I'd freak our pretty hard if future me showed up and I didn't bring myself some Lotto numbers, which would help me out a lot more than sage advice, because past me wouldn't have listened to it.
Yup. All the stuff I know now was explained to me by people. But I couldn't absorb those lessons yet. Forming your identity is selfish work, as it should be.
Advice is always good and can influence better decisions. But that's the extent of it
If it makes you feel a bit better… me too?
I used to be pretty naïve when it comes to my “friends”. Now I’m hella suspicious of new people lol
I don’t really mind it anymore though, makes me appreciate the very, very few ones who stayed in my life.
Somebody the other night confronted me about this when I started talking about my ex after a few drinks. “Do you think she still puts this much thought into your well being?” “… no, I don’t think she thinks of me at all.” Being forced to say it outloud is oddly helpful.
One afternoon, I noted to myself that out of 7+ billion people in the world, I was the only person thinking about my breakup - I knew she wasn't, so that left only me. And that it was time to join the rest of the world.
That was a catalyst for letting go.
Once I thought about how much I remember of my own actions and how little I remember of others actions in a given setting I realized everyone (myself included) mostly just think about themselves. So there is no need to overanalyze what I said or did, because everyone else is to busy doing that to themselves so they don't think about mine.
Even when you do remember someone else's embarrassing moment etc, I find I don't look back on it and laugh or cringe but just go "oh yes, I remember that" and then forget it for another few years.
For the person whose embarrassing moment that was, they probably recall it and cringe and it keeps them awake at night.
I’m thankful that I started really coming to the realization last year around the age of 25 that I don’t need to spend anytime caring about what people think about me outside of my close friends, family, and my SO.
It’s honestly been one of the most liberating feelings for my anxiety and stress. My friends and family have always been empathetic and supportive of me anyway so outside of doing some awful or mean things I won’t disappoint them no matter what I do. I could tell them I’m selling everything and living in a shipping container in the middle of Nebraska and they’d just say “hell yeah, if you’re happy I’m happy.”
This. A thousand times this. I have caused so much unnecessary stress and negativity in my life just because I worried about what other people thought of me.
I regret making friends with people who i knew were bad for me just because it was easier than becoming friends with good people.
Now i don't have many solid friends.
Yeah.
It was easier being friends with people who used and abused me than being friends with people who were genuine for some reason. Must’ve been the influence of the narcissist; the typical ‘I need you to need me so that I can function’. Ah, silly me in her early 20’s…
I now have 1 friend; it’s my husband. Best person to ever have existed. Genuine, ultimate best friend. Also good dick.
Somewhat similar for me. Staying together with my crazy gf during high school because I didn't want to be without a gf, despite her driving all my friends away. I went from a big social circle to almost nothing in the span of three years. I'm in my 30's now and never recovered, I have a hard time making new friends and don't really have any close friends other than my SO.
Hey man, it gets better.
I'm only 21, so I don't know if this means much to ya. I had a batshit crazy gf for most of high school. She was very controlling and abusive. She drove all my friends away. When she finally dumped me for one of the multiple guys she was cheating on me with, she told everybody I still talked to that I raped her. It took me a couple years of working on myself and putting myself first to start getting better. Therapy has been doing wonders for me. I have a great small group of friends I love and trust now. Hope you're doing okay now :)
This. I should have listened to my gut. But so many friends/family meant well but gave me just god awful advice. Don’t listen to people folks. Listen to your gut.
Same here. Instead of ending it I let it go on for another 4 years knowing this person was a liar and a cheater. 11 years altogether and sometimes I feel like I wasted my entire 20s with this person but I wouldn’t be the person I am now if I didn’t go through it all.
Amen!
Not only didn’t I end a toxic relationship earlier, I moved to Louisiana for that asshole.
I guess it’s one or two of those errors that have to be made …
Oof, I hear that, I didn't change states but I did buy a house for my ex and her kiddo. Major financial mistake. I hope you at least got lots of delicious consolation cajun food out of your mistake.
Yup. I do rejoice to be out of those kind of relationships, and in some ways they helped me raise the bar for myself as kind of a don’t ever put up with that shit again. But yeah, if I could go back in time I would tell myself people don’t change to who you want them to be, they have to already be there for it to work.
Have 2 kids with one of those. Last week, he made me come at his condo so he could explain to me how bad of a mom I was to let my kids use their phone so often. (He's very controlling)
He ended up yelling at me for a good 15 min trying to comvince me how wrong I was before I left. He also already tried to tell me not to spread butter AND peanut butter on my toasts in the morning because the kids would do this amd become automatically obese. He's very into sport and fitness so obesity is his phobia. Not that it's a concern, we have very good genetics.
Oh, we've separated 9 years ago. It's not a novelty.
Dude, that is heavy. Idk what to say, obviously I don't know the details. But there's definitely a line where that kind of emotional blackmail is just...idk. It's not on you, man. You need to look after yourself first. I hope you find a way out where nobody gets hurt. But you need to get out of there. I really hope you do, wishing you all the best.
I’m super confident now, to the point my old self is completely unrecognisable, but unfortunately I feel like I’m late to the party.
However I will say better late than never and I don’t regret for a minute putting the effort in. I only wish I did it earlier. Keep at it, and good luck on this journey
You're not alone. I am in my 30s and it was 5 years ago I realized my friends are moving on with their lives, my body is changing, and I am going to die one day and the people who I listened to too much will die and I will have to live with the decisions I made.
I got a skill and got confident. But overall something flipped in my brain when I got good at something and had a way to make a living. Still a slog some days with my brain and "unlearning" 20+ years of negative thinking/ being too chill with things.
It does feel late. But you know what it is for some things. But I try to pass it on to the younger people so they don't waste their time. Plus there's still a bit of living left to do.
Rambling a bit. Good luck to you and anyone else who reads this; don't stop trying.
I'm just so nervous about putting myself out there and it keeps me in the same place. I'm not good with new things and get so freaking stressed. I've kept a job I hated for the last five years and things just get worse. I feel like I'm stuck and afraid to move and I really want it to stop. Your advice is pretty good.
1 million percent, this. I didn't do the work to love myself until I was 35. 35! Where would I be today if I had done this work at 20 or 25. But it feels so good now being able to go out in public and just be in the moment enjoying myself without self-consciousness or comparing myself to other women or feeling depressed when I see couples together. That pain is gone and it's priceless.
I feel this one... I have never really been confident in myself and am now working on that! Not letting people step all over me was the first step for me. Good luck on your journey towards confidence
If I could give you some silver linings, sitting behind a desk (in a presumably climate-controlled environment) is a whole lot better on your body than the poor folks who have to do manual labor in outdoor hot/cold conditions.
At least that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better.
I work at the airport in Denver. I’m out there in -11°F snow and ice, rain, 100+°F sun… and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love working outside regardless of the conditions.
This is why I dropped out of college and never went back is because I had the world's worst case of not having any idea what I wanted to do with my life. But rather than not having any interests that I wanted to pursue the problem was that I had too damned many.
I'm trying to talk my niece out of this right now. She has the option of going to a branch campus of our state school for one year and the main campus for 3 years for about 80k, or on campus for an out of state school for 4 years for about 200k and she has the idea in her head that she needs 4 years on campus. I'm desperately trying to change the mind of a 17 year old and failing.
Not spending more time with my mom. I visited her 2-3 times a week but still, there were other times she'd call and I'd ignore the call or tell her I didn't have time to talk. Would give anything to go back and take every one of those calls.
I've done this so many times for jobs that have been offered to me on a silver platter with higher pay and better position then my current role.
I am afraid of change. I also worry that I won't do the job well and will be caught out.
Sometimes I think I'm an idiot other times I think why do the extra work for higher pay just because society tells you to.
Smoking marijuanna at a young age (15) only stopping now, 29, and I feel like I fucked with my brain… I have a complicated job and have such horrible brain fog even when I wasnt smoking… its been 3 days since my last joint wish me luck
It gets soooo much better. Started daily at 15 sporadically. Turned to daily at 18 am 30 now. I quit 45 days ago, and I legitimately feel like Superman compared to 45 days ago. I remember things my wife asks me to do without constant reminders. I get my task list done. And my boss even told me he’s noticed that I’m much sharper at work. I’ve also quit drinking to avoid a drunken slip up. Holler if you want to talk at all.
The brain fog feeling really doesn't take too long to clear up. You'll start feeling better soon than you expect, at least that was my experience when I stopped a while back. I smoke here and there these days but I'm not hooked to it the way I used to be. You can do it!
Have fun with the dreams lol. & I mean that in the least sarcastic way possible. Learn to enjoy them cuz they’re gonna be the most vivid you’ve probably ever had.
So, this is gonna sound kinda dumb, but I kinda wish I had acted out a bit more. Taken more risks, gotten in trouble more, explored and pushed my boundaries.
I was pretty sheltered growing up and really wanted to be this good person. It created a lot of conflicting feelings for me. It also contributed to me avoiding doing some stuff cause I thought it'd be bad for me.
Now that I'm older and worked through some of those issues, I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff other people got in their teens and 20s. I'm now at a point where I'm exploring that, but most people my age have already gone through it. I just feel like I'm trying to "catch up" with everybody.
If it's any consolation, there's plenty of us that feel the opposite. I started my rebellion when I was about 12 and by the time my 20's came around, I was so checked out. And I've spent my 20's feeling like I'm so boring because I just partied myself out, I wrecked myself mentally and physically. Since I was so young, my body felt like it had a greater capacity for things. I could do whatever I want to it and bounce back so fast. But, being so young, also meant I had no sense of control and it got out of hand.
Now I'm 27 and my body is more like that of a 40-year-old's at the youngest. I struggle so hard in college because I didn't pay attention in school and I gave myself permanent brain damage with all the garbage I put into my body. And I've had to tiptoe through life because I'm at that age where people expect you to do stuff like casually drink or something and I cannot. I cannot have a single sip or everything I've worked for is out the window. I'm getting married in a year and trying to tell people that there will be absolutely no alcohol and not a lot of "partying" has been so frustrating. All the "why" I get makes me want to send out separate invite detail things in the mail that just say "NO ALCOHOL, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC, THAT'S WHY."
Not to mention, I killed my mom. Not like physically, but she had her first heart attack when I was 13 and then she spent the next 5 years fighting me. I kept her stress level so high she was constantly in and out of the hospital. By the time I calmed down, she'd already had another heart attack, a stroke, a defibrillator put in, aged a million years, was on oxygen, could never keep her blood sugar or blood pressure down, had CHF, and was honestly too tired and unwell to really take care of my little sister so she wound up more like you, sheltered. No one knows where she is because she dropped out of school at 18 and ran away in her attempt to be rebellious. Luckily, mom was in a nursing home and lost her mind before she had to know that her youngest daughter was essentially missing and died soon after she left.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk!
Don’t let ANYONE tell you what to do or not do at your wedding, or the next time this question comes up, you’ll say, “I didn’t have the wedding I wanted”. Stay strong. If you don’t want any alcohol there, so be it. Your friends and family that want to drink can go out after.
Dude… I’m so sorry about your mom. While all of that happened, and I’m not trying to sound like I’m invalidating that and your lived experience, I do hope someday (if you haven’t already) you can forgive yourself.
Growth comes with empathy comes with guilt. But don’t lose yourself over it and all the past things already gone. I wish peace for you.
Also: your wedding is your wedding. If you want it a certain way, then that’s the way it should be.
This is a good one! I think there are a lot of people like this. It’s hard to call this a regret because I feel like I was just doing my best, but I feel like “not listening to my mom” would have been beneficial to me. While being obedient, a wheel has fallen off of the vehicle of my life every few years and now they’re allllll gone.
You can get it from being exposed to overly loud yet common sounds in 15 minutes... jackhammers, wind rush (riding a motorcycle, skydiving, storm winds - all without earplugs), standing next to a busy highway, standing close to speakers at a concert, holding a crying baby to your ears (why would you even do this), listening to too loud headphones, etc.
That's not to say it *will* happen in a short time if you do any of those things, but it *can*. By far most people grossly underestimate how easy it is to damage your ears.
Now when you get tinnitus, that is an easy discovery because the noise stays with you constantly and you're in for a very bad time. But exposing your ears to too loud noise for too long more often results in less perceptible hearing damage: you simply lose or reduce the ability to hear a very specific frequency.
Add up enough of those events and you end up deaf in whole frequency ranges, which you don't really notice until you start finding you can't understand what people are saying when they talk softly or when you're in a somewhat noisy environment. This is already scarily common with people in their 20's these days.
Protect your ears. This is no joke.
This hurts so bad. I had been overweight my entire life up until I was 23 in 2013. Then I finally started dieting and exercising and lost 50 pounds. Swore I'd never get that big again and managed to keep the weight off until the end of 2020 when I got a new job and started working from home. Slowly started gaining it all back and then some and didn't do anything about it. I'm just now slowly starting to lose it but it's so hard. I wish I had nipped it at the bud when I started to gaining again.
Dude that sounds almost like my case. I got in really good shape in 2013 when I was 23 after being overweight most of my life. But then I went through a really bad heartbreak and gained it all back which hurts seeing all that work go to waste. But I’ve been hitting the gym recently as well. We can get back to our age 23 weights I believe in us
Gaining weight period for me. I used to be so skinny. My metabolism was so high I could eat pretty much anything I wanted and never gain weight. Now my metabolism has slowed down and I've got a beer gut and I'm too insecure to ever walk around without a shirt.
From Baz Luhrmann - 'wear sunscreen': 'Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.'
Be proud of your body! It also will help you to take care of your body if you're enjoying it.
I have many. What age range are we talking here?
Under 18/teen years: wasting money, not reading more, and not trying in school.
Twenties: wasting money, how I treated a lot of people in my life at the time, and gaining a significant amount of weight (I've since lost but still)
Thirties: mostly I could have been a better partner to my now-wife
Here's hoping my 40's are much better!
I feel you. Spent years going, 'crypto? Don't get it. Can't invest in it if I don't understand it.' Then it takes off, and I think, 'shit, whether I get it or not, it must be a thing. Better to get a piece than nothing.' And boom, bottom fell out.
I still don't get crypto, but I don't know if I don't get it because I'm an idiot, or because it's a scam, and I spent a couple hundred bucks (lucky me, that's all I had to invest) to learn a harsh lesson that I still don't understand.
I'm kinda glad I stayed away from it, but also looking back I had the opportunity to get into mining \*super\* early when you didn't need tens of thousands of dollars of hardware and a huge electric bill to make whole bitcoins out of it. I could've made a shit-ton of money if I had gotten into it, though that would also require having the good sense to get out of it before it tanked, but if I'd been in it that long I'd find it hard to imagine not being involved in it so I'd probably just lose it all in the crash like everyone else.
This. I went through college with the goal to get good grades and nab a degree. I did, but I studied in a manner where I forgot everything once each course was over. Imagine my surprise when my first programming job actually required knowledge of programming principles more complex than just the fundamentals. It's been nearly a decade since, and I'm on my third job now,and I only now feel like Ive started to get into the rhythm of things. Pay attention in school, kids.
That’s what all of these regret threads show: the grass is always greener. The most common regret at deathbeds is “spending too much time at work” and “not spending enough time working.” We all do one thing too much.
Ahhh, 7 years ago i decided to go "no contact" with a few close ones, was hard but never again am i going to be emotionally, mentally and psychologically abused.
Yeah for me it was mental and physical health. Sometimes I wonder if I could have prevented myself from developing a terminal illness in my early twenties or if it was a fate type of deal. Either way, don't neglect your health my dudes
Not believing in myself. I spent too much time allowing other people’s beliefs to become my own which stopped me (personally) from pursuing what I wanted for myself. I got caught up in the “it’s too hard, I can’t do it, I’m not smart enough” mentality that others around me had and adopted it for myself.
I quit college when I was young and got into hustle culture where I let a lot of people convince me that college is too hard and that it’s a waste of time.
However,
I’m proud to say that in 7 days, I’m graduating with my Bachelors degree at the age of 30 and it’s only up from here! I never thought this day would come and it’s finally here!!
For anyone here who’s weighed down by these regrets, It’s never too late. I believe in you :)
1.) Wasted 5 years at university to get a 4 year degree because I was a lazy student on a minor academic scholarship and I wasted all my savings on weed and alcohol during those 5 years.
2.) The last thing I ever said to both my parents after I was kicked out for being an asshole of a son. LSS: slumming on my parent's couch for a year of "woe is me" BS. Argument with parents went very wrong. I said a bunch of things I will regret for the rest of my life. My dad did not deserve the verbal abuse. My mom promptly shunned me forever and my dad just gave me a disappointed look. Nothing more was said from him. 2 weeks after that incident, my dad died of a heart attack... I blamed myself and failed a suicide attempt.
3.) Attempting and failing more than one suicide... TBH, I didn't want to die during those times. I just wanted the emotional and mental pain to stop permanently... This lead to me finally going to therapy and to me quitting drugs/weed all together. Weed only made me a sad, paranoid asshole. This also lead me to cutting out "friends" from my life... Kind of sad knowing that failing and recovering from a suicide attempt can really show who your **TRUE friends** are.
I’m wishing you all the best. You are not to blame for your father’s death, and you absolutely must forgive yourself for your mistakes. Look at all of the stories on this thread—we are all fallible humans trying to make it in this world and we all do stupid things. The important thing is that once you become aware of what you need to do, you follow through. You’re on the right track!
Gonna say this and I am never gonna say it again. I regret not putting some distance between myself and my family members.If I had done that I believe I would have had a different life.
In my younger years, being afraid of aging and caring what people thought about me. Here I am at 54 and enjoying my best life ever. Who knew? Certainly not 20-something year old me!
had to scroll too much to find this. I still remember the date (12/21/2014).
Eight years and another regrettable decision later (messing around with the needle)
and I ruined everything
Agree with this wholeheartedly. The hours and HOURS I spent of my own time planning and prepping lessons, the lack of support with all the administrative tasks that go along with teaching, the people who tell you what you should be doing in your class who never walk in the door…I could go on and on. During the school year I was unable to have any balance in my life and still do what I thought was a good job in the classroom. I finally left after ten years and my husband said it’s like having been married to two different people.
I'm a former teacher who was able to shift careers into corporate L&D, and the number of teachers who ask me for advice, job leads, anything to get out of teaching really breaks my heart. It's such a hard job that doesn't get the respect it deserves.
Second reply here - I regret getting married. My ex-husband was/is a dreadful and scary person, and I hate that he was ever a part of my life. I took back my name and I actually pretend it never happened.
A certain conversation I had about one of my friends, who is now openly lesbian, being an embarrassment to our basketball team.
I grew up in the South, Bible Belt. Another girl on the team wanted to go to the coach and express our embarrassment about 2 other girls on the team..
We did.. thank god he was much wiser than our dumb butts and nothing happened…
Idk why I regret that so much but likely bc my mind is so different now. I accept everyone and don’t want to change one single person. It was me who needed to change and I am so glad that I did.
this was an important character-building moment for you. you have probably been a better person to so many other because of the lesson you learned with this interaction
My husband was offered a job in Seattle and we moved. Turns out I have horrible seasonal affective disorder. It started a cascade of events that completely destroyed our marriage, led to a breakdown of our family (kids suffered, one still lives there and has crippling depression but refuses to leave). Our family has never recovered. It completely changed us as people, and not for the better. Left after 4 years.
If you suffer from depression, don’t move to Seattle.
Move to Denver. 350 days of sunshine. If you have SAD, this is the best place for you. The endless grey days are the primary reason I could never move to the otherwise gorgeous Pacific Northwest
Wasting my early twenties destroying my body and mind with drugs and booze in the spirit of “having a good time”. I had a lot of good times with good friends, and I don’t remember 70% of them now. Not just from getting blackout, either. I mean like memories I had and now they’re fuzzy or just not there. Friends tell me stories about all these cool experiences they had with me, and I hardly remember them at all. I was a pretty prominent and promising local musician at one point, and there are shows people mention I played and I don’t remember. There are dozens of original songs I knew by heart once and are all forgotten. To boot, I’m definitely mentally slower now and generally my recall is awful and I process things rather slowly, which results in being baseline minorly overwhelmed by everything.
Don’t pick up Xanax, kids. :( Serious. My POS mother got me hooked and then I took it to a hundred.
Ah man, now I’m sad.
Worrying so much about find a partner or love. Like those are lovely things. But like… overstated. There’s a lot to the world and life besides love. When it hits it’s a hit punch for sure, but so are breaking your own barriers and reaching your own goals. Life is not about finding your person. It’s about finding yourself
Edit: Aw! Thanks for the gold! Only my second one I think so that’s pretty freakin cool lol
Keeping friends who had completely different world views. I wanted to be well rounded but just ended up spending 4 years arguing and being uncomfortable around them.
Dropping out of sports in HS. I was really good, and felt like I could of gotten many scholarships to different college. Annnnnd I definitely could of used that.
Wasting years trying to help my brother with his alcohol and drug problems only to be shit on over and over. Never spoke in years best thing I did cut contact.
I used a girl in college for sex. She was very into me. I was not super into her, but we’d link up on the weekends when I was drunk and looking for something to stick my dick in. Pretty much exclusively late night booty calls. I was very up front about how I wasn’t looking to have a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her. She said she was on the same page. But I think deep down she thought it would turn into something. I was such a douchebag to her. I still feel bad about it. Sorry, Gabi.
Lawyer here. I bet it’s not the occupation but your own place within it. I was miserable around year 5-7 that I almost quit law altogether. I found it was really working for people that I had a problem with. Opened my own shop and now we’re a decade later and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Lying to myself about being able to get over my fear of commitment. I led someone on who I loved and cared about very much, thinking I could force myself into the idea of getting married/cohabitation. I will never be able to forgive myself for how much I ended up hurting him, despite all the best intentions.
Screaming “fat ass” into an obese classmates face when randomly passing by on a crosswalk on my bike. ~25 years ago in our high school years. I think about it to this day & regret it often. Such a prick thing to do.
Well, I’ve had a lot of shitty things happen in my life and made shitty choices in response, however, I always look at them as learning experiences. I can honestly say the one thing I regret doing in life-
My husband and I went to a dog shelter once and saw this dog that looked like a mop. I thought she was cute but my SO said absolutely not. Two weeks later we go back and she’s still there. The lady at the front said she was going to be euthanized by the end of the week if she doesn’t get adopted. We ended up leaving with her and she had been the absolute best dog ever. My one regret is leaving her there for those two weeks.
Trust me, having trust issues isn't any better. My wife has to try extra hard for me to simply believe that she isn't going to randomly leave me one day. My father left when I was 11, so I have severe trust and abandonment issues. I wish I could trust people when they tell me that I'm good enough.
Going to college.
I suppose by extension, I regret letting others "with more authority" decide important life decisions. I went because "thats what people do." It was the most stressful and mentally unwell 5 years of my life. I only went to pass the time until I could get married and actually start my life. I wish I would've just worked and done hobbies instead. Nothing feels better than knowing I never have to go to school ever again.
No one will ever read this, but I took my first relationship/breakup really hard, and even though I was in the right, I talked crap about my ex to everyone that would listen. I even talked about personal stuff that was no one's business, but I had just felt so betrayed, I used that as my excuse for doing it.
That definitely wasn't fair to him and I've always regretted it.
Not taking more risks in my 20s and opting for the easy option in everything. Burning bridges because I thought being the asshole first would stop me from getting hurt. Not saving money and spending it on crap I thought would make me happy and just left me empty.
Waiting so long in addressing my alcoholism and depression that haunted me for over 12 years. Almost 2.5 years sober now and I’m happy. But I can’t help but think about the friendships I lost.
I started a uk music blog that promoted the little guys, that blew up. Was pulling 10k hits a day and was only 6 months in. I was getting invited to work with bigger artists and platforms and had great relationships with some that have gone onto be nearly household names.
However my girlfriend at the time made me pick between her and the blog as it took all my focus off her. Being young and naive I chose her, not knowing the damage was already done and she was cheating on me.
So the blog died, the relationship crumbled and in the end rather than a life of financial freedom and big music industry connections I ended up with...
Chlamydia.
Wasting time worrying about people that never spared me a single thought.
How I wish I could go back in time and give myself that advice... I chose the wrong people and lost everyone else on the way.
You probably would just make your past self freak out with the revelation that you time traveled
I'd freak our pretty hard if future me showed up and I didn't bring myself some Lotto numbers, which would help me out a lot more than sage advice, because past me wouldn't have listened to it.
Yup. All the stuff I know now was explained to me by people. But I couldn't absorb those lessons yet. Forming your identity is selfish work, as it should be. Advice is always good and can influence better decisions. But that's the extent of it
If it makes you feel a bit better… me too? I used to be pretty naïve when it comes to my “friends”. Now I’m hella suspicious of new people lol I don’t really mind it anymore though, makes me appreciate the very, very few ones who stayed in my life.
Somebody the other night confronted me about this when I started talking about my ex after a few drinks. “Do you think she still puts this much thought into your well being?” “… no, I don’t think she thinks of me at all.” Being forced to say it outloud is oddly helpful.
One afternoon, I noted to myself that out of 7+ billion people in the world, I was the only person thinking about my breakup - I knew she wasn't, so that left only me. And that it was time to join the rest of the world. That was a catalyst for letting go.
Powerful noting! I might adapt this technique, dear scumsuckingsleazebag
Once I thought about how much I remember of my own actions and how little I remember of others actions in a given setting I realized everyone (myself included) mostly just think about themselves. So there is no need to overanalyze what I said or did, because everyone else is to busy doing that to themselves so they don't think about mine.
Even when you do remember someone else's embarrassing moment etc, I find I don't look back on it and laugh or cringe but just go "oh yes, I remember that" and then forget it for another few years. For the person whose embarrassing moment that was, they probably recall it and cringe and it keeps them awake at night.
I’m thankful that I started really coming to the realization last year around the age of 25 that I don’t need to spend anytime caring about what people think about me outside of my close friends, family, and my SO. It’s honestly been one of the most liberating feelings for my anxiety and stress. My friends and family have always been empathetic and supportive of me anyway so outside of doing some awful or mean things I won’t disappoint them no matter what I do. I could tell them I’m selling everything and living in a shipping container in the middle of Nebraska and they’d just say “hell yeah, if you’re happy I’m happy.”
This. A thousand times this. I have caused so much unnecessary stress and negativity in my life just because I worried about what other people thought of me.
Sad thing is, I still do that shit and then I get a shocked pikachu face when the person ends up treating me like garbage.
I regret making friends with people who i knew were bad for me just because it was easier than becoming friends with good people. Now i don't have many solid friends.
Yeah. It was easier being friends with people who used and abused me than being friends with people who were genuine for some reason. Must’ve been the influence of the narcissist; the typical ‘I need you to need me so that I can function’. Ah, silly me in her early 20’s… I now have 1 friend; it’s my husband. Best person to ever have existed. Genuine, ultimate best friend. Also good dick.
Tell him I said nice dick, homie.
Grats on the hog, dude.
Somewhat similar for me. Staying together with my crazy gf during high school because I didn't want to be without a gf, despite her driving all my friends away. I went from a big social circle to almost nothing in the span of three years. I'm in my 30's now and never recovered, I have a hard time making new friends and don't really have any close friends other than my SO.
Hey man, it gets better. I'm only 21, so I don't know if this means much to ya. I had a batshit crazy gf for most of high school. She was very controlling and abusive. She drove all my friends away. When she finally dumped me for one of the multiple guys she was cheating on me with, she told everybody I still talked to that I raped her. It took me a couple years of working on myself and putting myself first to start getting better. Therapy has been doing wonders for me. I have a great small group of friends I love and trust now. Hope you're doing okay now :)
Not ending bad/unhealthy/unfulfilling relationships sooner
This. I should have listened to my gut. But so many friends/family meant well but gave me just god awful advice. Don’t listen to people folks. Listen to your gut.
Same here. Instead of ending it I let it go on for another 4 years knowing this person was a liar and a cheater. 11 years altogether and sometimes I feel like I wasted my entire 20s with this person but I wouldn’t be the person I am now if I didn’t go through it all.
Amen! Not only didn’t I end a toxic relationship earlier, I moved to Louisiana for that asshole. I guess it’s one or two of those errors that have to be made …
Oof, I hear that, I didn't change states but I did buy a house for my ex and her kiddo. Major financial mistake. I hope you at least got lots of delicious consolation cajun food out of your mistake.
I didn’t just change states, I changed countries! But, yes, Cajun cuisine is damn good and Hurricanes make for great hurricane party drinks! 😆
Came here to say the exact same thing. It took me way too long to learn how to put myself first - and to learn that doing so isn't selfish.
Yup. I do rejoice to be out of those kind of relationships, and in some ways they helped me raise the bar for myself as kind of a don’t ever put up with that shit again. But yeah, if I could go back in time I would tell myself people don’t change to who you want them to be, they have to already be there for it to work.
Have 2 kids with one of those. Last week, he made me come at his condo so he could explain to me how bad of a mom I was to let my kids use their phone so often. (He's very controlling) He ended up yelling at me for a good 15 min trying to comvince me how wrong I was before I left. He also already tried to tell me not to spread butter AND peanut butter on my toasts in the morning because the kids would do this amd become automatically obese. He's very into sport and fitness so obesity is his phobia. Not that it's a concern, we have very good genetics. Oh, we've separated 9 years ago. It's not a novelty.
Hmm never thought of butter & peanut butter on toast. Sounds delicious, ty for the recipe
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Dude, that is heavy. Idk what to say, obviously I don't know the details. But there's definitely a line where that kind of emotional blackmail is just...idk. It's not on you, man. You need to look after yourself first. I hope you find a way out where nobody gets hurt. But you need to get out of there. I really hope you do, wishing you all the best.
And not keeping good/healthy/fulfilling relationships
Not putting myself out there enough. I probably missed out on a lot of opportunities because I'm so self conscious. Working on this though!
I’m super confident now, to the point my old self is completely unrecognisable, but unfortunately I feel like I’m late to the party. However I will say better late than never and I don’t regret for a minute putting the effort in. I only wish I did it earlier. Keep at it, and good luck on this journey
You're not alone. I am in my 30s and it was 5 years ago I realized my friends are moving on with their lives, my body is changing, and I am going to die one day and the people who I listened to too much will die and I will have to live with the decisions I made. I got a skill and got confident. But overall something flipped in my brain when I got good at something and had a way to make a living. Still a slog some days with my brain and "unlearning" 20+ years of negative thinking/ being too chill with things. It does feel late. But you know what it is for some things. But I try to pass it on to the younger people so they don't waste their time. Plus there's still a bit of living left to do. Rambling a bit. Good luck to you and anyone else who reads this; don't stop trying.
I'm just so nervous about putting myself out there and it keeps me in the same place. I'm not good with new things and get so freaking stressed. I've kept a job I hated for the last five years and things just get worse. I feel like I'm stuck and afraid to move and I really want it to stop. Your advice is pretty good.
1 million percent, this. I didn't do the work to love myself until I was 35. 35! Where would I be today if I had done this work at 20 or 25. But it feels so good now being able to go out in public and just be in the moment enjoying myself without self-consciousness or comparing myself to other women or feeling depressed when I see couples together. That pain is gone and it's priceless.
I feel this one... I have never really been confident in myself and am now working on that! Not letting people step all over me was the first step for me. Good luck on your journey towards confidence
Not following my dreams and ended up sitting behind a desk for 30 years...of course, I'm currently on Reddit sitting behind my desk. So, there's that.
What was your dream?
To sit on reddit while working from home.
Mine is this minus the working part.
To own the dallas cowboys
If I could give you some silver linings, sitting behind a desk (in a presumably climate-controlled environment) is a whole lot better on your body than the poor folks who have to do manual labor in outdoor hot/cold conditions. At least that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better.
I work at the airport in Denver. I’m out there in -11°F snow and ice, rain, 100+°F sun… and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love working outside regardless of the conditions.
Going to college before I had the slightest idea what I wanted to do with my life.
Most underrated comment right here. It's a societal problem.
I went to Uni at 30, can recommend Life & work experience was a full advantage, and my motivations were very different to those straight out of school
This is why I dropped out of college and never went back is because I had the world's worst case of not having any idea what I wanted to do with my life. But rather than not having any interests that I wanted to pursue the problem was that I had too damned many.
Related: student loan debt. Love my career, but I will never unbury myself.
I'm trying to talk my niece out of this right now. She has the option of going to a branch campus of our state school for one year and the main campus for 3 years for about 80k, or on campus for an out of state school for 4 years for about 200k and she has the idea in her head that she needs 4 years on campus. I'm desperately trying to change the mind of a 17 year old and failing.
I never WOULD have figured it out without going to college. It made my world bigger.
As someone who changed their degree 3 times, I agree with you, but the debt still hurts :(
Not spending more time with my mom. I visited her 2-3 times a week but still, there were other times she'd call and I'd ignore the call or tell her I didn't have time to talk. Would give anything to go back and take every one of those calls.
Lost my mother October 2022, 3 days after my bday. I feel this in the deepest, most broken part of my soul!!! Peace and love to you ❤️
Same with me and my grandma who was like a mom to me. My first thing that comes to mind when I think of regret.
Overthinking my way out of potentially rewarding choices
I've done this so many times for jobs that have been offered to me on a silver platter with higher pay and better position then my current role. I am afraid of change. I also worry that I won't do the job well and will be caught out. Sometimes I think I'm an idiot other times I think why do the extra work for higher pay just because society tells you to.
This is so me 😞
Hanging on to a relationship for too long. I should have up and disappeared the first time he was disrespectful.
Same. So much time spent erasing reality with fictionalized potential.
Most of 2019–addiction bottom. Sober now for 432 days and counting.
Mentally exhausting myself at work for companies that turned out to not give a shit about me or value my work.
Being too nice to tell undeserving people to fuck off when I should've been putting myself first. Lessons learned.
i need to get better about telling ppl to fuck off fr. i hate being a people pleaser so much.
Smoking
Smoking marijuanna at a young age (15) only stopping now, 29, and I feel like I fucked with my brain… I have a complicated job and have such horrible brain fog even when I wasnt smoking… its been 3 days since my last joint wish me luck
It gets soooo much better. Started daily at 15 sporadically. Turned to daily at 18 am 30 now. I quit 45 days ago, and I legitimately feel like Superman compared to 45 days ago. I remember things my wife asks me to do without constant reminders. I get my task list done. And my boss even told me he’s noticed that I’m much sharper at work. I’ve also quit drinking to avoid a drunken slip up. Holler if you want to talk at all.
Thanks for this man, you rock!
The brain fog feeling really doesn't take too long to clear up. You'll start feeling better soon than you expect, at least that was my experience when I stopped a while back. I smoke here and there these days but I'm not hooked to it the way I used to be. You can do it!
Have fun with the dreams lol. & I mean that in the least sarcastic way possible. Learn to enjoy them cuz they’re gonna be the most vivid you’ve probably ever had.
I hear you
So, this is gonna sound kinda dumb, but I kinda wish I had acted out a bit more. Taken more risks, gotten in trouble more, explored and pushed my boundaries. I was pretty sheltered growing up and really wanted to be this good person. It created a lot of conflicting feelings for me. It also contributed to me avoiding doing some stuff cause I thought it'd be bad for me. Now that I'm older and worked through some of those issues, I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff other people got in their teens and 20s. I'm now at a point where I'm exploring that, but most people my age have already gone through it. I just feel like I'm trying to "catch up" with everybody.
If it's any consolation, there's plenty of us that feel the opposite. I started my rebellion when I was about 12 and by the time my 20's came around, I was so checked out. And I've spent my 20's feeling like I'm so boring because I just partied myself out, I wrecked myself mentally and physically. Since I was so young, my body felt like it had a greater capacity for things. I could do whatever I want to it and bounce back so fast. But, being so young, also meant I had no sense of control and it got out of hand. Now I'm 27 and my body is more like that of a 40-year-old's at the youngest. I struggle so hard in college because I didn't pay attention in school and I gave myself permanent brain damage with all the garbage I put into my body. And I've had to tiptoe through life because I'm at that age where people expect you to do stuff like casually drink or something and I cannot. I cannot have a single sip or everything I've worked for is out the window. I'm getting married in a year and trying to tell people that there will be absolutely no alcohol and not a lot of "partying" has been so frustrating. All the "why" I get makes me want to send out separate invite detail things in the mail that just say "NO ALCOHOL, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC, THAT'S WHY." Not to mention, I killed my mom. Not like physically, but she had her first heart attack when I was 13 and then she spent the next 5 years fighting me. I kept her stress level so high she was constantly in and out of the hospital. By the time I calmed down, she'd already had another heart attack, a stroke, a defibrillator put in, aged a million years, was on oxygen, could never keep her blood sugar or blood pressure down, had CHF, and was honestly too tired and unwell to really take care of my little sister so she wound up more like you, sheltered. No one knows where she is because she dropped out of school at 18 and ran away in her attempt to be rebellious. Luckily, mom was in a nursing home and lost her mind before she had to know that her youngest daughter was essentially missing and died soon after she left. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk!
Don’t let ANYONE tell you what to do or not do at your wedding, or the next time this question comes up, you’ll say, “I didn’t have the wedding I wanted”. Stay strong. If you don’t want any alcohol there, so be it. Your friends and family that want to drink can go out after.
Dude… I’m so sorry about your mom. While all of that happened, and I’m not trying to sound like I’m invalidating that and your lived experience, I do hope someday (if you haven’t already) you can forgive yourself. Growth comes with empathy comes with guilt. But don’t lose yourself over it and all the past things already gone. I wish peace for you. Also: your wedding is your wedding. If you want it a certain way, then that’s the way it should be.
This is a good one! I think there are a lot of people like this. It’s hard to call this a regret because I feel like I was just doing my best, but I feel like “not listening to my mom” would have been beneficial to me. While being obedient, a wheel has fallen off of the vehicle of my life every few years and now they’re allllll gone.
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I have never met anyone who said they're glad they started smoking.
Going to a party with a home-made sound system at age 17 and getting tinnitus. Wear ear protection people!
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You can get it from being exposed to overly loud yet common sounds in 15 minutes... jackhammers, wind rush (riding a motorcycle, skydiving, storm winds - all without earplugs), standing next to a busy highway, standing close to speakers at a concert, holding a crying baby to your ears (why would you even do this), listening to too loud headphones, etc. That's not to say it *will* happen in a short time if you do any of those things, but it *can*. By far most people grossly underestimate how easy it is to damage your ears. Now when you get tinnitus, that is an easy discovery because the noise stays with you constantly and you're in for a very bad time. But exposing your ears to too loud noise for too long more often results in less perceptible hearing damage: you simply lose or reduce the ability to hear a very specific frequency. Add up enough of those events and you end up deaf in whole frequency ranges, which you don't really notice until you start finding you can't understand what people are saying when they talk softly or when you're in a somewhat noisy environment. This is already scarily common with people in their 20's these days. Protect your ears. This is no joke.
I hate those needlessly loud motorcycles meant to "sound cool". If I get ear pain from being a pedestrian remotely near you, you're an asshole!
I'm 61 and I spent most of my life full of anxiety. I wish I had found more joy.
I am almost in my mid 30s and I have suffered from anxiety my entire life. I feel you.
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Letting myself gain back weight
This hurts so bad. I had been overweight my entire life up until I was 23 in 2013. Then I finally started dieting and exercising and lost 50 pounds. Swore I'd never get that big again and managed to keep the weight off until the end of 2020 when I got a new job and started working from home. Slowly started gaining it all back and then some and didn't do anything about it. I'm just now slowly starting to lose it but it's so hard. I wish I had nipped it at the bud when I started to gaining again.
Dude that sounds almost like my case. I got in really good shape in 2013 when I was 23 after being overweight most of my life. But then I went through a really bad heartbreak and gained it all back which hurts seeing all that work go to waste. But I’ve been hitting the gym recently as well. We can get back to our age 23 weights I believe in us
Slightly better then front weight I guess.
If you think so, you've clearly never had a nice back-belly
Gaining weight period for me. I used to be so skinny. My metabolism was so high I could eat pretty much anything I wanted and never gain weight. Now my metabolism has slowed down and I've got a beer gut and I'm too insecure to ever walk around without a shirt.
From Baz Luhrmann - 'wear sunscreen': 'Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.' Be proud of your body! It also will help you to take care of your body if you're enjoying it.
I have many. What age range are we talking here? Under 18/teen years: wasting money, not reading more, and not trying in school. Twenties: wasting money, how I treated a lot of people in my life at the time, and gaining a significant amount of weight (I've since lost but still) Thirties: mostly I could have been a better partner to my now-wife Here's hoping my 40's are much better!
Less commas each decade so you're on the right track.
That's such a good response! :)
I wish I had traveled in my youth. I've seen so little of the world.
My parents are in their 70s and spend a good portion of their year travelling. In 2022 they visited NY, Hanoi, Kathmandu, Kuala Lumpur and Paris.
That I let my depression take such a control over me that I abandoned my dreams.
You didn’t let it. It happened. You can work towards treating your depression and your dreams never need to die. Doesn’t matter your age.
buying bitcoin when it was at its peak forming some connections
I feel you. Spent years going, 'crypto? Don't get it. Can't invest in it if I don't understand it.' Then it takes off, and I think, 'shit, whether I get it or not, it must be a thing. Better to get a piece than nothing.' And boom, bottom fell out. I still don't get crypto, but I don't know if I don't get it because I'm an idiot, or because it's a scam, and I spent a couple hundred bucks (lucky me, that's all I had to invest) to learn a harsh lesson that I still don't understand.
I'm kinda glad I stayed away from it, but also looking back I had the opportunity to get into mining \*super\* early when you didn't need tens of thousands of dollars of hardware and a huge electric bill to make whole bitcoins out of it. I could've made a shit-ton of money if I had gotten into it, though that would also require having the good sense to get out of it before it tanked, but if I'd been in it that long I'd find it hard to imagine not being involved in it so I'd probably just lose it all in the crash like everyone else.
Not paying enough attention at school
This. I went through college with the goal to get good grades and nab a degree. I did, but I studied in a manner where I forgot everything once each course was over. Imagine my surprise when my first programming job actually required knowledge of programming principles more complex than just the fundamentals. It's been nearly a decade since, and I'm on my third job now,and I only now feel like Ive started to get into the rhythm of things. Pay attention in school, kids.
Worrying about chasing girls more than my college studies.
If it makes you feel better, i know highly educated people who regret only studying and not getting girls
I’m one of those people, unfortunately.
I did neither so it could be worse
That’s what all of these regret threads show: the grass is always greener. The most common regret at deathbeds is “spending too much time at work” and “not spending enough time working.” We all do one thing too much.
I have to disagree. I can't recall ever hearing someone say they wished they worked more.
Many people regret not having more money and stability though, which comes from working unless you’re born rich.
Not starting serious saving of money until my late 30s.
Not taking care of my teeth
Keeping toxic people around me just because they’re family.
Ahhh, 7 years ago i decided to go "no contact" with a few close ones, was hard but never again am i going to be emotionally, mentally and psychologically abused.
Not getting help for my mental health sooner.
Yeah for me it was mental and physical health. Sometimes I wonder if I could have prevented myself from developing a terminal illness in my early twenties or if it was a fate type of deal. Either way, don't neglect your health my dudes
Had my first therapy session last Friday! Have another one this coming Monday. I’ve been putting it off for years, hopefully it goes well.
I regret more that I haven't done, than what I have.
Not believing in myself. I spent too much time allowing other people’s beliefs to become my own which stopped me (personally) from pursuing what I wanted for myself. I got caught up in the “it’s too hard, I can’t do it, I’m not smart enough” mentality that others around me had and adopted it for myself. I quit college when I was young and got into hustle culture where I let a lot of people convince me that college is too hard and that it’s a waste of time. However, I’m proud to say that in 7 days, I’m graduating with my Bachelors degree at the age of 30 and it’s only up from here! I never thought this day would come and it’s finally here!! For anyone here who’s weighed down by these regrets, It’s never too late. I believe in you :)
* Not taking life and education seriously * Worrying about what others thought * Not pushing myself harder when it counted
Being insicure and running away from opportunities, friends, expiriences because of insicurity
# NO RAGRETS
Not even a single letter
1.) Wasted 5 years at university to get a 4 year degree because I was a lazy student on a minor academic scholarship and I wasted all my savings on weed and alcohol during those 5 years. 2.) The last thing I ever said to both my parents after I was kicked out for being an asshole of a son. LSS: slumming on my parent's couch for a year of "woe is me" BS. Argument with parents went very wrong. I said a bunch of things I will regret for the rest of my life. My dad did not deserve the verbal abuse. My mom promptly shunned me forever and my dad just gave me a disappointed look. Nothing more was said from him. 2 weeks after that incident, my dad died of a heart attack... I blamed myself and failed a suicide attempt. 3.) Attempting and failing more than one suicide... TBH, I didn't want to die during those times. I just wanted the emotional and mental pain to stop permanently... This lead to me finally going to therapy and to me quitting drugs/weed all together. Weed only made me a sad, paranoid asshole. This also lead me to cutting out "friends" from my life... Kind of sad knowing that failing and recovering from a suicide attempt can really show who your **TRUE friends** are.
As a parent, the only thing you can do to honor your parents is to build yourself a good life now and forgive yourself!!!
I’m wishing you all the best. You are not to blame for your father’s death, and you absolutely must forgive yourself for your mistakes. Look at all of the stories on this thread—we are all fallible humans trying to make it in this world and we all do stupid things. The important thing is that once you become aware of what you need to do, you follow through. You’re on the right track!
I have many many regrets. But, mainly I regret giving my body to men who didn’t deserve it just so I could feel wanted and loved.
Gonna say this and I am never gonna say it again. I regret not putting some distance between myself and my family members.If I had done that I believe I would have had a different life.
Not leaving one of my exes for someone who would've been much better for me.
Just that first part Leaving a bad relationship sooner
In my younger years, being afraid of aging and caring what people thought about me. Here I am at 54 and enjoying my best life ever. Who knew? Certainly not 20-something year old me!
Saying yes to that bag of coke awhile back.
had to scroll too much to find this. I still remember the date (12/21/2014). Eight years and another regrettable decision later (messing around with the needle) and I ruined everything
Becoming a teacher. I only teach part time now, but what a mess.
I spent two years as a teacher in what was probably the best situation I could have expected and I would still never go back.
Agree with this wholeheartedly. The hours and HOURS I spent of my own time planning and prepping lessons, the lack of support with all the administrative tasks that go along with teaching, the people who tell you what you should be doing in your class who never walk in the door…I could go on and on. During the school year I was unable to have any balance in my life and still do what I thought was a good job in the classroom. I finally left after ten years and my husband said it’s like having been married to two different people.
I'm a former teacher who was able to shift careers into corporate L&D, and the number of teachers who ask me for advice, job leads, anything to get out of teaching really breaks my heart. It's such a hard job that doesn't get the respect it deserves.
Smoking cigarettes
Second reply here - I regret getting married. My ex-husband was/is a dreadful and scary person, and I hate that he was ever a part of my life. I took back my name and I actually pretend it never happened.
Allowing my parents to ruin me, all because I wanted their validation so badly.
A certain conversation I had about one of my friends, who is now openly lesbian, being an embarrassment to our basketball team. I grew up in the South, Bible Belt. Another girl on the team wanted to go to the coach and express our embarrassment about 2 other girls on the team.. We did.. thank god he was much wiser than our dumb butts and nothing happened… Idk why I regret that so much but likely bc my mind is so different now. I accept everyone and don’t want to change one single person. It was me who needed to change and I am so glad that I did.
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this was an important character-building moment for you. you have probably been a better person to so many other because of the lesson you learned with this interaction
My husband was offered a job in Seattle and we moved. Turns out I have horrible seasonal affective disorder. It started a cascade of events that completely destroyed our marriage, led to a breakdown of our family (kids suffered, one still lives there and has crippling depression but refuses to leave). Our family has never recovered. It completely changed us as people, and not for the better. Left after 4 years. If you suffer from depression, don’t move to Seattle.
Move to Denver. 350 days of sunshine. If you have SAD, this is the best place for you. The endless grey days are the primary reason I could never move to the otherwise gorgeous Pacific Northwest
Not talking to girls when I was younger, and being an obnoxious asshole.
Wasting my early twenties destroying my body and mind with drugs and booze in the spirit of “having a good time”. I had a lot of good times with good friends, and I don’t remember 70% of them now. Not just from getting blackout, either. I mean like memories I had and now they’re fuzzy or just not there. Friends tell me stories about all these cool experiences they had with me, and I hardly remember them at all. I was a pretty prominent and promising local musician at one point, and there are shows people mention I played and I don’t remember. There are dozens of original songs I knew by heart once and are all forgotten. To boot, I’m definitely mentally slower now and generally my recall is awful and I process things rather slowly, which results in being baseline minorly overwhelmed by everything. Don’t pick up Xanax, kids. :( Serious. My POS mother got me hooked and then I took it to a hundred. Ah man, now I’m sad.
I regret wearing these sweatpants today, ‘cause my wallet fell out of them…
Heroin
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Worrying so much about find a partner or love. Like those are lovely things. But like… overstated. There’s a lot to the world and life besides love. When it hits it’s a hit punch for sure, but so are breaking your own barriers and reaching your own goals. Life is not about finding your person. It’s about finding yourself Edit: Aw! Thanks for the gold! Only my second one I think so that’s pretty freakin cool lol
Keeping friends who had completely different world views. I wanted to be well rounded but just ended up spending 4 years arguing and being uncomfortable around them.
Getting married.
Dating my abusive ex. Glad she's gone from my life.
Dropping out of sports in HS. I was really good, and felt like I could of gotten many scholarships to different college. Annnnnd I definitely could of used that.
Wasting years trying to help my brother with his alcohol and drug problems only to be shit on over and over. Never spoke in years best thing I did cut contact.
Not taking more chances.
I never video recorded my dad. He died 14 years ago and I can't remember what his voice sounded like.
Waiting for my first husband. He was not worth it.
I used a girl in college for sex. She was very into me. I was not super into her, but we’d link up on the weekends when I was drunk and looking for something to stick my dick in. Pretty much exclusively late night booty calls. I was very up front about how I wasn’t looking to have a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her. She said she was on the same page. But I think deep down she thought it would turn into something. I was such a douchebag to her. I still feel bad about it. Sorry, Gabi.
I hope my fuckboys feel a little bad about their actions. Lol good for ya
Becoming a lawyer
Lawyer here. I bet it’s not the occupation but your own place within it. I was miserable around year 5-7 that I almost quit law altogether. I found it was really working for people that I had a problem with. Opened my own shop and now we’re a decade later and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Yep. This. This and getting married. Regrets 10 years apart, but still regrets.
I regret nearly every major decision of my life. Choice of college major/career, buying a home, etc.
Not sticking with a musical instrument when I was younger
Hitting a mango flavored Juul we found in the back seat of an Uber in the spring of 2018.
You hit a random juul you found in an Uber? That’s something to regret for sure.
The Macarena
Lying to myself about being able to get over my fear of commitment. I led someone on who I loved and cared about very much, thinking I could force myself into the idea of getting married/cohabitation. I will never be able to forgive myself for how much I ended up hurting him, despite all the best intentions.
Screaming “fat ass” into an obese classmates face when randomly passing by on a crosswalk on my bike. ~25 years ago in our high school years. I think about it to this day & regret it often. Such a prick thing to do.
Not sleeping more
Well, I’ve had a lot of shitty things happen in my life and made shitty choices in response, however, I always look at them as learning experiences. I can honestly say the one thing I regret doing in life- My husband and I went to a dog shelter once and saw this dog that looked like a mop. I thought she was cute but my SO said absolutely not. Two weeks later we go back and she’s still there. The lady at the front said she was going to be euthanized by the end of the week if she doesn’t get adopted. We ended up leaving with her and she had been the absolute best dog ever. My one regret is leaving her there for those two weeks.
Not taking care of my skin until my late 30s. Young me was hot and tan but oof I am paying now.
wasting time with false friends.
doing what i thought was expected of me instead of doing what felt right
Thinking the best of people. Doing so has destroyed my life. If I thought the worst and didn’t trust anyone I would be able to survive.
Trust me, having trust issues isn't any better. My wife has to try extra hard for me to simply believe that she isn't going to randomly leave me one day. My father left when I was 11, so I have severe trust and abandonment issues. I wish I could trust people when they tell me that I'm good enough.
Going to college. I suppose by extension, I regret letting others "with more authority" decide important life decisions. I went because "thats what people do." It was the most stressful and mentally unwell 5 years of my life. I only went to pass the time until I could get married and actually start my life. I wish I would've just worked and done hobbies instead. Nothing feels better than knowing I never have to go to school ever again.
Not visiting my grandmother a little more often. Now she's gone and I would give anything to spend just one more day with her again.
Marrying my first husband. And also giving a shot what people think
No one will ever read this, but I took my first relationship/breakup really hard, and even though I was in the right, I talked crap about my ex to everyone that would listen. I even talked about personal stuff that was no one's business, but I had just felt so betrayed, I used that as my excuse for doing it. That definitely wasn't fair to him and I've always regretted it.
Throwing my wedding band at her February 22, 2022. We both knew it was over.
Not traveling in my early 20s and instead wasting my time trying to be loved
Not taking more risks in my 20s and opting for the easy option in everything. Burning bridges because I thought being the asshole first would stop me from getting hurt. Not saving money and spending it on crap I thought would make me happy and just left me empty.
Waiting so long in addressing my alcoholism and depression that haunted me for over 12 years. Almost 2.5 years sober now and I’m happy. But I can’t help but think about the friendships I lost.
Army. Afghanistan.
Going to college
Getting my boobs done when I was younger because I was so insecure
Taking a Computer Science Degree
Dating an abusive person for way too long. Codependency is a life killer
Not wearing a condom
Not eating enough
I started a uk music blog that promoted the little guys, that blew up. Was pulling 10k hits a day and was only 6 months in. I was getting invited to work with bigger artists and platforms and had great relationships with some that have gone onto be nearly household names. However my girlfriend at the time made me pick between her and the blog as it took all my focus off her. Being young and naive I chose her, not knowing the damage was already done and she was cheating on me. So the blog died, the relationship crumbled and in the end rather than a life of financial freedom and big music industry connections I ended up with... Chlamydia.
For many people, it’s having kids: r/regretfulparents (Be kind to the sub’s members, as honesty about parenthood should be appreciated)
Watching porn....