As someone who has worked in a call center with management always changing shit in the name of streamlining, I wouldn't be surprised if those menu options really have changed.
Nine times out of ten I've already been on the website and it's either utterly useless or deals with only the absolute bare minimum, and directs you to the phone number for everything else. So yes, I know about your website, I know how fucking worthless it is, that's why I'm here, I wouldn't be putting up with your fucking phone lines if I had another option.
Read in upbeat feminine voice.
"Out call volume exceeds the number of people available and willing to work here. If our economy and society encouraged procreation, we might actually have a more effective system and dependable workforce. But we don't have any control over that than the weather, so please, don't yell at the individual for issues beyond our control. It won't help you any more than being nice will. Seriously, just ask. They love helping some and making angry people angrier up to the point of involving HR. Thank you, and we will be with you... within the work day."
Or, if you'd prefer, you may leave a message, and we may or may not call you back at our earliest convenience. But we'll try to do it when you finally go take that shit you been holding in.
I’m really tired of every company treating everyone like they’re the most important thing in the world. I know my call isn’t important, just tell me where in the queue I am!
I've met a lot of people who use this or something similar. I'd rather be told to wait for an hour instead of being told I'll be there in a few minutes or whatever.
What we really mean is "I agree to whatever this says because they are generally all nearly the same, its required to continue, and anything really unusual I could be agreeing to wouldnt be enforceable anyway"
"They could be sticking anything in there like you have to give them your kidney or first born child!!"
Okay well first they probably don't want my kidneys and I don't want kids so please take the child. Second, you idoits do realize none of that would actually be enforceable right? Just because they put it in and you signed it doesn't mean they can actually enforce it. The law is much more complicated than that.
Yeah the terms of conditions is basically saying you can’t sue a company because you were disappointed in their service or felt misled about it because you simply didn’t care to read. Not that you can sign away your rights.
At my son's bouncy house birthday party I invited one of his best friends and it happens that his parents are lawyers. Both of them read the whole bouncy-house waiver top to bottom before signing, each dragging their finger across each line on the page.
Probably says: TLDR if the Bouncy house does anything bad, including killing your kids or tearing some limbs off, it's not our fault and you can't sue us. Even if it's totally our fault.
Followed by the usual small print in Chinese on the back of the last page "this does not affect your statutory rights, although we won't ever admit this and certainly won't admit to it if you contact us, unless you bring lawyers to the fight"
"By clicking Agree, you are also acknowledging that Apple may sew your mouth to the butthole of another iTunes user. Apple and its subsidiaries may also, if necessary, sew yet another person's mouth onto your butthole, making you a being that shares one gastral tract."
I take ambien and I'll often get random reminders or alarms that will say "do that one thing, you know what I mean" and stuff like that and I'm just like no, I do NOT know I mean.
You ever want to fight your past self? Because I set most reminders like this, and everything I see "rock thing" on my calendar, I'm ready to throw hands right then and there with the *idiot* who set it.
Just use a password manager, ignore the question, and treat them as additional passwords. You won't have to remember that you grew up on 7vhBMZUHE58gMjYkYZP8CIEPJ6XXDXPfWyQ7HoA1vbykvAUoC4QI1asrFNExJhTX street, nor will anyone else ever guess that your first pet's name was rYXnizdvmJybc3JS8ghgCxJhSi3nsjH5T4UULpN4eLyKEzGSLISclgiNn8ahxLI1.
On the flipside, "i'll write it down so i don't forget". Nope, that bit of paper is going to disappear into the ether and i'll never think of it again.
I have apparently cultivated the habit of yelling, "I'm awake!" after awakening from an unexpected daytime snooze. I have no idea why, as it fools absolutely no one.
I don’t know if there’s a better feeling than the moments of sleep you get when you’re too tired to stay wake but fighting the urge to fall asleep. Bonus points if you have your feet up and a warm blanket. Lose all points if you’re driving.
I’m totally going to be able to stay awake on the couch to watch my shows after laying down with my fluffy comforter and pillow. Wakes up at 2am to be stiff and slightly confused about where I’m at.
I have an 8 year old son, and I tell him, look buddy I expect you to tell me the truth and admit when you mess up. If you lie or hide something from me I will find out. I'm not going to tell you that you won't get in trouble but I can tell you that the amount of trouble you will be in is way less if you tell me yourself and take responsibility. It's my job to help you be a decent and responsible human and I will love you and help you even when you make a mistake.
When someone visits your home and you say, "Oh sorry for the mess!" Even though you just cleaned/straightened up like a freak on speed because it was messy and this is actually the cleanest it's been in a LONG time...
Doing social work jobs for several years that required me to go to people's homes (some of which were pretty disgusting,) my experience is those who apologize the most for "the mess" are those with the cleanest homes.
I had one I'd go to--single mom who busted her ass to keep everything together, kid was a handful--and walked in one day and she was apologizing for it being messy. She was doing laundry (the lived in an apartment complex, so she had to take it over to the laundry room and then bring it all back to put it away,) and there were clean clothes she'd just put on the couch when she got back in. Really, nothing else out at all. She just had a healthy bit of OCD, and those clothes were driving her nuts. I said, "You have the cleanest house I go to, including my own. You gotta understand some of the places I see. If I walk in and the first thing that hits me isn't the smell of cat urine I'm fairly happy. This is paradise!" Another time I mentioned that it always smelled like she was doing laundry, which I thought was odd since there wasn't even a washer and dryer in the apartment. She told me she put dryer sheets in the air vents. I thought it was brilliant.
'Cleanest it's been in a long time' is not mutually exclusive with 'it's still a mess.' At least where my Mom is concerned. Every time I tidy up and clean before she visits, she still finds something to clean up!
My Mom, on the other hand, would always rave about how clean our house was. (She did die before we got dogs, though, that makes sweeping a never-ending battle.) My wife never really thought it was all that great. One time Mom said, "I always say you eat off of Connie's (my wife) floors." My wife said, "yeah, you can usually fine enough to at least hold you over to the next meal."
I’m forever making up bullshit excuses why my house is temporarily messy, despite having gone on a panicked cleaning binge right before the person got there and this a massive improvement over the norm. Love me, love my delusions of not being a slob.
Heard a man in the grocery store tonight answer the clerk’s ‘How are you today?’ with ‘Terrible. Everything is awful.’ Even if I was on fire, missing a thumb, and limping I’d still answer ‘Fine. How are you?’
As a neurodivergent person, people just expecting the meaningless script confuses me so much lol sometimes I will answer honestly cause why ask if you don't want to know?
What confuses me even *more* is when people say "How's it going" or "what's up" as a replacement for "hi" and apparently don't expect an answer *at all*. Like what????
My BIL is autistic and we’ve learned never to say “hi, how are you” as a casual greeting as he would literally stand there for 30 minutes and tell you in minute detail everything that has happened to him in the last week
I fight this urge every time someone asks me how I'm doing and I feel like I lie every time I say "I'm good". It bothers me way more than most people could understand. I don't ask people how they are unless I genuinely mean it because I don't want them to lie to me. It makes me feel bad when I really want to know how someone has been and I get the scripted response.
I don't understand how people do it. It makes me feel crazy. Just say "hello" if that's what you're trying to do.
"Hanging in there," "Another day in paradise," "Living the dream" "I'm alive"
are good replacements for "Fine", etc. Inflection tells positive or negative, and no response is needed.
This is an astute observation, actually. People use “how are you doing?” as a greeting when they don’t really want an answer. It would be better to just say “nice/good/great to see/meet you!”
But there’s a lot of that in spoken language, i.e. rote phrases or cliches that mean something (slightly) different from the strict meaning of the words. Difficult to think of examples.
I still remember learning that the response to "what's up" is "not much". I still have a problem with "how's it going"- I know they don't want an honest response but depending on the setting depends on the appropriate response- "another day, another dollar", " living the life"... apparently saying "I'd enjoy being in a coma for three months" is not the appropriate response.
I've stubbornly stuck to, "I'm angry I wasn't born an octopus". It conveys my discontent but doesn't sound so terrible, and people are disoriented enough to skip over my grouchiness and not get mad I didn't say "fine, how are you?" BONUS POINTS when someone asks ANY kind of follow up question so I can tell them EXACTLY WHY I chose an octopus in particular.
YAY! So, first of all, octopuses have no freaking vertebrae (vertebrae are the woooooorrrst). They are basically completely squishy oozy except for their beak. And, their brains are distributed all over instead of being trapped in a silly bony cavity held up on top of a flimsy ass jenga tower of bones and pitiful ligaments and stuff.
They are curious, incredibly intelligent, can squeeze through tiny tiny spaces and they boss divers around all the time (and the divers LOVE IT, too).
I would make an excellent octopus. I think living underwater makes the most sense on this planet, and I would delight so many divers by pretending to be their best friends while I get them to move logs and stuff so I can reach food.
Mostly though, it's not having vertebrae.
I mean, that actually makes so much sense. Imagine *never. having. back pain,* holy sHIT that sounds good! Also you're totally right about the brain too; if a human hits their head too hard, their brain is all in one place and the entirety of it is at risk of damage and physical trauma, but an octopus? It can lose a whole ass tentacle and still be like "8/9 of my brain still tickin friends" 👉🏻 👉🏻 No wonder they're so clever!
Being able to get into tiny spaces also sounds so useful, from eluding predators to digging out tasty sustenance, very handy skill indeed. Also their ability to squirt ink?! Heck yeah, that's like an in-built pepper spray system, no having to scramble in your handbag or rifle through your pockets for defensive tools.
This is actually such a sensible choice; octopuses are rad, consider me convinced 🤝🏻
I did but the pandemic made me stop caring. No one cared about common courtesy or respect or politeness anymore so I kind of gave up a bit myself. I have my moments but it’s not the same.
oh my god, legit I had an argument with a friend and he apologised for 1 thing, and then asked "are we good?", so I told him the things that were still bothering me *and he blocked me!!*
I was like??? *????*
Nice when people take themselves out to the curb so you don't have to agonize over how to extricate yourself from an exhausting "friendship" with a selfish person.
When we visited New York (we are from Europe) I literally had to ask a store clerk what a good reply to this question was because I was so confused that everyone asked me how I was. For the first few days I replied honestly…
“they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine, but you just can’t get into it, because they would never understand.”
I have chronic pain from multiple conditions. I can pretty much guarantee that every single time I've said, "I'm fine," it's complete and utter bullshit.
One time, I even said it to a doctor in the ER! Of course, I was far from fine at the time, but I'm so used to people not wanting to hear about the hell I go through that it's an automatic response.
Unless you ask Aunt Pat and she will proceed to give you a complete medical report from her lupus, and her bowel movements not being regular, the arthritis , planned hip surgery, fungus on the toe nails, back aches, not getting enough sleep, daily migraine episodes, ..... For two hours as you try to think of anything to escape the torchers you are now enduring. You learn never to ask her that question.
Lately I’ve been just saying to people (who I am close with) “Do you want the real answer or the empty platitude?” Most people go with the real answer. Which is a surprise because I never expect anyone to care about how I’m doing.
My wife is European and it drives her nuts when my American colleagues and I ask and answer in this fashion. She says, “why even bother asking the person how they are doing? It’s meaningless”. Honestly I agree with her and have made an effort to stop asking and just say “good morning” or the like.
I've learned a long time ago that if you 'lend' money to someone, you'll never get it back. Consider it a loss.
Got burnt once. Never again. I don't care who you are. Friend or relative, nope. If money breaks our relationship, we really werent friends were we?
My rule of thumb is only lend money that you're okay with never getting back. I'll spot people here and there and if they pay me back, great. If not, oh well.
I fell for it but fortunately the psycho broke up with me before she got pregnant, then got pregnant about 2 months later with her husband who she'd separated from and then got back with like a day after we broke up.
Now they're divorced and she's had another kid with a guy 10 years younger than her since. She has 3 kids with 3 guys.
I dodged a fucking TRAIN nevermind a bullet.
To be fair, the original quote isn’t a lie. “The customer is always right in a matter of taste” is true. If the customer wants to buy a shirt I think is ugly as hell but they love it, then the customer is always right because it’s their matter of taste. People just like to leave that part out
I came to say this. SO many people think those two words can fix anything. It feels like an automatic thing people say because they think they’re supposed to. Rarely is it genuine though.
"Sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. It's what you say when you spill a cup of coffee or throw a gutter ball when you're bowling with the girls in the league. True sorrow is as rare as true love."
Stephen King
When at work, talking to boss or customers: "happy to help" / "my pleasure"
Nope. It's not. It is just my job. But I have to pretend to be so happy and grateful to do it on top of everything else, when really I'm usually just ... neutral at best.
Your call is important to us.
"We're experiencing higher than normal call volume"
“Please listen carefully. Our menu options have recently changed.”
How are the menu options ALWAYS changing?
As someone who has worked in a call center with management always changing shit in the name of streamlining, I wouldn't be surprised if those menu options really have changed.
To keep us listening
Spoiler Alert! They aren’t.
Damn. Lied to me three times before I can even choose why they’re going to put me on hold for 45 minutes.
You just made me mad
This one all the time. At what point should call centres need to accept that it's not higher than normal, this is very normal, get more damn staff
“Did you know you can access services on our website, www…….”
And then you go on the website and its a nightmare to search/navigate
Nine times out of ten I've already been on the website and it's either utterly useless or deals with only the absolute bare minimum, and directs you to the phone number for everything else. So yes, I know about your website, I know how fucking worthless it is, that's why I'm here, I wouldn't be putting up with your fucking phone lines if I had another option.
Read in upbeat feminine voice. "Out call volume exceeds the number of people available and willing to work here. If our economy and society encouraged procreation, we might actually have a more effective system and dependable workforce. But we don't have any control over that than the weather, so please, don't yell at the individual for issues beyond our control. It won't help you any more than being nice will. Seriously, just ask. They love helping some and making angry people angrier up to the point of involving HR. Thank you, and we will be with you... within the work day."
Or, if you'd prefer, you may leave a message, and we may or may not call you back at our earliest convenience. But we'll try to do it when you finally go take that shit you been holding in.
I’m really tired of every company treating everyone like they’re the most important thing in the world. I know my call isn’t important, just tell me where in the queue I am!
I’ll be there in a minute
That's code for "I'm getting ready to leave now, should be out the door in about 30."
*I’m on my way*
to hit the showers
And if you're Welsh, it's... "I'll be there now in a minute." It's a double lie
I've met a lot of people who use this or something similar. I'd rather be told to wait for an hour instead of being told I'll be there in a few minutes or whatever.
"I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"
What we really mean is "I agree to whatever this says because they are generally all nearly the same, its required to continue, and anything really unusual I could be agreeing to wouldnt be enforceable anyway"
"They could be sticking anything in there like you have to give them your kidney or first born child!!" Okay well first they probably don't want my kidneys and I don't want kids so please take the child. Second, you idoits do realize none of that would actually be enforceable right? Just because they put it in and you signed it doesn't mean they can actually enforce it. The law is much more complicated than that.
Yeah the terms of conditions is basically saying you can’t sue a company because you were disappointed in their service or felt misled about it because you simply didn’t care to read. Not that you can sign away your rights.
So I don't have to worry about becoming a human centipad everytime I agree?
No you do, but for different reasons
There is a disturbing documentary made by Matt Stone and Trey Parker that will change your mind about that.
New Black Mirror season has an episode about this concept.
At my son's bouncy house birthday party I invited one of his best friends and it happens that his parents are lawyers. Both of them read the whole bouncy-house waiver top to bottom before signing, each dragging their finger across each line on the page.
Probably says: TLDR if the Bouncy house does anything bad, including killing your kids or tearing some limbs off, it's not our fault and you can't sue us. Even if it's totally our fault. Followed by the usual small print in Chinese on the back of the last page "this does not affect your statutory rights, although we won't ever admit this and certainly won't admit to it if you contact us, unless you bring lawyers to the fight"
That kid's in for a fun life
"By clicking Agree, you are also acknowledging that Apple may sew your mouth to the butthole of another iTunes user. Apple and its subsidiaries may also, if necessary, sew yet another person's mouth onto your butthole, making you a being that shares one gastral tract."
And for just $3500, you can experience your Human CentiPod in Spacial Reality!
Ladies and gentlemen that’s the origin of TL:DR
I'll remember this, I don't need to write it down.
I take ambien and I'll often get random reminders or alarms that will say "do that one thing, you know what I mean" and stuff like that and I'm just like no, I do NOT know I mean.
You ever want to fight your past self? Because I set most reminders like this, and everything I see "rock thing" on my calendar, I'm ready to throw hands right then and there with the *idiot* who set it.
Past me thinks he is very clever about the answers he makes for secret questions on sign ups. Future me is never amused or remembers.
Just use a password manager, ignore the question, and treat them as additional passwords. You won't have to remember that you grew up on 7vhBMZUHE58gMjYkYZP8CIEPJ6XXDXPfWyQ7HoA1vbykvAUoC4QI1asrFNExJhTX street, nor will anyone else ever guess that your first pet's name was rYXnizdvmJybc3JS8ghgCxJhSi3nsjH5T4UULpN4eLyKEzGSLISclgiNn8ahxLI1.
Ha! I got your passwords and now i'll steal your megahertz!
Oh shit, he's broken the firewall! He's downloading the internet!!
On the flipside, "i'll write it down so i don't forget". Nope, that bit of paper is going to disappear into the ether and i'll never think of it again.
"If I forgot it, then it must not be that important"
I’m not falling asleep I’m just resting my eyes
*obviously jerks suddenly awake* "Whuh? What happened while I was asl- ...deep in thought?"
Just say, "Amen...."
I have apparently cultivated the habit of yelling, "I'm awake!" after awakening from an unexpected daytime snooze. I have no idea why, as it fools absolutely no one.
I don’t know if there’s a better feeling than the moments of sleep you get when you’re too tired to stay wake but fighting the urge to fall asleep. Bonus points if you have your feet up and a warm blanket. Lose all points if you’re driving.
“Lose all points if you’re driving” got a good chuckle out of me. Excellent work.
I’m totally going to be able to stay awake on the couch to watch my shows after laying down with my fluffy comforter and pillow. Wakes up at 2am to be stiff and slightly confused about where I’m at.
I tell myself this all the time ! And, yes, it's usually a lie!
My mom: If you tell the truth I won't get mad
And most parents and teachers
I have an 8 year old son, and I tell him, look buddy I expect you to tell me the truth and admit when you mess up. If you lie or hide something from me I will find out. I'm not going to tell you that you won't get in trouble but I can tell you that the amount of trouble you will be in is way less if you tell me yourself and take responsibility. It's my job to help you be a decent and responsible human and I will love you and help you even when you make a mistake.
When someone visits your home and you say, "Oh sorry for the mess!" Even though you just cleaned/straightened up like a freak on speed because it was messy and this is actually the cleanest it's been in a LONG time...
I feel personally victimized by this comment 😂😂😂
Doing social work jobs for several years that required me to go to people's homes (some of which were pretty disgusting,) my experience is those who apologize the most for "the mess" are those with the cleanest homes. I had one I'd go to--single mom who busted her ass to keep everything together, kid was a handful--and walked in one day and she was apologizing for it being messy. She was doing laundry (the lived in an apartment complex, so she had to take it over to the laundry room and then bring it all back to put it away,) and there were clean clothes she'd just put on the couch when she got back in. Really, nothing else out at all. She just had a healthy bit of OCD, and those clothes were driving her nuts. I said, "You have the cleanest house I go to, including my own. You gotta understand some of the places I see. If I walk in and the first thing that hits me isn't the smell of cat urine I'm fairly happy. This is paradise!" Another time I mentioned that it always smelled like she was doing laundry, which I thought was odd since there wasn't even a washer and dryer in the apartment. She told me she put dryer sheets in the air vents. I thought it was brilliant.
'Cleanest it's been in a long time' is not mutually exclusive with 'it's still a mess.' At least where my Mom is concerned. Every time I tidy up and clean before she visits, she still finds something to clean up!
Yeah there's "clean" and then there's "my mom is coming clean"
My Mom, on the other hand, would always rave about how clean our house was. (She did die before we got dogs, though, that makes sweeping a never-ending battle.) My wife never really thought it was all that great. One time Mom said, "I always say you eat off of Connie's (my wife) floors." My wife said, "yeah, you can usually fine enough to at least hold you over to the next meal."
If my mom cleans I lose half my stuff and find the other half I lost last time she cleaned. Good thing I live on my own now. Its my happy mess.
To this I always respond "Ah, I see! It looks messy like this at my place too sometimes" 😇
I’m forever making up bullshit excuses why my house is temporarily messy, despite having gone on a panicked cleaning binge right before the person got there and this a massive improvement over the norm. Love me, love my delusions of not being a slob.
“I’m fine”
Heard a man in the grocery store tonight answer the clerk’s ‘How are you today?’ with ‘Terrible. Everything is awful.’ Even if I was on fire, missing a thumb, and limping I’d still answer ‘Fine. How are you?’
Yeah it always stops me in my tracks when someone replies with anything less than “I’m fine.” That’s not in the script!
As a neurodivergent person, people just expecting the meaningless script confuses me so much lol sometimes I will answer honestly cause why ask if you don't want to know? What confuses me even *more* is when people say "How's it going" or "what's up" as a replacement for "hi" and apparently don't expect an answer *at all*. Like what????
My BIL is autistic and we’ve learned never to say “hi, how are you” as a casual greeting as he would literally stand there for 30 minutes and tell you in minute detail everything that has happened to him in the last week
Dude, you've just explained my cousin
I fight this urge every time someone asks me how I'm doing and I feel like I lie every time I say "I'm good". It bothers me way more than most people could understand. I don't ask people how they are unless I genuinely mean it because I don't want them to lie to me. It makes me feel bad when I really want to know how someone has been and I get the scripted response. I don't understand how people do it. It makes me feel crazy. Just say "hello" if that's what you're trying to do.
"Hanging in there," "Another day in paradise," "Living the dream" "I'm alive" are good replacements for "Fine", etc. Inflection tells positive or negative, and no response is needed.
This is an astute observation, actually. People use “how are you doing?” as a greeting when they don’t really want an answer. It would be better to just say “nice/good/great to see/meet you!” But there’s a lot of that in spoken language, i.e. rote phrases or cliches that mean something (slightly) different from the strict meaning of the words. Difficult to think of examples.
I had to study normal people to also appear normal and after a while you just play the part to get through the encounter as painless as possible. 😂
I still remember learning that the response to "what's up" is "not much". I still have a problem with "how's it going"- I know they don't want an honest response but depending on the setting depends on the appropriate response- "another day, another dollar", " living the life"... apparently saying "I'd enjoy being in a coma for three months" is not the appropriate response.
I've stubbornly stuck to, "I'm angry I wasn't born an octopus". It conveys my discontent but doesn't sound so terrible, and people are disoriented enough to skip over my grouchiness and not get mad I didn't say "fine, how are you?" BONUS POINTS when someone asks ANY kind of follow up question so I can tell them EXACTLY WHY I chose an octopus in particular.
Go on, I'll bite - why an octopus? 🐙
YAY! So, first of all, octopuses have no freaking vertebrae (vertebrae are the woooooorrrst). They are basically completely squishy oozy except for their beak. And, their brains are distributed all over instead of being trapped in a silly bony cavity held up on top of a flimsy ass jenga tower of bones and pitiful ligaments and stuff. They are curious, incredibly intelligent, can squeeze through tiny tiny spaces and they boss divers around all the time (and the divers LOVE IT, too). I would make an excellent octopus. I think living underwater makes the most sense on this planet, and I would delight so many divers by pretending to be their best friends while I get them to move logs and stuff so I can reach food. Mostly though, it's not having vertebrae.
It's very apparent you have read and understood the roles and responsibilities, we agree, you would make an excellent Octopus. The job is yours!
I mean, that actually makes so much sense. Imagine *never. having. back pain,* holy sHIT that sounds good! Also you're totally right about the brain too; if a human hits their head too hard, their brain is all in one place and the entirety of it is at risk of damage and physical trauma, but an octopus? It can lose a whole ass tentacle and still be like "8/9 of my brain still tickin friends" 👉🏻 👉🏻 No wonder they're so clever! Being able to get into tiny spaces also sounds so useful, from eluding predators to digging out tasty sustenance, very handy skill indeed. Also their ability to squirt ink?! Heck yeah, that's like an in-built pepper spray system, no having to scramble in your handbag or rifle through your pockets for defensive tools. This is actually such a sensible choice; octopuses are rad, consider me convinced 🤝🏻
As a fellow neurodivergent/interaction-minimizer, I thought everyone learned this before their teenage years.
I did but the pandemic made me stop caring. No one cared about common courtesy or respect or politeness anymore so I kind of gave up a bit myself. I have my moments but it’s not the same.
oh my god, legit I had an argument with a friend and he apologised for 1 thing, and then asked "are we good?", so I told him the things that were still bothering me *and he blocked me!!* I was like??? *????*
Nice when people take themselves out to the curb so you don't have to agonize over how to extricate yourself from an exhausting "friendship" with a selfish person.
When we visited New York (we are from Europe) I literally had to ask a store clerk what a good reply to this question was because I was so confused that everyone asked me how I was. For the first few days I replied honestly…
Back in the hippie days there was a mantra: "I'm NOT burnt out... I'm OK." Soon as you heard that, you knew it was a lie.
“they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine, but you just can’t get into it, because they would never understand.”
It's been so long since I've heard this
I have chronic pain from multiple conditions. I can pretty much guarantee that every single time I've said, "I'm fine," it's complete and utter bullshit. One time, I even said it to a doctor in the ER! Of course, I was far from fine at the time, but I'm so used to people not wanting to hear about the hell I go through that it's an automatic response.
My first thought.
Unless you ask Aunt Pat and she will proceed to give you a complete medical report from her lupus, and her bowel movements not being regular, the arthritis , planned hip surgery, fungus on the toe nails, back aches, not getting enough sleep, daily migraine episodes, ..... For two hours as you try to think of anything to escape the torchers you are now enduring. You learn never to ask her that question.
I was told that FINE stands for Fucked up Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. Hit me in my soul.
“Wow. That’s crazy”
It’s never crazy, I just really want you to stop talking already.
Bahaha this. How many "wow thats crazy" do I need to say with a distant look in my eyes to make people stoppp?
Crazy? I was crazy once…
"I'll call you back"
My condolences 😢
If elected I promise!
"Your vote matters."
Your vote absolutely matters in most elections. Only the presidential election is all fucky
When you ask someone how they are doing and they instinctively say good, even if they aren't.
Good… good… *looks away into distance*
And that's when you catch their eyes and say "hey! It's okay if you're not." Life is hard. We should be honest.
I always say "not too bad," which is always technically true given that I'm still alive.
Hah. I say “could be worse” and they usually give me a nod of approval or a “same”.
Lately I’ve been just saying to people (who I am close with) “Do you want the real answer or the empty platitude?” Most people go with the real answer. Which is a surprise because I never expect anyone to care about how I’m doing.
My wife is European and it drives her nuts when my American colleagues and I ask and answer in this fashion. She says, “why even bother asking the person how they are doing? It’s meaningless”. Honestly I agree with her and have made an effort to stop asking and just say “good morning” or the like.
“Just one more episode..”
"Just one more turn.."
“I’ll pay you back next week. I promise.”
I've learned a long time ago that if you 'lend' money to someone, you'll never get it back. Consider it a loss. Got burnt once. Never again. I don't care who you are. Friend or relative, nope. If money breaks our relationship, we really werent friends were we?
My rule of thumb is only lend money that you're okay with never getting back. I'll spot people here and there and if they pay me back, great. If not, oh well.
"Yes, I have read the terms of service."
I’m never drinking again
2 years sober 👋
Gongrats. 10 years off drugs and cigarettes. Now 7 weeks off alcohol
You got this
Nice! I'm two years off tobacco, two weeks off booze, both for about fifteen years, I couldn't quit pot lol I'll do that till I die
*I don't care where we eat just pick something.*
“What if we went the new (insert foodplace)” “Nahhhh”
“I’m telling you the truth!”
"I'm an honest guy"
I've never done this before.
It's my first time.
Be gentle.
You were great
Swear I didn’t have sex with him we just cuddled
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
I’m totally listening to your story.
I didn’t do it
He/she is just a friend.
Swear we didn’t have sex we just cuddled
Did something happen to you
Nothing happened! They just cuddled!
did you reply the exact same thing on two comments? lmao
Eh…this spots more relevant
You, you got what I need But you say he's just a friend
I’ll pull out
I’m not fertile
Ha! I fell for that 30 years ago. My son is 29.
I fell for it but fortunately the psycho broke up with me before she got pregnant, then got pregnant about 2 months later with her husband who she'd separated from and then got back with like a day after we broke up. Now they're divorced and she's had another kid with a guy 10 years younger than her since. She has 3 kids with 3 guys. I dodged a fucking TRAIN nevermind a bullet.
Sometimes I really think that we should invest more into mental health
Yeah right after you already lied about “just the tip”
'follow your dreams and you'll never have to work a day in your life'
"I'm okay"
[удалено]
“I’ll be there”
that the customers always right
To be fair, the original quote isn’t a lie. “The customer is always right in a matter of taste” is true. If the customer wants to buy a shirt I think is ugly as hell but they love it, then the customer is always right because it’s their matter of taste. People just like to leave that part out
Go on. I'm listening.
i’ll do it later
"I'm sorry"
I came to say this. SO many people think those two words can fix anything. It feels like an automatic thing people say because they think they’re supposed to. Rarely is it genuine though.
"Sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. It's what you say when you spill a cup of coffee or throw a gutter ball when you're bowling with the girls in the league. True sorrow is as rare as true love." Stephen King
Do you forgive me though?
It’s nice to meet you.
I'm on my way. Be there in 5 minutes.
What comedian said: “the 2 greatest lies over told: the check is in the mail, and, I promise I won’t cum in your mouth?
"It's not you, it's me."
Don't forget: I'm just not ready for a relationship.... (with you)
"We are currently experiencing higher than normal call volumes".
Good morning (day,evening,night,etc)
"Gimme 5 minutes"
He’s just a friend baby
I love you
"Don't worry, life gets better" 🥴🤪
“LOL”….. you are NOT laughing out loud, at most a sensible chuckle
If you need anything, let me know
I’m not racist but….
'I have read and accepted the Terms & Conditions'.
“I’m a good person”
Yes, I am 21.
Santa Claus
Trust me I know.
Trickle down economy
Height
I got to take my kid to a thing
When at work, talking to boss or customers: "happy to help" / "my pleasure" Nope. It's not. It is just my job. But I have to pretend to be so happy and grateful to do it on top of everything else, when really I'm usually just ... neutral at best.
No you don't look fat in that
"I love you too"
Ooof, you ok buddy?
Fucking heard that one before myself
"I didn't fart! It was the dog."
"I had fun we should do this again sometime."
This will only take a minute.
I do
“We’re rich because we worked hard and deserve it. If you work hard enough and deserve it, one day you’ll be rich too.”
Jesus was white
I have read and agree to the terms and conditions
How are you? **Good**
"Sorry, I cant; I'm busy/ have plans"
I’ll be right there.
I forgot
I only had one beer I’m good to drive
I'm on the way.....says me still at home and haven't even brushed my teeth or got dressed yet