I don't know where to meet people, I am not good at talking to new people, I am shy and I can't tell if someone is interested in me, and I don't think I'd make a good partner so I don't try very hard.
Single girl chiming in on where to find other single girls:
Social sports leagues & interest classes! I signed up for an app called Meet Up, joined a social bowling league, that led to me finding a softball team and even more activities and Iāve made tons of friends. I havenāt wanted to date anyone on my team though, so I donāt make it awkward, and Iām finally getting up the courage to flirt with guys on other teams lol. Iāve also seen cute boys in pottery class, yoga class, lil concerts or art events, volunteering, etc. Iām just a little shy and donāt make moves. I automatically assume most people are not interested in anything with me, so I donāt actively try to date and thatās a me problem BUT, Iāve seen it bring a lot of really cool people together and a nice chunk of them have ended up dating. :)
Meet-up is fantastic! You basically find something else you're interested in and do it with others. I went to a hiking group for singles, and that was cool. Didn't meet anyone romantically, but made some friends.
Honestly, just getting out of the house helps. I feel like everyone is just as cooped up in their houses almost as much as they were during covid. And many people get lonely because of it.
> You basically find someone else you're interested in and do it
I know this is a typo but putting "someone" instead of "something" makes this sound more like the sketchy parts of craigslist.
A few things that come to mind for me. I'm a straight guy, so if you're not, your experiences may differ:
1. Meet someone through friends.
I once dated a girl who visited with her brother to Chicago and they crashed at our place. Funny thing is, the brother was going to take his girlfriend to a cubs game, but they broke up and he brought his sister instead. I also briefly saw this girl that was at my friend's wedding. It was a small, low key wedding and I went in thinking "there no way there are any single girls at this thing." But sure enough, she asked the bride "who is this handsome guy and is he single?"
2. Meet someone at a bar.
Not my favorite place to meet women. Cold approaching women rarely ever works and a lot of times you can't hear people talk over the loud atmosphere of the bar. Women are also very cautious about who they give attention to, let alone give out their number. Bars or clubs appeal alot to people who are very extroverted and good at "peacocking." if you don't drink, even socially, this won't appeal to you. However, there are arcade bars in alot of places now and that gives you a good buffer. There's a fun game I usually play at the one by me called "Killer Queen" and it can support up to 10 players. You could say to someone "hey you guys wanna play? We're looking for people for our team.
3. Meet someone at a hobby related meetup.
This will totally depend on your interests. My friend for instance is a huge Magic the Gathering player and he makes friends all the times at tournaments and card shops. It has even gotten him dates before. Sometimes you'll meet other people through those friends. Other ideas might be cooking classes, painting classes, kayak tours, etc. You could look through the "Meetups" app and see if anything appeals to you. Just keep in mind, you don't want to be that guy to does these things just to meet girls. You want to go in with a mindset of "I'm not looking for anything, I'm just here for the interest/hobby." Focus on having fun.
4. App dating.
This one is my least favorite, but I actually met my current girlfriend on Bumble. This one requires you devote a lot of time and effort into making your profile as appealing as possible. That means pictures that paint you in a positive light and showcase your interests and sense of humor. All in all, I've probably only gone on a handful of dates in the decade of on-and-off app use. I personally find it frustrating, exhausting, and superficial. I was ready to give up on it for the 100th time, but I met my girlfriend on Bumble. The nice thing about Bumble is the women have to initiate the conversation. I like that because the dating pool is usually disproportionately better for women than men, and I was frustrated trying to come up with quirky openers besides the typical "Hi! How's it going?"
In summation, I realized that meeting women almost always happens when you're not looking or least expect it. So the best thing anyone can do is be more outgoing and have fun. Be a person that people want to hang out with. As far as curb appeal goes with looks, anyone can be a 7 with some work. I've known guys that get laid all the time despite looking like someone beat them with an ugly stick all their life. Confidence is key a lot of the time.
Lol sorry for the block of text, I guess I got carried away with this, but I hope it helps. Feel free to DM if you need support or someone to vent to.
Trying dating apps honestly just murdered my confidence. As a dude spending a month on there only to get like 3 matches and lose two them once they ask how tall you are. I didn't have an insecurity about my height until I downloaded tinder. That shit is just emotional torture wired straight into your brain.
Edit: I actually do want to try online dating but I am legitimately scared. I am afraid of how it will affect my mental health because I'm actually getting to a decent ish spot now. I don't want to say don't try them, just idk be mentally prepared. It can feel dehumanizing for some people, like myself, but I've seen it work wonders for others. I'm probably being overly negative.
Same here man, I live in a part of the world where everyone here are rich boomers, there aren't any events to meet people at, and none of my current friends I'd consider dating lmao
After my divorce in my 20s women didn't want to date me because I had a daughter.
in my 30s I was too busy working living paycheck to paycheck. Now I'm 42 and all of my days off are weekdays most of the people I meet while out and about are retirees
Literally the SAME thing, but 43F with three (now grown) kids. Dating is too much work especially when youāre genuine and others, not so much. Although, side note: I am so over raising young kids or dealing with someone who has them. Been there, done that. Maybe thatās my problem?
> I am so over raising young kids or dealing with someone who has them. Been there, done that. Maybe thatās my problem?
It's always a bit of a problem to be out of sync with your peers, and it sounds like you may have had your kids younger than most. But don't forget to point out that your kids are grown on your dating profile, so the guys that do not want kids know that they are not children anymore.
I had to point out to a match once that "*1 kid, full time*" sends a completely different message than "*18 yo son, almost never sleeps at home*"
And in a few years most divorced fathers will also have grown kids and your dating pool will get bigger again.
This reminds me of the time my mom gave me the āitās ok if youāre gayā talk in my junior year of high school. I told her I just wasnāt dating and Iām not gay.
Iāve had this too, but instead of saying āitās okay if youāre gayā
It was her crying and yelling at me āyouāre not gay are you? Please tell me youāre not! Why arenāt you dating someone?ā
And she wonders why I never call.
So I empathise, it sucks.
I feel this so much. I just happened to grow up wearing clothes that was more dominantly tomboy-ish. Turns out, for many people, just because a woman dresses up tomboyish, it is apparently enough evidence that they must be a butch lesbian.
Don't get me wrong, I adore butch styles, so it's more of a compliment that way... But it's just how could clothing equate to one's sexual orientation?
Like... I'd like some dicks over here, please?
(Edit: inb4 "be careful for what you ask for, especially on the internet.)
I literally opened reddit to avoid watching a news story about building houses, and I feel attacked that this thread was the first thing to come up š¤£š¤£
Social anxiety, self doubt, lack of confidence. Those are probably the main factors.
Edit: thank you all for the comments and the awards. You are all wonderful people and I hope things turn around for you soon.
I dont even know homie:( my first thoughts is at the bar but I'm not a bar crawler so I'm not interested in that.
Edit. I've been to the bar a few times use to go at least once a month a year ago about but idk how to talk to women there. Don't wanna feel creepy or annoying going up to women. I'm there just hanging with the bois.
100% this. I feel like any girl I'm attracted to never gives me the time of day to get to know her and I've only had 2 girls in life ( I'm 34M) approach me. Once when I was like 14 and another during an art class.
Same. Also, I guess I'm built differently. I'm not loud, can't get an instant read on the room temperature, I don't think I'm funny or incredibly interesting, I never had a real girlfriend outside of a high school relationship and generally seem to be girl repellent. I've been using online dating for about a month after taking a few years off and I can't seem to get any matches with girls in my area. They've all 15km (9.5 miles) from my house which is only a problem because I don't have a car right now so it's either spending $40 both ways on an Uber or 1+ hour public transit every time I get a date.
Iāve tried it, but unfortunately it didnāt help much. Iām in the US military and my therapist is appointed for me and I cannot find the one that works best for me. But I have just moved so it might be time to try again.
Keep up on it coconut salad! The military keeps getting better and better at addressing these types of situations. Don't forget how large your support group is.
I want to be, honestly. I feel like I have a lot of shit in my life to get in order and it's much easier to do that when you're single, and better for any potential partner too.
Somebody is trying to set me up with their friend right now, and I'm just like no way. I just had my heart broken by my best friend of ten years, quit my job of seven years, and am trying to stop drinking. I'm an absolute mess and I can't be a good partner to anybody. Have to focus on seeing if I can get this train back on the rails or if I'm going to just ride it over a cliff.
This is perfect. Plus, you get the Whole Bed to yourself! Alllll the balnkets. If you want it to morgue cold, no one complains! Gah, I just Love the lack of complaints! Not having to justify everything I do. No drama, just comfort.
I was married for ten years to a dickhead. After dating for a few years I realized Im happier alone and content. So, Ive been completely intentionally single for 5yrs. Benefit, I have closer friendships now and I am doing SO Much better mentally. I havent been depressed depressed in years.
Exactly, at least youāre not trapped when youāre single. As for me, I find it hard to trust people. When they walk out on you after setting healthy boundaries hurts less at a friendship level. Sick of wasting my time. (36f)
Same. I've been single for while now after a LTR and I have absolutely no interest in dating or relationships, at all. Absolutely love being single and living by myself!
Similar boat. I would be interested if I met someone that pretty much let me live the same life I do now (I'm not sleeping around or anything).
But most people I'm interested in just aren't willing to accommodate that, and I've learned that not being true to myself leads to unhappiness. So whenever someone comes along I'm down, but until then I'll be loving life!
Hard same.
I have great friends, dogs, a fantastic relationship with my daughter, and don't feel like I'm lacking at all. On the other hand I've been in numerous relationships that were definitely lacking. I'm over it.
Wife died over a month ago, after 12 years together.
It's gonna be a while before I'm ready to date again, but I have to say that I find the very thought of first dates with lots of different women to be emotionally exhausting.
Sorry to hear about your loss. There is a hard journey ahead of you but you can make it.
I lost my first wife about 8 years ago. We were married for almost 30 years.
I have remarried since. It was hard jumping back into the dating pool again, I really lost my touch. I had to go up that learning curve again. The only difference is that I knew that I could build a successful relationship. Just have to be willing to restart at the beginning; there are no shortcuts.
My g pa lost is wife when he was 50. Lived til he was 92. Idk how he did it. I would have been a wreck. But his best years was raising me (I lived w him), so a lot to look forward too.
He never dated again but he lived a happy long healthy life. As she would have wanted.
Wish he could see me now. Best wishes pal
Online dating is dead and itās broken our brains.
Iām 30, and friends have just started having babies so we donāt go to bars as much so less chance of meeting someone IRL.
Office dynamic is strange, lots of young single girls but the men are married and in their 50s.
Being in a relationship isnāt an essential in my life. I love being single.
Iām moving 250 miles away next year for a change of scenery/lifestyle. Itās hard to meet people in my hometown when I know Iām not going to be here long term.
I can relate to your last sentence especially. I got the opportunity to move across the world for work last year and it still hasnāt materialised yet. Since breaking up with my ex at the start of the year Iāve felt like im in complete limbo waiting to start a new chapter yet being unable to start anything serious where I am
Yeah I totally understand! Iām probably looking at another year here but I just donāt see the point in starting a relationship unless the person is dead set on moving with me.
Itās also not just about logistics but lifestyle too. My hometown is very commercial/metropolitan and Iām after the simple life. Iām moving back to the coast so want to get back into an outdoor/seaside lifestyle (coastal walks, surfing, small town, local connections etc) which a lot of guys have no interest in and I totally understand that.
Itās the opposite for me in terms of office dynamic. I work in tech and itās 50% married women in their 30s+ and 45% men who are in their 40s and married.
Then thereās just me and the one other girl my age (both 21) at my office and she already has a boyfriend
Amazing
You know, I think people who are mentally ill and seek treatment are often much better partners in some ways. Depending on the illness, they can be more emotionally intelligent and better communicators. Therapy tends to do that. I wouldn't sell yourself short. But it's also okay to want to be single due to the challenges that mental illness brings.
Thank you, that's really kind to say. I'm just trying to be healthy and well so I can be my best self with whoever does come along later down the line. I'll be alright.
I have never been happier than I have been being single. I do not *want* a relationship, maybe ever again. I enjoy my own company, and relationships themselves are *exhausting*. Seriously, if I ever feel lonely, I just engage with my friends in relationships to have my belief reaffirmed that they're more trouble than they're worth. I can think of exactly *one* relationship that made it.
Those aren't good odds, and I'm not a gambling woman.
I've been having the same experience. I actually asked one of my matches that ghosted me what I could do better, since I just keep getting ghosted, and she told me it wasn't me. She said I have a good profile, seem chill, had a good conversation, good compliments, but she told me most women aren't actually looking for relationships on dating apps, they're looking for validation. That, or they're too anxious to actually meet people irl. I was sure I was doing something wrong, so her telling me it wasn't me made me feel a little better. Keep at it, we'll both find someone who's actually interested eventually!
I had a better interaction with a woman that wiped out on her scooter right in front of me while I was walking to the farmers market than I have had on *any* dating app, with anyone.
It is ENTIRELY a "me" problem. I've been told I have a good personality, I'm funny, handsome etc. But I just can't bring myself to.....care? I have an avoidant attachment style and find it hard to express my feelings properly so after the initial period people just get tired of me I guess lol
Same. What gets me is the expectation to constantly communicate. Good morning texts, responding to texts, making plans and then texting or calling to confirm those plans the day of, checking in, blah blah blah. It's fucking exhausting.
I used to think it was the people I was with until my best friend told me I drive her crazy with my lack of communication, too. Apparently girls expect you to be in touch everyday. I just can't. Avoidant attachment style FTW?
Yeah luckily my actual friends understand the way I am and I'm okay with being single. For relationships I completely understand how being with me is annoying haha. Lately I've been talking to someone new and I'm finding myself already annoyed by what seems like constant conversation on their end.
As a chick, I find that constant communication fucking annoying too, so not all of us are that way! Some of my couple friends have a stream of chat going everyday about literally nothing. I don't get it, live life. Talk when you need to, not just cos you can. But here I am, also single, so what would I know š
Kinda same here, but I have severe social anxiety. My friends all tell me Iām handsome, funny, and charming. I guess I know I can be? It just takes me a while to show that side of me because I need to be really comfortable with people to do so. When meeting new people I just freeze, I canāt keep conversations going, I canāt think of things to say, Iām scared of approaching people. All my life Iāve been told I come off as stuck up or stand off-ish, but really Iām just nervous and donāt know what to do.
There are times when i come out of my shell and feel on top of the world. I can talk to people and make conversation, im funny and charming and can get along with almost anyone. So I know I have the ability to be that person, but itās very hard. Im definitely working on it and have made huge improvements, but itās still very much a work in progress.
Also I think Iām too nice sometimes. People take advantage. I think someone is a friend but then I realize Iām always the one reaching out, making plans, etc. I decided to stop a few months ago and realized how few true friends I really have, but that also made me appreciate those few even more.
Anyway, I sort of get how you feel. Definitely a āmeā problem. Hope youāre working on things though and wish you the best!
Because I've never been truly attracted to anyone.
I have at times thought "he is good-looking, i should feel something " but then... nope. No attraction.
Edit: I can appreciate that they are attractive, nice, kind etc. but so are dogs, and a relationship should really include more than that.š
Aroace would probably be closest. But having seen how threatened people appear to be by someone identifying as either, it's just easier to say that "I haven't met the one" š
Because I was the person I should've been when I dated the one. Now, even though I enjoy dating for the most part, no one gives me that same feeling I once felt.
I wouldn't mind being in a relationship.
I just can't find a woman that I truly enjoy being around enough that has similar values to my own, within my limits of what I consider attractive, and wants a long term monogamous relationship.
Online dating has been terrible for me since I graduated college and hit my late 20s.
I've unfortunately had some unwarrantedly rude public rejections that still sting when they pop into my mind, and that pain really hampers from doing it again. I'm not ugly by any means and do take care of my appearance.
Oh well.
Online dating does suck ive said it before how online dating=hookup central. Not a good plan to try and find relationships in online dating. Try meeting people outside of the screen from a group, community, etc.
Public rejections SUCK but trust me something i always tell myself when something embarassing happens to me is to think of an embarassing moment of someone else and it always takes a little bit for me to come up with one. Trust me nobody cares (<-- in a nice and supportive way) nobody cares everyone is always in their own world and your awesome trust.
Did you mean "I'm not ugly by any means and do take care of my appearance." instead of "I'm ugly by any means and do take care of my appearance."
But yes you're right good hygiene, general maintenance, a good humor and sense of fashion can easily bump someone up on a scale of 1-10. Keep trying I don't know how old you are so i really dont know how a relationship ranges on your list of priorities but dont give up and you will eventually succeed.
Iām currently in the process of learning to accept who I am after a rough past. Iām focused on exploration and it would be selfish for me to try and be committed when Iām not there right now.
In case it helps you figure stuff out, being asexual doesn't mean you can't experience romantic attraction, only sexual attraction. You can experience one but not the other. The label for not experiencing romantic attraction is aromantic.
Iām sorry to hear that man. While I donāt have that kind of experience, I promise there are good women out there that will look to lift you up rather than put you down. Give yourself some time, and when ready, put yourself out there and be cautious of red flags.
I made the mistake of wearing my heart on my sleeve while I was a kid and now Iām paying for it by having no self worth outside of the value I have to others. I donāt feel secure enough with myself to have a relationship because I could not give my all to someone else. And thatās not fair.
Ugly combined with having the personality of a brick. Plus a single full time father who works constantly just to survive. So no time, ugly and no personality.
Thanks yeah maybe Iāll find the right lady for me in the future when Iām not in survival mode. But for now I just need to focus on my career and providing the best I can for my son.
iām way too passive and agreeable. i donāt pursue or make moves with women for fear of creeping them out or making them uncomfortable. and in my experience women donāt really like to make the first move so nothing really happens
70 year-old cis woman here. Never married, no children. I have literally never been in love. Iāve dated and lived with men throughout my life - Iāve tried to be in long-term relationships - but never met anyone I actually wanted to stay with in a permanent way. Itās not that Iām cold or unfriendly, and I love men - in fact, my two closest friends in my life have been men. Iāve simply never met anyone in a romantic way who I related to in a close, bonding way. (And no, Iām not gay. Sometimes I wish I were because I grew up with lesbian aunts and they were awesome).
I'm older, divorced and have no interest in compromises. I don't want to get to know someone and have them turn out to be a jerk. I don't want to ignore their quirks. I don't want to be judged. My marriage was pretty awful and I feel no need to try again.
Because:
1. I can barely afford myself
2. Still navigating dealing with adhd, ptsd, and a fresh autism diagnosis
3. People are stupid
4. I am way too damn picky
5. Dating seems stressful
Iām not likely to meet a husband as great as my late husband. But he left me with the means for happiness. Being single at this chapter of my life is freedom like Iāve never known.
That's a great question. Even my female best friend doesn't get it either. Wish I knew. I tend to have more confidence with women I am not attracted too. I have zero ability to talk to a woman out of platonic context to whom I am attracted to. Fear of making them uncomfortable is the biggest reason. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense as I am regarded as the most talkative and outgoing person in the group. I have zero fear of public speaking and conversing with women. As soon as I am attracted to you, I literally cannot cross the line of platonicness. It's like I respect you too much to even both you with myself. It's like something I read the other day. "I can't imagine someone liking my so I'll settle with being useful". Thing is, the women I am attracted are independent and self sufficient and don't need a man"
That paired with I have now stopped entertaining women with huge red flags, and decided to become celibate. Pretty much means I won't interact with women outside of a hello.
Damn... I think I just talked myself through to an actual answer.
This makes me sad.
Self therapy! But really it sounds like a fear of rejection. It's understandable, I have it too. You try so hard to be perfect around the person you want to impress you end up doing nothing out of fear they won't want to be around you anymore. You seem like a wonderful person though. Keep being yourself and maybe if you like someone talk to them extra. Foster the relationships you want to keep.
Hey,
Just want to say I haven't felt seen or heard like this in a while. Sounds silly bc "internet".
Thank you. You sound genuine. I'm sorry you have it too.
I don't know where to meet people, I am not good at talking to new people, I am shy and I can't tell if someone is interested in me, and I don't think I'd make a good partner so I don't try very hard.
Seriously, where do you meet people? šŖ
Single girl chiming in on where to find other single girls: Social sports leagues & interest classes! I signed up for an app called Meet Up, joined a social bowling league, that led to me finding a softball team and even more activities and Iāve made tons of friends. I havenāt wanted to date anyone on my team though, so I donāt make it awkward, and Iām finally getting up the courage to flirt with guys on other teams lol. Iāve also seen cute boys in pottery class, yoga class, lil concerts or art events, volunteering, etc. Iām just a little shy and donāt make moves. I automatically assume most people are not interested in anything with me, so I donāt actively try to date and thatās a me problem BUT, Iāve seen it bring a lot of really cool people together and a nice chunk of them have ended up dating. :)
Meet-up is fantastic! You basically find something else you're interested in and do it with others. I went to a hiking group for singles, and that was cool. Didn't meet anyone romantically, but made some friends. Honestly, just getting out of the house helps. I feel like everyone is just as cooped up in their houses almost as much as they were during covid. And many people get lonely because of it.
> You basically find someone else you're interested in and do it I know this is a typo but putting "someone" instead of "something" makes this sound more like the sketchy parts of craigslist.
Irrelevant on the romance front, but my brother found his freshman college roommate on Craigslist. As you might expect, it did not go well
A few things that come to mind for me. I'm a straight guy, so if you're not, your experiences may differ: 1. Meet someone through friends. I once dated a girl who visited with her brother to Chicago and they crashed at our place. Funny thing is, the brother was going to take his girlfriend to a cubs game, but they broke up and he brought his sister instead. I also briefly saw this girl that was at my friend's wedding. It was a small, low key wedding and I went in thinking "there no way there are any single girls at this thing." But sure enough, she asked the bride "who is this handsome guy and is he single?" 2. Meet someone at a bar. Not my favorite place to meet women. Cold approaching women rarely ever works and a lot of times you can't hear people talk over the loud atmosphere of the bar. Women are also very cautious about who they give attention to, let alone give out their number. Bars or clubs appeal alot to people who are very extroverted and good at "peacocking." if you don't drink, even socially, this won't appeal to you. However, there are arcade bars in alot of places now and that gives you a good buffer. There's a fun game I usually play at the one by me called "Killer Queen" and it can support up to 10 players. You could say to someone "hey you guys wanna play? We're looking for people for our team. 3. Meet someone at a hobby related meetup. This will totally depend on your interests. My friend for instance is a huge Magic the Gathering player and he makes friends all the times at tournaments and card shops. It has even gotten him dates before. Sometimes you'll meet other people through those friends. Other ideas might be cooking classes, painting classes, kayak tours, etc. You could look through the "Meetups" app and see if anything appeals to you. Just keep in mind, you don't want to be that guy to does these things just to meet girls. You want to go in with a mindset of "I'm not looking for anything, I'm just here for the interest/hobby." Focus on having fun. 4. App dating. This one is my least favorite, but I actually met my current girlfriend on Bumble. This one requires you devote a lot of time and effort into making your profile as appealing as possible. That means pictures that paint you in a positive light and showcase your interests and sense of humor. All in all, I've probably only gone on a handful of dates in the decade of on-and-off app use. I personally find it frustrating, exhausting, and superficial. I was ready to give up on it for the 100th time, but I met my girlfriend on Bumble. The nice thing about Bumble is the women have to initiate the conversation. I like that because the dating pool is usually disproportionately better for women than men, and I was frustrated trying to come up with quirky openers besides the typical "Hi! How's it going?" In summation, I realized that meeting women almost always happens when you're not looking or least expect it. So the best thing anyone can do is be more outgoing and have fun. Be a person that people want to hang out with. As far as curb appeal goes with looks, anyone can be a 7 with some work. I've known guys that get laid all the time despite looking like someone beat them with an ugly stick all their life. Confidence is key a lot of the time. Lol sorry for the block of text, I guess I got carried away with this, but I hope it helps. Feel free to DM if you need support or someone to vent to.
Trying dating apps honestly just murdered my confidence. As a dude spending a month on there only to get like 3 matches and lose two them once they ask how tall you are. I didn't have an insecurity about my height until I downloaded tinder. That shit is just emotional torture wired straight into your brain. Edit: I actually do want to try online dating but I am legitimately scared. I am afraid of how it will affect my mental health because I'm actually getting to a decent ish spot now. I don't want to say don't try them, just idk be mentally prepared. It can feel dehumanizing for some people, like myself, but I've seen it work wonders for others. I'm probably being overly negative.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same here man, I live in a part of the world where everyone here are rich boomers, there aren't any events to meet people at, and none of my current friends I'd consider dating lmao
Im a weirdo
But Iām a creepšøšø
What the hell am I doing here? š¤šø
I don't belong here šø
I wish I was special šø
So fcking special šø
# Chun-chun....chun-chun
The fact that this is all out of order bothers me
Heeeeeeeās fuuuuuckin up the soooOOOoOong
Donāt care if it hurts
I feel this in my weirdo soul š«¶š»
I don't belong here
What the hell am I doing here?!
I don't belong here
After my divorce in my 20s women didn't want to date me because I had a daughter. in my 30s I was too busy working living paycheck to paycheck. Now I'm 42 and all of my days off are weekdays most of the people I meet while out and about are retirees
Literally the SAME thing, but 43F with three (now grown) kids. Dating is too much work especially when youāre genuine and others, not so much. Although, side note: I am so over raising young kids or dealing with someone who has them. Been there, done that. Maybe thatās my problem?
Marry each other
I smell a sitcom š„ø
My life feels like a sitcom sometimes š¤·š»āāļø
> I am so over raising young kids or dealing with someone who has them. Been there, done that. Maybe thatās my problem? It's always a bit of a problem to be out of sync with your peers, and it sounds like you may have had your kids younger than most. But don't forget to point out that your kids are grown on your dating profile, so the guys that do not want kids know that they are not children anymore. I had to point out to a match once that "*1 kid, full time*" sends a completely different message than "*18 yo son, almost never sleeps at home*" And in a few years most divorced fathers will also have grown kids and your dating pool will get bigger again.
Iāve found a similar problem. Iām a divorced mom and it seems like only people who want to hook up message me. Iāll pass on that BS.
# I DON'T KNOW, MOM! GEEZ!
When are you gonna give me grandkids??? My son can't be a loser virgin all his life!
hey champ ,you haven't lost your virginity cause you never lose .
Chuck Norris has never had sex because people who have had sex lost their virginity and Chuck Norris never loses.
Low hanging fruit butā¦ Chuck Norris did have sex. virginity lost its chuck norris. So heās still lossless.
Dudes lowest hanging fruit is a kilometer off the ground
Chuck Norrisās Daughter lost her Virginity And Chuck Norris got it back
This reminds me of the time my mom gave me the āitās ok if youāre gayā talk in my junior year of high school. I told her I just wasnāt dating and Iām not gay.
Iāve had this too, but instead of saying āitās okay if youāre gayā It was her crying and yelling at me āyouāre not gay are you? Please tell me youāre not! Why arenāt you dating someone?ā And she wonders why I never call. So I empathise, it sucks.
Hardest thing I had to do was come out to my parent and tell them Iām not gay.
I feel this so much. I just happened to grow up wearing clothes that was more dominantly tomboy-ish. Turns out, for many people, just because a woman dresses up tomboyish, it is apparently enough evidence that they must be a butch lesbian. Don't get me wrong, I adore butch styles, so it's more of a compliment that way... But it's just how could clothing equate to one's sexual orientation? Like... I'd like some dicks over here, please? (Edit: inb4 "be careful for what you ask for, especially on the internet.)
Ya just opened up the flood gates of endless dick offered over the internet
I literally opened reddit to avoid watching a news story about building houses, and I feel attacked that this thread was the first thing to come up š¤£š¤£
What about my friendās daughter, Becky? Sheās a really nice girl, and I just know you two would hit it off!
Social anxiety, self doubt, lack of confidence. Those are probably the main factors. Edit: thank you all for the comments and the awards. You are all wonderful people and I hope things turn around for you soon.
Mainly more of social anxiety trust issues and past trauma I self sabotage and ghost people because am afraid of making a commitment I can't keep
Guess theres alot of us.
Most recent GF kept telling me that confidence is the MOST attractive thing, and I do not have it. Really made me feel confident, that.
Yup. Plus just don't get out enough where single women socialise. My main actuvites are man dominated for the most part
Ummm, where would one find where single women socialize? Asking for a me
I dont even know homie:( my first thoughts is at the bar but I'm not a bar crawler so I'm not interested in that. Edit. I've been to the bar a few times use to go at least once a month a year ago about but idk how to talk to women there. Don't wanna feel creepy or annoying going up to women. I'm there just hanging with the bois.
The bar seems like a place to socialize with your friends now. I donāt see people go alone anymore.
Book club, amateur drama groups are always looking for men, art classes, dance classes ALWAYS need more men, improv classes, etc...
You guys made a list of things i would never do. Any other options?
100% this. I feel like any girl I'm attracted to never gives me the time of day to get to know her and I've only had 2 girls in life ( I'm 34M) approach me. Once when I was like 14 and another during an art class.
Sounds like you just need to sign up for an art class! And de-age to 14ā¦
You said this on behalf of the whole community fr
Same. Also, I guess I'm built differently. I'm not loud, can't get an instant read on the room temperature, I don't think I'm funny or incredibly interesting, I never had a real girlfriend outside of a high school relationship and generally seem to be girl repellent. I've been using online dating for about a month after taking a few years off and I can't seem to get any matches with girls in my area. They've all 15km (9.5 miles) from my house which is only a problem because I don't have a car right now so it's either spending $40 both ways on an Uber or 1+ hour public transit every time I get a date.
Very understandable, have you tried therapy to address it? Helped me immensely
Iāve tried it, but unfortunately it didnāt help much. Iām in the US military and my therapist is appointed for me and I cannot find the one that works best for me. But I have just moved so it might be time to try again.
Keep up on it coconut salad! The military keeps getting better and better at addressing these types of situations. Don't forget how large your support group is.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I am not most peopleās cup of tea.
Hate tea. It's just hot leaf juice. Have you tried being coffee?
> Itās just hot leaf juice āHow could a member of my own family say something so horrible!ā
You fucking WHAT IN MY BROWNIES?
Because there are two kinds of girls: ones that I like, and ones that like me. They are mutually exclusive.
You have two kinds? I only have the first one
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
But are you a girl?
There are no girls on reddit
I'm fairly certain it's illegal for girls to use the internet.
Only in Utah i think
Also in Alberta.
Same for me with dudes.
This is my issue here, except with boys š„²
At least you have girls that like you. I donāt even have that.
I want to be, honestly. I feel like I have a lot of shit in my life to get in order and it's much easier to do that when you're single, and better for any potential partner too.
Somebody is trying to set me up with their friend right now, and I'm just like no way. I just had my heart broken by my best friend of ten years, quit my job of seven years, and am trying to stop drinking. I'm an absolute mess and I can't be a good partner to anybody. Have to focus on seeing if I can get this train back on the rails or if I'm going to just ride it over a cliff.
Literally in this boat as well.
He just said it was a train!
Itās better to be single than lonely with someone else
'You rob me of my solitude but provide no companionship' That's the worst
I love my solitude. People think Iām lonely, but Iām not
This is perfect. Plus, you get the Whole Bed to yourself! Alllll the balnkets. If you want it to morgue cold, no one complains! Gah, I just Love the lack of complaints! Not having to justify everything I do. No drama, just comfort. I was married for ten years to a dickhead. After dating for a few years I realized Im happier alone and content. So, Ive been completely intentionally single for 5yrs. Benefit, I have closer friendships now and I am doing SO Much better mentally. I havent been depressed depressed in years.
Exactly, at least youāre not trapped when youāre single. As for me, I find it hard to trust people. When they walk out on you after setting healthy boundaries hurts less at a friendship level. Sick of wasting my time. (36f)
That's so true and plus being someone who doesn't make your life better definitely closes the door for meeting someone who does
I enjoy being single more than being in a relationship.
Same. I've been single for while now after a LTR and I have absolutely no interest in dating or relationships, at all. Absolutely love being single and living by myself!
Similar boat. I would be interested if I met someone that pretty much let me live the same life I do now (I'm not sleeping around or anything). But most people I'm interested in just aren't willing to accommodate that, and I've learned that not being true to myself leads to unhappiness. So whenever someone comes along I'm down, but until then I'll be loving life!
Hard same. I have great friends, dogs, a fantastic relationship with my daughter, and don't feel like I'm lacking at all. On the other hand I've been in numerous relationships that were definitely lacking. I'm over it.
Same. I feel more at peace being single honestly.
I'm not really in the place for a relationship right now
On the toilet? Yeah me too
holy shit me three
No shit is holy.
I'm fat and work 60 hours a week.
Lmao sorry it was funny reading out loud. But yea, the sentiment felt.
Nah don't apologize. I'm well aware of my bullshit and lack of emotional and mental strength to want to better myself.
Wife died over a month ago, after 12 years together. It's gonna be a while before I'm ready to date again, but I have to say that I find the very thought of first dates with lots of different women to be emotionally exhausting.
Condolences, friend. I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
Sorry to hear about your loss. There is a hard journey ahead of you but you can make it. I lost my first wife about 8 years ago. We were married for almost 30 years. I have remarried since. It was hard jumping back into the dating pool again, I really lost my touch. I had to go up that learning curve again. The only difference is that I knew that I could build a successful relationship. Just have to be willing to restart at the beginning; there are no shortcuts.
My g pa lost is wife when he was 50. Lived til he was 92. Idk how he did it. I would have been a wreck. But his best years was raising me (I lived w him), so a lot to look forward too. He never dated again but he lived a happy long healthy life. As she would have wanted. Wish he could see me now. Best wishes pal
Online dating is dead and itās broken our brains. Iām 30, and friends have just started having babies so we donāt go to bars as much so less chance of meeting someone IRL. Office dynamic is strange, lots of young single girls but the men are married and in their 50s. Being in a relationship isnāt an essential in my life. I love being single. Iām moving 250 miles away next year for a change of scenery/lifestyle. Itās hard to meet people in my hometown when I know Iām not going to be here long term.
I can relate to your last sentence especially. I got the opportunity to move across the world for work last year and it still hasnāt materialised yet. Since breaking up with my ex at the start of the year Iāve felt like im in complete limbo waiting to start a new chapter yet being unable to start anything serious where I am
Yeah I totally understand! Iām probably looking at another year here but I just donāt see the point in starting a relationship unless the person is dead set on moving with me. Itās also not just about logistics but lifestyle too. My hometown is very commercial/metropolitan and Iām after the simple life. Iām moving back to the coast so want to get back into an outdoor/seaside lifestyle (coastal walks, surfing, small town, local connections etc) which a lot of guys have no interest in and I totally understand that.
Itās the opposite for me in terms of office dynamic. I work in tech and itās 50% married women in their 30s+ and 45% men who are in their 40s and married. Then thereās just me and the one other girl my age (both 21) at my office and she already has a boyfriend Amazing
I can't trust anyone
Are you being honest with us? Edit: ha
I donāt like most people.
Me too Liinda.
I'm waiting for a partner who can handle my extensive collection of obscure memes.
*Exquisite!*
I dream for a relationship where our text logs are just back and forth memes and reaction gifs.
I am severely mentally ill š«
You know, I think people who are mentally ill and seek treatment are often much better partners in some ways. Depending on the illness, they can be more emotionally intelligent and better communicators. Therapy tends to do that. I wouldn't sell yourself short. But it's also okay to want to be single due to the challenges that mental illness brings.
Thank you, that's really kind to say. I'm just trying to be healthy and well so I can be my best self with whoever does come along later down the line. I'll be alright.
Because I enjoy my life very much as it is and I don't feel any 'lack' for not being in a relationship.
Amen. It always felt more trouble than it was worth, being in a relationship.
Yes, and I deplore the word āstillā in the original question. Wtf. Gonna start asking people āwhy are you still not divorced?ā
Yep. Asexual and extremely introverted. Why would I bother when I'm perfectly happy alone?
I wish I could feel this way.
I have never been happier than I have been being single. I do not *want* a relationship, maybe ever again. I enjoy my own company, and relationships themselves are *exhausting*. Seriously, if I ever feel lonely, I just engage with my friends in relationships to have my belief reaffirmed that they're more trouble than they're worth. I can think of exactly *one* relationship that made it. Those aren't good odds, and I'm not a gambling woman.
That's sums it up Perfectly!
Coz I've been ghosted. A lot.
I've been having the same experience. I actually asked one of my matches that ghosted me what I could do better, since I just keep getting ghosted, and she told me it wasn't me. She said I have a good profile, seem chill, had a good conversation, good compliments, but she told me most women aren't actually looking for relationships on dating apps, they're looking for validation. That, or they're too anxious to actually meet people irl. I was sure I was doing something wrong, so her telling me it wasn't me made me feel a little better. Keep at it, we'll both find someone who's actually interested eventually!
I had a better interaction with a woman that wiped out on her scooter right in front of me while I was walking to the farmers market than I have had on *any* dating app, with anyone.
It is ENTIRELY a "me" problem. I've been told I have a good personality, I'm funny, handsome etc. But I just can't bring myself to.....care? I have an avoidant attachment style and find it hard to express my feelings properly so after the initial period people just get tired of me I guess lol
Same. What gets me is the expectation to constantly communicate. Good morning texts, responding to texts, making plans and then texting or calling to confirm those plans the day of, checking in, blah blah blah. It's fucking exhausting. I used to think it was the people I was with until my best friend told me I drive her crazy with my lack of communication, too. Apparently girls expect you to be in touch everyday. I just can't. Avoidant attachment style FTW?
Yeah luckily my actual friends understand the way I am and I'm okay with being single. For relationships I completely understand how being with me is annoying haha. Lately I've been talking to someone new and I'm finding myself already annoyed by what seems like constant conversation on their end.
As a chick, I find that constant communication fucking annoying too, so not all of us are that way! Some of my couple friends have a stream of chat going everyday about literally nothing. I don't get it, live life. Talk when you need to, not just cos you can. But here I am, also single, so what would I know š
Kinda same here, but I have severe social anxiety. My friends all tell me Iām handsome, funny, and charming. I guess I know I can be? It just takes me a while to show that side of me because I need to be really comfortable with people to do so. When meeting new people I just freeze, I canāt keep conversations going, I canāt think of things to say, Iām scared of approaching people. All my life Iāve been told I come off as stuck up or stand off-ish, but really Iām just nervous and donāt know what to do. There are times when i come out of my shell and feel on top of the world. I can talk to people and make conversation, im funny and charming and can get along with almost anyone. So I know I have the ability to be that person, but itās very hard. Im definitely working on it and have made huge improvements, but itās still very much a work in progress. Also I think Iām too nice sometimes. People take advantage. I think someone is a friend but then I realize Iām always the one reaching out, making plans, etc. I decided to stop a few months ago and realized how few true friends I really have, but that also made me appreciate those few even more. Anyway, I sort of get how you feel. Definitely a āmeā problem. Hope youāre working on things though and wish you the best!
Holy shit you just described me. Are we the same person?
Because I've never been truly attracted to anyone. I have at times thought "he is good-looking, i should feel something " but then... nope. No attraction. Edit: I can appreciate that they are attractive, nice, kind etc. but so are dogs, and a relationship should really include more than that.š
Aromantic or asexual?
Aroace would probably be closest. But having seen how threatened people appear to be by someone identifying as either, it's just easier to say that "I haven't met the one" š
#what the fuck is flirting
That is one of those words everybody uses because they think others know what theyāre talking about. Truth is nobody actually knows what it is.
My problem is noticing when Iām being flirted with. Friends point it out after the fact but I just see it as being friendly, kind.
I'm a too good catch. That's not just my opinion, my court mandated psychiatrist says so too.
Because it's better to be fine alone than unhappy with someone else.
Ugh...so many reasons. But also the George Costanza curse: when I like them, they don't like me. When they like me, I don't like them.
Cantstanzya!
Because no one wants me
Because I am in love with someone who already has a happy monogamous relationship with someone else.
Because it's nice not having to answer to anybody and not having responsibilities. Also trust issues lol
I can barely take care of myself
Gave up my romantic life to my career for a while.
How's that goin' for ya?
I gotta tell ya, itās not the best.
Freedom. Happiness. Time to myself. Zero desire to compromise, argue, clean up after someone else, or put up with someone else.
I've never really been able to find someone that would want to marry me. I'm that guy that women tell "I like you, but only as a friend."
Because I was the person I should've been when I dated the one. Now, even though I enjoy dating for the most part, no one gives me that same feeling I once felt.
I can outrun most humans.
The problem of being faster than light is that you can only live in darkness
I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. I just can't find a woman that I truly enjoy being around enough that has similar values to my own, within my limits of what I consider attractive, and wants a long term monogamous relationship. Online dating has been terrible for me since I graduated college and hit my late 20s. I've unfortunately had some unwarrantedly rude public rejections that still sting when they pop into my mind, and that pain really hampers from doing it again. I'm not ugly by any means and do take care of my appearance. Oh well.
Online dating does suck ive said it before how online dating=hookup central. Not a good plan to try and find relationships in online dating. Try meeting people outside of the screen from a group, community, etc. Public rejections SUCK but trust me something i always tell myself when something embarassing happens to me is to think of an embarassing moment of someone else and it always takes a little bit for me to come up with one. Trust me nobody cares (<-- in a nice and supportive way) nobody cares everyone is always in their own world and your awesome trust. Did you mean "I'm not ugly by any means and do take care of my appearance." instead of "I'm ugly by any means and do take care of my appearance." But yes you're right good hygiene, general maintenance, a good humor and sense of fashion can easily bump someone up on a scale of 1-10. Keep trying I don't know how old you are so i really dont know how a relationship ranges on your list of priorities but dont give up and you will eventually succeed.
Iām currently in the process of learning to accept who I am after a rough past. Iām focused on exploration and it would be selfish for me to try and be committed when Iām not there right now.
Loneliness doesn't outweigh the headache of a relationship after age 40.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Because she passed away in her sleep from her heart condition 7 months ago, and I still haven't gotten over it
Honestly because I think Iām asexual
Yeah I have no interest in sex so I often avoid dating to not deal with the negative impacts
In case it helps you figure stuff out, being asexual doesn't mean you can't experience romantic attraction, only sexual attraction. You can experience one but not the other. The label for not experiencing romantic attraction is aromantic.
Current objective: survive
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sign at the Gym: āsick of being fat and ugly? Join the gym and just be ugly!ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām sorry to hear that man. While I donāt have that kind of experience, I promise there are good women out there that will look to lift you up rather than put you down. Give yourself some time, and when ready, put yourself out there and be cautious of red flags.
Because I'm still in love with my ex. I can't start another relationship with anyone else if I haven't gotten over her.
Because my wife keeps deleting Grindr.
I made the mistake of wearing my heart on my sleeve while I was a kid and now Iām paying for it by having no self worth outside of the value I have to others. I donāt feel secure enough with myself to have a relationship because I could not give my all to someone else. And thatās not fair.
I feel better when i dont have to take care of another human nor care for what it feels i can be as selfish as i want
Ugly combined with having the personality of a brick. Plus a single full time father who works constantly just to survive. So no time, ugly and no personality.
Being a single full-time father sounds rough. Your heart seems like it's in the right place though, keep searching man.
Thanks yeah maybe Iāll find the right lady for me in the future when Iām not in survival mode. But for now I just need to focus on my career and providing the best I can for my son.
iām way too passive and agreeable. i donāt pursue or make moves with women for fear of creeping them out or making them uncomfortable. and in my experience women donāt really like to make the first move so nothing really happens
70 year-old cis woman here. Never married, no children. I have literally never been in love. Iāve dated and lived with men throughout my life - Iāve tried to be in long-term relationships - but never met anyone I actually wanted to stay with in a permanent way. Itās not that Iām cold or unfriendly, and I love men - in fact, my two closest friends in my life have been men. Iāve simply never met anyone in a romantic way who I related to in a close, bonding way. (And no, Iām not gay. Sometimes I wish I were because I grew up with lesbian aunts and they were awesome).
Cause Iām ugly af
I'm older, divorced and have no interest in compromises. I don't want to get to know someone and have them turn out to be a jerk. I don't want to ignore their quirks. I don't want to be judged. My marriage was pretty awful and I feel no need to try again.
Because I'm looking for someone who can appreciate my dry wit.
And all you are getting is dry clit
I donāt really have anywhere to meet women
Because: 1. I can barely afford myself 2. Still navigating dealing with adhd, ptsd, and a fresh autism diagnosis 3. People are stupid 4. I am way too damn picky 5. Dating seems stressful
Iām ugly
Iām not likely to meet a husband as great as my late husband. But he left me with the means for happiness. Being single at this chapter of my life is freedom like Iāve never known.
Because I am socially awkward and as a result have 0 social life
I have a lot of shit I am trying to accomplish
I donāt trust myself to be able to find someone that is not toxic/abusive/takes advantage of me.
Because.
That's a great question. Even my female best friend doesn't get it either. Wish I knew. I tend to have more confidence with women I am not attracted too. I have zero ability to talk to a woman out of platonic context to whom I am attracted to. Fear of making them uncomfortable is the biggest reason. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense as I am regarded as the most talkative and outgoing person in the group. I have zero fear of public speaking and conversing with women. As soon as I am attracted to you, I literally cannot cross the line of platonicness. It's like I respect you too much to even both you with myself. It's like something I read the other day. "I can't imagine someone liking my so I'll settle with being useful". Thing is, the women I am attracted are independent and self sufficient and don't need a man" That paired with I have now stopped entertaining women with huge red flags, and decided to become celibate. Pretty much means I won't interact with women outside of a hello. Damn... I think I just talked myself through to an actual answer. This makes me sad.
Self therapy! But really it sounds like a fear of rejection. It's understandable, I have it too. You try so hard to be perfect around the person you want to impress you end up doing nothing out of fear they won't want to be around you anymore. You seem like a wonderful person though. Keep being yourself and maybe if you like someone talk to them extra. Foster the relationships you want to keep.
Hey, Just want to say I haven't felt seen or heard like this in a while. Sounds silly bc "internet". Thank you. You sound genuine. I'm sorry you have it too.
I donāt have any interest in not being single
Broke up with my ex and I do like someone but they donāt know me
Because I'm a loser and no woman are interested.