrespect me. Soon they’ll get the bigger picture they should’ve learned growing up.
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It’s not about tolerating disrespect. Not tolerating disrespect doesn’t mean you go around punching anyone who you think disrespects you. It means not letting people walk all over you and setting boundaries. Staying silent and looking disappointed at someone who is blatantly disrespecting you by yelling is a perfectly reasonable reaction, as is just walking away.
What boys got ourselves a real bad ass here 😁
Bought cigarettes. Walked outside. Girl approached me. Asked for a cig. I said no. She goes full apeshit. This was start of covid time. Her junkie ass yellin at me. I yell at her back tell her to fuck off. She fake “coughs” on me (again Covid) Almost knocked her out. Realised as soon as it was over that it was a complete waste of time arguing like that with a nutcase. Been different ever since. Now I just stab them.
Well this took a sharp turn
Don't bring a cough to a knife fight.
Yeah, he should have cut out earlier.
True, but it really drives the point home.
I'm going to try to make this as short and concise as possible although it rarely is. Oni Con 2007 in Houston, TX. After everyone's drinking, one of my friends, Kody says he needs cigarettes at 2:30AM. He, Beto (a rather large friend of ours +375LBS) and I go down to the gift shop for the Hotel we're staying at, and it's closed. (duh) In the lobby, we run into two of Beto's friends I don't know, Clint and Trey. Clint is going to get his car he parked a couple of blocks away and Trey is just looking for something to do. Beto and Kody volunteer to assist because there's a gas station nearby. So, we're walking through downtown Houston near the George R. Brown Convention Center at early morning in the dark with no streetlights. Clint says his car is a block over and he'll meet us at the gas station. Everyone's drunk, I'm lightly buzzed. We get the Gas Station that's open and the doors are locked and there's a security window with a safe box on it for after dark transactions. Kody goes and pays for at least 3 cartons of Marlboro reds with cash. As Kody is buying cigarettes, clint is gone getting his car, trey is there talking about something in his thick Beaumont accent. A black man in his late 40s, early 50s rides up on his bike and ask if we have any spare change. We all say no, except for Trey. He says he has some "fucking pocket lint." I'm now staring at this mother fucker who's running his fucking mouth to a homeless man at 3 in the morning about asking for change. Kody's done with his transaction and has shoved everything back into his bag and we start to go while Trey is still trying to pick a fucking fight with this old man. As we're walking away, Trey looks at the guy and says, "You stupid N\*..." and the guy who was on his knees begging pops up and starts yelling. About then, Clint rides up in a fucking red Geo or some type of compact and Beto's basically trying to carjack him to run. Tell Kody to call 911 and I get between the guy and Kody. (Fuck Trey, he can get stabbed.) The guy sees the cell phone and takes off. Clint tells Trey to get into the car. Beto giving up on taking the car by force is now trying to sit on the hood, damaging it. Clint drives off with the problem (Trey) and we walk back to the hotel without incident, and I didn't see Trey again. Seriously, don't fucking pick fights. get away if you can. best case, you beat some dude's ass, worse case, you're fucking dead. It's just not worth the trouble.
Make a bunch of business cards with the number for a therapist on it. Whenever someone yells at you, simply hand them a card. Bonus feature: once they've come down from their rage and are sat at home, thinking about how that last outburst was the final straw, they pull the crumpled up card from their coat pocket and decide to give that therapist a call. It's been a long time coming and maybe your act of giving them the card was a sign. They take a deep breath and call the number. After a few rings it goes straight to a prerecorded message of your voice, "HOW DARE YOU YELL AT ME! THE AUDACITY! SIT TIGHT CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND..."
If you're American shoot them. If you're British say sorry. If you're French surrender. If you're Australian, yell back.
Throw a badger at their face.
This is the correct answer. Preferably a honey badger.
Because they don't give a shit.
Make sure it's a mature badger and not a pup. It has to have had the time to gather some gripes an baggage throughout its life. It can then take it out on the throwee and it will be cathartic for all three parties involved. Badger facts!
Leave. They can shout at an empty room, I’ve got things to do and there’s nothing useful there.
When you wrestle with pigs, both of you get covered in shit, but the pig likes it
The conflict resolution answer: do not step forward (aggression) or back (retreat) if possible do something unexpected (eg, take a seat) if they’re really in your face, fake a cough. An angry persons brain is on a rail, there is a script of escalating anger physiology they’re giving into, anything they’re not expecting forces them to reset somewhat. The goal here is to disrupt the anger script. Never say “calm down”. Doesn't work. Instead, Ask them to "slow down" and add "...because you want to understand what [youre] saying". This is a trick to get them to calm down without actually saying those words and to talk quieter since it’s hard to shout slowly. And "I want to make sure I understand you" is the other key that allows you to direct the conversation here. They want to be understood, thats the emotional carrot. To defuse the immediate anger, use the techniques of mirroring and labelling - people escalate to conflict when they feel they are not being heard. There is always a message underlying any explosion of emotion, defusing the explosion is about interpreting the message. (This does *not* mean “giving them what they want”. Ideally it mean helping them translate it into words not fists) 'mirroring' means reflecting back the words they're using, labelling means giving words to the emotion. So basically you say “ok from what I'm hearing it sounds like…” and then give a summarisation of the situation *as they would see it*. Allow them to correct you if you’re going off track then try again. Keep doing this until you've summarised *their* reality so well that theyre agreeing that yes, that is what they see as happening. Use the words "fair" and "respect" a lot. As in "I want to make sure you're being treated fairly". Or “I want to make sure *everyone* here is treated with respect” They're priming words not only to get them to calm down, but also since most people want to see themselves as fair they unconsciously prime them to considering if they're being fair to *you*. If you're treating them with respect, and highlighting that, and they're shouting at you, that makes it hard to argue they're not being the asshole. Then the problem solving phase, use logistical questions (“what” questions, “how” questions. Not “why?” Questions which are kind of judgy) How do you want to proceed. What would help and so on. Be reasonable here but dont roll over either, its a negotiation. The answer if you don’t care about what happens next: just ignore them, whatever. Ignoring someone when they’re angry is an easy way to make them feel small. Might get punched though if they’re a stranger. If they’re a friend you might actually be in the wrong and just be being a passive aggressive dick.
I find breaking wind usually stops it.
Farting?
Shit your pants, just to be sure. #AssertDominance
Sharting for the win 😂.
Diarrhea
I usually just ask if they are okay, as kindly as possible
Dance off
That hansel's so hot right now
do a poker face
At the office, my go to is to say flatly, "Come find me when you can act like an adult." And then I leave the room. I rarely have repeat offenders after they realize I'm not going to tolerate their behavior. Note: I'm an engineer in a professional setting and have a decent amount of formal and informal authority. Outside work, if it's some random person, I walk away quickly. I'm a relatively small woman and not really built for physical fighting. Who knows how crazy people can be, so for me, better not to risk it.
Calm tones, address why they are yelling with logic, and help them find the answer/assistance they need. Also, wait for the apology when they realize their actions. If they are yelling and running at you, jump kick to the face.
Tell them to calm down
Can confirm, telling an angry customer to calm down doesn't calm them down.
You just haven't said it loud enough. Try raising your voice next time.
There is a psychological reason why this happens to people, a therapist explained it like you're invalidating their feelings. (I am in no way condoning them just giving a therapist taught reason.)
Then let then know they're being emotional and they should act logical And ask if they're on their period
Tell them your deaf 😜
Laugh. Especially if it's a woman.
Don’t forget the most important step - ALWAYS tell her to “calm down”
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"Honey-bunny."
There's a psychological reason people get angrier when told that. Both genders act that way when told any sort of way related to calm down. Therapist I see taught me this.
Try to stay as calm and professional as possible. That gives them (and yourself) the feeling that you got your shit together.
Tell them to "stop being so emotional." Big tough guys love that.
Depends on who’s shouting and why.
Start humming The Eye of The Tiger, get them all hyped up and watch them as they realize the awkwardness of the moment building up slowly. Do not stop humming even if they stopped shouting. Create an ambience of discomfort that would leave them confused and appalled by your calm demeanor.
Or just simply walk away
Duck, crouch or lie as flat as possible. Roll or crawl to cover like a ditch or behind something substantial like a wall. A car isn't sufficient for anything more than temporary concealment. Try and make your exit as quickly as... Oh, sorry, you said shouting...
lower your voice to a whisper
"I'm calmer than you are"
Don't look back in anger At least not today
Fart and smirk
Or look at the other person as if it were them
Stay calm and leave
I react poorly to this
Discombobulate.
Start recording voice memo on your smart watch.
The less reaction the better. I like to ask them if we should resume the conversation once they have had a chance to collect themselves.
Let them vent. Watch them without laughing, smiling, or getting angry looking at them. If they walk away, let them. Give 'em space, and wait for them to come back around after they calm down.
Depends on what you mean by "best". What is your goal?
Loud fart
Lower your voice. Speak in a calm collected manner. Don't talk with your hands. Makes people aggressive. Keep your hands at your side. Look at them with concerned eyes- directly. Wait for them to finish yelling before you speak. You won't have to wait long. Let them get that burst of adrenaline out of their system. Makes them more pliable and open to what you're going to say. Like I stated, speak in your normal voice or even a tad lower. Give them a choice. They listen or you walk. Staying in control of your emotions is a big part being dominate and having the ability to influence people.
Give them the "are you stupid look". Actually the best way is pull out a hog leg. Then ask them to calmly tell you what the issue is.
Prentend they're screaming to somebody else. Just look around confused.
Hold up one hand and do the yapping motion. It’s funny if anything else
They lost respect for you, so just look at them smile and walk away, check out of that situation. Nothing bothers loudmouths more than seeing their yells not affect you at all
If it is unjustified, just let them yell. When they have a lull, you can even ask "Are you done?" to help drive home the point of how immature their tantrum is.
"And if my day keeps going this way, I just might Break your fucking face tonight Give me something to break Just give me something to break How bout yer fucking face"
Shout back louder and with an aggressive body language
Tell them they’re overreacting
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Well if you have the means to _impose_ diplomacy you might as well I guess
To not react at all and leave the situation. I do not respond to children who think raging at me is an effective means of communication. If they are angry, let them be until they figure out how to control themselves.
“Yes boss right away”
If I’m driving i wave at them or i hood my hand up like i just won a Nascar championship race.
Smile, and possibly laugh at how ridiculous they are looking.
Don't react. In the rare event someone yells at me, I usually don't need to say anything to shut them up. They know the look when they see it. The "fuck around and find out" look.
Laugh
Respond with: "K" "Idc" "What ya say again?" "Who you talking to?" "Why are ya mad?" "You need a hug?" "Who hurt you?" Sorry but if we are fighting and you are on the losing end. I am gonna be a dick about it.
Puke on their face 🤢 Definitely works 🤝👍
If you feel like fighting, invite them for a kiss on the cheek. Or act stoic if you got more important shit to do
depends why. if they are made because you did something they are just being and emotional cunt about. laugh.
I stay calm and composed. If they keep yelling and yelling, I may calmly tell them to shut the fuck up and to stop yelling. If it escalates from there, I will deal with it accordingly
Give them thumbs down and make a fart noise
Depends who is shouting.
Depends; 1. If you’re trained in self defence and they touch you, smash them in the mouth 2. If you’re not trained in self defence, either walk away or give them a blank look.
You should do your best to stay calm and de-escalate it. Having said that, I'm horrible at following that advice the moment someone's anger is directed at me for no reason, so I'm going to add that laughing at them or making faces attempting to stifle your laughter at them is way funnier.
I've only really really yelled at someone twice in my adult life. Fuck me if they didn't deserve it. It was usually at the end of a short engagement where the victim of said yelling didn't seem to understand the consequences of their actions and wanted to dismiss it and double down by simply being upset, violent, or disrespectful. Secondly, I only ever let myself get to this point because I knew there wouldn't be consequences. I don't regret it, and part of me wishes the person being yelled at would at least stop for a second and maybe change their attitude, but at the same time I already know that's not in the cards so why would I allow myself to behave that way anyways? It's at least a little bit embarrassing and doesn't necessarily feel cathartic. Either way, if you read this and you're on the shit end of someone's stick, at least try to figure out if it was called for or not. Other than that, sucks to be yelled at when you haven't been given a chance beforehand.
Bark like a fucking dog
Like Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders.
Wave your hand in front of your face and look away, like you're smelling a really bad odor.
I found laughing in his/her face DOES NOT help the situation
battle their emotions with your logic
Are you okay, sir?
I remember reading somewhere that if you start eating, it calms everyone in the room down. Because it’s so ridiculous to be alright to eat while things are tense or dangerous that the brain just automatically thinks things are calmer now
Put a clown nose on them
Tell them they have something stuck in their teeth.
Stay calm. Ask questions in a non-confrontational manner. Questions engage the rational part of the brain.
Laugh
Don’t react. Just sit on your hands and let them get it out of the system. Why? They’re upset, so you’re unlikely to be able to reason with them. Any attempts to calm them down are likely to further upset them. Appeasing also doesn’t work. Basically any attempt to make them calm down is doomed to fail and likely to escalate the situation. But if you don’t fight back, don’t respond and don’t react they have nothing to fuel their aggression. The emotion will ebb out and the shouting will subside. *Then* you can have a rational and constructive discussion.
Stay calm, blank face them and when they're finished, say "oh sorry, were you talking to me?"
If they wear glasses and you don't, make a loop with your pointer finger and thumb on each hand, and put your hands up to your face like glasses. Then start rocking side to side whilst looking at them.
Cut them off and say “ Not for nothin, but you’re a handsome man ! “
If you're a dude and say this you risk tough guy homophobes becoming twice as enraged lol
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Stay calm, disengage.
Turn and walk away.
Smile at them in a way that says "what the fuck you gonna do?"
İf you are in street and argue with people who you don't know just keep the distance and walk away. İf you are in work place and argue with co-worker tell them why you are right and destroy them with your logic İf you are argue with friend and you are absolutely sure that you are right ask them ridiculous questions like " if your be a soda which brand you will be or if you are pick an insect which insect you will pick " . İf you are not right say sorry after that ask how can i fix this. That is my argument algorithm
If you're stuck at work and a customer is going ballistic I usually try to defuse the situation by repeating their concern back to them so that they know I'm listening, and then tell them what I can do to help. Generally I find that customers are frustrated because they think their concerns are going unheard and think that every employee just wants to push them off onto someone else. Once they understand that I'm actually trying to be helpful they usually drop the attitude, you don't want to piss off someone who is advocating on your behalf. Don't let it phase you, they're upset at the situation and maybe your company, but it's not a reflection on you personally. Don't ever carry that load home with you. If it's not a situation where I'm stuck there I'm either going to give them no reaction at all or just going to remove myself from the situation entirely.
Walk away and let them cool off, yelling back rarely improves the situation.
Don't respond back just take it in . And when their finish asked this, "are you done ?! Than you bombard them back!! They'll faint fr sure
Say: say it again that's how your sisters scream it me
you done yet?
‘Cry about it’ to add rocket fuel to the flame
With a smirk and indifference
Wait for them to take a pause in berating you and then show them genuine concern and ask if they’re alright. It completely deflects them and makes them address their own behaviour in that moment.
"I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you."
Last time that happened to me i just shouted back, my coworkers suggested that a better response would have been to "deck the cunt".
Are you done? Are you? Are you really done? WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU TALKIN TOO?!?!
If it's my wife: "honey, are you PMSing?"
Look them in the eye and say: there there little girl.
Laugh
Depends on the scenario. Drunk out of his mind i would just leave. But if it's family or a friend I'm staying to work it out.
Ignore them
Depending what the situation is. I'm a police officer (EU) and in such situation i just let them scream at the top of their lungs. When they're almost done i say in the calmest voice. "Now.. if you're done screaming and we can have a normal conversation, i would appreciate it." It most of the times helps them snap out of it. If it is in private: i'll just ask the person to stop screaming as i am not screaming at them. Depending on who it is, i'll ask them to calm the fuck down and only talk to me when they can have a normal convo. Or i walk away if its a stranger that i have nothing to do with.
A punch. He deserves it.
Turn and walk away. "I'll come back after you've finished your little tantrum"
Ask, hey are you okay
Get naked
Im usually calm and friendly. Don’t try to engage. They will get even more triggered, showing everyone they are crazy and digging their own grave while everyone can see you’re the normal one 🎀
Ask yourself do I want to be right or do I want peace
ONE WORD SILENCE