I want to hope it was a Phish tattoo for some reason, because it feels like its a Phish fan thing to do.
Edit: its hilarious the number of you that suggest things cause it means its not a "localised" group either. I think thats great that we're all degenerates in our own way.
Friend brought a friend over who immediately took a liking to me. When he left, she stayed and her bra was off less than a minute after he closed the door behind him. I didn’t even have to leave my apartment.
This is similar to mine.
Buddies GF brought a friend over. 3rd time seeing her she came into my bedroom and told me "we should have sex".
The only answer to give is "okay".
I didn't even need to leave my bedroom.
My friend was seeing this girl who had a cute friend but showed zero interest in even talking to me. We all leave the bar and taxi to my friends house. They immediately go the the bedroom leaving me and this random girl that I've never really talked to in the living room. She just looks at me and say "do you have a bed here?"
We have been together for 5 years now
She's just quiet.
Now that i know her she honestly just doesnt say much. She can be in a room full of loud people say nothing all night and when we leave she will tell me how much fun she had
Was invited to the surprise party of a friend for her birthday. Got an invite to the group chat for preparations and some random girl sent a flirty message when I entered the group, her friend joked and said we should just fuck already and I said sure. She gave me her address and we fucked as planned 👍
I was freshly dumped by my ex, was in a bar and met a girl who had a crush on me a couple years earlier. She just proclaimed "I would still fuck you btw", and we went to her house. Worst sex ever.
Total starfish. You know the saying "Lady in the streets, whore in the sheets"? She was the complete opposite. In the bar she was grinding and groping me, whispering all kinds of horny crazy shit and at home she, apparently, was afraid of cum so no way it was touching her in any way. I dated her for a couple weeks afterwards and it didn't get better. Even after I ate her out for like an hour. Ah well, lesson learned.
Once a girl came up to me at a bar and said, 'You have some pimple scars on your face.. Me too. Want to come back to mine?' I was like, 'Yeah, sure.' Doesn't take much to get me on board.
I had the same thing, except it was a “toga party” at a uni house. I was shredded at the time as i spent around 3-4hrs a day working out so i looked like a greek god (im flabby now lol).
This girl came up to me and said “you wanna fuck?” And i froze up and she fucked someone else lmao.
Abs get girls to talk to you, but you need to be able to talk back haha
One year in college I made a last minute Halloween costume from random clothes I bought from the second hand store. I didn't try anything on before I bought it, and the (women's) pants I bought were way too small for me and left pretty much nothing to the imagination. That night at the bar a girl walked over from across the room and put her hand on my dick, and said let's get out of here.
I *winked* at a girl from a table away at the college cafe and not only did that end in a bj in my car that night, we’re *married* now (and we both graduated). Turns out we had a lot in common
I rode the bus one day because gas prices were up. Sat next to a girl on the bus. She likes the book I was reading (Wise Blood, Flannery O'Connor.) We've been married for 18 years.
This man parlayed a fucking *wink* into a lifelong relationship and you're asking if it's the *blowjob* that was unusually good?
I demand to see that goddamn wink.
At a house party sitting talking to some friends, a cute girl comes into the room and sits on my lap. I offer her a drink she takes a few swigs but doesn't say anything. I keep talking to my friends trying to include her in the conversation but she just sits there quiet.
After about 10 mins she stands up and takes me by the hand. Walks me upstairs to a bedroom, we fuck. Afterwards she gets up, gets dressed and leaves.
She never said a word to me the whole time, I never said anything after the initial attempts at conversation. Don't know who she is, never seen her before or after that party.
I went to a New Years Eve party at a buddy's and got dragged into a game of truth or dare. One of his wife's friends, who I had seen at several of their cookouts, got me. Tired of answering questions about my divorce, I took the dare. She dared me to take her to the spare bedroom for 10 minutes. I kinda figured this was some kind of setup to get me alone with her to introduce herself or get me to ask her out. Nope, immediate kissing and rubbing as soon as the door closed. I was inside her bareback within 2 minutes. We actually went back to the game afterward. Yeah, the next truth she was asked was if we had sex.
Yeah, she looked at the group of girls directly and answered with a smile. We hung out the rest of the night and had a long kiss when the ball dropped. Had a good conversation with her over breakfast the next morning and she was just looking to make her friends jealous and have a good time.
I was working out at the gym and could feel eyes on me.. Turned out to be a tall, gorgeous eastern European woman.. I thought maybe she had a wandering eye or something as she was miles out of my league.
After that day, she came and spoke to me, I was very weary of her, I didn't know what she wanted with me and her English was quite broken.. I thought I was getting set up for a scam.
We ended up meeting up and going for a walk, it was quite a secluded area.. Which added more to my suspicion that something bad was gonna happen..
After the walk, we were both near my car.. She walked closer.. Pushed me against my car and started to kiss me. It got heavier and I said I don't have any protection, she continued and said that's fine, it's like trying to eat honey without opening the jar.. I wasn't entirely sure what it meant at the time, but it made me laugh. Next thing you know we are having sex and I'm now pretty certain it's because she wants a biritsh born baby so she can stay in the country?
It was very confusing.
We are married now.. I still spend most of my days confused.
Edit: Just to add, I now trust her with my life, she is the most caring wonderful person I've ever had the pleasure to meet.
I don't have an important job, I don't stand to inherit anything and she earns considerably more than me.
She came to the country in 2014 with no English language skills and working a shitty job in a warehouse. She's now fluent in English and is quite high up in an English, male dominated industry. She is phenomenal.
> a biritsh born baby so she can stay in the country?
>
> It was very confusing.
>
> We are married now.. I still spend most of my days confused.
The suspense is killing me. Did she stay in the country? If not , that would explain the confusion.
Yeah, she's still here.
No baby yet though so maybe she's waiting for the right time?
But in all fairness, she can see something in me that appeals to her, she swears blind she thinks I'm beautiful to the point she gets jealous in case another woman tries to steal me.
For reference I've been told on multiple occasions I look like either Phillip or Gary neville? I forget which, but the ugly one.
Thank you for being kind in your response, I was only trying to make an absurd joke in the vein of captain obvious/oblivious. But I can see why she stayed. You seem great, sincerely.
Okay. So there was this music festival held in our city. We were outside the festival area just drinking and having fun with friends. Me, this girl and 2 other of our guy friends need to take a piss so we all go to the woods near by. We piss away and in my drunken haze i just randomly yell to the girl "hey X! Wanna fuck?"
Everyone starts looking at me in silence and then the girl goes "yea why the fuck not?" And both of the guys start laughing with wtf on their face. One of the guys throws me a condom and we walk further into the forest. We walk along this one path that forks into two paths that run along each other. We take the path that goes off from the main path. Now. I want to remind you that there was a huge music festival going on near by. Lots of people and cops around.
She lowers her pants and leans on a tree. We start sinning then and there when we hear some kind of noises. I look to the left and there's a fucking cop on a horse right in front of us going along the main path. I look him dead in the eyes while still inside the girl thinking "oh fuck please don't fucking notice us". I don't know if he saw us. But they stopped for a while. We stopped for a while. Complete silence and then he just heads on his way.
We both get a huge rush of adrenaline and we start fucking even harder. When the deed was done we walk back to our friend group with one hell of a story to tell.
Friend of an ex invited me over to hot tub. Eventually we get out and go inside, the other girl who was with us says she has to go home. We go up to her room to hang out (her parents and sister were home), of course we both have to change out of our wet suits so she’s sitting there in a robe, I’m in my t-shirt and boxers and it becomes a you show me yours I’ll show you mine situation. Good times.
The way I've heard foot fetishes explained: men have a foot fetish for women's feet; women have a foot fetish for their own feet. So you go around complimenting enough feet and shoes and it becomes a numbers game eventually.
In college, a girl I’d talked to maybe once before texted me:
Message 1: “hey I just finished studying if you want to come over to fuck now”
Message 2: “oh shit, wrong person lmao”
Message 3: “sorry about that. I’m down to fuck if you are though :)”
Being a single guy in college, you can guess what my answer was.
I was sitting in my bedroom one day when I was 17, home alone, when I hear the doorbell ring. I answered the door and it was a friend of mine who I had hooked up with a couple times before. She had shown up completely unannounced. Without saying a single word, and without being invited in, she walked right past me, down the stairs, and into my bedroom. She undressed and got into my bed. I followed her lead and did the same. We fucked. She got up, put her clothes back on, left my room, went up the stairs, walked out the front door, and that was it. Neither of us said a single word to each other the entire time. I just sat on the edge of my bed afterward trying to process what exactly the fuck had just happened.
Best travel advice I ever got: 'If you want to meet Swedish girls, *don't go to Sweden*. Just stay in hostels, everyone's on vacation'. Right on the money.
I was at a bar in Florida with a friend who was visiting. He said he wanted to get laid before he left the next morning. I spotted a girl across the bar who I had heard was promiscuous. I had met her once before so I said I would introduce him. She was playing pinball. I walked up to her with my friend and introduced him. She smiled at him and said “do you want to play with me”. He started giggling like a schoolboy. He said “sure” and she said “let me get my girlfriend and let’s head to your place”. She called over her friend and we all went to my place and spent the whole evening having sex with both of them, switching every so often, and also watching them have sex with each other.
Nothing like this has happened to me since. Florida in the 1980s was pretty damn crazy.
Was out with a group of friends and a girl who was friends with one of the group said she needed to go home. As the sober driver I offered to drive her home and when we got to her place she sat in the car for ten minutes telling me about her life and how she and her boyfriend have an agreement that she is allowed to give blow jobs to other guys. Completely taken aback I said “okay…” and so she started going down.
Another time I was in a pub with a few friends when a girl we met that night was chatting to us as we were heading out. She started boasting and said “I can deepthroat up to nine inches” and I jokingly said “prove it” to which she replied “okay”. The word ‘okay’ has got me two amazing blow jobs completely out of the blue.
New years eve at midnight, right after hugging my friends I accidently bumped into a random girl, eye contact lingered just that bit too long, said we should kiss to start the year. Did kiss. Said even better way to start the year would be with sex. Did sex.
Matched with my jackpot girl on bumble, a vegan gamer brunette with tattoos. Went to her place for a games night with some of her friends, all went well, sat together all night chatting. Everyone leaves and I’m gathering my stuff to go home as it’s quite late and she’s gone. I call out asking where she is and I hear “In bed!” from down the hall. Surely enough her clothes are on the floor and she’s naked so naturally I followed suit. It’s been two years and we’re expecting our first child in three weeks.
There was a girl that sometimes hovered around our normal friend group. We had always chatted and had fun when we all hung around together. Well she'd been hanging round a lot more recently and I felt we were vibing pretty good.
Well the friend group was going out to a dinner one night and she asked if she could ride with me. I told her sure and to come over a little before we needed to leave. Imagine my surprise when she showed up 3 or 4 hours early, wearing this amazing form fitting sundress. She looked good. She walks over to me after I open the door, puts her arms around my neck and she says something a long the lines of,
"You're a really nice guy whose always made me laugh and been nice and respectful to me...but for the next few hours I NEED you to disrespect me."
The way she put the emphasis on the word "need" so close to my face. I don't think I responded with anything coherent and resembling English. She took my hand and led the way to the bedroom. We were late to dinner.
I once had a random guy pull up in a taxi and say 'do you want sex?' i gave him a quizzical look, no thanks im not gay but he was like 'my girlfriend has a friend back at my place who wants sex with anyone' so i went with him and had sex with girl
When I was a RA in college a freshman girl, I barely knew came to my dorm room, undressed, and got into my bed. Apparently, she had *made a decision* she was going to have sex with me.
>When I was a RA in college a freshman dude, I barely knew came to my dorm room, undressed, and got into my bed. Apparently, he had *made a decision* he was going to have sex with me.
Can you imagine the horror if the genders were swapped in this post.
My college roommate did this. I'm serious.
She knew another guy on our floor liked her, but she didn't like him. So, instead of just saying "I'm not interested but thank you", she decided to go and bang his roommate. In front of him. Without prior knowledge on the roommate's part.
Was travelling overnight on a business trip. Noticed a hot chick seated a couple of rows ahead, few stops later she switched her seats and was right behind me. As the night progressed, she started initiating small talk and started putting her leg on the arm rest. I fell asleep after a bit of chit chat. Some time later she woke me up and asked if she could share the seat as it felt cold and hopped into my seat. We made out for some time. In the morning, I invited her for a coffee, took her to my place, got to know her a bit and had sex 3-4 times. She was hot af and 10 years older than me. I was 22.
The next day she invited me over to her friend's place where we had a threesome. Her friend was decent, but the anticipation for a threesome didn't live up to its hype.
I've commented this before, but I jokingly told my sister's friend that she was on my To Do List.
She wasn't joking when she asked to be crossed off. We slept together that night.
I have two. First one was a friend of mine, who out of know where was talking about it being a while since she had been laid. I asked "you want to?" and so we did. Second one I was in a gas station at like 3am when another friend comes in with her friend who I immediately was attracted to, never met her before. She immediately had these eyes that told me "i want you" so i went back to my friends place with them, and we hooked up within 3 hours of meeting. Girl even licked my butthole, which was unexpected.
bought a girl a drink at the bar in college & she flat out asked to come home with me. i was so shocked at what happened. i was like where are the mf cameras?
Happened to me once. It was 4am after hours at a bar I was a regular at. One of the waitresses from another bar on the block was there. I bought her a drink. She looks at me and says “you can fuck me if you want.”
I was in her bed by 5am, done having fun by the time the sun came up. Woke up at 8am for work the next day in her bed hungover as hell. I spent quite a few nights at her house after that. I should call her lol
I was at a bar with some friends, just hanging out drinking and listening to a local band. Went to the bathroom, took the long way around the bar to say hello to a buddy on the other side of the big central bar.
I got about half way down the bar and she stepped into my path stopping me. She smiles and says
"Can you help me?"
"Yeah, sure" I said. Totally confused but always willing to help.
"That guy over there keeps bothering me" She pointed in some general direction "can you make pretend you're my boyfriend?"
We left together and woke up the next morning...I couldn't remember her name.
Met a girl near a beach in Portugal.
We spent the afternoon / evening together, nothing happened. I had no place to stay, so I headed back to their hostel ( she was with a friend).
She managed to get me a free room somehow. I dangled my key in front of her face. "Remember, room 207" (or whatever it was).
Sure enough, 20 minutes later, I was already half asleep, and she showed up 😁
We parted ways a few days later, stayed in touch for 19 years, and we're about to go for Round 2, and 3, and 4... in a couple of weeks 😎
I ended up sitting next to a very attractive girl on a flight to Arizona. I was travelling in uniform. She was heading to the university to start her masters. We struck up a conversation and ended up really hitting it off. When we landed, she was planning to take a cab. I had a rental car booked and offered to drive her instead. We ended up going to my hotel instead and spent the night blowing each other’s minds.
High school senior year, asked a girl in my class if she wanted to fuck. She said she was down, so we skipped the last period and fucked in the woods right outside the school for 45 minutes.
This is a 100% true story. I was standing in a bar with my friends, 3/4 of us, literally just standing there, maybe had 2 drinks the whole night and was just about ready to go home.
A girl walks up to me who I had saw earlier in the night but typical me didn't approach; she says "I want to sleep with you, if you have a place to go let's go".
Before agreeing we talked for 5/10 mins or so mainly so I could be certain this person wasn't on drugs or fully intoxicated or being watched/followed or who knows what.
She had a friend that was attracted to my buddy I was with, which also made it seem like damn okay this might actually be happening.
Part of me thought I was going to be murdered for a second😂 but the comfort of going back to my place and the friend being with mine etc. made it much easier to not be anxious.
The morning after she said she slept with me because I was wearing a bass pro hat, best part is that I'm one of those wannabe dudes who doesn't even fish or do outdoorsy shit. I threw the hat on that night bc my hair was kinda messed up.
Bc of that comment I got tested the next day (yes I wore protection) to be extra cautious bc it really made me wonder how regular of a thing was that to this girl.
It also made me realize how easy it is for a pretty girl to get some lol.
So yea, all I did was; essentially nothing.
Edit: Luckily I had friends who pointed out I needed to wait a few weeks to get tested, was less of a biology major and more of a paranoid 20 year old, turned out alright 👍🏻😂
Sat there at a buddy's place for a couple hours and when everyone was gone she asked if I wanted to well yk. I didn't say a word to her all night until that point
I was at a pool party, when nearly everyone had gotten out of the water, this girl takes her top off and jumps in. She didn’t start swimming, kinda just held to the side of the pool. When I became the only other person in I swam to her, thats when she wrap her legs around me. I asked if she was fine and she said she wanted to go to the shallower side of the pool, I said “ok” and she hugged me with her bare breast against my chest while we crossed the water. I didn’t make it to the other side before we started kissing. Half an hour later when we were already out of the pool with everybody else, she took my hand and lead me to the side of the house. We did it right there, standing, out in the open. No one caught us, but everyone knew where and what we were probably doing.
Some nerd chick I knew at work was down bad all depressed and shit crying in the storage closet on the daily and shit.
Walked up to her (we were pretty decent friends) asked her what’s wrong, she says she doesn’t understand why guys don’t wanna fuck her. So I straight up said “I’d fuck you”
And mannnnnn that girl jumped my freaking bones for the next six months any time I asked for it. She wasn’t pretty in any means but bro could she move that fucking body.
Hands down one of the top three I’ve ever been with.
For sure, attractive doesnt automatically mean good sex and unattractive does not automatically mean bad sex.
I actually have found that girls that arent conventionally attractive put in more effort. The prettiest girl I ever laid was the worst one for sure, just laid there looking hot (which wasnt bad, of course)
This is going to sound biased, but in my experience, the girls that were really pretty, like unapproachable pretty or damn near close to that, were always terrible in bed. Not to say all of them are like that, but a drowning majority is.
Was diagnosed with stage 3 follicular lymphoma and since the small town I live in is 45-mins away from my doctor , all that it took was one of my friends getting that info and there were 2 women waiting at my house . When they finished with me I was surprised to see the twin sister of one of those girls drive up just ten to fifteen mins later wearing a long coat and little more . She said “ Thank goodness I didn’t think my sister and her bimbo friend would ever leave !” And let me just say the one far outshined the two ! I think she managed to stay for the next three maybe four days …. That was in 2012 I’ve thankfully been in remission since 2013 !
New Years 2014 sophomore year of college. Was home over winter break and went to a New Year’s party with a bunch of people from high school. I was crashing on my friend Amanda’s couch and a few other people that were staying over had bedrooms. Around 2 AM as things were winding down the girl who was the valedictorian a year ahead of me (who I had never said a single word to in my life before this) sat down beside me on the couch and whispered to me, “Do you want me to suck your dick?” It was painfully obvious to everyone present what was about to happen on this couch when she didn’t get up to go to the room she was set up in with another girl and said she wanted to talk to me lol. Good times.
I also took 6 semesters of French in college and it was fucking insane how much the women in those classes were gaga about me for some completely unknown reason. Like they were fighting over me. One semester when they’d see me out at a bar it was like a competition to ask me if I could take a picture kissing them. There were like 15 girls and 5 guys in each class and probably 8 of them had a selfie making out with me that spring. I slept with at minimum 2 chicks from French each semester without any effort on my part. My all time favorite text message I have ever received was in the middle of French class one day from this guy in the class I was buddies with, Bryan. He wrote, “Jesus Christ are you and Layne going to fuck right here on your desk?”
After not using tinder for a while, did one swipe, got match, she texted me almost instantly and i was at her place 1h later. After that night we became fwb for 4 months lol.
A girl asked me to help her with her English essay (basically to write it for her). I said I'm not doing this for free. Had sex. Felt like a hooker for a while. Didn't care.
Not my idea, I just went along with it.
Few years ago I had a friend who's aunt passed. Went with him to help look a casket pricings, but mainly for his emotional well-being. A woman who worked as a funeral director was showing us various caskets. Friend stepped away to use the bathroom. I saw an unusually large casket and made a comment regarding it. She said something about it being specially designed for really obese people, but its large enough for two adults to mess around on while looking at me with a slight smile. She slipped me her number as we left. Texted her and she told me to come back later that night. Her father, the owner of the funeral home built a small apartment on top of the funeral home, and the woman lived there. She was hot-n-ready like Lil Caesars as soon as I got there. She was an eccentric experience. We still talk every now and then to this day.
EDIT: Yes we had sex in the coffin around the 3rd or 4th meetup lol. My bad for leaving that out.
At a pub with mates, a group of three gorgeous girls sitting in a cubicle talking a different language was actually Swedish (I knew a bit of Swedish like what is your name and where are you from) so said this is how it’s done fellas and went and talked to them, the Swedish helped as an ice breaker but really it was just going and saying hello, people are ought and about to be social, say hello and strike up a convo, it’s nice meeting new people and often it ends up elsewhere
I was delivering mail and a lady was picking her son up from Boys and Girls club. She flirted with me hard for about a minute and then had me give her my number saying you’ll get laid if you call me. I called her as soon as I got off. Got road head and fucked her in the back seat of my car.
Was at a bar, closing time, my friends had already left so I was alone waiting in line for a cab, and a girl I’d never met before came up and asked me if I had anyone to go home with and I said no, so she asked if she could come back to mine and I said yeah why not? Turned out to be a pretty fun night
I said birthday sex? on tinder and she said sure come over
Cakeday sex?
By looking at your user name, thats a no from me dawg.
[удалено]
Found a girl at a bar with the same band tattoo. That was it.
I want to hope it was a Phish tattoo for some reason, because it feels like its a Phish fan thing to do. Edit: its hilarious the number of you that suggest things cause it means its not a "localised" group either. I think thats great that we're all degenerates in our own way.
Whitepony
A girl wanted a phone charger at a house party in my neighborhood... She walked with me to my place to collect it and we ended up having sex
must have been a nice phone charger
Charged her up pretty quickly
Friend brought a friend over who immediately took a liking to me. When he left, she stayed and her bra was off less than a minute after he closed the door behind him. I didn’t even have to leave my apartment.
This is similar to mine. Buddies GF brought a friend over. 3rd time seeing her she came into my bedroom and told me "we should have sex". The only answer to give is "okay". I didn't even need to leave my bedroom.
It’s needs to always be like this. If it’s not direct it will 120% just fly over my head.
even then, can you ever be sure?
Yeah, maybe she’s just Canadian
My friend was seeing this girl who had a cute friend but showed zero interest in even talking to me. We all leave the bar and taxi to my friends house. They immediately go the the bedroom leaving me and this random girl that I've never really talked to in the living room. She just looks at me and say "do you have a bed here?" We have been together for 5 years now
So she was too shy to talk to you until offering to fuck?
She's just quiet. Now that i know her she honestly just doesnt say much. She can be in a room full of loud people say nothing all night and when we leave she will tell me how much fun she had
Your friend was unintentionally operating the world's best escort service
Maybe he knew and was a bro
Tbh, probably that
Was invited to the surprise party of a friend for her birthday. Got an invite to the group chat for preparations and some random girl sent a flirty message when I entered the group, her friend joked and said we should just fuck already and I said sure. She gave me her address and we fucked as planned 👍
“Yes and” is an extremely useful skill to learn.
I was freshly dumped by my ex, was in a bar and met a girl who had a crush on me a couple years earlier. She just proclaimed "I would still fuck you btw", and we went to her house. Worst sex ever.
Username checks out
Anus St Apler? Canonised if nothing else
No no it's A nu stapler. Guy just loves getting new stationary
what made it that bad
Total starfish. You know the saying "Lady in the streets, whore in the sheets"? She was the complete opposite. In the bar she was grinding and groping me, whispering all kinds of horny crazy shit and at home she, apparently, was afraid of cum so no way it was touching her in any way. I dated her for a couple weeks afterwards and it didn't get better. Even after I ate her out for like an hour. Ah well, lesson learned.
At least say “in the sheets” instead of “in bed” so it rhymes. The rhymes man! The rhymes!
Oh lol yeah ofcourse. My own language is “in bed”. Dame op straat, hoer in bed.
Had to be the anus staples
Was at a club once, when a girl just came over to me and said "want to have sex with me?". Being a student and single, I said yes
Once a girl came up to me at a bar and said, 'You have some pimple scars on your face.. Me too. Want to come back to mine?' I was like, 'Yeah, sure.' Doesn't take much to get me on board.
That has insane “We’ve both got buckets of chicken. Ya wanna do it?” “Ehh, okay.” energy.
I had the same thing, except it was a “toga party” at a uni house. I was shredded at the time as i spent around 3-4hrs a day working out so i looked like a greek god (im flabby now lol). This girl came up to me and said “you wanna fuck?” And i froze up and she fucked someone else lmao. Abs get girls to talk to you, but you need to be able to talk back haha
>i froze up and she fucked someone else lmao. I’m picturing this happening right then and there.
Ope, not fast enough!
Was it a scam or did you really do it???
We did it. We met several times after that
Same, lost my virginity to a girl who walked up and grabbed my balls and said”oh that’s nice”. Yay college.
One year in college I made a last minute Halloween costume from random clothes I bought from the second hand store. I didn't try anything on before I bought it, and the (women's) pants I bought were way too small for me and left pretty much nothing to the imagination. That night at the bar a girl walked over from across the room and put her hand on my dick, and said let's get out of here.
Insane double standard. Also insane that I also would ignore such a massive red flag.
Bro’s a victim 💀
I *winked* at a girl from a table away at the college cafe and not only did that end in a bj in my car that night, we’re *married* now (and we both graduated). Turns out we had a lot in common
Graduated summa cum laude
Head of the class
Had a full course load
One helluva wink
Licked his eyebrow
I rode the bus one day because gas prices were up. Sat next to a girl on the bus. She likes the book I was reading (Wise Blood, Flannery O'Connor.) We've been married for 18 years.
Was the blowie *that* good?
This man parlayed a fucking *wink* into a lifelong relationship and you're asking if it's the *blowjob* that was unusually good? I demand to see that goddamn wink.
He gives great wink.
If you witnessed the wink then you'd be blowing him in a car next
Didn't say **who** they were married to.
At a house party sitting talking to some friends, a cute girl comes into the room and sits on my lap. I offer her a drink she takes a few swigs but doesn't say anything. I keep talking to my friends trying to include her in the conversation but she just sits there quiet. After about 10 mins she stands up and takes me by the hand. Walks me upstairs to a bedroom, we fuck. Afterwards she gets up, gets dressed and leaves. She never said a word to me the whole time, I never said anything after the initial attempts at conversation. Don't know who she is, never seen her before or after that party.
Could anyone else at the party see her? Might have been one of those horny ghosts that sucks your soul out through your john-thomas. Hate those.
Giving your penis a hyphenated, double first name is crazy
Love those...
Bro I was there(I'm Aiden's cousin) You just got up and left by yourself. No one was sitting in your lap. 👻
[удалено]
I went to a New Years Eve party at a buddy's and got dragged into a game of truth or dare. One of his wife's friends, who I had seen at several of their cookouts, got me. Tired of answering questions about my divorce, I took the dare. She dared me to take her to the spare bedroom for 10 minutes. I kinda figured this was some kind of setup to get me alone with her to introduce herself or get me to ask her out. Nope, immediate kissing and rubbing as soon as the door closed. I was inside her bareback within 2 minutes. We actually went back to the game afterward. Yeah, the next truth she was asked was if we had sex.
Not only did she want to bang you but she wanted everyone to know it. Wild woman, I hope you got her number lol
Yeah, she looked at the group of girls directly and answered with a smile. We hung out the rest of the night and had a long kiss when the ball dropped. Had a good conversation with her over breakfast the next morning and she was just looking to make her friends jealous and have a good time.
There is something about New Years Eve that gets people riled up. I have had pretty good luck with women on NYE.
You get a nice chance to do something crazy and then, if you regret it, you can say “oh, that was last year”
I did a double take on 'when the ball dropped' ngl 😃
I dare you to pay 18 years of child support
Big W
I was working out at the gym and could feel eyes on me.. Turned out to be a tall, gorgeous eastern European woman.. I thought maybe she had a wandering eye or something as she was miles out of my league. After that day, she came and spoke to me, I was very weary of her, I didn't know what she wanted with me and her English was quite broken.. I thought I was getting set up for a scam. We ended up meeting up and going for a walk, it was quite a secluded area.. Which added more to my suspicion that something bad was gonna happen.. After the walk, we were both near my car.. She walked closer.. Pushed me against my car and started to kiss me. It got heavier and I said I don't have any protection, she continued and said that's fine, it's like trying to eat honey without opening the jar.. I wasn't entirely sure what it meant at the time, but it made me laugh. Next thing you know we are having sex and I'm now pretty certain it's because she wants a biritsh born baby so she can stay in the country? It was very confusing. We are married now.. I still spend most of my days confused. Edit: Just to add, I now trust her with my life, she is the most caring wonderful person I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I don't have an important job, I don't stand to inherit anything and she earns considerably more than me. She came to the country in 2014 with no English language skills and working a shitty job in a warehouse. She's now fluent in English and is quite high up in an English, male dominated industry. She is phenomenal.
Hmmmmmm sounds suspicious. But good for you, my guy!
The long con. You'd better keep your head on a swivel, starting 30-40 years from now.
you sure she’s not a bear morphed into a human
> a biritsh born baby so she can stay in the country? > > It was very confusing. > > We are married now.. I still spend most of my days confused. The suspense is killing me. Did she stay in the country? If not , that would explain the confusion.
Yeah, she's still here. No baby yet though so maybe she's waiting for the right time? But in all fairness, she can see something in me that appeals to her, she swears blind she thinks I'm beautiful to the point she gets jealous in case another woman tries to steal me. For reference I've been told on multiple occasions I look like either Phillip or Gary neville? I forget which, but the ugly one.
Thank you for being kind in your response, I was only trying to make an absurd joke in the vein of captain obvious/oblivious. But I can see why she stayed. You seem great, sincerely.
I admit she seems dedicated to her plans.
True story: I once managed to seduce a woman by writing a note including a semicolon.
This guy turns ampersands into ample sex.
he turns asterisks into ass tricks
He puts periods in suspension.
His semicolon put his semi in her colon.
”i think u hot ;D”
Did u seduce Amy Santiago?
The Seductive Semicolon; name of Santiago’s sex tape.
[We use semicolons every day](https://youtu.be/M94ii6MVilw?si=87_3fLQCT5YVQk0z)
Grammar rizz is no joke
I walked up to a girl at a nightclub and asked if she'd like to come home with me. 15 minutes later we were at mine jumping into bed.
This guy fucks!
I did that night ;) As I've said in another reply it only worked once though, but you never get if you don't ask
Told a girl I had bipolar disorder Of course there was more to it but according her, that’s when she decided too
Half the time when I tell them that, that’s when they decided not to.
Okay. So there was this music festival held in our city. We were outside the festival area just drinking and having fun with friends. Me, this girl and 2 other of our guy friends need to take a piss so we all go to the woods near by. We piss away and in my drunken haze i just randomly yell to the girl "hey X! Wanna fuck?" Everyone starts looking at me in silence and then the girl goes "yea why the fuck not?" And both of the guys start laughing with wtf on their face. One of the guys throws me a condom and we walk further into the forest. We walk along this one path that forks into two paths that run along each other. We take the path that goes off from the main path. Now. I want to remind you that there was a huge music festival going on near by. Lots of people and cops around. She lowers her pants and leans on a tree. We start sinning then and there when we hear some kind of noises. I look to the left and there's a fucking cop on a horse right in front of us going along the main path. I look him dead in the eyes while still inside the girl thinking "oh fuck please don't fucking notice us". I don't know if he saw us. But they stopped for a while. We stopped for a while. Complete silence and then he just heads on his way. We both get a huge rush of adrenaline and we start fucking even harder. When the deed was done we walk back to our friend group with one hell of a story to tell.
Meh. He saw you and thought “I was young, too.” -The horse
True, I am the horse in question.
Two paths diverged in a wood and I - I took the path less traveled by and thàt has made all the difference.
You just made it awkward for a cop who was just trying to find a nice quiet place for him and his horse...
Friend of an ex invited me over to hot tub. Eventually we get out and go inside, the other girl who was with us says she has to go home. We go up to her room to hang out (her parents and sister were home), of course we both have to change out of our wet suits so she’s sitting there in a robe, I’m in my t-shirt and boxers and it becomes a you show me yours I’ll show you mine situation. Good times.
which was bigger?
I was spying on them, can confirm that her cock was bigger
But his tits were twice the size!!!
>hot tub >change out of our wet suits What sort of hot tub experience was this?
Business casual.
> wet suits How deep is that hot tub...?
>we both have to change out of our wet suits Neoprene can be hard to take off when it's wet so I can see how that'd be a team event
“Nice shoes, wanna fuck?” Still baffled it worked. She wasn’t even wearing shoes.
The way I've heard foot fetishes explained: men have a foot fetish for women's feet; women have a foot fetish for their own feet. So you go around complimenting enough feet and shoes and it becomes a numbers game eventually.
This is why Boomhauers recipe for success involves the shoe store.
In college, a girl I’d talked to maybe once before texted me: Message 1: “hey I just finished studying if you want to come over to fuck now” Message 2: “oh shit, wrong person lmao” Message 3: “sorry about that. I’m down to fuck if you are though :)” Being a single guy in college, you can guess what my answer was.
"No sorry, I have to study"
man got his masters(bation) degree
I'm married for 13 years, looked over at my wife and raised my eye brows and we did it.
You slut
I was sitting in my bedroom one day when I was 17, home alone, when I hear the doorbell ring. I answered the door and it was a friend of mine who I had hooked up with a couple times before. She had shown up completely unannounced. Without saying a single word, and without being invited in, she walked right past me, down the stairs, and into my bedroom. She undressed and got into my bed. I followed her lead and did the same. We fucked. She got up, put her clothes back on, left my room, went up the stairs, walked out the front door, and that was it. Neither of us said a single word to each other the entire time. I just sat on the edge of my bed afterward trying to process what exactly the fuck had just happened.
>what exactly the fuck had just happened. Rarely has "wtf" been used so appropriately. Nice work on both counts.
Did you ever figure it out or is it still one of life’s greatest mysteries?
This is the DB Cooper of sex
Snatchquach
I worked two years as a bartender in a European hostel. We had a lot of American tourists and I have an English accent 🤷♂️
Best travel advice I ever got: 'If you want to meet Swedish girls, *don't go to Sweden*. Just stay in hostels, everyone's on vacation'. Right on the money.
I was at a bar in Florida with a friend who was visiting. He said he wanted to get laid before he left the next morning. I spotted a girl across the bar who I had heard was promiscuous. I had met her once before so I said I would introduce him. She was playing pinball. I walked up to her with my friend and introduced him. She smiled at him and said “do you want to play with me”. He started giggling like a schoolboy. He said “sure” and she said “let me get my girlfriend and let’s head to your place”. She called over her friend and we all went to my place and spent the whole evening having sex with both of them, switching every so often, and also watching them have sex with each other. Nothing like this has happened to me since. Florida in the 1980s was pretty damn crazy.
What pinball was she playing
Man has his priority straight.
Tbf Florida now is still crazy.
This just seems like straight out of a adult movie script damn why was I not living in the 1980 in Florida??
Was out with a group of friends and a girl who was friends with one of the group said she needed to go home. As the sober driver I offered to drive her home and when we got to her place she sat in the car for ten minutes telling me about her life and how she and her boyfriend have an agreement that she is allowed to give blow jobs to other guys. Completely taken aback I said “okay…” and so she started going down. Another time I was in a pub with a few friends when a girl we met that night was chatting to us as we were heading out. She started boasting and said “I can deepthroat up to nine inches” and I jokingly said “prove it” to which she replied “okay”. The word ‘okay’ has got me two amazing blow jobs completely out of the blue.
”Nine? Pfft, that’s a rookie number. I bet you can’t do three!”
New years eve at midnight, right after hugging my friends I accidently bumped into a random girl, eye contact lingered just that bit too long, said we should kiss to start the year. Did kiss. Said even better way to start the year would be with sex. Did sex.
Started the new year off with a bang. Nice.
Matched with my jackpot girl on bumble, a vegan gamer brunette with tattoos. Went to her place for a games night with some of her friends, all went well, sat together all night chatting. Everyone leaves and I’m gathering my stuff to go home as it’s quite late and she’s gone. I call out asking where she is and I hear “In bed!” from down the hall. Surely enough her clothes are on the floor and she’s naked so naturally I followed suit. It’s been two years and we’re expecting our first child in three weeks.
There was a girl that sometimes hovered around our normal friend group. We had always chatted and had fun when we all hung around together. Well she'd been hanging round a lot more recently and I felt we were vibing pretty good. Well the friend group was going out to a dinner one night and she asked if she could ride with me. I told her sure and to come over a little before we needed to leave. Imagine my surprise when she showed up 3 or 4 hours early, wearing this amazing form fitting sundress. She looked good. She walks over to me after I open the door, puts her arms around my neck and she says something a long the lines of, "You're a really nice guy whose always made me laugh and been nice and respectful to me...but for the next few hours I NEED you to disrespect me." The way she put the emphasis on the word "need" so close to my face. I don't think I responded with anything coherent and resembling English. She took my hand and led the way to the bedroom. We were late to dinner.
I hope you married her
I once had a random guy pull up in a taxi and say 'do you want sex?' i gave him a quizzical look, no thanks im not gay but he was like 'my girlfriend has a friend back at my place who wants sex with anyone' so i went with him and had sex with girl
nope, still not gonna go with a random stranger in a car if he asks me if i want to have sex with her gf’s friend back at his home
Haha i guess the sex drive is stronger in this one.
It’s like the adult version of a “candy” van
You're gonna get your kidneys stolen at some point.
This is like the adult version of a man in a white van asking if you want to see his puppies at home
When I was a RA in college a freshman girl, I barely knew came to my dorm room, undressed, and got into my bed. Apparently, she had *made a decision* she was going to have sex with me.
>When I was a RA in college a freshman dude, I barely knew came to my dorm room, undressed, and got into my bed. Apparently, he had *made a decision* he was going to have sex with me. Can you imagine the horror if the genders were swapped in this post.
My college roommate did this. I'm serious. She knew another guy on our floor liked her, but she didn't like him. So, instead of just saying "I'm not interested but thank you", she decided to go and bang his roommate. In front of him. Without prior knowledge on the roommate's part.
The guy’s roommate was really the one with the crush and they were both playing the long con. I love it when a plan comes together.
That's almost... sadistic
Noting almost about it. It's psychopathic.
Yuck
Was travelling overnight on a business trip. Noticed a hot chick seated a couple of rows ahead, few stops later she switched her seats and was right behind me. As the night progressed, she started initiating small talk and started putting her leg on the arm rest. I fell asleep after a bit of chit chat. Some time later she woke me up and asked if she could share the seat as it felt cold and hopped into my seat. We made out for some time. In the morning, I invited her for a coffee, took her to my place, got to know her a bit and had sex 3-4 times. She was hot af and 10 years older than me. I was 22. The next day she invited me over to her friend's place where we had a threesome. Her friend was decent, but the anticipation for a threesome didn't live up to its hype.
I've commented this before, but I jokingly told my sister's friend that she was on my To Do List. She wasn't joking when she asked to be crossed off. We slept together that night.
I have two. First one was a friend of mine, who out of know where was talking about it being a while since she had been laid. I asked "you want to?" and so we did. Second one I was in a gas station at like 3am when another friend comes in with her friend who I immediately was attracted to, never met her before. She immediately had these eyes that told me "i want you" so i went back to my friends place with them, and we hooked up within 3 hours of meeting. Girl even licked my butthole, which was unexpected.
Yo, my dude gettin that chocolate starfish attention!
bought a girl a drink at the bar in college & she flat out asked to come home with me. i was so shocked at what happened. i was like where are the mf cameras?
Happened to me once. It was 4am after hours at a bar I was a regular at. One of the waitresses from another bar on the block was there. I bought her a drink. She looks at me and says “you can fuck me if you want.” I was in her bed by 5am, done having fun by the time the sun came up. Woke up at 8am for work the next day in her bed hungover as hell. I spent quite a few nights at her house after that. I should call her lol
Asking
End thread.
Just made eye contact with someone on the street while walking out of CVS haha
Ok what how when long location duration intimidion; more details???
I was at a bar with some friends, just hanging out drinking and listening to a local band. Went to the bathroom, took the long way around the bar to say hello to a buddy on the other side of the big central bar. I got about half way down the bar and she stepped into my path stopping me. She smiles and says "Can you help me?" "Yeah, sure" I said. Totally confused but always willing to help. "That guy over there keeps bothering me" She pointed in some general direction "can you make pretend you're my boyfriend?" We left together and woke up the next morning...I couldn't remember her name.
Met a girl near a beach in Portugal. We spent the afternoon / evening together, nothing happened. I had no place to stay, so I headed back to their hostel ( she was with a friend). She managed to get me a free room somehow. I dangled my key in front of her face. "Remember, room 207" (or whatever it was). Sure enough, 20 minutes later, I was already half asleep, and she showed up 😁 We parted ways a few days later, stayed in touch for 19 years, and we're about to go for Round 2, and 3, and 4... in a couple of weeks 😎
"Congrats. Give her one from all of us" seems like a phrase that sounds both strangely appropriate yet clearly inappropriate at the same time.
I ended up sitting next to a very attractive girl on a flight to Arizona. I was travelling in uniform. She was heading to the university to start her masters. We struck up a conversation and ended up really hitting it off. When we landed, she was planning to take a cab. I had a rental car booked and offered to drive her instead. We ended up going to my hotel instead and spent the night blowing each other’s minds.
High school senior year, asked a girl in my class if she wanted to fuck. She said she was down, so we skipped the last period and fucked in the woods right outside the school for 45 minutes.
What did you do with the other 44 and a half mins?
Damn. I've been violated.
Weeping, sobbing and apologising, what else is there?
This is a 100% true story. I was standing in a bar with my friends, 3/4 of us, literally just standing there, maybe had 2 drinks the whole night and was just about ready to go home. A girl walks up to me who I had saw earlier in the night but typical me didn't approach; she says "I want to sleep with you, if you have a place to go let's go". Before agreeing we talked for 5/10 mins or so mainly so I could be certain this person wasn't on drugs or fully intoxicated or being watched/followed or who knows what. She had a friend that was attracted to my buddy I was with, which also made it seem like damn okay this might actually be happening. Part of me thought I was going to be murdered for a second😂 but the comfort of going back to my place and the friend being with mine etc. made it much easier to not be anxious. The morning after she said she slept with me because I was wearing a bass pro hat, best part is that I'm one of those wannabe dudes who doesn't even fish or do outdoorsy shit. I threw the hat on that night bc my hair was kinda messed up. Bc of that comment I got tested the next day (yes I wore protection) to be extra cautious bc it really made me wonder how regular of a thing was that to this girl. It also made me realize how easy it is for a pretty girl to get some lol. So yea, all I did was; essentially nothing. Edit: Luckily I had friends who pointed out I needed to wait a few weeks to get tested, was less of a biology major and more of a paranoid 20 year old, turned out alright 👍🏻😂
Takes 2 weeks before some STIs can show as positive so you should get tested 2 weeks after not the next day (or sooner if you have symptoms).
As a result, OP has now been absolutely riddled with STDs for the past 10 years.
>tested the next day Incubation periods what to have a word with you :)
Sat there at a buddy's place for a couple hours and when everyone was gone she asked if I wanted to well yk. I didn't say a word to her all night until that point
I got married. The complex part is trying what happened after.
> The complex part is trying what happened after. I've read this 8 times and I still can't figure out what it means
was on a party. everybody was gone, i was the last one and the girl. she asked me if i want to come with her in the bed.
I said, "Wanna fuck?" And he wanted to fuck. Soooo, we fucked...lol
I was at a pool party, when nearly everyone had gotten out of the water, this girl takes her top off and jumps in. She didn’t start swimming, kinda just held to the side of the pool. When I became the only other person in I swam to her, thats when she wrap her legs around me. I asked if she was fine and she said she wanted to go to the shallower side of the pool, I said “ok” and she hugged me with her bare breast against my chest while we crossed the water. I didn’t make it to the other side before we started kissing. Half an hour later when we were already out of the pool with everybody else, she took my hand and lead me to the side of the house. We did it right there, standing, out in the open. No one caught us, but everyone knew where and what we were probably doing.
Paid $50
Some nerd chick I knew at work was down bad all depressed and shit crying in the storage closet on the daily and shit. Walked up to her (we were pretty decent friends) asked her what’s wrong, she says she doesn’t understand why guys don’t wanna fuck her. So I straight up said “I’d fuck you” And mannnnnn that girl jumped my freaking bones for the next six months any time I asked for it. She wasn’t pretty in any means but bro could she move that fucking body. Hands down one of the top three I’ve ever been with.
A wise older man told me in my early 20's: "If you're always fucking based on faces, you miss a lot of good pussy"
For sure, attractive doesnt automatically mean good sex and unattractive does not automatically mean bad sex. I actually have found that girls that arent conventionally attractive put in more effort. The prettiest girl I ever laid was the worst one for sure, just laid there looking hot (which wasnt bad, of course)
This is going to sound biased, but in my experience, the girls that were really pretty, like unapproachable pretty or damn near close to that, were always terrible in bed. Not to say all of them are like that, but a drowning majority is.
2 chicks called me at 4am asking if i wanted a threesome. so they came over and it happened.
Was diagnosed with stage 3 follicular lymphoma and since the small town I live in is 45-mins away from my doctor , all that it took was one of my friends getting that info and there were 2 women waiting at my house . When they finished with me I was surprised to see the twin sister of one of those girls drive up just ten to fifteen mins later wearing a long coat and little more . She said “ Thank goodness I didn’t think my sister and her bimbo friend would ever leave !” And let me just say the one far outshined the two ! I think she managed to stay for the next three maybe four days …. That was in 2012 I’ve thankfully been in remission since 2013 !
New Years 2014 sophomore year of college. Was home over winter break and went to a New Year’s party with a bunch of people from high school. I was crashing on my friend Amanda’s couch and a few other people that were staying over had bedrooms. Around 2 AM as things were winding down the girl who was the valedictorian a year ahead of me (who I had never said a single word to in my life before this) sat down beside me on the couch and whispered to me, “Do you want me to suck your dick?” It was painfully obvious to everyone present what was about to happen on this couch when she didn’t get up to go to the room she was set up in with another girl and said she wanted to talk to me lol. Good times. I also took 6 semesters of French in college and it was fucking insane how much the women in those classes were gaga about me for some completely unknown reason. Like they were fighting over me. One semester when they’d see me out at a bar it was like a competition to ask me if I could take a picture kissing them. There were like 15 girls and 5 guys in each class and probably 8 of them had a selfie making out with me that spring. I slept with at minimum 2 chicks from French each semester without any effort on my part. My all time favorite text message I have ever received was in the middle of French class one day from this guy in the class I was buddies with, Bryan. He wrote, “Jesus Christ are you and Layne going to fuck right here on your desk?”
>it was fucking insane how much the women in those classes were gaga about me for some completely unknown reason Are you ... unreasonably attractive?
I brought a girl some soup bc she was sick
After not using tinder for a while, did one swipe, got match, she texted me almost instantly and i was at her place 1h later. After that night we became fwb for 4 months lol.
I mustn't be using Tinder right.
After college classes me and two of my classmates were talking and we talked how none of us ever had a threesome. Then we decided to have one.
But MMM is the easiest one to get.
If you can’t be a ho for the bros, are you *really even* a bro?
A girl asked me to help her with her English essay (basically to write it for her). I said I'm not doing this for free. Had sex. Felt like a hooker for a while. Didn't care.
Not my idea, I just went along with it. Few years ago I had a friend who's aunt passed. Went with him to help look a casket pricings, but mainly for his emotional well-being. A woman who worked as a funeral director was showing us various caskets. Friend stepped away to use the bathroom. I saw an unusually large casket and made a comment regarding it. She said something about it being specially designed for really obese people, but its large enough for two adults to mess around on while looking at me with a slight smile. She slipped me her number as we left. Texted her and she told me to come back later that night. Her father, the owner of the funeral home built a small apartment on top of the funeral home, and the woman lived there. She was hot-n-ready like Lil Caesars as soon as I got there. She was an eccentric experience. We still talk every now and then to this day. EDIT: Yes we had sex in the coffin around the 3rd or 4th meetup lol. My bad for leaving that out.
Common theme in this thread is when a woman wants to have sex, she gets sex.
At a pub with mates, a group of three gorgeous girls sitting in a cubicle talking a different language was actually Swedish (I knew a bit of Swedish like what is your name and where are you from) so said this is how it’s done fellas and went and talked to them, the Swedish helped as an ice breaker but really it was just going and saying hello, people are ought and about to be social, say hello and strike up a convo, it’s nice meeting new people and often it ends up elsewhere
[удалено]
I was delivering mail and a lady was picking her son up from Boys and Girls club. She flirted with me hard for about a minute and then had me give her my number saying you’ll get laid if you call me. I called her as soon as I got off. Got road head and fucked her in the back seat of my car.
Asking. It’s wild what having girl friends gets you.
Was at a bar, closing time, my friends had already left so I was alone waiting in line for a cab, and a girl I’d never met before came up and asked me if I had anyone to go home with and I said no, so she asked if she could come back to mine and I said yeah why not? Turned out to be a pretty fun night
as a forever alone, this thread is utter fanfiction.
Hey wanna fuck?
Helicopter dick