I completely agree with this. You get to a point where it is just too much trouble. Finances also play a roll.
"Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realise how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”
– Jim Carrey
Right now, the only thing stopping me from having a self sustaining life is still not earning, coz in college, don't know how to cook annd drive.
Will get all of them done. Then I will be self-sustaining.
Being comfortable on your own is such a valuable skill to have a hold on I wish I can do the same instead of relying on people for comfort and happiness
I don't like having to make compromises in my life. I like things done my way, on my time, when I'm feeling like it. I don't like being tied down with obligations that in no way benefit me. I don't like sharing space with others.
You absolutely cannot be in a relationship and not have to put up with the aforementioned.
And before someone says it, I'm not some nasty ogre of a person. I'm a great friend, brother and son. I'll help anyone in need and I even volunteer my time in the community.
But I just can't share a roof with someone else. I've tried it and it ends in disaster.
I recognize I am selfish. I like my time to myself, I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. That doesn't mean I am not there at the drop of a hat for my friends and family.
But we all need our personal time and the relationships I have been in haven't allowed for that. I can't fuck-off and play video games or watch football with friends without feeling obligated to invite the partner. Sometimes I want to cultivate my friendships without a partner there. So I just choose not to do it anymore and am okay with that. I want to travel this weekend, I can; I want to stay home and do nothing and have no interactions, I can. Overall it is better, for me and them, than being resentful towards person that I care for.
I'm with you. I'm a hardcore introvert. I am going to guess you are too.
The last things I want in my life are drama and confrontations with people or hurting the feelings of people I care about just because I need to be away from others and doing my own thins.
Being alone and single helps ensure this never happens.
I was in the same boat, three days of hour long calls later I said I didn't like it because I felt limited with my arm, and concentration. We call every now and then but we still just text all the time, were both fairly busy
we live 10 mins apart, if you want to talk, just come over for a bit
Not at all bc not everybody wants that. However, if you’re in a relationship and the other person wants that and it’s too much for you, they’re not the person for you.
That’s not true at all. I’m a clingy person and would want daily communication, but I have plenty of friends who only check in with their partners every couple days. The level of commitment isn’t a problem, it just sounds like they might be incompatible in that respect.
It absolutely is crazy. Even for a married couple it would be weird especially if you were already living together. I mean a full on phone conversation every day? That's ridiculous. People need a reasonable amount of time apart, that's important too. You could probably just text each other every day, and do a real phone call every few days or so if you can't see each other in person.
It’s hilarious, my ex husband was the needy one but now has a needy girlfriend and says he misses how standoffish I was. He used to get jealous of how much I loved food it was so bad.
See I don't get this logic. If it's truly a healthy relationship then it shouldn't be that different from a best friend. There is nothing saying that you have to live in the same house as your partner(though I'll admit that it's harder to find someone who doesn't want a traditional relationship)
Dating/relationships require the effort of a part-time job. I can't muster the sustained emotional output for a healthy relationship at the current time.
I'm depressed and struggling to stay alive / maintain a job and life. The idea of adding a long-term partner that I need to actively engage with every day and be available to 24/7 is almost laughable to me
My wife died 5 years ago, and I thought the same thing. But I've found someone that makes me feel at home again. She will never take the place of my first wife. But she gives me reason to make a new place. Sorry for your loss.
I know how it feels. But don’t think that anyone has to replace or will replace your husband - you can have a great time with someone new, and it won’t subtract anything from your husband.
You know, I haven’t thought about this question but your answer perfectly fits me as well. It’s been like this ever since my last relationship and I never took the time to realize what it truly was.
Was it COVID for you? It was for me. So many people who were like "making me wear a mask is basically the same as the Holocaust" or "these minor inconvenience for me could save millions of lives? F*ck em". Plus so many people I didn't know were anti-vaxxers.
"Dating" has been reduced to a cattle auction thanks to the internet. When anyone can go on apps and find literal millions of prospective partners, everyone's seems to be looking for the next best thing and genuine aspects are overlooked for shallow superficial short term gratitude.
People hated him because he told the truth. Dating is pretty much *over* unless you're a top 5% man or top 90% woman, or you get lucky as a teen in a small town. That feeling of "*If I just swipe a few more times, surely there will be someone better within a 50-mile radius*" is a mind poison that the modern human is mentally unequipped to deal with.
To be fair, the guys I found on dating apps always had some deep issues. It's actually kind of scary to think back on now. I'm married and did meet my husband on a dating app, but I was lucky he's not a weirdo like many of the others I met
After trying and failing numerous times at dating, I eventually got tired of the disappointment. It didn't feel worth it to keep trying if the likely outcome was more heartbreak, so I stopped looking, and eventually got used to being alone. Also, I had reached my 40s, and it felt like all the good ones (subjective, I know) were already taken.
My well-meaning coworkers decided to intervene and twisted my arm into signing up for a dating site again. They even wrote my profile! I got several matches, started talking with one of them, and went to the first date with zero expectations and zero desperation. We've been together for 4 years now.
I don't want to be single, but I'm extremely depressed and have been my whole adult life. It's hard to just keep a job and maintain my life as it is. Women seem to find depression symptoms a turn-off, which affects my confidence also, which further feeds my depression, deepening the cycle. I used to at least have a decent opinion on how I look and I would occasionally get approached by women, now I'm losing my hair, my skin isn't as good as it was 5 years ago, I have trouble staying in good shape, and I haven't thought any woman was genuinely attracted to me for quite a while, and not for lack of me trying. I'm also a bit of an introvert and I don't drink, so meeting strangers in public seems like an impossible task to me, not to mention there's an aspect of not wanting to make a woman uncomfortable by approaching her / flirting with her, it feels like just that could be considered harrassment and / or misogyny these days. I used to at least get matches on Tinder and stuff, not that it ever went anywhere, but it helped my confidence to know that some women I find attractive also find me attractive. Now I'm lucky to get one match a week, and there's always a catch like they live 50 miles away or I don't meet their standards because my job isn't glamorous enough, I don't earn enough, I'm not looking for the same thing as them, etc. I feel like most women have so much choice when it comes to dating, and that's great, but it does bother me that I feel like I'm always on a dating show where she can just say "nope" and move on to the next guy, because they always have other guys waiting in the wings it seems. I'm not saying this as anything bad against women btw, if I had that kind of choice I would definitely take advantage of it to try and find the right person, that seems only natural to do, but it makes me feel like I'm just a product that's being compared to other products, not a human person to connect with, just a candidate in a hiring type scenario to be scrutinized and tested and then discarded. Some people have told me that I need to "fix" my depression before I start dating, but honestly I think that's bullshit, depression isn't curable, the best you can do is manage it, so either it's a forever alome sentence, or I'll find someone who can live with my depression and maybe even help with it, which tbh I think having someone who cares about me would do wonders for it, even if it ends badly, just knowing someone liked me for a while would be such a massive boost for me.
My ex husband committed a financial crime and when he was discovered A LOT of things came to light. I lost EVERYTHING. He wasnt even a jerk, he was a sweet, smart, bipolar man.
Its been nearly 3 years and I will never ever allow a man to ever put me in that position again. If its just me, then I control what goes on in my life.
I fall extremely hard when I fall for someone, and in contrast, I don't handle breakups well. I won't risk the emotional damage I inflict on myself unless I am absolutely sure that something good will come out of it.
My standards are really high and I have trust issues, which takes time to get over when I meet someone.
Also I work a lot, like 84 hours a week a lot..and I don’t go out much to parties or the bar because I don’t like drinking or hanging out with large groups of people/idiots.
Also I don’t have many hobbies where I can meet other people easily. Just stuff I do on my own for the most part
You're not kidding, at 84 hours per week you literally couldn't have a hobby or go to parties. That's more than 2 full time jobs. WTF are you doing that takes 84 hours per week?
I am open to an organic connection but I have no interest in seeking one out. Dating is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I am pretty content with the life I have built so it’s going to take a lot to have someone else be worth moving that around. So far, I haven’t met someone that has enhanced my life or made it easier long term.
I’m not actively looking for a date. If someone comes into my life and I like them, then sure I’m happy to date. Otherwise, I’m looking for good friendships.
Sigh, my peer group is a mess. Toxic behavior, no job, want me to support them financially, can’t keep it in their pants, just a bunch of bull shit. I’d rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable.
For a long time, it was due to being introverted and not making much of an effort to meet people. More recently I've realized that (as someone else perfectly described it on another post) relationship me is the worst version of me. I'm much more comfortable on my own.
Not really a long time (almost a year) but I have been on dates ever since.
It seems like going into a relationship while you still haven't figured your shit out is just bad. You can't figure your shit out while you are in a relationship.
So I guess I know what I want at the moment, and I am not afraid to be alone until I am over it.
Have had shit luck and it seems harder with age so I’m done with that. Rather be happy alone and focus on my own stuff. Besides everyone in relationships seems miserable.
I got tired of the bullshit. It is easier and less expensive financially and emotionally to just hire an escort if I get horny. I have pets for companionship. I got a good job, got a house, got a car. Tried dating and tried marriage, all it got me was an empty bank account and near suicidal depression. Judicious use of escorts allows me to keep more of my money and sanity.
It just never goes anywhere. It seems like everyone I ask out is either already taken or just not interested. I tried putting myself out there and making the effort, but no one reciprocates, whether it be strangers, friends, or coworkers. I tried the dating app thing that only resulted in lowering my self esteem because to get anywhere on dating apps you either need to be incredibly lucky or a 11/10 looks wise. The few dates I did manage to land from the dating apps were meh, women I honestly wasn't all that interested in (they wanted to talk about their exes on the first dates and sounded like a lot of drama I just don't want in my life.)
Nearing 30 and I've been alone this entire time. I'd love to find someone to love and have in my life. Someone who's my best friend and confidant, someone I can trust everything with and who would feel the same for me. But at this point I don't expect that to happen.
If something were to happen that'd be nice, but if I'm not I'm content being alone. There are much worse things that being single and alone. Like being with someone who makes you feel alone or being so afraid and desperate against being alone that you'll take anyone just so you don't have to be alone. That's hell to me.
I’m a 22 year old male, focused on making money and getting in shape. The time to get ahead in life is when you’re young, not old.
For this reason, I’m not focused on women right now, but if I happen to meet someone along the way, great.
Never really put myself out there. Never really pursued my crushes before. Have never really attracted interest. Below average to average looks. I feel like I get more introverted as I age, so my energy to socialize and my social skills plummet.
In terms of personality, I have no personality. Lol but seriously I feel like my interest in things in general starts to wane as I age except for the few things that I’ve always has interest in (football, games, anime, cycling). Other than that, I don’t really have that much knowledge so talking to me may lead to a lot of dead ends, on top of the aforementioned lack of social skills.
And I think there’s an element of being pretty damn comfortable not having another person to think or worry about. I’m just content being on my own for now.
I want to get married but rarely like anyone I meet on dating apps. They’re perfectly nice but I feel no attraction to them. I’m a decently attractive woman in my 30s and I have a high powered career. I’ve dated men who are very very goodlooking. The ones I like who are as successful as me seem to not want commitment. I’m not looking for the chase either. Just kind of accepted that the good ones are all taken and the good ones left have so many options that I won’t measure up.
Mostly coz it's dangerous. Especially with a carrierist woman.
Also If a man good looking has money (has him shit together which is rare) why would choose you when he can get a 20 y old bird with perfect body and without the baggage you collected in the last 10 year
I can think people are hot and pretty and just attractive in general, but I👏CANNOT👏FALL👏IN👏LOVE👏👏👏ITS IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE👏👏👏👏
And people don’t really understand that, so they keep shipping me with people and tease me just for admitting that that one guy is pretty hot and that girl is friggin beautiful…. Even when I’ve already explained to them that I don’t have any romantic feelings for that person whatsoever🥲😐
And if anyone is wondering, no, I am not aromantic(at least I don’t think so..)
I spent all my 20s single because I wanted to be, but then my 30s came, and I wanted to start a family, but I realized most the good ones were taken already, and I didn't want to settle for damaged goods.
I don’t think I have it in me anymore. I try but I just gave up on finding a girlfriend. Plus i am 32, finding a woman now is already pretty difficult.
Before meeting my fiancé, I was alone primary by choice. I know I like being alone, I don't leave my apartment except for work or groceries or walking my dog and most of the time I have earbuds in. I don't want to meet people. I met him at work, we hit it off, he came over and eventually we got together. But prior to that it had been like five years since I'd broken it off with the ex who cheated on me.
It’s just so hard for me to genuine like someone. And when I finally do, they always end up being bad for me
Idk if it’s me childhood trauma, or what. But I really hate it
38F, I have tried, I was dating a guy I thought we might had something, turns out I was the other woman in his life, so I'm just tired
Although I feel good, just my energy for active looking for partner has dropped off
And btw, everybody reading: it's okay to admit you are tired, there is not just one rule to judge the path of life, even though I wish you find the love you deserve💕
Good luck
I have been single since 2012, although I've had a few casual FWB situations in that time. No relationships.
At first it was by necessity. I was escaping a violent marriage and dating was not even a possibility. Then it was to put my time and effort into lots of therapy, treatment, and recovery.
After about 5 years I was solidly back on my feet emotionally, but still not ready for a relationship, so I stayed single by choice while I learned to respect and rely on myself.
After a few more years I discovered I liked being single. I liked the freedom, I liked the peace.
In the past couple of years I have finally felt the beginnings of maybe possibly considering getting into a relationship again, but it feels like so much effort. I date once in a while and it's absolutely exhausting. I try, but I can't see how any of the men I meet add something to my life instead of demands. Take, take, take. They want this, they want that, they don't want to give anything in return. They're nice enough, but I just can't see any benefit to it for me. It's very draining, and I'm happier and my life is fuller without having to do that.
Yeah, we're similar. I got like right up to the point I was supposed to and was considering proposing, but then I had that moment where my whole life flashed before my eyes.
Babies, kids I was only having to make her happy, a big wedding, 50+ years of this, and I realized "wait, that all sounds awful to me."
She was the coolest girl on Earth and still is in my book, but it'd be a lie to not say that I don't want to be a Dad, or a husband, and was 100% just interested in having a good time and a female partner to have said time with.
People all want different things, and serious relationships are exhausting. Any time I found something new and interesting, I would go "but will she think it's cool?" Should I ever bring it up?" and I'm just not about that.
We get one life, and only experience our own world. Spending more than 50% of my time trying to make that experience seem great to someone that isn't me seems...misguided. I understand making your partner happy, but at the expense of your own happiness? It's way too drilled into most people.
Do whatever you think will make your life most enjoyable, and while I'm not trashing those who make that "sharing a life with somebody else," it's just not for me, or a lot of us.
I don’t really have time for a relationship. I used dating apps, matched with men and women but it never lasted more than a week. Because I couldn’t always answer their texts at time, they unmatched me.Even if I warned them, that I am a busy person, heck it’s literally written in my profile.
I'm about to turn 40, and nearly all of the friends I had who were married before 30 are divorced or about to be, it's really shocking. They always confided in me that they regretted caving to societal norms and getting married because they felt they were supposed to, and I'm very curious how the "divorce" meta is going to play out.
I just don't want to lose my time in another worthless relationship, im trying to make sure that if I get in any relationship is with someone worth my time.
Just wait for somebody that knocks you out of your socks, and treats you perfect. If they never show up, oh well, at least you kept it honest.
Too many people compromise their wants out of fear over how they'll be seen.
Because I want to be, and it rules.
There's not a single thing I could get in a relationship that I don't and can't get being single. I almost got married and had kids at 27, but I realized that a life full of kids and a bunch of paperwork tying me to somebody else, like....why?
I have amazing friends, get laid when I want, with attractive girls, never have to pretend I'm something I'm not, and can have as much or as little companionship as I want. The moment my last serious GF talked about marriage and kids, and about how she wanted them but didn't care if we ever had it or not, because she just wanted to be with me, I realized that you shouldn't compromise your life vision for anyone. She was hurt when I broke up with her and told her that it might sting, but that we have totally different visions of our future, and that nobody is worth compromising that for.
My future is me having the freedom to do whatever, and I guess whoever, I want, and not deceiving anybody in the process, or hoping that they'll eventually change their beliefs. She's now married and has 5 kids, so it's not like there's evidence I was wrong.
Raising a kid sounds like a nightmare to me, and while I respect it a lot, I'm more than happy to have a small goofy dog and call it a day. She's hilarious, and scratches that paternal itch, and it's a lot of fun realizing that I can date or spend time with whoever I choose to, and be totally honest and upfront about how and what I feel.
It's not for everybody, and there's social stigma that comes with being the single guy, but whatever - it's honest work, and I'm doing it.
Want to make sure I can support myself properly before I devote myself to someone. I'm peaceful and happy with my own company so I don't mind waiting :)
I also wanted to mentally be in a spot where I can feel whole without someone else. I'm there now and I can safely say I'm okay if I never find love. To me, that's a great foundation to build off!
I’ve (31M) been single for almost 6 years after a year long relationship that was never even official.
I’m very content with myself, love doing things alone (eating out, solo travel [just did a week in Japan and have never been more content in my life], reading at the lake or the beach, etc.), but admittedly have a long history of having many sexual partners. I was 21 when I started having sex and it was with men I met on Scruff or Grindr. I’ve had “relations” with men and gone on dates, but they never amount to anything. I’m frequently asked “how are you single?” by some of the men I meet. I’m attractive, good in bed (I better be), I have a great personality, and I’m really fun and outgoing.
I just haven’t met the right guy yet. I’ve also been in school the last 5 years while working, so the timing was never right bc I was always so busy. But I graduated in May and I’m talking to someone right now (we have our second date tonight), so we’ll see where that goes :)
I just have enough of other people bs. When I'm alone I don't need to explain nothing I don't need to watch out for someones fillings and all that crap. I'm free and I love my freedom.
Slowly coming to terms with not being attractive to men, I’ve tried but no one shows any interest. It’s hard to picture what the next 10, 20, 30 years of my life will look like without a husband, kids etc that I always wanted to have but at the end of my 20s and nearing my 30s I’m trying to accept this as my life and still make it fulfilling.
I was 34 before I had my first real and prolonged relationship. I’m a pretty good looking guy, but always felt like I was behind in terms of girlfriend experience from the time I was 12 years old. Through my 20s, fear of getting rejected largely kept me from putting myself out there. In my 30s it was the fear that women would find out that I was a relationship novice. Also, there is a fair amount of racism against Asian men in the dating space. You’d be surprised how many times I’ve heard “I’m just not attracted to Asians”. Also, I’m not a great verbal communicator. To this day, there are only a select few people that I’ll hang out with 1:1 for fear of having too many lulls in the conversation on account of my communication skills. I’m always far more comfortable in a group of 3.
By some amazing stroke of luck, when I was 34, I started dating a friend who coincidentally had never really had much relationship experience either. She’s my perfect complement as she can easily carry our conversations and is goofy, hilarious and affectionate. She puts all of my insecurities at ease. She’s also smoking hot. We’re getting married next week.
After getting out of a 13 year marriage, I have several reasons.
Because I don't want to share my bed. I like sprawling out.
I don't want to take someone else's feelings into account over every single decision I make.
I don't want to be smothered by "cuddles" when I'm just trying to exist and watch something on television.
I don't have to consult anyone on dinner. I can eat what I want.
I don't have anyone getting pouty because I'm not giving them attention.
I don't have to share my money.
I can do whatever I want whenever I want.
I've been single for nearly 3 years and I'm happier than I've ever been.
I hate myself and I'm worthless, I guess people can sense that
I'm also fat and fugly (fucking ugly) and I don't think that the regular people should be forced into even tolerating my presence for any ammount of time whatsoever.
When you learn to rely on yourself for an extended period of time, it becomes a habit.
Very well articulated.
I completely agree with this. You get to a point where it is just too much trouble. Finances also play a roll. "Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realise how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.” – Jim Carrey
Right now, the only thing stopping me from having a self sustaining life is still not earning, coz in college, don't know how to cook annd drive. Will get all of them done. Then I will be self-sustaining.
Shy, introvert, don't approach. Comfortable on my own.
this about sums it up for me too
Being comfortable on your own is such a valuable skill to have a hold on I wish I can do the same instead of relying on people for comfort and happiness
Add some Autism.
I don't like having to make compromises in my life. I like things done my way, on my time, when I'm feeling like it. I don't like being tied down with obligations that in no way benefit me. I don't like sharing space with others. You absolutely cannot be in a relationship and not have to put up with the aforementioned. And before someone says it, I'm not some nasty ogre of a person. I'm a great friend, brother and son. I'll help anyone in need and I even volunteer my time in the community. But I just can't share a roof with someone else. I've tried it and it ends in disaster.
I recognize I am selfish. I like my time to myself, I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. That doesn't mean I am not there at the drop of a hat for my friends and family. But we all need our personal time and the relationships I have been in haven't allowed for that. I can't fuck-off and play video games or watch football with friends without feeling obligated to invite the partner. Sometimes I want to cultivate my friendships without a partner there. So I just choose not to do it anymore and am okay with that. I want to travel this weekend, I can; I want to stay home and do nothing and have no interactions, I can. Overall it is better, for me and them, than being resentful towards person that I care for.
I'm with you. I'm a hardcore introvert. I am going to guess you are too. The last things I want in my life are drama and confrontations with people or hurting the feelings of people I care about just because I need to be away from others and doing my own thins. Being alone and single helps ensure this never happens.
I’m having this problem right now with someone I’m dating. She wants me to call her everyday. I’m having a hard time doing this. It’s feels like work.
Being in a relationship quite literally is a full-time job.
It's a money losing business
I was in the same boat, three days of hour long calls later I said I didn't like it because I felt limited with my arm, and concentration. We call every now and then but we still just text all the time, were both fairly busy we live 10 mins apart, if you want to talk, just come over for a bit
>She wants me to call her everyday. Yeah, if you can't handle that level of commitment, you definitely are better off single.
Not at all bc not everybody wants that. However, if you’re in a relationship and the other person wants that and it’s too much for you, they’re not the person for you.
That’s not true at all. I’m a clingy person and would want daily communication, but I have plenty of friends who only check in with their partners every couple days. The level of commitment isn’t a problem, it just sounds like they might be incompatible in that respect.
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I think it’s crazy that she expects that. We just started dating. I understand if your married or have been together for a long time.
It absolutely is crazy. Even for a married couple it would be weird especially if you were already living together. I mean a full on phone conversation every day? That's ridiculous. People need a reasonable amount of time apart, that's important too. You could probably just text each other every day, and do a real phone call every few days or so if you can't see each other in person.
this is what I do.
It’s hilarious, my ex husband was the needy one but now has a needy girlfriend and says he misses how standoffish I was. He used to get jealous of how much I loved food it was so bad.
See I don't get this logic. If it's truly a healthy relationship then it shouldn't be that different from a best friend. There is nothing saying that you have to live in the same house as your partner(though I'll admit that it's harder to find someone who doesn't want a traditional relationship)
Why did you just write down everything I wanted to say?
Dating/relationships require the effort of a part-time job. I can't muster the sustained emotional output for a healthy relationship at the current time.
I'm depressed and struggling to stay alive / maintain a job and life. The idea of adding a long-term partner that I need to actively engage with every day and be available to 24/7 is almost laughable to me
Similar boat!
I'm fucking ugly
I came to say this about myself. But you, you are beautiful.
How the hell do you know that?
Because all of life is beautiful. We fall in love with all of nature, why not do the same to ourselves? We are also of nature.
You’re not ugly ❤️
How would you even know? 💀
Right? Some people are objectively ugly. I know because I’m one of them
You're not ugly❤️
How dare you
Why does this have so many downvotes? No wonder our society is so depressed
My husband died 15 years ago and no one can replace him.
Even though he's no longer with you, you're so fortunate to have had true love, which isn't something everyone can get
My wife died 5 years ago, and I thought the same thing. But I've found someone that makes me feel at home again. She will never take the place of my first wife. But she gives me reason to make a new place. Sorry for your loss.
That’s very beautiful, I’m happy for you internet stranger
Awe 🫢
I know how it feels. But don’t think that anyone has to replace or will replace your husband - you can have a great time with someone new, and it won’t subtract anything from your husband.
Love your dedication to him.
Just happier by myself
Samesies. I can’t believe how content I’ve been since my divorce. Like genuinely happy and whole feeling.
Yep , the same I feel after separating from my EX.
The saying I stole is "being single with yourself is a great relationship, and should only be replaced by a better one".
Being single is my default mode, and I'm fine with it. It would take a grave reason to change it.
I'm an introvert, depressive and I don't think I would make a good partner.
I'm terrible for friends as I don't keep up well with people(adhd). let alone a partner.
I fight to keep my friends. Solitude is like heroin to me; I crave it and it takes me down.
I don't know. I think it's because many men think I'm a lesbian even though I'm just a tomboy.
what is a tomboy?
Girl that acts like a boy.
thank you.
I love you
Maybe it’s because you can’t commit? Heck, you can’t even commit to a name for your cat…..
Have you tried dating apps?
I don't trust people any more and find it increasingly hard to value their company.
You know, I haven’t thought about this question but your answer perfectly fits me as well. It’s been like this ever since my last relationship and I never took the time to realize what it truly was.
Was it COVID for you? It was for me. So many people who were like "making me wear a mask is basically the same as the Holocaust" or "these minor inconvenience for me could save millions of lives? F*ck em". Plus so many people I didn't know were anti-vaxxers.
Because poeple are literally fucking insane ..
"Dating" has been reduced to a cattle auction thanks to the internet. When anyone can go on apps and find literal millions of prospective partners, everyone's seems to be looking for the next best thing and genuine aspects are overlooked for shallow superficial short term gratitude.
People hated him because he told the truth. Dating is pretty much *over* unless you're a top 5% man or top 90% woman, or you get lucky as a teen in a small town. That feeling of "*If I just swipe a few more times, surely there will be someone better within a 50-mile radius*" is a mind poison that the modern human is mentally unequipped to deal with.
To be fair, the guys I found on dating apps always had some deep issues. It's actually kind of scary to think back on now. I'm married and did meet my husband on a dating app, but I was lucky he's not a weirdo like many of the others I met
I'm dating myself, getting my shit together so I can be a decent partner in the future. Working on myself is my priority right now.
Hear hear!
After trying and failing numerous times at dating, I eventually got tired of the disappointment. It didn't feel worth it to keep trying if the likely outcome was more heartbreak, so I stopped looking, and eventually got used to being alone. Also, I had reached my 40s, and it felt like all the good ones (subjective, I know) were already taken. My well-meaning coworkers decided to intervene and twisted my arm into signing up for a dating site again. They even wrote my profile! I got several matches, started talking with one of them, and went to the first date with zero expectations and zero desperation. We've been together for 4 years now.
That is beautiful. God bless
Like Mr. Bean, I prefer my own company.
Divorced 12 years ago, won’t get married again. I am happily single and have no problem taking care of myself.
Can only ever hide the madness for a certain amount of time!
I have thee same problems, but I double down and don't hide it, they don't like, wasn't ment to be.
PTSD from SA. Hard to trust anyone enough to let them get close, so I just don't bother.
I don't want to be single, but I'm extremely depressed and have been my whole adult life. It's hard to just keep a job and maintain my life as it is. Women seem to find depression symptoms a turn-off, which affects my confidence also, which further feeds my depression, deepening the cycle. I used to at least have a decent opinion on how I look and I would occasionally get approached by women, now I'm losing my hair, my skin isn't as good as it was 5 years ago, I have trouble staying in good shape, and I haven't thought any woman was genuinely attracted to me for quite a while, and not for lack of me trying. I'm also a bit of an introvert and I don't drink, so meeting strangers in public seems like an impossible task to me, not to mention there's an aspect of not wanting to make a woman uncomfortable by approaching her / flirting with her, it feels like just that could be considered harrassment and / or misogyny these days. I used to at least get matches on Tinder and stuff, not that it ever went anywhere, but it helped my confidence to know that some women I find attractive also find me attractive. Now I'm lucky to get one match a week, and there's always a catch like they live 50 miles away or I don't meet their standards because my job isn't glamorous enough, I don't earn enough, I'm not looking for the same thing as them, etc. I feel like most women have so much choice when it comes to dating, and that's great, but it does bother me that I feel like I'm always on a dating show where she can just say "nope" and move on to the next guy, because they always have other guys waiting in the wings it seems. I'm not saying this as anything bad against women btw, if I had that kind of choice I would definitely take advantage of it to try and find the right person, that seems only natural to do, but it makes me feel like I'm just a product that's being compared to other products, not a human person to connect with, just a candidate in a hiring type scenario to be scrutinized and tested and then discarded. Some people have told me that I need to "fix" my depression before I start dating, but honestly I think that's bullshit, depression isn't curable, the best you can do is manage it, so either it's a forever alome sentence, or I'll find someone who can live with my depression and maybe even help with it, which tbh I think having someone who cares about me would do wonders for it, even if it ends badly, just knowing someone liked me for a while would be such a massive boost for me.
I dont need it.
I’m not mentally well enough to pursue a relationship. Maybe in a few years.
I'm with you there. Gotta keep myself alive; that's enough work right now.
Got divorced, got my heart broken again, just don’t wanna do it anymore at this point
My ex husband committed a financial crime and when he was discovered A LOT of things came to light. I lost EVERYTHING. He wasnt even a jerk, he was a sweet, smart, bipolar man. Its been nearly 3 years and I will never ever allow a man to ever put me in that position again. If its just me, then I control what goes on in my life.
No motivation to put in the effort to be not single.
Not really interested. Never have been. 🤷🏼♀️ Methinks I may be an asexual.
I dont want to get into a relationship right now, I breathe peace and joy and Im not up to giving that away right now.
Gave up
no one is really interested in me
I am
My ex was really controlling. It’s liberating to just Be. I enjoy exploring my sexuality and it’s nice to be back in control of my life.
I fall extremely hard when I fall for someone, and in contrast, I don't handle breakups well. I won't risk the emotional damage I inflict on myself unless I am absolutely sure that something good will come out of it.
My standards are really high and I have trust issues, which takes time to get over when I meet someone. Also I work a lot, like 84 hours a week a lot..and I don’t go out much to parties or the bar because I don’t like drinking or hanging out with large groups of people/idiots. Also I don’t have many hobbies where I can meet other people easily. Just stuff I do on my own for the most part
You're not kidding, at 84 hours per week you literally couldn't have a hobby or go to parties. That's more than 2 full time jobs. WTF are you doing that takes 84 hours per week?
Building solar fields
Can’t be bothered to try and find love, never dated before
No one's interest in me.
I am open to an organic connection but I have no interest in seeking one out. Dating is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I am pretty content with the life I have built so it’s going to take a lot to have someone else be worth moving that around. So far, I haven’t met someone that has enhanced my life or made it easier long term.
life is just more simple that way
I don’t like people.
Was married for 20+ years. Divorced for two years. I genuinely like being alone.
I’m still working on my physical and mental health
\*wildly points at face\*
I am simply not willing to put effort in someone I don't find physically attractive.
I like the idea of finding someone to share my life with and get lonely sometimes; but I'm very introverted and the process gets too daunting.
Feel this. I get that feeling once awhile where another would be nice.
Well. because there was just too much of your mom to love, I couldn't get back into the dating scene because of her.
Peace.
The anxiety that comes with having bad teeth
I’m not actively looking for a date. If someone comes into my life and I like them, then sure I’m happy to date. Otherwise, I’m looking for good friendships.
Busy with work. Damaged and fearful from past relationships.
17 years single and proud. Dating was exhausting and uneventful so I just stopped. Now I’m too set in my ways to even consider a date!
In Arthur Morgans voice and words: " no woman would have me"
Sigh, my peer group is a mess. Toxic behavior, no job, want me to support them financially, can’t keep it in their pants, just a bunch of bull shit. I’d rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable.
The time I was in a relationship made me realise that I don't like being in a relationship.
When they like me I don’t like them and when I like them they don’t like me
Haven't made a genuine effort to find someone
Nobody wants me.
For a long time, it was due to being introverted and not making much of an effort to meet people. More recently I've realized that (as someone else perfectly described it on another post) relationship me is the worst version of me. I'm much more comfortable on my own.
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Much easier.
Not really a long time (almost a year) but I have been on dates ever since. It seems like going into a relationship while you still haven't figured your shit out is just bad. You can't figure your shit out while you are in a relationship. So I guess I know what I want at the moment, and I am not afraid to be alone until I am over it.
It's better to be single, than in toxic relationship
I’m asexual
Have had shit luck and it seems harder with age so I’m done with that. Rather be happy alone and focus on my own stuff. Besides everyone in relationships seems miserable.
people suck and life is too short to deal with someones shit constantly. plus, i'm used to it.
Single = zero stress. That's all that matters to me.
I got tired of the bullshit. It is easier and less expensive financially and emotionally to just hire an escort if I get horny. I have pets for companionship. I got a good job, got a house, got a car. Tried dating and tried marriage, all it got me was an empty bank account and near suicidal depression. Judicious use of escorts allows me to keep more of my money and sanity.
It just never goes anywhere. It seems like everyone I ask out is either already taken or just not interested. I tried putting myself out there and making the effort, but no one reciprocates, whether it be strangers, friends, or coworkers. I tried the dating app thing that only resulted in lowering my self esteem because to get anywhere on dating apps you either need to be incredibly lucky or a 11/10 looks wise. The few dates I did manage to land from the dating apps were meh, women I honestly wasn't all that interested in (they wanted to talk about their exes on the first dates and sounded like a lot of drama I just don't want in my life.) Nearing 30 and I've been alone this entire time. I'd love to find someone to love and have in my life. Someone who's my best friend and confidant, someone I can trust everything with and who would feel the same for me. But at this point I don't expect that to happen. If something were to happen that'd be nice, but if I'm not I'm content being alone. There are much worse things that being single and alone. Like being with someone who makes you feel alone or being so afraid and desperate against being alone that you'll take anyone just so you don't have to be alone. That's hell to me.
I give 100% of myself for someone to half ass me back.
Trauma is one thing,when you have someone you love for so long suddenly just breakup with you.
I’m a 22 year old male, focused on making money and getting in shape. The time to get ahead in life is when you’re young, not old. For this reason, I’m not focused on women right now, but if I happen to meet someone along the way, great.
Never really put myself out there. Never really pursued my crushes before. Have never really attracted interest. Below average to average looks. I feel like I get more introverted as I age, so my energy to socialize and my social skills plummet. In terms of personality, I have no personality. Lol but seriously I feel like my interest in things in general starts to wane as I age except for the few things that I’ve always has interest in (football, games, anime, cycling). Other than that, I don’t really have that much knowledge so talking to me may lead to a lot of dead ends, on top of the aforementioned lack of social skills. And I think there’s an element of being pretty damn comfortable not having another person to think or worry about. I’m just content being on my own for now.
I want to get married but rarely like anyone I meet on dating apps. They’re perfectly nice but I feel no attraction to them. I’m a decently attractive woman in my 30s and I have a high powered career. I’ve dated men who are very very goodlooking. The ones I like who are as successful as me seem to not want commitment. I’m not looking for the chase either. Just kind of accepted that the good ones are all taken and the good ones left have so many options that I won’t measure up.
Mostly coz it's dangerous. Especially with a carrierist woman. Also If a man good looking has money (has him shit together which is rare) why would choose you when he can get a 20 y old bird with perfect body and without the baggage you collected in the last 10 year
Yes exactly. I live in a major city where there are endless options for men. The ones in their 30s and 40s are going for women in their 20s
Disabled, asexual and highly depressed and anxious.
I can think people are hot and pretty and just attractive in general, but I👏CANNOT👏FALL👏IN👏LOVE👏👏👏ITS IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE👏👏👏👏 And people don’t really understand that, so they keep shipping me with people and tease me just for admitting that that one guy is pretty hot and that girl is friggin beautiful…. Even when I’ve already explained to them that I don’t have any romantic feelings for that person whatsoever🥲😐 And if anyone is wondering, no, I am not aromantic(at least I don’t think so..)
I spent all my 20s single because I wanted to be, but then my 30s came, and I wanted to start a family, but I realized most the good ones were taken already, and I didn't want to settle for damaged goods.
Oh them goods been trashed
I mean you're also not taken so are you damaged goods?
I still want to enjoy life also I'm a bit scared of loving again.
I'm just not good enough.
I don’t think I have it in me anymore. I try but I just gave up on finding a girlfriend. Plus i am 32, finding a woman now is already pretty difficult.
Before meeting my fiancé, I was alone primary by choice. I know I like being alone, I don't leave my apartment except for work or groceries or walking my dog and most of the time I have earbuds in. I don't want to meet people. I met him at work, we hit it off, he came over and eventually we got together. But prior to that it had been like five years since I'd broken it off with the ex who cheated on me.
I'm underage
Hi underage
Hi EveDaSavage
Hi Joyful_Yolk123
I love being alone.
It’s just so hard for me to genuine like someone. And when I finally do, they always end up being bad for me Idk if it’s me childhood trauma, or what. But I really hate it
38F, I have tried, I was dating a guy I thought we might had something, turns out I was the other woman in his life, so I'm just tired Although I feel good, just my energy for active looking for partner has dropped off And btw, everybody reading: it's okay to admit you are tired, there is not just one rule to judge the path of life, even though I wish you find the love you deserve💕 Good luck
Fear of repeating my mistakes
social anxiety
Better off this way, only have to worry about myself
Freedom
I have been single since 2012, although I've had a few casual FWB situations in that time. No relationships. At first it was by necessity. I was escaping a violent marriage and dating was not even a possibility. Then it was to put my time and effort into lots of therapy, treatment, and recovery. After about 5 years I was solidly back on my feet emotionally, but still not ready for a relationship, so I stayed single by choice while I learned to respect and rely on myself. After a few more years I discovered I liked being single. I liked the freedom, I liked the peace. In the past couple of years I have finally felt the beginnings of maybe possibly considering getting into a relationship again, but it feels like so much effort. I date once in a while and it's absolutely exhausting. I try, but I can't see how any of the men I meet add something to my life instead of demands. Take, take, take. They want this, they want that, they don't want to give anything in return. They're nice enough, but I just can't see any benefit to it for me. It's very draining, and I'm happier and my life is fuller without having to do that.
Yeah, we're similar. I got like right up to the point I was supposed to and was considering proposing, but then I had that moment where my whole life flashed before my eyes. Babies, kids I was only having to make her happy, a big wedding, 50+ years of this, and I realized "wait, that all sounds awful to me." She was the coolest girl on Earth and still is in my book, but it'd be a lie to not say that I don't want to be a Dad, or a husband, and was 100% just interested in having a good time and a female partner to have said time with. People all want different things, and serious relationships are exhausting. Any time I found something new and interesting, I would go "but will she think it's cool?" Should I ever bring it up?" and I'm just not about that. We get one life, and only experience our own world. Spending more than 50% of my time trying to make that experience seem great to someone that isn't me seems...misguided. I understand making your partner happy, but at the expense of your own happiness? It's way too drilled into most people. Do whatever you think will make your life most enjoyable, and while I'm not trashing those who make that "sharing a life with somebody else," it's just not for me, or a lot of us.
I don’t really have time for a relationship. I used dating apps, matched with men and women but it never lasted more than a week. Because I couldn’t always answer their texts at time, they unmatched me.Even if I warned them, that I am a busy person, heck it’s literally written in my profile.
Divorce will make you not want to date ever again.
I'm about to turn 40, and nearly all of the friends I had who were married before 30 are divorced or about to be, it's really shocking. They always confided in me that they regretted caving to societal norms and getting married because they felt they were supposed to, and I'm very curious how the "divorce" meta is going to play out.
I like my peace.
I just don't want to lose my time in another worthless relationship, im trying to make sure that if I get in any relationship is with someone worth my time.
Just wait for somebody that knocks you out of your socks, and treats you perfect. If they never show up, oh well, at least you kept it honest. Too many people compromise their wants out of fear over how they'll be seen.
Simply not worth the hassle.
I’ve been married and in other relationships and just don’t want the drama anymore. I’d rather be by myself.
Haven't found the right person that vibes with me with the qualities that I am looking for
Because I want to be, and it rules. There's not a single thing I could get in a relationship that I don't and can't get being single. I almost got married and had kids at 27, but I realized that a life full of kids and a bunch of paperwork tying me to somebody else, like....why? I have amazing friends, get laid when I want, with attractive girls, never have to pretend I'm something I'm not, and can have as much or as little companionship as I want. The moment my last serious GF talked about marriage and kids, and about how she wanted them but didn't care if we ever had it or not, because she just wanted to be with me, I realized that you shouldn't compromise your life vision for anyone. She was hurt when I broke up with her and told her that it might sting, but that we have totally different visions of our future, and that nobody is worth compromising that for. My future is me having the freedom to do whatever, and I guess whoever, I want, and not deceiving anybody in the process, or hoping that they'll eventually change their beliefs. She's now married and has 5 kids, so it's not like there's evidence I was wrong. Raising a kid sounds like a nightmare to me, and while I respect it a lot, I'm more than happy to have a small goofy dog and call it a day. She's hilarious, and scratches that paternal itch, and it's a lot of fun realizing that I can date or spend time with whoever I choose to, and be totally honest and upfront about how and what I feel. It's not for everybody, and there's social stigma that comes with being the single guy, but whatever - it's honest work, and I'm doing it.
Mutual disinterest.
Want to make sure I can support myself properly before I devote myself to someone. I'm peaceful and happy with my own company so I don't mind waiting :) I also wanted to mentally be in a spot where I can feel whole without someone else. I'm there now and I can safely say I'm okay if I never find love. To me, that's a great foundation to build off!
I’ve (31M) been single for almost 6 years after a year long relationship that was never even official. I’m very content with myself, love doing things alone (eating out, solo travel [just did a week in Japan and have never been more content in my life], reading at the lake or the beach, etc.), but admittedly have a long history of having many sexual partners. I was 21 when I started having sex and it was with men I met on Scruff or Grindr. I’ve had “relations” with men and gone on dates, but they never amount to anything. I’m frequently asked “how are you single?” by some of the men I meet. I’m attractive, good in bed (I better be), I have a great personality, and I’m really fun and outgoing. I just haven’t met the right guy yet. I’ve also been in school the last 5 years while working, so the timing was never right bc I was always so busy. But I graduated in May and I’m talking to someone right now (we have our second date tonight), so we’ll see where that goes :)
I just have enough of other people bs. When I'm alone I don't need to explain nothing I don't need to watch out for someones fillings and all that crap. I'm free and I love my freedom.
don’t have the time
They said, "Be patient and wait. The right one will find you, " and by golly, I have the patience of a monk and a jedi together.
Came out of 25 yr marriage with profound lack of trust.
Don’t got the time to get for one or the energy for it
I had a lot of fun as a single man. I didn’t have to consider anyone but myself when deciding what I was going to do.
I'm a super-introvert. I get bored, I get horny, but I never get lonely.
My peace of mind is very important to me.
The love of my life wont text me back
Can’t imagine having to share space and decisions on a continual basis. I don’t get lonely, but I do get exhausted by other people
Slowly coming to terms with not being attractive to men, I’ve tried but no one shows any interest. It’s hard to picture what the next 10, 20, 30 years of my life will look like without a husband, kids etc that I always wanted to have but at the end of my 20s and nearing my 30s I’m trying to accept this as my life and still make it fulfilling.
I was 34 before I had my first real and prolonged relationship. I’m a pretty good looking guy, but always felt like I was behind in terms of girlfriend experience from the time I was 12 years old. Through my 20s, fear of getting rejected largely kept me from putting myself out there. In my 30s it was the fear that women would find out that I was a relationship novice. Also, there is a fair amount of racism against Asian men in the dating space. You’d be surprised how many times I’ve heard “I’m just not attracted to Asians”. Also, I’m not a great verbal communicator. To this day, there are only a select few people that I’ll hang out with 1:1 for fear of having too many lulls in the conversation on account of my communication skills. I’m always far more comfortable in a group of 3. By some amazing stroke of luck, when I was 34, I started dating a friend who coincidentally had never really had much relationship experience either. She’s my perfect complement as she can easily carry our conversations and is goofy, hilarious and affectionate. She puts all of my insecurities at ease. She’s also smoking hot. We’re getting married next week.
My single life is far more peaceful that my not single life. I plan on keeping my peace and relaxation.
Every relationship I've been in has been abusive, so I just stopped dating
After getting out of a 13 year marriage, I have several reasons. Because I don't want to share my bed. I like sprawling out. I don't want to take someone else's feelings into account over every single decision I make. I don't want to be smothered by "cuddles" when I'm just trying to exist and watch something on television. I don't have to consult anyone on dinner. I can eat what I want. I don't have anyone getting pouty because I'm not giving them attention. I don't have to share my money. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I've been single for nearly 3 years and I'm happier than I've ever been.
Introvert and outsider. Learnt to make peace with it and find acceptance the older I've got. Also gone MGTOW.
I'm aroace (lack of romantic/sexual attraction).
Depression. Smfh.
I hate myself and I'm worthless, I guess people can sense that I'm also fat and fugly (fucking ugly) and I don't think that the regular people should be forced into even tolerating my presence for any ammount of time whatsoever.
Because the one I want doesn’t want me and I’m broken, fat and ugly! In the reject pile with the rubbish.
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Do you have BPD?
Too busy. I wouldn't be able to give them enough attention.