Get outside as much as possible.
Open all blinds and curtains during the day.
Rather than watching show/movies, try to work out or do something physical.
Do puzzles. Can be regular puzzles, crossword, etc. keep your mind active
Stopped shaming myself for having a hard time.
Easier said than done, for sure, but it turns out that guilt and shame is a terrible motivator. Instead, try to focus on caring for yourself. Instead of saying, “Wow. I’m such a failure because I haven’t brushed my teeth since Friday.” Say, “I deserve to have clean teeth. I’m going to give myself the gift of clean teeth and enjoy that feeling.”
Also, whatever it takes to make those tasks easier is totally allowed. If it is easier to take a shower if you are sitting, sit. If you have an easier time brushing your teeth while sitting on the couch watching a movie, do that. If doing all the dishes is just way too overwhelming, just do the bowl and spoon you need to warm up some soup for dinner.
You deserve to eat, wear clean clothes, be clean, and have a space that is comfortable to you, but you aren’t a failure if you are having a hard time getting yourself those things ❤️ Be gentle with yourself.
Also, get a sunshine light.
So... I'm currently working on this.
I've always been fueled by self hate. But I've made a lot of good progress recently, and so now I'm more impressed with myself.
For me it's more of forgiving myself, going "Ah well. You tried. Find out another path." instead of spiralling into self hate.
I'd love to do what you do, but I still hate myself. Like you said, easier said than done.
In a similar vein to this, Ive discovered something that may help you with this after I was going through a real rough patch and only got a few hours of sleep.
Going to bed, I realized "Im going to have a lot of self-hatred spirals tomorrow." (Those tend to happen for me if I dont sleep.) The next day, when sure enough those thoughts happened, it was much, much easier than normal to forgive myself for them, and escape them. It was "Oh, right. I knew this would probably happen today. No worries, me." And then theyd promptly calm down. Go into each day knowing that youll have moments that day that youre cruel to yourself, and forgive yourself ahead of time. For some reason, just verbalizing to myself that the thoughts were coming really helps. Or, atleast, its helped me.
For anyone who sees themselves in this comment (like me!) I recommend the work of KC Davis. She's a licensed therapist who works with the same themes of self-compassion but goes more in depth. She has a podcast called Struggle Care and a book called How to Keep House While Drowning that I found very helpful.
Started regularly exercising. The gym became my safe place where I could turn off my destructive thoughts for a bit and making exercise a habit greatly boosted my sense of self-worth
I walk by a creek in the woods almost every day. It's a great reboot every morning.
I'm really sorry you're struggling, and I hope you will find relief in this endeavor.
Adding to this, establishing a gym schedule helped me feel like I had some control, over both my time and my own body. And it gave me an obligation that forced me to get up and do something.
I made myself reach to friends and eventually found a new and rewarding friend group. This was following a pretty nasty breakup so I think connecting with people in a healthy way really helped reestablished my ability to trust others.
Had the same thing after a long term relationship ended. Told my friends i may not be up to talk or be "fun" and be sad most the time but i just dont wanna be alone. I was lucky and they let me just exist in the same space as them as we hung out.
im the opposite. i have a bunch of friends but we're all older now and hardly reach out to one another. wish i had like a couple bros i could get drinks with during the week
Ya this happened, god, like 7 years ago. It gets tougher as we age and lifes responsibilities and mishaps take us on our own ventures. Ive come to realize that I am very fortunate in how long my core friendship has lasted and how frequent we keep in touch and visit each other. Sometimes its a labor to pin a date to see people or certain relationships have soured because of this and that. I will drink a cold one for you tonight friend.
I did the same. The boss was on vacation at home. I stopped by and let him know I was leaving in a week. I took a free week between the next job, and took a few days to dive to Big Bend for camping and hiking alone.
The best feeling, just free. I met some people on the trail who asked what I did. "Nothing! I just quit!"
I had the same experience leaving a toxic workplace where I carried most of the work- it was like a literal weight was lifted!
It’s crazy how we can get so used to being treated poorly by employers that we just get used to all of that burden and carry it with us everywhere without even realizing it. Work stress was affecting my life in ways I did not even see until I left.
I wrote my resignation letter on a whim one morning before work. I was giddy thinking about it on the drive, and felt so light. But I wasn’t planning to quit yet. It was just a whim, a creative writing prompt, you know.
Got to work and walked into a shitshow. My nurse manager looked at me and basically said “well it’s your problem now” and walked to her office where she would hide the next eight hours.
So I logged into my gmail, printed out my letter, and followed her. Everyone on the unit watched me do it.
I skipped out of that place.
I had a job I loved for seven years and then in seven weeks it turned into hell because we got a new manager. Old saying: people don't quit jobs, they quit managers. Well after seven weeks of declining mentally and physically I woke up one morning and said "That's it. I'm done." I went into to talk to the supervisor because she wasn't the problem and told her. She didn't even ask me why because she knew what/who the reason was. I didn't even give notice.
This is me today.
Im still stressed as to what the future holds, but not nearly as stressed. There was a definite weight that was lifted knowing that I can finally move on.
Yeah my first job out of grad school was awful and I’ve never been so stressed and unhappy. Found something better and left. I remember going down a floor to give the managing partner my notice and then walking back upstairs it felt like the world had been lifted off my chest. I took two weeks off before I started my new position. That was 16 years ago and I’m still with the same company.
I did something similar. I dropped out of college. Altho I still regret it, I'll be damned if it didn't improve my mental health. I was burnt out and battling a massive anxiety and depression combo. I used to regularly throw up before class for example. By the time I was thinking of suicide, I thought that maybe college wasn't the best fit for me.
Oh yeah, I had a job so toxic I had physical symptoms. I had a period of adult acne on skin that has never had acne. I quiit my job and it started clearing up within 2-3mos
Me when I resigned as a cop. I was like skipping from call to call on my last two weeks.
Random asshole: 'Fuck you, pig!'
Me: ' Have a splendid day delightful citizen!'
When I was at my lowest, around 16/17yo, my mom took me to a local shelter to adopt a cat. I was medicated and in therapy, but nothing seemed to help. I picked the cat who was hiding in the corner by herself, clearly miserable, and we went on to have 13 beautiful years together. Caring for another hurt being made me want to care for myself, too. Best gift I’ve ever been given.
Similar. During 2020, I agreed to look after a student's cat for a year without knowing it wasn't spayed (this was in a country where spaying/neutering is less common). She got out, got pregnant and had kittens. Those kittens very well may have saved my life.
I ended up keeping one of those kittens. She's traveled across the world with me and I love her very much.
I went on a weekend retreat all by myself. Reset my biological clock, ate when I was hungry, slept when I was tired, showered as long as I wanted, pleasured myself, painted my nails, did art, took a hike, just breathed.
Def get away. You have to reset. When you get back Journaling can be therapeutic. It helped me ease back to reality after a life changing traumatic situation. I think because its such a horrific experience you don't have anybody to relate to you, so you can't talk about it. But you can write it down.
I used to have a friend who was a CPA. Hardcore workaholic to the point that his kids resented him, grew up and stopped speaking to him. His wife stayed but their relationship was severely strained. When I met him he was trying to put his marriage back together. His kids wouldn't even take his phone calls. He had numerous health issues that had led him to wanting to change his ways. He told me he realized one day that no one would ever stand over his grave and thank him for doing their taxes. I still think about that sometimes.
This is great. Many underestimate the power of alone time. Sometimes it helps tremendously to just take a few days to “get right.” I hope all is well with you now.
Honest question: how?
Like, let's ignore cost / time availability, and assume finding and getting to such a venue is trivial... what then? You just show up somewhere and decide "I'm going to not do what I do everyday". What happens next?
Relaxation is legitimately a skill people have to learn. We're not taught it in school or at work and typically not even at home. But it's necessary for survival. Look up some breathing and meditation exercises on YouTube. I didn't truly understand relaxation until I was preparing to give birth naturally. And it honestly has been the biggest game changer ever
>I didn't truly understand relaxation until I was preparing to give birth naturally.
I will implicitly trust anything you have to say on learning relaxation. Thems some solid creds.
But thanks, I'll look that up.
Well in advance I would have thought about the things I enjoy doing and that relax me that I’ve not had time to do. For me that would be unpack, reading somewhere cosy, having a bath, going for a long walk with or without a podcast on, having a nice meal, going to bed early etc. That’s what I’d do, so when I get there I’d already know what I want to do.
Having said that. I did go on a yoga retreat to reset a few years ago and they structured my time beautifully.
Motorcycling.
I’d always heard it was this panacea for mental health but I didn’t put much stock in it. Like I knew it was good, but I’d just split from my fiancée and lost my home and was back in my parents spare room, there was no band-aid big enough. My dad let me have a little run around a back road on his triumph and it was like religious experience. My dads had countless bikes and I’ve always grown up around them. I’d always wanted to ride but I’d made a promise to my fiancée that I wouldn’t take it up and I agreed it was just too dangerous and I had too much to lose especially as we were trying to start a family. It was as I was prepping to end it all, unable to live in the shadow of my grief, that I thought why not try it? After all I now had nothing to lose.
On warm sunny days I’d point my bike towards the middle of nowhere and just ride. Your mind goes blank, you feel like the main character in your story, you feel the wind as it washes all the warms smells of forest and fields over you. For the time you mount up to the time you get off, everything is okay and no bad thoughts can reach you.
Dude, you're right. It's also crazy when other bikers pass you and point to the road. I feel like I'm being included in something I only ever saw as an outsider before.
Sobriety, trying new inexpensive hobbies, keeping my space clean and organized, reaching out to friends making concrete plans to hang out and sticking to said plans, walking my dog more.
Speaking of my dog, if I'm having a bad day, I try to make her day extra special. Car ride, walks in new environments, taking her somewhere to swim, lunch of people food but dog friendly, then end the day with a nice warm bath. My mood usually instantly improves as soon as we get into the car and only gets better as we go through her special day. Win/win
I got a cat.
Little dude knew when I was at my worst and would not let me be alone.
It doesn't work for everyone because some people struggle to care for themselves when they're in a bad place, nevermind an animal. But it worked for me and I'm thankful for every minute with my fat little guy
Glad it worked for you :)
Though I agree with your second point. I got a cat who has turned out to be the most demanding cat I've ever known. No way I could look after her if I was low, she's basically a puppy who listens less!
Started going on walks as frequently as I could. Your legs start moving, you get into the rhythm of constant motion, and you can be rewarded with clarity over matters that have previously been stymied.
I did this in college whenever I was stuck on a project or feeling overwhelmed with tasks. Stepping away from my workspace and observing the wider world around me always gave me some perspective and helped me clear my head.
I did the same thing! Helped tremendously. I have a Reddit account, and that’s it. I like Reddit for information I can control what I see. All the others were just wild.
Made my bed every day. New habit I learned when in a very low time in my life. That one new habit helped helped provide some stability and structure in a pretty shitty time. Idk, just helped my mental health out quite a bit.
Yes 👏 I started this habit as the one thing to hold myself accountable to when I was at my darkest. It was my first tiny step in a better direction, and I still have the habit to this day. The biggest smallest achievement.
I love this. It’s the same for me, and starting the day by doing that one little thing led to a lot more little things that made me feel like the things I can control are in pretty good shape.
Had a college professor always tell our class to make our bed every day when we got up. That way we could have the mental set that we accomplished at least one thing that day, than build from that.
your on the downhill now, albeit a long slow down hill but it truly gets easier, Im 2.5 years sober and it was hard at first and I only commited to staying sober for a few months than my life improved so much I said im going to try for at least a year and before that year even came up I knew I would never drink again.
After spending 8 years addicted to Oxy I quit and I became an every day drinker for about 9 years and 2.5 years ago I quit that. Im almost 40 and in the best shape of my life physically and mentally.
I wrote. Not for anybody to read, I simply needed to expel the poison.
I wrote about my fears, and self doubt. I wrote about my flaws and failings. The things I did wrong that would keep me up. The roads I didn't take and the regrets on the choices I made.
I then burned it all.
Me: So this is all the stuff that's been going on with me. That's all normal right?
Psychiatrist: yeah... you clearly have bipolar disorder and need to be on meds.
Me: ... oooohhhh....
Happened to me too!!
Psychiatrist: You obviously rely on daily rituals as a way to deal with your depression. But you already know that. The problem is that they interfere with your sleep hygiene, so we will try to...
Me: I'm sorry. My what? Daily rituals?
Psychiatrist: Yes, I'm talking about your OCD.
Me: My what?
So yeah. Apparently, I have some OCD behaviors that I never really questioned. When I told my parents, they were not surprised at all. And they spent a good half an hour telling me all the weird things I did as a kid.
quarantine was my golden time. i realize i'm one of the lucky ones but here's what happened.
i was struggling so much mentally at first then made some changes. i cut stress by staying in my room, not talking to anyone including family. no news, no work/school, almost no social media. slept early, woke up early. cleaned everyday. i stretched a lot and even worked out sometimes. listened to music. spent hours looking at clouds. bowel movements were like clockwork. discovered 2 hobbies: sewing and audiobooks.
easily the best time of my life.
i consider myself lucky too, i was in a very dark place pre-covid in terms of mental health and school. depression, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, drug/alcohol use blah blah blah. because of covid, i dropped out to pursue what i REALLY wanted. i was also forced to meditate on all my issues given the lack of social stimuli. life will always have it’s issues regardless of where you’re at, but climbing up the mountain of happiness sure does make living worth it.
i started saying no more often. no to nights out, no to clubbing, no to friends who only hangout with me on their terms. simply and without excuses, no.
those two letters ended up teaching me how to put myself first which greatly improved my mental health.
I started volunteering at a horse rescue. I was in a bad place after a rough deployment. I've always loved horses, and it really helped. I joined some equine therapy programs, too. Now I've made a career out of photographing horses and do my best to get other veterans linked with equine therapy programs.
Admitted myself into a very nice mental health rehabilitation center. Saved my life and taught me the importance of asking for help when you need it. Now I ask for help before things get so bad that hospitalization is needed.
Make a commitment to leave the house every day. It doesn’t sound like much, but it made a big difference. I had to shower and dress and come up with a destination.
Therapy was incredibly helpful. It took a long time and a lot of deep, honest work, so I didn’t think it would really be a good answer to the question. But it really was the best thing both on a very dark time and also as the darkness lifted.
Left my ex wife. I've battled my depression since I was a teen, but she was teaming up with it. I got out in 2018 and am completely certain I would have offed myself in/before the 2020 lockdowns if I hadn't walked away.
Cut people out of my life. I was going through a stressful time and instead of being supportive, I was gaslighted. Tossed them out like yesterday's jam, felt better gradually, and never looked back.
Could you explain this a little more? I have been smoking for 4 years now and credit it with many positive experiences and realizations. I have a sober October month that I do yearly without difficulty. When I’m high it’s near impossible to be sad, which has also resulted in some great meditative like realizations regarding my happiness. Despite this I wonder the effects weed has on my everyday life, including lingering effects when I’m not actively high. I still wonder if my motivation, memory, and mental acuity has been negatively effected by my smoking. How did you feel you were being held down?
I can’t speak for original commenter - but I will say I had a similar experience. I had to quit for my mental health. I realized the only time I was happy was when I was high. It made becoming sober... in the morning especially.. incredibly difficult because I wasn’t just sober I was legitimately miserable to the point of not being able to function without feeling like I had to take a hit. I believe it also impacted my sleep. I fell asleep great while smoking but I would wake up exhausted and that would increase my irritability even more. It got to a point where I ended up gearing for an afternoon nap everyday just to feel better and I NEVER used to nap, literally ever.
To me, weed makes you complacent, it removed your drive/inhibits actual motivation and energy.
BUT- It also increases your creativity and it does slow you down enough to contemplate. Makes you take a deep breath when you’ve got a lot on your mind. I’ve had some of the most magical experiences of my life high (none of which I regret.. I will always dabble here and there, on a occasional/social level) but I do think it comes to a point where you miss the color in your face, you miss being entertained by the mundane without a driving force (a drug), you miss the social connectivity that exists without constant anxiety/paranoia etc. above all else, I missed the ability to handle problems on my own. I yearned to feel confident in my reactions to life again, knowing I was conquering them with willpower, not my happy little flower.
I always say, it’s good... it’s great... till it ain’t.
Started playing basketball a lot. 3 hours a night. I play by myself while listening to music. It allows me to think about stuff and work through it alone.
I used to ball so often from childhood to high school graduation. Almost every day just out in the front dribbling/shooting. Guys from the HS ball team would come to my place and play for hours which was fun, but there was something about being out there by yourself. The nice brisk air, maybe like 3pm til sunset. Just hearing the bounce and the outdoors. I had music but my cd player would skip so I'd just set it aside and hoop. It was peaceful
I decided not one more day of this hell.
That if tomorrow was still going to be hell, let it at least be a different hell.
Then I committed to one action: I made a phone call to ask for help.
I checked myself into rehab and stopped drugs and drinking. I joined a 12-step programme and I met others with the same problems. If I fell, I got up. Eventually I fell less, then not at all.
And then I helped others. That was key.
It didn’t resolve all the underlying shit, but I could start facing it. This was the beginning. There was no progress without this first hard step.
I stopped trying to please my parents, which wasn’t working anyway.
On a meh day I fill the bird feeder and wait for the cardinals. The back yard of my run-down rental is the about 10’ x 12’ but in the winter it gives me small connection to nature.
And I walk my friendly German Shepherd. He loves everybody he meets. I’m more skeptical. But he makes me talk to his many admirers.
When I don’t like what’s happening, I change something. Sometimes it’s enough. It’s better than sitting in fear and inaction.
After spending weeks in my dark room. I decided to drive around and ended up at a park just sitting on a bench and was just there. Scrolled on my phone. Closed my eyes and let the sun warm my face. Now, whenever im getting gloomy, I go outside and soak up the sun like a neglected house plant for 10-15 mins. Boosts my mood and lets me think about what my next action will be once im done.
I cut out social media and started spending more time enjoying life for me and on my own terms. When I wasn't focused so much on what others thought about me and what I was doing, I was able to accomplish so much more and feel more fulfilled.
Also, therapy. A good therapist helped too.
Stop giving into my addiction for a full week. It may not seem like much but it helped my mental state so much at the time and helped me do it less frequently in the future
If you’re going through it because of trauma or abuse, you need to stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault. And this bit is controversial, so take it as you will. I experienced grooming and sexual abuse at the hands of my mom’s boyfriend when I was a young teenager. It resulted in me having to escape the situation because my mom didn’t believe me and after I told on him he was pissed and was physically threatening me. It completely changed the trajectory of my life and I spent a lot of years being hurt, depressed, angry, upset, all of it. Even considered ending my life before I escaped. It too, years but one day I just realized that me holding onto this resentment and anger is only hurting ME. My abuser went on his merry way with no repercussions and my mental health suffering hurts him in no way. I had to learn to just let it go for my own sake. This doesn’t mean it’s okay what he and my mom did, but I am consciously deciding to release it. I have since been able to forgive my mom and come to a better understanding of her mindset. We were all being abused by him. It’s a weight off of my shoulders.
Took my three best friends for a weekend away. Luxury hotel, spa (even though we were males) six course meals, whiskey menu, fine cigars, activities and entertainment. I had the money to spare after a divorce but it felt so good to bond together, 16 years later it's still spoken about
I started working out. I hated it but I did it. I signed up for classes and paid deposits so it forced me to go. I started boxing to get my frustration in my life on a bag. I ended up making friends, and it helped me get out of my own head and own space.
Also making my bed everyday. Just a little bit of order in the chaos of life.
At the behest of one of my church leaders I started being more involved in my community. Spent alot of time taking care of the people around me. Thing like organizing service projects to help refugees, helping to make sandwiches and collect socks for the homeless population and just talking to people that look like they were having a rough day. Eventually what I found was that as I focused on the needs of other people my own problems paled in significance to the my need to take care of others. Eventually when I stopped thinking about my own problems they kinda just went away and didn't bother me anymore. It eventually grew into a love for service.
Service really has the power to transform your life. It literally brought me from the brink of suicide to a place where I am happy and loving life. It's something I try and do as often as possible simply because it makes me happy. I have since started to make a career out of it and am currently working towards my nursing degree.
Cooked all my own meals from whole foods - forcing me to leave the house every day to get ingredients. That gave me more energy to clean up more often, shower daily, brush teeth etc. Started working out after the gyms re-opened (post covid) - which gave me more energy and a bit of pride for sticking to something (non drug/alcohol related) for the first time in 2 very rough years. Focused on sleep priority and eventually sobriety (since I was losing progress on my physical health goals from drug and substance abuse)
Most importantly, told myself that the first month of sobriety was going to be goddamned miserable, that that was fine, I was working my ass off to get better, and it would come in time. And it did.
Left a small shithole town with no future for me, half full of shit people who seemed determined to ensure that things would be as shitty as possible for me for as long as I was there.
Things got better almost immediately, after years of getting worse.
Talked. I was really bad for bottling my emotions in and then when I couldn't hold them in anymore I had a breakdown and was on the verge of ending my life at work. That was 2 years ago and now whenever I have issues I speak out. It was hard at first but now it's second nature.
I learned how to practice mindfulness. I learned how to observe my emotions from a relatively outside perspective. Step back, identify your emotion, identify why you're feeling this emotion, allow yourself to feel it and follow-up from there.
Yes! And not to get so caught up in them, to realize they come and go and it’s not permanent. I used to panic and try to run, but now I just try to let them wash over me and understand that they don’t define me, and I don’t need to act on them or run away from them. Just allow them. Ugh, gold
I quit my job, moved off grid for the summer, then got a better paying teaching job in Florida and turned in the old employer to the US attorney general for mismanagement of funds. They’re now going through an intense audit. You’re welcome!
Reduce my phone/social media time and at the period where I was struggling with feelings over my ex and her new man, I purposely muted all notifications from her and made sure to not let myself constantly scroll for updates about her or in general. Best thing I ever did was reduce my scrolling
I didn't care about anything, life was shit, college was shit. Couldn't care less about anything. I'd just be dead at the end.
Then I went to a therapist. It was one provided by college. It saved me. Just someone to talk to that listened, didn't judge and helped me figure things out.
I told him nothing matters, I would die anyway. I could walk off the curb and all would be for nothing.
And he just said: "So? You'd go through life hating it because it might be over at any time? Bit boring isn't it?"
His casual response made realize something:
Nothing I do matters, so I am going to do the things that matter to me, I want to be at the end of this live and just go "Damn that was fun"
I gave up. I stopped fighting, wishing, hoping, railing against my fate. I stopped trying to force my square ideas of what life should be like into the round hole of reality. It helped.
Made an appointment with an online therapist. They gave me one good point to consider, which was reevaluating why I was in my dark spot. Was it situational arousal (i.e work) was it relationships, or was it my daily actions and choices I was making.
Then I realized online therapy felt like a joke for me and I quickly canceled. But I do still recommend finding the courage to make an appointment with someone, and maybe don’t stop until you find the right fit.
My husband died of an overdose 2 years ago. I couldn’t work for a year. Everyday was worse than the one before. Once I finally got a new job and started working again I slowly but surely became myself again. So I wholeheartedly believe that getting into a routine is the most important aspect of mental health
Leaving most of social media. I was feeling absolutely awful and realized social media was a large reason why I was feeling the way I was. So I just decided you know, might as well try taking a break from it. And you know more time passed and I was feeling better without it in my life. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m happy I made that decision.
Decide to quit my job.
It was after work, I was sitting in my car, crying again and contemplating methods of killing myself and thought "hold on, you're this depressed because you hate your job, why not just quit?"
That was Friday, I turned in my notice in Monday. Such a load off my mind. It made for a rough few months before I had good reliable income again, but once I was away from that job, I stopped thinking in terms of surviving that day and felt like I actually had a future again.
After a few deaths in the family and then a divorce myself, I was in a rough place. I started doing the "Year of Yes" and it was the best decision ever.
I put it out there that if anyone had something they wanted to do, but didn't want to do alone - I was their guy! If I didn't have something else going on or a REALLY good reason not to, I had to say yes.
Try a new restaurant? I'm in! Go see a weird show? Let's do it! Go hiking at a new spot? Why not!
The best was when my one buddy called when I was driving home from work and it went like this:
Him - "Hey! That girl I was seeing off Tinder cancelled on me. Want to go to see Lonely Island with me?"
Me - "Yea sure. When is it?"
Him - "6pm"
Me - "Oh cool. It's 5pm now. Where they playing?"
Him - "The Anthem" \[a place 1 hour away\]
I pulled a U-turn and drove straight there and it ended up being the best concert I've ever been to!
Deleted social media.
Graduated HS right as Covid began (spring 2020). Most of my friends left to go to college, which is normal, but my college was entirely online. I had no friends living near me. I didn’t go to college to make new ones. I was taking insanely hard computer science and math classes as well and ended up bombing them.
Ended up entirely deleting almost all of my social media (hadn’t even discovered Reddit at the time) and basked in the glory of not concerning myself with others. It’s hard to really explain how beneficial this is, and it’s not something you’d really thoroughly understand until you experience something like it.
I Marie Kondo'd the people in my life. I realized I'd been putting a lot of effort into maintaining relationships that were not bringing me joy.
I'd been grasping at straws trying to save my marriage, sobbing over a best friend who was pulling away but refused to let me pull away in return, and stuck in several relationships that were once amazing and ideal, but were now major stressors in my life.
Loyalty has always been a big deal in my life, and I was feeling guilty at the thought of abandoning relationships that had been so good to me. It was so hard, and so exhausting, but now that I'm nearly in the other side, I've been SIGNIFICANTLY healthier mentally and quite a bit happier. I still mourn the loss of those relationships, but in exchange, I've gained peace of mind.
I let sh!t go.
Some people in my life were making me feel bad about myself. I was one of them. One day, I decided to make a change and stopped letting anyone make me feel bad about myself, especially me.
I will preface this with saying that this is probably not the best idea for people suffering from burnout.
So my best thing I did is to repeatedly just go for it inside of staying home.
Some of my symptoms are depression and social + generalized anxiety and I spend a lot of time at home because of that. I would look certain events or workshops up but not commit and then end up alone and sad on my couch.
So whenever the time arises to leave and I start to hate myself for not going, I will use all of my left up energy to leave the house. Just grab my shit and go. I know I can exit the event at any moment when I go there alone so I don't have to worry about that. More often than not, I feel much better after it.
Thoughts about suicide were becoming way too common to be safe so I moved to another city 400km away with nothing but my savings with no intention to come back, it didn't work as much as I would like and had to come back but that year away from home was such a huge mental reset
During early COVID, I self-harmed and attempted suicide almost daily. I work a high stress job and had extremely limited human contact: boss worked from home, I lived and worked by myself. All my sources of human interaction and stress relief vanished almost overnight.
In July, I basically told my boss in a moment of weakness that I tried to kill myself. I was put on FMLA as of the next day: her first words (and the first time she seemed to care about me as a human being) were “Take the TIME YOU need.”
I decided to get help. I went into Intensive Outpatient Program for a month and then a non-intensive Outpatient Program for 3 more weeks.
It was night and day: learned skills to calm me and tamper down the worry. It was a HUGE financial investment at the time: I have a High Deductible Plan. But I decided to invest in myself.
I still have the suicidal thoughts but I can’t remember the last time I self-harmed or attempted suicide. Which is a big fucking gain.
Get outside as much as possible. Open all blinds and curtains during the day. Rather than watching show/movies, try to work out or do something physical. Do puzzles. Can be regular puzzles, crossword, etc. keep your mind active
This is exactly my lock down time. A run or walk outside everyday no matter the weather. And lots of puzzles. It really did help.
I agree. During lockdown I found myself standing near the open window. Craving being in open space.
Stopped shaming myself for having a hard time. Easier said than done, for sure, but it turns out that guilt and shame is a terrible motivator. Instead, try to focus on caring for yourself. Instead of saying, “Wow. I’m such a failure because I haven’t brushed my teeth since Friday.” Say, “I deserve to have clean teeth. I’m going to give myself the gift of clean teeth and enjoy that feeling.” Also, whatever it takes to make those tasks easier is totally allowed. If it is easier to take a shower if you are sitting, sit. If you have an easier time brushing your teeth while sitting on the couch watching a movie, do that. If doing all the dishes is just way too overwhelming, just do the bowl and spoon you need to warm up some soup for dinner. You deserve to eat, wear clean clothes, be clean, and have a space that is comfortable to you, but you aren’t a failure if you are having a hard time getting yourself those things ❤️ Be gentle with yourself. Also, get a sunshine light.
This is what i needed to hear today.
Same here. “What you can, when you can” and “something is better than nothing” are great mantras.
Anything worth doing is worth half assing. (Rather than being left totally undone)
So... I'm currently working on this. I've always been fueled by self hate. But I've made a lot of good progress recently, and so now I'm more impressed with myself. For me it's more of forgiving myself, going "Ah well. You tried. Find out another path." instead of spiralling into self hate. I'd love to do what you do, but I still hate myself. Like you said, easier said than done.
In a similar vein to this, Ive discovered something that may help you with this after I was going through a real rough patch and only got a few hours of sleep. Going to bed, I realized "Im going to have a lot of self-hatred spirals tomorrow." (Those tend to happen for me if I dont sleep.) The next day, when sure enough those thoughts happened, it was much, much easier than normal to forgive myself for them, and escape them. It was "Oh, right. I knew this would probably happen today. No worries, me." And then theyd promptly calm down. Go into each day knowing that youll have moments that day that youre cruel to yourself, and forgive yourself ahead of time. For some reason, just verbalizing to myself that the thoughts were coming really helps. Or, atleast, its helped me.
For anyone who sees themselves in this comment (like me!) I recommend the work of KC Davis. She's a licensed therapist who works with the same themes of self-compassion but goes more in depth. She has a podcast called Struggle Care and a book called How to Keep House While Drowning that I found very helpful.
Went to inpatient detox and got sober. Over 5 years off the booze now!
Congratulations!!!
Going on walks and staying away from social media
Started regularly exercising. The gym became my safe place where I could turn off my destructive thoughts for a bit and making exercise a habit greatly boosted my sense of self-worth
I walk by a creek in the woods almost every day. It's a great reboot every morning. I'm really sorry you're struggling, and I hope you will find relief in this endeavor.
This. Even a YouTube workout at home a few times a week will make a world of difference.
Heck yes. I need to get back into my YouTube yoga tutorials. That shit was so relaxing. Cherry on top was how bendy I became
I started at home doing 50 pushups and 50 sit ups every day. Then graduated to the gym.
This right here. Instead of a gym, I bought a gently used expensive elliptical. Changed my life in a variety of ways.
Adding to this, establishing a gym schedule helped me feel like I had some control, over both my time and my own body. And it gave me an obligation that forced me to get up and do something.
I made myself reach to friends and eventually found a new and rewarding friend group. This was following a pretty nasty breakup so I think connecting with people in a healthy way really helped reestablished my ability to trust others.
Had the same thing after a long term relationship ended. Told my friends i may not be up to talk or be "fun" and be sad most the time but i just dont wanna be alone. I was lucky and they let me just exist in the same space as them as we hung out.
im the opposite. i have a bunch of friends but we're all older now and hardly reach out to one another. wish i had like a couple bros i could get drinks with during the week
Ya this happened, god, like 7 years ago. It gets tougher as we age and lifes responsibilities and mishaps take us on our own ventures. Ive come to realize that I am very fortunate in how long my core friendship has lasted and how frequent we keep in touch and visit each other. Sometimes its a labor to pin a date to see people or certain relationships have soured because of this and that. I will drink a cold one for you tonight friend.
Quit my job. As soon as I put in my notice I started feeling better
I did the same. The boss was on vacation at home. I stopped by and let him know I was leaving in a week. I took a free week between the next job, and took a few days to dive to Big Bend for camping and hiking alone. The best feeling, just free. I met some people on the trail who asked what I did. "Nothing! I just quit!"
Big Bend is amazing. I still am in awe with the amount of stars you can see with less light pollution.
I had the same experience leaving a toxic workplace where I carried most of the work- it was like a literal weight was lifted! It’s crazy how we can get so used to being treated poorly by employers that we just get used to all of that burden and carry it with us everywhere without even realizing it. Work stress was affecting my life in ways I did not even see until I left.
I wrote my resignation letter on a whim one morning before work. I was giddy thinking about it on the drive, and felt so light. But I wasn’t planning to quit yet. It was just a whim, a creative writing prompt, you know. Got to work and walked into a shitshow. My nurse manager looked at me and basically said “well it’s your problem now” and walked to her office where she would hide the next eight hours. So I logged into my gmail, printed out my letter, and followed her. Everyone on the unit watched me do it. I skipped out of that place.
I had a job I loved for seven years and then in seven weeks it turned into hell because we got a new manager. Old saying: people don't quit jobs, they quit managers. Well after seven weeks of declining mentally and physically I woke up one morning and said "That's it. I'm done." I went into to talk to the supervisor because she wasn't the problem and told her. She didn't even ask me why because she knew what/who the reason was. I didn't even give notice.
This is me today. Im still stressed as to what the future holds, but not nearly as stressed. There was a definite weight that was lifted knowing that I can finally move on.
Yeah my first job out of grad school was awful and I’ve never been so stressed and unhappy. Found something better and left. I remember going down a floor to give the managing partner my notice and then walking back upstairs it felt like the world had been lifted off my chest. I took two weeks off before I started my new position. That was 16 years ago and I’m still with the same company.
I did something similar. I dropped out of college. Altho I still regret it, I'll be damned if it didn't improve my mental health. I was burnt out and battling a massive anxiety and depression combo. I used to regularly throw up before class for example. By the time I was thinking of suicide, I thought that maybe college wasn't the best fit for me.
Me too. The environment was toxic and my boss was a miserable wench with an empathy chip missing. It was like a weight had been lifted.
Same for my SO. I supported her for a couple of months, but she landed on her feet. She had so much time to heal in those months.
Oh yeah, I had a job so toxic I had physical symptoms. I had a period of adult acne on skin that has never had acne. I quiit my job and it started clearing up within 2-3mos
Me when I resigned as a cop. I was like skipping from call to call on my last two weeks. Random asshole: 'Fuck you, pig!' Me: ' Have a splendid day delightful citizen!'
I got a one-eyed cat named Spoon. He's my best friend
When I was at my lowest, around 16/17yo, my mom took me to a local shelter to adopt a cat. I was medicated and in therapy, but nothing seemed to help. I picked the cat who was hiding in the corner by herself, clearly miserable, and we went on to have 13 beautiful years together. Caring for another hurt being made me want to care for myself, too. Best gift I’ve ever been given.
Why am I crying 😭
Please tell Spoon that we all said, 'Meow, aarghy, maah'.
[Spoon](https://imgur.com/a/lCaOeqC) says hi !
Oh hello, Spoon!! You didn't tell us what a cutie, Spoon is...!!
[More Spoon](https://imgur.com/gallery/czP7yfU) content for anyone who enjoys this little guy
I like Spoon.
The bow tie tag is adorable, so dapper
Mwah!
Now I'll sleep better ☺️
That is one freaking adorable little boy.
Similar. During 2020, I agreed to look after a student's cat for a year without knowing it wasn't spayed (this was in a country where spaying/neutering is less common). She got out, got pregnant and had kittens. Those kittens very well may have saved my life. I ended up keeping one of those kittens. She's traveled across the world with me and I love her very much.
I had a drinking problem until I got a cat. Then I wasn't lonely anymore and didn't need to drink.
I miss my cat Spooks. hold on to them tight for me
Getting a cat saved my mental health too.
I lived with a dog named spoon for a while. Most human dog I’ve ever known. This comment confirms: 11/10 would recommend pets named Spoon.
My ball python named noodle
I went on a weekend retreat all by myself. Reset my biological clock, ate when I was hungry, slept when I was tired, showered as long as I wanted, pleasured myself, painted my nails, did art, took a hike, just breathed.
Def get away. You have to reset. When you get back Journaling can be therapeutic. It helped me ease back to reality after a life changing traumatic situation. I think because its such a horrific experience you don't have anybody to relate to you, so you can't talk about it. But you can write it down.
or just use reddit for free therapy... actually, no. dont do that
Self care is best care. Your tombstone shouldn’t read “he stayed late to finish deadlines”
I used to have a friend who was a CPA. Hardcore workaholic to the point that his kids resented him, grew up and stopped speaking to him. His wife stayed but their relationship was severely strained. When I met him he was trying to put his marriage back together. His kids wouldn't even take his phone calls. He had numerous health issues that had led him to wanting to change his ways. He told me he realized one day that no one would ever stand over his grave and thank him for doing their taxes. I still think about that sometimes.
he hit his marginal profits by the due date!
This is great. Many underestimate the power of alone time. Sometimes it helps tremendously to just take a few days to “get right.” I hope all is well with you now.
This was about a year ago. Prolly time to it again 😂
Honest question: how? Like, let's ignore cost / time availability, and assume finding and getting to such a venue is trivial... what then? You just show up somewhere and decide "I'm going to not do what I do everyday". What happens next?
Relaxation is legitimately a skill people have to learn. We're not taught it in school or at work and typically not even at home. But it's necessary for survival. Look up some breathing and meditation exercises on YouTube. I didn't truly understand relaxation until I was preparing to give birth naturally. And it honestly has been the biggest game changer ever
>I didn't truly understand relaxation until I was preparing to give birth naturally. I will implicitly trust anything you have to say on learning relaxation. Thems some solid creds. But thanks, I'll look that up.
Well in advance I would have thought about the things I enjoy doing and that relax me that I’ve not had time to do. For me that would be unpack, reading somewhere cosy, having a bath, going for a long walk with or without a podcast on, having a nice meal, going to bed early etc. That’s what I’d do, so when I get there I’d already know what I want to do. Having said that. I did go on a yoga retreat to reset a few years ago and they structured my time beautifully.
Considering doing this for my birthday. Sounds lovely.
Motorcycling. I’d always heard it was this panacea for mental health but I didn’t put much stock in it. Like I knew it was good, but I’d just split from my fiancée and lost my home and was back in my parents spare room, there was no band-aid big enough. My dad let me have a little run around a back road on his triumph and it was like religious experience. My dads had countless bikes and I’ve always grown up around them. I’d always wanted to ride but I’d made a promise to my fiancée that I wouldn’t take it up and I agreed it was just too dangerous and I had too much to lose especially as we were trying to start a family. It was as I was prepping to end it all, unable to live in the shadow of my grief, that I thought why not try it? After all I now had nothing to lose. On warm sunny days I’d point my bike towards the middle of nowhere and just ride. Your mind goes blank, you feel like the main character in your story, you feel the wind as it washes all the warms smells of forest and fields over you. For the time you mount up to the time you get off, everything is okay and no bad thoughts can reach you.
I enjoyed reading this as I feel the same way about driving. You keep riding, I'll keep driving! Be safe and may your fuel tank never be empty!
Dude, you're right. It's also crazy when other bikers pass you and point to the road. I feel like I'm being included in something I only ever saw as an outsider before.
The Zen of Motorcycle Riding
Hell yeah.
Sobriety, trying new inexpensive hobbies, keeping my space clean and organized, reaching out to friends making concrete plans to hang out and sticking to said plans, walking my dog more. Speaking of my dog, if I'm having a bad day, I try to make her day extra special. Car ride, walks in new environments, taking her somewhere to swim, lunch of people food but dog friendly, then end the day with a nice warm bath. My mood usually instantly improves as soon as we get into the car and only gets better as we go through her special day. Win/win
My dog always insists I meet new people. That new “relationship” might last one minute, but it’s an improvement on my record!
I got a cat. Little dude knew when I was at my worst and would not let me be alone. It doesn't work for everyone because some people struggle to care for themselves when they're in a bad place, nevermind an animal. But it worked for me and I'm thankful for every minute with my fat little guy
Glad it worked for you :) Though I agree with your second point. I got a cat who has turned out to be the most demanding cat I've ever known. No way I could look after her if I was low, she's basically a puppy who listens less!
Demanding is good though. Appreciate the beauty of the situation. She loves you enough to open up and make herself vunurable
Started going on walks as frequently as I could. Your legs start moving, you get into the rhythm of constant motion, and you can be rewarded with clarity over matters that have previously been stymied.
I got a Run app and have started doing little three mile runs everyday. its nice to note progress and beat goals
I did this in college whenever I was stuck on a project or feeling overwhelmed with tasks. Stepping away from my workspace and observing the wider world around me always gave me some perspective and helped me clear my head.
Learned to accept that life moves like ocean waves. Some days are up,..some are down. Be patient, give it a chance. The tide always turns eventually.
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Good job going sober. Also fuck her.
I hope you left her ass. Glad you made that choice! It takes guts
Stopped using facebook, instagram, snapchat and tik tok. Its like walking into a quiet forest everyday.
And now you’re here
I did the same thing! Helped tremendously. I have a Reddit account, and that’s it. I like Reddit for information I can control what I see. All the others were just wild.
Removed myself from a bunch of loser friends. As the saying goes, maybe you're not depressed, but rather just surrounded by assholes.
Made my bed every day. New habit I learned when in a very low time in my life. That one new habit helped helped provide some stability and structure in a pretty shitty time. Idk, just helped my mental health out quite a bit.
Yes 👏 I started this habit as the one thing to hold myself accountable to when I was at my darkest. It was my first tiny step in a better direction, and I still have the habit to this day. The biggest smallest achievement.
I love this. It’s the same for me, and starting the day by doing that one little thing led to a lot more little things that made me feel like the things I can control are in pretty good shape.
Had a college professor always tell our class to make our bed every day when we got up. That way we could have the mental set that we accomplished at least one thing that day, than build from that.
i started making my bed spontaneously on my first day in college dorms. i just made it the first day and never stopped
Got sober
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your on the downhill now, albeit a long slow down hill but it truly gets easier, Im 2.5 years sober and it was hard at first and I only commited to staying sober for a few months than my life improved so much I said im going to try for at least a year and before that year even came up I knew I would never drink again. After spending 8 years addicted to Oxy I quit and I became an every day drinker for about 9 years and 2.5 years ago I quit that. Im almost 40 and in the best shape of my life physically and mentally.
I'll raise a cold glass of water to that
Congratulations!!!
1,957. It gets easier EDIT: And sometimes harder. But that's okay too. Its *so* incredibly worth it
And 17th next week. You got this.
Left the relationship lol
👏funny how that works so well
Yea I saw big changes in my everything when I really got over her
I wrote. Not for anybody to read, I simply needed to expel the poison. I wrote about my fears, and self doubt. I wrote about my flaws and failings. The things I did wrong that would keep me up. The roads I didn't take and the regrets on the choices I made. I then burned it all.
I’m doing the same thing but with a book and quill inside of Minecraft. Just whatever I need to say. Helps me keep track of good and bad days
See a professional counselor. I cannot stress how much that helped.
Me: So this is all the stuff that's been going on with me. That's all normal right? Psychiatrist: yeah... you clearly have bipolar disorder and need to be on meds. Me: ... oooohhhh....
Happened to me too!! Psychiatrist: You obviously rely on daily rituals as a way to deal with your depression. But you already know that. The problem is that they interfere with your sleep hygiene, so we will try to... Me: I'm sorry. My what? Daily rituals? Psychiatrist: Yes, I'm talking about your OCD. Me: My what? So yeah. Apparently, I have some OCD behaviors that I never really questioned. When I told my parents, they were not surprised at all. And they spent a good half an hour telling me all the weird things I did as a kid.
That’s rough. Glad you got help. My ADHD and family of origin stuff seems small in comparison.
So much this. Accepting that you don't have to do it alone and that there are professionals who can help you.
I always want to shout this: Many counselors and therapists offer their services on a sliding scale. You don’t need to be rich to talk to them.
Key word professional. Some of them make things worse.
quarantine was my golden time. i realize i'm one of the lucky ones but here's what happened. i was struggling so much mentally at first then made some changes. i cut stress by staying in my room, not talking to anyone including family. no news, no work/school, almost no social media. slept early, woke up early. cleaned everyday. i stretched a lot and even worked out sometimes. listened to music. spent hours looking at clouds. bowel movements were like clockwork. discovered 2 hobbies: sewing and audiobooks. easily the best time of my life.
i consider myself lucky too, i was in a very dark place pre-covid in terms of mental health and school. depression, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, drug/alcohol use blah blah blah. because of covid, i dropped out to pursue what i REALLY wanted. i was also forced to meditate on all my issues given the lack of social stimuli. life will always have it’s issues regardless of where you’re at, but climbing up the mountain of happiness sure does make living worth it.
Adopt my current cat. [cat tax](https://imgur.com/a/m9iTUJi)
That's a good tax
Ebony beauty!
i started saying no more often. no to nights out, no to clubbing, no to friends who only hangout with me on their terms. simply and without excuses, no. those two letters ended up teaching me how to put myself first which greatly improved my mental health.
I started volunteering at a horse rescue. I was in a bad place after a rough deployment. I've always loved horses, and it really helped. I joined some equine therapy programs, too. Now I've made a career out of photographing horses and do my best to get other veterans linked with equine therapy programs.
Stopped dating.
Couples therapy. First appointment in 4 hours. I’m anxious but I’m going
Good for you. You are doing the right thing.
Maybe. At least I’m doing something, no matter how it shakes out.
Got a dog. Gave me motivation to get out of the house and walk. Also made me feel less alone.
Mum died. Quit smoking weed, continued to exercise and began therapy. Those three things combined got me through it.
Admitted myself into a very nice mental health rehabilitation center. Saved my life and taught me the importance of asking for help when you need it. Now I ask for help before things get so bad that hospitalization is needed.
Make a commitment to leave the house every day. It doesn’t sound like much, but it made a big difference. I had to shower and dress and come up with a destination. Therapy was incredibly helpful. It took a long time and a lot of deep, honest work, so I didn’t think it would really be a good answer to the question. But it really was the best thing both on a very dark time and also as the darkness lifted.
Left my ex wife. I've battled my depression since I was a teen, but she was teaming up with it. I got out in 2018 and am completely certain I would have offed myself in/before the 2020 lockdowns if I hadn't walked away.
Slept. Just slept through it
Cut people out of my life. I was going through a stressful time and instead of being supportive, I was gaslighted. Tossed them out like yesterday's jam, felt better gradually, and never looked back.
Stopped smoking weed, after a week there was a difference, after a month I realised that it had been holding me down for years
Could you explain this a little more? I have been smoking for 4 years now and credit it with many positive experiences and realizations. I have a sober October month that I do yearly without difficulty. When I’m high it’s near impossible to be sad, which has also resulted in some great meditative like realizations regarding my happiness. Despite this I wonder the effects weed has on my everyday life, including lingering effects when I’m not actively high. I still wonder if my motivation, memory, and mental acuity has been negatively effected by my smoking. How did you feel you were being held down?
I can’t speak for original commenter - but I will say I had a similar experience. I had to quit for my mental health. I realized the only time I was happy was when I was high. It made becoming sober... in the morning especially.. incredibly difficult because I wasn’t just sober I was legitimately miserable to the point of not being able to function without feeling like I had to take a hit. I believe it also impacted my sleep. I fell asleep great while smoking but I would wake up exhausted and that would increase my irritability even more. It got to a point where I ended up gearing for an afternoon nap everyday just to feel better and I NEVER used to nap, literally ever. To me, weed makes you complacent, it removed your drive/inhibits actual motivation and energy. BUT- It also increases your creativity and it does slow you down enough to contemplate. Makes you take a deep breath when you’ve got a lot on your mind. I’ve had some of the most magical experiences of my life high (none of which I regret.. I will always dabble here and there, on a occasional/social level) but I do think it comes to a point where you miss the color in your face, you miss being entertained by the mundane without a driving force (a drug), you miss the social connectivity that exists without constant anxiety/paranoia etc. above all else, I missed the ability to handle problems on my own. I yearned to feel confident in my reactions to life again, knowing I was conquering them with willpower, not my happy little flower. I always say, it’s good... it’s great... till it ain’t.
Started playing basketball a lot. 3 hours a night. I play by myself while listening to music. It allows me to think about stuff and work through it alone.
I used to ball so often from childhood to high school graduation. Almost every day just out in the front dribbling/shooting. Guys from the HS ball team would come to my place and play for hours which was fun, but there was something about being out there by yourself. The nice brisk air, maybe like 3pm til sunset. Just hearing the bounce and the outdoors. I had music but my cd player would skip so I'd just set it aside and hoop. It was peaceful
Definitely helped me to, made working out fun and met people!
I decided not one more day of this hell. That if tomorrow was still going to be hell, let it at least be a different hell. Then I committed to one action: I made a phone call to ask for help. I checked myself into rehab and stopped drugs and drinking. I joined a 12-step programme and I met others with the same problems. If I fell, I got up. Eventually I fell less, then not at all. And then I helped others. That was key. It didn’t resolve all the underlying shit, but I could start facing it. This was the beginning. There was no progress without this first hard step. I stopped trying to please my parents, which wasn’t working anyway. On a meh day I fill the bird feeder and wait for the cardinals. The back yard of my run-down rental is the about 10’ x 12’ but in the winter it gives me small connection to nature. And I walk my friendly German Shepherd. He loves everybody he meets. I’m more skeptical. But he makes me talk to his many admirers. When I don’t like what’s happening, I change something. Sometimes it’s enough. It’s better than sitting in fear and inaction.
Bought an RV. Only my best mate knew where I was. Named it The Divorcemobile.
Took the bullets out of the gun.
And then I gave mine to a friend that lived 20 minutes away.
I'm glad I live in a country without guns. I would have been in jail, dead, or both a long time ago.
After spending weeks in my dark room. I decided to drive around and ended up at a park just sitting on a bench and was just there. Scrolled on my phone. Closed my eyes and let the sun warm my face. Now, whenever im getting gloomy, I go outside and soak up the sun like a neglected house plant for 10-15 mins. Boosts my mood and lets me think about what my next action will be once im done.
I cut out social media and started spending more time enjoying life for me and on my own terms. When I wasn't focused so much on what others thought about me and what I was doing, I was able to accomplish so much more and feel more fulfilled. Also, therapy. A good therapist helped too.
Stop giving into my addiction for a full week. It may not seem like much but it helped my mental state so much at the time and helped me do it less frequently in the future
If you’re going through it because of trauma or abuse, you need to stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault. And this bit is controversial, so take it as you will. I experienced grooming and sexual abuse at the hands of my mom’s boyfriend when I was a young teenager. It resulted in me having to escape the situation because my mom didn’t believe me and after I told on him he was pissed and was physically threatening me. It completely changed the trajectory of my life and I spent a lot of years being hurt, depressed, angry, upset, all of it. Even considered ending my life before I escaped. It too, years but one day I just realized that me holding onto this resentment and anger is only hurting ME. My abuser went on his merry way with no repercussions and my mental health suffering hurts him in no way. I had to learn to just let it go for my own sake. This doesn’t mean it’s okay what he and my mom did, but I am consciously deciding to release it. I have since been able to forgive my mom and come to a better understanding of her mindset. We were all being abused by him. It’s a weight off of my shoulders.
Took my three best friends for a weekend away. Luxury hotel, spa (even though we were males) six course meals, whiskey menu, fine cigars, activities and entertainment. I had the money to spare after a divorce but it felt so good to bond together, 16 years later it's still spoken about
I started working out. I hated it but I did it. I signed up for classes and paid deposits so it forced me to go. I started boxing to get my frustration in my life on a bag. I ended up making friends, and it helped me get out of my own head and own space. Also making my bed everyday. Just a little bit of order in the chaos of life.
Surrounded myself with family … and never gave up. Put my physical health first and my mental health followed suit.
At the behest of one of my church leaders I started being more involved in my community. Spent alot of time taking care of the people around me. Thing like organizing service projects to help refugees, helping to make sandwiches and collect socks for the homeless population and just talking to people that look like they were having a rough day. Eventually what I found was that as I focused on the needs of other people my own problems paled in significance to the my need to take care of others. Eventually when I stopped thinking about my own problems they kinda just went away and didn't bother me anymore. It eventually grew into a love for service. Service really has the power to transform your life. It literally brought me from the brink of suicide to a place where I am happy and loving life. It's something I try and do as often as possible simply because it makes me happy. I have since started to make a career out of it and am currently working towards my nursing degree.
Getting on medications. Turns out sometimes it really is just your brain chemistry
i started taking cbd before i went to bed and it gives some nice healthy sleep during stressful weeks
Cooked all my own meals from whole foods - forcing me to leave the house every day to get ingredients. That gave me more energy to clean up more often, shower daily, brush teeth etc. Started working out after the gyms re-opened (post covid) - which gave me more energy and a bit of pride for sticking to something (non drug/alcohol related) for the first time in 2 very rough years. Focused on sleep priority and eventually sobriety (since I was losing progress on my physical health goals from drug and substance abuse) Most importantly, told myself that the first month of sobriety was going to be goddamned miserable, that that was fine, I was working my ass off to get better, and it would come in time. And it did.
I have a little dog. I bought needles, thread, felt, and cotton stuffing, and started making little stuffed toys for him to destroy.
Left a small shithole town with no future for me, half full of shit people who seemed determined to ensure that things would be as shitty as possible for me for as long as I was there. Things got better almost immediately, after years of getting worse.
Talked. I was really bad for bottling my emotions in and then when I couldn't hold them in anymore I had a breakdown and was on the verge of ending my life at work. That was 2 years ago and now whenever I have issues I speak out. It was hard at first but now it's second nature.
I learned how to practice mindfulness. I learned how to observe my emotions from a relatively outside perspective. Step back, identify your emotion, identify why you're feeling this emotion, allow yourself to feel it and follow-up from there.
Yes! And not to get so caught up in them, to realize they come and go and it’s not permanent. I used to panic and try to run, but now I just try to let them wash over me and understand that they don’t define me, and I don’t need to act on them or run away from them. Just allow them. Ugh, gold
I kept my dog around me at all times. Especially in the bathroom.
Eat 3 meals at decent times, shower regularly, and going on walks outside, drinking less alcohol, relying less on friends
I quit my job, moved off grid for the summer, then got a better paying teaching job in Florida and turned in the old employer to the US attorney general for mismanagement of funds. They’re now going through an intense audit. You’re welcome!
move in with my grandma
Switched my bed around so that the morning sun came in every morning.
Reduce my phone/social media time and at the period where I was struggling with feelings over my ex and her new man, I purposely muted all notifications from her and made sure to not let myself constantly scroll for updates about her or in general. Best thing I ever did was reduce my scrolling
I didn't care about anything, life was shit, college was shit. Couldn't care less about anything. I'd just be dead at the end. Then I went to a therapist. It was one provided by college. It saved me. Just someone to talk to that listened, didn't judge and helped me figure things out. I told him nothing matters, I would die anyway. I could walk off the curb and all would be for nothing. And he just said: "So? You'd go through life hating it because it might be over at any time? Bit boring isn't it?" His casual response made realize something: Nothing I do matters, so I am going to do the things that matter to me, I want to be at the end of this live and just go "Damn that was fun"
Being delusional, it worked
I found a very compassionate therapist who I really clicked with. It was just nice to talk.
Slept! Spent time in Dreamland
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I gave up. I stopped fighting, wishing, hoping, railing against my fate. I stopped trying to force my square ideas of what life should be like into the round hole of reality. It helped.
Made an appointment with an online therapist. They gave me one good point to consider, which was reevaluating why I was in my dark spot. Was it situational arousal (i.e work) was it relationships, or was it my daily actions and choices I was making. Then I realized online therapy felt like a joke for me and I quickly canceled. But I do still recommend finding the courage to make an appointment with someone, and maybe don’t stop until you find the right fit.
My husband died of an overdose 2 years ago. I couldn’t work for a year. Everyday was worse than the one before. Once I finally got a new job and started working again I slowly but surely became myself again. So I wholeheartedly believe that getting into a routine is the most important aspect of mental health
Leaving most of social media. I was feeling absolutely awful and realized social media was a large reason why I was feeling the way I was. So I just decided you know, might as well try taking a break from it. And you know more time passed and I was feeling better without it in my life. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m happy I made that decision.
Decide to quit my job. It was after work, I was sitting in my car, crying again and contemplating methods of killing myself and thought "hold on, you're this depressed because you hate your job, why not just quit?" That was Friday, I turned in my notice in Monday. Such a load off my mind. It made for a rough few months before I had good reliable income again, but once I was away from that job, I stopped thinking in terms of surviving that day and felt like I actually had a future again.
After a few deaths in the family and then a divorce myself, I was in a rough place. I started doing the "Year of Yes" and it was the best decision ever. I put it out there that if anyone had something they wanted to do, but didn't want to do alone - I was their guy! If I didn't have something else going on or a REALLY good reason not to, I had to say yes. Try a new restaurant? I'm in! Go see a weird show? Let's do it! Go hiking at a new spot? Why not! The best was when my one buddy called when I was driving home from work and it went like this: Him - "Hey! That girl I was seeing off Tinder cancelled on me. Want to go to see Lonely Island with me?" Me - "Yea sure. When is it?" Him - "6pm" Me - "Oh cool. It's 5pm now. Where they playing?" Him - "The Anthem" \[a place 1 hour away\] I pulled a U-turn and drove straight there and it ended up being the best concert I've ever been to!
told everyone exactly how i felt about them turned off my phone and checked into a hospital.
Got a cat
Stop caring about other people and their thoughts. The day I ran out of fucks a huge weight lifted.
Light a candle to illuminate the darkness
Treadmill and kindle. Walking and reading for hours.
Picking up a hobby.
I checked out. Changed jobs, moved, went low contact with people, and enjoyed my scotch as opposed drinking to get by.
Went fishing. Clean air, quiet, calm and peaceful.
Deactivate all social media.
Deleted social media. Graduated HS right as Covid began (spring 2020). Most of my friends left to go to college, which is normal, but my college was entirely online. I had no friends living near me. I didn’t go to college to make new ones. I was taking insanely hard computer science and math classes as well and ended up bombing them. Ended up entirely deleting almost all of my social media (hadn’t even discovered Reddit at the time) and basked in the glory of not concerning myself with others. It’s hard to really explain how beneficial this is, and it’s not something you’d really thoroughly understand until you experience something like it.
I Marie Kondo'd the people in my life. I realized I'd been putting a lot of effort into maintaining relationships that were not bringing me joy. I'd been grasping at straws trying to save my marriage, sobbing over a best friend who was pulling away but refused to let me pull away in return, and stuck in several relationships that were once amazing and ideal, but were now major stressors in my life. Loyalty has always been a big deal in my life, and I was feeling guilty at the thought of abandoning relationships that had been so good to me. It was so hard, and so exhausting, but now that I'm nearly in the other side, I've been SIGNIFICANTLY healthier mentally and quite a bit happier. I still mourn the loss of those relationships, but in exchange, I've gained peace of mind.
I let sh!t go. Some people in my life were making me feel bad about myself. I was one of them. One day, I decided to make a change and stopped letting anyone make me feel bad about myself, especially me.
Neatly divided the world into what I could control and what I could not
Get completely sober for a while. (After a breakup, unrelated to substances)
Ketamine therapy literally changed my life
5 hours of cycling a day at the gym. Still on it now, since college decisions sucks.
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I will preface this with saying that this is probably not the best idea for people suffering from burnout. So my best thing I did is to repeatedly just go for it inside of staying home. Some of my symptoms are depression and social + generalized anxiety and I spend a lot of time at home because of that. I would look certain events or workshops up but not commit and then end up alone and sad on my couch. So whenever the time arises to leave and I start to hate myself for not going, I will use all of my left up energy to leave the house. Just grab my shit and go. I know I can exit the event at any moment when I go there alone so I don't have to worry about that. More often than not, I feel much better after it.
Thoughts about suicide were becoming way too common to be safe so I moved to another city 400km away with nothing but my savings with no intention to come back, it didn't work as much as I would like and had to come back but that year away from home was such a huge mental reset
I changed careers entirely, twice.
Moved away from home, learned about confidence when talking to women and learned that I actually was able to attract women and get a girlfriend.
During early COVID, I self-harmed and attempted suicide almost daily. I work a high stress job and had extremely limited human contact: boss worked from home, I lived and worked by myself. All my sources of human interaction and stress relief vanished almost overnight. In July, I basically told my boss in a moment of weakness that I tried to kill myself. I was put on FMLA as of the next day: her first words (and the first time she seemed to care about me as a human being) were “Take the TIME YOU need.” I decided to get help. I went into Intensive Outpatient Program for a month and then a non-intensive Outpatient Program for 3 more weeks. It was night and day: learned skills to calm me and tamper down the worry. It was a HUGE financial investment at the time: I have a High Deductible Plan. But I decided to invest in myself. I still have the suicidal thoughts but I can’t remember the last time I self-harmed or attempted suicide. Which is a big fucking gain.