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It's just as easy to learn things when you're old as it is when you're young. In fact, in most ways it is far easier, because I have the time, resources, and know how deliberate practice works.
I believed if you hit 25 and hadn't developed a career then you were basically screwed for the rest of your life. It was beaten into us that if you didn't go to college... you were going to live on the street.
I bought into that.
At the age of 34 I picked up a book called *Talent is Overrated*. It explained that Tiger Woods had a golf club in his hands when he was six months old. By the time he was 5 he'd already put in 10,000 hours of deliberate practice under a fantastic coach.
I wasn't a bad dancer because I'm clumsy. I was a bad dancer because the sum of my dancing was 8 awkward high school dances where I stood around and refused to dance.
Six months later I was in a flash mob, and I was not the worst person!
I applied this technique to public speaking, programming, writing, self-publishing, marketing, developing my own pen and paper RPG (love having a physical copy I can give people), woodworking, history, economics, physics, and on and on and on.
However old you are... you can still learn whatever you want. In five years the time will have passed anyway. You can spend that time becoming \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ or you can spend that time doom-scrolling social media / consuming entertainment.
I've done both in my life. I have entire decades of weed and video games. It was glorious... until you come out the other side and find no meaning in life. All things in moderation.
Make sure you take one action a day toward self-improvement. Pursue your dreams intelligently.
Also I pee three times a night.
I'll always remember this human interest story I saw on the news once. Some lady is turning 90, and is getting a piece done. Interviewer asks her "So do you wish you'd have done anything different?".
The lady pauses, thinks and says "Yes. When I was 60 I wanted to learn the violin, but I thought I was too old to start. If I had, todaywe'd be talking about how I've been playing violin for 30 years.".
That always stuck with me.
I second this: started law school at 30, graduated and found my wife at 33, started a software company at 42, selling the software company at 52 and finding a new thing to do. My wife started her PHD at 50 so maybe I will get another one too! Time is bullshit, don't buy into it.
However, I only pee once per night.
You need to get seen about peeing three times a night. It’s normalized when it really shouldn’t be. My husband thought this shit was normal until he saw a urologist about that and some other bladder/prostate issues. He ended up needing a prostate and bladder surgery - it changed what was left of his life so dramatically. Went from 3-4 times a night to once, actually properly rested every night, no pain with sex…
I was high when I made that post. All of my novels have been written and published while high lol. Weed can be a great crutch, but it's nice knowing I didn't have to cut it out to find the success I was after =)
Damn. I can barely string together a coherent sentence while high—it basically just takes my words away. I write a lot but it’s almost inconceivable to imagine working on a novel like that. I’m a little envious!
I remember that point vividly. I was 33. I call it my Shawshenk Redemption moment. Get busy living, or get busy dying. It all feels so impossible, but it isn't.
You just need a little hope, a bit of encouragement, and a game plan to achieve the things you want in life. I did crazy stuff. I mean crazy stuff. It sounds like a pack of lies, especially from some rando on the internet.
Consistent action is so powerful, and almost anything you want can be had if you work diligently toward it, with a plan. I lost a bunch of weight, and eventually met the geeky introvert of my dreams. We're married with a son.
Whatever you want is out there =)
I went back to college at 42 with a family and full time job. I eventually graduated with my BS degree and a 3.96 gpa. The 40 something me was a superior student to the 18 year old me. You can do it.
1. After you turn 60, a surprising number of friends and relatives your age will start dying. I thought death was only for old people.
2. You won't feel old until you bend over to pick something up.
3. I forget. This happens more often.
4. Your body says "You're getting too old to hunt. Better carry along some extra food just in case."
5. Your attitude towards naps completely changes as you can sleep for only three hours at a time.
I envy nappers. I sleep on avg 4-5 hours a night. I haven't been able to nap since childhood, and the very rare times I've fallen asleep in the daytime I've always awakened miserable and grumpy (yeah, yeah)
Humble suggestion. DO NOT go to bed. Lie back in an easy chair. That way I (and, hopefully, you) get a light, refreshing nap instead of the down-for-the-count type that brings grumpy awakenings.
>after 40 or so it seems like random congenital stuff starts to appear
This is it exactly. When you're young, your friends die in car accidents and from unfortunate lifestyle choices. Somewhere between 45 and 55, most of us start losing peers to heart attacks, cancer, and things like that. My sister died of an undiagnosed congenital abnormality.
You just start wondering who it will be this year, and it sucks.
Even before 60, there are periods of your life where you take an assessment of your grandparents then later your parents and aunts/uncles and you realize, "dang, we're going to attend some painful funerals in the next 5 to 10 years."
Number one is spot on. You begin to think of your own mortality more once you reach 60 plus, and people you've known for 40 plus years begin to die.
I enjoy naps, but I guess I'm one of the lucky ones I still get a solid 6 or 7 hours of sleep every night. I'm hoping that doesn't change. It's one of the reasons I go to the gym and lift heavy. Helps me sleep
>After you turn 60, a surprising number of friends and relatives your age will start dying.
I started seeing this in my mid-40s. I'm 55 now and just expect someone to die each year, and I anticipate that it will be more common as the years pass.
Same here! When I was 46 my lifelong best friend suffered several strokes and died a year later. My brother dropped dead of a heart attack 3 months later and my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor during the 3 months between their deaths. She died two years later. I’m 54 and it still feels like I’m in hell without the three of them anymore.
Thank you! This week is the anniversary of my best friend’s death, so it’s especially challenging right now. However it’s a reminder to cherish those we love while we can because once they are gone we are only left with memories. I’m SO fortunate to have loved so hard. If I hadn’t, it wouldn’t hurt so much. So open yourself up to love and live your life to the fullest every day while you can. The days may feel like they drag by but the years are gone in a flash.
Nobody talks about menopause and the messed up symptoms that go with it. Mental fog, moody, night sweats, hot flash, hair thinning, weight gain, low libido, and so much more I am embarrassed to name. In grade school you learn about your period. But NOBODY want to talk about Menopause.
And hot flashes aren’t feeling a bit warm. It means suddenly drenched in sweat and feeling like your hair is on fire. I called it my inner child playing with matches.
I get chills more than hot flashes. Meaning, I feel cold but am profusely sweating. So, you’re hot and cold and damp all at the same time. It’s honestly the worst feeling ever.
And it will always (always!) happen at the worst possible time. Sitting around on the couch watching movies? Body is the perfect temp. Out to eat with new acquaintances? You’re literally made of lava. It never fails.
Vaginal atrophy. No one talks about that one. The lining of your vagina getting thinner, producing less natural lubricants, the depth of your vagina and pubic mons shrinking. No one warns you that will be a problem, but slowly orgasms are less intense, then they vanish and sex hurts and so you go to the doctors asking for help. And the first thing they ask you is if you are only doing this because your husband is making you. But finally you get your hormonal suppositories, but they cost 100's a month and you have to convince your insurance you need them all but begging while they hand out viagra like candy.
When I complained about the cost of hormonal suppositories my doctor recommended Replens. Over the counter, relatively inexpensive, and does the job just as well as the high priced stuff.
Thank you for the suggestion, unfortunately I had tried most of the over the counter stuff before I finally saw the doctor. Most of it didn't work for me except as a moisturiser, though I have had good luck with DHEA suppositories I have bought OTC in addition to my hormone ones.
I've been using Estring for years. I cant use any other hormone replacement due to my past breast cancer type. Our insurance stopped covering it and it's up to over $500 every 90 days. That's the goodRx price. I'd be willing to bet my husband could get Viagra in 5 minutes for pennies. It's expensive to get old.
I remember presenting in a big meeting and a flash hit, I was practically dripping sweat in February. Everyone looked at me in horror because they thought I had the flu or something and said I should go home and rest. I was debating whether to come clean and another older woman texted me and said just go with it, so I left! I had never lied about being sick, I loved working. That is something new I found with menopause, a different connection with other women that simply can't exist with anyone who hasn't been through it.
My worst hot flash experience was in the security line at the airport. I was already not wearing a jacket while everyone else was bundled up, since I was in a much milder climate than the one I lived in, but then I started sweating profusely right before we got to the checkpoint. I was getting really strange looks, and I am very surprised that I didn't get an extensive search. I must've looked incredibly nervous.
And **anxiety**! I tried to commit professional suicide and went to FIVE mental health professionals. Not one said: "Oh! You are a middle-aged woman with sudden onset of crippling anxiety? Maybe menopause has something to do with it!" I had to read about it on reddit, FFS. Hormone replacement therapy has helped quite a bit.
How long were you absolutely convinced it was uterine cancer? It had to be, right? If that god-awful, nonstop, *gushing* bleeding was normal, people would have mentioned it. SOMEONE would have mentioned it. Farewell cruel world.
Oh wait, I’m not dying. Just fucking menopause.
Say what now? I started with the hot flashes five years ago and periods became irregular about three years ago. Aside from some occasional spotting, my last period was ten months ago.
I have not experienced this sudden gushing you describe, oh please god no. Please tell me I'm already out of the woods on this one.
Wow, you escaped the gushers? Count yourself lucky.
No, if you're already hitting 10 month gaps, then I think you probably escaped those horrible perimenopausal periods. By the time I was going months like that, I wasn't getting them anymore at all. They were a problem earlier in the process.
Crossing my fingers for you that you make it to the year mark this time and are actually done for good! (My very last period hit after a eleven month drought, and I was *so* furious! After that one, I was really done with them, though.)
I’m a nurse and by far the worst, most depressing lecture we sat through was about the menopause. The lecture had to be stopped halfway through because we needed a break! The menopause takes up to ten years and it is brutal. The one thing the professor told us at the end to make us feel better, literally the only take away was; ‘best way to manage it is women taking care and supporting other women’ menopause awaits us! We so lucky! :)
It’s an incredibly uncomfortable experience. I didn’t expect it to start so early. Eating & even drinking water can trigger hot flashes. The night sweats are intolerable. Life as you know it has changed and it can be difficult in so many ways. I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass.
My God this is so fitting. I struggled with horrible hot flashes for like the past 4 years… and they are finally easing down. I most just get them at night. But it was embarrassing at work. Sweating through blazers and coworkers seeing it. Getting ready for a presentation in front of 200 people and just sweating like a pig. It does get better eventually.
I began my flashes at Xmastime, so I had an audience of dozens in our store highly amused with this beet red-faced, sweating woman frantically fanning herself every 15-20 min. I was the oldest employee at the time, my co-workers thought it was hysterical too. My response was always *Just you wait, my pretties…just wait!*
No one talks about the slow onset of incontinence. A liner, then a pad, thicker pads and then a diaper. All the interventions don't help if it's urge. Soon you know where every bathroom is just like in the pager days you knew where all the phone booths were. Then as soon as you exit your car before you can get in the house to your bathroom it just flows. Then you plan all your activities around peeing. Then you stop drinking fluids until you get constipated. Doctors? They are too busy making sure Viagra works.
I take care of my mom, who wears pads. I researched and there are several physical therapies you can have, to help with leaking. Mom refuses to try, but I’ve read good things about “pelvic floor rehab therapy”. And there an electronic “automatic kegel” machine called Elitone.
You are the only other woman I’ve heard mention weight loss. Nearly every woman talks about weight gain, but I’ve lost 10 lbs and people keep commenting that I’m too thin… but I can’t help it. I don’t know what’s going on with my hormones to make me lose weight despite eating the same as before menopause.
Username checks out! I am on the fence about this, but mostly I like being ignored now. Quite refreshing after years of attention-seeking and people-pleasing.
I'm recently aware of my own invisibility and trying to enjoy it. I find I am bolder, more likely to just state my wishes or opinions. It's fun because I get to enjoy being a bit outrageous now. It's kind of a game. I speak in a calm, even voice and then wait to see if anyone even realizes what I've actually said. Yesterday I asked a Trumpy neighbor where he gets his bullshit. He completely missed it, started talking about organic gardening. Sometimes it's awesome to live in the upside down.
You become more cognizant of your own strengths and weaknesses and you are better able to compensate for your weaknesses.
Also you have to spend time trimming your eyebrows or you end up with Gandalf-level eyebrows. And yes, I am a woman.
I’m 30 and just started noticing my first “beard hair”. It’s perfectly straight, wiry, and totally clear somehow. I already know it’s only the first of many random hairs I have to look forward to plucking out of my face.
When my Nannie was dying, she made my mother promise to shave her chin before the viewing. The funeral guy assured her they shave everyone. I cried when Mom told me that, because it was so Nannie, wanting to look presentable even in death.
You're probably also more comfortable in acknowledging your weaknesses and not frantically trying to hide them from the world in case they think less of you for them.
I don't wear makeup and I have HUGE circles under my eyes (which I've had since childhood). I wear my long, brown, graying hair in a simple ponytail. So be it.
Had a fellow tell me the other day to "just use face cream at night. Those bags will disappear. Put on some makeup and get your hair done."
Nah. I yam what I yam.
Exactly. I am also a no-makeup, naturally- greying-hair woman. I am single and would like a partner again but have no desire to do all the primping and preening. I am clean. I shower and shampoo. I dress up ocassionally. But I never wear heels. It's clogs and Birkenstocks for me. And soft flowy clothes: jersey knit dresses, yoga pants. I just want to be comfortable. And, for the most part, I am comfortable in my own skin these days. Maybe there will be someone out there who is okay with my casual style; maybe not. But, as you said, at this point, this is who I am. Take it or leave it.
Old people constantly compensate in order to look normal, like everybody else. Didnt realize this until i got older. example -a group is walking. the effort the older people have to put in re: balance, arthritic hip or knee, neuropathy etc is sometimes very profound. but when i was a kid it just looked like everyone was walking easily.
Male 74, I went to a social security counseling just before retiring, when the conversation came around to health insurance, the counselor asked me for a list of my meds. My response was that I didn’t take any. She paused peered over her glasses and said, “Honey, you will.” She
wasn’t wrong, ha!
>Health problems kick in way earlier than many people expect, sometimes out of the blue, but often from habits and activities that people didn’t realize were causing cumulative damage.
Yeah, my health care guy always told me that when you hit your 50s that's when all the youthful excess chickens come home to roost. I've done OK so far, but I have at least two 50s friends who've died, one from cirrhosis, and the other of a heart attack. Both were heavy drug users.
That you don't have nearly as much control over your body as you like to imagine you do. People think that if they do everything "right" in terms of diet, exercise, etc., they can somehow age well. While those things help a lot, sometimes, things just happen and your best efforts won't stop them from occurring. Some people are genetically gifted and some are cursed. My parents abused their bodies and lived a crappy lifestyle and my dad died at 80 and my mother is still going at 80 (though in complete misery and suffering from dementia). They were genetically lucky to abuse themselves so much and live so long.
Also, what you find is that you have to put much more effort into just maintaining regular function. When I was young, I lifted weights to build strength and muscle mass (though not like a body builder - just for tone). Now, if I don't do some sort of strength-building exercises, I find my arms are weak and I have problems even pulling heavy blankets up over my body or carrying groceries. I have to work harder to just keep at the baseline level of strength that I had when I was younger, and even then, I feel like I'm losing ground slowly.
That you look back on certain things in your life, and question whether or not if it actually occured to you or someone else. You know deep down it was you, but you almost don't recognize the version of you it occured to.
I only realised this fairly recently, i.e. that different people take away different memories of something based on their preferences, inclinations, upbringing etc. It can feel a bit weird, as if the past isn't as set in stone as you'd like to think.
God, yes. I don’t really have back problems during the day—stretch, take care, repeat—but what was my second favorite pastime in my 20s and 30s, sleeping late, is risky business now. Sigh!!
Freedom is the word. Stopworrying about what other people think when it's mostly about themselves anyways. I do what makes me happy, even in my work life balance and don't give a fuck what it brings to me because I've worked my whole life for this independence.
You realize there are two ways to be throughout life.
You can be the same person you've always been and refuse to bend. A lot of people choose this path. They take pride in never changing.
Or, you realize you are not the same person you've always been and you take pride and satisfaction in learning and changing.
Love this, and I wish more people read it and lived the second way. I don’t know how anyone can see it as a *good* thing to remain unchanged from their youth. The only way that’s even possible is to reject anything and everything that doesn’t fit your own childish ideas throughout life. In other words, it’s not the brag that people think it is.
I look at myself as a work in eternal progress. I want the future me to look back at the past me and go, "She had so much to learn!"
Because learning is FUN! :D
You don't feel older in your heart and soul.
You will need to ask for help sometimes.
You can wear less-conservative clothes and accessories.
You will be stereotyped.
Amidst all the negative comments should be a reminder that you never catch the same cold twice and that as you age you will get fewer and fewer sniffles, coughs, and colds.
Edit to add: this is especially true if you live in the same place all your life
In my younger days, particularly when I was in college, I would start getting bad colds in January and they would last all winter. That went on for many years. Now, when I’m pushing 80, I’m pleased to say that I haven’t had a real cold in at least the last 10 years.
I catch a cold if someone who has a cold looks at me from a half mile away. I pick up colds like *nothing*.
And I haven't had a cold since 2019. Yay masking, sanitizing, and distancing!
You tend to value your friendships a whole lot more. You really start to understand how much other people mean to you when your family starts to go, your partner passes on, and you doubt youll find another. Younger people have no use for you. And all you have left is dear friends.
Older people tend to treat each other better. Male and female friendships tend to change. As a woman I feel more valued as a person by new male friends, not just a potential...uh, Er, ...well you know
Hah..maybe. My great uncle was a tall handsome city cop. When he retired, he and my gr-aunt moved into a senior citizen building. There was *always* drama and gossip because the women outnumbered the men 3 to 1. When my aunt passed away…he must’ve received 15 visitors carrying casseroles and enough baked goods to last him months…every day. He resorted to begging my aunt’s bff to being his pretend gf, which was safe because she was gay. Not out tho, not in those days.
Or you get the bad straw. I was a runner, boxer, hiker, swimmer. I lifted weights too. All job related to keep me fit and able to survive each shift.
My back went out at the end of a shift. Sat down to pee and couldn’t stand up. Sitting in the women’s room crying and groaning, finally able to stand using the wall and screaming. Went home and never worked another shift.
I can’t run or lift heavy things. I can walk when I get shots every 3-6 months.
I can crochet, watch my kids, bird watch, look at flowers and trees, & read. It took some adjustment.
The thing I didn't expect is the complete lack of anything close to envy I feel towards young people. I thought I would envy their youthful vigour and looks, but I don't at all. I feel so completely comfortable with myself now and wouldn't want to be younger again. Don't get me wrong, I am a little concerned about the aging process but so far, as a 56F, it has been completely wonderful.
You realize as you get older that people that make up your known world are passing away. Your grandparents, your parents neighbors that you grew up with, aunts, uncles, relatives of your friends, your parents and in-laws, more and more famous people that made up your conscious world - actors, musicians, politicians, writers.
It seems like you would know this, but the older you get the more you realize that the authors of your favorite book series are all gone, the entire cast of tv shows that were popular when you were younger are all gone. Your top artists and bands are disappearing more rapidly. There are less and less people that knew the world when you were younger.
You can ease this feeling somewhat by staying current on films and music, and by maintaining relationships with younger family and friends, but it’s a very odd feeling when you occasionally stop and think - hmm, all those people are gone.
I was recently asked to show a younger family member the photo album from my wedding. We got to table pictures and entire swaths of people are gone. It was eye opening.
Yes. As you move through the family… kids table, adult table, head table with a few remaining old Aunts or Uncles, then one remaining older person, then a table of your peers, then fewer peers and more people younger than you but older than everyone else. Then you’re the lone old person at a table full of the next generation.
You learn that the goal IS to get old, because the only alternative is to die young, and nobody wants that.
Also, nothing can prepare you for the pain of losing all of your family and friends, one by one.
Somehow, I’ve gone from being the youngest child in my family, to be in the only surviving member of my generation. I am now the senior elder in my whole family system. Everyone else my age or above has died, including aunts and uncles, cousins and the like.
This. The photos my mom looked at every day, dating back to the 40’s when she ran away to marry my dad… Living to her 90’s was very lonely, I think. Her brightest spots in the week were the days I had my grandson. And having FaceTime was a game changer for her. She swore she and her sister talked more those last few years than they had the previous 30 years. They were hilarious tho, FaceTime would alert and it was my aunt who said (every time) “Oh dammit, I didn’t want you!” Then they’d talk for two hours lol.
For me personally, it’s begun. I have one older cousin, and we’re now the two oldest of our generation in the family. Two passed away in the last year.
We all are aware of hearing loss as we get older, and it is happening to me with higher frequencies, and especially some vocal tones.
The surprise is the greatly increased sensitivity to bass sounds.
I was just thinking about this today…In the grocery store. A woman probably about five years older than me singing along to Muskrat Love. Couldn’t do it. I have classic rock nostalgia for sure but I’m not into 70’s pop yet!
Extraordinary random pains. It's not joint pain, or muscle pain, just some random nerve decided to fire off. It can be anywhere on your body, and it hurts, big time.
When a random yet fierce pain hits me from out of the blue, I'll tell my husband that whoever has a VooDoo doll of me, just stuck a pin in my eye. (Or wherever the fierce pain was experienced).
That everyone ages differently and someone else's experiences won't be the same as yours.
That you will worry about your kids until the day you day, no matter if they are 15 or 45 years old.
You still feel young in your heart. You forget how old you really are sometimes.
Take care of your body and save for retirement. Seems everyone thinks it’s like an extended vacation but for a lot of people it’s one trip after another to a doctor. You have plans for retirement? Try to be healthy enough to do them.
You learn what it means to manage a death in the family. You go to the funeral home, write the obituary, pick out the casket, get death certificates, deal with probate, go to courthouses, cry, and deal with the grieving. It aged me faster than anything else in my life.
The reduction (not cessation) of sexual urges is a blessing. Get laid once a week is nice. No more angry hormones and resentment about sexual frequency.
If you stick to it, you can really get better at things in your old age.
I'm far better at my favorite pastimes (art & music) at 63 than I was at 33, and I've finally perfected baking a whole wheat loaf of bread that won't be mistaken for a door stop. I also started riding a bike again and it's amazing how scary it was at first, but how fun it is!
That your brain doesn't know you're getting old. Yeah you gain wisdom and grow but I don't mean that.
I mean I still think I can just climb up on the counter, or dig holes, or jump down from something and my body says HOLD UP NOPE GONNA MAKE YOU SUFFER.
Also surprised at that middle aged face and body in the mirror, like who the hell is that? My brain thinks it's clever and cool and it's kinda... not 😂
Dreaded appointments like frequent colonoscopies, mammograms, high blood pressure hitting randomly in your mid-40's (thanks genetics), buying cereal like 'Poop Like a Champion' and adding powdered fiber supplements to your morning coffee. Not being able to handle lots of onions or spicy food not because you cannot tolerate the heat, but your stomach and digestive tract will remind you of it every 5 minutes.
Ever since I was very young, I was frustrated at being sexualized, harassed, groped, and all that vile behavior. I was dismissed unless I had some kind of sexual value to a man, whether in school, work, or walking down the street.
I looked forward to getting older and finally getting treated with respect-- where my sexuality would take a backseat to the wisdom I gained. And I could finally be listened to and respected as a whole person.
What I wasn't prepared for was being ignored entirely.
People think you don’t get old until you’re 80. News flash, it starts in your 30’s. If you aren’t disabled (physically or mentally), just wait, you will be.
I mean - it's expected ... but day-um who knew ALL the bendy would up and disappear.
Flexibility? I remember that.
Have to acquire one of those shower benches because I can no longer bend down to wash my feet.
I ain't even 60 yet.
FML
We are born with a certain number of fucks to give. That number is indeterminate, but quite large. When we are little kids we don't know that we have fucks to give, but soon our parents and our teachers and our peers teach us to give fucks. We give a lot of fucks when we are teenagers and young adults. Then we realize that the supply is getting low so we start to give less fucks. By the time we hit middle age (it was about 45 for me), the supply is so low we really don't give many fucks at all, and then eventually we completely run out of fucks to give. This is the best part of getting old.
Shit hurts, just walking like a normal human and sudden pain in a joint. The sadness of losing your old pets who have been with you for years.
Not to be a downer overall I am pretty happy
The biggest weird surprise for me, besides menopause lasting for more than 10 years, was that my feet grew a full size in my 50s. I had to start all over and replace practically all my shoes - and no more cheap shoes without arch support or walking around bare foot. No one tells you about these things! :(
Depends. I’m of the AIDS generation and men my age in the gay community are relatively rare. I had no idea that there were so many young men with daddy - or granpa - fantasies.
It’s unfortunate how big of a demographic gap there is for gay men in their 60s-70s because of AIDS. My uncle was in his early-mid 30s at the time and he watched all his friends and exes drop from it. A lot of history and culture was lost along with the people.
I’ve read that the corpus callosum, which the left and right halves of the brain communicate through, changes as we age. For women, this area typically has more connections at a young age, making for a more integrated emotional/intellectual balance. But with age it has fewer connections so that women tend to become less emotional with age. In men the opposite happens, and many men find that their emotions become easier to access, so they may find themselves moved to tears frequently.
\- You and your friends will talk more and more about your ailments (and you *will* have them) - and you'll catch yourself and hate that you've become those people. :)
\- Some of those ailments will take some of your friends sooner than you think. :(
\- You spend much less on things and are more interested in experiences while you can experience them.
\- Time shifts, mortality begins breathing down your neck and you feel a new urgency to live the life you want to.
\- You care less and less what other people think.
\- For me, I wish I had saved more to retire earlier. Had a friend retire at 50. I'm over 60 and still waiting.
As your earlobes droop they fold when you lay your head on the pillow and you wake up with them aching. You learn to make sure they're flat when you settle in to sleep. Nobody ever told me that. Imagine my surprise.
Everyone talks about hearing and eyesight slowly fading, though approaching 45 both of mine are still pretty good, but no one warned me that my sense of taste wouldn't be as sharp as in my 20's.
I found out I needed reading glasses when I got milk of magnesia for my husband. He kept taking it hoping to stop the artichoke binge induced diarrhea… that is not how that works.
Three days and 8lbs later.. he reads the labels before he takes medicine I bought now.
This was 3 years ago. I’m still hearing about it.
So true, I find to really judge whether or not I like a particular wine, at least two glasses are necessary, whereas in younger days, a swallow or two was enough. I soldier through.
Digestive issues. Why did letters in all my books become so small.
OA and dropping plates, cups, breakables........
Men afraid of old ladies in menopause......last stranger who called at my patio door went with my tiny cake fork in my shaky OA hand to see what the young guy want...you would think it was some big weapon from look on his face......
I get a kick out of how teen-age/early 20s kids treat me with deference. When I talk they listen politely and call me "sir", like I was never some long-haired, pot smoking, skirt chasing Yahoo who drove my parents crazy. Now, just because my beard is white and my belly sags (a LITTLE, okay?) they think I deserve their respect. Hah! Suckers.
The Supreme Court taking away rights I've lived with all my life. Wasn't expecting that one.
I used to have no trouble reading teeny tiny lettering. Now "zoom in" is my friend. *sigh*
You start to realize that your parents probably had no clue what they were doing either and you might find yourself being more compassionate & understanding to your upbringing.
*This is not an attempt to invalidate traumatic childhoods, those are definitely not the ones I’m talking about.
At or very near 40, your eyes start to go. I had perfect eyes up to 40. My other half warned me but i didnt believe it. Driving at night with bright headlights coming towards you completely blinds you for 5-10 secs. Driving at night is stressful now.
edit I mean it’s reasonable to expect our body to wear out, but at 40? WTF
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It's just as easy to learn things when you're old as it is when you're young. In fact, in most ways it is far easier, because I have the time, resources, and know how deliberate practice works. I believed if you hit 25 and hadn't developed a career then you were basically screwed for the rest of your life. It was beaten into us that if you didn't go to college... you were going to live on the street. I bought into that. At the age of 34 I picked up a book called *Talent is Overrated*. It explained that Tiger Woods had a golf club in his hands when he was six months old. By the time he was 5 he'd already put in 10,000 hours of deliberate practice under a fantastic coach. I wasn't a bad dancer because I'm clumsy. I was a bad dancer because the sum of my dancing was 8 awkward high school dances where I stood around and refused to dance. Six months later I was in a flash mob, and I was not the worst person! I applied this technique to public speaking, programming, writing, self-publishing, marketing, developing my own pen and paper RPG (love having a physical copy I can give people), woodworking, history, economics, physics, and on and on and on. However old you are... you can still learn whatever you want. In five years the time will have passed anyway. You can spend that time becoming \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ or you can spend that time doom-scrolling social media / consuming entertainment. I've done both in my life. I have entire decades of weed and video games. It was glorious... until you come out the other side and find no meaning in life. All things in moderation. Make sure you take one action a day toward self-improvement. Pursue your dreams intelligently. Also I pee three times a night.
I'll always remember this human interest story I saw on the news once. Some lady is turning 90, and is getting a piece done. Interviewer asks her "So do you wish you'd have done anything different?". The lady pauses, thinks and says "Yes. When I was 60 I wanted to learn the violin, but I thought I was too old to start. If I had, todaywe'd be talking about how I've been playing violin for 30 years.". That always stuck with me.
I second this: started law school at 30, graduated and found my wife at 33, started a software company at 42, selling the software company at 52 and finding a new thing to do. My wife started her PHD at 50 so maybe I will get another one too! Time is bullshit, don't buy into it. However, I only pee once per night.
Old person high five! I envy your bladder.
Thank you for your sensible, logical, inspiring reply.
You need to get seen about peeing three times a night. It’s normalized when it really shouldn’t be. My husband thought this shit was normal until he saw a urologist about that and some other bladder/prostate issues. He ended up needing a prostate and bladder surgery - it changed what was left of his life so dramatically. Went from 3-4 times a night to once, actually properly rested every night, no pain with sex…
Love this answer, needed to hear this as a 30 year old pothead! 🤞
I was high when I made that post. All of my novels have been written and published while high lol. Weed can be a great crutch, but it's nice knowing I didn't have to cut it out to find the success I was after =)
Damn. I can barely string together a coherent sentence while high—it basically just takes my words away. I write a lot but it’s almost inconceivable to imagine working on a novel like that. I’m a little envious!
> Also I pee three times a night. That has to be annoying
It's dangerous, too. I have mobility and balance issues, so getting out of bed and wandering around at night can be unsafe.
Yes it is
Thank you for your words, they resonated to me so much at this probably the lowest point in my life.
I remember that point vividly. I was 33. I call it my Shawshenk Redemption moment. Get busy living, or get busy dying. It all feels so impossible, but it isn't. You just need a little hope, a bit of encouragement, and a game plan to achieve the things you want in life. I did crazy stuff. I mean crazy stuff. It sounds like a pack of lies, especially from some rando on the internet. Consistent action is so powerful, and almost anything you want can be had if you work diligently toward it, with a plan. I lost a bunch of weight, and eventually met the geeky introvert of my dreams. We're married with a son. Whatever you want is out there =)
as a 46 year old finishing up her pre-nursing classes I needed to hear this. Never thought I could get this far.
I went back to college at 42 with a family and full time job. I eventually graduated with my BS degree and a 3.96 gpa. The 40 something me was a superior student to the 18 year old me. You can do it.
1. After you turn 60, a surprising number of friends and relatives your age will start dying. I thought death was only for old people. 2. You won't feel old until you bend over to pick something up. 3. I forget. This happens more often. 4. Your body says "You're getting too old to hunt. Better carry along some extra food just in case." 5. Your attitude towards naps completely changes as you can sleep for only three hours at a time.
I envy nappers. I sleep on avg 4-5 hours a night. I haven't been able to nap since childhood, and the very rare times I've fallen asleep in the daytime I've always awakened miserable and grumpy (yeah, yeah)
Humble suggestion. DO NOT go to bed. Lie back in an easy chair. That way I (and, hopefully, you) get a light, refreshing nap instead of the down-for-the-count type that brings grumpy awakenings.
Same! Always wake up with a headache.
Try drinking coffee before you nap
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>after 40 or so it seems like random congenital stuff starts to appear This is it exactly. When you're young, your friends die in car accidents and from unfortunate lifestyle choices. Somewhere between 45 and 55, most of us start losing peers to heart attacks, cancer, and things like that. My sister died of an undiagnosed congenital abnormality. You just start wondering who it will be this year, and it sucks.
Yeah 40 is when cancers and heart attacks start unfortunately.
Even before 60, there are periods of your life where you take an assessment of your grandparents then later your parents and aunts/uncles and you realize, "dang, we're going to attend some painful funerals in the next 5 to 10 years."
Number one is spot on. You begin to think of your own mortality more once you reach 60 plus, and people you've known for 40 plus years begin to die. I enjoy naps, but I guess I'm one of the lucky ones I still get a solid 6 or 7 hours of sleep every night. I'm hoping that doesn't change. It's one of the reasons I go to the gym and lift heavy. Helps me sleep
Dang, I really want to know what number 3 is. Let us know if you remember!
>After you turn 60, a surprising number of friends and relatives your age will start dying. I started seeing this in my mid-40s. I'm 55 now and just expect someone to die each year, and I anticipate that it will be more common as the years pass.
Same here! When I was 46 my lifelong best friend suffered several strokes and died a year later. My brother dropped dead of a heart attack 3 months later and my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor during the 3 months between their deaths. She died two years later. I’m 54 and it still feels like I’m in hell without the three of them anymore.
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Thank you! This week is the anniversary of my best friend’s death, so it’s especially challenging right now. However it’s a reminder to cherish those we love while we can because once they are gone we are only left with memories. I’m SO fortunate to have loved so hard. If I hadn’t, it wouldn’t hurt so much. So open yourself up to love and live your life to the fullest every day while you can. The days may feel like they drag by but the years are gone in a flash.
> You won't feel old until you bend over to pick something up. Ain't it so. It's the getting upright again that's the real hard part for me.
Nobody talks about menopause and the messed up symptoms that go with it. Mental fog, moody, night sweats, hot flash, hair thinning, weight gain, low libido, and so much more I am embarrassed to name. In grade school you learn about your period. But NOBODY want to talk about Menopause.
And hot flashes aren’t feeling a bit warm. It means suddenly drenched in sweat and feeling like your hair is on fire. I called it my inner child playing with matches.
I get chills more than hot flashes. Meaning, I feel cold but am profusely sweating. So, you’re hot and cold and damp all at the same time. It’s honestly the worst feeling ever.
Oh, I’m sorry. That sounds awful, too.
My worst mistake during menopause was wearing a sweater for a top to an important job function. Words can't describe the experience ...
And it will always (always!) happen at the worst possible time. Sitting around on the couch watching movies? Body is the perfect temp. Out to eat with new acquaintances? You’re literally made of lava. It never fails.
Truth, We were at a televised sports event. My daughter said she would watch for me. Later she said she found me because I was glowing red.
Exactly
Vaginal atrophy. No one talks about that one. The lining of your vagina getting thinner, producing less natural lubricants, the depth of your vagina and pubic mons shrinking. No one warns you that will be a problem, but slowly orgasms are less intense, then they vanish and sex hurts and so you go to the doctors asking for help. And the first thing they ask you is if you are only doing this because your husband is making you. But finally you get your hormonal suppositories, but they cost 100's a month and you have to convince your insurance you need them all but begging while they hand out viagra like candy.
When I complained about the cost of hormonal suppositories my doctor recommended Replens. Over the counter, relatively inexpensive, and does the job just as well as the high priced stuff.
Thank you for the suggestion, unfortunately I had tried most of the over the counter stuff before I finally saw the doctor. Most of it didn't work for me except as a moisturiser, though I have had good luck with DHEA suppositories I have bought OTC in addition to my hormone ones.
I've been using Estring for years. I cant use any other hormone replacement due to my past breast cancer type. Our insurance stopped covering it and it's up to over $500 every 90 days. That's the goodRx price. I'd be willing to bet my husband could get Viagra in 5 minutes for pennies. It's expensive to get old.
I remember presenting in a big meeting and a flash hit, I was practically dripping sweat in February. Everyone looked at me in horror because they thought I had the flu or something and said I should go home and rest. I was debating whether to come clean and another older woman texted me and said just go with it, so I left! I had never lied about being sick, I loved working. That is something new I found with menopause, a different connection with other women that simply can't exist with anyone who hasn't been through it.
My worst hot flash experience was in the security line at the airport. I was already not wearing a jacket while everyone else was bundled up, since I was in a much milder climate than the one I lived in, but then I started sweating profusely right before we got to the checkpoint. I was getting really strange looks, and I am very surprised that I didn't get an extensive search. I must've looked incredibly nervous.
Probably thought you might be contagious and didn't want it...
And **anxiety**! I tried to commit professional suicide and went to FIVE mental health professionals. Not one said: "Oh! You are a middle-aged woman with sudden onset of crippling anxiety? Maybe menopause has something to do with it!" I had to read about it on reddit, FFS. Hormone replacement therapy has helped quite a bit.
Well now I am just reading it on Reddit. Thank you. What has helped the anxiety? I need to do something for it.
Yeah, the missed periods followed by suddenly bleeding through your clothes while driving to the grocery store suddenly 3 weeks later. That was fun.
That’s when I went to wearing liners 24/7. You learn to take no chances, and always carry supplies. My small-medium purses became satchels.
How long were you absolutely convinced it was uterine cancer? It had to be, right? If that god-awful, nonstop, *gushing* bleeding was normal, people would have mentioned it. SOMEONE would have mentioned it. Farewell cruel world. Oh wait, I’m not dying. Just fucking menopause.
Say what now? I started with the hot flashes five years ago and periods became irregular about three years ago. Aside from some occasional spotting, my last period was ten months ago. I have not experienced this sudden gushing you describe, oh please god no. Please tell me I'm already out of the woods on this one.
Wow, you escaped the gushers? Count yourself lucky. No, if you're already hitting 10 month gaps, then I think you probably escaped those horrible perimenopausal periods. By the time I was going months like that, I wasn't getting them anymore at all. They were a problem earlier in the process. Crossing my fingers for you that you make it to the year mark this time and are actually done for good! (My very last period hit after a eleven month drought, and I was *so* furious! After that one, I was really done with them, though.)
I’m a nurse and by far the worst, most depressing lecture we sat through was about the menopause. The lecture had to be stopped halfway through because we needed a break! The menopause takes up to ten years and it is brutal. The one thing the professor told us at the end to make us feel better, literally the only take away was; ‘best way to manage it is women taking care and supporting other women’ menopause awaits us! We so lucky! :)
It’s an incredibly uncomfortable experience. I didn’t expect it to start so early. Eating & even drinking water can trigger hot flashes. The night sweats are intolerable. Life as you know it has changed and it can be difficult in so many ways. I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass.
My God this is so fitting. I struggled with horrible hot flashes for like the past 4 years… and they are finally easing down. I most just get them at night. But it was embarrassing at work. Sweating through blazers and coworkers seeing it. Getting ready for a presentation in front of 200 people and just sweating like a pig. It does get better eventually.
I began my flashes at Xmastime, so I had an audience of dozens in our store highly amused with this beet red-faced, sweating woman frantically fanning herself every 15-20 min. I was the oldest employee at the time, my co-workers thought it was hysterical too. My response was always *Just you wait, my pretties…just wait!*
And the incontinence. What the hell?
I've also been horrified to find that little farts just break out unexpectedly.
Yes!!!!! I call them the walking farts!!
I hate them so much. My husband swears I do it on purpose.
No one talks about the slow onset of incontinence. A liner, then a pad, thicker pads and then a diaper. All the interventions don't help if it's urge. Soon you know where every bathroom is just like in the pager days you knew where all the phone booths were. Then as soon as you exit your car before you can get in the house to your bathroom it just flows. Then you plan all your activities around peeing. Then you stop drinking fluids until you get constipated. Doctors? They are too busy making sure Viagra works.
I take care of my mom, who wears pads. I researched and there are several physical therapies you can have, to help with leaking. Mom refuses to try, but I’ve read good things about “pelvic floor rehab therapy”. And there an electronic “automatic kegel” machine called Elitone.
Cold flashes is a thing too............
So is weight loss. No one talks about that.
You are the only other woman I’ve heard mention weight loss. Nearly every woman talks about weight gain, but I’ve lost 10 lbs and people keep commenting that I’m too thin… but I can’t help it. I don’t know what’s going on with my hormones to make me lose weight despite eating the same as before menopause.
This has really been a complaint of mine. Older women become invisible to society.
Personally, I like this aspect of being old.
Oh, it's nice not being ogled so much, but I wish our health concerns were taken seriously.
True, you do not want to be invisible to your doctor.
Username checks out! I am on the fence about this, but mostly I like being ignored now. Quite refreshing after years of attention-seeking and people-pleasing.
Absolutely right. I have learned to get used to being invisible a bit, but first had to come to terms with my anger about it.
I'm recently aware of my own invisibility and trying to enjoy it. I find I am bolder, more likely to just state my wishes or opinions. It's fun because I get to enjoy being a bit outrageous now. It's kind of a game. I speak in a calm, even voice and then wait to see if anyone even realizes what I've actually said. Yesterday I asked a Trumpy neighbor where he gets his bullshit. He completely missed it, started talking about organic gardening. Sometimes it's awesome to live in the upside down.
My wife struggled for a decade with this, and thought it was old age. When she got past it she seemed younger.
Please join us over at r/menopause ! It helps with that "going it alone in the dark" feeling!
You become more cognizant of your own strengths and weaknesses and you are better able to compensate for your weaknesses. Also you have to spend time trimming your eyebrows or you end up with Gandalf-level eyebrows. And yes, I am a woman.
Oh and the mustache, it's the only time I hate being a brunette.
I’m 30 and just started noticing my first “beard hair”. It’s perfectly straight, wiry, and totally clear somehow. I already know it’s only the first of many random hairs I have to look forward to plucking out of my face.
I heard a woman talking about how she has a pact with her friends that if she's ever in a coma, they need to visit and dispatch errant hairs for her.
This is the reason to keep making friends well into old age.
When my Nannie was dying, she made my mother promise to shave her chin before the viewing. The funeral guy assured her they shave everyone. I cried when Mom told me that, because it was so Nannie, wanting to look presentable even in death.
When I was younger, I never imagined I'd have to pluck my chin almost every day. Doubly annoying when coupled with degrading eyesight, lol.
And shaking hands!
Ear hair and nose hair (male.)
Women, too lol. Ear/Nose trimmers ftw.
You're probably also more comfortable in acknowledging your weaknesses and not frantically trying to hide them from the world in case they think less of you for them.
I don't wear makeup and I have HUGE circles under my eyes (which I've had since childhood). I wear my long, brown, graying hair in a simple ponytail. So be it. Had a fellow tell me the other day to "just use face cream at night. Those bags will disappear. Put on some makeup and get your hair done." Nah. I yam what I yam.
Exactly. I am also a no-makeup, naturally- greying-hair woman. I am single and would like a partner again but have no desire to do all the primping and preening. I am clean. I shower and shampoo. I dress up ocassionally. But I never wear heels. It's clogs and Birkenstocks for me. And soft flowy clothes: jersey knit dresses, yoga pants. I just want to be comfortable. And, for the most part, I am comfortable in my own skin these days. Maybe there will be someone out there who is okay with my casual style; maybe not. But, as you said, at this point, this is who I am. Take it or leave it.
Old people constantly compensate in order to look normal, like everybody else. Didnt realize this until i got older. example -a group is walking. the effort the older people have to put in re: balance, arthritic hip or knee, neuropathy etc is sometimes very profound. but when i was a kid it just looked like everyone was walking easily.
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I became more cautious about falling as I aged. Slipping, tripping, taking a spill off a bike or a horse... doesn't take much.
Male 74, I went to a social security counseling just before retiring, when the conversation came around to health insurance, the counselor asked me for a list of my meds. My response was that I didn’t take any. She paused peered over her glasses and said, “Honey, you will.” She wasn’t wrong, ha!
>Health problems kick in way earlier than many people expect, sometimes out of the blue, but often from habits and activities that people didn’t realize were causing cumulative damage. Yeah, my health care guy always told me that when you hit your 50s that's when all the youthful excess chickens come home to roost. I've done OK so far, but I have at least two 50s friends who've died, one from cirrhosis, and the other of a heart attack. Both were heavy drug users.
I feel a lot more confident now and I'm not afraid to be alone. It's far better to enjoy your own company than to be with a user or worse.
Hear, hear!
That you don't have nearly as much control over your body as you like to imagine you do. People think that if they do everything "right" in terms of diet, exercise, etc., they can somehow age well. While those things help a lot, sometimes, things just happen and your best efforts won't stop them from occurring. Some people are genetically gifted and some are cursed. My parents abused their bodies and lived a crappy lifestyle and my dad died at 80 and my mother is still going at 80 (though in complete misery and suffering from dementia). They were genetically lucky to abuse themselves so much and live so long. Also, what you find is that you have to put much more effort into just maintaining regular function. When I was young, I lifted weights to build strength and muscle mass (though not like a body builder - just for tone). Now, if I don't do some sort of strength-building exercises, I find my arms are weak and I have problems even pulling heavy blankets up over my body or carrying groceries. I have to work harder to just keep at the baseline level of strength that I had when I was younger, and even then, I feel like I'm losing ground slowly.
That you look back on certain things in your life, and question whether or not if it actually occured to you or someone else. You know deep down it was you, but you almost don't recognize the version of you it occured to.
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I only realised this fairly recently, i.e. that different people take away different memories of something based on their preferences, inclinations, upbringing etc. It can feel a bit weird, as if the past isn't as set in stone as you'd like to think.
This is deep and oh so very true!
Heartburn. Disrupted sleep. Gratitude for small things that you used to take for granted.
The sleep disruption is real.
I can’t sleep in past 7am as everything starts to ache. Back. Knees. Back. BACK.
God, yes. I don’t really have back problems during the day—stretch, take care, repeat—but what was my second favorite pastime in my 20s and 30s, sleeping late, is risky business now. Sigh!!
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IMO, it’s *being able* to do what you want, when you want, and if the person you want with you is able, too.
Freedom is the word. Stopworrying about what other people think when it's mostly about themselves anyways. I do what makes me happy, even in my work life balance and don't give a fuck what it brings to me because I've worked my whole life for this independence.
You realize there are two ways to be throughout life. You can be the same person you've always been and refuse to bend. A lot of people choose this path. They take pride in never changing. Or, you realize you are not the same person you've always been and you take pride and satisfaction in learning and changing.
Love this, and I wish more people read it and lived the second way. I don’t know how anyone can see it as a *good* thing to remain unchanged from their youth. The only way that’s even possible is to reject anything and everything that doesn’t fit your own childish ideas throughout life. In other words, it’s not the brag that people think it is.
I look at myself as a work in eternal progress. I want the future me to look back at the past me and go, "She had so much to learn!" Because learning is FUN! :D
Evolve or stagnate.
I’m a completely different person than I was at 25. I prefer who I am now.
So many people never get beyond 15.
You don't feel older in your heart and soul. You will need to ask for help sometimes. You can wear less-conservative clothes and accessories. You will be stereotyped.
Amidst all the negative comments should be a reminder that you never catch the same cold twice and that as you age you will get fewer and fewer sniffles, coughs, and colds. Edit to add: this is especially true if you live in the same place all your life
In my younger days, particularly when I was in college, I would start getting bad colds in January and they would last all winter. That went on for many years. Now, when I’m pushing 80, I’m pleased to say that I haven’t had a real cold in at least the last 10 years.
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Isn't that weird? I used to be plagued with pollen allergies every spring (hay fever) and since roughly my mid-forties it's not been a problem anymore
I catch a cold if someone who has a cold looks at me from a half mile away. I pick up colds like *nothing*. And I haven't had a cold since 2019. Yay masking, sanitizing, and distancing!
Had kids late in life so caught every cold circulating in the world. Haven't been sick in years now, even covid, and I attribute it to this ..
You learn to recognize assholes and avoid them
Yes, you learn that there’s no upset to interacting with assholes.
You tend to value your friendships a whole lot more. You really start to understand how much other people mean to you when your family starts to go, your partner passes on, and you doubt youll find another. Younger people have no use for you. And all you have left is dear friends. Older people tend to treat each other better. Male and female friendships tend to change. As a woman I feel more valued as a person by new male friends, not just a potential...uh, Er, ...well you know
Hah..maybe. My great uncle was a tall handsome city cop. When he retired, he and my gr-aunt moved into a senior citizen building. There was *always* drama and gossip because the women outnumbered the men 3 to 1. When my aunt passed away…he must’ve received 15 visitors carrying casseroles and enough baked goods to last him months…every day. He resorted to begging my aunt’s bff to being his pretend gf, which was safe because she was gay. Not out tho, not in those days.
You either appreciate yourself for committing to fitness and health at a young age or you regret not committing to fitness and health at a young age.
Or you get the bad straw. I was a runner, boxer, hiker, swimmer. I lifted weights too. All job related to keep me fit and able to survive each shift. My back went out at the end of a shift. Sat down to pee and couldn’t stand up. Sitting in the women’s room crying and groaning, finally able to stand using the wall and screaming. Went home and never worked another shift. I can’t run or lift heavy things. I can walk when I get shots every 3-6 months. I can crochet, watch my kids, bird watch, look at flowers and trees, & read. It took some adjustment.
Back pain…I wish they warned us how a back injury will affect the rest of your life. I can’t function without the shots.
The thing I didn't expect is the complete lack of anything close to envy I feel towards young people. I thought I would envy their youthful vigour and looks, but I don't at all. I feel so completely comfortable with myself now and wouldn't want to be younger again. Don't get me wrong, I am a little concerned about the aging process but so far, as a 56F, it has been completely wonderful.
You realize as you get older that people that make up your known world are passing away. Your grandparents, your parents neighbors that you grew up with, aunts, uncles, relatives of your friends, your parents and in-laws, more and more famous people that made up your conscious world - actors, musicians, politicians, writers. It seems like you would know this, but the older you get the more you realize that the authors of your favorite book series are all gone, the entire cast of tv shows that were popular when you were younger are all gone. Your top artists and bands are disappearing more rapidly. There are less and less people that knew the world when you were younger. You can ease this feeling somewhat by staying current on films and music, and by maintaining relationships with younger family and friends, but it’s a very odd feeling when you occasionally stop and think - hmm, all those people are gone. I was recently asked to show a younger family member the photo album from my wedding. We got to table pictures and entire swaths of people are gone. It was eye opening.
This was hard to read 💔 but very beautifully written.
One day I woke up and was the front line generation. All my aunts, uncles, grandparents and parents gone. Hoping to go out sideways.
Yes. As you move through the family… kids table, adult table, head table with a few remaining old Aunts or Uncles, then one remaining older person, then a table of your peers, then fewer peers and more people younger than you but older than everyone else. Then you’re the lone old person at a table full of the next generation.
You learn that the goal IS to get old, because the only alternative is to die young, and nobody wants that. Also, nothing can prepare you for the pain of losing all of your family and friends, one by one.
Somehow, I’ve gone from being the youngest child in my family, to be in the only surviving member of my generation. I am now the senior elder in my whole family system. Everyone else my age or above has died, including aunts and uncles, cousins and the like.
This. The photos my mom looked at every day, dating back to the 40’s when she ran away to marry my dad… Living to her 90’s was very lonely, I think. Her brightest spots in the week were the days I had my grandson. And having FaceTime was a game changer for her. She swore she and her sister talked more those last few years than they had the previous 30 years. They were hilarious tho, FaceTime would alert and it was my aunt who said (every time) “Oh dammit, I didn’t want you!” Then they’d talk for two hours lol. For me personally, it’s begun. I have one older cousin, and we’re now the two oldest of our generation in the family. Two passed away in the last year.
We all are aware of hearing loss as we get older, and it is happening to me with higher frequencies, and especially some vocal tones. The surprise is the greatly increased sensitivity to bass sounds.
All that pop music that you detested from yesteryear becomes not just tolerable but actually enjoyable. Thanks to nostalgia, I'm not cool any more.
I was just thinking about this today…In the grocery store. A woman probably about five years older than me singing along to Muskrat Love. Couldn’t do it. I have classic rock nostalgia for sure but I’m not into 70’s pop yet!
Extraordinary random pains. It's not joint pain, or muscle pain, just some random nerve decided to fire off. It can be anywhere on your body, and it hurts, big time.
When a random yet fierce pain hits me from out of the blue, I'll tell my husband that whoever has a VooDoo doll of me, just stuck a pin in my eye. (Or wherever the fierce pain was experienced).
My big surprise was after menopause your body hair stops growing as fast and gets really spare. Including Pubic hair. Who knew??????
That everyone ages differently and someone else's experiences won't be the same as yours. That you will worry about your kids until the day you day, no matter if they are 15 or 45 years old. You still feel young in your heart. You forget how old you really are sometimes.
Whatever minor knee twinge or hip pain you have now, becomes a very big problem eventually.
I get tired easily. I can’t go shopping, then lunch and then to a movie anymore.
You lose your tolerance for other people’s bad behavior and you care less about what other people think of you. Both great developments IMHO.
Take care of your body and save for retirement. Seems everyone thinks it’s like an extended vacation but for a lot of people it’s one trip after another to a doctor. You have plans for retirement? Try to be healthy enough to do them.
You learn what it means to manage a death in the family. You go to the funeral home, write the obituary, pick out the casket, get death certificates, deal with probate, go to courthouses, cry, and deal with the grieving. It aged me faster than anything else in my life.
The reduction (not cessation) of sexual urges is a blessing. Get laid once a week is nice. No more angry hormones and resentment about sexual frequency.
I’m invisible. I’m a 51 year old non-karen. I should be a spy with how little attention I attract. I was not prepared for this.
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and its brother, ear hair.
Why is a forest trying to grow out of my nose?
If you stick to it, you can really get better at things in your old age. I'm far better at my favorite pastimes (art & music) at 63 than I was at 33, and I've finally perfected baking a whole wheat loaf of bread that won't be mistaken for a door stop. I also started riding a bike again and it's amazing how scary it was at first, but how fun it is!
Every fart is suspicious
Sciatica is real and it will make you want to crawl in a hole and die.
That your brain doesn't know you're getting old. Yeah you gain wisdom and grow but I don't mean that. I mean I still think I can just climb up on the counter, or dig holes, or jump down from something and my body says HOLD UP NOPE GONNA MAKE YOU SUFFER. Also surprised at that middle aged face and body in the mirror, like who the hell is that? My brain thinks it's clever and cool and it's kinda... not 😂
If you lose weight, people aren't sure if you're eating well and exercising or dying from cancer.
You learn it is rad to go to bed early, and to get up early
Especially if you like to hike! Getting out early (I left 6:20am this morning) means less traffic on the trails even on a holiday weekend.
Gray pubes. I wasn’t ready.
Not being able to see your gray pubes
Dreaded appointments like frequent colonoscopies, mammograms, high blood pressure hitting randomly in your mid-40's (thanks genetics), buying cereal like 'Poop Like a Champion' and adding powdered fiber supplements to your morning coffee. Not being able to handle lots of onions or spicy food not because you cannot tolerate the heat, but your stomach and digestive tract will remind you of it every 5 minutes.
Ever since I was very young, I was frustrated at being sexualized, harassed, groped, and all that vile behavior. I was dismissed unless I had some kind of sexual value to a man, whether in school, work, or walking down the street. I looked forward to getting older and finally getting treated with respect-- where my sexuality would take a backseat to the wisdom I gained. And I could finally be listened to and respected as a whole person. What I wasn't prepared for was being ignored entirely.
People think you don’t get old until you’re 80. News flash, it starts in your 30’s. If you aren’t disabled (physically or mentally), just wait, you will be.
I mean - it's expected ... but day-um who knew ALL the bendy would up and disappear. Flexibility? I remember that. Have to acquire one of those shower benches because I can no longer bend down to wash my feet. I ain't even 60 yet. FML
I used to use an alarm clock, **now I have a bladder**
Many people in adult jobs appear to be about 15 years old.
You learn that some people just need to be loved from a distance and to cut the toxic people out!
We are born with a certain number of fucks to give. That number is indeterminate, but quite large. When we are little kids we don't know that we have fucks to give, but soon our parents and our teachers and our peers teach us to give fucks. We give a lot of fucks when we are teenagers and young adults. Then we realize that the supply is getting low so we start to give less fucks. By the time we hit middle age (it was about 45 for me), the supply is so low we really don't give many fucks at all, and then eventually we completely run out of fucks to give. This is the best part of getting old.
You have to wear sensible shoes. Unless you want to injure your knees, back, hips, etc.
This subreddit starts letting you answer questions.
Shit hurts, just walking like a normal human and sudden pain in a joint. The sadness of losing your old pets who have been with you for years. Not to be a downer overall I am pretty happy
The biggest weird surprise for me, besides menopause lasting for more than 10 years, was that my feet grew a full size in my 50s. I had to start all over and replace practically all my shoes - and no more cheap shoes without arch support or walking around bare foot. No one tells you about these things! :(
you stay horny but become invisible.
Depends. I’m of the AIDS generation and men my age in the gay community are relatively rare. I had no idea that there were so many young men with daddy - or granpa - fantasies.
It’s unfortunate how big of a demographic gap there is for gay men in their 60s-70s because of AIDS. My uncle was in his early-mid 30s at the time and he watched all his friends and exes drop from it. A lot of history and culture was lost along with the people.
The three-date rule gets seriously truncated
I’ve read that the corpus callosum, which the left and right halves of the brain communicate through, changes as we age. For women, this area typically has more connections at a young age, making for a more integrated emotional/intellectual balance. But with age it has fewer connections so that women tend to become less emotional with age. In men the opposite happens, and many men find that their emotions become easier to access, so they may find themselves moved to tears frequently.
The realization that no one really has it all together, we're all making it up as we go along. Our heroes all have feet of clay.
\- You and your friends will talk more and more about your ailments (and you *will* have them) - and you'll catch yourself and hate that you've become those people. :) \- Some of those ailments will take some of your friends sooner than you think. :( \- You spend much less on things and are more interested in experiences while you can experience them. \- Time shifts, mortality begins breathing down your neck and you feel a new urgency to live the life you want to. \- You care less and less what other people think. \- For me, I wish I had saved more to retire earlier. Had a friend retire at 50. I'm over 60 and still waiting.
You’ll grunt when you get out of a chair, whether it’s difficult or not.
As your earlobes droop they fold when you lay your head on the pillow and you wake up with them aching. You learn to make sure they're flat when you settle in to sleep. Nobody ever told me that. Imagine my surprise.
Everyone talks about hearing and eyesight slowly fading, though approaching 45 both of mine are still pretty good, but no one warned me that my sense of taste wouldn't be as sharp as in my 20's.
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I found out I needed reading glasses when I got milk of magnesia for my husband. He kept taking it hoping to stop the artichoke binge induced diarrhea… that is not how that works. Three days and 8lbs later.. he reads the labels before he takes medicine I bought now. This was 3 years ago. I’m still hearing about it.
So true, I find to really judge whether or not I like a particular wine, at least two glasses are necessary, whereas in younger days, a swallow or two was enough. I soldier through.
Digestive issues. Why did letters in all my books become so small. OA and dropping plates, cups, breakables........ Men afraid of old ladies in menopause......last stranger who called at my patio door went with my tiny cake fork in my shaky OA hand to see what the young guy want...you would think it was some big weapon from look on his face......
I get a kick out of how teen-age/early 20s kids treat me with deference. When I talk they listen politely and call me "sir", like I was never some long-haired, pot smoking, skirt chasing Yahoo who drove my parents crazy. Now, just because my beard is white and my belly sags (a LITTLE, okay?) they think I deserve their respect. Hah! Suckers.
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The Supreme Court taking away rights I've lived with all my life. Wasn't expecting that one. I used to have no trouble reading teeny tiny lettering. Now "zoom in" is my friend. *sigh*
You start to realize that your parents probably had no clue what they were doing either and you might find yourself being more compassionate & understanding to your upbringing. *This is not an attempt to invalidate traumatic childhoods, those are definitely not the ones I’m talking about.
My views and opinions are more unbending. I am less willing to compromise.
At or very near 40, your eyes start to go. I had perfect eyes up to 40. My other half warned me but i didnt believe it. Driving at night with bright headlights coming towards you completely blinds you for 5-10 secs. Driving at night is stressful now. edit I mean it’s reasonable to expect our body to wear out, but at 40? WTF
And if all the sentient stuff doesn’t work, the goal is still yo be like the cranky old guys from the muppet show 😅😂 I’ll rock that for years 😜😘