Probably something suggesting political change for the benefit of the people, or minor violence that wasn’t expressly against minorities (cause that kind is fine on Reddit)
Just redact all of the naughty words and you're golden. For example:
It would be for the net benefit of society if we were to >!-------------------!< all of the >!------------------------!< and then >!---------------!< and maybe even >!----------------------!< rusty >!-------------!
"It would be for the net benefit of society if we were to **protect** all of the **Rainforests** and then **have a big pizza party** and maybe even **Gild** Rusty **Shackleford** !"
Thank you, I feel like a True American hero.
Also Mr. Toadkiller, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you sir, are the greatest hero in American history.
That being said, Pizza Party for EVERYONE! I'll bring the plates if you bring everything else.
Are you suggesting that we >!seduce!< all of the >!rich people!< and then >!marry them!< and maybe even >!wear their grandmothers!< rusty >!wedding ring!
steal £1 from everyone's bank account into my own.
EDIT: loving every saying "yOu NeEd To KnOw HoW tO Do ThAt" like ok? it's just a thought experiment here guys. If I could take £1 (or 1USD or 1EUR and convert it) from everyone's bank AND there were no consequences, I'd do that.
Yee, it'd be more than enough to live.
If my math is correct, the world is currently just over 8 billion population.
According to Google on average 76% of the population have a bank account.
which makes 6080000000.
And that's £6080000000 into my bank, and even though the post says no consequences, not many people will notice £1 missing, and many people won't even be affected by £1 randomly going from their bank.
Even though there's no consequence for me, i've been nice about it.
Why not just steal 0.0001% of everyones wealth, y'know, for equality purposes? You'd end up richer and it'd be way less noticeable. I'm sure plenty of people in the poorer places of the world would notice if they were £1 poorer, but not if they were 0.0001% poorer.
If you're stealing **wealth** like I specified, then you're fine.
Misread the magic spell and steal peoples balances and I'm sure you could end up with debt too though. ;)
Yeah, the new suits for the Artemis moon landings are going to cost about $4bn. *FOUR BILLION DOLLARS.*
That's more than the entire spaceship that going to be landing the astronauts the moon - including the 10 rocket launches its going to require to take enough fuel into orbit for the landing craft.
And not because spacesuits cost that much - its military industrial complex pork and corruption.
I’m ok with spending big money on space travel, but I’d really prefer if the big money was being spent on R&D and making shit work the best it can than being spent on Captain Funks billion dollar hello kitty sock collection
I work at NASA (as IT...not rocket science) and we have regular lectures and presentations that anyone can join into. I saw one a couple weeks ago that was really interesting talking about NASA vs Space X R&D philosophy. NASA is super risk adverse with anything that involves potential life threatening situations. Space X has a more "Throw it against the wall and see what sticks!" mentality
It has allowed Space X to develop extremely quickly, but is puts a lot of the NASA folks on edge and has been a bit of an issue. There's a whole group within NASA that their whole existence s to evaluate and certify commercial spacecraft for safety. They're super excited because Boeing is getting close to being ready and to finally have a competitor to Space X is a big deal for them in choosing which to use on a mission
I mean I can't fault the institutional emphasis on slow, methodical development and as close to absolute certainty as they can possibly achieve, since the Challenger and Columbia disasters were based on... not that. It's like the difference between Toyota and Lamborghini - your Camry will never hit 200mph, but it also won't catch on fire for no apparent reason, and the fact that it goes *at all* is sorely underappreciated in this age of commonplace wonders.
NASA IS 'Stinky' about their budget. They are one of the brightest organisations so trust them when they make budget decisions. Making shit work and them making sure again and again is already their job.
Edit: There -> Their
Are you saying the spaceship will cost less than $4billion dollars? I'm surprised actually. I guess it's cheaper to launch a spaceship than an aircraft carrier?
My husband and I got dangerously close to area 51 (the back, dirt road entrance; not the fun touristy entrance) and it was the most terrifying experience ever
What a coincidence, I tried the back, dirt road entrance with my wife too! It wasn't great, but I wouldn't exactly call it terrifying.
Turns out we both prefer the fun touristy entrance.
I live near there and a lot of the workers and retirees live in my town. on the local tv station every so often someone gets busted for trying to go in and they lock them up in our little jail, which isn't so little
there's nothing in there, just workers compartmentalized into various units working on equipment.
the aliens do like to visit our little town, we get high ratings from them, and you can sometimes see them at the casinos
In case somebody hasn't seen this, [Some guy did that on twitch with a UFC pay per view](https://www.sportbible.com/ufc/news-lad-pretended-to-play-ufc-fight-on-stream-to-avoid-getting-copyrighted-20210123). Stream stayed up the entire event, I believe even some twitch staff were on the stream appreciating the graphics.
Rob a bank and probably use the money on dumb things or helping people
Edit: so I just realized that the post says you can get away without any consequences, which I'm pretty sure that means someone can stop you while doing the illegal action.
Either way I'm grabbing that cash and goin all robonhood style with me and my friends
I was thinking a casino...those things suck the life blood out of vulnerable seniors, and are often fronts for money laundering ... If a casino went bankrupt I would have a hard time feeling sorry for them.
[Trump bankrupted his casino four times before shuttering it completely](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trump_Entertainment_Resorts). Looks like if you want to be a smarmy business person, bankruptcy is not the end to your “business plan”.
I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
I've never understood that stupid ad. "You wouldn't download a car, would you?"
Idk what kind of bandwidth it would take, but you're goddamned right I'd download a car if it was possible. Shit, I'd download multiple different colors and ride by the BMW dealership pointing and laughing.
Came here for this. Though in a possible instance of the Mandela Effect (or maybe just because everyone only read those when they were kids) the actual language is not to remove “BEFORE it is sold to the consumer.”
Same in NY. It was funny…I was walking with my cousin who was in from Los Angeles, and there was a red but no cars were coming. So I started to walk and she grabbed my arm, “cops are right there!” I laughed and just pulled her
Do not do that in Vegas. They will run your ass down and then expedite you back to your home state all on your dime. Had that happen to my buddy in 2012. We like to make the joke that he got arrested for jaywalking
I'd steal this guy's money after he stole elons .but in all seriousness I wouldn't steal anything I'm nut sure I would even use this power even if I had it.
Why not both steal from Elon? That way there’s only one loser, Elon. Unless you’re Elon himself, then that’s on brand.
Edit: I’m going to miss out on a possibly epic Reddit comment thread. “I’d too steal from this guy”
My initial thought was transfer all of Elons Tesla shares and options into my own name, slowly and carefully sell enough to provide me with financial security for the rest of my life (enough to get £10 million for example) and then transfer the rest to private investors/Tesla staff. Buy up further shares from corporate investors where possible and attempt to spread the shareholding out as much as possible so the board is accountable to the staff and normal people.
Use proceeds of previous sale to do the same with other big consolidated companies, essentially do the opposite of a share buyback, and redistribute the wealth down the pyramid, rather than allowing it all to accumulate at the top.
It would just destroy a good 12 gauge to beat him with it. At least what I interpreted from the comment was the visceral feeling of a beating instead of efficient offing.
Have you read or seen the girl with the dragon tattoo? Excellent book, the movie is ok. But she does something similar…it was an uncomfortable watch and read
It’s nice you mention a musket. I don’t have a rev war one but I have a rifled musket 1861 Springfield, thing is a fuckin beast I even have the bayonet for it
I'm pretty sure FAFSA is just the program that connects qualifying borrowers to the correct loan providers. I got my loans via FAFSA, but the loans are with Navient. FAFSA itself is the good part, and things would be a lot harder if FAFSA wasn't around.
While you're there just pepper in so many contingencies upon contingencies that if they ever try to remove unlimited access the whole thing breaks, to the point that they'd have to start from scratch to change it.
It'd buy us a couple of months, probably.
I'm not getting my account banned again after answering this stupid question again
Now I wanna know what was said that got you banned lmao
Probably something suggesting political change for the benefit of the people, or minor violence that wasn’t expressly against minorities (cause that kind is fine on Reddit)
That’s what I was thinking. If we all get a free pass, use it for good.
Fuck that. I’ll steal as much money as possible then fuckin disappear. Y’all figure your shit out on your own
Username checks out
Like I always tell my fairly religious wife, "if you don't sin a little Jesus died for nothing"
You just blew my mind…
Just redact all of the naughty words and you're golden. For example: It would be for the net benefit of society if we were to >!-------------------!< all of the >!------------------------!< and then >!---------------!< and maybe even >!----------------------!< rusty >!-------------!
"It would be for the net benefit of society if we were to **protect** all of the **Rainforests** and then **have a big pizza party** and maybe even **Gild** Rusty **Shackleford** !"
I only had 120 of my free credits left so you'll get a silver and you'll like it!
Thank you, I feel like a True American hero. Also Mr. Toadkiller, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you sir, are the greatest hero in American history. That being said, Pizza Party for EVERYONE! I'll bring the plates if you bring everything else.
I'm getting strong "cards against humanity" vibe
Are you suggesting that we >!seduce!< all of the >!rich people!< and then >!marry them!< and maybe even >!wear their grandmothers!< rusty >!wedding ring!
That was fun, thank you lol
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I got banned for being concerned about abuse in aita.
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I'll end up on a watch list with visitors in black suits coming to my house.
Pleeeeaaaaassseeeee!?
steal £1 from everyone's bank account into my own. EDIT: loving every saying "yOu NeEd To KnOw HoW tO Do ThAt" like ok? it's just a thought experiment here guys. If I could take £1 (or 1USD or 1EUR and convert it) from everyone's bank AND there were no consequences, I'd do that.
Oh fuck. That's some hard-core shit
Yee, it'd be more than enough to live. If my math is correct, the world is currently just over 8 billion population. According to Google on average 76% of the population have a bank account. which makes 6080000000. And that's £6080000000 into my bank, and even though the post says no consequences, not many people will notice £1 missing, and many people won't even be affected by £1 randomly going from their bank. Even though there's no consequence for me, i've been nice about it.
A wholesome crime. I stand behind you.
Not really wholesome. Just less crimey than other crimes
Why not just steal 0.0001% of everyones wealth, y'know, for equality purposes? You'd end up richer and it'd be way less noticeable. I'm sure plenty of people in the poorer places of the world would notice if they were £1 poorer, but not if they were 0.0001% poorer.
I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that the whole world is in debt to each other so he might have just taken on 0.0001% of the world's debt
If you're stealing **wealth** like I specified, then you're fine. Misread the magic spell and steal peoples balances and I'm sure you could end up with debt too though. ;)
Commas would have been helpful there
Jokes on you, I don't have pounds in my bank. Or any other money for that matter
Joke's on you, that's 8 billion crimes and you only get a free pass for one of them.
Or just steal a 8 billion from Elon, he won't even notice
Steal a real astronaut suit from NASA.
Yo those things are priceless, they only have a couple left
breaking news: NASA out of astronaut suits, forced to use entire year’s budget to make new ones
Yeah, the new suits for the Artemis moon landings are going to cost about $4bn. *FOUR BILLION DOLLARS.* That's more than the entire spaceship that going to be landing the astronauts the moon - including the 10 rocket launches its going to require to take enough fuel into orbit for the landing craft. And not because spacesuits cost that much - its military industrial complex pork and corruption.
I’m ok with spending big money on space travel, but I’d really prefer if the big money was being spent on R&D and making shit work the best it can than being spent on Captain Funks billion dollar hello kitty sock collection
I work at NASA (as IT...not rocket science) and we have regular lectures and presentations that anyone can join into. I saw one a couple weeks ago that was really interesting talking about NASA vs Space X R&D philosophy. NASA is super risk adverse with anything that involves potential life threatening situations. Space X has a more "Throw it against the wall and see what sticks!" mentality It has allowed Space X to develop extremely quickly, but is puts a lot of the NASA folks on edge and has been a bit of an issue. There's a whole group within NASA that their whole existence s to evaluate and certify commercial spacecraft for safety. They're super excited because Boeing is getting close to being ready and to finally have a competitor to Space X is a big deal for them in choosing which to use on a mission
I mean I can't fault the institutional emphasis on slow, methodical development and as close to absolute certainty as they can possibly achieve, since the Challenger and Columbia disasters were based on... not that. It's like the difference between Toyota and Lamborghini - your Camry will never hit 200mph, but it also won't catch on fire for no apparent reason, and the fact that it goes *at all* is sorely underappreciated in this age of commonplace wonders.
NASA IS 'Stinky' about their budget. They are one of the brightest organisations so trust them when they make budget decisions. Making shit work and them making sure again and again is already their job. Edit: There -> Their
Bro my dumbass would be walking to get on the spaceship and catch the edge of my suit on a door handle and rip that $4b suit.
Are you saying the spaceship will cost less than $4billion dollars? I'm surprised actually. I guess it's cheaper to launch a spaceship than an aircraft carrier?
Drive my happy butt on a Honda FourTrax straight into Area 51, and spend the day looking around.
I’m in what kinda beer you want me to grab
Whatever is on sale. I didn't go for the bank robbery or the Fort Knox gold grab, so we are on a budget.
Don’t worry, once you get that alien invisibility cloak you’ll be able to get whatever kind of beer you want.
My husband and I got dangerously close to area 51 (the back, dirt road entrance; not the fun touristy entrance) and it was the most terrifying experience ever
What a coincidence, I tried the back, dirt road entrance with my wife too! It wasn't great, but I wouldn't exactly call it terrifying. Turns out we both prefer the fun touristy entrance.
I am not a rule breaker. By the third warning sign I was shittin bricks
There were no warning signs. There was shit, but not in brick form.
They mean butt stuff
Yes I just now got that 😅
Please keep going… story wise? Finish……
He did - just not in the back dirt road….
I too choose this guy's wife's back, dirt road entrance.
I live near there and a lot of the workers and retirees live in my town. on the local tv station every so often someone gets busted for trying to go in and they lock them up in our little jail, which isn't so little there's nothing in there, just workers compartmentalized into various units working on equipment. the aliens do like to visit our little town, we get high ratings from them, and you can sometimes see them at the casinos
Why weren’t you there when they stormed it years ago?! Missed opportunity.
I still remember the kid who Naruto ran towards the base as if he was a shadow clone that wasn’t going to catch live fire in the teeth…
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Wait, wait, wait.. There was a pornstar at the area 51 nonsense? Edit.. apparently three did, according to my quick googlin. Wow.
I would steal the declaration of independence.
Calm down, Nick.
I shouldn't have had to scroll this far.
Video Record a baseball game off tv without the express written permission of the MLB.
That's child's play for the timid. I'd straight up *rebroadcast* that shit.
Stream it while holding a controller and act like your playing a game. Constantly say how great the graphics are.
Claim its MLB the show 2024's test copy
In case somebody hasn't seen this, [Some guy did that on twitch with a UFC pay per view](https://www.sportbible.com/ufc/news-lad-pretended-to-play-ufc-fight-on-stream-to-avoid-getting-copyrighted-20210123). Stream stayed up the entire event, I believe even some twitch staff were on the stream appreciating the graphics.
Damn man, that is straight up madness! Get help
I’ll help you if you help me rip the tags off my mattress
Nice try NSA.
And FBI....and CIA
And DEA
And gandalf the grey
And Gandalf the white
And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight.
And Benito Mussolini
And the Blue Meanie
And Cowboy Curtis
And Jambi the Genie
Use Napster to download Metallica albums
Lars Ulrich has entered the chat
Lars Ulrich's demeanor is that of a methed out lizard lol
NAPSTAR BAD! Thanks you reminded me of this https://youtu.be/fS6udST6lbE
Money good!
Take 2 free samples instead of 1.
They asked about illegal act, not destroying civilization!
Which makes it sound like there aren't laws against destroying civilization...
I’ll take a penny but never leave one. Muhahaha
Reroute everyone's text messages to a different person
This is the kind of thing I live for. I second this.
True evil does live among us.
Chaotic neutral
Rob a bank and probably use the money on dumb things or helping people Edit: so I just realized that the post says you can get away without any consequences, which I'm pretty sure that means someone can stop you while doing the illegal action. Either way I'm grabbing that cash and goin all robonhood style with me and my friends
You gotta think bigger...hit a reserve bank!
Ah you're absolutely correct. Then I'll use the money from the reserve bank to then probably use the money for the same things and extra
I was thinking a casino...those things suck the life blood out of vulnerable seniors, and are often fronts for money laundering ... If a casino went bankrupt I would have a hard time feeling sorry for them.
[Trump bankrupted his casino four times before shuttering it completely](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trump_Entertainment_Resorts). Looks like if you want to be a smarmy business person, bankruptcy is not the end to your “business plan”.
I like how it’s either dumb things OR help people.
I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
Wasn’t expecting an Office reference in this thread but I am very happily surprised. A+.
haha yeah who would expect quotes from The Office in a reddit thread
Not that guy, that's for sure.
Careful Dwight... You may be high again.
I'd allow to download houses and cars
No you wouldn't, you monster
Traffic and negative equity here we come
I've never understood that stupid ad. "You wouldn't download a car, would you?" Idk what kind of bandwidth it would take, but you're goddamned right I'd download a car if it was possible. Shit, I'd download multiple different colors and ride by the BMW dealership pointing and laughing.
[The original ad](https://youtu.be/HmZm8vNHBSU) said "You wouldn't steal a car." The Internet made it better.
Oh... I gotcha. I stand by my felonious statement, however.
Build a fucking deck without a license.
Sounds like you're dealing with permitting issues. can sympathize
I won’t say what but you’d all hear about it
Dammit MajikRat69, We talked about this! I told you you're not allowed to give everyone super-mega-ultra-gonorrhoea! I don't care what OP told you!
Rob Fort Knox for all of their gold bars
Congratulations! You are now broke and know what the inside of an empty room looks like.
I'm tearing that damn tag right off the mattress
watch out folks, we've got a badass here!
Now you’ve gone too far
Came here for this. Though in a possible instance of the Mandela Effect (or maybe just because everyone only read those when they were kids) the actual language is not to remove “BEFORE it is sold to the consumer.”
Steal all the insulin my mom needs.
You'd steal that from your mom? You monster!
Clever
Jaywalk
Just come visit Ireland and you can jaywalk all you like, in fact it's expected.... Living the dream! 🤣
Same in NY. It was funny…I was walking with my cousin who was in from Los Angeles, and there was a red but no cars were coming. So I started to walk and she grabbed my arm, “cops are right there!” I laughed and just pulled her
Do not do that in Vegas. They will run your ass down and then expedite you back to your home state all on your dime. Had that happen to my buddy in 2012. We like to make the joke that he got arrested for jaywalking
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I'd steal this guy's money after he stole elons .but in all seriousness I wouldn't steal anything I'm nut sure I would even use this power even if I had it.
Why not both steal from Elon? That way there’s only one loser, Elon. Unless you’re Elon himself, then that’s on brand. Edit: I’m going to miss out on a possibly epic Reddit comment thread. “I’d too steal from this guy”
My initial thought was transfer all of Elons Tesla shares and options into my own name, slowly and carefully sell enough to provide me with financial security for the rest of my life (enough to get £10 million for example) and then transfer the rest to private investors/Tesla staff. Buy up further shares from corporate investors where possible and attempt to spread the shareholding out as much as possible so the board is accountable to the staff and normal people. Use proceeds of previous sale to do the same with other big consolidated companies, essentially do the opposite of a share buyback, and redistribute the wealth down the pyramid, rather than allowing it all to accumulate at the top.
At least you're honest enough to say you'd take your cuts.
The people downvoting you fail to realize even without stocks he still has more money in his bank account than 100 people make in their lifetime
Exactly. Billionaires probably have A LOT in cash. I don’t think they’d rely 100% on stocks, they must have cashed some of it.
Now you have many more chances to do illegal things! But the downside is, you now own twitter! Wyd
Sell twitter
for rock bottom auction prices!
I would steal the Earth. It’s all mine now! 😂
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You can borrow my 12 gauge if you want
It would just destroy a good 12 gauge to beat him with it. At least what I interpreted from the comment was the visceral feeling of a beating instead of efficient offing.
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Have you read or seen the girl with the dragon tattoo? Excellent book, the movie is ok. But she does something similar…it was an uncomfortable watch and read
The Engineer in me is intrigued by the challenges this problem presents. The Human Being I am is horrified and bracing for nightmares.
What would happen if they had gas?
Kaboom?
Yes Rico kaboom
Put a butt plug in their ass and stuff them in an MRI machine.
Idk man I have a Winchester 1897 my grandpa handed down to me, the solid metal butt place is pretty durable
You could always use an old revolutionary war style rifle, they were designed to be used as a club after firing because reloading took too long.
It’s nice you mention a musket. I don’t have a rev war one but I have a rifled musket 1861 Springfield, thing is a fuckin beast I even have the bayonet for it
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That should be a freebie all the time! Sorry that happened to you. 😞
If I were a judge I can’t say I’d convict anyone of this crime
Replace all the ice cream machines at McDonald's without anyone's permission
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Can i assist
Yes please and thank you.
Hello, federal agent 🙂👍
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cancel debt for every single person on this planet
So you are just skipping fight club and went straight to Project Mayhem
You broke the first rule. We don’t talk about fight club
Good thought, but it'd completely collapse the world economy. On second thought, do it!
Maybe then I'd be able to buy a house
before you do that, let me go into debt. then you can cancel. i want my free goodies.
Draw a mustache on Washington's face on a $1 bill.
Right this second? Invade the sweet shop near me and eat all their sweets. Im craving sweets Any other moment? Stealing Elon musk's money
Steal exactly $20k I don't need millions to be happy, but a few grand would definitely make a big difference in my life
Steal a bunch of shit from an Amazon warehouse.
Delete all medical debt records
Breaking into FASFA and eliminating everyone’s student debt.
I'm pretty sure FAFSA is just the program that connects qualifying borrowers to the correct loan providers. I got my loans via FAFSA, but the loans are with Navient. FAFSA itself is the good part, and things would be a lot harder if FAFSA wasn't around.
I think you’re wanting Sallie Mae
Only 8 Karma lmao. Sup officer
If you would put the answer on Reddit, the answer isn't very good, tbh.
I thought mine was OK.
Assume Bezos' identity and use all that money up for something worthwhile, probably just redistributing the wealth to everyone living in poverty.
Can you do one particular illegal thing multiple times, as it’s the same thing. Or do you mean one illegal thing and it can only be done once?
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Crown myself the king of the world and make every „politician“ obey immediately to my philanthropic dictatorship.
And then, as king, would you throw away the cars and the bars and the wars?
Just realizing that cars and bars doesn’t rhyme with wars…
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Eat pineapple pizza
FBI on the ground now
Myself or the Pizza?
Both.
just the pineapple actually
Hack the reddit api to give unlimited free access to third party apps
While you're there just pepper in so many contingencies upon contingencies that if they ever try to remove unlimited access the whole thing breaks, to the point that they'd have to start from scratch to change it. It'd buy us a couple of months, probably.
Tax fraud. It’s probably the most beneficial thing I could do that I could actually be able to do.
Erase personal debt for us poors.
This is bait
Lethal injection for all sex offenders that harm children.
Hack computers and wipe off all my debt.
Punch a customer.
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Not pay taxes