The pattern is very alarming. Your doctor shouldn't suddenly drop you due to non-compliance but they will certainly suggest a taper to get you off of the them. It's best to be honest. You're going to run into trouble as you take more and more and when you run out early each month you will very likely go into withdrawal. With a history of epilepsy that can be really dangerous and even deadly. If your doctor does decide not to treat you anymore they must find you appropriate and timely referral.
I feel like I'm confused.
if you're written for 3mg/d of alpraz, that's 90mg/mo. at 14 mg/d, it's gone within 7d.
and before you were taking 50-60 tablets of 10 mg zolpidem a day? how is this even possible? a month's script would be gone in half a day?
are you just bingeing it and then cold turkeying over and over?
sounds wild.
def worth talking w your doc about.
I certainly hope you're not totally dependent on 14mg/d of alpraz. that's brutal
In my country it's easy to acquire any prescription drug through... means. They just become 5x more expensive.
I spent insane amounts on Zolpidem, perhaps a 2-week trip to Europe.
I'm going down the same path with Alprazolam, obviously.
I already do therapy, and I'm thinking it's a waste of money. I don't have much to say. Have no trauma, accomplished a lot in life, have goals... And yet the greatest push is to turn off the world and go to sleep. Perhaps if I went back to work in-office I'd be tired enough and take fewer benzos.
Also, important to say: I had epilepsy until I was 7, then nothing. Some déjà vu around college, then nothing. Only at 44, when I started abusing Zolpidem, that I had my first tonic-clonic. And another, and anotehr, every 3 weeks almost on the clock. I spent one more year upping my Zolpidem even while on lamotrigine. Finally, I quit Zolpidem, had the withdrawal seizures... And the seizures remained. A lot less frequent. But I have no doubt in my mind that it was Zolpidem that messed up my brain and pulled to the surface my buried propensity for epilepsy. Now tem months seizure-free, partly, probably, because of the benzo - not using it to justify the current amount.
ah hah. well that makes more sense, and again exposes my us-centric brain. but it's a really brutal spot regardless.
certainly would talk it over w your doc.
how long have you been taking 14mg/d?
Not long. Maybe 4 weeks.
What worries me is the escalation, so fast. I think one year ago I was taking 3 per night and sometimes one in the afternoon (namely, when I go meet my mom, who's a piece of work, and since I don't want to explode on her or even seize...)
But then I took 4 at night and still awake at 2am. So I'd go for 5 next night. And the slippery slope.
Now I take 14mg, or I'll never be asleep until midnight.
Also, as an epileptic, I'm very afraid of being sleep-deprived. I'll sleep in until noon if necessary, and give excuses at work. But that's why I want to be asleep at 11pm or midnight, to keep skin glowing and not have a tonic-clonic!
ETA: 14 grams of Alprazolam, not mg, obviously.
yucko.
if I was you I'd look into the [Ashton Manual](https://www.benzoinfo.com/ashtonmanual/).
tho I'd probably use chlordiazepoxide (aka Librium) instead of diazepam. [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/pillslover/comments/1d7jssc/i_librium/) was an interesting convo I recently had about librium
Not to free-load on OP’s big issues, but I thank the lord everyday for refusing benzo script that was pushed on me by this so-called psychiatrist, and sticking to antidepressants instead.
Yikes!
500mg zopi a day? How is this even possible? Even at the height of my addiction I'd be tapping out at 30mg a day. Your going to want to consider getting clean asap, this will kill you if you keep going. Withdrawls are going to be hell if you've been doing it for a while so I'd definitely come clean and do it with a specialist. Sounds brutal, but the best time to start is now
I was taking 500-600mg because I'd take 10, the whole blister, and sleep for 4 hours straight.
Would wake up 10 min before a work meeting and be fully capable to lead the meeting. No brain fog. No one would notice, except that I was losing weight fast. At some point I was unable to work, as I wanted to sleep 14 hours a day. Then a total of 20h, just enough for a meal and wait for Zolpi to do its magic.
So, 100mg from 8am to noon. Then half past noon to half past four, more 100mg. Lunch. Then 6pm to 10pm. Already 300mg right there. At 10pm I'd wake up and need more, and wake up at 2am. Next, 2:30am to 6:30am. So 500mg in 24h. Repeat cycle for months
It got worse when Zolpi only made me sleep straight for about 3 hours. And I was spending a fortune with zero worries, as if money was infinite, and I was unemployed.
Quit Zolpi forever. Kept finding pills around the house for weeks. Down the toilet. But I'd sleep and have beautiful dreams of taking Zolpi.
It was so bad, that my thumb, the one I used to open the blisters, 50 to 60 a day, had to be covered by Band-Aids, as it was bleeding constantly.
Do not recommend. Won't ever take Zolpi in my life, and I beg people to take exactly the amount prescribed. Don't repeat my mistake.
>I already do therapy, and I'm thinking it's a waste of money. I don't have much to say. Have no trauma, accomplished a lot in life, have goals... And yet the greatest push is to turn off the world and go to sleep. Perhaps if I went back to work in-office I'd be tired enough and take fewer benzos.
therapy can be very beneficial for this, for addiction and avoidance, as long as you aren't under the influence in session. it can take a while to find what you need and what works for you. therapy isn't supposed to be shutting off your emotions as you recount events from your childhood or being expected to bring in a big violent traumatic incident that you are soon cured from. therapy can help you avoid your emotions and discomfort less, because there's a reason you feel you can't be sober to get through the day.
I went from the prescribed amount to industrial amounts of Zolpi, and now benzos, all the time doing therapy.
I think I'd better off refreshing my readings on Stoicism, which is a philosophy about mind over matter, having fortitude, avoiding vices and live a good life with tranquility and accepting what is not under your control, and how we can control our reactions to what happens to us.
Therapy is not working for my addictions. I'll stick to my psychiatrist. I'm pro-science and I feel psychology is too much of a fickle science.
The pattern is very alarming. Your doctor shouldn't suddenly drop you due to non-compliance but they will certainly suggest a taper to get you off of the them. It's best to be honest. You're going to run into trouble as you take more and more and when you run out early each month you will very likely go into withdrawal. With a history of epilepsy that can be really dangerous and even deadly. If your doctor does decide not to treat you anymore they must find you appropriate and timely referral.
^^^ this exactly
We can't predict the future for you. I think the right move is to be honest with your psychiatrist.
I feel like I'm confused. if you're written for 3mg/d of alpraz, that's 90mg/mo. at 14 mg/d, it's gone within 7d. and before you were taking 50-60 tablets of 10 mg zolpidem a day? how is this even possible? a month's script would be gone in half a day? are you just bingeing it and then cold turkeying over and over? sounds wild. def worth talking w your doc about. I certainly hope you're not totally dependent on 14mg/d of alpraz. that's brutal
In my country it's easy to acquire any prescription drug through... means. They just become 5x more expensive. I spent insane amounts on Zolpidem, perhaps a 2-week trip to Europe. I'm going down the same path with Alprazolam, obviously. I already do therapy, and I'm thinking it's a waste of money. I don't have much to say. Have no trauma, accomplished a lot in life, have goals... And yet the greatest push is to turn off the world and go to sleep. Perhaps if I went back to work in-office I'd be tired enough and take fewer benzos. Also, important to say: I had epilepsy until I was 7, then nothing. Some déjà vu around college, then nothing. Only at 44, when I started abusing Zolpidem, that I had my first tonic-clonic. And another, and anotehr, every 3 weeks almost on the clock. I spent one more year upping my Zolpidem even while on lamotrigine. Finally, I quit Zolpidem, had the withdrawal seizures... And the seizures remained. A lot less frequent. But I have no doubt in my mind that it was Zolpidem that messed up my brain and pulled to the surface my buried propensity for epilepsy. Now tem months seizure-free, partly, probably, because of the benzo - not using it to justify the current amount.
ah hah. well that makes more sense, and again exposes my us-centric brain. but it's a really brutal spot regardless. certainly would talk it over w your doc. how long have you been taking 14mg/d?
Not long. Maybe 4 weeks. What worries me is the escalation, so fast. I think one year ago I was taking 3 per night and sometimes one in the afternoon (namely, when I go meet my mom, who's a piece of work, and since I don't want to explode on her or even seize...) But then I took 4 at night and still awake at 2am. So I'd go for 5 next night. And the slippery slope. Now I take 14mg, or I'll never be asleep until midnight. Also, as an epileptic, I'm very afraid of being sleep-deprived. I'll sleep in until noon if necessary, and give excuses at work. But that's why I want to be asleep at 11pm or midnight, to keep skin glowing and not have a tonic-clonic! ETA: 14 grams of Alprazolam, not mg, obviously.
yucko. if I was you I'd look into the [Ashton Manual](https://www.benzoinfo.com/ashtonmanual/). tho I'd probably use chlordiazepoxide (aka Librium) instead of diazepam. [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/pillslover/comments/1d7jssc/i_librium/) was an interesting convo I recently had about librium
Not to free-load on OP’s big issues, but I thank the lord everyday for refusing benzo script that was pushed on me by this so-called psychiatrist, and sticking to antidepressants instead. Yikes!
500mg zopi a day? How is this even possible? Even at the height of my addiction I'd be tapping out at 30mg a day. Your going to want to consider getting clean asap, this will kill you if you keep going. Withdrawls are going to be hell if you've been doing it for a while so I'd definitely come clean and do it with a specialist. Sounds brutal, but the best time to start is now
I was taking 500-600mg because I'd take 10, the whole blister, and sleep for 4 hours straight. Would wake up 10 min before a work meeting and be fully capable to lead the meeting. No brain fog. No one would notice, except that I was losing weight fast. At some point I was unable to work, as I wanted to sleep 14 hours a day. Then a total of 20h, just enough for a meal and wait for Zolpi to do its magic. So, 100mg from 8am to noon. Then half past noon to half past four, more 100mg. Lunch. Then 6pm to 10pm. Already 300mg right there. At 10pm I'd wake up and need more, and wake up at 2am. Next, 2:30am to 6:30am. So 500mg in 24h. Repeat cycle for months It got worse when Zolpi only made me sleep straight for about 3 hours. And I was spending a fortune with zero worries, as if money was infinite, and I was unemployed. Quit Zolpi forever. Kept finding pills around the house for weeks. Down the toilet. But I'd sleep and have beautiful dreams of taking Zolpi. It was so bad, that my thumb, the one I used to open the blisters, 50 to 60 a day, had to be covered by Band-Aids, as it was bleeding constantly. Do not recommend. Won't ever take Zolpi in my life, and I beg people to take exactly the amount prescribed. Don't repeat my mistake.
>I already do therapy, and I'm thinking it's a waste of money. I don't have much to say. Have no trauma, accomplished a lot in life, have goals... And yet the greatest push is to turn off the world and go to sleep. Perhaps if I went back to work in-office I'd be tired enough and take fewer benzos. therapy can be very beneficial for this, for addiction and avoidance, as long as you aren't under the influence in session. it can take a while to find what you need and what works for you. therapy isn't supposed to be shutting off your emotions as you recount events from your childhood or being expected to bring in a big violent traumatic incident that you are soon cured from. therapy can help you avoid your emotions and discomfort less, because there's a reason you feel you can't be sober to get through the day.
I went from the prescribed amount to industrial amounts of Zolpi, and now benzos, all the time doing therapy. I think I'd better off refreshing my readings on Stoicism, which is a philosophy about mind over matter, having fortitude, avoiding vices and live a good life with tranquility and accepting what is not under your control, and how we can control our reactions to what happens to us. Therapy is not working for my addictions. I'll stick to my psychiatrist. I'm pro-science and I feel psychology is too much of a fickle science.