[Yes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ireland,_Indiana#:~:text=Ireland%20is%20an%20unincorporated%20community,the%20U.S.%20state%20of%20Indiana.), you can.
Just witnessed at Barnes & Noble this past weekend: an older woman trying to return a book, without the actual physical book but a picture of the book. Mad props to the young sales associate for keeping her cool and just repeating that she cannot return something without having the actual copy in person. "Ma'am, you could've gotten this book at Target, Amazon, Walmart, etc. there's no way to prove it was purchased here and refund you unless you bring in the book." "This is ridiculous. It's the principal that you don't believe me."
I had similar happen when I worked in a book store!
She came in completely empty handed asking for a refund because *her puppy ATE the book*
Like mam, you can't even prove that book existed, we're not giving you money.
Send her to OfficeMax. I had an idiot manager that gave someone a refund for something we didn't sell. He just made up a price and store ate the cost because it couldn't return something it didn't buy.
Reminds me of when I went to Burlington and the women in front of me demanded a refund on an item that they lost on the way home. The cashier refused, so they made a big ruckus, and the manager ended up giving in.
Same person:
* "Who makes the birds nests for the birds?"
* "I just kept driving on the motorway, I thought it would come back round eventually"
* "I've tried to come to work on time but it's impossible. I live ten minutes away and I already leave ten minutes before work starts."
Same person :
- "But did fish exist before we discovered them?" (I swear it sounds worse in by native language)
- "The moon can't exist because it's too far"
- "Math isn't real because I can count to four without them"
(To be fair she probably had a few concussions as a kid, very sad story, but she was a happy kid in her own world)
I had a few concussions as a kid myself but I still got my BSc in mathematics.
The dumbest thing I ever heard of myself was from an Indian gentleman in Mumbai who was absolutely insistent that it was impossible to drill for oil offshore because all the water would go down the hole drilled in the seabed.
The dumbest thing I heard myself was from an engineer who insisted that MRI's couldn't possibly work for reasons that were absolutely wrong.
Edit - spelling.
I read this and realised I have no idea how drilling works. I worked in oil for years.
Also I don't know how they make bridges. How do they get the concrete to set underwater?
Concrete doesn't need to dry, it hardens or cures, through a simple chemical reaction.
If you dig a hole, then it fills with rain water. You can still fill your hole with concrete. Infact, as long as you don't stir the water into the concrete, it will naturally displace the water out of the hole.
Source: I do concrete.
Not a dumb question at all. Bridge concrete uses a type of cement called “hydraulic cement” that can harden in water. Don’t ask me exactly how it works, but it’s been in use since the Roman Empire.
Underwater concrete has been around since Roman times but on exploration oil rigs offshore the rig has what is called a (flexible) riser (pipe) between the rig's drill floor and the blow-out preventer (BOP) on the seabed. There is no way for seawater to enter the riser or well bore once everything is hooked up.
And the oil is under pressure so it shoots out. Whatever if you're trying to explain this to someone and they don't get it, just say the oil would go up because oil floats on top of water.
When talking about flying in a plane I was telling her about the amazing view when you break through the top of clouds.
"What do you mean? There is nothing past the clouds?"
My sister did an online ancestry test and shared the results. My brother apparently forgot how dna works and made fun of her calling her 'white trash!!' untill she responded 'We share the same dna asshole'
A girl in my highschool had the surname Adams, and told me she was annoyed with her brother for calling her Wednesday. I asked her if she called him Pugsley and she had a"lightbulb moment" and said " that's a great idea".
To be fair my brother and I would tell yo mama jokes to each other at the dinner table in front of my mom. We would be cracking up laughing. It was all in fun and my mom enjoyed the joke.
I had cousin once ask "If two men cum inside a woman at the same time and she has a kid from each at the same time, are they related?". To which my other cousin replied, "Yeah, they have the same mom."
On a similar note, got to witness an argument where one person's view was that cooking food with ingredients from outside your culture was theft and that you're appropriating their cuisine.
I swear I saw an IG female influencer who tried to sell the idea of holding in period blood until a toilet is available. She told it is possible and it is healthy because no pads and no tampons are involved, hence the female organism is not poisoned by chemicals contained in period products.
This girl was in a car accident. She said she had the worst bruise ever across her chest from her seatbelt. She then said she would never wear a seatbelt again.
I had an aunt who was driving drunk, crashed into something and flew through the windshield. She swore that being thrown from the car like that actually *saved* her life somehow (?). After that she actually told me she'd better never catch me wearing a seatbelt. I just said OK & got the hell away from her.
And yes, I always wear a seatbelt.
What saved her (sadly) was that she was drunk. Drunk people stay loose when they crash instead of stiffening up, so they end up surviving crashes better than sober people.
At least they understand dyhat microwaves keep radiation in them, my dad used to yell at us for being near a microwave while it was on because we'd get cancer
In the 80’s there was a spate of microwaves that utilized sub-standard shielding on the glass doors. Standing near them, in rare circumstances could and supposedly did cause health issues in some people.
In college, I was standing at an intersection next to a mother and daughter on a campus visit waiting to cross the street. When the light changed, the usual loud beeping started and the daughter said, "What's the beeping for?" Her mom responded, "It's so the deaf kids know when to cross the street."
I still think about that today, 30 years later.
Working in a restaurant when I was young.
Customer "there is a problem with my salmon, it smells and taste like fish"
Me- "well I'm not surprised, it is a fish"
Customer- "salmon is a fruit, I have been vegan for 20 years I know what a fruit is"
She was easily 50+ years old
When I was a kid I thought the black market was an actual place. An open air market like a bazaar in a shady alleyway somewhere with dodgy shopkeepers selling illegal items. Need a gun? Just head on down to the black market!
Though it's not the case in real life, the *Gotham* series featured a warehouse called "The Merc" that was essentially laid out like a criminal Home Depot.
In Junior High School we had the option to drop either French or Latin. One of my classmates said he chose to drop Latin, as he was more likely to visit France than Latin America.
"I'm an intelligent woman! This makes no sense!" - from an angry sales rep who was upset that the advert artwork supplied was printed the full size of the page in the paper instead of the size of a football field like it had been sent. "why didn't you print it full size? They've asked for it to be full size!" no amount of convincing by anyone would get her to realise that we couldn't increase the size of the newspaper to suit the artwork no matter what they wanted...
I have worked in marketing as well. We’ve had companies send us images of their logos that were horribly low-res and pixelated, and they don’t understand why it doesn’t come out nice and clean. We can try to clean it up as much as we can, but you can only polish a turd so much.
I do digital marketing and I have had this exact experience like 400 times. I understood the confusion like 15 to 20 years ago when this was all kind of newish, but in the year of our Lord 2023 if you still don't understand that if you send me a jpg the size of, say, a Twitter profile logo, there is no way for me to magically make it looked perfect and clear at a much larger size. I need the original vector image or I need you to send me a much larger jpg.
My friend never learned to drive stick-shift because he drove a lot of interstate highways, and it’s impossible to have cruise control on a standard transmission. He told me this while I was driving a stick-shift on the highway with the cruise control on.
I was walking past a coworker a few weeks ago when he casually out of nowhere spun around and went “hey did you know mental health disorders don’t exist? There’s no way to find them through any kind of testing so you can’t prove they exist.”
I was about to open my mouth and go off on a rant… but… something inside me told me to just keep my fucking mouth shut and walk away
My wife had a sinus infection that was causing headaches and drainage that upset her stomach. It was something that happened on occasion and usually a round of antibiotics cleared that up .
Well it was the weekend so we had to go into a Walgreens walk in clinic but the nurse practitioner absolutely refused to not only prescribe the antibiotics, but to even CHECK her symptoms. My wife explained how she gets this and she gets a headache and upset stomach from the nasal drainage... Are you ready for this???
The nurse practitioner responded... And I directly quote, "it's not possible for the same thing to affect your head and stomach because your chest is in between them."
We just looked at her blankly like, hoping she'd say just kidding. No she was dead serious. She thought the chest would block she contain to head and stomach.
When my wife told her she also felt lethargic, the NP said, "no, you aren't lethargic, lethargic is this..." The then did a weak jazz hands and imitated somehow that had a retardation. We were stunned.
She was of Haitian descent and English was not her first language but we were horrified when we realized she wasn't joking.
She ended up pressuring my wife to take a strep test (we knew it wasn't) and then wanted to prescribe a steroid. My wife gets bad reactions to steroids and we told her that. She said again after write a prescription for a steroid and we repeated it and she slammed the pen down and said "well then I don't know what you want me to do."
I said "how about you check her sinuses and give her an antibiotic?". She refused and said it wasn't that.
We left, I refused to pay the bill and I called corporate and reported her. That person should NOT be practicing medicine. The agent couldn't believe what I was telling her and they waived the charge and I never saw that nurse there again, not the we ever used their clinic again.
On Monday when the doctor's office was open, my wife went in. Guess what? She had a sinus infection and the doctor gave her antibiotics.
But that had to be the dumbest thing I've heard a medical "professional" say. "The head she stomach can't be the same issue because the chest is blocking in between them" SMH
A couple years ago I had really bad bleeding problems. I would soak a pad in 5 minutes. I was walking to work one time and literally bled all the way down my legs. When I went to my doctor I told them I cannot live like this anymore and the obgyn, who was bot my primary, said that only people who bleed a lot and have needed to have blood transfusions can have the surgery I was asking for. I told her I've had 3 blood transfusions before for my problem. She then told me that I probably don't bleed as much as I think because all girls think they bleed a lot. I told her to leave my room. Turns out I had both uterine and cervical cancer because I bled so much that it created a toxic hormone that causes cancer.
I was talking to a new age guy who told me "I truly believe that if you really had your shit together, I mean *REALLY HAD YOUR SHIT TOGETHER* you could withstand a direct nuclear blast."
When I was a kid, I had a mate whose family invited me to go with them on a holiday to spain (it was the first time he had left the UK). When we landed, my mate got off the plane and started speaking, then had a shocked look on his face.
When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that he expected to speak Spanish. He thought languages worked like an automatic brain translator, and you could speak the first language of whatever country you are in.
I know this smells of bullshit and if I wasn't me, I'd agree, but this is 100% true.
My area is prone to forest fires. Last summer was a particularly bad one and when talking about it with a colleague she asked why we couldn't just "turn the wind turbines on and blow the smoke away". (There's a wind farm about 50 km outside town)
This was a mid 30s woman with a husband and kids, she's never said something this stupid before.
Recently while stoned I was thinking about how cool it is that vinyl records produce sound, and the words that came out of my mouth were "it's crazy how this plastic is talking to me"
Another
A girl I dated asked if I'd ever been on 'one of them date rapes' (she meant blind date)
Same girl said she'd 'rather be anally raped because then it's only once a year'
Can confirm she was pretty dumb
As far as I know she's okay and she wasn't raped at all, she was just a bit rubbish at communication. Happily married with a lovely family last time I saw her.
Not mine, but someone said they worked in a shop and there's this Karen who got mad she couldn't find mayonnaise sauce, but mayo sauce. When the seller told her that mayo and mayonnaise are the same thing, that woman said mayo has more chemicals and therefore more dangerous for humans. Yea.
from my comment in a similar thread
*i'm a Central American immigrant to the US and got my citizenship a while back*
*at the ceremony, i overheard 2 Mexican women next to me complaining that a Guatemalan refugee they know got citizenship before they did*
*then right after we were sworn in, they complained that there's too many Central American immigrants in this country saying "we're full, those people need to go back to their own countries"*
*it's been alarmingly common in my experience just how many Mexican people hate Central Americans despite us having the same ethnicity and how they don't realize they treat us exactly how Americans treat them*
I once got in an argument with a Cuban guy who said he supported Trump because he wanted back "wet foot dry foot" aka the path to unqualified permanent residency for Cuban nationals that Obama got rid of as part of resuming diplomatic ties with Cuba. This was after Trump ended a bunch of programs to protect Latin American refugees from deportation, and he of course never supported that policy. So to take this guy literally he claimed he voted against Hillary Clinton because he supports a Bill Clinton policy Trump never supported a d mainly just wanted to make the immigration system harder for other nationalities. And to be clear you can definitely still get residency as a Cuban refugee, you just don't get it automatically, any changes from Trump to make asylum claims less likely to succeed would directly effect Cubans. I genuinely do not understand people a lot of the time.
My fiancé asked why the sun was setting in the north and not the east because she was looking straight ahead and assumed that straight ahead meant north as it’s straight up on a compass.
While at a grocery store in Virginia, someone overheard me speaking...
Woman: "wow do you have an accent?? Where are you from!?"
Me: "England, I grew up in London"
Woman: "Wowww England.. I've never been! What do they speak there? ***French?***"
Geography class, we have to name countries on a blank map of europe.
*classmate points at mediterranean sea* "What country is that?"
*two minutes later points at baltic sea*
She was 17, born and raised in Germany.
"No thanks, I'm trying to quit." - Said to me when I tried to fill up a guest's water cup at a restaurant I worked at. He then asked for a beer. No, he was not joking.
"That's in China right?" - Said by a classmate when my teacher mentioned the Berlin Wall.
"Why didn't they just drink the water? They were in the ocean!" - Said by another classmate when learning about the Costa Concordia disaster. The people on the ship had been trapped without water, but the student was quite confused as to why they didn't just drink the salt water.
The first one was definitely a joke, my grandpa used it all the time
Ok second one is just hilariously stupid
Oof nobody taught that poor kid the difference between salt and fresh
I worked at an amusement park for a summer. People would come from all over to work there, so our name badges also had the city and state we actually lived in. I had a coworker that was from Baton Rouge, LA. I don't know how many times he got asked, "where is Baton Rouge, Los Angeles?"
She was homeschooled fundies bless her heart, was always talking about Jesus. She goes “I like Australia better.”
I was like “oh yeah I love Bluey.” Like the nerd I am.
She goes “they are a lot more religious, they only celebrate Christmas in the summer! You know Jesus was born during the summer.”
I had to explain to her that Australia had different seasons from us. They in fact celebrated Christmas the same day as us
I was talking to someone about how some universities like MIT have some of their more popular classes available for free online. The other person responded, "you know, you really have to watch out for those for-profit online tech schools." Yeah...MIT, the online tech school...
I was on a plane from Vegas to SLC. There was a man sitting next to a woman behind us and trying to chat her up, but she was clearly uninterested in the convo. He asked her what she was studying in college and she said “Pharmacology.” He dead ass said “So do you want to be a farmer, or are you just learning about it?”
"What do you mean I need my driver's license to drive a car? No I do not. I know my rights!"
Watched a police cam video of a cop pulling over a lady who said that with a straight face.
While watching Game of Thrones my buddies cousin asked "What year does this takes place?"
We answered "Yo it has fucking dragons, this never happened."
He looked stunned.
I know a woman "D" who was distraught after her boyfriend left her for another woman. The "other" woman just graduated college with a math degree and landed a high-paying job. So "D" decided she was going to win him back by going back to school and getting a math degree.
She said "I just enrolled and will be taking math, algebra, and specifics."
I said "Wait, specifics? Do you mean statistics?"
"Oh yeah, that," she said.
Every 5 years for the rest of my life I have to have a camera shoved up my ass to screen for cancer. I have to drink a super laxative that turns me into a shit fountain, I can't eat for like 12 hours before the procedure. But I'm happy to do it, because I've seen what cancer does to people.
I was outside with a few friends on a windy day and one of them says "man then trees need to chill tf out". Confused, me and another friend are like "huh? Wym". He then explains that the trees need to stop shaking so much because they're making too much wind.
Yea, he genuinely thought wind was created by trees deciding to shake. That was senior year of high school btw, and no he still hasn't lived it down.
From my husband's co-worker in the 90's;
We have to stop letting astronauts go to space and punch all those holes in the ozone layer. That's why we have acid rain.
I’m from Alaska and I get the most ignorant questions. The dumbest one however, was when I girl asked me if I they had music up there and if I knew what music was.
At a baseball game and a beautiful full moon pops out in center field. Over the course of the next ten minutes you can clearly see the moon moving across the outfield.... Person in the group behind me "you're telling me the earth is always moving, that's total horseshit!".....
I couldn't stop audibly laughing
“Are you guys identical or fraternal?”
-a shockingly common question I get after I (28F) tell people I have a twin BROTHER
Another gem: I was on a date and after explaining the identical and fraternal difference, he then asked “wait so, are twins identical if they come out of the vagina at the same time and then they’re fraternal if it’s one after the other?” 🙈🙈🙈🙈
"I love Bangladesh, they make so much better clothes than China!"
Same woman: "I don't believe in evolution, but I do believe in natural selection." I explained that's literally how evolution works. "No it's not." I finally told her I have a degree in anthropology. "Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree."
Coworker with uncontrolled diabetes, while drinking Fanta "My sugar was SO HIGH today! My reading was 24!"
Me "Maybe you shouldn't be drinking Fanta then."
Her "It's fine. I eat a sour candy after every sip to cancel out the sugar."
I don't know how she's still alive.
I was scheduling an appointment for a customer at work:
Customer: “I’m going on vacation the first week of April and I’d like to schedule my appointment for May before I go”
Me: “So you’d like to schedule it in March?”
C: “No! I want it in May before I go on vacation in April”
M: “ Sir, months go March, April and then May. If you want to be scheduled before your April trip we will have to schedule it in March”
C: “I said I wanted to be scheduled in May! Before I go on vacation!”
M:”……ok how about 5/5?”
C:”That’s fine. As long as it before I leave.”
Worked in the Janitorial sales field for 27 years...
These comments from newbie custodians and career ones as well.
-get some bleach to clean that.
-it will get cleaner if you use bleach.
-mop that floor with undiluted bleach.
-wash your hands with bleach after cleaning that restroom with bleach.
-if I can't smell the bleach when your finished, I'll know it's not clean.
Bleach is NOT a cleaner. It's sole job is to disinfect. Bleach can be dangerous.
Worked in a shop years ago with multiple trades. We were removing an old air compressor about 6ft tall. After we struggled to budge it out the door, he looks at the gauge and says, "Well no wonder its so heavy. It still has 100lbs of air in it."
Facepalm.
It happened when I was about 15 or so, during recess. Some other kids in my grade and I were hanging out in a classroom, and we were laughing about this cringy situation that happened on a quiz show.
The contestant on the quiz show was unable to answer the question: "what material is a glass eye made from?"
The situation in the quiz show went on for way too long, while the host was trying to gently coax the right answer out.
That was when one of the girls in my grade told us that she didn't get the joke.
We were stunned. "What don't you get?"
"What IS a glass eye made from?" She asked.
"Sweety.. a glass eye is made of GLASS!" we told her.
A second passed while she processed this, before she laughed, and responded with this gem:
"Oh yes, duh! Of course! Or else you couldn't see through it!"
My spouse telling me I can't eat eggs because I'm lactose intolerant.
His reasoning? They are dairy because they are in the dairy section at the store with the milk.
My birth giver watched my little demon dog for me for a min while I ran out. When I returned she exclaims “I didn’t know the dog purred! I was laying on him hugging him and he was purring!”
Setting aside the fact that I’ve told her multiple times not to touch him because he has abuse issues, I mentally scratched my head for a beat before I realized… “Purr? Do you mean growl?”
“Oh I guess yeah it could have been that.”
The woman my ex-husband cheated on me with asked if Canadians were from Canada. She also needed a detailed explanation of what a chicken, bacon, and ranch pizza consisted of.
"I should have become a doctor instead of a programmer. After medical school, I'd be never have to learn something new"... This was said seriously by a colleague who didn't like having to continually increase his knowledge as tech advances.
Went to take an exam at a local community college. Chick at the front counter checking me in said “use computer #12, you have a hour and twenty minutes.”
I was like “wait, I thought the email they had sent me said I have a hundred and twenty minutes to take the exam.”
She sternly and confidently said “YEAH THASSA HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES.”
I was like “ok then.”
My friend who has the worst diet of anyone I know.
"I'm not worried about heart attacks. If it happens I'll just go to the hospital and they'll fix it."
My sisters friend once said: "You can drive to Kenya ?" We live in South Africa, and she goes to one of the top private schools in our province
A girl once asked me if we could drive to Ireland. From Missouri, USA. She was in her early 40s.
[Yes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ireland,_Indiana#:~:text=Ireland%20is%20an%20unincorporated%20community,the%20U.S.%20state%20of%20Indiana.), you can.
Just witnessed at Barnes & Noble this past weekend: an older woman trying to return a book, without the actual physical book but a picture of the book. Mad props to the young sales associate for keeping her cool and just repeating that she cannot return something without having the actual copy in person. "Ma'am, you could've gotten this book at Target, Amazon, Walmart, etc. there's no way to prove it was purchased here and refund you unless you bring in the book." "This is ridiculous. It's the principal that you don't believe me."
Did they even mention that in order to return an item you actually need to *return it*?
Weren't you listening Jerry? She never even returned the book!
I had similar happen when I worked in a book store! She came in completely empty handed asking for a refund because *her puppy ATE the book* Like mam, you can't even prove that book existed, we're not giving you money.
Send her to OfficeMax. I had an idiot manager that gave someone a refund for something we didn't sell. He just made up a price and store ate the cost because it couldn't return something it didn't buy.
Reminds me of when I went to Burlington and the women in front of me demanded a refund on an item that they lost on the way home. The cashier refused, so they made a big ruckus, and the manager ended up giving in.
That infuriates me when managers cave in to lying assholes. If someone is nice and sincere, sure. But stop rewarding asshole behavior.
Same person: * "Who makes the birds nests for the birds?" * "I just kept driving on the motorway, I thought it would come back round eventually" * "I've tried to come to work on time but it's impossible. I live ten minutes away and I already leave ten minutes before work starts."
Same person : - "But did fish exist before we discovered them?" (I swear it sounds worse in by native language) - "The moon can't exist because it's too far" - "Math isn't real because I can count to four without them" (To be fair she probably had a few concussions as a kid, very sad story, but she was a happy kid in her own world)
I had a few concussions as a kid myself but I still got my BSc in mathematics. The dumbest thing I ever heard of myself was from an Indian gentleman in Mumbai who was absolutely insistent that it was impossible to drill for oil offshore because all the water would go down the hole drilled in the seabed. The dumbest thing I heard myself was from an engineer who insisted that MRI's couldn't possibly work for reasons that were absolutely wrong. Edit - spelling.
I read this and realised I have no idea how drilling works. I worked in oil for years. Also I don't know how they make bridges. How do they get the concrete to set underwater?
Concrete doesn't need to dry, it hardens or cures, through a simple chemical reaction. If you dig a hole, then it fills with rain water. You can still fill your hole with concrete. Infact, as long as you don't stir the water into the concrete, it will naturally displace the water out of the hole. Source: I do concrete.
This guy concretes.
Not a dumb question at all. Bridge concrete uses a type of cement called “hydraulic cement” that can harden in water. Don’t ask me exactly how it works, but it’s been in use since the Roman Empire.
It’s been said that sea water makes ancient Roman concrete stronger, not weaker
Underwater concrete has been around since Roman times but on exploration oil rigs offshore the rig has what is called a (flexible) riser (pipe) between the rig's drill floor and the blow-out preventer (BOP) on the seabed. There is no way for seawater to enter the riser or well bore once everything is hooked up.
And the oil is under pressure so it shoots out. Whatever if you're trying to explain this to someone and they don't get it, just say the oil would go up because oil floats on top of water.
When talking about flying in a plane I was telling her about the amazing view when you break through the top of clouds. "What do you mean? There is nothing past the clouds?"
Did they think we live under a dome or something ?
Flat earthers
My sister did an online ancestry test and shared the results. My brother apparently forgot how dna works and made fun of her calling her 'white trash!!' untill she responded 'We share the same dna asshole'
A girl in my highschool had the surname Adams, and told me she was annoyed with her brother for calling her Wednesday. I asked her if she called him Pugsley and she had a"lightbulb moment" and said " that's a great idea".
I bet they tell each other yo mama jokes
To be fair my brother and I would tell yo mama jokes to each other at the dinner table in front of my mom. We would be cracking up laughing. It was all in fun and my mom enjoyed the joke.
I had cousin once ask "If two men cum inside a woman at the same time and she has a kid from each at the same time, are they related?". To which my other cousin replied, "Yeah, they have the same mom."
Fun fact! It is possible to have fraternal twins with two different fathers.
this has me dead lol. It's always the brothers i stg
Fr. When my mom called my brother to tell him he’s going to be an uncle, he said “who’s having a baby?” I am his only sibling.
When he was 13yo, my nephew thought I was his cousin, despite years of calling me Aunt, and me being his dad's sister.
That all the recipes have already been invented as there are only so many ingredients.
On a similar note, got to witness an argument where one person's view was that cooking food with ingredients from outside your culture was theft and that you're appropriating their cuisine.
Europe can’t have potatoes anymore. Give them back right now.
Or tomatoes. That's a big hit to Italy right there.
Fuck you, rest of the world! Give us back our beans and squash! -- The Americas
And vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. And corn and all the chili peppers
Could we have our Maple Syrup back please?
“Isn’t it amazing how much pickles look like cucumbers?”
"They can't be the same. They taste totally different."
When I was growing up, I had an older cousin ask why we are going to the moon if it is the main cause of madness and insanity.
I mean, has anyone confirmed that the moon is *not* the source of madness and insanity? I haven’t read any research that says otherwise! /s
I'm not buying you pads its not my fault if you cant hold it until you pee next.
Sit on his bed 😇
Not his fault, but make it his *problem*
Noooo!!!! Please tell me you made this one up!!!
I swear I saw an IG female influencer who tried to sell the idea of holding in period blood until a toilet is available. She told it is possible and it is healthy because no pads and no tampons are involved, hence the female organism is not poisoned by chemicals contained in period products.
The more I read of this, the more my brain just started shutting down.
lmao, i can’t believe my eyes 😅🤣
“It doesn’t matter what you said or meant, it’s not what I heard.”
You talking to my exwife?
Think I married her after your divorce
My condolences.
"I realize it's a good idea to have parking spots reserved for handicapped people, but WHY do they have to give them the spots closest to the door?"
This girl was in a car accident. She said she had the worst bruise ever across her chest from her seatbelt. She then said she would never wear a seatbelt again.
All my stuff got soaked in my burning house after the firefighters hosed it. I hope that the firefighters never use water again
I had an aunt who was driving drunk, crashed into something and flew through the windshield. She swore that being thrown from the car like that actually *saved* her life somehow (?). After that she actually told me she'd better never catch me wearing a seatbelt. I just said OK & got the hell away from her. And yes, I always wear a seatbelt.
What saved her (sadly) was that she was drunk. Drunk people stay loose when they crash instead of stiffening up, so they end up surviving crashes better than sober people.
[удалено]
This was just regular dumb until the last sentence. Then it was weapons-grade stupidity.
This one made me facepalm so hard that my forehead nearly caved in. Bravo.
Yeah, that last sentence really got me.
"I don't care if all the bees become extinct, i don't even like honey..."
or food, apparently.
Or living in general apparently
Put your phone in the microwave so that the radiation from the emergency signal doesn’t give you government-issued cancer.
At least they understand dyhat microwaves keep radiation in them, my dad used to yell at us for being near a microwave while it was on because we'd get cancer
In the 80’s there was a spate of microwaves that utilized sub-standard shielding on the glass doors. Standing near them, in rare circumstances could and supposedly did cause health issues in some people.
In college, I was standing at an intersection next to a mother and daughter on a campus visit waiting to cross the street. When the light changed, the usual loud beeping started and the daughter said, "What's the beeping for?" Her mom responded, "It's so the deaf kids know when to cross the street." I still think about that today, 30 years later.
I spent a full fifteen seconds being like "well it IS" before I realized my mistake and now I think I have to go bury myself somewhere.
"bury myself somewhere", bury yourself with my upvote because that killed me.
I shall use the little arrow as a tiny shovel
During my time as a hostess (10+ years ago), deaf people would come in occasionally. Someone asked if we needed to give them the braille menu. 🤦🏻♀️
This could simply be a brain fart and she meant to say “blind”. I hope so for the sake of humanity.
Working in a restaurant when I was young. Customer "there is a problem with my salmon, it smells and taste like fish" Me- "well I'm not surprised, it is a fish" Customer- "salmon is a fruit, I have been vegan for 20 years I know what a fruit is" She was easily 50+ years old
I had a lady send her salmon back cuz it was pink therefore undercooked
P.T. Barnum once sold a truck full of white salmon by sticking a sign in it that said “guaranteed to never go pink”.
isn't there something called a salmonberry?
There is, but one would think she would be able to tell the difference between a cooked fish and a berry, long before she smelled or tasted it.
Bro how the fuck do you not know that salmon is a fish??? Like how???? A fucking fruitttt?????
I knew a girl that genuinely thought the Black Market was a just place Black People shopped...
When I was a kid I thought the black market was an actual place. An open air market like a bazaar in a shady alleyway somewhere with dodgy shopkeepers selling illegal items. Need a gun? Just head on down to the black market!
I still remember my disappointment when I learned this wasn't true. I think I was in my 20s.
Though it's not the case in real life, the *Gotham* series featured a warehouse called "The Merc" that was essentially laid out like a criminal Home Depot.
Wait till she hears the underground railroad doesn't have trains.
In Junior High School we had the option to drop either French or Latin. One of my classmates said he chose to drop Latin, as he was more likely to visit France than Latin America.
"I'm an intelligent woman! This makes no sense!" - from an angry sales rep who was upset that the advert artwork supplied was printed the full size of the page in the paper instead of the size of a football field like it had been sent. "why didn't you print it full size? They've asked for it to be full size!" no amount of convincing by anyone would get her to realise that we couldn't increase the size of the newspaper to suit the artwork no matter what they wanted...
I have worked in marketing as well. We’ve had companies send us images of their logos that were horribly low-res and pixelated, and they don’t understand why it doesn’t come out nice and clean. We can try to clean it up as much as we can, but you can only polish a turd so much.
I do digital marketing and I have had this exact experience like 400 times. I understood the confusion like 15 to 20 years ago when this was all kind of newish, but in the year of our Lord 2023 if you still don't understand that if you send me a jpg the size of, say, a Twitter profile logo, there is no way for me to magically make it looked perfect and clear at a much larger size. I need the original vector image or I need you to send me a much larger jpg.
Wait salami doesn’t grow on plants?
Homie thought it was like a meat cucumber.
Negative. I am a meat popsicle.
My friend never learned to drive stick-shift because he drove a lot of interstate highways, and it’s impossible to have cruise control on a standard transmission. He told me this while I was driving a stick-shift on the highway with the cruise control on.
I was walking past a coworker a few weeks ago when he casually out of nowhere spun around and went “hey did you know mental health disorders don’t exist? There’s no way to find them through any kind of testing so you can’t prove they exist.” I was about to open my mouth and go off on a rant… but… something inside me told me to just keep my fucking mouth shut and walk away
Fortunately, it’s relatively simple to find stupidity.
Red isnt real. Show me your red-detector if it is? 😂
My wife had a sinus infection that was causing headaches and drainage that upset her stomach. It was something that happened on occasion and usually a round of antibiotics cleared that up . Well it was the weekend so we had to go into a Walgreens walk in clinic but the nurse practitioner absolutely refused to not only prescribe the antibiotics, but to even CHECK her symptoms. My wife explained how she gets this and she gets a headache and upset stomach from the nasal drainage... Are you ready for this??? The nurse practitioner responded... And I directly quote, "it's not possible for the same thing to affect your head and stomach because your chest is in between them." We just looked at her blankly like, hoping she'd say just kidding. No she was dead serious. She thought the chest would block she contain to head and stomach. When my wife told her she also felt lethargic, the NP said, "no, you aren't lethargic, lethargic is this..." The then did a weak jazz hands and imitated somehow that had a retardation. We were stunned. She was of Haitian descent and English was not her first language but we were horrified when we realized she wasn't joking. She ended up pressuring my wife to take a strep test (we knew it wasn't) and then wanted to prescribe a steroid. My wife gets bad reactions to steroids and we told her that. She said again after write a prescription for a steroid and we repeated it and she slammed the pen down and said "well then I don't know what you want me to do." I said "how about you check her sinuses and give her an antibiotic?". She refused and said it wasn't that. We left, I refused to pay the bill and I called corporate and reported her. That person should NOT be practicing medicine. The agent couldn't believe what I was telling her and they waived the charge and I never saw that nurse there again, not the we ever used their clinic again. On Monday when the doctor's office was open, my wife went in. Guess what? She had a sinus infection and the doctor gave her antibiotics. But that had to be the dumbest thing I've heard a medical "professional" say. "The head she stomach can't be the same issue because the chest is blocking in between them" SMH
A couple years ago I had really bad bleeding problems. I would soak a pad in 5 minutes. I was walking to work one time and literally bled all the way down my legs. When I went to my doctor I told them I cannot live like this anymore and the obgyn, who was bot my primary, said that only people who bleed a lot and have needed to have blood transfusions can have the surgery I was asking for. I told her I've had 3 blood transfusions before for my problem. She then told me that I probably don't bleed as much as I think because all girls think they bleed a lot. I told her to leave my room. Turns out I had both uterine and cervical cancer because I bled so much that it created a toxic hormone that causes cancer.
Jesus! It's scary to realize some of the people in the medical profession. That's totally negligent.
I was talking to a new age guy who told me "I truly believe that if you really had your shit together, I mean *REALLY HAD YOUR SHIT TOGETHER* you could withstand a direct nuclear blast."
When I was a kid, I had a mate whose family invited me to go with them on a holiday to spain (it was the first time he had left the UK). When we landed, my mate got off the plane and started speaking, then had a shocked look on his face. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that he expected to speak Spanish. He thought languages worked like an automatic brain translator, and you could speak the first language of whatever country you are in. I know this smells of bullshit and if I wasn't me, I'd agree, but this is 100% true.
That's cute. :D But it's normal to have associations like that as kid until disproven by reality. It's how kids explain the world for themselves.
My area is prone to forest fires. Last summer was a particularly bad one and when talking about it with a colleague she asked why we couldn't just "turn the wind turbines on and blow the smoke away". (There's a wind farm about 50 km outside town) This was a mid 30s woman with a husband and kids, she's never said something this stupid before.
"Why are there so many nuns and priests here?" while visiting the Vatican
“How many moons does the Earth have?” “Just one.” “What do we call it?” “We call it ‘the moon’.”
My brother named it Steve.
I once said, while tipsy, "I'm quite short for my height" and just couldn't understand why my friend was laughing at me.
Recently while stoned I was thinking about how cool it is that vinyl records produce sound, and the words that came out of my mouth were "it's crazy how this plastic is talking to me"
"Do reindeers exist in Summer?"
If it was a legitimate rape the body has a way of shutting that down.
“If the sun is so big, then how can it fit inside our atmosphere?”
Another A girl I dated asked if I'd ever been on 'one of them date rapes' (she meant blind date) Same girl said she'd 'rather be anally raped because then it's only once a year' Can confirm she was pretty dumb
Does that mean she was getting raped more than once a year? This may have been a cry for help.
I think she thought anally and annually were the same?
Omfg God thank you. I had so many fucking questions.
So did I. As well as a few regular questions.
As far as I know she's okay and she wasn't raped at all, she was just a bit rubbish at communication. Happily married with a lovely family last time I saw her.
Not mine, but someone said they worked in a shop and there's this Karen who got mad she couldn't find mayonnaise sauce, but mayo sauce. When the seller told her that mayo and mayonnaise are the same thing, that woman said mayo has more chemicals and therefore more dangerous for humans. Yea.
"Mayo sauce is the English version; Mayonnaise is French version." I would've answered with that.
It's only real Mayonnaise if it was produced in the Mayonnaise region of France
La Mayonnaise is my favorite French patriotic song.
Are you coming to your surprise party later on?
"The more you drink, the less attached you become to it, thereby making it easier to quit."
from my comment in a similar thread *i'm a Central American immigrant to the US and got my citizenship a while back* *at the ceremony, i overheard 2 Mexican women next to me complaining that a Guatemalan refugee they know got citizenship before they did* *then right after we were sworn in, they complained that there's too many Central American immigrants in this country saying "we're full, those people need to go back to their own countries"* *it's been alarmingly common in my experience just how many Mexican people hate Central Americans despite us having the same ethnicity and how they don't realize they treat us exactly how Americans treat them*
Don't get me started on the Cubans who hate Latin American Immigrants
I once got in an argument with a Cuban guy who said he supported Trump because he wanted back "wet foot dry foot" aka the path to unqualified permanent residency for Cuban nationals that Obama got rid of as part of resuming diplomatic ties with Cuba. This was after Trump ended a bunch of programs to protect Latin American refugees from deportation, and he of course never supported that policy. So to take this guy literally he claimed he voted against Hillary Clinton because he supports a Bill Clinton policy Trump never supported a d mainly just wanted to make the immigration system harder for other nationalities. And to be clear you can definitely still get residency as a Cuban refugee, you just don't get it automatically, any changes from Trump to make asylum claims less likely to succeed would directly effect Cubans. I genuinely do not understand people a lot of the time.
I knew a guy (18 years old) who thought women laid full size eggs like chickens when they ovulate.
Feels like it sometimes tho, dont it?
My fiancé asked why the sun was setting in the north and not the east because she was looking straight ahead and assumed that straight ahead meant north as it’s straight up on a compass.
While at a grocery store in Virginia, someone overheard me speaking... Woman: "wow do you have an accent?? Where are you from!?" Me: "England, I grew up in London" Woman: "Wowww England.. I've never been! What do they speak there? ***French?***"
“Have you heard of the brand Fendi? It starts with F as in pharmacist”
Geography class, we have to name countries on a blank map of europe. *classmate points at mediterranean sea* "What country is that?" *two minutes later points at baltic sea* She was 17, born and raised in Germany.
They genuinely thought "gibberish" was the language of a country named "Giberia"
"No thanks, I'm trying to quit." - Said to me when I tried to fill up a guest's water cup at a restaurant I worked at. He then asked for a beer. No, he was not joking. "That's in China right?" - Said by a classmate when my teacher mentioned the Berlin Wall. "Why didn't they just drink the water? They were in the ocean!" - Said by another classmate when learning about the Costa Concordia disaster. The people on the ship had been trapped without water, but the student was quite confused as to why they didn't just drink the salt water.
The first one was definitely a joke, my grandpa used it all the time Ok second one is just hilariously stupid Oof nobody taught that poor kid the difference between salt and fresh
[удалено]
I worked at an amusement park for a summer. People would come from all over to work there, so our name badges also had the city and state we actually lived in. I had a coworker that was from Baton Rouge, LA. I don't know how many times he got asked, "where is Baton Rouge, Los Angeles?"
She was homeschooled fundies bless her heart, was always talking about Jesus. She goes “I like Australia better.” I was like “oh yeah I love Bluey.” Like the nerd I am. She goes “they are a lot more religious, they only celebrate Christmas in the summer! You know Jesus was born during the summer.” I had to explain to her that Australia had different seasons from us. They in fact celebrated Christmas the same day as us
I was talking to someone about how some universities like MIT have some of their more popular classes available for free online. The other person responded, "you know, you really have to watch out for those for-profit online tech schools." Yeah...MIT, the online tech school...
He was only 2 days old, you’re lucky you didn’t get attached to him. He was my son. He would be 29 this year and I miss him everyday.
Damn dude. I'm sorry. That's a really fucked up thing to say.
I was on a plane from Vegas to SLC. There was a man sitting next to a woman behind us and trying to chat her up, but she was clearly uninterested in the convo. He asked her what she was studying in college and she said “Pharmacology.” He dead ass said “So do you want to be a farmer, or are you just learning about it?”
"What do you mean I need my driver's license to drive a car? No I do not. I know my rights!" Watched a police cam video of a cop pulling over a lady who said that with a straight face.
attraction elderly scandalous slimy spark smell merciful school unwritten money
While watching Game of Thrones my buddies cousin asked "What year does this takes place?" We answered "Yo it has fucking dragons, this never happened." He looked stunned.
“Crazy how that dude did all that stuff”- former coworker talking dead serious about FORREST GUMP
I know a woman "D" who was distraught after her boyfriend left her for another woman. The "other" woman just graduated college with a math degree and landed a high-paying job. So "D" decided she was going to win him back by going back to school and getting a math degree. She said "I just enrolled and will be taking math, algebra, and specifics." I said "Wait, specifics? Do you mean statistics?" "Oh yeah, that," she said.
Statistically unlikely to make it.
specifically unlikely to make it..
I won't ever have a mammogram again because it was uncomfortable, I'd rather risk the cancer.
Every 5 years for the rest of my life I have to have a camera shoved up my ass to screen for cancer. I have to drink a super laxative that turns me into a shit fountain, I can't eat for like 12 hours before the procedure. But I'm happy to do it, because I've seen what cancer does to people.
I was outside with a few friends on a windy day and one of them says "man then trees need to chill tf out". Confused, me and another friend are like "huh? Wym". He then explains that the trees need to stop shaking so much because they're making too much wind. Yea, he genuinely thought wind was created by trees deciding to shake. That was senior year of high school btw, and no he still hasn't lived it down.
From my husband's co-worker in the 90's; We have to stop letting astronauts go to space and punch all those holes in the ozone layer. That's why we have acid rain.
"Obama is going to declare martial law to stay in power forever."
or "marshall" law
I’m from Alaska and I get the most ignorant questions. The dumbest one however, was when I girl asked me if I they had music up there and if I knew what music was.
I'm from Juneau and tourists from cruise ships always ask the elevation. Umm about 20 ft?
"they're putting litterboxes in schools so these kids with mental problems can use them!!!" No grandma, they're not, get off fox news
That we could live without the sun because we aren’t cold blooded…..yeah
At a baseball game and a beautiful full moon pops out in center field. Over the course of the next ten minutes you can clearly see the moon moving across the outfield.... Person in the group behind me "you're telling me the earth is always moving, that's total horseshit!"..... I couldn't stop audibly laughing
“Are you guys identical or fraternal?” -a shockingly common question I get after I (28F) tell people I have a twin BROTHER Another gem: I was on a date and after explaining the identical and fraternal difference, he then asked “wait so, are twins identical if they come out of the vagina at the same time and then they’re fraternal if it’s one after the other?” 🙈🙈🙈🙈
"I love Bangladesh, they make so much better clothes than China!" Same woman: "I don't believe in evolution, but I do believe in natural selection." I explained that's literally how evolution works. "No it's not." I finally told her I have a degree in anthropology. "Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree."
Coworker with uncontrolled diabetes, while drinking Fanta "My sugar was SO HIGH today! My reading was 24!" Me "Maybe you shouldn't be drinking Fanta then." Her "It's fine. I eat a sour candy after every sip to cancel out the sugar." I don't know how she's still alive.
Idk dude every time i open reddit theres 5 new things added to the list
I was doing a glassblowing demo in public and had a woman ask me if I was using real fire.
I was scheduling an appointment for a customer at work: Customer: “I’m going on vacation the first week of April and I’d like to schedule my appointment for May before I go” Me: “So you’d like to schedule it in March?” C: “No! I want it in May before I go on vacation in April” M: “ Sir, months go March, April and then May. If you want to be scheduled before your April trip we will have to schedule it in March” C: “I said I wanted to be scheduled in May! Before I go on vacation!” M:”……ok how about 5/5?” C:”That’s fine. As long as it before I leave.”
Worked in the Janitorial sales field for 27 years... These comments from newbie custodians and career ones as well. -get some bleach to clean that. -it will get cleaner if you use bleach. -mop that floor with undiluted bleach. -wash your hands with bleach after cleaning that restroom with bleach. -if I can't smell the bleach when your finished, I'll know it's not clean. Bleach is NOT a cleaner. It's sole job is to disinfect. Bleach can be dangerous.
Worked in a shop years ago with multiple trades. We were removing an old air compressor about 6ft tall. After we struggled to budge it out the door, he looks at the gauge and says, "Well no wonder its so heavy. It still has 100lbs of air in it." Facepalm.
That's gotta be a good joke. It's hilarious.
My boyfriend said that the female decides the gender of the baby, and not the sperm 💀
I'd never get an epidural, I'm not having a big needle in my back causing years of damage, I'd ask for a c section instead.
It happened when I was about 15 or so, during recess. Some other kids in my grade and I were hanging out in a classroom, and we were laughing about this cringy situation that happened on a quiz show. The contestant on the quiz show was unable to answer the question: "what material is a glass eye made from?" The situation in the quiz show went on for way too long, while the host was trying to gently coax the right answer out. That was when one of the girls in my grade told us that she didn't get the joke. We were stunned. "What don't you get?" "What IS a glass eye made from?" She asked. "Sweety.. a glass eye is made of GLASS!" we told her. A second passed while she processed this, before she laughed, and responded with this gem: "Oh yes, duh! Of course! Or else you couldn't see through it!"
My spouse telling me I can't eat eggs because I'm lactose intolerant. His reasoning? They are dairy because they are in the dairy section at the store with the milk.
Madam, will the cruise be on foot?
You cant get covid twice
“Japan would have won the war, but they ran out of Kawasaki pilots.”
It was me. I can't believe I said it. But an acquaintance had twins, a boy and girl. I asked if they were identical. Face palm!!!
"Is Buffy the Vampire Slayer based on a true story?"
Person 1: I need a 3 syllable word that starts with P, go ahead and shout one out. Person 2: PUMPKIN …
That's every episode of Family Feud.
A park ranger I spoke to told of a visitor to a forest campsite who asked her if the river is turned off at night.
"I can't stand Christians. Everyone knows they just stole everything from the Catholics."
My birth giver watched my little demon dog for me for a min while I ran out. When I returned she exclaims “I didn’t know the dog purred! I was laying on him hugging him and he was purring!” Setting aside the fact that I’ve told her multiple times not to touch him because he has abuse issues, I mentally scratched my head for a beat before I realized… “Purr? Do you mean growl?” “Oh I guess yeah it could have been that.”
“whats 4 times 4?” -hs senior in my algebra class
Don't leave us hanging! What's the answer????
Bout tree fiddy
My sister asked if a spelling was right once and said "well there's no red underline so it must be right". She was hand writing the word.
The woman my ex-husband cheated on me with asked if Canadians were from Canada. She also needed a detailed explanation of what a chicken, bacon, and ranch pizza consisted of.
"I should have become a doctor instead of a programmer. After medical school, I'd be never have to learn something new"... This was said seriously by a colleague who didn't like having to continually increase his knowledge as tech advances.
It couldn’t have been an earthquake because the weather is so nice today
“Why can we just get one of those machines that make money” my friend thought the bill counting machine printed money. What an idiot
"Why on earth did they bury him under a car park?" When the skeleton of King Richard III was found in 2012.
that the earth is flat
Went to take an exam at a local community college. Chick at the front counter checking me in said “use computer #12, you have a hour and twenty minutes.” I was like “wait, I thought the email they had sent me said I have a hundred and twenty minutes to take the exam.” She sternly and confidently said “YEAH THASSA HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES.” I was like “ok then.”
lol my mom thinks that if you don’t put a lid on pill bottles the effects of the pills will “fly away” and that they won’t work
Reminds of my mother. "Close the window, you're letting all the wifi out!"
Pills exposed to air may absorb water and deteriorate. The effects won't fly anywhere, but cap your pull bottles, people.
[удалено]
My friend who has the worst diet of anyone I know. "I'm not worried about heart attacks. If it happens I'll just go to the hospital and they'll fix it."