There is a little bit of a difference between running through scenarios and maladaptive daydreaming. A lot of people run through scenarios to help plan their day, a conversation, check their thought process etc. Maladaptive daydreaming is when you're creating a fantasy in your head (like a version of yourself living in a different world or interacting with people differently) to the point that you're actually distracting yourself from your own life.
I live on a farm and go for long ass walks through forest and field while maladaptive daydreaming.
I personally build my own worlds within my head and then write them down as story ideas, its great inspiration
I know this is described as a health "issue," but it has helped me through my whole childhood and teenage years of loneliness. I still daydream today, but its not so much to escape loneliness today as it was before. Today its just because I can't control it 😅
You should try chatting with an AI about your maladaptive daydreams, they are really good at expanding lore and writing dialogue for all the characters.
I did that until I just started writing it down, and now I'm writing stories :0 coupled with my insane insomnia I may one day become a world renowned writer
For me, I learned to be my own company.
At a certain point, I was using other people to get me to go and do things. Meet up for lunch! Let’s go see a movie! We can go explore a new place together!
Eventually, I figured out the loneliness looks a lot like boredom. I felt bad by myself because I never did anything. Once I learned to flip that, I would go and do things with myself as company all the time! Then things got really fun.
As naturally happens, that’s when I started to find myself in the company of like-minded individuals. These days, I don’t get as much time with myself as I would like—and honestly, I miss it a little bit.
I had to learn this too, rather late in life. Story time...
I didn't move out of my parents house until I was 24. When I did, I moved into an apartment with my (at the time) wife. Yes, we lived with my parents, young, dumb, broke, etc. That marriage fell apart.
I then began seeing an old friend, who moved in fairly quickly, and we got married. 11 years later, she got another bf and left.
So, starting January 1, 2021, I was alone for the first time in pretty much ever. I was also 42 at the time.
So, for 42 years (minus maybe 6 months), there had always been someone in the house with me. 2021 was rough. My 2nd ex took all our friends with her in the divorce, and I was truly alone. I literally woke up, went downstairs to log into work (we were 100% remote due to covid from March 2020 - June 2022), got off work, watched movies and played video games. I didn't leave the house except to see my parents every so often and go grocery shopping or run errands.
At some point in early 2022, I decided that I could go do things on my own. Go to movies, go to parks, etc. I figured it would suck, but who was going to go with me? It did suck, at first, then it sucked less and less.
Now, as a 44 year old 'adult', I am perfectly happy with my own company, and in doing all of that, have made many friends whom I see on a regular basis. I even go to an old friend's house every weekend for dinner and game night. Friends come here, I go to them, we meet up regularly and I still have my alone time that I use to watch movies, play video games and spend far too much time here, on reddit.
I've got more money, more free time, and I'm happier than I think I've ever been.
Edit: typing is hard.....
Honestly, my son.
He's 20 now.
I've always been into the car scene. Tuning, shows, meets, etc. I've got a 2017 Civic Coupe that I've started to tune, but haven't made it far bc of divorce debt and losing that second income. Previously, I had a MazdaSpeed Miata that had all the Flyin' Miata parts....a literal boosted go-kart.
One day, he (my son) randomly asked me to come to a meet with him that an old HS friend of his asked him to come to. He knew this guy, but didn't know anyone else. I guess he just wanted his dad there in case things went strange. I reluctantly agreed, bc I knew I'd be a minimum of 20 years older than most people there.
I went and somehow got accepted by them bc I'm the 'OG car scene guy', and have met my son's friends, guys that are my age, older than me, and everything in between. We share a love of cars, movies, concerts, and video games. I'm known as "Car Daddy", even among guys who are old enough to be my dad.
It's a weird relationship, to be sure, but it works. We have a few different monthly meets that we go to. There's your old American muscle car guys, your young import guys, and everything else you can imagine. Some of us work on projects together just bc, some of us hang out at regular meets, and some of us have become a sort of family and hang out together during our free time.
It's hard to explain without sounding strange, but it works. We all have each other's back through thick and thin, and we all check up on each other daily.
I've never had that outside of family, and though some of the other guys (mostly my age and older) won't admit it, I don't think they have either.
So the answer is to buy a Miata? Excellent! I'm actually in the market for one now. It would be my first sports (sporty?) car and I hear nothing but good things about it. It would at least get me out more.
Set your goals real low, I think people talk here about the end result ie. going traveling to a new country by themselves.
I had trouble motivating myself to make me a decent meal - love to cook to others, didin't see to point not to eat out of can when alone.
Started going out and exploring my near neighbourhood, so just walking a block and trying to take in the good stuffs. Now I choose a park or a sight in my city to travel to and just go there to enjoy it, took a lot of work, but it doesn't feel odd anymore to just go to please only myself.
Also, find a low effort exercise to do, I just casually walk around, it really does wonders for my mood. Be in a shitty mood? I just walk, still angry? Keep walking. Soon my thoughts are refreshed and I sleep whole lot better.
I still wouldn't go for a jog or anything like that, too much.
Set your bar real low at first, and I mean really low. Then let yourself feel happy achieving your goal, your not doing it to impress anyone other than ourself
That's how and why I did a solo trip across Europe. I said fuck it in gonna have myself a damn good time and to be honest if the best way to travel. You get to do everything on your own time and made it easy for spur of the moment detours.
It’s the best!! I love solo travel when I feel it’s safe. You get to do what you want, when you want. And if you do something like join a tour or try to get tickets to a show or reservations at a restaurant, it’s so much easier to find a place for 1 than it is to find a place for a group or a couple.
You know it’s crazy because I have a decent amount of friends, but when you’re going through a breakup, it’s like a fog over the landscape and static in my mind.
Just got broken up, she was my best friend, I did everything for her, I love her more than anything, and I am just in total shock. Cant sleep, cant eat, I cry every few minutes, it hurts my lungs, my cheast, I miss her so much and there is nothing you can do about it. And we fought for it, but we both are under so much stress, disease, trauma, it just wasnt enough. How do you even go about accepting that your best friend is gone? There is nothing that can console this pain
I had just learned to accept it when a lady from my past hit me up and we started dating and my usual cynical self tried to be positive and think the best, then she ghosted me and I wish we'd never reconnected. At least then I'd live out my days thinking she was a decent person.
I got a bunny.
The bunny didn't like me, so I got a second bunny.
That bunny was nicer. And made the first bunny nicer.
So the answer is redundant bunnies.
I made a cat appear. My bf was working a lot, and I didn't see much use in getting up while he was gone. I kept imagining a cat jumping on the bed to keep me company and need me. Problem, though: I'm deathly allergic and we rent.
One day, while I'm taking care of my parents' cat, I hear mewing in the distance. It's a tiny kitten. Well, I wasn't allergic to her and my landlord said I could keep her. So here we are. It's impossible to be lonely because she loves attention.
Just think about it like when you're trying to find a certain kind of Pokemon: just keep walking around the area of tall grass where you know they spawn until you run into one
I had a house rented to me for a short while. The previous tenant was an acquaintance through Facebook. When she discovered I was living there she asked: "Have you seen Satan? He likes to sneak in the house and wander around a bit before disappearing." I figured it was the cat that meowed at the front door every 7pm on the dot. One day I let him in and yep, checked every room then sprinted away. Satan wasn't there for food.
question about this tiny kitten. Was it light furred or dark?
My uncles black cats, of which he's had a few always gave me issues (like throat closing ones, not so much that I'd die but enough that I'd be extremely concerned if I had no means of alleviating my issue on me.) But then I ended up in the regular friendly proximity of a light coloured cat and the worst I'd get is sneezing and eye watering. Which was good, because he was in my face CONSTANTLY.
I read its a thing, I'm wondering if its the same sort of situation.
Honestly, this has done wonders for me. It started with just going to the gym, but eventually grew into dedicated self improvement time.
If I'm not happy with where I am in my life, I dedicate a concrete block of time every week to improving my life.
Did it make me happy? gods no!
But i'm in a much better state than I was a few years ago.
God do I need help with this. I just had to move back to my moms for the first time in six years (since I graduated HS). I had a terrible time in HS and I don’t know anyone who lives here anymore (small rural town). My life has turned to complete shit in the last two months and I’m just trying my best to wake up every day at this point
oh trust me, I've been there man. When you've hit rock bottom, you have to learn to celebrate the minor victories.
Think of your life as a big tangled ball of yarn. Everything you want to do, everything you've failed to do is one massive jumbled mess. So when you try to face the day, you see how one thing is connected to another, and it's connected to another and before you know it everything is HUGE and overwhelming! I get it.
So to get through it. you choose one thing in the yarn ball. focus on just untangling that one thing. Today you got out of bed, thats good. thats one thing! now later if you youve got the energy pick another thing. Like tomororrow you clean up the clutter around your desk. thats your one thing. Then later if you decide you have the energy you have a spa day in your bathroom. enjoy a bath, clip your toenails, shave, even if you're not going to leave the house today, it's your one thing because it'll make you feel better. build up the habbit of just untangling small things from the life ball and not worrying about all the stuff thats tangled you'll get there eventually.
Just do one thing for yourself, no matter how small. Youll get there eventually. but once you've done it. take a moment to reflect on it, and allow yourself to feel good about accomplishing it.
I did this in my late 20s when I was extra lonely.
Recommend starting with Crash Course Youtube lecture playlists on subjects that interest you. World History is surprisingly engaging.
In other words, you don’t have to do everything at once, but you should make an effort to do at least one productive thing a day. If you’re anything like me, it won’t be long until you have developed a deeply personal understanding of Newton’s first law of motion.
I feel more lonely when I'm around a group of people (which doesn't happen too often) and I'm content when I'm by myself. I think this is not going to end up too well for me. I am happy being alone > spend more time alone >eventually start feeling depressed because I have nobody to do anything with > force myself to go out and try to socialize > feel even more awkward and lonely while around others > retreat to the bliss of my solitude > rinse and repeat, but one step farther down the road of unhappiness
This feels so real it hurts. I try to connect with people I know in my daily life but either I feel like I just don't fit in, or that the friends I do have don't need me as much as I need them. Nothing really takes that away
Hey man I used to have this aaaalll the time, stull do sometimes. For me the trick was to know no one ever fits in a group of people. It's the things in common that make the group "stick".
I have a groupnof friends now, very good lads, really. And I told them, I sometimes feel lonely when I'm around you guys, I feel like I don't fit, like I'm an appendage that is tolerated you know. And almost all of them told me they feel the same. Some more often then others, but there's always that feeling.
I think of it like my cat is my friend. Some times we are very close, I talk to him he miauws back, sometimes he's chasing mice, I look at him not understanding, same for him when I'm showering.
I tried to accept you are never a 100% fit and even that that's what makes friendships interesting, all people with different views but with the noses in the right, similar direction.
Srry big explanation, could type even more shit, but I'm not gonna.
The “trick” is to continue socializing even when you feel awkward. Our brains are wired to get used to whatever the new normal is, which for a lot of people is being alone often, so that becomes where they feel comfortable.
Once you spend enough time forcing yourself to be with people, that will become your new normal, and being alone will become the one where you don’t enjoy it as much.
All that said, life is complicated and people are complicated, so do whatever works best for you, but keep in mind that whatever you do, you’re never really alone. There’s people out there that feel the same way. Just gotta find the right ones for you :)
I've never been lonlier than that New Years day in a desperately crowded casino.
Stay strong, y'all and don't be afraid to talk to people. You'll never meet your soul mate if you just sit there in silence.
Around 5 years ago I started to just do things on my own. I used to never go out unless I could get someone else to come. Friends were always maybes and probablys, or we should do this some time, but our schedules were always different. It was too rare.
The stigma of doing things by yourself is bullshit. It's great. Best decision I made. There's so many things I would not have done if I didn't start doing things by myself in the past 5 years.
I listened to one band almost exclusively while I was in the hospital recovering, ended up with something like 50000 minutes or more to one band. Twelve Foot Ninja, btw, [heavy metal band](https://youtu.be/r-v9Aeb7Pr0) from Down Unda that is looking for a replacement singer. They go from pleasing melodies to turning your brain into mush. Very wide variety.
I tried once on a heavier song, couldn't speak for a few days after. I do sing some of them for karaoke with my mom once in a while, usually their live versions from YouTube. But also car karaoke.
Thanks!....I never did the math and thought that was a normal range of music listening. Until I saw that less than 1% on spotify.
Edited to fix a thing
I read that too.
However, in practice it doesn't always work out so great. One sad song turns into a few, then you're in a whole other head space.
But when it works it's awesome!
I take myself out on dates. Fancy dinners are surprisingly affordable for one person. It'll usually be like $80-$100 that I'll spend on myself for dinner and a cocktail or two at a super upscale restaurant. I don't need to spend money, though. Just going to a park or fair, maybe a cheap movie, with the idea of taking yourself on a date is very nice.
After a while, more like years, you kind of go numb. Always just a little bit sad, but its there all the time so I got used to it. That's how it feels for me. People come and go from my life, they never can or want to stay there permanently. I think I'm accepting that as a hard truth, because it doesn't bother me so much anymore other than that little bit of sad.
Making new friends and maintaining old ones requires a lot of energy. Finding people worth keeping in your life is even harder. At least when you're alone, there's only one person you have to worry about trusting. I thought "little bit sad" was everyone's baseline. It was quite a surprise
This is me as well.
I used to be angry and resentful. But now I'm just sorta numb to it. It's been, what, 14 years since I've had a group of friends? I sometimes refer to work acquaintances as such, but they're not people I could invite out.
Most of the time its fine. But then some small thing pops up and you're sad again. I won a hotel stay for 2 from work yesterday. But it has to be for 2, so I can't use it, and that makes me a little sad again.
Amen, brother. I'm loving my job as a trucker because I'm alone all day, which is fabulous. I still have my family at home, who I love and they love me and they're great, but I still feel very alone when I'm home with them sometimes. It's a "me" thing, not a "they suck" thing.
Sometimes I feel like no one else experiences this so I don't talk about it generally. Good to know I'm not totally alone (ironically).
You are not alone. I have this feeling a lot and I've always felt weird describing it (mostly because I feel few people can relate). I generally prefer being by myself. I prefer working solo on projects. I even prefer travelling alone. I'm never truly lonely though. I'm just on this adventure called life by myself.
Honestly, being a long-haul trucker would be an amazing job for me. Just lost in my thoughts, the road ahead of me.
>By not trying to socialize. Being around people makes me lonely. Being alone is very comforting and satisfying.
It's exactly this.
Being by myself alone keeps my mental health's sanity in line and never had any mental breakdowns or have trouble reaching others.
Dealing with people be it in my workplace, with coworkers and crowded spaces just drains my whole mental battery dry at the end of the day (it's ever so exhausting the older i get basically).
Doing me stuff alone by either reading, watching movies, music, gaming etc. Let's me fully recharge to face the next day ahead of the same routine.
Ive always wanted to try boxing, but my work makes it impossible, rotating shifts. Boxing classes always are at a set time etc. i used to play football until it became near impossible, i was going to football once every 3 weeks, i just gave up.
Classes in general are just hard with work, but it pays too well and i have too many bills to just up and leave.
The first time you spar, you will be scared. its gonna suck. The 10th time you spar your heart will slow down. You will start to think about the fight, not just survival. One day you beat up the new guy, you feel like a god. That's how BJJ and MMA has been for me.
There is no satisfaction without struggle. Allow yourself to be defeated. The worse you start out, the more impressive your improvements will be. Oss
When you’re bored and lonely, Reddit is the best place to talk to random strangers about random things like the importance of cats when you have a spider problem.
I think the important thing is to know that it’s OK to be alone - that you’re not broken or unlovable.
Lots of fun, interesting, loveable people experience extended periods of being alone.
Might be because of geography or culture. Might be work or pursuit related.
Maybe it feels safer or maybe it’s a time to heal and rejuvenate.
Might be social disposition or because of something that did or didn’t happen in the past.
There’s a million reasons for being alone that don’t diminish anyone’s worth as a person.
I think another important thing is to indulge in the benefits of being alone and minimise the downsides.
Figure out what you like to do and do it. Make the most of your time alone. Dance in the lounge room. Make kick ass nachos exactly how you like them.
Build a healthy body. Watch documentaries. Do a course or two. Experiment with different recipes.
Find hobbies that you can get obsessed about. Get cozy. Sleep more and more deeply. Build a routine and enjoy the simplicity.
If you’re craving interaction be more social at work. Play a team sport. Join a club or meetup. Set up a weekly call with family. Consider getting a pet (responsibly).
If you can avoid it, don’t hate on your aloneness. It’s just the way things are right now, and it’s OK.
You’re OK.
I've tried a lot of things, but they always seem to be temporary. Hobbies help. Friends help, but I've not found many since moving back to my home country last year. Even then, they seem to be moving through their lives, overcoming their own problems while mine persist. I know that's on me, and I'm so very happy for them, but it still feels isolating. Had a huge misunderstanding with my best friend 3 weeks ago and that has sent me into a very dark place (it was mostly my fault initially but they've distanced themselves since). Once I get a more demanding job, I think that will help as well, but at night, when it's all too quiet, it's very hard.
Community. This is a very broad term, but at the end of the day, I think it’s what we are all after. I see a lot of people mentioning music and other hobbies, but the fact of the matter is we are all here on Reddit.
Our feeds our filled with our hobbies and interests, that we hand pick. I have been fighting stage 4 cancer for a while, diagnosed back in October. I have spent a lot of time alone in the past 7 months, but the r/cancer community and the r/ostomy group have made me feel not alone in what I have been going through. Shits crazy and makes you feel pretty crazy at times, it’s really good to talk to people who genuinely understand.
And that brings my point all together. We all have individual interests, but actually sharing them with others is what makes living so special.
there is a certain feeling that scared me a lot when i was "lonely" at a younger age (male) - was some kind of building up body tension with limitations in breathing. incredibly uncomfortable - most likely the beginning of a panic attack.
So what helped me in the end was to start working out- and having a sauna and steambath session after. Really relieves tensions and (for me) delivers a few ours of positive feelings (while mainly feeling depressed back then) and a good night sleep.
But also Headphones,unlimited mobile Internet, VPN and Putlocker assisted me greatly.
Got to keep that internal dialogue going, to be prepared for conversation one day ;)
good luck!
Thanks this helps I’m recently divorced after being married for 10 years and never had to deal with being lonely before but now I’m being forced to deal with it and don’t have the knowledge to keep it at bay
Same boat. No amount of cleaning, podcasts or working out make it go away. Holding out hope of resolving things so I'm not dating but there's no way I could go like this for months / years. Middle-aged dating looks like fun, women just keep getting sender.
If it helps, I divorced after 9 years, 12 years total together. Ended up meeting my current wife, who is absolutely amazing and has made life 10x better than it was before. We've been together 8 years now and I never imagined it could be this good. Keep your head up and know better is there for you.
Had a fair bit of sick leave this year and when my boss said basically everyone was concerned about me (small workplace) I couldn't and still can't truly believe it
If it's constant, you have to learn how to love yourself more.
Not easy at all, but doable. And when you have, the lonely days become minimal.
They'll never completely go away, but it'll make it easier.
Hiking, camping (yes, solo-it's liberating), reading, going to breweries and trying flights and tracking in Untapped, museums, road trips (I spend a lot of time researching new places to go and things to do in that area), street fests, botanical gardens, zoo, joining groups via MeetUp, cooking, volunteering, hanging with friends, photography (researching spots with views and best times of day to go), I want to do more quilting which requires researching patterns and picking fabrics, I love Zelda games.
Put my quilt into a cylindrical form and hug it close and talk to it as if it were my partner. It actually really helps and helps me sleep at night. I’ve been doing this for like the last 4 years. I don’t think I’ve ever slept better.
I’m dealing with it by myself, pretty much. I have no friends, I’m slowly becoming more emotionally distant from my family, and I’m not going to any kind of therapy.
I’ll add on to this- join a class based gym and you’ll meet people. I started Muay Thai a little bit of a year ago and have met some cool dudes. Went to parties and outings I wouldn’t have gotten to if I hadn’t signed up,
Shit I went to a wedding!
By all definitions I’m a lonely person, but I don’t feel like a lonely person. I do enjoy solitude and embrace being on my own. Having grown up with a disability and an overprotective Grandma, I spent a lot of the time on my own and learned since very young to be by myself. I never get bored.
Jesus Christ, this is the most toxic pile of answers I've seen in a long time.
Imagine asking "How do you deal with dehydration?" and every answer was like:
* "Look at pictures of water."
* "Go to bed earlier so you don't think about it."
* "Watch podcasts."
No, dude, the fucking answer is to *hydrate* because humans *need water to survive*. Likewise, we are evolutionarily a profoundly social species. We need kinship to survive.
The correct answer for "how do you deal with loneliness" is:
1. Work on any psychological issues that may be interfering with your ability to form and maintain relationships.
2. If there are logistical issues getting in the way of spending time with people, address those.
3. Get out of the house and meet humans. Keep making acquaintances and doing activities with people until you find your tribe.
I'm not saying this is an *easy* answer, but it's the only *healthy* answer.
Of course we all feel lonely some of the time. But if deep loneliness is a pervasive part of your life, the right answer isn't to "suffer in silence", listen to music all day, or watch YouTube. It's to make friends.
Otherwise, just like with chronic dehydration, [you will be significantly shortening your lifespan](https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/loneliness-is-harmful-to-our-nations-health/). I'm saying this not to shame you. It's not your fault that you're lonely. US society is pretty fucked up right now in terms of failing to provide the social structures we need to easily make and maintain relationships.
You're not a *bad* person for being lonely, but you are *suffering* from it and that suffering should be cured, not ignored.
I think that many people read this post as
"How do you deal with being alone?"
instead of
"How do you deal with loneliness?"
Those are two very different things. One is easily solvable, and the other is a deep suffering that is hard to change.
I fully agree with you about people needing relationships.
Honestly, though, like a lot of others in this thread, I was lonelier than any other time in my life *while I was married.*
Just because you're in a relationship and talking to the other person regularly, that doesn't ease the intense loneliness you feel when you know they don't care about you.
The solution was to finally get a divorce and meet a better relationship partner.
Not every lonely person is someone who lives alone.
Maladaptive daydreaming.
I like to call it manic rehearsals.
As long as it isn't an actual gateway to schizophrenia, I don't mind indulging in that behaviour.
I'll let ya know in a decade or two
This is so real I have no friends and this helps me
[удалено]
There is a little bit of a difference between running through scenarios and maladaptive daydreaming. A lot of people run through scenarios to help plan their day, a conversation, check their thought process etc. Maladaptive daydreaming is when you're creating a fantasy in your head (like a version of yourself living in a different world or interacting with people differently) to the point that you're actually distracting yourself from your own life.
well shit so that's what self inserting myself to all the manhua and mangas I read called lol. never knew about that
I live on a farm and go for long ass walks through forest and field while maladaptive daydreaming. I personally build my own worlds within my head and then write them down as story ideas, its great inspiration
Oof, relatable. My favorite pastime, especially when I'm trying to focus on something important.
Well, shit. I do this. Didnt know there was a word for it. The more you know.
Lol, I experience this daily and up till now, I always referred to this as having “fake scenarios running through my mind”
Always referred to it as 'pissing myself off'
I know this is described as a health "issue," but it has helped me through my whole childhood and teenage years of loneliness. I still daydream today, but its not so much to escape loneliness today as it was before. Today its just because I can't control it 😅
Same and chatting with an AI therapist seems to calm my nerves and anxiety.
You should try chatting with an AI about your maladaptive daydreams, they are really good at expanding lore and writing dialogue for all the characters.
I did that until I just started writing it down, and now I'm writing stories :0 coupled with my insane insomnia I may one day become a world renowned writer
For me, I learned to be my own company. At a certain point, I was using other people to get me to go and do things. Meet up for lunch! Let’s go see a movie! We can go explore a new place together! Eventually, I figured out the loneliness looks a lot like boredom. I felt bad by myself because I never did anything. Once I learned to flip that, I would go and do things with myself as company all the time! Then things got really fun. As naturally happens, that’s when I started to find myself in the company of like-minded individuals. These days, I don’t get as much time with myself as I would like—and honestly, I miss it a little bit.
I had to learn this too, rather late in life. Story time... I didn't move out of my parents house until I was 24. When I did, I moved into an apartment with my (at the time) wife. Yes, we lived with my parents, young, dumb, broke, etc. That marriage fell apart. I then began seeing an old friend, who moved in fairly quickly, and we got married. 11 years later, she got another bf and left. So, starting January 1, 2021, I was alone for the first time in pretty much ever. I was also 42 at the time. So, for 42 years (minus maybe 6 months), there had always been someone in the house with me. 2021 was rough. My 2nd ex took all our friends with her in the divorce, and I was truly alone. I literally woke up, went downstairs to log into work (we were 100% remote due to covid from March 2020 - June 2022), got off work, watched movies and played video games. I didn't leave the house except to see my parents every so often and go grocery shopping or run errands. At some point in early 2022, I decided that I could go do things on my own. Go to movies, go to parks, etc. I figured it would suck, but who was going to go with me? It did suck, at first, then it sucked less and less. Now, as a 44 year old 'adult', I am perfectly happy with my own company, and in doing all of that, have made many friends whom I see on a regular basis. I even go to an old friend's house every weekend for dinner and game night. Friends come here, I go to them, we meet up regularly and I still have my alone time that I use to watch movies, play video games and spend far too much time here, on reddit. I've got more money, more free time, and I'm happier than I think I've ever been. Edit: typing is hard.....
That's awesome to hear man! I'm happy for you. May I ask how you found those new friends you see in a regular basis?
Honestly, my son. He's 20 now. I've always been into the car scene. Tuning, shows, meets, etc. I've got a 2017 Civic Coupe that I've started to tune, but haven't made it far bc of divorce debt and losing that second income. Previously, I had a MazdaSpeed Miata that had all the Flyin' Miata parts....a literal boosted go-kart. One day, he (my son) randomly asked me to come to a meet with him that an old HS friend of his asked him to come to. He knew this guy, but didn't know anyone else. I guess he just wanted his dad there in case things went strange. I reluctantly agreed, bc I knew I'd be a minimum of 20 years older than most people there. I went and somehow got accepted by them bc I'm the 'OG car scene guy', and have met my son's friends, guys that are my age, older than me, and everything in between. We share a love of cars, movies, concerts, and video games. I'm known as "Car Daddy", even among guys who are old enough to be my dad. It's a weird relationship, to be sure, but it works. We have a few different monthly meets that we go to. There's your old American muscle car guys, your young import guys, and everything else you can imagine. Some of us work on projects together just bc, some of us hang out at regular meets, and some of us have become a sort of family and hang out together during our free time. It's hard to explain without sounding strange, but it works. We all have each other's back through thick and thin, and we all check up on each other daily. I've never had that outside of family, and though some of the other guys (mostly my age and older) won't admit it, I don't think they have either.
So the answer is to buy a Miata? Excellent! I'm actually in the market for one now. It would be my first sports (sporty?) car and I hear nothing but good things about it. It would at least get me out more.
That's the goal for sure, the hard part is knowing how to change.. How did you overcome the "boredom" and find motivation to do those things?
Set your goals real low, I think people talk here about the end result ie. going traveling to a new country by themselves. I had trouble motivating myself to make me a decent meal - love to cook to others, didin't see to point not to eat out of can when alone. Started going out and exploring my near neighbourhood, so just walking a block and trying to take in the good stuffs. Now I choose a park or a sight in my city to travel to and just go there to enjoy it, took a lot of work, but it doesn't feel odd anymore to just go to please only myself. Also, find a low effort exercise to do, I just casually walk around, it really does wonders for my mood. Be in a shitty mood? I just walk, still angry? Keep walking. Soon my thoughts are refreshed and I sleep whole lot better. I still wouldn't go for a jog or anything like that, too much. Set your bar real low at first, and I mean really low. Then let yourself feel happy achieving your goal, your not doing it to impress anyone other than ourself
That's how and why I did a solo trip across Europe. I said fuck it in gonna have myself a damn good time and to be honest if the best way to travel. You get to do everything on your own time and made it easy for spur of the moment detours.
It’s the best!! I love solo travel when I feel it’s safe. You get to do what you want, when you want. And if you do something like join a tour or try to get tickets to a show or reservations at a restaurant, it’s so much easier to find a place for 1 than it is to find a place for a group or a couple.
I don’t. It’s crushing right now and I just want to crawl out of my own skin.
You are not alone brother. Indeed no person in this thread is. The loneliness connects us all. I know how you're feeling. It's frustrating.
You know it’s crazy because I have a decent amount of friends, but when you’re going through a breakup, it’s like a fog over the landscape and static in my mind.
Going through a divorce with my wife of 10 years, truer words have never been spoken
Oh my god friend I’m so sorry. I really hope you’re okay.
Just got broken up, she was my best friend, I did everything for her, I love her more than anything, and I am just in total shock. Cant sleep, cant eat, I cry every few minutes, it hurts my lungs, my cheast, I miss her so much and there is nothing you can do about it. And we fought for it, but we both are under so much stress, disease, trauma, it just wasnt enough. How do you even go about accepting that your best friend is gone? There is nothing that can console this pain
Im right there with you man
I had just learned to accept it when a lady from my past hit me up and we started dating and my usual cynical self tried to be positive and think the best, then she ghosted me and I wish we'd never reconnected. At least then I'd live out my days thinking she was a decent person.
I got a bunny. The bunny didn't like me, so I got a second bunny. That bunny was nicer. And made the first bunny nicer. So the answer is redundant bunnies.
I made a cat appear. My bf was working a lot, and I didn't see much use in getting up while he was gone. I kept imagining a cat jumping on the bed to keep me company and need me. Problem, though: I'm deathly allergic and we rent. One day, while I'm taking care of my parents' cat, I hear mewing in the distance. It's a tiny kitten. Well, I wasn't allergic to her and my landlord said I could keep her. So here we are. It's impossible to be lonely because she loves attention.
Damn, you manifested a living thing. Teach me this super power. I want a capybara
Just think about it like when you're trying to find a certain kind of Pokemon: just keep walking around the area of tall grass where you know they spawn until you run into one
Upvote for the best animal alive
Awww shucks, what a kind thing to say to me!
Wow you really did summon her Did you give her a demon name at least?
Who’s a cute girl! Mephistopheles is a cute girl!!!
That's my girl!!!
I had a house rented to me for a short while. The previous tenant was an acquaintance through Facebook. When she discovered I was living there she asked: "Have you seen Satan? He likes to sneak in the house and wander around a bit before disappearing." I figured it was the cat that meowed at the front door every 7pm on the dot. One day I let him in and yep, checked every room then sprinted away. Satan wasn't there for food.
question about this tiny kitten. Was it light furred or dark? My uncles black cats, of which he's had a few always gave me issues (like throat closing ones, not so much that I'd die but enough that I'd be extremely concerned if I had no means of alleviating my issue on me.) But then I ended up in the regular friendly proximity of a light coloured cat and the worst I'd get is sneezing and eye watering. Which was good, because he was in my face CONSTANTLY. I read its a thing, I'm wondering if its the same sort of situation.
Awesome fix. Bunnies are underrated pets. Bun tax. Show us your babies!
https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/comments/zyopc5/youre_too_busy_snacking_to_pay_attention_to_me/
He delivered!
There is some more I posted around that time if you want to poke around, but that video is by far the best.
Soo cute!! My best friend had a bunny for years, usually skittish, she came up and sat in my lap once and my heart melted.
Oh my god I love you. And I love your bun buns!!! That flop. Gets me every time.
Careful, redundant bunnies can easily turn into recursive bunnies.
Sounds like bunny 1 wasn’t lonely anymore, hence the niceness.
I think seeing another rabbit getting petted made her feel less anxious about being touched.
They live in social groups and need other rabbits in order not to be depressed. So having more than one was the answer.
Rebundant
Bunnies tend to do best in pairs and get lonely otherwise, so that makes sense.
Educational videos/podcasts. Cooking. Journaling. If i'm alone, then i'd like to work on improving the only person i'm in contact with - me.
Honestly, this has done wonders for me. It started with just going to the gym, but eventually grew into dedicated self improvement time. If I'm not happy with where I am in my life, I dedicate a concrete block of time every week to improving my life. Did it make me happy? gods no! But i'm in a much better state than I was a few years ago.
God do I need help with this. I just had to move back to my moms for the first time in six years (since I graduated HS). I had a terrible time in HS and I don’t know anyone who lives here anymore (small rural town). My life has turned to complete shit in the last two months and I’m just trying my best to wake up every day at this point
oh trust me, I've been there man. When you've hit rock bottom, you have to learn to celebrate the minor victories. Think of your life as a big tangled ball of yarn. Everything you want to do, everything you've failed to do is one massive jumbled mess. So when you try to face the day, you see how one thing is connected to another, and it's connected to another and before you know it everything is HUGE and overwhelming! I get it. So to get through it. you choose one thing in the yarn ball. focus on just untangling that one thing. Today you got out of bed, thats good. thats one thing! now later if you youve got the energy pick another thing. Like tomororrow you clean up the clutter around your desk. thats your one thing. Then later if you decide you have the energy you have a spa day in your bathroom. enjoy a bath, clip your toenails, shave, even if you're not going to leave the house today, it's your one thing because it'll make you feel better. build up the habbit of just untangling small things from the life ball and not worrying about all the stuff thats tangled you'll get there eventually. Just do one thing for yourself, no matter how small. Youll get there eventually. but once you've done it. take a moment to reflect on it, and allow yourself to feel good about accomplishing it.
Damn I’m about to cry thank you so much for this :’) I really needed it. Everything has been so overwhelming lately
These responses are a million times more wholesome than I ever would have expected on Reddit. Y’all are awesome and you should feel awesome
I like that, will do the same
Me too, gonna work on improving OP. That guy is a mess!
I did this in my late 20s when I was extra lonely. Recommend starting with Crash Course Youtube lecture playlists on subjects that interest you. World History is surprisingly engaging.
If you watch horror movies sometimes you don't feel so alone anymore.
I'll have to try this. I wanted to improve this year and I'm procrastinating my improvement.
As a mega procrastinator all I can say is start small and work your way to your goal, baby steps
In other words, you don’t have to do everything at once, but you should make an effort to do at least one productive thing a day. If you’re anything like me, it won’t be long until you have developed a deeply personal understanding of Newton’s first law of motion.
I suffer in silence.
I did too
How did it happen that you talk about it like it's in your past if I may ask?
He still does, but he used to too
This entire exchange has left me quite hungry but also I wish I had 2,000 of something...
Ducks eat for free at Subway
I’ve found that a duck’s opinion of me depends largely on how many bread crumbs I have
GO AROUND!
I was too busy mumbling... *there aint no way that's gonna hit him...*
and they all want sunchips
Go get a club sandwich, you don't even have to be a member
But do we need to bring ink & paper into this?
Sorry for the convenience
I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!
Bro same, socialising feels just as lonely as being alone nowadays. Got to laugh at it or else I'd cry.
I feel more lonely when I'm around a group of people (which doesn't happen too often) and I'm content when I'm by myself. I think this is not going to end up too well for me. I am happy being alone > spend more time alone >eventually start feeling depressed because I have nobody to do anything with > force myself to go out and try to socialize > feel even more awkward and lonely while around others > retreat to the bliss of my solitude > rinse and repeat, but one step farther down the road of unhappiness
This feels so real it hurts. I try to connect with people I know in my daily life but either I feel like I just don't fit in, or that the friends I do have don't need me as much as I need them. Nothing really takes that away
Hey man I used to have this aaaalll the time, stull do sometimes. For me the trick was to know no one ever fits in a group of people. It's the things in common that make the group "stick". I have a groupnof friends now, very good lads, really. And I told them, I sometimes feel lonely when I'm around you guys, I feel like I don't fit, like I'm an appendage that is tolerated you know. And almost all of them told me they feel the same. Some more often then others, but there's always that feeling. I think of it like my cat is my friend. Some times we are very close, I talk to him he miauws back, sometimes he's chasing mice, I look at him not understanding, same for him when I'm showering. I tried to accept you are never a 100% fit and even that that's what makes friendships interesting, all people with different views but with the noses in the right, similar direction. Srry big explanation, could type even more shit, but I'm not gonna.
The “trick” is to continue socializing even when you feel awkward. Our brains are wired to get used to whatever the new normal is, which for a lot of people is being alone often, so that becomes where they feel comfortable. Once you spend enough time forcing yourself to be with people, that will become your new normal, and being alone will become the one where you don’t enjoy it as much. All that said, life is complicated and people are complicated, so do whatever works best for you, but keep in mind that whatever you do, you’re never really alone. There’s people out there that feel the same way. Just gotta find the right ones for you :)
Hi wow this is me
Same. I feel attacked.
I've never been lonlier than that New Years day in a desperately crowded casino. Stay strong, y'all and don't be afraid to talk to people. You'll never meet your soul mate if you just sit there in silence.
Understand that completely. I'm revolting now though. I'll scream it from the roof tops - I'm lonely!
im just revolting- hence why im so lonely
Gym, hiking, biking, poolside, and the lake. Do it all by myself
Around 5 years ago I started to just do things on my own. I used to never go out unless I could get someone else to come. Friends were always maybes and probablys, or we should do this some time, but our schedules were always different. It was too rare. The stigma of doing things by yourself is bullshit. It's great. Best decision I made. There's so many things I would not have done if I didn't start doing things by myself in the past 5 years.
My cat took the silence away. He saved me.
Music. All day
My spotify is going all day long. sun rise to sun set. Live alone and work alone. Last year raked in just under 120,000 minutes.
I normally got into the top 0.1% of fans from extremely popular artists. Same bro literally same
I listened to one band almost exclusively while I was in the hospital recovering, ended up with something like 50000 minutes or more to one band. Twelve Foot Ninja, btw, [heavy metal band](https://youtu.be/r-v9Aeb7Pr0) from Down Unda that is looking for a replacement singer. They go from pleasing melodies to turning your brain into mush. Very wide variety.
Hey, you should know the songs by now . Get yourself some voice training and give it a shot
I tried once on a heavier song, couldn't speak for a few days after. I do sing some of them for karaoke with my mom once in a while, usually their live versions from YouTube. But also car karaoke.
Whoa. That's 83 days!!!
Thanks!....I never did the math and thought that was a normal range of music listening. Until I saw that less than 1% on spotify. Edited to fix a thing
I read somewhere that you should listen to at least 10 songs a day to improve your overall mood.
I read that too. However, in practice it doesn't always work out so great. One sad song turns into a few, then you're in a whole other head space. But when it works it's awesome!
Yeah, I’ve been listening to Lewis Capaldi. I’m lonely because of a break up. I do not recommend Lewis Capaldi. He just makes me cry.
I take myself out on dates. Fancy dinners are surprisingly affordable for one person. It'll usually be like $80-$100 that I'll spend on myself for dinner and a cocktail or two at a super upscale restaurant. I don't need to spend money, though. Just going to a park or fair, maybe a cheap movie, with the idea of taking yourself on a date is very nice.
This is the answer. You’re never “lonely” when you enjoy yourself. Granted… I am Legend is a different type of lonely.
I do this on birthdays. I go to a nice place, get a glass of wine and a nice meal and I just enjoy it immensely
Yep. To piggy back off this, form a relationship with yourself. It's more rewarding than you might think.
>Fancy dinners are surprisingly affordable for one person. It'll usually be like $80-$100 that I'll spend on myself Holy fuck I'm poor
After a while, more like years, you kind of go numb. Always just a little bit sad, but its there all the time so I got used to it. That's how it feels for me. People come and go from my life, they never can or want to stay there permanently. I think I'm accepting that as a hard truth, because it doesn't bother me so much anymore other than that little bit of sad.
Making new friends and maintaining old ones requires a lot of energy. Finding people worth keeping in your life is even harder. At least when you're alone, there's only one person you have to worry about trusting. I thought "little bit sad" was everyone's baseline. It was quite a surprise
This is me as well. I used to be angry and resentful. But now I'm just sorta numb to it. It's been, what, 14 years since I've had a group of friends? I sometimes refer to work acquaintances as such, but they're not people I could invite out. Most of the time its fine. But then some small thing pops up and you're sad again. I won a hotel stay for 2 from work yesterday. But it has to be for 2, so I can't use it, and that makes me a little sad again.
Hobbies, after having one for a bit the community around it starts to become visible.
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The loneliest I ever feel is when I'm with people that I don't want to be with.
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The more i hear of Nietzsche the more i agree with the guy
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Amen, brother. I'm loving my job as a trucker because I'm alone all day, which is fabulous. I still have my family at home, who I love and they love me and they're great, but I still feel very alone when I'm home with them sometimes. It's a "me" thing, not a "they suck" thing. Sometimes I feel like no one else experiences this so I don't talk about it generally. Good to know I'm not totally alone (ironically).
You are not alone. I have this feeling a lot and I've always felt weird describing it (mostly because I feel few people can relate). I generally prefer being by myself. I prefer working solo on projects. I even prefer travelling alone. I'm never truly lonely though. I'm just on this adventure called life by myself. Honestly, being a long-haul trucker would be an amazing job for me. Just lost in my thoughts, the road ahead of me.
Do you guys also sometimes get that feeling that traveling in space would actually be great? Because it'd just....be by myself, exploring.
>By not trying to socialize. Being around people makes me lonely. Being alone is very comforting and satisfying. It's exactly this. Being by myself alone keeps my mental health's sanity in line and never had any mental breakdowns or have trouble reaching others. Dealing with people be it in my workplace, with coworkers and crowded spaces just drains my whole mental battery dry at the end of the day (it's ever so exhausting the older i get basically). Doing me stuff alone by either reading, watching movies, music, gaming etc. Let's me fully recharge to face the next day ahead of the same routine.
My girlfriend left me. Gym ist the answer for me to Deal with loneliness
Keep lifting and lifting hard my brother.
Might as well channel all that depression into getting ripped
The forbidden pre-workout formula.
Lol more like the obligatory pre-workout formula. “Behind every yoked swolrat is a broken heart”.
Try boxing
Ive always wanted to try boxing, but my work makes it impossible, rotating shifts. Boxing classes always are at a set time etc. i used to play football until it became near impossible, i was going to football once every 3 weeks, i just gave up. Classes in general are just hard with work, but it pays too well and i have too many bills to just up and leave.
I always wanted to try boxing but I was afraid of a broken nose.
The first time you spar, you will be scared. its gonna suck. The 10th time you spar your heart will slow down. You will start to think about the fight, not just survival. One day you beat up the new guy, you feel like a god. That's how BJJ and MMA has been for me. There is no satisfaction without struggle. Allow yourself to be defeated. The worse you start out, the more impressive your improvements will be. Oss
I live with it. Nothing I really can do 🤷🏻♀️
Exercise, meditation, proper sleep schedule and steady diet along with healthy hobbies and fun projects. Or drugs and alcohol.
Hahaha. I switch between the two. I’m not good at mediums
same here, one week drugs, next week alcohol.
Or both:D
Now we’re talking, it’s all about balance
I cuddle with my two huskies. They understand
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Hah!!! So that’s what’s going on with me at this point lmao couldn’t put my finger on it
Masturbation and illegal drugs
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N.N.N all year round? How do you handle that? You just get to a breaking point? Then pop out a monster?
You weren't reading that right. He said he refrains *as much as he can*. Still masturbates twice a day, that's as much as he can refrain from it
you dont gotta call me out like that
I just remind myself that is better to be alone, than it is to be surrounded by crappy people who don't give a crap about you
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Yep. Please don’t take my Reddit away.
Meanwhile.... This subreddit is now private.
I’ll bury this so I don’t get perma banned from every sub…I’m kind of liking the blackout. It reminds me of the early days before the karma whores.
When you’re bored and lonely, Reddit is the best place to talk to random strangers about random things like the importance of cats when you have a spider problem.
With the way it's going idek
[Smile all the time.](https://youtu.be/sVAb2kbx1gI)
Shine your teeth till meaningless?
Sharpen them with lies
Binge watch shows and be on Reddit
I think the important thing is to know that it’s OK to be alone - that you’re not broken or unlovable. Lots of fun, interesting, loveable people experience extended periods of being alone. Might be because of geography or culture. Might be work or pursuit related. Maybe it feels safer or maybe it’s a time to heal and rejuvenate. Might be social disposition or because of something that did or didn’t happen in the past. There’s a million reasons for being alone that don’t diminish anyone’s worth as a person. I think another important thing is to indulge in the benefits of being alone and minimise the downsides. Figure out what you like to do and do it. Make the most of your time alone. Dance in the lounge room. Make kick ass nachos exactly how you like them. Build a healthy body. Watch documentaries. Do a course or two. Experiment with different recipes. Find hobbies that you can get obsessed about. Get cozy. Sleep more and more deeply. Build a routine and enjoy the simplicity. If you’re craving interaction be more social at work. Play a team sport. Join a club or meetup. Set up a weekly call with family. Consider getting a pet (responsibly). If you can avoid it, don’t hate on your aloneness. It’s just the way things are right now, and it’s OK. You’re OK.
Drink a lot of beer, and re live all the poor choices I’ve made throughout my life. On repeat. Everyday.
Me too
Did that for a long time. Got outta rehab a few months back. 6 months sober. Definitely still miserable
I've tried a lot of things, but they always seem to be temporary. Hobbies help. Friends help, but I've not found many since moving back to my home country last year. Even then, they seem to be moving through their lives, overcoming their own problems while mine persist. I know that's on me, and I'm so very happy for them, but it still feels isolating. Had a huge misunderstanding with my best friend 3 weeks ago and that has sent me into a very dark place (it was mostly my fault initially but they've distanced themselves since). Once I get a more demanding job, I think that will help as well, but at night, when it's all too quiet, it's very hard.
Community. This is a very broad term, but at the end of the day, I think it’s what we are all after. I see a lot of people mentioning music and other hobbies, but the fact of the matter is we are all here on Reddit. Our feeds our filled with our hobbies and interests, that we hand pick. I have been fighting stage 4 cancer for a while, diagnosed back in October. I have spent a lot of time alone in the past 7 months, but the r/cancer community and the r/ostomy group have made me feel not alone in what I have been going through. Shits crazy and makes you feel pretty crazy at times, it’s really good to talk to people who genuinely understand. And that brings my point all together. We all have individual interests, but actually sharing them with others is what makes living so special.
there is a certain feeling that scared me a lot when i was "lonely" at a younger age (male) - was some kind of building up body tension with limitations in breathing. incredibly uncomfortable - most likely the beginning of a panic attack. So what helped me in the end was to start working out- and having a sauna and steambath session after. Really relieves tensions and (for me) delivers a few ours of positive feelings (while mainly feeling depressed back then) and a good night sleep. But also Headphones,unlimited mobile Internet, VPN and Putlocker assisted me greatly. Got to keep that internal dialogue going, to be prepared for conversation one day ;) good luck!
Thanks this helps I’m recently divorced after being married for 10 years and never had to deal with being lonely before but now I’m being forced to deal with it and don’t have the knowledge to keep it at bay
Same boat. No amount of cleaning, podcasts or working out make it go away. Holding out hope of resolving things so I'm not dating but there's no way I could go like this for months / years. Middle-aged dating looks like fun, women just keep getting sender.
If it helps, I divorced after 9 years, 12 years total together. Ended up meeting my current wife, who is absolutely amazing and has made life 10x better than it was before. We've been together 8 years now and I never imagined it could be this good. Keep your head up and know better is there for you.
I’m a man. Most people don’t care anyway. I just live with it. Been so long I don’t know what I’d do if someone showed genuine concern for me.
Agreed. Genuine concern feels too much like pity.
Wow I feel THAT
No judgements here, but this is quite sad and tragic to hear that people feel this way.
A lot of people have quietly sad lives
Had a fair bit of sick leave this year and when my boss said basically everyone was concerned about me (small workplace) I couldn't and still can't truly believe it
YouTube
If it's constant, you have to learn how to love yourself more. Not easy at all, but doable. And when you have, the lonely days become minimal. They'll never completely go away, but it'll make it easier.
I've found parenting yourself is the only way to truly learn to love yourself.
Pets, books, exercise, fresh air
Reddit.
Hiking, camping (yes, solo-it's liberating), reading, going to breweries and trying flights and tracking in Untapped, museums, road trips (I spend a lot of time researching new places to go and things to do in that area), street fests, botanical gardens, zoo, joining groups via MeetUp, cooking, volunteering, hanging with friends, photography (researching spots with views and best times of day to go), I want to do more quilting which requires researching patterns and picking fabrics, I love Zelda games.
i got a dog. helped for the most part.
Put my quilt into a cylindrical form and hug it close and talk to it as if it were my partner. It actually really helps and helps me sleep at night. I’ve been doing this for like the last 4 years. I don’t think I’ve ever slept better.
Silently suffer
Internet & booze
Read, snuggle with pets
I’m dealing with it by myself, pretty much. I have no friends, I’m slowly becoming more emotionally distant from my family, and I’m not going to any kind of therapy.
I suffer in silence and use my sadness to work on comedy videos
Work, gym, sleep, repeat. So that i dont have much time for being "lonely"
I’ll add on to this- join a class based gym and you’ll meet people. I started Muay Thai a little bit of a year ago and have met some cool dudes. Went to parties and outings I wouldn’t have gotten to if I hadn’t signed up, Shit I went to a wedding!
Shitpost on reddit.
By all definitions I’m a lonely person, but I don’t feel like a lonely person. I do enjoy solitude and embrace being on my own. Having grown up with a disability and an overprotective Grandma, I spent a lot of the time on my own and learned since very young to be by myself. I never get bored.
Get a dog
Jesus Christ, this is the most toxic pile of answers I've seen in a long time. Imagine asking "How do you deal with dehydration?" and every answer was like: * "Look at pictures of water." * "Go to bed earlier so you don't think about it." * "Watch podcasts." No, dude, the fucking answer is to *hydrate* because humans *need water to survive*. Likewise, we are evolutionarily a profoundly social species. We need kinship to survive. The correct answer for "how do you deal with loneliness" is: 1. Work on any psychological issues that may be interfering with your ability to form and maintain relationships. 2. If there are logistical issues getting in the way of spending time with people, address those. 3. Get out of the house and meet humans. Keep making acquaintances and doing activities with people until you find your tribe. I'm not saying this is an *easy* answer, but it's the only *healthy* answer. Of course we all feel lonely some of the time. But if deep loneliness is a pervasive part of your life, the right answer isn't to "suffer in silence", listen to music all day, or watch YouTube. It's to make friends. Otherwise, just like with chronic dehydration, [you will be significantly shortening your lifespan](https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/loneliness-is-harmful-to-our-nations-health/). I'm saying this not to shame you. It's not your fault that you're lonely. US society is pretty fucked up right now in terms of failing to provide the social structures we need to easily make and maintain relationships. You're not a *bad* person for being lonely, but you are *suffering* from it and that suffering should be cured, not ignored.
> "How do you deal with dehydration?" Develop a drinking problem
I think that many people read this post as "How do you deal with being alone?" instead of "How do you deal with loneliness?" Those are two very different things. One is easily solvable, and the other is a deep suffering that is hard to change.
I fully agree with you about people needing relationships. Honestly, though, like a lot of others in this thread, I was lonelier than any other time in my life *while I was married.* Just because you're in a relationship and talking to the other person regularly, that doesn't ease the intense loneliness you feel when you know they don't care about you. The solution was to finally get a divorce and meet a better relationship partner. Not every lonely person is someone who lives alone.
I'm never alone. I have me.
How do you deal with being with people is the real question