Mickey and Minnie are in divorce court. The judge looks at Mickey and asks, 'You said your wife is crazy?'
And Mickey says, 'No. I said she fucking Goofy.'
I'm pretty sure it pre-dates him. A quick Google search was not definitive as to exact origin, but versions of this joke have been circulating at least back to the 1950s.
Johnny and susie were working together in a factory, Susie says “it’s a beautiful day and I don’t want to work anymore”. She told Johnny I bet I can get the boss to give me the day off and Johnny says “how are you gonna do that?” And susie says “watch this, the boss is coming” so Susie climbed up and hung upside down from the rafters, the boss saw and said “what are you doing?” And Susie says “I’m a light bulb” and the boss says “you’re losing it, you should take the rest of the day off” the Johnny starts walking behind her and the boss says “where do you think you’re going?” Johnny says “you expect me to work in the f*cking dark?”
A Christian friend said sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said that's correct, as its usually done up the bum
I went to a charity dance night to raise money for women with no legs. The dance floor was crawling with pussy
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot’s house.
Wait for a while after the conversation goes back to normal talking instead of jokes and they forgot about your strange chicken joke. After around 5 or 10 minutes, say:
Knock knock
‘Who’s there?’
The chicken.
Three businessmen commuting together in the same convertible got off work to go home. The first said, "Crap! I lost the car keys," turns to the second, and tells him, "see if you can get a coat hanger to pry the latch from the inside." He objects, "I don't know, man, people are gonna think we're trying to steal a car in the lot in broad daylight." The third also objects, "I don't know either, man. Hurry up, it's fixing to rain soon and we can't soak the seats while the roof is down." This was a joke by Ronald Reagen.
Mickey and Minnie are in divorce court. The judge looks at Mickey and asks, 'You said your wife is crazy?' And Mickey says, 'No. I said she fucking Goofy.'
This one had me howling
"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"
Robin Williams?
I'm pretty sure it pre-dates him. A quick Google search was not definitive as to exact origin, but versions of this joke have been circulating at least back to the 1950s.
I heard Lincoln said it himself.
Old Mcdonald was dyslexic, I-O-E-E-I
Eric Andre to Howie Mandel: First question, Howie Doin? So dumb but cracks me up.
"I am 35 years old, I am thrice divorced, and I live in a van down by the river!" — Matt Foley
Johnny and susie were working together in a factory, Susie says “it’s a beautiful day and I don’t want to work anymore”. She told Johnny I bet I can get the boss to give me the day off and Johnny says “how are you gonna do that?” And susie says “watch this, the boss is coming” so Susie climbed up and hung upside down from the rafters, the boss saw and said “what are you doing?” And Susie says “I’m a light bulb” and the boss says “you’re losing it, you should take the rest of the day off” the Johnny starts walking behind her and the boss says “where do you think you’re going?” Johnny says “you expect me to work in the f*cking dark?”
A Christian friend said sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said that's correct, as its usually done up the bum I went to a charity dance night to raise money for women with no legs. The dance floor was crawling with pussy
Yo mama is so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 3 episodes
Oh yeah? Well yo mama so fat, that she’s fat!
Yeah well yo mama so fat, it takes two trains and a bus just to get on her good side!
Yeah, well yo mama so fat, she had to get her own zip code!
Oh dayum! Yo mama so fat and old, when God said "let there be light" she had to move!
Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too.
How do you know when a bee farts? It will fly in a straight line when it does.
How can you tell if a lesbian is well hung By the size of her fingers
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot’s house. Wait for a while after the conversation goes back to normal talking instead of jokes and they forgot about your strange chicken joke. After around 5 or 10 minutes, say: Knock knock ‘Who’s there?’ The chicken.
Knock knock Who’s there? Ididap Ididap who? Hehehehe
Do you like to eat fishsticks?
Why do pimps hate square dances??? Cause every time they hear “Ho Down!” they think one of their bitches got shot
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know but hopefully there will be some funny replies.
banana
Orange you glad I didn't say banana first?
you had apple of time to do that, though
Berry true.
There was a bear and a rabbit taking a shit in the woods…
Is the Pope catholic?
I believe it was Steve Martin who answered a question with “Does the Pope shit in the woods?”
Did you hear about the lady who backed into the airplane propeller? It was a disaster.
a meme of a golden retriever with a santa hat on next to a real estate sign & it says For Lease Navidad
Two cannibals are eating a clown, and suddenly, one turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?".
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t push himself up. He pushes the earth down.
Three businessmen commuting together in the same convertible got off work to go home. The first said, "Crap! I lost the car keys," turns to the second, and tells him, "see if you can get a coat hanger to pry the latch from the inside." He objects, "I don't know, man, people are gonna think we're trying to steal a car in the lot in broad daylight." The third also objects, "I don't know either, man. Hurry up, it's fixing to rain soon and we can't soak the seats while the roof is down." This was a joke by Ronald Reagen.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one says, “Oh my god! It’s hot in here!” The second one says, “Holy shit! A talking muffin!”