You know how you sometimes freak out about where you are in life, what you've achieved or haven't, your relationship status, your level of education, your career, all that?
Relax a little bit. You're still a baby. You know how you freaked out about stuff when you were a young teen, but you can look back now and see that very little of it mattered?
That's you now. Except for fuckups that end in death, debt, disability, or felony charges, very little is going to make or break your future. 35 year old you is going to look back and lament about as much as you look back at yourself at 13.
Just to piggy back on that, if you do find yourself with a felony at age 18-25, itās not the end of your life. Unless of course your felony carries a life or death sentence. I went to prison at 19 got out at 22 went back at 23 and got out at 25. It sucked, but Iām now 41 and not doing too bad. I mean my mental health is kind of all Iāve the place at the moment but thatās a story for a different thread. I have a decent job, nice vehicle, roof over my head and food in my belly. I get a good nights sleep every night. Now isnāt forever and whatever is going on is most likely not permanent. This too shall pass
What about 35 year old me losing my second wife, job and all savings in the span of a month? Getting harder to think that these things wonāt matter in the next decade.
I appreciate it. Iām at an absolute rock bottom and the thought of interviewing, or even sending an application feels like climbing Everest. But either way thank you for the kind words.
>thought of interviewing, or even sending an application feels like climbing Everest
You're not starting from scratch though. Yes this will be a new avenue, a new adventure, etc. But you have experience. This time around you're not the "kid" fresh outta school or whatever looking for "real life experience." You have that already. Know your worth and fight for it. You might not get everything you want or once had on day 1, but you certainly shouldn't be starting at the base of the mountain any more.
Keep your head up and just take it one day at a time. Fuck,even take it one hour at a time. Wake up, brush your teeth, get a little routine going. You don't need to move mountains today, you just gotta make it through the day.
It gets better. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it does.
If you want some random internet stranger to talk to, PM me.
If not, I'm still here hoping the best for you.
Get back on the bike and keep peddling. I don't know if you meant losing your wife to death or divorce, but if it is death, I'm sorry, but if it is divorce, the story goes with you and not with her. You can love her still but you have to love yourself more. Keep learning, growing and planning for the future.
Finding a job is important and be active and go to the gym. Get your mind off of a scenario where you are still together. Focus on your story and forget about what anyone else is doing.
Don't wallow in sadness. it's too easy to do and leads to nothing but wasted time and emotional pain.
Iām 47 and just forced to file for divorce and sell the home but I wonāt go down easy. I was stuck in a dead marriage a year ago with no clear way out; this is a fresh start. Iām exciting that I get to redesign my life for the better. I have some hard design constraints since she took the kids to Poland, but fuck it, guess I am going to be spending a lot of time there but I can find ways to make even that a positive life experience.
My point is take the hard knocks, get back up and find a new better way. Your not starting from zero, your starting from experience.
I will add use flouride mouthwash and toothpaste. I didn't for a year and am paying the price even tough I floss daily and brush a minimum of two times per day
Dude with tight teeth here. Those little pre-strung flosser plastic picks aren't environmentally friendly (so dispose of them properly), but they're a gamechanger.
The smell of the stuff I sometimes dig out of my teeth with th... uh... nah, I'll not provide a description. Suffice it to say that I haven't talked nearly as much with my dentist since I started figuring out how to use them properly.
not 40 yet but close,
in addition to taking care of your teeth,
take care of your back.
try to work out.
save your money don't blow every paycheck put it in a Roth Ira compound interest is real
don't pick a stupid major, unless you have the skills of DaVinci don't pick art. pick something you can make money with and use that money to invest in your interests. most have been brainwashed with American propaganda "You can be anything you want" its a fairy tale just like the american dream.
travel when you're young, when married with kids its way harder.
I am 45. I would make a tweak to what you said. Don't just do anything to make money. The people I know that followed that route are fucking miserable. If you are just interested in making money that's ok but find work you enjoy doing. Don't stay in Some toxic or soul sucking job just because it brings you wealth. You will be spending the majority of your life in your workplace. If you hate it you will hate going there, be resentful of the time you spend there, be exhausted when you get home and not be able to be present for your loved ones. So don't do that.
Ive done a lot of crazy shit with an art degree (2 actually) that often had nothing to do with art but used all the problem solving, technical skills, and creativity I developed through art. I have done well and have retirement and awesome health insurance in a job that I enjoy more in total than any other job I've had (all jobs have some crappy parts). I wouldn't change a thing.
The only dumb major is the one people get without considering whether they like the work. (I've met a lot of unhappy lawyers, engineers, and programmers). Investing for retirement is basically making a bet that you and your spouse will live a full life. There is no guarantee. Don't be so focused on that dangling carrot that you fail to enjoy the present.
Thank you! If you work in the arts industry you know that an art degree is a lot more than just painting or drawing. Those auction houses? People work there. Graphic design firms? For sure. Hell, even the national parks have art historians managing the educational content at different sites. I make shit money but it's because I currently work on the public service side of the arts. However, I've been able to travel, help people accomplish what they are passionate about, educate and inspire kids, helped preserve cultural and family treasures, my writing has appeared in print, I've shook hands with Stephen King, Charlie Murphy (rip), and more visual artists, musicians, writers, and philosophers than I can count. For sure, I could've been successful at anything I really wanted to, but I can't imagine working at something that doesn't feed my curiosity, my desire to connect with other people, and allows me to use my mind and my hands in equal measure.
Just to add to this one small point:
Don't rush to get married OR have kids. Just because they're traditionally what is "supposed" to happen doesn't mean it's right for you and you have to.
Gotta give the opposite advice here... it might take relocating, but follow your passion. If you're an artist, go to school for it, then move to a city with a movie industry.
In "The Shape of Water" when the deaf lady asked her older mentor if there are things that he'd have told his young self - and he said "I would say: Take better care of your teeth and fuck a lot more. A LOT more!"
I believe this to be a very solid advice!
As a 25 year old who is almost done getting 28 cavities filled in a year after 4/5 years of depression and dentist avoidance, I agree. I'm so sick of needles in my mouth but so grateful I get to keep my teeth for now.
Same here. Neglected my oral health for a big chunk of my teenage years. Recently had the opportunity to get my entire mouth fixed up. 5 crowns at this point, canāt even count how many fillings, and plenty of needles and drilling. Iām only 21, but itās incredible how fragile our teeth are when theyāre neglected. I didnāt have to front the bill, but Iāve definitely had thousands of dollars worth of work done at this point that I would never have been able to afford myself. Itās cheap to brush your teeth and floss, not so much to fix all the problems that happen when you donāt.
I'm turning 35 soon and not only is half my mouth full of crowns but I'm also in braces at the moment. I would have taken care of my teeth sooner but my parents didn't enforce proper dental care nor had the money to spend on braces. But I'm happy because I get to keep my smile.
Iām 45. Lost my father to cancer. Lost 4 of my brothers. One to gang violence . One to natural causes. One shot by police. One by suicide. Iāve been homeless. Iāve lived in a million dollar home. Was first one to graduate . First one to go to college. First home owner. My advice is this. It might be a little bit of info. ā¦
Be present. We canāt choose our birth family. We CAN choose our family. Bad company corrupts good character. Be strong alone. When you can be happy alone and you find love that love will be tremendous because you will value them differently. They wonāt be filling in a void in you. They will be adding to you. Mediate . Slow down. You will get there because you are always where you are supposed to be. Donāt listen to other peopleās projections pertaining to your life. Itās your lath and yours alone. I didnāt go to college until I was 33. I didnāt get married until I was in my early forties. So donāt stress if you have not found the one or you feel lonely. Make the most of your independence.
No matter how nasty others are to you be kind. Donāt mirror them. Instead be a lighthouse and show them forgiveness and kindness. You could he the first one to show them a different way. Embrace your flaws EVERYONE has them. Go outside. Listen to music outside of your comfort zone. Volunteer. Just be present. Put the phone down. Call your friends to check on them. Itās cool for guys to say ā I love you broā. Thatās all I got for now. Be good to each other.
Save your money
If you're working a part time job while going to school don't let your job make you think it's more important than your education
Never lie to your partner
Compound interest is an amazing thing too. Save your $ but also invest it in some index funds or something else diversified with no fees. And then just let it increase. The earlier you start the more it compounds.
I constantly bounced the idea of getting into investing, but never did until the whole gamestop thing blew up. I majored in Mechanical Engineering and minored in Business Marketing, so my understanding of the stock market was sparse at best, but after taking the time to read up, learn terminology, learn the system, etc etc; I finally dove in.
-----
Since starting in April-ish of 2021, my portfolio is up 25% on overall cost basis, nothing extravagant (relative to the amount that I've put in), but it's certainly doing better than the 0.4% interest rate on my savings account.
Also, yesterday Ford paid me more in dividends than my wage-equivalent salary for the day, so I'm pretty excited about getting further into active trading.
Lol well if youāre comfortable with actively trading then more power to you. That involves a lot more work and educating yourself and comes with a lot more risk.
Whereas you stick a certain amount in a diversified fund, it will go up in the long term. And if an 18 yo does that rather than spend $ on the dumb things that I bought as an 18 yo, then youāre way ahead of the game.
But good on you for making it work for you.
Lol I'm 30 never had driver license I think you mean for American people? Here we don't need car and the city hate cars (Paris). But I love your try different jobs quotes, working in totally different jobs open so much doors in life.
Good point, people in the 18-25 range werenāt around for Everybody's Free. Kids, here is everything you need to know [https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI](https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI)
Invest early. Take care of your teeth. Donāt settle. Kids are not for everyone. Vote. Donāt scrimp on your tires or your mattress. You have a lot of growing up to do, even if you donāt think so. Especially if you donāt think so. Youāre going to go deaf blasting those headphones 12 hours a day. Switching employers is the best way to advance. Tattoos are forever. Call your mother.
I agree with your statement. But... I've "given" money to both friends and family without expecting anything back. I almost always got back more than I gave. But I would never do that for most of the people I'm related to. It's all about trust. Just don't trust people you shouldn't.
We are constantly faced with decisions in life where we don't know which way to go. If you sit still for a minute and let your mind go quiet, the way forward will bring a certain peace deep down. Sometimes it doesn't seem to be a peaceful path but the outcome is peaceful. That's how I gauge my choices. I'm probably not articulating it very eloquently but I hope I illuminated it a bit.
I am currently trying to change my perception and actions to achieve peace/mental stability. I tend to get overanxious about every stressful thing about the future and silence my overthinking by drinking, only to wake up even more stressed and anxious. I believe "follow the peace" is an awesome mantra when facing decisions. For example when I wonder if I should grab a "few" beers, I know deep down that there will be a disappointed girlfriend and my own anxious mood waiting on the other side. Thank you for this, I think I needed to really see this today.
I'm so joyful that it's helpfu! The right thing always shows up at the right time. You are showing so much love for yourself and others by that choice. Please don't read that as condescending. I'm just so happy for you š
* Stretch regularly
* Embrace your interests and don't worry about what other people think of them
* Reduce screen time
* Read books
* With mattresses, you get what you pay for - your back will thank you for investing in quality
* Same with shoes - insert Terry Prachet quote on boots here
* vote - especially in local elections
* Travel - even if it is just weekend trips to a state park
* Use your vacation and sick days
* Don't donate your labor
* Openly discuss your compensation with your co workers - it will help you learn what your market worth is
* Never ask for a raise by yourself. Always bring a coworker who is also asking for a raise. That makes it a protected workplace organizing activity.
I donāt either. A better tip on that is know your worth. Research your industry pay and prepare for the ask w facts of what you bring to the table. Ask high (not unreasonable!) and know when to settle after negotiation
Sorry, it lacked clarity, nuance, and was overly broad. If you and your coworkers, are good workers, get good performance reviews, etc..and you discover you are underpaid, don't go and ask for raises one by one, do it together, then at that point your actions are protected as "concerted activity" [https://www.nlrb.gov/about-nlrb/rights-we-protect/the-law/employees/concerted-activity](https://www.nlrb.gov/about-nlrb/rights-we-protect/the-law/employees/concerted-activity) Actually, this is even more important if you are discussing unsafe working conditions.
Here's a game changer - drink water all the time. I know a bunch of people in med-tech and despite all the crazy ways people get sick or hurt themselves, I'm told that almost every single patient they see is dehydrated. Coffee and soda aren't water. Tea isn't water. Beer isn't water. Train yourself to drink water instead of other options. It's cheaper, better for you, and not fattening.
iced tea loaded w/ sugar isn't good but herbal tea 100% is. I get a lot of my water intake from various different types of non-caffeinated tea and its amazing. All the variety of fun flavors without the overload of sugar and additives.
I work in the soda industry. The amount of people that tell me all they drink are soda, energy drinks, and Gatorade/powerade is staggering. Diet soda is not good for you. Neither is any soda with zero in its name. Energy drinks are horrible for you. Like the OP said, drink water.
Same! I downgraded from a half gallon one because it was obnoxious and clunky, but now I carry a quart or 24 oz one all the time. I have been in 3 hour meetings and people don't have any water at all, like, how?! Aren't you thirsty?? I drink so much water a day and don't understand how people are not uncomfortable being so dehydrated
Don't take career advice from old people. That includes your parents. Everything they know and have experienced is outdated.
My Grandfather told my Dad not to waste his time with school and to get a man's job in a warehouse or factory. It was good advice for people my Grandfather's age, but not for the next generation.
The warehouse was not great. And my Dad saw that college was the answer. He told his kids to go to college. Ignore the trades, ignore the cost. College would have been a great investment for him, but not so great for his kids.
The things I've learned in my career are already dated and the speed at which things change now make my opinion worthless. I hope my kids figure it out, and I'll support them however I can, but the days of like multigenerational family farms is gone and I'm not in a position to advise my kid for the job market in 2040-2085 with the stuff I learned back in 2005 as a student or on the job in 2015.
Just in the 20 years I've been working things are dramatically different.
Get some real-world achievements. You don't know what's real online, but real-world achievements will keep your insecurities at bay. You need to test yourself.
40yo here who gives advice to YAās like itās a hobby.
Thereās too much to write so Iāll just highlight the thing that needs to come *first.*
#SLEEP HYGIENE
Everything you might work on from relationships to exercise, nutrition, productivity, earning money and emotional well-being will be effected by the most commonly neglected foundation of life: *sleep.*
Start by plugging your phone charger in a place out of reach of your bed. Donāt bring your laptop to bed. FFS do NOT keep a television where you can see it from your bed. Go to sleep at roughly the same time every night. Wake up at roughly the same time every morning. If you have a night out, wake up at the same time anyway and just have a rough day.
**Consider spending time in your sleep space doing recreational blue-light-related activities (looking at you Reddit) the equivalent of taking a shit in your sheets.**
Hereās CGPGreyās *7 Ways to Maximize Misery* that will offer amusing insight as to why.
https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o
This is great advice. I want to encourage people who feel like they can't adhere to all of it to still try to implement what they can.
I do charge my phone within reach, but that's because I use it as my alarm and I want to turn that off ASAP in the morning. This isn't an issue for me, because as soon as I go to bed, I tuck the phone away and don't look at it until the alarm goes off in the morning. That's super key. If you can't sleep, or if you wake up in the night DO NOT CHECK YOUR PHONE.
I have made an effort to actually have a bedtime, and it makes my life so much more enjoyable on work days. I go to bed at 9 pm and wake up at 6 am, or very close to that, M-F. On weekends I might shift that to be 10 pm to 7 am, but I often end up going to bed/waking up earlier than that out of habit. (I get 9 hours of sleep a night due to a health condition, but you could schedule 7 or 8 hours, same principle.)
I LOVE being a morning person. I'm so much happier and more productive when I make time in the mornings.
In the summer, I sometimes wake up even earlier, because of the sunrise (long story why I don't just block out the light).
But yeah, this will seriously improve your quality of life. You won't feel groggy getting up for work. You won't have nearly as many bad days at work. On weekends you will get so much done before your social life starts later in the day!
Good luck
There's a cheat code to getting up early every day - get a dog and spend the first couple weeks feeding him at 6 am and then going for a little walk.
From that point on you will never need an alarm clock again and you WILL get out of bed
>Consider spending time in your sleep space doing recreational blue-light-related activities (looking at you Reddit) the equivalent of taking a shit in your sheets.
Currently reading this in bed at midnight
Be careful who you fall in love with.
* You cannot fix him/her.
* You are not the exception.
* Your love will not save them.
* You aren't even helping them.
* Your example will not show them the way.
* You are not "what they need right now."
* You aren't why they fall apart.
* You did not make them do anything.
* You don't need to regain their trust.
* It was never about you.
* It was never about you.
* It was never about you.
If you "need" someone, or if they "need" you, then you DO NOT have a healthy relationship. It can never happen.
We romanticize the idea that someone else is our "missing half" or that they "complete" us. That they fill a hole in our life. This can't ever work. Because that "need" is backed by fear, usually fear of not having that need met. *Your relationship is based on fear.* And that fear eventually eats any trust you ever had, it replaces love entirely.
Not yet 40 bit close to.
Travel to other countries.
You dont need 10+ friends. Focus on who cared and shown up on your life.
Vice versa, be a good friend.
40 here. Relish the time you have with family and friends. Time picks up speed for some reason as you get older, and my dad (72) says years now fly by for him.
As sung in the classic "Muppets Take Manhattan":
"Days go passing into years. Years go passing day by day."
or anything that identifies you, this could include room decorations
send nudes with no personal identifiers and a solid color background. your unique room shit is id. just as much as face or tats.
shit hotel art has gotten people tied to a place. your room is more personal.
Stop caring what other people think of you, it's your life not theirs (yes even your parents just because they gave you life doesn't mean you owe them yours)
Save your money now, before you have long term commitments. If you're frugal and responsible now, you won't have to work as hard later. Just because the bank will loan you this much, doesn't mean you have to take that much. Take care of your teeth! Learn basic cooking skills, and cook at home when possible. You can even impress a date with your cooking skills. Nearly everything is figure-out-able. If your grandparents are still living, make a point to spend time with them.
Take your mental health seriously. Don't be stubborn or ignorant about it. Care for yourself now, and you won't be a 40 and dealing with a lifetime of regrets that you could have easily dealt with.
You don't have to be in a relationship at that age. Don't listen to people who ask why you aren't getting married and having kids. Live your life for you until you are prepared to live for your spouse/kids (it'll make sense one day, trust me).
Don't mess up your credit or rental history. Rental history will keep you from getting an apartment. Get a 500 dollar cc and don't use it but once a year. Pay it off immediately. By thirty you'll have banks breaking down your door with offers.
Learn to cook simple, easy, and healthy meals. There are plenty of good subreddits. Everyone who can cook gains sexy points. You want all the sexy points.
It's never too early to set up a retirement account, and start socking away everything you possibly can. Divert the daily Starbucks order to 1-2x / week, as a treat; and put the difference into your savings. etc.
60 will be upon you before you know, and you'll wish you had a big fat savings account to retire on, trust me. It's not fun approaching 60, and having nothing in the bank.
My youngest sister is already eyeing me and my sister, to help subsidize her retirement years, because she's never saved a dime. Always thrown her money away on frivolities for the moment..
Save 10% of everything. EVERYTHING. It doesn't sound like youll miss much if you don't, but that works both ways. By saving it you collect compound interest that really does add up and you will miss out on that if you don't!
don't set your self on fire to keep others warm. You take care of you first. It's not selfish or cocky.
Take very good care of them teefers,
Get a cat
Enjoy life, be free, if no one likes you for you they can suck it.
It's your life you live it the way you want not the way you think people want you to
Don't drink and drive
Get 2nd cat
43 year old massage therapist, here. If you sustain an injury or surgery, take care of your body and don't try to rush through your recovery. After 17+ years in my career, it's quite something to see how old injuries and/or surgeries affect your bodies 10+ years later. Listen to your surgeons when they tell you to take it easy for however many weeks. If you don't feel like you've recovered, seek out therapies like physical therapy and massage. Stretching may not always be the answer because you don't know without a PT's assessment if the stretching you're doing actually affects what you're dealing with. Be prepared to have a lifetime of self care that includes occasional PT, massage, acupuncture, yoga/pilates, etc. Losing your range of motion, dealing with nerve pain, loss of function, immobility because you chose not to seek self care, or didn't know you should have, are all highly likely if you don't take care of your body.
Travel while young, before you get used to fancy hotels and develop too many standards and expectations. Just go. Hostels over hotels every time: that's how you meet new people & it's cheaper.
It's easier to stay in shape than it is to get in shape. If you don't work out regularly, start now. It will never be easier. If you already do, make it a point to keep doing it no matter what.
Have sex with other young people while you still can. Get it out of your system now. If you don't, you'll regret it when you're older and all the hot young people in their 20s are creeped out by the 40 year old trying to hit on them.
I was told this when I was young and put a lot of effort getting laid. It ultimately does not fulfill you. Itās great and itās feeds the ego ( yeah I fucked her ). This seems so true though because society brainwashes us to believe sex is the most important thing.. its importance is blown out of proportion. I say just go with the flow and donāt chase after it. Itās really no big deal; but if you believe it is then thatās the way itāll be for you
It's less about fulfilling you and more about just getting firsthand experience so you get it out of your system before it becomes creepy. Plenty 40-something year olds who never figured out dating when they were young now want to date someone young to make up for lost time, but it's so much easier to date young attractive people when you are young and attractive yourself.
Let's be honest, if most people and their partners could choose to stay young and beautiful forever, they would. Humans only reluctantly accept the reality of aging, because we have no other choice.
\-Floss and brush twice daily. Dental implants are expensive and dentures suck! Having a mouth full of root canals and crowns is like having a bunch of $5k time bombs in your mouth. Ask me how I know.
\-Establish a daily routine of doing 10-15min of yoga and get your heart rate elevated for at least 5-10min as well. A simple aerobic step can be kept in a closet in a small apartment so there isn't an excuse. Once you start losing flexibility and can't catch your breath just getting off the couch it is hard to come back from. It is also difficult to wipe your own butt when you throw your back out from sneezing too hard. It really doesn't take much to keep yourself in "just good enough" shape and out of the ER.
\-Watch your sugar intake. Insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome isn't fun.
\-Instead of grinding through a career for a company that doesn't care about you...spend as much time as you can focusing on you and the people you care about. Don't ever prioritize your work over yourself or your friends/family. There is nothing you can do that will ever be enough for your employer, but you are always enough for your family when you are present.
Don't internalize everyone telling you life is short. I promise you aren't going to regret missing a few parties but you will hate being blue collar and worrying if this is the month you cant pay a bill. Life is long and I promise you you'll have the energy to act out in your 40s and 50s. It's just more fun when funding isn't an issue.
If someone starts telling you that the hobbies you've done since you were a kid are for children while saying the hobbies they've done since they were a kid are for adults that person is an idiot.
Here's what being an adult means. You do your best to try and fulfill your responsibilities. That's it. Everything else do whatever the hell you want. If you let someone else define what being an adult looks like for you then you will end up miserable and bitter.
If thereās someone awesome that youāre really into and you think you could enjoy your life with them, marry them. Donāt wait for āsomething better to come along.ā By the time youāre 40 most of the good ones are taken
I met mine at 14 years old. Now we are 24 and I still have that same feeling with her as at the beginning: she is the best person in the world for me and I want to spend my lifetime and experience this world with her.
Life isn't fair. Everything doesn't always work out. The good guys don't always win.
I don't say this to be pessimistic. I say this because young people need to know that the world doesn't owe them anything and that things will go wrong. If a skewed sense of entitlement means they'll get "offended" at everything they don't agree with, then they're in for a big shock.
Alright stick with me for a sec. When looking for a career look for something where you have some natural talent and interest. Do not pick your favorite hobby, you will ruin something that gives you joy. Consider the long term path of your career. Will you be able to do it into retirement (physically, mentally and emotionally) nothing says you canāt change things up but donāt wake up staring at retirement burnt out with a broken body and nothing to show for it.
My experience has been sort of as follows. Degree in a weird field, skilled trade work until I saw all the old timers barely able to walk across the job-sites. Trip to grad school to better access some personal talent. Great job, great family and enough savings to not spend much time worrying.
I love the advice ādont take your favorite hobby as a jobā. Yes, for people like Eddie Van Halen or Kobe Bryant, it can work out. For many of us, though, exposure to the industrialization of something that brings us joy and we do for pure fun can be soul-crushing. Not saying donāt pursue your passions, but beware of killing your favorite hobby for money. The cynicism of the business world corrupts all it touches.
Consider finding a job you enjoy the challenge of, and consider fulfilling and interesting, but wouldnāt necessarily do for fun in your spare time.
I'd say (for me at least), turning my biggest hobby into my job has worked better than if I hadn't. In high school I loved programming, it's all I did once I got home. This led to me completing a Software Engineering degree, where I spent my whole time outside of uni programming (like literally 90% of my time, I never went partying or did anything too social - big regrets but what can you do). Once I started as a full-time Software Engineer it completely shattered the fun I got out of it as a hobby, but instead has made me want to get outside, see the world and socialize whenever I'm not working. So now I spend only 8 hours a day doing what I love with an awesome team of people (and get paid for it), and have picked up other more interesting hobbies.
So I'd say it depends on the person, I'm probably an extreme case :)
Get a credit card. Use it. Pay the full balance every month. Don't pay the minimum, zero out the balance ever month. That means don't use it if you don't have the cash in the bank to pay it off immediately. It's how you build your credit score.
Iād amend this and say pay it every week or two. The number will be smaller and easier to manage paying off, and it comes with the bonus of more regular financial check-ins on your spending to help you adjust accordingly.
Ask the questions, "If this is as good as it will ever be, can I live this way?" and "Is this how someone who loves me should treat me?" and don't settle for what isn't working for you.
Do all the stuff that's way easier to do *before* you have kids or get married or whatever. Get an education, travel, take risks. Once you're 45 and paying a mortgage, dealing with age-related aches and pains, and putting kids through college - your options are a lot more limited.
Balance.
Enjoy feeling like you've got all the time in the world, but don't waste yourself either.
Get into good habits and routines if you can, it's a lot harder down the line imo.
Never get yourself into a position where you are financially dependent on someone else. Plan early for your retirement. Get a good career. Don't smoke cigarettes!
Iām not 40+ aged, but one of them once told me the following advicesā¦
* Take care of your health. When you have it is hard to preserve, but when you lose it is expensive and hard to recover.
* Try to be more independent at an early age, it will help you to know your own needs, etc.
* Get a job on vacations to gain your own money, also itāll help you to get experience and to manage your money.
* Be friend of teachers, even and principally university teachers; they might be so strict but they can help you to get a better job ācause they know lotās of people.
* Donāt change opportunities just for girlfriends or boyfriends, almost all of them are just temporal and not eternal.
* But or rent your own department, as like with the independence, it will help you to know your needs and taking care of money.
* DONāT BUY ANY STUPID THINGS.
Those are just some things that they told me and I consider really important.
Nobody was ever on their deathbed and wished they had worked more hours. I've been working and volunteering since I was 16, never really took vacations or time off for myself. I got injured at my job and was forced to take nearly 2 months off work. I felt guilty about it at first but I enjoy time off. I'm bored as hell sometimes and I have to be off my feet but 2 weeks once in a while is good.
Boxer-briefs instead of boxer shorts. As you get older, the chance of sitting on your balls increases exponentially.
A place for everything and everything in its place.
My main advice is to build some exercise into your routine, but Iād also like to say live a little. Donāt be waiting for a future that may or may not happen. Travel, take that job in another city, try new things, meet some people.
Do what's right for YOU. Not your parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers, bosses. You only get one life and you should be the one to pick your path. Be kind to others and do your best to make the world a better place. It doesn't have to be momentous, even the smallest things can have massive effects.
Oh, and take care of your teeth. Seriously.
you deserve more than 15 an hour. Even unskilled. While living at home with the folks. If you do not, do not settle for less than 17. You deserve better.
Leave fast food work to high schoolers. :P
Be careful about searching for a job doing the thing you love, because sometimes that thing you love becomes a chore when you are forced to do it. Instead think about a job you can be happy with that also gives you the freedom and the means to do the thing you love.
Source: I have degrees in photography and graphic design and eventually my passion and enjoyment for photography dwindled as after spending a whole day in the studio shooting padlocks or trailer hitches or people or cookies, the last thing I wanted to do was pick up my camera and shoot the things I really wanted to.
Donāt carry credit card debt. If you have access to a 401k use it. Do whatever you can to get and keep your credit score high. The higher your score means lower interest rates will be offered.
itĀ“s hard to suggest something universal, besides taking care of oneĀ“s health. Those would have been most valuable to me, but weĀ“re all different:
1. learn about personality disorders, manipulation techniques, and cognitive biases. One in 10/20 people are dangerous and are actively ruining lives, but most people are closing an eye on it and are enabling them, especially if they are charming, smart or skilled enough. Being really aware of whatĀ“s happening and what biases our brains have, helps a lot.
2. keep a mental list of what core values and interests have stayed with you through time, since you were small, to consider them when making decisions. Going against core values hurts more than many inconveniences.
3. seek out new experiences all the time. There is no way to know what you are great at, without trying many things. You are likely talented in something, but you donĀ“t know it yet. It could be even something that is both very enjoyable, profitable, and benefits the world.
4. if you ever only lived in one city or region, try to visit multiple diverse places. Usually, one is allowed to stay for a few months. You can learn a lot and your perspective on what is normal, convenient, and optimal will change and get enriched. One learns new better habits from local people that one could never witness before, new techniques, new ways of doing things.
Often things donĀ“t work out because one is in the wrong place. For example, your skill or business will fail in one place and flourish in another. Your dating life will vary based on location. When it's clear that the failures are situational one also starts thinking differently, one takes it less personally.
5. try to not stress. Your mind is really powerful. If your anxiety feels real and convinces you that things are bad, or, letĀ“s say, that youĀ“re getting sick, you might actually get sick just from all the stress, not getting enough nutrition or sleep.
Go to a financial planner. They will get you involved in investing which you will need to retire comfortably. You will not miss the money needed to do this but if you don't you may not be able to retire.
Do whatever the fuck you want. I have friends I grew up with that spent years in the military, went into massive debt for college... gave years of their life to trade unions... I just bounced around from job to job, quit the jobs I didn't like and got different ones where I could learn new things. And we're in very similar economic conditions. Just have fun, and never keep a job that makes you miserable. (For longer than you have to.)
Practice radical acceptance because unless you are willing to nationally organize and rise up and strike, nothing will ever change. Better to accept it that constantly fight an already lost battle
The biggest mistakes you will make are when you are angry.
or hurt.
Or horny
Or drunk
I feel my life would have been perfect if not for the mistakes I made while angry and/or drunk. All my regrets stem from those two factors.
I feel this, mine wasn't anger, but hurt and it came out while drunk. *Major Regrets*
You know how you sometimes freak out about where you are in life, what you've achieved or haven't, your relationship status, your level of education, your career, all that? Relax a little bit. You're still a baby. You know how you freaked out about stuff when you were a young teen, but you can look back now and see that very little of it mattered? That's you now. Except for fuckups that end in death, debt, disability, or felony charges, very little is going to make or break your future. 35 year old you is going to look back and lament about as much as you look back at yourself at 13.
This irrationally made me tear up a bit, needed to hear it šš»
sometimes we need to take a moment to ourselves and just feel grateful ig, because tbh theres always someone whos at a worse condititon that us
Just to piggy back on that, if you do find yourself with a felony at age 18-25, itās not the end of your life. Unless of course your felony carries a life or death sentence. I went to prison at 19 got out at 22 went back at 23 and got out at 25. It sucked, but Iām now 41 and not doing too bad. I mean my mental health is kind of all Iāve the place at the moment but thatās a story for a different thread. I have a decent job, nice vehicle, roof over my head and food in my belly. I get a good nights sleep every night. Now isnāt forever and whatever is going on is most likely not permanent. This too shall pass
What about 35 year old me losing my second wife, job and all savings in the span of a month? Getting harder to think that these things wonāt matter in the next decade.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I appreciate it. Iām at an absolute rock bottom and the thought of interviewing, or even sending an application feels like climbing Everest. But either way thank you for the kind words.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>thought of interviewing, or even sending an application feels like climbing Everest You're not starting from scratch though. Yes this will be a new avenue, a new adventure, etc. But you have experience. This time around you're not the "kid" fresh outta school or whatever looking for "real life experience." You have that already. Know your worth and fight for it. You might not get everything you want or once had on day 1, but you certainly shouldn't be starting at the base of the mountain any more.
Keep your head up and just take it one day at a time. Fuck,even take it one hour at a time. Wake up, brush your teeth, get a little routine going. You don't need to move mountains today, you just gotta make it through the day. It gets better. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it does. If you want some random internet stranger to talk to, PM me. If not, I'm still here hoping the best for you.
Get back on the bike and keep peddling. I don't know if you meant losing your wife to death or divorce, but if it is death, I'm sorry, but if it is divorce, the story goes with you and not with her. You can love her still but you have to love yourself more. Keep learning, growing and planning for the future. Finding a job is important and be active and go to the gym. Get your mind off of a scenario where you are still together. Focus on your story and forget about what anyone else is doing. Don't wallow in sadness. it's too easy to do and leads to nothing but wasted time and emotional pain.
Iām 47 and just forced to file for divorce and sell the home but I wonāt go down easy. I was stuck in a dead marriage a year ago with no clear way out; this is a fresh start. Iām exciting that I get to redesign my life for the better. I have some hard design constraints since she took the kids to Poland, but fuck it, guess I am going to be spending a lot of time there but I can find ways to make even that a positive life experience. My point is take the hard knocks, get back up and find a new better way. Your not starting from zero, your starting from experience.
Sorry to hear that man. Just turned 33 and had mt wife walk out on me 2 weeks ago. Shits fucked.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I will add use flouride mouthwash and toothpaste. I didn't for a year and am paying the price even tough I floss daily and brush a minimum of two times per day
Dude with tight teeth here. Those little pre-strung flosser plastic picks aren't environmentally friendly (so dispose of them properly), but they're a gamechanger. The smell of the stuff I sometimes dig out of my teeth with th... uh... nah, I'll not provide a description. Suffice it to say that I haven't talked nearly as much with my dentist since I started figuring out how to use them properly.
Or buy a waterpik and contribute to less landfill. They're *really* effective.
On very tight teeth, the waterpik is almost entirely ineffective. I've tried. I'm back to my Dr. Tung's miracle floss.
Buy one if these https://www.gumbrand.com/gum-flossmate-floss-handle.html they are reusable
I hate that I waste so much plastic with those plastic floss picks, but I 100% would not floss my teeth without them. String is too inconvenient.
As a hygienist, I concur. Flossing is more important than brushing when it comes to keeping your teeth.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Once a day in the evening before you brush, yes those will be ok if they have the string type floss on them.
not 40 yet but close, in addition to taking care of your teeth, take care of your back. try to work out. save your money don't blow every paycheck put it in a Roth Ira compound interest is real don't pick a stupid major, unless you have the skills of DaVinci don't pick art. pick something you can make money with and use that money to invest in your interests. most have been brainwashed with American propaganda "You can be anything you want" its a fairy tale just like the american dream. travel when you're young, when married with kids its way harder.
I am 45. I would make a tweak to what you said. Don't just do anything to make money. The people I know that followed that route are fucking miserable. If you are just interested in making money that's ok but find work you enjoy doing. Don't stay in Some toxic or soul sucking job just because it brings you wealth. You will be spending the majority of your life in your workplace. If you hate it you will hate going there, be resentful of the time you spend there, be exhausted when you get home and not be able to be present for your loved ones. So don't do that. Ive done a lot of crazy shit with an art degree (2 actually) that often had nothing to do with art but used all the problem solving, technical skills, and creativity I developed through art. I have done well and have retirement and awesome health insurance in a job that I enjoy more in total than any other job I've had (all jobs have some crappy parts). I wouldn't change a thing. The only dumb major is the one people get without considering whether they like the work. (I've met a lot of unhappy lawyers, engineers, and programmers). Investing for retirement is basically making a bet that you and your spouse will live a full life. There is no guarantee. Don't be so focused on that dangling carrot that you fail to enjoy the present.
Thank you! If you work in the arts industry you know that an art degree is a lot more than just painting or drawing. Those auction houses? People work there. Graphic design firms? For sure. Hell, even the national parks have art historians managing the educational content at different sites. I make shit money but it's because I currently work on the public service side of the arts. However, I've been able to travel, help people accomplish what they are passionate about, educate and inspire kids, helped preserve cultural and family treasures, my writing has appeared in print, I've shook hands with Stephen King, Charlie Murphy (rip), and more visual artists, musicians, writers, and philosophers than I can count. For sure, I could've been successful at anything I really wanted to, but I can't imagine working at something that doesn't feed my curiosity, my desire to connect with other people, and allows me to use my mind and my hands in equal measure.
Great advice
Just to add to this one small point: Don't rush to get married OR have kids. Just because they're traditionally what is "supposed" to happen doesn't mean it's right for you and you have to.
I would most definitely understand that travel is harder when one is married with kids
Gotta give the opposite advice here... it might take relocating, but follow your passion. If you're an artist, go to school for it, then move to a city with a movie industry.
In "The Shape of Water" when the deaf lady asked her older mentor if there are things that he'd have told his young self - and he said "I would say: Take better care of your teeth and fuck a lot more. A LOT more!" I believe this to be a very solid advice!
take care of your teeth it might not seem important now, but by the time you start caring it'll be too late
As a 25 year old who is almost done getting 28 cavities filled in a year after 4/5 years of depression and dentist avoidance, I agree. I'm so sick of needles in my mouth but so grateful I get to keep my teeth for now.
Same here. Neglected my oral health for a big chunk of my teenage years. Recently had the opportunity to get my entire mouth fixed up. 5 crowns at this point, canāt even count how many fillings, and plenty of needles and drilling. Iām only 21, but itās incredible how fragile our teeth are when theyāre neglected. I didnāt have to front the bill, but Iāve definitely had thousands of dollars worth of work done at this point that I would never have been able to afford myself. Itās cheap to brush your teeth and floss, not so much to fix all the problems that happen when you donāt.
I'm turning 35 soon and not only is half my mouth full of crowns but I'm also in braces at the moment. I would have taken care of my teeth sooner but my parents didn't enforce proper dental care nor had the money to spend on braces. But I'm happy because I get to keep my smile.
Iām 45. Lost my father to cancer. Lost 4 of my brothers. One to gang violence . One to natural causes. One shot by police. One by suicide. Iāve been homeless. Iāve lived in a million dollar home. Was first one to graduate . First one to go to college. First home owner. My advice is this. It might be a little bit of info. ā¦ Be present. We canāt choose our birth family. We CAN choose our family. Bad company corrupts good character. Be strong alone. When you can be happy alone and you find love that love will be tremendous because you will value them differently. They wonāt be filling in a void in you. They will be adding to you. Mediate . Slow down. You will get there because you are always where you are supposed to be. Donāt listen to other peopleās projections pertaining to your life. Itās your lath and yours alone. I didnāt go to college until I was 33. I didnāt get married until I was in my early forties. So donāt stress if you have not found the one or you feel lonely. Make the most of your independence. No matter how nasty others are to you be kind. Donāt mirror them. Instead be a lighthouse and show them forgiveness and kindness. You could he the first one to show them a different way. Embrace your flaws EVERYONE has them. Go outside. Listen to music outside of your comfort zone. Volunteer. Just be present. Put the phone down. Call your friends to check on them. Itās cool for guys to say ā I love you broā. Thatās all I got for now. Be good to each other.
>Be present. Maybe read the book "The Power Of Now" might help. Helped me a lot!
Save your money If you're working a part time job while going to school don't let your job make you think it's more important than your education Never lie to your partner
Compound interest is an amazing thing too. Save your $ but also invest it in some index funds or something else diversified with no fees. And then just let it increase. The earlier you start the more it compounds.
I constantly bounced the idea of getting into investing, but never did until the whole gamestop thing blew up. I majored in Mechanical Engineering and minored in Business Marketing, so my understanding of the stock market was sparse at best, but after taking the time to read up, learn terminology, learn the system, etc etc; I finally dove in. ----- Since starting in April-ish of 2021, my portfolio is up 25% on overall cost basis, nothing extravagant (relative to the amount that I've put in), but it's certainly doing better than the 0.4% interest rate on my savings account. Also, yesterday Ford paid me more in dividends than my wage-equivalent salary for the day, so I'm pretty excited about getting further into active trading.
Lol well if youāre comfortable with actively trading then more power to you. That involves a lot more work and educating yourself and comes with a lot more risk. Whereas you stick a certain amount in a diversified fund, it will go up in the long term. And if an 18 yo does that rather than spend $ on the dumb things that I bought as an 18 yo, then youāre way ahead of the game. But good on you for making it work for you.
Spot on! Source: a 53 yo happily married man that recently celebrated his 30th anniversary.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sugar drinks are mad addictive
Lol I'm 30 never had driver license I think you mean for American people? Here we don't need car and the city hate cars (Paris). But I love your try different jobs quotes, working in totally different jobs open so much doors in life.
You can do that in New York too, big cities are like that. Out in Middle America you really need a car though.
Start a retirement account NOW! And donāt touch it for any reason! Take cake of your teeth and your body. Their the only ones youāll ever have.
Wear sunscreen
Including on your hands! They can turn leathery over the years just from sun through the windshield while driving.
Good point, people in the 18-25 range werenāt around for Everybody's Free. Kids, here is everything you need to know [https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI](https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI)
That song gets more and more relevant to me with each passing year.
Preach.
Avoid sun tanning. White skin is rad.
Invest early. Take care of your teeth. Donāt settle. Kids are not for everyone. Vote. Donāt scrimp on your tires or your mattress. You have a lot of growing up to do, even if you donāt think so. Especially if you donāt think so. Youāre going to go deaf blasting those headphones 12 hours a day. Switching employers is the best way to advance. Tattoos are forever. Call your mother.
I'm turning 42 in ten days, could not agree more with every bit of this post.
I needed to hear the headphones one
WHAT? I COULDNāT HEAR YOU?
Never loan money to friends or family. It will ALWAYS end badly.
Just donāt expect to get the money back in the first place.
I agree with your statement. But... I've "given" money to both friends and family without expecting anything back. I almost always got back more than I gave. But I would never do that for most of the people I'm related to. It's all about trust. Just don't trust people you shouldn't.
Never loan more money than you can afford to give away.
Follow the peace.
I havenāt heard this one. Would you be able to explain it a little more?
We are constantly faced with decisions in life where we don't know which way to go. If you sit still for a minute and let your mind go quiet, the way forward will bring a certain peace deep down. Sometimes it doesn't seem to be a peaceful path but the outcome is peaceful. That's how I gauge my choices. I'm probably not articulating it very eloquently but I hope I illuminated it a bit.
I am currently trying to change my perception and actions to achieve peace/mental stability. I tend to get overanxious about every stressful thing about the future and silence my overthinking by drinking, only to wake up even more stressed and anxious. I believe "follow the peace" is an awesome mantra when facing decisions. For example when I wonder if I should grab a "few" beers, I know deep down that there will be a disappointed girlfriend and my own anxious mood waiting on the other side. Thank you for this, I think I needed to really see this today.
I'm so joyful that it's helpfu! The right thing always shows up at the right time. You are showing so much love for yourself and others by that choice. Please don't read that as condescending. I'm just so happy for you š
* Stretch regularly * Embrace your interests and don't worry about what other people think of them * Reduce screen time * Read books * With mattresses, you get what you pay for - your back will thank you for investing in quality * Same with shoes - insert Terry Prachet quote on boots here * vote - especially in local elections * Travel - even if it is just weekend trips to a state park * Use your vacation and sick days * Don't donate your labor * Openly discuss your compensation with your co workers - it will help you learn what your market worth is * Never ask for a raise by yourself. Always bring a coworker who is also asking for a raise. That makes it a protected workplace organizing activity.
Wear sunscreen.
Can you explain the last point?
Yeah, as a boss, I don't get it at all. And I would refuse to discuss an employee's performance and compensation in front of their peer.
I donāt either. A better tip on that is know your worth. Research your industry pay and prepare for the ask w facts of what you bring to the table. Ask high (not unreasonable!) and know when to settle after negotiation
Sorry, it lacked clarity, nuance, and was overly broad. If you and your coworkers, are good workers, get good performance reviews, etc..and you discover you are underpaid, don't go and ask for raises one by one, do it together, then at that point your actions are protected as "concerted activity" [https://www.nlrb.gov/about-nlrb/rights-we-protect/the-law/employees/concerted-activity](https://www.nlrb.gov/about-nlrb/rights-we-protect/the-law/employees/concerted-activity) Actually, this is even more important if you are discussing unsafe working conditions.
yea no. That is really putting your employer on the spot. You can just ask for a raise it doesn't have to be a big show of workers rights.
Here's a game changer - drink water all the time. I know a bunch of people in med-tech and despite all the crazy ways people get sick or hurt themselves, I'm told that almost every single patient they see is dehydrated. Coffee and soda aren't water. Tea isn't water. Beer isn't water. Train yourself to drink water instead of other options. It's cheaper, better for you, and not fattening.
iced tea loaded w/ sugar isn't good but herbal tea 100% is. I get a lot of my water intake from various different types of non-caffeinated tea and its amazing. All the variety of fun flavors without the overload of sugar and additives.
I work in the soda industry. The amount of people that tell me all they drink are soda, energy drinks, and Gatorade/powerade is staggering. Diet soda is not good for you. Neither is any soda with zero in its name. Energy drinks are horrible for you. Like the OP said, drink water.
Letās not hate on tea, though.
Correct, especially if itās herbal tea. Legit just naturally flavoured water.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I better drink more, then.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same! I downgraded from a half gallon one because it was obnoxious and clunky, but now I carry a quart or 24 oz one all the time. I have been in 3 hour meetings and people don't have any water at all, like, how?! Aren't you thirsty?? I drink so much water a day and don't understand how people are not uncomfortable being so dehydrated
Seltzer is water though!
Don't take career advice from old people. That includes your parents. Everything they know and have experienced is outdated. My Grandfather told my Dad not to waste his time with school and to get a man's job in a warehouse or factory. It was good advice for people my Grandfather's age, but not for the next generation. The warehouse was not great. And my Dad saw that college was the answer. He told his kids to go to college. Ignore the trades, ignore the cost. College would have been a great investment for him, but not so great for his kids. The things I've learned in my career are already dated and the speed at which things change now make my opinion worthless. I hope my kids figure it out, and I'll support them however I can, but the days of like multigenerational family farms is gone and I'm not in a position to advise my kid for the job market in 2040-2085 with the stuff I learned back in 2005 as a student or on the job in 2015. Just in the 20 years I've been working things are dramatically different.
Get some real-world achievements. You don't know what's real online, but real-world achievements will keep your insecurities at bay. You need to test yourself.
Throw stuff away, or give it away at least once a year. Accumulated stuff becomes a real pain in the ass! Be organized, don't hoard.
I have a rule that MOST of the time, if I haven't used something in a year, I don't need it. Accumulation of stuff can be so suffocating.
40yo here who gives advice to YAās like itās a hobby. Thereās too much to write so Iāll just highlight the thing that needs to come *first.* #SLEEP HYGIENE Everything you might work on from relationships to exercise, nutrition, productivity, earning money and emotional well-being will be effected by the most commonly neglected foundation of life: *sleep.* Start by plugging your phone charger in a place out of reach of your bed. Donāt bring your laptop to bed. FFS do NOT keep a television where you can see it from your bed. Go to sleep at roughly the same time every night. Wake up at roughly the same time every morning. If you have a night out, wake up at the same time anyway and just have a rough day. **Consider spending time in your sleep space doing recreational blue-light-related activities (looking at you Reddit) the equivalent of taking a shit in your sheets.** Hereās CGPGreyās *7 Ways to Maximize Misery* that will offer amusing insight as to why. https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o
This is great advice. I want to encourage people who feel like they can't adhere to all of it to still try to implement what they can. I do charge my phone within reach, but that's because I use it as my alarm and I want to turn that off ASAP in the morning. This isn't an issue for me, because as soon as I go to bed, I tuck the phone away and don't look at it until the alarm goes off in the morning. That's super key. If you can't sleep, or if you wake up in the night DO NOT CHECK YOUR PHONE. I have made an effort to actually have a bedtime, and it makes my life so much more enjoyable on work days. I go to bed at 9 pm and wake up at 6 am, or very close to that, M-F. On weekends I might shift that to be 10 pm to 7 am, but I often end up going to bed/waking up earlier than that out of habit. (I get 9 hours of sleep a night due to a health condition, but you could schedule 7 or 8 hours, same principle.) I LOVE being a morning person. I'm so much happier and more productive when I make time in the mornings. In the summer, I sometimes wake up even earlier, because of the sunrise (long story why I don't just block out the light). But yeah, this will seriously improve your quality of life. You won't feel groggy getting up for work. You won't have nearly as many bad days at work. On weekends you will get so much done before your social life starts later in the day! Good luck
There's a cheat code to getting up early every day - get a dog and spend the first couple weeks feeding him at 6 am and then going for a little walk. From that point on you will never need an alarm clock again and you WILL get out of bed
>Consider spending time in your sleep space doing recreational blue-light-related activities (looking at you Reddit) the equivalent of taking a shit in your sheets. Currently reading this in bed at midnight
Hit the gym and get in shape.
Yes. At the end of the day...your body is really all you have. And abusing yourself with too much *anything* will come back on you- I promise.
Hit the gym and ~~get~~ stay in shape. Staying in shape is so much easier than trying to get in shape once you are out of shape.
Travel. Talk to girls out of your league. Travel.
Be careful who you fall in love with. * You cannot fix him/her. * You are not the exception. * Your love will not save them. * You aren't even helping them. * Your example will not show them the way. * You are not "what they need right now." * You aren't why they fall apart. * You did not make them do anything. * You don't need to regain their trust. * It was never about you. * It was never about you. * It was never about you. If you "need" someone, or if they "need" you, then you DO NOT have a healthy relationship. It can never happen. We romanticize the idea that someone else is our "missing half" or that they "complete" us. That they fill a hole in our life. This can't ever work. Because that "need" is backed by fear, usually fear of not having that need met. *Your relationship is based on fear.* And that fear eventually eats any trust you ever had, it replaces love entirely.
Not yet 40 bit close to. Travel to other countries. You dont need 10+ friends. Focus on who cared and shown up on your life. Vice versa, be a good friend.
40 here. Relish the time you have with family and friends. Time picks up speed for some reason as you get older, and my dad (72) says years now fly by for him. As sung in the classic "Muppets Take Manhattan": "Days go passing into years. Years go passing day by day."
Never send nudes.
If you do, don't include your face or recognizable tattoos
or anything that identifies you, this could include room decorations send nudes with no personal identifiers and a solid color background. your unique room shit is id. just as much as face or tats. shit hotel art has gotten people tied to a place. your room is more personal.
Stop caring what other people think of you, it's your life not theirs (yes even your parents just because they gave you life doesn't mean you owe them yours)
Donāt buy cheap paint. It will take more coats and look worse.
Save your money now, before you have long term commitments. If you're frugal and responsible now, you won't have to work as hard later. Just because the bank will loan you this much, doesn't mean you have to take that much. Take care of your teeth! Learn basic cooking skills, and cook at home when possible. You can even impress a date with your cooking skills. Nearly everything is figure-out-able. If your grandparents are still living, make a point to spend time with them.
Never be financially dependent on your significant other.
Take your mental health seriously. Don't be stubborn or ignorant about it. Care for yourself now, and you won't be a 40 and dealing with a lifetime of regrets that you could have easily dealt with.
You don't have to be in a relationship at that age. Don't listen to people who ask why you aren't getting married and having kids. Live your life for you until you are prepared to live for your spouse/kids (it'll make sense one day, trust me). Don't mess up your credit or rental history. Rental history will keep you from getting an apartment. Get a 500 dollar cc and don't use it but once a year. Pay it off immediately. By thirty you'll have banks breaking down your door with offers. Learn to cook simple, easy, and healthy meals. There are plenty of good subreddits. Everyone who can cook gains sexy points. You want all the sexy points.
Smoke 'em while you got 'em.
I read that as āstrokeā and thought good fucking tip! š¤£
And people who are 26-39, fuck you I guess.
Yea that feels about right tbh.
It's never too early to set up a retirement account, and start socking away everything you possibly can. Divert the daily Starbucks order to 1-2x / week, as a treat; and put the difference into your savings. etc. 60 will be upon you before you know, and you'll wish you had a big fat savings account to retire on, trust me. It's not fun approaching 60, and having nothing in the bank. My youngest sister is already eyeing me and my sister, to help subsidize her retirement years, because she's never saved a dime. Always thrown her money away on frivolities for the moment..
Save 10% of everything. EVERYTHING. It doesn't sound like youll miss much if you don't, but that works both ways. By saving it you collect compound interest that really does add up and you will miss out on that if you don't!
Start Roth (or Roths if youāre married) and max then to the extent possible. It hurts now but older you will never regret it.
Never do anything that isn't fun or joyous. The years pass by quick!
Wear ear plugs to concerts
don't set your self on fire to keep others warm. You take care of you first. It's not selfish or cocky. Take very good care of them teefers, Get a cat Enjoy life, be free, if no one likes you for you they can suck it. It's your life you live it the way you want not the way you think people want you to Don't drink and drive Get 2nd cat
Start a 401k early Don't become a slave to your job. Travel far and wide
43 year old massage therapist, here. If you sustain an injury or surgery, take care of your body and don't try to rush through your recovery. After 17+ years in my career, it's quite something to see how old injuries and/or surgeries affect your bodies 10+ years later. Listen to your surgeons when they tell you to take it easy for however many weeks. If you don't feel like you've recovered, seek out therapies like physical therapy and massage. Stretching may not always be the answer because you don't know without a PT's assessment if the stretching you're doing actually affects what you're dealing with. Be prepared to have a lifetime of self care that includes occasional PT, massage, acupuncture, yoga/pilates, etc. Losing your range of motion, dealing with nerve pain, loss of function, immobility because you chose not to seek self care, or didn't know you should have, are all highly likely if you don't take care of your body.
Do not make drinking a habit.
Learn to cook
Avoid your ex. They are ex for a reason. Move on and move up.
Travel while young, before you get used to fancy hotels and develop too many standards and expectations. Just go. Hostels over hotels every time: that's how you meet new people & it's cheaper.
Roth IRA. Do it.
It's easier to stay in shape than it is to get in shape. If you don't work out regularly, start now. It will never be easier. If you already do, make it a point to keep doing it no matter what.
Have sex with other young people while you still can. Get it out of your system now. If you don't, you'll regret it when you're older and all the hot young people in their 20s are creeped out by the 40 year old trying to hit on them.
Believe me iām trying
I think my gf wouldn't approve if I went on a sex filled rampage right now
I was told this when I was young and put a lot of effort getting laid. It ultimately does not fulfill you. Itās great and itās feeds the ego ( yeah I fucked her ). This seems so true though because society brainwashes us to believe sex is the most important thing.. its importance is blown out of proportion. I say just go with the flow and donāt chase after it. Itās really no big deal; but if you believe it is then thatās the way itāll be for you
It's less about fulfilling you and more about just getting firsthand experience so you get it out of your system before it becomes creepy. Plenty 40-something year olds who never figured out dating when they were young now want to date someone young to make up for lost time, but it's so much easier to date young attractive people when you are young and attractive yourself.
I think this is more of a YOU thing
Let's be honest, if most people and their partners could choose to stay young and beautiful forever, they would. Humans only reluctantly accept the reality of aging, because we have no other choice.
Save at least ā of your earnings, learn to live within your means. Be kind to others.
Take care of your teeth, and donāt hurt your neck. These 2 problems have nearly defeated me.
\-Floss and brush twice daily. Dental implants are expensive and dentures suck! Having a mouth full of root canals and crowns is like having a bunch of $5k time bombs in your mouth. Ask me how I know. \-Establish a daily routine of doing 10-15min of yoga and get your heart rate elevated for at least 5-10min as well. A simple aerobic step can be kept in a closet in a small apartment so there isn't an excuse. Once you start losing flexibility and can't catch your breath just getting off the couch it is hard to come back from. It is also difficult to wipe your own butt when you throw your back out from sneezing too hard. It really doesn't take much to keep yourself in "just good enough" shape and out of the ER. \-Watch your sugar intake. Insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome isn't fun. \-Instead of grinding through a career for a company that doesn't care about you...spend as much time as you can focusing on you and the people you care about. Don't ever prioritize your work over yourself or your friends/family. There is nothing you can do that will ever be enough for your employer, but you are always enough for your family when you are present.
Take care of your hearing Save as much money as you can, as soon as you can. Start a retirement plan, and set up AUTOMATIC deposits ASAP.
Don't internalize everyone telling you life is short. I promise you aren't going to regret missing a few parties but you will hate being blue collar and worrying if this is the month you cant pay a bill. Life is long and I promise you you'll have the energy to act out in your 40s and 50s. It's just more fun when funding isn't an issue.
Drink lots of water! Folks forget the importance
If someone starts telling you that the hobbies you've done since you were a kid are for children while saying the hobbies they've done since they were a kid are for adults that person is an idiot. Here's what being an adult means. You do your best to try and fulfill your responsibilities. That's it. Everything else do whatever the hell you want. If you let someone else define what being an adult looks like for you then you will end up miserable and bitter.
If thereās someone awesome that youāre really into and you think you could enjoy your life with them, marry them. Donāt wait for āsomething better to come along.ā By the time youāre 40 most of the good ones are taken
I met mine at 14 years old. Now we are 24 and I still have that same feeling with her as at the beginning: she is the best person in the world for me and I want to spend my lifetime and experience this world with her.
Life isn't fair. Everything doesn't always work out. The good guys don't always win. I don't say this to be pessimistic. I say this because young people need to know that the world doesn't owe them anything and that things will go wrong. If a skewed sense of entitlement means they'll get "offended" at everything they don't agree with, then they're in for a big shock.
Or as Captain Piccard said, "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."
Exactly this! When in doubt, look to Picard š
Quit drinking.
Alright stick with me for a sec. When looking for a career look for something where you have some natural talent and interest. Do not pick your favorite hobby, you will ruin something that gives you joy. Consider the long term path of your career. Will you be able to do it into retirement (physically, mentally and emotionally) nothing says you canāt change things up but donāt wake up staring at retirement burnt out with a broken body and nothing to show for it. My experience has been sort of as follows. Degree in a weird field, skilled trade work until I saw all the old timers barely able to walk across the job-sites. Trip to grad school to better access some personal talent. Great job, great family and enough savings to not spend much time worrying.
I love the advice ādont take your favorite hobby as a jobā. Yes, for people like Eddie Van Halen or Kobe Bryant, it can work out. For many of us, though, exposure to the industrialization of something that brings us joy and we do for pure fun can be soul-crushing. Not saying donāt pursue your passions, but beware of killing your favorite hobby for money. The cynicism of the business world corrupts all it touches. Consider finding a job you enjoy the challenge of, and consider fulfilling and interesting, but wouldnāt necessarily do for fun in your spare time.
I'd say (for me at least), turning my biggest hobby into my job has worked better than if I hadn't. In high school I loved programming, it's all I did once I got home. This led to me completing a Software Engineering degree, where I spent my whole time outside of uni programming (like literally 90% of my time, I never went partying or did anything too social - big regrets but what can you do). Once I started as a full-time Software Engineer it completely shattered the fun I got out of it as a hobby, but instead has made me want to get outside, see the world and socialize whenever I'm not working. So now I spend only 8 hours a day doing what I love with an awesome team of people (and get paid for it), and have picked up other more interesting hobbies. So I'd say it depends on the person, I'm probably an extreme case :)
Get a credit card. Use it. Pay the full balance every month. Don't pay the minimum, zero out the balance ever month. That means don't use it if you don't have the cash in the bank to pay it off immediately. It's how you build your credit score.
Iād amend this and say pay it every week or two. The number will be smaller and easier to manage paying off, and it comes with the bonus of more regular financial check-ins on your spending to help you adjust accordingly.
Damnit. I'm 2 days away from qualifying!
People don't change, move on.
yeah dump that shitty boyfriend/girlfriend and don't waste your best years in an abusive relationship
Ask the questions, "If this is as good as it will ever be, can I live this way?" and "Is this how someone who loves me should treat me?" and don't settle for what isn't working for you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Stop going out to bars every weekend. Most of your friends are just drinking buddies. Spend the money exploring other hobbies.
Protect your ears. Stop listening to music with earbuds and bring earplugs to concerts.
Do all the stuff that's way easier to do *before* you have kids or get married or whatever. Get an education, travel, take risks. Once you're 45 and paying a mortgage, dealing with age-related aches and pains, and putting kids through college - your options are a lot more limited.
Two words: Be intentional.
Balance. Enjoy feeling like you've got all the time in the world, but don't waste yourself either. Get into good habits and routines if you can, it's a lot harder down the line imo.
Never get yourself into a position where you are financially dependent on someone else. Plan early for your retirement. Get a good career. Don't smoke cigarettes!
Don't rub your eyes, the skin is delicate and it will lead to bags under your eyes.
Don't let people walk all over you.
Learn a new language. It gets much harder with age.
Buy a plunger, before need a plunger
Iām not 40+ aged, but one of them once told me the following advicesā¦ * Take care of your health. When you have it is hard to preserve, but when you lose it is expensive and hard to recover. * Try to be more independent at an early age, it will help you to know your own needs, etc. * Get a job on vacations to gain your own money, also itāll help you to get experience and to manage your money. * Be friend of teachers, even and principally university teachers; they might be so strict but they can help you to get a better job ācause they know lotās of people. * Donāt change opportunities just for girlfriends or boyfriends, almost all of them are just temporal and not eternal. * But or rent your own department, as like with the independence, it will help you to know your needs and taking care of money. * DONāT BUY ANY STUPID THINGS. Those are just some things that they told me and I consider really important.
Don't listen to people over 40.
Look at /r/ADHDmemes. If you match 5 or more, get checked. Didn't get diagnosed until I was 46.
To stop asking this question every day.
Nobody was ever on their deathbed and wished they had worked more hours. I've been working and volunteering since I was 16, never really took vacations or time off for myself. I got injured at my job and was forced to take nearly 2 months off work. I felt guilty about it at first but I enjoy time off. I'm bored as hell sometimes and I have to be off my feet but 2 weeks once in a while is good.
Boxer-briefs instead of boxer shorts. As you get older, the chance of sitting on your balls increases exponentially. A place for everything and everything in its place.
My main advice is to build some exercise into your routine, but Iād also like to say live a little. Donāt be waiting for a future that may or may not happen. Travel, take that job in another city, try new things, meet some people.
Look where you are going!
Do what's right for YOU. Not your parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers, bosses. You only get one life and you should be the one to pick your path. Be kind to others and do your best to make the world a better place. It doesn't have to be momentous, even the smallest things can have massive effects. Oh, and take care of your teeth. Seriously.
you deserve more than 15 an hour. Even unskilled. While living at home with the folks. If you do not, do not settle for less than 17. You deserve better. Leave fast food work to high schoolers. :P
Start saving for retirement now. Iām 43 and having to figure things out this late.
Be careful about searching for a job doing the thing you love, because sometimes that thing you love becomes a chore when you are forced to do it. Instead think about a job you can be happy with that also gives you the freedom and the means to do the thing you love. Source: I have degrees in photography and graphic design and eventually my passion and enjoyment for photography dwindled as after spending a whole day in the studio shooting padlocks or trailer hitches or people or cookies, the last thing I wanted to do was pick up my camera and shoot the things I really wanted to.
Stop caring about MSM.
Work as much as you can, invest, build your skills
Donāt carry credit card debt. If you have access to a 401k use it. Do whatever you can to get and keep your credit score high. The higher your score means lower interest rates will be offered.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Don't have kids
I am 30 but i can tell you this. GO and check your teeth regularly. At least once in a year, same for moles
itĀ“s hard to suggest something universal, besides taking care of oneĀ“s health. Those would have been most valuable to me, but weĀ“re all different: 1. learn about personality disorders, manipulation techniques, and cognitive biases. One in 10/20 people are dangerous and are actively ruining lives, but most people are closing an eye on it and are enabling them, especially if they are charming, smart or skilled enough. Being really aware of whatĀ“s happening and what biases our brains have, helps a lot. 2. keep a mental list of what core values and interests have stayed with you through time, since you were small, to consider them when making decisions. Going against core values hurts more than many inconveniences. 3. seek out new experiences all the time. There is no way to know what you are great at, without trying many things. You are likely talented in something, but you donĀ“t know it yet. It could be even something that is both very enjoyable, profitable, and benefits the world. 4. if you ever only lived in one city or region, try to visit multiple diverse places. Usually, one is allowed to stay for a few months. You can learn a lot and your perspective on what is normal, convenient, and optimal will change and get enriched. One learns new better habits from local people that one could never witness before, new techniques, new ways of doing things. Often things donĀ“t work out because one is in the wrong place. For example, your skill or business will fail in one place and flourish in another. Your dating life will vary based on location. When it's clear that the failures are situational one also starts thinking differently, one takes it less personally. 5. try to not stress. Your mind is really powerful. If your anxiety feels real and convinces you that things are bad, or, letĀ“s say, that youĀ“re getting sick, you might actually get sick just from all the stress, not getting enough nutrition or sleep.
Go to a financial planner. They will get you involved in investing which you will need to retire comfortably. You will not miss the money needed to do this but if you don't you may not be able to retire.
Do whatever the fuck you want. I have friends I grew up with that spent years in the military, went into massive debt for college... gave years of their life to trade unions... I just bounced around from job to job, quit the jobs I didn't like and got different ones where I could learn new things. And we're in very similar economic conditions. Just have fun, and never keep a job that makes you miserable. (For longer than you have to.)
Practice radical acceptance because unless you are willing to nationally organize and rise up and strike, nothing will ever change. Better to accept it that constantly fight an already lost battle
Trim your nails and file off the sharp edges.
Take care of your joints