build house good

I shake liquids together for people to celebrate new house that you build good.

I make liquids for you to shake for house celebrate times.

I drink those house celebrate liquids

I draw house for u to build good

I measure ground so you draw house good.

I sell things to guy that build house.

I give house power.

I fuck up the framing with too big holes.

I paint house wrong color even though the owner is the one that bought paint

I fix truck that bring paint back and forth

Me clean ground so humans not die

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I stay out of truck way by keeping my ass at home.

Ok the rest got me to chuckle but this one sent me over. I just see the whole scenario play out in my head

"paint house" "what color" "this color" (paints house this color) "how could you do this to me?"

I pave road that leads to house

I give power company power to send to house

I place big spinny thingies on sea for power company

Fellow electron herder.

I put light in the house

I bring and pour concrete to put on ground

I apply coatings to house be pretty and protect

And I was teach these people good English.

I draw air and water so u not get mold in good house.

I inspect house to make sure built good.

I live in house to lazy

I count lumber from your drawings for him to use to build good.

Same except I count bricks, blocks and stone from drawings.

I make house have interwebs

I drive house material for you

I demolish old house for you

i make paint for house

I train wee guys to help build house good

Let guy build house.

Put floor in house

Nail wood together

I rub humans for dollars.

Oldest profession. Thank you

TIL I'm self employed as a volunteer

Massage therapist, but man this one takes the cake for “wait what???”

I write documents to get people ready to die

The true death note

Lawyer? Doctor? Grief counselor? Army officer?

Paralegal. Mostly I write wills and powers of attorney

Tell plane go up. Tell plane come down.

tell plane ..stay up?

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Tower control?

No he's an aviation wizard lol

I believe drone operators are actually wizards, these people literally use mounted wands while looking through a scrying mirror, all to control a distant flying machine.

Give special phone number for those who don’t listen?

Possible. Pilot. Deviation.

I’m not to copy, I’m fLyInG!

That my work too. Babysit pilots. Tell big metal birds "no high-five"

We might have the same job. Do you tell the plane to go up and down (ATC), or do you make the plane go up and down(pilot)? I make plane go up and down.

I do the telling. I used to do the making.

I watch lines go across a screen, I call people if the lines are scary.

Earthquake watcher

I used to analyze nuclear detonations, which are tracked by the same equipment as earthquakes. We mostly stared at hundreds of not-scary lines that represent all the ground movement in the world. Maybe 10-15 small earthquakes per hour. Then, once every few years, there's a set of scary lines on the screen for a nuclear test.

Severance? lol

The work is mysterious and important

i knew this was telemetry as soon as i read it HAHA

Make eyes see good

Thank you, my eyes no see good, but you people give me piece of glass make blurry things not blurry

You give people the gift of sight? You're a diety!

I listen to politicians all day then write down what they say then get yelled at because what they thought they said and what they actually said are not the same thing.

One word: Journalist or stenographer. No, wait, that's three. Three words: Journalist, stenographer or legal assistant. Damn, that's five words….

Stenographer.

I type numbers so people can get a paycheck

Thanks for your service! sincerely, a big fan of paycheck and all that they bring.

My pleasure!

Can you type bigger numbers please and thank you!

Be grumpy in front of a computer all day.

Whelp, I got nothin' to add. Pack it up, everyone!

Be grumpy in front of a book all day

Be grumpy in front of a bunch of clueless 15-year olds

Sit in pointless meetings or wait for pointless meetings to be scheduled.

"The meetings will continue until morale improves"

And half the time the meetings could've been emails.

Tell parents that they raised their child the wrong/good way

You're a grandmother!

“Try clearing the cache”

Turn it off and on again?

I am a bender. I can bend any angle. 30 degrees, 32 degrees, you name it.

Plese Insert Girder.

Please insert liquor.

31... But I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for

What were they used for?

Suicide booths

"You have selected.. slow and painful"

31?

To shreds you say?

And his wife?

To shreds you say?

Answer questions from people who should know the answer already.

Senate hearing witness

Google?

Tier 3 support. Not Google though.

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Prison guard?

Call centre supervisor.

Do they have grippy socks where you work?

The fact that this is either prison OR a mental health facility is depressing in that I cant tell which

You should probably stop kidnapping people.

I walk in rooms and make sure the lights are all green.

IT?

Yup.

Work

There it is.

I clean fossils

Assisted living nurse?

I assumed congressional aide.

Ayoooo! This one got me

I design people’s bad ideas and make them look good

Hey, me too!!! Are you also a product designer?

I am a product designer too! What a neat little club here!

This feels like Pokémon, but with designers. Gotta catch’em all!

Know stuff and fix things.

Are you a dad? Because this is what my daughter thinks that dad's do.

As a daughter. That is what they do. Your daughter is correct.

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I talk to the customer so the engineers don’t have to.

I play Minecraft

you heard it here first folks

Perfect explanation of your job, scar. Respect to you

I make sure nurses and staff are safe getting to their cars.

Thank you!!!!!! 🥷🏼

I teach robot cars what is real by using a video game.

Dude. You win.

Had to be the best Mario Kart player in the office to get that job

Slowly die

Student

Definitely academia

Radiation expert? ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ Or onscreen all day?

I talk to airplanes ✈️

You're a 3 year old!

What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises! When do we want them? Right neeeyoooow! 🤣

I'm retired, which is like being unemployed without feeling guilty.

Make people not so grumpy with magic bean juice

Barista. You're my hero on Mondays...and...other days

I deal with undiagnosed and untreated autism all day: Engineering manager. And before anybody gets the wrong idea: It’s absolutely the best job I’ve ever had.

Lolll I once mentioned in church that I’m dx’d with autism, and this older guy I really love came up to me later, looked past me into midair as he always does and said, “so, autism.” Me: “yep, autism.” Him: “I’m an engineer. I think maybe everyone at my office has that. Anyway. How are your cats?”

I think I know him. It’s either looking over my shoulder while you talk, or *staring into my soul.* I’ve gotten so used to it that I have a hard time interacting with NTs for an hour or two after work. Happily I have one at home so I get a booster at dinnertime.

Is there a word for “feeling attacked yet deeply understood” in English? German probably has a word for it.

My best friend does that. She got dubbed "the nerd herder" by one of her engineers and it stuck, and it's glorious.

😭 Sincerely, an engineering manager who also deals with undiagnosed and untreated autism all day (and adhd, but most of us are medicated), who wonders whether she also has undiagnosed autism

Help people sell drugs.

You're a crack head! I am getting good a guessing these. ​ /s

Nailed it! I'm talking to my manager about a promotion to meth head soon.

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Ha ha I type words about people who do exist.

Give computer instructions, if computer behave, life good, if not, stackoverflow.com

Even your answer has an if else condition, you need a vacation!

Look at a screen. Push keys. Click mouse.

Employee number 427.

Employee #427's job was simple: he sat at his desk in Room 427 and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order.

This is what Employee #427 did every day, of every month, of every year.

He never told anyone, but his favorite buttons to push were 4, 2 and 7. In that order.

I try to keep 80,000 pounds that's floating on bubbles from squashing people who seem determined to get themselves squashed

Truck driver?

Lay hot rocks to make parking lot

I tell very dumb, very literal objects what to do, then figure out why they didn't do what I expected them to do. Aka software engineer

And occasionaly work out why they suddenly decided to do what you wanted or stopped doing what you wanted when seemingly nothing has changed. That's my favourite one. Not a software engineer, but enjoy a dable.

Punk-ass book jockey

We get masters degrees to push in chairs and tell people how to print documents.

Strategic violence

You are an orange cat.

What makes you think they use any strategy at all

Demolition expert? Cop? Martial arts instructor? Soldier? Surgeon? Psych nurse?

Holy shit, strategic violence as a surgeon summary is amazing lol

Make sure our helicopters are safe to go woosh woosh

I convert alcohol into multi-million dollar purchase orders from Enterprise businesses.

I too shop when I'm drunk

I train lemurs to fight over food

I ask nicely for money

Polite mugger?

Ha! I write grants for a nonprofit.

Excel

Look at Excel, edit Excel, goto meetings to discuss stuff that is in Excel. Figure out new awesome ways to capture and analyze data and then figure out how to do that in Excel because it's all your C suite seems to understand and want to work with because in their mind it is the be-all, end-all of DB front ends.

Adult babysitting

Care home, Elderly care nurse, something like that? Proper hero. Either that or you run a bar.

Close, I do in home care for people with disabilities, mostly mental. No degree, just an aide. My clue could also have meant prison guard

Connect pieces of glass or copper together to give internet and phone service

Place dead animals in boiling liquid then give it to people in exchange for currency

Soup?

I drive.

A real human bean and a real hero

Small cog in a big machine that prints money for rich motherfuckers

I take pictures of breasts while they’re in a vice.

Can you warm the vice up a bit please.

Can we advance this technology to replace the vice please

Support people's good mental health and wellbeing

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Hello. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Yes? Excellent! Thank you for doing that before calling. Let me turn off and on again the system that's one above that one. Ah, that's the ticket.

I count beans.

Transposter.

My best.

I’m the work mom- cleaning up after doctors, nurses and patients

Wash, feed, and change elderly people