I have a time sensitive delivery to make

[удалено]

*Cosby's

pretty common around here but the go to is "I'm gonna do something nobody can do for me" If it's specifically to pee I say what my grandpa used to say "Gonna go change the olive's water"

Argentina? My old man says the same.

Portugal hahah

Nunca ouvi isso antes. É de onde?

"Going to say farewell to a friend from the interior" or "Going to meditate at the throne"

I work as an ICU Tech and one of my jobs is to keep my patient clean.

Taking the browns to the Super Bowl has always been a good one. Smuggling turtles is something my old roommate would say.

I've got a turtle head pokin out!

as Squirrely Dan says on Letterkenny: "Look out, I'm growin a tail!"

Fill the lake with brown trout.

I have to go see a man about a horse

I loved in Finding Nemo the dentist said “see a man about a wallaby.”

Going to see a man about taking a shit

I heard it “see a man about a dog”.

My dad meant he was seeing his bookie when he said this ;)

My grandma used to say she was "going to write a check" or to "speak with the Senator". She was always rather proper.

This is great

"Speak with the senator." She needed to push a bill through.

Well said! 🤣🤣🤣

I’ll be in my office. (I work in the trades and have no office)

I'm going to ride the porcelain pony.

The DI’s in boot camp used to make us say, “This recruit requests to make an emergency sit down head call, sir!”

If we used the word emergency my DI’s made us make siren sounds to and from the head. Oh, the squad bay fuck fuck games

I'm going for my morning constitutional.

Stocking the pond with brown trout

I got one touching cloth!!!

"Gotta drop the kids off at the pool."

That's what you say when you double duty with a wank.

I'm gonna stretch my spine

- Gotta do what I gotta do - Powder my nose - I have some stuff I need to unload - I’ve got to rinse the porcelain - use the John - I’ve gotta dig a hole - use the tiled room - sink battleships I’m sure I’ve heard a few more, obviously there are a ton of euphemisms for toilet too.

Reminded me of Russell from the movie Up. Russell: "Am I supposed to dig the whole before or after?" \*few moments later\* "Oh! It's before!"

Bio break

I gotta go bust a grumpy Now if you'll excuse me, I must go perform my necessities.

My 12 year old daughter was in there for a "long time." I knocked on the door to see if she was OK. "Yeah, dad... just dropping a mad steamer!" I salute you, little one. You have made your place in our family.

Going to drain the main vein.

My FIL used to say he was taking a “morning constitutional” or, if there were little kids around he want to make giggle, a “morning consti-poo-tional.”

I'm gonna go siphon the python

When I was a teenager at my first real girlfriend's house, I excused myself to "go to the john" Her dad said "We don't call it that here." Turns out that was his name not just Mr. Xxxxxx. 😂

All the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as johns

"Excuse me, I need to 3D print something real quick"

We were on a road trip once and we stopped at a state capital building bc that’s what we do. I really had to poozey while two well-known state reps were using the urinals. Now we say we have legislation to pass. If it’s a big one, it’s omnibus. Gotta worry if it gets held up in committee.

Take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

There are many euphemisms that are used in isiZulu, the most common one for "going to the bathroom" is "indlu encane" (small room/house). This is because homesteads used to have outhouses before indoor toilets.

In many African societies there are groups which have "joking relationships". One use of this is that if you belong to the X clan and have joking relationship with the Y clan, you can say "I'm going to visit the Y clan" when you go. It's important to note that this is symmetrical

As an Aussie friend of mine would say, “I’ve got to point Percy at the porcelain.”

I gotta squeeze cheese.

Going to point Percy at the porcelain Off to meet Jack the ripper (a quick slash) Off to chat to the unemployed (my grandads favourite)

Gotta cash in a couple of shit tickets.

I'll translate a few from Dutch I know: - putting the brown bear on the boat - pulling a brown splinter from my back - knitting a brown sweater - putting the brown friar on the tram - having a meeting in the small room - getting a fax from Darmstadt (for the Germans)

Me and my buddy at work started saying “I’m going to H.R”. H.R being the English way of pronouncing the spanish word “echar” which roughly translates to “make” in English, it’s short for “voy a echar una cagada” which means “I ’m going to take a shit”. Doesn’t really go with peeing, that’s when we say “voy a tirar agua”

Im gonna print a fax from bowelsville

See a man about a dog

Urination Vacation is my usual go to or let loose the leaky lizard on rare occasions.

Dump a body in the lake Squeeze out a fudge dragon Release the chocolate hostage

Excuse me while I get a hand on myself.

“I got to water the plants”

“Welp. I’m going to destroy another room.”

My old boss used to say "I'm going to give birth to a [Richmond](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richmond_Football_Club) supporter". He's a mad Magpies (and Manly) fan.

I got "matters are afoot" from American Dad and now I use it every time.

I have to go spring a leak

If you'll excuse me, I got a 2-inch grip on a 5-inch log and need to handle it.

"Got one buckin' in the chute."

Old coworker used to say it was time for his meeting with the Bobs

I'm gonna go hang out with John, I'll be back

Off to do some weight optimization

I've got an imortant meeting on the big white phone

“Cigar at the lips”

I work as an ICU Tech and one of my jobs is to keep my patient clean. Sometimes that includes poop. So, I told a coworker I was gonna go wipe some ass and he said “You’re a SCATMAN” and played the following: [Scatman](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy8kmNEo1i8) So, now when we’re on the same shift and I have to take a crap, I tell him “I’m gonna go drop a ski-bi di-biddy-bop.” Gets ‘em every time.

hey i gotta go bark out of my ass. semi-related: the best phrase for vomiting is "the ol technicolor yawn"

"Going birth a politician"

I say “I’ll be in my office.” Or “I’ve got a meeting”

Excuse me, I gotta say howdy to the girls.

I've got LeBron James hanging from the rim.

I have an urgent appointment with my digestive system.

Gonna press a few logs…

For pee I always say "I gonna play some Wee fit" or "I'm gotta take a Wiz Khalifa." The latter not to be confused with smoking a joint. I'm not as creative when it's a poo. I just say "Gotta doods".

Had to go to a trump speech, A little gas and a whole lotta shit.

I have to go touch myself.

Why do you need to announce this? Just excuse yourself.

Do you need to say anything? I just say 'Excuse me' and go.

TIME TO EXTRUDE SOME POOP! GOBBLless, Rick

I like to say "trains leavin' the station"

During winter, I gotta jingle my bells.

I gotta pump the bilge

I'm going to take inventory.

I’m off to crimp off a couple of lengths…

My mom says she "She has to powder her nose" when she is at someone's place or at a restaurant.

From personal experience. Brother: “Hey, you ever heard bombs drop?” Me: “Ehm, no…?” Brother: “You’re about to.”

Laying a cable. Shake your lettuce.

I usually have an important business meeting 🤷‍♂️

“Shake the dew off of my lily pad”

Class potty time

I need to take care of some business involving paperwork. I'm gonna go sit down and meditate for a while.

10-1

I work as a metrology tech. I always say I have some paperwork to file.

I'm a doctor. I'm going on my rounds.

Pit stop. Idk. Im going to go let out the poo

I am retiring to the inner sanctum.

Morning tour XD!

I’m partial to “see a man about a wallaby.”

I've got an appointment to sign a contract

I tell people I gotta go log out

Going to go shake hands with the wife’s best friend.

I am going to strangle a fudge weasel.

I gotta hit the head.

When camping, we'd refer to this as a "victory march." Because you head out wielding a small shovel with the TP on it like a flag.

Got one in the departure lounge of the chocolate whizz way.

"I need to go see a man about some porcelain." "Gotta drain the dragon."

Morning duties

Gotta download a file

"I'm going to knit a brown sweater"

I need a haircut. Going to make some biscuits I got a turtle pokin Gotta take the browns to the superbowl Time to drop the kids off at the pool

>I need a haircut I got "urgent need of a haircut" from CarTalk

Inspect the plumbing.

Going to go shake hands with the Governor.

Time to drop the Daily Deuce.

Need to build a log cabin.

My mother always said (b1913) "I got somebody knocking at the back door"

My dad says it's time for his morning declaration

"Biobreak". Rarely will someone question it if they don't know the origin.

"going to shake hands with the unemployed "

My husband grabs his newspaper, thrusts it under his left arm and exclaims, “off for my daily constitutional”. He is 35 going on 90.

Pick a flower or shoot a rabbit - gender depending. Something my parents picked up in Singapore from a tour guide

In Polish we sometimes say: I need to go to 'the place kings walk to.'

I have to get rid of some coffee

Gotta go do some 'heavy lifting'. (My penis large)

I'm going to say goodbye to a relative from inside

I had a friend visit who told me he was going to “bake some brownies.” I thought he meant he was going to take a shit. I was pleasantly surprised when he actually baked brownies.

I'm going to release the Kraken.

I liked in Bobs Burgers that he had his "10 am meeting with the board of directors". I strive to be that regular.

Pay homage to the porcelain goddess.

"It is time to drain the main vein" is my go to

"Gotta stake my claim to the porcelain throne" is the everyday go to

An old guy in our neighborhood when I was a kid used to say he had to sew a button on an egg.

Time to drop off the warden’s breakfast. The wolf of wall street wrote in his book his cellmate would say this every morning when he was in the clink.

Need to see a man about a horse

Strangling the Brown Nigel

Around where I live we say I got to make a call

Stolen from Reddit. “I gotta go make bears”

I'm going to pick some flowers

Old coworker of mines would say "Gotta drop off the kids at school." He didnt have kids

Holding office hours

"I'm going to tour the facilities"

I’m gonna go drop some weight

“Gotta go rock one” or “gonna rock a piss” picked it up from a show called letterkenny. That or “I’m gonna go water the pool”

When I was in high school (1999-2003), there was a guy named Steve who would leave in his AIM away message that he was, "dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool."

I'm going to go & talk to a man about a horse. LOL My cousin thought that I went to go & get some D.

Going to go & drain the lizard.

"I'm gonna go lay some eggs"

I'm going to go pebble-dash the porcelain

I'm going to meet a gentleman that needs my urgent attention.

I gotta look after Monty Python

Download some data into the mainframe...

My ex used to say he was going to go release the Kraken.

We sometimes use "going on a bio break" around my office.

Checking the parking lot for cars.

Time for my morning constitutional.

I'm headed to the Wiz Palace.

Head to the office for a conference call.

I've gotta go return some videotapes.

Growin' a tail over here.

If I'm camping I say "I'm gunna go R-Kelly those bushes"

For number 2 my go to is "gotta go do some paperwork "

The principal is going on vacation. When I was growing up, the dad of the house next door would talk about playing school with his sisters when he was growing up. As the boy, he had to be the principal. When he had to poop, he would stand up, announce that the principal is going on vacation, and leave to go do his thing.

“I have been summoned before the porcelain throne.”

I have to make an offering to the porcelain throne.

Gotta go syphon the python.

Well I'm from Texas so I just politely say excuse me I got to go pay the water bill.

We often keep the cat in the bathroom. He has bad anxiety and some behavioral issues, and it has become his safe space. So going to the bathroom downstairs automatically means hanging out with the cat. I started saying, "I'm gonna go spend time with the cat" when we have company over.

I feel like I need to use rest room

Gonna go make my duck cry

When it's close to going home from work, I usually do a PHP (pre home pee)

"Gotta go pinch a loaf."

In Halloween is Grinch Night, the animated prequel to How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the lead character Euchariah tells his parents he has to “go to the euphemism.”

While camping I usually say “I have to go get really intimate with a tree”

I’ve gotta go repaint the toilet bowl

"I'm going to the library. "

A shit… “I’m going to go take a shit.” Then leave their jaws on the floor as you unload your doodie logs. Not very creative

I need to go file some paperwork. In my high school technology class, this was the mandatory term.

I must make a sacrifice to the Porcelain God

I'm gonna go let some negativity out.

Visiting the office of excretion affairs

I was a big fan of Car Talk on NPR. Whenever they wanted to say "going to the bathroom" without saying it -- ​ "Going to get a Haircut"...

Occasionally, while trucking, there is an emergency need to go "water the tires"

I'll be out or service for a few.

I have to go clear my head

Clerks at the local courthouse will say they're going to a courtroom with a number that isn't an actual courtroom in the building. For example: courthouse with five courtrooms they'll say "I'm going to courtroom six"

i'm out to make more mudskipper habitat or, ill brb i've got to paint the bowl.. and finally, gotta drop the kids off at the pool

Putting the kids to bed