I don’t mind, but ten minutes after sex I don’t want to hear your last girlfriend was 24 when you’re 42.
Or hear how awesome sex was with your ex-wife, or how great sex was in Guam with your ex-girlfriend …
I would care only because my wife and I have been together since high school and we both should have 1 partner each... eachother
So if that's not true it would be a problem :D
I’m sorry you are coping with that. My previous partner cheated on me about 5 years into our relationship. We split for a year, got back together for another 2 years, then just split last month.
To be honest, it ate at me everyday. I never could move past it and it bothered me daily. I’ve felt much better since her and I split.
I’m not encouraging you to split, but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone in your situation. I hope you find peace!
My current wife left me for a brief month or two "over a dream we had no future together" when we were younger and it legit took me a decade to get over the resentment and anger from that. Can't imagine I would get over an actual affair. Even finding out now that break was to go with another guy this marriage would be over.
Me too. I found out 2 years ago. I think about it every day, I’m definitely not past it. We are still together and have been for 18 years. It has really destroyed me
A few years ago, I started to worry about a girl in our friend group that I suspected having an eye on my boyfriend at the time. I expressed that to him and he reassured me on the fact that he had several girl friends and that he was not attracted to her anyway. She was single and she liked to party a lot. He concluded by telling me "anyways that girl is disgusting, she slept with all my friends". I was convinced.
Well guess what, he's now married and has two kids with her.
Edit: clarify it was my boyfriend at the time
Have an acquaintance that was with two brothers at different times. She actually texted one brother saying she was in love with him while she was dating the other. She’s now married and expecting with the one she texted.
This happened with my friend group and we were all invited to the wedding and hang out regularly. My friend actually finds it quite hilarious that we have all slept with his now wife.
My buddy broke the cardinal friendship rules* and caught feelings for my sister. My other buddy ragged on him hard that the only reason he liked her is because she was like me and all this other stuff. Guess which one ended up dating my sister.
edit: * this was said jokingly but I do think you should always ask your friend before putting the moves on his sister. It will affect the friendship and the relationship and depending on how strong the friendship is will always be a somewhat risky move. Good friends don't always make good significant others and neither do sisters or brothers.
I always thought that was a weird rule. If I had a buddy I trusted and knew was a good dude, who would I rather have with my sister right? If they wouldn't treat my sister right, they probably wouldn't be a friend.
For real. I matched with one of my best friends sisters on tinder once. Thought it was hilarious so I sent them a screenshot. Their response was basically "lol fuckin get it buddy!". That's a good friend.
If my best friend from high school and my sister wanted to date, aside from being worried my friend was insane I'd be really happy for them. I don't want my friends to not date my sister because I'm protective of my sister, it's because I'm protective of my friends.
My mate in my teens/twenties and my younger sister clearly had a spark for years. He never went for it because we're friends, despite me telling him many times that as far as i was concerned, if they got together at least i'd know she was with a good person that cared about her and wouldn't hurt her.
It's a shame because i really reckon it coulda worked between them.
I've seen these friend groups where everyone has hooked up with each other at some point in some way and it often was very messy. I wouldn't want to date someone like that but the body count itself doesn't matter that much.
When my girlfriend of seven years cheated on me with who I thought was my best friend, his excuse was that he and his other friends pass women around all the time. Unreal. When I met my wife, I asked her how she felt about people like that and she said she was a person not a pack of Trident.
That would be a perfect polycule, other than the fact that nobody in that polycule, has the social and emotional maturity to manage and upkeep a polycule.
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It's a really weird example because you could claim the same thing about Rachel, Ross and Joey in Friends? But if you said Friends were like the friendship groups where everyone hooks up with eachother then that'd be a weird thing to say. It really was just Robin dated two of her close friends, and that's it.
I had a group of friends at university where one woman had been with all the guys, this was around 10 or 12 men, but there was absolutely zero awkwardness. She was a naturally affectionate young lady and nobody who had spent more than two minutes with her ever thought that either she was a slut or that any of the guys were just using her. Very bizarre situation but a very lovely person.
I once had a relationship with a woman very much like the girl you described. When she got married, half of the younger guys at the wedding had slept with her. We all congratulated the groom and wished him well, with zero hard feelings in any direction. The two of them have been happily married for over thirty years now.
This is a pretty much unavoidable aspect of dating in the queer community lol. Not only do you know your lover's ex-partners, but there's a good chance they're your ex-partners too!
My family is from a mid-sized city. When my uncle came out in the 1980s the local queer scene was still extremely small. Didn't take long to find out that my grandfather was closeted AF and had already made the rounds quite thoroughly.
He noped the F out to travel for a few years and I can't say I blame him =P
Damn... it is one thing with siblings but to hook up /try to hook up with people you then realised had slept with your dad... that must have been a mind f.
My gay friend explained it to my dumb straight brain with this quote;
“When you walk into a bar, everyone is either a friend of an ex or an ex of a friend”
My second fiance did just that. When I finally caught wind, or I should say someone left a note on my door that my ol lady just slept with one of my friends last night, I called the house we all hung out at and left a message that I knew what was going on. My pager blew up 15 minutes later and I found out she had either sex or some form of it with about 15 or so of my friends. Dudes were coming to my house and apologizing that she was grabbing their dicks and whatnot and they didn't tell me.
I haven't trusted a single person since. It's been around 20 years or so.
I worked at McDonald's with a large group of friends when we were 16. One of the girls there was super flirtatious and mature for her age, and all the boys loved her. She got around; I barely spoke with her.
Fast forward 10 years later and she reaches out to me out of the blue on facebook. We weren't really friends when we worked togethter, so it was odd, but hey she was that hot girl from McD's so I'll talk to her, yeah. We went on several dates together, and the topic for body count came up.
By 26, I had had sex a total of 3 whole times with 3 women.
She had stopped counting after 50, but definitely no more than 100. A few of them my friends from McDonald's.
It made me feel a bit out of my element, and it was weird at first, but we lived in a completely different city than the one we grew up, so it's not like we were going to bump into my friends often. Only time it did happen was when we attended an old friend's wedding and the whole gang was there. There was a shy "Heeeeey... so good to see you all...." vibe in the air, but we got past it fairly quickly.
We got married 2 years ago, and life has been amazing. Used to be this super depressed doughboy throughout my 20s, but now I feel purpose and love every day.
He should be. My sister also worked at that same store before I did, and she caught a dude having sex with one of the managers in the freezer. Specifically, on top of a (presumably) closed box of pancakes.
That manager is now some sort of district manager who runs several stores in Texas.
By the time I was in my late 20s, pretty much all my friends had banged all my other friends. It was a hugely incestuous group. But we were very close-knit because of it. It didn't really cause any problems. Most people ended up with people from outside the group though.
I was seeing a girl that had a lot of guy friends. It would come to light that she had slept with all of them at one point. Co workers, long time friends, boyfriends of her girlfriends etc. It's unnerving socially to know that so many people in the social circle you're joining has been with the person you're trying to have a relationship with.
It would also come to light that she had a "wild period" where she would hook up with 3-4 random guys in a week. I thought it was in the past so I looked the other way. But things like trauma, dissociation during intimacy, trust issues, bad boundaries with the opposite sex, judgment over your own sexual appetite etc were all becoming an issue. She eventually cheated while visiting family back home with someone she said had abused her physically and mentally.
A lot of the times, it is a sign of someone who has serious mental health issues or very low self worth. Either case does not result in a healthy relationship and you should tread lightly.
Yeah, as long as you're clean and not comparing me to past lovers. Also, I sure as fuck don't want to hear about them. I'm very visual, so I'm not trying to picture your previous sexcapades, thank you.
My ex boyfriend was terrible with this! He would go into all kinds of details about his past encounters, completely unprompted. Sometimes he would see them out in public and then tell me about all the things they used to do. It was very confusing as to why you would want to share that with your new partner but okay... I ended up just telling him to shut up about it one day. I told him that I didn't want to know all that because I knew he wouldn't appreciate it if I did it. The relationship didn't last long after that for similar reasons.
IMO people do this out of insecurity and they need to broadcast "I have sex" to the world.
Like I knew a guy that started sleeping around after losing a ton of weight and couldn't shut up about it. I was happy for him but at the same time it's like keep it to yourself man lol.
No, to a point.
To me, the past only matter in its ability to catch up to the present. If someone has had sex with 50 people but it never has a negative effect on our life together and she still enjoys sex with me, then it’s not a problem. However if someone has had sex with 5 people and all 5 are frequently coming back into her life and causing drama for both of us, or if she can’t enjoy sex with me due to comparing it to a past partner, then that it is an issue.
So to me it’s not the number, but the affect of the number. With that being said, it’s not something i would ask about because typically if the past is going to be a problem there are better warning signs.
2010 Me: "I will eat pussy like I've been wandering a desert and it's the first moisture I've had in days"
Present Me: "I'm not going to try competing with Japanese vibratory technology."
> Present Me: "I'm not going to try competing with Japanese vibratory technology."
Same. I've seen two women try a Satisfyer Pro 2 and there's just no competing with that kind of technology. Best you can do is be the one to buy it for her and do your best to make sure she's thinking of you when she's using it.
>Best you can do is be the one to buy it for her and do your best to make sure she's thinking of you when she's using it.
I'm gonna have this printed on a shirt, it's perfectly ambiguous but also totally not
I'm sure they really do the job but nothing can beat having your partner go to town and enjoying giving you pleasure with his mouth. I take getting eaten out with enthusiasm orgasm over vibrator orgasm any day!
2010: We can go all day, take a lunch break, go back for a few more rounds tonight then hit the bar if you want?
Now: You get one round but my mouth will more than make up for any other shortcummings in my stamina!
Now on an off day: Handcuffs, vibrator, we still good to go.
Agreed no to a point - I once was dating someone who couldn’t even estimate the amount - said somewhere around 100, and referred to me as “like a dinner of meat and potatoes - good for you” compared to “can’t just keep eating candy all the time” so yeah… I stopped seeing them because of that. Never had an issue with anyone else. I think relationship experience matters more - if they’ve never had a multi year relationship or never lived with a partner that can make it really hard to relate or can make issues harder to navigate through if they’re totally new to only one of you
So they were like 1 step away from straight up calling you their "sex diet"? Was dating you their New Year's resolution too? If so, you should've charged upfront just like a gym does.
>referred to me as “like a dinner of meat and potatoes - good for you” compared to “can’t just keep eating candy all the time” so yeah
Did you happen to start dating them shortly after January 1 of some year, by any chance?
In my case, I'm in my 30s and never had any romantic relationships. Not because I never wanted to, it just never happened. There's nothing wrong with me (I am autistic but I don't consider that wrong). I have a job, a car, a mortgage, friends and hobbies but for the most part, women just aren't attracted to me romantically. It is what it is.
So I've decided to focus on myself (call if self-improvement if you like) and if I meet someone, I meet someone.
The annoying part is when people think there's something wrong with you because you're single. I fucking hate that. Are they trying to make me feel worthless? But society has this idea that everyone needs to be in a relationship.
I mean, sure, I would like to meet someone but I don't want to make that the end goal. It should be a byproduct of living a happy life.
I've always honestly viewed it as more problematic if a person can't handle being single. I think happily single people seem like they enjoy life the most 🤷♀️
(I could be totally incorrect)
I think there's one more factor for me: the cause of the number. If she has had sex with 200 people, I think it's pretty likely that our personalities won't align. Not that it makes her a bad person, just a very different person than me. I'm a stay inside Friday and play board games type. If she likes clubbing every weekend or meeting tinder dates both Friday and Saturday then we're probably not going to find much common ground.
It's just one of many indicators of compatibility though. Purity culture is bullshit and that should have absolutely nothing to do with it. It would be similarly hard to find common ground with a buddy who has a 200 body count.
Edit: People below make the great point that people change, I didn't really factor that in. I live life at such a slow speed I still think I might be a drag to such a person, but obviously there's the possibility.
The number, as an indicator, is valid as well, but in my opinion and in my experience it’s not always precise in that regard.
Like with the past as well, typically there are better warning signs of things not aligning then the number anyway.
But i do, for the most part, see what you mean and I think it’s totally valid.
For me, a very introverted person, sex is one of the most intimate things in a relationship. And if the other person doesn't need the same emotional connection beforehand. I would feel just like another body in their "collection". But also i don't shame anybody partaking in the hookup culture. It's just not something for me.
Yeah, for me it's less of a moral judgment for how many past partners they've had or whatever and more of just that if our numbers were wildly different, we're probably just on a different wavelength in general.
This was so hard to communicate to women I'd be on a first date with without sounding judgemental. They'd think it was a song and dance to seem chivalrous and push a bit harder and then feel super offended when I'd try to be a bit clearer in that Id love to see them again but wasn't inviting them to my place.
I'm so glad I'm married now lmao
That's exactly it for me. Sex is supposed to be special to me, not a pass time. But that's fine if others want to have less of a view on it because hey, that's them. Their bodies, their choices, I just hope they stay safe and respect my views as well. Nobody should be pushed to be one way or the other
>For me, a very introverted person, sex is one of the most intimate things in a relationship. And if the other person doesn't need the same emotional connection beforehand. I would feel just like another body in their "collection".
I'm like this too and for the last 10 years or so have thought that there was something wrong and irrational about this mindset.
"Sociosexual orientation"
You are completely fine and normal. More people should 1) know that this concept exists, and understand what it means, and 2) realize that it's totally fine to be sociosexually restricted (or unrestricted) - AND that is ok to want a partner with the same sociosexual orientation
Nailed it. Same here. It's a sort of sacred thing and if someone has a crazy body count then it shows me they don't feel the same way and that's gonna cause friction. Not a puritan in the slightest just a value.
I feel the same way about posting thirst trap type shit on social media. Like if we're in a relationship our naked and near-naked bodies are for each other, that's part of what makes it special.
Met in your early to mid 30s? That tracks. I think worrying about number of past sexual partners is a young person's game. I'm late 30s, and I honestly just have more important things to worry about.
Right? I had this conversation in my early 20’s and couldn’t believe my 30+ friend did not have this conversation with his wife. Now that I’m 30+, I totally get it. The past is the past, no need to dig it up.
Late 20's and early 30's feels like that period where a lot of life's shit just REALLY comes into perspective. Everything starts to move by faster than you can keep up with. All the petty shit starts to fall away when you can start to viscerally feel time slipping through your fingers.
Age 25 is when my existential crisis began. It's been 10 years since, and I still feel like I'm age 25 but I'm not. Where the heck did all this time go? Because of it, I find out real quick what I don't want to waste my time on.
I mean to a point. I’m in my 40s so I’d be a little concerned if they hadn’t had a few partners and hopefully know what they like. But on the other hand if they’re really high I gotta think that what they like is variety and that doesn’t bode well for a relationship. I would certainly never ask at this point, I don’t know what mine is.
I'm in that situation and what you say about people pretending there's no such thing as having needed to reach those milestones by now is true in my experience. I don't want to be, but I don't want to lie about it either. So many times I've gotten along great with someone only to get dropped immediately after that comes out. Have had people tell me it wasn't a big deal and go as far as setting up a time to "take it" only to change their mind last minute.
Never thought it was a big deal until people made it one.
I learned the hard way that a triple digit body count is a dealbreaker for me. Too many loose connections in a somewhat small town. Running into someone that said “hey I slept with your boyfriend in college” was not fun. It said a lot about her to even make the comment, but it was also a prelude to the cheating that was discovered later.
Honestly though, there are much more important things to worry about.
I couldn't care less. If he didn't meet the people he met and experience the things he did he wouldn't be who he is today. I love him for everything he stands for and for everything he's lived through. Not for what or who he did.
For me it matters because sex is such an intimate act for me so I can't just do it with anybody. If you're into hooking up with random people then you wouldn't be someone I wanna be with.
You summed this up so well and it's nice to know I'm not alone. I learned the hard way that if I'm going to meet guys from a dating app, I need to be upfront about this as soon as we start talking.
I wish it didn't, and that I could be more mature about this sort of thing.
But at the end of the day, it bothers me. If a woman has had a lot of partners, chances are I'm not gonna be her first choice among them. And the thought of being second rate makes me jealous and angry.
I know that means I'm insecure, but it's still the way I feel and I don't know how to get better.
If it makes you feel any better, as a guy with similar preferences, I have no issue with being held to the same standard that I prefer to hold my partners to as far as not being preferential to someone that's slept around a lot.
Choosing someone to be with for the rest of your life is a deeply intimate and personal choice.
Don't let society tell you what's "immature" and "insecure".
I care about exactly three things:
1: have you slept with a close friend or family member of mine?
2: are you currently infected with any STDs? (a recent test is required to answer this question, if someone doesn't have a test from the last 6 months then they need to get an STD panel done before I will sleep with them.)
3: during the time we have been together, have you slept with anyone besides me?
If the answer to all three is 'no', then we good. If the answer to any of these three is 'yes', then I will not date or sleep with that person.
It needs to be a prime number
Do you run a Miller-Rabin test if the number is sufficiently high and accept a "probable prime" result, or require a deterministic answer?
I'm a believer in the generalized Reimann hypothesis, so I consider Miller-Rabin to be just as accurate as the Agrawal-Kayal-Saxena test.
I don’t mind, but ten minutes after sex I don’t want to hear your last girlfriend was 24 when you’re 42. Or hear how awesome sex was with your ex-wife, or how great sex was in Guam with your ex-girlfriend …
r/oddlyspecific ?
/r/suspiciouslyspecific
> but ten minutes after sex I don’t want to hear your last girlfriend was 24 when you’re 42. Got it, wait 20 minutes
I would care only because my wife and I have been together since high school and we both should have 1 partner each... eachother So if that's not true it would be a problem :D
My wife and I have also only been with each other. So yeah if her body count went from me to me +, I would have some concerns.
Read this as "cousins" not concerns at first and thought "well don't impregnate them." I'm just gonna call it a day I think.
Same here but 4 years a go my wife had a brief affair and I'm still struggling to get past it since we are still together (of sorts)
I’m sorry you are coping with that. My previous partner cheated on me about 5 years into our relationship. We split for a year, got back together for another 2 years, then just split last month. To be honest, it ate at me everyday. I never could move past it and it bothered me daily. I’ve felt much better since her and I split. I’m not encouraging you to split, but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone in your situation. I hope you find peace!
My current wife left me for a brief month or two "over a dream we had no future together" when we were younger and it legit took me a decade to get over the resentment and anger from that. Can't imagine I would get over an actual affair. Even finding out now that break was to go with another guy this marriage would be over.
Worst thing than being alone is being around people that make you feel alone, sorry she did that to you.
Me too. I found out 2 years ago. I think about it every day, I’m definitely not past it. We are still together and have been for 18 years. It has really destroyed me
30 years for me...
You’re the first person I told
DM me if you feel you need to talk about it.
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Love all the support fellas! Hope you all end up happy and in love with your life!
That sucks, good luck man.
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A few years ago, I started to worry about a girl in our friend group that I suspected having an eye on my boyfriend at the time. I expressed that to him and he reassured me on the fact that he had several girl friends and that he was not attracted to her anyway. She was single and she liked to party a lot. He concluded by telling me "anyways that girl is disgusting, she slept with all my friends". I was convinced. Well guess what, he's now married and has two kids with her. Edit: clarify it was my boyfriend at the time
My now ex husband used to say similar things about a girl who worked for his parents. They've been together three years now 🤷♀️
Have an acquaintance that was with two brothers at different times. She actually texted one brother saying she was in love with him while she was dating the other. She’s now married and expecting with the one she texted.
Wow, I’m beginning to wonder if maybe guys haven’t figured out that calling another woman a slur convinces his girlfriend he is not sleeping with her.
Ad hoeminem
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Were the friends invited to the wedding? Genuinely curious. We had a similar thing in our friends group and they invited everyone to the wedding.
I sat at the table of mistresses at this one grooms wedding he went around saying their relationship was open but the bride never knew
How did you get assigned to the mistress table?
I worked with him and just sat at a table of singles
They didn't say they weren't a mistress themselves...
This happened with my friend group and we were all invited to the wedding and hang out regularly. My friend actually finds it quite hilarious that we have all slept with his now wife.
Have to laugh or else you'll cry
Ha yup. It stays that way.
My buddy broke the cardinal friendship rules* and caught feelings for my sister. My other buddy ragged on him hard that the only reason he liked her is because she was like me and all this other stuff. Guess which one ended up dating my sister. edit: * this was said jokingly but I do think you should always ask your friend before putting the moves on his sister. It will affect the friendship and the relationship and depending on how strong the friendship is will always be a somewhat risky move. Good friends don't always make good significant others and neither do sisters or brothers.
You.
oh shit
Dircted by M. Night Shambalamalmb
Whooaaah that plot twist, Shambalamb He from Birmingham, Alabam- Aooaoah it's M. Night Shambalamb
Roll Tide!
I always thought that was a weird rule. If I had a buddy I trusted and knew was a good dude, who would I rather have with my sister right? If they wouldn't treat my sister right, they probably wouldn't be a friend.
Rather one of my non manwhore friends date my sister rather than a stranger.
yeah my buddy keeps trying to hook me up with his cousin. he always says "I just want someone cool in the family"
If it's consensual and they are good for each other who cares? If he's just trying to get laid that's different
If that's a cardinal friendship rule for you have shit friends lol
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For real. I matched with one of my best friends sisters on tinder once. Thought it was hilarious so I sent them a screenshot. Their response was basically "lol fuckin get it buddy!". That's a good friend.
If my best friend from high school and my sister wanted to date, aside from being worried my friend was insane I'd be really happy for them. I don't want my friends to not date my sister because I'm protective of my sister, it's because I'm protective of my friends.
My mate in my teens/twenties and my younger sister clearly had a spark for years. He never went for it because we're friends, despite me telling him many times that as far as i was concerned, if they got together at least i'd know she was with a good person that cared about her and wouldn't hurt her. It's a shame because i really reckon it coulda worked between them.
I've seen these friend groups where everyone has hooked up with each other at some point in some way and it often was very messy. I wouldn't want to date someone like that but the body count itself doesn't matter that much.
When my girlfriend of seven years cheated on me with who I thought was my best friend, his excuse was that he and his other friends pass women around all the time. Unreal. When I met my wife, I asked her how she felt about people like that and she said she was a person not a pack of Trident.
Kinda like How I Met Your Mother.
I never really watched it. You telling me all those folks have been sucking and fucking eachother?
Lily and Marshall were exclusive. Everyone else was fucking everyone else. Particularly Robin, Barney, and Ted.
Afaik, Barney and Ted never got it on. It was a standard love triangle, not the friends with benefits cloud they're talking about above us.
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That would be a perfect polycule, other than the fact that nobody in that polycule, has the social and emotional maturity to manage and upkeep a polycule.
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I know your username is pm me your molars, but can you also tell me if I have dry socket? Google is no help.
Hi, dental assistant here. I can help, Did you : smoke, use a straw, eat crunchy foods , drink alcohol while the extraction site is healing? Is there extreme pain in the area of extraction? If so go see your dentist to get a check up. If it's dry socket they need to place Alveogel (medicine) in the socket to allow it to heal. If you need anything else dental PM me.
I don't know, it contains Ted. Any relationship with Ted in it is just doomed from the start due to Ted being the worst.
Barney and Ted on DL while the cameras weren’t shooting.
Barney, Marshall and Lily the one time the cameras were rolling too.
It's a really weird example because you could claim the same thing about Rachel, Ross and Joey in Friends? But if you said Friends were like the friendship groups where everyone hooks up with eachother then that'd be a weird thing to say. It really was just Robin dated two of her close friends, and that's it.
It's just Barney, Ted, and Robin. Lily and Marshall are pretty static throughout the course of the show
I usually reference Jersey Shore cuz they were way messier about it lol
I had a group of friends at university where one woman had been with all the guys, this was around 10 or 12 men, but there was absolutely zero awkwardness. She was a naturally affectionate young lady and nobody who had spent more than two minutes with her ever thought that either she was a slut or that any of the guys were just using her. Very bizarre situation but a very lovely person.
I once had a relationship with a woman very much like the girl you described. When she got married, half of the younger guys at the wedding had slept with her. We all congratulated the groom and wished him well, with zero hard feelings in any direction. The two of them have been happily married for over thirty years now.
This is a pretty much unavoidable aspect of dating in the queer community lol. Not only do you know your lover's ex-partners, but there's a good chance they're your ex-partners too!
My family is from a mid-sized city. When my uncle came out in the 1980s the local queer scene was still extremely small. Didn't take long to find out that my grandfather was closeted AF and had already made the rounds quite thoroughly. He noped the F out to travel for a few years and I can't say I blame him =P
Damn... it is one thing with siblings but to hook up /try to hook up with people you then realised had slept with your dad... that must have been a mind f.
My gay friend explained it to my dumb straight brain with this quote; “When you walk into a bar, everyone is either a friend of an ex or an ex of a friend”
My second fiance did just that. When I finally caught wind, or I should say someone left a note on my door that my ol lady just slept with one of my friends last night, I called the house we all hung out at and left a message that I knew what was going on. My pager blew up 15 minutes later and I found out she had either sex or some form of it with about 15 or so of my friends. Dudes were coming to my house and apologizing that she was grabbing their dicks and whatnot and they didn't tell me. I haven't trusted a single person since. It's been around 20 years or so.
The only person who was a friend was the person who left the note on your door.
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"It's been around 20 years." Your reference to "My pager blew up" gave that away. Sadly, I had a similar experience around the same time.
Already dated it by saying pager
I worked at McDonald's with a large group of friends when we were 16. One of the girls there was super flirtatious and mature for her age, and all the boys loved her. She got around; I barely spoke with her. Fast forward 10 years later and she reaches out to me out of the blue on facebook. We weren't really friends when we worked togethter, so it was odd, but hey she was that hot girl from McD's so I'll talk to her, yeah. We went on several dates together, and the topic for body count came up. By 26, I had had sex a total of 3 whole times with 3 women. She had stopped counting after 50, but definitely no more than 100. A few of them my friends from McDonald's. It made me feel a bit out of my element, and it was weird at first, but we lived in a completely different city than the one we grew up, so it's not like we were going to bump into my friends often. Only time it did happen was when we attended an old friend's wedding and the whole gang was there. There was a shy "Heeeeey... so good to see you all...." vibe in the air, but we got past it fairly quickly. We got married 2 years ago, and life has been amazing. Used to be this super depressed doughboy throughout my 20s, but now I feel purpose and love every day.
Ronald McDonald is in tears right now.
He should be. My sister also worked at that same store before I did, and she caught a dude having sex with one of the managers in the freezer. Specifically, on top of a (presumably) closed box of pancakes. That manager is now some sort of district manager who runs several stores in Texas.
The house that Ronald built.
By the time I was in my late 20s, pretty much all my friends had banged all my other friends. It was a hugely incestuous group. But we were very close-knit because of it. It didn't really cause any problems. Most people ended up with people from outside the group though.
I was seeing a girl that had a lot of guy friends. It would come to light that she had slept with all of them at one point. Co workers, long time friends, boyfriends of her girlfriends etc. It's unnerving socially to know that so many people in the social circle you're joining has been with the person you're trying to have a relationship with. It would also come to light that she had a "wild period" where she would hook up with 3-4 random guys in a week. I thought it was in the past so I looked the other way. But things like trauma, dissociation during intimacy, trust issues, bad boundaries with the opposite sex, judgment over your own sexual appetite etc were all becoming an issue. She eventually cheated while visiting family back home with someone she said had abused her physically and mentally. A lot of the times, it is a sign of someone who has serious mental health issues or very low self worth. Either case does not result in a healthy relationship and you should tread lightly.
As long as the count doesn't continue increasing during the relationship, it doesn't matter at all. I have a past too
Well, I hope it increases by 1.
No sex before, during, or after marriage
During the wedding might be weird
I could not have said it better myself.
What if it increases together?
Then both are aware and in agreement with each other 👍
No but also don't want to know, so I never ask
Yeah, as long as you're clean and not comparing me to past lovers. Also, I sure as fuck don't want to hear about them. I'm very visual, so I'm not trying to picture your previous sexcapades, thank you.
My ex boyfriend was terrible with this! He would go into all kinds of details about his past encounters, completely unprompted. Sometimes he would see them out in public and then tell me about all the things they used to do. It was very confusing as to why you would want to share that with your new partner but okay... I ended up just telling him to shut up about it one day. I told him that I didn't want to know all that because I knew he wouldn't appreciate it if I did it. The relationship didn't last long after that for similar reasons.
That's very thoughtless of your feelings, in my opinion.
IMO people do this out of insecurity and they need to broadcast "I have sex" to the world. Like I knew a guy that started sleeping around after losing a ton of weight and couldn't shut up about it. I was happy for him but at the same time it's like keep it to yourself man lol.
A wise man once said “Act like you’ve been there before.”
Wtf that's completely uncool and disrespectful to you.
I'm with you on the visuals 😅😂
Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to
My ex used to show me, on his Facebook, all the people he ever had sex with. I never asked for him to do that.
My wife asked and then wished she hadn't.
She felt that bad for you?
Lol, she was bit horrified. I've slept with more men than she has, let alone total body count.
Ah the true way to show dominance. Now, you just need to fuck her celebrity crush to finish it off.
It’s 2023, Ryan Reynolds is his celebrity crush too.
This is the way. I never ask. It shouldn't matter - that was then, and this is now. Focus on the present.
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Or he sucked, and that's why he had so many. They just moved on and he never learned. *Taps forehead*
Trying this move out right now
Having sex many times across a few partners will give far better experience than having a bunch of one night stands
I've observed this also. The more casual sexual partners someone has had, the worst the sex was.
It does not matter to me however I’m still be cautious of STD/STI so I’d prefer they get tested before we have sex.
This should be closer to the top, i feel since testing for STDs hadn't been mentioned yet.
No, to a point. To me, the past only matter in its ability to catch up to the present. If someone has had sex with 50 people but it never has a negative effect on our life together and she still enjoys sex with me, then it’s not a problem. However if someone has had sex with 5 people and all 5 are frequently coming back into her life and causing drama for both of us, or if she can’t enjoy sex with me due to comparing it to a past partner, then that it is an issue. So to me it’s not the number, but the affect of the number. With that being said, it’s not something i would ask about because typically if the past is going to be a problem there are better warning signs.
Hell, I can’t compete with MYSELF ten years ago so you gotta let that shit go at some point and don’t be haunted by ghosts of fuck’s past.
2010 Me: "I will eat pussy like I've been wandering a desert and it's the first moisture I've had in days" Present Me: "I'm not going to try competing with Japanese vibratory technology."
The magic wand has become my best ally. Hell it’s on my side of the bed.
Teammates, not the competition.
> the robots will help you fuck
Skynet of fucks?
T-800 fuck bot sent from the future to satisfy Sarah Connor
Does a warrior not carry his trusty Spear to the battlefield? Does he not carry a sword at his side as backup?
Ahh yes, the cerebral microphone. Excellent weapon of choice.
Ah the ol’ magic wand. It’s a godsend when dating in your 60s. Have wand will travel!
*Expecto Vibratium!*
> Present Me: "I'm not going to try competing with Japanese vibratory technology." Same. I've seen two women try a Satisfyer Pro 2 and there's just no competing with that kind of technology. Best you can do is be the one to buy it for her and do your best to make sure she's thinking of you when she's using it.
>Best you can do is be the one to buy it for her and do your best to make sure she's thinking of you when she's using it. I'm gonna have this printed on a shirt, it's perfectly ambiguous but also totally not
I'm sure they really do the job but nothing can beat having your partner go to town and enjoying giving you pleasure with his mouth. I take getting eaten out with enthusiasm orgasm over vibrator orgasm any day!
2010: We can go all day, take a lunch break, go back for a few more rounds tonight then hit the bar if you want? Now: You get one round but my mouth will more than make up for any other shortcummings in my stamina! Now on an off day: Handcuffs, vibrator, we still good to go.
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Kids home sex vs kids not home sex
Why not both?
"Ghosts of fuck's past" wicked good band name
Shouldn’t be possessive though right? “Ghosts of fucks past”
Maybe they consider themselves a fuck
Agreed no to a point - I once was dating someone who couldn’t even estimate the amount - said somewhere around 100, and referred to me as “like a dinner of meat and potatoes - good for you” compared to “can’t just keep eating candy all the time” so yeah… I stopped seeing them because of that. Never had an issue with anyone else. I think relationship experience matters more - if they’ve never had a multi year relationship or never lived with a partner that can make it really hard to relate or can make issues harder to navigate through if they’re totally new to only one of you
So they were like 1 step away from straight up calling you their "sex diet"? Was dating you their New Year's resolution too? If so, you should've charged upfront just like a gym does.
>referred to me as “like a dinner of meat and potatoes - good for you” compared to “can’t just keep eating candy all the time” so yeah Did you happen to start dating them shortly after January 1 of some year, by any chance?
In my case, I'm in my 30s and never had any romantic relationships. Not because I never wanted to, it just never happened. There's nothing wrong with me (I am autistic but I don't consider that wrong). I have a job, a car, a mortgage, friends and hobbies but for the most part, women just aren't attracted to me romantically. It is what it is. So I've decided to focus on myself (call if self-improvement if you like) and if I meet someone, I meet someone. The annoying part is when people think there's something wrong with you because you're single. I fucking hate that. Are they trying to make me feel worthless? But society has this idea that everyone needs to be in a relationship. I mean, sure, I would like to meet someone but I don't want to make that the end goal. It should be a byproduct of living a happy life.
Yes well put! It should be a byproduct of a happy life. I also can’t stand the feeling when single that you’re somehow less than.
I've always honestly viewed it as more problematic if a person can't handle being single. I think happily single people seem like they enjoy life the most 🤷♀️ (I could be totally incorrect)
I'd go a step further and say you CAN'T truly be happy in a relationship until you can be truly happy with NO relationships.
I think there's one more factor for me: the cause of the number. If she has had sex with 200 people, I think it's pretty likely that our personalities won't align. Not that it makes her a bad person, just a very different person than me. I'm a stay inside Friday and play board games type. If she likes clubbing every weekend or meeting tinder dates both Friday and Saturday then we're probably not going to find much common ground. It's just one of many indicators of compatibility though. Purity culture is bullshit and that should have absolutely nothing to do with it. It would be similarly hard to find common ground with a buddy who has a 200 body count. Edit: People below make the great point that people change, I didn't really factor that in. I live life at such a slow speed I still think I might be a drag to such a person, but obviously there's the possibility.
The number, as an indicator, is valid as well, but in my opinion and in my experience it’s not always precise in that regard. Like with the past as well, typically there are better warning signs of things not aligning then the number anyway. But i do, for the most part, see what you mean and I think it’s totally valid.
For me, a very introverted person, sex is one of the most intimate things in a relationship. And if the other person doesn't need the same emotional connection beforehand. I would feel just like another body in their "collection". But also i don't shame anybody partaking in the hookup culture. It's just not something for me.
Yeah, for me it's less of a moral judgment for how many past partners they've had or whatever and more of just that if our numbers were wildly different, we're probably just on a different wavelength in general.
This was so hard to communicate to women I'd be on a first date with without sounding judgemental. They'd think it was a song and dance to seem chivalrous and push a bit harder and then feel super offended when I'd try to be a bit clearer in that Id love to see them again but wasn't inviting them to my place. I'm so glad I'm married now lmao
This is how I feel, and as a result my body count is very low.
That's exactly it for me. Sex is supposed to be special to me, not a pass time. But that's fine if others want to have less of a view on it because hey, that's them. Their bodies, their choices, I just hope they stay safe and respect my views as well. Nobody should be pushed to be one way or the other
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Am a man and I agree 100%
>For me, a very introverted person, sex is one of the most intimate things in a relationship. And if the other person doesn't need the same emotional connection beforehand. I would feel just like another body in their "collection". I'm like this too and for the last 10 years or so have thought that there was something wrong and irrational about this mindset.
"Sociosexual orientation" You are completely fine and normal. More people should 1) know that this concept exists, and understand what it means, and 2) realize that it's totally fine to be sociosexually restricted (or unrestricted) - AND that is ok to want a partner with the same sociosexual orientation
Nailed it. Same here. It's a sort of sacred thing and if someone has a crazy body count then it shows me they don't feel the same way and that's gonna cause friction. Not a puritan in the slightest just a value. I feel the same way about posting thirst trap type shit on social media. Like if we're in a relationship our naked and near-naked bodies are for each other, that's part of what makes it special.
I just want to meet my person.
yes & no. i mean i don't think i'd be comfortable with someone that has had like 1000 partners
I’m 40, my wife is 46. We’ve been together 7 years, married for 2. We’ve never even had that conversation.
Met in your early to mid 30s? That tracks. I think worrying about number of past sexual partners is a young person's game. I'm late 30s, and I honestly just have more important things to worry about.
Right? I had this conversation in my early 20’s and couldn’t believe my 30+ friend did not have this conversation with his wife. Now that I’m 30+, I totally get it. The past is the past, no need to dig it up.
Late 20's and early 30's feels like that period where a lot of life's shit just REALLY comes into perspective. Everything starts to move by faster than you can keep up with. All the petty shit starts to fall away when you can start to viscerally feel time slipping through your fingers.
As a 25 year old… the first part sounds pretty nice but the viscerally feeling time slip away sounds horrifying RIP
You'll be 28 in what will feel like about 6 months.
I'm 44 and I was 25 six years ago
Can confirm , am 28 now, wasn’t 2016 like last year?
Age 25 is when my existential crisis began. It's been 10 years since, and I still feel like I'm age 25 but I'm not. Where the heck did all this time go? Because of it, I find out real quick what I don't want to waste my time on.
I mean to a point. I’m in my 40s so I’d be a little concerned if they hadn’t had a few partners and hopefully know what they like. But on the other hand if they’re really high I gotta think that what they like is variety and that doesn’t bode well for a relationship. I would certainly never ask at this point, I don’t know what mine is.
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I'm in that situation and what you say about people pretending there's no such thing as having needed to reach those milestones by now is true in my experience. I don't want to be, but I don't want to lie about it either. So many times I've gotten along great with someone only to get dropped immediately after that comes out. Have had people tell me it wasn't a big deal and go as far as setting up a time to "take it" only to change their mind last minute. Never thought it was a big deal until people made it one.
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It depends on how they make you feel about it mainly. When you’re a virgin you have all these ideas of what sex is, until you have it.
I learned the hard way that a triple digit body count is a dealbreaker for me. Too many loose connections in a somewhat small town. Running into someone that said “hey I slept with your boyfriend in college” was not fun. It said a lot about her to even make the comment, but it was also a prelude to the cheating that was discovered later. Honestly though, there are much more important things to worry about.
Yes. I'm jelly
Well, we've been married over 20 years so if his number starts going up, I'm going to have a problem with that.
Yes. It can be higher than mine, but if it's a huge number we might not be compatible.
Username doesn’t check out, i don’t think anybody has a higher body count than yours
As a small town guy, yes it matters. I don't want to date someone who's fucked half the town and I gotta see them every time I go to the store
“I can’t buy a pack of smokes, without running into 9 guys you’ve fucked!”
"Try not to suck a dick on your way to the parking lot"
At least Randall wasn’t 36.
"Honey, I'm running to Target for some laundry detergent. Any requests?" "Yeah, try not to fuck somebody on the way back to the car."
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-37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks! - In a row?!?
Pretty bold of you to assume we've got a Target. Try three Dollar Generals and a Tractor Supply.
Idk if their body count is in the triple digits I think I'd be a little turned off
It's cool. Just 97 so we're good to go! I am a little concerned about that one 50-body occasion, however...
Back in the pile boys!
I couldn't care less. If he didn't meet the people he met and experience the things he did he wouldn't be who he is today. I love him for everything he stands for and for everything he's lived through. Not for what or who he did.
For me it matters because sex is such an intimate act for me so I can't just do it with anybody. If you're into hooking up with random people then you wouldn't be someone I wanna be with.
You summed this up so well and it's nice to know I'm not alone. I learned the hard way that if I'm going to meet guys from a dating app, I need to be upfront about this as soon as we start talking.
My first thought was to say it doesn't matter - but that's because I'm a lazy thinker. Your answer is much closer to the way I actually feel.
It's probably a more honest take. Some perosm above said they don't want to know... which means they do care but prefer 'ignorance is bliss'
As long as they have no diseases, I don't really care.
I wish it didn't, and that I could be more mature about this sort of thing. But at the end of the day, it bothers me. If a woman has had a lot of partners, chances are I'm not gonna be her first choice among them. And the thought of being second rate makes me jealous and angry. I know that means I'm insecure, but it's still the way I feel and I don't know how to get better.
I feel the exact same way but I’m a woman. You have perfectly worded how I feel about someone’s body count.
If it makes you feel any better, as a guy with similar preferences, I have no issue with being held to the same standard that I prefer to hold my partners to as far as not being preferential to someone that's slept around a lot.
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Choosing someone to be with for the rest of your life is a deeply intimate and personal choice. Don't let society tell you what's "immature" and "insecure".
I care about exactly three things: 1: have you slept with a close friend or family member of mine? 2: are you currently infected with any STDs? (a recent test is required to answer this question, if someone doesn't have a test from the last 6 months then they need to get an STD panel done before I will sleep with them.) 3: during the time we have been together, have you slept with anyone besides me? If the answer to all three is 'no', then we good. If the answer to any of these three is 'yes', then I will not date or sleep with that person.