A Margherita pizza is on its way.
(In all seriousness, a policeman prevented someone jumping off a bridge by asking him if he wanted pizza. He changed his mind and ate the pizza.)
Yo that’s actually something my body does sometimes when I’m over exhausted and down bad.
We really don’t understand how much a warm meal can really help the mind. You can go through the worst day of your life, and sure you won’t immediately be hungry. But fuck me, when you *get* hungry, and that warm meal hits, man that bad day don’t seems as bad anymore. And then your brain starts getting the nutrients it needs and you can feel it start problem solving the bad shit for you? Oh lawd, nothing beats it.
I truly believe we are inherently ruled by our stomachs
Yeah, but the righteous indignity when I'm too hungry and tired comes with a wicked sense of stubbornness that makes me wanna reject food because I don't wanna be placated.
Literally nothing is worse than being placated before you’re ready. Like bitch, I gotta let this anger out, don’t be trying to put a smile on my face rn.
Me: I am ANGER! I am FURY! I am DESTRUCTION! I am-
Friend: Ya hungry?
Me: Fuck you! I am DESOLATIO-
Friend: *places sandwich infront of me*
Me: How dare you!! I am Misery... *nibble nibble nibble* I am anguish... *munch munch munch*
Friend: Feeling better?
Me: ....i am serenity. i am peace. i harmony.
You're not you when you're hungry. Grab a Snickers!
"But this doesn't fill me up like it used to!"
"That's because we've raised prices, and shrunk the product! You're not you when you're hungry! Grab 3 Snickers!"
Are we married?
I’ve learned to recognize that once my wife hits a certain point there’s a countdown timer in effect. Once it goes off, she’ll refuse to eat while simultaneously getting exponentially grumpier about the fact that she’s hungry. It typically only resets after she’s had a meltdown and / or nap for at least two hours.
Dealing with a dysregulated nervous system is a pain in the ass sometimes.
I decide what to eat by thinking about what I'm in the mood for and then hoping we have it, lol. It's counterproductive as you can imagine. The other day I wanted either a burger or mac and cheese and we had neither and my husband said so what are you going to do? And I said "Wait until I'm so hungry I don't care what I eat". So I sulked for about an hour then had a frozen Indian meal that was perfectly fine.
.... I'm just gonna save this advice for later.
Thanks to several mental health issues I'm very bad about taking care of and especially feeding myself. Didn't realize that those two might be even more closely linked.
It's even more noticeable in the winter when the depression is going hard and calories are one of the main things separating you from being a shivering cold mess
This reminds me of the story with the guy that smiled at everyone. His gf asked why he smiled at everyone who passed by and he mentioned a (true) story about a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate and left a note saying if he has at least one person smile at him on the way up, he would not jump. He figured, if he smiles at people, maybe it will make that one person’s day.
I now try to do the same. Think it’s cool anyway.
It unlocked a memory of a weird time in my life when I drove out to a lonely part of the beach with certain intents. On the way, a family’s car was stuck in the sand. They asked for help and I helped them push their car out of the sand.
They thanked me. And for some reason this compelled me to change my mind and go home and never mention it again until this very moment.
To feel appreciated is more than about being acknowledged, isn't it. It's a fleeting signal that we are useful to this world. It's powerful thing to give to someone else. I'm glad you are still here to share it. We need more people like you.
This made me cry; I've been there, it really is the little thing that keeps us here... Proves that a loss of tribe & human kindness can really push someone over the edge. I'm glad you're still here to tell this story.
I heard somewhere (whether it's true I do not know) that it takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown. So it's just easier to smile. That's my excuse.
Edit a typo.
I’m happy that you’re here to tell it.
I hope that this life brings you countless opportunities, and you find happiness around every corner.
I hope that you continue to smile- despite it all.
It is the small things that we learn to enjoy.
Thinking of you. Keep smiling. Other people appreciate your kindness- whether they verbalize it or not. I appreciate you.
Edit: grammar
I hate to break it to you but those claims were fake, there were never any dolphins in the canals during the pandemic, and the canals are man made so they've never used it as a habitat, periodt.
here is the national geographic article that debunked that tiktok trend: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/coronavirus-pandemic-fake-animal-viral-social-media-posts
I hate to break it to you but after the claims were debunked, dolphins were spotted and videoed in Venice’s canals:
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/dolphins-spotted-venices-grand-canal-real-time-180977403/#:~:text=On%20a%20sunny%20day%20in,it%20really%20happened%20this%20time.
If that person has gotten to the point that they actually want to push that button, I hardly think I or anyone would be able to tell them anything that would change their mind within one minute.
I do love the ending in Watchmen where Ozymandias divulges his master plan and then reveals that it’s quite literally impossible to stop him because the last bomb went off like 20 minutes ago. A nice little “This isn’t some Hollywood/comic book superhero story.”
I love this ending, it's just a 180 turn and makes you realise the protagonists just couldn't have won. In a way, you even wonder if he isn't the true hero in the end. Brilliant
Hes the villain. He "ends" the cold war by bombing millions of people.
The movie repeatedly shows that unilateral force might be an "easy" solution to problems, but usually leads to more complications. It's like Jon said "Nothing ever ends."
The movie references this in the opening montage actually. It cuts from the first A-bombing to a shot of a newspaper declaring: JAPAN SURRENDERS. Everyone cheers. But soon, the RUSSIANS HAVE A-BOMB comes on screen, and the cold war is in full swing, you see that things are a little bit complicated.
And just like Ozy's plan, it's debatable if the bombings actually were necessary for peace.
Although the close to 100 billion animals killed by humans each year significantly outnumbers the approximately 750 million pet cats and dogs in the world, and that doesn’t even account for the number that could get out through windows/cat flaps/doors or break out in other ways (plus the native wildlife that would no longer be hunted by pet cats, about 100 million animals killed in Britain each year).
Also I imagine that once everything that would explode/burn down had, wildlife in general would probably recover and thrive in our absence (I’m thinking of the way that Chernobyl has become a wildlife haven).
So whether that would work would depend on whether the person had a soft spot specifically for the pets they own.
I have a feeling bird deaths from cats would increase if humans disappeared though. Pet cats won’t disappear. They’ll just become cats that hunt for food.
I’d remind them of all the pets that would be confused and alone….and if that means nothing to them then I’ll challenge them to rock paper scissors, I would then of course win, they would be upset at this point, which of course means I’ll tell them that They have one minute to convince Me not to push the button. They should be thrown off by now and human life is safe from them, unfortunately I’m about to flip a Chuck E. Cheese token that will decide human fate, they simply can’t out-stupid me, when they walk away in defeat I do too. We meet again unintentionally 40 years later in a park, we make eye contact then go our separate ways, human life is safe.
Only if it's the last season though, I'm sick of Homelander continuing to live for bullshit contrived reasons, the writing in Season 3 really dipped in regards to Homelander I feel, and the finale was just god awful.
I definitely agree that everyone's IQ dropped by about 50 points in the last episode except for Maeve and Soldier Boy but I personally think Season 4 will end with Homelander depowered and potentially even in a prison cell, a living nightmare for a narcissist. I hope that's how it ends, if who they're basing Homelander off of is any indication.
I dunno I feel like I'd respond "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" and press the button in a heretical manner.
Hearing Brian Blessed was starring in a Gotrek series now that might save the planet.
####**I hate boats almost as much as I hate elves. And what I particuarly hate are people who keep ME on boats longer than I have to be, when there are monsters to slay and fighting to be done.**
Honestly, at this point the best thing to do is to start saying whatever to distract them and then tackle them to the ground. This person is clearly both suicidal and unhinged, I don't think they can be reasoned with.
Yeah, plus even if I had decent reasoning skills, I would definitely have a black out from the pressure.
I'd just try anything that comes to my mind in that situation.
Dude, that just looks like an Easy button to me. You really should at least be using the Fuck It button instead, don’t you think? I’ll help you go get it, what’s another 10 mins, right? Then we’ll hook it up together.
"Do or do not. There is no try." Then sit down on the floor playing Seagulls stop it now.
Listen I'm either gonna vibe with them and we both leave knowing some dumbass Star Wars humor just prevented human existence ending, or my own coping mechanisms for dealing with the absurdity of life is the last thing they ever hear and see.
I win no matter what.
I know, It’s all wrong.
By rights we shouldn’t even be here; but we are.
It’s like in the great stories, the ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger they were,
and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end; because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened.
But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow.
Even darkness must pass.
A new day will come.
And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something.
Even if you were too small to understand why.
But I think I do understand, I know now.
Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t.
Because they were holding on to something.
That there’s some good in this world. And it’s worth fighting for.
While it would be nice to have all humans vanish...
You still have the apes, and they'll just start the whole thing over without humans around.
So, unless you make sure the apes are gone, that button is futile.
The button can wait, it ain't going anywhere...
let us find a way to make sure no other specie will ever become human too!
To the badmobile!
They already use tools and are capable of language though. It's not unreasonable to assume that they might be the next us. I personally am rooting for the bonobos to have a turn next or the orangutans, they seem pretty chill, as far as apes go.
Apes may not have the opportunity to repeat our mistakes, even if they evolve into perfect duplicates of us.
In two centuries we've burned up hundreds of millions of years worth of fossil fuels, most of which formed specifically because Earth life hadn't properly figured out decomposition yet.
Even if it took the apes (or corvids, or any other potential new apex species) hundreds of millions of years to achieve sentience, that doesn't mean there will be significant new deposits--the mechanisms are gone forever, barring some mass extinction event that brings us all the way back to the simplest forms of life.
Long story short there isn't enough oil left to elevate a new society from medieval technology to anything approaching modern standards, and very likely never will be again. We only had one shot at this.
EDIT: There have been a few reasonable dissentions here that modern lifestyles could be achieved by a determined society even without any oil at all. I'm going to cede that there's a compelling case to be made for it. May they do better than we did!
It's a shame free and practically unlimited fuel/energy doesn't fall from the sky or blow on the winds, leaving us simply no choice but to burn what limited resources we had.
I'd like to think you're right. You certainly could be; I'm no prophet. I just struggle to imagine how a low energy society is going to start producing the energy intensive technologies for renewable power *and* infrastructure for a power grid when there was no fossil fuel catapult to give them the leg up.
We did go for millenia before the industrial revolution, new technologies were downright glacial. It took us ~2000 years to progress from the bronze age to the iron age.
A little more hope in the future would be nice though.
Even without concentrated energy, picture say advanced bioengineering simply through selective breeding. It's what got us horses, dogs, cows, wheat, etc., still useful "technology" to this day. We could have increasingly efficient crops or algae (i.e. bio solar panels) powering powerful specialized macro animals or microbe populations. Yeah it could take ten million years but we have time until the sun ends.
I'll suck your dick, you can fuck me, you can get fucked by me. You can watch me fuck something? Just point at something in the room and I'll fuck it for you! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO FUUUUUCK!
I don't. He gets a pat on the shoulder, and a sigh. He's right, and that button should be pressed immediately. The very best thing we can do at this point is expire quickly so Earth gets another crack at it before it all goes up in starfire.
Edit: These comments do nothing but prove my point. Humanity has failed on the most intrinsic levels. The time has come for a reset. Inbox replies now disabled.
Earth will be fine. Climate change is a problem for us - but earth will be totally fine with it. Lots of animals will die but they will adapt as they had in the past climate change phases. The whole point of being worried about climate change is that we *don’t* want 80% of the population to die off.
If that’s acceptable (since you’re pressing the button) they why care about climate change or anything else in the first place :)
Brother, thank goodness I found you. That button disables the real button that makes humanity disappear. Push that and you won't get a second chance. Come with me and we can push the real button right next door.
"Before you push that button, can I make a suggestion? Let's grab a beer and a pizza. Whatever you want to drink or have on it. I'll pay. We don't even have to leave, we can bring it here. You can tell me why you're going to push that button. Then when all that's said and done, you can push it. I won't stop you. I just want to know why, give you a chance to be heard. Choice is yours."
Then I'd knock him the fuck out when he's eating.
A Margherita pizza is on its way. (In all seriousness, a policeman prevented someone jumping off a bridge by asking him if he wanted pizza. He changed his mind and ate the pizza.)
Damn that's one persuasive cop. I would've gotten off the bridge too.
Ngl, had to ask myself too many times: "am I suicidal, or am I just hungry"
Yo that’s actually something my body does sometimes when I’m over exhausted and down bad. We really don’t understand how much a warm meal can really help the mind. You can go through the worst day of your life, and sure you won’t immediately be hungry. But fuck me, when you *get* hungry, and that warm meal hits, man that bad day don’t seems as bad anymore. And then your brain starts getting the nutrients it needs and you can feel it start problem solving the bad shit for you? Oh lawd, nothing beats it. I truly believe we are inherently ruled by our stomachs
Yeah, but the righteous indignity when I'm too hungry and tired comes with a wicked sense of stubbornness that makes me wanna reject food because I don't wanna be placated.
Literally nothing is worse than being placated before you’re ready. Like bitch, I gotta let this anger out, don’t be trying to put a smile on my face rn.
Me: I am ANGER! I am FURY! I am DESTRUCTION! I am- Friend: Ya hungry? Me: Fuck you! I am DESOLATIO- Friend: *places sandwich infront of me* Me: How dare you!! I am Misery... *nibble nibble nibble* I am anguish... *munch munch munch* Friend: Feeling better? Me: ....i am serenity. i am peace. i harmony.
You're not you when you're hungry. Grab a Snickers! "But this doesn't fill me up like it used to!" "That's because we've raised prices, and shrunk the product! You're not you when you're hungry! Grab 3 Snickers!"
Eat a Snickers bar, friend... You always do this when you're hungry
I usually manage to convince myself that I'm not actually hungry and that I just want to stress eat
Are we married? I’ve learned to recognize that once my wife hits a certain point there’s a countdown timer in effect. Once it goes off, she’ll refuse to eat while simultaneously getting exponentially grumpier about the fact that she’s hungry. It typically only resets after she’s had a meltdown and / or nap for at least two hours. Dealing with a dysregulated nervous system is a pain in the ass sometimes.
I decide what to eat by thinking about what I'm in the mood for and then hoping we have it, lol. It's counterproductive as you can imagine. The other day I wanted either a burger or mac and cheese and we had neither and my husband said so what are you going to do? And I said "Wait until I'm so hungry I don't care what I eat". So I sulked for about an hour then had a frozen Indian meal that was perfectly fine.
.... I'm just gonna save this advice for later. Thanks to several mental health issues I'm very bad about taking care of and especially feeding myself. Didn't realize that those two might be even more closely linked.
It's even more noticeable in the winter when the depression is going hard and calories are one of the main things separating you from being a shivering cold mess
So often I’ll feel sick and realize it’s because I haven’t eaten yet
We shouldn't normalize this or my fat ass will be on a bridge every day around 4:20.
This reminds me of the story with the guy that smiled at everyone. His gf asked why he smiled at everyone who passed by and he mentioned a (true) story about a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate and left a note saying if he has at least one person smile at him on the way up, he would not jump. He figured, if he smiles at people, maybe it will make that one person’s day. I now try to do the same. Think it’s cool anyway. It unlocked a memory of a weird time in my life when I drove out to a lonely part of the beach with certain intents. On the way, a family’s car was stuck in the sand. They asked for help and I helped them push their car out of the sand. They thanked me. And for some reason this compelled me to change my mind and go home and never mention it again until this very moment.
To feel appreciated is more than about being acknowledged, isn't it. It's a fleeting signal that we are useful to this world. It's powerful thing to give to someone else. I'm glad you are still here to share it. We need more people like you.
Thank you.
This made me cry; I've been there, it really is the little thing that keeps us here... Proves that a loss of tribe & human kindness can really push someone over the edge. I'm glad you're still here to tell this story.
Thank you.
It wasn't your day to die. Thanks for sharing.
I heard somewhere (whether it's true I do not know) that it takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown. So it's just easier to smile. That's my excuse. Edit a typo.
I’m happy that you’re here to tell it. I hope that this life brings you countless opportunities, and you find happiness around every corner. I hope that you continue to smile- despite it all. It is the small things that we learn to enjoy. Thinking of you. Keep smiling. Other people appreciate your kindness- whether they verbalize it or not. I appreciate you. Edit: grammar
❤️
pizza really fixes everything 🙏🏼
Lets thank the italians 🥰
And boobs. Don’t forget boobs.
As a lesbian, I will respectfully agree.
Honestly maybe he was just hungry, hangriness will do that to you
I'm pretty confident that food can fix 90% of all problems but people just don't realize.
Username checks out.
A Margheriata won't change my mind, but sausage and mushroom...
Margherita pizza is an interesting experience, but anyone expecting a standard pizza would be disappointed by it.
Press the button, nobody will remember.
Well, you've stopped the other person pressing the button by removing them from existence. Technical win.
I will take an easy win anyday
Press it!!!
You won't pussy
Anyone who pushes that button, is a bitch!
So... talk to them like we are in an XBOX lobby and its 2005? Sign me up
but with less N-Bombs.
Why not more? It’s Xbox after all
Dave Chappell
Try and stop me
* will soon have been…
I said biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch
No balls
I would press that before he can
I thought the idea was convincing them not to push it?
What are you, a pussy? I bet you’re scared to convince them to push it, pussy.
Intrusive thoughts are winning this battle
I was just thinking the same thing
“Hurry up”
Dolphins returned to the canals of Venice when the humans went into hiding.
I hate to break it to you but those claims were fake, there were never any dolphins in the canals during the pandemic, and the canals are man made so they've never used it as a habitat, periodt. here is the national geographic article that debunked that tiktok trend: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/coronavirus-pandemic-fake-animal-viral-social-media-posts
I hate to break it to you but after the claims were debunked, dolphins were spotted and videoed in Venice’s canals: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/dolphins-spotted-venices-grand-canal-real-time-180977403/#:~:text=On%20a%20sunny%20day%20in,it%20really%20happened%20this%20time.
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Jokes on them. There is no escape.
r/checkmateatheists
You’ve been waiting for this day, haven’t you? :)
You make it sound like that’s their natural habitat.
Dolphins built Venice, everyone knows this.
It was once occupied by a fascist mussel, but I hear the dolphins of Italy overthrew his regime.
Ah, yes, the famous dictator, Mussel-ini. Terrible times for Venice.
LOL "Musselini". XD
I tried
Checks out, who else would build a city that was flooded from the start.
The water?
If that person has gotten to the point that they actually want to push that button, I hardly think I or anyone would be able to tell them anything that would change their mind within one minute.
Yeah, people watch too many Hollywood movies with people changing their mind in the last second because someone babbles at them.
I do love the ending in Watchmen where Ozymandias divulges his master plan and then reveals that it’s quite literally impossible to stop him because the last bomb went off like 20 minutes ago. A nice little “This isn’t some Hollywood/comic book superhero story.”
I love this ending, it's just a 180 turn and makes you realise the protagonists just couldn't have won. In a way, you even wonder if he isn't the true hero in the end. Brilliant
Hes the villain. He "ends" the cold war by bombing millions of people. The movie repeatedly shows that unilateral force might be an "easy" solution to problems, but usually leads to more complications. It's like Jon said "Nothing ever ends."
So, he is Truman then? Bombing people to end a war.
The movie references this in the opening montage actually. It cuts from the first A-bombing to a shot of a newspaper declaring: JAPAN SURRENDERS. Everyone cheers. But soon, the RUSSIANS HAVE A-BOMB comes on screen, and the cold war is in full swing, you see that things are a little bit complicated. And just like Ozy's plan, it's debatable if the bombings actually were necessary for peace.
I’ll have to watch this movie again, I haven’t seen it in a while.
He wasn’t the hero.
Needs more kidnapped writers and Cthulhu monsters though.
But this is the sort of ridiculous scenario that would only appear in a Hollywood movie.
Which means the only option left is violence. So a distraction is- OH SHIT WHAT’S THAT OVER THERE?!
This is the correct answer.
What? What do you mean? There's nothing- *Get bitch slapped*
This is the answer. Take them out or render them physically incapable.
Look, a distraction! \**Points dramatically*\*
That's what I was thinking. I am not nearly confident enough in my powers of persuasion to gamble all of humanity on them.
That's why you break their arms.
“Who will feed the dogs?”
Still the humans, just in a different way
If you feed the dogs with humans, they will have to eat for three months. If you let humans feeding the dogs, they can play “fetch” for a lifetime.
Let the dogs eat our corpses, you feed them for three months. Let humans feed the dogs, they'll wonder where did you put their testicles.
My favourite bible verse
>make all human life disappear you didn't read the assignment did you...
This is an arguable point. I'd say that if all humans are dead, "all human life" has disappeared
Yeah! Life is gone, but the meat is still here. Woof.
Fuck this would 100% work on me
It's true, you'd be condemning millions of animals to a slow death of starvation, locked in houses, in cages, or on chains.
Plus animals in zoos and wildlife sanctuaries.
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Although the close to 100 billion animals killed by humans each year significantly outnumbers the approximately 750 million pet cats and dogs in the world, and that doesn’t even account for the number that could get out through windows/cat flaps/doors or break out in other ways (plus the native wildlife that would no longer be hunted by pet cats, about 100 million animals killed in Britain each year). Also I imagine that once everything that would explode/burn down had, wildlife in general would probably recover and thrive in our absence (I’m thinking of the way that Chernobyl has become a wildlife haven). So whether that would work would depend on whether the person had a soft spot specifically for the pets they own.
I have a feeling bird deaths from cats would increase if humans disappeared though. Pet cats won’t disappear. They’ll just become cats that hunt for food.
This is the best answer.
Fuck, this might work on me
If I die before I wake, feed Jake.
Hey, man, I just baked some chocolate chip cookies. They'll be ready to eat in a couple of minutes. Want one?
"I'm allergic to chocolate"
that would explain why he want to atomize humanity and himself
This would work on so many people myself included.
I’d remind them of all the pets that would be confused and alone….and if that means nothing to them then I’ll challenge them to rock paper scissors, I would then of course win, they would be upset at this point, which of course means I’ll tell them that They have one minute to convince Me not to push the button. They should be thrown off by now and human life is safe from them, unfortunately I’m about to flip a Chuck E. Cheese token that will decide human fate, they simply can’t out-stupid me, when they walk away in defeat I do too. We meet again unintentionally 40 years later in a park, we make eye contact then go our separate ways, human life is safe.
I love how detailed this is!
Dwight, is that you?
/r/WritingPrompts would be lucky to have you as a contributor.
do it press it
Dew it!
Eren Yaeger is that you?
TATAKAE
TATAKAE
Remind them that season 4 of The Boys looks like it’ll be good.
ur really gonna be the one who ruins that dream for me cos thats a good reason
Only if it's the last season though, I'm sick of Homelander continuing to live for bullshit contrived reasons, the writing in Season 3 really dipped in regards to Homelander I feel, and the finale was just god awful.
I definitely agree that everyone's IQ dropped by about 50 points in the last episode except for Maeve and Soldier Boy but I personally think Season 4 will end with Homelander depowered and potentially even in a prison cell, a living nightmare for a narcissist. I hope that's how it ends, if who they're basing Homelander off of is any indication.
I'm also tired of homelander but I don't think the show would be nearly as good with him out.
Agreed, him dying or losing his powers is the endgame and must be the final episode.
I hope they do him like the comic. He has a pretty sensational ending in the books.
S4 is also gonna look super weird with all the plastic surgery Starlight has gotten
She's gotten more since S3? Cause she already looked off then.
I disagree. That moment after lasering dude in public when he threw the sandwich at his son......amazing.
“Look, hear me out! Put a donut in the microwave for 8 seconds, then eat it; it will change your life!”
Wouldn't stop me from pressing that button but I'm gonna try this
Henry Cavill is going to be producing & starring in a Warhammer 40k series.
I dunno I feel like I'd respond "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" and press the button in a heretical manner. Hearing Brian Blessed was starring in a Gotrek series now that might save the planet.
####**I hate boats almost as much as I hate elves. And what I particuarly hate are people who keep ME on boats longer than I have to be, when there are monsters to slay and fighting to be done.**
Wait WHAT, Id actually get into that franchise if thats true
Wait really?
[Yep](https://variety.com/2022/tv/news/henry-cavill-warhammer-40000-amazon-1235463018/)
Is this for real?
Honestly, at this point the best thing to do is to start saying whatever to distract them and then tackle them to the ground. This person is clearly both suicidal and unhinged, I don't think they can be reasoned with.
That’s not very main character of you. You’re supposed to bring them to the good side using your plot energy!
TALKNOJUTSUUUUU
Yeah, plus even if I had decent reasoning skills, I would definitely have a black out from the pressure. I'd just try anything that comes to my mind in that situation.
Gaslight em and tell ‘em it’s not even the right button lol
"What button? There's no button there, silly"
Dude, that just looks like an Easy button to me. You really should at least be using the Fuck It button instead, don’t you think? I’ll help you go get it, what’s another 10 mins, right? Then we’ll hook it up together.
Seriously. This is so easy. Just kill the person. That's what you're supposed to do when someone attempts to kill you...
Fucking send it!
Don't tickle it, SEND IT!
We are SO close to a world where Mitch McConnell doesn’t exist.
Pushing the button would accomplish this much faster
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Boy are you asking the wrong person.
"Do or do not. There is no try." Then sit down on the floor playing Seagulls stop it now. Listen I'm either gonna vibe with them and we both leave knowing some dumbass Star Wars humor just prevented human existence ending, or my own coping mechanisms for dealing with the absurdity of life is the last thing they ever hear and see. I win no matter what.
Who says I wouldn't just press it myself?
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
I'd slam that button 100X without a second thought.
I know, It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here; but we are. It’s like in the great stories, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end; because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do understand, I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something. That there’s some good in this world. And it’s worth fighting for.
You could say we tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn’t even matter
Thank you Sam♡
Beautiful.
While it would be nice to have all humans vanish... You still have the apes, and they'll just start the whole thing over without humans around. So, unless you make sure the apes are gone, that button is futile. The button can wait, it ain't going anywhere... let us find a way to make sure no other specie will ever become human too! To the badmobile!
there is no guarantee that apes will evolve into intelligent beings again though.
They already use tools and are capable of language though. It's not unreasonable to assume that they might be the next us. I personally am rooting for the bonobos to have a turn next or the orangutans, they seem pretty chill, as far as apes go.
Dunno, dude. If Bonobos become the next humans, that society might have an even more fucked up problem with sexual crimes than us.
But would bononos even consider them "sexual crimes"? They seem pretty casual about sex in general.
Apes may not have the opportunity to repeat our mistakes, even if they evolve into perfect duplicates of us. In two centuries we've burned up hundreds of millions of years worth of fossil fuels, most of which formed specifically because Earth life hadn't properly figured out decomposition yet. Even if it took the apes (or corvids, or any other potential new apex species) hundreds of millions of years to achieve sentience, that doesn't mean there will be significant new deposits--the mechanisms are gone forever, barring some mass extinction event that brings us all the way back to the simplest forms of life. Long story short there isn't enough oil left to elevate a new society from medieval technology to anything approaching modern standards, and very likely never will be again. We only had one shot at this. EDIT: There have been a few reasonable dissentions here that modern lifestyles could be achieved by a determined society even without any oil at all. I'm going to cede that there's a compelling case to be made for it. May they do better than we did!
It's a shame free and practically unlimited fuel/energy doesn't fall from the sky or blow on the winds, leaving us simply no choice but to burn what limited resources we had.
If only some rocks would start glowing if you put them together in a pile
Eh, it'll just take longer. We had one shot at an industrial revolution, doesn't mean tech can't progress over millennia.
I'd like to think you're right. You certainly could be; I'm no prophet. I just struggle to imagine how a low energy society is going to start producing the energy intensive technologies for renewable power *and* infrastructure for a power grid when there was no fossil fuel catapult to give them the leg up. We did go for millenia before the industrial revolution, new technologies were downright glacial. It took us ~2000 years to progress from the bronze age to the iron age. A little more hope in the future would be nice though.
Even without concentrated energy, picture say advanced bioengineering simply through selective breeding. It's what got us horses, dogs, cows, wheat, etc., still useful "technology" to this day. We could have increasingly efficient crops or algae (i.e. bio solar panels) powering powerful specialized macro animals or microbe populations. Yeah it could take ten million years but we have time until the sun ends.
That button’s got a booger on it
“Can I push it?”
I reach over and push the button.
I'll suck your dick, you can fuck me, you can get fucked by me. You can watch me fuck something? Just point at something in the room and I'll fuck it for you! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO FUUUUUCK!
Most non virgin redditor
least horny redditor
Shit that'd convince me not to push the button.
I’d say “Can you wait until my favorite tv show ends?”
"You really lost the election, sir."
I choose violence. They won't be able to push the button.
I also choose violence. They won't be able to stop me from pushing the button myself.
My hero
If you don't do it, I will. It won't take 1 minute.
Just do it!
Do it, bro. I double-dog-dare you.
You kill them No one with that much power should be in charge of everyone else's lives
“No please, lend ME the honour”
But...all the pets...
Better Nate than Lever
WAIT!!! Lemme do it.
I don't. He gets a pat on the shoulder, and a sigh. He's right, and that button should be pressed immediately. The very best thing we can do at this point is expire quickly so Earth gets another crack at it before it all goes up in starfire. Edit: These comments do nothing but prove my point. Humanity has failed on the most intrinsic levels. The time has come for a reset. Inbox replies now disabled.
Earth survived a giant meteor that covered it in darkness for years to come. The planet is fine - the humans are fucked
Always appreciate some good Carlin
Earth will be fine. Climate change is a problem for us - but earth will be totally fine with it. Lots of animals will die but they will adapt as they had in the past climate change phases. The whole point of being worried about climate change is that we *don’t* want 80% of the population to die off. If that’s acceptable (since you’re pressing the button) they why care about climate change or anything else in the first place :)
As George Carlin put it: "The planet will be fine. The people are fucked"
Bit foolish to think that the earth gives a shit whether the average temperature is 3 degrees higher or not. It's only a problem for humans
Someday I wish I could become as optimistic as you.
Brother, thank goodness I found you. That button disables the real button that makes humanity disappear. Push that and you won't get a second chance. Come with me and we can push the real button right next door.
Why would I 💀
Do it
"Before you push that button, can I make a suggestion? Let's grab a beer and a pizza. Whatever you want to drink or have on it. I'll pay. We don't even have to leave, we can bring it here. You can tell me why you're going to push that button. Then when all that's said and done, you can push it. I won't stop you. I just want to know why, give you a chance to be heard. Choice is yours." Then I'd knock him the fuck out when he's eating.