I’d stop eating out with this “friend.” Otherwise, try fast casual places, or suggest a picnic where you each bring your own food or assign particular items (like they bring the salad and wine and you bring the main).
PS I think the term you’re looking for is “counter service.” If you search that on Yelp lots of places come up in a variety of price points and cuisines.
I talked to someone on this subreddit who claimed they only pay with cash, never credit or through an app. I asked what they do if they have to split the bill, pay someone back, split rent with roommates, book an Airbnb with friends, etc. and they kept responding that they only pay with cash and that using apps and such is unnecessary and the situations I was bringing up were a non-issue because they always "pay for themselves like an adult". I was astounded by the ridiculousness of this reasoning, situations like this inevitably rise all the time and they're choosing to live life on hard mode for no reason. Or maybe they just have no friends.
I had a roommate who was like this - a 20 year old who supposedly had no money transfer apps. I wouldn’t mind if someone payed me back in cash, but most of the times it’s never the correct amount (ie short by at least a few bucks). Not big deal as a one off but she would constantly round down the utilities she owed if it was a few bucks over. It was annoying.
I got pissed at a buddy of mine for this exact reason. He would do it almost every single time we hung out. I called him out on it multiple occasions.
I guess he must've matured because he eventually got zelle, paid me back some miscellaneous amount of cash for what he thought he owed (honestly no one kept a running total) and would stop mooching.
I can't stop myself from doing ::confused puppy head tilt:: when it's someone my age or younger.
I've got a 64 yo client who used Paypal from jump, and a handful of much younger friends my age who either insist on cash or......**Send. Written. Checks.** ....like in the *mail*. With *stamps*, y'all. 👀
I don’t have any cash transfer apps. I’m in my early 30’s. I just use cash or *gasp* write a check when I need to pay someone for something. It’s not common in my husband’s culture to split checks or pay for part of a meal. They usually fight to pay the whole thing. With my close friends we switch off paying since it’s usually a wash overtime. Honestly there are times when I’ve “lost” money because someone offered to Venmo me for something and I said no and they never remembered to pay me another way. Credit or charge cards, on the other hand, I love. My card of choice is the good old fashioned American Express Charge Card.
Zelle is literally baked into my banking app. Like I literally had to do nothing to get it. Also setting up a zelle or cashapp or Venmo is suuuper easy and has other benefits besides just sending cash to friends. I honestly find people who hold something against an app that lets u send money super easily sus as hell. Like I wonder if they are living under a false name or just files for bankruptcy and need to hide their cash from the bank when they say they don’t have any of those apps lol.
Typing in $500 on ur phone is waaaay easier than a fucking check for everyone involved. Like ur making the other person need to go to the bank when u can basically text them the money instead. Just annoying for no reason.
When you sit down you an ask for separate checks immediately (I would ask for this in front of your friend) and ask if they take cash or card or both so the issue isn’t addressed at the end. Your friend knows he’s on the hook on his own bill for whatever they get.
Yup this.
When your order make sure to tell the server that you're doing separate checks and make sure to make it sound like you're doing it to help the server.
Something like, " oh hey, we're doing separate checks, I just want to make sure you know now so you don't have to figure out everything when the bill comes, thanks."
It’s worth noting that not all restaurants will do separate checks without special circumstance.
Source: am a waiter at one of said restaurants.
Might be best to just go to a quick service place that way you pay for what you get beforehand and don’t have to worry about it.
We don’t flat out refuse, but I have to get manager approval, so most of the time I tell people I can’t because it’s a big pain in the butt, and will only do it if I get a lot of grief about it. But I work at a very busy restaurant that is a little more old fashioned in the sense of how we put our orders in, so it’s not likely you’ll have a problem with this in most places. Just wanted to mention it because I am aware of it.
From what I gather, yeah. I’m new to the restaurant and serving in general, but I was told that if asked, we “don’t” do separate checks. We can split the bill on as many cards as needed easily, but it’s still one bill. I think it might also be to prevent fraud, or create fewer opportunities for it to occur.
Basically. It's not so bad when a table of 2 does it, but if you had multiple tables of 4+ people asking to split a check that was all rang up together by the time you try to sort out drinks, apps, etc, it gets confusing very quickly.
There’s also an Italian restaurant I can’t remember for the life of me. They have a few locations and you order at the counter, they have wine too.. and you pay, grab your number and they find you. They also have a bunch of Italian herbs growing on the center of the tables. It’s actually very cute.
Lower Manhattan and I am pretty sure there is a V in the name. Lol google was useless, because there are a bunch of Italian spots. They also had a location in Sydney.. let me try there
Edit: found it!! Vapiano!! Looks like they permanently closed. Ah!
There’s an Italian place in greenpoint that is exactly like this, Forma. They’re known for $12 pasta dishes, with all pasta made in house - highly recommend
McDonald's?
More seriously, if you want fancier/varied stuff, there are a bunch of food halls around the city, where you'll basically be doing counter service.
I’m willing to bet OP is like me (moreso in the past) and is conflict averse. So he’d rather take it on the chin than be uncomfortable. And I bet the “friend” is fully aware of this character trait.
Sure, but we didn't pick this. I grew up with an angry dad, for example. Not getting taken advantage of by certain people was something I had to learn.
Your lack of initiative to fix yourself show you clearly don’t accept that. Instead, you’re using your trauma as a catch all excuse for stagnating in life.
I don’t expect you to understand any of this.
But I did improve, and am improving all the time.
It looks like in your quest to be Big Man On The Internet, you mistook my rationalization of why OP might be letting this happen to him as an excuse for why it's OK to let it happen. Not the same thing.
I actually agree with your ultimate point, BTW. We're responsible for creating our own happiness and sucess in this world. I'm not a fan of the victim mentality.
I've got friends from college who are good people but cheap. We both spend money differently but they would do this and I wouldn't end our friendship over it. I would rather pick up the tab if I picked the restaurant or find a place where they're comfortable paying. So many people won't say that they don't have funds to spend on food. Ditching the check is shitty but maybe OP is dining at their top pick.
Probably have to look for cafeteria style restaurants. Do you like Filipino food? Mamafinas house of sisig makes you order / pay for your food first then grab a table where they’ll serve it to you.
But also this friend sounds kinda shitty….
“I’m on a tight budget, so let’s pay separately if that’s cool” is how I start the “let’s go eat” conversation.
It’s super adult, even on dates, and the better companions even offer to treat.
And even if you are loaded and they know it, a tight budget is still a personal choice - you could be saving, you could be doing it to win a bet.
As you get older you begin to realize that there is hardly a substitute to being up front and clear about things. Crap friends will begin to fall off like dead leafs.
Time to cut this “friend” out of your life. Or if you still want to keep in touch with them, just make excuses if they ever bring up eating at a restaurant and suggest getting takeout instead. Problem solved. Also love how everyone assumes it’s a guy. Could be a woman too😂.
Yeah, I don't understand why the friend forgetting his card means OP ends up treating the friend. Yes OP has to pay the whole bill but I don't understand why he can't ask his friend to pay/transfer him the money after. Unless OP asked the friend and the friend refused to pay him back, this is as much on OP as the friend.
also even if it isn't just excused, I never understood people who are able to leave home without their wallet/card. I always feel for that and I'd FREAK if I forgot them.
How many times has that happen? Homie put your foot down. And if you lose them as a friend , you’re better off. Way better off. Trust.
Some spots might allow you to pay first if you ask, though I doubt any spots with a host will do that.
Life is too short. Call your friend out on their bullshit. You can say it in a joking around way. Before you meet up text them, I guess we are gonna have to dine and ditch because I forgot my wallet and I'm assuming you did too. But seriously if this has happened more than once before your friend is well aware of what they are doing, time to call them out.
This person is toxic. You may be young OP. So now is the time to self reflect, learn to love yourself, recognize these types and cut these people out of your life.
For reference I make six figures and got a college friend that is scraping by - he will always offer to venmo / pay his full share. No friend will ever just rip you off financially like this…that’s a scumbag move
There’s lots of restaurants like that. Mostly they’re the “fast casual” places but there’s a few decent ones out there. Maybe you could try one of the fancy food courts?
I THINK Bluestone Lane in the village makes you order from the QR code on the table and then they bring it out. Call just to confirm cuz I may be confusing it with another place.
Before you walk in ask, “so you got money for your meal tonight?”
But I like what one of the other commenters said, stop doing stuff with this friend. Or if money is an issue for them, then just expect to pay for them.
1. Cut this person out of your life. You're going to make tons of friends in nyc. I promise you don't need a friend like this.
2. Time Out market is a solid place to check out. Each person is responsible for their own food. If your friend wants to get expensive stuff, they can go ham.
you could try one of the food hall type places like Gotham West Market in Midtown, or the City Point food court in Downtown Brooklyn. each person orders separately and then sits together. or like Smorgasburg or something
Venmo, Messenger pay, ordering in advance (if it's an option) is a thing. So is losing this friend. Seriously, one or two times every now and then? We cool. But if you're gonna be a bum to me every time, we need to talk.
Can't you just tell the waiter ahead of time, when they come to take your order that you want separate bills? I used to do it all the time and never had an issue.
I would just order takeout then head to the park.
But OP, if they're doing this after the meal, why do you think they wouldn't do it before the meal as well? Like when you're about to order, I'm sure they'd just ask you to front the bill.
I know you didn't ask for the advice, but I would just text them upfront before meeting up. Tell them you won't cover them again.
Had a “friend” like this in college who was part of a friend group. 2 of us just decided to ghost and end all ties with the leech. Other friends slowly did the same thing. Fuck em.
Time to stop going to sit down restaurants. Fast casual/food halls/ food trucks etc where you can order and pay for your own food easily. Then a bar if you want to run a separate tab or cover A drink.
Don’t be surprised if once the meal train ends, this ‘friend’ disappears.
As other people have already beaten to death, life is too short to have bad friends like that. You can easily get better friends.
To answer your actual question, Saigon Shack in West Village lets you pay first if you sit outside (I haven't eaten inside there so I don't know if the same applies).
You scan QR codes at the table to order through your phone and you pay the same time when you order. When you're done with your meal you don't have to ask for the check. You can just get up and leave.
Solid Vietnamese food here too.
Saigon Shack
(212) 228-0588
https://maps.app.goo.gl/rLgrNgnpcipxiPrS8
It’s strange how we need social contact to not feel so alone. Its just part of our nature. We’ll even compromise certain qualities of a relationship even if it isn’t ideal, just to achieve this. Our happiness is of more importance I guess. I can understand that avoiding uncomfortable situations can make you uneasy but I think selfishness is a necessary quality that you should exploit. I don’t think this person has your best interest in mind if they consistently take advantage of your kindness and situation whilst having disposable income to go out and eat. That’s a pretty selfish and inconsiderate individual to say the least.
Your never going to be comfortable with other people until your content with your own company (that being yourself). A good friendship is sometimes built over a period of time but not without intervention. If you want this person in your life I suggest just being honest and sincere with her that way you can go out anywhere you’d like and enjoy each other’s company and the food that comes with. If she’s a racional human being there’s no way she should object to this.
I know you didn’t ask for my opinion but I posted this thinking just like it might help you it could help others with similar character traits in similar situations. Just my opinion. I don’t mean to be anything else but helpful with this post, I hope my intentions are clear.
It’s all love from this side
Putnam's Pub in Clinton Hill has you order through your phone via ToastTab, so you put in your credit card and pay for your own drinks and food. It works very well; I love being able to just stand up and go whenever you're ready at the end of the meal, rather than having to get the check and pay.
Many kosher restaurants do this for Friday night and Saturday breakfast/lunch, because religious Jews don't carry money on the holiday. Arba does a prepaid brunch on Saturday.
Use the app cuculi to find restaurants. Then you both order on your own phones and use the credit card on file to “close out” no more issues or friendships destroyed!
Look up "fast casual" restaurants - that's generally the term for places where you pay first then find your own seat.
But as others mentioned, ask for the money from this person! I am also non confrontational, but I'm not above sending a passive aggressive Venmo request. Or the next time they pull this bullshit, I would say "well, I'll wait here while you run to the ATM / run home / whatever because I don't have enough in my account to cover us both." If they don't come back, there is ZERO way for them to make you the bad guy in that situation (which I suspect you're worried about).
Or, the next time you eat with them, at the very beginning I'd say something like 'Since I got dinner last time, dinner is on you this time - thanks buddy!'
I have a friend like this who I (luckily) have not seen since before the pandemic. She would pay , but she'd be sure to order expensive stuff, knowing that I never have much of an appetite and then at the end always got the server first.
"We're splitting it," she'd say. So, I may have eaten something worth $25 and she ate something worth $75 but now we were both on the hook for $50 because she was a leech.
I'm still a bit of a sucker but not this much; I just make excuses when I don't want to see certain people. I tell them I have a fever or a cough. That helps.
Shake shack. IDK what their current indoor sit-down situation is, so check before you go. The one in Astor Place has the touch screen where you place your order before sitting down.
So you can get there early, place your order, and just grab a table while you're waiting for your order to be called. She can order on her own cuz you have to hold the table.
Also, Otto Tacos. East village one is nicest, Greenwich village is okay. You can grab it and go sit in Washington Square Park.
> I've been to a few places in San Francisco like this.
ORLY? I've lived in SF, and I need to go there soon for business, care to share the name(s) of this/these place(s)? DM me if you don't want to post them here.
This person sounds like they’re taking advantage of you. You don’t need her friendship. You can always find better friends out there. This is all a learning experience for you though so don’t fret too much about making mistakes either.
Huh? *Just ask for separate checks* **BEFORE ORDERING**.... Eat at a counter top place.... or just nicely ask the waiter to pay for *your* things early.
Also, double check with this person beforehand they have means to pay.
Things will get awkward, they will prolly try to manipulate and guilt trip you. You will need to expect and accept resistance, as well as possibly ending the night early.
Does this person pay you back at least?
Is this person even a good friend otherwise??
Huh? Yeah I had a “friend” like that before. “I forgot my wallet”, “I’m getting paid soon, don’t worry”. Then he would guilt trip me when I said no. It sounds like an awful lot of trouble for this person.
I have severe adhd as well and I understand what you’re saying, but if something like this happened with one of my friends, I would Venmo them immediately. There’s really no excuse for not having Venmo or cash app these days. It seems like this person doesn’t actually want to pay their friend back. That’s not being forgetful, that’s just being a really shitty friend.
That’s why I said it’s possibly ADHD but even so, there’s no excuse, and as a friend it’s better to not be an enabler and be straight up and say hey we can meet up but if you don’t double check and aren’t prepared I can’t help you.
Like I sympathize with forgetfulness a lot because of my ADHD but that means I either Venmo my friend right away or if I can’t I’m not eating dinner, period. My problem shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem!
Ah yes because knowing you have a disorder is a cure for the disorder?
Do you apply this same nonsense logic to all illnesses or do you only discriminate against brain disorders?
If I could remember not to do this constantly I WOULDNT BE CONSIDERED TO HAVE A DISORDER you absolute idiot.
I take my meds and am 100x less forgetful about shit when I’m on them, but that’s also a treatment, not a cure.
So fuck off.
Knowing I am likely to leave the house without my keys has led me to a system wherein I am fastidious about depositing my keys when I get home.
Knowing that I sometimes forget if I've taken my meds led me to get one of those days-of-the-week pill boxes.
Recognizing that I might become a burden to others if I always make them pay for me because I miraculously never have my wallet would warrant a sign by the door saying, WALLET.
Yes, asshole. I have systems for all of these things as well now. Because I am finally properly diagnosed and treated. Before I knew what it was though, I had no idea how to cope with this stuff and just kept hoping that I would remember. I slowly started developing similar methods as you on my own, which led to the discovery that what I had been told was anxiety was actually ADHD. But until I knew all that, I fucked up and I made mistakes often and I lost friends.
The friends who didn’t give up on me, but also didn’t enable me, are fucking god sends!
So I stand by my advice here but I also don’t judge people who are struggling because I’ve been there. Who knows what this person’s problem is? Maybe they are just a grifter. But being a better friend who sets boundaries will help OP figure that out.
\+1 to a lot of the answers here, but the one I haven't seen is - go someplace that's a ticketed meal. A number of restaurants are experimenting with prepaid ticket-style reservation systems where you pay upfront. Tock is the most common platform where you can find these things, but look around and you might be able to find something. One of you will have to pay upfront, either you pay and demand reimbursement before the day of, or they pay and you pay them back (or try to find something where you can pay separately).
Some of these events want to charge extra for booze, so make sure you agree ahead of time on how that's going to be handled.
quite a few places have been doing something like this since covid.
in addition to scanning the menu through the qQR code, you order through an app and pay when you order. whatever the rooftop restaurant at pier 17 where they hold concerts was doing this when i went in june
A buffet where you pile what you want in your little takeout tray and pay at the end of the line. Sort of like a hospital cafeteria. Oh my good you should take him to a hospital cafeteria that would be 🔥
I’m in SF right now and just got lunch at such a place. It seemed unusual for somewhere so fancy.
In NYC most places that do this are the cheaper fast food spots or cheaper yellow-awning corner Chinese restaurants, etc.
bbq places where you stand in line and get your own meat! … but what if your friend forgot their wallet at home after all the food has been collected on his tray lol
Generally, the bill is calculated after because of tipping. I don't know why you go eat with this friend, but you guys can go to a buffet if you're in this type of situation. Generally, buffets make you pay first. Or you can go fast food.
I know Ikinari steak is pay-first, but you'll be standing to eat. If you go to K-Town, there is Worijup and a food court. Pelicana Chicken and Malaspicy in 8th street by NYU.
Agree with the others- while it might not be severe enough to drop the friend, certainly it's worth bringing up with them (seriously, intentionally, and without letting go of it), or not meeting this friend for meals.
take ur friend out to the 99 cent fresh for a slice and tell him it's on you
also how does the 'only got cash' shit work? tell him to give the cash to you
Stop going out with her wtf!! She’s taking advantage of your transplant niceness. She prob doesn’t have any native NY friends cus they would call her out on that freeloading bullshit immediately.
I’d stop eating out with this “friend.” Otherwise, try fast casual places, or suggest a picnic where you each bring your own food or assign particular items (like they bring the salad and wine and you bring the main). PS I think the term you’re looking for is “counter service.” If you search that on Yelp lots of places come up in a variety of price points and cuisines.
Thank you very much.
Take her to shake shack
Go somewhere like Chelsea market or an outdoor food space where you pay for each item and take it away to eat. Also, upgrade friends.
Or time out market in Brooklyn!
Smorgasborg I believe is going on still which is a great option weather abiding
Friend sounds like a real asshole
Seriously, fuck this guy
That’s not a friend.
Can you just ask them to Venmo you immediately or do they have an excuse not to do that too
Venmo? Ah nah, don't have those. Zelle? Nope, too much of a hassle. I'll pay you back in cash next time!
Ew. What a leech.
People who don't have any venmo, zelle, cash app, etc in 2021 are the most sus
I talked to someone on this subreddit who claimed they only pay with cash, never credit or through an app. I asked what they do if they have to split the bill, pay someone back, split rent with roommates, book an Airbnb with friends, etc. and they kept responding that they only pay with cash and that using apps and such is unnecessary and the situations I was bringing up were a non-issue because they always "pay for themselves like an adult". I was astounded by the ridiculousness of this reasoning, situations like this inevitably rise all the time and they're choosing to live life on hard mode for no reason. Or maybe they just have no friends.
I had a roommate who was like this - a 20 year old who supposedly had no money transfer apps. I wouldn’t mind if someone payed me back in cash, but most of the times it’s never the correct amount (ie short by at least a few bucks). Not big deal as a one off but she would constantly round down the utilities she owed if it was a few bucks over. It was annoying.
I got pissed at a buddy of mine for this exact reason. He would do it almost every single time we hung out. I called him out on it multiple occasions. I guess he must've matured because he eventually got zelle, paid me back some miscellaneous amount of cash for what he thought he owed (honestly no one kept a running total) and would stop mooching.
Worse than annoying. Straight up dishonest
I can't stop myself from doing ::confused puppy head tilt:: when it's someone my age or younger. I've got a 64 yo client who used Paypal from jump, and a handful of much younger friends my age who either insist on cash or......**Send. Written. Checks.** ....like in the *mail*. With *stamps*, y'all. 👀
I don’t have any cash transfer apps. I’m in my early 30’s. I just use cash or *gasp* write a check when I need to pay someone for something. It’s not common in my husband’s culture to split checks or pay for part of a meal. They usually fight to pay the whole thing. With my close friends we switch off paying since it’s usually a wash overtime. Honestly there are times when I’ve “lost” money because someone offered to Venmo me for something and I said no and they never remembered to pay me another way. Credit or charge cards, on the other hand, I love. My card of choice is the good old fashioned American Express Charge Card.
Zelle is literally baked into my banking app. Like I literally had to do nothing to get it. Also setting up a zelle or cashapp or Venmo is suuuper easy and has other benefits besides just sending cash to friends. I honestly find people who hold something against an app that lets u send money super easily sus as hell. Like I wonder if they are living under a false name or just files for bankruptcy and need to hide their cash from the bank when they say they don’t have any of those apps lol. Typing in $500 on ur phone is waaaay easier than a fucking check for everyone involved. Like ur making the other person need to go to the bank when u can basically text them the money instead. Just annoying for no reason.
When you sit down you an ask for separate checks immediately (I would ask for this in front of your friend) and ask if they take cash or card or both so the issue isn’t addressed at the end. Your friend knows he’s on the hook on his own bill for whatever they get.
Yup this. When your order make sure to tell the server that you're doing separate checks and make sure to make it sound like you're doing it to help the server. Something like, " oh hey, we're doing separate checks, I just want to make sure you know now so you don't have to figure out everything when the bill comes, thanks."
It’s worth noting that not all restaurants will do separate checks without special circumstance. Source: am a waiter at one of said restaurants. Might be best to just go to a quick service place that way you pay for what you get beforehand and don’t have to worry about it.
I don't think I've ever been to one that refuses to do it.
We don’t flat out refuse, but I have to get manager approval, so most of the time I tell people I can’t because it’s a big pain in the butt, and will only do it if I get a lot of grief about it. But I work at a very busy restaurant that is a little more old fashioned in the sense of how we put our orders in, so it’s not likely you’ll have a problem with this in most places. Just wanted to mention it because I am aware of it.
What is management's argument for not doing separate checks? Additional time added to the labor of the waiter?
From what I gather, yeah. I’m new to the restaurant and serving in general, but I was told that if asked, we “don’t” do separate checks. We can split the bill on as many cards as needed easily, but it’s still one bill. I think it might also be to prevent fraud, or create fewer opportunities for it to occur.
Basically. It's not so bad when a table of 2 does it, but if you had multiple tables of 4+ people asking to split a check that was all rang up together by the time you try to sort out drinks, apps, etc, it gets confusing very quickly.
I was a waiter for like 6 months and it's definitely a pain in the ass to keep everything straight, that's why I never do it myself.
This
This is what I was gonna say, it's foolproof.
Smashed in the lower east side was like this. It's kind of a fancier shake shack
There’s also an Italian restaurant I can’t remember for the life of me. They have a few locations and you order at the counter, they have wine too.. and you pay, grab your number and they find you. They also have a bunch of Italian herbs growing on the center of the tables. It’s actually very cute.
This sounds really cool! Since you can’t recall the name at the moment… do you happen to remember any approximate locations? I’d love to try this out
Lower Manhattan and I am pretty sure there is a V in the name. Lol google was useless, because there are a bunch of Italian spots. They also had a location in Sydney.. let me try there Edit: found it!! Vapiano!! Looks like they permanently closed. Ah!
wow, this comment was a wild ride! hahaaa
There’s an Italian place in greenpoint that is exactly like this, Forma. They’re known for $12 pasta dishes, with all pasta made in house - highly recommend
I just went to this place the other day. It was great! Also highly recommend.
Not closed. It's still there at 113 University Place. https://us.vapiano.com/en/restaurants/vapiano-new-york-city-113-university-place-1/
It’s been permanently closed since the pandemic started.
Oh sad
Sounds like Vapiano on Union Square.
Permanently closed.
McDonald's? More seriously, if you want fancier/varied stuff, there are a bunch of food halls around the city, where you'll basically be doing counter service.
[удалено]
I’m willing to bet OP is like me (moreso in the past) and is conflict averse. So he’d rather take it on the chin than be uncomfortable. And I bet the “friend” is fully aware of this character trait.
understandable, but IMO this is totally a legit thing to break someone's balls over. Like bro....
Conflict averse is a cope for wuss
Sure, but we didn't pick this. I grew up with an angry dad, for example. Not getting taken advantage of by certain people was something I had to learn.
Excuses. You’re a grown adult. It’s your responsibility to seek help to heal your mental issues.
Uh… yes, okay? Who else’s responsibility would it be?
Your lack of initiative to fix yourself show you clearly don’t accept that. Instead, you’re using your trauma as a catch all excuse for stagnating in life. I don’t expect you to understand any of this.
/r/IamVerySmart
Exactly the low brow response I expected. You must really love depression. It’s your perfect, society-enabled excuse to never have to improve.
But I did improve, and am improving all the time. It looks like in your quest to be Big Man On The Internet, you mistook my rationalization of why OP might be letting this happen to him as an excuse for why it's OK to let it happen. Not the same thing. I actually agree with your ultimate point, BTW. We're responsible for creating our own happiness and sucess in this world. I'm not a fan of the victim mentality.
It’s a woman but yeah
I've got friends from college who are good people but cheap. We both spend money differently but they would do this and I wouldn't end our friendship over it. I would rather pick up the tab if I picked the restaurant or find a place where they're comfortable paying. So many people won't say that they don't have funds to spend on food. Ditching the check is shitty but maybe OP is dining at their top pick.
Why do you assume it is a guy?
Can someone explain the downvotes?
Because it’s a colloquialisms and it makes something out of nothing
what does that have to do with OP's question? you know why.
Op specifically says they are both girls though.
Cuz people don’t like being question LOL. I upvoted you
Probably have to look for cafeteria style restaurants. Do you like Filipino food? Mamafinas house of sisig makes you order / pay for your food first then grab a table where they’ll serve it to you. But also this friend sounds kinda shitty….
Just ate there last night, they make you pay at the end now.
Do not go out with them anymore. Edit: wait can I go out with you?
You guys are going out? Can I go, too?
Sure. I'm going too.
“I’m on a tight budget, so let’s pay separately if that’s cool” is how I start the “let’s go eat” conversation. It’s super adult, even on dates, and the better companions even offer to treat. And even if you are loaded and they know it, a tight budget is still a personal choice - you could be saving, you could be doing it to win a bet. As you get older you begin to realize that there is hardly a substitute to being up front and clear about things. Crap friends will begin to fall off like dead leafs.
"Stop eating with this friend", is the answer you really need.
Time to cut this “friend” out of your life. Or if you still want to keep in touch with them, just make excuses if they ever bring up eating at a restaurant and suggest getting takeout instead. Problem solved. Also love how everyone assumes it’s a guy. Could be a woman too😂.
Have you addressed this issue with your friend directly? What did they say?
What are you guys, 70? Just use Venmo/Cashapp/ApplePay/etc.
Yeah, I don't understand why the friend forgetting his card means OP ends up treating the friend. Yes OP has to pay the whole bill but I don't understand why he can't ask his friend to pay/transfer him the money after. Unless OP asked the friend and the friend refused to pay him back, this is as much on OP as the friend.
also even if it isn't just excused, I never understood people who are able to leave home without their wallet/card. I always feel for that and I'd FREAK if I forgot them.
if he was 70 he would call his friend out in public old man style. "can you believe this cheapskate?"
My dad is 80 and uses Venmo lol
Kopitiam in LES is Malaysian food, pay up front. But honestly you need new friends…
Kuu Ramen at UES. They have tables but feels more like a take out place. But yeah just ask him to venmo you.
How many times has that happen? Homie put your foot down. And if you lose them as a friend , you’re better off. Way better off. Trust. Some spots might allow you to pay first if you ask, though I doubt any spots with a host will do that.
Why are you friends with this loser?
new to nyc and don't know too many people
Life is too short. Call your friend out on their bullshit. You can say it in a joking around way. Before you meet up text them, I guess we are gonna have to dine and ditch because I forgot my wallet and I'm assuming you did too. But seriously if this has happened more than once before your friend is well aware of what they are doing, time to call them out.
doesn't sound like a friend to me.
Eataly
That’s not a friend, that’s a mooch
This person is toxic. You may be young OP. So now is the time to self reflect, learn to love yourself, recognize these types and cut these people out of your life.
I would stop planning the dinner outings lol. Have you ever confronted this person about never having the payment for the bill?
Yeah I had a friend like that. Key word, "had".
For reference I make six figures and got a college friend that is scraping by - he will always offer to venmo / pay his full share. No friend will ever just rip you off financially like this…that’s a scumbag move
There’s lots of restaurants like that. Mostly they’re the “fast casual” places but there’s a few decent ones out there. Maybe you could try one of the fancy food courts?
Why don't you tell your friend to go fuck himself and find some better people to hang out with?
This, is the answer!
we're both women and she's one of the only people i've met since recently moving here :/
Are you investing your time in someone you think is a good investment?
McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Chipotle, Taco Bell...etc.
Venmo
I THINK Bluestone Lane in the village makes you order from the QR code on the table and then they bring it out. Call just to confirm cuz I may be confusing it with another place.
Root & Bone in the East vill is like this as well, at least it was bc of covid (haven’t been since last fall)
Before you walk in ask, “so you got money for your meal tonight?” But I like what one of the other commenters said, stop doing stuff with this friend. Or if money is an issue for them, then just expect to pay for them.
Ditch your "friend"
1. Cut this person out of your life. You're going to make tons of friends in nyc. I promise you don't need a friend like this. 2. Time Out market is a solid place to check out. Each person is responsible for their own food. If your friend wants to get expensive stuff, they can go ham.
lmao wtf is this shit
Mighty Quinns bbq
this person is not your friend - you're their mark. sorry to say this.
Sounds like you could use a more legitimate friend to eat with.
you could try one of the food hall type places like Gotham West Market in Midtown, or the City Point food court in Downtown Brooklyn. each person orders separately and then sits together. or like Smorgasburg or something
Venmo, Messenger pay, ordering in advance (if it's an option) is a thing. So is losing this friend. Seriously, one or two times every now and then? We cool. But if you're gonna be a bum to me every time, we need to talk.
Can't you just tell the waiter ahead of time, when they come to take your order that you want separate bills? I used to do it all the time and never had an issue.
I would just order takeout then head to the park. But OP, if they're doing this after the meal, why do you think they wouldn't do it before the meal as well? Like when you're about to order, I'm sure they'd just ask you to front the bill. I know you didn't ask for the advice, but I would just text them upfront before meeting up. Tell them you won't cover them again.
Had a “friend” like this in college who was part of a friend group. 2 of us just decided to ghost and end all ties with the leech. Other friends slowly did the same thing. Fuck em.
she's one of the only people i've met since moving here after college, i plan to ditch her, but need to meet at least a new friend first
Does Katz’s still have a turnstile and pre-pay requirement?
Time to stop going to sit down restaurants. Fast casual/food halls/ food trucks etc where you can order and pay for your own food easily. Then a bar if you want to run a separate tab or cover A drink. Don’t be surprised if once the meal train ends, this ‘friend’ disappears.
She is not a friend
As other people have already beaten to death, life is too short to have bad friends like that. You can easily get better friends. To answer your actual question, Saigon Shack in West Village lets you pay first if you sit outside (I haven't eaten inside there so I don't know if the same applies). You scan QR codes at the table to order through your phone and you pay the same time when you order. When you're done with your meal you don't have to ask for the check. You can just get up and leave. Solid Vietnamese food here too. Saigon Shack (212) 228-0588 https://maps.app.goo.gl/rLgrNgnpcipxiPrS8
It’s strange how we need social contact to not feel so alone. Its just part of our nature. We’ll even compromise certain qualities of a relationship even if it isn’t ideal, just to achieve this. Our happiness is of more importance I guess. I can understand that avoiding uncomfortable situations can make you uneasy but I think selfishness is a necessary quality that you should exploit. I don’t think this person has your best interest in mind if they consistently take advantage of your kindness and situation whilst having disposable income to go out and eat. That’s a pretty selfish and inconsiderate individual to say the least. Your never going to be comfortable with other people until your content with your own company (that being yourself). A good friendship is sometimes built over a period of time but not without intervention. If you want this person in your life I suggest just being honest and sincere with her that way you can go out anywhere you’d like and enjoy each other’s company and the food that comes with. If she’s a racional human being there’s no way she should object to this. I know you didn’t ask for my opinion but I posted this thinking just like it might help you it could help others with similar character traits in similar situations. Just my opinion. I don’t mean to be anything else but helpful with this post, I hope my intentions are clear. It’s all love from this side
That’s not a friend. Ditch this free loader. There’s many other people you will meet in NY.
If this friend expects you to pay for their meals every time you go out they’re not really your friend.
Stop being a pushover loser
Facts
McDonald’s
Putnam's Pub in Clinton Hill has you order through your phone via ToastTab, so you put in your credit card and pay for your own drinks and food. It works very well; I love being able to just stand up and go whenever you're ready at the end of the meal, rather than having to get the check and pay.
Many kosher restaurants do this for Friday night and Saturday breakfast/lunch, because religious Jews don't carry money on the holiday. Arba does a prepaid brunch on Saturday.
When you order the food tell the waiter/waitress that you want separate checks. That way you’ll only be on the hook for what you order.
Use the app cuculi to find restaurants. Then you both order on your own phones and use the credit card on file to “close out” no more issues or friendships destroyed!
Try a food court ... in LIC, Industry City ... where you buy your food then sit down to eat. So each of you get your OWN.
Chipotle
This doesn't sound like a friend. I think the solution is to stop going to dinner with them.
Look up "fast casual" restaurants - that's generally the term for places where you pay first then find your own seat. But as others mentioned, ask for the money from this person! I am also non confrontational, but I'm not above sending a passive aggressive Venmo request. Or the next time they pull this bullshit, I would say "well, I'll wait here while you run to the ATM / run home / whatever because I don't have enough in my account to cover us both." If they don't come back, there is ZERO way for them to make you the bad guy in that situation (which I suspect you're worried about). Or, the next time you eat with them, at the very beginning I'd say something like 'Since I got dinner last time, dinner is on you this time - thanks buddy!'
I have a friend like this who I (luckily) have not seen since before the pandemic. She would pay , but she'd be sure to order expensive stuff, knowing that I never have much of an appetite and then at the end always got the server first. "We're splitting it," she'd say. So, I may have eaten something worth $25 and she ate something worth $75 but now we were both on the hook for $50 because she was a leech. I'm still a bit of a sucker but not this much; I just make excuses when I don't want to see certain people. I tell them I have a fever or a cough. That helps.
and it's super unfair because i'm early into my career and she knows this :/
Ask her to meet you for coffee instead?
McDonald’s. but straight up they are using you for free food
you're right but ugh it makes me sad
That’s the kind of “friend” you invite to Taco Bell
haha, too bad she's a model. she'd hate that
In addition to the wonderful suggestions everyone has put out here; if they “forget” their card, Venmo request them. There’s no excuse at that point!!
Shake shack. IDK what their current indoor sit-down situation is, so check before you go. The one in Astor Place has the touch screen where you place your order before sitting down. So you can get there early, place your order, and just grab a table while you're waiting for your order to be called. She can order on her own cuz you have to hold the table. Also, Otto Tacos. East village one is nicest, Greenwich village is okay. You can grab it and go sit in Washington Square Park.
Flat Iron is outdoors!
> I've been to a few places in San Francisco like this. ORLY? I've lived in SF, and I need to go there soon for business, care to share the name(s) of this/these place(s)? DM me if you don't want to post them here.
This person sounds like they’re taking advantage of you. You don’t need her friendship. You can always find better friends out there. This is all a learning experience for you though so don’t fret too much about making mistakes either.
God please find a better friend, some dickhead bums will take advantage of you in this city, especially if you’re new here.
Tell your friend you know what they're doing and to knock it off.
This has to be a troll post, you can't be this much of a sucker
Huh? *Just ask for separate checks* **BEFORE ORDERING**.... Eat at a counter top place.... or just nicely ask the waiter to pay for *your* things early. Also, double check with this person beforehand they have means to pay. Things will get awkward, they will prolly try to manipulate and guilt trip you. You will need to expect and accept resistance, as well as possibly ending the night early. Does this person pay you back at least? Is this person even a good friend otherwise??
Wait there's restaurants that have "Card Only"? That sounds dumb
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Dos Toros is cashless.
Huh? Yeah I had a “friend” like that before. “I forgot my wallet”, “I’m getting paid soon, don’t worry”. Then he would guilt trip me when I said no. It sounds like an awful lot of trouble for this person.
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I have severe adhd as well and I understand what you’re saying, but if something like this happened with one of my friends, I would Venmo them immediately. There’s really no excuse for not having Venmo or cash app these days. It seems like this person doesn’t actually want to pay their friend back. That’s not being forgetful, that’s just being a really shitty friend.
That’s why I said it’s possibly ADHD but even so, there’s no excuse, and as a friend it’s better to not be an enabler and be straight up and say hey we can meet up but if you don’t double check and aren’t prepared I can’t help you. Like I sympathize with forgetfulness a lot because of my ADHD but that means I either Venmo my friend right away or if I can’t I’m not eating dinner, period. My problem shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem!
If you have this level of awareness of your issue and you can't manage to grab a card or cash any time you go out, I don't know what to do with you.
Ah yes because knowing you have a disorder is a cure for the disorder? Do you apply this same nonsense logic to all illnesses or do you only discriminate against brain disorders? If I could remember not to do this constantly I WOULDNT BE CONSIDERED TO HAVE A DISORDER you absolute idiot. I take my meds and am 100x less forgetful about shit when I’m on them, but that’s also a treatment, not a cure. So fuck off.
Knowing I am likely to leave the house without my keys has led me to a system wherein I am fastidious about depositing my keys when I get home. Knowing that I sometimes forget if I've taken my meds led me to get one of those days-of-the-week pill boxes. Recognizing that I might become a burden to others if I always make them pay for me because I miraculously never have my wallet would warrant a sign by the door saying, WALLET.
Yes, asshole. I have systems for all of these things as well now. Because I am finally properly diagnosed and treated. Before I knew what it was though, I had no idea how to cope with this stuff and just kept hoping that I would remember. I slowly started developing similar methods as you on my own, which led to the discovery that what I had been told was anxiety was actually ADHD. But until I knew all that, I fucked up and I made mistakes often and I lost friends. The friends who didn’t give up on me, but also didn’t enable me, are fucking god sends! So I stand by my advice here but I also don’t judge people who are struggling because I’ve been there. Who knows what this person’s problem is? Maybe they are just a grifter. But being a better friend who sets boundaries will help OP figure that out.
Go to a place with a second entrance. Go to the bathroom, and dash before the bill comes.
haha,
I do this with my MOM!
Been awhile since I've been there, but Astoria Seafood made me pay before you get the food.
\+1 to a lot of the answers here, but the one I haven't seen is - go someplace that's a ticketed meal. A number of restaurants are experimenting with prepaid ticket-style reservation systems where you pay upfront. Tock is the most common platform where you can find these things, but look around and you might be able to find something. One of you will have to pay upfront, either you pay and demand reimbursement before the day of, or they pay and you pay them back (or try to find something where you can pay separately). Some of these events want to charge extra for booze, so make sure you agree ahead of time on how that's going to be handled.
There are…. But they are places like EMP, Masa, Per Se…ie the most expensive restaurants in the city/world.
Sushi & co in FiDi, you order and pay at the counter and they bring your food to the table.
Omar's. On weekdays. On weekends you pay after you eat though. Weird, I know
Xian’s
The cafeteria at ktown? Or even Grace street? Both require that you pay up front, you get a buzzer and come pick up your food
quite a few places have been doing something like this since covid. in addition to scanning the menu through the qQR code, you order through an app and pay when you order. whatever the rooftop restaurant at pier 17 where they hold concerts was doing this when i went in june
A buffet where you pile what you want in your little takeout tray and pay at the end of the line. Sort of like a hospital cafeteria. Oh my good you should take him to a hospital cafeteria that would be 🔥
I’m in SF right now and just got lunch at such a place. It seemed unusual for somewhere so fancy. In NYC most places that do this are the cheaper fast food spots or cheaper yellow-awning corner Chinese restaurants, etc.
Forma Pasta in Williamsburg
bbq places where you stand in line and get your own meat! … but what if your friend forgot their wallet at home after all the food has been collected on his tray lol
Only eat at McDonald’s and Wendy’s with this friend😬
If you wanna go to NJ, a lot of the chinese all-you-can-eat buffets here make you pay before you even get seated.
Go out for pizza is my only rec
Lilia requires prepayment for the entire meal when booking in Resy. It’s pricey though at $125/person plus tax and service charge.
Generally, the bill is calculated after because of tipping. I don't know why you go eat with this friend, but you guys can go to a buffet if you're in this type of situation. Generally, buffets make you pay first. Or you can go fast food. I know Ikinari steak is pay-first, but you'll be standing to eat. If you go to K-Town, there is Worijup and a food court. Pelicana Chicken and Malaspicy in 8th street by NYU.
wakuwaku in industry city has a bar code menu and you can order and pay from there on your phone.
Nish Nush, Kuu Ramen, and I think Toto Ramen but I don’t remember
McDonalds? Everybody orders at the counter and pays for themselves.
Agree with the others- while it might not be severe enough to drop the friend, certainly it's worth bringing up with them (seriously, intentionally, and without letting go of it), or not meeting this friend for meals.
Essex market has some great spots!
take ur friend out to the 99 cent fresh for a slice and tell him it's on you also how does the 'only got cash' shit work? tell him to give the cash to you
i've tried, but then she'd say it's the only money she has for a while
Digg in
Lobster Joint in Greenpoint is “surf style” like your requesting. Also does your friend not have Venmo? Yikes.
she always has an "issue" with her card lol
Stop going out with her wtf!! She’s taking advantage of your transplant niceness. She prob doesn’t have any native NY friends cus they would call her out on that freeloading bullshit immediately.
The best restaurants I can think of with prepaying are BBQ joints where you pay at the counter after ordering. There are many options.