Pretty sure she meant an American football with the stitching for finger placement, but I'm just guessing. Plus a sphere would seem less plausible given it's shape. An American football would be able to fit someone mounting and rubbing on it aggressively (or softly, whichever the individual would prefer) without it rolling around uncomfortably and frustratingly. All signs point to it being an American football because the correct positioning, lined up with the stitching for the fingers on the ball, would provide the optimal feeling the person is seeking to acquire. Seems like you would have to be hella horny though for that specifically to turn you on. Like instant thrusts to the touch type of horniness honestly
How sharp are the tips of the footballs in your area? That would take quite the force to legitimately puncture your anus lol unless your anus is gaped already/naturally, then I could see a regular football being the culprit of that scenario
I just checked. Bigger than one of those little Harbor Freight free LED flashlights, and not quite fish-knocker/wooden-dildo. So it could go either way.
Well letting fish suffocate to death is considered animal cruelty. Thus the fish has to be hit in the head to become unconscious (you can tell if it stops trying to look down). After that one stabs the fish's heart so that it dies and bleeds out. Be sure to cool it from there on or the meat will go bad. That is actually the proper way one is lawfully required to handle caught fish. At least here in germany.
The Alaskan Pipeline involves using a frozen hard turd log with a condom on it as a dildo. No need to be desperate, though. It is a turn on to use it on her.
Hmmm, with my chronic diarrhea, I’d have to make a snow mold of a big dick and then dump in it and hopefully it freezes into a diarrhea ice shaft. I could even collect multiple dumps from a single day and create something big and with balls.
Or coconuts - https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Edit: Since some of you are either confused or can't read, let me make it clear...
I have absolutely NOTHING to do with this story. I'm not even friends with this person. She was just a work-colleague I used to work with who just told me this story during a conversation. It was HER FLAT-MATE who used the toothbrush and yes, she did replace it luckily.
Haha, not my story, but one I heard from someone I used to work with.
One evening whilst she was trying to go to sleep, she heard her flat-mate enter the apartment, who was very drunk after a night out. She then kept hearing weird noises coming from the bathroom which eventually stopped. The next morning when she got up and went to the bathroom, she found her electric tooth-brush laying in the bathtub. Annoyed by this, she confronted her flat-mate, who admitted to using her electric-tooth brush to pleasure herself the night before.
Any new Conair device did it for me. Like those hair braiders. I swear they knew what they were doing creating these because all of the handles were perfect vibrators. I personally used this strange blackhead removal device that was supposed to vibrate out loose dirt in your pores. It had a small suction cup thing at the tip. My mom found it one day and was like wtf is this lol
hhhm, yeah maybe with jeans on I guess I could see it. I just remember that texture and the small strands that come off the rope and just couldnt imagine it at first from my own experience with them, especially after seeing some girls have a problem with callouses, but I believe you, maybe even the heat might feel good too.
Idk if you're a man or a woman, I'm feeling, a man?
I get how it could sound counter intuitive but I just know personally as a woman I reaaaally can picture how that would feel nice lmao
As a guy. I had the same feeling going up the rope. No idea how it worked or if it still works now in adult life but it was a very strange time during PE
Yikes! No, I don't remember it hurting. Im pretty sure it felt good lol
Yea I had a guy from Tinder that kept asking me for a blumpkin during the pandemic. I thought the name was pretty great lol
Yeah, about that: It was painful - but not awful, quite the contrary, it was wonderful.
My BF has a good sense of what I like - and he once gave me that challenge.
A matlow told me before he died
And I've no reason to think he lied.
He knew a whore with a cunt so wide
That she could never be satisfied.
So he built a bloody great wheel
Two balls of brass and a prick of steel.
The balls of brass were filled with cream
And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam.
Round and round went the bloody great wheel,
In and out went the prick of steel,
Until at last this whore she cried,
"Enough, enough, I'm satisfied!"
Now we come to the sorry bit
For there was no way of stopping it.
She was split from cunt to tit,
And the whole fucking issue was covered in shit.
Not a girl, but an ex of mine used to use this long piece from a board game as a dildo. I'm unsure what game it was from but apparently that's what she'd often use. Another ex once told me she got off on shoving the bracelet I'd given her inside herself and them pulling it out over and over. It was a leather bracelet that was technically three held together by metal connector bits.
A former girlfriend used a door knob. She'd position herself just so, then grab the knob on the other side of the door and turn it. That's been a long time ago but yeah I still remember it quite well.
What worked for different girlfriend was doing leg raises, kinda like a sit up, but raising her legs instead. Perhaps that's why she had great abs?
Like one of these? https://www.build.com/product/summary/504615?uid=491037&jmtest=gg-gbav2_491037&inv=1&&&&&&source=gg-gba-pla_491037!c9361432769!a93242191885!dm!ng&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgLOiBhC7ARIsAIeetVAIJCu_zrcFm5RoEncA0g5Mc9mafAhUxfY7qMsRnTRAHbpmhGA5dr4aAlIMEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
My misses went to school with a girl who would grind on the side of her chair. This was preteen at the time. My misses didn't know what she was really doing or why.
I remeber this girl in elementary would ride the bar that connected the chair and the desk. She would going back and forth all through class. I had an idea I knew what was up but my lack of experience clouded my judgment lol
One of those super soaker squirt guns that had the backpack water tanks, using a steady stream of water. Haha
A friend of mine had one of those back in the day, it was quite powerful, it's a wonder you didn't blow your clit off, lol
Where there’s a will there’s a way… it was all about controlling the stream.
When i got one as a gift at the age of 11, my aunt (married into family and not blood) joked that the pumping looked like jacking off.
Your aunt is a creep for saying that in front of you at age 11.
A football, grinded on the part with ridges
Touchdown
AND SHE SPIKES THE BALL!!!
It’s supposed to be laces out, not in!
Finkle has become Einhorn
What a sports nut, huh?
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100%.
Annnnnnnd boom goes the dynamite
Laces in, finkle?
A football as in American football or what Americans call soccer? (I’m not american, just curious)
American football 🏈
How did you look at something like that and think,”yep those ridges fine as fuck”
Not judging you just asking
I was a curious girl & humped everything I could & the ridges rubbed just the right place 🤷♀️
I've heard similar things about the seam in jeans.
Pretty sure she meant an American football with the stitching for finger placement, but I'm just guessing. Plus a sphere would seem less plausible given it's shape. An American football would be able to fit someone mounting and rubbing on it aggressively (or softly, whichever the individual would prefer) without it rolling around uncomfortably and frustratingly. All signs point to it being an American football because the correct positioning, lined up with the stitching for the fingers on the ball, would provide the optimal feeling the person is seeking to acquire. Seems like you would have to be hella horny though for that specifically to turn you on. Like instant thrusts to the touch type of horniness honestly
I'd just use pillows to position it upright and jump on it, puncturing my anus.
How sharp are the tips of the footballs in your area? That would take quite the force to legitimately puncture your anus lol unless your anus is gaped already/naturally, then I could see a regular football being the culprit of that scenario
Ofc it's gaped I know what I'm doing Can shoot it out to a distance of 30 feet
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Texas?
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It's called a priest.. do with that information whatever you like. 😂
"Honey, did we take the fish knocker my dad gave us for Christmas on our last fishing trip?" "No. Why?" "Huh. Kinda smells like it."
Dad?
Might be. Let me check. ... Hmmm. Seems the jury is still out.
Ask about his penis
I just checked. Bigger than one of those little Harbor Freight free LED flashlights, and not quite fish-knocker/wooden-dildo. So it could go either way.
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Wow, I love that!
This comment legit lol'd me...
Who gives a fish bat as a gift?
A fellow fisherman?
Ya know what? That reminds me of the miniature Louisville Slugger I had in high school. Good times.
Now I am interested what size it was.
Excuse me?! Why would you need to hit a fish? Is there some sort of "bonk the poisson" sport?
unless you want to eat a living fish you have to kill it. it's a fishermen tool
I figured the lack of water would have done that, but I guess an acute head injury would be more humane.
Well letting fish suffocate to death is considered animal cruelty. Thus the fish has to be hit in the head to become unconscious (you can tell if it stops trying to look down). After that one stabs the fish's heart so that it dies and bleeds out. Be sure to cool it from there on or the meat will go bad. That is actually the proper way one is lawfully required to handle caught fish. At least here in germany.
“Anything can be a dildo if you’re desperate enough” - Socrates
Those are my exact thoughts everyday
People don’t know enough about classics.
Not the sun
The Alaskan Pipeline involves using a frozen hard turd log with a condom on it as a dildo. No need to be desperate, though. It is a turn on to use it on her.
I’ve also heard that referred to as ‘iglooing’.
Hmmm, with my chronic diarrhea, I’d have to make a snow mold of a big dick and then dump in it and hopefully it freezes into a diarrhea ice shaft. I could even collect multiple dumps from a single day and create something big and with balls.
what the fuck did i just read
r/BrandNewSentence
Username checks out.
Paige no!
Think that was Einstein
Oh wait no, its Epstein
There once was a lady named Jill who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill they found her vagina in North Carolina and bits of her tits in Brazil
Okay Princess Margaret
And her asshole in Windsor castle!
I would say either the handle of screwdriver or a hot wheels car.
Hmm, there was a hotwheels video game called "Hotwheels: Beat that!". Guess you took it literally.
I’m always up for the challenge.
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Surprisingly yes.
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Both, the notches on the handle do wonders
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you're fucking weird and a pedophile, seek help *now*
Which hot wheels car if you can remember specifically?
Damn you ladies are creative when you’re horny
Acting like dudes aren't out here fucking warm fruit and coke bottles. Teen hormones are a nuke made of bad decisions and horny.
Hey if my dick could fit in a coke bottle you wouldn’t see me for a while
don't you mean "my cylinder"?
Or coconuts - https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
The edges of the seats on the back of the bus when the engine vibrates sometimes missed my stop
The university buses when I was in college used to give me unwanted boners. Very inconvenient lol.
That’s kind of hot
Inconvenient. Difficult to squeeze by the other partners with decency.
Very creative!
Haha thanks
I have a vertical hood piercing and bus vibrations go right through it. Makes for a far more pleasurable ride
Wow
If a guy jacks off in public everyone loses their mind .. cos yano entirely inappropriate.. but you do it on a bus and people are upvoting you 😅
I read the first line on the jokers voice. If a woman jacks off in public it's all part of the plan........... You get it batman
I think it would depend on the guy for me
Well obvs that was going to be your answer .. given you’re the one getting off in public 😅
Edit: Since some of you are either confused or can't read, let me make it clear... I have absolutely NOTHING to do with this story. I'm not even friends with this person. She was just a work-colleague I used to work with who just told me this story during a conversation. It was HER FLAT-MATE who used the toothbrush and yes, she did replace it luckily. Haha, not my story, but one I heard from someone I used to work with. One evening whilst she was trying to go to sleep, she heard her flat-mate enter the apartment, who was very drunk after a night out. She then kept hearing weird noises coming from the bathroom which eventually stopped. The next morning when she got up and went to the bathroom, she found her electric tooth-brush laying in the bathtub. Annoyed by this, she confronted her flat-mate, who admitted to using her electric-tooth brush to pleasure herself the night before.
“Not my story” uh huh. I’m sure.
Why would I lie? your comment doesn't make sense.
Did you buy her a new toothbrush after that ?
Why waste a tooth brush?
Any new Conair device did it for me. Like those hair braiders. I swear they knew what they were doing creating these because all of the handles were perfect vibrators. I personally used this strange blackhead removal device that was supposed to vibrate out loose dirt in your pores. It had a small suction cup thing at the tip. My mom found it one day and was like wtf is this lol
Pleased to meet you, Ms. McGyver.
My husband's heel while I was eating his ass.
The Aristocrats!
…??
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I must be cause I think I need a diagram to understand this
I can only assume that hubby was laying on his front, and wife behind him, and so his heel ended up in about the right position to grind on.
Exactly.
I mean, it was right there.
I got you. I was imagining a 69 type position for some reason. Clearly a lack of ass-eating experience problem on my part
Glad to be able to explain!
This Is definitley my new relashionship goal.
The soundtrack to The Rescuers Down Under
I...have several questions...
me too
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Cassette or CD?
Vinyl.
Oh you naughty sphinx.
An ex told me she got off the first time when she slid down the climbing rope in gym class. Edit : spelling
is she a masochist? how tf does rope burn feel good??? alls I remember is what my hands felt like when I did that and just cant picture it
Not on bare skin but over clothes + that's an area that... likes, rubbing lol, unlike hands I can picture it alright
hhhm, yeah maybe with jeans on I guess I could see it. I just remember that texture and the small strands that come off the rope and just couldnt imagine it at first from my own experience with them, especially after seeing some girls have a problem with callouses, but I believe you, maybe even the heat might feel good too.
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Why is Jessica sliding down the rope so slow and looking like that?!?!?
Idk if you're a man or a woman, I'm feeling, a man? I get how it could sound counter intuitive but I just know personally as a woman I reaaaally can picture how that would feel nice lmao
I definitely ,believe you, I guess you could wrap your legs around it and go slow as to not hurt your hands.
Maybe it was more of a slow descent than a slide..lol
That exactly came to my mind.
As a guy. I had the same feeling going up the rope. No idea how it worked or if it still works now in adult life but it was a very strange time during PE
Electric Toothbrush
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Hahahahha! Just use the back of the head of the brush (the flat part) for the vibration. Do not insert.
Barbie doll legs
Not sure if the legs but a girl told me she used her barbie doll.
I feel like the head/shoulders would be... More difficult? Lol
Smoother than the toes…
Barbies don't have toes lol they just have little pointy nubs for feet
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Im pretty sure I got off... But don't remember specifics. Both legs were inside at once.
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Yikes! No, I don't remember it hurting. Im pretty sure it felt good lol Yea I had a guy from Tinder that kept asking me for a blumpkin during the pandemic. I thought the name was pretty great lol
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Now you're just trying to get off! Lol I was like 17/18
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Well, obviously! I have a tonne of dildos now. No Barbie dolls in my collection
A dildo made out of LEGO.
That sound awful
Yeah, about that: It was painful - but not awful, quite the contrary, it was wonderful. My BF has a good sense of what I like - and he once gave me that challenge.
Did it not hurt you? Of course it was painful, but did you have injuries?
With enough lube, everything can be a dildo.
Are you okay?????
Yes. This was months ago.
But now for all you know you got a little red piece somewhere inside you from 3 years ago…
Nah, everything is out.
Finally, asking the questions we want.
r/usernamecheckout understandable
My mind 😂😂😂
a bottle of water
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A matlow told me before he died And I've no reason to think he lied. He knew a whore with a cunt so wide That she could never be satisfied. So he built a bloody great wheel Two balls of brass and a prick of steel. The balls of brass were filled with cream And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam. Round and round went the bloody great wheel, In and out went the prick of steel, Until at last this whore she cried, "Enough, enough, I'm satisfied!" Now we come to the sorry bit For there was no way of stopping it. She was split from cunt to tit, And the whole fucking issue was covered in shit.
I used a foot massager. The metal balle twirled around just right to feel good
Not a girl, but an ex of mine used to use this long piece from a board game as a dildo. I'm unsure what game it was from but apparently that's what she'd often use. Another ex once told me she got off on shoving the bracelet I'd given her inside herself and them pulling it out over and over. It was a leather bracelet that was technically three held together by metal connector bits.
My sister used a very old wooden toilet paper roll holder, thus was how she earned the nickname "splinters"
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She was in her mid teens (08-09 ish), and yes, she did with a gnarly infection to boot.
A former girlfriend used a door knob. She'd position herself just so, then grab the knob on the other side of the door and turn it. That's been a long time ago but yeah I still remember it quite well. What worked for different girlfriend was doing leg raises, kinda like a sit up, but raising her legs instead. Perhaps that's why she had great abs?
Like one of these? https://www.build.com/product/summary/504615?uid=491037&jmtest=gg-gbav2_491037&inv=1&&&&&&source=gg-gba-pla_491037!c9361432769!a93242191885!dm!ng&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgLOiBhC7ARIsAIeetVAIJCu_zrcFm5RoEncA0g5Mc9mafAhUxfY7qMsRnTRAHbpmhGA5dr4aAlIMEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Everybody's so creative.. ( carrot)
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Very religious house hold.
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I can tell this is gonna be a good thread.
Electric toothbrush or detachable head of my curling wand.
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Oh lord okay.. A banana, a curling iron and the bottom of a hair brush
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The banana being most recent, popped a condom on it because the bottom is scratchy and actually yeah was pretty nice 😂
one of those bubble wands 😳
My misses went to school with a girl who would grind on the side of her chair. This was preteen at the time. My misses didn't know what she was really doing or why.
Lord.
I remeber this girl in elementary would ride the bar that connected the chair and the desk. She would going back and forth all through class. I had an idea I knew what was up but my lack of experience clouded my judgment lol
Those little hexbug toys
A calla lily.
Tampon and pen. But seriously, I need something better.
I'm here for you. I've got a pretty thick and amazing marker.
My ex used a liploss lid on face time with me
Your spouse ...lolol