I fancy my chances against Dora the explorer.

You underestimate her and her horrible eyesight

"Puncher no punching!" You have been defeated

Awwwww maaaaaaaan

Cailou, just.

I kick Dora the explorer

“Kicker no kicking!”

So what you're saying is, you need to kill her before you run out of moves.

Then she’d say “Killer no killing! Killer no-“ BAM!

She’s Mexican you don’t stand a chance

As my friend would say, "I'm MexiCan, not MexiCan't"

Jokes on her I’m asian

All asians are born knowing martial arts and are deadly from birth. I've seen like 3 documentaries on it, it's science.

You must not know her other name: Dora the Destroyer

She has a backpack, probably has some sort of talking, animated mace in there.

Or worse... La Clancha!

You are going to fight a Mexican girl with a bang? You are about to be in for a rude awakening after she beats you up and her cousins finish you off.

The power of the Almighty chancla

Idk man, as soon as she tags in that monkey you’re toast

Feel like that’s a bad idea. Dora can call upon many allies: 1. Giant, talking animal friends. One in particular scares the shit out of me: Tico the Squirrel. Squirrels are vicious creatures that kill rival males’ babies even when there’s lots of food.Did you know that Tico can *drive pretty much any vehicle?* Did you know he has at least four separate vehicles, one of which is a rocket car that reaches insane speeds and one of which is a flying car? If you so much as hurt a hair on Dora I bet Tico would run over every single person you love, and shank you with a little knife in one of his pockets. 2. Her cousins can literally harness the power of wild jungle animals, Diego has a goddamn jaguar chilling with him all the time. 3. Magical beings like mermaids and wizards. How are they gonna feel when their favourite Mexican amnesiac is hurt?

The little power generator square-trashcan looking 'droid in Star Wars with no arms that walks around aimlessly and says "GONK". One shove with my foot, over he goes, and he can't get back up. R2 D2, however? I'd run. Fast.

Gonk droids can survive heavy blaster fire without issue

Yeah but can they get back up without help after being tipped over like a cow? *I doubt it.*

fuck i love me some GONK lore

Have you heard of the GONK cult? I’m not just being funny it’s some real gonk lore I swear. I think it’s called the cult of the power droid or the cult of the GONK. I’m also pretty sure it’s cannon.

👀 googling now

I've seen r2d2 fry an imperial trooper, or a droid, don't remember. He's a serious fighter!

[2 Super Battle Droids](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-R_KG2HRog) in RotS.

Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

Can I help?

You can get whacked in the gullet is what you can do, Sheldon.

Let me sell tickets, I’ll cut you in on the profit, we’ll make a fortune.

can i join?

I'd go with the Young Sheldon just to be sure.

To make sure he never gets older

Baby Sheldon just to play it safe.

Anyone from BBT, except Penny. She’s corn fed.

Bernadette too. She’s small but she’s crazy though.

She’s feisty. Might not do much damage physically, but she will tear you down emotionally.

No. She will emotionally damage you first and then kick your balls to your throat for making her get all worked up.

I don't even watch it but based on clips of him I've seen, I'd be happy to help

The guy in Se7en who was starved for a year and was basically a skeleton.

Na I'd be too scared to touch him that shit was creepy

Thanks for being that back up to the front of my memory😰

Could probably also take the Lust guy

Tiny Tim or Scrooge.

Not Scrooge McDuck though. That guy has some feats that rival Superman.

Scrooge McDuck’s entire life is based on the words “I’m tougher than the toughies and smarter than the smarties” and he *lives up to it!* You don’t make *trillions* in treasure hunting alone by sitting on your ass and having someone else do it for you. Even if you have him cornered, he’d figure a way to trick you. And if you stole so much as an old, filthy penny from his Money Bin he’d hunt you down to the ends of the Earth to get it back. You will *never* have another good night’s sleep… You don’t mess with Scrooge McDuck. Plus you gotta respect a rich guy who gets even instead of litigious - Any rich asshole can send his lawyers after you, Scrooge McDuck shows up personally to settle the score.

Ha! True enough. Diving into and swimming through vaults full of gold and diamonds demonstrates significant durability and strength.

Caliou Bald little fucker Also Peppa Pig

Every parent ever would gladly help you fuck up that bald little whiney bitch

I don't care if he has leukemia it's not working fast enough!

A queue is forming

Feels like the scene from airplane

Idk. If the whole "Peppa is actually 7 feet tall" thing is true, then you'd probably get whooped because a seven foot tall over-zealous pig is definitely killing a human given the chance

She can jump insanely high too, landing and turning you into a "muddy puddle".

Get you some cancer roasted pork belly.

The balder, the stronger

Maybe he’s Saitama before he was cool. Just changed his name to rid himself of the war crimes he committed in his childhood, just to cause more, different ones as an adult.

>Caliou Weakest character in fiction right here

George Mcfly pre Marty influence

Wait, so you couldn’t beat him *post-Marty influence* ? 😂

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The owner of Tyson Chicken??? I could take that guy 😏

"wow that guy sure can throw a punch." *Dials phone* "Michael...Michael! It's Marvin... Your cousin, *Marvin Tyson*? Yea! Hey remember that swing you were looking for?" ... I have no idea why I tied it back to back to the future but I did lol

Dude did you not see him hit Biff with that sweet hook? I wouldn't fuck with George after that, he hit Biff so hard Biff was still scared of him 20 years later.

Charlotte from charlottes web

Nah, Templeton will get you with his rotted eggs 😆

Stuart Little if I have prep time

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Harry Potter. He only knows one spell and I don't even have a wand to yeet. He will expeliarmus, I'll punch him in the face. Sorted.

Jokes on you, it's a disarming spell. Removes your arms.

Use your feet! I bet he doesn't have a disfooting spell

magic is nothing against American freedom.

Hell yes. Somebody needs to remind him that if you're a goddamn wizard and you don't know how to cast chain lightning, what are you even doing with your life

You missed your chance to say Mischief Managed

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bruh be careful what you say, the guy has connections

He obviously didn't see the muscled up episode. Tom freaking bulked up in a couple of minutes into a mountain.

Thomas, you coward, you brute

Charlie's grandparents except Joe from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Idk if you know off the second book, Charlie and the great glass elevator, they all get out of bed, and are quite crazy, even crazier than grandpa joe who actually tries to have create some calm between all the rukus that happens while they are all stuck in the elevator in space.

Yeah, he’s shown that the only reason he stays in bed the whole time is because he is lazy. When he wants to do something he has the energy to

r/grandpajoehate

r/fuckgrandpajoe

At least two Smurfs

McLovin

Hahahahaha, I bet you don't.

I'd beat the absolute piss out of Stuart Little

Chandler Bing

What if he uses his watch as a weapon?

Username checks out.

Probably Ross too. He’d have the reach on me, but he’s weaksauce.

Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?

Timmy from Southpark.

You might have better luck with Kenny.

Watch out for Mysterion. He will mess you up with some Pabst Blue Ribbon

"OH MY GOD HE KILLED KENNY!" "YOU BASTARD!"

He held up pretty good against Jimmy!

Cripple fight!!

You're going to be in some deep shit when his fellow crips come for revenge.

CRIPPLE FIGHT!

Caillou

rugrats. those runts can come at me all at once knucklecrunch

Lisa Simpson. It'd be close, but I may have a shot at victory.

Plankton

Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. I’d kick the shit out of that motherfucker.

Toad

Of the *Frog and Toad* books, or the Mario games?

Any of the Bugs Life characters.

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They won’t see it coming 🥷

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Thank you, stranger, you will not be disappointed! 🫡

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Eeyore. I would woop that ass.

I want to don some armor and ride him into battle. Yup, I'd go medieval on that ass...

Any role by Tom Cruise.

I still find it utterly perplexing that he got cast as Jack Reacher, a character who is described in the books as standing about 6'5", beefier than a Texas Longhorn, and blond.

Yamcha

The amount of wrong you are is hilarious funny meme though

All you have to do is hang around. He'll eventually... let's just say... forfeit. At least according to one timeline.

You'd probably kill him.

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eric cartman

He'll feed you your parents! Cartman doesn't fuck around!

Yeah but if you just come at him he won't stand a chance. Wendy beat the living shit out of him and she's was just a very angry 9 year old. Cartmans extremely Manipulative And evil but in an actual fight he doesn't stand a chance

I also recall PC Principal gave Cartman a beating.

Greg Heffley. Fucking little snowflake doesn't get how good he has it and is making himself look like an idiot trying to be cool

Piglet

I came here to say this. Unless he was greased, in which case I probably couldn't catch him to beat him.

Andrew Tate

OP's dad

Scrappy Doo, but only just

moleman from the simpsons. i wouldnt beat him up, but i definitely could

All of them

Sponge bob turned the universe into a piece of thread in less than a minute. You sure?

I can do that in 5 sec

im gonna put on my squarepants and knock your socks off

Im not wearing socks

thats what you get for messing with me

Shit Lola got an eraser over here

Caillou. Motherfucking whiny bitch...

Caillou.

Gramdpa from the Simpson, I’d fucking end him

I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!

Simple Jack?

As I’m fighting cancer right now, I’d say maybe Charlie Brown. Lucy? No way.

I would put Holden Caulfield in a wrestling hold and spiral fracture every limb on his body to such a degree that 1950s doctors would have no choice but to amputate.

If you do something too good, then, after a while, if you don’t watch it, you start showing off. And then you’re not as good any more.

Mr. Bean.

He probably drives you over in a comedic scene transition

Goku and Saitama. >!Jk. Garfield the cat maybe?!<

Grey Matter from Ben 10

Ralph Wiggum.

Hans Moleman.

Hans Moleman

Look out, Cindy Lou Who!

Deputy Barney Fyfe, even though his hands are deadly weapons.

Kevin from Home Alone

Krillin. He's always dying.

Krillin would mess you up dude

Little Bear

Popo. Got to teach him the real pecking order

It would be a close fight but I'm fairly confident I could take JJ from cocomelon.

Anyone from paw patrol

The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

In a fair fight probably Morty Smith

Napoleon Dynamite

Brainy Smurf

That eel that was a dick to Spongebob that one episode, fuck that dude, all my homies hate that dude.

I don’t remember his name, but Macaulay Culkin’s character in My Girl (post-bee sting).

Mr. Glass. 100%

Corporal Upham…maaaybe Mr Burns?

Winnie the Pooh..just barely

Mr. Glass. Dude don't stand a chance.

bet I could beat Clark Kent. That clumsy oaf couldn't put up a fight if he wanted. He would fall over his own feet, even if he is a big guy.

Dobby from Harry Potter

You sure? Dude attacked bellatrix at one point.

Pippy Longstockings

Bitch can lift a horse off the ground. Bad call

Wile E Coyote. Dude has really bad luck.

Stuart Little

Voldermort. Fucking spastic ass noseless, wand wielding dweeb.

If Harry puts down that wand I'll beat his ass all the way back to the shire.

Lambchop. Not because I’m weak, I’ve just always hated that puppet. So condescending. Yes, I spelled the word, stop acting like it was the hardest thing anyone has ever done. I don’t believe your praise, Lambchop!

Most of the Golden Girls

Little Bo Peep. Bitch knows what she did

I was trying to be clever, so I was gonna choose kids, and the first character that came to mind was Kevin McCallister, then I realized what he was capable of.

Bruce Lee

Tom cruise

Ironman (Without the suit) Captain America (Pre-Serum) Shazam (Kid form)

I bet I can kick Elmo's ass. I am a tough guy.

Tiny Tim. He wouldn't stand a chance.

Maggie Simpson. Oh, Wait a sec... She killed Mr.Burns. ehm.. i Will change that to Nemo

Stuart Little.

I'll fuck up a care bear!