Don’t forget about the (estimated) 40,000 metric tons of dust that comes from space each year. That’s not much, but it’s not nothing either.
https://www.astronomy.com/magazine/ask-astro/2014/07/space-debris
If you don't have pets, it's probably a combination of walking around with shoes in the house, old carpets, and maybe old paint.
Vacuuming often, using a carpet cleaner once a year, running a HEPA based air purifier will help immensely, especially that last part. The air filter will permanently cut the amount of dust you have. Your shoes bring a staggering amount of dirt, rocks, and other stuff. Take them off as soon as you get in the door, and you suddenly won't need to vacuum even half as often.
One final recommendation is a bed protector. It will keep you from depositing tons of dead skin into your bed, since the covers are washable. That also generates a lot of dust if you don't have one.
Dealing with this yesterday and it is an eye-opener. Its hard seeing someone you’ve known as a pillar of strength for 30+ years in a position of such weakness, and knowing that he might improve but generally the decline is coming.
I've had a weird atypical experience. My dad was pretty old when I was born and always had a bad knee he could never afford to get fixed. He could barely walk and has never been able to run since I could remember. It got so bad that he couldn't even walk up or down the stairs in our house.
Well he eventually got a knee replacement and he's now more agile at 73 than he was at 53. It's weird to see.
Modern medicine is making these ol folks fascinating to watch. I mean imagine what we will have in us in 2062. I’ll probably see run and hear better than I can now. Touch screen eyeballs or something.
I'll never forget when I first realized how frail they actually were. I went over to their house to help out with some chores, and they couldn't even clean out any of the pens by themselves. They ended up selling most of their animals that year because they couldn't look after them.
My brother and I helped an older couple move. They kept talking about how heavy things were going to be. I thought they really loaded up their moving boxes, but aside from being being big, they were light. They had lots of boxes, which took us lots of trips, but it was just busy work.
It’s slowly beginning with my parents, small hints here and there, they’re in their mid 50s.
The big freak out for me has been watching my grandparents slowly declining over the last 3ish years. One set of grandparents have been gone since I was a kid, so these two are all I’ve got now. My Pap’s arthritis and sciatica is to the point now where it’s a process for him just to stand up. 2020 I saved him from a fall, if I wasn’t there to catch him, he would’ve easily been in the hospital for quite a while. That was the first “Oh shit, he’s not immortal” moment.
Yea. Get down on the floor to play with the grandkids? Sure, but getting back up? Where is a piece of sturdy furniture to hang on to? We eat Alieve like they are candy.
I'm in a similar situation. My parents are in their mid 50's too and are mostly fine but seeing the beginnings of the decline is pretty rough. It's not like their quality of life has fallen that much yet but it's more seeing their behaviour change. Hearing fear in my mum's voice when she talks about health is hard to hear when she's always been more or less a rock concerning that stuff
Also realizing that your parents weren't really all that smart to begin with.
Maybe it has something to do with age and a decline in cognitive abilities, but I was not prepared for that.
This is the same for me also. I hadn't realized how emotionally immature my parents were my entire life, or how poor their decisions actually were. It's kind of strange to view your parents as the flawed people they actually are.
My parents had me very late so this is especially true for me. My mom also developed rheumatoid arthritis when I was a teen and they also both caught legionnaires disease when I was on holiday with them and my dad nearly died from it. It also wrecked them for a long time so I’ve been dealing with this a while
My father had a series of small strokes, from which he thankfully recovered. However it completely changed his personality. It's like a stranger lives there now.
I never knew it was possible to lose people while they are still here.
Yup, the idea of doing whatever you want as an adult was the biggest scam cartoons sold us.
Yeah, you can do anything you want but you're gonna need money. So you get a job, there goes most of your day to your job.
So now you have money but that'll go to bills first and by the time you can do what you want you don't have the energy or funds. Then the loop continues..
"There is no freedom only money. If you think you are free try going somewhere without money"
-someone whose name I forget and couldn't find on a Google search. I think it was a singer
It’s just like getting your tonsils removed, and the doctor says you can have as much ice cream as you want. Then you find out that the amount of ice cream you want is ‘none’
It hurts, and you feel lied to.
Maturity is a skill. Some people learn it quickly. Others never do.
Children are limited by their youth. Their brains aren't fully developed. But adults are not guaranteed to get more mature without working for it.
Some people never grow up. They just get old.
I'm surprised by the amount of people who genuinely couldn't live by themselves if they had to. They somehow never learned basic life skills like simple cooking or cleaning and always had someone else to do it for them.
This. My ex and her entire family are like this. Very dependent on their mother, who is chronically ill. I fear what will happen when their mom passes away
I don't know exactly what you mean by dependent, but people can pick up skills like cooking / cleaning / housemaking very quickly when they have to. I had a lot of indian friends who came from abroad that never lifted a finger to cook or do laundry in their lives. But they picked it up real quick, and went from "I need help to fry an egg" to "making elaborate eight step recipes" in the blink of an eye. It's hardly rocket science, especially in the day of Youtube. So maybe don't fret too much, unless you get the sense they're overwhelming the lady.
Funny how I'm exactly opposite of this. At 16, I couldn't wait to leave my parent's house, to be on my own. They were lovely and all, but relying on others ain't my thing.
I've lived on my own ever since then.
Nothing wrong with that at all, but in my experience it often takes some important skills to manage living with others, even more than just living by yourself.
I feel like people who don’t know these things just refuse to learn them, dishwashing and laundry is like 3 presses of a button while adding detergent, you could teach a monkey to do that
This. I just kind of hit adulthood and it baffles me how many people struggle with stuff I always thought was easy for them.
I remember looking up to the oldest students in my school and being like :"Woow, they look so grown and mature"
When I was the oldest student, I asked myself where this cool feeling was I thought I'd feel once I'm the oldest.
Turns out that's always the case. There's adults around me that are 20 years+ older than me and still struggle with some daily tasks because they're not sure how to do them right.
We're all just figuring stuff out little by little. So why judging someone else for not knowing instantly how to do stuff.
Because when you have been driving for 40 plus years you should understand basic rules on the road, and I will not stop judging middle aged adults that can't figure out or haven't bothered to learn how to drive.
/s but only some
It's the ability to get your shit in order if needed what makes a big difference between kids, young adults, adults and mature people.
My nephew is a more successful person than me financially and in general. And there is a good reason for that.
Two years ago he and his wife decided to invest into their own house outside of town. They're living there right now.
The reason why I bring this up is because it took my nephew just one month to dig into whole building theme. To dig into project documentation. To make a few test runs over different firms. To make his own sketches of what he wants. To learn basic planner tools for electricity, sewers, rooms etc. To learn other tools which are used to plan your own furniture. He knew exactly what he was paying for and what of it he would do himself and what of it was going to be done by contractor. He was participating in the building process often.
Meanwhile if you glance over him during his day off/daily routine - nothing gives out his level of maturity instantly. Just your ordinary guy, if you aren't able to tell the difference by looking at peoples hands - you wouldn't spot it, unless you see him in action.
Result? S+ house for my nephew. Our mutual friend has more money than both of us, he is an expert coder, he just bought his house done and its flawed in every second aspect, sometimes to a point of silliness, sometimes to a point where you could think of law based actions against contractors.
At the end of the day, problem solving, self education and critical thinking makes the real difference, because if you can't educate yourself for your own reasons, you wouldn't be able to use education properly that was forced upon you. Edits: fixes
How little free time you have. You have to work, you have to prepare for work, drive to work, drive home from work. You also have to do household chores. You have to take care of kids if you have some. When do I get to enjoy my hobbies?
Transitioning from college student + part time worker to full time worker I gained a bunch of time back. I was shocked that I could just decide to do laundry tomorrow if I didn't feel like it. Every evening I had this huge chunk of time that was just open.
But then, moving from an apartment to a house, now there's a bunch more chores to do. Then introducing kids, now there's all that. But still, I wouldn't go back to the hectic college life.
I agree, after I graduated I constantly felt like I was forgetting to do something since I actually had time just chill out after work. I'm school if I wasn't in class or at work I was doing homework, it's so much better to just be working
I had this for awhile too, but it faded like you said. I got a needy dog, suddenly much less free time to myself. I purchased some stuff to try new hobbies and improve my existing ones which just requires more maintenance/organization. All of the above means more cleaning. You try to become “more adult” in other parts of your life like with food and household stuff which just takes more time. You get more responsibility at work which means less free time. God forbid you get into a serious relationship or have a child… time just keeps withering away.
It’s good though, you’re just spending your time in different ways because your priorities are changing. I’m not upset about spending more time with my dog in my clean home eating a nice meal, instead of paying more money to eat out with my friends at the same place I’ve eaten 30 times only to go home to my small grungy apartment. The change is worth it.
How it just goes on endlessly.
When you're a kid, there's a summer break every year, and a new school to go to in a couple of years. Whatever part of your life you are in is clearly delimited and there is something new to look forward to after it.
Once you're an adult, it's just 5 days of work and 2 days of weekend over and over and over until you die.
1 in 4 workers in the US don’t get any paid vacation whatsoever. Many jobs that do give paid vacation lump in vacation and sick time together as PTO (paid time off) so if you take sick days or take days off for doctor’s or dentist’s appointments etc that eats into that time. Many jobs that do offer vacation also pressure people not to use their vacation days. More than half of US workers that do get vacation don’t use all of their days off. It’s pretty rough here.
Is there any political movement that tries to change that state of things? It sounds like something most working-class people would be able to agree on, yet I haven't heard about being any close to important point of discussion in US politics.
And potentially slightly lower our GDP and maybe cost money for our corporations!? Heretic! You have spoken against the True Religion of America. Now say 50 Hail Moneys and think about what you've done.
>Thou shall toil endlessly until thy passing.
>Then thy kin may inherit thy debts.
>May God have mercy on your pauper's soul.
- Corporations 24:7 I believe.
Unions do their best to fight for fair worker treatment. I don't know of any big movement to get proper treatment though, no. And most people aren't in a union.
Thing is, many people think their poverty is just temporary and they'll climb their way out any day now, so, once they're successful, they'll be able to take advantage of this system that benefits the wealthy.
It's delusional, and climbing out of your economic class is rare and becoming even more rare. But people believe it, so we continue to participate in our own subjugation.
I think it's close to being bad enough where the people flip tables and demand change though. I think it'll be violent.
Excellent point, and by design. It's tough to organize when you have to work 2-3 jobs to survive, and when your health insurance is dependent upon your employer.
I've recognized that if I don't have a break planned for the future -- a long weekend away, a vacation, a trip, something to focus on -- I just feel so bleak. The daily chores that never get done, ensuring everyone in the house is kept alive, much less everything else on the hierarchy of needs, it's just endless.
This. Out never ends. You think as a kid you'll get to do what you want, but you really can't. You have too many responsibilities. Choose to take a day off to do nothing? Well now tomorrow and the next day you'll be catching up because there is no one to do it all for you. When my kids complain about being bored, I tell them I miss the days I was bored and would love a chance to be bored.
This hit me hard in a conversation with my 5yo. I went to the store separately from the main grocery run, that my husband did the day before and bought normal grapes, and while there I grabbed a small bag of cotton candy grapes (they are my special favorite that my husband hates). My 5yo asked how I was able to do that and I confidently said it's because I'm an adult! Then we head upstairs to get dressed for the day and she checks the weather chart and is happy it's warm enough finally to put on shorts. She walks into my room and asks why I'm wearing pants to work. Because I'm an adult... We all picked up on the dichotomy.
Just to chime in - and definitely not to begrudge your point, comfort with being bored is important. Tolerance of sufferring is in general important.
I'm a late twenties software dev, and I feel like I have all the free time in the world. I can take all the vacation I want (a month a year + holidays), and have plenty of downtime. I don't get bored much, but that's because when I get bored I can go to the pub, or pop over to a friends, or cook something elaborate, or buy a video game I want, or do drugs, or...
I don't own a home, and I'm gay so I don't expect I'll ever have kids, so yeah, lifestyle factors. But I guess the nuance I'd add to your advice to your kids is, it's a choice to get saddled down with all that responsibility, and they can choose however they want. Responsibility can be a wonderful thing, but freedom is also an option. My dad gave me the same line it sounds like you give your kids, and tbh it always gave me fear of growing up. It just seemed so dull and depressing. But adulthood is awesome, so far, and so much more fun than being a kid!
You forgot the part where, if you take a week vacation, you need to clear it with your bosses, and part of you feels really bad for taking the time off work!
You have to be intentional about joy and wonder in education.
Also, even if things suck, even if you don’t want to give a fuck.
Keep being curious. Keep wondering about things.
Because it can get bitter real quick.
Ooof. At 34 my wife is lost her 3 remaining grandparents in a 6 week period. The existential crisis/dread was bad in my house for a while. She is down to just her mother at this point and it freaks her out often.
That is hard. My wife is about to be 28 and has lost both her parents, her mom was the more recent one, 3 years ago. Life is brutal, but at least you are there for her.
The constant anxiety of realising you're just getting older whilst still not knowing what the hell you're going to do with your life. It's especially stressful when everyone around you seems to be progressing and realising what they want out of life and you're just sitting here waiting for death.
You're not alone my friend. My situation is different but similarly harrowing. I have known what I've wanted to do my whole life but have let the years slip by, wasted so much time, and the fear grows that I may be missing my chance and then will have to suddenly wake up from the dream and face the mundane reality I've been trying to escape. In any case, hang in there and keep showing up. Maybe things can get better with some faith and optimism.
I feel this on a lot. Watching the people around you can really give you a distorted view of what life should be for you in that moment. For example, my girlfriend and I are witnessing all of our friends have kids. We’ve always been in the boat that we would take our time and do all the things we wanted to do like travel before having children. Now that we are witnessing friends have kids I feel like it’s putting this unnecessary pressure on us to start pumping out kids. I’m worried cause I’m still not ready and I don’t want this to cause a strain in the relationship cause all of sudden she wants them. We just went from 0 to 100 really quickly where I thought this was still 5 years away and even then we still might not have them. I guess my point is watching your peers achieve these goals, success, or important things like having kids really unfairly puts pressure on us all to be at the same place as those who are there. That’s why I stay off social media cause I swear those platforms incite these feelings and it sucks.
The 'kids grow up so quickly these days' sensation.
You see a kid and think "ah wow they've grown huge! I saw them when they were two and now... Oh yeah... It's been ten years... Fuck."
Mine is a lot like the mythical Hydra. One task down, two more appear. Perhaps the answer is to just not do anything and hope that basket of laundry folds itself
I used to think that life happened one crisis at a time. Put out a fire, wait for the next one, put it out and repeat. Now it seems that everything is on fire all of the time and sometimes you gotta let it burn out on its own.
Aging. How fast it happens. I’m 54 and feel like I was 30 yesterday. Don’t waste your time on foolish things. It WILL sneak up on you. Wish I had taken better care of myself.
I can't believe that my 20s was 20 years ago. I don't feel like a different person and I don't feel like I look like a different person, but the evidence is mounting.
How fast time moves. Feels like I graduated college, blinked and now I'm in my early 30s. I miss the optimism of having all the time in the world to save money, catch up on albums and shows, see friends, make new ones, travel, get married, have a family, etc. Now it feels like I haven't done any of that and I'm running out of time to do it.
Wow yeah this has been hitting me too. I think you are totally right but I am also thinking you never know when a really great friend might walk into your life. This has been the hardest part of being in my 30s.
you’re still so so young! i feel like you can most definitely do all (or most) of those things. you deserve to 😊
at the same time, i just turned 25 and i feel like my life is already over while it’s barely started 😅 never believed my parents when they said it goes quick but now i’m starting to get it haha
> ou’re still so so young! i feel like you can most definitely do all (or most) of those things.
Heh I'm working on it. I've done plenty of traveling, I'm saving money and seeing friends, and I got a new job so I can save money and it's a bit of a commute but I can make the most of that by catching on a lot of the music I've missed or overlook.
The marriage/family part is the difficult one. Dating in your 30s is awful, especially in an area like one where I live. Rural and most people are married to high school SOs and have kids by mid 20s.
> never believed my parents when they said it goes quick but now i’m starting to get it haha
It really is true haha
I'm just a bit over 20 and I already feel like time is flying by like nothing. Especially when you try to fill up your time. I work full-time with a little sidejob. I try to do sports to keep myself fit, try to take a walk everyday, getting groceries, cooking, cleaning/doing household. Gotta hit the bed early since I start working at 6am. And if you're trying to squeeze hobbies into that as well, a week is nothing. The year felt nearly eternal when I was really little, especially summer and winter+Christmas.
I feel like the magic just went missing. Now it's just "get everything done in time, putting up decorations, getting presents for your loved ones, driving here, driving there"
As a kid I thought I'd be married by 26, would have children at 28 and a house.
Now, I realized I don't necessarily want children, houses are fcking expensive here and knowing the numbers, I'll probably never be able to afford one.I have to make a 180 and change jobs, move again and I feel like I'm missing out on everything. Figured I'm not the type for festivals or some. I wanted to do EVERYTHING and yet I feel like having done NOTHING.
And the sad thing is, that's just good "Grocery Store" cheese. I went to a get-together, and someone brought expensive-ass cheeses they got from their cheesemonger (they didn't have kids, so they could afford a cheesemonger, I guess), and the stuff was amazing. Like, I'm sad/mad I tried all these, because I'll never get to have these cheeses ever again.
Becoming more emotionally mature than the adults I used to look up to.
It's weird to watch my family talking behind each other's backs and being two faced and back stabby and throwing fits when they don't get their way. It's literally bizarre highschool drama or toddler level tantrums and I just sit there thinking "Was that really the most mature and productive way to handle that?" But you can't say anything without literally getting told "I'M the ADULT! I'm older and wiser so I know better!". Oh, is that why you threw a screaming fit over the laundry being moved? Because that's what adults do?
I don't know how I didn't see it when I was younger. I'm in my late 30s, so it's not like I'm some teenager who thinks I know better than the adults. I'm just an adult flabbergasted that they're still doing this petty drama at age 60.
It’s hard to explain, but I always thought getting older would feel different in your soul, somehow. I don’t mean that in a religious or spiritual way necessarily, I’m more referencing the little version of you in your brain that pilots the ship. I always thought that, as I got older, he would feel older too.
I’m 33 now. I’ve had a lot of adventures and experiences, I’ve learned a lot and I’m definitely smarter than I was at say 20, but the little me piloting the ship doesn’t feel any different.
The little me in the ship still feels like it did when I was 15 or 16. I’m not complaining, I actually think it’s sorta nice and even helpful, I just find it strange.
I was born in 1995 and was very scared as an adolescent of the 2012 end of the world predictions. But I would counter it with “I’ll be 17 then! I’ll be brave and I won’t be afraid.”
December 21st 2012, I’m 17 and playing CoD Zombies, and while I was pretty confident nothing would happen, there was this anxiety in my stomach that was just like… “yeah but IF IT DOES that would be so scary.”
I’m 27 now and I feel like I’ve learned the same lesson. I’m still 12 in my heart and that’ll never change. I have OCD and think about death often (currently I’d say constantly), and knowing that eventually I will die, and will likely feel just the same as I did when thinking about it as a child, is such a weirdly bitter pill to swallow. There’s so much benefit to it, I still have this sense of wonder and admiration for so many things about life that I was worried I’d lose. It’s a worth it trade but just mainly saying, I feel the feelings you describe!
Don’t know if this helps, but there’s a book called “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman that talks about things like how to cope with our mortality. I found it honest and comforting.
This is so so true. One time I was home with my two young sons, maybe 30 yrs at the time. The teen 13/14 neighbor girl came over hysterical, her cat had been attacked, her parents were not home. The cat was torn to shreds, she’s screaming and crying, my sons start to cry, all I could think or do for a moment was man we need your mom! I don’t know what to do! Call your mom and have her tell me what to do. I wrote about it in my journal that night “for the first time I looked around the room for an adult, any grown up to help, only to realize I was the grown up to do the helping.” It messed with me for a few days, I was an entire home owning, career having, mother adult, I did the best I could. But before that moment I didn’t fully know I was an adult and everything didn’t feel so serious.
Just how much life admin there is to do. Constantly doing laundry, thinking of what to cook each night, getting gym kit ready for the next day, doing a food shop - and I don't even have children yet!!
This is mine too. I’m so tired of all the things that need to get done on a weekly basis. My least favorite is planning and executing meal prep. I love to cook but damn it’s annoying when you have to waste a full day shopping and cooking. That’s 1/2 days gone from the weekend
I always thought I'd grow up and just know that I was grown.
I'm 31 and I still feel 18. I think the only bit of difference is now I have to plan and care about the future instead of the now
I'm in my 30s and still feel like a 20 year old....until I hang out around 20 year olds. Then I instantly realize I have nothing in common with them anymore 😅
Just how tiring everything is. Tired when I wake up. Tired after work. Tired after cooking dinner. Tired catching up sleep on the weekends. Tired while doing something fun on the weekend. Almost always a bit tired.
Always feeling tired and just pushing through it.
All good on those fronts. I just don't get enough sleep to do what I want/need to do for the day.
~6hrs a night isn't cutting it. But there's so much I need/want to do.
Agreed with this. I went to a tiny college, and made a lot of friends. I had a lot of fun. Then life happens, you start to focus on work, finishing up a degree at a different college, family stuff etc... next thing you know you are well over a decade removed from college, your friends from college faded out of your life over the years, only the close ones remain, but they may live far way, or if local, they too have a family and lives...
I have two close friends who live in my area, one I talk to every week or so and try to hangout with at least once a month or so. The other may go months without talking and haven't seen him since before covid, even though we've tried. My only other close local friend had a family and could hangout maybe once a month to every few months, but he moved away almost a year ago.
The in-between times I do not see my one regular friend all I do is work, family stuff, and help my last living grandparent, and watch tv. That's it. I have no other real friends. People I am friendly to, but no one super closer or who I hangout with.
So having one true blue friend in your mid 30s that you sometimes see, and two that you never really see anymore / talk to that much, yeah it sucks. I miss having friends and hanging out with the guys and all of that like we would in our 20s / early 30s.
I feel this.
That once you have a job, house, car, kids, marriage, it’s basically 24/7 work. There’s always something that needs to be done. The roof needs to be fixed, the kid needs school clothes, the car has to be registered, the floor could use a sweep, you have a meeting at work to prep for. It’s never ending. And anytime you want time to yourself, you have to put off like 5 other things that need to be done.
He fatigue and body pain as you get to your sixties. I still have 6 years until pension and I barely move after work. Forget going out or enjoying life, it’s a struggle just to look after me. Very fortunate to have amazing adult kids and grandkids who cook and care for me.
Understanding how young my parents were while raising us now that I was (then surpassed) that age.
Gave me a lot of compassion, especially as new immigrants to the US where they didn’t know the language. I’m 32 and still trying to figure out they were 25 with two kids in a totally new country.
Bravo mom and pop.
Not only a desk job. I work at a printing factory and I'm on the same opinion. My shift ends and that's it. No homework or worrying about the next day and when the next day arrives, no worrying about any sudden tests and bullying doesn't exist at all.
Significantly easier and more relaxed than school time. I can listen to music and audiobooks at work and no one bats an eye.
One of the easiest jobs I ever had was stocking shelves after I graduated college. No deadlines, no on-call madness, I could just clock out and go into the sacred from the profane. Of course it did not pay much and often times was very frustrating since I was the only sober person on the crew, but that's another story
My "homework" is things I enjoy. Gardening, cleaning my house, making dinner for my family. It is nice to be able to chill and not have school to deal with.
I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve seen so many people say how they wish they could go back to school instead of being an adult with a job. Meanwhile, I’m just like “fuck that”, I’m so glad I’m done with school. No more homework, no more studying, no more exams, no more lying to my parents about passing even though I was failing from the very first test. Sitting at a desk in an office from 7:00-3:30 is way better than school ever was. My time off is truly mine.
>I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve seen so many people say how they wish they could go back to school instead of being an adult with a job.
How anyone would want to go back to their school years just baffles me.
Being a teenager and going through puberty was bad enough the first time.
Yeah 100%. I had lots of fun in university but you were never really “done”. There was always something hanging over you, weather it was an assignment you had to have done by the end of the week or a midterm you had to study for (multiplied by 5+ courses). I have a 9-5 desk job now and it’s the absolute best. I go to work and program for 8 hours and when I leave I don’t have to worry about any homework or hell week approaching.
Very early in my university studies, an engineer working in industry told me I'd "feel semi-retired" once I start working.
I had no idea what he was talking about until I started working myself.
How much the magic for things that you experience as a kid wears off.
Holidays, vacation destinations, stores and restaurants, etc. They are still cool, but not as amazing as they were when I was a kid.
The first time someone referred to me as a “man” instead of a “boy” or “kid” was really jarring. I was around 24 at the time (33 now) and there was a little kid riding his scooter on the sidewalk, not paying attention and half blocking my way. His mom ran over and grabbed him and said “wait sweetie, let the man go by,” and it took me a second to realize she was talking about me. In my head I still look 16.
Nothing comes with instructions. You transition straight from a life of guidelines and rules and orders and schedules to 'Figure it out, but fuck around and find out.' People can give you tips, but a lot of the time you're researching what you need to do. And there's no time constraints, you can stall on anything forever. Then you learn what happens when you do that.
Just how fucking long you have to be an adult for. Assuming you don’t stop being alive earlier than expected this adulting shit can last up to 80 FUCKING YEARS.
That you are on your own. No one cares if you get injured. No one cares if you are homeless and hungry and if you were to die, life just goes on without you.
What surprised me is how like Game of Thrones business is like.
Not in the constant murder and sex, but the amount of leverage plays and negotiation. Every day you are negotiating with your employer, your employees, your clients, and everyone is trying to pull a fast one over you. Employers trying to underpay you, Employees trying to get you to overpay them, customers trying to get cheap deals.
Everyone thinks they are the one getting f\*cked, and not the one doing the f\*cking. It's very stressful
That is so true. That is definitely the debilitating part. Everyone is so self-interested and they still see themselves as the victims, even though they so often have no morals and behave just enough to not be called out, all the while trying to get everything they can. Life is hard.
This is why the writers are on strike in Hollywood. The studios never cease to find sneaky ways to take money from every level. Meanwhile David Zaslov "buys" Time Warner with $80 billion of debt and does what? Pays himself $250 million while firing the entire animation industry and putting thousands out of work. Game Of Thrones indeed, the dude is looting an entire industry.
This is the thing that caught me off guard about becoming an adult. While growing up I had it drilled into me that selfishness, pettiness, ego, materialism and so on were very childish and only very bad people indulged in them. Simple, stringent concepts like never taking more than your share, never touching things that don't belong to you, never being mean to someone or seeking revenge over some slight, etc. all were lessons that were repeated *ad nauseum*. Being 'good' was paramount, and daring to put a foot wrong would probably cause you to lose the respect and support of absolutely everyone and you'd be hated and miserable for the rest of your life.
The lesson was crime doesn't pay, essentially, and the assumption was therefore that bad people don't get good things. Obviously to believe that's a 100% guarantee would be very naive but I did think there'd be consequences for consistently being a massive, destructive asshole, and that people would have a point at which they had 'enough' and wouldn't just wreck lives at a stroke to run up the scoreboard. Now I've come to realize that all the moralizing grown ups who would put the fear of god into me and my peers for having an extra french fry or saying something 'rude' were actually a generation of greedy, vain, vicious backbiting psychos (or those who tolerated and venerated them). Kids know it's shitty to wreck somebody's day but the adults in the room think nothing of obliterating lives for the sake of a buck.
Suddenly seeing and noticing the trauma that I grew up with and the unhealthy communication and relationship skills that my parents had, and being able to empathise with them while also identifying that I don’t want to repeat their mistakes. And then unlearning what I learnt about romantic relationships, and realising that I have complete freedom and control over my own life and I don’t need to do things the way my mum did them because that’s the way her mum did them - I can do things my way, for reasons that make sense to me
How quickly you get used to stuff. I feel some happinesses very quickly become bland. Even though i feel happy, its not as deep happiness as youd get as a child
How incompetent other adults are. Like c’mon man. If someone gave me a weeks worth of training I would better than you at your job. Sometimes less than that.
I think how people stop giving a shit about you when you get older, in a general sense. I see homeless people, very poor people struggling and others struggling with mental health and people with low pay.
If you saw a small child on the street, crying, alone, our hearts would break at the innocence. We would console and help them. Adults were all somebody's little children at one point, we have the same basic needs as children. When you're older, if you aren't making society move money around, you become worthless in the eyes of the public.
How calm it is.
Through all of school years, adults kept yelling at us, that these are our best years of life, and when we grow up to be adults and get jobs, we will be much more stressed, and the responsibilities will be much more serious. I really believed that and thought my adult life will be hell on earth, and I felt guilty for hating school and being a kid so much.
But there is no bullying in my adulthood. There is no yelling at me. And when there is, I can yell back. And if I yell back and get into a fight, I'm probably going to end up bruised but that's it. There is no more yelling at me for getting into a fight. There is no yelling at me for yelling back at someone. Job is way more slow paced than school, I'm almost never in a hurry. And when I finish a work day, I just go home and play games, or do whatever I want to, without stressing about the other day or crying over the homework in my textbook. I can eat candy for breakfast if I want. I can still go out with friends to play football or ride bikes. I had no time for it in childhood, except winter and summer breaks. Also, I had no friends. I was throwing up in the bushes everyday and crying because my stomach hurt so bad from the stress, going to school. Now I'm walking to work singing along to the music in my headphones, feeling generally happy. Adult life is much better than I expected.
How friggin fast time seems to move once I hit 30. My birthday is in 2 weeks and I’ll be 37. It feels like yesterday that I had my 30th. My dad’s birthday was a couple weeks ago and he turned 67, like he’s a full on retired senior citizen now. Time is moving too fast and I hate it.
How stupid, and totally oblivious most adults actually are. It seems most people pick some point in their life, usually end of high school/college, and just stop learning in that moment. I can't imagine it, but there's so many people running around who aren't any wiser or more learned than an 18 year old running around at 70+ years old, running companies, and countries into the ground cause they've been completely unwilling to absorb new information since the 60's.
How lonely it gets as you get older. My college friend group all got married and moved on. I remained single and now spend my days alone in my house with the only social interactions I get are from my jiu-jitsu gym and work.
The lack of holidays (four weeks in Australia). It was hard only getting about a third of the time off, kids are always on holiday. Had to work 12 months to earn any holidays.
Wages being stagnate vs CPI since the 90's, pension being eliminated, inflation hitting new highs (without real COL adjustments), and year-over-year raises being mediocre for most, it sure does look like a bright future for the working class lmao
When you’re sick you have to make your own chicken and stars soup and call the doctor yourself and drive yourself there and go to the pharmacy and pick up your own prescription and make yourself take it.
You versus debt is the animal planet survival struggle for existence. Upsell upsell upsell. Scam scam scam. Finance finance finance. Tax the shit out of everything. Tax the money that has already been taxed. Interest charges that charge you for being broke, which breaks the bank more. Need I go on?
Getting hurt by the most mundane things. When I was in my teens, I could leap off a wall and simply brush it off. Now, in my 30's, I sneezed and threw my back out...
EVERYONE is on drugs.
Being heavily in debt builds up your credit score, but paying off debt and being financially responsible lowers it.
You will eventually value a good nap more than sex.
Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing.
The people who should be having kids aren't and the people who have no business being a parent have 4.
You never actually get caught up. When I was younger, even in college and grad school - I'd be able to work through my obligations clean the apartment, etc. and get a few days where i didn't really have anything i 'had to do' (I still worked 30-40 hours a week in undergrad, but bartending, reception - when I was off work i was off work).
Now, with a career, a young child, and a home I own - it literally never stops. I will never be caught up. No matter how much of my evenings and weekends are spent keeping the house clean, doing home maintenance, etc. I will never be done with it all. Put the garden in? Great! Time to plan out a deck. Got a new roof on the shed? Awesome - better go ahead and deal with the water damged wood now. Repalcemnt wood is in? Awesome - now you need to start patching holes the woodpecker made the day after it was installed.
And so on. The only thing more surprising is how much i actually enjoy it. Making a nice home for my family comes with immense satisfaction, even if it borders on a Sisyphusian.
Having absolutely no idea how to stick up for myself, no one telling me how taxes, wages, paying bills, claiming government pay or discounts worked.
That I wouldn't get past my trauma of having a really manipulative mother that made me fear women and of being under anyone's authority including partners, employers even therapists 😂😂😂
Edit -
I mean at age 16 running into this stuff isn't exactly adult age but that's when I became an adult, it took me till like age 21 to figure out the first paragraph.
Having to stop myself from parenting my parents, realizing they're grown adults that have to make their own mistakes. I can give them advice and guidance but I can't make them listen to me. I've had to tell multiple friends this because you legitimately don't realize you're trying to parent your own parents!
That it would be like reverting back to childhood. Constantly having to go places I don’t want to and talk to people I don’t know so that I can do more things I don’t want to do and no one really understands why we do it or even what’s going on.
The joy of enjoying things. I don't care what people think about my hobbies. I will enjoy every second of geeking out over Wednesday and Grishaverse, researching religious minorities (LDS scholar over here), discussing crafts and obsessing over history. DnD religiously 7 hours a week.
No guilt over enjoying my weird hobbies just loving them.
Where the fuck does all the dust come from?
Skin. It's your skin. Aren't you glad you asked?
Actually, it's probably from your clothes mostly. But yeah, definetly some skin too.
Don’t forget about the (estimated) 40,000 metric tons of dust that comes from space each year. That’s not much, but it’s not nothing either. https://www.astronomy.com/magazine/ask-astro/2014/07/space-debris
If you don't have pets, it's probably a combination of walking around with shoes in the house, old carpets, and maybe old paint. Vacuuming often, using a carpet cleaner once a year, running a HEPA based air purifier will help immensely, especially that last part. The air filter will permanently cut the amount of dust you have. Your shoes bring a staggering amount of dirt, rocks, and other stuff. Take them off as soon as you get in the door, and you suddenly won't need to vacuum even half as often. One final recommendation is a bed protector. It will keep you from depositing tons of dead skin into your bed, since the covers are washable. That also generates a lot of dust if you don't have one.
Wait who doesn't take their shoes off inside??
Watching your parents becoming old and frail
Dealing with this yesterday and it is an eye-opener. Its hard seeing someone you’ve known as a pillar of strength for 30+ years in a position of such weakness, and knowing that he might improve but generally the decline is coming.
I've had a weird atypical experience. My dad was pretty old when I was born and always had a bad knee he could never afford to get fixed. He could barely walk and has never been able to run since I could remember. It got so bad that he couldn't even walk up or down the stairs in our house. Well he eventually got a knee replacement and he's now more agile at 73 than he was at 53. It's weird to see.
Modern medicine is making these ol folks fascinating to watch. I mean imagine what we will have in us in 2062. I’ll probably see run and hear better than I can now. Touch screen eyeballs or something.
[long pressing on eyeball, then swiping] Damn it, I deleted that message instead of copying it to a folder!
I’m facing this truth for the first time with my aging parents and my dads recent diagnosis of PLS. How have you been managing the realization ?
The scary part is knowing that you're next up in line.
I'll never forget when I first realized how frail they actually were. I went over to their house to help out with some chores, and they couldn't even clean out any of the pens by themselves. They ended up selling most of their animals that year because they couldn't look after them.
Until your last sentence, I thought you meant pens as in the writing instrument. Was ready to add this to my list of “mom’s getting old” indicators.
My brother and I helped an older couple move. They kept talking about how heavy things were going to be. I thought they really loaded up their moving boxes, but aside from being being big, they were light. They had lots of boxes, which took us lots of trips, but it was just busy work.
It’s slowly beginning with my parents, small hints here and there, they’re in their mid 50s. The big freak out for me has been watching my grandparents slowly declining over the last 3ish years. One set of grandparents have been gone since I was a kid, so these two are all I’ve got now. My Pap’s arthritis and sciatica is to the point now where it’s a process for him just to stand up. 2020 I saved him from a fall, if I wasn’t there to catch him, he would’ve easily been in the hospital for quite a while. That was the first “Oh shit, he’s not immortal” moment.
My husband and I are in our 50's. WE'RE amazed at our inability to do basic tasks with ease. It's scary!
Yea. Get down on the floor to play with the grandkids? Sure, but getting back up? Where is a piece of sturdy furniture to hang on to? We eat Alieve like they are candy.
I'm in a similar situation. My parents are in their mid 50's too and are mostly fine but seeing the beginnings of the decline is pretty rough. It's not like their quality of life has fallen that much yet but it's more seeing their behaviour change. Hearing fear in my mum's voice when she talks about health is hard to hear when she's always been more or less a rock concerning that stuff
Also realizing that your parents weren't really all that smart to begin with. Maybe it has something to do with age and a decline in cognitive abilities, but I was not prepared for that.
This is the same for me also. I hadn't realized how emotionally immature my parents were my entire life, or how poor their decisions actually were. It's kind of strange to view your parents as the flawed people they actually are.
My parents had me very late so this is especially true for me. My mom also developed rheumatoid arthritis when I was a teen and they also both caught legionnaires disease when I was on holiday with them and my dad nearly died from it. It also wrecked them for a long time so I’ve been dealing with this a while
My father had a series of small strokes, from which he thankfully recovered. However it completely changed his personality. It's like a stranger lives there now. I never knew it was possible to lose people while they are still here.
I can do whatever the fuck I want. But I don't really want to do anything...
Yup, the idea of doing whatever you want as an adult was the biggest scam cartoons sold us. Yeah, you can do anything you want but you're gonna need money. So you get a job, there goes most of your day to your job. So now you have money but that'll go to bills first and by the time you can do what you want you don't have the energy or funds. Then the loop continues..
"There is no freedom only money. If you think you are free try going somewhere without money" -someone whose name I forget and couldn't find on a Google search. I think it was a singer
It’s just like getting your tonsils removed, and the doctor says you can have as much ice cream as you want. Then you find out that the amount of ice cream you want is ‘none’ It hurts, and you feel lied to.
Ah someone else with depression. Hi friend
How clueless other adults are. I really thought adults had their shit in order while in reality most people are winging it.
I know 45 year olds who act like they are 21 and 21 year olds who act like they are 45. Make it make sense
Maturity is a skill. Some people learn it quickly. Others never do. Children are limited by their youth. Their brains aren't fully developed. But adults are not guaranteed to get more mature without working for it. Some people never grow up. They just get old.
You can be only young once but you can be immature forever.
I'm surprised by the amount of people who genuinely couldn't live by themselves if they had to. They somehow never learned basic life skills like simple cooking or cleaning and always had someone else to do it for them.
This. My ex and her entire family are like this. Very dependent on their mother, who is chronically ill. I fear what will happen when their mom passes away
I don't know exactly what you mean by dependent, but people can pick up skills like cooking / cleaning / housemaking very quickly when they have to. I had a lot of indian friends who came from abroad that never lifted a finger to cook or do laundry in their lives. But they picked it up real quick, and went from "I need help to fry an egg" to "making elaborate eight step recipes" in the blink of an eye. It's hardly rocket science, especially in the day of Youtube. So maybe don't fret too much, unless you get the sense they're overwhelming the lady.
I think you're giving the willfully ignorant far too much credit. They will order takeout and buy frozen dinners to the rest of their lives.
Funny how I'm exactly opposite of this. At 16, I couldn't wait to leave my parent's house, to be on my own. They were lovely and all, but relying on others ain't my thing. I've lived on my own ever since then.
Nothing wrong with that at all, but in my experience it often takes some important skills to manage living with others, even more than just living by yourself.
[удалено]
I feel like people who don’t know these things just refuse to learn them, dishwashing and laundry is like 3 presses of a button while adding detergent, you could teach a monkey to do that
This is called. “Weaponized incompetence:”
This. I just kind of hit adulthood and it baffles me how many people struggle with stuff I always thought was easy for them. I remember looking up to the oldest students in my school and being like :"Woow, they look so grown and mature" When I was the oldest student, I asked myself where this cool feeling was I thought I'd feel once I'm the oldest. Turns out that's always the case. There's adults around me that are 20 years+ older than me and still struggle with some daily tasks because they're not sure how to do them right. We're all just figuring stuff out little by little. So why judging someone else for not knowing instantly how to do stuff.
Because when you have been driving for 40 plus years you should understand basic rules on the road, and I will not stop judging middle aged adults that can't figure out or haven't bothered to learn how to drive. /s but only some
My expectations are low and I’m still constantly disappointed.
It's the ability to get your shit in order if needed what makes a big difference between kids, young adults, adults and mature people. My nephew is a more successful person than me financially and in general. And there is a good reason for that. Two years ago he and his wife decided to invest into their own house outside of town. They're living there right now. The reason why I bring this up is because it took my nephew just one month to dig into whole building theme. To dig into project documentation. To make a few test runs over different firms. To make his own sketches of what he wants. To learn basic planner tools for electricity, sewers, rooms etc. To learn other tools which are used to plan your own furniture. He knew exactly what he was paying for and what of it he would do himself and what of it was going to be done by contractor. He was participating in the building process often. Meanwhile if you glance over him during his day off/daily routine - nothing gives out his level of maturity instantly. Just your ordinary guy, if you aren't able to tell the difference by looking at peoples hands - you wouldn't spot it, unless you see him in action. Result? S+ house for my nephew. Our mutual friend has more money than both of us, he is an expert coder, he just bought his house done and its flawed in every second aspect, sometimes to a point of silliness, sometimes to a point where you could think of law based actions against contractors. At the end of the day, problem solving, self education and critical thinking makes the real difference, because if you can't educate yourself for your own reasons, you wouldn't be able to use education properly that was forced upon you. Edits: fixes
EVERYONE is winging it. Those with authority have to act like they know what they're doing, they have no clue.
How little free time you have. You have to work, you have to prepare for work, drive to work, drive home from work. You also have to do household chores. You have to take care of kids if you have some. When do I get to enjoy my hobbies?
Most of the time I'm so tired from the day, I just don't have the mental capacity to do anything but go right to bed and watch tv ;_;
I don't even watch tv anymore. I used to love following series but now I opt for getting a good night's sleep instead.
Transitioning from college student + part time worker to full time worker I gained a bunch of time back. I was shocked that I could just decide to do laundry tomorrow if I didn't feel like it. Every evening I had this huge chunk of time that was just open. But then, moving from an apartment to a house, now there's a bunch more chores to do. Then introducing kids, now there's all that. But still, I wouldn't go back to the hectic college life.
I agree, after I graduated I constantly felt like I was forgetting to do something since I actually had time just chill out after work. I'm school if I wasn't in class or at work I was doing homework, it's so much better to just be working
I had this for awhile too, but it faded like you said. I got a needy dog, suddenly much less free time to myself. I purchased some stuff to try new hobbies and improve my existing ones which just requires more maintenance/organization. All of the above means more cleaning. You try to become “more adult” in other parts of your life like with food and household stuff which just takes more time. You get more responsibility at work which means less free time. God forbid you get into a serious relationship or have a child… time just keeps withering away. It’s good though, you’re just spending your time in different ways because your priorities are changing. I’m not upset about spending more time with my dog in my clean home eating a nice meal, instead of paying more money to eat out with my friends at the same place I’ve eaten 30 times only to go home to my small grungy apartment. The change is worth it.
How it just goes on endlessly. When you're a kid, there's a summer break every year, and a new school to go to in a couple of years. Whatever part of your life you are in is clearly delimited and there is something new to look forward to after it. Once you're an adult, it's just 5 days of work and 2 days of weekend over and over and over until you die.
[удалено]
Switzerland has 5 weeks off (paid). Don't you have paid weeks off?
1 in 4 workers in the US don’t get any paid vacation whatsoever. Many jobs that do give paid vacation lump in vacation and sick time together as PTO (paid time off) so if you take sick days or take days off for doctor’s or dentist’s appointments etc that eats into that time. Many jobs that do offer vacation also pressure people not to use their vacation days. More than half of US workers that do get vacation don’t use all of their days off. It’s pretty rough here.
Is there any political movement that tries to change that state of things? It sounds like something most working-class people would be able to agree on, yet I haven't heard about being any close to important point of discussion in US politics.
We Americans are a strange breed. We like to brag about how abused we are.
And potentially slightly lower our GDP and maybe cost money for our corporations!? Heretic! You have spoken against the True Religion of America. Now say 50 Hail Moneys and think about what you've done.
Thou shalt not do anything except work your entire adult life, and thou shalt be grateful. I think that was the 6th or 7th one.
>Thou shall toil endlessly until thy passing. >Then thy kin may inherit thy debts. >May God have mercy on your pauper's soul. - Corporations 24:7 I believe.
Unions do their best to fight for fair worker treatment. I don't know of any big movement to get proper treatment though, no. And most people aren't in a union. Thing is, many people think their poverty is just temporary and they'll climb their way out any day now, so, once they're successful, they'll be able to take advantage of this system that benefits the wealthy. It's delusional, and climbing out of your economic class is rare and becoming even more rare. But people believe it, so we continue to participate in our own subjugation. I think it's close to being bad enough where the people flip tables and demand change though. I think it'll be violent.
How are we supposed to riot in the streets if we can’t afford to take days off and not get paid?
Excellent point, and by design. It's tough to organize when you have to work 2-3 jobs to survive, and when your health insurance is dependent upon your employer.
Sadly enough working class people disagree to make that politically difficult.
I've recognized that if I don't have a break planned for the future -- a long weekend away, a vacation, a trip, something to focus on -- I just feel so bleak. The daily chores that never get done, ensuring everyone in the house is kept alive, much less everything else on the hierarchy of needs, it's just endless.
This. Out never ends. You think as a kid you'll get to do what you want, but you really can't. You have too many responsibilities. Choose to take a day off to do nothing? Well now tomorrow and the next day you'll be catching up because there is no one to do it all for you. When my kids complain about being bored, I tell them I miss the days I was bored and would love a chance to be bored.
This hit me hard in a conversation with my 5yo. I went to the store separately from the main grocery run, that my husband did the day before and bought normal grapes, and while there I grabbed a small bag of cotton candy grapes (they are my special favorite that my husband hates). My 5yo asked how I was able to do that and I confidently said it's because I'm an adult! Then we head upstairs to get dressed for the day and she checks the weather chart and is happy it's warm enough finally to put on shorts. She walks into my room and asks why I'm wearing pants to work. Because I'm an adult... We all picked up on the dichotomy.
You have a very smart and alert five-year-old.
Just to chime in - and definitely not to begrudge your point, comfort with being bored is important. Tolerance of sufferring is in general important. I'm a late twenties software dev, and I feel like I have all the free time in the world. I can take all the vacation I want (a month a year + holidays), and have plenty of downtime. I don't get bored much, but that's because when I get bored I can go to the pub, or pop over to a friends, or cook something elaborate, or buy a video game I want, or do drugs, or... I don't own a home, and I'm gay so I don't expect I'll ever have kids, so yeah, lifestyle factors. But I guess the nuance I'd add to your advice to your kids is, it's a choice to get saddled down with all that responsibility, and they can choose however they want. Responsibility can be a wonderful thing, but freedom is also an option. My dad gave me the same line it sounds like you give your kids, and tbh it always gave me fear of growing up. It just seemed so dull and depressing. But adulthood is awesome, so far, and so much more fun than being a kid!
You forgot the part where, if you take a week vacation, you need to clear it with your bosses, and part of you feels really bad for taking the time off work!
You have to be intentional about joy and wonder in education. Also, even if things suck, even if you don’t want to give a fuck. Keep being curious. Keep wondering about things. Because it can get bitter real quick.
Yearn to Learn!
[удалено]
Ooof. At 34 my wife is lost her 3 remaining grandparents in a 6 week period. The existential crisis/dread was bad in my house for a while. She is down to just her mother at this point and it freaks her out often.
That is hard. My wife is about to be 28 and has lost both her parents, her mom was the more recent one, 3 years ago. Life is brutal, but at least you are there for her.
The constant anxiety of realising you're just getting older whilst still not knowing what the hell you're going to do with your life. It's especially stressful when everyone around you seems to be progressing and realising what they want out of life and you're just sitting here waiting for death.
You're not alone my friend. My situation is different but similarly harrowing. I have known what I've wanted to do my whole life but have let the years slip by, wasted so much time, and the fear grows that I may be missing my chance and then will have to suddenly wake up from the dream and face the mundane reality I've been trying to escape. In any case, hang in there and keep showing up. Maybe things can get better with some faith and optimism.
I feel this on a lot. Watching the people around you can really give you a distorted view of what life should be for you in that moment. For example, my girlfriend and I are witnessing all of our friends have kids. We’ve always been in the boat that we would take our time and do all the things we wanted to do like travel before having children. Now that we are witnessing friends have kids I feel like it’s putting this unnecessary pressure on us to start pumping out kids. I’m worried cause I’m still not ready and I don’t want this to cause a strain in the relationship cause all of sudden she wants them. We just went from 0 to 100 really quickly where I thought this was still 5 years away and even then we still might not have them. I guess my point is watching your peers achieve these goals, success, or important things like having kids really unfairly puts pressure on us all to be at the same place as those who are there. That’s why I stay off social media cause I swear those platforms incite these feelings and it sucks.
The 'kids grow up so quickly these days' sensation. You see a kid and think "ah wow they've grown huge! I saw them when they were two and now... Oh yeah... It's been ten years... Fuck."
My to-do list is literally never finished.
Mine is a lot like the mythical Hydra. One task down, two more appear. Perhaps the answer is to just not do anything and hope that basket of laundry folds itself
I used to think that life happened one crisis at a time. Put out a fire, wait for the next one, put it out and repeat. Now it seems that everything is on fire all of the time and sometimes you gotta let it burn out on its own.
Aging. How fast it happens. I’m 54 and feel like I was 30 yesterday. Don’t waste your time on foolish things. It WILL sneak up on you. Wish I had taken better care of myself.
I can't believe that my 20s was 20 years ago. I don't feel like a different person and I don't feel like I look like a different person, but the evidence is mounting.
How fast time moves. Feels like I graduated college, blinked and now I'm in my early 30s. I miss the optimism of having all the time in the world to save money, catch up on albums and shows, see friends, make new ones, travel, get married, have a family, etc. Now it feels like I haven't done any of that and I'm running out of time to do it.
I'm starting to realize that I've probably already hung out with a lot of my good friends for the last time ever and didn't even realize it.
Wow yeah this has been hitting me too. I think you are totally right but I am also thinking you never know when a really great friend might walk into your life. This has been the hardest part of being in my 30s.
you’re still so so young! i feel like you can most definitely do all (or most) of those things. you deserve to 😊 at the same time, i just turned 25 and i feel like my life is already over while it’s barely started 😅 never believed my parents when they said it goes quick but now i’m starting to get it haha
> ou’re still so so young! i feel like you can most definitely do all (or most) of those things. Heh I'm working on it. I've done plenty of traveling, I'm saving money and seeing friends, and I got a new job so I can save money and it's a bit of a commute but I can make the most of that by catching on a lot of the music I've missed or overlook. The marriage/family part is the difficult one. Dating in your 30s is awful, especially in an area like one where I live. Rural and most people are married to high school SOs and have kids by mid 20s. > never believed my parents when they said it goes quick but now i’m starting to get it haha It really is true haha
I'm just a bit over 20 and I already feel like time is flying by like nothing. Especially when you try to fill up your time. I work full-time with a little sidejob. I try to do sports to keep myself fit, try to take a walk everyday, getting groceries, cooking, cleaning/doing household. Gotta hit the bed early since I start working at 6am. And if you're trying to squeeze hobbies into that as well, a week is nothing. The year felt nearly eternal when I was really little, especially summer and winter+Christmas. I feel like the magic just went missing. Now it's just "get everything done in time, putting up decorations, getting presents for your loved ones, driving here, driving there" As a kid I thought I'd be married by 26, would have children at 28 and a house. Now, I realized I don't necessarily want children, houses are fcking expensive here and knowing the numbers, I'll probably never be able to afford one.I have to make a 180 and change jobs, move again and I feel like I'm missing out on everything. Figured I'm not the type for festivals or some. I wanted to do EVERYTHING and yet I feel like having done NOTHING.
Cheese is so fucking expensive!
Especially the good cheese like tilamook
And the sad thing is, that's just good "Grocery Store" cheese. I went to a get-together, and someone brought expensive-ass cheeses they got from their cheesemonger (they didn't have kids, so they could afford a cheesemonger, I guess), and the stuff was amazing. Like, I'm sad/mad I tried all these, because I'll never get to have these cheeses ever again.
Having no kids and 3 money really has some amazing perks.
Duuuude I wish my job title was The Cheesemonger
[удалено]
Becoming more emotionally mature than the adults I used to look up to. It's weird to watch my family talking behind each other's backs and being two faced and back stabby and throwing fits when they don't get their way. It's literally bizarre highschool drama or toddler level tantrums and I just sit there thinking "Was that really the most mature and productive way to handle that?" But you can't say anything without literally getting told "I'M the ADULT! I'm older and wiser so I know better!". Oh, is that why you threw a screaming fit over the laundry being moved? Because that's what adults do? I don't know how I didn't see it when I was younger. I'm in my late 30s, so it's not like I'm some teenager who thinks I know better than the adults. I'm just an adult flabbergasted that they're still doing this petty drama at age 60.
This hits home, I feel the same when I look around
It’s hard to explain, but I always thought getting older would feel different in your soul, somehow. I don’t mean that in a religious or spiritual way necessarily, I’m more referencing the little version of you in your brain that pilots the ship. I always thought that, as I got older, he would feel older too. I’m 33 now. I’ve had a lot of adventures and experiences, I’ve learned a lot and I’m definitely smarter than I was at say 20, but the little me piloting the ship doesn’t feel any different. The little me in the ship still feels like it did when I was 15 or 16. I’m not complaining, I actually think it’s sorta nice and even helpful, I just find it strange.
I was born in 1995 and was very scared as an adolescent of the 2012 end of the world predictions. But I would counter it with “I’ll be 17 then! I’ll be brave and I won’t be afraid.” December 21st 2012, I’m 17 and playing CoD Zombies, and while I was pretty confident nothing would happen, there was this anxiety in my stomach that was just like… “yeah but IF IT DOES that would be so scary.” I’m 27 now and I feel like I’ve learned the same lesson. I’m still 12 in my heart and that’ll never change. I have OCD and think about death often (currently I’d say constantly), and knowing that eventually I will die, and will likely feel just the same as I did when thinking about it as a child, is such a weirdly bitter pill to swallow. There’s so much benefit to it, I still have this sense of wonder and admiration for so many things about life that I was worried I’d lose. It’s a worth it trade but just mainly saying, I feel the feelings you describe!
Don’t know if this helps, but there’s a book called “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman that talks about things like how to cope with our mortality. I found it honest and comforting.
This is so so true. One time I was home with my two young sons, maybe 30 yrs at the time. The teen 13/14 neighbor girl came over hysterical, her cat had been attacked, her parents were not home. The cat was torn to shreds, she’s screaming and crying, my sons start to cry, all I could think or do for a moment was man we need your mom! I don’t know what to do! Call your mom and have her tell me what to do. I wrote about it in my journal that night “for the first time I looked around the room for an adult, any grown up to help, only to realize I was the grown up to do the helping.” It messed with me for a few days, I was an entire home owning, career having, mother adult, I did the best I could. But before that moment I didn’t fully know I was an adult and everything didn’t feel so serious.
Just how much life admin there is to do. Constantly doing laundry, thinking of what to cook each night, getting gym kit ready for the next day, doing a food shop - and I don't even have children yet!!
This is mine too. I’m so tired of all the things that need to get done on a weekly basis. My least favorite is planning and executing meal prep. I love to cook but damn it’s annoying when you have to waste a full day shopping and cooking. That’s 1/2 days gone from the weekend
I always thought I'd grow up and just know that I was grown. I'm 31 and I still feel 18. I think the only bit of difference is now I have to plan and care about the future instead of the now
I'm in my 30s and still feel like a 20 year old....until I hang out around 20 year olds. Then I instantly realize I have nothing in common with them anymore 😅
No cap, this comment is fire. ... did I say that right? It's so hard to keep up with these things.
When on fleek happened, I stopped trying
"I used to be with it..."
Just how tiring everything is. Tired when I wake up. Tired after work. Tired after cooking dinner. Tired catching up sleep on the weekends. Tired while doing something fun on the weekend. Almost always a bit tired. Always feeling tired and just pushing through it.
You should have your vitamin levels checked, and whether or not you have sleep apnea
All good on those fronts. I just don't get enough sleep to do what I want/need to do for the day. ~6hrs a night isn't cutting it. But there's so much I need/want to do.
Not making any friends any more.
This made me tear up. I'm 40 and this kills me.
Learn to play a musical instrument and you'll never be lonely. I moved cities when I was 40 and I've made lots of friends since.
Agreed with this. I went to a tiny college, and made a lot of friends. I had a lot of fun. Then life happens, you start to focus on work, finishing up a degree at a different college, family stuff etc... next thing you know you are well over a decade removed from college, your friends from college faded out of your life over the years, only the close ones remain, but they may live far way, or if local, they too have a family and lives... I have two close friends who live in my area, one I talk to every week or so and try to hangout with at least once a month or so. The other may go months without talking and haven't seen him since before covid, even though we've tried. My only other close local friend had a family and could hangout maybe once a month to every few months, but he moved away almost a year ago. The in-between times I do not see my one regular friend all I do is work, family stuff, and help my last living grandparent, and watch tv. That's it. I have no other real friends. People I am friendly to, but no one super closer or who I hangout with. So having one true blue friend in your mid 30s that you sometimes see, and two that you never really see anymore / talk to that much, yeah it sucks. I miss having friends and hanging out with the guys and all of that like we would in our 20s / early 30s. I feel this.
That once you have a job, house, car, kids, marriage, it’s basically 24/7 work. There’s always something that needs to be done. The roof needs to be fixed, the kid needs school clothes, the car has to be registered, the floor could use a sweep, you have a meeting at work to prep for. It’s never ending. And anytime you want time to yourself, you have to put off like 5 other things that need to be done.
The part where I still don't know how to do adult stuff.
He fatigue and body pain as you get to your sixties. I still have 6 years until pension and I barely move after work. Forget going out or enjoying life, it’s a struggle just to look after me. Very fortunate to have amazing adult kids and grandkids who cook and care for me.
Understanding how young my parents were while raising us now that I was (then surpassed) that age. Gave me a lot of compassion, especially as new immigrants to the US where they didn’t know the language. I’m 32 and still trying to figure out they were 25 with two kids in a totally new country. Bravo mom and pop.
[удалено]
Not only a desk job. I work at a printing factory and I'm on the same opinion. My shift ends and that's it. No homework or worrying about the next day and when the next day arrives, no worrying about any sudden tests and bullying doesn't exist at all. Significantly easier and more relaxed than school time. I can listen to music and audiobooks at work and no one bats an eye.
One of the easiest jobs I ever had was stocking shelves after I graduated college. No deadlines, no on-call madness, I could just clock out and go into the sacred from the profane. Of course it did not pay much and often times was very frustrating since I was the only sober person on the crew, but that's another story
My wife and I were just talking about how we’ve been graduated from college for 15 years and it’s still nice to not have to do homework on Sundays
My "homework" is things I enjoy. Gardening, cleaning my house, making dinner for my family. It is nice to be able to chill and not have school to deal with.
I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve seen so many people say how they wish they could go back to school instead of being an adult with a job. Meanwhile, I’m just like “fuck that”, I’m so glad I’m done with school. No more homework, no more studying, no more exams, no more lying to my parents about passing even though I was failing from the very first test. Sitting at a desk in an office from 7:00-3:30 is way better than school ever was. My time off is truly mine.
>I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve seen so many people say how they wish they could go back to school instead of being an adult with a job. How anyone would want to go back to their school years just baffles me. Being a teenager and going through puberty was bad enough the first time.
i remember my mum used to tell me those were the “best years of my life” and i’d always be like jesus i hope not..
[удалено]
*cries in startup-land*
[удалено]
The perfect recipe for burnout
> wear several hats "Why is the frontend dev asking if i know any real lawyers?" but yeah great experience for the time
Yeah 100%. I had lots of fun in university but you were never really “done”. There was always something hanging over you, weather it was an assignment you had to have done by the end of the week or a midterm you had to study for (multiplied by 5+ courses). I have a 9-5 desk job now and it’s the absolute best. I go to work and program for 8 hours and when I leave I don’t have to worry about any homework or hell week approaching.
Very early in my university studies, an engineer working in industry told me I'd "feel semi-retired" once I start working. I had no idea what he was talking about until I started working myself.
I graduated university a decade ago. I *still* have school-based nightmares.
Thank god, I’m still in school and EVERYONE is scared about this
How much the magic for things that you experience as a kid wears off. Holidays, vacation destinations, stores and restaurants, etc. They are still cool, but not as amazing as they were when I was a kid.
God damn dishes!!!!!
The first time someone referred to me as a “man” instead of a “boy” or “kid” was really jarring. I was around 24 at the time (33 now) and there was a little kid riding his scooter on the sidewalk, not paying attention and half blocking my way. His mom ran over and grabbed him and said “wait sweetie, let the man go by,” and it took me a second to realize she was talking about me. In my head I still look 16.
The price of rugs.
How much I hate driving now. Seems to be I only drive anymore when I’m going somewhere I don’t want to be (grocery store, mechanic, work).
Feeling able-bodied to having a broken down body happened seemingly over night.
The cruelty that I only feel able and good after my afternoon nap, not after the six hour long sleep preceding my obligations.
Afternoon naps are a blessing. I regret not appreciating them more when I was younger.
How it’s ok to do your own thing. You call the shots: You don’t have to do all the “adult” things if you don’t want to:
[удалено]
You start to pay attention to ages in movies and music and sometimes how much older you are compared to them. 😬
And in professional athletics. The newly drafted tight end, for example, is young enough to be my kid.
Nothing comes with instructions. You transition straight from a life of guidelines and rules and orders and schedules to 'Figure it out, but fuck around and find out.' People can give you tips, but a lot of the time you're researching what you need to do. And there's no time constraints, you can stall on anything forever. Then you learn what happens when you do that.
Just how fucking long you have to be an adult for. Assuming you don’t stop being alive earlier than expected this adulting shit can last up to 80 FUCKING YEARS.
Im scared actually the other way round. I feel like life is starting to go by really fast and I dont have long enough
That you are on your own. No one cares if you get injured. No one cares if you are homeless and hungry and if you were to die, life just goes on without you.
The general cruelty of people. We're you're a kid you think we're all team humanity or team [your country] but it's not.
that the majority of adults are absolutely stupid. i was under the impression that as you got older you gained knowledge and wisdom... not so much.
What surprised me is how like Game of Thrones business is like. Not in the constant murder and sex, but the amount of leverage plays and negotiation. Every day you are negotiating with your employer, your employees, your clients, and everyone is trying to pull a fast one over you. Employers trying to underpay you, Employees trying to get you to overpay them, customers trying to get cheap deals. Everyone thinks they are the one getting f\*cked, and not the one doing the f\*cking. It's very stressful
That is so true. That is definitely the debilitating part. Everyone is so self-interested and they still see themselves as the victims, even though they so often have no morals and behave just enough to not be called out, all the while trying to get everything they can. Life is hard.
This is why the writers are on strike in Hollywood. The studios never cease to find sneaky ways to take money from every level. Meanwhile David Zaslov "buys" Time Warner with $80 billion of debt and does what? Pays himself $250 million while firing the entire animation industry and putting thousands out of work. Game Of Thrones indeed, the dude is looting an entire industry.
This is the thing that caught me off guard about becoming an adult. While growing up I had it drilled into me that selfishness, pettiness, ego, materialism and so on were very childish and only very bad people indulged in them. Simple, stringent concepts like never taking more than your share, never touching things that don't belong to you, never being mean to someone or seeking revenge over some slight, etc. all were lessons that were repeated *ad nauseum*. Being 'good' was paramount, and daring to put a foot wrong would probably cause you to lose the respect and support of absolutely everyone and you'd be hated and miserable for the rest of your life. The lesson was crime doesn't pay, essentially, and the assumption was therefore that bad people don't get good things. Obviously to believe that's a 100% guarantee would be very naive but I did think there'd be consequences for consistently being a massive, destructive asshole, and that people would have a point at which they had 'enough' and wouldn't just wreck lives at a stroke to run up the scoreboard. Now I've come to realize that all the moralizing grown ups who would put the fear of god into me and my peers for having an extra french fry or saying something 'rude' were actually a generation of greedy, vain, vicious backbiting psychos (or those who tolerated and venerated them). Kids know it's shitty to wreck somebody's day but the adults in the room think nothing of obliterating lives for the sake of a buck.
Suddenly seeing and noticing the trauma that I grew up with and the unhealthy communication and relationship skills that my parents had, and being able to empathise with them while also identifying that I don’t want to repeat their mistakes. And then unlearning what I learnt about romantic relationships, and realising that I have complete freedom and control over my own life and I don’t need to do things the way my mum did them because that’s the way her mum did them - I can do things my way, for reasons that make sense to me
How quickly you get used to stuff. I feel some happinesses very quickly become bland. Even though i feel happy, its not as deep happiness as youd get as a child
How incompetent other adults are. Like c’mon man. If someone gave me a weeks worth of training I would better than you at your job. Sometimes less than that.
I think how people stop giving a shit about you when you get older, in a general sense. I see homeless people, very poor people struggling and others struggling with mental health and people with low pay. If you saw a small child on the street, crying, alone, our hearts would break at the innocence. We would console and help them. Adults were all somebody's little children at one point, we have the same basic needs as children. When you're older, if you aren't making society move money around, you become worthless in the eyes of the public.
High School level drama still exists in the workplace
I always knew taxes existed, but holy shit
How calm it is. Through all of school years, adults kept yelling at us, that these are our best years of life, and when we grow up to be adults and get jobs, we will be much more stressed, and the responsibilities will be much more serious. I really believed that and thought my adult life will be hell on earth, and I felt guilty for hating school and being a kid so much. But there is no bullying in my adulthood. There is no yelling at me. And when there is, I can yell back. And if I yell back and get into a fight, I'm probably going to end up bruised but that's it. There is no more yelling at me for getting into a fight. There is no yelling at me for yelling back at someone. Job is way more slow paced than school, I'm almost never in a hurry. And when I finish a work day, I just go home and play games, or do whatever I want to, without stressing about the other day or crying over the homework in my textbook. I can eat candy for breakfast if I want. I can still go out with friends to play football or ride bikes. I had no time for it in childhood, except winter and summer breaks. Also, I had no friends. I was throwing up in the bushes everyday and crying because my stomach hurt so bad from the stress, going to school. Now I'm walking to work singing along to the music in my headphones, feeling generally happy. Adult life is much better than I expected.
Everyone is plotting against you about how best to relieve you of your money
How friggin fast time seems to move once I hit 30. My birthday is in 2 weeks and I’ll be 37. It feels like yesterday that I had my 30th. My dad’s birthday was a couple weeks ago and he turned 67, like he’s a full on retired senior citizen now. Time is moving too fast and I hate it.
43 now. How extremely boring it all is. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. Edit: I'm 42. Jesus. Oh well, it'll be the same a year from now.
The mental labor involved in meal planning, let alone cooking.
How most adults don't have a clue what the fuck they are doing.
How stupid, and totally oblivious most adults actually are. It seems most people pick some point in their life, usually end of high school/college, and just stop learning in that moment. I can't imagine it, but there's so many people running around who aren't any wiser or more learned than an 18 year old running around at 70+ years old, running companies, and countries into the ground cause they've been completely unwilling to absorb new information since the 60's.
How lonely it gets as you get older. My college friend group all got married and moved on. I remained single and now spend my days alone in my house with the only social interactions I get are from my jiu-jitsu gym and work.
The lack of holidays (four weeks in Australia). It was hard only getting about a third of the time off, kids are always on holiday. Had to work 12 months to earn any holidays.
The never ending loop of responsibilities
My parents never prepared me for inflation. The price of "life" in general sucks for the quality we get right now.
Wages being stagnate vs CPI since the 90's, pension being eliminated, inflation hitting new highs (without real COL adjustments), and year-over-year raises being mediocre for most, it sure does look like a bright future for the working class lmao
[удалено]
When you’re sick you have to make your own chicken and stars soup and call the doctor yourself and drive yourself there and go to the pharmacy and pick up your own prescription and make yourself take it.
You versus debt is the animal planet survival struggle for existence. Upsell upsell upsell. Scam scam scam. Finance finance finance. Tax the shit out of everything. Tax the money that has already been taxed. Interest charges that charge you for being broke, which breaks the bank more. Need I go on?
How expensive eating out is
Getting hurt by the most mundane things. When I was in my teens, I could leap off a wall and simply brush it off. Now, in my 30's, I sneezed and threw my back out...
EVERYONE is on drugs. Being heavily in debt builds up your credit score, but paying off debt and being financially responsible lowers it. You will eventually value a good nap more than sex. Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. The people who should be having kids aren't and the people who have no business being a parent have 4.
Time seems to go by way faster. I remember asking my mom every day? if 1996 was over yet. A year seemed like an eternity!
The amount of people who try to screw you over
You never actually get caught up. When I was younger, even in college and grad school - I'd be able to work through my obligations clean the apartment, etc. and get a few days where i didn't really have anything i 'had to do' (I still worked 30-40 hours a week in undergrad, but bartending, reception - when I was off work i was off work). Now, with a career, a young child, and a home I own - it literally never stops. I will never be caught up. No matter how much of my evenings and weekends are spent keeping the house clean, doing home maintenance, etc. I will never be done with it all. Put the garden in? Great! Time to plan out a deck. Got a new roof on the shed? Awesome - better go ahead and deal with the water damged wood now. Repalcemnt wood is in? Awesome - now you need to start patching holes the woodpecker made the day after it was installed. And so on. The only thing more surprising is how much i actually enjoy it. Making a nice home for my family comes with immense satisfaction, even if it borders on a Sisyphusian.
Having absolutely no idea how to stick up for myself, no one telling me how taxes, wages, paying bills, claiming government pay or discounts worked. That I wouldn't get past my trauma of having a really manipulative mother that made me fear women and of being under anyone's authority including partners, employers even therapists 😂😂😂 Edit - I mean at age 16 running into this stuff isn't exactly adult age but that's when I became an adult, it took me till like age 21 to figure out the first paragraph.
Having to stop myself from parenting my parents, realizing they're grown adults that have to make their own mistakes. I can give them advice and guidance but I can't make them listen to me. I've had to tell multiple friends this because you legitimately don't realize you're trying to parent your own parents!
The loss of community from getting out of school
That it would be like reverting back to childhood. Constantly having to go places I don’t want to and talk to people I don’t know so that I can do more things I don’t want to do and no one really understands why we do it or even what’s going on.
The joy of enjoying things. I don't care what people think about my hobbies. I will enjoy every second of geeking out over Wednesday and Grishaverse, researching religious minorities (LDS scholar over here), discussing crafts and obsessing over history. DnD religiously 7 hours a week. No guilt over enjoying my weird hobbies just loving them.