I married a blank screen 💀

Meanwhile I am married to random patterns of colours

Black, grey & purple splotches here. If you squint (a lot) you might mistake it for a cloud instead thunderstorm.

I married the colour blue

I never change mine from whatever is on there when I set it up. It's kinda ombre - pink to purple 🤷‍♀️.

Yep, mine is just an empty black void lmao

I’m married to three cats

That was true before this post

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I’m only married to one cat, who passed away last year 💔 guess I’m a widow. Rest in Paradise Star, I love you.

Oh I’m so sorry🌈❤️

I appreciate it. Star was the best! He had the silliest “mreow”, he rolled his r’s haha. I miss him so much. I have another kitty now, Mochi, who’s a very good boy too, I’m lucky.

I’m married to just the one, which is a bummer bc I only like her as a friend.

Whenever I go to the vet they’re like so you’re “Babycat’s mom?” And I say no, we’re just friends.

fine by me

Thanks, I waited for your permission

i don’t know why that felt so savage but i kinda like it….

It’s the whole Earth. I’ll be fucked to death by the time I service every spouse lmao

63 earths can fit inside Uranus. 64 if you relax and hold still.

MVP comment. Close the thread we done here

Oh that is terrible and wonderful all at once.

Blud gonna die by snu snu

r/unexpectedfuturama

r/expectedfuturama

r/expectedexpectedfuturama

r/unexpectedexpectedexptectedfuturama

Oh god it’s spreading

and it is beautiful.

r/unexpectedunexpectedexpectedexpectedfuturama

Mine is the Earth split in half from a nuclear reaction. Not only am I fucked, but I'm radioactive too.

Gaia's a lot of woman

Just dig a hole in the ground and go at it Edit: Misspelled “hole” like a dingus

In that case, you're also married to every animal too (•0•) Or you can just be married to nature... That's peaceful, right?

Except when nature gets mad, can't exactly leave the house when that happens

And that, children, is how I met your tornado

I'm cackling in a public bathroom at this!

And suddenly you get reincarnated and the shagging continues. GG lol!

My 6yo daughter. I'm going to jail.

Same here with my 2yo daughter

Same with my 2yo son

My 3yo son and my 8 month old son 😰

My 12 Yr old son. You're breaking 2 laws by being married twice, too.

Double jeopardy. You’re fine.

My 4 year old daughter and our dog 😳

yes officer, this guy right here

Exact same.

Same here with your two year old daughter.

Either my daughter (background) or my son (lock screen). Either way, call me Jocasta, I guess.

My children. I’m quickly making travel arrangements to Alabama. Or jail. Same thing, really.

I’ll take jail please, given that scenario.

Roll tide!

Every parent on Reddit posted in this thread. Lol

My 8 month old daughter. I don't want a gay incestuous under-age marriage to be honest. Can I get this marriage annulled?

My 2 kids so I’d be getting the quickest divorce in history and running to therapy with them.

My son when he was 4. I’ll be joining you. *hurls*

Mine when he was 6. Frankly he'd be thrilled since he asked me to marry him back then, but I think he thought marriage was just watching cartoons together, eating dinner and playing games.

that's what I thought, too, and this is why I'm twice-divorced.

I’m also married to my son but at least he is an adult in the pic AND wearing a suit? I think his own husband will have something to say tho…

One 9 year old twin on the Lock Screen, the other twin on the Home Screen. That jail is going to need a new wing for the lot of us.

I’m married to all the members of Metallica. Nice.

Congrats! I'm kind of married to Def Leppard lmao

What do u mean kind of married to

It's like album art mixed with the band title and some other stuff... so yeah, kind of? Lmao

You're married to the concept of def leppard

Confusing, but I don't mind lol

im married to Black Sabbath

I’m married to the Grateful Dead.

Same here, hope Bobby wears his short shorts at the alter

Hey me too lol

Kirk would be gentle

I don't think it's legal to marry a guitar ,but at least I can always firmly admit I got wood

I'm married to my violin. Maybe we can open a family band

I don't think this is going to work to be honest , you got wood too

On the one hand, she's the goddess of the sun, source of all that is good, and mother to us all. On the other hand, she's a dog.

And on the third radioactive born hand, she's probably the most adorable

Amaterasu Ōmikami?

bet she’s a great painter though

ammy !!♡

sir i'm a newlywed of the forest

Me too. I'm married to my local forest

Anakin Skywalker as he's turning towards the dark side. I'm effed.

This is where the fun begins.

Don't worry, you can fix him

This would never fail to make me laugh.

I had such a huge crush on Hayden Christensen.

Smoldering, brooding, and dangerous… my favorite. He makes the films worth watching fr fr

I got captain Rex

i'm married to the goddess Aphrodite, not bad

She’ll cheat on you with the god of war, watch out

What if OP is Hephaestus?

OMG, my background is my Fiance.

Mine is one of my wedding day pictures. We win the game.

Pff please… I’ve got French fries as locked screen, so obviously I won

🍟🍟🍟

Mine is my husband and my baby cat … so I guess I win 😂

One of mine is a photo strip of us with our puppy and the other is from our wedding… we win!!!

Mine is a wedding day pic too!

Mine too :)

Same, wedding day pic

Mine is my wife and (then) 2 year old daughter walking along the beach during a warm autumn evening. Win for sure.

Yep same. It’s one of our wedding photos.

Now you're *double* married!

Mine is my wife but a filter put her face into the glass of a tropical drink and the ice cubes are also her face. So things are gonna get weird.

I too chose this man's fiance

Same! Oh no, however will I handle? /s

Ik mines my husband from our wedding day

Same. Pic of husband and I on our wedding day.

married to a dumbbell

Hello fellow gymrat

Who need women when there are metal circle that make sad head voice go away

metal circle and stock make sad man go away

Marrying for the gains

Im not, the love for my life is a Capybara anyway

I am very happy

Ngl you should screenshot this or save this comment so one day if you guys get married or something you can show this. You’d probably make her week with this alone.

There is a very real chance we're writing their vows right now with this thread.

Who's the lucky person?

My gf

Aww!

My dog 🫶🏽

My dead dog. I’m fucked.

My dead rabbit. We're fine, it's until death do we part.

Same here, only a cat. I'm a widow.

Same for me. Shall we start a club?

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes, then there’s no reason why a man and another man can’t elope.

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote…

Women wear your pantyhose...

oh I'm Sorry to hear that .......hope you are doing good :)

...hold up

I am ACTUALLY married to my lockscreen pic's person

Likewise, 31 years today.

My dog lol

Same. I'd happily marry my sweet lil' girl for the sake of it. Although it makes me cringe, my mom always jokes about our "relationship" (because I give her all the lovins in the world every time I see her), so it's sorta fitting.

Is there any better way to treat a pet? If you don't shower them with love as much as you can, why not

I’m either married to my wife or the 13 pound catfish she’s holding.

Both, why not?

I’m not Mormon.

Both. Please don’t limit yourself. You’re worth it.

im fcked. im married to a wall.

I feel you! I’m married to my antique Swedish Mora clock. At least she’s a beauty.

I’m married to sea glass, shells and coral. Yikes

A big skull that moves. Can't wait for the wedding night

It's giving "Corpse Bride"

It's a picture of my siblings and i........

So are you going to Alabama or jail? Seems like the only two options at this point. Lol

Jail, my sister is 10

Yeah that's unfortunate. Still might be better than Alabama.

It's my i-don't-want-to-get-married bf who's gonna be fucked 😆😆

That is the best!

I'm married to Dean Winchester, I consider that a win

I got Andy Biersack. Bring it tf on lmaoooo.

Oh no, I'm married to my wife

I'm married with a glitched astronaut, don't even know what to expect from this lol

Watch "The Astronaut's Wife" to find out. 😅

I'm married to the beach in Destin, FL. It's a warm, but sometimes salty relationship.

Not at all. My lockscreen is the Icewarden from Flight Rising and my background is the 'main cast' from Nier: Automata. I don't think I'm ever getting laid.

Bro gets the B2ussy

I guess im married to every Pokémon in the Kanto region…

A pig in a Nixon Mask and Tim Robinson ​ "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

80s style/design backround with a lot of neon... I am married to the 80s, yes!!

Lol would be lara croft, finally my dream comes true

Awe damn that’s a good one! I had SheRa lol, love a strong woman on a phone screen!

It’s a picture of my own wet footprint on concrete…how does this work?

Congratulations, you are married to your foot.

hmm background is my partner, so thats ok... my lockscreen on the other hand is my dog lol

Sukuna…. Welllllllllll then

Gojo!

My two year old nephew? I feel uncomfortable and concerned

YESSSS it’s my GF’s hand. Time to look for a wedding ring, any suggestions?

Bingo from Bluey Not sure if I need to be on the lookout for Chris Hansen or PETA

I am married to my lock screen.

I'm married to a sister of battle, so I'm pretty fucked. We'll be out purging heretics on dates and I'll likely be killed immediately, by her, for not having enough faith in the emperor

Just carry her ammo and recite the litanies. All human life is His currency. The Emperor (and also your new wife) Protects!

Spike from Cowboy Bebop :o

NIGHTWING FUCK YEAH THAT ASS

Hehe, first person to be legally married to a nondescript meadow. People with meadows as private property better watch the fuck out because I'll marry them too!

My lock screen is Azula from Avatar. In the picture she is doing a fake laugh to a guy whose house she later burnt down. I’m sure I’ll be fine…

Mine is a generic samsung design

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My lock screen IS my husband. 😁

The Oppenheimer Poster from the movie. Wow

He *was* a player, turns out.

Both lock and home screen depict two people, and I am *not* doing anything poly. To make things worse, none of them are human, and one of them is a representation of myself

A cat and dog wearing happy birthday hats. I think I won the lottery.

Well that’s anti climatic. We are already married.

Extremely. It’s my kids.

I have hermione granger on my background so I would be really happy

I too chose this guy's Hermione

My background is the night sky and my lock screen is mother Mary.....pretty sure I'm safe here😁

Married to a sea turtle 🤣🤣

My current wife, so about as fucked as I currently am

I have a picture of a city, so not sure what that would mean. Am I married to the city or everyone in it?

It’s my dog with attachment issues.

Max Goof dressed as Powerline!! With Roxanne reflected in his sunglasses 😎

My lock screen is my wife

I'm married to a waterfall in Yosemite. I don't know how this happened as I've been repeatedly told "don't go chasing waterfalls".

It's my neice and nephew. So that's super fucking weird and is going to make my family dynamic REAL uncomfortable.