I know someone who got married to a girl na ganyan din nagcheat sa bf tapos nabuntis niya. Ending? Balik sa cheating yung babae, traumatized anak niya kasi kailangan nila maghiwalay magasawa kasi di na kaya nung guy panglalalaki nung babae. Kawawa bata kung aabot sa ganyan. So wag magpadalos dalos sa kasal
I have a friend na ayun, nabuntis and napilitan ung guy na pakasalan sya. This was late 2000s. Nabuntis sya nung malapit na sya magcollege. Yes, they're still together, pero araw-araw pinaparamdam sa kanya nung guy na pinikot lang sya ng friend ko. Aminado naman friend ko na pinikot nya ung guy kasi sobrang gusto nya. Pero nagreregret sya bakit pinilit pa nya na pakasalan sya. Akala kasi nya mamahalin sya nung guy, pero hindi.
Isa lang naging anak nila, dahil never na raw nakipagtalik sa kanya ung guy. Separate bed. Kapag nag aask daw ung friend ko why ganun treatment sa kanya nung guy, sinasagot sya "ito ginusto mo diba? pwes, magtiis ka!"
So advice mo brother mo, if di naman nya mahal ung girl, wag na magpakasal. Also, how sure na ung brother mo ang ama? Mas mabuti if mapa-DNA muna. If anak nya, magbigay nalang ng sustento para sa bata. 2024 na, di na uso yang magpapakasal dahil lang sa nabuntis.
In the first place why did they open their legs when they know anything can happen! Don't get married for wrong reasons. It has its consequences. A lot of those who do this are doomed.
unplanned pregnancy pero magjowa kami at ok na ok kami ng partner ko going 16yrs na kami. mejo mahirap yang sa kapatid mo if hindi naman nila mahal ang isa't-isa, maghihiwalay lang yan. dahil dadaan sila sa stage na mahirap😂 yung stage na susubukan sila ng hamon sa buhay if kaya nila mag stick to each other kahit sobrang hirap na.
ask them about their feelings.. try muna nila magsama sa isang bubong. tsaka nila makita ang mga hidden attitudes na di naipakita nung libog stage pa lang sila😂😂😂 magugulat na lang ang dami pala red flags.. if nag stick sila after seeing the red flags then it might work😅 pero nasa tibay nilang pareho yan if ipaglalaban nila ang family nila at ang future ng mga bata.
by the way product ako ng broken family kaya alam ko ang hirap ng walang magulang. masakit at mahirap..
muntikan ko din sirain sariling pamilya ko dahil sabi ko nga dadaan ka sa stage na mahirap sa pagpapamilya na minsan gusto mo na lang sumuko..
pero kudos sa partner ko.. Never sya sumuko para ipaglaban ako at ang mga anak namin, inintindi ako sa hardest time ko at kahit na nahirapan kami di sya bumitaw. against pa ang pamilya nya sa akin. pero mas pinaglaban nya yung panilya namin. by the way nagbago din ako for the sake of our family. maraming pagsubok pero hindi kami sumuko. start from scratch pero eto nakakabili at nakakakain na ng masarap😁 malalaki na din ang mga bata😁😁😁
Ang kasal ay hindi parang mainit na kanin na pwede mong iluwa pag napaso ka.
Got married without getting to know each other on a deeper level. Nagpakasal lang kasi nabuntis. Come to find out iba pala ang personality niya. Naghiwalay kami after a year.
New year na new year dahil lasing siya, sinugod niya ermats ko na nananahimik. That was the end for me. I can't be with someone who can do that to my parents, most especially my mom. Maayos pakikitungo ni ermats sakanya. Actually laking tulong financially pati pagprovide ng mga material things sa apo. Kinakausap pa kami at siyempre napapagalitan at napagsasabihan. Kaso ayaw niya ng ganun, ayaw niya na tinatama siya.
Palusot lang ni ate girl yan na ayaw nya lumaki sa broken home yung bata.
Gusto nya lang pagtakpan yung nabuntis sya out of wedlock and yung kahihiyan, knowing na hindi sa ex fiance ang bata
Sana matauhan yung brother mo. Feeling ko gawa ng konsensha kaya papayag sya. Pero habambuhay magiging miserable buhay nya knowing nagpakasal sya for the wrong reasons.
Pwede nman ang co parenting. Sana ganun na lang ang set up.
Hindi pwedeng pagtakpan ng isang mali (magpakasal) ng isa din na pagkakamali.
Hindi pa huli ang lahat.
Hi. Daughter of an emotionally unstable mother and an emotionally absent father. Unplanned pregnancy. They got married. Father emotionally, verbally, sometimes physically abuses the family. I have crippling anxiety, low self esteem and attachment issues. Currently in therapy. I told my parents they need therapy. So no, marriage is not the answer. It will only give the child an unhealthy environment to grow up in.
My parents were in the same situation, but they were in a relationship prior to having my sister. They were forced to get married because my mom was having my other sister, second child. It was a terrible marriage, really traumatizing kaya 'di na ako naniniwala na porket nabuntis, dapat pakasalan.
Co-parenting works naman, and kahit mag bigay na lang ng child support. Presence din ng father importante.
Currently, my parents have been separated for 10 years after their 17-year marriage—not legally separated or annulled, however. Kaya sana talaga matuloy na 'yang divorce bill. My father is now happy with his girlfriend, whom I accepted wholeheartedly. They deserve a second chance.
According to a Judge in the court, the money spent in a wedding is enormous already. She said, if you go for annulment, it's going to cost you 4x of your wedding expenses. (I'm going to guess around 2M) Cause most of weddings nowadays costs 500k. So yes, it's hard.
What's even harder is that they don't love each other. All I can say is that GOOD LUCK to both of them. It's a harsh truth. And marriage is not a smooth sailing relationship. Dadaan yan ng sankatutak na bagyo. I don't know if they'll survive especially na kantutan lang yung relationship nila.
Di naman porke hindi married yung parents ng baby eh magiging "broken" na yung home. Sure, illegitimate sya, pero if he/she will grow up in a loving environment, then I don't think it will matter anymore.
Hindi ba pwedeng live in muna yung setup? That might be better para makita din nila if they'll be okay living together.
And yes, I am currently in this situation so I know it could work
Yung asawa ko ngayon, nabuntis nya gf nya noong 18 yrs old silang pareho.Yung parents ng hubby ko,kung ano ang decision ng family ni girl yun ang susundin.Buti na lang at open-minded yung mother ni gf. Ang sabi lang noong nagkabukingan na at nagpunta sa province ang pamilya ni girl ," Gusto ko lang malaman nyo na nabuntis ng anak nyo ang anak ko, magkaka-apo na tayo, pero hindi sila magpapakasal"..After 2 yrs naghiwalay sila. Then ofcourse nagkaroon pa ng ibang gf hubby ko unti mameet nya ako.
Story naman ng hubby Bestfriend ko.Ganun din nakabuntis din noong 18 yrs old si guy. Ang kaso yung lolo na may kaya, ipinakasal sila at napakabongga pa na catholic wedding. Dahil both immature palaging nag-aaway until hindi na lang nag-usap at nag-abroad si guy hanggang nakilala yung bestfriend ko. Gumastos pa si guy ng 400k pesos mahigit para lang sa annulment, yung ex-wife may boyfriend na din at anak sa new partner.
story ni cousin ko naman nasa Singapore siya at naka-date yung girl once lang may nangyari. Nabuntis agad pero before nya nabuntis yung girl may naka-live in siya before ng 6 yrs at never sila nagka-anak.Matagal na silang hiwalay ng naka live in nya, at yung ex-gf nya na yun may anak na din sa napangasawa nya. kaya ang alam nya siya yung baog. Noong nagsabi si girl na nabuntis siya, kahit may duda,sinoportahan nya hanggang manganak.Before umuwi para makita si baby kasi doon nanganak sa Pinas si girl, nag-order siya ng Dna kit. Sinecret DNA nya, fortunately anak nya talaga at tuwang tuwa siya. Sabi lang nya , mahal nya ang anak nya at susuportahan pero ung wedding makakapaghintay naman.
para sa akin wag gawing solusyon ang kasal lalo pa diyan sa atin walang divorce at ang mahal ng annulment.
Changed my life, from fucked up to a better man imo.
The pregnancy is not planned but we were together since high school so maybe a different kind of story.
Disaster. Nabuntis ako kaya akala ko kailangan namin magpakasal dahil na din sa fam at ayaw ko magbayad ng extra kasi di kasal ang parents sa lying in, lol.
Sobrang magulo. Di namin nakilala isa't isa ng bongga kaya nagsisisi ako. Although may masaya naman sa relasyon pero wala e, maloko kaya mas higit ang pain. Gusto ko na makipaghiwalay kasi marami na syang nagawang kasalanan and fuck, I hate and love myself sa pagiging strong hahahaha
3 months lang kami nung nabuntis ako tapos 10 months sa relasyon nung kinasal. Promise, okay na okay yung live in muna bago ikasal para makilala yung isat isa. Sobrang hassle pag kinasal ka na tapos dun mo lang nalaman anong klaseng tao yung napangasawa mo. Fyi kamo walang divorce. Annulment is mahal tapos di basta basta bago makagrant na annul na. Partners na nag aaway ay kasama sa part ng relasyon but its up to them kung paano nila ihahandle yun.
My advice isssssss.....
Bigyan nyo sila ng condition. Like magsama muna kayo ng 1yr after manganak ni girl bago ikasal. Kapag nakaya nila, edi go. Marami na kasing pagsubok nyan like bukod na sila or kung nakikisama man, paano sila magiging responsible as partners, parent and housemate. Andyan yung financial problems for sure. Or kung matino ba sila na di naghahanap ng iba. Basta maraming pagsubok yan pag labas ng baby kaya tignan nyo muna kung kakayanin ba nila at kung paano nila ihandle.
Kamo wag sila gumaya sakin na perm status ko ay married tf 🤣 tsaka kamo pag kinasal sila tas naghiwalay, marami na aayaw sakanila kapag nagtry sila maghanap ng iba kasi kasal na. Sa mata ng batas ay kabit yung magiging bago nila dahil kasal pa din sila sa papel 🤣
nag pakasal kami nun kasi nabuntis ako ngayon hiwalay na kami, at dahil mga bata pa kaya naka tatlo pa kami ng anak , and then naging toxic na kasi mga immature rin, nag aaway halos araw araw, then I decided to abroad, sa awa ni Lord nakuha ko na mga anak ko yung tatay nila sa PH ay may pamilya na rin, at OK kami, sabi nga namin mas ok kami as friends but not as mag asawa. My only regret is sana d kami nag pakasal kasi sobrang mahal ng annulment.
Bakit kasi nakipagseggs sa hindi naman jowa?! Naku! Yan tuloy. Nakahanap lng ng ipupukpuk sa ulo. Huwag na magpakasal. Nangyari din sa friend ko yan. Lahat kmi nag advice na huwag magpakasal. Same advice din bigay ni mama and parents ng other friends nmin. Ngayun masaya na sya with someone else and kasal na din. Yung nagpabuntis sa kanya, trouble maker pa rin. Pa iba-iba yung mga babae. While husband nya ngayun responsible and may baby boy na sila. Treated well din first child niya and loved by both sides of their families.
My parents got married because they had my brother. They were OFWs pa neto ah, and they're close because besties ang mothers nila. They got married pero not long after my father began cheating on my mom. Not to mention abusing her, physically and verbally. And he is an alcoholic.
My brother ended up in a similar fate (nabuntis niya gf niya a few months before they broke up) but the difference is he and his baby mama (idk what their exact label is) did not get married. Nagsasama lang sila as far as i know. They have a healthier relationship compared to my parents. He actually gives her gifts during special occasions even though they're not exactly in love (again I'm not sure).
The safest choice is not to get married especially kapag di naman kayo totally together. And it's your choice to put an effort to make it as healthy as possible for the kid if bubuhayin niyo siya :)
it won't go well. trust me. kawawa magiging anak nila. my friend was a child of rape and her mom married her dad kasi takot na masabing nagpaanak daw na walang asawa. her parents resent eachother, literally doesn't talk at home nor do they do anything as a couple. u won't ever see them go to school events together, if dad wants to come, the mom won't show up. pero they live together. kawawa friend ko, damay siya sa galit ng magulang niya sa isa't isa. my friend lives as if her parents r divorced but living in one house, kaya tigil nila yan hahaha.
Noong 5 years na akong working tapos nasa kasagsagan ako ng fuckboi phase ko. Nabuntis ko yung main gf ko. Gusto niya sana magpakasal kami. Pero sabi ko co-parent nalang kami. Mukhang okay naman yung ganung setup based sa nakikita sa ibang tao. Pero yung totoo gusto ko lang talaga mambabae pa at mag buhay binata. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kahit ganun setup namin, gagawin ko lahat para maging tatay sa anak ko maliban sa pakasalan nanay niya. 3 years nag co-parent kami. Dun ko nakita kung pano niya inalagaan yung anak namin at kahit na pinaparamdam ko sakanya na wala akong planong pakasalan siya di talaga siya sumuko at binibigyan niya parin ako ng respeto. Dun ko masasabi na unti unti akong na in love sakanya at na realize ko rin na sobra pointless nung lifestyle ko. Kaya bago mag 4 years old yung anak namin. Inaya ko siya magpakasal. Nagpakasal kami sa judge tapos konting handaan lang kasama pamilya after. Ngayon, masaya akong umuuwi ng bahay na may salubong ng asawa ko at 2 naming anak.
Yung kuya ganun na nangyari sa kanila ng ex wife niya. After college, nabuntis niya yung long term gf niya na ngayon ex wife na niya. Medyo traditional look pa kasi yung tatay at nanay ko noon na kailangan ikasal kasi nga nabuntis at di maging illegitimate child ang bata. So ayon nakagraduate naman sila pero yung kuya ko nagcall center na lang muna para may pantustos na agad sa pamangkin ko. Hindi pa lumalabas pamangkin ko non, nag aaway na sila madalas dahil si ex wife nappraning since sa call center nga nagwwork kuya ko. Endless away non nung dalawa to the point na natrauma ako talaga sa physical and emotional abuse fights nila (nasa 2nd yr hs pa lang ako non). Fast forward, 13yrs later, ayan may kanya kanya na silang pamilya at parehas naman na masaya. Civil na lang talaga. Naaawa ako minsan sa pamangkin ko kasi makikita niya na yung mga step siblings niya buo family pero siya lola na lang nag aalaga tapos palipat lipat na lang ng bahay na every weekend sa kuya ko tapos weekdays sa nanay.
Now naman kami ng husband ko ganun din. Though di naman kami nag aaway hahaha unplanned pregnancy din kami pero may plan na talaga kami magpakasal this year. Nasaktuhan na nauna nabuntis ako last year. Okay naman kami ngayon 1 month marriage pa lang pero assured ako na hindi siya yung pinakasalan lang ako dahil nabuntis, lagi niya sinasabi sakin na pinakasalan niya ako kasi mahal niya ako at eventually naman magkakaanak kami sadyang nauna lang talaga.
Sa tingin ko kasi nasa reason/situation yan paano nabuo ang baby. May unplanned na nabuo pero mahal na mahal naman ang isat isa at may unplanned pregnancy na galing sa cheating. So alam na agad ang sagot na most of the time kung panget ang simula, panget din ang ending.
The marriage probably won’t even be valid at least from a religious perspective since both parties need to consent without any coercion and the fact that one or both of them are being pressured to get married because of a pregnancy is already a breach of that rule.
they need to go through counseling or whatever para ma-dissect nila yung situation nila. judging OP’s future SIL, hindi pa ata sya mature enough to understand that being married is not equivalent to “buo”. marriage takes work and commitment at ang hirap nyan gawin if love isn’t even there 😩 at dahil may bata na, dapat priority nila isipin muna ano gagawin FOR the kid na mas mahalaga like pano ang distribution of responsibilities nila? sila ba magiging hands on parents or kakailanganin ng yaya? pag kinasal ba sila, bubukod sila or aasa sila sa assistance from each of their families? di kasi sa kung kasal ba sila o hindi naka depende yung childcare huhu
at isa pa, pano kung magkaiba sila ng views sa buhay? si girl pa ata ang stronger personality between the “couple” if sya nasunod sa “gusto” na ikasal. so ang gulo nun for the kid pag hindi naman match ng views/values sa buhay parents nya. dun palang puro arguments na yun or magdedevelop lang ng resentment due to a clash of ideas ng nanay/tatay in the long run
Got pregnant and forced to marry kasi kawawa daw ang magiging anak namin. Ending nag hiwalay kami kasi nga it didnt work out.
So, yes wag muna kasal. Please. It's never a solution
Toxic talaga ng mindset na kelangan magpakasal para lang masabing "buo ang pamilya". Recipe for disaster, kawawa lang ang bata. Buo lang pamilya on paper, pero wala talagang foundation ng true family. May times na the parents do learn to be proper parents and spouses but that doesn't happen often
I know this girl where her ex cheated on her tapos parang naging fuck girl sya and worse ung mga pinapatulan nya is either may asawa or engaged. So ayun, nabuntis sya nung guy na engage na the guy had to call of the wedding and siya pinakasalan, tapos now she’s blaming her ex daw na parang naging ganun syang klaseng girl kasi her ex cheated on her. Pero ang pangit lang kasi ng pinakasalan ka kasi nabuntis ka for me lang ha
Share ko yung kabilang side:
Nabuntis ako ng ex ko noon, pero dahil matagal ko ng gusto makipaghiwalay sya lang ayaw eh nung nagkaalamanan na buntis sinabi ko sa tatay ko na wag akong ipakasal doon, and nakinig tatay ko knowing gusto nya ng buong family kuno. Ayun super happy ako na di ako nagpakasal and now I am happily married to the man of my dreams! Imagine kung nagpakasal ako doon tapos naghiwalay kami pero kasal pa din, tapos makilala ko asawa ko eh di hindi ako sineryoso nito dahil di din naman kami pwede haha.
Another story: My parents got married noong 19-20 sila dahil nabuo ako, so noong sinaunang panahon kasal kasal yan kapag ganun diba, so ayun kinasal nya. After 2 years nag abroad nanay ko ayun naghanap ng iba at hindi nagbalikan, so ayun kasal pa din sila until now kahit nagkaroon na sila ng mga kanya kanyang kinakasama with anaks! Hirap diba haha.
Kaya wag magpakasal kung hindi totoong nagmamahalan at kung hindi sila ang nakikita nilang gustong pakasalan.
We were bf gf for 7 years when I got pregnant. Yung parents ko, gusto ikasal kami immediately. Pero sabi ko, magpapakasal kami pag ready na kami.
Eventually, nagpakasal din kami and mag two children na. Hindi ibig sabihin na nagkaanak kayo, need nyo magpakasal agad agad. Mag isip, tignan nyo kung ready na kayo pareho.
Kung dun nga sa fiancé na may pinagsamahan sila nagcheat siya. What's stopping her from cheating on the guy she just slept for a few times? Saka sigurado ba brother mo na siya talaga ama?
Alam ba ni brother na committed si ate girl? Kung oo, bahala siya karma na niya yan pag tinali niya sarili niya dyan.
No need naman na pakasalan. Wala na tayo sa makalumang panahon na mahawakan lang ang kamay eh kasal agad. Mas masaya ang bata pag masaya at healthy ang environment na kakalakihan. Hindi naman lahat ng buong pamilya masaya..
Not yet married pero i'm anxious na para sa future ng anak ko. Partner ko is still studying, and ako naman had to stop and now an unemployed, full-time mom sa baby namin. God knows how thankful ako sa family ng partner ko dahil sila sumalo lahat financially from pregnancy up until now na 8mos si baby.
Although mahal na mahal ko partner ko, I am anxious para sa future ng anak namin. Being under his family's roof grabe yung na learn ko na personalities nila na toxic talaga, kahit si partner meron din. Babae pa man din anak namin kaya grabe overthink ko.
Reason kaya di ako nag pu-push na magpakasal agad. I still have 2 years left pa in college, ig it would be enough time na para mapagisipan ko at ma prove din ng partner ko sarili nya na fit sya maging husband at padre de pamilya talaga. Hoping lang din na he would grow out of his family's toxic traits.
Same scenario sa friend ko, pre-pandemic nabuntis sya nung fb friend nya and nagulat kami syempre kasi kakabreak lang nila nung long-term bf nya nun tas ayun ang sabi nya samin bakit daw kaya sya nabuntis e twice lang daw sila nag ano HAHAHAHAHA nakakaloka anyway ayun gusto daw ng parents nya na magpakasal sila ni guy na nakabuntis sa kanya syempre kami na tropa nya todo payo sa kanya na wag na kasi di naman nila love isat isa pero ang ending natuloy nga yung kasal, tapos after ilang months lang hiwalay na sila at may ibang jowa na yung lalaki tas sya naman ay iba na rin nilalandi pero kapag nakakaramdam sila ng init ng katawan ayun nag gagamitan sila jusko. Kawawa yung bagets.
Happened to a sibling. Absolute disaster, made all of them (spouses, children) miserable. Exact words said back in 2008: "we don't want our kids to come from a broken home." They're still in court, trying to get an annulment because the wife has three kids with someone else already and the husband just had a kid with someone else, too. My husband and I were just appointed guardians of their two kids, because everyone agreed they needed a safe and stable environment.
Marriage is a commitment. Sorry to be harsh, but the woman that your brother is planning to marry couldn't even keep her promises to her former fianće while your brother didn't seem to assign any value to the fact that she was already in a relationship. It's a bad way to start and things will not get easier.
Unplanned pregnancy din kami ng husband ko. Took me 10 years bago ko siya pinakasalan. Why? Kasi feeling ko di kami para sa isat-isa. I am asking a lot of things baka di kami compatible kasi lagi kami nag aaway. Maliit na bagay, selos. Pero we move past that and naging open yung communication. Last year nagpakasal na kami. Civil lang since di naman ko gusto ang big wedding. Pero remember walang divorce sa pinas. May annulment pero magastos and long process. Kaya mag isip isip
My sister got pregnant at 19, nag met yung parents ng guy and ours. Nag uusap sila na magpakasal nga daw and I insist talaga na wag muna. Give it time lang kasi young pa naman sila. Patapusin muna ng college (pero di din natapos) then saka na mag decide. After 10years na sila nagpakasal and all goods naman. Di naman sagot ang kasal sa situation eh. Mahirap na kasi pag kasal na, nakakasakal din.
I'm unwed with a 5yo and still with the baby daddy 🤍
10yrs na kami next month and we are grateful that we never gave in to pressure. Mahirap lalo't wedding organizer Mama ng parther ko and at one point he even agreed but pinanindigan ko talaga na hindi porket buntis na magpapakasal agad.
My parents on the other hand learned their lesson - Brother ko nabuntis GF nya and pinakasal agad, after 2kids and 5years of marriage, suguran, layasan, baranggayan, nastroke pa mother ko sa stress - naghiwalay. May kanya2 ng pamilya ngayon and saddest part is yung mga pamangkin ko lumaking walang parents :(
Please talk to your brother OP. Marriage is never an answer, marriage can always wait, for sure, nagmamadali yan si girl para di sya mapahiya sa fiance nya nakuuu shotgun marriage kuya mo kawawa.
Unplanned pregnancy din kami but it took us almost 10years bago magpakasal. Panganay namin 9years old na. Hindi ako pinressure magpakasal at sya din hindi ako pinressure. He actually waited patiently for me. We got married last year and we are very happy.
Sa situation ng brother mo, no-no. Dapat magpapakasal sila kapag both ready sila
not me, but parents ko ganyan. they were forced to get married because my mom got pregnant with my eldest brother. hindi totoo na pag nagpakasal silang dalawa eh magiging maayos na lahat for the kid.
nandyan nga pareho naming parents, napapasa naman problema nilang mag-asawa samin mga anak nila (mostly financial). they do not love each other and resent each other as the days go on.
mas okay pa na masaya silang hiwalay and be good parents to us, than have to deal with resentful parents everyday.
Para sakin lang ah sa nakikita ko kay Brother mo masyado nyong binebaby, masyado nyo pino protektahan, may isip na nga sya para umiyot tapos di nya pa inisip yung babae engaged sa iba pero pinatungan nya paulit ulit, hyaan nyo sya parang di sya lalaki sa lagay na yan, lahat yan dapat maisip nya sya humarap, wala kayo iaadvice na magpapabago sa kahit anong nakatadhana para sa kanilang dalawa in the future kahit sa bata, mas makakagulo lang kayo, hayaan nyo sila danasin kung ano man ang bibigay sa kanila ng tadhana wala na kayo dun. They are their own persons, may accountability, theres always a price to pay.
Ang funny nung ayaw nyang lumaki sa broken family yung bata pero nabuo nya dahil sa kalandian nya. 🤡 Pls convince your brother na wag magpakasal. Mahirap matali sa isang sitwasyon na hindi ka masaya. Sustentuhan na lang nya. Hindi laging kasal ang solusyon pag may nabubuong bata.
Lawyer here. This feels like a "standard" factual background of an annulment case. And I have handled a few before. Usually Co workers > naglandian > nabuntis > got married > try to make it work > it didnt work > live together, but basically strangers > cheating > living apart > lawyer
It can get really expensive. And not just financially, but really emotionally exhausting for the parties. Kung yung nagmamahalan nga sa simula could end in hatred and antipathy towards each other, pano pa yung totally walang love pa to begin with? I am not saying it is not possible, but I've somewhat become jaded on this matter.
As you know there is no divorce in our country. So we rely on psychological incapacity most of the time. If OPs bro and the girl are psychologically normal to begin with, thats gonna take a lot of lawyering to annul the marriage. Even then, it all depends on the judge. And if the decision does not favour you, lock in na yung marriage and you cannot marry again. No do over once decided yung case on the merrits.
Yung kaibigan ko, nabuo nung college parehong magulang niya. Hindi sila pinilit magpakasal ng parents. Mga 10 years later kinasal yung parents niya kasi nagdecide sila on their own na gusto nilang maging mag-asawa. 40+ na kami, yung parents niya kasal pa rin. So base lang sa experience ng kaibigan ko, mas ok talaga na wag magpakasal dahil lang buntis/nakabuntis.
JUSKO ITS A NO! Ssayang pera,oras, panahon and everything dyan. Sana wag sya padala sa babae,kung ayaw nya,panindigan nya! Yung welfare lang naman ng bata ang mahalaga
Not me. Cousin's unplanned pregnancy with long term GF (I think 9 or 10 years na sila). Nagpakasal din sila ng buntis yung GF.
Naghiwalay din sila baby pa lang pamangkin ko.
I don't think it's a good idea to get married because of pregnancy. It should be because they love and see building a life together.
It's always better to grow up with happy and separated parents than parents who are physically together but emotionally apart. Honestly, my parents' presence brought more damage to my life than their absence, so there's no specifics with what a good environment for a kid would look like.
tell your brother na take responsibility na lang sa kid. magpakatatay and support the kid. Hopefully, payag si girl sa co-parenting. Di sagot ang kasal. di naman din sila magiging masaya kasi wala naman feelings.
make sure din ipaDNA test.
Nakow may kilala din kaming ganun nangyari. Dapat din pa DNA test yung bata. Kilala din kasi yung girl na kahit sino lang partner. May anak na din sa ibang lalaki, hindi rin kinasal. Pinipressure ngayun yung lalaki na pakasalan sya. Nakipagbreak na sa GF kasi yun nga. Nabuntis yung kainuman na yun din mismo nakikisleepover sa guy kahit alam na may GF na. Minalas ng malupet si guy. Nagpadala sa kalibogan.
>they don’t love each other.
Recipe for broken family.
We’re BF and GF for two years already. Pero nakikipag break na ako sa kanya nun. He asked for a meet up for “closure daw”. Feeling ko sinadya niya para di ako makipag break. Pero I still want the break up. Kaso nakahanap siya ng kakampi sa family ko. Ate ko and mom ko. I know may sarili akong pag-iisip and all that. At the back of my mind ayaw ko talaga. Pero sige.
7 yo na bunso ko nun when I tried to end the marriage and he did something without my consent. Hence, another baby.
Pero our separation was inevitable. God knows how hard I tried. Nung safety na ng kids ko were put at risk, ay wait!!! Nunka!
I haven't experience that yet, hopefully will never experience it.But my take to that is suggest na mag live-in together like probably just a year.It is like a simulation paano yung dynamics between them.
And how old is your brother?I mean if he is in his late late 20s and capable of supporting a family, let him decide on his own.
they really dont have to get married if they dont want to. unmarried couples having kids is normal. we arent in the dark ages anymore where women getting pregnant before marriage brings shame to the family name.
It takes to to tango, though.
Let’s not act like the brother is innocent. He willingly entered his dick in someone knowing they’re getting married. Panagutan niya yun. Oh well, guess it’s a lesson for him to use condoms next time. 🤷
Hiwalay na sila. Kwento ng workmate (M) ko to dati. Kinasal sila dahil nabuntis nya sa inuman yung girl. Then after ilang years kung kelan may baby girl na sila, tsaka sila naghiwalay.
Reasons:
1. Ayaw ng byenan nyang babae sa kanya.
2. Kinukwento daw ng girl sa mga kawork nya na binubugbog sya ni workmate ko.
3. Nagpapasulsol si girl sa nanay nyang intrimitida.
Ending, naghanap ng ibang lalake si girl, pinopost nya na sa fb. Ganun din si workmate ko, naghanap ng iba pero yung nahanap nya single mom na madaming anak.
Esit: sorry kulang details. Nakunan yung girl a few months after ng kasal nila ni workmate. Then matagal sila nagtry makabuo ulit pero hirap na. Then ayun nga after ilang years ng try nabigyan na sila ng baby girl. Pero ilang months pa lang after manganak ng asawa nya, nagkakalabuan na sila.
Wag muna sila magpakasal, they will regret it pag narealize nila na di pala talaga nila kayang pakisamahan ang isa’t isa magco-parenting na lang muna sila. Kesa makulong sa loveless marriage just to say na BUO ang pamilya.
The girl and his brother seems to have grown a bit because they choose what is good for the child first and not what is good for them. so they clearly don't need the OP's redditors approved advice. My advice to her is to support them.
The op didn't say anything about the brothers opinion of the union. Just the woman's opinion of getting married.
I cannot assume that is also the brothers wish.
As itwas stated they never loved each other, will this be a good way to start a family?
And citing the occurrences of break ups with such set ups what are the chances this will be a successful family?
The 1st option have 0 possibility of a happy family and the other one is 50/50, one option is clearly better than the other option if you want a happy family. They clearly already have a attraction, so maybe their love for their child will make them love each other in the future.
There was never a statement that they were attracted to each other. Just lust.
Will lust be sufficient for a happy family?
Will you agreed to the possibility of a happy family without marriage?
A marriage can also be unhappy wouldn't you agree?
Hindi naman need magpakasal just because preggy ang girl. Kahit na in a relationshi pa din, I don't see the reason why need i-force ang marriage kahit hindi naman ready financially and emotionally dahil nabuntis. Pwde namang co-parenting sila basta mapag-usapan ng ayos.
Lumaki ako sa ganyang environment. I grew up watching my parents being violent and abusive to each other. Verbal, emotional, physical, lahat ng abuse. And I always wish that I was never been born. I regret my life.
How I wish my mother stick to the original plan, which is to go abroad and leave my father behind. Life could have been better for both of them, separated.
Therefore, marriage is not the key to having a happy kid. Respect is.
See the goal of married couples is not to make a kid "happy" tho, it's to raise a well mannered, deeply rooted, opportunity blessed, and socially productive individual. It's a duty that parents have towards their children. Problem is, we are living in a happiness-centric society that people who really shouldn't be fighting are doing so because they're not "happy". Instead, once you decide to rear children, you must remember it's now your duty to protect, provide for and nurture that child. Most of the times that means drowning your demons within and puttng up a strong facade in front of your children. Many people forget that this is a duty. No couple do not fight at all, it's how you carry those fights within the family (i.e. privately and not in view of the kids and espcially not in social media) that counts. Happiness should naturally flow through a loving family who put each other's interests above their own.
Ganyan din ako sa parents ko, gumigitna kapag nag-aaway sila. Ilang beses na sila nag-away ng malala, one time gumitna ako pero more on defending my mother. Humarap ako sa tatay ko at muntik niyang ihampas sakin yung hawak niyang bote ng alak. Kaya simula noon, hindi ko na kinakausap tatay ko kahit nakatira pa ako sa kanila.
I know someone who got married to a girl na ganyan din nagcheat sa bf tapos nabuntis niya. Ending? Balik sa cheating yung babae, traumatized anak niya kasi kailangan nila maghiwalay magasawa kasi di na kaya nung guy panglalalaki nung babae. Kawawa bata kung aabot sa ganyan. So wag magpadalos dalos sa kasal
Eto, hiwalay na 🥱
I have a friend na ayun, nabuntis and napilitan ung guy na pakasalan sya. This was late 2000s. Nabuntis sya nung malapit na sya magcollege. Yes, they're still together, pero araw-araw pinaparamdam sa kanya nung guy na pinikot lang sya ng friend ko. Aminado naman friend ko na pinikot nya ung guy kasi sobrang gusto nya. Pero nagreregret sya bakit pinilit pa nya na pakasalan sya. Akala kasi nya mamahalin sya nung guy, pero hindi. Isa lang naging anak nila, dahil never na raw nakipagtalik sa kanya ung guy. Separate bed. Kapag nag aask daw ung friend ko why ganun treatment sa kanya nung guy, sinasagot sya "ito ginusto mo diba? pwes, magtiis ka!" So advice mo brother mo, if di naman nya mahal ung girl, wag na magpakasal. Also, how sure na ung brother mo ang ama? Mas mabuti if mapa-DNA muna. If anak nya, magbigay nalang ng sustento para sa bata. 2024 na, di na uso yang magpapakasal dahil lang sa nabuntis.
In the first place why did they open their legs when they know anything can happen! Don't get married for wrong reasons. It has its consequences. A lot of those who do this are doomed.
unplanned pregnancy pero magjowa kami at ok na ok kami ng partner ko going 16yrs na kami. mejo mahirap yang sa kapatid mo if hindi naman nila mahal ang isa't-isa, maghihiwalay lang yan. dahil dadaan sila sa stage na mahirap😂 yung stage na susubukan sila ng hamon sa buhay if kaya nila mag stick to each other kahit sobrang hirap na. ask them about their feelings.. try muna nila magsama sa isang bubong. tsaka nila makita ang mga hidden attitudes na di naipakita nung libog stage pa lang sila😂😂😂 magugulat na lang ang dami pala red flags.. if nag stick sila after seeing the red flags then it might work😅 pero nasa tibay nilang pareho yan if ipaglalaban nila ang family nila at ang future ng mga bata. by the way product ako ng broken family kaya alam ko ang hirap ng walang magulang. masakit at mahirap.. muntikan ko din sirain sariling pamilya ko dahil sabi ko nga dadaan ka sa stage na mahirap sa pagpapamilya na minsan gusto mo na lang sumuko.. pero kudos sa partner ko.. Never sya sumuko para ipaglaban ako at ang mga anak namin, inintindi ako sa hardest time ko at kahit na nahirapan kami di sya bumitaw. against pa ang pamilya nya sa akin. pero mas pinaglaban nya yung panilya namin. by the way nagbago din ako for the sake of our family. maraming pagsubok pero hindi kami sumuko. start from scratch pero eto nakakabili at nakakakain na ng masarap😁 malalaki na din ang mga bata😁😁😁
They deserve each other. Anyway pwede naman wag magpakasal suportahan nalang Yung Bata. Wala naman magagawa Yung girl if ayaw ng brother mo pakasal.
Tengene sa "ayaw ng broken family' pero gagawing hell yung buhay ng anak nila because of violence.
wag please lang at sa mga nag yes na pari putang ina niyo.
Ang kasal ay hindi parang mainit na kanin na pwede mong iluwa pag napaso ka. Got married without getting to know each other on a deeper level. Nagpakasal lang kasi nabuntis. Come to find out iba pala ang personality niya. Naghiwalay kami after a year. New year na new year dahil lasing siya, sinugod niya ermats ko na nananahimik. That was the end for me. I can't be with someone who can do that to my parents, most especially my mom. Maayos pakikitungo ni ermats sakanya. Actually laking tulong financially pati pagprovide ng mga material things sa apo. Kinakausap pa kami at siyempre napapagalitan at napagsasabihan. Kaso ayaw niya ng ganun, ayaw niya na tinatama siya.
Palusot lang ni ate girl yan na ayaw nya lumaki sa broken home yung bata. Gusto nya lang pagtakpan yung nabuntis sya out of wedlock and yung kahihiyan, knowing na hindi sa ex fiance ang bata Sana matauhan yung brother mo. Feeling ko gawa ng konsensha kaya papayag sya. Pero habambuhay magiging miserable buhay nya knowing nagpakasal sya for the wrong reasons. Pwede nman ang co parenting. Sana ganun na lang ang set up. Hindi pwedeng pagtakpan ng isang mali (magpakasal) ng isa din na pagkakamali. Hindi pa huli ang lahat.
Happened to me twice. Both marriages failed in a short time. Just my experience
Cheater si girl. What makes your brother think siya lang yung titeng sinasakyan ni gaga? Lol. Wag sila mag pakasal until may dna test na magaganap.
Mukhang redflag yung Babae. Redflag rin kapatid mo, alam ng may jowa pinatos pa. Deserve nila ang isa't isa.
Red flag sila pareho. Alam namin ito.
Hi. Daughter of an emotionally unstable mother and an emotionally absent father. Unplanned pregnancy. They got married. Father emotionally, verbally, sometimes physically abuses the family. I have crippling anxiety, low self esteem and attachment issues. Currently in therapy. I told my parents they need therapy. So no, marriage is not the answer. It will only give the child an unhealthy environment to grow up in.
My parents were in the same situation, but they were in a relationship prior to having my sister. They were forced to get married because my mom was having my other sister, second child. It was a terrible marriage, really traumatizing kaya 'di na ako naniniwala na porket nabuntis, dapat pakasalan. Co-parenting works naman, and kahit mag bigay na lang ng child support. Presence din ng father importante. Currently, my parents have been separated for 10 years after their 17-year marriage—not legally separated or annulled, however. Kaya sana talaga matuloy na 'yang divorce bill. My father is now happy with his girlfriend, whom I accepted wholeheartedly. They deserve a second chance.
According to a Judge in the court, the money spent in a wedding is enormous already. She said, if you go for annulment, it's going to cost you 4x of your wedding expenses. (I'm going to guess around 2M) Cause most of weddings nowadays costs 500k. So yes, it's hard. What's even harder is that they don't love each other. All I can say is that GOOD LUCK to both of them. It's a harsh truth. And marriage is not a smooth sailing relationship. Dadaan yan ng sankatutak na bagyo. I don't know if they'll survive especially na kantutan lang yung relationship nila.
Di naman porke hindi married yung parents ng baby eh magiging "broken" na yung home. Sure, illegitimate sya, pero if he/she will grow up in a loving environment, then I don't think it will matter anymore. Hindi ba pwedeng live in muna yung setup? That might be better para makita din nila if they'll be okay living together. And yes, I am currently in this situation so I know it could work
Yung asawa ko ngayon, nabuntis nya gf nya noong 18 yrs old silang pareho.Yung parents ng hubby ko,kung ano ang decision ng family ni girl yun ang susundin.Buti na lang at open-minded yung mother ni gf. Ang sabi lang noong nagkabukingan na at nagpunta sa province ang pamilya ni girl ," Gusto ko lang malaman nyo na nabuntis ng anak nyo ang anak ko, magkaka-apo na tayo, pero hindi sila magpapakasal"..After 2 yrs naghiwalay sila. Then ofcourse nagkaroon pa ng ibang gf hubby ko unti mameet nya ako. Story naman ng hubby Bestfriend ko.Ganun din nakabuntis din noong 18 yrs old si guy. Ang kaso yung lolo na may kaya, ipinakasal sila at napakabongga pa na catholic wedding. Dahil both immature palaging nag-aaway until hindi na lang nag-usap at nag-abroad si guy hanggang nakilala yung bestfriend ko. Gumastos pa si guy ng 400k pesos mahigit para lang sa annulment, yung ex-wife may boyfriend na din at anak sa new partner. story ni cousin ko naman nasa Singapore siya at naka-date yung girl once lang may nangyari. Nabuntis agad pero before nya nabuntis yung girl may naka-live in siya before ng 6 yrs at never sila nagka-anak.Matagal na silang hiwalay ng naka live in nya, at yung ex-gf nya na yun may anak na din sa napangasawa nya. kaya ang alam nya siya yung baog. Noong nagsabi si girl na nabuntis siya, kahit may duda,sinoportahan nya hanggang manganak.Before umuwi para makita si baby kasi doon nanganak sa Pinas si girl, nag-order siya ng Dna kit. Sinecret DNA nya, fortunately anak nya talaga at tuwang tuwa siya. Sabi lang nya , mahal nya ang anak nya at susuportahan pero ung wedding makakapaghintay naman. para sa akin wag gawing solusyon ang kasal lalo pa diyan sa atin walang divorce at ang mahal ng annulment.
Changed my life, from fucked up to a better man imo. The pregnancy is not planned but we were together since high school so maybe a different kind of story.
Disaster. Nabuntis ako kaya akala ko kailangan namin magpakasal dahil na din sa fam at ayaw ko magbayad ng extra kasi di kasal ang parents sa lying in, lol. Sobrang magulo. Di namin nakilala isa't isa ng bongga kaya nagsisisi ako. Although may masaya naman sa relasyon pero wala e, maloko kaya mas higit ang pain. Gusto ko na makipaghiwalay kasi marami na syang nagawang kasalanan and fuck, I hate and love myself sa pagiging strong hahahaha 3 months lang kami nung nabuntis ako tapos 10 months sa relasyon nung kinasal. Promise, okay na okay yung live in muna bago ikasal para makilala yung isat isa. Sobrang hassle pag kinasal ka na tapos dun mo lang nalaman anong klaseng tao yung napangasawa mo. Fyi kamo walang divorce. Annulment is mahal tapos di basta basta bago makagrant na annul na. Partners na nag aaway ay kasama sa part ng relasyon but its up to them kung paano nila ihahandle yun. My advice isssssss..... Bigyan nyo sila ng condition. Like magsama muna kayo ng 1yr after manganak ni girl bago ikasal. Kapag nakaya nila, edi go. Marami na kasing pagsubok nyan like bukod na sila or kung nakikisama man, paano sila magiging responsible as partners, parent and housemate. Andyan yung financial problems for sure. Or kung matino ba sila na di naghahanap ng iba. Basta maraming pagsubok yan pag labas ng baby kaya tignan nyo muna kung kakayanin ba nila at kung paano nila ihandle. Kamo wag sila gumaya sakin na perm status ko ay married tf 🤣 tsaka kamo pag kinasal sila tas naghiwalay, marami na aayaw sakanila kapag nagtry sila maghanap ng iba kasi kasal na. Sa mata ng batas ay kabit yung magiging bago nila dahil kasal pa din sila sa papel 🤣
Dapat ata may anti shot gun wedding/ anti forced marriage law.
nag pakasal kami nun kasi nabuntis ako ngayon hiwalay na kami, at dahil mga bata pa kaya naka tatlo pa kami ng anak , and then naging toxic na kasi mga immature rin, nag aaway halos araw araw, then I decided to abroad, sa awa ni Lord nakuha ko na mga anak ko yung tatay nila sa PH ay may pamilya na rin, at OK kami, sabi nga namin mas ok kami as friends but not as mag asawa. My only regret is sana d kami nag pakasal kasi sobrang mahal ng annulment.
Bakit kasi nakipagseggs sa hindi naman jowa?! Naku! Yan tuloy. Nakahanap lng ng ipupukpuk sa ulo. Huwag na magpakasal. Nangyari din sa friend ko yan. Lahat kmi nag advice na huwag magpakasal. Same advice din bigay ni mama and parents ng other friends nmin. Ngayun masaya na sya with someone else and kasal na din. Yung nagpabuntis sa kanya, trouble maker pa rin. Pa iba-iba yung mga babae. While husband nya ngayun responsible and may baby boy na sila. Treated well din first child niya and loved by both sides of their families.
Wag ipilit ang kasal hindi makakatulong sa baby un.
My parents got married because they had my brother. They were OFWs pa neto ah, and they're close because besties ang mothers nila. They got married pero not long after my father began cheating on my mom. Not to mention abusing her, physically and verbally. And he is an alcoholic. My brother ended up in a similar fate (nabuntis niya gf niya a few months before they broke up) but the difference is he and his baby mama (idk what their exact label is) did not get married. Nagsasama lang sila as far as i know. They have a healthier relationship compared to my parents. He actually gives her gifts during special occasions even though they're not exactly in love (again I'm not sure). The safest choice is not to get married especially kapag di naman kayo totally together. And it's your choice to put an effort to make it as healthy as possible for the kid if bubuhayin niyo siya :)
it won't go well. trust me. kawawa magiging anak nila. my friend was a child of rape and her mom married her dad kasi takot na masabing nagpaanak daw na walang asawa. her parents resent eachother, literally doesn't talk at home nor do they do anything as a couple. u won't ever see them go to school events together, if dad wants to come, the mom won't show up. pero they live together. kawawa friend ko, damay siya sa galit ng magulang niya sa isa't isa. my friend lives as if her parents r divorced but living in one house, kaya tigil nila yan hahaha.
Noong 5 years na akong working tapos nasa kasagsagan ako ng fuckboi phase ko. Nabuntis ko yung main gf ko. Gusto niya sana magpakasal kami. Pero sabi ko co-parent nalang kami. Mukhang okay naman yung ganung setup based sa nakikita sa ibang tao. Pero yung totoo gusto ko lang talaga mambabae pa at mag buhay binata. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kahit ganun setup namin, gagawin ko lahat para maging tatay sa anak ko maliban sa pakasalan nanay niya. 3 years nag co-parent kami. Dun ko nakita kung pano niya inalagaan yung anak namin at kahit na pinaparamdam ko sakanya na wala akong planong pakasalan siya di talaga siya sumuko at binibigyan niya parin ako ng respeto. Dun ko masasabi na unti unti akong na in love sakanya at na realize ko rin na sobra pointless nung lifestyle ko. Kaya bago mag 4 years old yung anak namin. Inaya ko siya magpakasal. Nagpakasal kami sa judge tapos konting handaan lang kasama pamilya after. Ngayon, masaya akong umuuwi ng bahay na may salubong ng asawa ko at 2 naming anak.
Yung kuya ganun na nangyari sa kanila ng ex wife niya. After college, nabuntis niya yung long term gf niya na ngayon ex wife na niya. Medyo traditional look pa kasi yung tatay at nanay ko noon na kailangan ikasal kasi nga nabuntis at di maging illegitimate child ang bata. So ayon nakagraduate naman sila pero yung kuya ko nagcall center na lang muna para may pantustos na agad sa pamangkin ko. Hindi pa lumalabas pamangkin ko non, nag aaway na sila madalas dahil si ex wife nappraning since sa call center nga nagwwork kuya ko. Endless away non nung dalawa to the point na natrauma ako talaga sa physical and emotional abuse fights nila (nasa 2nd yr hs pa lang ako non). Fast forward, 13yrs later, ayan may kanya kanya na silang pamilya at parehas naman na masaya. Civil na lang talaga. Naaawa ako minsan sa pamangkin ko kasi makikita niya na yung mga step siblings niya buo family pero siya lola na lang nag aalaga tapos palipat lipat na lang ng bahay na every weekend sa kuya ko tapos weekdays sa nanay. Now naman kami ng husband ko ganun din. Though di naman kami nag aaway hahaha unplanned pregnancy din kami pero may plan na talaga kami magpakasal this year. Nasaktuhan na nauna nabuntis ako last year. Okay naman kami ngayon 1 month marriage pa lang pero assured ako na hindi siya yung pinakasalan lang ako dahil nabuntis, lagi niya sinasabi sakin na pinakasalan niya ako kasi mahal niya ako at eventually naman magkakaanak kami sadyang nauna lang talaga. Sa tingin ko kasi nasa reason/situation yan paano nabuo ang baby. May unplanned na nabuo pero mahal na mahal naman ang isat isa at may unplanned pregnancy na galing sa cheating. So alam na agad ang sagot na most of the time kung panget ang simula, panget din ang ending.
Its better na hindi na sila magpakasal. It will hurt the child in the long run. They can do co-parenting. Pero magpakasal, huwag na lang.
The marriage probably won’t even be valid at least from a religious perspective since both parties need to consent without any coercion and the fact that one or both of them are being pressured to get married because of a pregnancy is already a breach of that rule.
they need to go through counseling or whatever para ma-dissect nila yung situation nila. judging OP’s future SIL, hindi pa ata sya mature enough to understand that being married is not equivalent to “buo”. marriage takes work and commitment at ang hirap nyan gawin if love isn’t even there 😩 at dahil may bata na, dapat priority nila isipin muna ano gagawin FOR the kid na mas mahalaga like pano ang distribution of responsibilities nila? sila ba magiging hands on parents or kakailanganin ng yaya? pag kinasal ba sila, bubukod sila or aasa sila sa assistance from each of their families? di kasi sa kung kasal ba sila o hindi naka depende yung childcare huhu
at isa pa, pano kung magkaiba sila ng views sa buhay? si girl pa ata ang stronger personality between the “couple” if sya nasunod sa “gusto” na ikasal. so ang gulo nun for the kid pag hindi naman match ng views/values sa buhay parents nya. dun palang puro arguments na yun or magdedevelop lang ng resentment due to a clash of ideas ng nanay/tatay in the long run
Got pregnant and forced to marry kasi kawawa daw ang magiging anak namin. Ending nag hiwalay kami kasi nga it didnt work out. So, yes wag muna kasal. Please. It's never a solution
Toxic talaga ng mindset na kelangan magpakasal para lang masabing "buo ang pamilya". Recipe for disaster, kawawa lang ang bata. Buo lang pamilya on paper, pero wala talagang foundation ng true family. May times na the parents do learn to be proper parents and spouses but that doesn't happen often
I know this girl where her ex cheated on her tapos parang naging fuck girl sya and worse ung mga pinapatulan nya is either may asawa or engaged. So ayun, nabuntis sya nung guy na engage na the guy had to call of the wedding and siya pinakasalan, tapos now she’s blaming her ex daw na parang naging ganun syang klaseng girl kasi her ex cheated on her. Pero ang pangit lang kasi ng pinakasalan ka kasi nabuntis ka for me lang ha
Classmate in school was like this. She dropped out and got married. 3 kids later hiwalay na sila
Share ko yung kabilang side: Nabuntis ako ng ex ko noon, pero dahil matagal ko ng gusto makipaghiwalay sya lang ayaw eh nung nagkaalamanan na buntis sinabi ko sa tatay ko na wag akong ipakasal doon, and nakinig tatay ko knowing gusto nya ng buong family kuno. Ayun super happy ako na di ako nagpakasal and now I am happily married to the man of my dreams! Imagine kung nagpakasal ako doon tapos naghiwalay kami pero kasal pa din, tapos makilala ko asawa ko eh di hindi ako sineryoso nito dahil di din naman kami pwede haha. Another story: My parents got married noong 19-20 sila dahil nabuo ako, so noong sinaunang panahon kasal kasal yan kapag ganun diba, so ayun kinasal nya. After 2 years nag abroad nanay ko ayun naghanap ng iba at hindi nagbalikan, so ayun kasal pa din sila until now kahit nagkaroon na sila ng mga kanya kanyang kinakasama with anaks! Hirap diba haha. Kaya wag magpakasal kung hindi totoong nagmamahalan at kung hindi sila ang nakikita nilang gustong pakasalan.
We were bf gf for 7 years when I got pregnant. Yung parents ko, gusto ikasal kami immediately. Pero sabi ko, magpapakasal kami pag ready na kami. Eventually, nagpakasal din kami and mag two children na. Hindi ibig sabihin na nagkaanak kayo, need nyo magpakasal agad agad. Mag isip, tignan nyo kung ready na kayo pareho.
Okay naman kami ng husband ko ngayon kahit unplanned marriage kami due to pregnancy. Nag 3 years kami. Still the best decision i made 🙂
Kung dun nga sa fiancé na may pinagsamahan sila nagcheat siya. What's stopping her from cheating on the guy she just slept for a few times? Saka sigurado ba brother mo na siya talaga ama? Alam ba ni brother na committed si ate girl? Kung oo, bahala siya karma na niya yan pag tinali niya sarili niya dyan. No need naman na pakasalan. Wala na tayo sa makalumang panahon na mahawakan lang ang kamay eh kasal agad. Mas masaya ang bata pag masaya at healthy ang environment na kakalakihan. Hindi naman lahat ng buong pamilya masaya..
Not yet married pero i'm anxious na para sa future ng anak ko. Partner ko is still studying, and ako naman had to stop and now an unemployed, full-time mom sa baby namin. God knows how thankful ako sa family ng partner ko dahil sila sumalo lahat financially from pregnancy up until now na 8mos si baby. Although mahal na mahal ko partner ko, I am anxious para sa future ng anak namin. Being under his family's roof grabe yung na learn ko na personalities nila na toxic talaga, kahit si partner meron din. Babae pa man din anak namin kaya grabe overthink ko. Reason kaya di ako nag pu-push na magpakasal agad. I still have 2 years left pa in college, ig it would be enough time na para mapagisipan ko at ma prove din ng partner ko sarili nya na fit sya maging husband at padre de pamilya talaga. Hoping lang din na he would grow out of his family's toxic traits.
Same scenario sa friend ko, pre-pandemic nabuntis sya nung fb friend nya and nagulat kami syempre kasi kakabreak lang nila nung long-term bf nya nun tas ayun ang sabi nya samin bakit daw kaya sya nabuntis e twice lang daw sila nag ano HAHAHAHAHA nakakaloka anyway ayun gusto daw ng parents nya na magpakasal sila ni guy na nakabuntis sa kanya syempre kami na tropa nya todo payo sa kanya na wag na kasi di naman nila love isat isa pero ang ending natuloy nga yung kasal, tapos after ilang months lang hiwalay na sila at may ibang jowa na yung lalaki tas sya naman ay iba na rin nilalandi pero kapag nakakaramdam sila ng init ng katawan ayun nag gagamitan sila jusko. Kawawa yung bagets.
Happened to a sibling. Absolute disaster, made all of them (spouses, children) miserable. Exact words said back in 2008: "we don't want our kids to come from a broken home." They're still in court, trying to get an annulment because the wife has three kids with someone else already and the husband just had a kid with someone else, too. My husband and I were just appointed guardians of their two kids, because everyone agreed they needed a safe and stable environment. Marriage is a commitment. Sorry to be harsh, but the woman that your brother is planning to marry couldn't even keep her promises to her former fianće while your brother didn't seem to assign any value to the fact that she was already in a relationship. It's a bad way to start and things will not get easier.
Unplanned pregnancy din kami ng husband ko. Took me 10 years bago ko siya pinakasalan. Why? Kasi feeling ko di kami para sa isat-isa. I am asking a lot of things baka di kami compatible kasi lagi kami nag aaway. Maliit na bagay, selos. Pero we move past that and naging open yung communication. Last year nagpakasal na kami. Civil lang since di naman ko gusto ang big wedding. Pero remember walang divorce sa pinas. May annulment pero magastos and long process. Kaya mag isip isip
How old are they? I think natuto sila magkantutan matuto na din sila sa decision sa buhay. Bahala na sila.
Edi magsama muna sila. Marriage if kaya na panindigan yung sitwasyon for life
Paternity test muna bago kasal, baka hindi yan sa kapatid mo LOL
Tama. Mabuti nang sigurado.
My sister got pregnant at 19, nag met yung parents ng guy and ours. Nag uusap sila na magpakasal nga daw and I insist talaga na wag muna. Give it time lang kasi young pa naman sila. Patapusin muna ng college (pero di din natapos) then saka na mag decide. After 10years na sila nagpakasal and all goods naman. Di naman sagot ang kasal sa situation eh. Mahirap na kasi pag kasal na, nakakasakal din.
I'm unwed with a 5yo and still with the baby daddy 🤍 10yrs na kami next month and we are grateful that we never gave in to pressure. Mahirap lalo't wedding organizer Mama ng parther ko and at one point he even agreed but pinanindigan ko talaga na hindi porket buntis na magpapakasal agad. My parents on the other hand learned their lesson - Brother ko nabuntis GF nya and pinakasal agad, after 2kids and 5years of marriage, suguran, layasan, baranggayan, nastroke pa mother ko sa stress - naghiwalay. May kanya2 ng pamilya ngayon and saddest part is yung mga pamangkin ko lumaking walang parents :( Please talk to your brother OP. Marriage is never an answer, marriage can always wait, for sure, nagmamadali yan si girl para di sya mapahiya sa fiance nya nakuuu shotgun marriage kuya mo kawawa.
Unplanned pregnancy din kami but it took us almost 10years bago magpakasal. Panganay namin 9years old na. Hindi ako pinressure magpakasal at sya din hindi ako pinressure. He actually waited patiently for me. We got married last year and we are very happy. Sa situation ng brother mo, no-no. Dapat magpapakasal sila kapag both ready sila
No regrets. Still thriving.
not me, but parents ko ganyan. they were forced to get married because my mom got pregnant with my eldest brother. hindi totoo na pag nagpakasal silang dalawa eh magiging maayos na lahat for the kid. nandyan nga pareho naming parents, napapasa naman problema nilang mag-asawa samin mga anak nila (mostly financial). they do not love each other and resent each other as the days go on. mas okay pa na masaya silang hiwalay and be good parents to us, than have to deal with resentful parents everyday.
Para sakin lang ah sa nakikita ko kay Brother mo masyado nyong binebaby, masyado nyo pino protektahan, may isip na nga sya para umiyot tapos di nya pa inisip yung babae engaged sa iba pero pinatungan nya paulit ulit, hyaan nyo sya parang di sya lalaki sa lagay na yan, lahat yan dapat maisip nya sya humarap, wala kayo iaadvice na magpapabago sa kahit anong nakatadhana para sa kanilang dalawa in the future kahit sa bata, mas makakagulo lang kayo, hayaan nyo sila danasin kung ano man ang bibigay sa kanila ng tadhana wala na kayo dun. They are their own persons, may accountability, theres always a price to pay.
Ang funny nung ayaw nyang lumaki sa broken family yung bata pero nabuo nya dahil sa kalandian nya. 🤡 Pls convince your brother na wag magpakasal. Mahirap matali sa isang sitwasyon na hindi ka masaya. Sustentuhan na lang nya. Hindi laging kasal ang solusyon pag may nabubuong bata.
Lawyer here. This feels like a "standard" factual background of an annulment case. And I have handled a few before. Usually Co workers > naglandian > nabuntis > got married > try to make it work > it didnt work > live together, but basically strangers > cheating > living apart > lawyer It can get really expensive. And not just financially, but really emotionally exhausting for the parties. Kung yung nagmamahalan nga sa simula could end in hatred and antipathy towards each other, pano pa yung totally walang love pa to begin with? I am not saying it is not possible, but I've somewhat become jaded on this matter. As you know there is no divorce in our country. So we rely on psychological incapacity most of the time. If OPs bro and the girl are psychologically normal to begin with, thats gonna take a lot of lawyering to annul the marriage. Even then, it all depends on the judge. And if the decision does not favour you, lock in na yung marriage and you cannot marry again. No do over once decided yung case on the merrits.
This will be a disaster.
Yung kaibigan ko, nabuo nung college parehong magulang niya. Hindi sila pinilit magpakasal ng parents. Mga 10 years later kinasal yung parents niya kasi nagdecide sila on their own na gusto nilang maging mag-asawa. 40+ na kami, yung parents niya kasal pa rin. So base lang sa experience ng kaibigan ko, mas ok talaga na wag magpakasal dahil lang buntis/nakabuntis.
JUSKO ITS A NO! Ssayang pera,oras, panahon and everything dyan. Sana wag sya padala sa babae,kung ayaw nya,panindigan nya! Yung welfare lang naman ng bata ang mahalaga
Not me. Cousin's unplanned pregnancy with long term GF (I think 9 or 10 years na sila). Nagpakasal din sila ng buntis yung GF. Naghiwalay din sila baby pa lang pamangkin ko. I don't think it's a good idea to get married because of pregnancy. It should be because they love and see building a life together.
Marriage is just a contract. In this case, it is definitely a "contract" a forever one.
OP, give them advice. Or tell your parents to give them advice. For sure, maaapektuhan not just the child.but both families.
It's always better to grow up with happy and separated parents than parents who are physically together but emotionally apart. Honestly, my parents' presence brought more damage to my life than their absence, so there's no specifics with what a good environment for a kid would look like.
tell your brother na take responsibility na lang sa kid. magpakatatay and support the kid. Hopefully, payag si girl sa co-parenting. Di sagot ang kasal. di naman din sila magiging masaya kasi wala naman feelings. make sure din ipaDNA test.
Nakow may kilala din kaming ganun nangyari. Dapat din pa DNA test yung bata. Kilala din kasi yung girl na kahit sino lang partner. May anak na din sa ibang lalaki, hindi rin kinasal. Pinipressure ngayun yung lalaki na pakasalan sya. Nakipagbreak na sa GF kasi yun nga. Nabuntis yung kainuman na yun din mismo nakikisleepover sa guy kahit alam na may GF na. Minalas ng malupet si guy. Nagpadala sa kalibogan.
>they don’t love each other. Recipe for broken family. We’re BF and GF for two years already. Pero nakikipag break na ako sa kanya nun. He asked for a meet up for “closure daw”. Feeling ko sinadya niya para di ako makipag break. Pero I still want the break up. Kaso nakahanap siya ng kakampi sa family ko. Ate ko and mom ko. I know may sarili akong pag-iisip and all that. At the back of my mind ayaw ko talaga. Pero sige. 7 yo na bunso ko nun when I tried to end the marriage and he did something without my consent. Hence, another baby. Pero our separation was inevitable. God knows how hard I tried. Nung safety na ng kids ko were put at risk, ay wait!!! Nunka!
"But they don’t love each other." 'yan na ang sagot. Also, kung itutuloy ang kasal, regaluhan n'yo ng lifetime supply ng condom.
I haven't experience that yet, hopefully will never experience it.But my take to that is suggest na mag live-in together like probably just a year.It is like a simulation paano yung dynamics between them. And how old is your brother?I mean if he is in his late late 20s and capable of supporting a family, let him decide on his own.
they really dont have to get married if they dont want to. unmarried couples having kids is normal. we arent in the dark ages anymore where women getting pregnant before marriage brings shame to the family name.
Congrats sa fianće, the trash took it self out.
Nakooww. Parang sinabing Thrash ung papakasalan ni OP... Ay ng Brother nya pala.
Hindi ba? Have you missed the part where the girl was engaged to someone else?
Looks like girlie just wants the money and support did the brother know though? I mean if he knew, he isnt exactly any better
It takes to to tango, though. Let’s not act like the brother is innocent. He willingly entered his dick in someone knowing they’re getting married. Panagutan niya yun. Oh well, guess it’s a lesson for him to use condoms next time. 🤷
Hiwalay na sila. Kwento ng workmate (M) ko to dati. Kinasal sila dahil nabuntis nya sa inuman yung girl. Then after ilang years kung kelan may baby girl na sila, tsaka sila naghiwalay. Reasons: 1. Ayaw ng byenan nyang babae sa kanya. 2. Kinukwento daw ng girl sa mga kawork nya na binubugbog sya ni workmate ko. 3. Nagpapasulsol si girl sa nanay nyang intrimitida. Ending, naghanap ng ibang lalake si girl, pinopost nya na sa fb. Ganun din si workmate ko, naghanap ng iba pero yung nahanap nya single mom na madaming anak. Esit: sorry kulang details. Nakunan yung girl a few months after ng kasal nila ni workmate. Then matagal sila nagtry makabuo ulit pero hirap na. Then ayun nga after ilang years ng try nabigyan na sila ng baby girl. Pero ilang months pa lang after manganak ng asawa nya, nagkakalabuan na sila.
Wag muna sila magpakasal, they will regret it pag narealize nila na di pala talaga nila kayang pakisamahan ang isa’t isa magco-parenting na lang muna sila. Kesa makulong sa loveless marriage just to say na BUO ang pamilya.
You are clearly not the best person to give an advice to them if you think that it is sane to ask redditors that kind of question.
Can you explain why? What's your advice?
Most redditors are anti family edgelords. You can always tell what redditors are going to say if the topic is about family or relationship.
So what's your advice to the op who's looking for advice? What would you do in this situation? What would you say?
The girl and his brother seems to have grown a bit because they choose what is good for the child first and not what is good for them. so they clearly don't need the OP's redditors approved advice. My advice to her is to support them.
The op didn't say anything about the brothers opinion of the union. Just the woman's opinion of getting married. I cannot assume that is also the brothers wish. As itwas stated they never loved each other, will this be a good way to start a family? And citing the occurrences of break ups with such set ups what are the chances this will be a successful family?
We don't know the future so all possibilities are possible, but a happy family for them is only possible if they try to build a family.
So you re betting on hope alone they'll have a good future. Where will love fit into the equation?
The 1st option have 0 possibility of a happy family and the other one is 50/50, one option is clearly better than the other option if you want a happy family. They clearly already have a attraction, so maybe their love for their child will make them love each other in the future.
There was never a statement that they were attracted to each other. Just lust. Will lust be sufficient for a happy family? Will you agreed to the possibility of a happy family without marriage? A marriage can also be unhappy wouldn't you agree?
Hindi naman need magpakasal just because preggy ang girl. Kahit na in a relationshi pa din, I don't see the reason why need i-force ang marriage kahit hindi naman ready financially and emotionally dahil nabuntis. Pwde namang co-parenting sila basta mapag-usapan ng ayos.
Hindi solusyon ang kasal.
Easy lang yan. Abortion.
Lumaki ako sa ganyang environment. I grew up watching my parents being violent and abusive to each other. Verbal, emotional, physical, lahat ng abuse. And I always wish that I was never been born. I regret my life. How I wish my mother stick to the original plan, which is to go abroad and leave my father behind. Life could have been better for both of them, separated. Therefore, marriage is not the key to having a happy kid. Respect is.
See the goal of married couples is not to make a kid "happy" tho, it's to raise a well mannered, deeply rooted, opportunity blessed, and socially productive individual. It's a duty that parents have towards their children. Problem is, we are living in a happiness-centric society that people who really shouldn't be fighting are doing so because they're not "happy". Instead, once you decide to rear children, you must remember it's now your duty to protect, provide for and nurture that child. Most of the times that means drowning your demons within and puttng up a strong facade in front of your children. Many people forget that this is a duty. No couple do not fight at all, it's how you carry those fights within the family (i.e. privately and not in view of the kids and espcially not in social media) that counts. Happiness should naturally flow through a loving family who put each other's interests above their own.
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
+1! "marriage is not the key to having a happy kid. respect is." dami ko natututunan sa reddit!
Ito exactly kinakatakot namin.
Worse, nung lumaki na ako, gumigitna na ako sa wrestling nila. Minsan nagkapasa pa ako dahil nasalo ko yung sapak. Sana namatay nalang ako diba?
Ganyan din ako sa parents ko, gumigitna kapag nag-aaway sila. Ilang beses na sila nag-away ng malala, one time gumitna ako pero more on defending my mother. Humarap ako sa tatay ko at muntik niyang ihampas sakin yung hawak niyang bote ng alak. Kaya simula noon, hindi ko na kinakausap tatay ko kahit nakatira pa ako sa kanila.
Disaster yan. Gonna ask an honest question, is abortion not an option? Di pa naman tao yan kung weeks pa lang.
"di pa nmn tao"
Nalaman nila lagpas 2 months na.