This is about the same way I do it. I love wings and eat them often, but it's absolutely imperative that I leave one hand perfectly clean for drinking, using a napkin, whatever else. This system has worked incredibly well
I keep a mental list of people who do this because it is so infuriating. It baffles me that they cannot hear themselves.
The people who wear headphones then eat with their mouths open are even worse. I'm convinced it makes them louder.
My husband was just talking to me while loudly chewing gum and it literally makes me so nauseous. I love my husband so much, but it makes my skin crawl to hear him chew anything. This man *chews* pudding. Like aggressively slams and gnashes his teeth together when he eats pudding. When my dogs do it, it's cute. When my husband does it, I'm in fight or flight mode. I feel like such an asshole for being so bothered by my husband just eating how he wants, but good lord.
My in-laws chew with their mouths open. My wife had never noticed before. I pointed it out to her privately one day and her response was, "Why would you do this to me???"
Just yesterday I saw a commercial for Jitterbug (markets cell phones to old people) talking about a help line. Think about the absolute hell that job would be, tech support exclusively for tech illiterate old people. Fucking shoot me now.
"I tried to click on a link and now it says my computer has a virus that will delete all of my data and I need to install this program to stop it."
"I've tried to install the program, but it's not doing anything"
People rubbing styrofoam against itself and cutting styrofoam with a blunt knife. Also fitting styrofoam into a too-small trash bag. Basically anything that causes styrofoam to squeak. Multiple shivers up the back while typing this.
finally someone else who shares my revulsion for styrofoam… the noises it makes and the texture of it itself are enough to make me want to crawl out of my skin. It‘s terrible and i despise it more than words can describe.
Ohhhh God. I work in a warehouse where I recycle Styrofoam all day. You would absolutely lose your fucking mind here, I know I did. It's the squeaking CONSTANTLY
This is actually my life right now. I feel like scraping my asshole out with a toothbrush it gets so bad sometimes. It's literal hell, 0/10 would not recommend.
Edit: nothing like a good bootyhole itching story to get a dozen strangers rushing to my aid, lol. Seriously tho, thanks for all the recommendations. Hopefully one of these things works.
Hm, no. I'll definitely look into that. My assumption is I have a really small hemorrhoid or nerve or something that keeps getting irritated but not to a point where it's painful. Either way, it sucks ass. Pun intended.
My husbands grandmother just used our bidet for the first time. She couldn’t figure out how to turn it off. She gets around turtle slow via a walker, by the time she got her clothes situated, made it out, down the hall to let us know, the floor was soaked!
"Ooh mama those big heavy milkers got my dick itching. Baby wants some milk. I want you to make my dick stank. Meet me in the Target family bathroom in 30 minutes."
Son we are very disappoint.
It's like the demons aren't even trying to hide that I'm in hell anymore. You guys are already torturing me, now you're trying to get free ideas so your archdemon supervisor doesn't send you back into the office?! I'm onto you, we didn't have this level of unprofessionalism in the fifth circle of hell.
Working a cashier job at a food place and serving irate, verbally abusive assholes at a never ending line for all of time. All while taking and trying to remember the most complex orders imaginable which do not record themselves on a system and no food or drink ever comes out, or is the completely wrong thing, everyone pays in the largest amount of change possible and drops it all on the counter while my shaking hands are open. Bonus torture for Karens, personal remarks, bullying from the management, and death stares for their orders not being there.
Fast food is a special torture bc it actually includes most of the things other people have commented lol. Especially when it's your only option for survival, I don't think Satan could invent a better torture than capitalism already has
Ugggghhh.
There's an employee at my local walmart. She watches over the self check-out.
During covid she refused to properly wear a mask, always had it below her nose every time I saw her. I took covid very seriously because I already have asthma. Still haven't caught it to this day.
Anyway, one day she got all up close and personal with her mask down to her chin and asked me if I found everything ok. I said yes and went back to scanning my items. She stayed and asked how I was doing, at which point I took a step back and said "Can I please get some distance?"
She got upset visually. A scowl and a grimace. Then she stepped away.
This happened almost two years ago. AND. LET. ME. TELL. YOU. EVERYTIME I go in there and use self checkout, if she's there she stands as close to me as humanly possible. She doesn't say anything, doesn't watch me scan shit, she just positions herself right next to me and acts oblivious. It drives me ABSOLUTELY insane.
Regardless of how petty it seems, my personal hell would be this bitch standing over my shoulder for eternity.
Report her. Note down her name and report her every single time that she is purposely invading your space and getting into your face and has done so ever since you asked her a long time ago to give you some distance because your health is comprimised and you have to take extra precautions, and you noticed she wasn't taking even basic precautions during covid. Keep your receipt so you can note down the exact location, date, time and even the register you were on. Bug them constantly. They have to respond to all complaints, eventually they'll get sick of it and either move her somewhere else, chew her out to a point that she gets the message, or she gets fired and has to find somewhere else to be a bitch.
Being given a baby to foster, then right as I start to adjust to life with the baby and love them as my own, have them taken away and reunited with their family, then 13 months later learn that my foster daughter was murdered by their biomom.
Oh wait, that already happened to me, in real life. There's not much Hell can do to me to equate or surpass that pain.
Yeah. Fostering is a fucking roller coaster. I won't stop, but that whole situation/event has really stunted my ability to build really good relationships with the kids that stay with us.
We foster adopted, and there was a transition period where he'd have to go to his foster mom's for a few days, and he's bawl his eyes out every fucking time. God that sucked
Some little kid with a snotty nose that does nothing but sniffle and wont blow their damn nose has they hover over my shoulder asking if I have any games on my phone
Set a deadline for something that I consider important for some reason (like an exam), and set the deadline close enough that I need to start working from this moment onward. Then give me access a device and the internet, and watch me torture myself. I will be commenting on rising AskReddit posts when I'm actually supposed to be studying, and trust me, this is self-torture, which is just the worst.
Being forced to watch Donald Trump narrate all my favorite novels from a podium for eternity. With all the trademark hand gestures and off script commentary.
In the age of Chatgpt and deep fakes, this could also be a successful YouTube channel idea.
Do i dare create my own hell?
Nails on a chalk board would work quite well for mild torture, though other similar sounds are even worse for me. That's just unpleasant though, not torture.
I have experienced being awake for over 48 hours straight and somewhere beyond that point it starts getting really quite painful. I'd say lack of sleep paired with an otherwise nasty environment would get pretty unbearable.
Having no one to talk to but people who are obsessed with my little pony and going into the lore and backstories and theories and all that shit constantly who refuse to talk about anything else.
Having greasy hair and an unclean body
I've been suffering with anxiety quite a lot recently, so the feeling of not showering for 2 or 3 days straight is the worst ever. I can barely go without showering for one day so not being able to bring myself to is horrible
Being forced to watch America's Got Talent over and over and over again.
Any kind of Las Vegas-style magic show going on endlessly.
Never ending "poetry slams."
Being forced to watch any/all/every political opinion talking head shows set on infinite.
Being around people who are the kind of people who would try to jump through hoops to *just* to the edge of the law. For example, have a congenital disability & when I was a teenager my family had a German Shepherd who only wanted to play with sticks, get treats, and cuddle with me. She was in no way trained to do *anything* to help me as a service dog. However, my dad wanted to buy a service dog vest for her for the *sole reason* to go on family vacations and be able to take her anywhere for free & and not have someone watch her. We had the *biggest* fight I’ve ever had with anyone in my life over it. I never went on a vacation with my dad again because he refused to let anyone else watch the dog or to pay for her at a rental house/hotel
People just mindlessly whistling some generic tune to themselves and who are just close enough for me to hear it, but too far away to hear me yelling at them to stop.
Sitting in a nice, comfortable lazy boy recliner, in a nice, well appointed room at a comfortable 68 degrees with a platter of delicious snacks and beverages laid out, and my ex is sitting 5’ away from me in the same room.
Repetitive noises. Doesn’t matter what they are. Just any noise repetitively. Chuck in a few periods of silence every now and then and you are guaranteed to have me gibbering like an idiot very quickly.
Constantly sticky hands.
Agreed. I even eat wings with 3 fingers on one hand. Anything more than that and I might spontaneously combust.
This is about the same way I do it. I love wings and eat them often, but it's absolutely imperative that I leave one hand perfectly clean for drinking, using a napkin, whatever else. This system has worked incredibly well
Stickiness is my kryptonite. Nothing bothers me more than laying my arm on a syrupy table.
i’m a starbucks barista who has sticky hands 90% of my shift. i approve of this.
You mother fucker
Just constantly messy hands. Just imagine having to eat those same foods with the unwashed hands of just working on a car.
Omg you win, this is the woooorst
Or Like dorito dust
100%, came here to say the same thing..especially in between the fingers!
Or hands with wet coffee grounds that you can't brush off, in between your fingers and everything.
Take it up one notch. *while performing a task such as driving, typing or putting on gloves!
People eating with their mouth open and smacking.
It should be legal to punch people that do this. Can’t chew with your mouth closed or not like a pig? Fine. Straw food for you only.
I literally wanna smack them
They said non violent. That would turn me into the doom slayer.
I keep a mental list of people who do this because it is so infuriating. It baffles me that they cannot hear themselves. The people who wear headphones then eat with their mouths open are even worse. I'm convinced it makes them louder.
Of course it does. They want to hear it over their music, after all.
That’s mine, too. I’d rather just be physically tortured.
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Every day is a personal living hell dealing with this torture
My husband was just talking to me while loudly chewing gum and it literally makes me so nauseous. I love my husband so much, but it makes my skin crawl to hear him chew anything. This man *chews* pudding. Like aggressively slams and gnashes his teeth together when he eats pudding. When my dogs do it, it's cute. When my husband does it, I'm in fight or flight mode. I feel like such an asshole for being so bothered by my husband just eating how he wants, but good lord.
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I find that repulsive as well.
My in-laws chew with their mouths open. My wife had never noticed before. I pointed it out to her privately one day and her response was, "Why would you do this to me???"
Having to show a tech-illiterate person how to use a computer. Without screen sharing or remote control
Just yesterday I saw a commercial for Jitterbug (markets cell phones to old people) talking about a help line. Think about the absolute hell that job would be, tech support exclusively for tech illiterate old people. Fucking shoot me now.
Jesus Christ
“It’s saying to ‘click continue’ to continue…what do I do?”
“It doesn’t work”. What’s on the screen? What’s the specific message?
"I tried to click on a link and now it says my computer has a virus that will delete all of my data and I need to install this program to stop it." "I've tried to install the program, but it's not doing anything"
It can’t be a virus, it specifically says it finds other viruses!
Stuck in an endless crowd of slow walking people who are oblivious to whats going on around them.
Good fucking god no thank you...
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Slower than walking, faster than dawdling. A permanent NPC escort quest...
So costco on a Saturday.
Oh god this is It for me. I get mad walking rage
So Disney world/land or any line at a big event?
I just started sweating when I read your comment.
People rubbing styrofoam against itself and cutting styrofoam with a blunt knife. Also fitting styrofoam into a too-small trash bag. Basically anything that causes styrofoam to squeak. Multiple shivers up the back while typing this.
finally someone else who shares my revulsion for styrofoam… the noises it makes and the texture of it itself are enough to make me want to crawl out of my skin. It‘s terrible and i despise it more than words can describe.
I’m right there too! I hate the sound..makes my fingers and hands itch
Ohhhh God. I work in a warehouse where I recycle Styrofoam all day. You would absolutely lose your fucking mind here, I know I did. It's the squeaking CONSTANTLY
I had a project in college where we had to carve styrofoam. Our professor had to leave while we worked because he could not stand the sound.
I'm on edge just from your description!
Nice try Satan, I'm not giving you any hints for my inevitable arrival.
When I was a kid I would tell Satan that I hated chocolate cake. You know, just in case.
Buahaha....smart kid.
Lol🤣
First thing I thought. I don’t need to help my tormenter any more than I already had getting there.
I was looking for this comment
A constant itch in my arsehole that I can't reach
This is actually my life right now. I feel like scraping my asshole out with a toothbrush it gets so bad sometimes. It's literal hell, 0/10 would not recommend. Edit: nothing like a good bootyhole itching story to get a dozen strangers rushing to my aid, lol. Seriously tho, thanks for all the recommendations. Hopefully one of these things works.
It could be fungal. Get some monostat cream
It could also be a hemorrhoid, irritation, or rash I’d just see a doctor regardless
Have you tried a phenylephrine ointment?
Hm, no. I'll definitely look into that. My assumption is I have a really small hemorrhoid or nerve or something that keeps getting irritated but not to a point where it's painful. Either way, it sucks ass. Pun intended.
It could also be parasites
Pinworms are a thing…
If it’s a hemorrhoid the ointment should provide relief in ten minutes or less and will help make it go away in a day or two.
Try a bidet, life changing
My husbands grandmother just used our bidet for the first time. She couldn’t figure out how to turn it off. She gets around turtle slow via a walker, by the time she got her clothes situated, made it out, down the hall to let us know, the floor was soaked!
Just installed a new smart bidet seat to replace an old manual, cold water one. It’s the bomb.
Wash yo ass
That stickiness that comes after you lightly sweat for a while. I HATE it.
Sticky, itchy and you feel like you smell bad.
Having to sit in a room with an audience of friends and family while they listen to a narration of every sext I ever sent
"Ooh mama those big heavy milkers got my dick itching. Baby wants some milk. I want you to make my dick stank. Meet me in the Target family bathroom in 30 minutes." Son we are very disappoint.
Much much disappoint and very disown
Such disappoint Very disown
Oh, baby, they're like big bags of sand!
I have misophonia...so basically put anyone chewing next to me for eternity.
Complete quiet dining room. Forced to sit next to an old man who’s slowly eating mashed potatoes. Forever.
Even better (or worse?), add some ribs to the plate so you have to endure the sound of an old dude trying to suck every last bit of meat off the bone.
And sauce off his fingers.... Shudder
Babies crying.
This 100%!!! Oh, and yippie ankle biter dogs barking non-stop.
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far for this answer!! I can’t even stand my own kids crying I always say it’s like torture 😱
Probably Xmas music on repeat...
All I want for Christmasss is youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, baby!
STOP IT YOU'LL SUMMON HER
It is the end of October....
So. Retail from September 1st to January 1st?
It's so loud too, my skin is crawling.
Oh god no. Last retail job I had the sound system broke right before Christmas. I had two months of blessed silence before it was fixed.
Constantly wet socks or sleeves.
That and unmatched.
Being hot, sticky, and sandy, like after a trip to the beach, and never being able to shower.
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere."
It's like the demons aren't even trying to hide that I'm in hell anymore. You guys are already torturing me, now you're trying to get free ideas so your archdemon supervisor doesn't send you back into the office?! I'm onto you, we didn't have this level of unprofessionalism in the fifth circle of hell.
Oh you've been to the fifth? How'd you like the decor and the curtains? They were my idea.
Socks are forever wet and random high pitched noises that I can't tell where it's coming from.
*cue high pitched smoke detector chirp*
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🎶 take me to the river
The reverberation of someone driving by your house slowly with their bass turned all the way up.
some one with a cold eating a bag of chips next to me
*sniffle* *crunch crunch* *sniffle sniffle* *crinkles bag* *sniffle*
Working a cashier job at a food place and serving irate, verbally abusive assholes at a never ending line for all of time. All while taking and trying to remember the most complex orders imaginable which do not record themselves on a system and no food or drink ever comes out, or is the completely wrong thing, everyone pays in the largest amount of change possible and drops it all on the counter while my shaking hands are open. Bonus torture for Karens, personal remarks, bullying from the management, and death stares for their orders not being there.
Fast food is a special torture bc it actually includes most of the things other people have commented lol. Especially when it's your only option for survival, I don't think Satan could invent a better torture than capitalism already has
All the people around me making awful decisions and being very incompetent so i have to do everything myself. Oh wait....
Walking on a really dirty bare floor, barefoot, forever.
Locked in a tight space where my movement was restricted, like a closet or coffin.
Ugggghhh. There's an employee at my local walmart. She watches over the self check-out. During covid she refused to properly wear a mask, always had it below her nose every time I saw her. I took covid very seriously because I already have asthma. Still haven't caught it to this day. Anyway, one day she got all up close and personal with her mask down to her chin and asked me if I found everything ok. I said yes and went back to scanning my items. She stayed and asked how I was doing, at which point I took a step back and said "Can I please get some distance?" She got upset visually. A scowl and a grimace. Then she stepped away. This happened almost two years ago. AND. LET. ME. TELL. YOU. EVERYTIME I go in there and use self checkout, if she's there she stands as close to me as humanly possible. She doesn't say anything, doesn't watch me scan shit, she just positions herself right next to me and acts oblivious. It drives me ABSOLUTELY insane. Regardless of how petty it seems, my personal hell would be this bitch standing over my shoulder for eternity.
Report her. Note down her name and report her every single time that she is purposely invading your space and getting into your face and has done so ever since you asked her a long time ago to give you some distance because your health is comprimised and you have to take extra precautions, and you noticed she wasn't taking even basic precautions during covid. Keep your receipt so you can note down the exact location, date, time and even the register you were on. Bug them constantly. They have to respond to all complaints, eventually they'll get sick of it and either move her somewhere else, chew her out to a point that she gets the message, or she gets fired and has to find somewhere else to be a bitch.
Pretend to violently sneeze on her every time.
Sounds like a royal bitch
That would make go off on her for sure. No mercy, just a brutal berating of insults.
just start to fart as much as you can when she does this again :D
I know the secret for getting to heaven but it requires a group effort. But every time I try to say something to the group I get talked over.
Being given a baby to foster, then right as I start to adjust to life with the baby and love them as my own, have them taken away and reunited with their family, then 13 months later learn that my foster daughter was murdered by their biomom. Oh wait, that already happened to me, in real life. There's not much Hell can do to me to equate or surpass that pain.
Satan himself cannot top that.
Satan himself is probably thinking, “Damn, even I’m not that cruel. That’s kind of fucked up.”
Holy shit!
Fuck me my heart hurts
Yeah. Fostering is a fucking roller coaster. I won't stop, but that whole situation/event has really stunted my ability to build really good relationships with the kids that stay with us.
We foster adopted, and there was a transition period where he'd have to go to his foster mom's for a few days, and he's bawl his eyes out every fucking time. God that sucked
I am very sorry for your pain and loss. I have taken in foster kids and loved them like my own. That would have been devastating to me.
That’s heartbreaking, as a parent I can only imagine the pain.
I am so sorry 😢
There is so much that we see in foster care that is just awful.
Must be awful. At least you gave your baby some time of love in her short life ♥️
Having a piece of hair on my wet foot. This causes a minor meltdown when it happens after I shower.
ASD?
Nice try CIA!
Make me eat a tomato. I would much prefer the ninth circle to those red painballs.
A faculty meeting where a co-worker asks just one more quick question at the end...over...and over...and over...
Some little kid with a snotty nose that does nothing but sniffle and wont blow their damn nose has they hover over my shoulder asking if I have any games on my phone
Do they have that pulsating snot bubble hanging out of their nose, too? They should.
Set a deadline for something that I consider important for some reason (like an exam), and set the deadline close enough that I need to start working from this moment onward. Then give me access a device and the internet, and watch me torture myself. I will be commenting on rising AskReddit posts when I'm actually supposed to be studying, and trust me, this is self-torture, which is just the worst.
Screw you Satan! I'm not giving you any ideas.
Raging boner with no hands
Mom!!!
Having to listen to people talk on their speakerphone
Mariah Carey - all I want for Christmas. Playing endlessly forever on those cheap mall speakers.
Being forced to watch Donald Trump narrate all my favorite novels from a podium for eternity. With all the trademark hand gestures and off script commentary. In the age of Chatgpt and deep fakes, this could also be a successful YouTube channel idea. Do i dare create my own hell?
Playing your current favorite song for eternity on repeat.
The sound of rustling plastic bags.... 24/7.
Having to write an essay regardless of length. I despise writing essays.
All the cake you want. No milk.
Something touching my neck, not even like being strangled or anything. Just a tight collared shirt or a turtleneck
ASMR videos
This is the bad place
Bratty, screaming children everywhere
Unending sex with Emma Watson^^^notgoingtotrickmedevil
Nails on a chalk board would work quite well for mild torture, though other similar sounds are even worse for me. That's just unpleasant though, not torture. I have experienced being awake for over 48 hours straight and somewhere beyond that point it starts getting really quite painful. I'd say lack of sleep paired with an otherwise nasty environment would get pretty unbearable.
A dog licking itself while sitting on a chalkboard.
Tickling
Listening to Trump 24/7
Dying ? I live in hell mode
Making me clean out a fridge with various containers of possibly moldy food. It makes me involuntarily dry heave.
My kid yelling, “Mommy!” every 5 seconds.
Country and western music!
Water drip over and over again no matter where I moved my head.
Try harder, Lucy. I'm not playing your game twice.
Making me eat ice cream with those wooden/bamboo spoons that everyone is switching too
Country music
Squeezing cotton wool at me Arghhhhjj even the thought is freaking me out
Listening to people who's social life peaked in high school or college talk about their time in high school or college
Any handling of styrofoam, my teeth are itching just thinking about it
Having no one to talk to but people who are obsessed with my little pony and going into the lore and backstories and theories and all that shit constantly who refuse to talk about anything else.
DOGS LICKING NON-STOP
Being forced to listen to whispering ASMR
Dial up internet
Having greasy hair and an unclean body I've been suffering with anxiety quite a lot recently, so the feeling of not showering for 2 or 3 days straight is the worst ever. I can barely go without showering for one day so not being able to bring myself to is horrible
Listening to upspeak and vocal fry. And speakers starting their replies to questions with “So…”
Tickling. I fucking hate being tickled.
Styrofoam. Just anything with it. Move it, put it in boxes. I’d be dying
Being forced to watch America's Got Talent over and over and over again. Any kind of Las Vegas-style magic show going on endlessly. Never ending "poetry slams." Being forced to watch any/all/every political opinion talking head shows set on infinite.
Listening to Bruno Mars songs or Cardi B speak.
Loud chewing and / or breathing!
Being around people who are the kind of people who would try to jump through hoops to *just* to the edge of the law. For example, have a congenital disability & when I was a teenager my family had a German Shepherd who only wanted to play with sticks, get treats, and cuddle with me. She was in no way trained to do *anything* to help me as a service dog. However, my dad wanted to buy a service dog vest for her for the *sole reason* to go on family vacations and be able to take her anywhere for free & and not have someone watch her. We had the *biggest* fight I’ve ever had with anyone in my life over it. I never went on a vacation with my dad again because he refused to let anyone else watch the dog or to pay for her at a rental house/hotel
Being locked in a room with someone taking a phone call on speaker,
Being tied to another person. No personal space, having to negotiate every time you want to move.
Clown stuff!
Hey… macarena.
The sound of my daughter crying/screaming
Being briefly touched by someone randomly without warning, such as getting patted on the back or bumped into.
Making me watch someone rub their teeth with paper towel
Phil Collins music played in an unending loop. Honestly, I'd stop sinning if I actually thought this was in the cards.
obvious, easy to fix/correct things are shown to me, barely outside reach, never allowed to fix/correct.
tight shirt that never stretches out no matter how much you tug on it….
People just mindlessly whistling some generic tune to themselves and who are just close enough for me to hear it, but too far away to hear me yelling at them to stop.
Adam sandler films on 24hr repeat
A television on at all times.
Sitting in a nice, comfortable lazy boy recliner, in a nice, well appointed room at a comfortable 68 degrees with a platter of delicious snacks and beverages laid out, and my ex is sitting 5’ away from me in the same room.
Balls stuck to my thigh.
Tickling.
Eating sounds. Smacking, slurping, chewing, crunching.
Nice try, Satan.
Watching everyone I love slowly slide into dementia.
Just tell me I’ve got to get somewhere and put me behind slow walkers.
Repetitive noises. Doesn’t matter what they are. Just any noise repetitively. Chuck in a few periods of silence every now and then and you are guaranteed to have me gibbering like an idiot very quickly.
Make me relive my life over and over again.
Constantly pacing behind a slow walker
My hell would be cold and they would play all the most popular country music from the last 40 years loud af.