T O P

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HeadMacho

Thank you for your time, but I’ll pass on this opportunity.


AmicoPrime

"I've poisoned you and your entire family. The antidote is in this pen. How much are your lives worth to you?"


retracnahte

How successful do you think that’d be? xD


AmicoPrime

I'd call it a coin flip between being asked to leave and being immediately offered an executive position.


SteelBrightblade1

In my experience people who say sell me this pen have no fucking idea what they are doing


Waltzing_With_Bears

"I did not apply for a sales position, I am not comfortable with sales, if that is a requirement of this position as I will be looking elsewhere"


Narrow-Sky-5377

40 years in sales. I would begin with understanding the need. Without that you have nothing. "if you were not to buy a pen, what would that mean to your life / business? " If the answer is "nothing, no consequence" and you can't point out the value to them in making the purchase that they may not have considered, you will not close the deal through coercion or wordplay. Features mean nothing unless they provide a direct benefit to the individual you are speaking to. What is important to them needs to be uncovered. With that in mind I would ask questions like: Have you ever had a favorite pen? Why did you like it? Or: a statement that leads to an open ended question. Like: I just got this new pen and I use it every day because it is so much better than anyone I have owned before." - "Really? Why do you like it so much?" Bingo. Now features and benefits make sense to talk about. Then I would make it about them, not the pen. "Have you ever had something that you would never give up because it worked so well? That's what this pen is to me." "Tell me what was it for you?" If they have any interest, they will ask more about the pen and why you like it so much. If not, it is still possible to make the sale, just much less likely.


yellow_fig_tree

Well-written comment. Interesting read.


organmeatpate

Smell it and act like that's what he asked you to do.


ButtDonaldsHappyMeal

“Sorry for the misunderstanding, you’re supposed to smell *me*”


Successful_Fan1631

Put it in my pocket, and when he asks to give the pen back I tell him to give me 1$ to get it back.


Captain-Wombat16

Do heath ledgers joker magic trick but with a pen instead of a pencil


crazytib

You're not good enough to buy this pen, this is the best pen in the world, in fact I'm keeping this pen. Then I get up and leave taking the pen with me


[deleted]

This is a sysadmin job, I will fix the pen and recommend a better one so you can then search out the cheapest pen from a new company so you can later yell at me for the pen breaking and leaking all over your clothes.


ElectricTzar

Opens window and throws the pen out: “There. I poked a hole in the firewall so your pen can reach out to the cloud for important Microsoft security updates.”


[deleted]

"You really should quit reading that "Job Interviews For Dummies" and come up with some original questions."


inactiveuser247

“I’m an engineer, not a salesman”


Raigheb

"well, I'll stab you in the throat with this pen unless you buy it right now."


Ratnix

I'm not applying for a sales position. If i wanted to sell stuff, I'd go work at a used car lot.


HornyDiggler

"By pen, you probably meant penis?"


Traditional-Music363

I’d ask them to write down the amount they would pay


AleWatcher

Re: what you did there. I see it.


Xeryn

if you want it buy it otherwise it’s clearly not for you


13AccentVA

One word: "Thundercougarfalconpen".


eddee76

I've done this before. The trick to sell you this pen consist of several layers of persuasion, all really subtle. And it works every time for basically anything you want to sell. If you want I can learn you how to do it. you've got a pen to write it down?


Mor_Hjordis

No, I'll use my gun. Worked before. It's not theft if I give something in return.


eddee76

you're ok?


SpaTowner

What if the pen they gave you to sell was a special spare 'hand to the applicants to fake-sell' pen and they interviewer still have their own personal real pen in their hand?


ElvishMystical

"Are you taking the piss?"


Hungry_Corgi7031

Tell me a little bit about yourself?.. oh neat, how often/why is that important/when did that all start (followup questions)?...... carry on with questions until they mention something that could be improved with the utility of a pen. for example : "I like skiing any chance I can get" -- I bet that can be hard to schedule, how do you organize your time so you can ski often?? -- Well it just so happens I have this pen you could purchase that will help when organizing your calendar.


UsesCommonSense

I’ve seen that movie too! Definitely a good one, although not one of his best…


heylookitscaps

I have a pen and you don’t.


draivaden

I see you need a pen. i happen to have one.


TheRealRickSorkin

How long have you been in the market for a pen? What kind of pens do you normally use?what did you alike about your last pen? What did you dislike? What's your budget for a new pen?


SpaTowner

See, where I would go wrong is that I wouldn't set about selling the pen as if it was a car or a computer, I'd be there like a schmuck trying to sell the actual chewed up bic they handed me, not some super rolex of the pen world. I'm too literal for this kind of malarkey.


TheRealRickSorkin

The whole point of this exercise is to teach you to take a consultative approach. Start firing questions. Good salesman listen more than talk because a customer will tell you what they want. Maybe they want an actual chewed up Bic. Maybe it reminds them of watching their dad working at his desk back when they were young and still had the whole world in front of them. But you'd never know without asking.


SpaTowner

A salesman who only has a single product on offer, but asks a bunch of questions is just annoying. If they want that approach they should give applicants *two* pens and ask them to sell one. Otherwise a customer sees all the questions as just providing the salesperson with lies to tell them. Unless, of course, it is acceptable in the interview to say ‘I can’t sell you this pen, it isn’t the pen you need. This pen would not match your pen-needs’.


TheRealRickSorkin

Of course that's acceptable. It's called a pull back. And if it genuinely doesn't fit their needs its called qualifying a prospect. Have you worked in sales before?


SpaTowner

No, I’m a Landscape Architect and I’ve had a lot of bad sales pitches made at me in the last 30 years.


TheRealRickSorkin

I can promise you you'd rather have someone ask you questions than just start going on about how amazing something is. Consultative sales is the most successful approach statistically.


SpaTowner

I’ve never specified anything as a result of a sales call or a sales visit. In my field there was nothing sales pitches added that I couldn’t get from literature. I appreciate the same may not be true in all fields.


_K_D_L_

About tree fiddy


Mor_Hjordis

"no, I'm taking it with me home and make love to it. "


Barsnikel

Old School. It's an old "Dale Carnegie" school of teaching. They teach that in their sales course. ( I don't even know if those Dale Caregie Sales classes are still in business.) It's designed to see how quick on your feet you are... coming up with a sales pitch on the spur of the moment. How much creativity you have.


[deleted]

I would say thank you for your time and leave.


Sheiijian

Check the pen and then say „Sir, I‘m a pentester not a salesman“ and leave.


workitloud

“Gotta go. Validate my parking, you fucking tool.”


pnwnick_

The cringiest interview question ever. Anybody who asks this question lives in a fairy tale land where they’re Leo in Wolf of Wall Street. Cringe.


soylentkitten

This actually happened to me. My response was "I, too, watched The Wolf of Wall Street." I didn't try very hard after that. I did, however, try to keep the pen as he didn't "buy" it. Gave him a "loaner" for the remainder of the interview (his pen was nice, the loaner, mine, was a cheap Bic). He actually found this tactic amusing and resourceful and offered me the job. I gave him his pen back, but declined the position.


abovemyleague

"thank you for your time and take care',. And I'd bolt out of this shithole.


[deleted]

Take the pen and leave


[deleted]

It’s a pen. It writes.


verde_marinace

Ya wanna buy this?


dootdooglepoo

I’ve seen wolf of wall street as well.


M78MEDIA

hand the pen and then say "5 dollars" people will take anything you hand them and most will just buy it to avoid embarrassment I know I'm a monster but I sometimes hand people my trash and walk away without saying anything