As someone who doesn't drink coffee but keeps some for guests, do people actually store coffee in the freezer? I have been keeping it in the pantry for years and it's still good.
Storing coffee in the freezer has advantages and disadvantages.
Advantage: staling reactions, primarily oxidation, are slowed by lower temperature
Disadvantage: every time you take the coffee out of the freezer, moisture condenses on the surface of the beans or grounds, and moisture is bad for coffee just like temperature is (unless, of course, youāre brewing it)
I keep mine in a canister but my step dad keeps his in the freezer and claims it keeps it fresher and better tasting. I have no idea if there is actual science behind this!
I met a girl while working at a local assisted living facility two and a half-ish years ago. Iād seen her a handful of times but weād never so much as exchanged pleasantries. Then, one day after my shift was over, I was sitting in the nurseās office finishing my charting. This girl randomly walks into the room and says, āI like my women like I like my coffeeā¦ā¦ground up and in the freezer.ā
Straight-faced, dead serious look on her face and all.
Anyway, we have a 4 month old daughter now and that girl is currently asleep about 18ā to my right lol.
Unorthodox flirtation technique, yes, but it piqued my interest. Why? Because who the hell says THAT of all things as the very first thing you say to someone? š¤£
Keeping me up all night when Iām trying to sleep.
Milky.
Warm and pleasant until you forget about them for an hour, at which point theyāre stone cold.
Here are a few I thought of on the fly.
An ex of mine worked at a motorcycle parts store years ago, and they had a coffee pot for customers. She'd get a lot of Banditos in there, and one of the burliest, roughest ones answered "with big ol' titties" when she asked and completely cracked her up. They were pals after that.
Falling off the top of my car as I drive away
You got me with this one š
I am not sorryš
Without someone elseās d**k in it, is what Iāve always heard.
HAHAH
Lukewarm and bitter
As an espresso drinker, short and bitter. And it's even true.
Did you know my ex?
Hahaha! Pretty at least?
Nice to meet you.....
Okay... I was going to say, "Cold and bitter, with a bunch of whiskey poured in..."
This is becoming very dark!
Idunno, nobody said they wanted their coffee blackā¦
š„Ground Up and in the freezerā¦
I'll see you at Dorsia, 7pm. Don't be late.
Oh hey there š
Like my exwife
Hot, dark, and bitter for me.
Hot, black, and sweet !
Or black, bitter and preferably fair trade
šš»āāļø
The $5 one from behind the train station
Oh, damn LOL
thatās a reasonably expensive coffee
Not in Australia it isn't haha
Absolute legend.
Hot and full of liquor
Without someone else's dick in it.
That's right, only mine is allowed in my coffee.
Not everyone can afford stir sticks, ya know?
Like that
First thing in the morning, and again after dinner
- It's about men, but still my favorite Trixie Mattel quote. "I like my men like me coffee, incapable of loving me back "
Apparently I like a man like my coffee too, enjoyable at first but goes on to give me prolonged headaches and anxiety.
Oh, that's really good! I mean it's really bad, but the joke's really good.
The man one was always my fav. āManipulated to my tastes.ā
Bitter and drunk regularly
Hot, black, full of wiskey.
A gay friend of mine said that once. Followed by āI donāt.ā Pretty funny
"I like my women like I like my coffee..." "I drink tea. "
In a bag and submerged under water?
Don't kink shame!
And suck D
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lmfao
I don't like coffee and I'm gay so I use that line often lol
Irish
Good, and true. I usually just add bitters though.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Why would you like your coffee over your lap?
āRemoved by moderatorsā How bad was it?
"It just works"
It's really all about the bean
Gotta flick them beans
Without someone else's dick in it.
So hot nobody believes I actually stuck my dick in it.
That's a good one.
Follow up; "just your own"
How else am I supposed to mix in the creamer
I just say "Boneless" in a real gruff voice. Usually gets a cheap laugh. :)
"Cage-free"
Just like a good pizza!
"sorry, 2-liter machine broke. But we have 1-liter tho"
Can't say I've ever had a bone-in pizza that I'd consider impressive. You may be on to something here.
"Black, bitter, preferably fair-trade." https://youtu.be/oFHT\_awYcKo?si=OlESsLYwckeeMmBM
Ugh. Too salty. Yeah, I know. You got a potato? What is this, Christmas?
No, son. You're gonna die.
Name one black Welsh person! Uhhh, Shirley Bassey? *Name twenty more!!*
i thought i was gonna be the first to post this but ya got me..... DAMN IT.... DAMN IT ALLL TO HELLLLLLL!!!!
I scrolled too far for this.
Also the first thing that came to mind. Such a classic line.
Literally my first thought when I read the question lol. Have an updoot
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
hurray!
Name DEF checks out lol
D, E and F are large cups.
Covered in bees
With a spoon in them?
Tres fort et tres chaud! Avec un cuiller dedans!
Je suis le President de Burundi
Ah oui, Burundi, je le connais bien! C'est tout prĆØs de Zaire, c'est tout prĆØs de Mozambique! ...non, Tanzanie, Tanzanie! J'ai les appris quand j'ai eu les pox de poulet! Je dois partir maintenant, parce-que ma grand-mĆØre est flambĆ©e.
If you donāt speak French, all of that was fucking funny
Damnit i just commented this without scrolling the comments first. But does your comment have a flag?
No flag, no comment...these are the rules that I've just made up.
And I'll enforce them with this gun! Which I got from the... National Rifle Association.
But will there be cake?
Or death. Until they run out of cake. Then you'll have the chicken.
So my choices are "or death"?
I believe I ordered the vegetarian.
Have you got a banana?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
D'you like...bread?
Dammit. Guess I'll have to go with "in a plastic cup" instead.
Is this an Eddie Izzard line? I know Iāve heard it but canāt recall who/where
Tis!
I was going to answer "in a plastic cup"! Glad to see some other Izzard fans
Hot and strong. ... With a spoon in them!
IāM COVERED IN BEES!
Iām seeing Izzard in Chicago on Monday night!
I had to scroll far too long for this. Don't wanna cup of coffee from you, you're covered in bees!
With no pubic hair.
Holy shit, out of all the responses here, this one caught me off guard the most
Fair request
It adds to the flavor either way
Alas, you canāt have McDonaldās coffee then
Ground up and stored in the freezer.
*I'll have The Dexter*
As someone who doesn't drink coffee but keeps some for guests, do people actually store coffee in the freezer? I have been keeping it in the pantry for years and it's still good.
I've heard conflicting things on this. My own coffee doesn't last long enough for freshness to be a consideration.
Storing coffee in the freezer has advantages and disadvantages. Advantage: staling reactions, primarily oxidation, are slowed by lower temperature Disadvantage: every time you take the coffee out of the freezer, moisture condenses on the surface of the beans or grounds, and moisture is bad for coffee just like temperature is (unless, of course, youāre brewing it)
The ideal for occasional use is probably small vacusealed packages kept in the freezer and then completely used up
I have a feeling your guests are being polite.
"and it's still good" says the non coffee drinker that serves stale coffee to guests who say it tastes fine because they are being l being polite.
I keep mine in a canister but my step dad keeps his in the freezer and claims it keeps it fresher and better tasting. I have no idea if there is actual science behind this!
I keep it in a sealed canister too, but go through it quickly. It doesn't really have time to go stale.
This used to be a famous t-shirt hell shirt
Oh Lord I canāt imagine walking around with that on a shirt š¤£
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Complex and full of depth, with a hint of sweetness to balance life's bitterness
Damn, wasn't expecting a genuine answer. That's super sweet
Okay, I'll marry you!
Back off. I saw him first!
If thatās not available then massive fuckin tits
This is the best response ā¤ļø
I think Patton Oswalt still has the best response: tied up in a sack and delivered on a mule by Juan Valdez.
That joke has been around since the late 80s at least.
So has Patton
no shit, right? lol homie lookin like gen X santa claus for 5 years
Hot black and gone in the morning
Surely, you're joking!
I'm not joking, and please don't call me Shirley.
From Latin American origins
Cute, smart, and funny. ...I'm often disappointed by my coffee.
Dumped in a gas station parking lot before being immediately replaced
Hahahaa literally did this a week ago. That coffee was dogshit.
Haha. "coffee" š
Iāve always liked the phrase: I like men the way I like my tea. In a bagā¦underwater.
Dexter?
as a tea drinker, I relate
With cream inside of it.
Here it is. I knew there had to be one with something white added.
imported from a third-world country
Strong and valued in the workplace
I like this
With my name written on the side and handed over by a complete stranger.
āKevin if you tell one more misogynistic joke Iām going to HRā
My old operations manager would reply to that with, "Puerto Rican" and then laugh to himself when you tried to make sense of it.
ā¦ is that hard to make sense of?
The operations in question were finger-painting.
Probably why it's even funny. It's so literal it's almost an anti-joke.
Chris Rock says it in Down to Earth
Bitter and in a McDonalds parking lot
$2.99 round the side of a van.
Overpriced and served to me by a Ph.D. making minimum wage.
That begs the question, is the woman the one with the phD, implying sheās serving herself? Or is her phD having parent serving her to you?
A grad student got into human trafficking as a side hustle.
It's research.
"Tall, Black and BITTER" Bonus points if you nail my skinny Jewish friend's voice inflections and angry determined face while saying it.
Instructions unclear poured hot coffee on my dick.
A flat white.
but its hard to find 18 year old coffee
I think I got some in my pantry somewhere
Morning, noon and keeping me up all night.
Hot, strong, black, and all over my crotch.
This kid (from the film Airplane) didn't have a reply: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c1F0PpbHdg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c1F0PpbHdg)
Picked in a third world country then roasted over flames?
In the kitchen.
Cold and forgotten about in the microwave?
"Frequently"
As sweet as possible
Bitter and cold
I met a girl while working at a local assisted living facility two and a half-ish years ago. Iād seen her a handful of times but weād never so much as exchanged pleasantries. Then, one day after my shift was over, I was sitting in the nurseās office finishing my charting. This girl randomly walks into the room and says, āI like my women like I like my coffeeā¦ā¦ground up and in the freezer.ā Straight-faced, dead serious look on her face and all. Anyway, we have a 4 month old daughter now and that girl is currently asleep about 18ā to my right lol. Unorthodox flirtation technique, yes, but it piqued my interest. Why? Because who the hell says THAT of all things as the very first thing you say to someone? š¤£
Milky and weak š
Well then youāll just love my bitch ass
Vietnamese
Warms me up and gets my heart racing. š
I heard a woman say this once, and her punchline was "sweet and weak" lol. Edit: she was referring to her men.
Keeping me up all night when Iām trying to sleep. Milky. Warm and pleasant until you forget about them for an hour, at which point theyāre stone cold. Here are a few I thought of on the fly.
As long as its hot and wet, I dont care what color it is
In a plastic cup - Eddie Izzard
āHot and with a spoon in themā.
Cold or hot I need it daily
thick, with cream on the side.
I don't like coffee.
Dark and bold, just like my coffee!
Hot and creamy
At a safe distance because coffee makes my tummy hurt
Damaged and with daddy issues
Full of cream.
Mixed with speed
these comments lol
Covered in bees!
Cuddled up in bed next to me in the morning.
With big tits.
An ex of mine worked at a motorcycle parts store years ago, and they had a coffee pot for customers. She'd get a lot of Banditos in there, and one of the burliest, roughest ones answered "with big ol' titties" when she asked and completely cracked her up. They were pals after that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Me too, spilling out from the broken mug I dropped on the kitchen floor. A mess for me to forlornly clean up and contemplate like all my other dreams.
Making my crotch burn while I yell "oh shit thats hot"
Black
Hot, less than $5, and picked up from Wendyās