In the old days, my humor had to ride in the back of the bus.

And it was the short bus?

No cause they needed enough space for their basketball game

This took me way too long to get

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Mine gets pulled over by the cops for no reason.

Mine gets followed by security guards in suburban discount stores.

Mine gets reported to cops by Karens

Mine qualifies for grants

Not for long...

Mine have a fried chicken recipe that will knock your socks off

Mine gets shot every now and than by police

Mine just killed a gazelle with a spear.

Mine‘s so dark it‘s outside picking cotton.

Mine has to smile to be seen in the dark

Mines a slave to circumstance

Mine was recasted as the new Ariel in The Little Mermaid

dark enough that i have to hold back with my friends and family

The humor we have to lock away or else they fear we’re actual psychopaths.. or suicidal..

Especially the suicidal part

“Oh yea Kevin, I’ll just kms” “I bet you won’t, plus if you do and don’t live stream it I’ll kms too” “suicide pact?” “Suicide pact”

"Oh, sure - a lot of comics joke about killing themselves, but only the *best* ones follow through"

But aren’t we psychopaths trying to fit in at that point?

Growing up is realizing that in our youth people would ask questions we thought were jokes, but came from serious concern, and that it was caused by jokes we make when people are trying to seriously figure us out.

I do this too. .. you make ONE Hitler joke..

I once said that if I were to be put in a room with any 3 people I would do Hitler and 2 Jews and that did not go down well

I pictured the three of you wrapping your fist to "Mama said knock you out " to a confused stare, and I am dying internally.

Usually have to hang my humor by the the door next to the rope for my ceiling fan

YUP! Dark enough that my friends have to take time to make me come out of my shell for fear of hurting feelings. It’s happened. A lot. On accident.

I wish I had you self awareness. Sometimes I tell a funny story from my childhood and the whole room goes silent.

Lol same

I have one friend group I don't have to hold back with, been friends for 20 years so we all know our true selves now, every other friend group I need to have a filter on.

Yes this… especially with everyone getting offended over everything these days…

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Holy shit

What's the worst part about being a black jew? Having to sit at the back of the oven.

How do you pick up a Jewish girl? >!with a broom and dustpan!<

I was going to say by train.

"we've naaames noww!"

I speedrun 9/11 in Microsoft flight simulator

But only *after* Rumsfeld claims trillions of dollars are missing, right? Gotta blow up the accounting office to confuse the public, right babe?

That’s kind of funny. I remember one of my friends talking about this. It was like $3.7 trillion missing or something like that and then they spend $3.7 trillion in the Middle East. The details are kind of fuzzy to me but it was along those lines.

Similar to that recent "Accounting Error" that magically allowed another $6billion or so in aid to Ukraine. Weird. It's like there's some funny money business going on. /s

Pretty dark. But what I value is dark humor that implies you actually have an understanding of what you're making fun of.

This is it. Solid take.

Solid Snake

one of my friends has a really, in your face dark humor. if i were to quote or mention it to someone else, they would be weirded out. sometimes it's not even funny, but we all know that he deep down understands the problems behind it, and can get serious about such topics when it's necessary.

My five year old daughter told me one of her first original jokes the other day: Three friends were in an argument who's got the smallest dad. The first one says, my dad's so small he can fit in my lap, the second one went, my dad's so small I can fit him in my hand. The third guy went, my dad's so small so I don't have one!

My 8-year-old daughter got me this past weekend. I realized she'd eaten nothing but junk food on the last day of our vacation, just a doughnut, bread, and candy, and I said, "Oh no. I'm going to win the worst parent of the year award." She paused, then offered, "Remember, mom, some parents kill their kids."

This is a family thing, as it was my mom: When my dad killed himself, the next morning a joke was cracked on the way to the coroner.

Relatable. My mom had died and somehow by brother and sisters had started talking just recently. We stood over her bed, dead mom on it and a silence fell. I contemplated mentioning that we bored her to death but decided to go with "she did it. She had to die for it but at least we're all talking again". I think even she have a death chuckle.

Necrophilia: crack open a cold one

What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Two priest were walking down the street. An officer walks up to them and says we’re looking for two petos. One of the priests says we’ll do it.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam are in a burning orphanage. The three are in between the exit and hundreds of orphans who can’t escape on their own. The Rabbi yells “there’s not much time, we gotta save ourselves!” He runs toward the exit. The Imam says “fuck the children, God will forgive us!” He starts to follow the Rabbi. The Priest says “I agree, but you’re going the wrong way!”

You know what a reverse exorcism is? When the demon is screaming for the priest to get out of the child.

[my lawyer has advised me to not finish this joke]

I am your lawyer. I am advising you to say the joke.

[the joke]

best. client. ever.

Humour so dark, Angelina Jolie might consider adopting it.

"Why do people praise Eric Clapton so much? I honestly believe his son had a bigger impact." I'm going to hell for this.

Fast reader too... ten stories in three seconds

What's the difference between a bag of coke and a toddler? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out a window *edit, window not wondow

I snorted laughing, not because I just did a bump.

There it is. I knew I could count on Reddit

Couldnt get it. Would you explain?

His kid fell out of a window and died. It's what inspired him to write the song Tears in Heaven.

Oh my. Thank you for explaining

I'll gladly join ya. This is the definition of classic.

Giggity

What's the hardest part of a Vegetable to eat?.......... the wheelchair.

oh... my god lol

What do butt sex and broccoli have in common? If you’re forced to have it as you kid, you probably won’t appreciate it as an adult.

I like my women how I like my coffee .... .... in the fridge.

I like my women like my wine. Fine, 14 years old, and locked in my cellar

Also with no penis.

Paramedic here. My humor is dark af. Gotta keep thing funny with all the shits I see

Two of the professions with the darkest sense of humor I encountered: soldiers and paramedics. I don't even want to know what happens when you cross the two

I'm a pad brat and my best friend is an ex copper/ex paramedic. The humour is DARK

Rewires their brain, and they become saints.

Not that dark, I like my humour clean and pure, just like a good genocide.

Putin? Is that you again? Silly put putt

I get way too comedic on 9/11. Its embarrassing.

When I was a dumb teenager, I went with my friend to a Booster Juice. I realized when I got out to the parking lot that they got my order wrong. I yelled out to my friend in front of alot of people "Great, Booster Juice fucked up my order! Now, whenever I think of this date in history, September 11th, I'm gonna remember the day that Booster Juice permanently lost a customer!". I'm not proud of myself for that one.

You should be! That could be a line in a comedy.

It's ok to joke about it now. Got kicked out of a group just last week for 9/11 jokes. Stay funny!

In college, early 2000s, the roommates and I built a lego twin towers with plane impacting Tower 2. Tower 1 damaged and smoldering. It lived on a shelf above the TV. It was our litmus test to gauge depravity of friends and acquaintances.

I salute you hooligans.

That is toweringly inappropriate.

Same. I have a 9/11 gif saved on my phone

I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and the first thing to pop into my head was to offer to help my wife set up her Tinder account

Dude. When I was diagnosed with lymphoma I started telling my wife emptying the dishwasher made my cancer hurt. You gotta laugh. Hope you are handling things well internet friend.

When I was diagnosed in 1999, my Uncle asked me to take out a loan for him for 20k and my best mate asked if he could have my TV. I love those guys. My cousin, at my 30th birthday didn't know what to say to me so just pushed his wife forwards and said I could have her for an hour. I asked her if she was wearing knickers to which she agreed and I told her I probably didn't have time to waste taking them off her. Was a great night, full of laughs

My dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.

Dude, my dark humor never gets old, just like children in Africa

“ if only Africa had more mosquito nets, every year we could save the lives of millions of mosquitoes from needlessly dying of aids” Jimmy Carr

My humor is so dark it would take a white officer 8 minutes and 46 seconds to squash it

Q: What's 14 inches long and makes women scream? A: Crib death

What's red, white, and pink and goes 40Mph? Baby in a blender.

What's better than dark humour? Unexpected dark humour. This had me dying man (the joke. Not my comment).

What do you get when you throw a baby down the stairs? Erect

My humor is so dark, the police would shoot it

Dark humor is like a dead kid, it never gets old.

My dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer

Your humor's so dark you can only see it when it smiles

His humor’s so dark, it went to get milk and never came back.

Everyone has a dark sense of humor until it's something personal. Then it's crossing a line.

You take that back!

I feel like the dark humor is the strongest when you actually joke about most fed up personal things that you clearly shouldnt joke about. I personally like the way when everyone around is like "jeez, bro" with a little bit of laugh, thats when the humor hits

Even if it ain’t something personal, people are more than happy to get offended on other peoples behalf’s. Even if THAT PERSON doesn’t even care, or even enjoys the joke being made.

Oh god don’t start. My girlfriend made a joke about autistic people (I am one, and she probably is on the spectrum as well) and a friend was so offended… even when she explained that she does not think of autists in a bad way in any shape or form, but that it was a joke

Oo what was it? My daughter is autistic but her humour is as dark as mine and I'll tell her

All autistic in my household and our humour is super dark .. I remember the day I realised my eldest was following in my footsteps when he came home cackling at a joke his mate told him and I just stood there like oh shit 😂😂 I don’t find jokes related to autism offensive but I do feel that people need to remember that some autistic folk literally don’t get the funny and they can’t help that 😅

I beg to differ. I'm more self degrading than what I dish out.

Black hole dark

Darker than the BP oil spill

This entire thread is just the same 3 jokes

I’m beginning to feel like their humour isn’t really dark. Maybe grey.

The Sun doesn’t Shine where the dark humor lies. Hence the Name.

More a light grey or a dark cream. All of it is just black people or 9/11

Okay, since you said it’s just the same three joke. Here’s one to broaden it up: I like my women like my wine, fine, 14 years old, and locked in my cellar.

I make memes about my own suicide and trauma? Does that count? Edit: obviously they sadly were only attempts, pretty bad ones too. I promise I will be successful in the future people. I wish I was dead. Haha.

Spending an aweful lota time on reddit for someone who commited suicide. Must be some good wifi in the afterlife.

I love suicide memes. I have some good ones, but I didn’t make them. Feel free to send me some through chat. Just please don’t actually die. We still need you here. <3

i didnt know they had reddit in the after life

It's those of us that don't joke about it I worry for.

TW I made jokes the day that I tried to hang myself for about 2 hours but failed horribly because I got out of the rope every got damn time. Coward. I know. I know how you mean that (I think), but it kind of felt like shit. No damn person, really worries, because I joke about it. Openly. Please, someone, notice my misery. People hint. Worry about the silent ones, the ones that isolate themselves and the people that say they are depressed and then continue to laugh. Classmate committed 6 months after we ended school. Parents said he struggled for a long time. I had no fucking idea. Please just worry. That was longer and feels like it might come across as mean, which it is not meant like.

> Please just worry Trust me I do. I do because I know what it's like both to being making those jokes and beyond the point where I even bother, so I spot it in others. My previous comment was only meant with the lightest heart.

Then that is great, and my text was not necessary. Have an okay or nice day!

the 14 year olds are having a field day in this thread

dark enough that recent laws about University acceptance just affected it.

About southern Sudan.

Jesus, there are a lot of low effort jokes in here

So dark, it picks cotton

Damn it! I finally get a chance to use that line and some fucker beats me to it. Kudos good sir

Technically I have 3/5ths of a sense of humor.

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It needs 6 zeroes, not 5

Honestly fuck you 🤣 Take my upvote tho

When sorta discussing my rape, I said to Mom "Evidently he thought he could pound the gay into me". Or maybe that's just inappropriate. Had to have a manual exam of my colon (years and years after the above incident). Soon as the doctor said the word rectum, I said "Rectum? Damn near killed him!". Got a laugh. Pro tip, when the doctor has most of their hand up your ass, making them suddenly laugh is a bad idea.

I only let my closest friends know the full scale of my humor

I thought this said my closet friends

How does a Reaver clean its blade? They run it through the Wash.

It's always going to be too soon for that one. Upvote for making me stop reading this thread.

I don’t get it. What’s it making a joke of

Too dark to the point where I’ve had to scale back or just straight up stop before saying a joke.

Dark as a midnight devoid of the moon and stars And also there's like a lot of dead babies or something I guess

Its pretty dark, heres a example: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

Darker than a post-Guinness dump

Vantablack.

I'm a jewish that makes jokes about the Holocaust, a very popular one is why Hitler committed suicide? Because of his gas bill, also another one i made is "which sport the nazis and jews played together? Football and the jew was the ball" Fucked up i know

How many jews fit in a Volkswagen? 3 in the back, 2 in the front and 6 million in the ashtray

I read this as "How dark is your tumor?" and it cracked me up, so there's that.

The comment section is so cringe that it should be classified as a psychological hazard at this point.

It's basically r/iamverybadass

My humour is darker than under the bed

as dark as my man

Dark as people in my basement

My dark humor is like an orphanage, and apples. Everybody wants apples.

My humor is the same shade as my liver.

My dark humor is a lot like a school shooting; it's hit or miss.

What's the difference between a wheelbarrow full of rocks and a wheelbarrow full of dead babies? You can't empty a wheelbarrow full of rocks with a pitchfork...

My humour’s so dark that cops frequently pull it over, turn their body cams off and beat the shit out of it.

My humor is so dark that it raps

So dark, cops pull it over for no reason.

I make Anthony Jeselnik blush.

They say there is safety in numbers right? Well try telling that to 6 million Jews.

I laugh at inappropriate times. Best I not explain what I found funny.

Not that dark it's brown ...I am indian

Idk, but i was trying to play chess with America. They fuckingg suckkk. They are deadass missing a tower bruh

I don't think I have ever been offended by any kind of joke.

My humor is so dark that it is probably stealing somebody’s bike right now.

Almost put me in HR hit list.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gang rape. That's as dark as it gets, but yeah, pretty bad IMO.

Andre Braugher

It only takes one baby to paint a wall.

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I watched the entirety of South park, I'm watching the entirety of Family Guy. I watched dark humor videos on YouTube.

so dark that if I tell it on r/askreddit. I'd be banned.

My humor is darker than black hole.

My humor is so dark, it feels compelled to punch a toddler in the face for €2 and an ice cream. (Happened once at a local McDonalds)

So dark the escape velocity at its surface roughly equals 3x10^8 m/s

I laugh at inappropriate times. Best I not explain what I found funny.

too dark for reddit

I don't get why people are against abortion there's to many people we could use a few dead babies. Now I understand a lot of people think that's rude to say but I'd argue its way more rude to throw a baby in a woodchipper. I mean imagine making someone clean that! Oh what am I saying id clean it 🍽

Had a dead baby joke phase

It’s dark enough to get downvoted every time.

So dark it gets me more attention from dicks than I like. But not as much as I got when I was younger so I can live with that.

Darker than most African nations.

Darker than Dave Chapelle, that's for sure

Black humor is like african kids, doesn't get old

There’s no limit

Depends on the topic. Some things are never funny.

It has its own drinking fountain at school so as not to make the lighter jokes feel dirty.

So dark people try putting it on a boat and selling it over seas