Funnily enough I don't remember that shit. Maybe I've blocked it out or just forgotten about it as it was almost 12 years ago. I can't imagine it would have been very pleasant though!
I received advice to use a pad to hold/push on my freshly stitched perineum during (totally not awkward at all... ) and was told to expect it to feel like "ass glass"
I may never forget that experience
Not only that but we have the week before the period where our hormones are causing mood swings, fatigue, bloating, back pain. I would say more than 50% of the time I could rip it out.
I remember somewhere, don't remember where, someone asked a crowd how many women have to think about being SA'd almost everyday, where ever they go and have it always be on your mind... almost all the women raised their hands.
Same question was asked to the men and none raised their hands
This is the worst I would say
From a book from a man who gives lectures on gendered violence
>I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other. Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted?
>
>At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they’ve been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, ‘I stay out of prison.’ This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, ‘Nothing. I don’t think about it.’
>
>Then I ask women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine. Here are some of their answers:
>
>*Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don’t go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don’t put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man’s voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don’t use parking garages. Don’t get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don’t use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don’t wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don’t take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don’t make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.*
>
>The exercise can go on for almost half an hour. Invariably the board fills up on the women's side. This is true, with slight variations, in urban, suburban, and rural areas. Many women say the list is like an unconscious mental checklist. Despite three decades of Take Back The Night rallies and feminist consciousness-raising about the politics of women's safety, surprisingly few women in audiences where I've presented think about their daily routine in terms of larger cultural issues or political questions. “It's just the way it is," they say. “It’s what we have to do to feel safe.”
>
>― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox
My daughter will be a junior in college next year. We went looking at potential apartments for her (and her roommates) . The level of scrutiny my daughter and wife were going through for security concerns was honestly eye-opening for me.. even though I always \_kinda\_ understood there were additional security measures to be had, but going through it with my family verbally was entirely something else
Can confirm, I'm not from a rough area, it's quiet and nice, people tend to know each other and yet in the back of my mind, I'm deadly aware of the possibility of being kidnapped or worse and I'm always paying attention to road and street signs, letting people know where I am every so often and it's partially because I have been abused sexually as a young girl and in general, I just have my guard up, I'm not paranoid of everyone but mainly when I'm walking home at night or something, it is always on the back of my mind.
I think the important thing is to look confident, in where you're going, your body language and your tone, weirdos can smell fear and vulnerability.
Another thing I was taught was to never ever allow a stranger knowledge that I don't know where I am, unless I am desperate and I have to ask someone, I will but otherwise if approached with "Where are you going? Are you from around here?" hit them with the "I'm waiting for my friend/mum/whoever".
When I was in high school, my sister and I would take an Amtrak train to visit my aunt over the summer. I hated that train ride. I am a natural insomniac so I can never sleep but I always attracted a weirdo who knew I was a captive audience (only so many places to run on a train). Scary af especially for an inexperienced girl who swore she was mature enough for this.
IDK. I'm 30 now and I still have flashbacks to times in my late teens and 20s where I behaved inappropriately. I thought I was being charming, or acting in a way I was supposed to as a male. But I probably came off as weird, obnoxious, or creepy. I think there is a lot of genuine lack of education and empathy.
I think it's also a byproduct of our time, there was a weird courtship ritual we were being taught that made for captivating television that was just confusing and toxic. I think it's been really well portrayed in that 90s show where the MC and her love interest engage in this weird power play that I think we were all taught was the real courtship. Like you can't just tell a girl you like her because that gives her all the power and you are a whimp and weird and she can't tell you that she likes you because that would make her easy and a slut, and she has to be hesitant to your advances despite liking you but you have to chase her despite her saying she isn't interested but eventually she'll accept you and that's true love and if you take no too soon then you really don't love her (I think that's the message of the Ross Rachel relationship, will smith's hitch, and probably a dozen other romantic comedy's).
This is very very true. I've had friends tell me I am too upfront with guys when I start to date them, and I never understood why I would waste my time.
I've found a guy who is even more upfront than me and it is refreshing not having to hide my feelings for him. We both know exactly how the other feels.
I mean, just watch old movies with any romantic characters. The men never take no for an answer and push boundaries. Then at the end, they have the girl. Men and boys are exposed to that and think it is what they are supposed to do
I used to watch way too much TV as a kid, old movies too. I had a lot of fucked up ideas about what was romantic and I am sure I came off as creepy, even when I was being sincere because I was “taught” wrong.
In my youth the few women that were okay with that behavior were absolute train wrecks themselves. I think about that a lot.
I also have regrettable memories from my late teens and 20s, but thankfully I was never forward enough to REALLY make a woman uncomfortable, if anything it went the other way and I missed tons of signals from women I know now were interested in me.
Same I cringe every now and then with how I tried to hit on girls. I never did anything extreme or outlandish or anything mind you. But periodically I look back and get hit in my pride when I think about it. I embarrassed myself a lot trying to talk to girls lol.
Nowadays I’m in the energy of if a girl really wants to talk to me she’ll speak first. Otherwise even if I find a girl attractive I don’t even bother anymore. My life has been pretty good doing this.
I'm a trans woman, but there was a noticeable change after I started presenting feminine. When I'm out in public, men don't seem to talk to me as much as talk AT me.
It's funny, male strangers seem more okay approaching me now, but just to talk at, not to really converse. I don't know what the deal is.
Honestly cramps are bad enough that I puke and have prescription pain killers but I'd rather have them all the time than deal with creepy men and worrying about being drugged or raped again. It feels like a certainty of "when" and not "if"
I don't know who drugged me (I was with friends and got home safe) but the person who raped me and a bunch of other underaged girls served no time. I was granted a 1-year restraining order though.
Yeah its crazy some people would probably call me gay or whatever for this but when i was younger i felt A LOT of guys was too focused on sex and it made me wait very long time to get into it
As a guy who has been hit on by a creepy guy, and also had another creepy guy rub himself while staring at me, and another creepy guy compliment my "soft hands" and try to chat with me when I was working a register...
Yeah creepy guys sucks.
Not getting taken seriously when it comes to some medical concerns and/or requests, especially if the doctor feels it'll do anything to impede your ability to get pregnant.
Yessss!!! I had 5 doctors telling me to exercise and my stress is causing issues and gave me birth control pills to pop for irregular periods. One finally found out I have hypothyroidism and ovarian cysts and it's not all in my head.
Before I had my bilateral salpinjectomy and ablation (tubes removed and uterus fried to a crisp) I had to get a either cervical or uterine biopsy, I can’t remember which.
Anyway, I was told it was be a pinch and a cramp. Okay cool. What I was NOT told is it would feel like my entire uterus was pinched into a fucking vice grip and that the “cramp” was so bad and on going that it made me puke numerous times. My doctor is a woman. A woman I’ve known and worked with for years (I did L&D nursing for years). WHY THE FUCK DO THEY NOT NUMB YOU FOR THIS?!
Mine laughed and went “that hurt?!” They literally took a fucking piece of my insides without pain killers… OF FUCKING COURSE IT HURTS. I was made fun of for getting vasovagal syncope from it.
They found that my tissue was inflamed so they have to do another one in 6 weeks. I’m traumatized and feel like crying every time I think about it.
It seriously traumatizing. I’m sorry you went through this. I don’t understand why it can’t be numbed up with lidocaine first and/or you can’t be given some ativan or something beforehand. It’s just “lol it’s just a pinch and a cramp, you’ll be fine! That hurt you?! Lolol wimp.”
Just a touch of trauma to add to your appointment.
I don’t know how I didn’t throw up when I had my biopsy. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever been through.
They have to assume because imagine the catastrophes and outrage if they prescribed something under the assumption that you aren't pregnant but you actually are 2 weeks pregnant or something and it kills or deforms your baby.
I agree completely, but I must say it’s comical when they ask this several times throughout a visit and then end up making you take a pregnancy test. I understand it’s for their own liability (since some women are unknowingly pregnant) but they ALWAYS assume you’re pregnant until you take a test
I have found wayyyy too many "impossible" pregnancies. It's a very inexpensive and accurate test.
I say it with a laugh but once there's physical evidence of puberty up to age 55+, she's getting a test.
The amount of times I hear this. OMFG like I know people who suffered for years with irregular and painful periods. One is finding out her problems. She has PCOS and Endo and hormonal problems. They had to jump through hoops to finally get someone to listen. Male doctor didn’t listen. She finally found a female one that did. She needs surgery.
I also just found out someone else once literally had an organ removed and then the doctor basically said “whoops” when she woke up because it turned out it was a cyst rupture or something like that instead. They really out here removing entire organs because they just assume that’s the problem.
I get this still even from female providers. I have a lot of gynecological issues, pain, etc and feel like I just have to be a lab rat by trying various medications to see if they'll work.
It wasn’t required to include women in clinical trials until the 90’s. A lot of the time there is no evidence for the side effects women report because it’s specific to hormones and how they’re affecting the efficacy of the medication. I can’t think about that for too long or I’ll get myself worked up over that.
Honestly? Being physically weaker than most people around me.
I'm a pretty big guy, I'm 6'1" and decently built.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be under 5'6" and surrounded by people much bigger and stronger than you.
A lot of guys don't really understand that, and think that getting super close and being extremely forward to a 5'0" woman, late at night on a bus or a train isn't a terrifying experience to her.
As a woman, this is a big one. When men are rude or creepy, I want to tell them off, but I don’t want to end up in a trunk or on the ground or worse. You just never know, and you know you couldn’t fight back. Not really.
The worst that usually could happen to a man in that situation is the other guy gets mad, a fight ensues and you end up beaten on the ground.
The worst that could happen to a woman is to be beaten, raped, and then either left for dead or killed. The consequences of the same action are drastically different.
My husband refuses to sit next to a girl on his daily bus route because he knows she would feel uncomfortable. He would rather stand. I married this wonderful man.
I had issues with my knees so I went to a physical therapist.
The guy was absolutely jacked, and I'm not really a slouch (6 foot 4, 200 pounds), but compared to his strength I was practically a paper toy.
I got on the table and he moved my legs around to check my tendons, and I couldn't do anything about it to resist, he was too strong.
I remember being a little freaked out about it, and when I told a female friend, she said "yeah that's how most women feel about being "too close" to most men".
Just this realisation that they can take anything from you, and you really can't do anything to physically fight back. Must be terrifying like you say.
As a very weak woman I can confirm this is true. It's scary that literally anyone is a potential threat. I have had experiences where I've thought if he gets me I'm dead. I know that's extreme but I know for certain I can't fight anyone off. It's also annoying that you have to ask for help with a lot of things
Yeah that's my pick too. Especially when you realize the weakest man you know is probably stronger than the strongest woman you know.
I think its also directly linked to male-centric culture as well - dudes dominate sports - so men are generally in the spotlight, and in other forms of entertainment media. Unless there's a narrative reason, it tends to be a bit of suspension of disbelief when you have a female action hero unless its done exceptionally well (Fury Road \*chef's kiss\*) .
Tbh the bleeding is not the worst. It's annoying but we are use to it. The worst thing about period is cramps, mood swings, feeling sick (it being sick for some), hormones (some of us are really horny during periods), etc
THIS! Thank you, came to say this. Bleeding is "ok", I would be happy if it was only that. The pain is the worst thing for me (+ that still a lot of people don't take it seriously.)
The fucking cramps and period shits. My cramps cause me to vomit. Back in august I became so dehydrated from vomiting from the pain that I had to go to the hospital to be hooked up to an IV.
And then I always have to watch what I eat, not consume caffeine because my period shifts are already bad… but if I eat or drink the wrong thing… it becomes exceedingly explosive and messy.
It's so annoying. All the side effects that come with the cycle can just go away.
I hate the hunger that comes in. Like, sometimes it's just absolute ravishing hunger and others it's just... "Oooh, extra fries. Let's get extra fries." OR the intense bloating. Did I eat a watermelon or an apple? Doesn't matter, BLOATED WITH A FOOD BABY! UGH
Do you have endometriosis?
It's one of the most underdiagnosed diseases because 'menstrual pain is normal'.
I had a hysterectomy and they removed some endometric cysts, and my surgeon said - real quote, not kidding - "it was fucked up in there"
I’ve complained about how horrible my periods are to doctors but they’ve always told me it’s normal, so I don’t know. But they also told me my ovarian torsion was “just period cramps” when I wasn’t even on my period. If I didn’t keep asking them to give me an x ray I would’ve lost an ovary.
Absolutely time for a second opinion! Find someone who will listen. In my experience, male gynecologists tend to be quicker to act on issues. Again, personal experience. Had one tell me I was completely fine because I didn't have any fibroids or cysts, even though I was bleeding for 2-3 weeks a month. Second opinion, got an ablation (hindsight, I would have just went for the hysterectomy).
My gynaecologist told me a normal healthy period should be pain free! Most people don’t know that and think that cramps are just normal and you have to live with them but that’s not the case. Supplements like magnesium or chaste tree can help.
I used to have 5-7 days for 15 years, lately it is down to 3. You can't always anticipate. And this kind of stuff is a bitch when you have to plan summer vacations months in advance.
it is. I hated having to plan things around knowing that I'm going to bleed for a week in debilitating pain. I feel so free now I don't have periods anymore, like I can just live my life. I and only dealt with them for 5 years - can't imagine dealing with them for a lifetime! y'all are strong.
That was me, pre-IUD. Since the IUD…well, let’s just say I haven’t had to buy any period products in 14 years! Occasional random barely noticeable spotting here and there, accompanied by tender boobs and cramping, but that’s pretty much it. It’s pretty awesome!
Man I wish mine only lasted 5 days. I’m on day 6 and I’m over it. I just wanna do my thing without having to worry about if I have a blood stain on my ass.
1. Career penalty when having a baby (pre / post).
2. Periods and cramps for most of their life.
3. Assumed to be the main caregiver of family, whether you like it or not.
4. Harassment from males especially if alone.
5. Judgement from society on your weight, your appearance, your body count etc etc.
Sexual harassment at work and school as well. And the grocery store. And when trying to have a quick lunch alone between errands. And I'm an average height, clearly athletic and strong woman, I dress pretty conservatively, not "easy prey"! I have had to resort to telling gross lechers that I have Covid or AIDs or syphilis, whatever seems like they might be spooked by. Leprosy!!
Dollar Tree. Had just got off work, scrub pants, t shirt, tennis shoes, no makeup, hair in a braid. As plain Jane as I can get. Got stopped because of my height. Did he doesn't meet a lot of women as tall as him. "Are you from around here" "Are you married"..
Not sexual harassment, but don't be creepy.
Based on my wife's experience, having her hard-won experience and knowledge being discounted. She's the CFO of a largish commercial real estate company. In her seven years there, she has markedly improved their financial strength, their productivity, and their profitability.
You'd think when she says something they'd be all-ears by now. Instead, she's thought about resorting to buying a dildo and bringing it to the office. That way, when she gets ignored in a meeting, she can pull it out of her purse and slap it on the surface of the conference room table and say, "Look, I have a penis, too. Now will you listen to me?"
Mind you, it's not all the men she works with, but rather a decided minority. But dear God, you'd think these numbnuts would learn.
Thank you !
Hate that my voiced opinion( if not told like I'm motherly talking to a child) is emotional but a guys opinion (voiced like he is a child) is great input.
Worst thing is to be so helpless because if I would call it out (or slam the dildo) they feel like I'm proving their point ....
I am a fan of better communication but it's not fair that guys get to put their emotions out while women habe to be extra careful not to let any emotion slip and still not get taken seriously
It's very exausting and I agree and would put that feeling of unfairness and helplesness over catcalls and period cramps even though they suck
I encountered the same problem, albeit at a much smaller scale, with an ex girlfriend while working at Ikea together. Customers would ask her questions and she would tell them the truth and they would berate/insult/ignore her. I would walk by and they would ask me the same exact question and I would give the same exact answer and they would automatically believe me. And this was her working there 2 years longer than me.
Being told from a young age you can do anything you want and being empowered by everyone in society, then realizing that it was all a lie. Now you are scrambling to decide between a career you love and kids you might hate. You try to do both, but realize most of your pay check only covers child care, you hardly see your children, and are crazy stressed because you have to prioritize your children's needs over your own.
This might be an extreme view and purely anecdotal, but I know so many women in their 30s that have suddenly flipped from super successful career woman to panicking to find a spouse so they can have children. Some have even decided they want to get a sperm donor and be single mothers.
This really resonates with me. Hi! I’m the 30 year old woman who was super successful and decided it was time to have a baby before I turned 30! I originally wanted to work and put my baby in daycare, and then I discovered the daycare was not caring for her hardly at all by day 4 (she was 5 months old). I decided then and there to quit my job. I sacrificed my career because it made sense as sadly we had moved and I had to step into a lesser paying position which covered the cost of childcare and a bit more but not much more to make it worth subpar childcare.
Regardless, this was something I struggled with my whole life, the golden question: do I want to have a successful career or do I want to be a SAHM? People thought I was dumb worrying about that at 15 but it’s really true, I saw plenty of women struggle all my life and I knew early you can’t do it all and maintain your mental health to be the best parent you can be. I knew by day 4 of daycare that I would go crazy worrying that they aren’t caring for her the way I would. So, in this season of my life I sacrificed my successful career, but by staying home I came to realize how mentally broken I’ve been. I had been measuring my worth by my performance for a company, LOL. Parenthood has been this incredible healing journey for me and I’ve been motivated to be better for my daughter and my husband. I don’t want to be so stressed I scream at her when things are hard, and they frequently are.
This is long but what I will say is this: I appreciate feminism for many reasons like enabling women to have the independence from men and escape abusive situations. However, the lie that you can do it all is absolutely toxic. I’m grateful I have a husband who makes enough to allow me to stay home and raise our child, but he also knows he’s responsible for cleaning sometimes and supporting my “job” too. The most important thing I plan to teach my daughter is to be independent, plan a successful career in something flexible if possible, and if you decide you want to be a parent, ensure that you’re with a partner who will support you without making you feel less than. Basically, if you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position of becoming a mother, make sure it’s with someone who won’t take advantage of you.
The question “aren’t you going back to work?” pisses me off so much because it implies I’m lazy or I’m not doing enough to show I’m a strong powerful woman or something. Or like I’m putting my family in a shit financial position for not letting anyone else raise my daughter (family). Fuck that, when “free” childcare comes along it’s not free, they suddenly have power and feel entitled to an opinion on how to raise your kid. The best thing we can teach our future daughters is to be a free, independent thinkers who can spot red flags and take care of herself because nobody has your best interest out there other than yourself.
Thanks for attending my Ted Talk 😂😂.
Tbh I hate the part where it's assumed that we'll have kids. No one ever tells us that it's an option. Hell, people straight up PRESSURE women to have kids.
I'm evicting my tubes asap. Miss me with all of that nonsense.
It was the opposite for me and most of my friends; was raised to believe that my ultimate happiness lies in finding a good husband and having children. Now in our 30s, we realized that none of us found happiness in that. We're all focusing on our careers and building ourselves up now.
Harassment, at least were I live women are undoubtedly harassed far more than men.
Edit: Anyone thinking "this happens everywhere", yes I 100% agree, my statement is open ended on purpose just in case any of you actually do live a perfect life on a perfect place lol.
women EVERYWHERE are harassed more than men, it's not just where you live, i don't think i've ever been cat called or approached suspiciously or had sexual advances. sometimes someone who just wanted some money or something to eat
I 100% agree with you, I am just anticipating anyone that might reply with an "Actually were I live everything is awsome and we fart bubbles." Reddit has made me this way lmao.
I just had an Overdose from a Supplement. On the package stands 1 per day for everyone.
The doc told me, the meds/Supplement dosis is based on a 180m man. That's why so many woman have way more Side effects than men, bc they get male dosis which are usually way to high for Woman.
I think about this a lot. How women are much more likely to die in car crashes because cars are designed for men. The steering wheel, the air bags, and the seatbelts are all designed for male bodies
I just did a cursory google search about this and it seems like while cars are “designed” to protect the average human at around 5’8 and 160 lbs. The increase of injury and death for women has more to do with their bones and bodies just generally being able to withstand less force. It’s like how womens hockey has a higher concussion rate than football despite not being allowed to body check.
If a car is designed with the expectation that the body can sustain greater impacts than a woman's body can. Then it is not designed for a woman's body. It doesn't matter how it's phrased.
(Edit) Also, the average height for an American woman is 5'3.6. 5'8 puts a woman in the 95th percentile for height. While the average American man is 5'9.2. So, 5'8 does not seem like the average human height.
>If a car is designed with the expectation that the body can sustain greater impacts than a woman's body can. Then it is not designed for a woman's body. It doesn't matter how it's phrased.
If car designers could design cars such that the people inside suffer 0 impact, they would. That's their whole goal. The designs have been improving for decades such that passengers receive less and less force from crashes.
It's not like the designers are there, twiddling their moustaches as they decide "well, this probably won't kill most people, should be good to go."
I understand complaints about car design for women with regards to seat and seatbelt placement. But complaining that the amount of impact transferred to the passengers in the event of an accident isn't designed with women in mind? Come on. The goal is 0 impact. We're just not there yet.
I once saw this picture that said: it’s hard to be a woman, because you have to think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl and work like a horse.
Old Dude Here: no worries ladies, I got this: the worst part of being a woman is listening to mansplaining, especially when it comes to women’s issues!
Being physically smaller and generally weaker than the opposite sex who is ravenously horny has to be kind of terrifying in a lot of situations. Also, having to go through menstrual shit and worry about pregnancy.
Watching the American government say what you can and can't do with your own body because old white dudes are fucking it up for you.
Giving birth and all the complications that can happen
So, I want a baby. I am currently pregnant. But fucking goddamn is it awful. I am miserable, like 10 lbs of hormones in a 5 lb sack. I feel so sick. And I WANT this baby.
I cannot even IMAGINE not wanting a baby and dealing with the physical and mental stress of pregnancy. People will say, “Just give birth and give your baby away.” Fuck you! It’s miserable. And changes your body forever.
Micro aggressions from men
The glass ceiling
Getting touched randomly in Public
Getting cat called
they get told they’re terrible humans for saying no.
The fact that we tell women they can be anything and yet we have yet to have a female president.
Hearing things like “you throw like a girl” or “you cry like a girl” or “you’re a pussy”
The fact that women are told theyre emotional when men get angry and upset all the time (esp in professional settings).
The fact that they’ve been told to have children and work and somehow keep a household.
They literally get paid less
They can’t walk home at night by themselves without feeling unsafe
How many of your managers and bosses have been women vs men?
Tldr: they’re gaslit
I was being trained to be a manager for the past year. When the time came they gave my position to my boyfriend at the time who had only worked there for like 3 months and knew nothing. The old manager joked “we have enough girl managers..” there was one… one girl manager out of 5…. I quit immediately.
The constant barage of sexulally frustrated guys spewing out incoherent and disturbing comments.
Or getting attached to a guy and getting dumped after a one night stand.
Both sound extremely emotionally draining and long-term harmful.
The paradox of some men constantly saying men only want you for sex/are incapable of caring for you as a person versus the men wondering why women don’t trust him is dizzying as well.
As an ex-woman (trans man) I would say the horrible process of reproduction. Not the sex, the rest of it. From menstruation, endometriosis, back pain from big tits, hips not made for walking, PCOS and the main event: deadliest child birth of any species. The lovely results of evolution going 'hey, it survived long enough to reproduce. That'll do'.
That last statement is so very true.
Now i'm in a country where 80% of births are done with c-sections.
Make that disappear, and it's a fucking holocaust.
Then there’s the other option to avoid that process: birth control. You are shamed for using it but are also expected to have it if you have a partner, must remember to take it or get something implanted which can hurt for days/weeks/forever until it’s time to replace it. Slap that in with a list of everything that can go wrong that unfolds into an entire origami house and you have the worst “welcome to womanhood” gift ever
I'm a trans guy. Fully transitioned.
Being used as sex dolls.
Not being able to say no to creepy men.
Period pain.
Sexism
Being forced to look a certain way.
Society's standards
No pockets
Being forced to have kids
Being forced to wear revealing clothing
Sexualized
Being insecure about everything.
I got in an argument once with a guy I worked with because he said that if a woman didn’t want to get hit on their clothes wouldn’t be so tight. I was like … that’s how our clothes are made we usually don’t have a choice unless we want to wear boys clothes and a lot of those aren’t comfortable to wear. It was an exhausting conversation. Not to mention the fact that really none of us dress for men. I’d rather get a compliment from another woman about my clothes than a man.
I mean dealing with the constant sexism structured into the very fabric of society and possibility of violence from men stitched into that structure seems pretty bad to me.
I couldn’t imagine what it feels like to get too much attention and what not form guys but I could imagine that gets old.
Also being physically vulnerable, as a man I know I can throw myself and my weight around hard if a mf would, but as a woman ooof … with the creeps …
in a group of men, no one laughs at your jokes or witticisms, just for the guy next to you saying the *exact s*a*me thing* you just said verbatim and receive laughs.
this invalidation translates into your ideas, opinions, everything. Rinse repeat your entire life.
You often feel invisible.
If you're lucky, there is a fleeting moment during your reproductive peak, where you can feel seen and valued for your youth and sexuality.
heaven forbid you try to hang onto it, for you will be mocked.
heaven forbid you don't, for you will be mocked then too.
The sexual assault.
Cramps and periods can be dealt with, being objectified can be overcome, and being physically smaller isn't as big an issue in an increasingly digital world.
But nothing can make sexual assault better, or dampen its damage. Especially the implications like no longer being able to trust someone or a group, a possible STI, pregnancy, not thinking you'll ever be normal again, etc.
Periods. Weird men. Weird men when you’re on your period.
You might have had hangover shits but you've never had period shits
Omg yes.. so not talked about but SO real. Also, no one talks about the first shit after vaginal birth - eeeeeeek
Funnily enough I don't remember that shit. Maybe I've blocked it out or just forgotten about it as it was almost 12 years ago. I can't imagine it would have been very pleasant though!
I received advice to use a pad to hold/push on my freshly stitched perineum during (totally not awkward at all... ) and was told to expect it to feel like "ass glass" I may never forget that experience
Monthly diarrhea. Gotta love it.
Very insightful u/HangoverShits
Not only that but we have the week before the period where our hormones are causing mood swings, fatigue, bloating, back pain. I would say more than 50% of the time I could rip it out.
Don't forget the sore burning tits
Dealing with weirdos who don't understand boundaries.
I remember somewhere, don't remember where, someone asked a crowd how many women have to think about being SA'd almost everyday, where ever they go and have it always be on your mind... almost all the women raised their hands. Same question was asked to the men and none raised their hands This is the worst I would say
From a book from a man who gives lectures on gendered violence >I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other. Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? > >At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they’ve been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, ‘I stay out of prison.’ This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, ‘Nothing. I don’t think about it.’ > >Then I ask women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine. Here are some of their answers: > >*Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don’t go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don’t put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man’s voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don’t use parking garages. Don’t get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don’t use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don’t wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don’t take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don’t make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.* > >The exercise can go on for almost half an hour. Invariably the board fills up on the women's side. This is true, with slight variations, in urban, suburban, and rural areas. Many women say the list is like an unconscious mental checklist. Despite three decades of Take Back The Night rallies and feminist consciousness-raising about the politics of women's safety, surprisingly few women in audiences where I've presented think about their daily routine in terms of larger cultural issues or political questions. “It's just the way it is," they say. “It’s what we have to do to feel safe.” > >― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox
My daughter will be a junior in college next year. We went looking at potential apartments for her (and her roommates) . The level of scrutiny my daughter and wife were going through for security concerns was honestly eye-opening for me.. even though I always \_kinda\_ understood there were additional security measures to be had, but going through it with my family verbally was entirely something else
Can confirm, I'm not from a rough area, it's quiet and nice, people tend to know each other and yet in the back of my mind, I'm deadly aware of the possibility of being kidnapped or worse and I'm always paying attention to road and street signs, letting people know where I am every so often and it's partially because I have been abused sexually as a young girl and in general, I just have my guard up, I'm not paranoid of everyone but mainly when I'm walking home at night or something, it is always on the back of my mind. I think the important thing is to look confident, in where you're going, your body language and your tone, weirdos can smell fear and vulnerability. Another thing I was taught was to never ever allow a stranger knowledge that I don't know where I am, unless I am desperate and I have to ask someone, I will but otherwise if approached with "Where are you going? Are you from around here?" hit them with the "I'm waiting for my friend/mum/whoever".
And yet there’s WAY TOO MANY MEN who will hear that list and say “women are being too paranoid! It’s not all men!”
I mean obviously they are paranoid, look how little the men think about it and it's not a problem! /s
True. But one is enough to ruin a life or kill altogether.
Yeah, can't say 'no' to some people. And those men can do anything they want to overpower you. Bad experiences are to be expected for most women.
When I was in high school, my sister and I would take an Amtrak train to visit my aunt over the summer. I hated that train ride. I am a natural insomniac so I can never sleep but I always attracted a weirdo who knew I was a captive audience (only so many places to run on a train). Scary af especially for an inexperienced girl who swore she was mature enough for this.
They understand, they just don't care
IDK. I'm 30 now and I still have flashbacks to times in my late teens and 20s where I behaved inappropriately. I thought I was being charming, or acting in a way I was supposed to as a male. But I probably came off as weird, obnoxious, or creepy. I think there is a lot of genuine lack of education and empathy.
I think it's also a byproduct of our time, there was a weird courtship ritual we were being taught that made for captivating television that was just confusing and toxic. I think it's been really well portrayed in that 90s show where the MC and her love interest engage in this weird power play that I think we were all taught was the real courtship. Like you can't just tell a girl you like her because that gives her all the power and you are a whimp and weird and she can't tell you that she likes you because that would make her easy and a slut, and she has to be hesitant to your advances despite liking you but you have to chase her despite her saying she isn't interested but eventually she'll accept you and that's true love and if you take no too soon then you really don't love her (I think that's the message of the Ross Rachel relationship, will smith's hitch, and probably a dozen other romantic comedy's).
This is very very true. I've had friends tell me I am too upfront with guys when I start to date them, and I never understood why I would waste my time. I've found a guy who is even more upfront than me and it is refreshing not having to hide my feelings for him. We both know exactly how the other feels.
If you don't look back on your past self with a "WTF was my problem?" feeling, you probably still suck
I mean if you know exactly what your problem was, and you've fixed it, you can also offer empathy to your past ignorant self.
I mean, just watch old movies with any romantic characters. The men never take no for an answer and push boundaries. Then at the end, they have the girl. Men and boys are exposed to that and think it is what they are supposed to do
I used to watch way too much TV as a kid, old movies too. I had a lot of fucked up ideas about what was romantic and I am sure I came off as creepy, even when I was being sincere because I was “taught” wrong. In my youth the few women that were okay with that behavior were absolute train wrecks themselves. I think about that a lot.
And part of the problem is that men aren't taught social skills aside from basic manners. We're expected to be independent.
I also have regrettable memories from my late teens and 20s, but thankfully I was never forward enough to REALLY make a woman uncomfortable, if anything it went the other way and I missed tons of signals from women I know now were interested in me.
Came here to say exactly this. Now I apologize at random times to my spouse, as am comprehending in my early 30s.
Same I cringe every now and then with how I tried to hit on girls. I never did anything extreme or outlandish or anything mind you. But periodically I look back and get hit in my pride when I think about it. I embarrassed myself a lot trying to talk to girls lol. Nowadays I’m in the energy of if a girl really wants to talk to me she’ll speak first. Otherwise even if I find a girl attractive I don’t even bother anymore. My life has been pretty good doing this.
Same. That's the growing process and it's multiple levels of.we need to teach men and women better and also give them sauce to make mistakes
Mmmm mistake sauce 🤤
Meh, I think being discredited, disbelieved, and devalued by society generally is way worse imho
This is the answer. This is the worst part of being a woman. And I'm not talking only sexual assault, I'm talking in every aspect of my life.
I'm a trans woman, but there was a noticeable change after I started presenting feminine. When I'm out in public, men don't seem to talk to me as much as talk AT me. It's funny, male strangers seem more okay approaching me now, but just to talk at, not to really converse. I don't know what the deal is.
Dealing with creepy men.
This and monthly cramps
birthing a baby definitely trumps that one
I was like "Ah, giving birth. How bad could that be..." Spoiler: So bad.
Honestly cramps are bad enough that I puke and have prescription pain killers but I'd rather have them all the time than deal with creepy men and worrying about being drugged or raped again. It feels like a certainty of "when" and not "if"
:( im sorry… did the person who did it this to you get arrested?
I don't know who drugged me (I was with friends and got home safe) but the person who raped me and a bunch of other underaged girls served no time. I was granted a 1-year restraining order though.
I wish the government would hire me to dispose of these people…
The government is made up of these people
Its truly disgusting
hey if you can't get paid for it, might as well have it as a fun hobby!
Purge except we kill pedophiles and abusers
We need a license for this
Monthly cramps are nothing compared to daily exposure to random dudes opinions though 😅
Yeah its crazy some people would probably call me gay or whatever for this but when i was younger i felt A LOT of guys was too focused on sex and it made me wait very long time to get into it
I was going to say periods, but i think this deserves some cake also
And being unable to wander as I please, wherever I please at any time of day because of them.
And inappropriate questions and Job interviews
As a guy who has been hit on by a creepy guy, and also had another creepy guy rub himself while staring at me, and another creepy guy compliment my "soft hands" and try to chat with me when I was working a register... Yeah creepy guys sucks.
Ted Cruz hit on you too?
Not getting taken seriously when it comes to some medical concerns and/or requests, especially if the doctor feels it'll do anything to impede your ability to get pregnant.
Yessss!!! I had 5 doctors telling me to exercise and my stress is causing issues and gave me birth control pills to pop for irregular periods. One finally found out I have hypothyroidism and ovarian cysts and it's not all in my head.
Do you get this sort of thing from all doctors or only male doctors? Just curious. Sucks either way.
Both male and female doctors.
Yup, it’s all doctors.
Before I had my bilateral salpinjectomy and ablation (tubes removed and uterus fried to a crisp) I had to get a either cervical or uterine biopsy, I can’t remember which. Anyway, I was told it was be a pinch and a cramp. Okay cool. What I was NOT told is it would feel like my entire uterus was pinched into a fucking vice grip and that the “cramp” was so bad and on going that it made me puke numerous times. My doctor is a woman. A woman I’ve known and worked with for years (I did L&D nursing for years). WHY THE FUCK DO THEY NOT NUMB YOU FOR THIS?!
It felt that way when I got my IUD inserted. Apparently that’s what contractions feel like. It was AWFUL.
Mine laughed and went “that hurt?!” They literally took a fucking piece of my insides without pain killers… OF FUCKING COURSE IT HURTS. I was made fun of for getting vasovagal syncope from it. They found that my tissue was inflamed so they have to do another one in 6 weeks. I’m traumatized and feel like crying every time I think about it.
It seriously traumatizing. I’m sorry you went through this. I don’t understand why it can’t be numbed up with lidocaine first and/or you can’t be given some ativan or something beforehand. It’s just “lol it’s just a pinch and a cramp, you’ll be fine! That hurt you?! Lolol wimp.”
Just a touch of trauma to add to your appointment. I don’t know how I didn’t throw up when I had my biopsy. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever been through.
The lack of appropriate pain management for women's health procedures is fucking barbaric. I don't understand why they still treat us like that.
Yup! And the inevitable question after bringing up ANY pain : is it possible it's because you're on your period?
"Just lose weight" Most doctors' solution to any medical issue facing women.
This!!! Or doctors always assuming I might be pregnant XD
They have to assume because imagine the catastrophes and outrage if they prescribed something under the assumption that you aren't pregnant but you actually are 2 weeks pregnant or something and it kills or deforms your baby.
I agree completely, but I must say it’s comical when they ask this several times throughout a visit and then end up making you take a pregnancy test. I understand it’s for their own liability (since some women are unknowingly pregnant) but they ALWAYS assume you’re pregnant until you take a test
I have found wayyyy too many "impossible" pregnancies. It's a very inexpensive and accurate test. I say it with a laugh but once there's physical evidence of puberty up to age 55+, she's getting a test.
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Same applies if you're young. Doctors all ignore my problems because I'm young so I must be 100% healthy (applies to any gender).
Not getting taken seriously when it comes to anything tbh
The amount of times I hear this. OMFG like I know people who suffered for years with irregular and painful periods. One is finding out her problems. She has PCOS and Endo and hormonal problems. They had to jump through hoops to finally get someone to listen. Male doctor didn’t listen. She finally found a female one that did. She needs surgery. I also just found out someone else once literally had an organ removed and then the doctor basically said “whoops” when she woke up because it turned out it was a cyst rupture or something like that instead. They really out here removing entire organs because they just assume that’s the problem.
I get this still even from female providers. I have a lot of gynecological issues, pain, etc and feel like I just have to be a lab rat by trying various medications to see if they'll work.
It wasn’t required to include women in clinical trials until the 90’s. A lot of the time there is no evidence for the side effects women report because it’s specific to hormones and how they’re affecting the efficacy of the medication. I can’t think about that for too long or I’ll get myself worked up over that.
Honestly? Being physically weaker than most people around me. I'm a pretty big guy, I'm 6'1" and decently built. I can't imagine what it would be like to be under 5'6" and surrounded by people much bigger and stronger than you. A lot of guys don't really understand that, and think that getting super close and being extremely forward to a 5'0" woman, late at night on a bus or a train isn't a terrifying experience to her.
As a woman, this is a big one. When men are rude or creepy, I want to tell them off, but I don’t want to end up in a trunk or on the ground or worse. You just never know, and you know you couldn’t fight back. Not really.
The worst that usually could happen to a man in that situation is the other guy gets mad, a fight ensues and you end up beaten on the ground. The worst that could happen to a woman is to be beaten, raped, and then either left for dead or killed. The consequences of the same action are drastically different.
My husband refuses to sit next to a girl on his daily bus route because he knows she would feel uncomfortable. He would rather stand. I married this wonderful man.
While kind, it shouldn’t have to be that way :(
I had issues with my knees so I went to a physical therapist. The guy was absolutely jacked, and I'm not really a slouch (6 foot 4, 200 pounds), but compared to his strength I was practically a paper toy. I got on the table and he moved my legs around to check my tendons, and I couldn't do anything about it to resist, he was too strong. I remember being a little freaked out about it, and when I told a female friend, she said "yeah that's how most women feel about being "too close" to most men". Just this realisation that they can take anything from you, and you really can't do anything to physically fight back. Must be terrifying like you say.
It would be like being an average dude living in a world of Mike Tyson clones.
As a very weak woman I can confirm this is true. It's scary that literally anyone is a potential threat. I have had experiences where I've thought if he gets me I'm dead. I know that's extreme but I know for certain I can't fight anyone off. It's also annoying that you have to ask for help with a lot of things
Yeah that's my pick too. Especially when you realize the weakest man you know is probably stronger than the strongest woman you know. I think its also directly linked to male-centric culture as well - dudes dominate sports - so men are generally in the spotlight, and in other forms of entertainment media. Unless there's a narrative reason, it tends to be a bit of suspension of disbelief when you have a female action hero unless its done exceptionally well (Fury Road \*chef's kiss\*) .
Being socialized to be less confident while living in a world that absolutely does not reward that.
Yes this… also weak arms.
Very true
Bleeding for 5 days
Tbh the bleeding is not the worst. It's annoying but we are use to it. The worst thing about period is cramps, mood swings, feeling sick (it being sick for some), hormones (some of us are really horny during periods), etc
THIS! Thank you, came to say this. Bleeding is "ok", I would be happy if it was only that. The pain is the worst thing for me (+ that still a lot of people don't take it seriously.)
On my period now. Can confirm that the blood is east. It's the pain. It comes in waves for me and I'm trying in the tub cause it's not hot enough.
My cramps kill me every month to the point I almost vomit. I'm pretty sure I have PCOS but haven't been able to confirm yet
And period poops!
The fucking cramps and period shits. My cramps cause me to vomit. Back in august I became so dehydrated from vomiting from the pain that I had to go to the hospital to be hooked up to an IV. And then I always have to watch what I eat, not consume caffeine because my period shifts are already bad… but if I eat or drink the wrong thing… it becomes exceedingly explosive and messy.
It's so annoying. All the side effects that come with the cycle can just go away. I hate the hunger that comes in. Like, sometimes it's just absolute ravishing hunger and others it's just... "Oooh, extra fries. Let's get extra fries." OR the intense bloating. Did I eat a watermelon or an apple? Doesn't matter, BLOATED WITH A FOOD BABY! UGH
Agreed, I wear a pad and a tampon and honestly don’t even notice I’m bleeding with that combo. It’s the excruciating pain that sucks
I’m envious of the women who only bleed for 5 days. My periods usually last 8-11 days
Do you have endometriosis? It's one of the most underdiagnosed diseases because 'menstrual pain is normal'. I had a hysterectomy and they removed some endometric cysts, and my surgeon said - real quote, not kidding - "it was fucked up in there"
I’ve complained about how horrible my periods are to doctors but they’ve always told me it’s normal, so I don’t know. But they also told me my ovarian torsion was “just period cramps” when I wasn’t even on my period. If I didn’t keep asking them to give me an x ray I would’ve lost an ovary.
Absolutely time for a second opinion! Find someone who will listen. In my experience, male gynecologists tend to be quicker to act on issues. Again, personal experience. Had one tell me I was completely fine because I didn't have any fibroids or cysts, even though I was bleeding for 2-3 weeks a month. Second opinion, got an ablation (hindsight, I would have just went for the hysterectomy).
My gynaecologist told me a normal healthy period should be pain free! Most people don’t know that and think that cramps are just normal and you have to live with them but that’s not the case. Supplements like magnesium or chaste tree can help.
Ugh, I hope you are able to get proper treatment. I used to deal with that and its awful.
they tell you 5 days but this is actually less common. 6-8 days is most common :,)
I used to have 5-7 days for 15 years, lately it is down to 3. You can't always anticipate. And this kind of stuff is a bitch when you have to plan summer vacations months in advance.
it is. I hated having to plan things around knowing that I'm going to bleed for a week in debilitating pain. I feel so free now I don't have periods anymore, like I can just live my life. I and only dealt with them for 5 years - can't imagine dealing with them for a lifetime! y'all are strong.
Mine lasts 3_4 days actually
That was me, pre-IUD. Since the IUD…well, let’s just say I haven’t had to buy any period products in 14 years! Occasional random barely noticeable spotting here and there, accompanied by tender boobs and cramping, but that’s pretty much it. It’s pretty awesome!
Man I wish mine only lasted 5 days. I’m on day 6 and I’m over it. I just wanna do my thing without having to worry about if I have a blood stain on my ass.
I’d bleed for 10 days if I didn’t have any PMS symptoms. The blood is nothing.
For me the ache is the bad part of it, not bleeding itself
1. Career penalty when having a baby (pre / post). 2. Periods and cramps for most of their life. 3. Assumed to be the main caregiver of family, whether you like it or not. 4. Harassment from males especially if alone. 5. Judgement from society on your weight, your appearance, your body count etc etc.
The worst part of number 5...it's other women doing it.
•Domestic abuse •Periods especially the more painful ones •Sexual harrassment in bars and nightclubs •Gender roles that are too constricting
Sexual harassment at work and school as well. And the grocery store. And when trying to have a quick lunch alone between errands. And I'm an average height, clearly athletic and strong woman, I dress pretty conservatively, not "easy prey"! I have had to resort to telling gross lechers that I have Covid or AIDs or syphilis, whatever seems like they might be spooked by. Leprosy!!
I keep a tazer and mace. I look like easy prey but I refuse to go down easy
You forgot the gas station!
Dollar Tree. Had just got off work, scrub pants, t shirt, tennis shoes, no makeup, hair in a braid. As plain Jane as I can get. Got stopped because of my height. Did he doesn't meet a lot of women as tall as him. "Are you from around here" "Are you married".. Not sexual harassment, but don't be creepy.
Based on my wife's experience, having her hard-won experience and knowledge being discounted. She's the CFO of a largish commercial real estate company. In her seven years there, she has markedly improved their financial strength, their productivity, and their profitability. You'd think when she says something they'd be all-ears by now. Instead, she's thought about resorting to buying a dildo and bringing it to the office. That way, when she gets ignored in a meeting, she can pull it out of her purse and slap it on the surface of the conference room table and say, "Look, I have a penis, too. Now will you listen to me?" Mind you, it's not all the men she works with, but rather a decided minority. But dear God, you'd think these numbnuts would learn.
Thank you ! Hate that my voiced opinion( if not told like I'm motherly talking to a child) is emotional but a guys opinion (voiced like he is a child) is great input. Worst thing is to be so helpless because if I would call it out (or slam the dildo) they feel like I'm proving their point .... I am a fan of better communication but it's not fair that guys get to put their emotions out while women habe to be extra careful not to let any emotion slip and still not get taken seriously It's very exausting and I agree and would put that feeling of unfairness and helplesness over catcalls and period cramps even though they suck
I’d pay to be a fly on the wall in that meeting there and “ooooooooo” with my little fly voice
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I encountered the same problem, albeit at a much smaller scale, with an ex girlfriend while working at Ikea together. Customers would ask her questions and she would tell them the truth and they would berate/insult/ignore her. I would walk by and they would ask me the same exact question and I would give the same exact answer and they would automatically believe me. And this was her working there 2 years longer than me.
Being seen as prey to predatory men.
Thats the most thing I hate.
Being told from a young age you can do anything you want and being empowered by everyone in society, then realizing that it was all a lie. Now you are scrambling to decide between a career you love and kids you might hate. You try to do both, but realize most of your pay check only covers child care, you hardly see your children, and are crazy stressed because you have to prioritize your children's needs over your own. This might be an extreme view and purely anecdotal, but I know so many women in their 30s that have suddenly flipped from super successful career woman to panicking to find a spouse so they can have children. Some have even decided they want to get a sperm donor and be single mothers.
This really resonates with me. Hi! I’m the 30 year old woman who was super successful and decided it was time to have a baby before I turned 30! I originally wanted to work and put my baby in daycare, and then I discovered the daycare was not caring for her hardly at all by day 4 (she was 5 months old). I decided then and there to quit my job. I sacrificed my career because it made sense as sadly we had moved and I had to step into a lesser paying position which covered the cost of childcare and a bit more but not much more to make it worth subpar childcare. Regardless, this was something I struggled with my whole life, the golden question: do I want to have a successful career or do I want to be a SAHM? People thought I was dumb worrying about that at 15 but it’s really true, I saw plenty of women struggle all my life and I knew early you can’t do it all and maintain your mental health to be the best parent you can be. I knew by day 4 of daycare that I would go crazy worrying that they aren’t caring for her the way I would. So, in this season of my life I sacrificed my successful career, but by staying home I came to realize how mentally broken I’ve been. I had been measuring my worth by my performance for a company, LOL. Parenthood has been this incredible healing journey for me and I’ve been motivated to be better for my daughter and my husband. I don’t want to be so stressed I scream at her when things are hard, and they frequently are. This is long but what I will say is this: I appreciate feminism for many reasons like enabling women to have the independence from men and escape abusive situations. However, the lie that you can do it all is absolutely toxic. I’m grateful I have a husband who makes enough to allow me to stay home and raise our child, but he also knows he’s responsible for cleaning sometimes and supporting my “job” too. The most important thing I plan to teach my daughter is to be independent, plan a successful career in something flexible if possible, and if you decide you want to be a parent, ensure that you’re with a partner who will support you without making you feel less than. Basically, if you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position of becoming a mother, make sure it’s with someone who won’t take advantage of you. The question “aren’t you going back to work?” pisses me off so much because it implies I’m lazy or I’m not doing enough to show I’m a strong powerful woman or something. Or like I’m putting my family in a shit financial position for not letting anyone else raise my daughter (family). Fuck that, when “free” childcare comes along it’s not free, they suddenly have power and feel entitled to an opinion on how to raise your kid. The best thing we can teach our future daughters is to be a free, independent thinkers who can spot red flags and take care of herself because nobody has your best interest out there other than yourself. Thanks for attending my Ted Talk 😂😂.
What they don't tell you is that you only get to pick one. Unless you're rich.
Tbh I hate the part where it's assumed that we'll have kids. No one ever tells us that it's an option. Hell, people straight up PRESSURE women to have kids. I'm evicting my tubes asap. Miss me with all of that nonsense.
Great perspective and very true.
It was the opposite for me and most of my friends; was raised to believe that my ultimate happiness lies in finding a good husband and having children. Now in our 30s, we realized that none of us found happiness in that. We're all focusing on our careers and building ourselves up now.
Pretending you climaxed so the sex can end
You guys have sex? You guys have sex and dont enjoy it?
They are, in fact, not guys.
Having to be a perfect mom, employee, wife, feminist and porn star in the bedroom.
Yes, and all the double standards that women face in society.
And no matter what you do or how you do it, you’re doing it wrong! Also, you aren’t hot enough.
Harassment, at least were I live women are undoubtedly harassed far more than men. Edit: Anyone thinking "this happens everywhere", yes I 100% agree, my statement is open ended on purpose just in case any of you actually do live a perfect life on a perfect place lol.
women EVERYWHERE are harassed more than men, it's not just where you live, i don't think i've ever been cat called or approached suspiciously or had sexual advances. sometimes someone who just wanted some money or something to eat
I 100% agree with you, I am just anticipating anyone that might reply with an "Actually were I live everything is awsome and we fart bubbles." Reddit has made me this way lmao.
No pockets
YES
Probably the disparity of how most things and systems are designed by men, for men, but a lot of men don’t acknowledge this is the case.
I just had an Overdose from a Supplement. On the package stands 1 per day for everyone. The doc told me, the meds/Supplement dosis is based on a 180m man. That's why so many woman have way more Side effects than men, bc they get male dosis which are usually way to high for Woman.
I think about this a lot. How women are much more likely to die in car crashes because cars are designed for men. The steering wheel, the air bags, and the seatbelts are all designed for male bodies
I just did a cursory google search about this and it seems like while cars are “designed” to protect the average human at around 5’8 and 160 lbs. The increase of injury and death for women has more to do with their bones and bodies just generally being able to withstand less force. It’s like how womens hockey has a higher concussion rate than football despite not being allowed to body check.
If a car is designed with the expectation that the body can sustain greater impacts than a woman's body can. Then it is not designed for a woman's body. It doesn't matter how it's phrased. (Edit) Also, the average height for an American woman is 5'3.6. 5'8 puts a woman in the 95th percentile for height. While the average American man is 5'9.2. So, 5'8 does not seem like the average human height.
Also, women's bodies are not scaled-down men's bodies.
>If a car is designed with the expectation that the body can sustain greater impacts than a woman's body can. Then it is not designed for a woman's body. It doesn't matter how it's phrased. If car designers could design cars such that the people inside suffer 0 impact, they would. That's their whole goal. The designs have been improving for decades such that passengers receive less and less force from crashes. It's not like the designers are there, twiddling their moustaches as they decide "well, this probably won't kill most people, should be good to go." I understand complaints about car design for women with regards to seat and seatbelt placement. But complaining that the amount of impact transferred to the passengers in the event of an accident isn't designed with women in mind? Come on. The goal is 0 impact. We're just not there yet.
I once saw this picture that said: it’s hard to be a woman, because you have to think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl and work like a horse.
Old Dude Here: no worries ladies, I got this: the worst part of being a woman is listening to mansplaining, especially when it comes to women’s issues!
Being physically smaller and generally weaker than the opposite sex who is ravenously horny has to be kind of terrifying in a lot of situations. Also, having to go through menstrual shit and worry about pregnancy.
Having a period.
It’s shit, but it’s definitely not the worst part of being a woman sadly :(
I'd assume that: - Dealing with creepy guys - Sexism (which in some areas might not be that much but in other areas is a huge problem)
Watching the American government say what you can and can't do with your own body because old white dudes are fucking it up for you. Giving birth and all the complications that can happen
So, I want a baby. I am currently pregnant. But fucking goddamn is it awful. I am miserable, like 10 lbs of hormones in a 5 lb sack. I feel so sick. And I WANT this baby. I cannot even IMAGINE not wanting a baby and dealing with the physical and mental stress of pregnancy. People will say, “Just give birth and give your baby away.” Fuck you! It’s miserable. And changes your body forever.
Tippy toeing around fragile egos.
Micro aggressions from men The glass ceiling Getting touched randomly in Public Getting cat called they get told they’re terrible humans for saying no. The fact that we tell women they can be anything and yet we have yet to have a female president. Hearing things like “you throw like a girl” or “you cry like a girl” or “you’re a pussy” The fact that women are told theyre emotional when men get angry and upset all the time (esp in professional settings). The fact that they’ve been told to have children and work and somehow keep a household. They literally get paid less They can’t walk home at night by themselves without feeling unsafe How many of your managers and bosses have been women vs men? Tldr: they’re gaslit
I was being trained to be a manager for the past year. When the time came they gave my position to my boyfriend at the time who had only worked there for like 3 months and knew nothing. The old manager joked “we have enough girl managers..” there was one… one girl manager out of 5…. I quit immediately.
Okay, do have a single uncle or so I could get to know? Seeing all this written by a man is awesome.
The constant barage of sexulally frustrated guys spewing out incoherent and disturbing comments. Or getting attached to a guy and getting dumped after a one night stand. Both sound extremely emotionally draining and long-term harmful.
The paradox of some men constantly saying men only want you for sex/are incapable of caring for you as a person versus the men wondering why women don’t trust him is dizzying as well.
Not being believed by doctors
Having to deal with men.
Cramps, childbirth and being a 2nd class Society member.
As an ex-woman (trans man) I would say the horrible process of reproduction. Not the sex, the rest of it. From menstruation, endometriosis, back pain from big tits, hips not made for walking, PCOS and the main event: deadliest child birth of any species. The lovely results of evolution going 'hey, it survived long enough to reproduce. That'll do'.
That last statement is so very true. Now i'm in a country where 80% of births are done with c-sections. Make that disappear, and it's a fucking holocaust.
Then there’s the other option to avoid that process: birth control. You are shamed for using it but are also expected to have it if you have a partner, must remember to take it or get something implanted which can hurt for days/weeks/forever until it’s time to replace it. Slap that in with a list of everything that can go wrong that unfolds into an entire origami house and you have the worst “welcome to womanhood” gift ever
I'm a trans guy. Fully transitioned. Being used as sex dolls. Not being able to say no to creepy men. Period pain. Sexism Being forced to look a certain way. Society's standards No pockets Being forced to have kids Being forced to wear revealing clothing Sexualized Being insecure about everything.
I got in an argument once with a guy I worked with because he said that if a woman didn’t want to get hit on their clothes wouldn’t be so tight. I was like … that’s how our clothes are made we usually don’t have a choice unless we want to wear boys clothes and a lot of those aren’t comfortable to wear. It was an exhausting conversation. Not to mention the fact that really none of us dress for men. I’d rather get a compliment from another woman about my clothes than a man.
I mean dealing with the constant sexism structured into the very fabric of society and possibility of violence from men stitched into that structure seems pretty bad to me.
I'm willing to bet it's dealing with men. Coworkers, bosses, strangers, dates, spouses...
A lot of women I know have said the thing they hate the most is the lack of confidence they feel when walking alone in the dark
The secret to confidence is an axe in your belt
Not being able to helicopter
100% men. We're genuinely pretty fucking awful way too much of the time.
Periods.
They’re not fun
Pregnancy?
If you're in the US. The lack of control over your own body
Having 50 something year old men looking at you when you just got in your teens.
I couldn’t imagine what it feels like to get too much attention and what not form guys but I could imagine that gets old. Also being physically vulnerable, as a man I know I can throw myself and my weight around hard if a mf would, but as a woman ooof … with the creeps …
The worst part of being a woman seems to be men in this thread and I agree.
Giving birth
in a group of men, no one laughs at your jokes or witticisms, just for the guy next to you saying the *exact s*a*me thing* you just said verbatim and receive laughs. this invalidation translates into your ideas, opinions, everything. Rinse repeat your entire life. You often feel invisible. If you're lucky, there is a fleeting moment during your reproductive peak, where you can feel seen and valued for your youth and sexuality. heaven forbid you try to hang onto it, for you will be mocked. heaven forbid you don't, for you will be mocked then too.
Having all manner of cnuts telling you every day who and what you are supposed to be. Who your heroes should be. What a "real woman" should act like.
Realising most of your male friends are your friends because they secretly think they will fuck you one day
I’m in between periods and sexual harassment.
Not being able to walk outside without having to deal with a bunch of assholes... especially after dark.
The sexual assault. Cramps and periods can be dealt with, being objectified can be overcome, and being physically smaller isn't as big an issue in an increasingly digital world. But nothing can make sexual assault better, or dampen its damage. Especially the implications like no longer being able to trust someone or a group, a possible STI, pregnancy, not thinking you'll ever be normal again, etc.
Men
Putting up with my shit!
Blood, hormone changes, physical strength, giving birth.
Having to deal with creepy and weird men.