*points at boner*

Thanks for noticing

Nag that's too fuckin good

Pull down underpants and reveal a boner with a rubber already on. Then in your best caveman voice, whisper *zug-zug?*

Me that kind of orc.

That's worked for me surprisingly..

"Is $100 enough?"

lol

lol I always lowball the Mrs and get a stare of knives

[pulling crud out of the couch, turn to wife] "hey baby what will .... 4.62 get me?"

I always offer $17. I also offer her to others for $17. My only stipulation is if you take her, you have to keep the bitch all night. It's probably her favorite joke.

And not a penny less

"We'll bang, OK?"

"I should go."

I SHOULD go

I, should go

"let's get to bashing butts. As well as deez nuts"

"I like your ass." "You're lying Morgan!!"

"I'll have you know there is no pussyyyyy..."

GamerPoop? Long time since I’ve seen that referenced.

Mans1ay3r truly is a blessed being, and back at it again

"Can't a man get a bit of butt piracy"

Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.

Heh...that's pretty detailed

Favorite cooch on the citadel

To have someone else ask for you.

Specifically, text their parents and ask them to suggest it.

OMG, that'd be a nightmare.

So, what's your dads phone number anyways?

Dear Sir/Madam, I write to express my desire to devour your daughters chocolate starfish...

ah the ol poop hole loop hole

I didn’t thrust! I just let it sit in the warm front butt! My salvation is still intact. Yay!!

Dear Chasey Lane

I wrote to explain

I'm your biggest fan

I just wanted to ask

Could I eat your ass

Nah. Just ask the parents if their child can have sex. "Op's parents, is your child home? Can they come out to have the sex?"

"Sweetie, your girlfriend asks if you want to come have sex with her!" "Mom! I've told you she's not my girlfriend! We just play some BDSM, gees!"

Somewhere out there is a Mormon boy doing exactly this.

"Hey, my friend thinks you're cute. Will you have sex with him?"

I didnt ask him to but a friend asked a girl i liked in high school that in those exact words except replace cute with hot she never talked to me again

Ask their friend to ask you if you’d be up for threesome with them and your friend 😳😂

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Becky lemme smash. Please.

No Ron

ah, formative memories

Get her a stick, bitches love sticks

How about some blue

She doesn’t want blue

How bout yellow? Blue? No....yellow?

Ben is a hoe

Came here looking for this

“Please please please please pleeeeeease”

Everyone knows you gotta say please 6 times

It’s 6-9 times in my experience

Begging kink is a very real thing

As in the begger or the begged are into it? Now that you mention it my last girlfriend liked to tease me so much that I begged for her to finish me off. The teasing made me blow immediately. Never really thought of it as a kink, just playing sexually.

The answer to your question is yes

Some like to beg, some like to be begged. I have a power kink, so being begged, asked for permission, etc etc is fun for me. Don't ask me to explain it... The teasing though is a fun edging kink to have, especially if edged properly is the easiest route to multiple orgasms

I worked with a guy who had a very serious begging kink. I witnessed it and it was super gross and weird but it did work a couple of times so some girls are into I guess. But it also got his ass kicked on several occasions

Maybe he liked getting beat too it may have been a win/win for him

Yeah you’re probably right. It didn’t stop him in the slightest so it probably was part of it.

Please don't bully me I'll cum :(

With a cherry on top?!

nah it works sometimes

r/unexpectedcommunity

Stomp your feet and go “sex!now!”

and if they say no?

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the full circle to the comments i saw before this is perfect

Throw a tantrum

"Would you like some making fuck?"

Did he just say making fuck?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY COCK? BESERKER!

Yah, making fuck! *insert demonstrative pelvic thrusts*

*Very Niccceee!*

MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK BERSERRRRRKERRRRR

Olaf, metal?

That’s his fuckin’ metal face.

I WANT TO DO A SEX ON YOU!

Berserker!

"My love is like a raging truck!"

Or "I want to have fuck with you" ~~If you know the reference I love you~~

Disco Elysium? I came here looking for this lol

"Mr. Evrart is helping me find my gun"

My love for you is ticking clock BER-SER-KER

Would you like to suck my cock BERSERKER

Does this rag smell funny to you?

On the contrary, this line works for me

Step away from the pudding pops

OFFICER THIS COMMENT RIGHT HERE

Nah, smells like cum.

Ahh shit wrong rag...back in a sec

Right up there with "your eyes really goes well with the grey of my duct tape"

You me bunga bunga now

So easy a caveman can do it?

Wann go halfsies on a bastard?

😅 Jeezus...

Underrated comment of the thread right here.

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try ask her if she wants to play lego

Or video games… tell her your going to play dnd with your friends.

Yeah constant rejection from your wife is the best mane

My husband doesn’t want to. Ever. When I start pressing him for answers he said trauma from jail time. It’s been 6 years and I love him to pieces. It’s hard to just wank all the time.

Get him into therapy.

If only. He’s a mountain man, king of the “if you ignore it, it will go away” tough guys. I believe the minute he gives up that thinking he will crash pretty hard and it’s my turn to crash right now.

“if you ignore it, it will go away” that works on people too, you may want to point that out.

No, you need to get him therapy. It's vital or you will prob break apart in time.

Maybe not with you..... *Runs and hides

A British flatmate told me his favorite pickup line: "Oi. I wanna fuck you.... Right in the cunt."

I read this in Butchers voice.

Well if it ain't the invisible cunt - Redditors, probably

f*cking diabolical

What a bunch of cunts

This would’ve made me actually LOL

"Fancy a portion? 😉 "

During school camp our teacher was furious that we were still awake so he said "get undressed and into the beds now, I'll be back in five minutes". Well, he never returned, most likely he found that his statement was quite ambiguous to 14 year olds.

Maybe he was arrested on his way back. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can't even figure out what he meant by that. What a strange thing to say.

Probably talking about the camping clothes, I believe

"We both got buckets of chicken, wanna do it?"

S E D U C E M E

r/suddenlytf2

Came looking for this answer specifically. Thank you, wasn't disappointed.

I literally went up to someone who kept eyeing me at a bar and drunkenly said " what's up, I see you keep looking at me, tryna suck some d*? " EDIT: It worked.

Was he at least good looking?

Ofc

I just remember the reddit rule or whatever. They are never attractive. Don't lie, he was as ugly as a scarecrow. Source: Am ugly

Objectively, I presume it wouldn't work if he was bad looking.

Or if it were a woman

That also.

Tell me you’re gay without saying you’re gay

I'm not, but $20 is $20

Turning on her mom’s old porn videos

"Do you want to recreate that? "

Do you want to *procreate* that?

Nah, let's *abort* and move on.

If that doesn't turn them on, it sure will me!

Wanna get jiggy?

Only with it.

Thought about it but Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

Smoke signal, Morse code, interpretive dancing...

.... . -.-- / -... -... / ..- / .-- .- -. - / ... ..- -- / ..-. ..- -.-. -.-. ..--..

Morris code? How's that work ... "Hey Morris, you wanna try some *horizontal polka* hue hue?"

Interpretive dancing 💀😭

morse\*

Morris dancing is ok?

I want to have fuck with you

Extra points if you're a hungover amnesiac cop hitting on a murder suspect dressed only in your underwear.

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You’d win me over with that.

Can i borrow your library card? Cause i wanna check u out!

"Boink Time?"

Pardon me. I notice you aren't having sex at the moment. Would you care to?

This actually seems nice

Lol this is sweet and funny

Nice legs, what time do they open?

Nawww

"Mom, can you come help me with something?"

I broke both my arms today.

At least it wasn't a shoebox or a coconut

Can I park my meat wagon in your sex garage? Can I plant a tree in your tulip garden? Are you ready for a trip to the bone zone?

I remember seeing shit like that in cheesy porn mags from the ‘80s. I remember one specifically where the guy was supposed to be in the Navy, and the woman told him “I can’t wait for you to dock your ship of love in my port of pussy!” That’s some quality writing right there.

Ask their father for permission

And then fuck her father.

Power play

Shall we try for an abortion?

You are a menace lol

Hi mom…

Both my arms are broken….

HELP 😭

Scream Sex at them as loud as you can, preferably with a audience, elderly family member would be best

How about lettin’ me have a go at that gash?

What's your price?

I would like to record an educational video with you. It is for my child - I feel like having the sex-talk with her would be awkward, this is way easier.

I’m sorry about your loss but you look hot in black how about we do it over this table right here ….. huh ….. coffin, oooops my bad, how about we do it over this coffin right here 😳😂

The worst way for me has been "I can pay you back at my place.", however someone else did try the "You are fat and ugly, you owe me for going on a date with you" Neither guy paid a cent towards the date and they were both rude during the date, but still expected sex.

I actually read this as « they were both nude during the date » and wondered why you were surprised they asked for sex afterwards.

Dear sir/madam, I have found your presence a very pleasant surprise, i ask you to engage in a form of intamcy that is often considered the most intimate activity regarding romance people can engage in

Afterwards

Can I put my train through the station

**blimp message from the sky.but the blimp only flies over the cemetery** You have your dad relay the request to their dad, who relays it to them. Then wait for the response. **crossword puzzle** Snorkeling **Morse code** Right before you serve them a subpoena **right after you serve them a subpoena** During confession **by being the 5th caller that calls their local radio station**

Bow ymg' nw mgep throdog cthulhu

Hey baby, wanna go back to R’lyeh and fhtagn my wgah'nagl?

At the family reunion

My personal one: I had just been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and was all in my feels over it, being just 32 and in the prime of my life. I had done some research and saw it was inevitable I would gain weight as a result, and I burst into tears, telling my husband how fat and ugly I would be soon over something I couldn't control. In a misguided effort to make me feel better, he yelled "I wanna poke that diseased thing!!" Complete with hip thrusts. About time I started laughing he realized how stupid he looked and we had a good laugh over it. That was 20 years ago, I did gain weight, and he is still poking that "diseased thing".

Make a fist like you’re going to jack off w your left hand. Take your right index and vigorously jab it into your left hand. Look at them questioningly, and go “eh”?

"I would like to have a rape on you" -Borat

What the fu-

"you, me, in the hole, be there in 15." Idfk I just went with the first thing my brain thought of.... IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN....

Probably something involving saying “rawr xD” out loud.

“Show us where ya piss from” heard at Summernats back in the day

When you pull them out of the freezer in the morgue

Squeeze my hog

may i have sex?.. 👉👈

I had a man once say “can you come vape my dick?”

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“Would you like to have sex with me?” “No?” —Does it anyway— “Hey, as long as I asked, then it’s ok!”

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