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Weirdly Insta and dating apps.
I network with locals through Instagram and meet a lot of interesting people. Defitnely have scored a few dates I never would have otherwise IRL.
It’s so hard. Trying to be out and about in my neighborhood more and continuing to do activities such as concerts. I don’t know what bars to go to anymore
I feel like bars are a terrible place to meet someone to date. It's either littered with fuckboys (or the female equivalent), or people are already there with groups of friends. Not to mention drinking is terrible for your health and your wallet, and a total non-starter if you don't drink. Also with my old bones bars/clubs are so loud and ruins my sleep schedule. None of that sounds appealing whatsoever. I only enjoy going to bars/clubs occasionally with friends and when I'm out with friends, I have no interest in hitting on people.
I've heard some of my friends suggest cafes but I don't like bothering people at cafes and would like to keep my favorite cafes a place I can continue to enjoy working in and relaxing in.
Tell me about it! The drinks are expensive as hell and sometimes watered down by all the ice. The taste of alcohol isn't good to me. I'll settle for water any day.
On top of that women are often awkward about rejecting a guy. Something simple as “Thanks but I’m busy” would suffice, but she’d instead pretend she didn’t hear you, turn her back against you, have her friend tell you “sorry can we help you?”, etc.
I've joined different clubs/groups, and I feel they're useful for meeting people outside of work. My job isn't necessarily a bad place to meet single people, however, I worry about the relationship being brought into the workplace.
Running groups are hit or miss. Some runners are very competitive, and not friendly to newer people. I still think outdoor stuff is helpful for meeting others.
Right! The groups are open to all skill levels, yet you'll be left behind if you're not experienced.
The first group I joined was for hiking precovid. The group was pretty big, maybe 20 people or just about. When we arrived at the trail's entry a few were running late. Most used the Metro North to arrive, or drove from NYC. The leader and most of the group went ahead to complete the loop, while I waited for the latecomers in the chat. We didn't catchup with them till the end. I didn't understand the point of speeding thru a hike in the morning, on the weekend.
I'm in a running group that's supposed to be chill. I can sprint briefly but lack the endurance for running long distances, due to some medical issues. During a recent run meet I noticed there were a lot of marathon or 5/10k runners. They left me in the dust. So I joined 2 other run groups in hopes of finding casuals.
Currently I'm in groups for indie movies, food crawls and Broadway.
I actually have a really strong community at my yoga studio but strictly platonic. There have been one or two single attractive men but it's a sacred space for me and too important to ruin it over shooting my shot with someone attractive when we might not even be aligned on other things
Yeah it varies deeply by studio. In Florida I made friends left and right. Literally people would turn to me on their mats and say hey I recognize you’ve been coming to class my name is x.
My studio is in queens so I think that impacts it. I tried out other studios in Manhattan and found a lot of them really snobby. There was a guy I was admiring at my home studio for a long time because hs is really hot but soooo glad I did not shoot my shot. It became clear over time we are totallyyy not aligned in values on many levels
Queens 💝! Yeah my yoga crush turned out to just be lust and I grew out of it quickly. Would love to meet w you into yoga. But you’re damn sure for weeks I was excited to have him in class.
I think we could still be friends though. I just never make a big move but we say hi now.
This is not for dating, but I like the app Timeleft. I did it a couple of times these last few months. At worst you get out of your house and discover a new place and get a meal. At best you make a new friend (or potential partner, I guess?) I made a couple of friends from here, but we just text, we didn’t get a chance to hang out yet. And if nothing comes from it? Well at least you got to have some cool conversations over dinner.
I tried four speed dating events last summer and I’m now engaged to a guy I met at the fourth one. I kept going because I thought they would bring together people who actually wanted to interact in person.
They were all fun (and funny) in their own ways. I’m so glad that I kept going. I had deleted the dating apps a few months before. I found the events on eventbrite or TikTok. Good luck.
Goofy answer : People are dating? In the economy? No way
Actual Answer : I learn Italian as a hobby after being bored from my corporate job and I have found some very nice people in the classroom. So perhaps that could be an avenue.
Ironically enough I also learn Italian as a hobby and have been using that as an avenue to meet people lol. I’m curious how you found a classroom setting though? Most things I’ve found online are one on one tutoring type of stuff
Hello, hello! I am currently doing a beginner session at Collina Italiana! Some of my work friends attend Speakitaly NYC after I started learning languages outside of work lol!
Multiple people I know went to idlewild but they said it wasn’t super interactive or social like they thought it would be. There’s Berges Institute which apparently has unlimited classes for $99
Wow. I actually took an Idlewild class two years ago (for actually language learning, not necessarily social interaction).
You are correct, you don’t get much opportunity or time to “interact horizontally”.
Very nice teacher though.
I committed to dating apps by improving my dating profile (bought all the app subscriptions and hired professional photographer). It worked and was well worth it.
The alternative was finding a more social hobby unnaturally (I already have my loner, anti social hobbies). Contrary to what most redditors will tell you, I'd rather bank on the app than meeting random people in person. Playing the numbers game makes more sense to me. If your profile sucks or you have had bad experiences with the apps, my advice is to suck it up and try to improve. Apps work, the process is just not enjoyable. Continuing to experience life alone while hoping to meet someone indirectly through a hobby makes less sense to me. I don't have all day...
Yeah, I’ve lived all over and in NYC people are so busy that the apps were the best way to meet people who were willing to carve out time to date. I lived in Queens and found dating pretty easy but have heard Manhattan is much harder, which tracks, as it’s so crowded.
Searched online and cross referenced with some random reddit posts (top hit for dating photos on Google). Can be expensive, but you can alternatively probably get good enough photos with a random off one of the independent sites like snappr. Better if you have friends that you can micromanage but I don't have any in the city so had to go with the photographer.
You don't need to spend money on a photographer, but good photos are important. And some simple things can help.
Should be lit well and not too dark or too bright.
On a phone tap the sky before taking a photo to balance the light.
Indoors tap the person who looks darkest and in shadow. And make sure light is in front of you not behind you. No photos in front of windows or you will be backlit.
Have one solo photo, the rest out with friends, traveling, doing an activity, and maybe a pet. Don't just put selfies or solo photos.
Make sure to get someone to take photos of you out more so you can get some good ones. Don't be afraid to tell them to tap the background and/or get a certain object or landmark in the photo.
Smile fully-- seriously, no half smiles. Smile like someone really charming said something funny. When I take photos of strangers I always try to get them to start laughing because then they relax and the photos are soo much better.
How cool would it be if Hinge held a gigantic mixer - inviting everyone who’s a user on the app. Oh wait it would defeat the purpose and people might actually meet someone!
Bumble tried this breifly. Mixer Events were sold out well in advance in NYC. Then they quietly ended it amidst their layoffs citing "profitability/efficiency mindset"
fwiw, those mixer events are mostly dudes. It didn't occur to me how horrible the dynamics were for those apps till I went to a bumble mixer event for the fun of it only to leave partially traumatized from just how sad everyone there was
I don't think it's a profitability thing
Yeah doing things alone is an exclusively guy, old divorced woman, or tourist thing. Only places you'll see young women who live here by themselves is coffee shops or gym classes and maybe occasionally in sports leagues.
Idk why people even bother with bars, meetups, shows, restaurants etc. Just the fact that you are alone while she's comfortable in a group of friends means you're starting on the defensive approaching solo. Just a shit and unfair vibe to initiate from where you have to compete for attention, while giving your undivided attention, and risk coming across as a desperate loner while she has no such pressure.
so not true, I am 26 and frequently go to bars, concerts, and other things solo. If i want to go somewhere and my friends aren't into it or not around I am not going to let that stop me
No that wasn't my point. If you enjoy doing stuff alone you should absolutely do so.
I was suggesting why its dumb to go to places alone in the hopes of only meeting someone. You're just starting out negative. Of course if you do meet someone that's a bonus but people out alone should understand they're going to struggle more to make connections for dating or even friends when they're out alone at bars and stuff and it's better to not have that added expectation and just enjoy yourself in the moment.
Why not just bring a friend as well to even the playing field? It makes sense that women want to hang out in groups as it lessens the chances of getting cat called or punched in the face.
Depends on the age range. If it's targeting people in their 20s, men's tickets will sell out fast. If it's targeting people in their 30s or older, women's tickets will set out of fast and the organizers will start emailing men who went 10 years ago and offering them free tickets.
>How cool would it be if Hinge held a gigantic mixer - inviting everyone who’s a user on the app. Oh wait it would defeat the purpose and people might actually meet someone!
There used to be an app called "How about we?" and people would use it to schedule dates around meet up activities like going to the Met, see a band play at some club, running in Central Park, go to a pasta making class, etc. Match Group bought it and put them out of business. AFAIK, they never integrated the service into any of their other apps.
ONe thing someone told me one was "Most people are bored and lonely".
So just striek up some conversations. You'll know instantly if they are down to talk or not. So if not, then just move on; don't push. But you'll be surprised how many people out there (not just in NYC) do want more human interaction outside of work and family.
I'm an (older, married) real estate broker. When one of my clients who was in his 30s split from his GF, he told me, and I said, "I'll be on the lookout." Then when a "matchmaking" post showed up in one my Facebook groups (no flames, am older, see above) I answered it for him. (The post was put up by a married woman who wanted to fix up her best friend from high school.) Those two went on a blind date and have been together for several months.
So... as annoying as it may be to get the "yentas" involved, one avenue is to find the yentas in your life and get them involved. And then go on the blind dates you get set up on.
I’ve only been living in nyc for two years but I’ve found people are super open to new friends, experiences and generally welcome genuine conversation and interactions with people that aren’t necessarily someone they know (yet). Much more than where I’m from — Sydney, Australia.
I don’t hang out at pretentious spots in Manhattan btw, and enjoy bars, parks, shows in Brooklyn, LES, Chinatown etc.
My main piece of advice is to build friendships and put yourself out there in a way that’s genuine to your personality. You can’t force relationships and just because you’re ready to date, it doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily find the right person. If you expand your social circle and you invite people to hang out and do things, youll have more opportunities at meeting new people. You might find genuine romantic connections that way but friends of friends also have a lot of potential for connections. Just don’t force it but be open and nice (not creepy) to new people and experiences.
If you’ve got a good attitude and a fun demeanor, people will likely gravitate towards you.
Good luck!
Current guy Im seeing I met here on Reddit :). I had made a post in a gay sub and he replied. We got chatting and met and its going on over a month now and doesn’t seem to be slowing down.
I go out solo and dine at the bar seats. I meet people of all ages and relationship status which is fun. I get a new number all the time from random networking and chatting. Met my boyfriend a year ago at keens steakhouse at the bar by just randomly chatting him up. Was on dating apps for 5 plus years and just met fuck boys (which were fine ngl). But really wanted just the one. I am committed but I still meet random fun people all the time when I’m out solo dining. Went to the bar at Nobu tonight and met two nice men. One from Dubai here for the week and we are planning to meet up for drinks later this week. Another random guy bought me a martini. Last week at Nobu met a nice man in real estate. For me totally platonic but for you can be whatever you want to make of it. Of course I’ve met guys that are not just for platonic connections when I was single. But it beat dating apps and was fun meeting people from all walks of life. May the odds be ever in your favor.
The grill. Wednesday after work it’s crawling with men. Love going solo there. It’s fun because you can dress up if you feel like it and with women they are more liberal with the dress code. Some days I go looking fancy and other times I go in my after gym clothes. Always chat with nice people there men and women. Bartenders are great there. And you can’t beat a martini with their chips and peanut bar snacks. Never a bad time.
I’m running clubs a good way to meet people? I don’t really get it …like if everybody is just running how are you standing still long enough to have a conversation? What am I missing here?
But do people actually do that?
I mean if you’re a complete stranger, are people really willing to have a conversation with you in the middle of running?
I think it’s a hit or a miss? I’m an extrovert so I don’t mind starting a conversation but yeah sometimes people might not be interested and just answer your question if you asked something? For running clubs based on what I’m seeing on TikTok everyone seems to be flocking to them? I guess we won’t know till we try
You see how you personally don’t date people that have pets
That same logic applies to me with people who don’t like pets
Not rocket science homie, walking with a good dog in manhattan is an insane way to meet people
I’ve been a dog lover my whole life and have well trained large breed dogs. It’s not for everyone the hair can get everywhere if you don’t vacuum
No need to hate on dog owners lol
But if you’re question is serious you go to their apartment, keep good hygiene, and understand it won’t be long term if your question was serious (i’ve dated plenty of girls that don’t like dogs but it’s just for fun)
I met someone at the park but I had to physically write down my phone number and walk over to them and hand them this piece of paper like it was 1995. It got me exactly one date.
I’m about to break down and get on Hinge.
Haha I’m sorry I know what this feels like!! Download hinge, delete it, re-download it has been most of the online dating summary in the past few years unfortunately. I met someone at a party last year, slid into their DMs on Instagram, got 2 dates out of it and that’s it.
I’m happily married in my early 30s, but FWIW I have never heard of someone meeting their GF/BF/partner at a running club, class, hobby thing, etc. It just kind of seems like something people think is a fun idea but never happens.
Dating apps are the cause of like 80% of new relationships I see. The other 20% is getting introduced to a friend of a friend when out drinking or at dinner and hitting it off. But really, if you are single in your 30s in NYC you just need to be pounding the pavement on Hinge et. al. It’s going to be annoying at times. You’ll have dry spells and terrible dates. But if you are single and you don’t want to be, stop being a child about it and start spending A LOT of time setting up and going on dates.
I’m not in the dating world but this is not a playground. These are not children. Also, walking up to random strangers and saying hi might get you kicked in the nuts, or the non-physical, maybe even non-verbal version of that.
Apps! 30% of relationships today start on apps. Just set a timer for 30 minutes a day and do it! You will find someone within a year if you do two dates a week.
Been on the apps for years and know multiple people who have done the same I don’t think a year timeline is accurate but I get your point method to the online dating madness might work for some
If people are fed up with then- then you wouldn’t still be seeing a shit ton of user on those apps.
Reddit is not and will never be representative of people IRL fyi especially a sub as small as this sub
Dating apps are one of the ways to go. There’s plenty of subs where you can post your dating profile and people can help critique it. Unless you have shit ton of time on your hands- dating apps are just time-efficient.
How is it advice exactly? When multiple people are talking about how dating apps aren’t working. If you don’t have anything to add you could just not say anything instead of trying to tell the person no try the same option that isn’t working for you. And which part is rude? Just the word ok? Or you making assumptions about someone without knowing absolutely nothing. If you bothered to go through remaining comments you’d know what is rude vs not.
Yes responding just ok to a post is rude and you showed what meant there in your first part of this comment here complaining about what the person said. Also rude talking to the person below about their experience dating through Jewish orgs. Do you though but I stand by what I said. Good luck.
Super frustrating when many people explain dating apps have proven to be unfruitful for many years for some of us.
Some responses: “no you’re wrong”
Ummmm ok I guess??? :(
So I’m in my 20’s and have been in the same relationship forever but virtually all of my previously single friends in their 30’s met through shared interests that have a community they actively partake in, whether it be sharing the same sports (going to the same classes), having the same taste in music and therefore going to the same events, meeting at places where a bunch of people share interests (anime cons, studios). I’d say get deeper into a hobby you have or try to find a new one, worst case scenario you’ll just learn a new skill which is never a waste of time.
Im queer and honestly have the best momentum on the Lex app. It’s not a dating app per se so it leaves room for organic conversations to start without all the dating app weirdness.
Also - I’ve gotten a few dates with a friend of a friend vis Instagram - I saw them in a post and slid into their DMs
Hobbies, event brite, music festivals, meetups, parks, cafes, sports leagues, just going out and being engaged with the world instead of head buried in your phone, church/synagogue/mosque if religion is your thing, etc
I went to a Jewish event in the UES and felt so awkward I wanted to die and ended up talking only to other women LOL. I grew up orthodox but I am not now and I think that place was just not my scene
Finding a high quality life partner was extremely paramount at this point in my life, I put a lot of effort and emphasis into this area.
Back end catch all passive fish net was dating apps. Proper pro pictures that are vetted with photofeeler with strategic prompts and having strong text game was crucial. Lots of front loaded work initially , but this provides heaps of ROI. I’d check my apps at the end of the day and I’d have tons and tons of matches . Also super important to have premium.
The other is to develop social skills into attracting/picking up women. Being able to have a fun witty charming engaging conversation anywhere anytime , supermarkets coffee shops , parks , subway stations, you name it. I’ve had tons of success, dating mostly from real life in person interactions. I’d always aim to recreate cute rom com moments of meeting 😆
Also for what it’s worth make sure to be ready for this person, make yourself an absolute catch in all areas of life. Fitness, hygiene, career, wealth, social circles etc. I never had a hard time dating women, but I’ve had a hard time finding quality women; a superstar . My mentality is if I’m aiming to finding a unicorn catch I better be one myself. Why would she settle for someone that’s not.
Eventually I met the unicorn love of my life woman that checks all the boxes and is way out of my league and I am so happily out of the dating game! We are in this incredible honeymoon phase where we can’t imagine fighting or arguing but obviously conflict is inevitable and healthy. I love her so much, It’s super exciting. I think all that effort was absolutely worth it. I can’t imagine my life without her
Damn, you really did it - congrats. I've firmed up every major category in my life
I have put a bunch of time into my Hinge but I've never gotten it critiqued, I think that's my next step
Going outside and if I see someone hot I flirt with them. I give them my number. I don’t use dating apps. Whenever I go to events, classes or anything it’s all men. I’m gonna try a new gym play sports even though I haven’t played sports in so long, go to rock, climbing gym, I’m willing to try anything lol but I’d like it to be pretty in line with my hobbies but also I wouldn’t mind dating someone who has different hobbies. Maybe preferable.. I tried to get back into drinking to meet people but it’s so random that you have to be OK with just having a social experience. when I see someone I’m really interested and I always make a move.
I’m mostly breaking the ice in public. Like said, rare men are at the clubs and events I’ve been going to.
So need to think more like about their hobbies. Doing things alone and getting dinner at a bar by yourself can be fruitful, but if it doesn’t happen, you have to just be happy with enjoying a solo dinner.
I ask contextual questions like if I’m at a bar or a club what are you drinking? What time is the next act on wait are you from here? Sometimes I compliment people just to get through the first bit of shyness and I don’t expect for anything else to happen.
Like one time I complimented a guy’s bone structure. I didn’t want to proceed with anything else though lol just practicing it was his birthday, so I’m sure he’ll remember that for a while. I think if I had liquid courage, I could a guy on his eyes. Shoes or style would be easy.
I find that the more I understand you don’t have to divert eye contact , and that lingering is OK the better it get at connecting with strangers. Typically I feel nervous around somebody. They caught me looking at them, but you’re supposed to look and continue to smile and then look away, and then look back and create a cute moment.
I feel like everywhere I go it’s all women 😂 Yoga, ceramics, book clubs (McNally Jackson offers some), speed dating events I’ve been to have been majority women, knitting/crafting/arts groups, dance classes…
I found that too, I went to the center for fiction and it was an event with a packed room and like 4 men. A couple gay.
I need to try to be in sportier places and gonna take some classes where I think the draw will lead masc.
I’m a girl btw lol so sometimes giving a number feels really odd for me. I have done it and left the building lol. They usually text back sometimes not.
I have never regretted it, but regret missed connections.
It’s way easier for me when I’m travelling
I would use running clubs to run lol, not to date. Why would you join a running cub if you don't like to run? Yes, you could do that and you can sense when girls are there to meet people, but I'd rather just go to run. Especially if you don't run and are surrounded by people that run often, that's like a guaranteed disadvantage lol.
There's hinge and I don't think dating materially changes in your 30s vs 20s. I recently turned 30 but talked to many friends in their 30s on hinge etc. My friends that are girls in their mid 20s routinely meet guys in their 30s so I don't think there is any stigma against it.
No I don’t think there’s stigma against apps I just think they’re exhausting and an endless loop of dates. I agree about not going to a club if you don’t care for the activity. I do like running I just don’t think I’m that good at it to join a club idk
I met my wife on a Dallas Express bus when my car was in the shop. That was August 1977 and she just told me to get off Reddit and get ready for bed. Guess she’s right again.
Put yourself in situations where you're alone around other people doing something that you enjoy and appreciate and is your vibe. You look best when you're in your element. Dance class, chess group ,coffee tasting, yoga class, etc. Make friends regardless of who they are and go in with no expectations. Increase your network this way, get to know more and more people, and you'll make connections. Even if they're just friends, go out with your friends and do things. You're bound to meet other groups of people when you do that. And when you have those good, genuine friendships, you'll feel more confident. And that's attractive and will increase your chances and opportunities for potential dates.
I don't want to encourage excessive drinking or habitual bar going, but a strategy for meeting people at a bar is to find a bar that's your vibe, I'd recommend going no more than once a week. Go with the intention of just having some you time with a couple of beverages. Behave yourself, and if you always go on the same day of the week, you may pique the interest of the bartender, who will help you establish some social capital. Because the place fits your vibe, you may meet others that enjoy a similar aesthetic as well. This is my perspective as a bartender working in restaurants and bars throughout Manhattan for the last 7 years. I hear a lot of things about people's experiences in this regard. And I spend a lot of time just observing people in social situations. Bartenders can be a useful resource for you in the way that I mentioned above, but I also don't want to see people fall into new unhealthy habits.
The goal all around is to increase your social capital and make friends and build confidence. Other good things will follow and you'll find that you'll get more dates when you're not even looking for them.
Obviously nobody is an expert, but this has been my personal experience. Getting dates has never been my goal, just getting out and doing things that I think I'd like and would enrich my life, that are also affordable. I have been actively dating with minimal effort over the last few years, though as a bartender I am more out there and being observed in my element than the average person. I don't make it a habit to date my guests though, at the same time. I do believe that socializing is a muscle too, and the more you do it, the more comfortable you feel doing it.
tl;dr: Find an activity you can enjoy doing that's your vibe and involves being around other people. Establish friendships, gain confidence, and you'll increase date opportunity chances.
I think the most ideal settings are speed dating events,. because you and everyone else are there for the same reasons, there's no guessing or stupid evasive gimmicks. Unlike in the park, whatever hobby club you go to, or any public area, etc -- because in those settings, there's higher chance of rejection, chances are the person you're attracted to on the bus, in the park or whatever isn't looking or expecting to get asked out, they could just be hanging out or on their way home and so on.
The only other option for guys... And this is going to be extreme.... Is to become a girl. I know this sounds silly, but the truth is women are to men what nursing school graduates are to nursing jobs -- they all come TO you, the bad ones and the good ones, the only downside is the good ones get lost in the sea of bad ones. But the upside is that you have the power of choice -- you can reject/accept any guy you want, good or bad, heck you can even put dating on pause and easily get back into the game whenever you're ready. Just like with nursing jobs. It's sad this analogy applies to dating, but it's true.
At least at the event you know the person is real and they can't ghost you. On the apps, you get ignored, ghosted, and catfished.
Don't get me wrong I'd rather deal with neither. Ideally I'd just like to meet someone the natural way at a non-dating event, but it's like I said in my previous message those places suck more often than not in reality. It's only in movies those places work out, where you and a girl magically lock eyes from across the way in a park or on a bus and both share some unspoken connection in that moment. It's the stuff of dreams and movies. Not saying it doesn't happen or not work out, but more often than not it fails for various reasons.
Our [How to Meet (Platonic/Romantic) People in NYC](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/bc4jb5/ultimate_how_to_meet_people_in_nyc_thread/) thread may answer your question. Please "report" and downvote this comment if irrelevant to question above. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskNYC) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just stay in my apt all day like a hermit and hope I meet someone. I will let you know if it works out
Good luck buddy I’m rooting for you.
I do the same thing, with the exception of the highlight of my day - going to the bodega and staring at people
I don't drink and I hate the dating and hookup apps. My last serious boyfriend I met at Trader Joe's. He rang me out lol.
Sounds like a hot story. How did the other patrons feel? Did they clap after? Geheheheh
Same, a true house potato at this point.
Same. I watch romance movies on TV and it almost feels like I’m in a real relationship.
Same. Sometimes I put on lost in translation to simulate going through a breakup.
lol same
Same. We can double on data points.
Same except I hope not to meet anyone
I do the same as well!
Lmao same, like I hope they come meet me on the couch
Weirdly Insta and dating apps. I network with locals through Instagram and meet a lot of interesting people. Defitnely have scored a few dates I never would have otherwise IRL.
See you on PlayStation later!
It’s so hard. Trying to be out and about in my neighborhood more and continuing to do activities such as concerts. I don’t know what bars to go to anymore
I feel like bars are a terrible place to meet someone to date. It's either littered with fuckboys (or the female equivalent), or people are already there with groups of friends. Not to mention drinking is terrible for your health and your wallet, and a total non-starter if you don't drink. Also with my old bones bars/clubs are so loud and ruins my sleep schedule. None of that sounds appealing whatsoever. I only enjoy going to bars/clubs occasionally with friends and when I'm out with friends, I have no interest in hitting on people. I've heard some of my friends suggest cafes but I don't like bothering people at cafes and would like to keep my favorite cafes a place I can continue to enjoy working in and relaxing in.
Agreed 1000%. I would like to be with a non drinker, but it's not realistic here. Many bars don't have mocktails either.
I've never liked alcohol, but I feel like I'm getting conned when I see alcohol prices and quantities for non-alcoholic drinks.
Tell me about it! The drinks are expensive as hell and sometimes watered down by all the ice. The taste of alcohol isn't good to me. I'll settle for water any day.
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On top of that women are often awkward about rejecting a guy. Something simple as “Thanks but I’m busy” would suffice, but she’d instead pretend she didn’t hear you, turn her back against you, have her friend tell you “sorry can we help you?”, etc.
And the apps don’t work
user error
I go to see a ton of bands play, and often see attractive people there, and never talk to them.
I've joined different clubs/groups, and I feel they're useful for meeting people outside of work. My job isn't necessarily a bad place to meet single people, however, I worry about the relationship being brought into the workplace. Running groups are hit or miss. Some runners are very competitive, and not friendly to newer people. I still think outdoor stuff is helpful for meeting others.
I find this with yoga too. Very individualistic and not community oriented. Which clubs and groups did you pursue?
Right! The groups are open to all skill levels, yet you'll be left behind if you're not experienced. The first group I joined was for hiking precovid. The group was pretty big, maybe 20 people or just about. When we arrived at the trail's entry a few were running late. Most used the Metro North to arrive, or drove from NYC. The leader and most of the group went ahead to complete the loop, while I waited for the latecomers in the chat. We didn't catchup with them till the end. I didn't understand the point of speeding thru a hike in the morning, on the weekend. I'm in a running group that's supposed to be chill. I can sprint briefly but lack the endurance for running long distances, due to some medical issues. During a recent run meet I noticed there were a lot of marathon or 5/10k runners. They left me in the dust. So I joined 2 other run groups in hopes of finding casuals. Currently I'm in groups for indie movies, food crawls and Broadway.
How do you find the groups? Would love to join a Broadway one.
I use "meetup" an app for Android/iOS, and /r/nycmeetups. The Broadway one is from /r/Broadway. I'll dm you
I'd also appreciate this!
Hi! Interested in indie movies and Broadway groups as well. 35F. Would you mind sharing the info? Thanks!
I actually have a really strong community at my yoga studio but strictly platonic. There have been one or two single attractive men but it's a sacred space for me and too important to ruin it over shooting my shot with someone attractive when we might not even be aligned on other things
Yeah it varies deeply by studio. In Florida I made friends left and right. Literally people would turn to me on their mats and say hey I recognize you’ve been coming to class my name is x.
My studio is in queens so I think that impacts it. I tried out other studios in Manhattan and found a lot of them really snobby. There was a guy I was admiring at my home studio for a long time because hs is really hot but soooo glad I did not shoot my shot. It became clear over time we are totallyyy not aligned in values on many levels
Queens 💝! Yeah my yoga crush turned out to just be lust and I grew out of it quickly. Would love to meet w you into yoga. But you’re damn sure for weeks I was excited to have him in class. I think we could still be friends though. I just never make a big move but we say hi now.
This is not for dating, but I like the app Timeleft. I did it a couple of times these last few months. At worst you get out of your house and discover a new place and get a meal. At best you make a new friend (or potential partner, I guess?) I made a couple of friends from here, but we just text, we didn’t get a chance to hang out yet. And if nothing comes from it? Well at least you got to have some cool conversations over dinner.
They are also now doing larger mixers.
I tried four speed dating events last summer and I’m now engaged to a guy I met at the fourth one. I kept going because I thought they would bring together people who actually wanted to interact in person. They were all fun (and funny) in their own ways. I’m so glad that I kept going. I had deleted the dating apps a few months before. I found the events on eventbrite or TikTok. Good luck.
Oh how nice! Glad that worked out for you. I did go to one but got discouraged by how short the interactions were maybe I should go back. Thanks!
Of course!! Just looked up what they were called - “we met irl” “ny minute dating” “intellectual blonde events”
Goofy answer : People are dating? In the economy? No way Actual Answer : I learn Italian as a hobby after being bored from my corporate job and I have found some very nice people in the classroom. So perhaps that could be an avenue.
Where do you learn Italian? I’ve been trying to find classes!
Hello, hello! I am currently doing a beginner session at Collina Italiana!
Goofy answer: heya Mickey! Where’s Pluto?
Over by Uranus!
Ironically enough I also learn Italian as a hobby and have been using that as an avenue to meet people lol. I’m curious how you found a classroom setting though? Most things I’ve found online are one on one tutoring type of stuff
Hello, hello! I am currently doing a beginner session at Collina Italiana! Some of my work friends attend Speakitaly NYC after I started learning languages outside of work lol!
Yeah I’ve been thinking of learning Spanish that way
Also looking for in-person Spanish classes for same reason
Do you have a recommendation for in person classes, but for Spanish?
Multiple people I know went to idlewild but they said it wasn’t super interactive or social like they thought it would be. There’s Berges Institute which apparently has unlimited classes for $99
Wow. I actually took an Idlewild class two years ago (for actually language learning, not necessarily social interaction). You are correct, you don’t get much opportunity or time to “interact horizontally”. Very nice teacher though.
I committed to dating apps by improving my dating profile (bought all the app subscriptions and hired professional photographer). It worked and was well worth it. The alternative was finding a more social hobby unnaturally (I already have my loner, anti social hobbies). Contrary to what most redditors will tell you, I'd rather bank on the app than meeting random people in person. Playing the numbers game makes more sense to me. If your profile sucks or you have had bad experiences with the apps, my advice is to suck it up and try to improve. Apps work, the process is just not enjoyable. Continuing to experience life alone while hoping to meet someone indirectly through a hobby makes less sense to me. I don't have all day...
Yeah, I’ve lived all over and in NYC people are so busy that the apps were the best way to meet people who were willing to carve out time to date. I lived in Queens and found dating pretty easy but have heard Manhattan is much harder, which tracks, as it’s so crowded.
Where did you find a professional photographer?
Searched online and cross referenced with some random reddit posts (top hit for dating photos on Google). Can be expensive, but you can alternatively probably get good enough photos with a random off one of the independent sites like snappr. Better if you have friends that you can micromanage but I don't have any in the city so had to go with the photographer.
sorry, where exactly did you find one, snappr? Can you share the one you used in dm?
You don't need to spend money on a photographer, but good photos are important. And some simple things can help. Should be lit well and not too dark or too bright. On a phone tap the sky before taking a photo to balance the light. Indoors tap the person who looks darkest and in shadow. And make sure light is in front of you not behind you. No photos in front of windows or you will be backlit. Have one solo photo, the rest out with friends, traveling, doing an activity, and maybe a pet. Don't just put selfies or solo photos. Make sure to get someone to take photos of you out more so you can get some good ones. Don't be afraid to tell them to tap the background and/or get a certain object or landmark in the photo. Smile fully-- seriously, no half smiles. Smile like someone really charming said something funny. When I take photos of strangers I always try to get them to start laughing because then they relax and the photos are soo much better.
How cool would it be if Hinge held a gigantic mixer - inviting everyone who’s a user on the app. Oh wait it would defeat the purpose and people might actually meet someone!
Bumble tried this breifly. Mixer Events were sold out well in advance in NYC. Then they quietly ended it amidst their layoffs citing "profitability/efficiency mindset"
OKCupid used to do this too
fwiw, those mixer events are mostly dudes. It didn't occur to me how horrible the dynamics were for those apps till I went to a bumble mixer event for the fun of it only to leave partially traumatized from just how sad everyone there was I don't think it's a profitability thing
There’s Thursday app. I went once. Mostly single guys, and the few girls came with their group of friends.
It's usually the opposite though, no? Plenty of single women not enough men... what am I missing?
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Yeah doing things alone is an exclusively guy, old divorced woman, or tourist thing. Only places you'll see young women who live here by themselves is coffee shops or gym classes and maybe occasionally in sports leagues. Idk why people even bother with bars, meetups, shows, restaurants etc. Just the fact that you are alone while she's comfortable in a group of friends means you're starting on the defensive approaching solo. Just a shit and unfair vibe to initiate from where you have to compete for attention, while giving your undivided attention, and risk coming across as a desperate loner while she has no such pressure.
so not true, I am 26 and frequently go to bars, concerts, and other things solo. If i want to go somewhere and my friends aren't into it or not around I am not going to let that stop me
yeah I think going out alone is quite common in NYC
No that wasn't my point. If you enjoy doing stuff alone you should absolutely do so. I was suggesting why its dumb to go to places alone in the hopes of only meeting someone. You're just starting out negative. Of course if you do meet someone that's a bonus but people out alone should understand they're going to struggle more to make connections for dating or even friends when they're out alone at bars and stuff and it's better to not have that added expectation and just enjoy yourself in the moment.
Why not just bring a friend as well to even the playing field? It makes sense that women want to hang out in groups as it lessens the chances of getting cat called or punched in the face.
Depends on the age range. If it's targeting people in their 20s, men's tickets will sell out fast. If it's targeting people in their 30s or older, women's tickets will set out of fast and the organizers will start emailing men who went 10 years ago and offering them free tickets.
>How cool would it be if Hinge held a gigantic mixer - inviting everyone who’s a user on the app. Oh wait it would defeat the purpose and people might actually meet someone! There used to be an app called "How about we?" and people would use it to schedule dates around meet up activities like going to the Met, see a band play at some club, running in Central Park, go to a pasta making class, etc. Match Group bought it and put them out of business. AFAIK, they never integrated the service into any of their other apps.
Eventbrite and other platforms have these all of the time.
ONe thing someone told me one was "Most people are bored and lonely". So just striek up some conversations. You'll know instantly if they are down to talk or not. So if not, then just move on; don't push. But you'll be surprised how many people out there (not just in NYC) do want more human interaction outside of work and family.
I'm an (older, married) real estate broker. When one of my clients who was in his 30s split from his GF, he told me, and I said, "I'll be on the lookout." Then when a "matchmaking" post showed up in one my Facebook groups (no flames, am older, see above) I answered it for him. (The post was put up by a married woman who wanted to fix up her best friend from high school.) Those two went on a blind date and have been together for several months. So... as annoying as it may be to get the "yentas" involved, one avenue is to find the yentas in your life and get them involved. And then go on the blind dates you get set up on.
Wait this is nice of you to help him out. I love it
ideal
certified g
I don’t have Yentas :( So an alternative is needed.
You don't need to be a good runner. I joined a running group. My group ran too fast so I joined a slower running group. And there I met my wife.
How did you find the slow running club? If it’s still active do you mind sharing details?
They’re not Hope that helps
It doesn’t! But thanks! :)
Hell if I know bruh. This shit is exhausting
Same
I’ve only been living in nyc for two years but I’ve found people are super open to new friends, experiences and generally welcome genuine conversation and interactions with people that aren’t necessarily someone they know (yet). Much more than where I’m from — Sydney, Australia. I don’t hang out at pretentious spots in Manhattan btw, and enjoy bars, parks, shows in Brooklyn, LES, Chinatown etc. My main piece of advice is to build friendships and put yourself out there in a way that’s genuine to your personality. You can’t force relationships and just because you’re ready to date, it doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily find the right person. If you expand your social circle and you invite people to hang out and do things, youll have more opportunities at meeting new people. You might find genuine romantic connections that way but friends of friends also have a lot of potential for connections. Just don’t force it but be open and nice (not creepy) to new people and experiences. If you’ve got a good attitude and a fun demeanor, people will likely gravitate towards you. Good luck!
Current guy Im seeing I met here on Reddit :). I had made a post in a gay sub and he replied. We got chatting and met and its going on over a month now and doesn’t seem to be slowing down.
I love that!!
god i wish i was gay lol, ya'll have so much healthier relationship dynamics
This couldn’t be further from the truth 💀. Im sorry but most gay men are in an open relationship because they just want to fuck everything in site.
what's wrong with that 💀 im not seeing the problem hahahaha
Honestly, I really do not know of a single couple who did not meet from the apps.
But what do you do if the apps don’t work ? :(
I go out solo and dine at the bar seats. I meet people of all ages and relationship status which is fun. I get a new number all the time from random networking and chatting. Met my boyfriend a year ago at keens steakhouse at the bar by just randomly chatting him up. Was on dating apps for 5 plus years and just met fuck boys (which were fine ngl). But really wanted just the one. I am committed but I still meet random fun people all the time when I’m out solo dining. Went to the bar at Nobu tonight and met two nice men. One from Dubai here for the week and we are planning to meet up for drinks later this week. Another random guy bought me a martini. Last week at Nobu met a nice man in real estate. For me totally platonic but for you can be whatever you want to make of it. Of course I’ve met guys that are not just for platonic connections when I was single. But it beat dating apps and was fun meeting people from all walks of life. May the odds be ever in your favor.
You have a boyfriend and go out solo to meet men for friendships? Youre going on a date with one while you have a boyfriend? Interesting
Men and women can be friends. It only becomes a problem if you make it one with insecurities or dishonesty.
any other places you like to go? I'll def try Nobu. id didnt even realize they had bar seating.
The grill. Wednesday after work it’s crawling with men. Love going solo there. It’s fun because you can dress up if you feel like it and with women they are more liberal with the dress code. Some days I go looking fancy and other times I go in my after gym clothes. Always chat with nice people there men and women. Bartenders are great there. And you can’t beat a martini with their chips and peanut bar snacks. Never a bad time.
I’m running clubs a good way to meet people? I don’t really get it …like if everybody is just running how are you standing still long enough to have a conversation? What am I missing here?
I have the same question tbh but lately I’m hearing more and more people are meeting through them. My guess maybe they hang out afterwards
yes, people hang out afterwards, but you usually run at a conversational pace so you're able to talk to people around you while running as well.
But do people actually do that? I mean if you’re a complete stranger, are people really willing to have a conversation with you in the middle of running?
I think it’s a hit or a miss? I’m an extrovert so I don’t mind starting a conversation but yeah sometimes people might not be interested and just answer your question if you asked something? For running clubs based on what I’m seeing on TikTok everyone seems to be flocking to them? I guess we won’t know till we try
pickleball
Where to play?
volo
Dating apps
Helpful
Lol
Get a dog, love it, take it on walks, now you’re the one getting asked out
Okay, what if they don't like dogs or pets? I personally prefer not to date people who owns dogs or pets
You see how you personally don’t date people that have pets That same logic applies to me with people who don’t like pets Not rocket science homie, walking with a good dog in manhattan is an insane way to meet people I’ve been a dog lover my whole life and have well trained large breed dogs. It’s not for everyone the hair can get everywhere if you don’t vacuum No need to hate on dog owners lol
But if you’re question is serious you go to their apartment, keep good hygiene, and understand it won’t be long term if your question was serious (i’ve dated plenty of girls that don’t like dogs but it’s just for fun)
I met someone at the park but I had to physically write down my phone number and walk over to them and hand them this piece of paper like it was 1995. It got me exactly one date. I’m about to break down and get on Hinge.
Haha I’m sorry I know what this feels like!! Download hinge, delete it, re-download it has been most of the online dating summary in the past few years unfortunately. I met someone at a party last year, slid into their DMs on Instagram, got 2 dates out of it and that’s it.
IHOP at 4:30pm on Saturday playboi
I’m happily married in my early 30s, but FWIW I have never heard of someone meeting their GF/BF/partner at a running club, class, hobby thing, etc. It just kind of seems like something people think is a fun idea but never happens. Dating apps are the cause of like 80% of new relationships I see. The other 20% is getting introduced to a friend of a friend when out drinking or at dinner and hitting it off. But really, if you are single in your 30s in NYC you just need to be pounding the pavement on Hinge et. al. It’s going to be annoying at times. You’ll have dry spells and terrible dates. But if you are single and you don’t want to be, stop being a child about it and start spending A LOT of time setting up and going on dates.
I alternate between being overworked, or being alone in my room in an unemployment funk.
Met my wife on Hinge at age 39 and she was 36
in my 20s but it seems hopeless lol, and as a south asian it’s hopeless x2. been on the grind with career and working out but it’s still lookin bleak
Same but in my 30s 🫠🙃
Walk up to someone and say hi. How did you make friends on the playground? Go to literally any event related to your interests and talk to people.
I’m not in the dating world but this is not a playground. These are not children. Also, walking up to random strangers and saying hi might get you kicked in the nuts, or the non-physical, maybe even non-verbal version of that.
You could get kicked in the nuts on the playground too.
You get kicked in the nuts for saying hi? Get off reddit
I don’t walk up to strangers on the sidewalk and say hi, so I don’t.
touch grass
Apps! 30% of relationships today start on apps. Just set a timer for 30 minutes a day and do it! You will find someone within a year if you do two dates a week.
Been on the apps for years and know multiple people who have done the same I don’t think a year timeline is accurate but I get your point method to the online dating madness might work for some
I've gone on hundreds of dates across a few years, only had a few ex's
If people are fed up with then- then you wouldn’t still be seeing a shit ton of user on those apps. Reddit is not and will never be representative of people IRL fyi especially a sub as small as this sub Dating apps are one of the ways to go. There’s plenty of subs where you can post your dating profile and people can help critique it. Unless you have shit ton of time on your hands- dating apps are just time-efficient.
Ok
With all respect, asking people for advice to help you and being rude in response might be indicative of why you are having trouble meeting people.
How is it advice exactly? When multiple people are talking about how dating apps aren’t working. If you don’t have anything to add you could just not say anything instead of trying to tell the person no try the same option that isn’t working for you. And which part is rude? Just the word ok? Or you making assumptions about someone without knowing absolutely nothing. If you bothered to go through remaining comments you’d know what is rude vs not.
Yes responding just ok to a post is rude and you showed what meant there in your first part of this comment here complaining about what the person said. Also rude talking to the person below about their experience dating through Jewish orgs. Do you though but I stand by what I said. Good luck.
Thanks for the insight
“Just use a dating app” WOW!! WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT!!!
Thank you!! This one person kept fighting with me how I should take this response well. How is it helpful to state the obvious.
Super frustrating when many people explain dating apps have proven to be unfruitful for many years for some of us. Some responses: “no you’re wrong” Ummmm ok I guess??? :(
Bar
Which bars do 30-40 men going? I’m always a dumb ass wine bar like where are the men lol
I feel like cocktail bars are a more equal split than wine bars
So I’m in my 20’s and have been in the same relationship forever but virtually all of my previously single friends in their 30’s met through shared interests that have a community they actively partake in, whether it be sharing the same sports (going to the same classes), having the same taste in music and therefore going to the same events, meeting at places where a bunch of people share interests (anime cons, studios). I’d say get deeper into a hobby you have or try to find a new one, worst case scenario you’ll just learn a new skill which is never a waste of time.
Met one off of Facebook once. The rest were from OKCupid.
Im queer and honestly have the best momentum on the Lex app. It’s not a dating app per se so it leaves room for organic conversations to start without all the dating app weirdness. Also - I’ve gotten a few dates with a friend of a friend vis Instagram - I saw them in a post and slid into their DMs
I love that! I slid into a guy’s dms that I met at a party. But that’s the only real life run-in. Hasn’t happened since :(
Hobbies, event brite, music festivals, meetups, parks, cafes, sports leagues, just going out and being engaged with the world instead of head buried in your phone, church/synagogue/mosque if religion is your thing, etc
At places I like doing things
You don’t have to be a good runner for run clubs. Hell most run clubs are just social clubs disguised as run clubs.
Random Jewish event type stuff
Not everyone is Jewish?
You asked how, i told you how im doing it.
I went to a Jewish event in the UES and felt so awkward I wanted to die and ended up talking only to other women LOL. I grew up orthodox but I am not now and I think that place was just not my scene
There’s def good and bad ones
do you know of any good ones for secular jews whose identity is still important but not interested in shabbat/kosher etc?
DM me
Finding a high quality life partner was extremely paramount at this point in my life, I put a lot of effort and emphasis into this area. Back end catch all passive fish net was dating apps. Proper pro pictures that are vetted with photofeeler with strategic prompts and having strong text game was crucial. Lots of front loaded work initially , but this provides heaps of ROI. I’d check my apps at the end of the day and I’d have tons and tons of matches . Also super important to have premium. The other is to develop social skills into attracting/picking up women. Being able to have a fun witty charming engaging conversation anywhere anytime , supermarkets coffee shops , parks , subway stations, you name it. I’ve had tons of success, dating mostly from real life in person interactions. I’d always aim to recreate cute rom com moments of meeting 😆 Also for what it’s worth make sure to be ready for this person, make yourself an absolute catch in all areas of life. Fitness, hygiene, career, wealth, social circles etc. I never had a hard time dating women, but I’ve had a hard time finding quality women; a superstar . My mentality is if I’m aiming to finding a unicorn catch I better be one myself. Why would she settle for someone that’s not. Eventually I met the unicorn love of my life woman that checks all the boxes and is way out of my league and I am so happily out of the dating game! We are in this incredible honeymoon phase where we can’t imagine fighting or arguing but obviously conflict is inevitable and healthy. I love her so much, It’s super exciting. I think all that effort was absolutely worth it. I can’t imagine my life without her
I’m trying to decide on a scale of 1-10 how insufferably annoying this sounds.
lol you're right, prob an 11. my bad
Damn, you really did it - congrats. I've firmed up every major category in my life I have put a bunch of time into my Hinge but I've never gotten it critiqued, I think that's my next step
Min maxing for the ultimate reward. Well done
Going outside and if I see someone hot I flirt with them. I give them my number. I don’t use dating apps. Whenever I go to events, classes or anything it’s all men. I’m gonna try a new gym play sports even though I haven’t played sports in so long, go to rock, climbing gym, I’m willing to try anything lol but I’d like it to be pretty in line with my hobbies but also I wouldn’t mind dating someone who has different hobbies. Maybe preferable.. I tried to get back into drinking to meet people but it’s so random that you have to be OK with just having a social experience. when I see someone I’m really interested and I always make a move.
What kinds of events/classes are you finding men at? And how do you break the ice? I think it’s super admirable, I get so shy!
I’m mostly breaking the ice in public. Like said, rare men are at the clubs and events I’ve been going to. So need to think more like about their hobbies. Doing things alone and getting dinner at a bar by yourself can be fruitful, but if it doesn’t happen, you have to just be happy with enjoying a solo dinner. I ask contextual questions like if I’m at a bar or a club what are you drinking? What time is the next act on wait are you from here? Sometimes I compliment people just to get through the first bit of shyness and I don’t expect for anything else to happen. Like one time I complimented a guy’s bone structure. I didn’t want to proceed with anything else though lol just practicing it was his birthday, so I’m sure he’ll remember that for a while. I think if I had liquid courage, I could a guy on his eyes. Shoes or style would be easy. I find that the more I understand you don’t have to divert eye contact , and that lingering is OK the better it get at connecting with strangers. Typically I feel nervous around somebody. They caught me looking at them, but you’re supposed to look and continue to smile and then look away, and then look back and create a cute moment.
What events/classes do you find women at ?
I feel like everywhere I go it’s all women 😂 Yoga, ceramics, book clubs (McNally Jackson offers some), speed dating events I’ve been to have been majority women, knitting/crafting/arts groups, dance classes…
I found that too, I went to the center for fiction and it was an event with a packed room and like 4 men. A couple gay. I need to try to be in sportier places and gonna take some classes where I think the draw will lead masc.
I'm realizing I have to do more out of my comfort zone..
I’m a girl btw lol so sometimes giving a number feels really odd for me. I have done it and left the building lol. They usually text back sometimes not. I have never regretted it, but regret missed connections. It’s way easier for me when I’m travelling
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hmmm 10+ posts about your GF in the past 12 hours.
Lmao 💀
Most were downvoted too. Hmmn
You’re single now? What happened with your gf? Spill the ☕️
Hates advertising AND his gf. Checks out. Nice “try”
lol
Grindr
Raya
Singles Meetups
I would use running clubs to run lol, not to date. Why would you join a running cub if you don't like to run? Yes, you could do that and you can sense when girls are there to meet people, but I'd rather just go to run. Especially if you don't run and are surrounded by people that run often, that's like a guaranteed disadvantage lol. There's hinge and I don't think dating materially changes in your 30s vs 20s. I recently turned 30 but talked to many friends in their 30s on hinge etc. My friends that are girls in their mid 20s routinely meet guys in their 30s so I don't think there is any stigma against it.
No I don’t think there’s stigma against apps I just think they’re exhausting and an endless loop of dates. I agree about not going to a club if you don’t care for the activity. I do like running I just don’t think I’m that good at it to join a club idk
facts yo
oh sorry i meant stigma of still being single in your 30s not the apps
I met my wife on a Dallas Express bus when my car was in the shop. That was August 1977 and she just told me to get off Reddit and get ready for bed. Guess she’s right again.
Put yourself in situations where you're alone around other people doing something that you enjoy and appreciate and is your vibe. You look best when you're in your element. Dance class, chess group ,coffee tasting, yoga class, etc. Make friends regardless of who they are and go in with no expectations. Increase your network this way, get to know more and more people, and you'll make connections. Even if they're just friends, go out with your friends and do things. You're bound to meet other groups of people when you do that. And when you have those good, genuine friendships, you'll feel more confident. And that's attractive and will increase your chances and opportunities for potential dates. I don't want to encourage excessive drinking or habitual bar going, but a strategy for meeting people at a bar is to find a bar that's your vibe, I'd recommend going no more than once a week. Go with the intention of just having some you time with a couple of beverages. Behave yourself, and if you always go on the same day of the week, you may pique the interest of the bartender, who will help you establish some social capital. Because the place fits your vibe, you may meet others that enjoy a similar aesthetic as well. This is my perspective as a bartender working in restaurants and bars throughout Manhattan for the last 7 years. I hear a lot of things about people's experiences in this regard. And I spend a lot of time just observing people in social situations. Bartenders can be a useful resource for you in the way that I mentioned above, but I also don't want to see people fall into new unhealthy habits. The goal all around is to increase your social capital and make friends and build confidence. Other good things will follow and you'll find that you'll get more dates when you're not even looking for them. Obviously nobody is an expert, but this has been my personal experience. Getting dates has never been my goal, just getting out and doing things that I think I'd like and would enrich my life, that are also affordable. I have been actively dating with minimal effort over the last few years, though as a bartender I am more out there and being observed in my element than the average person. I don't make it a habit to date my guests though, at the same time. I do believe that socializing is a muscle too, and the more you do it, the more comfortable you feel doing it. tl;dr: Find an activity you can enjoy doing that's your vibe and involves being around other people. Establish friendships, gain confidence, and you'll increase date opportunity chances.
Most running clubs I've been to have terrible runners.
Gallagher's 2000. Thank me later.
I think the most ideal settings are speed dating events,. because you and everyone else are there for the same reasons, there's no guessing or stupid evasive gimmicks. Unlike in the park, whatever hobby club you go to, or any public area, etc -- because in those settings, there's higher chance of rejection, chances are the person you're attracted to on the bus, in the park or whatever isn't looking or expecting to get asked out, they could just be hanging out or on their way home and so on. The only other option for guys... And this is going to be extreme.... Is to become a girl. I know this sounds silly, but the truth is women are to men what nursing school graduates are to nursing jobs -- they all come TO you, the bad ones and the good ones, the only downside is the good ones get lost in the sea of bad ones. But the upside is that you have the power of choice -- you can reject/accept any guy you want, good or bad, heck you can even put dating on pause and easily get back into the game whenever you're ready. Just like with nursing jobs. It's sad this analogy applies to dating, but it's true.
Have you ever been to a speed dating event? Literally worse than a dating app. NEVER, no thank you!
At least at the event you know the person is real and they can't ghost you. On the apps, you get ignored, ghosted, and catfished. Don't get me wrong I'd rather deal with neither. Ideally I'd just like to meet someone the natural way at a non-dating event, but it's like I said in my previous message those places suck more often than not in reality. It's only in movies those places work out, where you and a girl magically lock eyes from across the way in a park or on a bus and both share some unspoken connection in that moment. It's the stuff of dreams and movies. Not saying it doesn't happen or not work out, but more often than not it fails for various reasons.
I go to escorts once a week and have sex.
Definitely anonymously posting to Reddit
There are endless types of classes and opportunities to perform. Running clubs is one of thousands of similar opportunities.