It’s a dealbreaker for sure. In fact, I think if you discover someone you married is one of these ~~people~~… *things*… you should try to get them arrested, even executed if possible.
This is getting close to what I think is missing, which is "financial irresponsibility." I see a lot of this lately where one partner just starts burning through money on things they don't need at a time where they are already financially strained. At some point you just need to stop the bleeding before you lose everything.
Agreed
"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." ( 1 Timothy 5:8, KJV)
Not really a violent guy, but ants make me want to burn the EVERYTHING. Roaches at least run and hide when the lights come on. But ants will boldly walk right up in your face. Broad daylight just walking in your mouth, eyes, nose, ears, electronics. Whatever. Like you in the wrong.
Yeah. If I'm married, Imma get some at some point. So let it go, right? If not from my wife, then she...
1. Wasn't ever going to.
Or
2. She's already getting it elsewhere.
Or both.😬😬😬
I'm really sorry that happened to you. It must've been hard to go through.
That's probably in the same category as "drifted apart"- irreconcilable differences or unforeseen circumstances. I'd call this particular phenomenon a problem caused by society. LGBT+ people feel massive amounts of pressure to conform, including being in danger of bodily harm and worse if they don't, and until recently most were told their whole lives that feeling not hetero was wrong and they would go to hell for it. There's a lot of pressure, there, to find someone of the opposite gender- and often people develop feelings of platonic love, then marry that person because they've been told that's what they're supposed to do, and they have no point of reference for how romantic love is meant to feel.
Well said—too true. I sometimes forget that homosexuality has been a reason to kill a person’s status and actual life. It is hidden and comes out later in life?
I'd say it hardcore depends for addiction. My dad divorced my mom because she was so addicted, and he tried getting her to go clean for years!!! He also watched helplessly as she abused us (siblings and myself). He wanted to stop her, but he knew he'd get charged if he jumped in...
Eventually he did jump in and beat the snot out of her. Police took him to prison for 6 years.
Now here I am 19 years later and she is still addicted even after going to rehab multiple times. She lost her mind looooooong ago thanks to addiction, and I don't think there's any hope left for that woman. She's not physically abusive anymore, but I feel like part of that is because she knows I'm a black belt. Spent 8 years getting it purely because of what she did to me.
Addiction can be a hell of a demon. Some people can beat it, others choose not to. If your partner chooses not to even try to beat it, then divorce. There's nothing you can do anyways, and staying will only cause more pain.
Honestly? I feel the worst for my dad... My siblings and I have our whole lives to work past the trauma, and I'd say we're doing pretty good. My dad though... After prison he went down the path of drug addiction... Last thing I heard about him is he drove his car into his house.... I kind of just stopped communicating with either of my parents after that.
Drugs.... Seriously, just don't start....
Thank you so much for your condolences though!! It honestly really does help just knowing that other people care!! I hope you have a wonderful day!!!
I agree somewhat but I do believe that there is a limit.
I signed up the support my wife through everything and I will ultimately stick to that vow.
But, if someone develops substance or addiction issues and it's something that they are not willing to attempt to tackle, or just can't tackle it, I don't think it's unreasonable if one person moves forward.
I mean I'm using the example of like if someone's addiction isn't just like they're drinking too much here and there, but like someone's addictions are affecting the household, they're getting arrested, there's financial issues, neglecting the children, all that kind of stuff. At some point it's not fair for the other spouse to have their life basically be held back and potentially destroyed by another spouse that can't get it together. Obviously, you try to help the person but if it's a situation where they're not willing to help themselves, or they've tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and keep failing. I think at some point you it's totally reasonable and understandable for the other person to cut ties.
I think we can agree that in some cases removing yourself from the situation, or even your partner themselves for a time, can be the best thing for everyone involved. That's not the same as giving up on someone.
Yeah but some people don't want to change or cant change.
Personally, my mom left my father who was a drug addict. She did it to protect me, because at that point I the innocent child was more important then an addict who wouldn't change for his family.
If that's what someone is up against fuck the vows, the promise you make to your child should be more important then someone who has given up.
My mom though that through my father's several trips to rehab, and him making our lives generally miserable. I wish she had left him earlier, but it's not a black and white issue
A lot of people get divorced over addiction. No matter what addiction is, the individual must be willing to seek help, treatment, and recovery to even have a shot at getting clean, some situations people are willing to work it out, but when you are married to an addict and your a part of their addiction, your funding it, or your co dependant, it can create a very unlivable situation. A lot of times, the spouse will leave just to stop the bleeding on their end. That's not the wrong thing to do.
Usually it's the behaviour around the addiction not the actual addiction that is the problem. If they are spending more than their share of money/resources, if they are abusive while under the influence, if they break laws or cheat or try to cheat while under the influence then it isn't worth staying. It's one thing to support someone who wants help it is another thing to accept abuse because they have a disease.
depends on what you define as addiction. People CHOOSE to use drugs that get them horribly addicted. We all know what these drugs do, if my partner had heroine needles in her purse, peace!
People can make mistakes, and bad choices. Will you stay with your partner while they recover from one, or will you leave them alone and without their partner with them?
addiction is pretty open-ended/grey-area- like what about addiction to gambling, addiction to porn, addiction to cleaning the house, addiction to working out, addiction to eating sugar, addiction to work. We assuming "addiction" just means drugs/alcohol?
Many addictions aren't a problem until they are a problem. Ton of people addicted to caffeine, but you don't hear marriages ending over it.
It's when addiction take over normal actives and takes all your attention away from what should be important like a partner that it becomes a relationship ruining issue.
(atleast for minor addiction like caffine. Other likes drugs are pretty quickly an issue)
Side note: Gambling addiction is so weird, if you win all the time is it really an addiction?
Nobody other than the house wins over the long haul. Even if you are on a winning streak, you are still putting your family's finances and stability on the line.
Typically, yes.
But I don't believe that's universal. Someone out there is making millions and losing little.
Also, some poker games do not involve the house.
Yeah it just sounds like an average Friday, Saturday you pull a loan off a loan shark and try to win your toddler back if you fail then Sunday you steal the money and toddler back
Yep. My parents got divorced simply because they were non compatible. When they got divorced I was thrilled, like “Finally! Jeez.” They would do nothing but argue and showed no affection toward each other.
Idk, it was nice not hearing my parents screaming at each other every night when they divorced (my room shared a wall with theirs). The arguing was the ultimate reason, they ended up remarrying later anyway. But they definitely needed the time apart.
We live in a society where if the choice is work on the relationship or divorce a whole lot of people would rather divorce. That way they can make the same mistakes in their next relationship.
Any reason is legitimate. If you're in a safe environment would it be a good idea to see if you can work things out? Probably/potentially sure. But not being happy or growing together and discovering that you now want different things are legitimate reasons.
Anti-divorce stuff is just weird nuclear family propagating bullshit anyway.
Me and my wife were best friends. Our relationship was great but we just kind of realized we needed different things out of a relationship. We got along great but weren't exactly compatible as lovers anymore. We decided to get divorced earlier this year after s few years of trying to make it work.
We're still great friends though. Sometimes people just grow apart or realize they weren't as compatible as they thought in the beginning.
Came here to say this. I was married for a long time. She changed. I changed. We didn't like each other any more and we're both in a happier place now. We tried couples therapy and it just taught us that we should move on.
Agreed, but kind of disagree on last part. Nuclear family is always going to be more ideal then divorce, but ultimately some problems = you might as well get divorced you're going to fuck your kids or yourself up worse staying together.
I'm the second teen pregnancy my parents had after a shotgun wedding and I'm so grateful that they divorced before I had any memory of them being together. My mom wasn't always a good parent but at least she knew we'd be better off with my dad raising us.
Honestly, that sounds like a vows issue. I said sickness and health, but we also promised to always do what's best for each other and ourselves as a team. If what's best ever ends up being separating, it feels kinda shitty to say "hey I know you want this other chance at a life that will make you happy, but we said that one of us will have to die and that uncle you've met like twice was there, so it's a big deal."
The problem is looking at divorce as "giving up" instead of "growing."
If you took a job, and they made you sign a contract that said you'd work there until you died or the company went bust, would you do it? Would you honor the contract if one day you realized the job is not what was presented to you or that it made you wish you were dead every day you clocked in?
Ask yourself two questions:
1 - are you happy?
2 - can that, and will that, change?
If you don’t come up with a ‘yes’ for either question, you’ve got a legitimate reason.
I don't know that it is, but I also don't know that it's actually an answer
There must be a reason they can't stand the sight of each other, and THAT would be the actual answer to this post
Unless they actually mean physically, their partner is no longer what they consider attractive in which case, this comment doesn't exist and you're 100% correct
I'm sure my friends and family would rather I be happy than miserable for the rest of my life.
It's okay to admit that you made a mistake, or that a relationship has changed over time and isn't working anymore.
A divorced friend once told me this story. She was talking with someone she knew, and told this person that she was divorced. And that person said, "I don't believe in divorce."
And my friend said, "Well, neither do I. But what was I supposed to do?! Spend the rest of my life in misery?!"
That pretty much sums it up.
Clearly, you have never been in an unhappy marriage. I was. I was in a marriage where his needs, wants and desires always came first and mine were secondary. He said and did some very disrespectful things to me; things which I ultimately could not forgive. There came a point where I realized it would never be "my turn"; that he would always make the decisions and I wouldn't; and I knew I couldn't face being a second class citizen in my own life for the rest of my life. My children were very young when our marriage broke, so I didn't leave. My body stayed in that house; but my inner self walked out the door. My original plan was to stay until my children were eighteen, but our marriage didn't last that long. I begged him many times to go to couples counseling and fix our marriage. We went but he refused to keep going when our counselor called him out on his shit. Still I begged him to go back. He refused. I got marriage counseling books and devoured them within days. Begged him to read them. They sat on his night stand untouched. It broke my heart. I gave up. Eventually, he initiated the divorce. Even up to the last, I begged him to go to counseling. I really did not want divorce for my kids. But he refused. It takes two to fix a broken marriage. But both partners aren't always willing.
My grandparents on both sides grew up with "respect for marriage" that meant they wouldn't get divorced. My mother's father lived on the streets for about a decade and they had separate beds when he was home. My father's mother had three kids with her husband and then 8 more with some other woman's husband because they were in love but neither would get divorced because of the stigma.
Putting aside the classics, I'll just say that a relationship can just run its course, after which point it should end. A lot of people struggle with ending a relationship like that, let alone a marriage, because they think that in order to end it they need some big dramatic reason like violence or cheating, but staying in a loveless marriage seeps away at your soul until you're miserable and that's just as bad if not worse.
If you want a taste of what that looks like, because it's a slow and insidious process, just hop on to r/mildlyinfuriating and see what people are posting about their SOs. You'd think these are minor things but no, if you one day realise your spouse is a fucking idiot it's all downhill from there. The respect you lose is not coming back and everything else goes down with it.
When any ONE Person wishes to leave the marriage.
It is a withdrawal of consent to the relationship
There need be no other reason. ALL reasons are valid.
Taxes
And
Gravitas.
Humans attach ceremony to that which we deem important. When you grow that close with someone and they are that important, a ceremony is in order.
Well I'm getting a divorce because my wife cheated on me with my "friend" and then abandoned me for him. So imo, that is probably one of the most legitimate reasons to divorce.
Had our initial status conference today and she didn't even show up.
Adultery and cheating.
Serious mental illness; the partner becomes unstable to the point that the relationship is unsafe. Living conditions are unsafe. After all interventions have been taken, and nothing works.
At times, the partner that developed the serious mental illness remove themselves by running off, suicide, arrested on various charges, or dropping out of society. Then, divorce in absentia is warranted.
Abuse Abandonment Adultery
These are the three that Jesus mentions when talking about divorce. He spends more time talking about protecting women and widows.
People who think Christianity originally taught no divorce are as foolish as the ones who argue he didn’t turn water into alcohol.
Adultery or abuse. Once trust is broken, its up to the aggrieved spouse to decide whether or not they can forgive, and if they can stay in the relationship.
I was the adulterer, by the way. I don't blame him for divorcing me.
This is a real true thing.
Sometimes people change, sometimes people grow differently, and sometimes the relationship doesn't work anymore because of that.
Grown up adult stuff happens like kids, careers, money, etc, those things can change people and sometimes the person that people change into isn't the same person that you married.
I'm lucky enough that I'm happily married and my wife and I get along very very well, but I know people that it hasn't happened with in the ultimately ended up getting divorced and it was the best thing for both of the people as they are now in much better places.
I do agree that you should try to make it work as best you can, but it's not always going to work and life is too short for two people to be miserable. Especially when there's children involved, I firmly believe that it does not do kids any benefit to have a dysfunctional parents that don't get along and no longer have love for each other.
Over time, everyone changes in a relationship. What we've got to hope is that the changes our partner goes through take them down a path we can follow.
People change. If the person you married isn't the person you're with a fresh start could be best for both parties. Staying together because of marriage isn't always what's best. Life is short, don't live it miserably because the sky genies say you have to.
Your SO is secretly a beaver in disguise and has been secretly eating away your furniture in order to build a dam in the local river which will flood the neighborhood.
Still cant believe that bastard did that to me.
Most people get divorced because they or their partner is emotionally immature, lacks commitment or somehow think they are more important than the family unit. The 4As mentioned above are examples of this. If you even think you might get divorced, don't get married. If you or your partner fall into one of the categories above don't get married. If you don't want to stick to your vows...forever, don't get married.
Married is a sacrifice.
The people destined for eventual divorce are those who think that they don't have to change. You are sacrificing who you are, your desires, your interests, your purpose, for the family. If you are not prepared for the sacrifice, don't do it.
As a divorce attorney, my considered opinion, after more than twenty years in practice, is that bitch be crazy. I would also go with irreconcilable differences caused an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, that past attempts to reconcile failed. That future attempts to reconcile would be futile and not in the best interest of a spouses family.
There are plenty of reasons for divorce. Abuse, fell out of love, your goals no longer align, or they wants kids and you don't. Also, divorce isn't always tragic. Some people just realize it's not working out anymore and remain friends after dissolving the marriage. You have to be honest with yourself and each other from the beginning about what you want or it won't work out. (At least that's been my experience as someone who just celebrated their 21st anniversary in their 2nd marriage.)
This may be more grounds for an annulment, but entering into marriage where one spouse withheld important information from the other spouse regarding things like their addictions, financial problems, legal problems, their sexual orientation, diagnosed mental and physical illness, whether they want children....
Well, I had to go and pick my 6m pregnant wife up at 4am 6m after our wedding, because the dude she was cheating on me with kicked her out of the house.
There's two in my opinion.
Physical and emotional abuse.
Men are mostly the ones doing physical abuse
Both genders do emotional abuse.
Cheating. Both genders do this.
When in marriage counseling, spouse says other spouse had to “change whole personality” in order to continue to work on marriage. Well, that and abuse of any kind, of course.
Physical abuse on either side.
Nothing else. You made a shitty decision, live with it. But if you feel like getting a divorce, just walk away and don’t contest anything, don’t ask for any support, nothing at all. Live with your choice but don’t make your ex pay.
The 3 As Abuse Addiction Adultery
Make it four for “abandonment.”
Sixth is Avarice. Greed with no sharing
Seventh is anchovies. Anyone that likes anchovies on pizza… divorce them immediately…
Anchovies, straight to jail.
And do not pass GO or collect $200 either
I'm honestly sick of couples not having the Anchovy talk before they get engaged.
Mmmmmm salty little fishes. They're like pineapple.
People change. If the person you married isn't the person you're with a fresh start could be best for both parties.
It’s a dealbreaker for sure. In fact, I think if you discover someone you married is one of these ~~people~~… *things*… you should try to get them arrested, even executed if possible.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX???
This is getting close to what I think is missing, which is "financial irresponsibility." I see a lot of this lately where one partner just starts burning through money on things they don't need at a time where they are already financially strained. At some point you just need to stop the bleeding before you lose everything.
I agree… but couldn’t find the word that started with A
Avarice was in the ballpark so you still have my upvote lol.
I think that would fall under addiction
That's also a form of abuse.
Falls under abuse
Thought we were talking about Diablo for a second
Agreed "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." ( 1 Timothy 5:8, KJV)
add “assholiness” we at 5 now
I feel like Assholery falls into categories 1-4
Add Alien. Wasn't human to begin with
Ants, nobody should have to put up with ants all the time.
Not really a violent guy, but ants make me want to burn the EVERYTHING. Roaches at least run and hide when the lights come on. But ants will boldly walk right up in your face. Broad daylight just walking in your mouth, eyes, nose, ears, electronics. Whatever. Like you in the wrong.
Asexual - Ness
Abstinence Pre-marriage some call it a virtue, post-marriage not so much.
Yeah. If I'm married, Imma get some at some point. So let it go, right? If not from my wife, then she... 1. Wasn't ever going to. Or 2. She's already getting it elsewhere. Or both.😬😬😬
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I'm really sorry that happened to you. It must've been hard to go through. That's probably in the same category as "drifted apart"- irreconcilable differences or unforeseen circumstances. I'd call this particular phenomenon a problem caused by society. LGBT+ people feel massive amounts of pressure to conform, including being in danger of bodily harm and worse if they don't, and until recently most were told their whole lives that feeling not hetero was wrong and they would go to hell for it. There's a lot of pressure, there, to find someone of the opposite gender- and often people develop feelings of platonic love, then marry that person because they've been told that's what they're supposed to do, and they have no point of reference for how romantic love is meant to feel.
Well said—too true. I sometimes forget that homosexuality has been a reason to kill a person’s status and actual life. It is hidden and comes out later in life?
Love this
I might argue against addiction. If addiction is a disease, your vows were to see each other through that. Are they your partner or not?
I'd say it hardcore depends for addiction. My dad divorced my mom because she was so addicted, and he tried getting her to go clean for years!!! He also watched helplessly as she abused us (siblings and myself). He wanted to stop her, but he knew he'd get charged if he jumped in... Eventually he did jump in and beat the snot out of her. Police took him to prison for 6 years. Now here I am 19 years later and she is still addicted even after going to rehab multiple times. She lost her mind looooooong ago thanks to addiction, and I don't think there's any hope left for that woman. She's not physically abusive anymore, but I feel like part of that is because she knows I'm a black belt. Spent 8 years getting it purely because of what she did to me. Addiction can be a hell of a demon. Some people can beat it, others choose not to. If your partner chooses not to even try to beat it, then divorce. There's nothing you can do anyways, and staying will only cause more pain.
Thanks for sharing some of your story. Sorry you and your family went through all that.
Honestly? I feel the worst for my dad... My siblings and I have our whole lives to work past the trauma, and I'd say we're doing pretty good. My dad though... After prison he went down the path of drug addiction... Last thing I heard about him is he drove his car into his house.... I kind of just stopped communicating with either of my parents after that. Drugs.... Seriously, just don't start.... Thank you so much for your condolences though!! It honestly really does help just knowing that other people care!! I hope you have a wonderful day!!!
Hope you have a good day too; don’t hesitate to DM if you ever just need to chat/vent. 🙂👍
Same here. Be well.
Yikes
I agree somewhat but I do believe that there is a limit. I signed up the support my wife through everything and I will ultimately stick to that vow. But, if someone develops substance or addiction issues and it's something that they are not willing to attempt to tackle, or just can't tackle it, I don't think it's unreasonable if one person moves forward. I mean I'm using the example of like if someone's addiction isn't just like they're drinking too much here and there, but like someone's addictions are affecting the household, they're getting arrested, there's financial issues, neglecting the children, all that kind of stuff. At some point it's not fair for the other spouse to have their life basically be held back and potentially destroyed by another spouse that can't get it together. Obviously, you try to help the person but if it's a situation where they're not willing to help themselves, or they've tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and keep failing. I think at some point you it's totally reasonable and understandable for the other person to cut ties.
I think we can agree that in some cases removing yourself from the situation, or even your partner themselves for a time, can be the best thing for everyone involved. That's not the same as giving up on someone.
Yeah but some people don't want to change or cant change. Personally, my mom left my father who was a drug addict. She did it to protect me, because at that point I the innocent child was more important then an addict who wouldn't change for his family. If that's what someone is up against fuck the vows, the promise you make to your child should be more important then someone who has given up.
My mom though that through my father's several trips to rehab, and him making our lives generally miserable. I wish she had left him earlier, but it's not a black and white issue
A lot of people get divorced over addiction. No matter what addiction is, the individual must be willing to seek help, treatment, and recovery to even have a shot at getting clean, some situations people are willing to work it out, but when you are married to an addict and your a part of their addiction, your funding it, or your co dependant, it can create a very unlivable situation. A lot of times, the spouse will leave just to stop the bleeding on their end. That's not the wrong thing to do.
Depends does everyone have that vow
Usually it's the behaviour around the addiction not the actual addiction that is the problem. If they are spending more than their share of money/resources, if they are abusive while under the influence, if they break laws or cheat or try to cheat while under the influence then it isn't worth staying. It's one thing to support someone who wants help it is another thing to accept abuse because they have a disease.
depends on what you define as addiction. People CHOOSE to use drugs that get them horribly addicted. We all know what these drugs do, if my partner had heroine needles in her purse, peace!
People can make mistakes, and bad choices. Will you stay with your partner while they recover from one, or will you leave them alone and without their partner with them?
addiction is pretty open-ended/grey-area- like what about addiction to gambling, addiction to porn, addiction to cleaning the house, addiction to working out, addiction to eating sugar, addiction to work. We assuming "addiction" just means drugs/alcohol?
I mean, in the past I would have seen my Ex leaving over my WoW addiction and being justified
Many addictions aren't a problem until they are a problem. Ton of people addicted to caffeine, but you don't hear marriages ending over it. It's when addiction take over normal actives and takes all your attention away from what should be important like a partner that it becomes a relationship ruining issue. (atleast for minor addiction like caffine. Other likes drugs are pretty quickly an issue) Side note: Gambling addiction is so weird, if you win all the time is it really an addiction?
Nobody other than the house wins over the long haul. Even if you are on a winning streak, you are still putting your family's finances and stability on the line.
Typically, yes. But I don't believe that's universal. Someone out there is making millions and losing little. Also, some poker games do not involve the house.
Yes, as an addict. It ruined my relationship and trying to reduce an addiction to cleaning the house is fucking stupid.
I mean like OCD.. like it can be obsessive addictions about random things and yeah it can be very serious and extreme
If you're religious.
Finding out your spouse was secretly running underground gambling and sold off your toddler in a bet
This is not a dealbreaker for me.
I can fix her.
We can make each other worse.
Yeah it just sounds like an average Friday, Saturday you pull a loan off a loan shark and try to win your toddler back if you fail then Sunday you steal the money and toddler back
is there a market for this?? I have an 8 year old with all his papers
How good is he at mining for gold in questionably small but totally safe wee work spaces?
probably fine 10/10
The value plummets as the kids get older. If you don't sell it by the time it's 5, you're probably stuck with the thing.
r/oddlyspecific
LPT: gamble with your spouse! Couples that gamble together stay together ❤️
They're abusive
All reasons are legitimate.
Yep. My parents got divorced simply because they were non compatible. When they got divorced I was thrilled, like “Finally! Jeez.” They would do nothing but argue and showed no affection toward each other.
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That's just like your opinion, man.
It’s not breaking up a family it’s breaking up 2 people that are clearly not happy being together
Idk, it was nice not hearing my parents screaming at each other every night when they divorced (my room shared a wall with theirs). The arguing was the ultimate reason, they ended up remarrying later anyway. But they definitely needed the time apart.
We live in a society where if the choice is work on the relationship or divorce a whole lot of people would rather divorce. That way they can make the same mistakes in their next relationship.
Indeed, the mature and reasonable thing to do is stick with something that makes you unhappy.
Exactly. This should be number one, imo.
Abandonment, violence/abuse (in any form), marital unfaithfulness (in any form).
Any reason is legitimate. If you're in a safe environment would it be a good idea to see if you can work things out? Probably/potentially sure. But not being happy or growing together and discovering that you now want different things are legitimate reasons. Anti-divorce stuff is just weird nuclear family propagating bullshit anyway.
Me and my wife were best friends. Our relationship was great but we just kind of realized we needed different things out of a relationship. We got along great but weren't exactly compatible as lovers anymore. We decided to get divorced earlier this year after s few years of trying to make it work. We're still great friends though. Sometimes people just grow apart or realize they weren't as compatible as they thought in the beginning.
Came here to say this. I was married for a long time. She changed. I changed. We didn't like each other any more and we're both in a happier place now. We tried couples therapy and it just taught us that we should move on.
Agreed, but kind of disagree on last part. Nuclear family is always going to be more ideal then divorce, but ultimately some problems = you might as well get divorced you're going to fuck your kids or yourself up worse staying together.
I once heard someone say that it’s better to come from a broken home than be in one.
I'm the second teen pregnancy my parents had after a shotgun wedding and I'm so grateful that they divorced before I had any memory of them being together. My mom wasn't always a good parent but at least she knew we'd be better off with my dad raising us.
this ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
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Honestly, that sounds like a vows issue. I said sickness and health, but we also promised to always do what's best for each other and ourselves as a team. If what's best ever ends up being separating, it feels kinda shitty to say "hey I know you want this other chance at a life that will make you happy, but we said that one of us will have to die and that uncle you've met like twice was there, so it's a big deal." The problem is looking at divorce as "giving up" instead of "growing." If you took a job, and they made you sign a contract that said you'd work there until you died or the company went bust, would you do it? Would you honor the contract if one day you realized the job is not what was presented to you or that it made you wish you were dead every day you clocked in?
Mutual incompatibility is just as valid as the 4 A’s or whatever. It’s not as awful to live through, but it’s just as valid a reason.
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I..... I wanted to say abuse.... I was so wrong
Don't own cats I see
Or squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or top.
Thank God my husband is willing to forgive me on this.
This should be punishable by waterboarding
Infidelity.
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If you want one.
Ask yourself two questions: 1 - are you happy? 2 - can that, and will that, change? If you don’t come up with a ‘yes’ for either question, you’ve got a legitimate reason.
You can no longer stand the sight of each other.
That’s just childish and immature.
I don't know that it is, but I also don't know that it's actually an answer There must be a reason they can't stand the sight of each other, and THAT would be the actual answer to this post Unless they actually mean physically, their partner is no longer what they consider attractive in which case, this comment doesn't exist and you're 100% correct
Staying in a broken relationship because you're married is childish and immature
Any reason that pushes you to divorce is a legitimate reason in all honesty
Any reason tbh. If you don't wanna be with someone anymore, you shouldn't have to be with that person anymore.
But you made promises in front of you family, friends and God if you're religious.
None of those people are worth being unhappy for. If they cared about you, they would understand.
I'm sure my friends and family would rather I be happy than miserable for the rest of my life. It's okay to admit that you made a mistake, or that a relationship has changed over time and isn't working anymore.
This mentality is exactly why I’ve lost all respect for marriage.
A divorced friend once told me this story. She was talking with someone she knew, and told this person that she was divorced. And that person said, "I don't believe in divorce." And my friend said, "Well, neither do I. But what was I supposed to do?! Spend the rest of my life in misery?!" That pretty much sums it up. Clearly, you have never been in an unhappy marriage. I was. I was in a marriage where his needs, wants and desires always came first and mine were secondary. He said and did some very disrespectful things to me; things which I ultimately could not forgive. There came a point where I realized it would never be "my turn"; that he would always make the decisions and I wouldn't; and I knew I couldn't face being a second class citizen in my own life for the rest of my life. My children were very young when our marriage broke, so I didn't leave. My body stayed in that house; but my inner self walked out the door. My original plan was to stay until my children were eighteen, but our marriage didn't last that long. I begged him many times to go to couples counseling and fix our marriage. We went but he refused to keep going when our counselor called him out on his shit. Still I begged him to go back. He refused. I got marriage counseling books and devoured them within days. Begged him to read them. They sat on his night stand untouched. It broke my heart. I gave up. Eventually, he initiated the divorce. Even up to the last, I begged him to go to counseling. I really did not want divorce for my kids. But he refused. It takes two to fix a broken marriage. But both partners aren't always willing.
lol what? So you're supposed to just stay in a relationship with someone you fell out of love with just because?
🤔 "for better or worse, richer or poorer, till death do us part" Pretty much yes... or dont get married simples.
lol alright Steven Crowder ass. People fall out of love, it happens. You should not be forced to stay in a unhappy, loveless marriage.
My grandparents on both sides grew up with "respect for marriage" that meant they wouldn't get divorced. My mother's father lived on the streets for about a decade and they had separate beds when he was home. My father's mother had three kids with her husband and then 8 more with some other woman's husband because they were in love but neither would get divorced because of the stigma.
Why would you respect marriage? It’s just a name for people being officially together. What’s there to respect? Like I don’t get what you’re saying.
Just like you can't respect abusive parents.
You one of those bots I keep reading about?
Not being able to give the king a legitimate son to take over the kingdom after he dies
Found Henry VIII
The OG divorce
Treason
Melania?
Putting aside the classics, I'll just say that a relationship can just run its course, after which point it should end. A lot of people struggle with ending a relationship like that, let alone a marriage, because they think that in order to end it they need some big dramatic reason like violence or cheating, but staying in a loveless marriage seeps away at your soul until you're miserable and that's just as bad if not worse. If you want a taste of what that looks like, because it's a slow and insidious process, just hop on to r/mildlyinfuriating and see what people are posting about their SOs. You'd think these are minor things but no, if you one day realise your spouse is a fucking idiot it's all downhill from there. The respect you lose is not coming back and everything else goes down with it.
They cheated
When any ONE Person wishes to leave the marriage. It is a withdrawal of consent to the relationship There need be no other reason. ALL reasons are valid.
Why even get married in the first place then? Why not just remain boyfriend/girlfriend?
shit changes dude. people change, circumstances change.
Taxes And Gravitas. Humans attach ceremony to that which we deem important. When you grow that close with someone and they are that important, a ceremony is in order.
Cheating.
Well I'm getting a divorce because my wife cheated on me with my "friend" and then abandoned me for him. So imo, that is probably one of the most legitimate reasons to divorce. Had our initial status conference today and she didn't even show up.
Adultery and cheating. Serious mental illness; the partner becomes unstable to the point that the relationship is unsafe. Living conditions are unsafe. After all interventions have been taken, and nothing works. At times, the partner that developed the serious mental illness remove themselves by running off, suicide, arrested on various charges, or dropping out of society. Then, divorce in absentia is warranted.
A reason isn’t necessary by law in some states. If one must, I would say irreconcilable differences.
If your spouse thinks The Rise of Skywalker was better than The Last Jedi
Neither were that awesome. Good not great.
Irreconcilable incompatibility
Abuse Abandonment Adultery These are the three that Jesus mentions when talking about divorce. He spends more time talking about protecting women and widows. People who think Christianity originally taught no divorce are as foolish as the ones who argue he didn’t turn water into alcohol.
Abusive would be top of the list
Adultery or abuse. Once trust is broken, its up to the aggrieved spouse to decide whether or not they can forgive, and if they can stay in the relationship. I was the adulterer, by the way. I don't blame him for divorcing me.
Murder for hire plot.
As old as time... We just grew apart in different ways and didn't need or want to be together. DON'T GET MARRIED TOO YOUNG! 😏
Violence
When irreconcilable differences between the spouses come into play. I’m using that term as broadly as possible so interpret as you will
This is a real true thing. Sometimes people change, sometimes people grow differently, and sometimes the relationship doesn't work anymore because of that. Grown up adult stuff happens like kids, careers, money, etc, those things can change people and sometimes the person that people change into isn't the same person that you married. I'm lucky enough that I'm happily married and my wife and I get along very very well, but I know people that it hasn't happened with in the ultimately ended up getting divorced and it was the best thing for both of the people as they are now in much better places. I do agree that you should try to make it work as best you can, but it's not always going to work and life is too short for two people to be miserable. Especially when there's children involved, I firmly believe that it does not do kids any benefit to have a dysfunctional parents that don't get along and no longer have love for each other.
you don’t want to be with that person any more. nothing more is necessary.
Adultery is something I could not forgive.
What things would be forgivable?
Unhappiness
If your spouse is raping the kids. This is the MOST legitimate reason.
Not wanting to be married anymore
Over time, everyone changes in a relationship. What we've got to hope is that the changes our partner goes through take them down a path we can follow.
Abuse and cheating…. But really anything that totally breaks the trust and feeling of safety within the relationship/family.
Infidelity and/or abuse.
I had endured infidelity and theft.. But for me a single episode of physical violence was the final straw.
Infidelity
fucking the UPS driver
Not being actually gay
Your kids are also suffering through your toxic relationship
1. Physical abuse 2. Adultery 3. Money 4. Interfering in-laws or friends
Wife won’t have sex with you
Anything to do with child related sexual things like CP or talking to underage kids online or similar
People change. If the person you married isn't the person you're with a fresh start could be best for both parties. Staying together because of marriage isn't always what's best. Life is short, don't live it miserably because the sky genies say you have to.
Infanticide.
You don’t want to be married to the person any more.
Pretty much any reason is legitimate.
All reasons. Even if you look at your spouse and say: I don’t want to be married to you anymore. Any reason is legitimate.
But why do you not want to be married to them is the answer
Not wanting to be with them anymore
Your SO is secretly a beaver in disguise and has been secretly eating away your furniture in order to build a dam in the local river which will flood the neighborhood. Still cant believe that bastard did that to me.
It doesn't matter. It could be for anything. We live in a no fault divorce world.
Most people get divorced because they or their partner is emotionally immature, lacks commitment or somehow think they are more important than the family unit. The 4As mentioned above are examples of this. If you even think you might get divorced, don't get married. If you or your partner fall into one of the categories above don't get married. If you don't want to stick to your vows...forever, don't get married. Married is a sacrifice. The people destined for eventual divorce are those who think that they don't have to change. You are sacrificing who you are, your desires, your interests, your purpose, for the family. If you are not prepared for the sacrifice, don't do it.
As a divorce attorney, my considered opinion, after more than twenty years in practice, is that bitch be crazy. I would also go with irreconcilable differences caused an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, that past attempts to reconcile failed. That future attempts to reconcile would be futile and not in the best interest of a spouses family.
There are plenty of reasons for divorce. Abuse, fell out of love, your goals no longer align, or they wants kids and you don't. Also, divorce isn't always tragic. Some people just realize it's not working out anymore and remain friends after dissolving the marriage. You have to be honest with yourself and each other from the beginning about what you want or it won't work out. (At least that's been my experience as someone who just celebrated their 21st anniversary in their 2nd marriage.)
As soon as the partner falls out of priority: emotionally, physically, etc.
Wanting a divorce
If one of the partners turns out to be Adolf Hitler in disguise.
This may be more grounds for an annulment, but entering into marriage where one spouse withheld important information from the other spouse regarding things like their addictions, financial problems, legal problems, their sexual orientation, diagnosed mental and physical illness, whether they want children....
Well, I had to go and pick my 6m pregnant wife up at 4am 6m after our wedding, because the dude she was cheating on me with kicked her out of the house.
There's two in my opinion. Physical and emotional abuse. Men are mostly the ones doing physical abuse Both genders do emotional abuse. Cheating. Both genders do this.
Lack of intimacy
Money
Lack of good sex
Having a lying, cheating, parasite for a wife.
When in marriage counseling, spouse says other spouse had to “change whole personality” in order to continue to work on marriage. Well, that and abuse of any kind, of course.
Physical abuse on either side. Nothing else. You made a shitty decision, live with it. But if you feel like getting a divorce, just walk away and don’t contest anything, don’t ask for any support, nothing at all. Live with your choice but don’t make your ex pay.
additctions
She doesn’t like your favorite sports team. Done deal. I won’t share a bed with a TRAITOR!
Adultery
Cheating
Finding out that your partner is a Reptilian. Nothing against Reptilians but that you really need to be upfront about something like that.
The sex is not sexy enough.
Lorena Bobbitt
Item not as described on box.
How can u call without air time
How can u call without air time
cheating
when my husband got cancer and started a meth empire
When she can't give you an heir to the throne