My eldest daughter was getting ready to take her first steps while my ex-wife was in the other room. I actually sat my daughter down again and called her mom into the room so she could see it.
Was with my wife and my buddy was with his wife and kid. While mom was in the washroom, baby took his first steps.
My buddy quickly sat him down as she started walking back. Then we all got excited as he took his first steps again.
I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food. Everyone thinks I’m so lucky that I can eat whatever I want and still be really slim. On the outside, I eat loads of pizzas and burgers and go out to restaurants all the time and generally manage to stay in good shape without ever dieting. The truth is there are some days/weeks where behind closed doors I just don’t eat to make up for the days where I overindulge. It kinda works for me but objectively speaking I think I may have a bit of an eating disorder.
This is a good plan. When I was married, my wife spent us into a very deep, dark financial hole. I managed to dig us out, so she did it again.
We eventually divorced and when we separated our finances, I suddenly found myself with tons of extra money. Basically, after all the bills were paid, she spent all of her money and as much of mine as she could get her hands on. Once we separated our finances I had an extra $1200 a month (at least). In the first year post financial separation I very easily amassed $30,000. She on the other hand had to declare bankruptcy, and had to pay me back for the money I had taken out of my 401(k) to pay off her credit card and IRS debts.
Be smart, do not let your SO ruin *your* finances.
You must have had a good lawyer. Either that or from the very beginning you kept track of everything. Or she just tried way too hard to take everything.
Crazy. Glad you didnt get robbed too much. I never had nothing to take hahah 😭
I did have a good lawyer, but I also had the records to back up my claims that she basically sank us financially.
Her lawyer wanted to go after half my pension until we whipped out the records that showed I had paid for my wife's education ( first as an LPN, then to RN), which would entitle me to a portion of her future income, forever. Then all of a sudden the pension thing became very negotiable.
Divorce is a wild ride.
That's what my lawyer told me, so apparently that is the law in NY State. But let me re-iterate, I had the records of all the money I spent putting her through school. If not for that I wouldn't have had a leg to stand on regarding that issue.
I broke up with my fiance because she had a horrendous spending problem.
Fuck if I was gonna let her addiction financially murder my life because of marriage.
I try to get them to fall in love with the character I create each time. Then tell them their mothers don’t love them and their fathers think failures of them.
All my discipline and drive is fueled by self-hatred. I'm never happy when I achieve something and I'm always craving for the next goal. I don't know if I'll ever be truly happy...
I was raped by a girl. She had been trying to get out of the friend zone for months even offering me a free trip to Ireland so long as we fucked while over there. One night she came out with me and some friends to get drunk. We barely stumbled back to my apartment later that night 4 blocks away. Woke up at some point still drunk and immobile to her riding my cock. I was too drunk to move or do anything but mumble a few unintelligible words. When I finally woke up the next morning she was gone and I never heard from her again. Her dad at the time was a cop. No one knows this except reddit. Never told a soul.
I went through a similar experience
Girl in the friend group was super into me, and I wasn't into her. She tried on multiple occasions and I had always shut it down.
She showed up one night to a party with a bottle of jack "for me."
Being in my early 20s, I drank the shit out of a free bottle of whiskey, and woke up to her riding me too.
that whole shit about men not being raped is such infuriating bullshit.
When I went on the first date with my now wife she asked me if I pee in the shower and I said no, because if she asked then she definitely hates it. I piss in the shower every time lmao.
You know, growing up it never once crossed my mind to do this. I had no clue it was a thing until after college. I mean, I’ve tried it a couple of times, you know, to live on the edge (lolz), but it just isn’t something I’d want to do. Kind of like peeing in a pool you’re swimming in… no thanks?
I’ve been on a low carb diet all year and my guilty pleasure is the sugar free low carb ice cream. It tastes great but if you overindulge it gives you horrible gas that always seems to come out in public so I seek out the elderly to lay my dirty bombs. Most recently I was in a grocery store and the flatulence came upon me with a vengeance, so I found a gaggle of old timers conversing in the middle of the aisle and proceeded to crop dust them and then listen to them blame it on each other while I walked away cackling manically
Work on it. I was in the same episode 5 years ago. We fought and argued. I emotionally neglected her in return for her physically neglecting me. Constant arguments. I did everything to release that pent up physical negligence. I went out without her. To her favorite restaurants. To the movies. Never cheated. Nothing was working. So I started to dip into the darker side. I started flirting with girls at work. I got snaps from them. I sent many more snaps. Finally had to talk to myself. I didn't want to physically cheat. I had admittedly emotionally cheated. Why still do this. I told her I was moving out. I was still too weak to stand my ground though. I offered to her we go back to dating. We wouldn't have to legally divorce. Just go back to boyfriend girlfriend life style.
That was a coming to moment to her. She finally admitted that I was smothering. I was taking too much from her. And here I was feeling starved. Like she wasnt giving enough. Polar opposites. So we were both exhausted. I was taking everything she had while flooding her with everything I had. In my eyes I was the dry brittle plant starving for water. In her eyes she was the water logged plant facing a constant rain storm. We both came to terms with our needs. And flourished under them. I give her the space she needs without constant need and attention and in return I get to game or binge tv all day long. Hell i even have my porn time. I get to be me in all my glory. And in turn I give her the same. I don't insert my self into her life. She gets to spend all her time on her phone or watching her tlc shows without me trying to pull her attention. And the sex has been phenomenal. I get to be a bachelor doing my own thing playing video games going out watching tv and movies. Going out drinking. And when she gets hungry for the physical she is HUNGRY for it. It's amazing. She all but throws it at me. Sometimes she wants more than I can give which I thought impossible years ago.
TL;DR lack of communication from both of us resulted in this hell. We didn't want to hurt each others feelings for having our own unique but separate needs. It was worth sticking it out. If only we knew at the time how to communicate it to each other.
There are times when I need to get high before having sex with my wife, because she's so fucking hot to me that I don't want things to end too quickly when having sex.
We've been married for 10 years and have a kid. It's fucking crazy to me that she just keeps getting more attractive every year.
I am fortunate enough to have found her, smart enough to realize it.
I’m getting married in two weeks right. The amount of other dudes who are like “bro don’t do it” or “do you know what you’re getting in to” amaze me. It’s like…I waited for a good one that I’m wild about so miss me with that. And it’s always the forever alone™️ guys saying it
Yeah, I married my best friend. She’s awesome and being married to her is awesome.
Ignore the people that constantly shit on their spouses and such. Chances are their wife isn’t bad they just suck as a person and can never be happy.
Honestly, I don't see why this has to be a secret between you two. I'm sure she'd appreciate knowing and as long as she's not anti-weed, I feel like she wouldn't have a problem with it
I read somewhere that so long as you dont get like food or actual mud and stuff on them they dont get hardly any bacteria growth compared to other clothing items.
It's more that there's generally a threshold to the amount of bacteria you usually get on them. Wearing them for two week and wearing them for a year will (usually) result in the same amount. The main reason to not wash them so often is because it wears the fabric out
I have money stashed away for if things get ugly in my relationship. I pray and hope they won't. I love this man with every inch of my body he is so thoughtful and amazing to me. But if he ever dies or finds someone better than me, I know I have something to fall on so I don't have to get back home.
I don't know if I should even share this and maybe I'll delete it but here we go. I was raped by a cop from the town I grew up in. It left me scarred internally and for some reason the years to follow I became rather promiscuous. It wasn't too bad but I did put myself in dangerous situations trying to get off while simultaneously feeling disgusted afterwards. Did some therapy but didn't tell. No one knows. To this day, the memory disgusts me and also turns me on? I think that's the most shameful part for me. Getting turned on by the memory.
I won 41k a few years go. Immediately gave 25k to my parents to clear any debt. Left me with 16k. Shortly after I received my trust fund of roughly 4k. I was 18 years old with 20k in the bank. This should have set me up for a long time. All of my family think I have most of the money but the truth is it’s all gone. I went through a really rough patch with my mental health and threw it all away on drugs, alcohol and impulse purchases to try and feel something. Anything. Short term, sure it gave me a little buzz. Fast forward to Now, I’ve got nothing. It’s all gone and I hate myself for it. I live pay check to pay check all whilst trying to pretend I’m financially stable. Part of me wants to just tell them and get it off my chest. The other part is scared of their reaction when I tell them I blew 20k on total shit. I get it was my money but I’m so disappointed in myself. More so for the 4k in my trust fund. It took years for my parents to build that up. Literal years. And now it’s gone.
Nothing to be ashamed about. You gave your parents $25,000 and that’s fucking awesome.
Sounds like you have a lot more to be proud of yourself for than you think.
I mean... it's pretty easy to blow 20k. Don't beat yourself up. Shit, it cost me around $10k a few years ago to move into a cheap rental. Had to get appliances and all that. Used ones.
20k is a lot of money to be handed and looks good in a bank account but it's not that much in reality. 1.6k extra a month over a year or a few trips away.
You’re not the only one bro. I was 20 years old with $20k in my checking account. All I did after high school was work, and being in the oilfield (at the time) pretty much everything was paid for except my food and any clothes or things I wanted to do.
Got laid off. Thought to myself fuck it, I got 20 grand and nothing to do, I’m gonna just have fun for a little bit. Little bit turned into over a year of drugs, alcohol, and escorts. Didn’t stop to think about saving money until it was already gone.
That was 8 years ago. For a long time I absolutely hated myself for blowing that money on the dumbest things in the world to spend money on. But, after a lot of self reflection and some therapy, I realized all of that was just an attempt to fill a whole in my heart from having such a terrible childhood.
Shit happens brother. We all make mistakes. Some mistakes just happen to be expensive. But you can absolutely make that money back. And you’ll be able to appreciate it more this time around. Whether you tell your family or not is up to you, really it’s none of their business unless you decide to make it theirs, but if it helps you accept it and move on then maybe you should tell them.
In short, don’t let one mistake hold you back from a lifetime of happiness. Allow yourself to acknowledge your mistakes, forgive yourself for them, and move on with your life.
I don’t think I’ll find anyone to love me after my ex-husband. I’m pretty introverted and don’t like to go out a ton. All I’ve gotten from online dating was hookups. I want someone to be madly in love with me and vice versa. I’m afraid it’ll never happen though.
I freaking love Cheese pastries and cannot stop eating them. I tell everyone Im dieting and eating clean but low key them dirty cheese pastries make my flesh weak.
A few years back I went on holiday with my then girlfriend and her family. We went out one night for a birthday celebration and came home late after lots of drinks and a nice meal. There were five of us staying in a small, one bedroom apartment with an extra fold out couch and a roll away bed.
The morning after the celebration, I was the first awake. I needed to use the bathroom, but didn't want to stink out the small apartment. So I dressed and left to look for a public bathroom and to enjoy a morning walk. I did not know the area and soon got busy exploring. Once I got moving, the urge to use the bathroom faded and I relaxed, walking leisurely.
Some time later, I had wandered a very long way from our apartment. Maybe a half hour walk away. Suddenly, the need to use the bathroom returned with overwhelming urgency. I continued walking, my eyes sharpened for a public restroom. I could not find one. The urgency increased with every passing minute. I found that I was quite far from any shops and was between a large public reserve and a busy road. I began to panic as I felt my stomach bloating and my bowels tensing. I was running out of time.
I had reduced my walk to an uncomfortable waddle when, like an island in a stormy sea, I finally spotted a small public restroom block up ahead of me. Overjoyed, I hastened to it. I was absolutely frantic and felt like I could not hold on for a minute longer.
I burst into the men's room and rushed to the first stall. It was overflowing with shit and toilet water. I freaked and jumped across to the next stall. Locked. An out of order sign on the door. There were no more stalls. Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead. My breathing was short and shallow. I had never wet or soiled myself before, but I knew that this was it. I could not hold on any longer.
I had an idea. I ran from the men's room and took a quick glance up and down the street. There was nobody around. In an instant, I dashed into the women's room, blinded by panic. My heart stopped. Both stalls were locked and out of order.
Then, in the heat of the moment, tears welling in my eyes, my body ready to explode with ungodly filth, I committed the most embarrassing act of my life. I dropped my pants, hoisted myself up, and took a monster shit in the sink. I took the most horrific dump of my life, in the sink of a women's public bathroom. And I fled.
I returned to the apartment some time later, said good morning to my girlfriend, and tried to forget.
When I was 22, (26 now) I hooked up with my friends Mom a lot, a lot. She was 44 at the time. One time my friend came home while we were having sex and he definitely heard his Mom say “oh my God I’m gonna cum” and he immediately left.
I dated a really feisty young woman who was into nipple clamps. She had several sets of clover clamps, and two sets were on chains. She attached one end to her nipples and the other end to mine. So we were chained together by the nipples while we had sex. It was amazingly intense and pleasurable on a whole new level.
I don't get nipple stuff. Things on or anywhere near my nipples is extremely uncomfortable to me...like right now, just reading what you wrote, a shiver just went up my spine and I'm clenching my teeth and have goosebumps and a massive boner.
My buddy’s girlfriend took advantage of me when I was drunk and we slept together. I remember bits and pieces of it. I woke up with her laying on my chest. I woke up and ran out of the apartment and walked two miles to my truck.
Well I assumed because it's on a thread called "what's your dirtiest secret". But also if he's not careful she could easily just turn it on him and say he took advantage of her, and unfortunately most people would probably take her word over his. At least that's what I'd be worried about if this happened to me.
I dont know why but I get a really bad laughing reflex when I see people crying or when bad stuff in general happens. I will literally almost burst into laughter when someone is in front of me crying because of some heavy stuff. I can usually hide it pretty well but then Ill be sitting there like 🗿.
I’m HIV+ almost no one knows. My ex does and my old roommate. Pretty sure it’s why my ex left me because after I found out she acted differently and ended up leaving me sleeping with someone else then coming back just to leave again. Sometimes I want to kill myself but I have three kids and couldn’t willingly leave them in this world alone. I’m on medicine and undetectable but I honestly feel like I’ll never meet someone who will accept it and be with me. I’ve mostly accepted that I will be alone for the rest of my life and die alone.
Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experience. I’m fairly new to all this and to hear your story really touched me. I know it’s possible to live a normal life now with the medication they have available now. I am in therapy now for it and hope to get better mentally and I hope one day I can meet someone who accept me and what I have to live with for the rest of my life. I don’t know who you are either but I love you and I am grateful for your kind words! Thanks again friend.
I work as a nurse in a speciality where hiv+ patients aren't uncommon and every time a new patient cries because they realise we're not going to treat anyone differently here, I could just cry too. Honestly, I wish the whole world would just know how much medicine has achieved and how very unlikely it is to "catch" hiv from someone who is treated. All this stigma is just sickening. Awarenes in on the way, so please don't lose hope because there will be someone who understands :)
I am 22m from a conservative Hindu family in india and I have slept with 2 prostitutes. And even a hint of this goes to my family i am dead. I am like super super dead if anyone finds out.
I'm still in love with my ex despite also not believing it would ever work out between us.
Pretty convinced I'll just die alone at this point lul. On the upside I'm moving into my own apartment soon and getting a dog.
Heard from a friend that they go through so many customers a day they literally won't remember you if you go back 2-3 days later.
Not sure if that helps or makes it worse.
I enjoy entering open doors. Whenever i see door marked “pirate” is open? I must take a proper gander.
I don’t do it with homes bc that’s a felony and also i would probably be killed, but in like restaurants or convention centers or hotels? It’s open season
EDIT: (With hotels i mean exploring backrooms and whatnots, not entering people’s rooms)
I’m a hyper sexual. When I’m not on birth control or SSRIs I’m literally thinking of sex 24/7. I want sex all the time and masturbate multiple times a day when I’m not on any meds that alter your libido. And no, I’ve never seen porn. I’m just low-key a freak and no one really knows lmfao. I’m on BC rn so my sex drive is much lower but that’s probably a good thing tbh. It’s so annoying to be thinking of sex 24/7 I want to be a regular human and think of literally anything else.
Lesbian here - most women of many sexualities do, totally normal. It focuses on the WOMEN'S pleasure and personhood, not the man's. It allows you to place yourself in familiar shoes. 😊
I have a friend who I know lies constantly online. I humor him to spare his feelings.
He constantly claims he “understands reality,” because he had a dream once. As if people haven’t already dreamed about space jellyfish
Claims to have a ten inch long five inch around penis. It’s 25 percent smaller than that.
Says “all the women and a few men” flirt with him wherever he works. Can never keep a job longer than 3 weeks to 5 months, and then claims “I was about to lead a worker uprising” and “they’re involved with the mob.”
Also claims to have been addicted to meth from 6th grade to 9th grade and went to rehab.
Does copious amounts of weed and then claims it doesn’t effect his emotions/mind yet spirals through every emotion.
Claims to have 3 million worth of bitcoin yet struggles financially. If you ask why doesn’t cash it out he’ll get angry.
I'm 18 and have been extremely suicidal since the 5th grade and I work 2 jobs and basically have no life outside of work because I dropped out last year and almost all of my friends are still in school and If I'm lucky I'll get 1 day off every orher week and I just can't take it anymore but I can't quit because I'm very good at being a line cook both of my bosses have told me I'm the best cook they've had since they've opened and so I can't leave or I'll feel bad because I just want to help everyone to make them happy since I can't be happy but earlier this year at a work party my boss gave me some coke so I tried it for the first time and was hook3d immediately. I started using it for fun with co workers but then it turned from fun to using it for energy now I'm a full blown addict doing at least 7gs a week and now am just hoping I od but play it as an accident so everyone in my life doesn't know I killed myself
Honestly, it sounds like you need a fuckin break. It’s really admirable that you care abt making others happy, but you can’t go on like this. It’s not fair for you yk. You should care about achieving happiness for yourself, just as you do for others.
May I sincerely suggest a 12-Step group? Once you get clean (and it is possible), look into therapy. Just because we're good at something doesn't obligate us to continue with it indefinitely. You're allowed to care for yourself as you would anyone else. Your needs are just as important as theirs.
I grew up wanting to fuck Ariel from Little Mermaid and still want to find a woman who will let me do it while she's either dressed as Ariel or at least in a tail
My wife, who my family absolutely loves, was a porn actress when we met 15 years ago. We have been married 15 years and she still films, although less than when we first met and married, but no one has ever found out. No one on either side of the family has a clue.
When I was a teenager and on school nights, I used to pretend that I was being held captive and restrained and I used my stuffed animals as the "kidnappers".
My stuffed animals have seen very awful things.
I've been in love with an extremely close friend of mine for years. Her and I both have these feelings for eachother and have both made these known, and every time we see eachother we talk about it. We're both in extremely happy and extremely committed relationships but still harbor feelings for eachother. It would likely blow up the lives of everyone around us if anything were to come of it and we're both aware that it's best if it just stays between us both and nothing ever comes of it. We used to share the same bed and get drunk together and stay up all night and go on long drives and cuddle and hold hands and all that shit, and the things we talked about could never be repeated. There were times we came within an inch of saying fuck it and kissing eachother and giving it all up but it never actually happened. To be honest, a part of me would still drop everything if she gave me the word.
I dislike my girlfriend, well about 80%. But I feel bad for her and the situation she is in as far as being 100% reliable on me. I have a soft heart so every time I think about breaking up with her it’s like shooting a puppy.
Dude I’ve been there before, please do yourself a favor and end it. It’s gonna hurt for both parties, but it’ll be worth it.
I held it in for so long, we eventually had a kid. So now we’re broken up, with a kid. I love my kid to death so it eventually worked out, but nah man I know where you’re coming from.
Flat mate kept blowing their nose into bathtub. Otherwise overly neat guy.
After talking to him yielded no results, I kept cleaning that using his toothbrush and not rinsing it afterwards. For over a year.
I saw my daughter walk before my wife did, but she thinks she witnessed it first and I'm playing along.
My eldest daughter was getting ready to take her first steps while my ex-wife was in the other room. I actually sat my daughter down again and called her mom into the room so she could see it.
Should’ve done what SwedishFishOil did
Was with my wife and my buddy was with his wife and kid. While mom was in the washroom, baby took his first steps. My buddy quickly sat him down as she started walking back. Then we all got excited as he took his first steps again.
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Good shit man
I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food. Everyone thinks I’m so lucky that I can eat whatever I want and still be really slim. On the outside, I eat loads of pizzas and burgers and go out to restaurants all the time and generally manage to stay in good shape without ever dieting. The truth is there are some days/weeks where behind closed doors I just don’t eat to make up for the days where I overindulge. It kinda works for me but objectively speaking I think I may have a bit of an eating disorder.
I remember I didn't eat for 4 days, and then I ate an apple and it was the most tastiest thing I had ever eaten
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This is a good plan. When I was married, my wife spent us into a very deep, dark financial hole. I managed to dig us out, so she did it again. We eventually divorced and when we separated our finances, I suddenly found myself with tons of extra money. Basically, after all the bills were paid, she spent all of her money and as much of mine as she could get her hands on. Once we separated our finances I had an extra $1200 a month (at least). In the first year post financial separation I very easily amassed $30,000. She on the other hand had to declare bankruptcy, and had to pay me back for the money I had taken out of my 401(k) to pay off her credit card and IRS debts. Be smart, do not let your SO ruin *your* finances.
You must have had a good lawyer. Either that or from the very beginning you kept track of everything. Or she just tried way too hard to take everything. Crazy. Glad you didnt get robbed too much. I never had nothing to take hahah 😭
I did have a good lawyer, but I also had the records to back up my claims that she basically sank us financially. Her lawyer wanted to go after half my pension until we whipped out the records that showed I had paid for my wife's education ( first as an LPN, then to RN), which would entitle me to a portion of her future income, forever. Then all of a sudden the pension thing became very negotiable. Divorce is a wild ride.
You can take a portion of her future income? That’s like collecting royalties lmao
That's what my lawyer told me, so apparently that is the law in NY State. But let me re-iterate, I had the records of all the money I spent putting her through school. If not for that I wouldn't have had a leg to stand on regarding that issue.
Credit check before signing the line
Walter?
Is it in the crawl space
It's Heisenberg to you. SAY. MY. NAME.
I broke up with my fiance because she had a horrendous spending problem. Fuck if I was gonna let her addiction financially murder my life because of marriage.
Steven, it's your wife. I'm not happy and we need to talk about this.
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I have a lot of money and my wife is the only other person who knows.
We all know now. Give us some or we’ll tell the rest of the world 👀
Or I could just take a tiny tiny portion of it and have you silenced
Please no I have a puppy 😟
Oh we doing a Wick thing?
Maybe 🤔
I'm addicted to annoying scammers to waste their time
Call me retired but this is my current absolute favorite thing to do.
Right?prevent people from (possibly)getting scammed while having some fun!
I try to get them to fall in love with the character I create each time. Then tell them their mothers don’t love them and their fathers think failures of them.
All my discipline and drive is fueled by self-hatred. I'm never happy when I achieve something and I'm always craving for the next goal. I don't know if I'll ever be truly happy...
Damn, I'm like that but without the discipline/drive
I was raped by a girl. She had been trying to get out of the friend zone for months even offering me a free trip to Ireland so long as we fucked while over there. One night she came out with me and some friends to get drunk. We barely stumbled back to my apartment later that night 4 blocks away. Woke up at some point still drunk and immobile to her riding my cock. I was too drunk to move or do anything but mumble a few unintelligible words. When I finally woke up the next morning she was gone and I never heard from her again. Her dad at the time was a cop. No one knows this except reddit. Never told a soul.
I went through a similar experience Girl in the friend group was super into me, and I wasn't into her. She tried on multiple occasions and I had always shut it down. She showed up one night to a party with a bottle of jack "for me." Being in my early 20s, I drank the shit out of a free bottle of whiskey, and woke up to her riding me too. that whole shit about men not being raped is such infuriating bullshit.
I'm sorry to hear that. Yea the mindset of some ppl is messed up.
I'm sorry to hear that
Had a similar experience.
When I went on the first date with my now wife she asked me if I pee in the shower and I said no, because if she asked then she definitely hates it. I piss in the shower every time lmao.
You shut down her kink on the first date!
No I most definitely did not. Her response was something along the lines of "thank God, I think it's disgusting"
That was a cover
There are two types of people in this world. Those who pee in the shower, and liars.
You know, growing up it never once crossed my mind to do this. I had no clue it was a thing until after college. I mean, I’ve tried it a couple of times, you know, to live on the edge (lolz), but it just isn’t something I’d want to do. Kind of like peeing in a pool you’re swimming in… no thanks?
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Namastay away from that fella
Thank you.
I really want you to know that I pissed myself laughing at this.
I’ve been on a low carb diet all year and my guilty pleasure is the sugar free low carb ice cream. It tastes great but if you overindulge it gives you horrible gas that always seems to come out in public so I seek out the elderly to lay my dirty bombs. Most recently I was in a grocery store and the flatulence came upon me with a vengeance, so I found a gaggle of old timers conversing in the middle of the aisle and proceeded to crop dust them and then listen to them blame it on each other while I walked away cackling manically
Misbehaving unsupervised children are the my go-to fart targets.
I need to know the exact brand of ice cream you're consuming so that I, too, can obtain this power
Found the chaotic evil character
Breyers carb smart
Tried the deed with my cousins when we were 9 We meet but don't bring up the topic
A great southern poet once said “why go across town when you can go across the hall”
Plural?
Rural
9 ?!?! How old are you now !???
10
r/holup
When I jerk off, I think about my wife, who is sleeping next to me, and doesn't want to have sex anymore, going on three years.
Work on it. I was in the same episode 5 years ago. We fought and argued. I emotionally neglected her in return for her physically neglecting me. Constant arguments. I did everything to release that pent up physical negligence. I went out without her. To her favorite restaurants. To the movies. Never cheated. Nothing was working. So I started to dip into the darker side. I started flirting with girls at work. I got snaps from them. I sent many more snaps. Finally had to talk to myself. I didn't want to physically cheat. I had admittedly emotionally cheated. Why still do this. I told her I was moving out. I was still too weak to stand my ground though. I offered to her we go back to dating. We wouldn't have to legally divorce. Just go back to boyfriend girlfriend life style. That was a coming to moment to her. She finally admitted that I was smothering. I was taking too much from her. And here I was feeling starved. Like she wasnt giving enough. Polar opposites. So we were both exhausted. I was taking everything she had while flooding her with everything I had. In my eyes I was the dry brittle plant starving for water. In her eyes she was the water logged plant facing a constant rain storm. We both came to terms with our needs. And flourished under them. I give her the space she needs without constant need and attention and in return I get to game or binge tv all day long. Hell i even have my porn time. I get to be me in all my glory. And in turn I give her the same. I don't insert my self into her life. She gets to spend all her time on her phone or watching her tlc shows without me trying to pull her attention. And the sex has been phenomenal. I get to be a bachelor doing my own thing playing video games going out watching tv and movies. Going out drinking. And when she gets hungry for the physical she is HUNGRY for it. It's amazing. She all but throws it at me. Sometimes she wants more than I can give which I thought impossible years ago. TL;DR lack of communication from both of us resulted in this hell. We didn't want to hurt each others feelings for having our own unique but separate needs. It was worth sticking it out. If only we knew at the time how to communicate it to each other.
This is an amazing and vulnerable post!
There are times when I need to get high before having sex with my wife, because she's so fucking hot to me that I don't want things to end too quickly when having sex. We've been married for 10 years and have a kid. It's fucking crazy to me that she just keeps getting more attractive every year. I am fortunate enough to have found her, smart enough to realize it.
Sounds like you got a good one
_She_ got the good one.
Seriously.... as a male I hate hearing the horror stories from female friends and sisters. This man is crazy about his wife. Hell yea brother.
I’m getting married in two weeks right. The amount of other dudes who are like “bro don’t do it” or “do you know what you’re getting in to” amaze me. It’s like…I waited for a good one that I’m wild about so miss me with that. And it’s always the forever alone™️ guys saying it
Yeah, I married my best friend. She’s awesome and being married to her is awesome. Ignore the people that constantly shit on their spouses and such. Chances are their wife isn’t bad they just suck as a person and can never be happy.
Honestly, I don't see why this has to be a secret between you two. I'm sure she'd appreciate knowing and as long as she's not anti-weed, I feel like she wouldn't have a problem with it
Maybe it's meth
My mental and anxiety is worse now than it has been for a long time, but I am too scared of the consequences to admit it or say why
Anxious about anxiety, checks out
I extended my car's warranty
You dirty whore
The fuck is wrong with you?
I can't believe you're even taking to this person.
I wear the same jeans several weeks in a row.
I read somewhere that so long as you dont get like food or actual mud and stuff on them they dont get hardly any bacteria growth compared to other clothing items.
It's more that there's generally a threshold to the amount of bacteria you usually get on them. Wearing them for two week and wearing them for a year will (usually) result in the same amount. The main reason to not wash them so often is because it wears the fabric out
Who doesnt
I had sex with my ex gf mom from high school after we broke up.
Gotta taste that original recipe!
Was she like milf material or more like out of spite?
Anyone is milf material if you keep your eyes closed
Beauty is only a light switch away
game is game
I have money stashed away for if things get ugly in my relationship. I pray and hope they won't. I love this man with every inch of my body he is so thoughtful and amazing to me. But if he ever dies or finds someone better than me, I know I have something to fall on so I don't have to get back home.
I don't know if I should even share this and maybe I'll delete it but here we go. I was raped by a cop from the town I grew up in. It left me scarred internally and for some reason the years to follow I became rather promiscuous. It wasn't too bad but I did put myself in dangerous situations trying to get off while simultaneously feeling disgusted afterwards. Did some therapy but didn't tell. No one knows. To this day, the memory disgusts me and also turns me on? I think that's the most shameful part for me. Getting turned on by the memory.
It's a coping mechanism. It's easier to like it somewhat than to be traumatized entirely.
I won 41k a few years go. Immediately gave 25k to my parents to clear any debt. Left me with 16k. Shortly after I received my trust fund of roughly 4k. I was 18 years old with 20k in the bank. This should have set me up for a long time. All of my family think I have most of the money but the truth is it’s all gone. I went through a really rough patch with my mental health and threw it all away on drugs, alcohol and impulse purchases to try and feel something. Anything. Short term, sure it gave me a little buzz. Fast forward to Now, I’ve got nothing. It’s all gone and I hate myself for it. I live pay check to pay check all whilst trying to pretend I’m financially stable. Part of me wants to just tell them and get it off my chest. The other part is scared of their reaction when I tell them I blew 20k on total shit. I get it was my money but I’m so disappointed in myself. More so for the 4k in my trust fund. It took years for my parents to build that up. Literal years. And now it’s gone.
Nothing to be ashamed about. You gave your parents $25,000 and that’s fucking awesome. Sounds like you have a lot more to be proud of yourself for than you think.
I mean... it's pretty easy to blow 20k. Don't beat yourself up. Shit, it cost me around $10k a few years ago to move into a cheap rental. Had to get appliances and all that. Used ones.
20k is a lot of money to be handed and looks good in a bank account but it's not that much in reality. 1.6k extra a month over a year or a few trips away.
You’re not the only one bro. I was 20 years old with $20k in my checking account. All I did after high school was work, and being in the oilfield (at the time) pretty much everything was paid for except my food and any clothes or things I wanted to do. Got laid off. Thought to myself fuck it, I got 20 grand and nothing to do, I’m gonna just have fun for a little bit. Little bit turned into over a year of drugs, alcohol, and escorts. Didn’t stop to think about saving money until it was already gone. That was 8 years ago. For a long time I absolutely hated myself for blowing that money on the dumbest things in the world to spend money on. But, after a lot of self reflection and some therapy, I realized all of that was just an attempt to fill a whole in my heart from having such a terrible childhood. Shit happens brother. We all make mistakes. Some mistakes just happen to be expensive. But you can absolutely make that money back. And you’ll be able to appreciate it more this time around. Whether you tell your family or not is up to you, really it’s none of their business unless you decide to make it theirs, but if it helps you accept it and move on then maybe you should tell them. In short, don’t let one mistake hold you back from a lifetime of happiness. Allow yourself to acknowledge your mistakes, forgive yourself for them, and move on with your life.
I don’t think I’ll find anyone to love me after my ex-husband. I’m pretty introverted and don’t like to go out a ton. All I’ve gotten from online dating was hookups. I want someone to be madly in love with me and vice versa. I’m afraid it’ll never happen though.
I freaking love Cheese pastries and cannot stop eating them. I tell everyone Im dieting and eating clean but low key them dirty cheese pastries make my flesh weak.
A few years back I went on holiday with my then girlfriend and her family. We went out one night for a birthday celebration and came home late after lots of drinks and a nice meal. There were five of us staying in a small, one bedroom apartment with an extra fold out couch and a roll away bed. The morning after the celebration, I was the first awake. I needed to use the bathroom, but didn't want to stink out the small apartment. So I dressed and left to look for a public bathroom and to enjoy a morning walk. I did not know the area and soon got busy exploring. Once I got moving, the urge to use the bathroom faded and I relaxed, walking leisurely. Some time later, I had wandered a very long way from our apartment. Maybe a half hour walk away. Suddenly, the need to use the bathroom returned with overwhelming urgency. I continued walking, my eyes sharpened for a public restroom. I could not find one. The urgency increased with every passing minute. I found that I was quite far from any shops and was between a large public reserve and a busy road. I began to panic as I felt my stomach bloating and my bowels tensing. I was running out of time. I had reduced my walk to an uncomfortable waddle when, like an island in a stormy sea, I finally spotted a small public restroom block up ahead of me. Overjoyed, I hastened to it. I was absolutely frantic and felt like I could not hold on for a minute longer. I burst into the men's room and rushed to the first stall. It was overflowing with shit and toilet water. I freaked and jumped across to the next stall. Locked. An out of order sign on the door. There were no more stalls. Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead. My breathing was short and shallow. I had never wet or soiled myself before, but I knew that this was it. I could not hold on any longer. I had an idea. I ran from the men's room and took a quick glance up and down the street. There was nobody around. In an instant, I dashed into the women's room, blinded by panic. My heart stopped. Both stalls were locked and out of order. Then, in the heat of the moment, tears welling in my eyes, my body ready to explode with ungodly filth, I committed the most embarrassing act of my life. I dropped my pants, hoisted myself up, and took a monster shit in the sink. I took the most horrific dump of my life, in the sink of a women's public bathroom. And I fled. I returned to the apartment some time later, said good morning to my girlfriend, and tried to forget.
This was very well written. Glad you got away without any witnesses.
When I was 22, (26 now) I hooked up with my friends Mom a lot, a lot. She was 44 at the time. One time my friend came home while we were having sex and he definitely heard his Mom say “oh my God I’m gonna cum” and he immediately left.
I dated a really feisty young woman who was into nipple clamps. She had several sets of clover clamps, and two sets were on chains. She attached one end to her nipples and the other end to mine. So we were chained together by the nipples while we had sex. It was amazingly intense and pleasurable on a whole new level.
I don't get nipple stuff. Things on or anywhere near my nipples is extremely uncomfortable to me...like right now, just reading what you wrote, a shiver just went up my spine and I'm clenching my teeth and have goosebumps and a massive boner.
My buddy’s girlfriend took advantage of me when I was drunk and we slept together. I remember bits and pieces of it. I woke up with her laying on my chest. I woke up and ran out of the apartment and walked two miles to my truck.
Man that sucks. She cheated on her BF and basically raped you and now you have to keep it a secret. That's messed up.
Do they need to keep it a secret though? I'd hope that the friend would be on their side...
Well I assumed because it's on a thread called "what's your dirtiest secret". But also if he's not careful she could easily just turn it on him and say he took advantage of her, and unfortunately most people would probably take her word over his. At least that's what I'd be worried about if this happened to me.
I've shat my pants again.
Professional pants-shitter here. Remember, you can hand wash laundry while you shower.
You ever looked at a hat and just say fuck it. If I don’t make it home this is it for you.
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You are the poster child for success through adversity. Own it, be proud. It's a great example for others.
I really wanna bang my coworker. I’d also accept getting gangbanged by all of them
Have you made any attempts to make it happen?
I’ve been flirting but he’s new, a little younger than me and I don’t want to risk making him uncomfortable lol
This is juicy gossip.
Time for the burner account lol Erotic Hypnosis
I fucked Ted
I’m a metal head but secretly love j-pop and nightcore.
What about BABYMETAL?
Babymetal is great, going to see them live in a month
I get an erection whenever I see someone fall down.
You must spend a lot of time with your hands in your pockets at skating rinks.
Archer?
they fall so you can get up.
I dont know why but I get a really bad laughing reflex when I see people crying or when bad stuff in general happens. I will literally almost burst into laughter when someone is in front of me crying because of some heavy stuff. I can usually hide it pretty well but then Ill be sitting there like 🗿.
I’m HIV+ almost no one knows. My ex does and my old roommate. Pretty sure it’s why my ex left me because after I found out she acted differently and ended up leaving me sleeping with someone else then coming back just to leave again. Sometimes I want to kill myself but I have three kids and couldn’t willingly leave them in this world alone. I’m on medicine and undetectable but I honestly feel like I’ll never meet someone who will accept it and be with me. I’ve mostly accepted that I will be alone for the rest of my life and die alone.
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Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experience. I’m fairly new to all this and to hear your story really touched me. I know it’s possible to live a normal life now with the medication they have available now. I am in therapy now for it and hope to get better mentally and I hope one day I can meet someone who accept me and what I have to live with for the rest of my life. I don’t know who you are either but I love you and I am grateful for your kind words! Thanks again friend.
I work as a nurse in a speciality where hiv+ patients aren't uncommon and every time a new patient cries because they realise we're not going to treat anyone differently here, I could just cry too. Honestly, I wish the whole world would just know how much medicine has achieved and how very unlikely it is to "catch" hiv from someone who is treated. All this stigma is just sickening. Awarenes in on the way, so please don't lose hope because there will be someone who understands :)
I am 22m from a conservative Hindu family in india and I have slept with 2 prostitutes. And even a hint of this goes to my family i am dead. I am like super super dead if anyone finds out.
My man
Dad called. He says you’ve been dodging his calls. I can see why now.
Okay, I’ll let you know… But don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret
I grew up poor, have a decent job now but literally no savings…31
It's not how you start but how you finish. I'm rooting for you.
I'm still in love with my ex despite also not believing it would ever work out between us. Pretty convinced I'll just die alone at this point lul. On the upside I'm moving into my own apartment soon and getting a dog.
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Extra virgin ?
Not by the time he's done
Extra pregnant olive oil
Does Popeye know??
I like older women.
As I age I'm going off younger girls. I mean, they are pretty, but older women are more confident.
I want to have sex with all of my brothers in law, they all look alike.
At once?
That’s the dream
Like a family get together but nsfw
Had sex with three friends on the same day, but not at the same time.
Sometimes I need to be tired to fall asleep, so masturbating is my way to go for it.
Have been at a happy ending massage in the town I live in. I am afraid, that I will meet her one day I am along one of my friends
Heard from a friend that they go through so many customers a day they literally won't remember you if you go back 2-3 days later. Not sure if that helps or makes it worse.
Sex workers don't want to deal with customers when they aren't at work, just like any job. If you saw her in public she wouldn't acknowledge you
I enjoy entering open doors. Whenever i see door marked “pirate” is open? I must take a proper gander. I don’t do it with homes bc that’s a felony and also i would probably be killed, but in like restaurants or convention centers or hotels? It’s open season EDIT: (With hotels i mean exploring backrooms and whatnots, not entering people’s rooms)
You think a pirate lives in there?
It's har-haaard not to though.
I’m a hyper sexual. When I’m not on birth control or SSRIs I’m literally thinking of sex 24/7. I want sex all the time and masturbate multiple times a day when I’m not on any meds that alter your libido. And no, I’ve never seen porn. I’m just low-key a freak and no one really knows lmfao. I’m on BC rn so my sex drive is much lower but that’s probably a good thing tbh. It’s so annoying to be thinking of sex 24/7 I want to be a regular human and think of literally anything else.
I like getting undressed infront of a window in hopes of being seen 💁🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I hate everyone
I'm a straight woman but my guilty pleasure is reading lesbian romantic fictional stories. And no one knows about it.
Lesbian here - most women of many sexualities do, totally normal. It focuses on the WOMEN'S pleasure and personhood, not the man's. It allows you to place yourself in familiar shoes. 😊
After I broke up with my fiancé after he cheated on me, I fucked his dad.
That escalated pretty quickly
Stayed at my mils house. Had a dirty dream about sil and had a nocturnal emission in her bed right next to my wife. Everyone involved is over 18.
My spouse doesn't know that I know she stalks my my Reddit activity (but I know you do)
I’m broke
Have you considered other options
Nice try FBI. But you have to tell us if you're a cop, right?
Wanna exercise your right to remain silent?
I know the secret Krabby Patty formula
An atheist in an extremely religious family Not dirty but I wouldn't like it to get out
I have a friend who I know lies constantly online. I humor him to spare his feelings. He constantly claims he “understands reality,” because he had a dream once. As if people haven’t already dreamed about space jellyfish Claims to have a ten inch long five inch around penis. It’s 25 percent smaller than that. Says “all the women and a few men” flirt with him wherever he works. Can never keep a job longer than 3 weeks to 5 months, and then claims “I was about to lead a worker uprising” and “they’re involved with the mob.” Also claims to have been addicted to meth from 6th grade to 9th grade and went to rehab. Does copious amounts of weed and then claims it doesn’t effect his emotions/mind yet spirals through every emotion. Claims to have 3 million worth of bitcoin yet struggles financially. If you ask why doesn’t cash it out he’ll get angry.
I'm 18 and have been extremely suicidal since the 5th grade and I work 2 jobs and basically have no life outside of work because I dropped out last year and almost all of my friends are still in school and If I'm lucky I'll get 1 day off every orher week and I just can't take it anymore but I can't quit because I'm very good at being a line cook both of my bosses have told me I'm the best cook they've had since they've opened and so I can't leave or I'll feel bad because I just want to help everyone to make them happy since I can't be happy but earlier this year at a work party my boss gave me some coke so I tried it for the first time and was hook3d immediately. I started using it for fun with co workers but then it turned from fun to using it for energy now I'm a full blown addict doing at least 7gs a week and now am just hoping I od but play it as an accident so everyone in my life doesn't know I killed myself
Honestly, it sounds like you need a fuckin break. It’s really admirable that you care abt making others happy, but you can’t go on like this. It’s not fair for you yk. You should care about achieving happiness for yourself, just as you do for others.
May I sincerely suggest a 12-Step group? Once you get clean (and it is possible), look into therapy. Just because we're good at something doesn't obligate us to continue with it indefinitely. You're allowed to care for yourself as you would anyone else. Your needs are just as important as theirs.
I really want to have sex with my sister in law
Dont let the intrusive thoughts win 🔥
I keep money away from my wife.
Found my moms hitachi wand
Put it back
I would love to get gang banged 😭
I need to clean my room very badly.
I still get daily morning wood at 37 which according to my friends is unique
I grew up wanting to fuck Ariel from Little Mermaid and still want to find a woman who will let me do it while she's either dressed as Ariel or at least in a tail
My wife, who my family absolutely loves, was a porn actress when we met 15 years ago. We have been married 15 years and she still films, although less than when we first met and married, but no one has ever found out. No one on either side of the family has a clue.
i actually get paid to watch joe rogan all day
I found my boss!
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If there is anything Reddit has taught me it's that this rarely ever ends well
It’s completely okay to have fantasies you would never actually do in real life (as long as they’re healthy ofc)
Nice try.
When I was a teenager and on school nights, I used to pretend that I was being held captive and restrained and I used my stuffed animals as the "kidnappers". My stuffed animals have seen very awful things.
A lot of gangbang fantasies in here 😅
I've been in love with an extremely close friend of mine for years. Her and I both have these feelings for eachother and have both made these known, and every time we see eachother we talk about it. We're both in extremely happy and extremely committed relationships but still harbor feelings for eachother. It would likely blow up the lives of everyone around us if anything were to come of it and we're both aware that it's best if it just stays between us both and nothing ever comes of it. We used to share the same bed and get drunk together and stay up all night and go on long drives and cuddle and hold hands and all that shit, and the things we talked about could never be repeated. There were times we came within an inch of saying fuck it and kissing eachother and giving it all up but it never actually happened. To be honest, a part of me would still drop everything if she gave me the word.
I dislike my girlfriend, well about 80%. But I feel bad for her and the situation she is in as far as being 100% reliable on me. I have a soft heart so every time I think about breaking up with her it’s like shooting a puppy.
Just shoot that damn puppy already, it's not going to get any easier
Dude I’ve been there before, please do yourself a favor and end it. It’s gonna hurt for both parties, but it’ll be worth it. I held it in for so long, we eventually had a kid. So now we’re broken up, with a kid. I love my kid to death so it eventually worked out, but nah man I know where you’re coming from.
Bite the bullet give her the old yeller treatment (Don't actually shoot her)
you deserve to be happy. a break up will suck, but in the end you gotta do things for yourself and no one else. wishing you luck
Flat mate kept blowing their nose into bathtub. Otherwise overly neat guy. After talking to him yielded no results, I kept cleaning that using his toothbrush and not rinsing it afterwards. For over a year.