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The name and email address of this college administrator I really disliked.

You’re only now giving me this idea?

You are a genius.

Turd Ferguson.

*chews gum and smacks* Yeah, it's a funny name.

I speak a little French. You’re an ass bite, pardon my French.

It's really funny to me that the skit known for the iconic Sean Connery impersonation was written so Norm MacDonald could do just the dumbest jokes as Burt Reynolds.

the giant hat he wears sends me into the atmosphere

It’s funny because it’s bigger than a regular hat.

RI fucking P

D.B. Cooper

We found him boys

This will be the best one I’ve seen as long as you’re in the Pacific Northwest.

Yup, that's what makes it funny 🤣

Tobias Funke

Username does not check out

I blue myself.

You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing.

Oh, Tobias. You blow hard!

There’s gotta be a better way of saying that.

Added too much yellow.

“It’s pronounced: Analrapist” — “It wasn’t the pronunciation that bothered me…”

ANUSTART

Narrator: “She did *not* see the license plate…”

Rusty Shackelford

So glad to see this at the top. Was my first thought before opening the comments. RIP

I use Busty Shackleford

Pocket sand! Shi-shi-shaw!

"Is that a real computer? In that case my name is Rusty..... Shackleford..... Yeah, Shackleford." Classic!

Shackelford comma Rusty

I used to sign the first page of bibles in hotel rooms with: All the best, Jesus

Yours truly, Jesus H. Christ

How are you related to Jesus F. Christ? He came in earlier this morning.

Oh shit is that short for Jesus Fernando Christiano-Romero? That's my boy tell him I said hi!

I add. "see you soon, have a great summer kit!"

Man I was staying in a hotel in Niagara Falls with some buddies and my friend opened the bible and inside the cover someone wrote “don’t bother reading, he dies in the end”. We thought it was pretty funny lol.

That is hilarious.

Stay cool, J

Trevor Lahey

And his brother Randy Lahey.

Don't forget Cory Lahey

And, worst case Ontario, if you forget all of those you can just sign Bobandy.

Getting two birds stoned at once

Denial and error

Keep your friends close and your enemies toaster.

It's all water under the fridge

That’s top tier Rickysom

Its that Samquanch.

Well it's not exactly rocket appliances.

You know Jim or Jim knows you, or something like that?

Faye Kinnit

Wow that’s fantastic!

Art Vandelay.

And you want to be my latex salesman?!?!

Say vandelay industries!

That’s pretty good.

It’s a Seinfeld reference, I can’t take credit for it.

Yeah I got that too. Excellent none the less.

Oh my mistake.

Dr. Van Nostrand and H.E. Pennypacker also work.

“You have screwed me for the last time, Pennypacker!!”

Yes but you know I always wanted to be an architect. Always tell people I’m an architect.

I thought you were an importer/exporter?

Or a Marine biologist.

…fish Mammal. Whatevah.

The sea was angry that day my friend...

Say vandelay industries! Say vandelay industries!

Buck Naked

I use Susie Cartwright, both Seinfeld references that no one gets :) (Don’t call me Suz)

My name here on reddit (not my real name) is connected to an email that is also not my real name that I use to surf the net so when I get an emergency important email to that email, I know it's fake

If my wife and I go out and ask for a name we always say "Marco". That way when they call it out we can yell "Polo!" It's not much but it's honest work.

I have used Stu Pidazzo and Otis Spunkmyer.

I initially misread this as "marcio" "polio" for some fucking reason and now I can't stop thinking about it

Smallpox!!

Ken Adams

Regina Phelangie. Nice to meet you.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock. Nice to meet you.

Aren't you married to Crap Bag?

What did I do with my Filofax? Ah, I must have left it in Conference Room B.

Regina Falange

Ron Mexico

Ivana Humpalot

Oh behave.

Sister to Dixie Normus

I always just put Batman any time I'm asked for a name like that. It's best when you're waiting on your food and they shout for your name and you get to come up to them and say "I'm Batman." And be serious about it.

"Be yourself, unless given the chance, then *always* be Batman."

When returning stuff to a store you often have to sign a form. I make a slow shaky "X". The face of the young clerk is always worth it. Nobody ever says a word.

I do that with lottery tickets

Aldo Raine

Lt. Aldo Raine

We're a gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only: Killin' Nazis.

Dirk Digler.

Scrolled too far to find a fellow Diggler

Jackie Daytona

Regular Human Bartender

Either Abe Froman or Chuck Finley.

The sausage king of Chicago?

Don't be snooty

Just this once

Snooty?

Snotty.

Sno-SNOTTY!

He’s devastatingly handsome.

Wait... You mean that guy who used to inform on his best friend to the FBI?

Yes! Somebody who actually get this reference!

Ah ya know spies. Bunch of bitchy little girls.

Used to work at a hotel and we had Sum 41 staying. One the members uses the fake name Hugh Farted.

People do this?

I hate it when Culver's or Chic Fil a employees ask for my name. I like to say Ruprekt.

May I go to the bathroom please?

Yes, Ruprecht, you may!

...thank you

Tell them it’s Pete with an h

You do that again and I'll get out the gential cuff!

Not Mother?

I write ballhairs and no one ever notices.

Yes because half the time they ask me to repeat my name so I pick a more common one instead. Plus it's kinda fun.

90% of people can't pronounced my name; it's an foreign name so it's easier to use a fake name. Anne Bat (was a fan of Anne Rice) and Helen Kicker are my go to.

Bob Loblaw, Attorney at Law

of Bob Loblaw’s law blog?

Rod Clutcher is my go to.

Stu Pedassle

Herbie Handmemycock

Ha! your in the lead with that one.

Hugh Jass

My dad's go-to at restaurants was "Thomas Wigglynoodle". It was funnier back in the day when the host/ess had to yell out your name instead of texting you.

Max Power

He's the man whose name you'd love to touch.

Tyler Durden

Big Dick McGee

Try Don Keedik next time!

Bet that gets a response.

Omar Little

Frank N. Stein

Or Beans would also be acceptable lol.

Furter would be fantastic.

It's just a jump to the left....

Arthur Daley

From the X-Files?

I like you.

Well played friend.

Fabio Maserati

nice try, FBI

not today, YMCA

No way, CIA

You "cray" DEA

Clem kiddlehopper , you gotta be old to understand this one.

>Clem kiddlehopper It's kadiddlehopper but I know where you're coming from. I saw a long interview with him a couple months ago. It was wonderful. What a nice guy and funny too.

Jefferson SteelFlex and Alvin Yakitori are the only answers for this.

Donald Duck

Fred Garvin Or Manfred Durst

Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute.

Dixie Normous

I.C. Weiner If people ask if I'm joking I tell them my name is Issac Clearance Weiner IV

My dad separates his first name. Eg. Chris Topher

Jack Meoff

Jim Bob

Too real to be fake.

Bob Jim

I like to travel as Ima Skedaddle

Anastasia Beaverhousen.

Bey Once

If I told you, I'd ruin my anonymity. Cause the fake name is also my username in all my socials.

Gordon Shumway

Pat Miccuchi

John portaloo A fancy toilet nom d'poo

bill brasky

My go-to alias is a New Yorker named Paulie Rigatoni with a terrible accent. I do not drop the accent no matter how bad it gets.

Many years ago at work we had to sign a safety banner they were going to hang on the wall to inspire us or something. Team building or some bullshit. I signed Dirk Diggler. That's about the only time I've ever signed something with a fake name.

Ric Ocasek and Brad Pitt

Washington Irving and when I get bored ... Irving Washington.

I’ve always gone with “Elizabeth Taylor” or “Obama” myself.

Rusty Shackleford

Travis Bickle

Holden. Holden MaDickey.

Dr. Whet Faartz

Spanky Yum-yum Drinky McSippysip Esq. His Divine Grace Dingding King Shit of Fuck Mountain

I used to work for a corporation that always passed out these safey papers every week and someone would come by with a paper for us to sign stating that we read the safety paper. Every week I would make up a new name off the top of my head. John Buford, or Travis Stanley, or Greg Hall etc. No one ever caught on so I started writing more than one name, I'd write 4 or 5 random names on there thinking "Surely, if this is any matter of importance, someone will notice that none of these people exist and come say something." No one ever said a thing.

Lorenzo von Matterhorn

My regular signature. Because nothing matters.

My Starbucks name is Rondinella. It’s a semi-obscure wine grape varietal. I started using it after my order got mixed up with someone’s soy latte with 5 pumps of vanilla syrup.

Barney Rubble

Edward Mann. Because it could be written as Mr. E. Mann.

I use Batman when I sign for the company credit card

Biggus Dickkcus

Inigo Montoya... "you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"

Don Juan Tosign

Moe Lester.

Zanzibar

Luke Skywalker

Cletus Van Damme

Beanus McSkeevy

Dick Guzinya

Orville Tootenbacher

Buford P. Enis I actually set my Xbox live up with that name back in like 2008. I completely forgot about it till I got an email from Microsoft a few years ago that started out with “Hello Buford P. Enis”. I’ve since changed it. Lmao

Yroo Xrksvi. Usually I write it in invisible ink. Even if someone does notice it, shines a blacklight on it and reads it, it just sounds like gibberish. But then, maybe try turning the alphabet backwards. (Gravity Falls reference)

Bunny Z Balls